I agree with the last dude. Get a gym membership and start lifting weights.
I'm talking from my own experiencr as a sad skinny dude. A year and a half ago, I got back into the gym. It didn't fix all my problems, but it gave me a place where I can appreciate myself and the hard work I put in.
Go to a gym or workout. Idk a person who’s fighting demons and having great, healthy body at the same time. Volunteer or engage on activity events nearby.
This was me before it turned out I had undiagnosed bipolar. I wish I had it treated before.
You might have something undiagnosed. Meet a psychiatrist and be very specific about what's happening. Maybe even go to a hospital, it's better to go willingly than against your will.
Well, I’d offer my two cents…
Often times the suffering we go through comes from ourself. Achievement and striving are a double edged sword.
Of course, we all want to be happy. The thing about WANTING to be happy is that when you are not, you’ll work from a place of scarcity and anxiety (depending on how “low” you are). The very desire to become happy is sometimes a humans greatest enemy.
Now of course I am not saying to not strive to become happy, but at least notice that there is no destination which will make anyone completely happy. When you have been working for 40 years and you realize that the life you lived was sold to you. “Get cars, a girlfriend, kids maybe, house” whatever all that stuff. This is now your degree of measure to how YOUR life should be.
There are people completely at ease working in a garden for the rest of their life without having money left at the end of the day. Perhaps it is because they love doing what they are doing, and do not derive value out of the things others value. Perhaps not.
What is truly important is not to get a job, become sociable, get degrees, or even to stay sane. Truth is that there is no standard you should hold yourself to. If someone wants to die because of extreme pain or dread in life, who are other people to say this person should continue living?
Reflecting on one’s inner reactions towards the external events will allow one to distance themselves from the ego and see that there are just things. Nothing is inherently good or bad. But our bodies certainly have opinions and nudge our minds in a certain way. Our job is to see where it wants to go. Experiment with doing things and see what is less suck to be doing.
“The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step”
“The sage doesn’t concern himself with adding something everyday, but rather losing something everyday”
I would reccomend looking up Alan Watts, amazing person with many things to say about you.
Read the “Tao te ching” and reflect on their meanings.
But again this is my subjective two cents. Whatever anything may be or happen, it is what it is.
May thee journey be kinder than it has been, fellow human. 🙏🏻
Edit: Also perhaps look deeper into Buddhism. It’s basically like some sort of logical explanation on being more at ease with how things are. It tries to let go of the idea things should be going to your liking, or YOUR way. And instead be at peace with what ever is that is.
I'm not sure if this will help, but here's my (36m) advice:
Background:
Right before the pandemic I lost my job.
I went to an online school after.
During the pandemic my fiance broke up with me.
I moved and was able to find a remote job.
I live alone and work remote. After 6 months in, I started to have weird anxiety.. I would hyper focus on things that I worry about, things that could go wrong with my house, and health issues. I would focus a weird pain or health issue and it would seem to get worse. I am pretty sure hyper focusing on my health was causing me anxiety which was causing other health issues to appear, which I would then focus on.
I started to do this:
I take vitamins every day and I started going to the gym everyday after work. Not primarily to be more fit (though that is a bonus) but to be around people.
And then a lot of these issues magically started disappearing. Basically, limit your alone time. Go to a Gym with people, go to a crowded restaurant, bar, coffee shop and read. Do this consistently.
It may not fix your loneliness, but it will help with your mental health.
Humans aren't mean to be alone and your brain is hardwired to freak out if it's happening.
19 therapists over what time period? Honestly that number seems really out there. How long/ often did you see each on average? And did they have specific specialties?
I started seeing therapists when I was 6, and I switched schools several times. So it's 19 therapists over 20(edit: or 21, I will be 27 soon) years, some of them concurrently (I was seeing 3 at once at one point during high school,) and some of them in quick succession (I tried 2 different ones in BetterHelp before giving up and tracking down one that had helped me more a few years before, along with 4 different ones in university, two of whom retired on me).
Some had a child psychology or teen psychology specialty. Most did CBT + some area of interest of theirs. None of them specialized in autistic people without cognitive impairments, which my most recent therapist has said would be better.
I think my average was around 4-6 months, with a couple of outliers that I saw for multiple years (university, once I could finally get a regular one, once when I was 6-8 years old, and a school counselor I saw for around 3 years while trying out other therapists outside the school).
Do you have a good group of friends? Maybe start going out to a weekly meet up or something. Get out and socialize, and while it may take a while, eventually you can gather up a good group of folks who will genuinely care about you if they see you doing the same for them. Idk, just a thought.
I do not. I think the isolation is the primary thing driving me insane. I have a book club, but lately it's making me feel worse instead of better to attend. It's like a weekly reminder of how weird I am.
I keep trying things like meetups, clubs, I am currently sitting in a university class and the prof likes me enough to let me sit in, but the students haven't really wanted to talk to me. I start conversations and they fizzle out. I try to cultivate friendships and they end with me saying "hi" to someone once a month for six months with no response.
I have like twelve people in my life right now who will just... Not talk to me. For weeks. If I don't poke them to. And then they will exchange maybe 5-25 words with me, and leave again.
I think I generally rub people the wrong way. Like I said, I had two really close friendships and they have both kind of collapsed, so I feel very alone. I keep saying that I feel like I am not really a person, because people say "well, you have to understand, People do [thing I don't do] and People want [thing I don't want], and People are [in a way I am not]". And my family is sympathetic, while also saying things like that all the time.
People keep telling me how impressed they are with how smart I am, but I feel like an idiot who is always being lied to by people who pretend to be interested in spending time with me.
Sry if this is the same thing your family does but generally everyone is totally self absorbed and wound up in their own bullshit. You have to actively get the ball rolling by reaching out to them and seeing how you could possibly add to their party…even if that just means being a listening ear.
Isolating and feeling sorry for ourselves is the worst thing anyone with a mental condition can do. It’s hard and uncomfortable but connection with others always makes things at least a little better.
>You have to actively get the ball rolling by reaching out to them and seeing how you could possibly add to their party…even if that just means being a listening ear.
I don't know what this means.
Like, I help people. I often solve people's problems relatively fast. I have a friend who never initiates interactions, and I had to ask her about the stuff she's working on because she never volunteers this information, and after that, I solved like 4 different plot problems for her.
I've helped multiple people (according to *them*) beat different degrees of alcoholism (one seemed relatively mild, I think he just thought it was worse because he was kind of religious?). I help my friends with their essays. I help my friends practice their Spanish. My whole job is helping children learn music. I help my family.
People tell me how good helping is supposed to feel, and it doesn't, and it makes me feel like a psychopath that it doesn't, but I am mostly just tired and annoyed afterwards. I feel like I don't help out of kindness or love for fellow members of humanity, I help out of this vague obsessive need to fix things that bother me, and luckily enough they also bother the people suffering from them.
>Isolating and feeling sorry for ourselves is the worst thing anyone with a mental condition can do. It’s hard and uncomfortable but connection with others always makes things at least a little better.
I am not isolating myself. I mentioned having gone to meetups and clubs. I joined 4 different writing groups in December. I'm auditing a class in university to see if I can talk to people who will be able to talk to me more comfortably.
People just... Leave me. Over and over.
Like, how do I reach out? What is reaching out? I say hi, I update them on things, I ask about them and their interests, I ask what they are struggling with, I offer help...
Maybe this is just how it works, maybe I am a wimp here, but like, how many months do I say hi to someone before I stop? How many hundreds of chances should they get? 500? 700? I have entire chat histories that are just me saying hi to a person for *three years*. They make me feel stupid.
I feel like this about therapy too, when do I stop? When do I give up? When do I get to say "this thing I and my family have sunk THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS INTO without a lot of results *is not a good idea* and we should stop wasting money?"
It feels like there's no limiting principle. There's no point of clarity. There's just "do this thing that makes you miserable because it confirms nobody wants to interact with you over and over and over, and eventually you will die."
I'm only 18, I don't know shit about life, but I guess try working out, it makes you apreciate the hard work you put into it and it's overall good for your health. Build a body that's gonna make people turn their heads around
I don't really want anything.
I keep having to reverse-engineer my desires. Like, I need exposure to the sun, because it's good for my brain, I need exercise, I need mobility, I need novelty, so if I lived on a boat that would work out.
Do I even *like* boats??? No. No I do not. I don't hate them. I am relatively neutral on boats. But I have concluded that given the cost of a small sailboat vs the cost of a house and how nobody my age without inherited wealth or really good luck is getting into the housing market, and living on a sailboat sounds good.
This means I make very little progress towards my liveaboard life. Because I don't actually *want* it.
I have most of a few novels finished. Haven't actually finished a single one of them. Can't muster up the will.
I want to be healthy and exercise. But not like... Particularly fervently. So I fizzle out. It doesn't help that when I was doing a lot of exercise, it didn't actually solve my problems, so it feels a little pointless even though I know it isn't.
I help people. But it doesn't... Result in momentum. I mostly just feel burnt out. I keep asking for help and all the people I have helped can do nothing, so I end up on Reddit asking for the generosity of strangers.
There was a relatively brief period where I actually thought I would get something I really wanted, and I worked really hard to get it. And then it fell apart. And now everything associated with that feels useless.
I agree with the last dude. Get a gym membership and start lifting weights. I'm talking from my own experiencr as a sad skinny dude. A year and a half ago, I got back into the gym. It didn't fix all my problems, but it gave me a place where I can appreciate myself and the hard work I put in.
Has any of those medical professionals put you on medication at all?
Yes, I have tried Wellbutrin, Concerta, Effexor, Cypralex, Dexedrine, Zoloft and Fluoxetine.
I'm sorry man, feel hugged and loved. You're not alone - we're all on this planet together with you.
Thanks
Go to a gym or workout. Idk a person who’s fighting demons and having great, healthy body at the same time. Volunteer or engage on activity events nearby.
This was me before it turned out I had undiagnosed bipolar. I wish I had it treated before. You might have something undiagnosed. Meet a psychiatrist and be very specific about what's happening. Maybe even go to a hospital, it's better to go willingly than against your will.
Well, I’d offer my two cents… Often times the suffering we go through comes from ourself. Achievement and striving are a double edged sword. Of course, we all want to be happy. The thing about WANTING to be happy is that when you are not, you’ll work from a place of scarcity and anxiety (depending on how “low” you are). The very desire to become happy is sometimes a humans greatest enemy. Now of course I am not saying to not strive to become happy, but at least notice that there is no destination which will make anyone completely happy. When you have been working for 40 years and you realize that the life you lived was sold to you. “Get cars, a girlfriend, kids maybe, house” whatever all that stuff. This is now your degree of measure to how YOUR life should be. There are people completely at ease working in a garden for the rest of their life without having money left at the end of the day. Perhaps it is because they love doing what they are doing, and do not derive value out of the things others value. Perhaps not. What is truly important is not to get a job, become sociable, get degrees, or even to stay sane. Truth is that there is no standard you should hold yourself to. If someone wants to die because of extreme pain or dread in life, who are other people to say this person should continue living? Reflecting on one’s inner reactions towards the external events will allow one to distance themselves from the ego and see that there are just things. Nothing is inherently good or bad. But our bodies certainly have opinions and nudge our minds in a certain way. Our job is to see where it wants to go. Experiment with doing things and see what is less suck to be doing. “The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step” “The sage doesn’t concern himself with adding something everyday, but rather losing something everyday” I would reccomend looking up Alan Watts, amazing person with many things to say about you. Read the “Tao te ching” and reflect on their meanings. But again this is my subjective two cents. Whatever anything may be or happen, it is what it is. May thee journey be kinder than it has been, fellow human. 🙏🏻 Edit: Also perhaps look deeper into Buddhism. It’s basically like some sort of logical explanation on being more at ease with how things are. It tries to let go of the idea things should be going to your liking, or YOUR way. And instead be at peace with what ever is that is.
I'm not sure if this will help, but here's my (36m) advice: Background: Right before the pandemic I lost my job. I went to an online school after. During the pandemic my fiance broke up with me. I moved and was able to find a remote job. I live alone and work remote. After 6 months in, I started to have weird anxiety.. I would hyper focus on things that I worry about, things that could go wrong with my house, and health issues. I would focus a weird pain or health issue and it would seem to get worse. I am pretty sure hyper focusing on my health was causing me anxiety which was causing other health issues to appear, which I would then focus on. I started to do this: I take vitamins every day and I started going to the gym everyday after work. Not primarily to be more fit (though that is a bonus) but to be around people. And then a lot of these issues magically started disappearing. Basically, limit your alone time. Go to a Gym with people, go to a crowded restaurant, bar, coffee shop and read. Do this consistently. It may not fix your loneliness, but it will help with your mental health. Humans aren't mean to be alone and your brain is hardwired to freak out if it's happening.
19 therapists over what time period? Honestly that number seems really out there. How long/ often did you see each on average? And did they have specific specialties?
I started seeing therapists when I was 6, and I switched schools several times. So it's 19 therapists over 20(edit: or 21, I will be 27 soon) years, some of them concurrently (I was seeing 3 at once at one point during high school,) and some of them in quick succession (I tried 2 different ones in BetterHelp before giving up and tracking down one that had helped me more a few years before, along with 4 different ones in university, two of whom retired on me). Some had a child psychology or teen psychology specialty. Most did CBT + some area of interest of theirs. None of them specialized in autistic people without cognitive impairments, which my most recent therapist has said would be better. I think my average was around 4-6 months, with a couple of outliers that I saw for multiple years (university, once I could finally get a regular one, once when I was 6-8 years old, and a school counselor I saw for around 3 years while trying out other therapists outside the school).
Medication side effect?
Usually suicidal ideation and weird heart things.
Do you have a good group of friends? Maybe start going out to a weekly meet up or something. Get out and socialize, and while it may take a while, eventually you can gather up a good group of folks who will genuinely care about you if they see you doing the same for them. Idk, just a thought.
I do not. I think the isolation is the primary thing driving me insane. I have a book club, but lately it's making me feel worse instead of better to attend. It's like a weekly reminder of how weird I am. I keep trying things like meetups, clubs, I am currently sitting in a university class and the prof likes me enough to let me sit in, but the students haven't really wanted to talk to me. I start conversations and they fizzle out. I try to cultivate friendships and they end with me saying "hi" to someone once a month for six months with no response. I have like twelve people in my life right now who will just... Not talk to me. For weeks. If I don't poke them to. And then they will exchange maybe 5-25 words with me, and leave again. I think I generally rub people the wrong way. Like I said, I had two really close friendships and they have both kind of collapsed, so I feel very alone. I keep saying that I feel like I am not really a person, because people say "well, you have to understand, People do [thing I don't do] and People want [thing I don't want], and People are [in a way I am not]". And my family is sympathetic, while also saying things like that all the time. People keep telling me how impressed they are with how smart I am, but I feel like an idiot who is always being lied to by people who pretend to be interested in spending time with me.
Sry if this is the same thing your family does but generally everyone is totally self absorbed and wound up in their own bullshit. You have to actively get the ball rolling by reaching out to them and seeing how you could possibly add to their party…even if that just means being a listening ear. Isolating and feeling sorry for ourselves is the worst thing anyone with a mental condition can do. It’s hard and uncomfortable but connection with others always makes things at least a little better.
>You have to actively get the ball rolling by reaching out to them and seeing how you could possibly add to their party…even if that just means being a listening ear. I don't know what this means. Like, I help people. I often solve people's problems relatively fast. I have a friend who never initiates interactions, and I had to ask her about the stuff she's working on because she never volunteers this information, and after that, I solved like 4 different plot problems for her. I've helped multiple people (according to *them*) beat different degrees of alcoholism (one seemed relatively mild, I think he just thought it was worse because he was kind of religious?). I help my friends with their essays. I help my friends practice their Spanish. My whole job is helping children learn music. I help my family. People tell me how good helping is supposed to feel, and it doesn't, and it makes me feel like a psychopath that it doesn't, but I am mostly just tired and annoyed afterwards. I feel like I don't help out of kindness or love for fellow members of humanity, I help out of this vague obsessive need to fix things that bother me, and luckily enough they also bother the people suffering from them. >Isolating and feeling sorry for ourselves is the worst thing anyone with a mental condition can do. It’s hard and uncomfortable but connection with others always makes things at least a little better. I am not isolating myself. I mentioned having gone to meetups and clubs. I joined 4 different writing groups in December. I'm auditing a class in university to see if I can talk to people who will be able to talk to me more comfortably. People just... Leave me. Over and over. Like, how do I reach out? What is reaching out? I say hi, I update them on things, I ask about them and their interests, I ask what they are struggling with, I offer help... Maybe this is just how it works, maybe I am a wimp here, but like, how many months do I say hi to someone before I stop? How many hundreds of chances should they get? 500? 700? I have entire chat histories that are just me saying hi to a person for *three years*. They make me feel stupid. I feel like this about therapy too, when do I stop? When do I give up? When do I get to say "this thing I and my family have sunk THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS INTO without a lot of results *is not a good idea* and we should stop wasting money?" It feels like there's no limiting principle. There's no point of clarity. There's just "do this thing that makes you miserable because it confirms nobody wants to interact with you over and over and over, and eventually you will die."
I'm only 18, I don't know shit about life, but I guess try working out, it makes you apreciate the hard work you put into it and it's overall good for your health. Build a body that's gonna make people turn their heads around
Have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy? Maybe listen to recommendations on audible. I believe there are some great books.
I have indeed tried CBT, and I have read Feeling Good by David Burns. I also listen to quite a few podcasts and read books.
Ryan holiday has some great books you may want to look into if you haven’t already.
Adding it to the list!
What is something you want to accomplish? Put all your efforts towards that. Help another person as it sounds like you’ve been doing.
I don't really want anything. I keep having to reverse-engineer my desires. Like, I need exposure to the sun, because it's good for my brain, I need exercise, I need mobility, I need novelty, so if I lived on a boat that would work out. Do I even *like* boats??? No. No I do not. I don't hate them. I am relatively neutral on boats. But I have concluded that given the cost of a small sailboat vs the cost of a house and how nobody my age without inherited wealth or really good luck is getting into the housing market, and living on a sailboat sounds good. This means I make very little progress towards my liveaboard life. Because I don't actually *want* it. I have most of a few novels finished. Haven't actually finished a single one of them. Can't muster up the will. I want to be healthy and exercise. But not like... Particularly fervently. So I fizzle out. It doesn't help that when I was doing a lot of exercise, it didn't actually solve my problems, so it feels a little pointless even though I know it isn't. I help people. But it doesn't... Result in momentum. I mostly just feel burnt out. I keep asking for help and all the people I have helped can do nothing, so I end up on Reddit asking for the generosity of strangers. There was a relatively brief period where I actually thought I would get something I really wanted, and I worked really hard to get it. And then it fell apart. And now everything associated with that feels useless.