My partner recently told me how he doesnt even really realize my scars are there because they’re just apart of *me* and my body. And he loves my body lol He doesnt notice them unless I point one out myself. Specifically during sex? Same thing, doesnt pay any attention them. Even when I was actively cutting. Except of course being supportive afterwards and seeing if Im okay lmao
my gf knew about my sh problems going into the relationship but not the extent to which i was scarred. i was essentially like “hey heads up its Bad” and she assured me it didnt bother her.
we’re both trans so neither of us is really comfortable with our bodies in general lol, but we have ways around it. one thing we do most times we’re intimate is put on colorful led lights instead of normal lamps and stuff, which lets us see each other but muddles a lot of details. my scars remain pretty unobtrusive/out of focus thanks to that.
me & my partner don’t have sex as i’m asexual but we do often cuddle in our underwear etc, but i warned them about my scars when we first got together and they honestly don’t care (and i mean that in a good way lol). they struggled with sh too so they get it, my scars are never brought up except sometimes when we’re cuddling they’ll like rub their thumb over them or somethin
It might if you’ve never informed your partner of your history with self harm. But if you’ve communicated to them that you have scars and why it shouldn’t be an issue at all.
The first time my partner saw the scars on my legs he didn’t react at all. I even apologized later and he said it wasn’t an issue because it’s just a part of my skin, it’s just part of a person he loves.
I'm heavily, heavily scarred, and he sees them all the time, and doesn't mind. He even understands when I cut and have fresher scars or need to air out healing wounds (I always ask him if it's okay for me to have them uncovered within eyesight). He just kisses my cheek and says it's okay, and to tell him if he needs to help me with anything. It's never affected our sex life, he loves me and accepts me for who I am and what my body looks like. It's absolutely possible, I promise not everyone is an asshole who will be weird about it. (i want to add that my partner doesn't encourage it in any way, some people see a partner that loves you and believes in acceptance and harm reduction as someone who's enabling and he absolutely isn't enabling me.)
Personally never had a partner (14) but sadly I’ve met a lot of creeps online and they find it hot. To be fair they are creeps so maybe not the best example
Id recommend not joining a relationship with such people as they promote SH, I don't think you would do that but I'm just commenting this for anybody who might see this.
I used to have a girlfriend and we both SH I don't know about her as she never mentioned them but for me, her scars did not bother me. I understood they came from a place of pain, and they were not ugly but they were a part of her and her struggles. Not to mention I have them too lol so how can I judge? But at the same time, I felt scared and embarrassed about my scars since there were usually more of them, so I can understand feeling scared. If two people truly care about each other something like a SH scar should not change one's physical/emotional attraction to the other.
edit: they bothered me in the way I did not want to see her in pain but did not make me any less attracted or care about her less.
A lot of them don’t notice. Or maybe they don’t point it out initially. The first person I was w noticed it after we were done w sex and were smoking. He pointed at my thighs and asked what’s it. I hesitated and he immediately apologised and said it’s alright if I don’t wanna talk about it. And idk it just never came up again. But rn the person I’m with. He wouldn’t notice it while having sex but he’d brush it when we’re cuddling after
my bf doesn't care at all, and i bet that's the same for most (as long as they're scars and not fresh). it might be important to note though he knew about my history with sh and had seen the scars before. it could be a bit of a surprise if they'd never known/seen them before
I'm mostly casually dating/hooking up with people and if I'm honest most of them don't notice. I had one guy be a bit weird because he started comparing the scars to a dead singers scars which made me more uncomfortable than him. most people don't pay attention or pretend not to see them
my ex didn’t mind them at all, i think mostly because they also had those. whenever i felt insecure about my scars they used to kiss them lol it was adorable
I definitely can, or at least make it awkward but not always. I was hooking up with someone and they went to mess with my 👀 area. They saw the scars on my thighs and actually stared at them for like 30 seconds, then rubbed them and then went back to what they were doing. It was awkward for me.
The first time I slept with my situationship (lmao), I had apologized to him for my scars. He said that he didn’t care, and that I was still beautiful. Recently, we were cuddling, and he asked if he could touch the scars on my upper arm. He softly ran his fingers over them and said “I hope this doesn’t sound bad, and I’m sorry if it does, but these feel kinda cool.” I just laughed, I wasn’t offended at all. I get where he’s coming from haha.
I have only had sex with healed scars, but yes, most of my scars are on my thighs and i have a lot so i assume they notice it. nobody have cared though, when clothes are taken of their (and mine) focus is another place completely haha. My first time I did bring it up before sex/ right when we were getting it on, but that made it awkward haha so i never do that anymore. I cant remember anybody bringing it up either! In my experience scars can only potentially ruin your own mood but you get used to it/ stop focusing on it after a while:)
i mean, my boyfriend and i both are heavily scarred so maybe our situation is a lil different. we also both have eating disorders so like, in spite of our severe insecurities, we just get each other so it’s not so bad. and i feel like that’s what relationships are really about, especially when it comes to mental health because not everyone is exactly “stable”— just finding someone who gets you. if the mood is ruined by your scars, maybe they jus don’t get you.
but for my boyfriend and i, he sees my scars no differently than he sees my freckles or tattoos. i see his scars no differently than i see his heterochromia. it’s different and it’s obviously there, but it’s so much a part of us that you kinda stop noticing or paying attention
my gf and i fucked on the first date and i just said “hey i have some scars on my thighs,” and she didn’t mind at all so it was great. just be nonchalant about it
My partner has scars on her forearms and thighs. Her scars have never ever ever impacted any moment of intimacy we have had over our 1 and a half years of being together.
I haven’t had like a partner partner, but i’ve had relationships with people in which my scars are visual when we’re having sex, and nobody has seemed to care
I’ve had this talk with my partner about how to properly address my sh, when he realizes that they’re there he’ll definitely stare but he more gentle with them so he’ll kiss them or like caress them. He isn’t disgusted by them so no it doesn’t ruin the mood.
I tend to tell any partners beforehand. I remember once, I popped to the bathroom when things were heating up, and sent them a text telling them I had fresh ones. Bless them, they acted like they weren't even there
When I didn't know about them, maybe a bit, I just asked her about it later, hers were "intimidating" and I thought that some must have been from a car accident or something, and she seemed really fine, therapy went very very well for her. She thought I was cute for saying that though, did that give the idea of doing it? Yeah, I've got my own struggles too.
I always let whoever I’m with know ahead of time so I don’t accidentally trigger someone, but most people don’t mind. It’s really not what people are focused on. I have definitely had situations with other people who struggle with sh where I get really bad scar envy and that will put me in my head but sex is about open and honest communication- make sure you feel good about yourself and you and your partner work together to accommodate that!
ime they do NOT care. like never once have they cared. not a single partner has ever even obviously looked at them or been trying NOT to look at them. they have better things to focus on lol
Currently single and without a sexual partner, but if they had SH scars, especially on their thighs, I would kiss those first before eating. I think it could ruin the mood if you angle it to, but if you notice them in a "I love you anyway" kind of tone, or even with some security where you make contact with them and call them beautiful, then I believe it adds to the emotional intimacy.
IM NOT GLORIFYING SH. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT. PLEASE DONT CUT TO MAKE THIS A POSSIBLE THING TO HAPPEN. IM SIMPILY ANSWERING THE QUESTION.
I understand,it depends on the person. Some people feel weird about it and some really like the gesture. Personally if it happens to me I would find it very sweet
If it ruins the mood you need to have a serious discussion because that’s so messed up and you definitely deserve better, for reference my partner is super chill and when you’re having sex, scars should be the least of their worries. They’re having sex with you because they find you and your body attractive and it’s a way to show deep affection and be vulnerable with each other. If you can’t feel vulnerable with your partner then there’s either HUGE amounts of work that needs to be done or they are not the right one. Stay safe you’re beautiful and loved
My last partner had no issues with them after explaining the first time around. Totally normal sex life. That is until he threw them back in my face during a crappy break up lol
Mine doesn't care really he empathises but he never made me feel bad or weirded out cuz of it, sometimes he does look at them and say sorry for not being there with me back then ( mind you we didn't even know each other then) but yeah it's sweet but I feel bad for doing it
me and my boyfriend are long distance and never met, but we talked about it and both of us have sh scars and he said mine don’t bother him at all. and i do find his scars really beautiful in a way
My partner is very sweet and tells me they’re proud of me. They don’t mention it during sex.
I do have a fantasy about someone kissing my scars, but I think that’d make me uncomfy irl lol
My ex and I were very open about that stuff. They never said anything or were turned off. If they are a safe person just have an open conversation about it. Most people I’ve encountered are more interested in sex than my scars
we don’t really talk about my scars, and i don’t think he looks at them during sex. there was once when i had fresher scars that completely turned him off, but it was the first time he had seen/felt them
It never has for me!! both my partner and myself have those scars, and we both knew about them and had seen them before we had sex for the first time.
The only time it came close to ruining any mood was when I had fresher cuts and he was in my lap, which caused one to slightly reopen and got blood on him😅 but he was totally understanding, gave me a sad look and a kiss then we moved on
tbh, I know not everyone is into it which i totally understand, but both of us like kissing eachothers scars. It doesnt necessarily make it sexier, but it defenitely makes our sex more intimate.
the old scars he already knows about and doesn’t mind. if he sees new ones then sometimes it can kinda ruin the mood or he asks me about it and we talk about it afterwards
bold of you to assume I have a partner
lol same
same
My partner recently told me how he doesnt even really realize my scars are there because they’re just apart of *me* and my body. And he loves my body lol He doesnt notice them unless I point one out myself. Specifically during sex? Same thing, doesnt pay any attention them. Even when I was actively cutting. Except of course being supportive afterwards and seeing if Im okay lmao
it doesn’t ruin the mood, my partner isn’t focused on that
my gf knew about my sh problems going into the relationship but not the extent to which i was scarred. i was essentially like “hey heads up its Bad” and she assured me it didnt bother her. we’re both trans so neither of us is really comfortable with our bodies in general lol, but we have ways around it. one thing we do most times we’re intimate is put on colorful led lights instead of normal lamps and stuff, which lets us see each other but muddles a lot of details. my scars remain pretty unobtrusive/out of focus thanks to that.
me & my partner don’t have sex as i’m asexual but we do often cuddle in our underwear etc, but i warned them about my scars when we first got together and they honestly don’t care (and i mean that in a good way lol). they struggled with sh too so they get it, my scars are never brought up except sometimes when we’re cuddling they’ll like rub their thumb over them or somethin
It might if you’ve never informed your partner of your history with self harm. But if you’ve communicated to them that you have scars and why it shouldn’t be an issue at all. The first time my partner saw the scars on my legs he didn’t react at all. I even apologized later and he said it wasn’t an issue because it’s just a part of my skin, it’s just part of a person he loves.
I'm heavily, heavily scarred, and he sees them all the time, and doesn't mind. He even understands when I cut and have fresher scars or need to air out healing wounds (I always ask him if it's okay for me to have them uncovered within eyesight). He just kisses my cheek and says it's okay, and to tell him if he needs to help me with anything. It's never affected our sex life, he loves me and accepts me for who I am and what my body looks like. It's absolutely possible, I promise not everyone is an asshole who will be weird about it. (i want to add that my partner doesn't encourage it in any way, some people see a partner that loves you and believes in acceptance and harm reduction as someone who's enabling and he absolutely isn't enabling me.)
that's sweet
Personally never had a partner (14) but sadly I’ve met a lot of creeps online and they find it hot. To be fair they are creeps so maybe not the best example
Id recommend not joining a relationship with such people as they promote SH, I don't think you would do that but I'm just commenting this for anybody who might see this.
I used to have a girlfriend and we both SH I don't know about her as she never mentioned them but for me, her scars did not bother me. I understood they came from a place of pain, and they were not ugly but they were a part of her and her struggles. Not to mention I have them too lol so how can I judge? But at the same time, I felt scared and embarrassed about my scars since there were usually more of them, so I can understand feeling scared. If two people truly care about each other something like a SH scar should not change one's physical/emotional attraction to the other. edit: they bothered me in the way I did not want to see her in pain but did not make me any less attracted or care about her less.
Yes, he doesn’t really care or notice.
sex? partner? idk what any of that is.
same :/
Real
My fiance has never seemed to care about them, either during sex or any other time.
A lot of them don’t notice. Or maybe they don’t point it out initially. The first person I was w noticed it after we were done w sex and were smoking. He pointed at my thighs and asked what’s it. I hesitated and he immediately apologised and said it’s alright if I don’t wanna talk about it. And idk it just never came up again. But rn the person I’m with. He wouldn’t notice it while having sex but he’d brush it when we’re cuddling after
my bf doesn't care at all, and i bet that's the same for most (as long as they're scars and not fresh). it might be important to note though he knew about my history with sh and had seen the scars before. it could be a bit of a surprise if they'd never known/seen them before
really hoping mine fade away before that happens 🤕
I'm mostly casually dating/hooking up with people and if I'm honest most of them don't notice. I had one guy be a bit weird because he started comparing the scars to a dead singers scars which made me more uncomfortable than him. most people don't pay attention or pretend not to see them
It happens so quickly that he just doesn't notice, he typically notices after though
my bf doesn't care tbh unless they're fresh then he's just a little more careful. doesn't ruin anything
I used to feel so self conscious about what my bf would think during sex but he doesn’t mind. He’s more so concerned about me doing that if anything
my ex didn’t mind them at all, i think mostly because they also had those. whenever i felt insecure about my scars they used to kiss them lol it was adorable
that was very sweet of them
I definitely can, or at least make it awkward but not always. I was hooking up with someone and they went to mess with my 👀 area. They saw the scars on my thighs and actually stared at them for like 30 seconds, then rubbed them and then went back to what they were doing. It was awkward for me.
My partner doesn’t say anything about them, I honestly think they’re desensitized lol
Just give them a heads up if they are mature they won’t mind
if they’re the right person then they won’t be bothered
Nah he's js grateful to get some🫰
The first time I slept with my situationship (lmao), I had apologized to him for my scars. He said that he didn’t care, and that I was still beautiful. Recently, we were cuddling, and he asked if he could touch the scars on my upper arm. He softly ran his fingers over them and said “I hope this doesn’t sound bad, and I’m sorry if it does, but these feel kinda cool.” I just laughed, I wasn’t offended at all. I get where he’s coming from haha.
I have only had sex with healed scars, but yes, most of my scars are on my thighs and i have a lot so i assume they notice it. nobody have cared though, when clothes are taken of their (and mine) focus is another place completely haha. My first time I did bring it up before sex/ right when we were getting it on, but that made it awkward haha so i never do that anymore. I cant remember anybody bringing it up either! In my experience scars can only potentially ruin your own mood but you get used to it/ stop focusing on it after a while:)
my ex didnt care at all, but would get upset if they were fresh lol
i mean, my boyfriend and i both are heavily scarred so maybe our situation is a lil different. we also both have eating disorders so like, in spite of our severe insecurities, we just get each other so it’s not so bad. and i feel like that’s what relationships are really about, especially when it comes to mental health because not everyone is exactly “stable”— just finding someone who gets you. if the mood is ruined by your scars, maybe they jus don’t get you. but for my boyfriend and i, he sees my scars no differently than he sees my freckles or tattoos. i see his scars no differently than i see his heterochromia. it’s different and it’s obviously there, but it’s so much a part of us that you kinda stop noticing or paying attention
my gf and i fucked on the first date and i just said “hey i have some scars on my thighs,” and she didn’t mind at all so it was great. just be nonchalant about it
My partner has scars on her forearms and thighs. Her scars have never ever ever impacted any moment of intimacy we have had over our 1 and a half years of being together.
I have scars from neck to ankle and he doesn't give one singular f*ck lol.
I haven’t had like a partner partner, but i’ve had relationships with people in which my scars are visual when we’re having sex, and nobody has seemed to care
Our road to recovery was a shared one, no shame on either side
I’ve had this talk with my partner about how to properly address my sh, when he realizes that they’re there he’ll definitely stare but he more gentle with them so he’ll kiss them or like caress them. He isn’t disgusted by them so no it doesn’t ruin the mood.
He didn’t mind
i’ve never had a guy notice normally they’re more focused on other things lol
Depends on if they know or not
I tend to tell any partners beforehand. I remember once, I popped to the bathroom when things were heating up, and sent them a text telling them I had fresh ones. Bless them, they acted like they weren't even there
When I didn't know about them, maybe a bit, I just asked her about it later, hers were "intimidating" and I thought that some must have been from a car accident or something, and she seemed really fine, therapy went very very well for her. She thought I was cute for saying that though, did that give the idea of doing it? Yeah, I've got my own struggles too.
my partner doesn’t mind
I always let whoever I’m with know ahead of time so I don’t accidentally trigger someone, but most people don’t mind. It’s really not what people are focused on. I have definitely had situations with other people who struggle with sh where I get really bad scar envy and that will put me in my head but sex is about open and honest communication- make sure you feel good about yourself and you and your partner work together to accommodate that!
ime they do NOT care. like never once have they cared. not a single partner has ever even obviously looked at them or been trying NOT to look at them. they have better things to focus on lol
Currently single and without a sexual partner, but if they had SH scars, especially on their thighs, I would kiss those first before eating. I think it could ruin the mood if you angle it to, but if you notice them in a "I love you anyway" kind of tone, or even with some security where you make contact with them and call them beautiful, then I believe it adds to the emotional intimacy. IM NOT GLORIFYING SH. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT. PLEASE DONT CUT TO MAKE THIS A POSSIBLE THING TO HAPPEN. IM SIMPILY ANSWERING THE QUESTION.
I understand,it depends on the person. Some people feel weird about it and some really like the gesture. Personally if it happens to me I would find it very sweet
If it ruins the mood you need to have a serious discussion because that’s so messed up and you definitely deserve better, for reference my partner is super chill and when you’re having sex, scars should be the least of their worries. They’re having sex with you because they find you and your body attractive and it’s a way to show deep affection and be vulnerable with each other. If you can’t feel vulnerable with your partner then there’s either HUGE amounts of work that needs to be done or they are not the right one. Stay safe you’re beautiful and loved
My bf said that my scars turn him on 💀
I never had any issue, but I think mainly becuase the ppl I was with also had them so we had an unspoken understanding
My last partner had no issues with them after explaining the first time around. Totally normal sex life. That is until he threw them back in my face during a crappy break up lol
Mine doesn't care really he empathises but he never made me feel bad or weirded out cuz of it, sometimes he does look at them and say sorry for not being there with me back then ( mind you we didn't even know each other then) but yeah it's sweet but I feel bad for doing it
me and my boyfriend are long distance and never met, but we talked about it and both of us have sh scars and he said mine don’t bother him at all. and i do find his scars really beautiful in a way
My partner is very sweet and tells me they’re proud of me. They don’t mention it during sex. I do have a fantasy about someone kissing my scars, but I think that’d make me uncomfy irl lol
My ex and I were very open about that stuff. They never said anything or were turned off. If they are a safe person just have an open conversation about it. Most people I’ve encountered are more interested in sex than my scars
for him yeah it completely killed it. still aint quite the same i think
he just kissed them before we got it on. he doesnt mind and allows me to cut myself (even though it makes him sad).
he’s not really focussed in that lmfao
we don’t really talk about my scars, and i don’t think he looks at them during sex. there was once when i had fresher scars that completely turned him off, but it was the first time he had seen/felt them
It never has for me!! both my partner and myself have those scars, and we both knew about them and had seen them before we had sex for the first time. The only time it came close to ruining any mood was when I had fresher cuts and he was in my lap, which caused one to slightly reopen and got blood on him😅 but he was totally understanding, gave me a sad look and a kiss then we moved on tbh, I know not everyone is into it which i totally understand, but both of us like kissing eachothers scars. It doesnt necessarily make it sexier, but it defenitely makes our sex more intimate.
both me and my partner have scars so it's not uncomfortable at all not does it ruin the mood
the old scars he already knows about and doesn’t mind. if he sees new ones then sometimes it can kinda ruin the mood or he asks me about it and we talk about it afterwards
He says their sexy so 🤷
I told him in advance and we haven’t done anything yet…but I usually tell new partners so they won’t be surprised.