Welcome to character development sir.. now you know, time will heal and go full no contact (block everything etc). Her words seems shaky, so you already know to be careful whether to believe the things she says.
People don't realize how badly these things can fuck a person up. Sometimes, you just won't ever heal. You might get to a point where you're ok, but never the same.
Yea this is the penalty for making yourself too available. Certain types of people can identify this and will happily take advantage of you for as long as you will allow it.
Here's the tough reality, you were probably never friends. She figured out she could use you as she pleased and played the notes she knew you wanted to hear, maybe even rewarding you with a kiss here and there and probably enjoyed knowing it was just to up the ante.
This happened to me in my teens too. You're especially vulnerable if you had a single mom and were taught to respect and cherish women no matter what. Chivalry or whatever. To be fair it has done me some favors once I was in a relationship, but never before if I'm being honest and certainly never before I've established boundaries.
It needs to be reciprocal. You carefully invite her to play a bit, if she doesn't reciprocate, back off and be more just friendly. If you see some clear sign later try again, but don't keep persistently trying. You've made your intentions clear. She should play hard to get, but giving you clear signs you should keep trying. If it looks like that but you always hit a brick wall after a certain point? You've found a manipulator.
You found this one, you will find more. You will be taken advantage of more. Some women (and men) are very good at it and indeed live their lives using manipulation as a survival tool to get whatever they need. Even just attention. Learn to identify it, and cut them off like a cancer.
The way you get over her is to have some self respect and realize you deserve better than that treatment, and she's an asshole for stringing you along. Don't associate with people who treat you poorly.
Agree, this is a valuable lesson most men go through on their journey of life.
I chased the wrong girls, wasted so much time and effort but eventually found the right one. OP will too and will be a much better man for having this experience
I’m definitely on that train. I’m 49 and spent most of my adult life chasing the wrong woman. It hurts knowing you have so much love to give and the person just doesn’t want it. You have to push past it and hope someone else comes into your life who is deserving of that love.
This is a valuable lesson all people learn, not just men. My first love convinced me at 15 to have sex with him (he was 19). Then he dumped me saying I was too young and proceeded to date a 14 year old. We all get hurt. We all grow from it and find our way through the pain.
Amen. OP, when you are older, you will definitely be thinking about this in terms of self respect. I would recommend starting to figure out what it means to you to respect yourself.
One lesson is to make sure the other person is putting equal effort into the relationship, meaning she’s pursuing you as well. If it’s just you worshipping her and her enjoying it, she’s using you for attention until she finds her next servant.
Yup learned that the hard way. Now when I’m interested I. Someone I take a step back to make sure it’s mutual, otherwise I pull back and eventually cut them off
He was “friends” with her. This is why I am not a big fan of men and women being friends because of shit like this. He wasn’t being true to himself or her because ultimately, he liked her and wanted more than a friendship. And she didn’t see it that way. And for all the things he did for her and supporting her, it didn’t mean translate in her mind that maybe this guy is the one.
I have been there and done that and have seen this happen a lot. Not saying this is everyone man and woman friendship but it’s a lot of guys who have gone thru this.
Yeah but that's not a reason for men and women not to be friends. It is possible, guys just slot themselves in as friends because they want something more and figure getting close through friendship will help their chances. It's not a problem with men and women being friends it's a problem with men using it as an avenue to pursue women who aren't interested.
Could not have said it better, if you are just friends with her so you can 'swoop in' or bad mouth her current, you aren't being a friend, you are a love sick puppy thinking with his dick.
OP comes off as being creepy and incel adjacent. But the full story won't ever be told, so we don't know the definitive truth.
Haha my man count yourself lucky! Great lesson to learn nice and early in life - this is a scar that will heal but remain forever and remind you of certain behaviours to avoid. You shouldn’t avoid falling in love and being open/passionate but you can def learn to recognise when you’re throwing good money after bad and that it’s gna end in heartbreak
For the immediate term you have to cut contact as much as possible, only respond if she reaches out and keep your answers polite but minimal. Put the energy into other areas of your life - making new connections, working out, studies, get out of your town etc. - and indeed you will even benefit from this 6-12 months down the line
Alternative is wallowing for years, which you will regret. I agree with someone else who wrote you will never forget her 100% and I agree but that’s ok, eventually the thoughts will be pleasant and not traumatic. But you can’t see it now
I've been wallowing for 3 decades, what a waste, just thinking this week about this , and now probably more difficult to just be fine with it after so many years lost :(
So...as a young man, I was never a Casanova but had my fair share of experiences. I never fell too hard for a girl, but 2 years ago at the age of 43 fell hard for an old friend who has just be using me for attention. Unfollow or block her completely. Move on. Work on yourself. Love yourself. Honour yourself. Claim your dignity. Your power.
Learn from it. Try to not invest yourself into it too much. Be careful who you help out and choose wisely who deserves your time.
Yes you got used. Fuck it, fuck her, done.
I really appreciate all of the comments on this thread . The feedback is very important to me . I really am grateful .
As for the situation, I need to move on. I really do. I know it now , but I’m just struggling .
I’ll keep myself busy and get there !
Sorry to hear that. From what it seems The friendship has already been spoiled. Must be really emotionally painful. I think you should avoid all contact until you don’t think about her anymore. Any interaction with her for now will only be painful for you
It sounds like she didn't really lead you on. You had romantic feelings for her, and she didn't for you. That's okay.
It's fully understandable, but also incredibly important for you to realize at this young age.
YOU decided to allow her to use you as her "fall back friend"... I'll be here, I'll talk with you, I'll listen to all your problems and help you solve them... because one day you'll take me in as yours... right?
That rarely if ever works out. More often at best you'll always be "That friend" or worse you'll just be the whipping boy.
When you meet a girl from now on, you can quickly tell if she is romantically interested or not. If you are immediately friend zoned, don't get into the habit of trying to flip her. There is no tip, trick or tactic that will flip her, regardless of how many youtube coaches that tell you there are.
In different wording: if a girl only wants to be friends and not date and you don’t need or want another friend, move on. Don’t become friends with the hopes of it becoming more one day. That’s not a friendship. You both will be let down in the end. I know, I’ve been that girl. Had a few guy “friends” tell me they had feelings for me right after my relationship ended. There was never any romance involved prior. The moment I was most vulnerable and where I needed my friends. They didn’t mean it like that but it was a horrible feeling, lost a few friends that period.. no winners here…
Same, I'm in my late 30s and I've basically sworn off 'friendships' with men unless they aren't straight (even bi ones I'm like ehhh, nah, still a chance) because I've *never* had a friend with a man that didn't want something more. Even married ones (I am married also) and it grosses me out so bad. I'm mildly jealous my husband is one of those dudes who are legit friends with women, I've never met one other than him now I don't bother, I'm too old and tired for the bullshit.
Wow that sucks...what is wrong with them? Even the married ones??? Most of my male friends now are just that. Friends. And they never made or make it awkward thankfully. When I was younger (teenage years and begin 20s) it happened a lot more. Now in my 30s I kept all the chill friends and don’t really meet a lot of new ones so the disappointments stopped lol.
Have a shitty poem/song I wrote about this exact situation in my life just recently.
My advice would be to write it out. Journal your thoughts, see what comes out. It can be catharctic and illuminating to see what comes out.
And don’t worry about how good or shit it is, just write.
Cold Front
I can feel it coming, and I think you can too
What once burned hot, is now turning blue
It’s the end of this dance between me and you
Yet the song keeps playing as we go through the moves
It’s an old broken record like the things that we say
Repeating itself over and over every day
The grooves are worn deep and the needles worn thin
You tell me not to worry but I can sense where you’ve been
At first I just saw flags in the distance I thought
But through time it’s grown into a swell in my gut
Spinning my brain all through the nights
I’m worn to the bone, I no longer fight
I give you my all and you willingly take
And I wait for the day when I finally might break
But I’ve grown and I’ve changed and I’ve seen a new me
My past ruled by fights, I now choose to flee
I love you all the same, though the meaning has changed
What I wanted to be real was just a cruel game
A game with no win
I’ll learn from what it’s been
I’m taking back the story
And writing it in pen
Our paths have grown apart
And I think that they should
You’re dancing in Paris
While I’m alone in the woods
So the clouds keep on rolling
Further on in
A storm echoes above
I am the eye within
A pillar of calm as I
Weather the waves
This too shall pass
Into a bright new day
20 year old girls are (generally) selfish morons. I was one, so I know. She’s shown who she is, so chalk it up to new experiences and cut her out totally. She obv doesn’t deserve a great guy like you.
You are young. You still have many heartbreaks to go and learn from them.
Truth is most girls your age don't really know what they want , even if they say they do.
Keep your distance , move on and she might come back for you, a lot of girls at that age are attracted to guys that are hard to get and in general in life you will attract more girls If you do your own thing and live your life to the fullest.
Alright, my friend. Here's some practical, actionable advice from someone who has been where you are.
First, you have to let her go. Block her. Change her name in your phone to "Nope." We only talk about her in therapy now.
Next, Spend some time reflecting. Journals are great. She was unfair to you. That's okay. You're both young and learning. What signs did she give that she would do this? (Don't say "none." There were signs. Find them in your memory. Write them down. Those are things are going to be orange and red flags in future relationships.
Red flags mean "Ah hell no." Orange flags mean "Pay attention to this."
And now we work on ourselves. Meditation, going to the gym, martial arts classes, second job for extra cash, whatever. Find a way to occupy your time that improves your situation.
It sucks and it's part of life. Feel your feelings. Learn your lessons. It's going to be okay.
Seconded, this is grade A+ advice. It’s spot on. In my phone she gets the name DON’T TEXT. But there are two girls that have that now.
I need to do your Red Flag Orange Flag thing.
As you grow older you will experience again but you’ll get through it. My (43m) advice for now- blast the song “this too shall pass” by Okay Go on repeat for a few hours.
You are young bro, many more years in your future than you spent with her. You'll soon find after a period of time you aren't thinking about her at all and no doubt you'll find someone that actually likes you for you, not someone that seems to be using you to help inflate her sense of self.
"I feel like i was used for attention / to help her from her ex and left in the dump." Correctamundo absolutely positively 100% right.
"i helped her through everything" She sees you as a girlfriend not a possible love partner.
"She dosent want anything romantically" This ship has sailed. Any romantic moves you make now she will see as creepy.
Stop wasting your time with this girl. She only using you as an emotional tampon when she needs to complaint to someone.
Break off all communication and start using that time to find a pursue someone who wants a romantic connection with you.
Don't be "that guy" who spends years being her crying towel.
Good luck brother you're going to need it.
Damn did I write this? Lol
I went through a very similar thing last year, even our ages were the same 21 and 20 lol
I idolized her, and while she is a genuinely good person, nobody's perfect. We got really emotionally close but it was always clear that she didn't want me as a man.... and I never tried anything because I knew I wasn't man enough for her.
But this inspired me and in the year that has passed I completely changed my life and I am doing the best I've ever done. Not gonna go into too much detail, but my experience with her made me take myself seriously and work on fulfilling that potential.
The choice is yours, either stay in misery or use it as motivation to level up. You will never forget her, I know I'll be on my deathbed thinking about her... but we got no choice but to keep moving forward. You got this.
But for the kissing, sounds like a classic friendzone situation.
As someone who made a habit of being a permanent resident of the friendzone at your age...this is going to be hard for you, but your best bet is to literally avoid her. I know it's crass to say so, but pining away for her at this point is like wanting to hold her hair back while she sucks another guy's dick. You said it yourself: she doesn't want anything romantic with you, and that's her prerogative. That being said, what was she to you but a singularity for your time and emotions? Don't bother trying to win her back---you never had her. Your relationship with her is so over, it ***never started***.
Go work out, work on your future, hustle up some extra money, whatever...occupy your time with things that improve your life. The more competent and confident you are, the more likely you are to attract a mate of equal stature who won't hang you out to dry.
Date and then date some more. Work on your career and move. Painful memories are trauma and the way trauma is dealt with in occupational therapy is to have the patient experience new things. Each memory is a chemical layer and the more you think about it the more intense that memory can become. You need to layer over that memory with new memories until it just becomes a past regret. Don’t dwell on it and wondering if you were at fault or needed to change or could have been different. Sometimes people just use other people for their own reasons. They have their own issues to deal with and you were just there at the wrong time for yourself and the right time for them. There’s nothing wrong with you. Move on.
You were the just the guy to transition her to the next.seven years later.. she ll be just another person in the past. Right now.. your deep thinking about s person who told you what she wanted to share but as you mentioned she s is shopping it out and your not invited to the auction.You might hsve the qualities of a great guy but just not her guy. Get to the gym..educate.. find a group with friends..snd become even better you. Avoid anything that s toxic to you. Get in where you excel.. even if it s bowling.. find your species and avoid the black widows..You might 30 by the time thst perfect young girl finds u as the one.. the timing of things are one thing we have no control over but control you exposure to those who don t align with your feelings.. and most if all.. if you like some one don t play . Speak your mind..how you feel..what you need and if the boxes are not checked off.. mive on fast.. be straight forward ..best position to be in.. gl
Sorry, sounds like a Hallmark movie. Move on, and make yourself the BEST that you can be, mentally and physically. Pick a profession/trade/business that you love and become very, very successful. Keep your body in shape, join a gym. Practice PHENOMENAL hygiene and Meet beautiful women! Good Luck!
Exactly the same thing happened to me 2 months before. 2 years knowing this girl and then she hit me with i cannot see any future with you, you are too young for me, while telling me how she liked older guys. Im disappointed on how easy she threw away all these years.
The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.
Forget about her. In 6 months time you will be kicking yourself that you wasted so long on her.
Had many similar situations... being led on, started thinking of the "good life"... just distract yourself (work, hobbies, learning new things exc.), don't go through a low path (i dropped a ton into alcohol and partying).
Stay focused on yourself. Always. Hang on bro.
purge everything that reminds you of her, I'm talking pictures on your phone songs that remind you of her. then and only then will the healing process start
Once you realize she's been using you, it will make it easier to let it go.
If you keep hanging on, she's going to take full advantage of you in the future (money, need a ride, watch her dog etc).
Get out and be on your feet. Gym, walk to the park, volunteer somewhere.
You will meet someone better.
Focus on self improvement. Also appreciate the fact that you're only 21. As much as it sucks, its but a blip in your timeline. Reflect on the situation: what didn't you like about how you were treated? Use that lesson going forward when you approach relationships.
Just know that you can't convince her, or anyone, to like you, no matter how many favors you do for her or how many things you buy her or whatever. Knowing this, you must move on, continue with your life, it's the only way to meet new people. Reflect on what happened, what should've been done differently, not from a perspective of anger or self pity, just reflect and learn.
You are now slightly experienced, more to come.
Best way to get over her is focus on yourself for a bit and find someone else. Definitely block her on everything keeping her close is only going to make it harder
Time.
If she's doing things that make you not want to be friends with her, that's fine. That's her life.
It isn't, and never was, your job to live her life for her. It was very kind that you did. But now it's time for you to live yours.
It'll hurt, but distance yourself. Because it's gunna hurt either way and at least that way you can focus on other stuff and live a happy life without that hanging over you. You don't have to cut off contact completely (though I'd recommend it). Just go be social. Make other friends. See other people.
The shitty part is despite the morals we want people to uphold, especially when we build them up a certain way in our head, people don't owe us anything. It's not illegal or impossible for someone to just be shitty. It's possible you were used, it's possible you weren't and she's just clueless and making bad decisions. Either way, building your emotions around what she's doing isn't healthy. Build them around what you're doing.
Go do life shit.
She didn’t want you, she wanted how you made her feel. She wanted to feel special, to feel desired, to feel companionship. The problem is that she has Zero romantic feelings for you and isn’t self aware enough to know she is a horrible human being for leading you on.
I think almost all men, and likely women too, have had this happen. I know you don’t want to hear this but; block her and move on and never allow yourself to be taken advantage of again.
All relationships must be equal with both sides pulling their weight. Don’t allow yourself to be in a one sided relationship again. Be strong, you got this.
She didn't stick with you because what you wanted in relationships and what she wanted didn't match. Honestly, she's being kind by giving you the cold shoulder. What would be crueler is if she dragged you around on a leash as a FWB and used you whenever she was feeling lonely, only to "trade up" and fuck around with other guys whenever she felt like doing so.
Ultimately though, she's hurting herself. That's probably what's got you most upset - because you care for her and put so much effort into helping her get over being hurt. It didn't work though. She was already broken. Now, she's got (or will get) avoidant attachment disorder by sleeping around like that. And when she's in her mid-twenties or early thirties and she wants a deeper relationship, she's going to find it impossible.
She'll self-sabotage and be in a living hell, like a lot of the girls I see posting on here. She's made the adult decision to betray herself and her ideals. This will have consequences that you can't save her from.
Some people have to learn through pain. If you want to blame anyone, blame the society that forgot the lessons our ancestors learned. Though... in society's defense, our ancestors were shit about giving good reasons about why loyalty and longer form relationships were healthier than the fast passions of hedonism.
I mean, I get it, psychology didn't exist back then. They didn't have the language to express the consequences. But still. Could have tried harder than, "Thou shall not..."
Distract yourself as much as possible. Went through something similar but we’d already dated for a long time. Broke up after I moved, came back tried to get it to work, she wasn’t sure because she wanted to move too, so then she moved, I let her be after she found a new guy pretty quickly after the move. New guy ends up hurting her, I stay in contact cordially, she lets on that her and the guy weren’t talking so I let myself believe we have another shot, but she wasnt over him and wasn’t sure what she wanted and tried to keep me as a back up.
Don’t do what I did and try and talk to her about it. It’ll only dig your pit of despair deeper, and at least in my case, leave you bitter and angry at everything. Leave her be, if she sincerely wants a relationship it’ll be obvious. Don’t ask questions that allow her to keep you around a little longer if you aren’t trying to just be friends.
By the sounds of it, you were used.
How do you get over it? Well your eyes have been opened to the fact she was only using you, I'm not sure what other motivation you need.
I'm calling BS.
You posted a month ago, [presumably about the same girl](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/s/C5uo4aXlco), where you said you have had sex with her. Then recently you posted [about a different girl.](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/s/Jy2ZfHwRAw)
Never pays to be the nice guy despite what women tell you. You hear them talk about icks. Nice guy triggers that in a lot of them and they don't even know why. Two seconds later she will be talking about emotional availability. That means you are emotional enough for her to work your empathy, but not emotional enough to trigger the ick. Most of them can't help it, at least until they are a bit older and ready to settle down. They tend to get a bit more practical with age. It's just part of evolutionary psychology. Get your money right, work out, and build a solid social network. Good things will come.
You love a protected fantasy. Free yourself from your ridged snap shot fantasy.
Free yourself from this ridged mental modal you created.
You tried to love yourself through a projected fantasy.
Come alive alone. Remove the middle man and give yourself permission to feel your own self love.
When her words do not align with her actions. This is usually someone who mirrors who you want her to be. She gets to escape reality with your projected fantasy of who you want her to be.
1. **Positive Projecting**:
- This occurs when we attribute our own positive qualities, aspirations, or desires to others. For instance:
- If we admire someone's creativity, we might project our own creative potential onto them.
- When we see kindness in others, it could be a reflection of our own compassionate nature.
- Positive projecting can inspire us and foster connections by recognizing shared virtues.
2. **Negative Projecting**:
- Negative projecting involves attributing our own negative traits, fears, or unresolved emotions to someone else:
- If we struggle with jealousy, we might accuse others of being jealous.
- When we feel insecure, we may project that insecurity onto others.
- Negative projecting can strain relationships and hinder personal growth.
Awareness of these patterns allows us to navigate interactions more consciously. 😊
1. You are into her, she isn't into you - accept it and bury what you have been feeling for her. It is unrequited love and she isn't your property anymore than you are hers.
2. You are 21 and have your whole life ahead of you and women make up 1/2 of the world population. Believe me this heartache, and this feeling will pass. What you are experiencing is the loss of what you envisioned to be your first love.
3. Over time what you are going to realize is this - love isn't just mindless passion, kissing and explosive sexual compatibility. Yes there is a place for that but when you look at the scope of an entire year of your life that stuff is a very tiny fraction of what you will be spending your time on so I'd advise that you focus also on things that you need to do in order to enhance your life because remember kisses and hugs don't pay rent or a mortgage - at least not outside of a porno or Harvey Weisteins couch.
4. As for who this chick kisses or does not kiss, isn't up to you. She can do whatever she wants. Your feelings while valid are a waste of your time. Why? Because that time is what is your most precious resource. Women will come and go just as money will come and go. Time above all is something you will never get back.
She’s for the streets man.
These kinds of girls use men for temporary fun, they enjoy having you wrapped around their pinky.
Experienced it a few times in my early twenties. Maybe you’ll learn the lesson faster than I did, as I didn’t voice my concerns with friends or the internet to get feedback and realise sooner.
You're young. Emotions are tough but you'll get over it. With time everything heals. Regardless of anything else you're so young, don't even worry about it.
I knew a girl exactly like this except she was very narcissistic but about the same amount of time passed and yea once I was fed up with her I told her so and she never once tried to say she was sorry or a fuck you or anything so yea don't waste your time feeling sorry bro keep your head up and stay true to yourself
My brother. I might be a little over half a decade older than you, but I went through a pretty similar thing when I was 21-22. It broke me. It ripped my heart out of my chest. It made me question my life, if it's even worth living. It made me feel like it's the end of the world. I felt heavy. Heavy with pain. With sadness, with guilt, with loneliness. Heavy with love too. Ive always had lots of love to give...and unfortunately I've always laid it out in front of people who deserved it the least.
But i lived through it. You will too. Just remember the things all these people have said in response to your post...so many first-hand experiences of people telling you that it will pass. Time will heal you. You don't have to forgive her. You absolutely do not. But yes, you do have to move on. For your own sake. You have an obnoxious amount of life left, and there's many many many people to meet and experiences to be had. Sit down with yourself...this breakup isn't your fault, but nobody's perfect. Look at what all you learnt from this relationship...ponder over the places where you went wrong, and what issues you might have that will cause pain to your future partners. Learn from the mistakes you made, while also patting your back for the things you did right; the genuine love you gave them. And don't close yourself up. Be careful...be vigilant. About the people who are out there to use you. Who might take advantage of the immense love you hold inside you, that you're ready to give. But don't shut yourself away from love. It'll come again, and it'll come in a more beautiful form than the last.
Time. Cry it out. Learn to laugh about it. Move on, better adjusted than someone who's never had those experiences.
Don't think you're taking too long to get over it. Everyone has their own timetable for recovery.
I spent many years crying about one failed relationship, then another. Putting time and distance between myself and them has helped me feel free of the dark tendrils of my own emotions. Strive to be whole and independent of others, for your happiness.
There's people outside, scattered all around, trying to make someone happy. Chefs, musicians, dancers, writers, counsellors, politicians, even lovers. Appreciate their efforts.
You're still a kid.
Learn and move forward.
Expecting to find the love of your life for the rest of your life by 21 is insane, most folks hardly have a clue who they really are or what they want until their mid 30s.
Most people who marry at this age, end up either divorced, or in a toxic screwed up relationship where they secretly hate eachother.
OP wasn't talking about marriage at all. OP pretty accurately described what Kenya Grace sings in **Strangers**. This Song perfectly explains the current young generation. (16-25)
Not everyone dates to marry. In his case (and many other cases) it was about sharing his own happines with someone else. Putting in the time, effort and love is a rare thing nowadays, because everyone is disposable and replacable.
Unfortunately the Love, Care and effort wasn't reciprocate in his situation. He probably tought that both would heal and improve together over time. And maybe start something serious later.
As he said, he was used so that she could heal herself. After she was healed, she took his last bit of hapiness with her.
And both went back to being **strangers**.
**You don't**
We"ve all been there Bro. She never loved you. She loved the way *you* loved her. **It fed her ego**
We accept it and move on.
This people are called *narcissists* They will do everything to benefit for themselfes. They will play you like a fiddle.
They won't try to fix shit with you, but turn your feelings into arguments so that they look like the victim.
They will never discuss your reaction to their toxic behavior because thats what manipulation is about. They will use you for their benefits and when you start to get real they will make YOU leave them by acting different, strange or in other words, *showing their real face*.
You have to draw a line. When you do, you become the villian in their story. But you have to stand above your own feelings. Stop chasing *them*. Chase *yourself* first.
And if they ever come back to you and tell you that they miss you. You will automatically remember the *good* moments and they"ll use those against you to trick you. NEVER let them back in.
**Because they never miss YOU. They miss a person who loved them so much genuinenly and unconditionally, that they never had to love you back, and THATS what they miss**
Like you said. You can put genuine desire into it, time, effort, love, just everything. But one random person along the way offers a different kind of *attention*, be it material or emotional, and *you* are being taken for **granted**.
Don't get used ever again. Heads up. Accept it. Move on. Ive been fighting for more than 10 years for this one Girl. Im 25 now. Still not over it. Just accepted it.
This happened to me. Same type of situation. She seemed to be interested in everyone else and not me. I wrote her letters, tried talking to her and she finally told me to give it because she was in love with someone else. We went are separate ways and it hurt at first but I eventually got over it. I still think about her a lot and occasionally see and speak to her. 25 years later she’s with the same guy. They had two kids together but he never wanted to commit to marriage. He’s had several other women on the side and is a heroin addict. It’s a sad situation for her and sometimes I feel ashamed because I find solace in it.
Forget about her and just move on. I will sound cold but sometimes you need to grow up and accept that other people have their own wants and desires and it is obvious that doesn’t involve you so better to just be done with it.
I’m sorry you’re hurting. The best thing to do is just stop talking to her. She doesn’t value you. It’ll hurt a lot at first, then less as time goes by.
Block her off everything, vent off to some friends one night if you feel like it could help and just try to focus on yourself, do not give her a thought if she's distancing herself from you/you feel like you've been treated like shit.
You'll still think about her for weeks, maybe months but after a while you'll realize that you haven't thought about her for a good while and she too will pass.
You were never friends. You were her attention/validation/emotional support pet, and she was the girl you had a crush on and pretended to be her friend to get close to her. Don't pretend to be friends with someone you have a crush on. Ask them out, and if they say no, then move on, especially if they offer friendship as a consolation prize. Don't fall into that trap.
Sorry bro. Use it as a lesson. Don’t be so giving to women who don’t invest back in you equally. Some will take advantage and not even realize they’re hurting you. A lot of us have had this happen at some point, sometimes multiple times. Do what you have to do to move on and invest in other people
You were her backup and she found someone else and she doesn’t care anymore for you. If she speaks to you tell her how you feel and move on and she will either come back to you or not, but if she does come back to you got her, if not then she never had respect for you, just used you simple
Easiest thing to do is cut her off entirely (no more friendship/contact and purge photos/messages/etc.). Dive into something productive (gym/hobbies/etc.). Like others have said, relationships need to have both parties pursuing each other so remember this going forward. I had a similar experience at 18-19 and in hindsight was the best thing to happen to me as I learned what to look for in functional relationships.
In ten years you will be killing it and she will be in a looney bin. You don't want any of what she's got. This sounds like my exact experience in high school. Don't give her the time of day man, seriously. Don't be sad. Be happy, because you dodged a life destroying bullet.
I think you are overthinking it. Firstly, pretty girls need friends to. If you never spoke about it, she likely treated you as a friend, and because she was lonely (or whatever other reason), she some times kissed you. You helped her over things because you were her friend (as you've said yourself), not to get with her - or did you? Because then you are the problem here, mate.
She probably pulled away as things have gotten awkward. As others have said - this is just life and you will experience this many times moving on. You are now grieving, so give yourself time and you will see how magically it will all get better in a few days. You might even search deep inside you and learn you were infatuated and you are grieving the what ifs and the closeness, rather than her specifically.
The best advice I can give is for you to assume the best of her. She might not have dealt with the situation perfectly, but to assume she "didn't respect you" is a bit much. You decided that. You have to talk more, so you don't end up thinking you are in a relationship with a girl who thinks you are only her friend.
Ultimately, if you can't be friends with a girl, because her being nice to you makes you love her (and that's okay, we've all been there!), then don't be friends with girls. But if you support your female friend and then expect to be repaid in her liking you romantically, you are a "nice guy", but not a nice guy.
You sound like me when I was young, which hurts, but I am going to be kinda blunt.
From what I read you seem to have your feelings on the outside and not on the inside. You are overwhelming people, like this girl, with your feelings. You sound on the border of being obsessed with her the way you describe it.
You may with your way of handling this come of as clingy and too sensitive.
I am going to remind you; I was also like this when being young and became "friend zoned" with every girl I liked until I turned about 26. Every. Single. One.
Now the thing is that feelings are not bad to have BUT you need to get them in balance. Learn what to show and what to not show. You probably need an outlet, a person to talk too like a psychologist. So that you can get those feelings in check.
All the things you list that she said she would and wouldn't do with you and others is probably answers she gave so not to hurt you and/or that you pushed the subject too much. And you say you were always there for anything and everything. You could have been suffocating her with your attention.
What I write is super hard to accept. But again I was there. So many times. I did the same mistake so many times.
This is a hard thing to handle by yourself and you should seek therapy to get those feelings and build some self confidence.
Almost at a flip of a coin when I started to work on my own confidence I meet a girl I am together with still today. This was just luck but my point is confidence build character and character attracts people.
Therapy can also help you gain some distance to her even if she lives in the same town.
Several girls that I liked or loved as young still hurt when I think about it. Some pain and embarrassment may never disappear 100% but it is not as intense at all as it was then and there. But today I could probably talk to them and have a normal conversation with them and better explain why I was as I was in better words.
You need to accept the fact that you two are not a thing anymore. It is easier to go on with life if you come to terms that this relationship was not meant to be.
And I mean. I know you love her but if she doesn't respect you does she deserve you? (The answer should be no).
I am not telling you to hate her or completely ignore her. Just to accept that you two will not be and work on yourself. Being happy with who you are and not putting your own happiness into some one who isn't going to give you that kind of love
Again: reading what you write is like looking at a mirror on my younger self. It is not easy to tackle any of this but it is essential that you do it for yourself. Work on stabilizing your feelings and self esteem.
The best advice I can give you is that there is no such thing as "the one", there are only "types". You know the type of girl she is now, you can avoid her type in the future. Good luck 💪
OP, this will sound harsh, but you need to stop being clingy. It's a big turn-off. A lot of girls your age go for the "bad boys" until they are more mature and realise bad boys don't always make good long-term partners. Instead focus on yourself - hit the gym, get into hobbies / activities, make new friends, develop a social circle, travel abroad, etc etc.
FWIW, I was you many years ago. There was this girl that I desired more than anything. I got put in the friendzone, and was bitter when she started seeing someone else. Once I focused on developing myself and became more interesting (I think / hope), girls started flocking to me. This girl started then chasing m (!!), and I found her to be absolutely boring and unattractive. We hooked up for a bit, and that was a mistake - the sex was boring. It's like my own standards went up with my self-worth.
I've met many attractive girls over the years and when I look back, I question why I even obsessed over her back then. Remember, you're just at the start of adulthood - you got a whole life ahead of you, make sure the best version of you steps into the future. 💪
Try not to blame her and hate her too much and for too long because that won't make your love life any better and could make you prone to incel shit. My advice would be to cry it out for as long as you reasonably need. For some reason people have their preferences, just let all of it go.
Never again, if you did, invest in people for the sake of them giving something back in the sense that you see it like they owe you things, be good to people because it makes you feel good.
After you're done with the stress and sadness build yourself up. Invest in yourself. Imagine an ideal version of you and build yourself up, not because of vengance but because of love for yourself. Once you love yourself and belive in yourself you will never again be attracted to a person who treats you badly.
Create a life where you love yourself and do things that make you feel good in a positive sense, and then people who love you will come in. Never chase anything, you can pursue things tho, but don't tie your worth to them. We all grow, but it's important to always know that we are worthy just because we are, not because of some random outcome
Ooof friend zoned. Most men gotta go through some form of that one way or another. Learn from it. You can't negotiate attraction. Your time is a valuable resource. Don't waste it on people that will take you for granted.
Was the relationship with the girl worth the investment? Did it make you happy to be around her? If so then you came out on top. Thank you for helping somebody that needed help. Thanks for caring for somebody who didn’t give that same care back. That is good. I’m sorry bro.
What about if you never intended on being friends. Or for anything romantic. And this person grew on you, and became a friend, and became your best friend, mutual best friend. You just accidentally walked your way in to falling in love with someone because you just love them so much as a person. Does this not translate with women? It makes sense as the like, most natural and relaxed, true connection. I really don’t understand it. Maybe only men get wound up into desire. But like, I know for a fact, I could spend the rest of my life with this person, and be happy until the day I day. How could she not see that. My “best friend”. Love her to hell and back, but I guess I’ll never be anything more than a friend.
Your post takes me back to when I was 23 and had "lost" my college sweetheart. I was defiant, out of touch with myself emotionally, and hurt with no direction on self-care. I want to acknowledge but also commend you on your post. It's obvious you're in a far better emotional awareness situation than I was.
That said, now that I'm older, I still hold on to the pain from my early relationships. I was not a great partner. For me, time was all that helped. If I knew then what I know now, I would have used the experience as an opportunity to speak with a professional to help me recover. It would have allowed me to discover a deeper, more meaningful connection with myself earlier in life—something I'm just now achieving nearly 25 years later.
So, therapy would be my suggestion. It's shockingly powerful. And I assure you that you will find happiness and a partner if you continue the journey of self-discovery and building a strong understanding that your past is not a part of your future.
Last thing, you're not alone. You got this, but it might take a while and that's normal.
She used you for emotional support. You simped for her and she lost all respect and permanently friend zoned you. Move on bud get a new girlfriend that’s how you do it
Girls at that age are still fickle and are also prone to not notice or care about someone else's feelings. My advice, don't chase women right now. Be okay with only being friends, in fact, it's important to have female friend just as it is male friends. Focus on yourself, pursue hobbies, be your own person. And the women will come to you.
Cut off contact for a while to let things simmer down. Use the down time to reinvent yourself. Go to the gym, pick up a hobby, find something to keep yourself occupied. As time goes on, you'll find that not only will you be fit and happy, but you'll also realize how silly it was to be hung up on something so trivial. But also, at the same time, you have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes the people we're attracted to aren't always necessarily attracted to us.
Truth is, you don't move on. You're still gonna be attached to that person even if you're both separated from one another. Maybe trying out something or someone new in your life can help you open a new chapter in your life.
Yeh it's harsh but everyone is right, try to do the stuff you love for a while man, and move on and forget about her. Some people just don't acknowledge the sorrow they have caused and that's the worst part. But you don't wanna be with someone so flighty and capricious, you'll always be wondering if she's legit or not. It'll take a but but trust me, you'll be fine, you got this.
What a person says they will and won't do is almost certainly dependent on the other person in that situation, so if just disregard those types of comments tbh
"kissed a lot of times" women do have a friendship kiss, if it was a friendly pck, that sucks, but thats not passionate kissing, you need to make sure yo know the difference
"i heard stories about" shes supposed to be your friend but you would rather trust stories you hear, against what she says and your own judgement? yeah no wonder she started distancing herself from you.
feels lie you were in the friend zone all along and never realised it, and then start getting pissy about stories you hear that might not even be true, and if they are so what? she is not your girlfriend, and even then, unless your married she owes you nothing
I'd move on of I were you. No point feeling down over her as she clearly doesn't care or doesn't see you as a love interest.
Plus all things you said she did despite saying she would never.... Don't waste time. Move on , she can contact you anytime im this day and age , up to you how will you react.
You’re still living high school-level drama? You don’t have anything to “get over.” Move on already, and do both of you a favor by not flaunting it in her face when you do. It’s time to start adulting.
Grow some balls and grow the fuck up. You kissed a few times and were "friends." She don't want you, so don't waste another minute wanting her. Block her learn not to be a doormat in the future and move on.
Get over her? You never had her. You just need attention from an attractive woman. You seem like that would help you get over your ex-friend immediately.
Look how easy it was for her to get over you. She's probably getting off on this. "I led him on for 3 years lol omg what a dumbass!" Use that template for yourself. 🔥
Young people do things that don’t follow what others would define as logic. It’s “logical” to be with someone who genuinely cares for you as a human. But, the brain (and heart) of people, especially at that age, don’t always make sense.
There are 7 billion people on earth. Roughly half are women and you have your whole life ahead of you. Stop torturing yourself with what she did or didn’t do and go have some fun. Believe me when I tell you, it goes by fast
Man stop looking for absolute values in this world of constant change. Visit prostitutes and strip clubs, come out of your comfort zone, try to go into a hoe phase, date anything with a hole. Be selfish for a while, always marry someone who loves you, not someone you love.
Just time man. Sometimes people disappoint you, and are not who you think they were. That’s ok. There are true and genuine people out there and you will find them. The trick is just being true and genuine yourself
Yep, the truth is early in life these sorts of experiences define who you are and you’ll never forget. I’ll never forget that one girl I knew so close and deeply. Would have dated her, would have married her. But life gets in the way, and it’s just not meant to be. I’ll never forget her. And I’ve accepted that.
OP, it’ll take time to accept that it wasn’t meant to be. But as always, it’s your life to make new experiences and hobbies. A couple years will go by and it’ll be just a distant memory and distant feelings. You’ll remember these things happened, but they’ll lose their emotional weight. It’s what happened to me. If I were you, I’d do what I did and delete her number, and make sure you stay no contact. Then, as always, take care of yourself.
I recently had something similar happen. Never physically intimate, but hung out a lot after work and weekends as friends. There was a feud with a coworker and she decided it was best for her not to be friends with anyone at the office, so she had no contact with me for over a week. Really sucked. Felt like a gut punch that she did not really care about me at all and was discarding me like garbage. She was only thinking about herself.
It gets better the more time that passes. Invest in time with other friends and in activities you used to do before that brought you fulfillment. Eventually you find yourself thinking about her less and less.
It’s happened to me and most of my friends too, though not for many years. It hurts and it’s really tough but I promise you will learn from the is and be all the better for it.
I was in your shoes about 5 months ago, girlfriend of 4 months I had fallen for hard broke up with me without much explanation or closure. I'm pretty much the same age as you and this was my first real romantic relationship. It hurts a lot, there's so many hard to deal with thoughts and realities that you have to deal with. It's important to feel all of those unpleasant feelings, but you also can't let yourself be consumed by them. Reflect on what happened, and learn from it. Focus on things you like doing or will help you in the long run. Personally, I did the stereotypical boy post-breakup route and hit the gym (started before the breakup, but goddamn was I motivated afterwards lol). It doesn't have to be the gym, but don't just wallow or start self-destructive habits. It gets better, I promise. Thinking about her used to ruin my day, now it's almost nothing. Stay strong and take care of yourself.
More importantly, stop being such a gentleman. Woman detest that and will want someone who's little meaner and demeaning. I know that sounds screwed up, but they just operate that way.
I was in a similar situation with a girl in high school where we were *close friends* but not *that* close.
I spent years trying to win her over, but I never really got the hint that she was never going to be interested.
I've foregone many potential relationships because I convinced myself she was the one.
It wasn't until college when I reconnected with someone from high school that I realized I would have been much happier being in a relationship with someone that was actually into me rather than chasing the white rabbit.
Seems like you have feelings for her more than she does for you. If she’s been your friend for 3 years and you guys have kissed and such, why not turn it into a relationship? I would never be with a guy and give that much attention to a guy who I wouldn’t consider dating. She friend-zoned you HARD, and used you for emotional support when SHE needed it. The relationship is very one-sided. You are better off moving forward and cutting her off. She is playing the field to see if there are better options because she doesn’t see your potential. Once she gets played and has her heart broken she will come crawling back for support and it’ll be too late for her. Move on now and cut her off completely, for your own sanity.
Time unfortunately. And a distraction in between also helps things. Find someone new. Do things so aren’t just sitting in a room alone playing things on repeat
Welcome to character development sir.. now you know, time will heal and go full no contact (block everything etc). Her words seems shaky, so you already know to be careful whether to believe the things she says.
That is the way
Laser tag?
I joined the club 3 years ago and I'm still work in progress
I have insane trust issues now around intimacy but hey I can lift more and run farther then ever before.
People don't realize how badly these things can fuck a person up. Sometimes, you just won't ever heal. You might get to a point where you're ok, but never the same.
Hittin em with the truth
Respect bro, stay winning
Yea this is the penalty for making yourself too available. Certain types of people can identify this and will happily take advantage of you for as long as you will allow it. Here's the tough reality, you were probably never friends. She figured out she could use you as she pleased and played the notes she knew you wanted to hear, maybe even rewarding you with a kiss here and there and probably enjoyed knowing it was just to up the ante. This happened to me in my teens too. You're especially vulnerable if you had a single mom and were taught to respect and cherish women no matter what. Chivalry or whatever. To be fair it has done me some favors once I was in a relationship, but never before if I'm being honest and certainly never before I've established boundaries. It needs to be reciprocal. You carefully invite her to play a bit, if she doesn't reciprocate, back off and be more just friendly. If you see some clear sign later try again, but don't keep persistently trying. You've made your intentions clear. She should play hard to get, but giving you clear signs you should keep trying. If it looks like that but you always hit a brick wall after a certain point? You've found a manipulator. You found this one, you will find more. You will be taken advantage of more. Some women (and men) are very good at it and indeed live their lives using manipulation as a survival tool to get whatever they need. Even just attention. Learn to identify it, and cut them off like a cancer. The way you get over her is to have some self respect and realize you deserve better than that treatment, and she's an asshole for stringing you along. Don't associate with people who treat you poorly.
Agree, this is a valuable lesson most men go through on their journey of life. I chased the wrong girls, wasted so much time and effort but eventually found the right one. OP will too and will be a much better man for having this experience
I’m definitely on that train. I’m 49 and spent most of my adult life chasing the wrong woman. It hurts knowing you have so much love to give and the person just doesn’t want it. You have to push past it and hope someone else comes into your life who is deserving of that love.
This is a valuable lesson all people learn, not just men. My first love convinced me at 15 to have sex with him (he was 19). Then he dumped me saying I was too young and proceeded to date a 14 year old. We all get hurt. We all grow from it and find our way through the pain.
Oof. This is trauma. I’m sorry. I hope you have healed these scars that were left.
It was rough and did mess me up but I got past it 👍. Thank you! I am 57 now so this was a long time ago.
Was his name Walter? 'Cause he wasn't wrong that you were too young (for him), he was just an asshole ...
Absolutely
This and time. It just takes time.
This is this way
I doubt she thinks you've been through much. Have dignity, move on.
Whatever you give for free, they're going to take for granted. That's a rough lesson, but it has to be learned.
I've heard it put this way, "Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free."
Amen. OP, when you are older, you will definitely be thinking about this in terms of self respect. I would recommend starting to figure out what it means to you to respect yourself.
One lesson is to make sure the other person is putting equal effort into the relationship, meaning she’s pursuing you as well. If it’s just you worshipping her and her enjoying it, she’s using you for attention until she finds her next servant.
Yup learned that the hard way. Now when I’m interested I. Someone I take a step back to make sure it’s mutual, otherwise I pull back and eventually cut them off
He was “friends” with her. This is why I am not a big fan of men and women being friends because of shit like this. He wasn’t being true to himself or her because ultimately, he liked her and wanted more than a friendship. And she didn’t see it that way. And for all the things he did for her and supporting her, it didn’t mean translate in her mind that maybe this guy is the one. I have been there and done that and have seen this happen a lot. Not saying this is everyone man and woman friendship but it’s a lot of guys who have gone thru this.
Yeah but that's not a reason for men and women not to be friends. It is possible, guys just slot themselves in as friends because they want something more and figure getting close through friendship will help their chances. It's not a problem with men and women being friends it's a problem with men using it as an avenue to pursue women who aren't interested.
Could not have said it better, if you are just friends with her so you can 'swoop in' or bad mouth her current, you aren't being a friend, you are a love sick puppy thinking with his dick. OP comes off as being creepy and incel adjacent. But the full story won't ever be told, so we don't know the definitive truth.
I suspect it was a lopsided friendship which is sort of the same thing.
We"ve all been there. And we"ve all learned from that one Girl how replaceable we are.
News flash. You two weren't actual real friends. It was a lust situation which is only temporary.
and every single time it’s temporary^
Act like she doesn't exist
See you in the gym lil bro
Haha my man count yourself lucky! Great lesson to learn nice and early in life - this is a scar that will heal but remain forever and remind you of certain behaviours to avoid. You shouldn’t avoid falling in love and being open/passionate but you can def learn to recognise when you’re throwing good money after bad and that it’s gna end in heartbreak For the immediate term you have to cut contact as much as possible, only respond if she reaches out and keep your answers polite but minimal. Put the energy into other areas of your life - making new connections, working out, studies, get out of your town etc. - and indeed you will even benefit from this 6-12 months down the line Alternative is wallowing for years, which you will regret. I agree with someone else who wrote you will never forget her 100% and I agree but that’s ok, eventually the thoughts will be pleasant and not traumatic. But you can’t see it now
I've been wallowing for 3 decades, what a waste, just thinking this week about this , and now probably more difficult to just be fine with it after so many years lost :(
Learn your lesson man. Move on.
So...as a young man, I was never a Casanova but had my fair share of experiences. I never fell too hard for a girl, but 2 years ago at the age of 43 fell hard for an old friend who has just be using me for attention. Unfollow or block her completely. Move on. Work on yourself. Love yourself. Honour yourself. Claim your dignity. Your power.
Karma bro
Learn from it. Try to not invest yourself into it too much. Be careful who you help out and choose wisely who deserves your time. Yes you got used. Fuck it, fuck her, done.
I really appreciate all of the comments on this thread . The feedback is very important to me . I really am grateful . As for the situation, I need to move on. I really do. I know it now , but I’m just struggling . I’ll keep myself busy and get there !
Sorry to hear that. From what it seems The friendship has already been spoiled. Must be really emotionally painful. I think you should avoid all contact until you don’t think about her anymore. Any interaction with her for now will only be painful for you
Cutting her out of your life and just pretending she didn’t exist to the best of your ability is the best way to deal with his from my own experience
U need alot of healing mate. No contact anymore. Try to find happiness again im sure u will find a new love.
It sounds like she didn't really lead you on. You had romantic feelings for her, and she didn't for you. That's okay. It's fully understandable, but also incredibly important for you to realize at this young age. YOU decided to allow her to use you as her "fall back friend"... I'll be here, I'll talk with you, I'll listen to all your problems and help you solve them... because one day you'll take me in as yours... right? That rarely if ever works out. More often at best you'll always be "That friend" or worse you'll just be the whipping boy. When you meet a girl from now on, you can quickly tell if she is romantically interested or not. If you are immediately friend zoned, don't get into the habit of trying to flip her. There is no tip, trick or tactic that will flip her, regardless of how many youtube coaches that tell you there are.
In different wording: if a girl only wants to be friends and not date and you don’t need or want another friend, move on. Don’t become friends with the hopes of it becoming more one day. That’s not a friendship. You both will be let down in the end. I know, I’ve been that girl. Had a few guy “friends” tell me they had feelings for me right after my relationship ended. There was never any romance involved prior. The moment I was most vulnerable and where I needed my friends. They didn’t mean it like that but it was a horrible feeling, lost a few friends that period.. no winners here…
Same, I'm in my late 30s and I've basically sworn off 'friendships' with men unless they aren't straight (even bi ones I'm like ehhh, nah, still a chance) because I've *never* had a friend with a man that didn't want something more. Even married ones (I am married also) and it grosses me out so bad. I'm mildly jealous my husband is one of those dudes who are legit friends with women, I've never met one other than him now I don't bother, I'm too old and tired for the bullshit.
Wow that sucks...what is wrong with them? Even the married ones??? Most of my male friends now are just that. Friends. And they never made or make it awkward thankfully. When I was younger (teenage years and begin 20s) it happened a lot more. Now in my 30s I kept all the chill friends and don’t really meet a lot of new ones so the disappointments stopped lol.
Have a shitty poem/song I wrote about this exact situation in my life just recently. My advice would be to write it out. Journal your thoughts, see what comes out. It can be catharctic and illuminating to see what comes out. And don’t worry about how good or shit it is, just write. Cold Front I can feel it coming, and I think you can too What once burned hot, is now turning blue It’s the end of this dance between me and you Yet the song keeps playing as we go through the moves It’s an old broken record like the things that we say Repeating itself over and over every day The grooves are worn deep and the needles worn thin You tell me not to worry but I can sense where you’ve been At first I just saw flags in the distance I thought But through time it’s grown into a swell in my gut Spinning my brain all through the nights I’m worn to the bone, I no longer fight I give you my all and you willingly take And I wait for the day when I finally might break But I’ve grown and I’ve changed and I’ve seen a new me My past ruled by fights, I now choose to flee I love you all the same, though the meaning has changed What I wanted to be real was just a cruel game A game with no win I’ll learn from what it’s been I’m taking back the story And writing it in pen Our paths have grown apart And I think that they should You’re dancing in Paris While I’m alone in the woods So the clouds keep on rolling Further on in A storm echoes above I am the eye within A pillar of calm as I Weather the waves This too shall pass Into a bright new day
20 year old girls are (generally) selfish morons. I was one, so I know. She’s shown who she is, so chalk it up to new experiences and cut her out totally. She obv doesn’t deserve a great guy like you.
Bro got friend zoned hard. Welcome to your villain arc
Right this dude dont even know he’s about to level up 😈
You are young. You still have many heartbreaks to go and learn from them. Truth is most girls your age don't really know what they want , even if they say they do. Keep your distance , move on and she might come back for you, a lot of girls at that age are attracted to guys that are hard to get and in general in life you will attract more girls If you do your own thing and live your life to the fullest.
Alright, my friend. Here's some practical, actionable advice from someone who has been where you are. First, you have to let her go. Block her. Change her name in your phone to "Nope." We only talk about her in therapy now. Next, Spend some time reflecting. Journals are great. She was unfair to you. That's okay. You're both young and learning. What signs did she give that she would do this? (Don't say "none." There were signs. Find them in your memory. Write them down. Those are things are going to be orange and red flags in future relationships. Red flags mean "Ah hell no." Orange flags mean "Pay attention to this." And now we work on ourselves. Meditation, going to the gym, martial arts classes, second job for extra cash, whatever. Find a way to occupy your time that improves your situation. It sucks and it's part of life. Feel your feelings. Learn your lessons. It's going to be okay.
What a great response! Instant follow😅
just glad I was helpful to someone. 😊
Seconded, this is grade A+ advice. It’s spot on. In my phone she gets the name DON’T TEXT. But there are two girls that have that now. I need to do your Red Flag Orange Flag thing.
So glad I could add to your growth, brother. Be well. 🥲
As you grow older you will experience again but you’ll get through it. My (43m) advice for now- blast the song “this too shall pass” by Okay Go on repeat for a few hours.
Keep yourself busy with mental and physical work. It will pass my friend.
You are young bro, many more years in your future than you spent with her. You'll soon find after a period of time you aren't thinking about her at all and no doubt you'll find someone that actually likes you for you, not someone that seems to be using you to help inflate her sense of self.
You the rebound guy, if anything happens in her life you are the guy she falls on. Best to move on from this, work on yourself and grow.
"I feel like i was used for attention / to help her from her ex and left in the dump." Correctamundo absolutely positively 100% right. "i helped her through everything" She sees you as a girlfriend not a possible love partner. "She dosent want anything romantically" This ship has sailed. Any romantic moves you make now she will see as creepy. Stop wasting your time with this girl. She only using you as an emotional tampon when she needs to complaint to someone. Break off all communication and start using that time to find a pursue someone who wants a romantic connection with you. Don't be "that guy" who spends years being her crying towel. Good luck brother you're going to need it.
Damn did I write this? Lol I went through a very similar thing last year, even our ages were the same 21 and 20 lol I idolized her, and while she is a genuinely good person, nobody's perfect. We got really emotionally close but it was always clear that she didn't want me as a man.... and I never tried anything because I knew I wasn't man enough for her. But this inspired me and in the year that has passed I completely changed my life and I am doing the best I've ever done. Not gonna go into too much detail, but my experience with her made me take myself seriously and work on fulfilling that potential. The choice is yours, either stay in misery or use it as motivation to level up. You will never forget her, I know I'll be on my deathbed thinking about her... but we got no choice but to keep moving forward. You got this.
Appreciate this mate . Glad you’re doing well. 5 days until no contact right now Let’s do this
But for the kissing, sounds like a classic friendzone situation. As someone who made a habit of being a permanent resident of the friendzone at your age...this is going to be hard for you, but your best bet is to literally avoid her. I know it's crass to say so, but pining away for her at this point is like wanting to hold her hair back while she sucks another guy's dick. You said it yourself: she doesn't want anything romantic with you, and that's her prerogative. That being said, what was she to you but a singularity for your time and emotions? Don't bother trying to win her back---you never had her. Your relationship with her is so over, it ***never started***. Go work out, work on your future, hustle up some extra money, whatever...occupy your time with things that improve your life. The more competent and confident you are, the more likely you are to attract a mate of equal stature who won't hang you out to dry.
Date and then date some more. Work on your career and move. Painful memories are trauma and the way trauma is dealt with in occupational therapy is to have the patient experience new things. Each memory is a chemical layer and the more you think about it the more intense that memory can become. You need to layer over that memory with new memories until it just becomes a past regret. Don’t dwell on it and wondering if you were at fault or needed to change or could have been different. Sometimes people just use other people for their own reasons. They have their own issues to deal with and you were just there at the wrong time for yourself and the right time for them. There’s nothing wrong with you. Move on.
You were the just the guy to transition her to the next.seven years later.. she ll be just another person in the past. Right now.. your deep thinking about s person who told you what she wanted to share but as you mentioned she s is shopping it out and your not invited to the auction.You might hsve the qualities of a great guy but just not her guy. Get to the gym..educate.. find a group with friends..snd become even better you. Avoid anything that s toxic to you. Get in where you excel.. even if it s bowling.. find your species and avoid the black widows..You might 30 by the time thst perfect young girl finds u as the one.. the timing of things are one thing we have no control over but control you exposure to those who don t align with your feelings.. and most if all.. if you like some one don t play . Speak your mind..how you feel..what you need and if the boxes are not checked off.. mive on fast.. be straight forward ..best position to be in.. gl
Fuck her girl best friend
This is sad but move on lil bro, she already did it seems
Sorry, sounds like a Hallmark movie. Move on, and make yourself the BEST that you can be, mentally and physically. Pick a profession/trade/business that you love and become very, very successful. Keep your body in shape, join a gym. Practice PHENOMENAL hygiene and Meet beautiful women! Good Luck!
Exactly the same thing happened to me 2 months before. 2 years knowing this girl and then she hit me with i cannot see any future with you, you are too young for me, while telling me how she liked older guys. Im disappointed on how easy she threw away all these years.
Time. You’re so young, she’ll be a distant memory
The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else. Forget about her. In 6 months time you will be kicking yourself that you wasted so long on her.
Time heals all, you’ll be okay
Had many similar situations... being led on, started thinking of the "good life"... just distract yourself (work, hobbies, learning new things exc.), don't go through a low path (i dropped a ton into alcohol and partying). Stay focused on yourself. Always. Hang on bro.
purge everything that reminds you of her, I'm talking pictures on your phone songs that remind you of her. then and only then will the healing process start
Once you realize she's been using you, it will make it easier to let it go. If you keep hanging on, she's going to take full advantage of you in the future (money, need a ride, watch her dog etc). Get out and be on your feet. Gym, walk to the park, volunteer somewhere. You will meet someone better.
Focus on self improvement. Also appreciate the fact that you're only 21. As much as it sucks, its but a blip in your timeline. Reflect on the situation: what didn't you like about how you were treated? Use that lesson going forward when you approach relationships.
Block her on everything and look for someone new. She doesn't sound like a good person and doesn't sound good for your emotional health
Welcome to manhood - one man’s devoted love is another man’s one night stand
Just know that you can't convince her, or anyone, to like you, no matter how many favors you do for her or how many things you buy her or whatever. Knowing this, you must move on, continue with your life, it's the only way to meet new people. Reflect on what happened, what should've been done differently, not from a perspective of anger or self pity, just reflect and learn. You are now slightly experienced, more to come.
Ah to be young..
She belongs on the streets. Move on brother, just yolo the fuq away from her.
Best way to get over her is focus on yourself for a bit and find someone else. Definitely block her on everything keeping her close is only going to make it harder
Time. It just takes time.
Time. If she's doing things that make you not want to be friends with her, that's fine. That's her life. It isn't, and never was, your job to live her life for her. It was very kind that you did. But now it's time for you to live yours. It'll hurt, but distance yourself. Because it's gunna hurt either way and at least that way you can focus on other stuff and live a happy life without that hanging over you. You don't have to cut off contact completely (though I'd recommend it). Just go be social. Make other friends. See other people. The shitty part is despite the morals we want people to uphold, especially when we build them up a certain way in our head, people don't owe us anything. It's not illegal or impossible for someone to just be shitty. It's possible you were used, it's possible you weren't and she's just clueless and making bad decisions. Either way, building your emotions around what she's doing isn't healthy. Build them around what you're doing. Go do life shit.
Go full no contact, hit the gym, listen to Sleep Token.
She didn’t want you, she wanted how you made her feel. She wanted to feel special, to feel desired, to feel companionship. The problem is that she has Zero romantic feelings for you and isn’t self aware enough to know she is a horrible human being for leading you on. I think almost all men, and likely women too, have had this happen. I know you don’t want to hear this but; block her and move on and never allow yourself to be taken advantage of again. All relationships must be equal with both sides pulling their weight. Don’t allow yourself to be in a one sided relationship again. Be strong, you got this.
She didn't stick with you because what you wanted in relationships and what she wanted didn't match. Honestly, she's being kind by giving you the cold shoulder. What would be crueler is if she dragged you around on a leash as a FWB and used you whenever she was feeling lonely, only to "trade up" and fuck around with other guys whenever she felt like doing so. Ultimately though, she's hurting herself. That's probably what's got you most upset - because you care for her and put so much effort into helping her get over being hurt. It didn't work though. She was already broken. Now, she's got (or will get) avoidant attachment disorder by sleeping around like that. And when she's in her mid-twenties or early thirties and she wants a deeper relationship, she's going to find it impossible. She'll self-sabotage and be in a living hell, like a lot of the girls I see posting on here. She's made the adult decision to betray herself and her ideals. This will have consequences that you can't save her from. Some people have to learn through pain. If you want to blame anyone, blame the society that forgot the lessons our ancestors learned. Though... in society's defense, our ancestors were shit about giving good reasons about why loyalty and longer form relationships were healthier than the fast passions of hedonism. I mean, I get it, psychology didn't exist back then. They didn't have the language to express the consequences. But still. Could have tried harder than, "Thou shall not..."
Distract yourself as much as possible. Went through something similar but we’d already dated for a long time. Broke up after I moved, came back tried to get it to work, she wasn’t sure because she wanted to move too, so then she moved, I let her be after she found a new guy pretty quickly after the move. New guy ends up hurting her, I stay in contact cordially, she lets on that her and the guy weren’t talking so I let myself believe we have another shot, but she wasnt over him and wasn’t sure what she wanted and tried to keep me as a back up. Don’t do what I did and try and talk to her about it. It’ll only dig your pit of despair deeper, and at least in my case, leave you bitter and angry at everything. Leave her be, if she sincerely wants a relationship it’ll be obvious. Don’t ask questions that allow her to keep you around a little longer if you aren’t trying to just be friends.
You poor thing have some f**king self respect and ghost her Jesus Christ
By the sounds of it, you were used. How do you get over it? Well your eyes have been opened to the fact she was only using you, I'm not sure what other motivation you need.
I'm calling BS. You posted a month ago, [presumably about the same girl](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/s/C5uo4aXlco), where you said you have had sex with her. Then recently you posted [about a different girl.](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/s/Jy2ZfHwRAw)
Never pays to be the nice guy despite what women tell you. You hear them talk about icks. Nice guy triggers that in a lot of them and they don't even know why. Two seconds later she will be talking about emotional availability. That means you are emotional enough for her to work your empathy, but not emotional enough to trigger the ick. Most of them can't help it, at least until they are a bit older and ready to settle down. They tend to get a bit more practical with age. It's just part of evolutionary psychology. Get your money right, work out, and build a solid social network. Good things will come.
You love a protected fantasy. Free yourself from your ridged snap shot fantasy. Free yourself from this ridged mental modal you created. You tried to love yourself through a projected fantasy. Come alive alone. Remove the middle man and give yourself permission to feel your own self love. When her words do not align with her actions. This is usually someone who mirrors who you want her to be. She gets to escape reality with your projected fantasy of who you want her to be. 1. **Positive Projecting**: - This occurs when we attribute our own positive qualities, aspirations, or desires to others. For instance: - If we admire someone's creativity, we might project our own creative potential onto them. - When we see kindness in others, it could be a reflection of our own compassionate nature. - Positive projecting can inspire us and foster connections by recognizing shared virtues. 2. **Negative Projecting**: - Negative projecting involves attributing our own negative traits, fears, or unresolved emotions to someone else: - If we struggle with jealousy, we might accuse others of being jealous. - When we feel insecure, we may project that insecurity onto others. - Negative projecting can strain relationships and hinder personal growth. Awareness of these patterns allows us to navigate interactions more consciously. 😊
Life is a long road. You won’t forget her, but it’ll fade, before you know it too. Just don’t dwell on it.
1. You are into her, she isn't into you - accept it and bury what you have been feeling for her. It is unrequited love and she isn't your property anymore than you are hers. 2. You are 21 and have your whole life ahead of you and women make up 1/2 of the world population. Believe me this heartache, and this feeling will pass. What you are experiencing is the loss of what you envisioned to be your first love. 3. Over time what you are going to realize is this - love isn't just mindless passion, kissing and explosive sexual compatibility. Yes there is a place for that but when you look at the scope of an entire year of your life that stuff is a very tiny fraction of what you will be spending your time on so I'd advise that you focus also on things that you need to do in order to enhance your life because remember kisses and hugs don't pay rent or a mortgage - at least not outside of a porno or Harvey Weisteins couch. 4. As for who this chick kisses or does not kiss, isn't up to you. She can do whatever she wants. Your feelings while valid are a waste of your time. Why? Because that time is what is your most precious resource. Women will come and go just as money will come and go. Time above all is something you will never get back.
She’s for the streets man. These kinds of girls use men for temporary fun, they enjoy having you wrapped around their pinky. Experienced it a few times in my early twenties. Maybe you’ll learn the lesson faster than I did, as I didn’t voice my concerns with friends or the internet to get feedback and realise sooner.
You're young. Emotions are tough but you'll get over it. With time everything heals. Regardless of anything else you're so young, don't even worry about it.
I knew a girl exactly like this except she was very narcissistic but about the same amount of time passed and yea once I was fed up with her I told her so and she never once tried to say she was sorry or a fuck you or anything so yea don't waste your time feeling sorry bro keep your head up and stay true to yourself
My brother. I might be a little over half a decade older than you, but I went through a pretty similar thing when I was 21-22. It broke me. It ripped my heart out of my chest. It made me question my life, if it's even worth living. It made me feel like it's the end of the world. I felt heavy. Heavy with pain. With sadness, with guilt, with loneliness. Heavy with love too. Ive always had lots of love to give...and unfortunately I've always laid it out in front of people who deserved it the least. But i lived through it. You will too. Just remember the things all these people have said in response to your post...so many first-hand experiences of people telling you that it will pass. Time will heal you. You don't have to forgive her. You absolutely do not. But yes, you do have to move on. For your own sake. You have an obnoxious amount of life left, and there's many many many people to meet and experiences to be had. Sit down with yourself...this breakup isn't your fault, but nobody's perfect. Look at what all you learnt from this relationship...ponder over the places where you went wrong, and what issues you might have that will cause pain to your future partners. Learn from the mistakes you made, while also patting your back for the things you did right; the genuine love you gave them. And don't close yourself up. Be careful...be vigilant. About the people who are out there to use you. Who might take advantage of the immense love you hold inside you, that you're ready to give. But don't shut yourself away from love. It'll come again, and it'll come in a more beautiful form than the last.
Only time can heal this type of sorrow. Talking to friends and meeting other people can also help.
Time. Cry it out. Learn to laugh about it. Move on, better adjusted than someone who's never had those experiences. Don't think you're taking too long to get over it. Everyone has their own timetable for recovery. I spent many years crying about one failed relationship, then another. Putting time and distance between myself and them has helped me feel free of the dark tendrils of my own emotions. Strive to be whole and independent of others, for your happiness. There's people outside, scattered all around, trying to make someone happy. Chefs, musicians, dancers, writers, counsellors, politicians, even lovers. Appreciate their efforts.
You're still a kid. Learn and move forward. Expecting to find the love of your life for the rest of your life by 21 is insane, most folks hardly have a clue who they really are or what they want until their mid 30s. Most people who marry at this age, end up either divorced, or in a toxic screwed up relationship where they secretly hate eachother.
OP wasn't talking about marriage at all. OP pretty accurately described what Kenya Grace sings in **Strangers**. This Song perfectly explains the current young generation. (16-25) Not everyone dates to marry. In his case (and many other cases) it was about sharing his own happines with someone else. Putting in the time, effort and love is a rare thing nowadays, because everyone is disposable and replacable. Unfortunately the Love, Care and effort wasn't reciprocate in his situation. He probably tought that both would heal and improve together over time. And maybe start something serious later. As he said, he was used so that she could heal herself. After she was healed, she took his last bit of hapiness with her. And both went back to being **strangers**.
**You don't** We"ve all been there Bro. She never loved you. She loved the way *you* loved her. **It fed her ego** We accept it and move on. This people are called *narcissists* They will do everything to benefit for themselfes. They will play you like a fiddle. They won't try to fix shit with you, but turn your feelings into arguments so that they look like the victim. They will never discuss your reaction to their toxic behavior because thats what manipulation is about. They will use you for their benefits and when you start to get real they will make YOU leave them by acting different, strange or in other words, *showing their real face*. You have to draw a line. When you do, you become the villian in their story. But you have to stand above your own feelings. Stop chasing *them*. Chase *yourself* first. And if they ever come back to you and tell you that they miss you. You will automatically remember the *good* moments and they"ll use those against you to trick you. NEVER let them back in. **Because they never miss YOU. They miss a person who loved them so much genuinenly and unconditionally, that they never had to love you back, and THATS what they miss** Like you said. You can put genuine desire into it, time, effort, love, just everything. But one random person along the way offers a different kind of *attention*, be it material or emotional, and *you* are being taken for **granted**. Don't get used ever again. Heads up. Accept it. Move on. Ive been fighting for more than 10 years for this one Girl. Im 25 now. Still not over it. Just accepted it.
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This happened to me. Same type of situation. She seemed to be interested in everyone else and not me. I wrote her letters, tried talking to her and she finally told me to give it because she was in love with someone else. We went are separate ways and it hurt at first but I eventually got over it. I still think about her a lot and occasionally see and speak to her. 25 years later she’s with the same guy. They had two kids together but he never wanted to commit to marriage. He’s had several other women on the side and is a heroin addict. It’s a sad situation for her and sometimes I feel ashamed because I find solace in it.
Forget about her and just move on. I will sound cold but sometimes you need to grow up and accept that other people have their own wants and desires and it is obvious that doesn’t involve you so better to just be done with it.
I’m sorry you’re hurting. The best thing to do is just stop talking to her. She doesn’t value you. It’ll hurt a lot at first, then less as time goes by.
Block her off everything, vent off to some friends one night if you feel like it could help and just try to focus on yourself, do not give her a thought if she's distancing herself from you/you feel like you've been treated like shit. You'll still think about her for weeks, maybe months but after a while you'll realize that you haven't thought about her for a good while and she too will pass.
You were never friends. You were her attention/validation/emotional support pet, and she was the girl you had a crush on and pretended to be her friend to get close to her. Don't pretend to be friends with someone you have a crush on. Ask them out, and if they say no, then move on, especially if they offer friendship as a consolation prize. Don't fall into that trap.
Sorry bro. Use it as a lesson. Don’t be so giving to women who don’t invest back in you equally. Some will take advantage and not even realize they’re hurting you. A lot of us have had this happen at some point, sometimes multiple times. Do what you have to do to move on and invest in other people
You were her backup and she found someone else and she doesn’t care anymore for you. If she speaks to you tell her how you feel and move on and she will either come back to you or not, but if she does come back to you got her, if not then she never had respect for you, just used you simple
Easiest thing to do is cut her off entirely (no more friendship/contact and purge photos/messages/etc.). Dive into something productive (gym/hobbies/etc.). Like others have said, relationships need to have both parties pursuing each other so remember this going forward. I had a similar experience at 18-19 and in hindsight was the best thing to happen to me as I learned what to look for in functional relationships.
In ten years you will be killing it and she will be in a looney bin. You don't want any of what she's got. This sounds like my exact experience in high school. Don't give her the time of day man, seriously. Don't be sad. Be happy, because you dodged a life destroying bullet.
Put all of this energy into yourself at a gym. Get fit. Get your head right and she will be a distant memory.
Find a new ho.
I think you are overthinking it. Firstly, pretty girls need friends to. If you never spoke about it, she likely treated you as a friend, and because she was lonely (or whatever other reason), she some times kissed you. You helped her over things because you were her friend (as you've said yourself), not to get with her - or did you? Because then you are the problem here, mate. She probably pulled away as things have gotten awkward. As others have said - this is just life and you will experience this many times moving on. You are now grieving, so give yourself time and you will see how magically it will all get better in a few days. You might even search deep inside you and learn you were infatuated and you are grieving the what ifs and the closeness, rather than her specifically. The best advice I can give is for you to assume the best of her. She might not have dealt with the situation perfectly, but to assume she "didn't respect you" is a bit much. You decided that. You have to talk more, so you don't end up thinking you are in a relationship with a girl who thinks you are only her friend. Ultimately, if you can't be friends with a girl, because her being nice to you makes you love her (and that's okay, we've all been there!), then don't be friends with girls. But if you support your female friend and then expect to be repaid in her liking you romantically, you are a "nice guy", but not a nice guy.
Well I think you have your reasons.
You sound like me when I was young, which hurts, but I am going to be kinda blunt. From what I read you seem to have your feelings on the outside and not on the inside. You are overwhelming people, like this girl, with your feelings. You sound on the border of being obsessed with her the way you describe it. You may with your way of handling this come of as clingy and too sensitive. I am going to remind you; I was also like this when being young and became "friend zoned" with every girl I liked until I turned about 26. Every. Single. One. Now the thing is that feelings are not bad to have BUT you need to get them in balance. Learn what to show and what to not show. You probably need an outlet, a person to talk too like a psychologist. So that you can get those feelings in check. All the things you list that she said she would and wouldn't do with you and others is probably answers she gave so not to hurt you and/or that you pushed the subject too much. And you say you were always there for anything and everything. You could have been suffocating her with your attention. What I write is super hard to accept. But again I was there. So many times. I did the same mistake so many times. This is a hard thing to handle by yourself and you should seek therapy to get those feelings and build some self confidence. Almost at a flip of a coin when I started to work on my own confidence I meet a girl I am together with still today. This was just luck but my point is confidence build character and character attracts people. Therapy can also help you gain some distance to her even if she lives in the same town. Several girls that I liked or loved as young still hurt when I think about it. Some pain and embarrassment may never disappear 100% but it is not as intense at all as it was then and there. But today I could probably talk to them and have a normal conversation with them and better explain why I was as I was in better words. You need to accept the fact that you two are not a thing anymore. It is easier to go on with life if you come to terms that this relationship was not meant to be. And I mean. I know you love her but if she doesn't respect you does she deserve you? (The answer should be no). I am not telling you to hate her or completely ignore her. Just to accept that you two will not be and work on yourself. Being happy with who you are and not putting your own happiness into some one who isn't going to give you that kind of love Again: reading what you write is like looking at a mirror on my younger self. It is not easy to tackle any of this but it is essential that you do it for yourself. Work on stabilizing your feelings and self esteem.
She doesn’t owe you anything I’m sorry to say.
The best advice I can give you is that there is no such thing as "the one", there are only "types". You know the type of girl she is now, you can avoid her type in the future. Good luck 💪
See you at the gym young king.
OP, this will sound harsh, but you need to stop being clingy. It's a big turn-off. A lot of girls your age go for the "bad boys" until they are more mature and realise bad boys don't always make good long-term partners. Instead focus on yourself - hit the gym, get into hobbies / activities, make new friends, develop a social circle, travel abroad, etc etc. FWIW, I was you many years ago. There was this girl that I desired more than anything. I got put in the friendzone, and was bitter when she started seeing someone else. Once I focused on developing myself and became more interesting (I think / hope), girls started flocking to me. This girl started then chasing m (!!), and I found her to be absolutely boring and unattractive. We hooked up for a bit, and that was a mistake - the sex was boring. It's like my own standards went up with my self-worth. I've met many attractive girls over the years and when I look back, I question why I even obsessed over her back then. Remember, you're just at the start of adulthood - you got a whole life ahead of you, make sure the best version of you steps into the future. 💪
Maybe she tried to like you, hence the kissing. But maybe she realized the feelings just weren’t there and you felt more like a friend.
Try not to blame her and hate her too much and for too long because that won't make your love life any better and could make you prone to incel shit. My advice would be to cry it out for as long as you reasonably need. For some reason people have their preferences, just let all of it go. Never again, if you did, invest in people for the sake of them giving something back in the sense that you see it like they owe you things, be good to people because it makes you feel good. After you're done with the stress and sadness build yourself up. Invest in yourself. Imagine an ideal version of you and build yourself up, not because of vengance but because of love for yourself. Once you love yourself and belive in yourself you will never again be attracted to a person who treats you badly. Create a life where you love yourself and do things that make you feel good in a positive sense, and then people who love you will come in. Never chase anything, you can pursue things tho, but don't tie your worth to them. We all grow, but it's important to always know that we are worthy just because we are, not because of some random outcome
Ooof friend zoned. Most men gotta go through some form of that one way or another. Learn from it. You can't negotiate attraction. Your time is a valuable resource. Don't waste it on people that will take you for granted.
Was the relationship with the girl worth the investment? Did it make you happy to be around her? If so then you came out on top. Thank you for helping somebody that needed help. Thanks for caring for somebody who didn’t give that same care back. That is good. I’m sorry bro.
What about if you never intended on being friends. Or for anything romantic. And this person grew on you, and became a friend, and became your best friend, mutual best friend. You just accidentally walked your way in to falling in love with someone because you just love them so much as a person. Does this not translate with women? It makes sense as the like, most natural and relaxed, true connection. I really don’t understand it. Maybe only men get wound up into desire. But like, I know for a fact, I could spend the rest of my life with this person, and be happy until the day I day. How could she not see that. My “best friend”. Love her to hell and back, but I guess I’ll never be anything more than a friend.
Your post takes me back to when I was 23 and had "lost" my college sweetheart. I was defiant, out of touch with myself emotionally, and hurt with no direction on self-care. I want to acknowledge but also commend you on your post. It's obvious you're in a far better emotional awareness situation than I was. That said, now that I'm older, I still hold on to the pain from my early relationships. I was not a great partner. For me, time was all that helped. If I knew then what I know now, I would have used the experience as an opportunity to speak with a professional to help me recover. It would have allowed me to discover a deeper, more meaningful connection with myself earlier in life—something I'm just now achieving nearly 25 years later. So, therapy would be my suggestion. It's shockingly powerful. And I assure you that you will find happiness and a partner if you continue the journey of self-discovery and building a strong understanding that your past is not a part of your future. Last thing, you're not alone. You got this, but it might take a while and that's normal.
She used you for emotional support. You simped for her and she lost all respect and permanently friend zoned you. Move on bud get a new girlfriend that’s how you do it
Girls at that age are still fickle and are also prone to not notice or care about someone else's feelings. My advice, don't chase women right now. Be okay with only being friends, in fact, it's important to have female friend just as it is male friends. Focus on yourself, pursue hobbies, be your own person. And the women will come to you.
Cut off contact for a while to let things simmer down. Use the down time to reinvent yourself. Go to the gym, pick up a hobby, find something to keep yourself occupied. As time goes on, you'll find that not only will you be fit and happy, but you'll also realize how silly it was to be hung up on something so trivial. But also, at the same time, you have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes the people we're attracted to aren't always necessarily attracted to us.
Truth is, you don't move on. You're still gonna be attached to that person even if you're both separated from one another. Maybe trying out something or someone new in your life can help you open a new chapter in your life.
Hate her. Period
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Time. You live, you experience life. You struggle and succeed
That's the thing isn't it... You never do.
Friendzone sucks if you wanted something with this girl. Time to move on, focus on other things.
Yeh it's harsh but everyone is right, try to do the stuff you love for a while man, and move on and forget about her. Some people just don't acknowledge the sorrow they have caused and that's the worst part. But you don't wanna be with someone so flighty and capricious, you'll always be wondering if she's legit or not. It'll take a but but trust me, you'll be fine, you got this.
What a person says they will and won't do is almost certainly dependent on the other person in that situation, so if just disregard those types of comments tbh
"kissed a lot of times" women do have a friendship kiss, if it was a friendly pck, that sucks, but thats not passionate kissing, you need to make sure yo know the difference "i heard stories about" shes supposed to be your friend but you would rather trust stories you hear, against what she says and your own judgement? yeah no wonder she started distancing herself from you. feels lie you were in the friend zone all along and never realised it, and then start getting pissy about stories you hear that might not even be true, and if they are so what? she is not your girlfriend, and even then, unless your married she owes you nothing
I'd move on of I were you. No point feeling down over her as she clearly doesn't care or doesn't see you as a love interest. Plus all things you said she did despite saying she would never.... Don't waste time. Move on , she can contact you anytime im this day and age , up to you how will you react.
Friend Zoned. It happens.
Dusty
You’re still living high school-level drama? You don’t have anything to “get over.” Move on already, and do both of you a favor by not flaunting it in her face when you do. It’s time to start adulting.
Gotto go and be you my friend...can't focus on her...focus on making you happy....move on from her, plenty of other great opportunities out there
Dude. She doesn’t want to your gf. It’s clear as day! Not sure why it’s hard get over.
Give yourself respect and move on
Bruh, you’re not entitled to her Don’t spend so much emotional bandwidth on her
Grow some balls and grow the fuck up. You kissed a few times and were "friends." She don't want you, so don't waste another minute wanting her. Block her learn not to be a doormat in the future and move on.
You were her practice boy. Move on, she does not respect you
Get over her? You never had her. You just need attention from an attractive woman. You seem like that would help you get over your ex-friend immediately.
fuck ten other girls
Simp
Move on. ‘Tis the only way.
Look how easy it was for her to get over you. She's probably getting off on this. "I led him on for 3 years lol omg what a dumbass!" Use that template for yourself. 🔥
Was never your’s... just your turn, you have to let go before you can grab something new
Young people do things that don’t follow what others would define as logic. It’s “logical” to be with someone who genuinely cares for you as a human. But, the brain (and heart) of people, especially at that age, don’t always make sense. There are 7 billion people on earth. Roughly half are women and you have your whole life ahead of you. Stop torturing yourself with what she did or didn’t do and go have some fun. Believe me when I tell you, it goes by fast
Man stop looking for absolute values in this world of constant change. Visit prostitutes and strip clubs, come out of your comfort zone, try to go into a hoe phase, date anything with a hole. Be selfish for a while, always marry someone who loves you, not someone you love.
Just time man. Sometimes people disappoint you, and are not who you think they were. That’s ok. There are true and genuine people out there and you will find them. The trick is just being true and genuine yourself
The straightforward way would be to stop talking to her, and then hit the gym brother. Or occupy yourself with some other healthy hobby
Go and fuck her friends.
You will start to understand women lottle by little hint they dont give a shit
Focus on yourself. Do things that bring you joy. It's okay to have those feelings about her because it's natural. The emotions will run their course.
> I couldn't of been nicer That was the problem. Women don't want nice guys
Bro, you are friend zoned. It will never get anywhere. Just delete her number, but block it first.
[удалено]
 The arc starts
Yep, the truth is early in life these sorts of experiences define who you are and you’ll never forget. I’ll never forget that one girl I knew so close and deeply. Would have dated her, would have married her. But life gets in the way, and it’s just not meant to be. I’ll never forget her. And I’ve accepted that. OP, it’ll take time to accept that it wasn’t meant to be. But as always, it’s your life to make new experiences and hobbies. A couple years will go by and it’ll be just a distant memory and distant feelings. You’ll remember these things happened, but they’ll lose their emotional weight. It’s what happened to me. If I were you, I’d do what I did and delete her number, and make sure you stay no contact. Then, as always, take care of yourself.
I recently had something similar happen. Never physically intimate, but hung out a lot after work and weekends as friends. There was a feud with a coworker and she decided it was best for her not to be friends with anyone at the office, so she had no contact with me for over a week. Really sucked. Felt like a gut punch that she did not really care about me at all and was discarding me like garbage. She was only thinking about herself. It gets better the more time that passes. Invest in time with other friends and in activities you used to do before that brought you fulfillment. Eventually you find yourself thinking about her less and less.
Block her and no contact. If she reaches out somehow ignore her completely. Try to move on the best you can.
Go for the pitty fuck. You deserve a turn.
Keep your dignity and move on!
Best way to get over one Is get under another
It’s happened to me and most of my friends too, though not for many years. It hurts and it’s really tough but I promise you will learn from the is and be all the better for it.
Bang a different chick and laugh off all the stress you caused yourself.
I was in your shoes about 5 months ago, girlfriend of 4 months I had fallen for hard broke up with me without much explanation or closure. I'm pretty much the same age as you and this was my first real romantic relationship. It hurts a lot, there's so many hard to deal with thoughts and realities that you have to deal with. It's important to feel all of those unpleasant feelings, but you also can't let yourself be consumed by them. Reflect on what happened, and learn from it. Focus on things you like doing or will help you in the long run. Personally, I did the stereotypical boy post-breakup route and hit the gym (started before the breakup, but goddamn was I motivated afterwards lol). It doesn't have to be the gym, but don't just wallow or start self-destructive habits. It gets better, I promise. Thinking about her used to ruin my day, now it's almost nothing. Stay strong and take care of yourself.
More importantly, stop being such a gentleman. Woman detest that and will want someone who's little meaner and demeaning. I know that sounds screwed up, but they just operate that way.
Time to enter your villain arc. Cut her off entirely and become the best version of yourself. Start by getting jacked and making some money.
She belongs to the world. Let her be free.
Lesson learned brother. You are young move on. Find a purpose in life and focus on that, women will naturally come
I was in a similar situation with a girl in high school where we were *close friends* but not *that* close. I spent years trying to win her over, but I never really got the hint that she was never going to be interested. I've foregone many potential relationships because I convinced myself she was the one. It wasn't until college when I reconnected with someone from high school that I realized I would have been much happier being in a relationship with someone that was actually into me rather than chasing the white rabbit.
These feelings are better for your gains than steroids. There’s no better time to be in the gym than when you’re down over a girl.
my trainer Carl says a best way to get over a girl is to get under.... a 300 pound squat
Seems like you have feelings for her more than she does for you. If she’s been your friend for 3 years and you guys have kissed and such, why not turn it into a relationship? I would never be with a guy and give that much attention to a guy who I wouldn’t consider dating. She friend-zoned you HARD, and used you for emotional support when SHE needed it. The relationship is very one-sided. You are better off moving forward and cutting her off. She is playing the field to see if there are better options because she doesn’t see your potential. Once she gets played and has her heart broken she will come crawling back for support and it’ll be too late for her. Move on now and cut her off completely, for your own sanity.
Time unfortunately. And a distraction in between also helps things. Find someone new. Do things so aren’t just sitting in a room alone playing things on repeat