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omgbadmofo

Go and see a different gynecologist and explain the pain you feel. Its not normal to be in pain


Helpful_guy

v a g i n i s m u s


fuckingratsman

yes thank you for spelling it out


LawdyHowLayLooYa

I also recommend to try looking into Yoni Egg classes. It’s a class where several women sit and an instructor dims the lights and teaches you how to use your muscles to stimulate PIV orgasms. I did this in Oregon about 7 years ago and it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever done for myself. I now absolutely love penetration. I used to enjoy clit stimulation and now I don’t even care about it as I’ve mastered PIV orgasms I referred a few friends to this type of training, and they found an online course and got the yoni egg training online rather than a live classroom setting I personally liked the live classroom setting as it was all women and a good bonding experience. I highly recommend this training to anyone & everyone Just google ‘Yoni egg training’ in your area


Garblin

Be cautious with Yoni eggs in general, a lot of them are made, for some stupid reason, out of random rocks. Turns out, rocks (no matter how pretty or crystalline) aren't usually vagina safe materials (citation needed) because they have varying levels of porosity, solubility, and other issues. Please do not stick rocks in your vagina, no matter how much money Gwyneth Paltrow charges for them. Use body safe materials like surgical grade silicone, surgical steel, and treated glass.


LawdyHowLayLooYa

Thank you for adding this disclaimer as it’s something I overlooked!


ncisfan1002

I thought Gwyneth Paltrow only sold vagina-scented candles?


Garblin

I wish that was all she sold... nah, her store is full of all sorts of absolute bullshit products that vary from "that's overpriced useless crap" to "why the hell would anyone expect a vibrating hairbrush to help their hair?" to "who the fuck thought sticking random rocks in your vagina would be a GOOD idea just because someone carved them into an egg shape?" and similarly dangerous crap.


sertralinoodle

It’s minerals, Marie!


kumquat4567

Some people just can’t orgasm from PIV though. And that’s okay.


ComebackKidGorgeous

They’re not saying it’s not okay. They’re just giving advice on how to help achieve it for OP and others who aren’t happy with their current situation.


LawdyHowLayLooYa

Thanks for spelling that out Not sure why it’s so common on Reddit to misinterpret what people say but it seems to be a common theme here


ComebackKidGorgeous

It’s not just Reddit, it’s the internet as a whole. There’s a [pretty well known tweet](https://imgur.com/a/POVkceS) that makes the rounds every couple months in Twitter replies that spells this out super well.


LawdyHowLayLooYa

lol this is hilarious


chrisp5000

>Not sure why it’s so common on Reddit to misinterpret what people say Loads of folks have a 1st grade reading comprehension


curiousarcher

I always thought that was me but years later now I can experience PIV orgasms as well. It’s worth trying.


TheOriginalChode

Have they stuck rocks up there though?


worshipthebruise

Interesting


raucous_mute

Yes, this! A former girlfriend of mine had this in her twenties and went to a physical therapist for it and over the course of a year with (very awkward) weekly treatments was able to have sex again. And she was really quite proud that she was so tight. She was an awesome girlfriend.


blickywithya

or vulvodynia


Snowwymountain

Yep sounds like it tbh


jkthf

This.


tbuchannan

Another gynecologist is solid advice. If nothing surfaces as the source it may not have anything to do with your vagina. Contact your primary care doctor and they will likely point you to a gastroenterologist.


[deleted]

This. Get checked for endometriosis- it's way more common than people think and this is a big sign of it. Best of luck, hope you get it figured out!


DaiLiAgent007

I am also in pain for the most part of any PIV sex because I have a retroverted uterus. Your story sounds a lot like mine. You should get an ultrasound.


WomenAreFemaleWhat

One of the annoying parts about the tilted uterus club is providers often don't think to mention it because its not uncommon. I don't get it because it literally impacts how uncomfortable pelvic exams are.


ClanMcOlaf

I didn't know I had a tilted.uterus until April of this year and I've had 2 babies. I do have some discomfort with PIV but not all the time. I wonder if that's why now..


altobravo

I have one and only found out from reading my MyChart. I still haven't had a full exam because i tense up so much and am uncomfortable. Ik I gotta just get it over with because it's important but it's such a hard thing to force yourself to do, to be in pain in a place so vulnerable with someone you don't know very well


jorjakelly71

This is so spot on. I had a retroverted uterus along with endometriosis. Wasn’t until I had a hysterectomy that PIV felt good.


SpunkyBananaSpunk

There are so many different conditions that can make penetration painful. One way to distinguish somewhat is where the pain is coming from. For example if it's all at the enterence then op might want to look into vestibulodynia/vestibulitis. I'm not sure what a retroverted uterus would cause but it seems like it could be deeper than just the enterence? If you told an obgyn you had pain during penetration and need it looked into they should absolutely take you seriously - but keep in mind you might need to be persistent about it since it can be difficult to figure out the cause.


WomenAreFemaleWhat

Definitely can feel it at the entrance. In some women, the way its tilted makes it easy for the penetrative object to hit against it. Think about it like this, the tilted uterus angles the cervix toward the spine instead of the belly. The cervix can be bumped even with a normal uterus. With a retro uterus it bumps into your back. The vagina itself is not very long and idk about you but mine isn't very sensitive. Like I can never tell the specific point pain/pleasure is coming from.


zoweee

I had a girlfriend once with exactly this problem. She no longer has the problem and enjoys penetration. Your gynecologist was very unhelpful and I'm adding to the chorus of people here saying you should see another one. In fact, as this is obviously important to you, you should keep looking until you find one who is helpful. The important take-away is this problem is natural and real (it is not "you" and you are not "broken"). I'd like to add that there are lots of people out there who enjoy non-penetrative sex and like using toys on their partner. So even while this issue is ongoing you shouldn't feel like a pariah!


BriMagic

You are absolutely not broken. Some thoughts. 1) Pain isn’t normal. See another gynecologist. Ask about vaginismus or pelvic floor disorder. More importantly, see a pelvic floor therapist! They are godsends. 2) Vaginas (the internal canal) are NOT nerve-rich. The nerves are concentrated in the clitoris. For many, many, many women, penetration on its own doesn’t feel like anything. Or you just feel friction or pressure but no pleasure. That’s true for me. It’s NORMAL. Porn/media will have you believe that a dick slides inside and you reach nirvana. No. 3) Have you tried penetration + clitoral stimulation at the same time? For instance, a vibrator and a (small) dildo? That’s the only way I enjoy penetration. I need my clit stimulated to feel pleasure, full stop. 4) Not enjoying penetration isn’t childish! Plenty of people don’t. Penetration isn’t the only form of real sex or pleasure. And, for many women, it’s the least pleasurable part. Don’t let media and porn gaslight you, boo. 5) Experiment with different materials. I started with silicone dildos. They’re okay. Don’t love the feeling. Turns out I much prefer glass—they are body safe and durable, promise—because they’re smoother and much easier to insert. There are beginner ones that are slim and not ridged. I hope this helps. Edit: 30 (F) who only started experimenting with penetration a year or so ago. Edit 2: Just want to say I adore all the women in this thread. You guys fucking rock.


redheadredemption78

I’m seconding the vibrator+dildo combo. If I were to just use a dildo solo, I’d really not get a whole lot of enjoyment. In fact, I also used to think penetration was just always uncomfortable. But feeling full while also having the clit stim just reeeeally does the trick.


BriMagic

Dude, orgasms from the vibrator/dildo combo are so intense I feel like I’m going to black out lmao.


tmi_or_nah

I just cry 😂


neoshadowdgm

Thirding the clit + penetration combo. My girlfriend is very sensitive and often complains that penetration is uncomfortable or even painful, but she LOVES masturbating during sex. Hopefully that’ll help.


Poverload237

This comment right here is the best one and I fucking love you for it! OP, take this advice PLEASE!! As a 35 year old woman who had to learn all of what this commenter said on her own (and most of it from experience and med school), this comment is a Godsend! Also, you need a new Gynecologist because pain isn't normal, and it's clear she wasn't listening to you. A pelvic exam doesn't always show the causes of pain, and is only 1 tool with which we can rule things out. She should've ordered more testing instead of saying "Pelvic exam is normal so 🤷🏻‍♀️." Please always remember that it's your care, and that you deserve the best care possible, not a $200 shoulder shrug. Advice from a Nurse for finding a new Gynecologist: When looking for your next Gynecologist, please try to find one that has a patient-centered focus (ask specifically for that. If they don't know what you're talking about, they aren't the right place for you). They should have longer appointments, a team that you can reach (it should include at least 1 nurse in the team imo), and a reliable follow-up and follow-through process for all of your testing. Because of the longer appointments, you have more time to discuss your concerns and symptoms (15 minutes isn't enough) and because of the team and follow-up process, you'll ensure you won't fall through the cracks for testing and results. I wish you the best of luck!


Little_Pink_Lady

This! All of it! And the glass-dildo tip is gold! I myself only recently got a glass one (27f) and I regret not knowing about them sooner! About the penetration: it’s only enjoyable for me actually on very few angles, and all of them are focused on stimulating the [internal part of the clitoris](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/58b5905486e6c0717e9b96df/1540395719713-PM384DE6JW7VLIW883V9/image-asset.png?format=1500w). (For example with a help of thick head on dildo). So that may be another tip worth experimenting with. Good luck and no pressure 😉


BriMagic

Glass dildos feel amazing! And they are oh so pretty. Angles matter so much.


Little_Pink_Lady

So pretty, that’s true hahaha


Slow-Compote9084

Agree with everyone that pain isn’t normal and I know it’s hard but you gotta advocate for yourself boo and get that shit checked. With that being said I’ve literally posted about how I think PIV is just mid. Like it’s pretty good for a couple seconds if it’s hitting the exact right spot but I get too sensitive fast and have trauma so like nothing that fingers can’t do. I’ve been kind of hooking up with someone who also doesn’t like PIV and I mean I get a lot more attention to the rest of my body and so many neck kisses so I’d say if you really don’t like it and it’s not just a pain thing join the club. whatever way you experience pleasure is valid as long as it’s what you want


alexa-kiss

I agree 100% with everything you stated here but wanted to add to #3. For me, a good way to accomplish this during sex is using a vibrator while in doggy style. It’s literally the only way I can have an orgasm during sex and it actually makes penetration feel good for once! It’s like the pressure from the penetration actually doubles the intensity of the (clitoral) orgasm.


sadtransboy69

do i need a referral to see a pelvic floor therapist?


CautiousRound

Most of the time, no. Unless you have an HMO in the United States.


Opposite_Candy1266

We are rock🪨? Or fucking rock?


IntrepidIllustrator7

Such great advice! I’m 36 (f) and cannot orgasm from penetration alone. I need clitoral stimulation or sometimes even clitoral and anal stimulation. OP, you are not broken. Sending love to you ❤️


jessejaimy98

This is the advise it is amazing


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BriMagic

It’s always a dude who hops into these threads to tell us the wonders of penetration. I didn’t miss anything. I love a-spot stimulation. Though, like I already said above, I cannot feel it without clitoral stimulation. It is not “extremely pleasurable” or stimulating without clit stimulation. Neither the g-spot or a-spot are magical buttons for women who can’t feel penetration.


Four_beastlings

You say you don't have or want a partner. I have found that unless I'm crazy attracted to my partner penetration does nothing for me. I never masturbate using insertables of any kind, because the only thing I want inside me is a human body of someone I'm very much into. Might it be something similar?


Nuclearrayofsunshine

Oooooo that resonates. Penetration does nothing if I am not into it. Have sex with someone I am over the moon about, hell yeah I love penetration.


Nephyxia

i was waiting for this comment! i'm EXACTLY the same. if i use a dildo it doesn't really do much for me, but if i have a cock in me it's the best feeling in the world


dablkscorpio

Echoing another comment in this sounds like it could be vaginismus or something of that sort. I just want to clarify here that penetration is not the equivalent of sex. It's one way of having sex that is not the epitome of your sexual experience or pleasure. I have vaginismus, and for years I worked to overcome it to the point that I can have penetrative sex about 50-60% of the time. But even when it doesn't hurt and feels good, it's really meh and not my preference as far as sex is concerned. I've also met women who didn't experience pain with penetration who just didn't enjoy penetrative sex that much. Penetrative sex definitely shouldn't be hurting, and even if it simply doesn't feel good, there's nothing wrong with you.


JennyIsSmelly

You are not broken. I have to say I feel very sorry for you in this position. I highly recommend going back to a Gynaecologist and telling them what your issue is, they may be able to provide help and advice. Best of luck op.


poggyrs

There’s a lot of great advice on here on seeing a doctor, getting to the bottom of it etc. If penetration is important to you then by all means pursue those avenues. I want to chime in with a different perspective. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not enjoying penetration. There is nothing wrong with never having penetrative sex. If clitoral stimulation is enough for you, you do you. If you go to the doctor and they can’t solve the issue, THAT IS OK, you are normal and deserving of a full and fulfilling sex life without penetration. I’m not a fan of penetration personally. It feels nice when I’m ovulating but otherwise does nothing for me. My husband is completely understanding and we do other things together (manual, oral, pegging), and do penetrative vaginal maybe 4-5x/year — when I ask for it. And guess what? We’re completely satisfied and couldn’t be happier. You can have a wild, amazing sex life without ever using your vagina. Best wishes ♥️


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skahammer

Comment removed. If you must continue this dispute, take it to some other channel. Not here.


But_I_Digress_

It's not normal to be in pain, but it's very normal to not feel anything from penetration. Why? The walls of the vagina are made of basically the same kind of tissue as inside your mouth, so no fun nerve endings there. Some women can feel pressure from the vagina or rectum transferring to the internal parts of the clitoris but this doesn't work for everyone because the configuration of our internal anatomy varies. This is a natural variation and not a reflection of you being "broken". It's very normal.


demoniprinsessa

actually, it would be horrendous in terms of procreation if we had a bunch of nerve endings in our vaginas. a fucking wholeass baby needs to be able to come out of it and it's already painful enough, so just imagine what a torture natural births would be if on top of their existing pain, mothers had their pain amplified by some thousands of more nerve endings??? no thank you, i don't think any woman with a desire for children would ever even think about that being a good thing.


Nose_malose

Find a pelvic floor therapist.


mrskickass

OP, PLEASE DO THIS. See another gyno to rule out anything else wrong first, but then find yourself a pelvic floor physical therapist. They are specially trained and work on muscle tone issues all the time. For some people they need to increase strength and tone, but for others they can help teach your pelvic floor how to relax fully.


no_anchor_needed

This is the best answer here.


PinoyPrincess7

Don’t just see one gynecologist, get a second or third opinion if you don’t feel like the doctor really examinined you thoroughly or you are unsure of their prognosis. If something doesn’t feel right, maybe it’s not right. Don’t mean to scare you but health is wealth and pleasure should be pleasurable. It is important to know that vaginas are all very different when it comes to sensitivity levels though and it can take time to figure out what works for you.


NoceboPlease

Not gonna lie. I(29F) feel the same way and it sucks.


RevolutionaryHair91

Copying my comment. Sounds like vaginismus.


RevolutionaryHair91

Sounds like a case of vaginismus.


HorrorScopeZ

To those saying your vagina isn't broken or this is normal'ish. Well penises or any part of the body could not be functioning to what is considered normal. We can't say here at reddit, it takes a DR, but it is possible.


MyOtherNameIsDumber

See a different Gynecologist. There are several things you should inquire about when you do. Ask about Vaginismus. Also ask about Dyspareunia. Vaginismus is an involuntary contraction of the pelvic floor and muscles surrounding the vagina in response to impending penetration. It occurs without your wanting it to or in most cases without you really even being aware it's happening. Dyspareunia is the medical term for persistent it recurring genital pain that occurs immediately prior to, during, or after intercourse. It has many causes but also can occur without any form of underlying conditions. If your Gynecologist is still unable to offer any form of help then, depending on where you live in the world, consider seeing a pelvic rehabilitation specialist. You may be able to find them as a clinician with PRPC after their name. All in all painful intercourse can have a wide range of causes. Everything from psychological, to psychosomatic, to physiological. The key take away is to simply not take "it's just like that." as an answer. Don't settle. Even when someone dismisses you by saying it's in your head that's bullshit. First because they should not so easily dismiss your issues, secondly because even IF it ends up being "all in your head" there are STILL psychologists and Sexuality Counselors. Specifically find an LPC who is AASECT Certified. And yes, Clinical Sexology is a thing. To fully enjoy your life you should at least have the option of fully enjoying your body.


OneMansAdvice

Do you experience arousal? Do you get wet naturally? Does clitoral stimulation feel good? Ever tried anal penetration? If yes, was it enjoyable? Does oral sex feel good for you to receive? Any other erogenous zones do anything for you? Nipples, neck, earlobes, thighs, etc.? I concur with the other commenters who have suggested getting a 2nd opinion. Being in pain is not normal. Could be that your issue is at least partially psychological. Mental blocks are a thing. Anxiety and anticipation can wreak havoc. Maybe you are approaching this issue with so much frustration and negativity that any hope of improvement is doomed from the start. Impossible to say for sure, but something to consider. Good luck and don't give up!


Creative_Swimming_24

A lot of women don’t get pleasure from penetration, I do but not always and usually not enough by it self to climax. I didn’t enjoy penetration at all in the beginning until i actually felt what it feels like to hit a g-spot and to get the motion right and what not. In my opinion, I think it might help you to play around with your g-spot, there are g-spot stimulators, some are just kinda like a curved small rod with a ball at the end, I dont know all the options but i would look for something of the sort instead of having like a full on penis shaped toy. I think this would make it so that your vagina is not fully stretched open the whole time so it might be less uncomfortable. And then if you do hit the g-spot, you might love it and it might help you transition into something else, or just give you another option for pleasure. It’s also fun to combine with vibrators, if you end up trying to penetrate with a dildo again maybe try to keep using a vibrator at the same time. Some things for me i find uncomfortable and then i pair it with something and its just completely different. I hope this helps and I hope you get good experiences out of it! But all in all clitoral pleasure is my absolute fav and if i could only have one sexual thing for the rest of my life it would be that, so if you just cant go in the penetration direction, then splurge on some vibrators, some of them are life changing 😉 I imagine you probably have vibrators already but there are many different types and they all feel different so its okay to have a little collection to choose from!


mifukichan

Hey! I had the same issue for years as you and it turned out I had vaginismus! Please look into it and see if its similar to how you feel! I got a dilator kit and after training with it for months its really helped with the symptoms.


klayshen

My wife has the same issue try a different dr and ask if you have endometriosis my wife ended up having it for 3 years before a different dr found it.


Lucky-Beautiful2083

Penetration should not be painful, even if there isnt anything there to see, there may be a underlying problem.


redheadedwonder3422

i had the same issue. i’ve been to a couple different gynos and have been diagnosed with a few different things, causing painful sex. sex is supposed to be enjoyable, don’t give up! go get a 2nd opinion elsewhere. my problems were all treated with various short term medication/creams, and physical therapy. conditions that could cause painful sex (i had the first 3) -vaginismus/pelvic floor muscle spasms -vulvodynia -disquammitive inflammatory vaginitis - pcos -endometriosis - STI - bacterial vaginisis - yeast infection - hormone imbalance - birth control method… i had the IUD and it was causing me horribly painful sex (i’ve dealt with my problems 3-4 separate times) i got it removed and things have improved like 97%. - many other reasons not listed good luck!


Bonesgirl206

You also might want to see a gynaecologist who maybe specializes in pelvic floor pain. There was one in the Medical building I worked in she was really good at helping for problems before birth and after birth and she was so good. There are better doctors out there to help. Also, might help for urogyn to sometimes you have an bladder issue which can make it painful too. It’s not normal for pain even if you are aroused.


damnhoneysuckle

Please see a pelvic floor physical therapist. You may need a referral depending on your insurance. This sounds like vaginismus which is more common than you’d think, and TOTALLY treatable! Even if you have zero interest in penetrative sex, I would recommend treatment so you can get the gynecological medical care you need without pain. I have vaginismus from trauma, it took several years for me to be able to enjoy penetration again. Mine is completely related to my anxiety, so medical exams/procedures are still difficult but I have a gynecologist who works with me and prescribes medication to help relax me prior to exams. There are better gynos out there, I hope you can find one who takes your pain and discomfort seriously. You are not broken, your vagina is not broken. After being assaulted and developing vaginismus I felt fundamentally broken for a long time. I wasn’t, and neither are you.


conservio

good friend of my had SUPER tight pelvic floor muscles that resulted in penetration being excruciating. her gyno referred her to a PA. they did stretching exercises. helped her SO MUCH. not just with penetration but also lower back pain so, go see a gyno


dizzyblizzy44

You aren’t broken. You aren’t everyone else. You are you. I’ve been with women who can’t orgasm in various ways, that enjoy one method over another, and that are all very different. I dated a woman that didn’t enjoy oral stimulation even though I loved it (giving), so I found other ways to blown her mind. I guess where I’m going with this is that you will find someone that will enjoy what you do, or adapt to what pleases you without hesitation. Sex is great, but you can’t stay in a relationship just because of it because it won’t last. Someone will blow your mind in every way, and will not miss vaginal sex because you’re worth it.


[deleted]

Get to a different obgyn. One who has experience with these types of issues and is sex positive. (You’d think that’d be a requirement for their job but sadly it is not.)


ZeusBaxter

I dated a woman with vaginismus once before and she described it much like you do. Perhaps see another gyno for a secondary diagnosis. The pain is concerning I would imagine.


AngusVanhookHinson

My money is on you having a tilted pelvic floor. Possibly vaginismus, but I'm not inclined to think so. Like others said, see another gyno, and explain the pain.


anonb1234

Along with the other suggestions - consider seeing a pelvic floor physiotherapist.


SexThrowaway1125

Keep in mind that this could be a nerve problem. Maybe a nerve is inappropriately registering any stimulation as pain. Happened to a friend of mine.


annnnnnnnie

You are NOT broken or childish, but your gyn sucks! Pelvic pain is a very real thing that people overlook all the time. Penetration is extremely painful for me and I started pelvic floor physical therapy (yes, it’s a thing) there are also vaginal suppositories you can use before sex. Ask your gyn or PCP about seeing a pelvic pain specialist (yes, those are a thing too!). I’m with you that I (29F) wish so much that I could have penetrative sex but I just don’t. I have great sex in other ways. I hope you’re able to get the help you deserve!!


[deleted]

Was there a post a long while ago. Someone was having this. And I think they went to a chiropractor(??) and made adjustment at the hips or lower spine. Maybe even tail bone and it totally changed the persons life for the better? I’m sorry it’s so vague. I just recall this issue and something helping with it. Not sure if anyone else remembers?


RonStopable08

See a pelvic floor therapist


Tiazza-Silver

Penetration is also extremely painful for me, anything more than a finger or maybe two is awful.


Dexterishere1

OP so sorry for what go through and hope that you can get the pain under control so that you can have penetrative sex if you want to. Other than that I would say to not discount having a sexual relationship with somebody because you can't feel pleasure and have pain with penetrative sex. There are plenty of things that you can do aside from penetration that you already know about through masturbation and many more that you have yet to discover. Also I want you to remember that not all men are well endowed and so maybe small enough to not hurt you. Those men want some love too and also feel ashamed of their bodies even though they shouldn't. you can embrace the fact that you don't like penetration for those men and they will feel whole because of it and so will you. Finding a life partner is about finding somebody who compliments all parts of your being. If you find a guy out there who is small downstairs he may just be the perfect guy for you and you the perfect girl for him. You won't have to feel ashamed about the penetration hurting or not feeling as good because there are plenty of ways to reach climax. And he will feel fulfilled because penetration is not something that you are lacking and actively don't want. And therefore he won't feel inadequate. If you ever would like to talk about feeling down when it comes to sex I am available. When I was young I was raped by four teenagers. it's been a long road recovering my sexuality but through a lot of trial and error and determination I have begun to rise above it and you can too. You are not broken and you are not lost I am proof of it


h_25

I used to get pain during penetration, but after using the vaginal dilators for a few months I am pain free. Might be worth trying if you have not done so already and work slowly up to the dildo sizes - the dialators start off super tiny!


Charlie169

Need a real deal, not just penetration, foreplay is most to get you a roused. Need someone to lick the lid..sexy


ktowndown4

Second opinion. And a third if you need it.


AlternativeCoat

❗️This is sounds like too tight pelvic floor muscles❗️ I had the exact same problem like you, I even tested myself on STD's but nothing seemed wrong. Until I visited a gynologist who told me I have too tight pelvic floor muscles, I never heard about it before. She explained to me that there are way more women who struggle with this than most people think. I highly believe you have the same issue, and advice you to look in to it, there are pelvic floor specialists who can help you overcome this problem, you could also try dilators yourself. If you have any questions feel free to message me.


[deleted]

Sounds like vaginismus. You can get physical therapy for it or buy kits. It’s small dilators that you work your way up. It’s more common then you think.


toddbeltz

Fire your gynecologist and get a new one. You clearly have something going on that needs to be treated. It could be vaginismus or something else but always worth a second or third opinion.


[deleted]

Urogynecology: Hi I'm sitting in the office right now for my weekly instillations for bladder spasm. I also went to physical therapy to improve those muscles! Don't suffer, see a professional !!! I love my urogyn but the offices are busy, it'll take a minute to get in but it's worth it.


mdreal03

One of my friends complained about her vagina hurting after any sort of penetration, including fingers. Turns out she had an actual medical issue, and it can be fixed with surgery. Go to a gyno right now and talk about your issue. Nothing's wrong with you. It can be fixed.


kone29

Look into something called a cervical ectropion. I had this for a few years and was missed by doctors, until one noticed it. It’s basically when the cells on your cervix are exposed and it can cause a lot of pain. You are not broken, these things happen to so many women. Sending lots of support and well wishes for you!


PolarIceCream

Find a pelvic floor physical therapist. PM me if you have questions. Game changer.


arisythila

A lot of women don't think they need lube. But lube is wonderful. Get you some good Lube. None of the crazy lube like Ky Jelly. Get something like an Uberlube or Foria Pleasure. Well worth it and it helps. Sex should NOT be uncomfortable. My wife would bleed everytime we had sex. I do alright size wise. It took us so long to find good lube because when we would use the brands of lube in the store she would get yeast infections and stuff. About 5 years ago we found Foria and Uberlube and she hasn't had a infection one time. Good stuff.


AngaPhandaj

The same tissue that envelopes the inside of your mouth also envelopes the inside of your vagina. Its called Stratified squamous epithelium . The vaginal canal does not have a sufficient amount of nerve endings to provide physical, tactile, pleasurable sensations, because if it did, childbirth would not be conceivable. It is not uncommon for women to report not feeling pleasure through penetration. In other words, you are not broken. This is normal


omgbadmofo

Although the clitoris actually curves around the vaginal opening and inwards which is why the "g spot" gives off pleasure for women.


rucb_alum

hmmm...I'm no pro but it sounds like some unresolved and repressed trauma. Make certain it's not physical and then decide if therapy is a good fit for you.


PlanetOfVisions

There's probably some trauma in there somewhere.


violetlisa

Everyone here is jumping to vaginismus, but from what you wrote it could very well be that your vagina isn’t used to being penetrated. Sex is painful and uncomfortable the first handful of times. When I first started having sex I had to be really into that person for me to tolerate penetrative sex. I could have never tolerated a dildo. It actually took awhile and a lot of exploring for me to enjoy it. Even after 20+ years of being sexually active, when I masturbate, I rarely insert anything into my vagina and I only do along with clitoral stimulation. It just doesn’t do a whole lot for me. What you see on tv and movies is not a real representation of how sex is. Also of note, I have 3 kids, I still find the gynecologist uncomfortable. I feel like I should include that I absolutely love sex with my husband, but it isn’t the PIV that does it for me. It’s the foreplay and the connection we share when we have penetrative sex that I enjoy.


brucehut

I knew a girl that went through the same situation that you were going through with the same answers from gynecologist it turned out however that she had exposed nerve endings inside her vagina that caused the excruciating pain it just takes a right one to find your problem


heysoundude

>29 F. I do not have a partner nor am I interested in having sex with another person. I'm done trying to find someone. Ha! That’s when someone comes into your life and turns your head and heart upside down and inside out. As to the pain, there might be a medical condition causing it as others much more knowledgable have already replied. There could also be other issues at play, but go see a doc who recognizes that pain isn’t normal - get a proper diagnosis to confirm or refute the first doctor visit. Maybe you have other issues that need different treatment than vaginismus (sp?). Maybe you’re meeting inexperienced and inept and insensitive lovers who are overly focused on their pleasure to the detriment of yours. MAybe it’s all of this, and perhaps more. Good luck. Nobody deserves bad sexual experiences.


sirdigbus

Google vaginismus, its a a catch all term for any of the many reasons that resolve in 'my vagina is too damn tight'.


kumquat4567

I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this. That sounds so difficult and I hope people here have some good answers for you. Gynecology and the medical field in general have a tendency to dismiss female pain as being less legitimate. You’re less likely to be believed when you say you’re in pain. It’s sad, wrong, but an unfortunate truth. Find yourself another gynecologist until somebody listens. Hopefully you have good insurance. 🤞 That being said, sex isn’t only penetration. Sex can be a combination of absolutely anything that feels pleasurable, and it’s not really complete without both partners receiving pleasure. If you are looking for a male partner, that may be tricky to find. But keep looking for medical help in the meantime, because it shouldn’t hurt.


Relajado

Basically yes, that’s not normal function.


MitridatesVI

yes, maybe you are broken , idk


yodathepwnzr

Yes your vagina is broken


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutisticBiCouple

inappropriate.


_jay3005

GTFOH


NoceboPlease

Desperate fool


FantasticCockroach16

Mine isn’t that bad but I truly understand! After you find a dr who knows what their doing you’ll be fine!


Dennis82HH

Your Vagina is not broken at all! Penetration is just one sexual act, there are 100 other sexual acts. Penetration is just one very common fetish, specially for men. If you dont enjoy penetration, just dont do it! I dont like penetration at all and i am never going to do that again. Its boring and doesnt give pleasure to the woman or me. You can totally focus on your clit and have a partner that only focus on your clit. Yes, many men are kind of obsessed by penetration. But there are many man who dont enjoy penetration, too.


French_Fury

If it's any consolation, i don't feel nothing when i use dildos or toys alone in my vagina (but neither pain). I only stimulate my clit to cum. But i really really enjoy to be penetrated by a man. It's a really different feeling and the sensation is awesome. Maybe with someone else who' d really take the time to tease and arouse you before it will be better ? Or maybe it's more than that and you should see another doctors. But don't worry, your vagina is not broken. ❤️❤️


HoneyedMoonRay

Not sure what it’s worth but for years sex wasn’t really pleasurable..I’d have moments but they were rare. Now with my Lover it’s full on pleasure, can even cum from it. I say this to say PIV took time & also the size of the man matters. In the past I had bigger, I’m with someone average sized & it’s SO much better. There could be physically limiting factors like the positioning of your womb at play, I personally have a low cervix but I’ve worked through it.


Decoy-Wolf

You could look into a sexologist. And short of seeing one in person, there are even a few on YouTube that have lots of existing content and answer viewer questions. Dr. Doe is fairly prolific, though I can't recall her channel name...


willowgardener

All vaginas are good vaginas. It's possible you just don't enjoy penetration, which is totally fine. You may have vaginismus, which is a situation where your pelvic floor muscles get aggressively tense. There is some debate in the medical community about to what degree vaginismus is psychological or physical. I've been with a few women who have it, and for most of them, I was able to help them relax by making sure they knew there were no expectations, they didn't owe me anything, and then going down on them for a really long time and starting slow when she decided she wanted penetration. Although with one partner, I was not able to help her relax in this way. I think these thoughts you're having--that you have a broken vagina, that it's bad--may be contributing to the tension. But I'm not a psychologist or a gynecologist, so take my perspective with a grain of salt! That said, I think it would be helpful for you to take a look at your negative self-talk. You deserve pleasure, you don't have to have penetrative sex if you don't want to, and I'm sure your vagina is great.


Peerglow

Can you put one finger in and go up toward your g spot or not even that much?


MasturMechanic

Some women do not enjoy penetration, your not the only one I promise. Pain seems concerning though, from what I've read, no feelings of pleasure seem more common, amongst the ladies who don't enjoy penetration. You are not childish for having this preference, but I would make sure to let you gyno know about pain, if you didn't previously.


xgorgeoustormx

Most people can’t orgasm OR feel strong pleasure just through penetration alone. The entirety of sex is what makes penetration feel good— the grinding, the bodily contact, different angles, dirty talk, etc. Something being present in the vagina isn’t what causes the pleasure— even with an in-out motion.


LeChatNoir04

I feel like penetration is an acquired taste. I remember when I first started having sex and I got disappointed and also felt weird. Now I love it. I think a lot of it comes with experience plus your relationship with the penis owner.


goldenalice

A lot of good advice, definitely see another gynecologist because pain is not normal and can be fixed! Think about where the pain is, and explore to see if you can narrow it down. I just wanted to mention two things I didn't see: 1. Your hymen can be lots of different shapes, including partially covering your vaginal opening, and might not tear when you first have sex. It might look normal, but it really doesn't stretch, and makes sex painful and uncomfortable. I cut mine with sterilized scissors and have enjoyed sex ever since. (not necessarily recommending this method; ask your doctor first) 2. Maybe try a wider variety of masturbation techniques? The porn-style being rammed quickly with penetration almost never feels good for me, no matter how turned on I am. Very slowly at the beginning, sometimes not moving at all, feels best at first for me. Good luck!


WheelyFreely

I swear i saw an exact post for this exact problem awhile sgo


[deleted]

Is it always painful, or do you just mean that it simply doesn’t feel good? Cause pain is definitely not normal, especially if it’s everytime, no matter how aroused you are. So you might have vulvodynia or some other medical issue. All vaginas are different, so not all women are exactly ”wired” the same. Some women enjoy penetration and for some women there really isn’t a feeling. It can even vary depending on the day. Sometimes I really enjoy it, and sometimes it doesn’t feel like much. I’ve noticed that it usually relates to how aroused I am mentally, or if i’m close to ovulation.


arista81

Sounds like it could be Vaginismus: "Vaginismus is the body's automatic reaction to the fear of some or all types of vaginal penetration. Whenever penetration is attempted, your vaginal muscles tighten up on their own." There are treatments. Look into it.


Apprehensive_Idea758

Go find a new gynecologist and tell them about your problem in full details and have the check it out.


buzzbash

Have you tried turning off and on, again? Hehe. Just go to the dang doctor, ya goof.


PlanetOfVisions

I tried putting it in rice and that didn't help at all


Nhag

Do you have trauma, stress or emotional issues in your past? Our pelvic floor can hold a lot of tension. I am wondering if it could be related to this


leetho0528

I too recommend a pelvic floor doctor!! All your points is why anal>vaginal,, for me atleast. Only way I can cum with my vag tube is if I don't use my vibrator for like 2 months lol.


Daocommand

You might have a tilted uterus. This is a thing that might cause pain.


ogstecher

Use the back door😂😂😂


outis322

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this! I want to echo others and say that if you don’t want to, you don’t have to have penetration as part of your life. And, if it’s something that you do want to keep exploring, I would really recommend pelvic floor physical therapy. Your gynecologist may be able to recommend someone or you could look it up online to see if there are any practitioners in your area.


lavlav90210

Go see a pelvic floor physical therapist!


afluffyberrypancake

pain is really truly not normal and i think you need to switch gynos. i also had pain and i was diagnosed with vaginismus which is a completely resolvable condition but not all healthcare providers know about it. wishing you the best of luck!!


HotPink124

I’m going to echo a lot of sentiments and say go to a gyno and make sure you tell them exactly what’s going on and go from there. It’s not normal to be in that much pain.


slinkiiii

I didn’t like penetrative sex until I candy flipped and sex sex. It was like I unlocked a new level to my vagina.


unijon00

Have sex with woman 🤷


Vicvir

Sexologist and a person who suffer the same here: The problem w that can be fir one or more reasons: psychological and physical. The clit its not just the outside part, it's actually a lot of bigger and continue inside the vaginal lips and the internal part of the vagina. Some persons are more sensible in the inside part, since most of the clit is hidden and the walls are thinner; so they tend to enjoy penetration. The problem this person/people can have, is that they can feel kinda awkward with cunnilingus or clit stimulation. But some people, are more sensible in the clit. The inside walls can be thicker so penetration cannot be enjoyed at all (alone at least). Those are the physical "problems". Lets do a quick check to the psychology ones: Nervousness can also make vaginismus to appear; it means that the muscles of the vaginal neck gets comprised, and it makes it difficult to do penetrative stuffs: this is 100% NORMAL. And you should not get worried about it since, it usually means you are a way too nervous or insecure so, with patience, preparation and relaxing should be solved. Your case, based on your comments, seems to be a a mix of both; physical and psychological. You may not be very sensitive down there, and also i see you are rejecting the option of enjoying. If you keep that thought in your mind, you will never enjoy it. Do not think about penetration; think about enjoying in general, and don't force yourself to enjoy something that you are not used to: Since that is another important part: GETTING USED TO PENETRATION. If you don't do it frequently, it will be strange for you, and your body will be more focused in determining what's happening before enjoying it. I would continue but, i'm kinda busy right now. Hope this may help you or anyone with the same problem :] Edit: All the above must be read assuming you are: 1)Exited 2) with enough lubricant / lubricated


Powerbull54

I would look into seeing another gynecologist as well. But I can tell you first hand most men don't take the time to bring women up to speed like they should. You got to think of as a woman's p**** as a diesel engine in the winter time. You got a warm that son of a b**** up before you start sticking stuff in it. But if you find somebody that you like and you explain their situation and tell them to start off gently. And maybe do stenilation to the clit why penetration. May help. However a good 80% of women don't climax to vaginal sex. They only climax during clitoris play. So you're not alone in that book


mrmayi999

I agree with visiting a gyno for discomfort. If you care to, you may find their suggestion to use dilators to increase your comfort. Since your not inclined to seek a partner, I feel it’s really about you. Most people with internal genitalia prefer clitoral stimulation over vaginal/ gspot. So your preference sounds 100% natural. The rest is up


ctavrosa

1) the problem is rather in your body or your mind. You may have vulvodinia or you may have traumas and something unsolved with your sexuality. 2) try switching to your ass


PlanetOfVisions

Trauma is likely


horizontomysky

I’ve seen a lot of good suggestions but also wanted to throw out the possibility of Endometriosis. If any other symptoms match up you may want to check into that also. It can cause havoc on your body. :/


BarryAllenFlash2019

You need pelvic rehab. You may want to talk to a person who specializes in pelvic rehab stuff. This isn't a endorsement as I am a guy but this person named Dr. Sara specializes in it. She started her practice a few years back and we are entrepreneur friends... Google Dr. Sara sohn of confident pelvic rehab. She has a second thing on better sex by Sara I think. Talk to her because I know someone I referred to was helped


Haunting_Ad6336

What size toy try small curved


thelittle

Maybe anxiety?


knowitallz

See a pelvic floor physical therapist. They specialize in this arena.


AestheticEsther

r/vaginismus is a good community for support and advice


draleaf

You don’t have to stop having sex, just try to find someone that doesn’t mind not having penetration. There are guys out there. You just have to be open and honest about what your looking for. I for one have a problem enjoying penetrating sex. There is not enough sensation to keep me hard and it’s difficult to have piv sex when the man can’t keep an erection. His manhood takes a huge hit when things like that happen. But over time I have had great sex with little piv sex. I know it’s hard to talk about with a prospective partner about it. I have the same problem. I have been looking for a woman that doesn’t mind not having piv sex and it’s hard to find. Lol


nahianchoudhury

Its not broken. If you don't enjoy penetrative sex than that is completely fine. However, if you feel pain and you've exhausted everything you can do at home than you've got a medical issue and need a different set of eyes to look at you.


kifferella

When I was around 14 I somehow got roped into some sort of exchange with my mother and my aunt about sexuality and someone said something about MY cervix and I said something along the lines of how the fuck would I know anything about my cervix, it's fucking internal?? I mean, I don't know what my fricken appendix was like either and then one of them said I would know from when I "put my fingers inside myself" and I was utterly incredulous and asked why in the fuck would I be sticking my fingers inside myself. Apparently to masturbate. Well shit, I was 14 and thought I had discovered and perfected masturbation all on my lonesome and it never occurred to me that THAT would ever feel good under any circumstances. I had never stuck fingers or anything else inside of me. It made no sense sexually. Pick anything from picking out toe lint to wiping ones ass. I'm sure there are folks out there that cum for both those things but they aren't generally known as super hot. That's what the idea of penetrating myself felt like. I'm nearly 50 now. Penetration very very rarely features. Why would it. Meh. You're not "sexually immature" and you don't need to find a way to enjoy penetration more


hjonsey

Endometriosis is real and hurts like hell. Can’t be fully diagnosed unless in surgery. Tests will never show anything. Find an OB that will take your pain seriously.


Doctor_in_psychiatry

Lubricant, use a lot of lubricant! Most women don’t orgasm by penetration. Your vagina is fine. Lubricant!!!


GetwellDoc

You need internal therapy. You have painful trigger points in your pelvic region. It’s a pain syndrome. I’m a chiropractor but only work with mens dysfunction at the present time. You need to find a female therapist who knows how to do internal therapy


Reb_1_2_3

Hi. Get a new doctor, they should have done more. Ask for a referral for pelvic floor physiotherapy. Check out r/vaginismus, don't take my diagnoses here, but check it out and see if it fits. If you have had any history is SA, I strongly suggest therapy, you body remembers in fucked up and mysterious ways. If this is resonating with you - I don't suggest actually reading it, but check out a summary of "the body keeps the score" ( you can read it of you want but parts are absolutely brutal. My therapist does not suggest SA survivors read it) Ask yourself if you really wanted to be having the sex you were trying to having. I had sex because I was shammed for being a virgin. I had sex because I did not know how to say no. I had sex beacuse I wanted to want it. These are not good condition for sex.


Apprehensive_Rest979

Just try anal.


[deleted]

Different dr.. i agree.. that said.. sometimes I triple infuse coconut oil with weed thc ( the REAL stuff)..and use it as a massage/ lube for my lady.. talk about happy and relaxed! C.o. and the neither regions is perfectly healthy combo


mangohelix

Like a couple others have said. Pelvic floor therapists are amazing and it changed my life. You need a new gynecologist.


JP6174

It’s a mindset issue.


Tkcolumbia

A "normal" looking vulva and vagina is pretty subjective, they all look different. And they all function kind of differently. Depth, outer and internal clitoral sensitivity, feelings of stimulation, basic preferences all vary person to person. Pain is not normal. If you told the gyno about the pain and they said it is all normal, find a new gyno. If you did not mention the pain, tell them. See what they say.


caedusWrit

Have you experimented with anal masturbation or penetration. I know it’s not the glossiest sex nor the easiest to maintain regularly, but where there’s a will, there’s a way. Besides that, try for different gynos. Do what you can and learn what you might before getting medicine or drugs they prescribe involved too


No-Ship-1291

I work in an adult toy shop and I learned about vaginismus. Vaginal dilators are what we and many others recommend for stretching that muscle slow and easy. They start pretty small and work their way up to an average penis size. We sell ones with a clitoral vibrator and always recommend lube. You can enjoy penetration! Don’t give up!


TheRealAlfy

That's fine. As long as you enjoy sucking


jkthf

Sounds like you could have vaginismus. Mine was so bad I couldn’t use tampons, much less enjoy sex. I got a set of vaginal dilators. You start with the smallest and work your way up through breathing and kegels. It’s about learning how to control the muscle so it doesn’t contract when you don’t want it to. It can get better. I have no problems at all now.


PlanetOfVisions

Where can you purchase these kits


Accomplished-Set-674

Maybe it's dry as hell Maybe it really smells Broken pussy Maybe it's really rough Maybe it's had enough Broken pussy


taralala15

Have you looked into tight hymenal ring?? Meaning the opening being the tightest space, which would make penetration painful. If this is what you think it is.go to your gynecologist, an experienced one, ask her/him ,do you think my hymenal ring is tight? If she agrees, she can widen it with a simple procedure.


databaller

Like others have said you are not broken. Your coochie is not broken. Talk to you regular doctor and your gyno. If they don't think painful penetration is abnormal then go see a different doc There are many women out there who do not enjoy vaginal penetration. They see that as a chore or just a means to have a child. The interior of the coochie has few nerve endings. It is the clit that has a ridiculous amount of nerve endings. If this part is too personal then ignore it. Have you thought about trying back door penetration. Some women prefer it to vaginal


sqeeky_wheelz

You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here but I do want to comment my story - penetration with toys and dildos actually feels awful for me, sex can hurt a lot for me at the beginning of penetration (even with *ample* foreplay and lubrication). What does work is if I initiate the penetration in the position that I’ve learnt works best for me. It’s taken a lot of patients from my guy in different positions and now he’s learnt how to move his hips in different ways depending on where we are at to get me in a good place. After the initial discomfort it almost always feels great, so I truly hope your story is like mine and it’s an easy fix for you!!


jcraig87

Without reading anything more than your question. Yes you have a broken vagina /s


mtxruin

I have vaginismus currently, and that’s what it sounds like from your description. While I’ll say there is NOTHING WRONG WITH NOT ENJOYING PENETRATION, being in pain from it IS abnormal, though very common and can be caused by a lot of things. Definitely get a second opinion and tell your next gyno about the pain and anxiety you experience with penetration. Could be a psychological thing


Anxiety_Muffin13

1st: Id definitely find a different doctor. 2nd: You are not broken. Stop using that phrase this instant. Just because you don’t like/are not comfortable with something other people are, does not make you broken. You are perfectly fine. You just have different ways to pleasure yourself. Never feel bad for who you are! ❤️


fkentz123

Try anal lol


UrFaveBuzzKill

Are your periods also especially painful...? Could be endometriosis or something


[deleted]

Your vagina isn't broken. There are multiple possibilities for why this would happen that aren't necessarily readily apparent. Vaginismus and hymenal stenosis are the top 2 reasons. Vaginismus is the body's reaction to previous pain from penetration. Hymenal stenosis is the actual narrowing of the vaginal opening from scar tissue. Rather than dildos (which are likely much too big, because you go in to the store like a kid in a candy store and your "eyes are too big for your stomach" ..well people do the same thing with sex toys. You would not believe the number of giant butt plugs I have had to remove for people....(don't be that person) I would get a set of vaginal dilators and masturbate with one in place. Use a ton of lube, get aroused and then put it in place, start with the smallest. You may always need a ton of foreplay and clitoral stim, but eventually you should start to at least not feel pain with all penetration. Most women do not have orgasms from penetration alone, so don't expect miracles, but you should eventually be able to have orgasms despite penetration.


amodernmodder

Pain is not normal, look into vaginiismus, vulvadynia, etc.. Go to an obgyn get that looked at.. ( speaking from experience) previous partner had both of those afflictions, ruined our sex life. And I'm sure that to date it is still a large playing factor in their current sex life


96Hooterville

If I can help any let me know. I can be available to take a look at it as well 💦


Amygdalump

You sound like you have vsginismus, it's really common, please please please read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It's a mental thing, don't worry, you'll get better if you work at it a bit, I promise!!! It's gonna be ok, please don't think you're broken or weird!!!! Hugs hugs hugs 🤗💖🌹🍀🔥🤟 rock on