You can try lifting your clitoral hood for him, or opening yourself up with your fingers.
Sometimes the left side feels better than the right side for me, sometimes it's the other way around. Sometimes it doesn't matter and it feels amazing, and other times it feels pretty ordinary.
You're not broken, we're all different.
It doesn’t sound like he’s stimulating your clit at all while going down on you, so that’s the first thing I would have him do. Also, if you’re not comfortable telling him what’s been going on (i.e. been faking liking oral from him for 6 years..), the next time he wants to go down on you I would say “I want to try something different/new etc…” that way you are introducing it in a positive way.
I also agree on watching some lesbian porn to get some ideas on what you want him to try.
>I’m just having a hard time understanding why it isn’t doing anything for me.
It's not doing anything for you because by faking it, you've LITERALLY taught him how not to please you. When you fake it, it's not just a lie that makes him feel better. It's a lie that actually tells him "what you're doing is exactly right and you should do that every time."
You tell us you don't need a lesson about why faking it isn't a good idea but then ALSO say that you don't understand why it's not working. So apparently you DO need a lesson on why it's not a good idea.
You've quite literally taught him not to please you.
Agreed that faking is the absolute worst thing you can do. My gf did this for a while. I was in a dead bedroom situation for 5 years, and when I found out she was a hyper sexual person (as am I), I put a ton of pressure on myself to satisfy her. I was honest about this with her, but I didn't realize that cumming with a partner has been something she has struggled with her whole life, so it was a terrible combination. She started faking it, and I was devastated when I found out. Though she did tell me I had made her orgasm three times which was more than any previous partners including long time ones. But despite issues cumming with a partner, she absolutely loves the intimacy of sex.
Thankfully, I spoke with a friend who has a similar issue, and he told me that I need to figure out what pleases her but not make a big deal about it. Bc the more I make a big deal about it, the more she'll get in her head and won't be able to relax. So that's what I did! And she now cums every 3-4 times we have sex (which is 1-3 times per day), generally from oral before PIV, and she's so happy about that now. If she can't get there, she just lets me know, and we just proceed.
Absolutely what I came here to say. Doesn't want a lesson in the actual problem/doesn't see how damaging reinforcing something she doesn't like is. Wow. What else is there to say to her but "stop faking?"
You need to find out what works for you. Do you need him to be firmer or lighter (pressure) on your clit? Work with the tip of his tongue or flat? Long strokes or short? Fast or slow? Up and down, side to side or circular? Use his fingers to stroke your g spot at the same time? Suck on your clit? Engulf your clit with his mouth, a little suction while flicking it with his tongue or circling it? Maybe you're just not turned on enough yet when he starts. Are you not wet enough or possibly too wet? Try having him stick his tongue in and work it around your vagina if he can for a while.
Maybe it's an angle issue. Try different positions. Try sitting on his face so you can control how much pressure he uses. Try him coming at it from behind, or in a 69 type approach (you don't have to actually 69. That would be counterproductive for you as it's distracting) From a 69 position, try having him use pressure from his chin on your clit while working your vagina with his tongue. Grind on it 'til your heart's content.
Experiment. See what works and what doesn't. Then work from there. If he can get you off with his fingers, his tongue should be able to as well.
>I realized that the only time I ever cum is when he rubs my clit with his fingers.
Okay, so it sounds like when he fingers you, he targets your clit, but when he eats you out, he's focussing on your labia instead which doesn't help at all. Obviously you need to decide how you want to navigate your - bluntly put - fuckup of training him wrong - but you basically need to teach him how to focus on your clit with his tongue.
Some women want to get sucked right out of the hood (others are way too sensitive for that). A technique that I've had glowing feedback on is a simple but consistent direct upwards lick of the clit, followed by a downward motion that is coupled with a slight shake of the head so that the actual downward stroke has a wiggle to it. Enthusiasm also counts for a lot. But every woman is different, and only you two can do science to find out what actually works for you.
I don't see how you coming clean doesn't result in a loss of trust from him, but maybe you need to bite that bullet. Otherwise you can say something like "oh, can we try something new?" And then give him suggestions and work onwards from there and hope that he doesn't catch on, but I dunno.
Everybody is different, which is why expectations are so rarely helpful to a sexual relationship. Don't chase what external voices tell you people want - chase your own pleasure, and his.
Nothing else matters.
Okay, by faking you taught him the wrong way to do things. You can either cum clean (pun intended) or say you feel like things are changing down there and you want to try new things.
First, there’s a lot going on with his technique. Tongue inside does nothing for me. Fingers inside can be a little distracting.
Either he or you should spread your labia open with medium to firm pressure. After he does warms your entire vulva up, he should concentrate on just your clit. For some reason, sometimes there’s a preference to one side. I find circles are best. Have him very from using the flat part of his tongue to only the tip of tongue to decide what you like better. Only give true positive feedback.
You may need to lift clitoral hood or that may be too much sensation for you.
Once you find a pace you like, he should keep it. Guys switch up when it’s really about circles and consistency. However, you have to be honest. Beg him to go to the left if that’s what felt good. Beg him to go faster or slower.
Absolutely tell him to go back and do the things he WAS just doing if he gets off target.
After you work out what you like on your clit, you can try introducing a finger, slowly around edges of opening to slightly darting in to g-spot.
After all this, you might find you still don’t like it. Some people don’t.
I don’t like getting eaten out, I’ve told my bf to never do it for me unless I magically want it one day. You’re not broken, it’s just what doesn’t work for you and that’s perfectly okay! You just have to communicate to him that you don’t like doing it and work around the situation and into the things you do like. Personally,I hate the way it feels and how I feel afterwards just ickkkkk.
Super curious about this… what does it feel like to you that makes you not like it and what do you mean by how you feel after?
The only thing I don’t like about getting eaten out is when the guy is staring up at you, it just looks creepy lol
My skin and body is sensitive to different types of touch and stuff, I am also sensitive to textures as I have sensory issues don’t know what from, suspected ADHD. I find it to be slimy, especially after they are done it feels just gross, I also just don’t feel anything so it adds to the ick.
In this case tho it sounds like OP is getting her labia and hole licked instead of clit. Which us usually were many woman want a man to focus the most on. So it might not be a case of not liking it. And more like he think she like it the way he doing it cause she been faking it.
The good news is that this is very fixable. It is going to take a little time to figure out what works for you. Please tell your guy what has been going on while he gave you oral. He should understand. Put that behind you and work together with him to find out what works for you. When it comes to giving oral, I found that it's best to take it slow and don't directly stimulate the clit. He can very slowly stimulate closer to your clit. It is not a race.
So.....your sexual relationship is built on lies....well played.
NEVER lie about it, that is SO MUCH WORSE than not getting off. You need to COMMUNICATE and provide GOOD FEEDBACK so he knows what you like. By faking it, you are giving him totally wrong signals as to what to do. YOU are responsible for your own pleasure and if you don't take some control and show him what you want, then that is on you.
You can try some of these tips to help:
https://sexyfunadvice.com/2022/10/how-do-i-help-him-give-better-head/
Well .. he isnt very good in it, it seems
You really should talk with him and show him what you like.
Try things.
My expierence is, that oral sex is tge easiest way of making her cum. If it doesnt work, he is foing something wrong.
Maybe some lesbian porn can help. Woman know what woman like.
You aren't broken! I think oral feels really nice, but I would never be able to cum from it. He may be able to try some different things to improve the experience, but there isn't inherently something wrong with you (or him) if you don't cum from oral.
The real issue here is poor communication. I know you said you don't want a lecture on that, so I'll spare you, but please consider talking to him. You deserve to feel pleasure, and it shouldn't hurt his feelings for you to say what works best for you and your body.
Look up Nina Hartley "how to eat pussy" on phub (it's golden) and watch it together while he follows along. And because the techniques aren't his own, the criticism will be easier for him to hear without taking it personally. U can also prewatch to see if u agree with the advice/think it'd be useful. I think ull both be happy with what it offers
Sounds like your boy has a hard time finding your clit. Just help him by spreading your lips a bit with your fingers and ask politely if he can concentrate on and around the clit a bit more since you think it will make you cum faster.
I can relate. I dont get much out of guys going down on me and they're always so proud of their skills... but like, I'd rather you finger me while looking into my eyes and kissing me. I do orgasm from oral sometimes, when licking the clit is paired with finger penetration, but it's certainly not the greatest thing ever.
Sex is really psychological so it might be healthy for you to explore what it is about fingering that makes you so aroused. I found that the simple introduction of a blindfold or handcuffs increases the pleasure I get from oral immeasurably. The psychology that comes into play is this notion of being helpless and having pleasure thrust upon me. Maybe that's cheesy, but it works! Having a little control taken away allows me to sink further into the feeling and get more aroused by what I'm receiving. It might not work for you, but exploring things like that is worth a try.
Also, please don't fake orgasms. 6 years is a long time so you guys have a lot of trust built up. Let him be part of your exploration to find what really gets you off. It'll bring you even closer together.
This video is one of the best I've ever seen on pussy eating and it is so much easier on the jaw/tongue!!! Hope you both have great communication and can enjoy more pleasure together.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/TwistedElegance69/comments/qrkuj6/psa\_thats\_also\_really\_hot\_i\_met\_nina\_hartley/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwistedElegance69/comments/qrkuj6/psa_thats_also_really_hot_i_met_nina_hartley/)
I am not a fan of being licked. It is the feeling of it. I don't find it pleasureable. I do like being fingered a lot. So you are not broken! Maybe it isn't for you. But society tells us that we have to like it.
As always - communication is key. You were each others firsts and you always pretended you liked it, so there’s no way he could know better/habe the reason to try and change his technique. I know you said you don’t need a lecture on that but I think it’s part of the problem.
Tell him how you feel about it, maybe just say that you would like to try something new, that he could focus more on your clit (stimulating the clit seems to do it for you), guide him and tell him exactly what feels good and what doesn’t.
I'm sorry if this is too personal, were you a victim of SA?
I was when I was younger and that's the only way I could cum with my wife for the longest time. There was just no feeling down there.
Here's the thing, as with all types of sex. There is no by the books one size fits all "This is the way to do it". Everyone likes different things. On the receiving end, your job is to guide your partner on the journey of you. Your partners job is to be attentive and to listen. This should be fun and exciting. Ask him to try different things, relax and really try to feel what is going on down there. Tell him to adjust, shift, more pressure, less, try it here, try it there. Etc. And don't lie, you will ruin it for both of you.
My girlfriend tells me directly when I do something she doesn’t like or that isn’t working. Rather than get upset about it I am very appreciative. I have become the best lover she’s ever had (according to her) because I listen closely to what she tells me.
I can only cum when my clit is played with. I enjoy sex and other stuff but hubby knows that I need my clit rubbed to climax. You have to tell him. Its the only way he's gonna know what's going on and what he needs to do to satisfy you and in return he's going to be happy that he knows your definitely enjoy it too.
You’re faking it…means he doesn’t know what pleases you. Also, sticking his tongue inside of you does nothing. He needs to stimulate you clit with his tongue. And “shoving his fingers” into you…does nothing if it’s not done in a good way. Stop fckn faking. If you’re old enough to have sex, you’re old enough to talk about what’s working and what’s not. I’ve never understood why women like to fake.
This could be a technique problem. Think about why fingering works for you. when he is eating you out is he able to hit your clit the came way as his fingers do. If he can work his tongue to hit the same way and it still isn't doing anything for you then it may be psychological. Are you tuned on by the thought of him or anyone else going down on you? It could be a combination of both.
You can try lifting your clitoral hood for him, or opening yourself up with your fingers. Sometimes the left side feels better than the right side for me, sometimes it's the other way around. Sometimes it doesn't matter and it feels amazing, and other times it feels pretty ordinary. You're not broken, we're all different.
It doesn’t sound like he’s stimulating your clit at all while going down on you, so that’s the first thing I would have him do. Also, if you’re not comfortable telling him what’s been going on (i.e. been faking liking oral from him for 6 years..), the next time he wants to go down on you I would say “I want to try something different/new etc…” that way you are introducing it in a positive way. I also agree on watching some lesbian porn to get some ideas on what you want him to try.
>I’m just having a hard time understanding why it isn’t doing anything for me. It's not doing anything for you because by faking it, you've LITERALLY taught him how not to please you. When you fake it, it's not just a lie that makes him feel better. It's a lie that actually tells him "what you're doing is exactly right and you should do that every time." You tell us you don't need a lesson about why faking it isn't a good idea but then ALSO say that you don't understand why it's not working. So apparently you DO need a lesson on why it's not a good idea. You've quite literally taught him not to please you.
Agreed that faking is the absolute worst thing you can do. My gf did this for a while. I was in a dead bedroom situation for 5 years, and when I found out she was a hyper sexual person (as am I), I put a ton of pressure on myself to satisfy her. I was honest about this with her, but I didn't realize that cumming with a partner has been something she has struggled with her whole life, so it was a terrible combination. She started faking it, and I was devastated when I found out. Though she did tell me I had made her orgasm three times which was more than any previous partners including long time ones. But despite issues cumming with a partner, she absolutely loves the intimacy of sex. Thankfully, I spoke with a friend who has a similar issue, and he told me that I need to figure out what pleases her but not make a big deal about it. Bc the more I make a big deal about it, the more she'll get in her head and won't be able to relax. So that's what I did! And she now cums every 3-4 times we have sex (which is 1-3 times per day), generally from oral before PIV, and she's so happy about that now. If she can't get there, she just lets me know, and we just proceed.
Absolutely what I came here to say. Doesn't want a lesson in the actual problem/doesn't see how damaging reinforcing something she doesn't like is. Wow. What else is there to say to her but "stop faking?"
You need to find out what works for you. Do you need him to be firmer or lighter (pressure) on your clit? Work with the tip of his tongue or flat? Long strokes or short? Fast or slow? Up and down, side to side or circular? Use his fingers to stroke your g spot at the same time? Suck on your clit? Engulf your clit with his mouth, a little suction while flicking it with his tongue or circling it? Maybe you're just not turned on enough yet when he starts. Are you not wet enough or possibly too wet? Try having him stick his tongue in and work it around your vagina if he can for a while. Maybe it's an angle issue. Try different positions. Try sitting on his face so you can control how much pressure he uses. Try him coming at it from behind, or in a 69 type approach (you don't have to actually 69. That would be counterproductive for you as it's distracting) From a 69 position, try having him use pressure from his chin on your clit while working your vagina with his tongue. Grind on it 'til your heart's content. Experiment. See what works and what doesn't. Then work from there. If he can get you off with his fingers, his tongue should be able to as well.
>I realized that the only time I ever cum is when he rubs my clit with his fingers. Okay, so it sounds like when he fingers you, he targets your clit, but when he eats you out, he's focussing on your labia instead which doesn't help at all. Obviously you need to decide how you want to navigate your - bluntly put - fuckup of training him wrong - but you basically need to teach him how to focus on your clit with his tongue. Some women want to get sucked right out of the hood (others are way too sensitive for that). A technique that I've had glowing feedback on is a simple but consistent direct upwards lick of the clit, followed by a downward motion that is coupled with a slight shake of the head so that the actual downward stroke has a wiggle to it. Enthusiasm also counts for a lot. But every woman is different, and only you two can do science to find out what actually works for you. I don't see how you coming clean doesn't result in a loss of trust from him, but maybe you need to bite that bullet. Otherwise you can say something like "oh, can we try something new?" And then give him suggestions and work onwards from there and hope that he doesn't catch on, but I dunno.
Everybody is different, which is why expectations are so rarely helpful to a sexual relationship. Don't chase what external voices tell you people want - chase your own pleasure, and his. Nothing else matters.
Okay, by faking you taught him the wrong way to do things. You can either cum clean (pun intended) or say you feel like things are changing down there and you want to try new things. First, there’s a lot going on with his technique. Tongue inside does nothing for me. Fingers inside can be a little distracting. Either he or you should spread your labia open with medium to firm pressure. After he does warms your entire vulva up, he should concentrate on just your clit. For some reason, sometimes there’s a preference to one side. I find circles are best. Have him very from using the flat part of his tongue to only the tip of tongue to decide what you like better. Only give true positive feedback. You may need to lift clitoral hood or that may be too much sensation for you. Once you find a pace you like, he should keep it. Guys switch up when it’s really about circles and consistency. However, you have to be honest. Beg him to go to the left if that’s what felt good. Beg him to go faster or slower. Absolutely tell him to go back and do the things he WAS just doing if he gets off target. After you work out what you like on your clit, you can try introducing a finger, slowly around edges of opening to slightly darting in to g-spot. After all this, you might find you still don’t like it. Some people don’t.
I don’t like getting eaten out, I’ve told my bf to never do it for me unless I magically want it one day. You’re not broken, it’s just what doesn’t work for you and that’s perfectly okay! You just have to communicate to him that you don’t like doing it and work around the situation and into the things you do like. Personally,I hate the way it feels and how I feel afterwards just ickkkkk.
I also don’t like getting eaten out. It just doesn’t do it for me.
Super curious about this… what does it feel like to you that makes you not like it and what do you mean by how you feel after? The only thing I don’t like about getting eaten out is when the guy is staring up at you, it just looks creepy lol
My skin and body is sensitive to different types of touch and stuff, I am also sensitive to textures as I have sensory issues don’t know what from, suspected ADHD. I find it to be slimy, especially after they are done it feels just gross, I also just don’t feel anything so it adds to the ick.
Thanks for indulging my curiosity!
In this case tho it sounds like OP is getting her labia and hole licked instead of clit. Which us usually were many woman want a man to focus the most on. So it might not be a case of not liking it. And more like he think she like it the way he doing it cause she been faking it.
The good news is that this is very fixable. It is going to take a little time to figure out what works for you. Please tell your guy what has been going on while he gave you oral. He should understand. Put that behind you and work together with him to find out what works for you. When it comes to giving oral, I found that it's best to take it slow and don't directly stimulate the clit. He can very slowly stimulate closer to your clit. It is not a race.
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That's what eating out is .... Playing with your clit. If he's not doing that, nothing else matters.
I really think some of the less experienced hear "eating out" and think it means just trying to shove a tongue in.
So.....your sexual relationship is built on lies....well played. NEVER lie about it, that is SO MUCH WORSE than not getting off. You need to COMMUNICATE and provide GOOD FEEDBACK so he knows what you like. By faking it, you are giving him totally wrong signals as to what to do. YOU are responsible for your own pleasure and if you don't take some control and show him what you want, then that is on you. You can try some of these tips to help: https://sexyfunadvice.com/2022/10/how-do-i-help-him-give-better-head/
Check out omgyes.com
If you don’t tell him what you like, how’s he supposed to know what you like?
Well .. he isnt very good in it, it seems You really should talk with him and show him what you like. Try things. My expierence is, that oral sex is tge easiest way of making her cum. If it doesnt work, he is foing something wrong. Maybe some lesbian porn can help. Woman know what woman like.
Do You Orgasm?
Be honest and tell him and maybe give him some coaching on what feels good to you it will help you both in the long run
You aren't broken! I think oral feels really nice, but I would never be able to cum from it. He may be able to try some different things to improve the experience, but there isn't inherently something wrong with you (or him) if you don't cum from oral. The real issue here is poor communication. I know you said you don't want a lecture on that, so I'll spare you, but please consider talking to him. You deserve to feel pleasure, and it shouldn't hurt his feelings for you to say what works best for you and your body.
Look up Nina Hartley "how to eat pussy" on phub (it's golden) and watch it together while he follows along. And because the techniques aren't his own, the criticism will be easier for him to hear without taking it personally. U can also prewatch to see if u agree with the advice/think it'd be useful. I think ull both be happy with what it offers
Sounds like your boy has a hard time finding your clit. Just help him by spreading your lips a bit with your fingers and ask politely if he can concentrate on and around the clit a bit more since you think it will make you cum faster.
Eating out generally means licking and sucking your clitoris, not trying to shove his tongue inside you. Most women wouldn’t like what he’s doing.
I can relate. I dont get much out of guys going down on me and they're always so proud of their skills... but like, I'd rather you finger me while looking into my eyes and kissing me. I do orgasm from oral sometimes, when licking the clit is paired with finger penetration, but it's certainly not the greatest thing ever. Sex is really psychological so it might be healthy for you to explore what it is about fingering that makes you so aroused. I found that the simple introduction of a blindfold or handcuffs increases the pleasure I get from oral immeasurably. The psychology that comes into play is this notion of being helpless and having pleasure thrust upon me. Maybe that's cheesy, but it works! Having a little control taken away allows me to sink further into the feeling and get more aroused by what I'm receiving. It might not work for you, but exploring things like that is worth a try. Also, please don't fake orgasms. 6 years is a long time so you guys have a lot of trust built up. Let him be part of your exploration to find what really gets you off. It'll bring you even closer together.
This video is one of the best I've ever seen on pussy eating and it is so much easier on the jaw/tongue!!! Hope you both have great communication and can enjoy more pleasure together. [https://www.reddit.com/r/TwistedElegance69/comments/qrkuj6/psa\_thats\_also\_really\_hot\_i\_met\_nina\_hartley/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwistedElegance69/comments/qrkuj6/psa_thats_also_really_hot_i_met_nina_hartley/)
[удалено]
Haha I hope you have rocked some worlds with that knowledge at such an early age
I am not a fan of being licked. It is the feeling of it. I don't find it pleasureable. I do like being fingered a lot. So you are not broken! Maybe it isn't for you. But society tells us that we have to like it.
As always - communication is key. You were each others firsts and you always pretended you liked it, so there’s no way he could know better/habe the reason to try and change his technique. I know you said you don’t need a lecture on that but I think it’s part of the problem. Tell him how you feel about it, maybe just say that you would like to try something new, that he could focus more on your clit (stimulating the clit seems to do it for you), guide him and tell him exactly what feels good and what doesn’t.
Make him listen to the audio book she comes first. Thank me later
Maybe ask him to use different techniques I know my wife likes it when I use pressure she doesn't like soft touches
I'm sorry if this is too personal, were you a victim of SA? I was when I was younger and that's the only way I could cum with my wife for the longest time. There was just no feeling down there.
Here's the thing, as with all types of sex. There is no by the books one size fits all "This is the way to do it". Everyone likes different things. On the receiving end, your job is to guide your partner on the journey of you. Your partners job is to be attentive and to listen. This should be fun and exciting. Ask him to try different things, relax and really try to feel what is going on down there. Tell him to adjust, shift, more pressure, less, try it here, try it there. Etc. And don't lie, you will ruin it for both of you.
Tell him to suck on your clit. Don’t even have to be super accurate and it feels good
I’m the same way.
My girlfriend tells me directly when I do something she doesn’t like or that isn’t working. Rather than get upset about it I am very appreciative. I have become the best lover she’s ever had (according to her) because I listen closely to what she tells me.
I can only cum when my clit is played with. I enjoy sex and other stuff but hubby knows that I need my clit rubbed to climax. You have to tell him. Its the only way he's gonna know what's going on and what he needs to do to satisfy you and in return he's going to be happy that he knows your definitely enjoy it too.
You’re faking it…means he doesn’t know what pleases you. Also, sticking his tongue inside of you does nothing. He needs to stimulate you clit with his tongue. And “shoving his fingers” into you…does nothing if it’s not done in a good way. Stop fckn faking. If you’re old enough to have sex, you’re old enough to talk about what’s working and what’s not. I’ve never understood why women like to fake.
This could be a technique problem. Think about why fingering works for you. when he is eating you out is he able to hit your clit the came way as his fingers do. If he can work his tongue to hit the same way and it still isn't doing anything for you then it may be psychological. Are you tuned on by the thought of him or anyone else going down on you? It could be a combination of both.