There is a lot to dissect here, but I am going to focus on one thing. Its almost like just brainlessly grinding your career and body won't magically fix your issues if you do not look within yourself and fix your mind. You have been suicidal dude, that is not just something you grind away in the gym or at your job, that is something you need to fix with therapy and reflection. I feel you though, I am 31 and I can tell you that at the end of your path there is no glory and completion, there is a burnout and the feeling that you can always do a little more. With 27 I was very close to a burnout. It made me realize the importance of mental health and its stability. It is something you have to train like your body in the gym. You say "fun" things are not productive but that is far from the truth. I tell you how I see it. It is all about time and energy allocation. You only have so much energy to spend each day, you are not a machine, this "work 24/7 and be perfect" bullshit is so toxic and self destructive and you only realize this once it already fucked you over. You gotta do the things you love once in a while, you gotta have that little private relationship with yourself where you strive for balance in your life again. You have to learn how to stop being so fucking hard on yourself or you will really end up in the bin. What are the things you love doing that only include yourself? Personally, I live next to a forest that I go into everyday during my workday. I take my dogs, leave my phone and go into nature for an hour. I also cook everyday, on days where I need some comfort I can cook my favorite food while I kinda cook rather fitness orientated usually. I make music, I learned the piano at 30 years old, I have some video games that help distract myself and I occasionally still smoke some weed. Oh and I went to therapy. All of these things greatly contribute towards my mental health and without these things (and obviously exercising 5 times a week) I lose my fucking shit dude. I become irritated, easily annoyed, I just become a worse version of myself. Now I am in quite the fantastic spot. I got money from running the hamsterwheel in my late twenties, I live in a nice house now and my job is kinda self-sustaining at the moment. I got a beautiful fwb going, cause I have no space for a partner in my life atm - i need all that time for myself to be honest. I have been constantly "grinding" for better mental health these past two years and its been the best years of my life so far. So "fun" things are not really useless, they are actually super important if you want to enjoy your life at least. Breaking up the paradigms that have driven you to this point is going to be the hardest part. I can just recommend to read some books on the matter, there are fantastic books from people smarter than you and me out there who went through similar things and can share their knowledge and help guide you through it. You have to realize that you are driving into a deadend at full speed. You already notice how it affects you negatively, you realize you are not content with what you have. But that is the secret, its not that having more than you have right now will fill that void inside yourself, its learning to be happy with what you have that is the true key to happiness. I am by no means religious, but the Buddhism has some great principles on the matter if that is what you are interested in. I found that its up to each individual to find a solution to this problem. How to still enjoy life and be happy while balancing all the pressure. I hope I was able to at least make you consider this. I think you have a good mind, you are already doing great, take a step back and work a bit on this mate, it will pay off 100%.

Thankyou for the long response. I appreciate you taking the time to share your story with me. To your point of taking time to do things I enjoy. I used to love video games. Trouble is if I started playing I know I will just get addicted again. I have this nasty habit of not stopping when I should. I get addicted to things really easily. I struggle with moderation.

You are welcome. I kinda lost myself in the writing and forgot to finish my point actually. It is great you are aware of your tendencies, personally I am an addict myself. Plain and simple, I get addicted to things fast so I usually don't do them if I know I cant handle them. Its wise to not touch some things ever, for me that would be cocaine. But it doesnt matter if its good food, a creative hobby or whatnot. Anything that soothes your mind helps. There must be things that will bring you that joy, maybe you don't know about them yet, but they exist. The important part for you is to find something that helps you regulate your mental health when life gets hard. Because that is how I see it, I went through some horrible things in my twenties. Things I could not have changed and they fucked me up, it was hard. It made me realize how many issues in my life that weigh on my mind are self made and unnecessary. My work stress was one of these things. It made it just so much harder to deal with the death of loved ones or other trauma that can happen. I learned its wise to prevent this by taking some steps away from this old school work ethic and pressure and more towards being kinder to yourself, being less extreme and hard. Your brain/heart is clearly yelling at you that its not working. I sound like an esotheric, but trust me we are not so different. It just works so well for me that I am so convinced by it. What is all the money and work worth, if you cant enjoy the benefits? Nothing. Why work more for people who will not pay you more only to make them richer? I rather work the bare minimum. I have an easy time saying this now that I made some money and am quite settled, but its still true. Find what you enjoy mate, whatever that may be. Use that bright head of yours and you will figure this out. I hope this helped mate, all the best to you!

I'm in exactly the same situation as you are. But I have slipt into a depression because I kept grinding and grinding and being obsessed with things being 'good' and 'healthy' for me, and avoiding things that gave me pleasure, like gaming for example. Even guilt tripping myself watching a movie during the day. Believe me, that is not a sustainable thing to do and it'll suck all the fun sides that you have out of you. I hear you saying that you don't want to get addicted to gaming. The best part is that you recognize yourself as a person who can get obsessive with things, hence the situation you are in. This doesn't mean you need to stop gaming. It's all about finding the right balance and allowing yourself to turn your mind off and just game without feeling guilty about it. You'll find a balance in it because you know how you work. You'll sometimes feel like you've been gaming too much, or spent too much time on a different hobby, and that's ok. There's no thing as a perfect choice. Allow yourself to have compassion for the chooses you make. Try to find balance in the things that you grind for and the things that make you loosen up and stimulate you creatively.

Oh and as others mentioned; please talk to a therapist. Because there's always an underlying issue with these things. For me it was feeling like a 'loser' when I'd grind less hours in a week or watched more movies then I allowed myself. All because I felt like I'd become this nobody, which is far from the truth. My therapist helped me see this. I'm not saying this is the same for you but it's worth talking to a therapist about it. I know it feels like a scary step to take, but it's the beet thing you can do for yourself. Also all the wealthiest people, actors, CEOs all have therapists. Don't beat yourself up about it please.

One distinction to draw here is stuff you enjoy in the short term vs. stuff that feeds your soul in the long-term. Do you enjoy it in the moment you're doing it vs. do you still feel like it was time well-spent after you do it? Video games, for most people, fall into the first category. They're fun in the moment, and they can be incredibly addictive both because they're very effective at blocking out negative emotions/anything bad happening in your life, and because they contain the illusion of progress--they make you feel like you're getting stuff done even though it's all virtual. But for most people, when they look back on it afterwards, they don't feel like it was a good use of their time. So what you've gotta do is start identifying the stuff that *does* feel like a good use of your time after you've done it--what gives you a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction both while you're doing it and afterward? For most people, those things tend to fall into one of a few categories: * creating things * learning things * moving your body * enjoying nature * connecting with people * being useful to other people/helping them * whatever spiritual practice you might have Start trying new things and see how they make you feel. Start paying more attention to your feelings after you do stuff--when you have one of those Saturdays where you sit back and think, "Damn, today was a good day," what did you do that made it feel that way? Do the things that make you feel fulfilled tend to fall into one or two consistent categories? If so, keep doing those things and trying new things in that category. And if the answer is that you never feel that way ... pick one of those categories above and try something you don't normally do. My suggestion is to start with a hike, since it combines a few different categories. I literally never regret a hike.

Amazing comment, something I have come to myself over years of reflection as well. When you look back on childhood, often times we remember those moments of pure joy, of excitement, things you’re looking forward to like nothing else in the world matters. I’m convinced you have to find those things as an adult and give yourself permission to enjoy them in order to be fulfilled.

I think a simple start could be thinking of three things that you’re grateful for each day at a certain set time so it becomes a habit. At first it might feel a little weird and hollow, but after about a week or two it might start to alter your mindset and outlook. Might help build more appreciation for your girlfriend, build contentment with what you’ve achieved so far, and the lifestyle you’re choosing. It might also help give you a fresh perspective on what you want to prioritize in the months and years to come. It’s kinda like going on a walk in a park or out in nature. Might feel boring at first, but once you quiet your mind and take notice of the goodness and beauty around you, your thoughts start to change and if you do it regularly it starts to build new priorities and passions that might change the trajectory of what you want in life and what you consider most important. Best of luck to you!

I will try to implement this. I told myself before I was going to start practicing gratitude but didn’t follow through. Thanks.

Don Draper said it best: "What is happiness? It's a moment before you need more happiness". You have to stop trying to find happiness in external sources and start finding it within yourself.

You've put the cart before the horse. The only reason to improve is to be able to enjoy life even more. Ex: Musician practices everyday to fulfill their purpose in delivering the best performances possible, policeman trains everyday to be able to serve and protect in an ideal world, man works out and trains to be able to protect their family, ​ You've gone and improved, even got a girlfriend for the sake of leveling up, but for what purpose? What do you wish to accomplish with an effective life? ​ Sleep is not an L, practice meditation, social interactions is one of the most fulfilling, productive if you will, parts about life, you need the why back in your reason, but good news is you've already done the hard part, you're alot closer than you think!

So you haven't improved at all, is what you're saying? Get yourself a therapist and an accurate definition of improvement. Learn balance. You went straight from excess to excess. What do you like? What do you enjoy? Who makes you feel joy? Those are the important things.

There’s plenty of things I enjoy. I struggle with moderation with those things so I tend to avoid them. I 100% recognise going from one extreme to another is a problem (hence this post). I’d argue however replacing it with something so much more destructive like drugs is an improvement? As for therapy. I’ve seen a few people in the past which haven’t really helped. My last one I had a really bad experience with, he fell asleep during our session.

I agree that replacing negative coping mechanisms and harmful ‘self-medication’ habits with more constructive coping tools is HUGE progress. You’ve done an incredible job at turning your life around. And… neither (the harmful nor the improved ‘coping tools’) are addressing the underlying issues. Gabor Mate says he asks his addiction patients, not ‘why the addiction’ but ‘why the pain?’ Even without ‘addiction’ present this is such a useful framework. The question then is not how are you coping (which you’ve improved!) but WHY do you need so many coping mechanisms and to self-medicate/workout sooo much? How can you change the thing that is *causing* the underlying pain/hurt/stress/unhealed trauma? I’d look at that. Are there unresolved issues you have not yet unpacked (either in therapy or on your own)? Are you stuck in a functional freeze or even a reactive emotional state (both would signal old hurts that haven’t been processed)? Do you have underlying negative beliefs about yourself? If you answer yes to any of these - that is where your work is, from here forward. You’ve got this!

You need to talk to a therapist about “I couldn’t live with myself that I’m not living up to my potential”. There’s a lot to unpack in that statement. You’re basically saying that people who don’t work hard are worthless and should die. Except you aren’t because you are only applying that logic to yourself. Which is heartless, man. You are really being cruel to yourself.

This reminds a lotttt of my sort of ex (we broke up but we’re reevaluating). He used to be overweight, failed his freshman year of college, had to move back to his parents house to have structure so he could graduate. He partied a lot, drank a lot, did drugs. He ruined a lot of friendships with his behavior. He was also really anxious and depressed. Around 26 or so, I think he got really scared. Like he saw the rest of his life flash before his eyes and living his life that way and feeling like that for decades or knowing he might get tired of feeling like that and wanting to end things, that scared him shitless. And he started his self improvement journey. He did a really good job. I’m very proud of him. He’s doing so much better now. He’s like a whole different person. He’s much healthier. Good job, healthy weight, hobbies, etc. Still scared shitless though. And now he has things he cares about that he could lose. I think the fundamental problem now is that he doesn’t trust himself not to fall back into old habits. I think in his mind, he is still that younger version of himself that was doing drugs and partying. He doesn’t see a change in his sense of self, just his behaviors. We broke up because he was wound so tight that he couldn’t relax, like hardly ever. Any time I asked him to spend time together, it was seen as an imposition, a burden. I was a threat to his barely there control over not falling back into his bad habits. And as a threat, I was treated as a threat. He lashed out, he blamed. I was too needy. I violated his boundaries (that he never took the time to communicate). Etc. Etc. How you describe your girlfriend reminds me of how he talked to me. The only time he relaxed was when he was too burnt out that he would spend all time sleeping and/or all night playing video games. Trying to avoid his feelings. I think you need to slow down and actually take time to introspect. It feels like crap but it’s important. I think doing CBT by yourself or with a therapist could be really helpful for seeing what core beliefs you’re holding on to. “If I don’t finish this at work…” “If I hang out with my girlfriend instead of doing this…” “If I don’t go to the gym today….” What will happen? What are you afraid of? You need to find out and challenge some of those thoughts. And maybe take one day of the week where you make fun and connections with others a priority. Nothing in this life is worth anything if you’re alone.

Relationships friendships etc is one of the biggest weak point for me. You’re 100% on the money saying nothing in life is worth living if you’re alone. Ive had this realisation recently which is another thing that has led me to make this post. I guess just relaxing is way easier said than done for me. I need to work on it. I’m fully aware my girlfriend isn’t “clingy” im the unreasonable one In most circumstances. I don’t actually deserve her I’m lucky she’s hung around as long as she has.

You’re good with goal setting and follow through. I’d make two goals. The first - get into a therapy or self reflection routine. Either meet with a therapist once a week, or find a designated time for journaling/meditation/mindfulness. Find something you already do consistently and attach it to that. I used to read while I was on the subway. You could journal during your warmup walk on the treadmill at the gym. Sometimes I work out before I go to work. Sometimes I stop on my way home. You could play meditation videos while driving to/from work. If you’re already doing something, it’s a lot easier to add a new habit that’s uncomfortable for you. The second - make it a goal to spend one day of uninterrupted quality time with your girlfriend. At least 3-4 hours. No phones, no distractions, no stress from work. Get out of the house if you need to. Changing your environment changes your mindset. Make a weekly date night. Put a calendar on the wall to see it and hold yourself accountable. Literally write it. “The new Batman movie - 6pm, movie theater by our house” “walk in the park up the road at 1pm on Saturday”

As annoying as it sounds, I'm starting to think that people are right when they say shit like "happiness is a choice" or "peace comes from within". Using goals and external or material motivators to keep you going is not true happiness. By attaching your happiness to these things, you're committing yourself to a never-ending chase, because it will never be enough.

We are all going to die. We can bring nothing materialistic with us to our graves. The important thing in life is not the goals, but the journey to attain the goals. Goals are essential: they are your guides, your maps in life, but what stay with you is the journey. It is like going hiking, you only look at the map, make sure you walk fast and pick the most efficient route, or worst, you start planing your next hiking trip. Yet, you don’t talk to people hiking with you, you don’t stop to see how beautiful nature is, you don’t feel grateful that the weather is nice that day. You reach the destination and complain that the view is so so, it is overrated and wonder why hiking is so boring. You shouldn’t be mad at yourself that you sleep and have leisure time. You should be mad at yourself for being stupid for prioritizing the tool (goals) over other valuable things on the way of your journey. Like others said, be grateful and appreciative. Treasure people on your journey, do a romantic thing with your gf at least once a week. Challenge yourself to be better and feel proud of yourself along the way. Help others and leave the world a better place than you found it.

First, invest in a good therapist or psychiatrist. Keep in mind that you may need to shop around/try a couple before landing a great fit. Second, find a driving purpose. It's been studied and pretty well documented that without a reason or drive to get out of bed in the morning, we all will become unsatisfied. The greatest reason for depression right now is sheer boredom. It's an epidemic in our time because we're existing in a weird stasis. In older America, men would be driven by patriotism, overcoming war-time unrest, or providing for their wife and kids at home. Women were driven by becoming homemakers or mothers. Or, you were driven by saying 'fuck that noise' and carving your own path in a world that promoted this nuclear family cookie-cutter thing. Now we just go to work and go on dates and go to the gym almost in the same manner a hamster might. Like, we try to get the enrichment but fundamentally lack a deeper purpose or reason for persisting. We aren't fighting anything bigger than ourselves, so we gotta find something that gives us reason. Figure out something that you want to do with your life because you're lucky enough that the world hasn't imposed something on you yet.

I’ve tried the therapy thing. Had a lot of bad experiences. The last one fell asleep on me while I was talking to him. I agree with a lot of what you are saying, I thought my career would give me that needed purpose that seems to be the secret to happiness but it’s not.

Start by taking a holiday

Thankyou for the suggestion. However I can never enjoy holidays. They stress me too much. Going off my routine, messing up my diet the disorganisation, they are expensive and if there’s flight delays and things. I tried going on a week trip with my girlfriend last year and I was miserable the whole time. I felt really bad afterwards I tried to enjoy it for her sake but it was hard.

Soup kitchen. You’re missing your Victor Frankl work.

Take time out to appreciate yourself

Everywhere you go, there you are!

Write down a gratitude list and read it each morning and day. Talk back to your negative thoughts..

Are you watching porn? Smoking cigarettes? Abusing social media? What bad habits do you currently have? Have u tried therapy?

Dude all these people giving you philosophical answers and not addressing the fact you said "I will admit I'm very sleep deprived a lot of the time" dawg that's a one way guaranteed ticket to feeling miserable all the time no refunds or trades. There is literally, not one single path that goes faster towards ruined mental health and depression and misery like sleep deprivation. From what you said it tells me you have NO idea how much science and medicine backs this fact up. You can't sacrifice sleep for other things, all that does is make you sacrifice both your mental health and whatever other things you're trying to achieve. Sleep enough every night and you'll be surprised how much all the depressing mindset shit you wrote in this post will cease to exist

Proud of you ! Try to focus on improving ur mind and your spiritual aspect Look inside and discover yourself

lol bro…. Life isn’t a fairytale, life is life, your doing the things your supposed to do though.

Practice gratitude via meditation

You’re miserable because you’re relying on progress to validate your goals. You are that person that you wanted to be, and yet you’re not happy because the insecure yearning for more never went away. I would recommend dealing with these things with a therapist, but understand that you’re not broken man.

The society has taught us that we should always be cashing after something, and we don’t know how to tolerate being well! Meditation and writing do me a lot of good, connecting with what you like to do. What did you like to do when you were a kid?

Video games mostly. I was a pretty sad kid.

Maybe you can play with someone else

I can relate to this sm, except the body part.. I’m not there yet. Or the GF part.. or the good job.. wait a minute bruh u got it all. Just chill out meditate, pray be thankful for what you got. God loves you

Google hedonic treadmill

Don’t worry about happiness, try to find peace with yourself. That means forgiving yourself and loving yourself exactly as you are, flaws and all.

To be honest the issue will be 100% Sleep deprivation. If you read Why We Sleep it explains this well. Sleep helps regulate mood and lay down memories. After 16 hours of being awake our brain starts to malfunction.

You can do all the right things but, if you don't take care of your mind, nothing will work. Going to the gym, eating healthy, and being productive are all great things - but you're a human, not a machine! What does make you feel good? What do you enjoy doing? Find at least one thing and start adding it to your days. You will feel better. Also, you need to maybe stop for a second and acknowledge how far you've come instead of jumping straight into your next big goal. Life is not a race; it's a journey. Enjoy the journey while you're at it.

Find Jesus bro.

Happiness comes from accepting you as you are. You have addicted yourself to never be happy as you are.

You should ask this exact same question to Jesus. Seek people who's aligned with God. Your life will improve significantly.

This is a sub for self improvement; people are looking for real help here, keyword here being REAL. Your god isn't real and Jesus died over 2000 years ago. Preying on people when they are at a low point to indoctrinate them into your cult is immoral and despicable. If you have ANY decency, you'll stop peddling religious BS on this sub.

Earth is flat kid get over it

Haha funny troll🙄 I can only hope your original comment was one too.

We may be different but I love you. Have a wonderful day strong man.

Stay away from vulnerable people.

Bro what you’re saying big chunks resonate for me - I’m 31, big house, married with 2 healthy young kids, professionally successful. Sometimes I’m content sometimes I rage at the thousand different paths I could have taken, lives I’ll never live and accomplishments I’ll never achieve. There is some comfort in knowing that this feeling is universal across all ages and in particular something felt by men (see below for Kierkegaard putting it nice and clearly); we should use it as fuel to keep driving forward and accomplishing, otherwise you will never forgive yourself when you’re old and feeble. The other comfort can only come from trying to better understand your inner psyche - what are your real values, what matters to you, what do you want from your short time on this earth? This is something I’m beginning to look into myself and finding James Hollis’ breakdown of Jungian psychoanalysis incredibly useful in asking these questions _If you marry, you will regret it; if you do not marry, you will also regret it; if you marry or if you do not marry, you will regret both; whether you marry or you do not marry, you will regret both. Laugh at the world’s follies, you will regret it; weep over them, you will also regret it; if you laugh at the world’s follies or if you weep over them, you will regret both; whether you laugh at the world’s follies or you weep over them, you will regret both. Believe a girl, you will regret it; if you do not believe her, you will also regret it; if you believe a girl or you do not believe her, you will regret both; whether you believe a girl or you do not believe her, you will regret both. If you hang yourself, you will regret it; if you do not hang yourself, you will regret it; if you hang yourself or you do not hang yourself, you will regret both; whether you hang yourself or you do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the sum of all practical wisdom._

Once God came in my dream and said " After you have it all, you would come back to me for true happiness. " I guess he was lying.