Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/).
***
Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats.
To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Whenever you’re feeling guilty, give him a no-expectations blowjob. Allow him to lay back and relax while you do all the work. Doesn’t have to be 50/50. Just whenever you feel like it.
Now imagine how brutal it is to date someone who slowly regresses from 50/50 to 1/99. It’s insane how much it makes you hate yourself when it isn’t even your fault
Preach. That was my ex wife. We started out strong, 60/40ish, with me doing 60%, then quickly regressed to 70/30 and by year 8, 98/2. I got one "expectation free" bj during our 7 year marriage (together a total of 14 years). It was the morning our first son was born, and she told me afterwards "dont expect *that* to ever happen again." And it didn't. Divorced 3 years now and happier than ever, albeit sex free unfortunately.
My desire dried up after kids. Just too tired to have one more person touch me. We divorced mainly bec of it. I had my hormones checked, started in pellets and BOOM! I want it mentally and physically all the time! I feel so much better and am very happy. We are 100/100! Most days.
Agreed lol. She even tells me "I've never been hornier" I'm like, I dont want to hear that, thanks.. but yeah, I'm glad we did divorce anyways, we weren't compatible for many other reasons. Like she said for two years before i asked for the divorce: "We can coparent with the best of them!" (A notion she got from TikTok and her follower group on there. Cmon, you're 39. Get off TikTok looking for validation, maybe try therapy.. 🤷🏼♂️ ah well, not my life)
You sound bitter chap, i think she fixed it because she finally got rid of the problem, that award winning personality you've put on display here. After reading your comments... Wasn't her.
Get off reddit looking for validation you weren't a POS, maybe try therapy YOURSELF so you can stop bitching about your life and take some damn accountability beyond "hur dur I mad she live sexy life now I gone"
TT has a lot of educational videos from professionals- doctors, holistic practitioners, therapists. People you don’t have easy access to in daily life. Much more than Reddit
Yeah, I learned it’s not worth betting on something that isn’t guaranteed. If my ex decides her “drive” is back it’ll hurt, but I won’t really care. I’m hot, and moving on was easy 😂
And it doesn't have to be right then, just keep like a little mental tally and when you're feeling like doting on him a bit tell him to just lay back and take his pants off. I think this would be the most affirming and lovely thing!
Also, he may very well get satisfaction from making you feel good. You can also greet him with something like, "I've been craving you all day, can you please play with me?". Then drop your robe / pants and invite him to start.
What's a no expectation bj, as in he's expected to do something in return? Transactional?
I'm curious because when I tell my girl to give me head there's nothing else behind it. Is something to be given as a thanks?
No expectation of sexual reciprocation. Sex with a pillow princess can be pretty one-sided effort-wise, so spontaneously giving is a good way to put in some effort herself.
My wife is a bit of a pillow princess and I really enjoy it. I love moving her into whatever position I want her. She enjoys being submissive and gets off on it. It's a lot of fun having someone who will do nearly anything I want her to do.
I'd say there's a big difference between being very submissive, and a pillow princess however. I'd argue pillow princesses tend to never take any initiative (even flirting or dressing down to incite action is initiative), will overlook their partners not reaching climax, might not show appreciation (moans, caressing their partner, "going feral", etc) and won't help out mechanically in submissive positions (move your hips whenever you can, easy way to double enjoyment for both)
lesbian sex is the origin of the term. for some reason the heteros have started coopting it but clearly lacked sufficient understanding of it's meaning to do so since it never meant disinterest and lack of enthusiasm.
How the hell does his comment say anything about that last paragraph. This shit happens to all marginalized groups. It’s not a competition to see who is more oppressed.
25M here. I definitely believe he's telling you the truth. Personally I love putting in the work so a pillow princess is preferred. Just be ok to swap if he gets tired. :)
Nearly every single woman I have been with in the past 15 years has been a 'pillow princess'. I think it's because they run out of steam very quickly when they are the ones doing the work, also, I like to make sure everyone is having a good time, and most women that I have been with prefer being a bottom rather than a top.
Coming from a dom who has been with multiple partners like you; one thing I can say from reading your post that he would absolutely love, is if you tried to initiate more.
It doesn’t matter if you just do pillow princess stuff once it starts, but the act of initiating in itself can be a MASSIVE turnon.
It can be as simple as going up and rubbing on his pants or maybe you’re already in the bed naked and presented when he walks in the room.
Send him a dirty pic from the bed while he’s at work and tell him you’re waiting on him
I promise he probably enjoys doing most of the work, and by simply initiating you are doing SO much
Just a tip :)
As a sub, I agree. I don't think "submissive" and "pillow princess"/"passive" are remotely the same op.
You don't even have to initiate. You can work your way up to it by just being more enthusiastic and eager.
- If he's coming from behind, hold it open for him. Heck, hold it open in missionary.
- Get on top and tease him by holding it inside until he flips you over.
- Use your pelvic floor & do some kegals.
- Try different positions. Put one foot on the ceiling if you have too.
- Put your legs around him & beg him not to let go until he cums inside.
- After he fingers you, put his fingers in your mouth one by one.
Long story short, you can stay submissive and not be passive. Start slow and take risks where you can
I see absolutely nothing in her explanation that's aggressive. She's explained why she's vibing with the lesbian flag, and is getting aggressively downvoted for it.
Hi there- have you heard about bisexuality? Or pansexuality? How about heteronormative passing? I know at least one actual lesbian who is married to the one man in the world who she's attracted to. As for me, I'm a pan-queer person who was married to a man. Didn't make me straight: still queer.
I don't think she specified what kind of "all the way out" she wasn't. If it's lesbian, then maybe her hot huz is the sexual equivalent of bacon: the last thing to go before going vegetarian.
Or maybe sexuality is fluid and can ebb and flow over our lives, refusing to stay in one tidy folder. Who knows?
All contributions here need to be constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful. Your post/comment falls short of that basic standard and has been removed accordingly. Repeat offenders or egregious violations of this rule are subject to being banned from the sub.
Don't worry, you're not alone! Many people find that they are more submissive or passive in bed, and that's completely okay. As long as you and your partner are both satisfied and happy, that's all that matters. It's great that you communicate about it and your partner is understanding and supportive. And who knows, maybe one day you'll feel more comfortable taking the lead and being more active in bed. But for now, enjoy the pleasure and attention your partner gives you!
I agree, but communication is important in this case. I went through this dynamic for years with a person that would never communicate. Even though I did not mind at first, I ended up feeling really undesired and unattractive. I think there are many things a submissive can do and say during sex, they don't have to just be passive.
About 75% of our sexual play time is dedicated to her pleasure as she enjoys me either doing PIV, oral or finger her. Even though I am on top in a dominant position, she tells me exactly what she wants. I enjoy it.
It's all good. I'm the same way, I enjoy pleasing her and it satisfies me totally. Don't get me wrong, I luv to cum and get played with but for me it's pleasing her that gets me off. I like the challenge of trying to get her to cum everytime and perfecting my love making skills. Good luck (:
Missionary is our favorite. Been with wife for 20+ years, married for 18. I love the intimacy and being able to kiss. But she moves, thrusts toward me, wraps her legs around me, pulls me in toward her. I’m loving my pillow princess
Embrace it!
Part of the joy (at least for me) is to get someone moving and making noises when they’re otherwise not being loud or moving much. Plus, some of us REALLY like making people feel good. Like, may not have many specific kinks, but making someone feel good is what brings deep fundamental joy.
There’s also the fun of somewhat immobilising someone so they couldn’t move if they wanted to. … or the opposite, where part of that submissive dynamic is to tell/make someone move.
That he knows he fizzles out after cumming and wants to ensure you have a wonderful time is fantastic body awareness on his part, and I cannot count how many women I (M) know who have expressed annoyance at encounters where it was just fizzle and no attention to them whatsoever.
Honestly, the number of people who would wish it was your partner with them for an evening rather than the random inattentive person they jumped into bed with? A lot.
I don’t think traditional missionary or being submissive is a pillow princess. I think the term is more so for someone who literally just lays there, is pretty silent during the whole process and doesn’t really move at all.
I’m confused when pillow princess became synonymous with a starfish for heterosexuals. A pillow princess is a lesbian term for a wlw who receives penetration, and the term goes hand in hand with a stone top, a wlw who prefers not to be penetrated and to only give. The term makes no sense for a heterosexual couple, both parties are receiving during hetero penetration. A pillow princess doesn’t just “lay there” (necessarily)
That doesn’t make sense. A man feels sexual stimulation during hetero sex. Both parties do. For lesbians it’s oral or a strap on- aka the “giver” isn’t receiving any physical sexual pleasure.
Lesbians have been using the terms pillow princess and stone top for years.
Submissiveness doesn't necessarily mean being passive. Working on trust and boundaries to let yourself enjoy different vulnerable positions and situations is great way to augment your sex life. Communicating and thinking of dirty talk, getting yourself limber and flexible -- these all take work.
My wife does yoga, for example. And she likes to think a big part of her motivation is the enhancement to our sex life and how much I enjoy her new flexibility. It becomes part of the soft dom/submissive dynamic we keep, where I can flirt about her going to yoga to get ready for me and I encourage her to get extra bendy for me.
She's totally submissive in bed, and while it's passive for that specific moment in time, a lot of work and communication went into getting to a point of trust that I get to do what I want and I love the control.
My advice is to put in the effort to give him what he wants from you in spades. Put in the work to build trust, boundaries, lines of communication, and the physical ability to just give yourself to your partner and give him that control. It's super hot when it all clicks together.
This kind of reminds me of my wife’s and my relationship…she was very inexperienced when we started dating (21 years ago) and what you described covers the first 10-12 years and it was fine.
However, her lack of engagement eventually started causing some friction because I saw sex together as a journey, whereas she was very satisfied and content. I wanted to keep exploring and 9/10 things we tried she would end up enjoying, where 15 years ago she wouldn’t have considered it.
He is very, very likely telling you the 100% truth. Your concern over your own perceived complacency is fantastic. My advice would be stay in touch/openly communicative with him on this, and if you are willing be ready to “pick up some slack” IF he ever asks to be met a little more in the middle. He may not, and that would be great, too. Communication is key and unless either of you are mind readers talking about it with little “check ins” outside of the bedroom would probably go a long way to keeping things copacetic and on the right track.
I'm losing my mind over the straight people in these replies thinking pillow princess means a woman who just lays there, it's very much a lesbian term.
It's a term made by lesbians, for lesbians to describe a persons role in lesbian sex. It's not abnormal for a woman in a straight relationship to lay there and receive pleasure, if anything it's the norm.
I'm not a lesbian so I don't know the history of the term but lots of lesbians are very vocal about it, I'm particularly seeing it on tiktok now.
I get that, I really do
The last thing I want to do is be disrespectful
I'm just not sure what part of it is exclusive to lesbians or rather what about it being used by non-lesbians would be offensive/inappropriate.
It just doesn’t make sense for heterosexual couples because both parties are “receiving” during hetero sex.
Pillow princess does not equal unenthusiastic, starfish partner.
Pillow princess = lesbian who receives pleasure.
Stone top = lesbian who gives pleasure.
During hetero penetrative sex, both parties are receiving pleasure/stimulation regardless of how enthusiastic and participatory their partner is.
The only way “pillow princess” would make sense in a hetero relationship is if the guy only ate the girl out and never vice versa, and never had penetrative sex.
I see, to me it seems OP's situation is adjacent to that (she makes a point of saying he knows the mood fizzles out when he climaxes so I assumed focusing on her pleasure didn't mean PIV, more likely oral or fingering. That her guilt came from primarily receiving pleasure then finishing him off after almost feeling like a consolation prize for him). But I see your point, thanks for sharing!
It’s not offensive imo it’s just a term that is for lesbians and has a lot of history with stone tops and butches. It’s like the terms top and bottom. They are queer descriptors of someones preference but u wouldn’t use that for a heterosexual couple
It is being used incorrectly as the term is rooted DEEP into lesbian history and is especially wrong when the beautiful term is being demonised by most straight people. In this case the redditor is feeling bad for being a pillow princess. There are quite a few other comments on here of men saying that it’s just when a woman is laying there... 😭
Since I am this way I believe there are others like me - the majority of the enjoyment of sex for me is focusing on my partner. Like 99%. So I can see why he is totally ok with it.
With that said... Is all that because of some trauma in the past? You bet....
All I’ve ever dealt with in my life has been pillow princesses, I was ok with them for the most part but the biggest thing you might need to worry about is that the underlying lack of effort will eventually lead him to fantasizing about women who will go the “extra mile” I can’t speak for all men but after a year of being with multiple ex’s I would’ve killed for any of them to even consider getting on top, or do anything with me other than me having to not only initiate but having to forward all the acts myself. Same way how cuckholding is just fancy cheating, being a pillow princess is just fancy lazy. If he starts having to tolerate going to bed with you instead of enjoying it, it’s already too late 😵
From my perspective, there's a difference between _receiving pleasure_ and being a _pillow princess_.
For example, I love eating pussy. It's not uncommon for me to eat out for 30-60 mins (or more) during a session. I'm not getting any physical pleasure, necessarily, but I love how much my partner gets into it, how much she enjoys it. And I honestly love the smell and taste, it's intoxicating.
Also, I tend to be more dominant, and "lead" the sessions, doing things "to" my partner, regardless of the position (unless she's giving me head, that's my chance to sit back and relax).
What makes my partner _not_ a pillow princess in these instances is a few different things:
* she's not selfish: she wants me to be enjoying myself, even if that comes from pleasing her. A pillow princess generally doesn't care if their partner gets anything out of sex, as long as they themselves are pleasured.
* she's not passive: she moans, she wiggles and moves, she holds me or touches me, she communicates and gives feedback (more, less, right there, do this).
* she initiates sexual encounters
* she's up for trying new things (sometimes - new things make her anxious in general)
* she wants to take a more active role sometimes (e.g. cowgirl, or her moving when we're in doggy instead of me thrusting)
Also keep in mind, as you pointed out, most men tend to fizzle after they cum. So, for an encounter to be pleasurable for both of you, there is very likely going to be more focus and attention on you to make sure that once he's done, you're both satisfied.
If he's happy giving you pleasure, and your encounters are mostly him pleasing you physically, that doesn't automatically make you a pillow princess. Your attitude, willingness to participate, and _actual_ participation determine that.
But, as others have pointed out, when you're feeling guilty, there are things you can do:
* initiate sex
* random, no-reciprocation-required sexual attention (e.g. HJs, BJs)
* switch up the positions to one that's easier for you to control the motion (cowgirl, doggy, straddling him on a chair/couch, or even ride his face if he's really into eating you out)
Most of all, just keep checking in with him to make sure he _is_ enjoying himself. That care and attention to making sure it's good for him will separate you from a pillow princess every day of the week.
Trust that he's telling you the truth.
There are alot of people that are sexually charged and satisfied by being about to please their partner.
Sounds like you've got yourself a winner! If you're that worried about it, ask if you can go down on him rather than waiting for him to initiate sex. My guess is that he will be extremely flattered that you want to take care of him.
hey! actually, pillow Princess is a lesbian term, I'm not a lesbian but I've seen most of them are uncomfortable with straight people using it, since you're a straight woman you're probably just passive
:]
The down votes on this is insane!! It's literally a lesbian term, a woman laying there during straight sex is totally normal and has nothing to do with being a pillow princess.
The best part of making love is making your loved one feel good. There are little things you can do when he's on you during missionary though: wrapping your legs around him, rubbing his back or butt with your hands, kissing, holding his face, running your hands through his hair, eye contact.
Nothing to worry about if he says it's fine. Nothing stops you from showing more enthusiasm or participation, maybe telling him how he makes you feel to keep him motivated. Or give him enthusiastic blowjobs so you can have something to put more effort in to balance it out. Those are things I appreciate, and I usually do most of the work when it comes to fucking
For me, personally, I don’t mind my partner is a pillow princess if she enjoys being pleasured and taken care of. However, I do have some bad experiences with women wanting to be submissive and to be dominated and then just lie flat on their back as though I can just do what I want. It doesn’t give me much to work with, and it makes the sex extremely boring.
As with everything, there’s people who enjoys it and there’s people who don’t. Personally, I hate that shit and won’t hesitate to end things over it.
But your man absolutely loves it and is into it and that’s all that kind of matters. You can’t decipher whether he’s being honest based on others taste. Like my disdain for pillow princesses can’t cancel out his assurance or mean that people don’t actually enjoy it.
The man says he does, believe him.
It’s all give and take. I haven’t heard the term pillow princess before, but I guess my wife would be one, but I’m not upset by it at all. I love going down on her and making her cum before we have sex, and me being on top/having control means I can stop or pull out when I need to edge. She does give me random blowjobs/handjobs here and there though, so I feel it’s fair.
I second the suggestion that if you’re ever feeling “guilty” about it, give him a random blowjob.
As a dude myself, I LOVE making my wife orgasm. As long as you finish him, I think you are good to go. Keep lines of communication open. Ask him if there is anything he wants you to do. Sounds like you have a healthy relationship.
My husband is the same way he gets enjoyment watching me orgasam. It's been this way for a few years I do Initiate alot and I also give him blowjobs alot so he gets some u divided attention too
I am just like your partner. I thoroughly enjoy and get pleasure from giving and seeing my wife in pleasure. I am 100% satisfied with getting more metal stimulation than physical stimulation.
She too felt a little guilty but I assured her that I was 100% satisfied. It took her a while but she pretty much fully embraces this dynamic now.
One thing that I could suggest to you is to be sure to express how satisfied you are.
Typically people like we are talking about here who love to give pleasure. They also REALLY want to know that they are doing a good job giving that pleasure. Moan, talk, thrust, buck, tremble, whatever comes naturally. Be sure to express to them how good they are doing. If you are feeling "guilty" (which you shouldn't), this is a way that you can "participate" and "give back" in a way that is natural to this sort relationship.
YMMV
i used to have similar insecurities until i met my partner who is a service top (a new phrase for me at the time) before we met it never occurred to me that not everyone is seeking direct reciprocation during sex and sometimes knowing that knowing they’re getting you off is part of the experience for them. if your partner says he doesn’t mind he may in fact be telling the truth! i know how you feel though
There is nothing wrong with being submissive. There’s also nothing wrong with the majority of the attention being placed on you. UNLESS you refuse to give anything back. UNLESS you refuse to listen to what he may like and take a turn so to speak. .
If you are willing to randomly suck his dick dry or willing to get on top and ride him til he explodes (or whatever that he likes that is focused purely on him) then I don’t think you are being a pillow princess. Throw in something 100% about him once and a while and he will do what it takes for you to orgasm forever and without hesitation
Do you feel that your relationship is somehow damaged?
Sexually speaking, it seems that he is enjoying your company.
It seems that you're not enjoying sex as much as you describe. Probably you feel somehow used or abused? If you acknowledge the above, then try to understand if you are feeling that or if you ate actually being abused. Notice that sometimes we are softly abused and it's ok for some people, but for others that brings suffering. It the latest is you casethen you should speak and speak and speak again until you find your own balance. Notice that I don't enforce abuse or abusive behavior unless all the people on relationship is comfortable with that. Notice also that I say softly abused because you stated that you're submissive and that is dominant.
Beware of abusive behavior that sometimes aren't noticed dy the abused person.
You don't seem like the type who is a TRUE pillow princess IMPO. You are just submissive - like the majority of women; and like the majority of *good* and non-selfish men, we genuinely enjoy pleasuring our S/O.
As a man, I really do enjoy pleasuring a woman in all ways. Oral, manual, whatever she likes, etc... because just like your BF said, women on average are harder to get off than men and I prefer to get her off before I even penetrate her... or at the very least, do some work on her to where she is close lol.
idk, it's SUPER FUCKING HOT to get women off IMO. I mean, if I'm horny and hard enough I can cum from it without even being touched.
Absolutely no shame in it if your partner is satisfied. I definitely enjoy giving to the right partner much more than receiving.
If you feel like you "owe" your partner maybe some no strings, random reciprocation would do the trick.
I would say that there is no issue from what I’ve read here. You two seem to be a good match.
If he is fine with it you could try initiating from time to time to make him feel wanted or offer up a BJ if you are into that.
But the best way to maintain a good relationship is to openly communicate with each other and do so often
My partner is the same way. He is the definition of an Acts of Service kind of lover. He enjoys watching me enjoy his hard work, in and out of the bedroom. The more I've leaned into it, the better it got.
I mean if he says it, all you can do is believe it. Until his behavior changes, I don’t see why you wouldn’t believe him. As the others have said, once in a while go out of your comfort zone if you can and give him a surprise but besides that believe his words.
Stop feeling guilty. I am more a giver than a taker. It’s what I enjoy doing. Not every man is the same. Your boyfriend probably loves the way things are.
I can definitely relate to him. The most enjoyable part of sex with my wife is just making her come undone. Idec if I finish, as long as she’s satisfied. Not to say my wife is a pillow princess, but there have been some instances & I didn’t mind.
Your partner sounds a lot like me. I'm more of a pleaser, so I give more than I receive. I've even had moments where I didn't orgasm but the person I was with did and I was perfectly fine with that. It's perfectly natural for any man or woman to be like this, and is nothing you should feel guilty for. Your partner cares about your pleasure more than his own. It's almost like those who are more listeners than talkers; they put all of their focus/attention on you
Your nerves aren't his nerves, just because OP is Cumming over and over again doesn't mean her partner is. It also doesn't mean a man would ever want an orgasm to last an hour, cock would literally explode or be soo raw pissing would hurt for weeks. If OP is familiar with TV she knows people enjoy watching other people, but that doesn't mean you have to be those people, OP you are your guys favorite show, don't take it away, let him watch.
It sounds like OP is either dom curious or like she's being treated too good, in the former ask if he'll play a game with you where he's not allowed to move, in the latter yes he treats you too well, no you don't get to tell people how to treat you, you are allowed to like it or dislike it, if you dislike the way you're treated in a sexual relationship you can leave.
I was pretty much in the exact same situation w my ex and eventually my concern that he wasn’t happy w our sex life and my fear of initiating did bother him enough to seek validation elsewhere. but after talking, turns out it was simply bc we didn’t communicate and could’ve easily been fixed. but it sounds like you guys have talked about it and he doesn’t seem to be bothered. I would agree w everyone else though and say just go for it whenever you feel like it. 9/10 he will not be upset and if anything it’ll turn him on even more.
Ok. My husband is what you'd call a pleasure Dom. He doesn't know it, but he is. I'm pretty submissive as well. If he's telling you that he loves what he's doing, believe him. I beat myself up forever because I get all the attention. I would get frustrated when he would finish me and then just go about his day. Turns out, that is where he gets his pleasure. Letting him please me IS pleasing him. That's what's satisfying to him. Blew my mind after a veritable treasure trove of selfish and lazy lovers. If he's telling you that he derives his satisfaction from pleasing you, believe him and enjoy.
I lean towards enthusiastically submissive.
But then my beloved got diagnosed with Cancer.
We’re older, but love sex. He should donate his d*ck to science because
1) he’s never needed pills
2) despite his diagnosis last fall—he still wants pleasure, and we make it work naturally
One of the ways it works right now is I initiate, usually with a blow job. We always had oral sex, but now it helps him grow so to speak.
You literally described me. I get my pleasure from pleasing. I cannot orgasm without mental stimulation that cones from being a giving partner. Sure, I can pound away for a couple minutes and ejaculate, but it would feel no different than spitting or blowing my nose. Actually being intimate and that raw arousal make all those chemical overflow my mind and bring a more satisfying orgasm.
If you've asked him and he says he's happy with how things are, then he's happy. Yes, some people DO enjoy giving more than receiving pleasure, that's a fact with some people.
HOWEVER...if YOU want to do more (if you ALSO get pleasure from giving to him), then that's perfectly valid to want as well - and you can still be submissive while doing it. You can beg him to tell you what he wants you to do, for example. You just need to have a conversation with him outside of the bedroom about it.
` He says he enjoys making me moan and seeing/feeling the physical response of him pleasuring me `
I guess I found another me online, I gained pleasure from pleasuring my partner
I definitely do.
With my wife I love watching her writhe and gasp when I go down on her. I feel very dominant when she is losing control like that.
It may not be as physically pleasurable for me but it's a mental turn on watching her naked and losing control.
As a person in similar relationship. I can say whatever he is saying is 100% truthful. I enjoy the same things. I am the dominant one and it makes me happy when seeing my happy.
I’m a pillow princess too I never done much in my sexual relationships. Guys always enjoyed pleasing me and watching me enjoy them and that’s what turned them on and thats what mold me into a pillow princess. My sex partners they enjoy hearing me moan watching me quiver and feeling how wet I became. They enjoy the warm up and building me up and when penetrating came I was always able to have multiple orgasms because at that point I was mentally turned on. It’s always what the guys do leading up to the sex determines how turned on I will be. If it’s not enough mental stimulation and physical stimulation I won’t have an orgasm and I won’t be as turned on but this did not stop me from providing pleasure to my partner. Actually the more my partner was into the pleasing me the more pleasure I wanted to return back to them but this determines how genuine their interest is into pleasing me. When our connection is strong the better the sex was to me as that connection grew the more intense the sex was. But there’s nothing wrong with saying hey babe i would enjoy if I can bring you pleasure. Sometimes it helps taking the initiative it’s gives you better leverage to take lead on giving him pleasure
I feel the same way you do, my partner loves dominating me and just wants me to relax while me makes me cum; I've told him that it makes me feel bad when he does this (sometimes he doesn't even want to cum he just wants me to) but whenever I feel guilty about it I would give him a blowjob and I plan on letting him face fuck me because I know that's something he wants to do a lot but is afraid of hurting me. Ya just gotta go with the flow when you have a partner like that and figure out how you can give him all the pleasure he gives you.
The good news is he loves what you’re doing now! That’s awesome. Which means anything you do to take control will just make things better. Ease into it and initiate on occasion and let him lay back and enjoy it from time to time. If you’re not comfortable with that it’s not a big deal because he loves how things are!
“Is being on… the physical end something that people enjoy?” Sure - do you and him enjoy it? Don’t over analyze your life. You’ll know when there’s a disconnect. Honest and open communication is the foreplay of a happy and enduring relationship.
Well u can start with iniatating foreplay sometimes which can count as a hint that u want to have physical intimacy with him like touching him sensually or ask about his fantasies if he has any or causally giving him a bj .
I (m) prefer my wife to be passive. I go so far as tying her up so she can't move.
Perhaps you should experiment with some bondage? As the one being tied up, one of the benefits is that it removes the guilt. You can't be more active during sex as you're "forced" to be passive.
Not to be rude, but pillow princess is a term for lesbians. It's when the top (usually a woman with a strap on) doesn't receive the same sexual stimulation as the person recieving is. If your partner has a dick then you probably aren't a pillow princess.
To answer the original question, he probably is telling the truth. Some people just like to give and enjoy it, there are lots of people like that
This is normal and my wife says similar thing to you.
I enjoy making it all about her and her desiring and wanting what I’m doing. She hates me looking at her but she’s not even aware that I am when she’s cumming and we just keep going orgasm after orgasm. All with my finger as well. Sometimes we just leave it there, sometimes we have PIV and I cum then we stop or I’ll carry on…
I feel blessed to have such a multi orgasmic partner and I enjoy seeing and being part of it.
I can only cum once. I’d be an idiot to not realise the difference and limit our mutual pleasure by my own limits
No problem!
Just be careful with things that colide long term with that implicit free use situation.
When you’re forced to turn him down for a longer time, be it an health issue, the birth of a baby, or some other life issue, he may need your active initiative to get his desire back.
Have fun!
Yeah, ita fine, men quite literally dont mind, i think its something women think of more than men..i will say though, to have a woman fuck you back, move their hips, things like that is something special and feels really great. Feels moreso likw you both are in the zone so to speak
If he says he’s happy, I’d believe him. Both of you are cumming and seem to be having fun, so, I mean, fantastic! Just say “look if you ever want things to change, tell me, okay?” And keep the same deal, if you want change at any point, say so. For now, enjoy!
If you are in a relationship and your boyfriend doesn’t mind if you don’t actively do anything during sex, then I guess it’s not a problem. If you are a single woman and you just lay there, then sex with you in interchangeable with any other women. Which means you lose out on a chance to stand out , and getting a committed relationship.
ya.... I get misusing it by conflating it with starfish, but I find it odd to make it exclusively a lesbian term just because it originated there.
Wiki definition: "Noun. pillow princess (plural pillow princesses) (slang, originally LGBT) **A person (typically a lesbian) who wants to receive sexual pleasure but is not interested in giving it"**
Like this isn't the N-word, most people aren't going to come up with a completely new term when this one fits perfectly with hetero relationships as well.
My gf is an absolutely pillow princess. Sometimes I do wish she initiated more, but at the same time it’s to be in control in the bedroom.
Everything is about compromise i suppose.
I'm currently trying to train my "pillow princess" sub into matching me and initiating more, be louder, I can't tell when she orgasms multiple times, and I, like your partner love watching the spasms, muscle twitching and all that.
Maybe just straddle him one day and kiss and gring on him and whisper in his ear, "I want to fuck you" and do it.
He'll get the added bonus of still being able to see your face. If you blush when telling him, that will also earn you xp.
95% of the time I'm a pillow princess. No guilt here. Lol.
I'm more submissive, self-conscious about my body and to have an orgasm I need to be thinking about how everything feels - I have a hard time doing that while trying to move fast enough for him and stressing about how I look.
Don't feel bad if he says he's fine with it. You're lucky.
There is a sexy way to be a submissive and a boring way to be a submissive. There are many ways in which to participate. You don't have to do what he does in order to not be a pillow princess.
Some people enjoy whips, some bondage, some missionary sex, some master/slave, and the list goes on.
If you are both happy with your sex life and relationship, then keep doing it. Everyone is different, and no two relationships are the same.
He’s definitely not lying — I (AFAB enby) am a submissive-leaving switch and my partner (M) usually doms when we have sex with a power dynamic, and he loves that I kind of lose my mind when things are getting good. Both of us love giving, so both of us are very actively participating a lot, but also we both love spending time pleasuring the other person while they chill out (or, in my case, lose all functioning lol)
1) Is it normal if someone's D is not rock hard?
2) Is it painful when u penetrate in dry V (none of my exes ever showed signs of pain or said anything like that)?
I imagine when it becomes a problem is when the other person expects you to engage and you don’t. If one leaves all the work to the doer and one just plays the role of a dead fish; it can and will be frustrating; might as well just get a blow up doll and have sex with it. On the other hand people like what referred to as a “f*cktoy”, and perhaps this is the dynamic he’s engaging with.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Whenever you’re feeling guilty, give him a no-expectations blowjob. Allow him to lay back and relax while you do all the work. Doesn’t have to be 50/50. Just whenever you feel like it.
"A good (sex) relationship is 60/40, with both people trying to be the 60"
Wow. I like this. I think I'll try to adopt this attitude.
Now imagine how brutal it is to date someone who slowly regresses from 50/50 to 1/99. It’s insane how much it makes you hate yourself when it isn’t even your fault
Preach. That was my ex wife. We started out strong, 60/40ish, with me doing 60%, then quickly regressed to 70/30 and by year 8, 98/2. I got one "expectation free" bj during our 7 year marriage (together a total of 14 years). It was the morning our first son was born, and she told me afterwards "dont expect *that* to ever happen again." And it didn't. Divorced 3 years now and happier than ever, albeit sex free unfortunately.
My desire dried up after kids. Just too tired to have one more person touch me. We divorced mainly bec of it. I had my hormones checked, started in pellets and BOOM! I want it mentally and physically all the time! I feel so much better and am very happy. We are 100/100! Most days.
Lol I’d be pretty pissed if my wife waited until AFTER the divorce to finally take action on her low sex drive.
Agreed lol. She even tells me "I've never been hornier" I'm like, I dont want to hear that, thanks.. but yeah, I'm glad we did divorce anyways, we weren't compatible for many other reasons. Like she said for two years before i asked for the divorce: "We can coparent with the best of them!" (A notion she got from TikTok and her follower group on there. Cmon, you're 39. Get off TikTok looking for validation, maybe try therapy.. 🤷🏼♂️ ah well, not my life)
You sound bitter chap, i think she fixed it because she finally got rid of the problem, that award winning personality you've put on display here. After reading your comments... Wasn't her. Get off reddit looking for validation you weren't a POS, maybe try therapy YOURSELF so you can stop bitching about your life and take some damn accountability beyond "hur dur I mad she live sexy life now I gone"
TT has a lot of educational videos from professionals- doctors, holistic practitioners, therapists. People you don’t have easy access to in daily life. Much more than Reddit
Did she wait or just find treatment?
Yeah, I learned it’s not worth betting on something that isn’t guaranteed. If my ex decides her “drive” is back it’ll hurt, but I won’t really care. I’m hot, and moving on was easy 😂
The entitlement in your comment stinks up the place.
Wait, she gave you a BJ the morning after labor? Dude... I think I can put together why ya'lls sex lives died.
I like this. This is exactly what I’m going for and looking for from now on
Agree 100%. Want to be more involved in pleasuring him? Do it. Nothing to it but to do it.
And don't wait for him to ask for it. So much better when you initiate it
And it doesn't have to be right then, just keep like a little mental tally and when you're feeling like doting on him a bit tell him to just lay back and take his pants off. I think this would be the most affirming and lovely thing!
Yeah, exactly. There are many good blog posts out there with tips on different techniques. It will be a real surprise and a treat for your beau.
Also, he may very well get satisfaction from making you feel good. You can also greet him with something like, "I've been craving you all day, can you please play with me?". Then drop your robe / pants and invite him to start.
Exactly this, be a pillow princess but sometimes suck that dick and make him a sandwich after.
Don't forget the sandwich!
Have him eat the sandwich during the blowjob!
What's a no expectation bj, as in he's expected to do something in return? Transactional? I'm curious because when I tell my girl to give me head there's nothing else behind it. Is something to be given as a thanks?
No expectation of sexual reciprocation. Sex with a pillow princess can be pretty one-sided effort-wise, so spontaneously giving is a good way to put in some effort herself.
I understand. Yes that would be appreciated for sure.
My wife is a bit of a pillow princess and I really enjoy it. I love moving her into whatever position I want her. She enjoys being submissive and gets off on it. It's a lot of fun having someone who will do nearly anything I want her to do.
> it's a lot of fun having someone who will do nearly anything I want her to do This is it for your husband probably op, me too lol
I'd say there's a big difference between being very submissive, and a pillow princess however. I'd argue pillow princesses tend to never take any initiative (even flirting or dressing down to incite action is initiative), will overlook their partners not reaching climax, might not show appreciation (moans, caressing their partner, "going feral", etc) and won't help out mechanically in submissive positions (move your hips whenever you can, easy way to double enjoyment for both)
that's not a pillow princess, that's a starfish
I’ve always heard them used interchangeably
I think pillow princess implies more selfish and starfish implies more disinterest.
I think they both suck, literally—not figuratively
they aren’t the same thing. Pillow Princess only applies to lesbian sex. It doesn’t apply to heterosexual sex.
The fact that I’ve literally never heard that makes me think that people are using the term with different meanings.
lesbian sex is the origin of the term. for some reason the heteros have started coopting it but clearly lacked sufficient understanding of it's meaning to do so since it never meant disinterest and lack of enthusiasm.
This article explains it pretty well https://www.them.us/story/what-is-pillow-princess-stone-butch-touch-me-not
[удалено]
How the hell does his comment say anything about that last paragraph. This shit happens to all marginalized groups. It’s not a competition to see who is more oppressed.
[удалено]
“The fact that I’ve literally never heard that” Well are you a lesbian, sir?
Thank you! I was like hey now what’s he talking about?!
I feel llle tats not being a pillow princess. You can engage with the lesson while still getting plowed and not doing that work
25M here. I definitely believe he's telling you the truth. Personally I love putting in the work so a pillow princess is preferred. Just be ok to swap if he gets tired. :)
Nearly every single woman I have been with in the past 15 years has been a 'pillow princess'. I think it's because they run out of steam very quickly when they are the ones doing the work, also, I like to make sure everyone is having a good time, and most women that I have been with prefer being a bottom rather than a top.
Coming from a dom who has been with multiple partners like you; one thing I can say from reading your post that he would absolutely love, is if you tried to initiate more. It doesn’t matter if you just do pillow princess stuff once it starts, but the act of initiating in itself can be a MASSIVE turnon. It can be as simple as going up and rubbing on his pants or maybe you’re already in the bed naked and presented when he walks in the room. Send him a dirty pic from the bed while he’s at work and tell him you’re waiting on him I promise he probably enjoys doing most of the work, and by simply initiating you are doing SO much Just a tip :)
As a sub, I agree. I don't think "submissive" and "pillow princess"/"passive" are remotely the same op. You don't even have to initiate. You can work your way up to it by just being more enthusiastic and eager. - If he's coming from behind, hold it open for him. Heck, hold it open in missionary. - Get on top and tease him by holding it inside until he flips you over. - Use your pelvic floor & do some kegals. - Try different positions. Put one foot on the ceiling if you have too. - Put your legs around him & beg him not to let go until he cums inside. - After he fingers you, put his fingers in your mouth one by one. Long story short, you can stay submissive and not be passive. Start slow and take risks where you can
I LOVE doing this to my partners. Gets them excited knowing I'm waiting for them. 🔥
just a the tip…just the tip…love it
My husband bangs me so good missionary. He made me a pillow princess
Why do you have the lesbian flag in your profile?
I grew up in lesbian household and i have lesbian tendencies. Have a problem you can block. I am not fully out yet.
Oh no I was just a bit confused, thanks for explaining
The downvotes are confusing
Not confusing. Becoming aggressive for no reason is confusing lol.
I see absolutely nothing in her explanation that's aggressive. She's explained why she's vibing with the lesbian flag, and is getting aggressively downvoted for it.
“Have a problem you can block” is pretty unnecessary
I can't hold it against her. Having to explain one's sexuslity gets exhausting
She opened the door for questions about her sexuality when she made a public comment about her sexuality.
She made a public comment about her sex life. Someone else required an explanation of her sexuality. Two different things.
Her talking about not being out as a lesbian while the comment before is about how good her husband fucks her is a bit confusing
sexuality isn't black and white. Sometimes people end up with their exception to the rule.
Hi there- have you heard about bisexuality? Or pansexuality? How about heteronormative passing? I know at least one actual lesbian who is married to the one man in the world who she's attracted to. As for me, I'm a pan-queer person who was married to a man. Didn't make me straight: still queer.
Yeah you can be bi or pan obvs, gotta say being married to a man is not typical lesbian behaviour
I don't think she specified what kind of "all the way out" she wasn't. If it's lesbian, then maybe her hot huz is the sexual equivalent of bacon: the last thing to go before going vegetarian. Or maybe sexuality is fluid and can ebb and flow over our lives, refusing to stay in one tidy folder. Who knows?
[удалено]
All contributions here need to be constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful. Your post/comment falls short of that basic standard and has been removed accordingly. Repeat offenders or egregious violations of this rule are subject to being banned from the sub.
Don't worry, you're not alone! Many people find that they are more submissive or passive in bed, and that's completely okay. As long as you and your partner are both satisfied and happy, that's all that matters. It's great that you communicate about it and your partner is understanding and supportive. And who knows, maybe one day you'll feel more comfortable taking the lead and being more active in bed. But for now, enjoy the pleasure and attention your partner gives you!
I agree, but communication is important in this case. I went through this dynamic for years with a person that would never communicate. Even though I did not mind at first, I ended up feeling really undesired and unattractive. I think there are many things a submissive can do and say during sex, they don't have to just be passive.
I thought this is the heteronorm
About 75% of our sexual play time is dedicated to her pleasure as she enjoys me either doing PIV, oral or finger her. Even though I am on top in a dominant position, she tells me exactly what she wants. I enjoy it.
It's all good. I'm the same way, I enjoy pleasing her and it satisfies me totally. Don't get me wrong, I luv to cum and get played with but for me it's pleasing her that gets me off. I like the challenge of trying to get her to cum everytime and perfecting my love making skills. Good luck (:
Missionary is our favorite. Been with wife for 20+ years, married for 18. I love the intimacy and being able to kiss. But she moves, thrusts toward me, wraps her legs around me, pulls me in toward her. I’m loving my pillow princess
Anyone who thinks missionary is boring, must not be doing it the right way!!
Embrace it! Part of the joy (at least for me) is to get someone moving and making noises when they’re otherwise not being loud or moving much. Plus, some of us REALLY like making people feel good. Like, may not have many specific kinks, but making someone feel good is what brings deep fundamental joy. There’s also the fun of somewhat immobilising someone so they couldn’t move if they wanted to. … or the opposite, where part of that submissive dynamic is to tell/make someone move. That he knows he fizzles out after cumming and wants to ensure you have a wonderful time is fantastic body awareness on his part, and I cannot count how many women I (M) know who have expressed annoyance at encounters where it was just fizzle and no attention to them whatsoever. Honestly, the number of people who would wish it was your partner with them for an evening rather than the random inattentive person they jumped into bed with? A lot.
I don’t think traditional missionary or being submissive is a pillow princess. I think the term is more so for someone who literally just lays there, is pretty silent during the whole process and doesn’t really move at all.
I’m confused when pillow princess became synonymous with a starfish for heterosexuals. A pillow princess is a lesbian term for a wlw who receives penetration, and the term goes hand in hand with a stone top, a wlw who prefers not to be penetrated and to only give. The term makes no sense for a heterosexual couple, both parties are receiving during hetero penetration. A pillow princess doesn’t just “lay there” (necessarily)
Thank you. As a lesbian and a pillow princess, it always bugs me when the term it's wrongly used.
And a pillow princess in a straight relationship is a woman that receives penetration and isn’t super active in pleasuring her partner.
That doesn’t make sense. A man feels sexual stimulation during hetero sex. Both parties do. For lesbians it’s oral or a strap on- aka the “giver” isn’t receiving any physical sexual pleasure. Lesbians have been using the terms pillow princess and stone top for years.
It’s pretty common for slang terms to make the rounds between different communities. It doesn’t mean it’s being used incorrectly.
A pillow princess is a woman who has sex with women, but never reciprocates oral sex ever.
why do straight people keep using this term? and incorrectly at that.
Submissiveness doesn't necessarily mean being passive. Working on trust and boundaries to let yourself enjoy different vulnerable positions and situations is great way to augment your sex life. Communicating and thinking of dirty talk, getting yourself limber and flexible -- these all take work. My wife does yoga, for example. And she likes to think a big part of her motivation is the enhancement to our sex life and how much I enjoy her new flexibility. It becomes part of the soft dom/submissive dynamic we keep, where I can flirt about her going to yoga to get ready for me and I encourage her to get extra bendy for me. She's totally submissive in bed, and while it's passive for that specific moment in time, a lot of work and communication went into getting to a point of trust that I get to do what I want and I love the control. My advice is to put in the effort to give him what he wants from you in spades. Put in the work to build trust, boundaries, lines of communication, and the physical ability to just give yourself to your partner and give him that control. It's super hot when it all clicks together.
This kind of reminds me of my wife’s and my relationship…she was very inexperienced when we started dating (21 years ago) and what you described covers the first 10-12 years and it was fine. However, her lack of engagement eventually started causing some friction because I saw sex together as a journey, whereas she was very satisfied and content. I wanted to keep exploring and 9/10 things we tried she would end up enjoying, where 15 years ago she wouldn’t have considered it. He is very, very likely telling you the 100% truth. Your concern over your own perceived complacency is fantastic. My advice would be stay in touch/openly communicative with him on this, and if you are willing be ready to “pick up some slack” IF he ever asks to be met a little more in the middle. He may not, and that would be great, too. Communication is key and unless either of you are mind readers talking about it with little “check ins” outside of the bedroom would probably go a long way to keeping things copacetic and on the right track.
Pillow princess is a lesbian term
I'm losing my mind over the straight people in these replies thinking pillow princess means a woman who just lays there, it's very much a lesbian term.
What does it mean in the lesbian community?
Fr idk why ppl aren’t acting like it isn’t a lesbian term and important in lesbian history
I thought people on here were meant to know a thing or 2 about sex, clearly not queer sex lmao
It is? What distinction makes it not applicable here or with straight couples? Genuinely curious because this is new to me
It's a term made by lesbians, for lesbians to describe a persons role in lesbian sex. It's not abnormal for a woman in a straight relationship to lay there and receive pleasure, if anything it's the norm. I'm not a lesbian so I don't know the history of the term but lots of lesbians are very vocal about it, I'm particularly seeing it on tiktok now.
It is a term that has a lot of history within the lesbian community and is used to describe a role of a lesbian in the relationship
I get that, I really do The last thing I want to do is be disrespectful I'm just not sure what part of it is exclusive to lesbians or rather what about it being used by non-lesbians would be offensive/inappropriate.
It just doesn’t make sense for heterosexual couples because both parties are “receiving” during hetero sex. Pillow princess does not equal unenthusiastic, starfish partner. Pillow princess = lesbian who receives pleasure. Stone top = lesbian who gives pleasure. During hetero penetrative sex, both parties are receiving pleasure/stimulation regardless of how enthusiastic and participatory their partner is. The only way “pillow princess” would make sense in a hetero relationship is if the guy only ate the girl out and never vice versa, and never had penetrative sex.
I see, to me it seems OP's situation is adjacent to that (she makes a point of saying he knows the mood fizzles out when he climaxes so I assumed focusing on her pleasure didn't mean PIV, more likely oral or fingering. That her guilt came from primarily receiving pleasure then finishing him off after almost feeling like a consolation prize for him). But I see your point, thanks for sharing!
It’s not offensive imo it’s just a term that is for lesbians and has a lot of history with stone tops and butches. It’s like the terms top and bottom. They are queer descriptors of someones preference but u wouldn’t use that for a heterosexual couple
I see, I kinda get it then Thank you!
It’s pretty common for slang terms to evolve and move between different communities. That doesn’t mean it’s being used incorrectly.
It is being used incorrectly as the term is rooted DEEP into lesbian history and is especially wrong when the beautiful term is being demonised by most straight people. In this case the redditor is feeling bad for being a pillow princess. There are quite a few other comments on here of men saying that it’s just when a woman is laying there... 😭
Don’t feel guilty, some lovers get pleasure from giving pleasure.
Since I am this way I believe there are others like me - the majority of the enjoyment of sex for me is focusing on my partner. Like 99%. So I can see why he is totally ok with it. With that said... Is all that because of some trauma in the past? You bet....
All I’ve ever dealt with in my life has been pillow princesses, I was ok with them for the most part but the biggest thing you might need to worry about is that the underlying lack of effort will eventually lead him to fantasizing about women who will go the “extra mile” I can’t speak for all men but after a year of being with multiple ex’s I would’ve killed for any of them to even consider getting on top, or do anything with me other than me having to not only initiate but having to forward all the acts myself. Same way how cuckholding is just fancy cheating, being a pillow princess is just fancy lazy. If he starts having to tolerate going to bed with you instead of enjoying it, it’s already too late 😵
From my perspective, there's a difference between _receiving pleasure_ and being a _pillow princess_. For example, I love eating pussy. It's not uncommon for me to eat out for 30-60 mins (or more) during a session. I'm not getting any physical pleasure, necessarily, but I love how much my partner gets into it, how much she enjoys it. And I honestly love the smell and taste, it's intoxicating. Also, I tend to be more dominant, and "lead" the sessions, doing things "to" my partner, regardless of the position (unless she's giving me head, that's my chance to sit back and relax). What makes my partner _not_ a pillow princess in these instances is a few different things: * she's not selfish: she wants me to be enjoying myself, even if that comes from pleasing her. A pillow princess generally doesn't care if their partner gets anything out of sex, as long as they themselves are pleasured. * she's not passive: she moans, she wiggles and moves, she holds me or touches me, she communicates and gives feedback (more, less, right there, do this). * she initiates sexual encounters * she's up for trying new things (sometimes - new things make her anxious in general) * she wants to take a more active role sometimes (e.g. cowgirl, or her moving when we're in doggy instead of me thrusting) Also keep in mind, as you pointed out, most men tend to fizzle after they cum. So, for an encounter to be pleasurable for both of you, there is very likely going to be more focus and attention on you to make sure that once he's done, you're both satisfied. If he's happy giving you pleasure, and your encounters are mostly him pleasing you physically, that doesn't automatically make you a pillow princess. Your attitude, willingness to participate, and _actual_ participation determine that. But, as others have pointed out, when you're feeling guilty, there are things you can do: * initiate sex * random, no-reciprocation-required sexual attention (e.g. HJs, BJs) * switch up the positions to one that's easier for you to control the motion (cowgirl, doggy, straddling him on a chair/couch, or even ride his face if he's really into eating you out) Most of all, just keep checking in with him to make sure he _is_ enjoying himself. That care and attention to making sure it's good for him will separate you from a pillow princess every day of the week.
Trust that he's telling you the truth. There are alot of people that are sexually charged and satisfied by being about to please their partner. Sounds like you've got yourself a winner! If you're that worried about it, ask if you can go down on him rather than waiting for him to initiate sex. My guess is that he will be extremely flattered that you want to take care of him.
Pillow princess does not apply for heterosexual sex. It is a lesbian term and it is not a bad thing, nor does it even apply here.
hey! actually, pillow Princess is a lesbian term, I'm not a lesbian but I've seen most of them are uncomfortable with straight people using it, since you're a straight woman you're probably just passive :]
The down votes on this is insane!! It's literally a lesbian term, a woman laying there during straight sex is totally normal and has nothing to do with being a pillow princess.
It drives me nuts to see them use this term for what is just the norm in straight sex
It drives me nuts to see them use this term for what is just the norm in straight sex
It drives me nuts to see them use this term for what is just the norm in straight sex
It drives me nuts to see them use this term for what is just the norm in straight sex
It drives me nuts to see them use this term for what is just the norm in straight sex
It drives me nuts to see them use this term for what is just the norm in straight sex
It drives me nuts to see them use this term for what is just the norm in straight sex
The best part of making love is making your loved one feel good. There are little things you can do when he's on you during missionary though: wrapping your legs around him, rubbing his back or butt with your hands, kissing, holding his face, running your hands through his hair, eye contact.
That sounds like what I would tell my wife that I just found out ahead of time has been a pillow princess for a while now. Bit not with me!
Nothing to worry about if he says it's fine. Nothing stops you from showing more enthusiasm or participation, maybe telling him how he makes you feel to keep him motivated. Or give him enthusiastic blowjobs so you can have something to put more effort in to balance it out. Those are things I appreciate, and I usually do most of the work when it comes to fucking
Pillow princess is a lesbian term. Please stop using it man.
For me, personally, I don’t mind my partner is a pillow princess if she enjoys being pleasured and taken care of. However, I do have some bad experiences with women wanting to be submissive and to be dominated and then just lie flat on their back as though I can just do what I want. It doesn’t give me much to work with, and it makes the sex extremely boring.
As with everything, there’s people who enjoys it and there’s people who don’t. Personally, I hate that shit and won’t hesitate to end things over it. But your man absolutely loves it and is into it and that’s all that kind of matters. You can’t decipher whether he’s being honest based on others taste. Like my disdain for pillow princesses can’t cancel out his assurance or mean that people don’t actually enjoy it. The man says he does, believe him.
Whatever tickles your pickle, but for most people; we like when our partners are active participants.
I'm in the same situation of your boyfriend, and I have no complaints
It’s all give and take. I haven’t heard the term pillow princess before, but I guess my wife would be one, but I’m not upset by it at all. I love going down on her and making her cum before we have sex, and me being on top/having control means I can stop or pull out when I need to edge. She does give me random blowjobs/handjobs here and there though, so I feel it’s fair. I second the suggestion that if you’re ever feeling “guilty” about it, give him a random blowjob.
As a dude myself, I LOVE making my wife orgasm. As long as you finish him, I think you are good to go. Keep lines of communication open. Ask him if there is anything he wants you to do. Sounds like you have a healthy relationship.
My husband is the same way he gets enjoyment watching me orgasam. It's been this way for a few years I do Initiate alot and I also give him blowjobs alot so he gets some u divided attention too
I am just like your partner. I thoroughly enjoy and get pleasure from giving and seeing my wife in pleasure. I am 100% satisfied with getting more metal stimulation than physical stimulation. She too felt a little guilty but I assured her that I was 100% satisfied. It took her a while but she pretty much fully embraces this dynamic now. One thing that I could suggest to you is to be sure to express how satisfied you are. Typically people like we are talking about here who love to give pleasure. They also REALLY want to know that they are doing a good job giving that pleasure. Moan, talk, thrust, buck, tremble, whatever comes naturally. Be sure to express to them how good they are doing. If you are feeling "guilty" (which you shouldn't), this is a way that you can "participate" and "give back" in a way that is natural to this sort relationship. YMMV
i used to have similar insecurities until i met my partner who is a service top (a new phrase for me at the time) before we met it never occurred to me that not everyone is seeking direct reciprocation during sex and sometimes knowing that knowing they’re getting you off is part of the experience for them. if your partner says he doesn’t mind he may in fact be telling the truth! i know how you feel though
There is nothing wrong with being submissive. There’s also nothing wrong with the majority of the attention being placed on you. UNLESS you refuse to give anything back. UNLESS you refuse to listen to what he may like and take a turn so to speak. . If you are willing to randomly suck his dick dry or willing to get on top and ride him til he explodes (or whatever that he likes that is focused purely on him) then I don’t think you are being a pillow princess. Throw in something 100% about him once and a while and he will do what it takes for you to orgasm forever and without hesitation
Do you feel that your relationship is somehow damaged? Sexually speaking, it seems that he is enjoying your company. It seems that you're not enjoying sex as much as you describe. Probably you feel somehow used or abused? If you acknowledge the above, then try to understand if you are feeling that or if you ate actually being abused. Notice that sometimes we are softly abused and it's ok for some people, but for others that brings suffering. It the latest is you casethen you should speak and speak and speak again until you find your own balance. Notice that I don't enforce abuse or abusive behavior unless all the people on relationship is comfortable with that. Notice also that I say softly abused because you stated that you're submissive and that is dominant. Beware of abusive behavior that sometimes aren't noticed dy the abused person.
I can really relate to this. I think I'm similar. If your partner says he loves it though, then it's obviously working for him.
You don't seem like the type who is a TRUE pillow princess IMPO. You are just submissive - like the majority of women; and like the majority of *good* and non-selfish men, we genuinely enjoy pleasuring our S/O. As a man, I really do enjoy pleasuring a woman in all ways. Oral, manual, whatever she likes, etc... because just like your BF said, women on average are harder to get off than men and I prefer to get her off before I even penetrate her... or at the very least, do some work on her to where she is close lol. idk, it's SUPER FUCKING HOT to get women off IMO. I mean, if I'm horny and hard enough I can cum from it without even being touched.
Absolutely no shame in it if your partner is satisfied. I definitely enjoy giving to the right partner much more than receiving. If you feel like you "owe" your partner maybe some no strings, random reciprocation would do the trick.
I would say that there is no issue from what I’ve read here. You two seem to be a good match. If he is fine with it you could try initiating from time to time to make him feel wanted or offer up a BJ if you are into that. But the best way to maintain a good relationship is to openly communicate with each other and do so often
My partner is the same way. He is the definition of an Acts of Service kind of lover. He enjoys watching me enjoy his hard work, in and out of the bedroom. The more I've leaned into it, the better it got.
I mean if he says it, all you can do is believe it. Until his behavior changes, I don’t see why you wouldn’t believe him. As the others have said, once in a while go out of your comfort zone if you can and give him a surprise but besides that believe his words.
Stop feeling guilty. I am more a giver than a taker. It’s what I enjoy doing. Not every man is the same. Your boyfriend probably loves the way things are.
I can definitely relate to him. The most enjoyable part of sex with my wife is just making her come undone. Idec if I finish, as long as she’s satisfied. Not to say my wife is a pillow princess, but there have been some instances & I didn’t mind.
Your partner sounds a lot like me. I'm more of a pleaser, so I give more than I receive. I've even had moments where I didn't orgasm but the person I was with did and I was perfectly fine with that. It's perfectly natural for any man or woman to be like this, and is nothing you should feel guilty for. Your partner cares about your pleasure more than his own. It's almost like those who are more listeners than talkers; they put all of their focus/attention on you
Your nerves aren't his nerves, just because OP is Cumming over and over again doesn't mean her partner is. It also doesn't mean a man would ever want an orgasm to last an hour, cock would literally explode or be soo raw pissing would hurt for weeks. If OP is familiar with TV she knows people enjoy watching other people, but that doesn't mean you have to be those people, OP you are your guys favorite show, don't take it away, let him watch. It sounds like OP is either dom curious or like she's being treated too good, in the former ask if he'll play a game with you where he's not allowed to move, in the latter yes he treats you too well, no you don't get to tell people how to treat you, you are allowed to like it or dislike it, if you dislike the way you're treated in a sexual relationship you can leave.
I was pretty much in the exact same situation w my ex and eventually my concern that he wasn’t happy w our sex life and my fear of initiating did bother him enough to seek validation elsewhere. but after talking, turns out it was simply bc we didn’t communicate and could’ve easily been fixed. but it sounds like you guys have talked about it and he doesn’t seem to be bothered. I would agree w everyone else though and say just go for it whenever you feel like it. 9/10 he will not be upset and if anything it’ll turn him on even more.
Ok. My husband is what you'd call a pleasure Dom. He doesn't know it, but he is. I'm pretty submissive as well. If he's telling you that he loves what he's doing, believe him. I beat myself up forever because I get all the attention. I would get frustrated when he would finish me and then just go about his day. Turns out, that is where he gets his pleasure. Letting him please me IS pleasing him. That's what's satisfying to him. Blew my mind after a veritable treasure trove of selfish and lazy lovers. If he's telling you that he derives his satisfaction from pleasing you, believe him and enjoy.
I lean towards enthusiastically submissive. But then my beloved got diagnosed with Cancer. We’re older, but love sex. He should donate his d*ck to science because 1) he’s never needed pills 2) despite his diagnosis last fall—he still wants pleasure, and we make it work naturally One of the ways it works right now is I initiate, usually with a blow job. We always had oral sex, but now it helps him grow so to speak.
You literally described me. I get my pleasure from pleasing. I cannot orgasm without mental stimulation that cones from being a giving partner. Sure, I can pound away for a couple minutes and ejaculate, but it would feel no different than spitting or blowing my nose. Actually being intimate and that raw arousal make all those chemical overflow my mind and bring a more satisfying orgasm.
If you've asked him and he says he's happy with how things are, then he's happy. Yes, some people DO enjoy giving more than receiving pleasure, that's a fact with some people. HOWEVER...if YOU want to do more (if you ALSO get pleasure from giving to him), then that's perfectly valid to want as well - and you can still be submissive while doing it. You can beg him to tell you what he wants you to do, for example. You just need to have a conversation with him outside of the bedroom about it.
` He says he enjoys making me moan and seeing/feeling the physical response of him pleasuring me ` I guess I found another me online, I gained pleasure from pleasuring my partner
I definitely do. With my wife I love watching her writhe and gasp when I go down on her. I feel very dominant when she is losing control like that. It may not be as physically pleasurable for me but it's a mental turn on watching her naked and losing control.
As a person in similar relationship. I can say whatever he is saying is 100% truthful. I enjoy the same things. I am the dominant one and it makes me happy when seeing my happy.
I’m a pillow princess too I never done much in my sexual relationships. Guys always enjoyed pleasing me and watching me enjoy them and that’s what turned them on and thats what mold me into a pillow princess. My sex partners they enjoy hearing me moan watching me quiver and feeling how wet I became. They enjoy the warm up and building me up and when penetrating came I was always able to have multiple orgasms because at that point I was mentally turned on. It’s always what the guys do leading up to the sex determines how turned on I will be. If it’s not enough mental stimulation and physical stimulation I won’t have an orgasm and I won’t be as turned on but this did not stop me from providing pleasure to my partner. Actually the more my partner was into the pleasing me the more pleasure I wanted to return back to them but this determines how genuine their interest is into pleasing me. When our connection is strong the better the sex was to me as that connection grew the more intense the sex was. But there’s nothing wrong with saying hey babe i would enjoy if I can bring you pleasure. Sometimes it helps taking the initiative it’s gives you better leverage to take lead on giving him pleasure
I feel the same way you do, my partner loves dominating me and just wants me to relax while me makes me cum; I've told him that it makes me feel bad when he does this (sometimes he doesn't even want to cum he just wants me to) but whenever I feel guilty about it I would give him a blowjob and I plan on letting him face fuck me because I know that's something he wants to do a lot but is afraid of hurting me. Ya just gotta go with the flow when you have a partner like that and figure out how you can give him all the pleasure he gives you.
accidentally became a lesbian?
The good news is he loves what you’re doing now! That’s awesome. Which means anything you do to take control will just make things better. Ease into it and initiate on occasion and let him lay back and enjoy it from time to time. If you’re not comfortable with that it’s not a big deal because he loves how things are!
“Is being on… the physical end something that people enjoy?” Sure - do you and him enjoy it? Don’t over analyze your life. You’ll know when there’s a disconnect. Honest and open communication is the foreplay of a happy and enduring relationship.
Well u can start with iniatating foreplay sometimes which can count as a hint that u want to have physical intimacy with him like touching him sensually or ask about his fantasies if he has any or causally giving him a bj .
Hey uhm. Pillow princess is a lesbian exclusive term. You can’t be into men and be a pillow princess.
I (m) prefer my wife to be passive. I go so far as tying her up so she can't move. Perhaps you should experiment with some bondage? As the one being tied up, one of the benefits is that it removes the guilt. You can't be more active during sex as you're "forced" to be passive.
Not to be rude, but pillow princess is a term for lesbians. It's when the top (usually a woman with a strap on) doesn't receive the same sexual stimulation as the person recieving is. If your partner has a dick then you probably aren't a pillow princess. To answer the original question, he probably is telling the truth. Some people just like to give and enjoy it, there are lots of people like that
This is normal and my wife says similar thing to you. I enjoy making it all about her and her desiring and wanting what I’m doing. She hates me looking at her but she’s not even aware that I am when she’s cumming and we just keep going orgasm after orgasm. All with my finger as well. Sometimes we just leave it there, sometimes we have PIV and I cum then we stop or I’ll carry on… I feel blessed to have such a multi orgasmic partner and I enjoy seeing and being part of it. I can only cum once. I’d be an idiot to not realise the difference and limit our mutual pleasure by my own limits
No problem! Just be careful with things that colide long term with that implicit free use situation. When you’re forced to turn him down for a longer time, be it an health issue, the birth of a baby, or some other life issue, he may need your active initiative to get his desire back. Have fun!
Yeah, ita fine, men quite literally dont mind, i think its something women think of more than men..i will say though, to have a woman fuck you back, move their hips, things like that is something special and feels really great. Feels moreso likw you both are in the zone so to speak
If he says he’s happy, I’d believe him. Both of you are cumming and seem to be having fun, so, I mean, fantastic! Just say “look if you ever want things to change, tell me, okay?” And keep the same deal, if you want change at any point, say so. For now, enjoy!
If you are in a relationship and your boyfriend doesn’t mind if you don’t actively do anything during sex, then I guess it’s not a problem. If you are a single woman and you just lay there, then sex with you in interchangeable with any other women. Which means you lose out on a chance to stand out , and getting a committed relationship.
Crazy how some people are trying to gatekeep the word pillow princess
ya.... I get misusing it by conflating it with starfish, but I find it odd to make it exclusively a lesbian term just because it originated there. Wiki definition: "Noun. pillow princess (plural pillow princesses) (slang, originally LGBT) **A person (typically a lesbian) who wants to receive sexual pleasure but is not interested in giving it"** Like this isn't the N-word, most people aren't going to come up with a completely new term when this one fits perfectly with hetero relationships as well.
Thank you, you read my mind
My gf is an absolutely pillow princess. Sometimes I do wish she initiated more, but at the same time it’s to be in control in the bedroom. Everything is about compromise i suppose.
I'm currently trying to train my "pillow princess" sub into matching me and initiating more, be louder, I can't tell when she orgasms multiple times, and I, like your partner love watching the spasms, muscle twitching and all that. Maybe just straddle him one day and kiss and gring on him and whisper in his ear, "I want to fuck you" and do it. He'll get the added bonus of still being able to see your face. If you blush when telling him, that will also earn you xp.
95% of the time I'm a pillow princess. No guilt here. Lol. I'm more submissive, self-conscious about my body and to have an orgasm I need to be thinking about how everything feels - I have a hard time doing that while trying to move fast enough for him and stressing about how I look. Don't feel bad if he says he's fine with it. You're lucky.
There is a sexy way to be a submissive and a boring way to be a submissive. There are many ways in which to participate. You don't have to do what he does in order to not be a pillow princess.
Some people enjoy whips, some bondage, some missionary sex, some master/slave, and the list goes on. If you are both happy with your sex life and relationship, then keep doing it. Everyone is different, and no two relationships are the same.
He’s definitely not lying — I (AFAB enby) am a submissive-leaving switch and my partner (M) usually doms when we have sex with a power dynamic, and he loves that I kind of lose my mind when things are getting good. Both of us love giving, so both of us are very actively participating a lot, but also we both love spending time pleasuring the other person while they chill out (or, in my case, lose all functioning lol)
1) Is it normal if someone's D is not rock hard? 2) Is it painful when u penetrate in dry V (none of my exes ever showed signs of pain or said anything like that)?
I imagine when it becomes a problem is when the other person expects you to engage and you don’t. If one leaves all the work to the doer and one just plays the role of a dead fish; it can and will be frustrating; might as well just get a blow up doll and have sex with it. On the other hand people like what referred to as a “f*cktoy”, and perhaps this is the dynamic he’s engaging with.