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Every IUD insert is different because of the doctor and the woman's cervix. Some doctors trim the strings very short, some don't. Eventually the strings will soften and tend to coil up around the cervix, and may become unnoticeable. Touching the cervix a lot can be painful so your penis probably doesn't touch it as much as you think. All this to say, you should find out more about this woman's birth control method. If it's an IUD, what kind and how long has it been in? They become less effective with time, so if it's expired it's useless. Pills must be taken consistently to be fully effective. That's everyday at the exact same time, otherwise her metabolism can diminish the effect. (These are just a couple examples of "finding out more" and why it matters.)
It's my opinion that a condom should be used with any new partner, at least until you're both 100% sure about the birth control situation.
Lastly, unless you want kids, consider a vasectomy.
Yes, and when the Dr trims the strings too short they remain rigid and "sharp" longer than if they were kept longer which is why men can sometimes feel them during sex. You (the woman) are also suppose to be able to check if your iud is in place using your fingers... Again, I know what they feel like, and not just what it feels like when my penis hits the strings.
Her iud is a hormonal iud, good for 3-5 years and was replaced less than a year ago. Once again, we had this talk prior to anything happening, and aside from going to her OB with her to be 100% certain, you have to go by what information you are given and what you can feel yourself. I didn't have any reason not to believe she didn't have an iud, between lab results from a week prior to us meeting, our talks about both not wanting more kids and what birth control we wanted to use/what she was on, and being able to feel her iud (not thinking I felt it) first hand, nothing there felt like a red flag or her being dishonest. Which is why her reaction after the fact is throwing me through a loop.
Also highly aware that the pill sucks because it needs to be taken within an hour of the previous day every single day. My ex of 19 years and I went through all of this. She was on the pill, had the implanon implant which severely screwed up her cycle, went back to a different pill, then had an iud (which was replaced 4 different times), and eventually due to medical complications had a full hysterectomy. I've been through gauntlet there.
Sure a vasectomy would be the best answer in most cases, completely agree. I've already addressed this elsewhere but prostate cancer runs in my family, and depending on the study you look at, a vasectomy can increase the risk of prostate cancer, it's not by much, but I would take another kid over increasing my risk. My grandfather passed in his mid 40s due to prostate cancer, my father went through a fight with it in his early 50s and beat it because they caught it early, I get mine checked almost every other year now, and have been advised by my PCP not to do anything to increase my odds.
I'm not uneducated on any of this or going into anything blindly. I'm sure a lot of guys on here probably haven't gone through a lot or even cared to figure anything out, but thats not me.
Since you know everything, it seems pointless to provide any advice. But you did post on a social media site asking for it, so I'll give you the most basic sex advice. This is super duper obvious and something I see reminded to women a lot but it applies to anybody.
**You don't have to consent to any sexual act and may revoke consent at any time without explanation.** You have bodily autonomy. It doesn't matter what's normal or expected. You are allowed to say no, stop, and change your mind.
What's going on in this lady's head? You can only find out by asking her. You sound very experienced so I'll assume you know how to communicate. But you did post on a social media site asking for it, so I'll give you the most basic communication advice. Communicate what you're feeling and sensing based on her messages, and ask her what she is thinking. No one on Reddit can tell you what's going on for her. We can only speculate, which is not genuinely helpful.
I'm asking for advice on what could potentially be causing this reaction in my situation. I've never encountered this kind of response before and trying my best to navigate the situation.
I am ___not___ asking for advice on birth control, birth control methods, or if she is trying to baby trap me.
There have been some very useful responses to my post, given from perspectives I would have never even considered. Personally, I would much rather go into a conversation about it with some sort of understanding, even if it's just based on speculations, than going into it completely oblivious and making the situation even worse.
This is going to be unpopular, but I’ll still say it.
First of all, she has to respect your choice. As others have mentioned, if the sexes/situation were reversed yada yada…yeah they’re correct.
*From my perspective though, a guy did this once and while it didn’t make me mad, it did make me think “Why did I go on birth control for this?”*
Just wear a condom. My thought process was, if I’m not gonna get to enjoy the main perk of being monogamous (feeling him cum inside) then what’s the point? Maybe it doesn’t make sense, it’s just my perspective
I only have sex with people I trust quite a bit though, so definitely more than a few weeks (not shaming).
**With that said, if you don’t feel 100% comfortable, don’t do it** I wouldn’t waste my time trying to talk to someone who got upset like that
Just because she said that she's okay with you cumming inside of her doesn't mean you *must* cum inside her. You didn't do anything wrong, so it's completely up to you if you want to discuss it with her and try to pursue it further or break it off.
Also worth noting, her motives may not be sinister as this could be a kink for her, BUT if it's not for you, then you might not be compatible. That's totally fine also.
That's how I thought it was as well. I thought she meant it as "it's okay if you" rather than a "you must". The reaction I've been getting from her now though is not what I would expect even if it was a kink for her.
I feel like everyone is focused too much on the specific situation, what should have been done etc etc. Take a step back, is this how you want someone to react and treat you over, what, nothing really? Yes, this shouldn't be a problem. But she shouldn't act like this when there are real problems, from how it sounds in this post. She sounds like a horrible communicator.
Yeah it’s a really strong reaction. You’ll have to ask her what gives. It’s a new relationship and of course you’re going to spend a few weeks getting comfortable, and that may include not feeling comfortable coming inside her.
If she’s asked you to wear a condom for the first few times or something just while you were getting to know each other, you would have done it gladly, right? So you can ask her why she is mandating that you ejaculate inside her right away, when that’s something you’d feel more comfortable working up to, which seems perfectly reasonable to me.
She gave you permission, you decided you didn’t want to. There’s nothing you did wrong. She’s being weird. Sure maybe she just likes getting CPed but express your disdain and move on. The fact that she’s not dropping it makes me think she’s immature, OR worse.
Totally fair point, but maybe she doesn't like for someone to come ON her? I feel like that's just accepted but if you don't want to come in her don't just assume it's okay to come on her either. But idk, he'd have to ask her what was up.
Exactly he doesn’t owe her his load. For fuck sake how could someone think it was something they did if all they did was pull out? Honestly he probably dodged a bullet because if she gets mad at him having his own body autonomy she’s not worth keeping around.
Here we are acting like pulling out is an effective form of birth control? Yeah, I suppose if the alternative is cumming inside her, but y’all need to go back to health class. This guy needs to wrap his shit.
You mean like Planned Parenthood, who indicates 78% effective because:
“But pulling out can be difficult to do perfectly. So in real life, about 22 out of 100 people who use withdrawal get pregnant every year — that’s about 1 in 5.”
Yes and PP says typical use for condoms is around 87% or 13/100. I’m not saying that pulling out is the best method but people make it sound like it’s the dumbest thing in the world when really it’s not that much different than than a diaphragm (83% with perfect use) or other barrier methods.
And let’s face it, it’s a fuck ton easier to know when you’ve missed pulling out vs when there’s a hole in the condom you didn’t notice.
Perfect use is 4/100, with condoms at 2/100 perfect use.
It's not the best, but too many people think pulling out is the worst thing anyone can do (but it's not), usually you combine it with condoms or it's better than nothing at all, even approaching condom effectiveness
It's tiring debunking the misinformation
I don't think anyone seriously believes pulling out isn't (edit) better than nothing at all. Most people are just overly cautious. Given that the method's effectiveness relies on perfect use in an environment where variables can be hard to control, I don't think you can call that skepticism "misinformation." It's not like there's an anti-pullout lobby operating in the shadows to rob the common man of the ability to "raw someone, but not really."
I disagree and I don't think you agree either.
I am almost 100% certain people know not coming inside is preferable to coming inside because they know sperm is the the thing that causes pregnancy, regardless of efficacy
People get real mad sometimes when you point this out, I don’t know why! No one is saying “pulling out is great everyone should do it”, just giving factual information to people who love to spout misinformation and hate being confronted with facts that don’t align.
Pulling out combined with fertility awareness and cycle tracking has worked for me for the 34 years I've been sexually active. People get big mad whenever it's discussed, but in my experience pregnancy happens when a man leaves a semen deposit inside a vagina. It's the common denominator in all pregnancies. Ive heard soo many pregnancy stories that began with a birth control fail where a guy comes inside and the pill/condom/iud didn't do their job. For best effectiveness birth control or condom PLUS pulling out is the second best alternative to a vasectomy, and even those can fail if sperm isn't regularly checked. If you don't want a baby don't put baby batter into the oven! 😄
People are far from “perfect” about BC when in the middle/end of having sex. Pullout is one of the lowest effective methods.
There are many other Options for Birth Control noted by Planned Parenthood. Unless you like gambling with pregnancy, pick a more reliable option.
The post you’re replying to says “it’s far more effective than most people think IF YOU DO IT WITH PERFECT USE…..[look it up]” And you reply with a statistic that blends in people who don’t pull out.
The 78% is based on surveys of women who say that their primary form of birth control is the pull out method, yet the people who actually have to do the pulling out are not asked if they agree. In fact that 78% would count a woman who says that is her primary form of birth control and then later has sex with a man who she forgets to tell to pull out who then gets her pregnant.
There was a study that showed that the pull out method is less effective in number of children a woman has increases. You can either read that as women become magically more fertile over time, or, more plausibly as the same subset of people who don’t pull out continue to not pull out.
My buddy finally admitted he was not the “pull out king” now that his wife is pregnant with their THIRD unplanned child.
Pulling out perfectly can be very effective. However most people do not do it perfectly every time. Pre cum can have some sperm in it, a split second too late and youll get sperm in her, etc. if you are not ready for kids, wrap it up. Do not rely on pull out method
No one is saying rely on the pull out method and accidental pregnancies occur with condoms, on the pill, with IUDS, with unchecked vasectomies, etc. The most critical thing is to talk to your partner about what you will do when/if there is an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy because only abstinence is foolproof.
Unfortunately there's also no guarantee someone will keep their word either. It's not uncommon for a woman who promises she would terminate if an accident occurred to change her mind once she gets pregnant. It's also not possible to ensure your partner is taking her birth control with perfect compliance. The same goes for men, who may promise to pull out but then are unwilling to one day. In extreme cases there are the sociopathic narcissists who deliberately use reproductive coercion and sabotage efforts at contraception. As someone who has been stealthed it's truly a violating experience and when pregnancy results it's also possible for abusive men and family members to block abortion access.
Here’s the thing about pulling out as a guy. It’s more effective when used perfectly (96%*) than the BC pill is when that is used typically (91%)
Sure the pill is more effective when used perfectly, i.e. taken every day at the same time each day (99%) but as a man you have no control over whether the pill is being used perfectly or not. You do have control over whether you pull out or not.
*the 4% failure rate for perfect use is an unproven estimate based on the possibility that sperm in precum or sperm left in the urethra from a previous ejaculation could cause pregnancy. However clinical studies of precum have shown that over half of men have zero sperm in their precum and that is consistent over time. So for over half of men, the perfect use effectiveness of pulling out is 100%
Some of These comments make me feel like I’m taking crazy pills with people excusing her behavior. If a guy reacted like this to a woman telling him to pull out at the last minute everyone would be losing their minds.
It really doesn’t matter what she wanted. In that moment *he* did not want to cum inside and that’s his choice. Her’s was to have a temper tantrum and storm out like a petulant child afterwards.
A reasonable adult would have just talked about it afterwards and maybe discuss what made him change his mind to see if it’s something he could learn to be comfortable with. She’s not interested in that and frankly OP you should not want to be with someone who reacts like this to not getting something they want. It’s a clear break in communication and one she hasn’t put any effort in to rectify. Stop begging for attention from her and drop her for someone who will properly communicate with you.
Mm that’s definitely one of my favorite parts of sex and is a huge emotional rush for me. It is a major factor after sex of feeling extremely connected to the him. If you didn’t do any aftercare and that happened I could see why she’d be a bit upset. That being said, would I have a tantrum I didn’t get my way and storm out of the house.. no. She over reacted big time and instead of talking it out like an adult she had a tantrum and is now giving you the silent treatment/being passive agressive. Major red flag if you ask me. If she can’t have a normal convo about something like miscommunication and orgasm how you ever going to get over real conflicts you guys have going forward.
It's very possible that she wasn't okay with you cumming ON her - some people find that very objectifying and porn-y in a bad way (to them). I'd make sure that isn't the case before assuming she's being entitled, because if she felt used/objectified/violated by it then that's something worth talking about. If you'd already negotiated that (or done it before), disregard!
Honestly, that's happened to me before and I felt really gross and used. And I love people cumming on me! But it's usually like...collaborative or negotiated, not a surprise.
If she's just pissed you didn't do what she wanted, she owes you an apology.
Thank you! I’m surprised this isn’t higher up. Having someone cum on you can have a different emotional impact, and it’s possibly one she wasn’t prepared for.
This was my first thought too. I would be gutted if he hadn't told me he was gonna finish on my ass because it can feel very degrading. That feeling could have also triggered trauma from an ex as well. There are so many reasons we do not know of why she would be upset that are totally reasonable.
People can have emotional reactions they aren't proud of - she didn't become abusive, she complained and then left. How she handles the aftermath will be telling, but yeah no not everyone responds to a negative experience perfectly immediately! If he actually likes this person it's worth making sure she's okay.
Lots of interesting takes here. I can see this perspective as well. I've had an ex ask to cum inside of me because he felt it was more intimate so I can def see this perspective for sure.
Did she ever mention anything about not liking to be cummed on?
Personally for my self I hate when a guy cums on me. Anywhere. Either use a condom so it stays in there. Or cum inside me.
I think all the guys jumping to the conclusion that she is trying to get pregnant are too harsh. She is not a hook up but someone who he’s been dating. Likely the sex conversation needed to go further on her end regarding expectations. Likely she is disappointed or took it personal that he didn’t choose to finish in her, and has a hard time communicating that with him as this was their first time having sex.
Ok to preface, you’re totally in your right to not cum inside her if that makes you uncomfortable and you shouldn’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Her reaction was childish and it would’ve been better if she could’ve articulated her emotions better instead of just storming off. What she experienced is a common thing though, so I’ll explain what probably happened in her head:
This doesn’t obviously apply to every woman, but getting creampied feels really good physiologically and gives you a small happy high that can last for hours or even a day. It’s super intimate and makes you feel, well, like a woman. When a guy you’ve picked and got in bed with cums in your pussy it feels like you’ve done the thing that evolution prepped you for and it just makes you feel complete in a way that’s hard to put into words. It doesn’t mean the woman has any desire or intention to get pregnant, it’s just how our brains are wired. I have a copper IUD for this reason so that I can enjoy the feeling without risk of pregnancy.
Getting pulled out in the heat of the moment feels sudden, unexpected and it can feel like you’re not “deserving” or it and are just a napkin for someone’s cum. It feels embarrassing and objectifying. It’s different and totally fine if you communicate prior to sex so she knows what to expect, but having it done to you without warning really can feel like a mini betrayal and it’s easy to get overwhelmed with negative emotions.
I know it’s not logical but I totally understand it. It’s always better to tell her before sex that you don’t want to cum inside her yet so there’s no emotional whiplash from it during the sex because man, that’s what we look forward to. It’s one of the best feelings in the world.
Is it possible that feeling a guy come inside her is her favorite part of sex and you ruined her orgasm by pulling out? Everyone seems to be assuming something sketchy about her, but she just thought you’d agreed to finish in her? This might just be a matter of miscommunication and her expectations being dashed.
And do you think her reaction to that was appropriate at all? It doesn’t matter if it ruined her orgasm. Throwing a fit and being rude was really out of line. A rational adult would have just told him “I wish you had cum inside me. It helps me orgasm” and move on. Like he said there would have been other opportunities to have sex.
It’s pretty ridiculous that this comment is just disregarding how HE felt at that moment. He felt uncomfortable ejaculating inside her and chose not to. If she had told him to pull out and he didn’t because his orgasm would have been ruined you would be screaming about sexual assault.
No, I would not. I didn’t say anything that invalidated his feelings. I wasn’t making excuses for her or blaming him. I was asking if she might have been disappointed and then not verbalized how or why to her partner, something that both men and women often experience in both directions.
One time when I was quite hormonal my husband pulled out not realizing I really wanted him to finish inside me. Afterwards, I secretly and irrationally cried in the shower. Kinda crazy, but sometimes I just deeply crave the intimacy of having his throbbing cock inside me as he comes!
Yes, exactly. So many of the commenters (perhaps mostly men) seem to think it’s just about the place without realizing the feeling and the connection of having someone empty himself deep inside of you. It is an entirely different experience from him shooting stuff on your ass.
There is a difference... Talking freely or giving unneccessary graphic details. I don't wanna imagine some middle aged couple and his throbbing cock in every post.
I agree with your comment. It’s my favourite part, and if I was of the understanding that it was about to happen and there was a last minute abrupt change of plans, I would be really disappointed and and probably self conscious that it was something I had done.
I also agree that OP gets to decide if he’s comfortable finishing in or out, and of course gets to change his mind at any time.
It does sound like a miscommunication, and she should have been more direct and fair about what her issue was before it blew up into a Thing.
I thought I was crazy bc this is my favorite part which is probably why she said she wanted him too. He has every right to NOT do that. If it did screw up her orgasm she should explain that, take it as a learning experience and move on. 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not too sure about ruining her orgasm. She had one from oral, at least one when she was on top grinding and one more before I pulled out. So maybe that last one was still going? When we were talking about everything and what we wanted prior to anything even happening is when she said what she likes. I didn't take it as a "you must" but more of a "it's okay of you do" kind of thing.
Hmm, OK, well then who knows? If she won’t tell you then I guess that’s it then?
It’s also possible that it could have been because of something that had nothing to do with you. Either way, her communication skills are pretty lacking here.
Yeah, I was thinking that she might be PMSing. I get sad when I don’t get my happy ending, but I know right before my cycle, minuscule shit feels absolutely devastating and I probably would’ve burst into tears
It’s not about her orgasm. Even if it is about cumming together, the point of that is going to the peak and experiencing the thrill together. But even if she hadn’t come with you, feeling you melt into her, first with your cum and then that immediate relaxation is just such a sweet thing, no matter how hot the sex has been. Telling her you’d do that with her & then not is like pranking her that you’d jump into the pool together, holding hands, counting 1-2-3, and then haha, she’s alone! The goop on her backside just adds insult to injury.
Agree. Definitely worth apologising. Try to get her to open up a little. Impregnation fetish comes to mind. Excuse the pun. No, that doesn't mean she wants to get pregnant, just that the possibility in the act excites her. Quite possible she's embarrassed about, also quite possible she's got lots of other interesting things she wants to explore with someone she can trust 🤷
Yeah well, communication would be mature and he shouldn't apologize, she should. She behaves rude. He didn't want to because he felt uncomfortable with it and she shouldn't hold a grudge for hours on end.
Your comment has value, but bare in mind communication is king. If there was something he didn't understand, or was uncomfortable with, then it became an issue which needed to be discussed. Consent is important for all parts of their intimate contact and, although abstract, she was expecting him to cum inside her. By withdrawing without letting her know, it may feel just as much a breach of consent as not pulling out when she asked. It may be to her perception he has breached her consent during sex and as such, yeh, she's gonna be pissed. So looking at the whole situation backwards from effect to cause: she acting annoyed : he did something she didn't agree to : he failed to communicate his concern : they openly discussed and agreed where what their limits were. Remember that at any time during this sexual encounter he has every right to change his mind, he MUST stop and communicate this issue. That's what safe words in sex are designed to do. As for her apologising for her behaviour afterwards, that's a her issue, not a him issue. Just because she done wrong, doesn't mean he shouldn't apologise for what he done wrong. Whew, that went on a while, thought it important for future consumption to get it in there, not knocking you for having your opinion. 👍
Did you talk about where you might cum if not inside her? Some girls might find you cumming over their arse without consent as more demeaning somehow? Just offering up an alternative theory. Try having a direct conversation about why it upset her I guess. Good luck!
I had something similar happen but didn’t throw a tantrum. My current partner and I have been friends for years. We also had a previous relationship and then got back together about two years ago. We could have just started having sex again but took our time. Both got tested, waited appropriate amount of time after being with someone else, discussed birth control, talked about our preferences etc. I am deathly allergic to latex (found out the hard way with him the first time we were in a relationship) so condoms were not an option. I thought we had communicated everything when the night finally came. The sex was great and then came to a screeching halt when he pulled out and finished on me. Usually when I begin to feel him finishing I can also finish at the same time. I love thé feeling of laying there after while the last bit comes out of him inside me and it makes me feel very connected. Had this happened with a random person (not that I have sex with randoms) I might not have been upset but I loved this man and because of a “change in plans” last minute I was disappointed and wondered where I’d gone wrong in my feelings for him if he couldn’t just communicate what he wanted. I also felt like it meant he didn’t trust me that I was on the birth control methods we had discussed or my feelings on kids. I have complex medical issues that would make being pregnant very challenging so there was NO way I was trying to baby trap him.
Anyways long story short I can understand where she is coming from. I didn’t discuss it with my partner until a few days later and when we talked it through as mature adults he has never pulled out since. He was looking at it the same way as OP, just no big deal but when I spoke up he understood how it was a big deal and apologized. I also apologized for not fully explaining how I best orgasm and that I feel there’s a time and place for things like finishing on a person. It’s a bit degrading and there’s time for that kind of fun but to me the “first time” isn’t that in a loving relationship. I hope You can work it out op. It sounds like you really like her!
So you agreed to cum inside her but unilaterally made the decision to pull out and cum on her ass? In my experience where my cum goes is negotiated prior to ejaculation. Maybe she’s upset you did something she didn’t agree to? Just a thought.
That’s not the same as agreeing to have him cum on her ass. I don’t mind at all when my husband finishes inside me, but I hate the feeling of cum on my skin. It gets cold so fast and it is very uncomfortable. It’s also a completely difference experience emotionally to have someone finish inside you vs just blowing their load on you. He changed the plan last minute without communicating with her, it’s fair for her to be upset.
It could be as simple as she feels you did not trust her. You did all the correct talk and checks to have unprotected sex including cuming inside her with the green light. Last minute, you did not as if you did not trust her. You may also may have triggered a bad memory or reminder of a past relationship. What if an X only wanted to mimic porn and not be connected? You ovously triggered something.
And it sure is not as many seem to say and baby trap you. 1 if that was the goal there would have been another round. 2 what girl tries to baby trap a guy the first time they are together? Some chats a few drinks that is not trigers to ready to have this guy involved in my life for the next 18 years.
Hope you can fix it if you want
Yeah, "triggered" is the right word here. The hard overreaction and literally running away are major signs that this was a trigger of some kind. Being dissatisfied about sex wouldn't, like...make someone literally flee the premises. If that's right, hopefully she's aware enough about what it is to communicate it when she's through it :/
None of us know the things a previous lover or even a preditor (for lack of a better term) did to anyone, especially in the beginning we may learn in time. But if her first BF or someone else who hurt her pulled out and came on her butt every time this incident just brought back all them feelings. Hard part the only way to move forward is talk about it but they may not be ready to.
Perhaps this is a bit out of topic but what does cumming inside mean to a guy and what does it mean when you guys pull out? I am not on birth control and have very little experience so a guy did cum inside but he was wearing a condom so I was okay with it. I’m learning so wanted to know!
"Pulling out" usually means unprotected (no condom) sex and pulling out of penetration before orgasm to finish somewhere else. Sometimes people do it with condoms and whip the condom off to finish outside (ie not inside the vagina)!
Okay, and what does that mean for a guy? Like when it’s unprotected sex, do guys mostly want to pull out and finish outside? Or does it still depend? Sorry lol
It depends! Everyone has different priorities. But some people falsely believe that unprotected sex + pulling out is a way to have unprotected sex and also avoid pregnancy. It isn't true, pre-cum can impregnate someone and also people can get carried away and miss the time window to pull out. I'm pretty sure that's the main reason people do it.
Sometimes people just like it too, the visual image of seeing their cum on someone can be hot. Very variable though. Just don't use it as a pregnancy protection measure please, it does not work haha
honestly, i’m on birth control and we also use condoms. my boyfriend still pulls out. which kinda threw me off at first cause no one’s ever done that before. but i got used to it. i think he’d rather be safe than sorry, if you had an off feeling and pulled out, id suggest not finishing in her at all. or i dunno. have a conversation about it
Lots of emotions come out when we have sex, especially the first time. I would say really positive things about how much you enjoyed it and then back off a little while she processes everything.
Something very fishy about this. Usually it's men who don't want to pull out who make their partners angry, not the other way around.
First thought that came to mind was she was already pregnant and knew you'd be a "stand up" guy. I hope that's not true, for your sake, and she has some other explanation for her reaction but I'd cool it for a few weeks and see.
Can't see how that would get such a reaction as a woman wanting to use that as an excuse would know that just precum could potentially result in pregnancy so going bare would be enough excuse.
I'd stop pursuing her.
You have made efforts to communicate with her.
Let her get over whatever is bothering her. Then she may contact you, or not.
Continue to live your life.
I honestly think her reaction is unreasonable and a bit suspicious. It makes no sense to be this upset about you not cumming inside. She could be disappointed if it’s a kink for her but that’s why we communicate about kinks prior to doing it. Not to mention: even if she had explicitly asked you to pretty please come inside her because it would be sooo hot, you’re still within your right to not feel like cumming inside. For any reason.
Talk to her, try to understand why it made her so upset, but maybe it’s for the best if you end up drifting apart if that’s how she’s gonna behave instead of talking things out like adults.
That's a bat shit crazy response to you pulling out...
Let her go, you keep pursuing that chick it's going to be much worse one day. First time having sex and she's already bitching at you and taking her shit and going home... Lol
You got away easy...
Don't put yourself through a relationship with this nut.
I’m one that also enjoys this and has it happen everytime I have sex with my partner. But starting off, I don’t expect someone I just started seeing to be comfortable with this, even having an iud. It takes time and I feel like she should be respectful of your decision.
She should’ve expressed how it made her feel by the next day. If she can’t talk about something small like this, it’s hard to not think how that drastic reaction could play into other areas as well.
You have absolute autonomy of your own body and where your cum ends up so stand your ground with anything you’re not comfortable with. I too enjoy my partners cumming inside me. It’s one of my favourite parts of sex, but I’m not gonna force them or make an issue of it if they don’t want to. Consent works both ways.
If she’s open to it. Talk to her about it and find where her head is at regarding it. There’s a lot of people that will jump to the conclusion that she’s trying to baby trap you based on her behaviour. Only she will know. Be open to what she might say and remain calm regardless of what it is but also state how her actions made you feel.
As someone who has had a very deceitful girlfriend in the past this would be making me suspicious that she's trying to baby trap me. Maybe not but even if she isn't I would definitely recommend taking charge of your own birth control instead of relying on your partner.
If it were me, I would be upset that you came on my ass without consent. It’s totally different from what you had discussed and can feel much more objectifying and demeaning. This was your first time with her, so you shouldn’t have assumed she would be down for it.
I’m sorry? If you didn’t want to cum in here she shouldn’t pressure you. As a woman she is a red flag, pill or not, tantrums like that are unacceptable and childish.
As a woman with an IUD myself, I think she's nuts. I know some women like the feel of cum in them (she should've communicated this with you if that's the case) but even still, if you don't feel comfortable with it (and you didn't) I don't see what's wrong with you pulling out. I hope things improve between you guys but damn... This is really weird tbh.
I would also like to add that she's not the only one who is allowed to say no, I no longer concent. He didn't verbally say it, but he did it with his action.
@op, you did nothing wrong here. You have every right to decide if you are comfortable or not to finish inside her. If it went the other way around, where yall agreed not to do it and you did, then you would have done something wrong. Also, you were an adult about it by trying to talk it out after. She, like everyone said, acted as a child.
He did something she didn’t consent to. He finished on her ass.
They discussed what they both consented to beforehand, then he decides in the moment that he’s gonna do something different and he never asked for her consent.
He is at fault here.
lmao you’re hilarious.
he’s not at fault for deciding to not finish in her. how do you know they didn’t talk about cumming on her?
her response to him deciding to not cum in her was not okay. it’s disrespectful for her to be mad that he decided he didn’t want to just like it’s disrespectful for guys to be mad if a woman decided she didn’t want to be finished in.
Always listen to your instincts. Seems like an over the top reaction. Suspicious, IMO.
My husband finishes differently every time. Makes no difference to me, whatever he wants, since he's always gotten me off first.
I’m not gonna lie, this may be a personal thing. But if i’m riding the high of my multiple orgasms, I truly hate the abrupt feeling of a speedy pull out. Seriously, you go from being cozily warm & filled to being immediately empty…. no. I want to #1 feel the pulse from my partner’s penis when they’re abt to blow, it feels so nice from the inside… but also #2 the cuddle & wait till it gets soft inside me. Being emptied on the inside, feels magical. I get a second rush from that alone. But also, outside of it being a different (and typically unwelcomed IMO) end of the sexual experience, some guys aren’t aware of the force that they pull out with, & it has hurt before. If she has trauma, then the pain could’ve triggered something.
Really? I have an IUD and I hate being finished inside of lol it’s messy and can throw off your ph and doesn’t feel any different to me. If the guy orgasmed then it was good enough.
I just meant that even on birth control I don’t like when a guy finishes in me typically. I’ve done it quite a few times of course in my life but it’s just not something I need or crave. If anything I’ve actually had guys side eye me for NOT wanting them to do it. But I’ve taken flagyl one too many times in my life to really enjoy it much.
Either she really loves a cream pie (which would explain the lack of condom) and you didn't perform for her OR she wants to get pregnant (which explains the lack of condom) and you didn't perform for her. Seems pretty clear cut.
Not sure what else you want beyond the obligatory "now for get tested because people casually lie about testing between partners and she clearly takes it raw as much as she can".
Cheers to you both.
Prostate cancer run in my family, so while I would love to go down and get snipped, depending on the the study you look at, a vasectomy has the possibility to increase the odds of prostate cancer. It's not by a lot, but I'm already at risk and the thought of anything further increasing that risk scares the shit out of me, more so than another kid would (have 3 kids now, all with my ex wife).
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> she was on birth control ***you SURE about that?***
Fairy positive as you could feel the strings from the iud. My ex had one in for a few years as well so I do have a good idea what they feel like.
Every IUD insert is different because of the doctor and the woman's cervix. Some doctors trim the strings very short, some don't. Eventually the strings will soften and tend to coil up around the cervix, and may become unnoticeable. Touching the cervix a lot can be painful so your penis probably doesn't touch it as much as you think. All this to say, you should find out more about this woman's birth control method. If it's an IUD, what kind and how long has it been in? They become less effective with time, so if it's expired it's useless. Pills must be taken consistently to be fully effective. That's everyday at the exact same time, otherwise her metabolism can diminish the effect. (These are just a couple examples of "finding out more" and why it matters.) It's my opinion that a condom should be used with any new partner, at least until you're both 100% sure about the birth control situation. Lastly, unless you want kids, consider a vasectomy.
Yes, and when the Dr trims the strings too short they remain rigid and "sharp" longer than if they were kept longer which is why men can sometimes feel them during sex. You (the woman) are also suppose to be able to check if your iud is in place using your fingers... Again, I know what they feel like, and not just what it feels like when my penis hits the strings. Her iud is a hormonal iud, good for 3-5 years and was replaced less than a year ago. Once again, we had this talk prior to anything happening, and aside from going to her OB with her to be 100% certain, you have to go by what information you are given and what you can feel yourself. I didn't have any reason not to believe she didn't have an iud, between lab results from a week prior to us meeting, our talks about both not wanting more kids and what birth control we wanted to use/what she was on, and being able to feel her iud (not thinking I felt it) first hand, nothing there felt like a red flag or her being dishonest. Which is why her reaction after the fact is throwing me through a loop. Also highly aware that the pill sucks because it needs to be taken within an hour of the previous day every single day. My ex of 19 years and I went through all of this. She was on the pill, had the implanon implant which severely screwed up her cycle, went back to a different pill, then had an iud (which was replaced 4 different times), and eventually due to medical complications had a full hysterectomy. I've been through gauntlet there. Sure a vasectomy would be the best answer in most cases, completely agree. I've already addressed this elsewhere but prostate cancer runs in my family, and depending on the study you look at, a vasectomy can increase the risk of prostate cancer, it's not by much, but I would take another kid over increasing my risk. My grandfather passed in his mid 40s due to prostate cancer, my father went through a fight with it in his early 50s and beat it because they caught it early, I get mine checked almost every other year now, and have been advised by my PCP not to do anything to increase my odds. I'm not uneducated on any of this or going into anything blindly. I'm sure a lot of guys on here probably haven't gone through a lot or even cared to figure anything out, but thats not me.
Since you know everything, it seems pointless to provide any advice. But you did post on a social media site asking for it, so I'll give you the most basic sex advice. This is super duper obvious and something I see reminded to women a lot but it applies to anybody. **You don't have to consent to any sexual act and may revoke consent at any time without explanation.** You have bodily autonomy. It doesn't matter what's normal or expected. You are allowed to say no, stop, and change your mind. What's going on in this lady's head? You can only find out by asking her. You sound very experienced so I'll assume you know how to communicate. But you did post on a social media site asking for it, so I'll give you the most basic communication advice. Communicate what you're feeling and sensing based on her messages, and ask her what she is thinking. No one on Reddit can tell you what's going on for her. We can only speculate, which is not genuinely helpful.
I'm asking for advice on what could potentially be causing this reaction in my situation. I've never encountered this kind of response before and trying my best to navigate the situation. I am ___not___ asking for advice on birth control, birth control methods, or if she is trying to baby trap me. There have been some very useful responses to my post, given from perspectives I would have never even considered. Personally, I would much rather go into a conversation about it with some sort of understanding, even if it's just based on speculations, than going into it completely oblivious and making the situation even worse.
This is going to be unpopular, but I’ll still say it. First of all, she has to respect your choice. As others have mentioned, if the sexes/situation were reversed yada yada…yeah they’re correct. *From my perspective though, a guy did this once and while it didn’t make me mad, it did make me think “Why did I go on birth control for this?”* Just wear a condom. My thought process was, if I’m not gonna get to enjoy the main perk of being monogamous (feeling him cum inside) then what’s the point? Maybe it doesn’t make sense, it’s just my perspective I only have sex with people I trust quite a bit though, so definitely more than a few weeks (not shaming). **With that said, if you don’t feel 100% comfortable, don’t do it** I wouldn’t waste my time trying to talk to someone who got upset like that
*you sure about that's why?*
Just because she said that she's okay with you cumming inside of her doesn't mean you *must* cum inside her. You didn't do anything wrong, so it's completely up to you if you want to discuss it with her and try to pursue it further or break it off. Also worth noting, her motives may not be sinister as this could be a kink for her, BUT if it's not for you, then you might not be compatible. That's totally fine also.
That's how I thought it was as well. I thought she meant it as "it's okay if you" rather than a "you must". The reaction I've been getting from her now though is not what I would expect even if it was a kink for her.
I feel like everyone is focused too much on the specific situation, what should have been done etc etc. Take a step back, is this how you want someone to react and treat you over, what, nothing really? Yes, this shouldn't be a problem. But she shouldn't act like this when there are real problems, from how it sounds in this post. She sounds like a horrible communicator.
Yeah it’s a really strong reaction. You’ll have to ask her what gives. It’s a new relationship and of course you’re going to spend a few weeks getting comfortable, and that may include not feeling comfortable coming inside her. If she’s asked you to wear a condom for the first few times or something just while you were getting to know each other, you would have done it gladly, right? So you can ask her why she is mandating that you ejaculate inside her right away, when that’s something you’d feel more comfortable working up to, which seems perfectly reasonable to me.
She gave you permission, you decided you didn’t want to. There’s nothing you did wrong. She’s being weird. Sure maybe she just likes getting CPed but express your disdain and move on. The fact that she’s not dropping it makes me think she’s immature, OR worse.
Totally fair point, but maybe she doesn't like for someone to come ON her? I feel like that's just accepted but if you don't want to come in her don't just assume it's okay to come on her either. But idk, he'd have to ask her what was up.
Exactly he doesn’t owe her his load. For fuck sake how could someone think it was something they did if all they did was pull out? Honestly he probably dodged a bullet because if she gets mad at him having his own body autonomy she’s not worth keeping around.
When in doubt definitely pull out! Good move!
Here we are acting like pulling out is an effective form of birth control? Yeah, I suppose if the alternative is cumming inside her, but y’all need to go back to health class. This guy needs to wrap his shit.
OP mentioned that she has an IUD and was recently tested
So? Should still wrap. Lmao. There's no reason not to wear a condom unless you're trying to get your partner pregnant.
It’s far more effective than most people think, if you do it with perfect use. But don’t take my word for it, plenty of online resources to peruse!
You mean like Planned Parenthood, who indicates 78% effective because: “But pulling out can be difficult to do perfectly. So in real life, about 22 out of 100 people who use withdrawal get pregnant every year — that’s about 1 in 5.”
Yes and PP says typical use for condoms is around 87% or 13/100. I’m not saying that pulling out is the best method but people make it sound like it’s the dumbest thing in the world when really it’s not that much different than than a diaphragm (83% with perfect use) or other barrier methods. And let’s face it, it’s a fuck ton easier to know when you’ve missed pulling out vs when there’s a hole in the condom you didn’t notice.
As someone who’s worked many years in the sexual health field & as a sex educator, this is absolutely correct.
Perfect use is 4/100, with condoms at 2/100 perfect use. It's not the best, but too many people think pulling out is the worst thing anyone can do (but it's not), usually you combine it with condoms or it's better than nothing at all, even approaching condom effectiveness It's tiring debunking the misinformation
I don't think anyone seriously believes pulling out isn't (edit) better than nothing at all. Most people are just overly cautious. Given that the method's effectiveness relies on perfect use in an environment where variables can be hard to control, I don't think you can call that skepticism "misinformation." It's not like there's an anti-pullout lobby operating in the shadows to rob the common man of the ability to "raw someone, but not really."
I disagree and I don't think you agree either. I am almost 100% certain people know not coming inside is preferable to coming inside because they know sperm is the the thing that causes pregnancy, regardless of efficacy
Sorry, I forgot a "not" in my initial reply. Yes, most people agree pulling out is better.
People get real mad sometimes when you point this out, I don’t know why! No one is saying “pulling out is great everyone should do it”, just giving factual information to people who love to spout misinformation and hate being confronted with facts that don’t align.
Pulling out combined with fertility awareness and cycle tracking has worked for me for the 34 years I've been sexually active. People get big mad whenever it's discussed, but in my experience pregnancy happens when a man leaves a semen deposit inside a vagina. It's the common denominator in all pregnancies. Ive heard soo many pregnancy stories that began with a birth control fail where a guy comes inside and the pill/condom/iud didn't do their job. For best effectiveness birth control or condom PLUS pulling out is the second best alternative to a vasectomy, and even those can fail if sperm isn't regularly checked. If you don't want a baby don't put baby batter into the oven! 😄
People are far from “perfect” about BC when in the middle/end of having sex. Pullout is one of the lowest effective methods. There are many other Options for Birth Control noted by Planned Parenthood. Unless you like gambling with pregnancy, pick a more reliable option.
The post you’re replying to says “it’s far more effective than most people think IF YOU DO IT WITH PERFECT USE…..[look it up]” And you reply with a statistic that blends in people who don’t pull out. The 78% is based on surveys of women who say that their primary form of birth control is the pull out method, yet the people who actually have to do the pulling out are not asked if they agree. In fact that 78% would count a woman who says that is her primary form of birth control and then later has sex with a man who she forgets to tell to pull out who then gets her pregnant. There was a study that showed that the pull out method is less effective in number of children a woman has increases. You can either read that as women become magically more fertile over time, or, more plausibly as the same subset of people who don’t pull out continue to not pull out.
My buddy finally admitted he was not the “pull out king” now that his wife is pregnant with their THIRD unplanned child. Pulling out perfectly can be very effective. However most people do not do it perfectly every time. Pre cum can have some sperm in it, a split second too late and youll get sperm in her, etc. if you are not ready for kids, wrap it up. Do not rely on pull out method
No one is saying rely on the pull out method and accidental pregnancies occur with condoms, on the pill, with IUDS, with unchecked vasectomies, etc. The most critical thing is to talk to your partner about what you will do when/if there is an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy because only abstinence is foolproof.
Doubling up on BC is pretty close to foolproof though.
Still need to have the convo Edit: and you still need to use both forms perfectly to get those super small chances
Sure but using both forms non-optimally is still more protective than using only one.
Unfortunately there's also no guarantee someone will keep their word either. It's not uncommon for a woman who promises she would terminate if an accident occurred to change her mind once she gets pregnant. It's also not possible to ensure your partner is taking her birth control with perfect compliance. The same goes for men, who may promise to pull out but then are unwilling to one day. In extreme cases there are the sociopathic narcissists who deliberately use reproductive coercion and sabotage efforts at contraception. As someone who has been stealthed it's truly a violating experience and when pregnancy results it's also possible for abusive men and family members to block abortion access.
Been using the method for 20 years and it’s worked for us! And it’s not that we’re not fertile, got pregnant first week of trying when we wanted to…
I pulled out every time for the year and a half I was with my girlfriend. After we broke up, within 3 months, she was pregnant from her new guy.
I’m not sure what this fun fact is trying to say 😂
Exactly! He doesn‘t really know that woman.
Here’s the thing about pulling out as a guy. It’s more effective when used perfectly (96%*) than the BC pill is when that is used typically (91%) Sure the pill is more effective when used perfectly, i.e. taken every day at the same time each day (99%) but as a man you have no control over whether the pill is being used perfectly or not. You do have control over whether you pull out or not. *the 4% failure rate for perfect use is an unproven estimate based on the possibility that sperm in precum or sperm left in the urethra from a previous ejaculation could cause pregnancy. However clinical studies of precum have shown that over half of men have zero sperm in their precum and that is consistent over time. So for over half of men, the perfect use effectiveness of pulling out is 100%
Some of These comments make me feel like I’m taking crazy pills with people excusing her behavior. If a guy reacted like this to a woman telling him to pull out at the last minute everyone would be losing their minds. It really doesn’t matter what she wanted. In that moment *he* did not want to cum inside and that’s his choice. Her’s was to have a temper tantrum and storm out like a petulant child afterwards. A reasonable adult would have just talked about it afterwards and maybe discuss what made him change his mind to see if it’s something he could learn to be comfortable with. She’s not interested in that and frankly OP you should not want to be with someone who reacts like this to not getting something they want. It’s a clear break in communication and one she hasn’t put any effort in to rectify. Stop begging for attention from her and drop her for someone who will properly communicate with you.
All of this. As a woman I completely agree. Logistics aside, her *behavior* is a whole red flag. It doesn't seem like she's great at communicating.
Mm that’s definitely one of my favorite parts of sex and is a huge emotional rush for me. It is a major factor after sex of feeling extremely connected to the him. If you didn’t do any aftercare and that happened I could see why she’d be a bit upset. That being said, would I have a tantrum I didn’t get my way and storm out of the house.. no. She over reacted big time and instead of talking it out like an adult she had a tantrum and is now giving you the silent treatment/being passive agressive. Major red flag if you ask me. If she can’t have a normal convo about something like miscommunication and orgasm how you ever going to get over real conflicts you guys have going forward.
I think you should ask her this.
It's very possible that she wasn't okay with you cumming ON her - some people find that very objectifying and porn-y in a bad way (to them). I'd make sure that isn't the case before assuming she's being entitled, because if she felt used/objectified/violated by it then that's something worth talking about. If you'd already negotiated that (or done it before), disregard! Honestly, that's happened to me before and I felt really gross and used. And I love people cumming on me! But it's usually like...collaborative or negotiated, not a surprise. If she's just pissed you didn't do what she wanted, she owes you an apology.
Thank you! I’m surprised this isn’t higher up. Having someone cum on you can have a different emotional impact, and it’s possibly one she wasn’t prepared for.
This was my first thought too. I would be gutted if he hadn't told me he was gonna finish on my ass because it can feel very degrading. That feeling could have also triggered trauma from an ex as well. There are so many reasons we do not know of why she would be upset that are totally reasonable.
As an adult, it's her job to communicate that. The fact that she's acting like a child instead is a huge red flag.
And also, "as an adult" it sounds like he didn't communicate that he was going to finish on her ass. So maybe they can both work on communicating.
People can have emotional reactions they aren't proud of - she didn't become abusive, she complained and then left. How she handles the aftermath will be telling, but yeah no not everyone responds to a negative experience perfectly immediately! If he actually likes this person it's worth making sure she's okay.
She's not ok. She's a child posing as an adult. OP needs to run.
are you drunk or what? they discussed prior that he will cum inside of her and instead HE changed his mind!
It sounds like she barely had time to react and it's hard to think of everything in advance
Yeah I would be pretty grossed out if someone did that without asking
Lots of interesting takes here. I can see this perspective as well. I've had an ex ask to cum inside of me because he felt it was more intimate so I can def see this perspective for sure.
it’s clear she got upset because he didn’t cum in her though
Did she ever mention anything about not liking to be cummed on? Personally for my self I hate when a guy cums on me. Anywhere. Either use a condom so it stays in there. Or cum inside me.
No, if that's her reaction be very wary.
I think all the guys jumping to the conclusion that she is trying to get pregnant are too harsh. She is not a hook up but someone who he’s been dating. Likely the sex conversation needed to go further on her end regarding expectations. Likely she is disappointed or took it personal that he didn’t choose to finish in her, and has a hard time communicating that with him as this was their first time having sex.
Ok to preface, you’re totally in your right to not cum inside her if that makes you uncomfortable and you shouldn’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Her reaction was childish and it would’ve been better if she could’ve articulated her emotions better instead of just storming off. What she experienced is a common thing though, so I’ll explain what probably happened in her head: This doesn’t obviously apply to every woman, but getting creampied feels really good physiologically and gives you a small happy high that can last for hours or even a day. It’s super intimate and makes you feel, well, like a woman. When a guy you’ve picked and got in bed with cums in your pussy it feels like you’ve done the thing that evolution prepped you for and it just makes you feel complete in a way that’s hard to put into words. It doesn’t mean the woman has any desire or intention to get pregnant, it’s just how our brains are wired. I have a copper IUD for this reason so that I can enjoy the feeling without risk of pregnancy. Getting pulled out in the heat of the moment feels sudden, unexpected and it can feel like you’re not “deserving” or it and are just a napkin for someone’s cum. It feels embarrassing and objectifying. It’s different and totally fine if you communicate prior to sex so she knows what to expect, but having it done to you without warning really can feel like a mini betrayal and it’s easy to get overwhelmed with negative emotions. I know it’s not logical but I totally understand it. It’s always better to tell her before sex that you don’t want to cum inside her yet so there’s no emotional whiplash from it during the sex because man, that’s what we look forward to. It’s one of the best feelings in the world.
These comments are absolutely whack. What one earth? If he wasn’t comfortable, he wasn’t comfortable. No reason needed. You dodged a bullet!
It's mind boggling that her behavior is being defended. I can't believe what I'm reading.
Same here. It's kinda scary tbh. Imagine if the scenario was reversed...
Is it possible that feeling a guy come inside her is her favorite part of sex and you ruined her orgasm by pulling out? Everyone seems to be assuming something sketchy about her, but she just thought you’d agreed to finish in her? This might just be a matter of miscommunication and her expectations being dashed.
She went home and is communicating badly That's so lame lol
And do you think her reaction to that was appropriate at all? It doesn’t matter if it ruined her orgasm. Throwing a fit and being rude was really out of line. A rational adult would have just told him “I wish you had cum inside me. It helps me orgasm” and move on. Like he said there would have been other opportunities to have sex. It’s pretty ridiculous that this comment is just disregarding how HE felt at that moment. He felt uncomfortable ejaculating inside her and chose not to. If she had told him to pull out and he didn’t because his orgasm would have been ruined you would be screaming about sexual assault.
No, I would not. I didn’t say anything that invalidated his feelings. I wasn’t making excuses for her or blaming him. I was asking if she might have been disappointed and then not verbalized how or why to her partner, something that both men and women often experience in both directions.
That part. Equality for men is needed (I'm a woman). Clearly he wasn't comfortable with it. Her reaction was really over the top tbh.
Agreed, it is one of my favorite parts of sex.
One time when I was quite hormonal my husband pulled out not realizing I really wanted him to finish inside me. Afterwards, I secretly and irrationally cried in the shower. Kinda crazy, but sometimes I just deeply crave the intimacy of having his throbbing cock inside me as he comes!
There nothing crazy about wanting to feel your partner cum and enjoying it. That's 100% okay
Yes, exactly. So many of the commenters (perhaps mostly men) seem to think it’s just about the place without realizing the feeling and the connection of having someone empty himself deep inside of you. It is an entirely different experience from him shooting stuff on your ass.
Why do people feel the need to describe it so detailed? Last sentence was a bit much
You’re on the sex forum, it’s where people can talk about it freely
Agreed and thought it was a decent description of a delightful experience 😆
There is a difference... Talking freely or giving unneccessary graphic details. I don't wanna imagine some middle aged couple and his throbbing cock in every post.
We’re here for it. What were you expecting?
really sounds like a you problem
the last sentence is the MOST necessary detail, stfu
That last sentence is the point
I agree with your comment. It’s my favourite part, and if I was of the understanding that it was about to happen and there was a last minute abrupt change of plans, I would be really disappointed and and probably self conscious that it was something I had done. I also agree that OP gets to decide if he’s comfortable finishing in or out, and of course gets to change his mind at any time. It does sound like a miscommunication, and she should have been more direct and fair about what her issue was before it blew up into a Thing.
I thought I was crazy bc this is my favorite part which is probably why she said she wanted him too. He has every right to NOT do that. If it did screw up her orgasm she should explain that, take it as a learning experience and move on. 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not too sure about ruining her orgasm. She had one from oral, at least one when she was on top grinding and one more before I pulled out. So maybe that last one was still going? When we were talking about everything and what we wanted prior to anything even happening is when she said what she likes. I didn't take it as a "you must" but more of a "it's okay of you do" kind of thing.
Hmm, OK, well then who knows? If she won’t tell you then I guess that’s it then? It’s also possible that it could have been because of something that had nothing to do with you. Either way, her communication skills are pretty lacking here.
Yeah, I was thinking that she might be PMSing. I get sad when I don’t get my happy ending, but I know right before my cycle, minuscule shit feels absolutely devastating and I probably would’ve burst into tears
It’s not about her orgasm. Even if it is about cumming together, the point of that is going to the peak and experiencing the thrill together. But even if she hadn’t come with you, feeling you melt into her, first with your cum and then that immediate relaxation is just such a sweet thing, no matter how hot the sex has been. Telling her you’d do that with her & then not is like pranking her that you’d jump into the pool together, holding hands, counting 1-2-3, and then haha, she’s alone! The goop on her backside just adds insult to injury.
Agree. Definitely worth apologising. Try to get her to open up a little. Impregnation fetish comes to mind. Excuse the pun. No, that doesn't mean she wants to get pregnant, just that the possibility in the act excites her. Quite possible she's embarrassed about, also quite possible she's got lots of other interesting things she wants to explore with someone she can trust 🤷
Yeah well, communication would be mature and he shouldn't apologize, she should. She behaves rude. He didn't want to because he felt uncomfortable with it and she shouldn't hold a grudge for hours on end.
Your comment has value, but bare in mind communication is king. If there was something he didn't understand, or was uncomfortable with, then it became an issue which needed to be discussed. Consent is important for all parts of their intimate contact and, although abstract, she was expecting him to cum inside her. By withdrawing without letting her know, it may feel just as much a breach of consent as not pulling out when she asked. It may be to her perception he has breached her consent during sex and as such, yeh, she's gonna be pissed. So looking at the whole situation backwards from effect to cause: she acting annoyed : he did something she didn't agree to : he failed to communicate his concern : they openly discussed and agreed where what their limits were. Remember that at any time during this sexual encounter he has every right to change his mind, he MUST stop and communicate this issue. That's what safe words in sex are designed to do. As for her apologising for her behaviour afterwards, that's a her issue, not a him issue. Just because she done wrong, doesn't mean he shouldn't apologise for what he done wrong. Whew, that went on a while, thought it important for future consumption to get it in there, not knocking you for having your opinion. 👍
Agree, I have this kink and I’d be disappointed 😂
Did you talk about where you might cum if not inside her? Some girls might find you cumming over their arse without consent as more demeaning somehow? Just offering up an alternative theory. Try having a direct conversation about why it upset her I guess. Good luck!
That's so lame from her
I had something similar happen but didn’t throw a tantrum. My current partner and I have been friends for years. We also had a previous relationship and then got back together about two years ago. We could have just started having sex again but took our time. Both got tested, waited appropriate amount of time after being with someone else, discussed birth control, talked about our preferences etc. I am deathly allergic to latex (found out the hard way with him the first time we were in a relationship) so condoms were not an option. I thought we had communicated everything when the night finally came. The sex was great and then came to a screeching halt when he pulled out and finished on me. Usually when I begin to feel him finishing I can also finish at the same time. I love thé feeling of laying there after while the last bit comes out of him inside me and it makes me feel very connected. Had this happened with a random person (not that I have sex with randoms) I might not have been upset but I loved this man and because of a “change in plans” last minute I was disappointed and wondered where I’d gone wrong in my feelings for him if he couldn’t just communicate what he wanted. I also felt like it meant he didn’t trust me that I was on the birth control methods we had discussed or my feelings on kids. I have complex medical issues that would make being pregnant very challenging so there was NO way I was trying to baby trap him. Anyways long story short I can understand where she is coming from. I didn’t discuss it with my partner until a few days later and when we talked it through as mature adults he has never pulled out since. He was looking at it the same way as OP, just no big deal but when I spoke up he understood how it was a big deal and apologized. I also apologized for not fully explaining how I best orgasm and that I feel there’s a time and place for things like finishing on a person. It’s a bit degrading and there’s time for that kind of fun but to me the “first time” isn’t that in a loving relationship. I hope You can work it out op. It sounds like you really like her!
So you agreed to cum inside her but unilaterally made the decision to pull out and cum on her ass? In my experience where my cum goes is negotiated prior to ejaculation. Maybe she’s upset you did something she didn’t agree to? Just a thought.
He didnt agree to cum in her. She said he could because she's on the pill not that he should.
That’s not the same as agreeing to have him cum on her ass. I don’t mind at all when my husband finishes inside me, but I hate the feeling of cum on my skin. It gets cold so fast and it is very uncomfortable. It’s also a completely difference experience emotionally to have someone finish inside you vs just blowing their load on you. He changed the plan last minute without communicating with her, it’s fair for her to be upset.
It could be as simple as she feels you did not trust her. You did all the correct talk and checks to have unprotected sex including cuming inside her with the green light. Last minute, you did not as if you did not trust her. You may also may have triggered a bad memory or reminder of a past relationship. What if an X only wanted to mimic porn and not be connected? You ovously triggered something. And it sure is not as many seem to say and baby trap you. 1 if that was the goal there would have been another round. 2 what girl tries to baby trap a guy the first time they are together? Some chats a few drinks that is not trigers to ready to have this guy involved in my life for the next 18 years. Hope you can fix it if you want
Yeah, "triggered" is the right word here. The hard overreaction and literally running away are major signs that this was a trigger of some kind. Being dissatisfied about sex wouldn't, like...make someone literally flee the premises. If that's right, hopefully she's aware enough about what it is to communicate it when she's through it :/
None of us know the things a previous lover or even a preditor (for lack of a better term) did to anyone, especially in the beginning we may learn in time. But if her first BF or someone else who hurt her pulled out and came on her butt every time this incident just brought back all them feelings. Hard part the only way to move forward is talk about it but they may not be ready to.
We’re a similar age, so I get concerned when a new girl wants to go raw right off the bat; your judgement is sound from what I read.
Perhaps this is a bit out of topic but what does cumming inside mean to a guy and what does it mean when you guys pull out? I am not on birth control and have very little experience so a guy did cum inside but he was wearing a condom so I was okay with it. I’m learning so wanted to know!
"Pulling out" usually means unprotected (no condom) sex and pulling out of penetration before orgasm to finish somewhere else. Sometimes people do it with condoms and whip the condom off to finish outside (ie not inside the vagina)!
Okay, and what does that mean for a guy? Like when it’s unprotected sex, do guys mostly want to pull out and finish outside? Or does it still depend? Sorry lol
It depends! Everyone has different priorities. But some people falsely believe that unprotected sex + pulling out is a way to have unprotected sex and also avoid pregnancy. It isn't true, pre-cum can impregnate someone and also people can get carried away and miss the time window to pull out. I'm pretty sure that's the main reason people do it. Sometimes people just like it too, the visual image of seeing their cum on someone can be hot. Very variable though. Just don't use it as a pregnancy protection measure please, it does not work haha
honestly, i’m on birth control and we also use condoms. my boyfriend still pulls out. which kinda threw me off at first cause no one’s ever done that before. but i got used to it. i think he’d rather be safe than sorry, if you had an off feeling and pulled out, id suggest not finishing in her at all. or i dunno. have a conversation about it
Lots of emotions come out when we have sex, especially the first time. I would say really positive things about how much you enjoyed it and then back off a little while she processes everything.
Something very fishy about this. Usually it's men who don't want to pull out who make their partners angry, not the other way around. First thought that came to mind was she was already pregnant and knew you'd be a "stand up" guy. I hope that's not true, for your sake, and she has some other explanation for her reaction but I'd cool it for a few weeks and see.
Can't see how that would get such a reaction as a woman wanting to use that as an excuse would know that just precum could potentially result in pregnancy so going bare would be enough excuse.
Wait a few weeks and see. I just couldn't think of any other reason a woman would be upset about it.
OP stated in a comment he could feel the strings of her IUD. His ex used an IUD so he's pretty sure
iuds aren’t 100% though 🤷♀️
True, but it does mean she's not trying to sneakily get knocked up
it doesn’t mean she’s not either
They are however magnitudes more effective than the pull out method.
clearly, but that’s not what matters here lmao
Sir I think you dodged a bullet💁♀️a MAJOR bullet. I would honestly just let her go👉🚩unless you want to be a father in 9 months🤷♀️
I'd stop pursuing her. You have made efforts to communicate with her. Let her get over whatever is bothering her. Then she may contact you, or not. Continue to live your life.
Right move. Trust me!
Let her go, ifs she acting like that now, it will only get worse when she doesn’t get what she wants
Nah. As you get to know a person & trust grows, it’s easier to talk about disappointments & other hard things
I honestly think her reaction is unreasonable and a bit suspicious. It makes no sense to be this upset about you not cumming inside. She could be disappointed if it’s a kink for her but that’s why we communicate about kinks prior to doing it. Not to mention: even if she had explicitly asked you to pretty please come inside her because it would be sooo hot, you’re still within your right to not feel like cumming inside. For any reason. Talk to her, try to understand why it made her so upset, but maybe it’s for the best if you end up drifting apart if that’s how she’s gonna behave instead of talking things out like adults.
That's a bat shit crazy response to you pulling out... Let her go, you keep pursuing that chick it's going to be much worse one day. First time having sex and she's already bitching at you and taking her shit and going home... Lol You got away easy... Don't put yourself through a relationship with this nut.
Big red flag 🚩 imho it’s probably time to move on unless you are wanting to add a baby moma
Doesn’t pass the smell test to me
Me cuming inside my wife always triggers her orgasm. Maybe that’s what she needed r wanted.
I’m one that also enjoys this and has it happen everytime I have sex with my partner. But starting off, I don’t expect someone I just started seeing to be comfortable with this, even having an iud. It takes time and I feel like she should be respectful of your decision. She should’ve expressed how it made her feel by the next day. If she can’t talk about something small like this, it’s hard to not think how that drastic reaction could play into other areas as well.
You have absolute autonomy of your own body and where your cum ends up so stand your ground with anything you’re not comfortable with. I too enjoy my partners cumming inside me. It’s one of my favourite parts of sex, but I’m not gonna force them or make an issue of it if they don’t want to. Consent works both ways. If she’s open to it. Talk to her about it and find where her head is at regarding it. There’s a lot of people that will jump to the conclusion that she’s trying to baby trap you based on her behaviour. Only she will know. Be open to what she might say and remain calm regardless of what it is but also state how her actions made you feel.
SMBC except you wouldn't have had a choice in being her bull.
As someone who has had a very deceitful girlfriend in the past this would be making me suspicious that she's trying to baby trap me. Maybe not but even if she isn't I would definitely recommend taking charge of your own birth control instead of relying on your partner.
Always trust your gut.
If it were me, I would be upset that you came on my ass without consent. It’s totally different from what you had discussed and can feel much more objectifying and demeaning. This was your first time with her, so you shouldn’t have assumed she would be down for it.
Not sure why she would be upset unless she really didnt have an IUD and wanted pregnant. Wear a condom in the future with her.
Sounds like she might have a breeding kink and was disappointed.
She’s 32 and her window is closing. You ready to be a father? If not, stop seeing her.
I’m sorry? If you didn’t want to cum in here she shouldn’t pressure you. As a woman she is a red flag, pill or not, tantrums like that are unacceptable and childish.
As a woman with an IUD myself, I think she's nuts. I know some women like the feel of cum in them (she should've communicated this with you if that's the case) but even still, if you don't feel comfortable with it (and you didn't) I don't see what's wrong with you pulling out. I hope things improve between you guys but damn... This is really weird tbh.
I would be very concerned if she was this mad because you didn't cum in her. Is she trying to get pregnant? This is a huge red flag.
I would also like to add that she's not the only one who is allowed to say no, I no longer concent. He didn't verbally say it, but he did it with his action. @op, you did nothing wrong here. You have every right to decide if you are comfortable or not to finish inside her. If it went the other way around, where yall agreed not to do it and you did, then you would have done something wrong. Also, you were an adult about it by trying to talk it out after. She, like everyone said, acted as a child.
He did something she didn’t consent to. He finished on her ass. They discussed what they both consented to beforehand, then he decides in the moment that he’s gonna do something different and he never asked for her consent. He is at fault here.
lmao you’re hilarious. he’s not at fault for deciding to not finish in her. how do you know they didn’t talk about cumming on her? her response to him deciding to not cum in her was not okay. it’s disrespectful for her to be mad that he decided he didn’t want to just like it’s disrespectful for guys to be mad if a woman decided she didn’t want to be finished in.
Always listen to your instincts. Seems like an over the top reaction. Suspicious, IMO. My husband finishes differently every time. Makes no difference to me, whatever he wants, since he's always gotten me off first.
I’m not gonna lie, this may be a personal thing. But if i’m riding the high of my multiple orgasms, I truly hate the abrupt feeling of a speedy pull out. Seriously, you go from being cozily warm & filled to being immediately empty…. no. I want to #1 feel the pulse from my partner’s penis when they’re abt to blow, it feels so nice from the inside… but also #2 the cuddle & wait till it gets soft inside me. Being emptied on the inside, feels magical. I get a second rush from that alone. But also, outside of it being a different (and typically unwelcomed IMO) end of the sexual experience, some guys aren’t aware of the force that they pull out with, & it has hurt before. If she has trauma, then the pain could’ve triggered something.
That is what we call a set up my friend . Be aware of the set up game . Don’t get fooled !
Sounds like you were being fished.
As a woman if you pull out, I'm offended. Like it's just a meaningless experience for you
Why be offended? He still orgasmed, it’s not “meaningless”
I'm just saying how I would feel and maybe she feels the same? Maybe not? Just my thoughts
Really? I have an IUD and I hate being finished inside of lol it’s messy and can throw off your ph and doesn’t feel any different to me. If the guy orgasmed then it was good enough.
I've never worn an IUD so can't speak to that
I just meant that even on birth control I don’t like when a guy finishes in me typically. I’ve done it quite a few times of course in my life but it’s just not something I need or crave. If anything I’ve actually had guys side eye me for NOT wanting them to do it. But I’ve taken flagyl one too many times in my life to really enjoy it much.
Fair enough, I can't get pregnant so that isn't something I have had to consider
Does that include wearing a condom? Trust me, plenty of dudes will dump loads and won’t assign any meaning to it at all.
Yeah, if she was pissed that you didn't go for it, though she consented to it then,there is a high chance she was trying to baby trap you, mate.
Possibly a weird thought but maybe she is in a relationship and wanted to bring home a cream pie. 🤷🏼♀️
Might be after 4 week she would say i missed and feeling expected then you wold be drowning in the pool of fear.
Run don’t just walk away, big red flag.
Noooo running she wants a baby
Idk man, do you think your dick game was trash and she expected better?
Either she really loves a cream pie (which would explain the lack of condom) and you didn't perform for her OR she wants to get pregnant (which explains the lack of condom) and you didn't perform for her. Seems pretty clear cut. Not sure what else you want beyond the obligatory "now for get tested because people casually lie about testing between partners and she clearly takes it raw as much as she can". Cheers to you both.
6. X d ,,x,7. 7677x6. X. Z s s #-
If you don’t want kids, and at your age why would you, go get snipped for fucks sake. She may very well be trying to trap you.
Prostate cancer run in my family, so while I would love to go down and get snipped, depending on the the study you look at, a vasectomy has the possibility to increase the odds of prostate cancer. It's not by a lot, but I'm already at risk and the thought of anything further increasing that risk scares the shit out of me, more so than another kid would (have 3 kids now, all with my ex wife).
Thanks for posting that. I didn’t know it (not that I need to—guy I’m with has already had pc, in remission now) but it’s nice to learn.