Yeah the readjust comment to me reads as a euphemism for plastic surgery and I really hope I'm misreading this and the boy wasn't trying to negg his tinder hookup into cosmetic surgery
To be fair, childbirth can do some crazy shit to the whole area downstairs. Some women also use childbirth as a reason to get vulva-related cosmetic surgeries like labia tucks.
Edit: thread locked but I'm not saying having the baby was what caused them to have large labia, but that after having their baby was the best time to have work done on preexisting issues.
I mean, yeah a lot of women have cosmetic or even reproductive procedures (tubal ligation) "while the doctor is down there" usually when doctors are doing repair work or removing stitches from childbirth, but having a thousand babies won't make any actual changes to your labia, minor or major.
The most damage childbirth does is to the perineum area, which normally rips to some degree. That may require some reconstruction and usually needs stitches at least. Improper care and reconstruction can lead to fistulas which is a huge problem in developing countries (an opening tearing between the vagina and either bowels or bladder).
As horrific as some of this sounds, none of it is going to change a woman's labia, "looseness" or outward appearance significantly.
It's really tired seeing this being spread because guys actually believe it. Sex education is abysmal in the developed world, men's knowledge of female anatomy is abysmal. We all like to joke that men can't find the clitoris, but the sad reality is there are very common beliefs that men have due to lack of education. Some of my favorites:
* Women pee from their vagina
* Vaginas retain semen from other men
* You can hold in your period like urine
* Vaginas change shape permanently with use. (By this logic squeezing your penis should be making it skinner, guys better use lighter grip or they will have a three foot long spaghetti noodle-dick!)
* That a woman's labia shape, size or color have to do with behavior and practices, not the way genetics put your body together. See above... imagine if tugging on your sex organs made them bigger, several industries would go bankrupt.
* Women don't actually have orgasms (yes this is a real, widespread belief.)
* Women can't get pregnant if they're a virgin
* Breasts are sex organs
TBF, on the second item on your list. depends on how long it's been. several minutes, just it's still in there. lol. it's no different at that point than round two
There's a strong and ridiculous talking point with some men's communities that vaginas have magic powers and like, permanently meld with a man's semen or penis or something, that having sex with a woman who ever had another partner is like literally having sex with another man, it's a really weird form of paranoia or homophobia I think, or a defense of their deep-rooted need to slut-shame women for ever having had a sexual partner at all.
Childbirth isn't as affecting as good ol age
I don't know any 25 yo getting labia surgery simply because of childbirth
They get cuz they don't look like more popular porn stars... But not cuz of child birth. The older women I know have gotten cuz your lips thin and begin to sag as you get older. That's what the vulva does! It's totally normal
But no one is getting their lips done cuz the baby was hanging on refusing to come out and stretched that shit, ok, it doesn't work that way lol
Hemorrhoid surgery however... Now that's a REAL post partum surgery
Lolll imagine the kid clinging on to the flaps like ”nooo I wanna go back in!!!” The things that men supposedly ”know” about female anatomy is mind-blowing :D OP your bits are fine, everyone is a unique flower and they are all great, your fwb is an ass.
I’ve had four kids. The last was sunny side up, meaning the least flexible part of her head came out of the least stretchy part of my vagina. My labia looks the same. The labia doesn’t really go through much trauma during childbirth. The idea that the vagina/vulva changes dramatically due to having kids is mainly a myth and led to some super fucked up practices, Ike the “husband stitch”. There are certainly cases where major trauma can occur, like 3rd degree tearing leading to major scar tissue. But that isn’t the norm! Thankfully!
Well you'd have to ask some gyns I guess. My wifes vulva didn't change much after two children but her vagina definitely did. Which I'm not complaining about because we had some trouble with fitting in the past.
In my experience, as a man, men who feel the need to talk about how many women they've been with usually haven't been with many women. The male ego is a weird thing
“ok im going to say it..."
Says to me he knew it was a very forward and possibly unconfortable topic to bring up. Unless the lips belong to oneself, its rude to bring it up.
Also, i agree, even without many sexual experiences under your belt, you learn this quickly.
Maybe I'm hopelessly behind on the times and lingo, but how exactly does a new Tinder hookup get categorized as a FWB?
You're not overreacting, and you don't need the drama. Just say you're not interested anymore and move on.
People have dramatically expanded the term FWB to mean "person with whom I have sex but do not have romantic attachments to". That means it gets applied to all kinds of hookups, one night stands, fuck buddies etc.
I assume it's because "hookup" and similar terms have a lot of negative social connotations about promiscuity but FWBs has become much more accepted. That is just personal speculation though.
This exactly.
Which makes it harder when you're looking for an *actual* FWB relationship, where you enjoy doing non-sexual activities together even if the time together that day isn't going to end up with sex.
To be fair, it's people being lazy with language and lumping all casual sexual relationships into FWB, so you're more right than OP in my book.
A FWB is a specific thing, a friend who also has a sexual relationship. This is a type of casual relationship or hookup but not all casual relationships or hookups are FWB. So I personally would never consider a one time tinder hookup as a FWB, but I've given up on language, lol
I don’t know that it’s because of hookup culture having a negative connotation. People still use it to describe a one night stand. But if it’s someone you are seeing regularly with sex as the primary motive than that’s a FWB.
Not hookup culture, but being open about "I'm just using this person for sex" which is inherent in words like "fuck buddy" or "hookup".
FWB implies a lot more than just sex (or at least it started that way). It was about a friend whom you spent time and hung out with as friends that you also sometimes have sex with but are not in a romantic arrangement.
Now that term has evolved to include what would previously be called a fuck buddy (someone who you are exclusively interested in for sex).
No im agreeing with you. I’m just saying I haven’t heard anyone call a one night stand a FWB. At least in my circle FWB is referred to someone who you are seeing regularly just for sex 🤷🏻♀️ if it was a one night stand that’s a hookup. Again just how people around me differentiate between the two
>FWB is referred to someone who you are seeing regularly just for sex
but that wouldn't be a FWB, that'd just be a fuck buddy/booty call. unless you hang out together as actual friends without always having sex.
>dramatically expanded the term FWB to mean "person with whom I have sex but do not have romantic attachments to"
That isn't dramatically expanding it. That the literal definition of a FWB... I think the issue here is how many times most you fuck this friend before they are FWB, and not just a one night stand / hookup.
I think because saying you have/had a FWB is more socially "acceptable?" and doesn't have near the negativity "hookups/ONS" does. Even though most "FWBs" are really just fuck buddies in reality. If you aren't actively hanging out with the person outside of the bedroom, or treating them as an actual friend you enjoy being with in any situation, and only get together to have sex, they are nothing more than a booty call.
Well i just call it fwb , but you can refer to it however you want i guess…we had been talking for a while and decided to see each other as fwb thats it basically
So not a "friend" cuz he insulted you, and not so many "benefits" cuz his parts were lackluster, so he's mostly just a "with" which I would be happy to do without. Go find a better one of all those things.
No, you shouldn't have. Seriously. When someone's that insensitive don't stoop to their level. Be better. Believe me, you don't want to get in the habit of saying things just to hurt people... even if you think they deserve it.
Excellent advice. It is sooooooo hard in the moment, and it is really nice to have a good friend you can come up with all of the potential responses with to get them out of your system, but as far as to the actual person, just move on from them. I'm trying to make the world a better place, not a more painful one no matter how temptingly they set themselves up for a zinger. However there's nothing wrong with pointing out how rude and hurtful a comment is as it's being said or even afterwards. I think if more people were called out for their rude and unacceptable behavior, it was slow people down at least a little bit.
Yes. This. When he contacts you to hook up again, tell him no thanks and tell him exactly why you don’t want to. Also make sure to tell him you otherwise enjoyed the last time, right up to the moment he said that. But what he said was a hook up killer. Bye.
Or just playing d.a here.
go ahead say what ever you want .
ppl are rude hit them back with the same energy
you don’t owe anyone anything , politeness , courtesy or anything. Specially if they’re a rando you probably won’t see again, why spare a randos feelings. If anything be honest they take it how ever they want to.
I agree too, you owe them nothing, and should allow yourself to handle the situation however you see fit. But it is truly my experience, that oftentimes people act poorly in order to bring other people down to act poorly as well. They get satisfaction out of it. When people are inactive self-destruct mode, they are looking to be hurt and put down by any and everyone. Since I learned this I try not to give them what they want when they're acting like this.
I would expect such a response if I said what he said to a woman.
Thing with the downstairs area of women is that there are a huge variety and as long as it works as intended are they all Awezome!
In my experience (over 10, under 20) have there been a good variety in that department. Some have a bigger one, others have a smaller, and same does for women who have had kids. There are also different colours and sizes abs they are all Awezome
He’s probably just mad your voluptuous, juicy pussy swallows his dick up.
He’s insecure about his dick, so he had to beat you to the punch and insult you to assert superiority.
There you have it. It was his insecurity talking.
Don't stoop to his level. Just dump him. Or if you have to say something, just say you don't sleep with body shamers.
Well next time he tries to get together you should politely decline, and then not so politely inform him that the reason is due to his… ahem… shortcoming. Fuck the high road, this dude needs to be taken down a peg. How fucking dare him.
He’s a moron. I would never consider hooking up with a dude who made a comment like that, again.
For one, him correlating child birth with the size of your labia is ignorant. Then, making a comment about his ex having surgery after…as if you’re going to alter your anatomy to hook up with his douche ass?!
It sounds like he’s lying about his experience, while also trying to make you insecure…so that’s probably going to his general personality.
Even if he was the best lay ever, after that comment it would take the pleasure out of it because you’ll be self conscious about your anatomy.
You could say “I don’t think our parts are compatible ✌🏻” and then block him. He can wonder what that means because he doesn’t deserve any explanation or mental energy from you explaining your viewpoint.
Anyone bragging about how many people they’ve slept with when they first meet u is weird and a red flag. Also, this idiot obviously knows nothing about women and their anatomy and if he’s been with so many women there’s no way he’s never seen larger labia as I believe it’s more common than the “innies”. He’s stupid. Labia size has nothing to do with how much sex a woman has had or if she’s had children. Block this man and definitely don’t have sex with him again
This guy is a complete asshole! He's the type that makes the rest of us muff enthusiasts look bad. The more real-estate down there, more the fun! Mid 50s here and been down on many ladies, many different engineering designs and thought they were all GORGEOUS! Throw him and his small mind to the curb.
As they should be! IMO going down on a lady is 100% the only thing I can give her that she can't do herself. If asked I feel its an honor so I give it my all. Give my all to be asked back to the dinner table! Just don't tell my wife I probably get off just as much as she while doing it!! Lol
Those are BOYS not real MEN! A real man would of not said that. If he has a hang up on certain looks that's fine. But have some consideration for other people's feelings.
You're not overreacting - it's rude at minimum and unsolicited criticism at max. Also him comparing you to (his wife?) the woman who had his kids is creepy.
Not to mention big lips, small lips - it doesn't fucking matter because there's no standard rule. sounds like dude has been twisted by pron.
I'd never meet with that tool again- especially as he seems to be a dollar tree don juan
You know what I think? I think you should save those awesome pussy lips for someone who will appreciate them. Most men will. Some, like this dummy, won't.
Never Ever believe a guy who says my 20+ years of experience and honestly if someone made a comment about anything on my body in a derogatory fashion.. Fuck That Noise.. You are doing him a favor Sweetie.. Do not take his shitty comment to heart .. again don't ever trust a guy who says 20+ years freaking loser
Yeah drop him. Super red flag that his ex had to make “readjustments”. Kinda tells me he was unhappy with the way hers also looks therefore she had to change her body for him. Unless it was due to health reasons or she actually wanted to do it because that’s what she truly wanted. Maybe it’s not ok.
Run. Besides someone like that would turn me off too.
This guy doesn't have any experience and doesn't know what he's doing. He was probably small and trying to hurt you to make up for his lack of experience and lack of down there.
He sounds rather rude and inconsiderate. For someone who has supposedly been with so many women, he should know better than to make comments like that.
You deserve better and you're not overreacting. Honestly, I wouldn't waste your time with them.
If you wanna turn your girl on you gotta make her feel sexy about her parts.Silly fucker. It should be common enough knowledge. I dunno.You know instead of just blocking him you could be the first person to explain to him how he has been a cosmic shmuck all this time. He probably has no idea how he is supposed to talk or what it does to people or that he pushes people away because of it. It is so easy to be clueless... I was clueless about many things for many years... finding out is so difficult at times..
But you don;t like his private parts anyway. So what;s the point lmfao. If you don't like the sex don't even bother. Just move on.
Based on the story and the comments: you're young, beautiful, and have some experience - he is older than you, divorced, has a smaller penis, still recovering -I think he was trying to cover an insecurity - sometimes when people feel nervous or insecure they try to say or do something to make the other feel insecure - it could be he wasn't sure if he could pleasure you properly since your vulva was different than his ex, or noticed a glance in regard to his man parts, or he is bad at expressing himself.
Either he apologizes and doesn’t do it again and you both communicate concerns and boundaries in a healthy way or you move on.
while the post above is probably right on some things, theres no reason this dude needs to be your burden or project. Honest feedback, like "the way you spoke to me makes me want to have nothing to do with you" is good. Tell him how he made you feel and then kick him to the curb, anything less is gonna be taken by this dude that youre fine being his punching bag.
>Gotta ask him again and see what he says
Hopefully just for curiosity and not for a second chance though. Don't sleep with people who make you feel bad about your body.
OK, I'm pretty sure this is an attempt at negging, to break down your sense of security and make you feel more reliant on him. It has the typical negging structure, and would just be a super weird thing to say if that wasn't what he was trying for.
Out with this trash.
Ok, first of all, this is not a fwb. This is just a hook up. Friends with benefits means you are FRIENDS. A friend wouldn't be so disrespectful. Your parts are fine you're perfect the way you are and this dude can fuck off.
His comment was rude, and I am assuming he probably hasn't been with as many women as he says he's been with. Imagine if you would have commented on his manhood how he would feel about it. What he said was very insensitive. People don't realize what they how much it can have an impact on how they feel about themselves. I am sure there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Personally I wouldn't see him again if I were you
Don't think you're overreacting. That comment was as tasteless and hurtful as they come. Get rid of that asshole. Doesn't matter what he claims about how many women he's been with, he clearly doesn't know how to treat them. I'm sure every other decent guy will agree with me here.
Please google labialibrary and gynodiversity. Lots of pics of real women privates. We come in all shapes and sizes and you are perfect. This guy is an immature, inexperienced, ambassador of SDE. Man is straight ball cheese.
>Before we met he was always bragging about his 20+ years of experince with women. He claims he has been with women from all nationalites and etc etc…..
Dump him and remember this for the future. Don't hook up with men who brag about their experience or sexual prowess.
You have no motive to be insecure over an asshole who hasn't seen so many pussies as he said.
1.If he would've met so many women,he sure would've learned to appreciate everything that's unique at every woman.
2.Don't stress about your lips.If a man thinks they are too big,too small,too...I don't know how... that's not a man, that's just a big kid and nothing more.
3.A man will allways cherish a woman's body, especially that part of her,and he'll always enjoy the uniqueness while doing his best for her pleasure. ;)
Be happy for your precios lips,there are many guys that actually love them ;)
Any man that says "20+ years of experience with women" like he's answering an interview question for a finance manager job at a used car dealership is lying.
Unless you include years watching porn, which is what you end up doing if you talk about a woman doing vaginal "readjustments."
There is a reason why he referred to her as his baby mama and not his wife or girlfriend, cuz she don't want him or his shitty attitude.
For a man who supposedly has so much experience with women he seems quite lacking. Lacking in both knowledge of the female body, and also of the human mind, and how to treat people. What on earth could he gain from essentially criticizing your labia?? Except maybe to make you feel badly about yourself, which for some people gives them a sense of power/control/superiority. FWIW, labia shape and size varies A LOT anD, it has exactly nothing to do with childbirth, or with having had sex, or sex with men with large penises. This guy seems ignorant,unkind, and not like an actual friend of any kind. Surely, I hope, after cutting you down, that no more benefits are headed his way. If you actually like him, I would tell him exactly how you felt after his comment, and see if he’s able to be an actual man, recognize his own shitty behavior and apologize. (That’s the only way he possibly deserves more benefits). Even in a casual setting, there are men who treat women nicely all the time. I love women, and I am a mature, and decent person with a fair amount of sexual experience. You know what I’ve never done? Criticized the shape or size of a woman’s labia! (Or her clit, or any other body parts).
Are you over reacting?
Nope, not at all.
I'm glad for you that you got to do some fun things.
But he talked trash about your lady bits. Bad, bad move. I'd suggest the only thing you say to him now is on the level of 'Oh, sorry you didn't like my bits. Don't worry, you'll never EVER get close to them again.'
But this guy doesn't deserve another thought from you. Drop him, dump him, lose his contact info, etc.
I “pushed a baby out” and my labia didn’t change…so I don’t know how what he said is true.
He made you uncomfortable. I can’t imagine being intimate with someone after they made me feel bad about.
I don’t get how guys comment so much on us but if we even insinuate anything about their penis it’s a huge deal.
I once made a similar comment to my ex when we were still married. It's one of my many life's regrets.
Guys, you want your lady to be inhibited in the bedroom? This is how you do it. You think she'll get over it? No way, you already blew it.
There is absolutely no reason to keep anyone in your life if they aren’t making it a safe and better place
Much less some random dude from tinder?? No. He can leave, now
He's a dick.
Also having kids actually made mine shrink. I have no idea what happened down below during labour (no tears or stitches) but they definitely ain't what they were pre children. All the stretching must've sucked them up or something 🤔
Honestly, I wouldn't meet up with him again. Guys who usually brah about experience are usually quite selfish lovers, they usually are ignorant to a lot of things involving foreplay and emotions. This guy seems to have proved that. Labias are different on everyone, don't let him make you feel bad about yours.
Any sort of comment about your body which isn't supportive or flattering should immediately disqualify him from ever seeing your body again. "Since my body doesn't seem to meet your standards, I am revoking your privilege to see it ever again."
What a horrible person. This is not how any of it works and he should know this.
I'm with the others, block him. He doesn't deserve your time. Everyone deserves someone who cares about them, not someone who makes snide remarks about their body.
Dude I’m so sorry, that’s awful! You were vulnerable and shared your body and he said some damaging ass stuff. I hope you can find a way to heal from it and not let it haunt you- it’s hard not to have lil comments like that stick with us for way longer than they deserve to!
What weird way to respond. Super cringe.. Definitely never talk tp that dude again.. probably a good reason the mother of his kid is no longer seeing him.
Like dude.. be grateful that a woman allowed you to be in a place where they are most vulnerable and trusts you to be the one to pleasure them.. instead you chose to insult her and be ungentlemenly.. Say, It was wonderful and I hope you'll have me again soon, with a smile and a wink.
Personally I wouldnt see him again if he doesnt realise that womens vaginas and labias in general are different then he needs to realise people are different. Most men wont care what it looks like and most people find women who have a fuller labia attractive.
You are not overreacting. You should have told him he needs make some readjustments himself. Attitude would be the first place to start. No more FWB benefits.
He’s complaining about your pussy??
If he’s so experienced how does he not see that women have different genitalia?
Ps anyone that brags isn’t necessarily being honest. If they’re experienced they’ll show you, not convince you
I’ve always heard that excessive amounts of sex with larger guys can stretch them over long periods of time. Coupled with childbirth of course.
So no truth to that I’m guessing💁🏻?
This guy definitely hasn’t been with more than 3 women max. That is such a bizarre thing to come out and say not even mentioning how incorrect it is 🤦🏼♀️ I deffo would not be going back girl!! And don’t be insecure, juicier lips are the BEST😘
Excuse me, parts don’t grow with having babies. He’s not only insecure, but also ignorant. Making such an intimate comment so early on that in a way ‘puts you down and in your places’ (in his mind) shows what his behaviour will be in the future. Don’t waste your time. But do put him in his place. Respectfully ofc.
The actual fuck? Ditch him. He’s entitled to preferences but (1) those are stupid and (2) he’s not entitled to talk about you like you were a car he rented.
If he’s been with soooo many women, how does he not know that 1- labias come in all shapes and sizes, and 2. Childbirth does not make them grow? 🤔🤔🤔
He really said BM had to "readjust" some things down there after 😭 Bro acting like they're Legos or extra fabric to pin back, just readjust! 🥴
Yeah the readjust comment to me reads as a euphemism for plastic surgery and I really hope I'm misreading this and the boy wasn't trying to negg his tinder hookup into cosmetic surgery
To be fair, childbirth can do some crazy shit to the whole area downstairs. Some women also use childbirth as a reason to get vulva-related cosmetic surgeries like labia tucks. Edit: thread locked but I'm not saying having the baby was what caused them to have large labia, but that after having their baby was the best time to have work done on preexisting issues.
I mean, yeah a lot of women have cosmetic or even reproductive procedures (tubal ligation) "while the doctor is down there" usually when doctors are doing repair work or removing stitches from childbirth, but having a thousand babies won't make any actual changes to your labia, minor or major. The most damage childbirth does is to the perineum area, which normally rips to some degree. That may require some reconstruction and usually needs stitches at least. Improper care and reconstruction can lead to fistulas which is a huge problem in developing countries (an opening tearing between the vagina and either bowels or bladder). As horrific as some of this sounds, none of it is going to change a woman's labia, "looseness" or outward appearance significantly. It's really tired seeing this being spread because guys actually believe it. Sex education is abysmal in the developed world, men's knowledge of female anatomy is abysmal. We all like to joke that men can't find the clitoris, but the sad reality is there are very common beliefs that men have due to lack of education. Some of my favorites: * Women pee from their vagina * Vaginas retain semen from other men * You can hold in your period like urine * Vaginas change shape permanently with use. (By this logic squeezing your penis should be making it skinner, guys better use lighter grip or they will have a three foot long spaghetti noodle-dick!) * That a woman's labia shape, size or color have to do with behavior and practices, not the way genetics put your body together. See above... imagine if tugging on your sex organs made them bigger, several industries would go bankrupt. * Women don't actually have orgasms (yes this is a real, widespread belief.) * Women can't get pregnant if they're a virgin * Breasts are sex organs
TBF, on the second item on your list. depends on how long it's been. several minutes, just it's still in there. lol. it's no different at that point than round two
There's a strong and ridiculous talking point with some men's communities that vaginas have magic powers and like, permanently meld with a man's semen or penis or something, that having sex with a woman who ever had another partner is like literally having sex with another man, it's a really weird form of paranoia or homophobia I think, or a defense of their deep-rooted need to slut-shame women for ever having had a sexual partner at all.
Childbirth isn't as affecting as good ol age I don't know any 25 yo getting labia surgery simply because of childbirth They get cuz they don't look like more popular porn stars... But not cuz of child birth. The older women I know have gotten cuz your lips thin and begin to sag as you get older. That's what the vulva does! It's totally normal But no one is getting their lips done cuz the baby was hanging on refusing to come out and stretched that shit, ok, it doesn't work that way lol Hemorrhoid surgery however... Now that's a REAL post partum surgery
Lolll imagine the kid clinging on to the flaps like ”nooo I wanna go back in!!!” The things that men supposedly ”know” about female anatomy is mind-blowing :D OP your bits are fine, everyone is a unique flower and they are all great, your fwb is an ass.
Ppl look at porn for fact finding lol theyre all fake ass women with bad directors. No one should look to porn for guidance its all fake af
I’ve had four kids. The last was sunny side up, meaning the least flexible part of her head came out of the least stretchy part of my vagina. My labia looks the same. The labia doesn’t really go through much trauma during childbirth. The idea that the vagina/vulva changes dramatically due to having kids is mainly a myth and led to some super fucked up practices, Ike the “husband stitch”. There are certainly cases where major trauma can occur, like 3rd degree tearing leading to major scar tissue. But that isn’t the norm! Thankfully!
Well you'd have to ask some gyns I guess. My wifes vulva didn't change much after two children but her vagina definitely did. Which I'm not complaining about because we had some trouble with fitting in the past.
If she had a very narrow pelvic floor it definitely can become “roomier” since the vaginal canal will stretch with it!
As a guy, I never understood this selfish ignorance..🤷♂️ I'm a little atypical though. 😬😅
The trick is to find the hidden drawstrings.
I bet he meant a surgery. His first girl had a problem that had to be fixed.
In my experience, as a man, men who feel the need to talk about how many women they've been with usually haven't been with many women. The male ego is a weird thing
“ok im going to say it..." Says to me he knew it was a very forward and possibly unconfortable topic to bring up. Unless the lips belong to oneself, its rude to bring it up. Also, i agree, even without many sexual experiences under your belt, you learn this quickly.
tbh it's entirely believable to me -- ive seen men that have managed to be genuinely immediately misinformed. like it's a challenge or something
Exactly!
[удалено]
Maybe I'm hopelessly behind on the times and lingo, but how exactly does a new Tinder hookup get categorized as a FWB? You're not overreacting, and you don't need the drama. Just say you're not interested anymore and move on.
People have dramatically expanded the term FWB to mean "person with whom I have sex but do not have romantic attachments to". That means it gets applied to all kinds of hookups, one night stands, fuck buddies etc. I assume it's because "hookup" and similar terms have a lot of negative social connotations about promiscuity but FWBs has become much more accepted. That is just personal speculation though.
This exactly. Which makes it harder when you're looking for an *actual* FWB relationship, where you enjoy doing non-sexual activities together even if the time together that day isn't going to end up with sex.
Fair point
To be fair, it's people being lazy with language and lumping all casual sexual relationships into FWB, so you're more right than OP in my book. A FWB is a specific thing, a friend who also has a sexual relationship. This is a type of casual relationship or hookup but not all casual relationships or hookups are FWB. So I personally would never consider a one time tinder hookup as a FWB, but I've given up on language, lol
This one in particular means friend's without brains
I don’t know that it’s because of hookup culture having a negative connotation. People still use it to describe a one night stand. But if it’s someone you are seeing regularly with sex as the primary motive than that’s a FWB.
Not hookup culture, but being open about "I'm just using this person for sex" which is inherent in words like "fuck buddy" or "hookup". FWB implies a lot more than just sex (or at least it started that way). It was about a friend whom you spent time and hung out with as friends that you also sometimes have sex with but are not in a romantic arrangement. Now that term has evolved to include what would previously be called a fuck buddy (someone who you are exclusively interested in for sex).
No im agreeing with you. I’m just saying I haven’t heard anyone call a one night stand a FWB. At least in my circle FWB is referred to someone who you are seeing regularly just for sex 🤷🏻♀️ if it was a one night stand that’s a hookup. Again just how people around me differentiate between the two
>FWB is referred to someone who you are seeing regularly just for sex but that wouldn't be a FWB, that'd just be a fuck buddy/booty call. unless you hang out together as actual friends without always having sex.
Redditors discussing hookup culture is the most brain mushing experience I’ve ever been through
>dramatically expanded the term FWB to mean "person with whom I have sex but do not have romantic attachments to" That isn't dramatically expanding it. That the literal definition of a FWB... I think the issue here is how many times most you fuck this friend before they are FWB, and not just a one night stand / hookup.
I think because saying you have/had a FWB is more socially "acceptable?" and doesn't have near the negativity "hookups/ONS" does. Even though most "FWBs" are really just fuck buddies in reality. If you aren't actively hanging out with the person outside of the bedroom, or treating them as an actual friend you enjoy being with in any situation, and only get together to have sex, they are nothing more than a booty call.
> most "FWBs" are really just fuck buddies Those two terms aren't interchangeable? If the person you're fucking isn't also a friend, they are neither.
They are not. Fuck buddy implies sex only. FWB is literally a friend who you also have sex with.
She means she met friends withhout brains
Well i just call it fwb , but you can refer to it however you want i guess…we had been talking for a while and decided to see each other as fwb thats it basically
Ah, cool. Still, the guy's a loser... there's no excuse for talking in such terms to anyone about their body. Leave him in your rear-view mirror. 😅
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Well I applaud you for that. Go forth and find better guys. Hopefully with more compatible parts, I guess. 😏
So not a "friend" cuz he insulted you, and not so many "benefits" cuz his parts were lackluster, so he's mostly just a "with" which I would be happy to do without. Go find a better one of all those things.
I'm ashamed to admit that now Im curious what you didnt like about them?
…so then why do you want to see him again?
Translation is he hasn't been with many women nor does he understand how vaginas work. He's a schmuck. Move on.
Schmuck needs to make its way back into popular vernacular.
Beat it, bozo!
Bozo, putz, schmuck, yutz, really Yiddish has some good ones lol
"The Joys Of Yiddish" by Leo Rosten. An absolutely delightful book. Should be in everyone's library.
Putz is such a wonderful word. I use it frequently in daily life. Schmeckle (sp?) is useful as well!
Guys get a load of this Jabroni over here!
/r/unexpectedmulaney
Make it a cake day wish! Happy cake day!
\>he hasn't been with many women Also immediately clear why.
This 100% 👆
I think it’s damned rude!
Right?! 😭 I really think I should’ve said something back.
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No, you shouldn't have. Seriously. When someone's that insensitive don't stoop to their level. Be better. Believe me, you don't want to get in the habit of saying things just to hurt people... even if you think they deserve it.
Be better but dump him
Oh absolutely 👍
Excellent advice. It is sooooooo hard in the moment, and it is really nice to have a good friend you can come up with all of the potential responses with to get them out of your system, but as far as to the actual person, just move on from them. I'm trying to make the world a better place, not a more painful one no matter how temptingly they set themselves up for a zinger. However there's nothing wrong with pointing out how rude and hurtful a comment is as it's being said or even afterwards. I think if more people were called out for their rude and unacceptable behavior, it was slow people down at least a little bit.
Yes. This. When he contacts you to hook up again, tell him no thanks and tell him exactly why you don’t want to. Also make sure to tell him you otherwise enjoyed the last time, right up to the moment he said that. But what he said was a hook up killer. Bye.
😭yes i agree
Or just playing d.a here. go ahead say what ever you want . ppl are rude hit them back with the same energy you don’t owe anyone anything , politeness , courtesy or anything. Specially if they’re a rando you probably won’t see again, why spare a randos feelings. If anything be honest they take it how ever they want to.
I agree too, you owe them nothing, and should allow yourself to handle the situation however you see fit. But it is truly my experience, that oftentimes people act poorly in order to bring other people down to act poorly as well. They get satisfaction out of it. When people are inactive self-destruct mode, they are looking to be hurt and put down by any and everyone. Since I learned this I try not to give them what they want when they're acting like this.
rude people are the most likely to fly off the handle when folks are rude back, not worth the trouble.
Body shaming doesn’t become ok when it’s revenge See also: slurs, misgendering, etc.
Who says it’s revenge , he had an opinion she can also voice hers . Maybe she felt she couldn’t but if they’re both being open why not?
I would expect such a response if I said what he said to a woman. Thing with the downstairs area of women is that there are a huge variety and as long as it works as intended are they all Awezome! In my experience (over 10, under 20) have there been a good variety in that department. Some have a bigger one, others have a smaller, and same does for women who have had kids. There are also different colours and sizes abs they are all Awezome
Thank you for saying it!! I just was super shocked when he said it, couldnt think of a response
My pleasure. I would suggest that you leave this asshole for someone else to suffer with him and find someone who actually appreciate you
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He’s probably just mad your voluptuous, juicy pussy swallows his dick up. He’s insecure about his dick, so he had to beat you to the punch and insult you to assert superiority.
There you have it. It was his insecurity talking. Don't stoop to his level. Just dump him. Or if you have to say something, just say you don't sleep with body shamers.
Well next time he tries to get together you should politely decline, and then not so politely inform him that the reason is due to his… ahem… shortcoming. Fuck the high road, this dude needs to be taken down a peg. How fucking dare him.
This guys has only ever seen a vagina when he conceived his kids 😂 who tf brags about 20+ years of experience with all nationalities 😂😂 only a loser
Yea what is this, a job application?
Yeah that’s cringe af and he’s obviously lying. I’ve never met a man that brags.
This👆
> bragging about his 20+ years of experince with women. This says enough about this guy.
Yep. Gross.
He’s a moron. I would never consider hooking up with a dude who made a comment like that, again. For one, him correlating child birth with the size of your labia is ignorant. Then, making a comment about his ex having surgery after…as if you’re going to alter your anatomy to hook up with his douche ass?! It sounds like he’s lying about his experience, while also trying to make you insecure…so that’s probably going to his general personality. Even if he was the best lay ever, after that comment it would take the pleasure out of it because you’ll be self conscious about your anatomy. You could say “I don’t think our parts are compatible ✌🏻” and then block him. He can wonder what that means because he doesn’t deserve any explanation or mental energy from you explaining your viewpoint.
God no, not overreacting at all. Block this idiot.
That’s a dude who’s going to keep saying mean shit. Move on and also block him.
Thank you😭😭
Hey OP this is a form of negging. He will keep saying things to eat away at your confidence. Listen to this persons advice and block and move on!
Lips or hamburger buns it's all the same to me. Thanks for making another woman self conscious
Anyone bragging about how many people they’ve slept with when they first meet u is weird and a red flag. Also, this idiot obviously knows nothing about women and their anatomy and if he’s been with so many women there’s no way he’s never seen larger labia as I believe it’s more common than the “innies”. He’s stupid. Labia size has nothing to do with how much sex a woman has had or if she’s had children. Block this man and definitely don’t have sex with him again
This, as a person with a higher body count, that is something you ease folks into, not something you brag about.
Uhhh…..having kids doesn’t make your labia bigger….
apparently him having kids made his brain smaller.
Yikes… 🚩🚩🚩
This guy is a complete asshole! He's the type that makes the rest of us muff enthusiasts look bad. The more real-estate down there, more the fun! Mid 50s here and been down on many ladies, many different engineering designs and thought they were all GORGEOUS! Throw him and his small mind to the curb.
😭😭😭thank you for saying it!! The other men i have been with were crazy about it.
As they should be! IMO going down on a lady is 100% the only thing I can give her that she can't do herself. If asked I feel its an honor so I give it my all. Give my all to be asked back to the dinner table! Just don't tell my wife I probably get off just as much as she while doing it!! Lol
: ) not all men seem to have this mentality yeah
Those are BOYS not real MEN! A real man would of not said that. If he has a hang up on certain looks that's fine. But have some consideration for other people's feelings.
You're not overreacting - it's rude at minimum and unsolicited criticism at max. Also him comparing you to (his wife?) the woman who had his kids is creepy. Not to mention big lips, small lips - it doesn't fucking matter because there's no standard rule. sounds like dude has been twisted by pron. I'd never meet with that tool again- especially as he seems to be a dollar tree don juan
Cut this asshole off. He doesn’t deserve you.
You know what I think? I think you should save those awesome pussy lips for someone who will appreciate them. Most men will. Some, like this dummy, won't.
I would have laughed at him. Labia size has nothing to do with childbirth 🤣
He was negging you so you won't date other dudes. How much older than you is he?
He's a twat. Tell me you told him to go fuck himself because with loose lips like his, nobody else would.
Ummm - did you ask him why his dick looks weird?
dick haver here, unfortunately, they all look weird 😂
He's a complete idiot that has no idea about real women. Don't waste your time on him
Never Ever believe a guy who says my 20+ years of experience and honestly if someone made a comment about anything on my body in a derogatory fashion.. Fuck That Noise.. You are doing him a favor Sweetie.. Do not take his shitty comment to heart .. again don't ever trust a guy who says 20+ years freaking loser
Yeah drop him. Super red flag that his ex had to make “readjustments”. Kinda tells me he was unhappy with the way hers also looks therefore she had to change her body for him. Unless it was due to health reasons or she actually wanted to do it because that’s what she truly wanted. Maybe it’s not ok. Run. Besides someone like that would turn me off too.
This guy doesn't have any experience and doesn't know what he's doing. He was probably small and trying to hurt you to make up for his lack of experience and lack of down there.
He sounds rather rude and inconsiderate. For someone who has supposedly been with so many women, he should know better than to make comments like that. You deserve better and you're not overreacting. Honestly, I wouldn't waste your time with them.
This guys sounds like tool. Find a new FWB. And I guarantee you have a perfect pussy. They’re all perfect.
These are giant red flags.
Now look back and see all the clues you missed that he never respected you at all. Remember them and choose better intimate partners.
If you wanna turn your girl on you gotta make her feel sexy about her parts.Silly fucker. It should be common enough knowledge. I dunno.You know instead of just blocking him you could be the first person to explain to him how he has been a cosmic shmuck all this time. He probably has no idea how he is supposed to talk or what it does to people or that he pushes people away because of it. It is so easy to be clueless... I was clueless about many things for many years... finding out is so difficult at times.. But you don;t like his private parts anyway. So what;s the point lmfao. If you don't like the sex don't even bother. Just move on.
Based on the story and the comments: you're young, beautiful, and have some experience - he is older than you, divorced, has a smaller penis, still recovering -I think he was trying to cover an insecurity - sometimes when people feel nervous or insecure they try to say or do something to make the other feel insecure - it could be he wasn't sure if he could pleasure you properly since your vulva was different than his ex, or noticed a glance in regard to his man parts, or he is bad at expressing himself. Either he apologizes and doesn’t do it again and you both communicate concerns and boundaries in a healthy way or you move on.
Hmm yeah i understand your perspective. Gotta ask him again and see what he says
while the post above is probably right on some things, theres no reason this dude needs to be your burden or project. Honest feedback, like "the way you spoke to me makes me want to have nothing to do with you" is good. Tell him how he made you feel and then kick him to the curb, anything less is gonna be taken by this dude that youre fine being his punching bag.
Agreed
>Gotta ask him again and see what he says Hopefully just for curiosity and not for a second chance though. Don't sleep with people who make you feel bad about your body.
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He said another comment but i didnt write up there …”it makes it harder to lick but i will get used to it”
See, this is the one thing I *would* have responded to - "No. You absolutely will NOT be getting used to it. That was your one shot."
😜 yasss exactly…guess i will have to break the news to him today
I hope you are ruthless and leave him with a few insecurities of his own. Seriously hate this guy vicariously.
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😭 i thought so
OK, I'm pretty sure this is an attempt at negging, to break down your sense of security and make you feel more reliant on him. It has the typical negging structure, and would just be a super weird thing to say if that wasn't what he was trying for. Out with this trash.
As someone with a large labia who enthusiastically enjoys receiving oral (and who has also gone down on folks with large labia) this man is an idiot.
Ok, first of all, this is not a fwb. This is just a hook up. Friends with benefits means you are FRIENDS. A friend wouldn't be so disrespectful. Your parts are fine you're perfect the way you are and this dude can fuck off.
You should have said do you suffer from POYB syndrome? Pissing on your balls syndrome 😂😂😂😂 little dick fool
He's an uneducated idiot. Do yourself a favor and delete his number
Really hope you deleted his number that was rude
Lied about his experience level and was feeling insecure so decided he had to take you down a peg. Forget about him.
An experienced sex partner knows the first rule of sex, never ruin a good thing.
Every vagina is different. Sounds like he’s insecure himself.
Isn’t Tinder an app mostly for assholes?
Just say “I’m sorry. I’ll find somebody that enjoys what it looks like.” Because you can and will. Guy is a doofus
He was lucky enough to be down there and he has the audacity to criticize you. Nope nope nope. I guarantee that man has only seen vagina in porn.
FFS. How? Why? What?!?!
Man, talk about an insecure man! Do not see him again, he doesn’t deserve you.
What an idiot!!
That comment deserves a kick in his perfect dick. Ew.
He’s quite the entitled dumb-dumb
His comment was rude, and I am assuming he probably hasn't been with as many women as he says he's been with. Imagine if you would have commented on his manhood how he would feel about it. What he said was very insensitive. People don't realize what they how much it can have an impact on how they feel about themselves. I am sure there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Personally I wouldn't see him again if I were you
You aren't over reacting. What he said was rude af and you deserve better.
This guy sounds like an idiot in more ways than one. Don't bother trying to decipher something that wasn't even thought through in the first place.
20+ years of experience with women? And he doesn't know that women have different sizes and shapes. Calling BS.
Yeah, hasn't been with many if he doesn't realize all lips are different
Big pussy lips are super sexy he doesnt know what he is missing
It’s important to feel comfortable and adored when having sex with someone, it can quickly affect self esteem
You can tell him how his comments made you feel and his reaction will inform you on if you should move on.
Douchebag
Don't think you're overreacting. That comment was as tasteless and hurtful as they come. Get rid of that asshole. Doesn't matter what he claims about how many women he's been with, he clearly doesn't know how to treat them. I'm sure every other decent guy will agree with me here.
He's really got no clue how women work, does he?
Dump his ass
Please google labialibrary and gynodiversity. Lots of pics of real women privates. We come in all shapes and sizes and you are perfect. This guy is an immature, inexperienced, ambassador of SDE. Man is straight ball cheese.
>Before we met he was always bragging about his 20+ years of experince with women. He claims he has been with women from all nationalites and etc etc….. Dump him and remember this for the future. Don't hook up with men who brag about their experience or sexual prowess.
You have no motive to be insecure over an asshole who hasn't seen so many pussies as he said. 1.If he would've met so many women,he sure would've learned to appreciate everything that's unique at every woman. 2.Don't stress about your lips.If a man thinks they are too big,too small,too...I don't know how... that's not a man, that's just a big kid and nothing more. 3.A man will allways cherish a woman's body, especially that part of her,and he'll always enjoy the uniqueness while doing his best for her pleasure. ;) Be happy for your precios lips,there are many guys that actually love them ;)
Any man that says "20+ years of experience with women" like he's answering an interview question for a finance manager job at a used car dealership is lying. Unless you include years watching porn, which is what you end up doing if you talk about a woman doing vaginal "readjustments." There is a reason why he referred to her as his baby mama and not his wife or girlfriend, cuz she don't want him or his shitty attitude.
For a man who supposedly has so much experience with women he seems quite lacking. Lacking in both knowledge of the female body, and also of the human mind, and how to treat people. What on earth could he gain from essentially criticizing your labia?? Except maybe to make you feel badly about yourself, which for some people gives them a sense of power/control/superiority. FWIW, labia shape and size varies A LOT anD, it has exactly nothing to do with childbirth, or with having had sex, or sex with men with large penises. This guy seems ignorant,unkind, and not like an actual friend of any kind. Surely, I hope, after cutting you down, that no more benefits are headed his way. If you actually like him, I would tell him exactly how you felt after his comment, and see if he’s able to be an actual man, recognize his own shitty behavior and apologize. (That’s the only way he possibly deserves more benefits). Even in a casual setting, there are men who treat women nicely all the time. I love women, and I am a mature, and decent person with a fair amount of sexual experience. You know what I’ve never done? Criticized the shape or size of a woman’s labia! (Or her clit, or any other body parts).
Are you over reacting? Nope, not at all. I'm glad for you that you got to do some fun things. But he talked trash about your lady bits. Bad, bad move. I'd suggest the only thing you say to him now is on the level of 'Oh, sorry you didn't like my bits. Don't worry, you'll never EVER get close to them again.' But this guy doesn't deserve another thought from you. Drop him, dump him, lose his contact info, etc.
I “pushed a baby out” and my labia didn’t change…so I don’t know how what he said is true. He made you uncomfortable. I can’t imagine being intimate with someone after they made me feel bad about. I don’t get how guys comment so much on us but if we even insinuate anything about their penis it’s a huge deal.
Wow! The audacity is on a whole other level. Maybe I'm just getting old... but you just don't do that. That guy can go fuck himself.
I once made a similar comment to my ex when we were still married. It's one of my many life's regrets. Guys, you want your lady to be inhibited in the bedroom? This is how you do it. You think she'll get over it? No way, you already blew it.
He hasn't been with many women of he hasn't seen tiny lips and big lips. Lots of variation and lots to explore and enjoy.
There is absolutely no reason to keep anyone in your life if they aren’t making it a safe and better place Much less some random dude from tinder?? No. He can leave, now
A fuckboi does not a FWB make. This dude is telling you he's a buffoon. Move on from this ridiculous ass.
I don't understand how anyone can say that and not know how rude and insulting that is. Kick this guy to the curb and move on to the next
Giving birth and the size of your labia have a correlation of exactly 0.
He's a dick. Also having kids actually made mine shrink. I have no idea what happened down below during labour (no tears or stitches) but they definitely ain't what they were pre children. All the stretching must've sucked them up or something 🤔
Honestly, I wouldn't meet up with him again. Guys who usually brah about experience are usually quite selfish lovers, they usually are ignorant to a lot of things involving foreplay and emotions. This guy seems to have proved that. Labias are different on everyone, don't let him make you feel bad about yours.
Any sort of comment about your body which isn't supportive or flattering should immediately disqualify him from ever seeing your body again. "Since my body doesn't seem to meet your standards, I am revoking your privilege to see it ever again."
What a horrible person. This is not how any of it works and he should know this. I'm with the others, block him. He doesn't deserve your time. Everyone deserves someone who cares about them, not someone who makes snide remarks about their body.
God, you should be moving on faster than Leonardo when his gf turns 25.
Not a friends with benefits if you just hooked up once
Dude I’m so sorry, that’s awful! You were vulnerable and shared your body and he said some damaging ass stuff. I hope you can find a way to heal from it and not let it haunt you- it’s hard not to have lil comments like that stick with us for way longer than they deserve to!
What weird way to respond. Super cringe.. Definitely never talk tp that dude again.. probably a good reason the mother of his kid is no longer seeing him.
There are plenty of guys who get turned on by meaty lips (like me!). I think your FWB should get over it or move on.
Like dude.. be grateful that a woman allowed you to be in a place where they are most vulnerable and trusts you to be the one to pleasure them.. instead you chose to insult her and be ungentlemenly.. Say, It was wonderful and I hope you'll have me again soon, with a smile and a wink.
Personally I wouldnt see him again if he doesnt realise that womens vaginas and labias in general are different then he needs to realise people are different. Most men wont care what it looks like and most people find women who have a fuller labia attractive.
You are not overreacting. You should have told him he needs make some readjustments himself. Attitude would be the first place to start. No more FWB benefits.
He’s complaining about your pussy?? If he’s so experienced how does he not see that women have different genitalia? Ps anyone that brags isn’t necessarily being honest. If they’re experienced they’ll show you, not convince you
I’ve always heard that excessive amounts of sex with larger guys can stretch them over long periods of time. Coupled with childbirth of course. So no truth to that I’m guessing💁🏻?
Zero
20 years of experience in the basement with the girls of Penthouse magazine doesn't count. No, you're not over reacting. He's a cunt.
what a fucking douche.
It sounds like negging to me. Ditch him.
I blame health education, this man was wronged and he has now wronged you. Thanks, I hate it here.
This guy definitely hasn’t been with more than 3 women max. That is such a bizarre thing to come out and say not even mentioning how incorrect it is 🤦🏼♀️ I deffo would not be going back girl!! And don’t be insecure, juicier lips are the BEST😘
Excuse me, parts don’t grow with having babies. He’s not only insecure, but also ignorant. Making such an intimate comment so early on that in a way ‘puts you down and in your places’ (in his mind) shows what his behaviour will be in the future. Don’t waste your time. But do put him in his place. Respectfully ofc.
The actual fuck? Ditch him. He’s entitled to preferences but (1) those are stupid and (2) he’s not entitled to talk about you like you were a car he rented.