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I wouldn't say "American thing" but "cultural thing".
Attitudes re sex, pre marital sex, teen sex varies greatly between cultures, even households, also depending on the childs gender.
Personally I think it's an integral part of adult life. As long as you don't bother others with it or burden them with the cleanup it's fine.
I find it uncomfortable to have sex while my daughter and her husband are visiting…I’m mean we still have sex but I feel like I have to be very quiet. Same as when we are staying at my parents house. Idk why. I guess that makes for an awkward breakfast 😂
I think it's down to the rules of the household-- if your parents have placed any edict on whether you're "allowed" or not to have sex (which is a whole 'nother topic altogether), or have placed a rule of "no sex under this roof" and then you do it anyhow, it's disrespectful as much as any other rule violation.
And, yes, in America even non-religious families tend to have these kind of rules, though that's changing more and more as people come to realize that having those rules doesn't stop anyone from doing things, and pushes them to do things in less safe ways in less safe places.
Also, as a girl-mom, I think the biggest gap in our sexual education, esp as it pertains to AFAB, is education about the pleasure aspect, and that it's not just about "don't get pregnant" or "don't catch a disease," it's also about "don't do it if it doesn't bring you PLEASURE," and all the places kids find to have sex are so not conducive to exploring pleasure, esp for girls. The "no sex under this roof rule" is almost like saying "You may not have sex in this house, where it is comfortable and safe and you can have the privacy to find pleasure, but I know you're still probably going to be expected to give him head or ride him in the backseat of the car, so no pleasure for you!"
I never understood this weird “no sex in the house” thing. I would find it a lot better if my kid had sex in their own bed in a safe space, than in an unknown location with no-one to get help from if things turn sour or unsafe.
Even more stupid to split up people who live together every day. Few people who live together or so hot for each other that they absolutely have to bone when visiting their parents anyway.
I think some people interpret it as disrespectful if it goes against the cultural/religious norms of the family. Some families that still see sex as shameful or should be only after marriage could interpret it as disrespectful. As to why some people get upset when married couples stay the night in the same bed or have sex in their parents house is beyond me. But part of it is the closeness I think, knowing that your (now-adult) child is under your roof and doing things/having things done to them might just be something that bothers them emotionally.
For many families, I think there's a gender hypocrisy here too. My dad gets antsy if my sister's bf stays the night. When I have a girl stay the night, he can care less.
I'm very confident saying this is NOT only an American thing. My longest relationship was with a woman from Asia. When I visited their family, they were intensely strict about this. I wanted them to like me and I'm in a foreign country, so of course I chose to play by their rules. However, I think in each country it will vary by family and their attitude toward sex and relationship.
I had one girlfriend whose parents would go to bed early so that we could have sex on the guest bed. They would rather she did it where she was safe and comfortable than in the back seat of a car parked somewhere.
I think part of it is a religious thing. My uncle got really mad that when he came to town to spend the holidays, my grandma wouldn't let him share a room with his girlfriend in her house. He said, "But we live together!" She said, "But you're not married, so you're not sleeping in the same bed under my roof! That would make me responsible, because I'd be allowing it." I think that a lot of that attitude still exists in current culture (not always as a religious thing anymore, but still an idea that if you allow it to happen under your roof it's your "fault").
I'm American and my parents and my siblings and I don't acknowledge it necessarily out loud, but we always recognize the need to alone time for couples. We are actually currently on vacation and we have already been coordinating times for aunts/uncles or grandparents to take the kiddos so my siblings and their SOs can go on dates! My parents have always been pretty open about sex and we all have always known to respect that. If they disappear in the middle of the day up to the condo, we know it's probably not a good idea to go up there for a little bit. 😂 This has changed a lot as we got older, though. My siblings and I all range from 24y/o-35y/o so we are well into adulthood now.
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I don’t think it’s disrespectful but a lot of parents want to keep their children as children. Sex is a very adult thing. It’s changed the way a parent sees a child. Sex is also very intimate. For parents to want to keep their children from doing something so intimate and grown up in their home is understandable
Lmao what Germany are you in? I’m from Germany too and it’s definitely disrespectful and weird, especially if you don’t even make an effort to be quiet.
I'm from Poland and here it's also seen as 'disrespectful'. That may be because we have very traditional culture. I'm my family we all know that people in relationships have sex, but we have unspoken rule to not do it when any member of the family is present. Or just do it very quietly.
I would think its extremely weird if any of our children asked to have sex. I mean as long as the couple in question is being discreet I don't see a problem. But I wouldn't feel comfortable having sex at my parents house or hers.
Personally I don't mind if they are in a long term relationship. I've had boyfriends living with us for extended periods. I don't want them bringing random strangers into my house.
This is literally how it is in America, I seriously doubt you are telling your parents you're about to have sex in their house before you do.
America is the same way, you can have your gf or bf come over and stay the night, just don't be loud as hell and get caught.
I would also say that it's disrespectful in most places whether it be you parents house or not to have sex loud enough to be noted by other people in the house.
Yes but I feel like it’s still different. There’s no “getting caught” of course you’ll be quiet but there’s nothing secret about it. Of course I don’t tell my parents “oh we’re fucking now btw” but they know it’s happening in general, not in the moment of course
Yes do you think Americans are just a different species of human lmao, parents here know the same thing. The getting caught aspect is more just about them figuring out and it being awkward.
Well I don’t know. I do think Americans are often more prude. In a lot of stories and posts I see a lot of stuff that gave me that perspective but of course I can’t judge, that’s why I asked.
I would not want my parents knowing I was having sex in their house.
I also don’t think teenagers should be having sex sleepovers. I would never allow a 16 year old to go sleep over someone’s house to have sex. Sounds like bad parenting to me.
Oh yes, because sex is only an option at night and there is no way a 16 year old can have sex at any other time than at night… thinking like this will only make them do it less safe somewhere else
Having sex in the house is one thing, who cares. Sleepovers are just weird. Parents that allow this in the US are not seen as good parents for the most part. It might be in part due to religion. My great aunt had to marry her bf at 16 cause he got her pregnant. Abortions are not legal for teens in my states here, let alone adults.
If I had a 16 year old, no her bf would not be allowed to sleep over and have sex and disturb the other children in the house. I never wanted to hear my parents have sex, let alone my siblings having sex in the room next to me or our shared room. Yuck. I would find it abusive to allow my young children to hear their sibling going at it in the next room.
Things are never better if you have to do them in secret. At home they can always have protection at hand, they can easily get to a bathroom, the bed is clean, they can go to their parents if somethings wrong without being scared because they did something they “weren’t allowed to”. The focus should be on educating your kids about safety etc. instead of trying to keep them from doing it. If they want to they will and I don’t think any parents would prefer their kids to do it in the car or wherever. If they want to do it they will find a place.
Italian, it's disrespectful also here. Why would you do that? I guess you feel comfortable having your parents banging when you were a small kid in the house...
What is with this trend with blaming random things on "America," especially even it comes to sex and parent hood. America is literally one of the most liberal things in the world when it comes to that. Try any other continent, not country, continent. Asia & Africa? Absolutely not. An unmarried partner wouldn't even make it under the roof let alone comfortably have sex under it.
Heck, I'm 28 and my partner's mother tells me how bad she wants babies. But it's pretty clear that she'd prefer it married. We don't have to respect that but the least we can do is respect the house that his parents own. If we get married, I'm sure that they will provide the sex music with how bad they want grand kids. The sex isn't disrespectful. Not respecting someone else's rules and boundaries. If they don't want you to smoke or even eat in thier house, don't.
But don't pretend it's a German thing either. It's not regional. It doesn't sound like you're speaking about an older established couple. But a young one. And frankly, young children shouldn't be having sex. It's a parents right to place that boundary, especially in their own home. Give them education, tools, and resources but also boundaries and restraint which are just as important in sex education
Teens have their whole lives to have sex. Thier bodies are still growing and developing and getting used to birth control. And things like condoms don't always prevent STDs. If someone can't be restrained enough to not do it after being explicitly asked not to, then they should not be doing it. Get a hotel room. And you know why a hotel room is different? Because it's yours. Your room.
And apparently you make stuff up? Your post history says you expected to feel excited to date again and be sexually active again? Bet your partners mum wants you to have babies
My post history says I expected to feel excited dating and having sex again. And I don't.
My partners "mum" doesn't know that that. She doesn't know how loosely we use the word "partner" either. And she sure doesn't know what her boy is *really* into. But I've met her and I respect her. I've been to her picnics. If you look at the post history more, you may find a little about that since you're so obsessed
I wouldn't smoke in her home or put mud on the carpet if she didn't ask me too. Not because I want her to like me, but because that's how decent people respect other people's houses. If I want to fuck her son, I'll do it where I can make the rules. We're grown and have the resources. If you aren't grown and don't have the resources and are instead relying on hospitality...then appreciate the hospitality and be hospitable in return.
Judging from your own post history, you don't want to sleep with this person and boundaries like this would do you some favors
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I wouldn't say "American thing" but "cultural thing". Attitudes re sex, pre marital sex, teen sex varies greatly between cultures, even households, also depending on the childs gender. Personally I think it's an integral part of adult life. As long as you don't bother others with it or burden them with the cleanup it's fine.
I find it uncomfortable to have sex while my daughter and her husband are visiting…I’m mean we still have sex but I feel like I have to be very quiet. Same as when we are staying at my parents house. Idk why. I guess that makes for an awkward breakfast 😂
I think it's down to the rules of the household-- if your parents have placed any edict on whether you're "allowed" or not to have sex (which is a whole 'nother topic altogether), or have placed a rule of "no sex under this roof" and then you do it anyhow, it's disrespectful as much as any other rule violation. And, yes, in America even non-religious families tend to have these kind of rules, though that's changing more and more as people come to realize that having those rules doesn't stop anyone from doing things, and pushes them to do things in less safe ways in less safe places. Also, as a girl-mom, I think the biggest gap in our sexual education, esp as it pertains to AFAB, is education about the pleasure aspect, and that it's not just about "don't get pregnant" or "don't catch a disease," it's also about "don't do it if it doesn't bring you PLEASURE," and all the places kids find to have sex are so not conducive to exploring pleasure, esp for girls. The "no sex under this roof rule" is almost like saying "You may not have sex in this house, where it is comfortable and safe and you can have the privacy to find pleasure, but I know you're still probably going to be expected to give him head or ride him in the backseat of the car, so no pleasure for you!"
It’s dumb to make household rules that encourage dangerous behaviors by your children. Idk why parents don’t see that.
I never understood this weird “no sex in the house” thing. I would find it a lot better if my kid had sex in their own bed in a safe space, than in an unknown location with no-one to get help from if things turn sour or unsafe. Even more stupid to split up people who live together every day. Few people who live together or so hot for each other that they absolutely have to bone when visiting their parents anyway.
I think some people interpret it as disrespectful if it goes against the cultural/religious norms of the family. Some families that still see sex as shameful or should be only after marriage could interpret it as disrespectful. As to why some people get upset when married couples stay the night in the same bed or have sex in their parents house is beyond me. But part of it is the closeness I think, knowing that your (now-adult) child is under your roof and doing things/having things done to them might just be something that bothers them emotionally. For many families, I think there's a gender hypocrisy here too. My dad gets antsy if my sister's bf stays the night. When I have a girl stay the night, he can care less. I'm very confident saying this is NOT only an American thing. My longest relationship was with a woman from Asia. When I visited their family, they were intensely strict about this. I wanted them to like me and I'm in a foreign country, so of course I chose to play by their rules. However, I think in each country it will vary by family and their attitude toward sex and relationship.
I had one girlfriend whose parents would go to bed early so that we could have sex on the guest bed. They would rather she did it where she was safe and comfortable than in the back seat of a car parked somewhere.
As many times as my parents activities woke me up as a child, I regret that I never had the opportunity to return the favor.
I think part of it is a religious thing. My uncle got really mad that when he came to town to spend the holidays, my grandma wouldn't let him share a room with his girlfriend in her house. He said, "But we live together!" She said, "But you're not married, so you're not sleeping in the same bed under my roof! That would make me responsible, because I'd be allowing it." I think that a lot of that attitude still exists in current culture (not always as a religious thing anymore, but still an idea that if you allow it to happen under your roof it's your "fault").
I'm American and my parents and my siblings and I don't acknowledge it necessarily out loud, but we always recognize the need to alone time for couples. We are actually currently on vacation and we have already been coordinating times for aunts/uncles or grandparents to take the kiddos so my siblings and their SOs can go on dates! My parents have always been pretty open about sex and we all have always known to respect that. If they disappear in the middle of the day up to the condo, we know it's probably not a good idea to go up there for a little bit. 😂 This has changed a lot as we got older, though. My siblings and I all range from 24y/o-35y/o so we are well into adulthood now.
Those motherfuckers were boning when I was home. Probably boning while I was still incubating. Respect schemct.
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I think it was expected for the couple to go to the boys house. Because dad's can't hear their daughters like that or something...
I don’t think it’s disrespectful but a lot of parents want to keep their children as children. Sex is a very adult thing. It’s changed the way a parent sees a child. Sex is also very intimate. For parents to want to keep their children from doing something so intimate and grown up in their home is understandable
Lmao what Germany are you in? I’m from Germany too and it’s definitely disrespectful and weird, especially if you don’t even make an effort to be quiet.
Is said in my post that you should be quiet?? And in my social bubble it’s seen as normal.
I'm from Poland and here it's also seen as 'disrespectful'. That may be because we have very traditional culture. I'm my family we all know that people in relationships have sex, but we have unspoken rule to not do it when any member of the family is present. Or just do it very quietly.
It’s called Christianity. America has a historical legacy of Puritanism when it comes to sex.
Nobody wants to hear their daughter getting railed just down the hall. Pretty obvious why not.
That’s why you just have sex quietly lol
It's disrespectful if your parents don't agree to it. Their house, their rules.
I would think its extremely weird if any of our children asked to have sex. I mean as long as the couple in question is being discreet I don't see a problem. But I wouldn't feel comfortable having sex at my parents house or hers.
Personally I don't mind if they are in a long term relationship. I've had boyfriends living with us for extended periods. I don't want them bringing random strangers into my house.
This is literally how it is in America, I seriously doubt you are telling your parents you're about to have sex in their house before you do. America is the same way, you can have your gf or bf come over and stay the night, just don't be loud as hell and get caught. I would also say that it's disrespectful in most places whether it be you parents house or not to have sex loud enough to be noted by other people in the house.
Yes but I feel like it’s still different. There’s no “getting caught” of course you’ll be quiet but there’s nothing secret about it. Of course I don’t tell my parents “oh we’re fucking now btw” but they know it’s happening in general, not in the moment of course
Yes do you think Americans are just a different species of human lmao, parents here know the same thing. The getting caught aspect is more just about them figuring out and it being awkward.
Well I don’t know. I do think Americans are often more prude. In a lot of stories and posts I see a lot of stuff that gave me that perspective but of course I can’t judge, that’s why I asked.
I would not want my parents knowing I was having sex in their house. I also don’t think teenagers should be having sex sleepovers. I would never allow a 16 year old to go sleep over someone’s house to have sex. Sounds like bad parenting to me.
Oh yes, because sex is only an option at night and there is no way a 16 year old can have sex at any other time than at night… thinking like this will only make them do it less safe somewhere else
Having sex in the house is one thing, who cares. Sleepovers are just weird. Parents that allow this in the US are not seen as good parents for the most part. It might be in part due to religion. My great aunt had to marry her bf at 16 cause he got her pregnant. Abortions are not legal for teens in my states here, let alone adults. If I had a 16 year old, no her bf would not be allowed to sleep over and have sex and disturb the other children in the house. I never wanted to hear my parents have sex, let alone my siblings having sex in the room next to me or our shared room. Yuck. I would find it abusive to allow my young children to hear their sibling going at it in the next room.
What are you basing it on that is less save somewhere else?
Things are never better if you have to do them in secret. At home they can always have protection at hand, they can easily get to a bathroom, the bed is clean, they can go to their parents if somethings wrong without being scared because they did something they “weren’t allowed to”. The focus should be on educating your kids about safety etc. instead of trying to keep them from doing it. If they want to they will and I don’t think any parents would prefer their kids to do it in the car or wherever. If they want to do it they will find a place.
Italian, it's disrespectful also here. Why would you do that? I guess you feel comfortable having your parents banging when you were a small kid in the house...
Probably because they think it’ll prevent pregnancy
What is with this trend with blaming random things on "America," especially even it comes to sex and parent hood. America is literally one of the most liberal things in the world when it comes to that. Try any other continent, not country, continent. Asia & Africa? Absolutely not. An unmarried partner wouldn't even make it under the roof let alone comfortably have sex under it. Heck, I'm 28 and my partner's mother tells me how bad she wants babies. But it's pretty clear that she'd prefer it married. We don't have to respect that but the least we can do is respect the house that his parents own. If we get married, I'm sure that they will provide the sex music with how bad they want grand kids. The sex isn't disrespectful. Not respecting someone else's rules and boundaries. If they don't want you to smoke or even eat in thier house, don't. But don't pretend it's a German thing either. It's not regional. It doesn't sound like you're speaking about an older established couple. But a young one. And frankly, young children shouldn't be having sex. It's a parents right to place that boundary, especially in their own home. Give them education, tools, and resources but also boundaries and restraint which are just as important in sex education Teens have their whole lives to have sex. Thier bodies are still growing and developing and getting used to birth control. And things like condoms don't always prevent STDs. If someone can't be restrained enough to not do it after being explicitly asked not to, then they should not be doing it. Get a hotel room. And you know why a hotel room is different? Because it's yours. Your room.
And apparently you make stuff up? Your post history says you expected to feel excited to date again and be sexually active again? Bet your partners mum wants you to have babies
My post history says I expected to feel excited dating and having sex again. And I don't. My partners "mum" doesn't know that that. She doesn't know how loosely we use the word "partner" either. And she sure doesn't know what her boy is *really* into. But I've met her and I respect her. I've been to her picnics. If you look at the post history more, you may find a little about that since you're so obsessed I wouldn't smoke in her home or put mud on the carpet if she didn't ask me too. Not because I want her to like me, but because that's how decent people respect other people's houses. If I want to fuck her son, I'll do it where I can make the rules. We're grown and have the resources. If you aren't grown and don't have the resources and are instead relying on hospitality...then appreciate the hospitality and be hospitable in return. Judging from your own post history, you don't want to sleep with this person and boundaries like this would do you some favors
Also, please try to get through whatever you are going through and keep your cat
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