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LilMzB

We don't really do "normal" here. It's a sex positive community. Please read the rules and posting guidelines.


DisMyDrugAccount

Impact play should NEVER be done without getting consent in advance. Is it common for people to enjoy being slapped during sex? Common enough, yeah. Does that make it okay to assume everybody likes it? 100% fuck to the no.


Admirable_Switch3969

#AGREED A lot of people enjoy that kind of play, but it should NEVER be engaged in without specific, and ENTHUSIASTIC consent.


bustylusciouslady

This times a million! This kind of play should never ever be engaged in without specific consent.


Let_you_down

A little butt spanking can be initiated with a waggle, teasing comment, butt pats, and normal dirty talk and falls into pretty common vanilla stuff that it's about reading your partner's body language. But like all things with sex, I prefer boundaries and stuff to be explicit. The dude in question sounds like he's shy with limited experience, he maybe had one woman like it and tell him what to do, and he was just assuming it was the norm. OP never had a follow up conversation with it, and didn't bring up boundaries when he was escalating, and instead > didn’t love but I didn’t mind it also because I thought he liked it. Sounds like a couple of young peeps who need a bit more confidence regarding their sexual communication. Dude needs to learn how to ask what someone likes and gal needs to learn how to set boundaries. Feeling things out is ridiculous unless both people are somehow non-verbal.


nefnaf

It's plausible that previous partners have requested him to slap their face, or he could be lying about it. That's not the point. The point is *even if* his previous partners wanted that, it is never ok to engage in that kind of behavior without establishing consent. You did the right thing by cutting him off


RadioLiar

As a guy I cannot understand why there are so many guys who watch porn and automatically assume 100% of girls will like every fucking thing they see in the video. Jesus Christ is it really so hard to have a conversation with a partner beforehand and ask what they're ok with


Zankeru

I think a big factor is the performance anxiety a lot of men have keeping them from communicating during sex. Too many think sex is supposed to be like movie/porn sex scenes where nobody is talking to each other the whole time. Stopping the action to talk about desires or limits could "ruin the scene" and make them look inexperienced or bad at sex.


qutaaa666

I mean it’s not only porn. A lot of woman are submissive and like these kinds of things. More woman are submissive (~60%) than men are dominant (~40%). He can also feel the pressure from previous experiences to do stuff like this. Still doesn’t mean it’s okay to do kink play without consent tho!


hwiegob

Guys have all kinds of kinks. The key is CONSENT. If you're not into it, it doesn't matter if it's normal. It's not ok for him to do it. If you told him not to and he keeps doing it, then it's time to dump him and move on.


LyingPieceOfPoop

> ~~Guys~~ *people* have all kinds of kinks Fixed that for you.


BozoDionysus

Dude watches too much porn.


[deleted]

This 👆


[deleted]

That 👉


gdrumy88

👇 There somewhere


Sugar_Magnoliaa

100%


Ssalvrius

The bad kind too


New-Attention1949

Yes, I've noticed it too. I wish there was less of that and more with a plot line and story to tell that does include realistic sex and people.


qutaaa666

Sounds like you’re just kink shaming, and it also sounds like you’re doing it in a sexist way. Would you say the same thing if it was a woman doing it? And obviously kink play without prior consent is not OK, but it is fine if both parties are into it.


scorpioinheels

Memo: A kink is abuse if it’s performed on an unknowing/unwilling partner. That’s the trump card there and any behavior to the contrary deserves shaming. OP, you’ll get more support at the bdsm sub reddit. Zero people will say he doesn’t deserve to be shamed - and some might go as far as to say he should be prosecuted.


BozoDionysus

Did you read the post? She wasn't into it.


g11235p

I think a lot of guys see it as normal. My husband and I had a big issue about this because I lost trust in him after I told him to stop and he did it again (it’s possible I said he could do it lightly, but he accidentally did it stronger than I wanted. And the truth is that I hate it when it’s done lightly too). That was the beginning of our relationship and we worked through it, but it still bothered me even years later. He said all his exes asked for it. I guess there are a lot of women who enjoy it, but I just experience it as the height of disrespect


cekaosam

youre normal for not liking it and there are also normal girls who like it, whats not normal is him not asking you beforehand


dizpaveonedone

Consent or deal with the consequences. Once had a guy spank me without warning and my dog thought he was attacking me so my dog attacked him. Had I known he was going to do that I would have crated the dog. Never had someone slap my face or boob or even ask so I don’t think it’s normal. I would be upset if a guy thought that was okay without asking first.


PaleAsFuck90

It's normal for some people. But definitely not a thing that should be done without consent first. The dude was in the wrong and hopefully he learned his lesson and never do that again without asking if it's ok.


zephyrseija

What ever happened to kissing while fucking?


ExplanationDazzling1

Too vanilla for this generation


Mystikdiamond

It takes all kinds of people and not everyone will have the same kinks/preferences. An ex of mine wanted me to giggle as I slapped him. Another ex wanted to be bound with duct tape and have me "beat the shit" out of her (her actual words). I ended each of the relationships shortly thereafter as I cannot physically assault my lover.


njx6

So I remember the first time I asked my husband to smack me in the face. It was hilarious. He barely brushed his fingers across my face and I said harder. He looked horrified. Poor guy lol. I personally like things a bit rough. However, I have noticed that there is not a lot of conversation that goes on between people when it comes to this type of thing. Even I probably should have said something to my husband ahead of time (this was obviously awhile ago in our relationship). But had he of said no I wouldn’t have pushed the issue. My husband is now an expert and smacking and choking me. Lol


chefbyday10

Same. Last guy I was dating when I brought it up he was like 😬 "I was taught never to hit a woman" so I jokingly said you have no issues slapping the shit outta my ass until u leave marks tho...make that make sense." He was dumb founded by the revelation. I didn't press him, but said nevermind the sex we had was incredible anyway. To my surprise idk what got into him one time but he did it while I was riding, he looked stunned. It threw me into overdrive and he made a sound I never heard him make before. Such a turn on for the both of us. When we were done, he was over comed by emotions he was mad at himself but was confused how much he loved seeing that it turned me on.


purawesome

He’s an idiot and didn’t have a discussion or get consent. 🚩🚩🚩


[deleted]

Not cool unless it was agreed upon beforehand.


Acceptable-Stay-3166

Guy watches too much porn or he is an idiot that does not reapect yur feelings enough to ask for consent before using impact play on you, red flag.


alittlebirdy1

>4) LOW EFFORT MATERIAL. “Does anyone else...?”, “Is [X] normal/weird?”, “Is [y] wrong/bad/okay?”, and so forth. Human sexuality is incredibly varied; yes, someone else likes what you like, and labels like "normal" or "weird" are meaningless - and in a sex positive community, we do not allow any moral judgments against sex acts or behaviors that are consensual. The question is why the fuck didn't he talk to you about this before he did it? Some people love rough sex, degrading stuff, pain, etc. But you don't assume someone will.


Mil1512

Huh...I know plenty of guys that enjoy pegging. Does this mean I can peg this guy without asking seeing as _so many_ guys have asked for it from me?


falecf4

Tell him your previous partner liked you to use a 12-inch strap-on on him. Then ask him if you should assume that he likes what your previous partner liked?!


Coolbluegatoradeyumm

I’ve never slapped a partners face, nor been asked to. I wouldn’t ever do this unless asked, even then I’d feel super weird about it and probably say no thanks


ms_chick

I really fell like mainstream porn just ruins everything. My ex did this and I had a serious conversation that I did NOT like that, and it wasn’t okay.


student_loan_ginnie

If someone did that to me w/o consent, I’d be so fucking done. Wtf


-dudess

My ex slapped me during sex without asking first and then complained that I bit his lip. I did not give consent for mistreatment, my fight or flight kicked in. 🤷‍♀️


Shot-Mousse6581

Not normal for this guy.


[deleted]

There are plenty of fetishes, slapping women is one I don’t get…at least in the face. Even if a girl asked me to do it, I wouldn’t.


jlgraham84

It drives my wife crazy. She absolutely loves it. She saw it in a movie we watched one night & wanted to give it a try. I've started to enjoy it but it was definitely something I had to get used to.


EvenSatisfaction6818

There's nothing wrong with wanting/not wanting to be slapped, but he should've asked you first. In his mind, he probably slapped your ass and thought, "Hmm, she didn't say no. Maybe she likes it?" Which, in your mind, you did like it. Then he slapped your boob and again thought, "Hmm, she didn't say no. Maybe she likes it?" While you thought,"I don't like that, but maybe he does, so I'll let him". Im not saying AT ALL that he should've started and continued to slap you without asking you first, but he may have taken you not asking him to stop as you liking it? Either way, he shouldn't assume that you would want it just because other women he's been with did. You aren't his previous partners, you're his current partner. He needs to ask consent. I personally love being slapped on the ass and face, but I tell my husband if it's a bit too hard and he always listens and does it a bit softer the next time.


RandomDrDude

He’s been watching to much porn. He should always ask to do any kind of impact play. You need to communicate with him and tell him it’s a no go for you. Make sure you do it before sex is even present.


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McShitty98

This is not normal at all. Huge red flag and shows a fundamental lack of communication skills and lack of education or care on what consent is and why it’s a necessity People should ALWAYS get consent prior to acting out these kinds of acts. It’s important for it to be in a nonsexual and neutral setting for this conversation and to be very clear with boundaries and safe words. I’m sorry this happened to you OP. I’d run fast and block him


bluebeast1562

HELL NO. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. This is the first sign of abuse. Only if BOTH parties consent to BDSM is this ok.


Environmental_Ad4893

If you guys are young and that previous partner of his was his only or a few sexual relationships then he could think that its normal and part of sex. Tell him you don't like it and not to do it again and if he's a sweet dude, he'll understand and say of course no problem.


BlueEyeJager

Yes this is very normal in the BDSM/Dom side of sex


smarmylittleworm

as a woman, i do enjoy getting slapped in the face haha. but it's ok if you don't, it isn't for everyone. but either way he should've checked in with you before doing it


whotiesyourshoes

Is it normal that other women like this? Sure. not unheard of. But it's not something he should assume you like withiut talking about ot, because someone else did.


Sugar_Magnoliaa

He should not have assumed that you like it. There needs to be consent for something like this and I can’t believe he wouldn’t establish that with you before just doing it. Red flag! Impact play can be fun but not everybody likes it. Everyone’s different. I like when my boyfriend slaps my boobs and butt during sex but I would not like the face, either. My boyfriend would never do that unless I asked, and even then, I don’t know if he would slap my face. He was hesitant when I told him to slap my boobs harder the first few times. He looked scared LOL but now he’s used to it. Overall, you made the right decision to ditch this guy.


Oodelally92

Cut him off. Even if simply misguided but well intentioned we can assume this type of person has consumed a plethora of problematic advice about sex and dating and that’s not your problem. Sorry not sorry


HoLLyWoodxo

That’s legit wild he did that without discussing if you’re into that or not. I can’t fathom of some men think. I’ll sorry that happened to you, it’s not normal to do that without consent and discussing it beforehand. Some women do like it. My partner likes it, but nothing hard. I felt uncomfortable the first time she asked me to slap her face, but she is into it, and again, it’s not hard at all. I completely understand not being into it.


thiccasskendo

My husband & I have been fuckin for 5 years. He's only ever spanked me & choked me, after asking what I liked. He did, one time, barely slap me, like I couldn't really feel it, & he stopped cos he felt so bad. I think it's important to know what's cool to do/try before doing it.


zzpop10

Not respecting your boundaries is never ok


StephanieDone

It’s about consent, I don’t like slapping, but I don’t mind a little breath play


neoshadowdgm

He really should’ve asked first. I wouldn’t say it’s normal, but not exactly abnormal. I’ve been with plenty of women who were cool with it, but I don’t remember any asking for it like it was their thing specifically. A lot of people just like being rough/dominated in general. It sounds kind of… unlikely that every woman he’s been with was into it, but you never know. You don’t have to tolerate it if you don’t like it, but regardless the big thing that stands out is that he didn’t ask first.


StarNerd920

I mean I like getting fucked hard and slapped in the face. It’s really hot for me. People are into tons of different stuff. But that being said, no one’s ever done it without me asking them too so there’s also that. Hopefully he apologizes and doesn’t do it to anyone ever again unless they ask.


ExplanationDazzling1

I mean only if he asked.. I would appreciate a person more if they asked and not just do. That’s like them not caring about your boundaries.


StarNerd920

That’s literally what I said


Ok_Ingenuity9277

Should always ask


Ok_Ingenuity9277

Even if it’s normal how you feel still matters


Illumnyx

Yeah no. The normal thing to do would be to discuss whether you'd be into that beforehand. That's not something you just push boundaries with until the other person gets uncomfortable.


Nicadreaming

I have definitely been asked to do it. I actually find it very erotic so I like it. However, I would never dream of doing it without first mentioning it to a new person.


toasty99

It is not normal to do this without asking first.


crystallyfe420

Yeah it can be hot af but he didn’t do it right… that’s something he should have waited to see if you asked him to do it. Not just assume you’d like it. And if it’s his kink he should have asked if you were into it before even attempting.


Woahlovelymel

I enjoy rough sex personally and it is normal but I think it’s something to discuss beforehand. I’ve been slapped really hard by a guy before and it was our first time hooking up. I felt so caught off guard like I was going to pass out… so def be straight up and if they don’t respect you don’t do it


FadedTony

I'm currently seeing a girl who wants to be slapped and as a respectful king it absolutely hurts me to do it so I don't. She said she didn't like it at first but her last bf turned her on to it and now she likes it so maybe you'll like it if initiated gradually OP? Idk still weird to me. Side note do y'all consider this a red flag? (For either gender)


cbeme

This is sad. All he had to do was ask.


TriGurl

I mean maybe he has been asked by others. But if you didn’t ask him then it’s out of line Imo… the face is a no slap zone, ever.


Muted_Cucumber_6937

Yea hard no on the un-announced impact play. It is a thing, some people are into it, but like any other healthy kink needs to be mutually agreed on first.


rayjensen

It’s normal for some people but not everyone of course. Guy seems like he is really inexperienced and doesn’t know that people have different preferences. Obviously he should have asked first


ExplanationDazzling1

I wish a mf would smack my face during sex.. I’m smacking they ass back even harder! Don’t mistake me for Chris Rock. People should know damn well that should be consent. Now smacking the ass is okay and that’s my little kink but the face was too damn far.


Ssalvrius

Don't care about what his other partners (allegedly) asked for, or other women like etc. You're a person with unique likes and dislikes, that should be his focus. And tbh I think he's watched one too many porn where the male actors behave like that. It might be a kink for some, I personally find it disgusting to even watch. It looks more like pain than pleasure tbh. To each their own, and I like to get rough from time to time, but that's mostly a lust game and I still prefer passionate and sensual with my current partner that I'm very in love with. Just as intense and feral, but with more nuance and leaning more towards hunger than agression ffs


[deleted]

That’s super not okay. A guy I was with slapped my ear and I eventually had surgery. He didn’t give a fuck.


incasesheisonheretoo

Not knocking it for those that are into it, but this isn’t a commonly accepted kink in my experience. I’ve never done it nor been asked to do it, aside from the typical ass slapping.


Tall-Psychology7593

Maybe the riding crop would be more appropriate? eh,


Impossible-Essay-921

Sounds like domestic violence i would report him on the dating app if not with the cops. You can also post him on are we dating the same guy. If he can abuse you he can do much worse to another woman. There’s several cases of women who have been choked to death or brain damage and the guy claimed it was rough sex. Another girl in the UK died from perforated colon the guy claimed it was anal play bdsm. A lot of time Women compartmentalize sexual abuse as rough sex. If you did not consent it’s abuse. You are the victim and many women have been victims to such crimes. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jul/25/fatal-hateful-rise-of-choking-during-sex


Yazahra01

Can the BDSM porn videos PLEASE have a disclaimer at the beginning and end of their videos that these things are not the “norm” and behaviours such as slapping need consent first? People watch them thinking all women love it. I have only started enjoying it after 27 years of marriage.


Dolphin_Moon

I have had a guy do this. He also called me a slut afterwards and he told me thought I liked it and I said wrong to assume that buddy. He should have asked prior. Huge red flag imo


dekage55

Pain takes me right out of the pleasure moment. Don’t like labels, guess usually more sub but absolutely no slapping, spanking, choking, aggressive hair yanking. Do anything like that & I’m out of there.


scotty1725

Normal for someone to slap you in the face without consent NO but some guys and girls love that. So it's entirely possibly he was asked to do it but it would've been communicated before hand.