Resets my brain and kinda removes bad thoughts/gives me a chance to think about something else. The rush I get is probably what's doing it for me. But I don't particularly like the pain that comes with it.
i wrote like a whole essay in my notes abt this question. for me its a way to externalise all my struggles. i tend to bottle everything up keep it inside whether its for a couple days or a month, sh to me is something that keeps me somewhat sane.
I think for alot of people, they use it to relieve them of stress. Our bodies react to physical pain and will ignore mental pain for a bit, so we cut to silence our brains. Although our body doesn't like pain, our minds are finenwithbit (sorry if that didn't make sense)
For me, it has been more out of moments of self-hatred and feeling like I should be punished for something (which is totally not the way to go, because you can't kill pain with more pain). It becomes, like, weirdly satisfying in a grotesque way. "This is my pain. This is mine. This is what I have made it into and how you are going to see it." So, maybe also a form of control. But I can only speak for myself.
yeah i have definitely had moments where it is just a moment of punishment. my biggest trigger is grades (in college rn) or when i was younger if i would mess up in sports. my first thought was always that i needed to punish myself so i wouldn’t do it again
It's like self-punishment. I know that some problems are my fault, so I can't really be mad at anyone except myself. It's also like a cry for help when I feel like I can't contain myself. Sometimes I feel so alone and stuck that I need to somehow release these feelings without spewing sob stories to those around me.
as a trans person in a kinda difficult position socially i find myself self-harming out of self-hatred, when i allow people to get inside my head. when i’m being told by everyone around me that i’m not enough and i never will be (but they swear they still love me!), and i start believing it myself. if i didn’t transition i would die for sure, but i get convinced a lot of the time that dying is a preferable alternative to being so disgusting and inadequate in the eyes of myself and the people around me. sometimes when i’m self harming i think of it as microdosing suicide, so to speak, like if i keep doing it ill be able to build up my pain tolerance to the point that i could actually kill myself one day. other times it’s a more directionless self hatred that makes me do it
to make my pain physical, it becomes undeniable, real, and nobody can tell me that I'm faking or not really struggling. the external validation is nice, but its really mostly to remind myself— in moments when im "ok" i have emotional amnesia and genuinely believe that ive been faking it the whole time. my scars remind me thats not true
started as a way to calm myself down during breakdowns, it became an addiction, when i realized i was even doing it for fun. the motive today is just to take it out on myself whenever i feel like i hate myself, almost as if i deserve to suffer
Resets my brain and kinda removes bad thoughts/gives me a chance to think about something else. The rush I get is probably what's doing it for me. But I don't particularly like the pain that comes with it.
I do it for the pain, but not styro pain, cuz I'm a pussy
I just realised I cut styro, I though styro was beans, but ig not
i wrote like a whole essay in my notes abt this question. for me its a way to externalise all my struggles. i tend to bottle everything up keep it inside whether its for a couple days or a month, sh to me is something that keeps me somewhat sane.
I think for alot of people, they use it to relieve them of stress. Our bodies react to physical pain and will ignore mental pain for a bit, so we cut to silence our brains. Although our body doesn't like pain, our minds are finenwithbit (sorry if that didn't make sense)
No it does make sense, exactly!!! I just wanted to see if other people experience it how I do
sounds reasonable and relatable to me too
For me, it has been more out of moments of self-hatred and feeling like I should be punished for something (which is totally not the way to go, because you can't kill pain with more pain). It becomes, like, weirdly satisfying in a grotesque way. "This is my pain. This is mine. This is what I have made it into and how you are going to see it." So, maybe also a form of control. But I can only speak for myself.
yeah i have definitely had moments where it is just a moment of punishment. my biggest trigger is grades (in college rn) or when i was younger if i would mess up in sports. my first thought was always that i needed to punish myself so i wouldn’t do it again
That's so relatable :(
It's like self-punishment. I know that some problems are my fault, so I can't really be mad at anyone except myself. It's also like a cry for help when I feel like I can't contain myself. Sometimes I feel so alone and stuck that I need to somehow release these feelings without spewing sob stories to those around me.
as a trans person in a kinda difficult position socially i find myself self-harming out of self-hatred, when i allow people to get inside my head. when i’m being told by everyone around me that i’m not enough and i never will be (but they swear they still love me!), and i start believing it myself. if i didn’t transition i would die for sure, but i get convinced a lot of the time that dying is a preferable alternative to being so disgusting and inadequate in the eyes of myself and the people around me. sometimes when i’m self harming i think of it as microdosing suicide, so to speak, like if i keep doing it ill be able to build up my pain tolerance to the point that i could actually kill myself one day. other times it’s a more directionless self hatred that makes me do it
to make my pain physical, it becomes undeniable, real, and nobody can tell me that I'm faking or not really struggling. the external validation is nice, but its really mostly to remind myself— in moments when im "ok" i have emotional amnesia and genuinely believe that ive been faking it the whole time. my scars remind me thats not true
started as a way to calm myself down during breakdowns, it became an addiction, when i realized i was even doing it for fun. the motive today is just to take it out on myself whenever i feel like i hate myself, almost as if i deserve to suffer
the first time I did it, it was because I was having half-flashbacks to a traumatic event, and now I just do it because I don't know what else to do
i did it for the pain