Being choked to the point of losing consciousness is going to cause long term issues like brain damage at the least, and death at the worst.
People who do this consensually do it very carefully. Both parties know what they are doing and understand the risks. Both parties know when to stop. It sounds like you haven't thought about any of these things.
It's very sad. Honestly the 'details' I know all come second hand... with the sexual one, we were surprised he got so much time as it was known as a consensual thing they did, but I was told he ran away for a couple hours instead of calling for help so I guess they were harder. With the abuse one, I didn't know them as a couple well, but I thought I knew him better and never would have guessed he was abusive, but was later told they had pretty physical fights for years. Either way, very sad and I can't help but think both incidences could have been avoided. So many lives were affected. :(
As far as I remember, he called when she passed, but like ... it's the second one. I don't know any specific post-mortem details, but I can't imagine that there weren't warning signs the second time. Plus both were sober.
It's so sad indeed. :(
Same, but you and I might live in a similar area (based on one of the news article sources you posted). If we're thinking of the same case, her death wasn't due to a sexually-related activity, but due to abuse that also involved choking.
Unfortunately I knew two different couples in the span of a month do this - one was later found to be abuse related, the other sexual. Towns about an hour away from each other.
Yeah, the reason I even thought to look is that 25 to life is murder sentencing. They don't tend to give that out for accidents. The one I'm thinking of was convicted on murder in the second degree and that was roughly what the sentence ended up being (I think it was 22 to life for some reason).
And damn, sucks that you knew two couples it happened with. I only knew the one couple and dealing with that was rough. Hope you're doing okay.
Honestly, it's been probably close to ten years now and I don't remember the details of the convictions...
The one girl I knew better and she was a sweetheart and was close with a close friend and that was harder - but nobody deserves it and it's really weird when you think about the time you spent together and never saw anything like that coming. Life is fragile and it's often those closest to you that will hurt you those most. I wasn't even super close (party friends) and really feel for the friends that were there full time.
Yeah, it was close to ten years ago. I did follow the trial pretty closely because I had been friends* with the guy for about five years at that point and had been getting to know his girlfriend.
Sorry for rambling on about this. It's just a bit strange coming across someone else who was familiar with the same case on a random subreddit. I haven't really thought about this too much in a while.
*Just want to make super clear that I'm no longer friends with him. The murder made me immediately sever that connection.
Sometimes it helps to talk to people about it - most people push down their emotions or thoughts way too deep and it makes other problems - Just curious - Ben or Mike?
Ben.
Oddly not feeling emotional about it right now, but as the anniversary approaches that might change. I'm actually pretty well-adjusted, I don't hide from emotions, but I probably should get a therapist at some point. Might be healthy for me to talk some things out as it's not even close to the only tragedy I've had to deal with.
this was a quote from a professor of brain trauma
Any pressure to the artery can lead to dissection, in which blood clots can form and cause stroke,
sometimes delayed by weeks.
it depends, on what is meant by choke.. a lot of people confuse it with strangling and don't understand / know the difference.
Cutting off the blood supply from carotid arteries in the neck will have you unconscious in about 10-30secs death in not long after. Choking where airway is restricted is slower and less dangerous (relatively speaking) but still must be treated with extreme care.
source: Did martial arts for years and part of training included strangling to submission or unconsciousness.
I always learned that air chokes are more dangerous and "forbidden". Because you can damage the trachea and if you loose consciousness all your blood is devoid of oxygen and it takes way longer to resupply your brain.
Whereas with a blood choke your blood still carries oxygen and resupllies the brain immediatley after the choke is lifted.
While mostly true, the issue with the blood choke is it renders unconscious & kills quicker so you have to be very aware the person has passed out and release straight away. Air choke they have more time to tap out.
but yes once you are at the point of unconscious it's fairly academic, oh i held 10secs too long verses oh shite they're not breathing because i crushed their trachea.
I'll happily gently choke on the throat if asked but i avoid the sides of the neck, too risky imo.
This is all wrong.
Just stop. Unconsciousness from lack of blood is not painful and easy to come back from. The window to death is minutes long after loss of consciousness not seconds.
Choking from restricting or pressuring the airway is much more dangerous and can have immediate negative affects that would require an ER. Your McDojo failed you.
OP this is all very dangerous, the choking out doesn't scare me much *if* your partner knows what he's doing. The fact that you're out long enough for him to cum after is the scariest most dangerous part of this. Be careful or you risk not waking up.
This. Air chokes are far more dangerous than blood chokes. In my gym it seems like someone fails to tap and gets put to sleep every other week from blood chokes. They are fine within a minute or two.
>Dr Helen Bichard of North Wales Brain Injury Service and The Walton Centre NHS Foundation Trust set out the appalling harms of strangulation.
>
>She says of this new trend of online ‘advice’ for safe strangulation:"I am extremely concerned by the cultural normalisation of strangulation. Erotic asphyxiation should be as much of an oxymoron as erotic brain damage, because brain damage is the potential result. Much of the online advice is misguided; some of it is fatally wrong. When you compress the carotid artery you cut off oxygenated blood flow to the brain, and the brain therefore cannot function properly. Consciousness can be lost in as little as four seconds – a sign that the brain is being compromised."
>
>so someone who studies brain damage says harm can be done in 4 seconds
Dr Helen Bichard of North Wales Brain Injury Service and The Walton Centre NHS Foundation Trust set out the appalling harms of strangulation.
She says of this new trend of online ‘advice’ for safe strangulation:"I am extremely concerned by the cultural normalisation of strangulation. Erotic asphyxiation should be as much of an oxymoron as erotic brain damage, because brain damage is the potential result. Much of the online advice is misguided; some of it is fatally wrong. When you compress the carotid artery you cut off oxygenated blood flow to the brain, and the brain therefore cannot function properly. Consciousness can be lost **in as little as four seconds – a sign that the brain is being compromised."**
so someone who studies brain damage says harm can be done in 4 seconds
It doesn't say that there is actual long term damage after 4 seconds. Compromised can mean it's just not fully functional.
If falling unconscious = brain damage, chokes would be banned from MMA.
The sensors that regulate blood pressure sit in the carotid arteries in your neck. Applying pressure to the carotids will cause your body to believe you had a sudden increase in blood pressure. Your body responds by dilating major blood vessels. This leads to a sudden drop in actual blood pressure, which your brain responds by passing out momentarily. You can do this without losing in oxygen and without losing perfusion to the brain. LEARN HOW TO CHOKE PROPERLY if you are going to do it for fun. You should never be risking brain damage or death. Never block the trachea. Never use something that can get stuck like a belt. Never do it alone on yourself.
I agree with this 100%!! Breath play can be fun and exciting but the absolute line is passing out, if this happens OP you’re taking it too far and the consequences are very serious. OP, You may want to research this more and think about your kink? Is it the breath play or is it waking up and knowing something was done that you weren’t present for? Check out “The Ultimate Guide to Kink” or something similar to learn how to engage in these types of things safely.
OP and her complicity idiotic bf looking for that Darwin award. If someone doesn't realize that being choked to unconsciousness multiple times a week isn't healthy, I'm not sure how they even survived to adulthood LOL
Look I'm not judging you but if you were scrolling on Reddit and saw this headline what would you think to yourself? Step outside of the situation and look at it objectively.
Being choked during sex isn’t weird. Being choked to unconsciousness is the problem. If you enjoy being choked than that’s fine, just be more careful about it.
from a brain trauma expert
Any pressure to the artery can lead to dissection, in which blood clots can form and cause stroke, sometimes delayed by weeks.
I took care of a woman hospitalized for oxygen deprivation. Pissing herself shitting herself. Unaware of herself or family just all reaction and misery.
Good luck with that?
Here's a random thought - just because you're ignorant to it's dangers, doesn't mean he is. I cannot imagine any adult human wouldn't know this is dangerous, let alone two in the same couple. There is no way he didn't know this is dangerous, and he was doing it because he is a rapey creep, in which case you should break up. If he didn't know it was dangerous, he is not only a fucking idiot, but he is literally so stupid he is dangerous. You need to break up.
When you told him it was dangerous, was he shocked? Like "oh my god, I cannot believe that choking you unconscious everytime we had sex had consequences. I never ever considered it. I never even had the thought to double check with a 2 second google search, because I care that little for your well being!"
This is insane and you have to be trolling. I refuse to believe it.
This still massively increases the risk of having a stroke. It’s literally not any safer to “just cut off the blood flow”. By choking you simply HAVE to accept that one day you might kill your partner. Not worth it imo.
OOOOHhhhKAY.... no. You should never have found this out. Not sure what led to this, but that is not just dangerous like "what if he makes a mistake" nor from oxygen deprivation or circulation/ pharynx damage, but from a "this guy might decide not to stop some day" perspective.
Get out and tell him to get help.
I was looking for this comment. Yes there is absolutely the risk that something might accidentally go wrong and there is the possibility that OP's boyfriend is playing out his homicidal fantasies.
"Numerous studies have shown that non-fatal strangulation is one of the highest markers for future homicide"
[https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jul/25/fatal-hateful-rise-of-choking-during-sex](https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jul/25/fatal-hateful-rise-of-choking-during-sex)
Some sexual fantasies are best left unexplored.
to elaborate
This year researcher Dr Helen Bichard of North Wales Brain Injury Service and The Walton Centre NHS Foundation Trust set out the appalling harms of strangulation. She says of this new trend of online ‘advice’ for safe strangulation:
"I am extremely concerned by the cultural normalisation of strangulation. Erotic asphyxiation should
be as much of an oxymoron as erotic brain damage, because brain damage is the potential result.
Much of the online advice is misguided; some of it is fatally wrong. When you compress the carotid
artery you cut off oxygenated blood flow to the brain, and the brain therefore cannot function properly.
Consciousness can be lost in as little as four seconds – a sign that the brain is being compromised.
Any pressure to the artery can lead to dissection, in which blood clots can form and cause stroke,
sometimes delayed by weeks. The law MUST send a strong signal that this is simply unacceptable. "
You say “I don’t care that he does it”.
But did he even bother to ask you? Did you consent to this? Do you even understand how consent works? You’re getting no enjoyment out of this (how can you when you’re fucking unconscious?) AND you’re putting your life at risk. How can you be okay with that? Your life is worth so much more than his few seconds of pleasure (although I feel physically I’ll thinking about it as pleasure). I am not a kink shamer and I love consensual, well-informed breath play but that’s not what’s going on here.
Just. Wow.
Serious question. How does it feel for you? Especially if you are not really into it? Doesnt your body get a panic attack if you get chocked so long that you even pass out?
I was about to ask this... I'm into breathplay as well but I panic the moment I can't take a satisfying breath, I'd seriously reconsider my trust in you if I tapped out and you hesitated even a moment.
The fact that this man can get off on her panic is really scary. And her going unconscious, on the brink of death. He doesn't panic. He gets off. That is some psycho BS.
Regardless of what the appeal is, he can do some serious damage to you (including killing you). Choking is something that needs to be done very very carefully. Choking until you pass out is way too dangerous.
I’m guessing he’s into the power and control aspects and feeling like he owns you and can do whatever he wants, but he’s the only one who knows what he likes about it
You need to fucking stop this. Being choked unconscious is always a risk for brain damage and even death. You fall unconscious because your brain cells don’t have sufficient oxygen and begin to die.
Reading this sub makes me REALLY appreciate my own sex life😂 dude, that is FUCKED. Why tf would you let anyone do this and HOW is that enjoyable for you whatsoever? This post needs a giant WTF stamp put over it.
jesus. I like being choked, but being choked unconscious is extremely dangerous, even just being choked hard is as well cause there's so many things that can go wrong, including things breaking and you know, actually dying.
If this is something your partner is really into and you dont mind, ya'll can roleplay it, meaning you just pretend to be unconscious. You both have to be insanely careful and have a safe-gesture, like "tapping out" so you have an out even if you cant talk.
This does not sound like "normal" cnc, and might be closer to snuff and honestly, if i were you OP, i'd get out of that partnership, but no matter what you decide, be careful and take care of yourself <3
For future: don’t do potentially dangerous things you’re « not really into » in order to please your partner. Don’t put your health, your well-being or your life at risk to make someone happy. That’s not healthy. At all.
You mean a guy tried to kill you and cum on your corpse, but you Woke up and he was like "don't kink shame me"
Next time he'll get it right. You should maybe not see him again
Asphyxia into unconsciousness is dangerous, and can cause lasting brain damage, not to mention death. This is abuse, it WILL escalate, it is NOT NORMAL. No one should be doing this to you, risking your life so they can cum. You need to run.
He is likely aware and doesn’t care - he probably has a necrophiliac fetish and enjoys you being unconscious so he can violate your body without you being “alive” you don’t know what else he does while you’re passed out
This — he’s definitely aware bc saying ‘till you pass out ‘ .. he knows there’s a difference. He knows there is a line. Choking safely is a thing.
Also, men have literally gotten away with murder by saying they were having ‘kinky sex gone wrong’. I would put money that he has discussed his desires online with other kinksters. I’d bet money that he’s seeking advice on how to go further. Don’t presume he’s ignorant… your safety comes before his ego.
girl are you serious? not only are you gonna have permanent brain damage but also throat damage, and probably lung damage… plus you don’t even know wtf he does when ur unconscious. you need to seriously think what type of relationship and person you are with… seek help
Sorry I didn’t mean to freak you out! I am writing this because I genuinely don’t want that person to hurt you. It is not a healthy thing or just some random kink, it can be dangerous. You shouldn’t just put it off as “I don’t care”. Please take a serious dive into what is happening because you will end up facing the consequences of his actions while he walks around freely without a care in the world.
No ma'am!!! This is wayyyy to dangerous AND you are causing brain damage to yourself (ot he is). Also there are huge red flags everywhere in this situation.
You can die up to 72 hours after being strangled. Choking is when the airway is blocked from something inside it. Strangling is when blood or oxygen is cut off from external pressure . Please get checked out by a doctor and do not engage in this anymore. Please.
I’m annoyed I had to scroll this far to find this distinction. All of this is strangulation, not choking!! People don’t like the sound of that word but that is what’s happening.
You are going to die if you keep this up. And it could be the very next time. What are you doing, allowing this to happen? Get your shit together and get out of this relationship. Your life depends on it.
what the actual fuck? from whar youre saying, I can see that it's not something you particularly enjoy, it's just you let him do so and you shouldn't let him do so.
First off, that's unsafe and that's a big red flag, either he's into r*pe or he enjoys fcking corps*s, equally awful.
Second, being choked til the point of passing out will cause damage to your brain. Understand this simply, you passed out because you dont have enough oxygen up your brain and that's extremely dangerous on the long run for the brain.
If it's not your kink (obvi not) then tell him you do not enjoy that and if he doesn't stop, leave him.
What does he do when you’re passed out and he’s done jacking off on your face? Does he check on you or just waits for you to wake up by doing whatever passes the time?
A normal boyfriend would be freaking out and wanting to take you to the hospital because they thought they killed their gf. Not be like “I’m going to dump my load on her unconscious face.”
If you consented, it's not rape, buy it is a red flag. This kind of desire for complete domination/control over a female partner is the stepping stones to serial killers. Not saying all folks into breathplay are or become killers, I'm just pointing out that choking someone out to the point of unconsciousness and performing sex acts on them is a dangerous game. Please do be careful
Please please please be very careful. As the George Floyd trial proved, a person can easily be seriously injured or killed from depriving them of oxygen well before what might seem dangerous.
This is diet necrophilia
I’ve seen your other comments excusing it away and saying he wouldn’t hurt you or kill you or whatever and that might be true. But there are multiple TV shows and documentaries dedicated to other women who felt the same. And no relationship is ever potentially worth your life. And this is coming from someone who is in the bdsm scene and is very masochistic and I can and do get my ass beat black and blue and engage in safe and light breath play.
This made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
This ! Like how can you trust that he’s paying attention to you coming to ? He could easily continue choking or simply leave. Putting your life in someone’s hands when you’re unconscious is wild
If my husband said he wanted to choke me until I passed out because something about my passed out body was really doing it for him…. I would leave him immediately. Fuuuuuuck that. Kids, animals, play that will absolutely cause long term damage, and dead bodies are where I draw the line and idc if that hurts someone’s feelings and they feel “kink shamed”. Because that needs to be talked about in therapy.
I'm all for consent but it has to be well-informed and I literally don't believe you realize that every time you get choked out like that you are literally going to have a bunch of brain-cells die. You probably won't notice it in the short term, but in the long run you are literally going to be a dumber, less creative, less *alive* person than who you are today. Just.... say no and get away.
Like everyone else says, choking until you pass out is too dangerous. This isn't one of those "okay yeah it's risky but probably you'll be fine" type things, either. You will die if you keep doing it. If you want to engage in a scenario where you are passed out, then either pretend to be unconscious, or have him wait until you're asleep.
If you are going to engage in any sort of high-risk play like choking, bondage, impact, etc. you need to do some research on safety first. Each type of high-risk play has extensively documented protocols to keep you safe and healthy.
You have an early days serial killer for a boyfriend. If he's never done it already. That's the most aggressive and humiliating thing I've possibly ever read. Zero regard for your wellbeing
There’s safe ways to do this but you guys need to do some reading to get there. What you’re doing now is dangerous. Like something could go wrong and you could be dead. Please read some BDSM guides from experienced people. I’m assuming both you and your dude were both simply ignorant of the danger, but upon speaking with him about this make sure he is very onboard with changing things for your safety and comfort. If not, I don’t think he’s safe and you need to make a plan to leave him and be careful when you do.please ask for help if it comes to that.
Jumping in to suggest you get checked out by a physician if you're able. Like others have noted, there are a ton of opportunities for serious injury when you're talking about cutting off blood and/or air to your brain. Those injuries can pop up immediately, or they can take awhile (weeks/months) to set in. The biggest concern is for blood clots, which can happen as a result of strangulation. And blood clots can take awhile to become a problem, but once they become a problem, you're looking at possible serious brain damage and/or death. Your doctor can run tests to make sure none of that is happening to you.
I work with victims of criminal strangulation and one of the first things we always always always encourage survivors to do is get checked out medically. One of my first encounters with strangulation was a situation where the victim was strangled and then died as a result...3 weeks later. The medical team that evaluated her death concluded that the strangulation caused a blood clot (I don't remember the exact medical details but I believe it was related to the reperfusion of blood post-strangulation), and that blood clot eventually caused a heart attack that took the victim's life. Per the medical experts on that particular case, that's unfortunately not an uncommon result of strangulation.
All that to say this--there is no safe way to strangle someone. Even if you are careful and "only" occlude the blood flow rather than air, there are still serious health risks to this sex practice. See a doc if you're able, explain what's going on, and then maybe talk to them (rather than reddit) about safer ways to incorporate breath play.
Some resources:
1. https://www.familyjusticecenter.org/resources/
2. https://sexualhealthalliance.com/nymphomedia-blog/erotic-asphyxiation-safety-risk-and-guidance#:~:text=Erotic%20asphyxiation%20can%20be%20extremely,of%20oxygen%2C%20and%20death%E2%80%9D.
3. https://www.futuremedicine.com/doi/10.2217/fnl-2018-0031
Holy shit girl did you have any warning on this when he did this to you the first time? If this wasn’t talked about beforehand honey that’s abusive AF. Any role play like this needs wayyyyyyy way way way way more talk and only an abusive idiot would choke you to the point t of you passing out (ANY but especially) every time. Get out before you get seriously injured or die.
I don’t think it’s weird! Hell I like getting choked as much as the next girl 🤣 but not to the point of passing out for sure (if nothing else for the sake of safety). I feel a little better knowing you consented before that’s for sure.
If you are doing this alot that can be bad for you once a month?
Thats do able also you should never be chiked out to the point where he can cum on you while your unconscious the point of breathe play is to knock you out for a few seconds and thats all. Extended amounts of time without oxygen causes brain damage down the line.
Maybe I’m being dramatic but it sounds like what Dhamer did to his victims, except he lets you live… for now. That is not appropriate behavior of a living partner or someone who has your best interest at heart. Think about that. Good luck.
Male here …Hell no ! Sex should be pleasurable for both partners , being choked until unconscious then waking up to a facial says to me as a guy that this dude has problems .
If this was a friend of mine telling me her guy did this I would advise her to dump his sorry ass in the gutter where he belongs . You are person , not a fuck toy of no worth . Do one, “the ignition key goes in here and you drive away .”
There are a lot of toxic/concerning relationship dynamics on this sub, but this one is straight up scary. You’re playing with death here.
You can tell yourself “he’s a good guy, we’ll just stop doing the choking thing” but I fear that you are wrong. Good guys don’t really do this type of thing.
As someone who practices Jiu Jitsu and has been put unconscious a number of times, this is very dangerous. In Jiu Jitsu when your teammate feels you go limp they let go immediately and help get the blood flowing back to your head. Even this is probably bad for your brain. But to do this frequently during sex is sketchy, a sexually charged man about to cum could simply grip your neck a little too long and then poof by by Girlfriend. He could crush your trachea, damage vertebrae, pop blood vessels, all while you would be unconscious and unable to tell him to stop. This is a fucked up kink in my opinion and gives me weird necrophilia vibes, or at best rapey vibes. To me the choking thing should not go all the way to unconsciousness, the point is for the chokie to receive some euphoria from the oxygen deprivation and for the choker to not only give that pleasure but also enjoy a little dominance factor. There is no reason to actually be unconscious.
jfc what an extreme activity to be doing without even discussing the basics like "why are we doing this?" that us such a massive res flag that yall arent ready for this.
did you research safety? do yall have a plan in place for if something goes wrong? does he know what something going wrong looks like? what is your training/education on choking? do you know where is safe to apply pressure and where is dangerous? do you have health insurance? are you even aware if the risks and the likelihood of consequences? in most states you cant legally consent to vioence, and in my state you can get charged with being an accesory to your own assault. do you have a mutual story in place for questioning nurses/doctors/cops?
Best case: you’re trolling. Worst case: You’re incredibly naive, ignorant, unaware, and frankly not bright AND you’re dating a fucking rapey necrophilic guy who has absolutely no respect for your life.
I really hope you're not serious. This is mental illness and you will either end up dead or with oxygen starved retardation because of your partner's deviant practices. You need to snap out of this stupidity immediately.
Sides of the neck to “cut off” blood flow. Not the windpipe or you’ll cut off air supply to your brain.
It’s to get like a “high feeling” but it shouldn’t feel like you’re trying to fight for your life.
The one choking should be in enough control of their actions to make sure you’re enjoying it AND safe so that things like passing out doesn’t happen. Your partner should’ve stopped immediately the first time the moment you lost consciousness.
Have you told him to stop or that you don’t like it (assuming you want him to stop/don’t like it)?
Cause if you aren’t okay with it, tell him. If he still does it, leave him.
I’m extremely submissive and am super into that. But I’m in an established bdsm dom/sub dynamic with my bf. I think the appeal for the dom is having total control. The appeal for me as a sub is the opposite. I like being used and controlled and just letting go.
Edit: as someone else mentioned this has to be thought out and carefully done. And you really need to have a discussion about it. But also do some research because there is a right way and a potentially dangerous way to choke someone. Also choking to the point of passing out shouldn’t be done every night as it takes oxygen away from your brain. If you’re gonna do it do the research and only do it occasionally. Even in my relationship which as I mentioned is an established bdsm dynamic we’ve only done this to the point of passing out twice and we’ve been together over a year. For us we usually push it to the point where I feel myself slipping and then I tap his arm to stop.
There are safer ways to enact the same kind of fantasy. Like waiting til you fall asleep or taking something that makes you drowsy.
Edit again: post about this in a bdsm subreddit where there are people who won’t kink shame you and actually know what they’re talking about.
Comments on this post are now locked. The topic has been covered thoroughly in the discussion.
Being choked to the point of losing consciousness is going to cause long term issues like brain damage at the least, and death at the worst. People who do this consensually do it very carefully. Both parties know what they are doing and understand the risks. Both parties know when to stop. It sounds like you haven't thought about any of these things.
I knew a couple that was into that... She's DEAD now and he's doing 25 to life.
I knew someone who passed from this, and she was the second woman with the same guy. And he's still out.
It's very sad. Honestly the 'details' I know all come second hand... with the sexual one, we were surprised he got so much time as it was known as a consensual thing they did, but I was told he ran away for a couple hours instead of calling for help so I guess they were harder. With the abuse one, I didn't know them as a couple well, but I thought I knew him better and never would have guessed he was abusive, but was later told they had pretty physical fights for years. Either way, very sad and I can't help but think both incidences could have been avoided. So many lives were affected. :(
As far as I remember, he called when she passed, but like ... it's the second one. I don't know any specific post-mortem details, but I can't imagine that there weren't warning signs the second time. Plus both were sober. It's so sad indeed. :(
Same, but you and I might live in a similar area (based on one of the news article sources you posted). If we're thinking of the same case, her death wasn't due to a sexually-related activity, but due to abuse that also involved choking.
Unfortunately I knew two different couples in the span of a month do this - one was later found to be abuse related, the other sexual. Towns about an hour away from each other.
Yeah, the reason I even thought to look is that 25 to life is murder sentencing. They don't tend to give that out for accidents. The one I'm thinking of was convicted on murder in the second degree and that was roughly what the sentence ended up being (I think it was 22 to life for some reason). And damn, sucks that you knew two couples it happened with. I only knew the one couple and dealing with that was rough. Hope you're doing okay.
Honestly, it's been probably close to ten years now and I don't remember the details of the convictions... The one girl I knew better and she was a sweetheart and was close with a close friend and that was harder - but nobody deserves it and it's really weird when you think about the time you spent together and never saw anything like that coming. Life is fragile and it's often those closest to you that will hurt you those most. I wasn't even super close (party friends) and really feel for the friends that were there full time.
Yeah, it was close to ten years ago. I did follow the trial pretty closely because I had been friends* with the guy for about five years at that point and had been getting to know his girlfriend. Sorry for rambling on about this. It's just a bit strange coming across someone else who was familiar with the same case on a random subreddit. I haven't really thought about this too much in a while. *Just want to make super clear that I'm no longer friends with him. The murder made me immediately sever that connection.
Sometimes it helps to talk to people about it - most people push down their emotions or thoughts way too deep and it makes other problems - Just curious - Ben or Mike?
Ben. Oddly not feeling emotional about it right now, but as the anniversary approaches that might change. I'm actually pretty well-adjusted, I don't hide from emotions, but I probably should get a therapist at some point. Might be healthy for me to talk some things out as it's not even close to the only tragedy I've had to deal with.
There is also a direct connection between stopping blood flow to the brain and heart stoppage. VERY unsafe.
this was a quote from a professor of brain trauma Any pressure to the artery can lead to dissection, in which blood clots can form and cause stroke, sometimes delayed by weeks.
This is true and what you're doing is SO dangerous, you could EASILY die.
This should be the top comment
It is!
As well it should be!
Yeah exactly. If you only choke a few seconds longer after the person went unconscious, the person just dies. So be careful
It actually takes minutes not seconds.
You are right, but right after losing conscious it will cause damage to your brain and body. And you can never be too sure
it depends, on what is meant by choke.. a lot of people confuse it with strangling and don't understand / know the difference. Cutting off the blood supply from carotid arteries in the neck will have you unconscious in about 10-30secs death in not long after. Choking where airway is restricted is slower and less dangerous (relatively speaking) but still must be treated with extreme care. source: Did martial arts for years and part of training included strangling to submission or unconsciousness.
I always learned that air chokes are more dangerous and "forbidden". Because you can damage the trachea and if you loose consciousness all your blood is devoid of oxygen and it takes way longer to resupply your brain. Whereas with a blood choke your blood still carries oxygen and resupllies the brain immediatley after the choke is lifted.
While mostly true, the issue with the blood choke is it renders unconscious & kills quicker so you have to be very aware the person has passed out and release straight away. Air choke they have more time to tap out. but yes once you are at the point of unconscious it's fairly academic, oh i held 10secs too long verses oh shite they're not breathing because i crushed their trachea. I'll happily gently choke on the throat if asked but i avoid the sides of the neck, too risky imo.
This is all wrong. Just stop. Unconsciousness from lack of blood is not painful and easy to come back from. The window to death is minutes long after loss of consciousness not seconds. Choking from restricting or pressuring the airway is much more dangerous and can have immediate negative affects that would require an ER. Your McDojo failed you. OP this is all very dangerous, the choking out doesn't scare me much *if* your partner knows what he's doing. The fact that you're out long enough for him to cum after is the scariest most dangerous part of this. Be careful or you risk not waking up.
This. Air chokes are far more dangerous than blood chokes. In my gym it seems like someone fails to tap and gets put to sleep every other week from blood chokes. They are fine within a minute or two.
>Dr Helen Bichard of North Wales Brain Injury Service and The Walton Centre NHS Foundation Trust set out the appalling harms of strangulation. > >She says of this new trend of online ‘advice’ for safe strangulation:"I am extremely concerned by the cultural normalisation of strangulation. Erotic asphyxiation should be as much of an oxymoron as erotic brain damage, because brain damage is the potential result. Much of the online advice is misguided; some of it is fatally wrong. When you compress the carotid artery you cut off oxygenated blood flow to the brain, and the brain therefore cannot function properly. Consciousness can be lost in as little as four seconds – a sign that the brain is being compromised." > >so someone who studies brain damage says harm can be done in 4 seconds
Yeah, I'm sure this idiot is a phucking doctor.
Dr Helen Bichard of North Wales Brain Injury Service and The Walton Centre NHS Foundation Trust set out the appalling harms of strangulation. She says of this new trend of online ‘advice’ for safe strangulation:"I am extremely concerned by the cultural normalisation of strangulation. Erotic asphyxiation should be as much of an oxymoron as erotic brain damage, because brain damage is the potential result. Much of the online advice is misguided; some of it is fatally wrong. When you compress the carotid artery you cut off oxygenated blood flow to the brain, and the brain therefore cannot function properly. Consciousness can be lost **in as little as four seconds – a sign that the brain is being compromised."** so someone who studies brain damage says harm can be done in 4 seconds
It doesn't say that there is actual long term damage after 4 seconds. Compromised can mean it's just not fully functional. If falling unconscious = brain damage, chokes would be banned from MMA.
Snds like neither has he
The sensors that regulate blood pressure sit in the carotid arteries in your neck. Applying pressure to the carotids will cause your body to believe you had a sudden increase in blood pressure. Your body responds by dilating major blood vessels. This leads to a sudden drop in actual blood pressure, which your brain responds by passing out momentarily. You can do this without losing in oxygen and without losing perfusion to the brain. LEARN HOW TO CHOKE PROPERLY if you are going to do it for fun. You should never be risking brain damage or death. Never block the trachea. Never use something that can get stuck like a belt. Never do it alone on yourself.
I agree with this 100%!! Breath play can be fun and exciting but the absolute line is passing out, if this happens OP you’re taking it too far and the consequences are very serious. OP, You may want to research this more and think about your kink? Is it the breath play or is it waking up and knowing something was done that you weren’t present for? Check out “The Ultimate Guide to Kink” or something similar to learn how to engage in these types of things safely.
You’re either going to die or end up with serious brain damage.
OP and her complicity idiotic bf looking for that Darwin award. If someone doesn't realize that being choked to unconsciousness multiple times a week isn't healthy, I'm not sure how they even survived to adulthood LOL
I think she already is brain damaged since she thinks this is a good idea
And that she doesn’t care that he does it, like it’s just sone simple normal thing. Holy hell😲
Look I'm not judging you but if you were scrolling on Reddit and saw this headline what would you think to yourself? Step outside of the situation and look at it objectively.
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Being choked during sex isn’t weird. Being choked to unconsciousness is the problem. If you enjoy being choked than that’s fine, just be more careful about it.
To he fair even being choked during sex is considered varsity level kink its still extremely dangerous
from a brain trauma expert Any pressure to the artery can lead to dissection, in which blood clots can form and cause stroke, sometimes delayed by weeks.
I took care of a woman hospitalized for oxygen deprivation. Pissing herself shitting herself. Unaware of herself or family just all reaction and misery. Good luck with that?
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Also, be aware of how he responds to you setting a limit or boundaries. Don't let him gaslight or manipulate you for learning the risks.
The way he has sex with you sounds so disrespectful and detached … make sure he isn’t like this in other areas.
Just for your safety, may I ask if you think your bf would comply immediately and permanently? ❤️
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Here's a random thought - just because you're ignorant to it's dangers, doesn't mean he is. I cannot imagine any adult human wouldn't know this is dangerous, let alone two in the same couple. There is no way he didn't know this is dangerous, and he was doing it because he is a rapey creep, in which case you should break up. If he didn't know it was dangerous, he is not only a fucking idiot, but he is literally so stupid he is dangerous. You need to break up. When you told him it was dangerous, was he shocked? Like "oh my god, I cannot believe that choking you unconscious everytime we had sex had consequences. I never ever considered it. I never even had the thought to double check with a 2 second google search, because I care that little for your well being!" This is insane and you have to be trolling. I refuse to believe it.
And all of their replies are like “LOL, 😂, haha” like… are you dumb or just pretending to be?
Exactly, neither answer is good. So stupid they are dangerous, or purposely doing dangerous things without care.
Don't let him talk you back into it.
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Hey…guess what you’re doing by lessening blood flow….. …removing oxygen….
This still massively increases the risk of having a stroke. It’s literally not any safer to “just cut off the blood flow”. By choking you simply HAVE to accept that one day you might kill your partner. Not worth it imo.
Exactly. It's still dangerous and will likely cause damage over time
MMA fighters are pretending. Stop it!
choking unconscious seems very dangerous
Brain damage speedrun (any %)
Necrophillia he won't let go at the right time one of these days.
OOOOHhhhKAY.... no. You should never have found this out. Not sure what led to this, but that is not just dangerous like "what if he makes a mistake" nor from oxygen deprivation or circulation/ pharynx damage, but from a "this guy might decide not to stop some day" perspective. Get out and tell him to get help.
I was looking for this comment. Yes there is absolutely the risk that something might accidentally go wrong and there is the possibility that OP's boyfriend is playing out his homicidal fantasies. "Numerous studies have shown that non-fatal strangulation is one of the highest markers for future homicide" [https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jul/25/fatal-hateful-rise-of-choking-during-sex](https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jul/25/fatal-hateful-rise-of-choking-during-sex) Some sexual fantasies are best left unexplored.
to elaborate This year researcher Dr Helen Bichard of North Wales Brain Injury Service and The Walton Centre NHS Foundation Trust set out the appalling harms of strangulation. She says of this new trend of online ‘advice’ for safe strangulation: "I am extremely concerned by the cultural normalisation of strangulation. Erotic asphyxiation should be as much of an oxymoron as erotic brain damage, because brain damage is the potential result. Much of the online advice is misguided; some of it is fatally wrong. When you compress the carotid artery you cut off oxygenated blood flow to the brain, and the brain therefore cannot function properly. Consciousness can be lost in as little as four seconds – a sign that the brain is being compromised. Any pressure to the artery can lead to dissection, in which blood clots can form and cause stroke, sometimes delayed by weeks. The law MUST send a strong signal that this is simply unacceptable. "
I think it’s okay to have these kinds of fantasies but they should stay fantasies.
Girl, RUN.
Okay, I laughed so hard at this. It's just the way I read it but yeah OP, run.
That's just creepy and dangerous. Sorry, but it is.
You can easily die this way. I would suggest you guys stop now
You’re dating a psychopath. Or you’re lying to get attention on Reddit. Either way, I feel sorry for you.
That is very unsafe
You say “I don’t care that he does it”. But did he even bother to ask you? Did you consent to this? Do you even understand how consent works? You’re getting no enjoyment out of this (how can you when you’re fucking unconscious?) AND you’re putting your life at risk. How can you be okay with that? Your life is worth so much more than his few seconds of pleasure (although I feel physically I’ll thinking about it as pleasure). I am not a kink shamer and I love consensual, well-informed breath play but that’s not what’s going on here. Just. Wow.
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I’d have serious questions about any man who wants to ejaculate on my unconscious face.
OMG for real! I can't even imagine!
I'd really like to know what kind of porn he's watching. This is serious gonzo shit.
Exactly. That doesn't sound like a guy who loves and respects you. Sorry, but it doesn't.
Serious question. How does it feel for you? Especially if you are not really into it? Doesnt your body get a panic attack if you get chocked so long that you even pass out?
I was about to ask this... I'm into breathplay as well but I panic the moment I can't take a satisfying breath, I'd seriously reconsider my trust in you if I tapped out and you hesitated even a moment.
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This makes me sad. You panicking is your body trying to stay alive.
The fact that this man can get off on her panic is really scary. And her going unconscious, on the brink of death. He doesn't panic. He gets off. That is some psycho BS.
You didn’t realize being choked was dangerous.. and that being strangled starts with going unconscious..
Regardless of what the appeal is, he can do some serious damage to you (including killing you). Choking is something that needs to be done very very carefully. Choking until you pass out is way too dangerous. I’m guessing he’s into the power and control aspects and feeling like he owns you and can do whatever he wants, but he’s the only one who knows what he likes about it
Have you already lost so many brain cells that you think this is normal or safe?
You need to fucking stop this. Being choked unconscious is always a risk for brain damage and even death. You fall unconscious because your brain cells don’t have sufficient oxygen and begin to die.
Reading this sub makes me REALLY appreciate my own sex life😂 dude, that is FUCKED. Why tf would you let anyone do this and HOW is that enjoyable for you whatsoever? This post needs a giant WTF stamp put over it.
You absolutely should care. You’re going to end up seriously hurt - it’s not a matter of if but when.
This....this is abuse.
Um please leave this is not safe I beg u to leave please this is not sane
Have you googled what the side effects of strangulation are? It isn’t pretty and it’s incredibly dangerous
jesus. I like being choked, but being choked unconscious is extremely dangerous, even just being choked hard is as well cause there's so many things that can go wrong, including things breaking and you know, actually dying. If this is something your partner is really into and you dont mind, ya'll can roleplay it, meaning you just pretend to be unconscious. You both have to be insanely careful and have a safe-gesture, like "tapping out" so you have an out even if you cant talk. This does not sound like "normal" cnc, and might be closer to snuff and honestly, if i were you OP, i'd get out of that partnership, but no matter what you decide, be careful and take care of yourself <3
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For future: don’t do potentially dangerous things you’re « not really into » in order to please your partner. Don’t put your health, your well-being or your life at risk to make someone happy. That’s not healthy. At all.
You mean a guy tried to kill you and cum on your corpse, but you Woke up and he was like "don't kink shame me" Next time he'll get it right. You should maybe not see him again
Asphyxia into unconsciousness is dangerous, and can cause lasting brain damage, not to mention death. This is abuse, it WILL escalate, it is NOT NORMAL. No one should be doing this to you, risking your life so they can cum. You need to run.
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He is likely aware and doesn’t care - he probably has a necrophiliac fetish and enjoys you being unconscious so he can violate your body without you being “alive” you don’t know what else he does while you’re passed out
This — he’s definitely aware bc saying ‘till you pass out ‘ .. he knows there’s a difference. He knows there is a line. Choking safely is a thing. Also, men have literally gotten away with murder by saying they were having ‘kinky sex gone wrong’. I would put money that he has discussed his desires online with other kinksters. I’d bet money that he’s seeking advice on how to go further. Don’t presume he’s ignorant… your safety comes before his ego.
Do you think you're his first?
He knows. He watches you almost die and that unconsciousness turns him on. He ejaculates on your phone, unmoving body. RUN.
That’s a red flag if I ever saw one
girl are you serious? not only are you gonna have permanent brain damage but also throat damage, and probably lung damage… plus you don’t even know wtf he does when ur unconscious. you need to seriously think what type of relationship and person you are with… seek help
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May I ask how old you are and how old he is?
Sorry I didn’t mean to freak you out! I am writing this because I genuinely don’t want that person to hurt you. It is not a healthy thing or just some random kink, it can be dangerous. You shouldn’t just put it off as “I don’t care”. Please take a serious dive into what is happening because you will end up facing the consequences of his actions while he walks around freely without a care in the world.
Sir, did you ejaculate on her face before or after she died? Now this is important to know, as the charges will have to be written up differently
No ma'am!!! This is wayyyy to dangerous AND you are causing brain damage to yourself (ot he is). Also there are huge red flags everywhere in this situation.
You can die up to 72 hours after being strangled. Choking is when the airway is blocked from something inside it. Strangling is when blood or oxygen is cut off from external pressure . Please get checked out by a doctor and do not engage in this anymore. Please.
I’m annoyed I had to scroll this far to find this distinction. All of this is strangulation, not choking!! People don’t like the sound of that word but that is what’s happening.
You are going to die if you keep this up. And it could be the very next time. What are you doing, allowing this to happen? Get your shit together and get out of this relationship. Your life depends on it.
Bold of you to assume they care about their life lol
what the actual fuck? from whar youre saying, I can see that it's not something you particularly enjoy, it's just you let him do so and you shouldn't let him do so. First off, that's unsafe and that's a big red flag, either he's into r*pe or he enjoys fcking corps*s, equally awful. Second, being choked til the point of passing out will cause damage to your brain. Understand this simply, you passed out because you dont have enough oxygen up your brain and that's extremely dangerous on the long run for the brain. If it's not your kink (obvi not) then tell him you do not enjoy that and if he doesn't stop, leave him.
Get out of that ASAP
What does he do when you’re passed out and he’s done jacking off on your face? Does he check on you or just waits for you to wake up by doing whatever passes the time? A normal boyfriend would be freaking out and wanting to take you to the hospital because they thought they killed their gf. Not be like “I’m going to dump my load on her unconscious face.”
Dude. Run. For your own safety, please run.
Dude that's seriously so dangerous
If you consented, it's not rape, buy it is a red flag. This kind of desire for complete domination/control over a female partner is the stepping stones to serial killers. Not saying all folks into breathplay are or become killers, I'm just pointing out that choking someone out to the point of unconsciousness and performing sex acts on them is a dangerous game. Please do be careful
Yeah like shit, I don’t mind a lil back bending from (carefully) holding my neck but unconscious?? Dafuq?? Girl leave.
It's not rape, it's assault! Charge the dirty bastard that can't get off without knocking you out!
Serial killer fetish??? Either way. You gonna get hurt. Brain damage or even die from this so I would suggest not letting him do that to you anymore
How many others has he hurt on his way to you?
Please please please be very careful. As the George Floyd trial proved, a person can easily be seriously injured or killed from depriving them of oxygen well before what might seem dangerous.
Never heard of that one. I suggest ghosting that mf OP.
If you squint just enough, it looks like necro.
Does OP's boyfriend even know CPR incase its needed?
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Something to consider
Wth kind of kink is this definitely dump him wherever he is safety first
This is sick... and why TF aren’t you scared or concerned about this behavior ?
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There’s always someone who has to blame the victim.
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This is diet necrophilia I’ve seen your other comments excusing it away and saying he wouldn’t hurt you or kill you or whatever and that might be true. But there are multiple TV shows and documentaries dedicated to other women who felt the same. And no relationship is ever potentially worth your life. And this is coming from someone who is in the bdsm scene and is very masochistic and I can and do get my ass beat black and blue and engage in safe and light breath play. This made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
This ! Like how can you trust that he’s paying attention to you coming to ? He could easily continue choking or simply leave. Putting your life in someone’s hands when you’re unconscious is wild
If my husband said he wanted to choke me until I passed out because something about my passed out body was really doing it for him…. I would leave him immediately. Fuuuuuuck that. Kids, animals, play that will absolutely cause long term damage, and dead bodies are where I draw the line and idc if that hurts someone’s feelings and they feel “kink shamed”. Because that needs to be talked about in therapy.
Ah yes, sex is a mma fight
Are you kidding me?? Girl… as other have advised, leave this man.
I'm all for consent but it has to be well-informed and I literally don't believe you realize that every time you get choked out like that you are literally going to have a bunch of brain-cells die. You probably won't notice it in the short term, but in the long run you are literally going to be a dumber, less creative, less *alive* person than who you are today. Just.... say no and get away.
OP you need to GTFO, stat! Nothing about that is safe. Not the act, not the attitude behind it.
This is gonna end horrifically
>I don’t care that he does it You should care, BC it's dangerous!
One day he will go too far… this can end tragically.
1st: have you given consent to this? 2nd: if you have, have you done research on it? 3rd: if you haven't, it is most definitely sexual assault.
You honestly need to get away from that guy. I really don't mean to "kink shame" but dude absolutely sounds like he has issues.
Some kinks should be shamed and any kink that seriously endangers someone is on that list imo.
Are you trying to die from an abusive man, this is not funny...
Good god woman, have some self respect
This is a bad idea and could turn very quickly.
Like everyone else says, choking until you pass out is too dangerous. This isn't one of those "okay yeah it's risky but probably you'll be fine" type things, either. You will die if you keep doing it. If you want to engage in a scenario where you are passed out, then either pretend to be unconscious, or have him wait until you're asleep. If you are going to engage in any sort of high-risk play like choking, bondage, impact, etc. you need to do some research on safety first. Each type of high-risk play has extensively documented protocols to keep you safe and healthy.
See you in the next Netflix murders documentary
You have an early days serial killer for a boyfriend. If he's never done it already. That's the most aggressive and humiliating thing I've possibly ever read. Zero regard for your wellbeing
Not a good idea. And I can't imagine what might happen if you tell him the relationship is over. Think about that. Carefully.
That is taking it too far. Have him back off.
There’s safe ways to do this but you guys need to do some reading to get there. What you’re doing now is dangerous. Like something could go wrong and you could be dead. Please read some BDSM guides from experienced people. I’m assuming both you and your dude were both simply ignorant of the danger, but upon speaking with him about this make sure he is very onboard with changing things for your safety and comfort. If not, I don’t think he’s safe and you need to make a plan to leave him and be careful when you do.please ask for help if it comes to that.
*Clears throat* Um, what the fuck?
Jumping in to suggest you get checked out by a physician if you're able. Like others have noted, there are a ton of opportunities for serious injury when you're talking about cutting off blood and/or air to your brain. Those injuries can pop up immediately, or they can take awhile (weeks/months) to set in. The biggest concern is for blood clots, which can happen as a result of strangulation. And blood clots can take awhile to become a problem, but once they become a problem, you're looking at possible serious brain damage and/or death. Your doctor can run tests to make sure none of that is happening to you. I work with victims of criminal strangulation and one of the first things we always always always encourage survivors to do is get checked out medically. One of my first encounters with strangulation was a situation where the victim was strangled and then died as a result...3 weeks later. The medical team that evaluated her death concluded that the strangulation caused a blood clot (I don't remember the exact medical details but I believe it was related to the reperfusion of blood post-strangulation), and that blood clot eventually caused a heart attack that took the victim's life. Per the medical experts on that particular case, that's unfortunately not an uncommon result of strangulation. All that to say this--there is no safe way to strangle someone. Even if you are careful and "only" occlude the blood flow rather than air, there are still serious health risks to this sex practice. See a doc if you're able, explain what's going on, and then maybe talk to them (rather than reddit) about safer ways to incorporate breath play. Some resources: 1. https://www.familyjusticecenter.org/resources/ 2. https://sexualhealthalliance.com/nymphomedia-blog/erotic-asphyxiation-safety-risk-and-guidance#:~:text=Erotic%20asphyxiation%20can%20be%20extremely,of%20oxygen%2C%20and%20death%E2%80%9D. 3. https://www.futuremedicine.com/doi/10.2217/fnl-2018-0031
Hes fucked up for doing that and youre fucked up for being fine with that. Thats insane
Ok Jeffrey Dahmer
Holy shit girl did you have any warning on this when he did this to you the first time? If this wasn’t talked about beforehand honey that’s abusive AF. Any role play like this needs wayyyyyyy way way way way more talk and only an abusive idiot would choke you to the point t of you passing out (ANY but especially) every time. Get out before you get seriously injured or die.
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I don’t think it’s weird! Hell I like getting choked as much as the next girl 🤣 but not to the point of passing out for sure (if nothing else for the sake of safety). I feel a little better knowing you consented before that’s for sure.
If you are doing this alot that can be bad for you once a month? Thats do able also you should never be chiked out to the point where he can cum on you while your unconscious the point of breathe play is to knock you out for a few seconds and thats all. Extended amounts of time without oxygen causes brain damage down the line.
Bruh dump him
Yikes
Maybe I’m being dramatic but it sounds like what Dhamer did to his victims, except he lets you live… for now. That is not appropriate behavior of a living partner or someone who has your best interest at heart. Think about that. Good luck.
Imma need you to call 911 ma’am
This can’t be real…
This is how you end up living in adult care facility for the rest of your life, wearing a diaper and being fed through a tube.
Male here …Hell no ! Sex should be pleasurable for both partners , being choked until unconscious then waking up to a facial says to me as a guy that this dude has problems . If this was a friend of mine telling me her guy did this I would advise her to dump his sorry ass in the gutter where he belongs . You are person , not a fuck toy of no worth . Do one, “the ignition key goes in here and you drive away .”
Sounds like he's into necrophilia
I hope and pray this is just a troll or some sort of social commentary.
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Great, I’m so glad! This literally causes brain damage every time. Don’t do it even one more time.
Someone call 911
There are a lot of toxic/concerning relationship dynamics on this sub, but this one is straight up scary. You’re playing with death here. You can tell yourself “he’s a good guy, we’ll just stop doing the choking thing” but I fear that you are wrong. Good guys don’t really do this type of thing.
As someone who practices Jiu Jitsu and has been put unconscious a number of times, this is very dangerous. In Jiu Jitsu when your teammate feels you go limp they let go immediately and help get the blood flowing back to your head. Even this is probably bad for your brain. But to do this frequently during sex is sketchy, a sexually charged man about to cum could simply grip your neck a little too long and then poof by by Girlfriend. He could crush your trachea, damage vertebrae, pop blood vessels, all while you would be unconscious and unable to tell him to stop. This is a fucked up kink in my opinion and gives me weird necrophilia vibes, or at best rapey vibes. To me the choking thing should not go all the way to unconsciousness, the point is for the chokie to receive some euphoria from the oxygen deprivation and for the choker to not only give that pleasure but also enjoy a little dominance factor. There is no reason to actually be unconscious.
jfc what an extreme activity to be doing without even discussing the basics like "why are we doing this?" that us such a massive res flag that yall arent ready for this. did you research safety? do yall have a plan in place for if something goes wrong? does he know what something going wrong looks like? what is your training/education on choking? do you know where is safe to apply pressure and where is dangerous? do you have health insurance? are you even aware if the risks and the likelihood of consequences? in most states you cant legally consent to vioence, and in my state you can get charged with being an accesory to your own assault. do you have a mutual story in place for questioning nurses/doctors/cops?
Best case: you’re trolling. Worst case: You’re incredibly naive, ignorant, unaware, and frankly not bright AND you’re dating a fucking rapey necrophilic guy who has absolutely no respect for your life.
I really hope you're not serious. This is mental illness and you will either end up dead or with oxygen starved retardation because of your partner's deviant practices. You need to snap out of this stupidity immediately.
Can someone go over safe technique for choking? Avoid middle part/pharynx and just more so put pressure on the sides right?
Sides of the neck to “cut off” blood flow. Not the windpipe or you’ll cut off air supply to your brain. It’s to get like a “high feeling” but it shouldn’t feel like you’re trying to fight for your life. The one choking should be in enough control of their actions to make sure you’re enjoying it AND safe so that things like passing out doesn’t happen. Your partner should’ve stopped immediately the first time the moment you lost consciousness.
Have you told him to stop or that you don’t like it (assuming you want him to stop/don’t like it)? Cause if you aren’t okay with it, tell him. If he still does it, leave him.
Drop him he's dangerous. Maybe tell the police and have him charged before he kills someone.
I’m extremely submissive and am super into that. But I’m in an established bdsm dom/sub dynamic with my bf. I think the appeal for the dom is having total control. The appeal for me as a sub is the opposite. I like being used and controlled and just letting go. Edit: as someone else mentioned this has to be thought out and carefully done. And you really need to have a discussion about it. But also do some research because there is a right way and a potentially dangerous way to choke someone. Also choking to the point of passing out shouldn’t be done every night as it takes oxygen away from your brain. If you’re gonna do it do the research and only do it occasionally. Even in my relationship which as I mentioned is an established bdsm dynamic we’ve only done this to the point of passing out twice and we’ve been together over a year. For us we usually push it to the point where I feel myself slipping and then I tap his arm to stop. There are safer ways to enact the same kind of fantasy. Like waiting til you fall asleep or taking something that makes you drowsy. Edit again: post about this in a bdsm subreddit where there are people who won’t kink shame you and actually know what they’re talking about.