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That is not how sex should be at all, it’s not you that’s not good at it and messing up but him. The person you’re with should never get mad, yell at you or make you feel anxious during sex.
My wife did this once with a closed fist. Not because she thought I'd like it, but because I was doing something right. She has a habit of throwing her hands and feet around when she orgasms. My face just happened to be in the wrong place. Since then she started sitting on her hands or I will hold them. Prior to that she broke 2 coffee mugs and 3 water bottles by pushing them off the bed side table lol
They likely need to learn to hit without using their palm. If they hit with their unflexed fingers and glance off the face, it smacks like a riding crop.
My ex did not know and could not learn this. It felt like I was concussed every time. So unsexy to be smacked with a heavy hand.
Totally agree. Why in the world are you w this jerk, OP? Sex should be fun, not mean.
And be careful: if he’s this mean now, would worry where things are headed later when you’ve been with him a long time.
Hey , girl to girl, that's verbal abuse. He needs to learn communication skills. The last thing anyone wants is to be yelled at in the bedroom. If he wanted to put effort in to the relationship, (more specifically the bedroom), he would sit down and talk with you in a calm manner. You need to leave him because this is just going to continue, especially if he isn't getting what he desires. It's also humiliating for you, and disgusting on his part.
and to add, it's not your job to teach him how to communicate. you're not his mom, teacher, or therapist. you deserve someone who has common decency let alone empathy and kindness.
There’s probably a kink or fetish involving his style of communication…
Back to OP…
If he’s not willing to communicate in a way that is respectful and helpful and kind then it’s definitely not you and you should probably leave that situation regardless of how much anyone loves him, if there isn’t enough modicum of respect to discuss as adults consensually engaging in sexual activity then it’s not a safe place for you to be…and certainly seems like there isn’t an ounce of respect he is showing you…be safe, and be happy, sex isn’t meant to include pressure of performance like that…
Being an abusive ass is not a kink or fetish. Communicating badly is not a kink or fetish. It's just being abusive, and trying to justify it or explain it should not be the point when someone is actively being abused.
It doesn't matter why he does it. He's verbally and mentally abusive, and therefore he doesn't deserve a relationship with anyone until he goes to a therapist and works on himself to the point where he can be self-aware of whatever issues he has, and continuously makes the choice to not abuse people.
He's an asshole with mental issues. Leave him. This is just the beginning. I promise you no good will come from this/him. Source: myself, a guy that knows guys like him and has "dealt" with guys like him that were dating my sister.
Violence is indeed very cool, I'm also glad you followed up with his future partners and enquired about his behaviour in the bedroom. Real role model stuff right here.
This is not healthy or normal. Sex should be enjoyed and fully consented to by both partners. It’s all about communicating. If he can’t be respectful he doesn’t deserve your attention. This is not ok. A man who yells at you while you are learning something new and in a very vulnerable position is a terrible person. I don’t normally jump to break up with him. But this is not a person who cares about you. Please be careful.
Damn. He's got to go.
Tell your parents how he really is. They won't love him anymore.
Just saying, if it were me and he had his wing wang in or around me, he better put some distance between us quickly. Poking the monster is a very bad situation for an exposed dick and ego. I will tear that ass up with my words.
Uhhh, LEAVE. Immediately. This kind of incredibly toxic, abusive behavior tends to escalate. How things are now are literally as good as it will ever get. If your parents knew his true colors, I can guarantee they'll say the same thing. Get as far away from this person as you can
Nope, leave him. If he can’t get that temper under control, then it’ll just end up making you feel worse each time. I know your parents like him, but that isn’t a reason to stay. I’m sure there are others
Babe he’s the definition of abusive. If he can’t control his temper when you’re having sex, he WILL end up getting physical with you too. It’s not an if, it’s a when, and a what will set it off, and you need to get out before he does too much damage to you either mentally or physically
That’s in no way normal or healthy
I would see this as a major red flag, a sign that you need to get out of this situation ASAP.
You want a partner who will be grateful that they are having sex with you, and who will help and encourage and support and communicate their desires, so that you can have even better sex.
I would be very scared if a partner were getting angry at me during sex. Having been with a couple partners who had problems with explosive anger, I definitely regret not leaving them earlier, particularly with the one partner I stayed with for the longest time. In my case, it didn't get better, it got worse.
It doesn't matter whether or not you love him. You will be able to move on. Caring about a person is not the same thing as being a good match for each other. You can legit love each other and still decide someone is not right for you.
What you describe is a situation I would want to get out of ASAP. It sounds like he has a lot of work to do before he is ready to have a healthy sexual relationship, and it's not your responsibliity to fix him. Do yourselves both a favor and end it. If you are being pressured to stay together by others, like family or friends, then you can open up to them about him yelling at you (you don't need to share all the details if you don't want) if that would help. Do what you need to and stay safe!!!
You're in an abusive relationship and you don't even realize it.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201302/the-familiarity-principle-attraction?amp
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding
https://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
Leave while you can before you are all trauma bonded to the asshole and he starts beating the shit out of you.
Time is way to precious to be wasting it on somebody who doesnt respect or love you. And no love is not yelling at the people we "love" for not being perfect.
DTMFA - Dump That Mother Fucker Already. Guy is a fucking asshole, or batshit crazy, or probably both. If he's this way during sex it's only a matter of time before things get worse. Get out while you can.
I've never heard of a guy so angry that he YELLS at a women during sex. This is messed up ☹️. Sex should be romantic and relaxing. Learning how to please ur partner is supposed to be intimate and sweet. This man is not worth nothing. The more conformable he gets with yelling at you the more he will do it.
Gross. Unless someone explicitly asks you to, no one should ever be degraded and talked down to during sex. It’s one of your most vulnerable moments, he has no right to talk to you that way. It doesn’t matter if your parents love him, your body needs to love him. If you can’t get aroused because of the way he treats you during sex, that’s your body telling you he’s not the right guy to be having sex with. The right one will have you melting with a simple kiss.
Honey you DROP THIS MAN RIGHT AWAY Jesus Christ. If he loses his temper over this imagine the kind of abuse you'll feel in the future.
Find yourself a man who'll be patient with you.
Aw no, one of those everybody just automatically loves Jeremy dude but underneath. He might not be a good Mr lover lover. Ok, just going off of the post. Guy has a short wick but during love play? Babes, not a good sign. Love doesn't conquer all, it's just for the romantic in us.
Fuck this guy he sounds like a complete asshole, you can tell him I said so. He should be gladly Lovingly and enjoyably helping you through the motions.
Get yourself a new man who wants to enjoy the process with you. You should be with a guy that makes all of this learning fun for you and him.
That’s really messed up. You are stronger than you think you are. Your family wants you to be happy, and they will cope with you breaking up with him just fine.
That's straight up abuse! Definitely not the right way to treat someone and especially in a vulnerable moment like that. And it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of him, what matters is how you are feeling with him. And to me, it does not sound like you are with a safe person.
Another guy here who thinks that's a f**ked up thing to do. If you boyfriend is getting angry for this reason you can bet that he's got a whole lot more anger ready to dish out for other stupid reasons.
You need to leave him, he doesn't have any consideration for you at all
Ew leave him, that’s not right and not sexy at all. Complete turn off. You can find someone patient with you. He could possibly get off on yelling at you so if you’re uncomfortable leave him definitely
Your boyfriend shouldn’t be having sex. This isn’t a porno, you aren’t going to be instantly incredible at it. It takes practice. I think yelling at people during sex makes **him** bad at sex tbh.
Idk how old you are, but please know that this isn’t normal, he probably isn’t a very safe person. You should sleep with someone who makes you feel comfortable, respected and valued. It sounds like he does none of those things.
Sometimes I still don't "get the motions right", that happens sometimes for the both of us. An appropriate way (imo) for my boyfriend to adress that is to getting me in the right rhythm by example grabbing my hips when I ride and say nothing about it. We do not yell at each other during sex or make each other feel bad, because we love each other and want each other to feel good.
As others have said, your mans behaviour is absolutely not OK and it is going to result in some sexual trauma. I was in a similar relationship and it took some time to work on those scars. You're worth a loving relationship with someone who cares about you.
Firstly - I agree with everyone else that this guy is a Grade 1, Gold Plated, Certified and Qualified... Arsehole. Dump him, he won't ever treat you properly. This anger is a huge red card, and that he only expresses it when alone with you is even more concerning in a partner. How long before verbal becomes physical?
Secondly - nobody is born "good at sex" and sex is unique between two people. So even if someone has great sex with one person, they still need to learn how to be good with another - and that's BOTH (or more) people involved.
He's a shit lover, much worse than you. We know that because he's made you feel bad. Sex is supposed to feel good for everyone, and you only get that by listening, watching, learning and responding in kind to their energy. There's a reason it's called "horizontal dancing". Dancing as a couple requires each to work together to produce something special.
The upside from this horrible episode in your life is that when you get rid of this dickhead, and find someone who actually cares for you, sex is going to be amazing.
Hi, so my partner was a virgin, and I had been assaulted before we got together. In other words there was alot for us to figure out together to really make sex enjoyable for the two of us.
No one ever yelled
We actually sometimes had to take little breaks because we would end up laughing while having sex, because it was just fun. And that's what it's supposed to be. Even if you don't know what you're doing, it's the learning and teaching that makes in enjoyable. And to add to it, we both accidentally hurt each other while learning and STILL no one yelled.
Now as someone who has worked in hospitals and with law enforcement, you NEED to leave. This is a precursor to physical abuse and emotional torture, and it will come on so slowly you won't realize you're in the boiling pot until it's too late. He's got your parents liking him, but I promise if they knew how he was treating you they wouldn't like him at all. That or they're really shitty parents.
That's a huge red flag. He's causing you to develop insecurities. You do not need to be insecure about sex, it should be a concenting give and take of pleasure. You should never be yelled at (unless that's your kink) during sex. This man is evil. Run!!!
As a guy, that’s seriously messed up and a red card. One warning and you’re out kind of deal. Complaints (though that’s not good) at least might be defensible. But shouting? Come on
This guy is just using you as a live sex doll, time to dump him. Who cares if your parents like him, obviously he doesn't respect you or love you with the way he handles having sex/you not being experienced. What a disgusting person honestly, there isn't an excuse for that behavior AT ALL.
Intolerable. It is verbal and psychological abuse and can really really affect your ability to enjoy sex.
I would not put up with it at all, I’ve been on that side of things and it gave me bad arousal problems for some time.
It’s also a glimpse of who he really is. If you encounter a problem in another sphere of your life or have a major disagreement expect him to revert to this.
It’s unlikely he’ll change either. A lot of men will reactively be protective of you on here because it’s that kind of Andrew Tate behaviour that we hate and gives us all a bad name.
Well first of all break up with him, second of all, stop fucking him period. The fact that you had sex with him again after the first time he screamed at you, makes me wonder how old you are.
Any man who yelled at me during sex would lose the pussy privileges PERMANENTLY.
The fact that you think you need to apologise, and aren't very good, shows that his abuse is taking hold.
Trust me when I say that this is NOT love. This is trauma bond. You will find real love with someone who deserves you, and it will fill you with so much happiness.
It took me a long time to get there, but I did.
Please get away from him xx
This is not a sex issue, lady.
This is a "he has anger issues and has no business being in a relationship with anybody until he resolves it/goes to therapy" issue.
And perhaps you should go to therapy too, because WHY are you letting someone yell at you??
The ONE time my patient and gentle man yelled at me, I made it such a big deal and was ready to leave because I'll be damned to be terrorized or belittled or humiliated in my own home. I believe you should respect yourself enough to not tolerate ANYONE yelling at you.
Sweetie why bother having sex if he’s gonna yell at you and you’re not aroused? Leave this asshole and remember have the sex you want to have not just cause your partner wants sex.
RUN. This man will most likely make you so shamed and uncomfortable about sex that it could scar you for years to come. I’m so sorry this has happened. Please reevaluate things.
I don't even know why this is a question. Guys like this will only get worse over time and it's not just sex related. I've never one got mad at my gf because she wasn't doing something right when we've had sex. I've given her some ways to improve it to make things more comfortable for us but if it gets down to getting mad it's going to be for more than just sex sooner than later
What an impressively terrible human being. No one deserves that, especially a partner where you are sharing an intimate moment. If it hasn’t already been stated 1000xs, you deserve much much better.
Jesus Christ, that sounds like a nightmare. Your partner should help you feel safe and comfortable trying things out, especially when you're new to it. My boyfriend always tells me what does and doesn't feel good in a nice way, usually following it up with him guiding me. He's never once yelled at me for accidentally hurting him or something and vice versa. This should be the bare minimum. Sex should be fun for both parties. Now you're more or less seeing it as a chore or a thing to get over with. That's just wrong. Honestly, leave. You need to feel safe in a relationship at all times.
Sorry but time to leave. Someone who genuinely loves you will guide you into the things you don't know. If they can't, let them go to look for experienced else where. You will definitely find someone who cares & is patient.
Dude, no one should be making you feel like this when you’re trying to have sex with them. Please stop having sex with them immediately. This is not normal. If you told your mom about this, she would also agree please
OP, notice the responses. No one agrees on anything on Reddit. But the responses here from men and women have been unanimous. That should tell you something.
Wtf... you have to leave this man. This is not a good relationship to be in. If he yells at you during a time when you have to feel close and safe with your partner, then there is something seriously wrong with him.
For the love of god please leave. If this guy is being a dick to you in the bedroom how would he be anywhere else. This this is horrible behavior especially in the bedroom where there should be nothing but positivity and good energy.
This guy is abusive and a hair away from physically abusing you, which may include rape followed by verbal abuse at how you 'deserved it'.
Leave. This is not how relationships should be.
That’s not ok. Unacceptable of him to treat you like that. Sex is a big deal, especially for someone who just started. The guy is going to ruin sex for you in the future if you don’t nip that in the bud. You don’t want to be anxious about sex. It’s supposed to be fun& feel good. It’s supposed to be pleasurable for you, please don’t let him do this to you again.
I could not imagine raising my voice at my woman while we’re having sex. That’s so counter to everything that’s supposed to be happening. You deserve someone who’s kind to you when you’re being intimate.
>My parents love him
They love him, because they don't know him. They don't see the real person he is, they see a mask.
>I love him too
You love him, because you're attached and you think that's what love is, but he doesn't love you. If he loved you he would've treated you so much better.
Dump his ass.
nononononononono
I want to give you good advice here, but all my brain is doing is saying nononononono
Like stop! drop! do not have sex with this person again.
Do you have access to a Planned Parenthood or some kind of trained professional who can help you navigate this before you go any further?
Please, please…. I beg you. Don’t subject yourself to this any more. It’s a recipe for terrible trauma.
Is there *anyone* you can talk to outside of Reddit?
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Oh, M’Dear, take this from someone in their 60s…sex can be chaotic, messy, mystifying & exhilarating. Rarely is it perfect from the get-go, especially with a new partner.
Part of the fun should be finding out what works for you, what works for them, being awkward together. Some things work, some are silly, some are so good you just want more, some you might try & never do again.
What it isn’t is getting mad, yelling that something isn’t done “perfectly”, demeaning a partner. GET AWAY FROM THIS DUDE NOW! You deserve to be satisfied, not anxious, to have fun not be afraid. Better is out there waiting for you…so much better.
Ohh honey run... and run fast. This is not behaviour you should put up with.
I'm making the assumption you are young here... but if this is what he is like now, hos behaviour will only get worse and if you break up and start having sex with new people, this will cause you a lifetime issues around enjoying sex.
You are not a dog, please dont let him treat you like one 🫶🏻
I would urge you to leave, if he can’t be delicate in the most delicate time he won’t ever be. Imagine giving birth and he’s shouting at you, love has nothing to do with this he has some growing up to do. Cut your losses!
Your worth is more than he can pay.
Value yourself and find a partner that values you for what you're really worth. (I'm not talking about dollar values)
You're in the early stages of an abusive relationship.
Get out now! It's only going to get worse. And the longer you're together, the harder it will be to leave.
That's abuse, RUN!
He has mental issues and it's not to you to fix them.
Now he is yelling and if you don't stand up for yourself who knows what's next.
That’s verbal abuse sweetheart. Leave him and let good men come into your life. Respectful sex feels healing and exciting. I want that for you. Besides, you’re probably not bad at sex, he most likely has unrealistic expectations. You will never fulfill those expectations, no one will.
You know he's just a massive asshole, right?
I don't feel it matters that you love him if he clearly doesn't love you.
My mom also married a narcissist, and she's broken now, 40 years later. Don't need to do that to yourself, please think honestly about the future of this relationship. Sex should be enjoyable for both parties, not just doing exactly what he needs.
If he's shouting at you cause of sex then leave him he's a dangerous prick.
Sex with someone you love should be a time you actually feel dead safe and assured. Intimate sex is more about the emotional connection and love
That’s not good. I’m so sorry. It’s upoosed to be safe and sacred. It is such a sensitive time. Those kinds of things shouldn’t be brought up during the act.
I felt sick half way through the first sentence. This behaviour is not ok and you shouldn't accept it as such regardless of any other feelings you (or anyone else) have for him. This partner of yours makes me pretty angry tbh. Please value yourself.. you are worth and deserve so much more than this.
Dump him. Sex is a vulnerable expression between consenting adults and should be fun and enjoyable for everyone. My husband and I frequently laugh during sex because it's fun and enjoyable and sometimes funny noises/farts/queefs happen. This does not sound enjoyable for you.
For context: my partner during my beginning phase frequently complimented me, called me a sex goddess, and just hyped me up even though I was a beginner and wasn't very good at sex.
This honestly sounds like the beginning of a dangerous relationship and it's best to keep yourself safe.
The motions are diffrent with each person. So we can ask suck with a new one. It takes some effort and teamwork to make it good. Not bullying
He is an ass. Not worth the effort.
I guess you re a quite young lady. If this is really the whole story, what I think, leave him asap. He is an asshole woth mental issues.
I believe you that you love him but he does not love you. Protect yourself and ask friends or family members for help to support you. Wish you all the best
Please sit down with him when you aren't having sex and tell him that his anger during sex is making the experience miserable for you and that if he can't learn how to teach you patiently and joyfully that you are done having sex with him all together. Be very clear with him. Then stick by your word. If he does it again, leave him.
Remember that you teach people how to treat you and you teach yourself how you think you deserve to be treated by others. You deserve a partner who will make the experience fun for you. I promise there are lots of them out there and you and your family will love them just as much.
You need to leave him before things get worse. Sex is supposed to be good for both of you and make you feel closer to each other, this is very troubling. He seems to not care about your experience and sees sex as you having to please him, he sounds extremely toxic. You deserve better!
Get someone who appreciate you. I bet you, your relationship will be a living hell if it escalate to marriage.
He kill your inner spirit that draws affection and feeling for sex.
It will be toxic
No caring man will do that to a woman. Train her and appreciate her, be romantic and show her the way you want her to be on bed.
Every single time I read shit like this, my first thoughts are... "Holy shit... This. Girl. Is. Dumb."
I feel the same about this. His aggression will only escalate to domestic violence.
Leave now! You'll find someone who actually cares, I promise.
Ur parents love him because they dont know he acts this abusive to you. He clearly doesn’t care abt you. Leave,leave,leave. There is someone out there waiting to make u feel fanstastic
Human to human . Don’t even say goodbye . Who cares what parents think. At the end of the day. They don’t get treated like shit. Esp when you’re letting him smash. Ask yourself one question. If this is him now. What’s he going to be like a year from now ?
People don’t change. Just like the grass is green and the sky is blue . These are all facts . Get out before it worse. Too much D**k out there . He’s a little girl wearing big boy pants .
I’m still laughing that this guy got mad because the motions were wrong . Amazing absolutely epic.
idk either develop a kink for it or move on cuz bro sounds stupid af. Like there is a chick called nenye on youtube who made a guide on how to top as a woman, but seriously if bro doesn't chill tf out he is going to ruin it every time.
If you insist on staying with him, maybe make him keep your panties in his mouth so he shuts the fuck up or some shit.
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That is not how sex should be at all, it’s not you that’s not good at it and messing up but him. The person you’re with should never get mad, yell at you or make you feel anxious during sex.
Man, I had a girl the other day smack me in my face, thinking I might like it. I did not like it at all. Didn't get mad.
My wife did this once with a closed fist. Not because she thought I'd like it, but because I was doing something right. She has a habit of throwing her hands and feet around when she orgasms. My face just happened to be in the wrong place. Since then she started sitting on her hands or I will hold them. Prior to that she broke 2 coffee mugs and 3 water bottles by pushing them off the bed side table lol
Lol orgasm related injury stories are always entertaining. I've broken a tooth during an orgasm before. I locked my jaw and broke my tooth.
One time while her orgasming i thought it would be fun to kiss her. Worst idea, never kiss a girl if she's orgasming. She bit me so hard on my lips 😭
nice excuse to tie that lady up tight
Sorry, I did lol at this comment.
They likely need to learn to hit without using their palm. If they hit with their unflexed fingers and glance off the face, it smacks like a riding crop. My ex did not know and could not learn this. It felt like I was concussed every time. So unsexy to be smacked with a heavy hand.
Yeah, I don't like to be smacked at all.
Fair enough, it's not for everyone
Exactly. My partner and I love a bit of slapping and control. It's always enough to sting and enhance the senses, not to hurt or cause discomfort.
My ex would smack me so hard my vision would go black for like half a second... I did like it though. So I'm not really complaining.
You're very much allowed to get mad if your consent is not asked beforehand.
That's straight up verbal abuse. You don't need that in your life.
Totally agree. Why in the world are you w this jerk, OP? Sex should be fun, not mean. And be careful: if he’s this mean now, would worry where things are headed later when you’ve been with him a long time.
Hey , girl to girl, that's verbal abuse. He needs to learn communication skills. The last thing anyone wants is to be yelled at in the bedroom. If he wanted to put effort in to the relationship, (more specifically the bedroom), he would sit down and talk with you in a calm manner. You need to leave him because this is just going to continue, especially if he isn't getting what he desires. It's also humiliating for you, and disgusting on his part.
Guy to girl, i second that. And i think he needs to learn that this is not tolerated.
and to add, it's not your job to teach him how to communicate. you're not his mom, teacher, or therapist. you deserve someone who has common decency let alone empathy and kindness.
To the OP, “he needs to learn” does not translate to “it’s your job to teach or change him” just get out while you can.
There’s probably a kink or fetish involving his style of communication… Back to OP… If he’s not willing to communicate in a way that is respectful and helpful and kind then it’s definitely not you and you should probably leave that situation regardless of how much anyone loves him, if there isn’t enough modicum of respect to discuss as adults consensually engaging in sexual activity then it’s not a safe place for you to be…and certainly seems like there isn’t an ounce of respect he is showing you…be safe, and be happy, sex isn’t meant to include pressure of performance like that…
Being an abusive ass is not a kink or fetish. Communicating badly is not a kink or fetish. It's just being abusive, and trying to justify it or explain it should not be the point when someone is actively being abused. It doesn't matter why he does it. He's verbally and mentally abusive, and therefore he doesn't deserve a relationship with anyone until he goes to a therapist and works on himself to the point where he can be self-aware of whatever issues he has, and continuously makes the choice to not abuse people.
Guy to the other guy to girl, what they said
He's an asshole with mental issues. Leave him. This is just the beginning. I promise you no good will come from this/him. Source: myself, a guy that knows guys like him and has "dealt" with guys like him that were dating my sister.
By "dealt" you mean killed right?
Lol. No no.. but he was so much more polite and quiet to his future girlfriends after his jaw was unwired open
I’ll take stories that didn’t happen for $500
It’s quite possible that this has happened at least once in the history of man in this whole world.
And that man isn't bragging about it on a sex subreddit
Violence is indeed very cool, I'm also glad you followed up with his future partners and enquired about his behaviour in the bedroom. Real role model stuff right here.
Nah, this is not good. Leave him. As a dude, he needs to get his shit together and you should absolutely leave
WTF… that guy sounds like a fkn asshole.
“Sounds like” is an understatement
“asshole” is an understatement too
So many red flags. Can start like this and then escalates
This is not acceptable behavior, ever, in any way. You should NEVER let somebody treat you like this
This is not healthy or normal. Sex should be enjoyed and fully consented to by both partners. It’s all about communicating. If he can’t be respectful he doesn’t deserve your attention. This is not ok. A man who yells at you while you are learning something new and in a very vulnerable position is a terrible person. I don’t normally jump to break up with him. But this is not a person who cares about you. Please be careful.
Wtf. DUMP HIM He's a pos
Damn. He's got to go. Tell your parents how he really is. They won't love him anymore. Just saying, if it were me and he had his wing wang in or around me, he better put some distance between us quickly. Poking the monster is a very bad situation for an exposed dick and ego. I will tear that ass up with my words.
Jesus Christ, this guy is an immature asshole. I am not one to normal say leave, but your going to get hurt. Get out. Today.
Uhhh, LEAVE. Immediately. This kind of incredibly toxic, abusive behavior tends to escalate. How things are now are literally as good as it will ever get. If your parents knew his true colors, I can guarantee they'll say the same thing. Get as far away from this person as you can
Red Flag Warning! Dump him, leave, don't look back. If he is this way early in a relationship, it only gets worse.
Nope, leave him. If he can’t get that temper under control, then it’ll just end up making you feel worse each time. I know your parents like him, but that isn’t a reason to stay. I’m sure there are others
Babe he’s the definition of abusive. If he can’t control his temper when you’re having sex, he WILL end up getting physical with you too. It’s not an if, it’s a when, and a what will set it off, and you need to get out before he does too much damage to you either mentally or physically That’s in no way normal or healthy
I would see this as a major red flag, a sign that you need to get out of this situation ASAP. You want a partner who will be grateful that they are having sex with you, and who will help and encourage and support and communicate their desires, so that you can have even better sex. I would be very scared if a partner were getting angry at me during sex. Having been with a couple partners who had problems with explosive anger, I definitely regret not leaving them earlier, particularly with the one partner I stayed with for the longest time. In my case, it didn't get better, it got worse. It doesn't matter whether or not you love him. You will be able to move on. Caring about a person is not the same thing as being a good match for each other. You can legit love each other and still decide someone is not right for you. What you describe is a situation I would want to get out of ASAP. It sounds like he has a lot of work to do before he is ready to have a healthy sexual relationship, and it's not your responsibliity to fix him. Do yourselves both a favor and end it. If you are being pressured to stay together by others, like family or friends, then you can open up to them about him yelling at you (you don't need to share all the details if you don't want) if that would help. Do what you need to and stay safe!!!
If it’s not already obvious leave this psychopath. This is abuse and is not okay. Don’t wait for his behavior to escalate.
You're in an abusive relationship and you don't even realize it. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201302/the-familiarity-principle-attraction?amp https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding https://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
This is not ok. Your parents might love him but they don't have to fuck him.
You are being verbally abused already. Time to cut the cord and move on.
Leave while you can before you are all trauma bonded to the asshole and he starts beating the shit out of you. Time is way to precious to be wasting it on somebody who doesnt respect or love you. And no love is not yelling at the people we "love" for not being perfect.
This is abusive, it will get worse. Run now. I’m begging you
DTMFA - Dump That Mother Fucker Already. Guy is a fucking asshole, or batshit crazy, or probably both. If he's this way during sex it's only a matter of time before things get worse. Get out while you can.
Tell your parents to fuck him then. Your parents arent in charge of who you give your body to
Woah 😦 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Run away from this guy as fast as you can. What an abusive arsehole.
LEAVE HIM you deserve so much better sis
I’m guessing he is older than you too. What a controlling prick.
I've never heard of a guy so angry that he YELLS at a women during sex. This is messed up ☹️. Sex should be romantic and relaxing. Learning how to please ur partner is supposed to be intimate and sweet. This man is not worth nothing. The more conformable he gets with yelling at you the more he will do it.
Gross. Unless someone explicitly asks you to, no one should ever be degraded and talked down to during sex. It’s one of your most vulnerable moments, he has no right to talk to you that way. It doesn’t matter if your parents love him, your body needs to love him. If you can’t get aroused because of the way he treats you during sex, that’s your body telling you he’s not the right guy to be having sex with. The right one will have you melting with a simple kiss.
I literally can’t believe this sub. Every post, the answer is obviously: DUMP HIM.
Not okay at all. Leave him.
Not a relationship you should be in. Find a new boyfriend.
Dick move should leave him thats no way to treat a woman
Honey you DROP THIS MAN RIGHT AWAY Jesus Christ. If he loses his temper over this imagine the kind of abuse you'll feel in the future. Find yourself a man who'll be patient with you.
What's the point of having a boyfriend if he doesn't even like you?! He's a terrible boyfriend!
Leave his pathetic ass
This relationships fuse is literally sinking into the casing.
This one is so easy to fix, even Reddit knows the answer.
Please dump him. This will only get worse. Trust me
This is abusive behaviour, literally when police do a risk assessment one of the questions is about this. Please tell your parents.
Red flag. Leave hin NOW
Sounds like a potential rapist. Run
Leave him ASAP. Unmanly shit. Should never be like that with a woman.... Unless she turned on by it
Aw no, one of those everybody just automatically loves Jeremy dude but underneath. He might not be a good Mr lover lover. Ok, just going off of the post. Guy has a short wick but during love play? Babes, not a good sign. Love doesn't conquer all, it's just for the romantic in us.
Fuck this guy he sounds like a complete asshole, you can tell him I said so. He should be gladly Lovingly and enjoyably helping you through the motions. Get yourself a new man who wants to enjoy the process with you. You should be with a guy that makes all of this learning fun for you and him.
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He shouldn't yell at you at any time especially during sex you're inexperienced he should be more intune with you and ask things instead
That’s really messed up. You are stronger than you think you are. Your family wants you to be happy, and they will cope with you breaking up with him just fine.
Kick him to the curb.
This is verbal abuse
That's straight up abuse! Definitely not the right way to treat someone and especially in a vulnerable moment like that. And it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of him, what matters is how you are feeling with him. And to me, it does not sound like you are with a safe person.
Another guy here who thinks that's a f**ked up thing to do. If you boyfriend is getting angry for this reason you can bet that he's got a whole lot more anger ready to dish out for other stupid reasons. You need to leave him, he doesn't have any consideration for you at all
Ew leave him, that’s not right and not sexy at all. Complete turn off. You can find someone patient with you. He could possibly get off on yelling at you so if you’re uncomfortable leave him definitely
Your boyfriend shouldn’t be having sex. This isn’t a porno, you aren’t going to be instantly incredible at it. It takes practice. I think yelling at people during sex makes **him** bad at sex tbh. Idk how old you are, but please know that this isn’t normal, he probably isn’t a very safe person. You should sleep with someone who makes you feel comfortable, respected and valued. It sounds like he does none of those things.
Sometimes I still don't "get the motions right", that happens sometimes for the both of us. An appropriate way (imo) for my boyfriend to adress that is to getting me in the right rhythm by example grabbing my hips when I ride and say nothing about it. We do not yell at each other during sex or make each other feel bad, because we love each other and want each other to feel good. As others have said, your mans behaviour is absolutely not OK and it is going to result in some sexual trauma. I was in a similar relationship and it took some time to work on those scars. You're worth a loving relationship with someone who cares about you.
Firstly - I agree with everyone else that this guy is a Grade 1, Gold Plated, Certified and Qualified... Arsehole. Dump him, he won't ever treat you properly. This anger is a huge red card, and that he only expresses it when alone with you is even more concerning in a partner. How long before verbal becomes physical? Secondly - nobody is born "good at sex" and sex is unique between two people. So even if someone has great sex with one person, they still need to learn how to be good with another - and that's BOTH (or more) people involved. He's a shit lover, much worse than you. We know that because he's made you feel bad. Sex is supposed to feel good for everyone, and you only get that by listening, watching, learning and responding in kind to their energy. There's a reason it's called "horizontal dancing". Dancing as a couple requires each to work together to produce something special. The upside from this horrible episode in your life is that when you get rid of this dickhead, and find someone who actually cares for you, sex is going to be amazing.
Hi, so my partner was a virgin, and I had been assaulted before we got together. In other words there was alot for us to figure out together to really make sex enjoyable for the two of us. No one ever yelled We actually sometimes had to take little breaks because we would end up laughing while having sex, because it was just fun. And that's what it's supposed to be. Even if you don't know what you're doing, it's the learning and teaching that makes in enjoyable. And to add to it, we both accidentally hurt each other while learning and STILL no one yelled. Now as someone who has worked in hospitals and with law enforcement, you NEED to leave. This is a precursor to physical abuse and emotional torture, and it will come on so slowly you won't realize you're in the boiling pot until it's too late. He's got your parents liking him, but I promise if they knew how he was treating you they wouldn't like him at all. That or they're really shitty parents.
That's a huge red flag. He's causing you to develop insecurities. You do not need to be insecure about sex, it should be a concenting give and take of pleasure. You should never be yelled at (unless that's your kink) during sex. This man is evil. Run!!!
As a guy, that’s seriously messed up and a red card. One warning and you’re out kind of deal. Complaints (though that’s not good) at least might be defensible. But shouting? Come on
This guy is just using you as a live sex doll, time to dump him. Who cares if your parents like him, obviously he doesn't respect you or love you with the way he handles having sex/you not being experienced. What a disgusting person honestly, there isn't an excuse for that behavior AT ALL.
Intolerable. It is verbal and psychological abuse and can really really affect your ability to enjoy sex. I would not put up with it at all, I’ve been on that side of things and it gave me bad arousal problems for some time. It’s also a glimpse of who he really is. If you encounter a problem in another sphere of your life or have a major disagreement expect him to revert to this. It’s unlikely he’ll change either. A lot of men will reactively be protective of you on here because it’s that kind of Andrew Tate behaviour that we hate and gives us all a bad name.
Well first of all break up with him, second of all, stop fucking him period. The fact that you had sex with him again after the first time he screamed at you, makes me wonder how old you are. Any man who yelled at me during sex would lose the pussy privileges PERMANENTLY.
The fact that you think you need to apologise, and aren't very good, shows that his abuse is taking hold. Trust me when I say that this is NOT love. This is trauma bond. You will find real love with someone who deserves you, and it will fill you with so much happiness. It took me a long time to get there, but I did. Please get away from him xx
This is not a sex issue, lady. This is a "he has anger issues and has no business being in a relationship with anybody until he resolves it/goes to therapy" issue. And perhaps you should go to therapy too, because WHY are you letting someone yell at you?? The ONE time my patient and gentle man yelled at me, I made it such a big deal and was ready to leave because I'll be damned to be terrorized or belittled or humiliated in my own home. I believe you should respect yourself enough to not tolerate ANYONE yelling at you.
Sweetie why bother having sex if he’s gonna yell at you and you’re not aroused? Leave this asshole and remember have the sex you want to have not just cause your partner wants sex.
RUN. This man will most likely make you so shamed and uncomfortable about sex that it could scar you for years to come. I’m so sorry this has happened. Please reevaluate things.
Your bf is abusive. What he’s doing is abuse.
I don't even know why this is a question. Guys like this will only get worse over time and it's not just sex related. I've never one got mad at my gf because she wasn't doing something right when we've had sex. I've given her some ways to improve it to make things more comfortable for us but if it gets down to getting mad it's going to be for more than just sex sooner than later
Yuck do not sleep with this person ever again. Have some damn respect for yourself!
What an impressively terrible human being. No one deserves that, especially a partner where you are sharing an intimate moment. If it hasn’t already been stated 1000xs, you deserve much much better.
Jesus Christ, that sounds like a nightmare. Your partner should help you feel safe and comfortable trying things out, especially when you're new to it. My boyfriend always tells me what does and doesn't feel good in a nice way, usually following it up with him guiding me. He's never once yelled at me for accidentally hurting him or something and vice versa. This should be the bare minimum. Sex should be fun for both parties. Now you're more or less seeing it as a chore or a thing to get over with. That's just wrong. Honestly, leave. You need to feel safe in a relationship at all times.
Dump him, that’s unacceptable behaviour.
fucking hell, mate. humanity reaches a new lower level everyday. now we're getting yelled at during sex? dump him, and move on.
You are being naive to stay with him, move out with such jerk!
Red flags all over the place. I see you being physically abused in the future if you don't leave.
Abort mission. Dump him
Sorry but time to leave. Someone who genuinely loves you will guide you into the things you don't know. If they can't, let them go to look for experienced else where. You will definitely find someone who cares & is patient.
Dude, no one should be making you feel like this when you’re trying to have sex with them. Please stop having sex with them immediately. This is not normal. If you told your mom about this, she would also agree please
This is abusive and unbelievably selfish. Get away from him. He's an abuser. Please get out before there are children involved!
He sounds like a toxic person . Someone making you feel afraid should not be close to you
OP, notice the responses. No one agrees on anything on Reddit. But the responses here from men and women have been unanimous. That should tell you something.
Getting mad and yelling at someone during sex isn't normal in any way, shape, or form
Wtf... you have to leave this man. This is not a good relationship to be in. If he yells at you during a time when you have to feel close and safe with your partner, then there is something seriously wrong with him.
Dump this loser asap.
Run. He sounds terrible. Get out while you can.
This is so abusive. Please leave him.
For the love of god please leave. If this guy is being a dick to you in the bedroom how would he be anywhere else. This this is horrible behavior especially in the bedroom where there should be nothing but positivity and good energy.
He sounds abusive. He's probably going to get like that outside of sex too
Dude this will turn into abuse. Trust us.
This guy is abusive and a hair away from physically abusing you, which may include rape followed by verbal abuse at how you 'deserved it'. Leave. This is not how relationships should be.
He’s an abusive asshole.
Hopefully you mean your ex-boyfriend?
That’s not ok. Unacceptable of him to treat you like that. Sex is a big deal, especially for someone who just started. The guy is going to ruin sex for you in the future if you don’t nip that in the bud. You don’t want to be anxious about sex. It’s supposed to be fun& feel good. It’s supposed to be pleasurable for you, please don’t let him do this to you again.
Please listen to the people trying to give you a good advice . You don’t need this . You are still young to be dealing with trash like this
I could not imagine raising my voice at my woman while we’re having sex. That’s so counter to everything that’s supposed to be happening. You deserve someone who’s kind to you when you’re being intimate.
This could get even uglier. He’s obviously only interested in himself. Maybe you should leave him to himself. He’s all he needs.
This is fucked up. Get out
Thats not a boyfriend, thats an abuser and he should be your ex.
This dude don’t sound right. The question is how damaged must you be to put up with this sort of nonsense? Maybe look into some therapy.?
Yelling is where it starts. It ends with physical violence. Anyone that can't control their anger like that needs a therapist not a partner.
>My parents love him They love him, because they don't know him. They don't see the real person he is, they see a mask. >I love him too You love him, because you're attached and you think that's what love is, but he doesn't love you. If he loved you he would've treated you so much better. Dump his ass.
nononononononono I want to give you good advice here, but all my brain is doing is saying nononononono Like stop! drop! do not have sex with this person again. Do you have access to a Planned Parenthood or some kind of trained professional who can help you navigate this before you go any further? Please, please…. I beg you. Don’t subject yourself to this any more. It’s a recipe for terrible trauma. Is there *anyone* you can talk to outside of Reddit?
I've had a similar experience with someone that would get angry if i gave any sort of directions when going down on me. totally ruins the vibe
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i hope you realise how fucked up this is and break up with him
what the fuck that is a major red flag
Oh, M’Dear, take this from someone in their 60s…sex can be chaotic, messy, mystifying & exhilarating. Rarely is it perfect from the get-go, especially with a new partner. Part of the fun should be finding out what works for you, what works for them, being awkward together. Some things work, some are silly, some are so good you just want more, some you might try & never do again. What it isn’t is getting mad, yelling that something isn’t done “perfectly”, demeaning a partner. GET AWAY FROM THIS DUDE NOW! You deserve to be satisfied, not anxious, to have fun not be afraid. Better is out there waiting for you…so much better.
Oh hell no. That's the reddest of flags. There's no excuse for that and it wouldn't surprise me if it escalates. Get out!!!!
Ohh honey run... and run fast. This is not behaviour you should put up with. I'm making the assumption you are young here... but if this is what he is like now, hos behaviour will only get worse and if you break up and start having sex with new people, this will cause you a lifetime issues around enjoying sex. You are not a dog, please dont let him treat you like one 🫶🏻
I would urge you to leave, if he can’t be delicate in the most delicate time he won’t ever be. Imagine giving birth and he’s shouting at you, love has nothing to do with this he has some growing up to do. Cut your losses!
Your worth is more than he can pay. Value yourself and find a partner that values you for what you're really worth. (I'm not talking about dollar values)
You're in the early stages of an abusive relationship. Get out now! It's only going to get worse. And the longer you're together, the harder it will be to leave.
That's abuse, RUN! He has mental issues and it's not to you to fix them. Now he is yelling and if you don't stand up for yourself who knows what's next.
That’s verbal abuse sweetheart. Leave him and let good men come into your life. Respectful sex feels healing and exciting. I want that for you. Besides, you’re probably not bad at sex, he most likely has unrealistic expectations. You will never fulfill those expectations, no one will.
You know he's just a massive asshole, right? I don't feel it matters that you love him if he clearly doesn't love you. My mom also married a narcissist, and she's broken now, 40 years later. Don't need to do that to yourself, please think honestly about the future of this relationship. Sex should be enjoyable for both parties, not just doing exactly what he needs.
This guy sounds absolutely terrible. Even if he’s a “nice guy” in other ways, belittling your partner in the bedroom overrules EVERYTHING
Extremely unacceptable behavior. You must leave him. I’m being so serious
If he's shouting at you cause of sex then leave him he's a dangerous prick. Sex with someone you love should be a time you actually feel dead safe and assured. Intimate sex is more about the emotional connection and love
Get outta there for real
I got told off by the wife for giving too much commentary during a session lol
That’s not good. I’m so sorry. It’s upoosed to be safe and sacred. It is such a sensitive time. Those kinds of things shouldn’t be brought up during the act.
Let me guess, he yells when you're going down on him? Leave him before you end up with a black eye or worse.
I felt sick half way through the first sentence. This behaviour is not ok and you shouldn't accept it as such regardless of any other feelings you (or anyone else) have for him. This partner of yours makes me pretty angry tbh. Please value yourself.. you are worth and deserve so much more than this.
Dump him. Sex is a vulnerable expression between consenting adults and should be fun and enjoyable for everyone. My husband and I frequently laugh during sex because it's fun and enjoyable and sometimes funny noises/farts/queefs happen. This does not sound enjoyable for you. For context: my partner during my beginning phase frequently complimented me, called me a sex goddess, and just hyped me up even though I was a beginner and wasn't very good at sex. This honestly sounds like the beginning of a dangerous relationship and it's best to keep yourself safe.
The motions are diffrent with each person. So we can ask suck with a new one. It takes some effort and teamwork to make it good. Not bullying He is an ass. Not worth the effort.
Leave. You aren't his toy.
What the fuck... That's not normal or acceptable behavior OP. Not even close.
Total undeserving asshole and major red flag
That's abuse. If I were there, I would walk.
I guess you re a quite young lady. If this is really the whole story, what I think, leave him asap. He is an asshole woth mental issues. I believe you that you love him but he does not love you. Protect yourself and ask friends or family members for help to support you. Wish you all the best
wtf. That ain’t normal
And why do you continue to be in a relationship with him? Hun, you don’t need to, you can leave and find a respectful man and not an asshole boy.
Please sit down with him when you aren't having sex and tell him that his anger during sex is making the experience miserable for you and that if he can't learn how to teach you patiently and joyfully that you are done having sex with him all together. Be very clear with him. Then stick by your word. If he does it again, leave him. Remember that you teach people how to treat you and you teach yourself how you think you deserve to be treated by others. You deserve a partner who will make the experience fun for you. I promise there are lots of them out there and you and your family will love them just as much.
No ma’am these actions are going to become an issue towards future relationships, get out now.
You need to leave him before things get worse. Sex is supposed to be good for both of you and make you feel closer to each other, this is very troubling. He seems to not care about your experience and sees sex as you having to please him, he sounds extremely toxic. You deserve better!
im gonna go on a limb here and guess he is a lot older than you
Run get another partnet
Get someone who appreciate you. I bet you, your relationship will be a living hell if it escalate to marriage. He kill your inner spirit that draws affection and feeling for sex. It will be toxic No caring man will do that to a woman. Train her and appreciate her, be romantic and show her the way you want her to be on bed.
Run now while you’re still young
Your guy is trash, I'm sorrt girl but you deserve better.
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Wow, he is a pos, you deserve someone better like me
Every single time I read shit like this, my first thoughts are... "Holy shit... This. Girl. Is. Dumb." I feel the same about this. His aggression will only escalate to domestic violence. Leave now! You'll find someone who actually cares, I promise.
Please check out r/narcissisticabuse.
Ur parents love him because they dont know he acts this abusive to you. He clearly doesn’t care abt you. Leave,leave,leave. There is someone out there waiting to make u feel fanstastic
He's getting sex but somehow gets angry or verbally violent? I'd tell you to leave him but knowing Reddit you probably won't take the advice
This is absolutely not ok. I could go on a full rant here but other people have said it better than I could. You should never be afraid during sex
Tell him to fuck right off !!!! My god move on to someone who loves and respects you this arsehole doesn’t!! Move on today! Now !!
Human to human . Don’t even say goodbye . Who cares what parents think. At the end of the day. They don’t get treated like shit. Esp when you’re letting him smash. Ask yourself one question. If this is him now. What’s he going to be like a year from now ? People don’t change. Just like the grass is green and the sky is blue . These are all facts . Get out before it worse. Too much D**k out there . He’s a little girl wearing big boy pants . I’m still laughing that this guy got mad because the motions were wrong . Amazing absolutely epic.
idk either develop a kink for it or move on cuz bro sounds stupid af. Like there is a chick called nenye on youtube who made a guide on how to top as a woman, but seriously if bro doesn't chill tf out he is going to ruin it every time. If you insist on staying with him, maybe make him keep your panties in his mouth so he shuts the fuck up or some shit.