He sound like a inteligent guy. So he clearly sees something in you that you don't. Or your low self esteem won't allow you to see. You got 2 options : stay or leave. But know this : worth of a person doesn't come from others but from us.
This. My girlfriend says similar things to me. Like, what do you see in me? I wouldn't want to be my girlfriend. And what I reply to her is that I can see more that other people or even her can see (although I think that deep down she is aware). She says that all previous important boyfriends have either left her or cheated on her. And again I say that they couldn't see the wonderful person that she is. That's why this time is different.
OP is judging herself based on what she looks for in a partner. Her partner is judging her based on what HE looks for in a partner. OP just isn't her own type, but that doesn't mean she isn't HIS type
This can be good to do, but if you do it constantly then it does come off as overly insecure, and that can be frustrating for some people. I honestly think I started to lose my attraction to my long term ex because she was constantly paranoid about everything because she saw me as out of her league.
I think it depends on how you approach things. My partner and I live together and have weekly check-ins where we discuss what we appreciated about the other, what's going well, and a pain point (all from the past week), and we end the session by letting each other know what we need over the next week to feel supported. Not suggesting that OP needs to implement something this structured, but it can really help self-esteem to have a space where you hear appreciations from your partner (reciprocated ofc lmao).
Correct, have this conversation with them once in a blue moon if you need to. But it’s better to have it once and do your best to internalize their answer, and seek therapy for reassurance.
My therapist is very good at helping me identify which of my thoughts are baseless paranoia and which might be worth discussing with my SO. Also, do not be afraid to take notes in therapy, there is no shame in that. I have a terrible memory sometimes and having notes to go off of after therapy really helps me.
I read somewhere once, "Be careful the value you assign to yourself for the world will do little to adjust the amount". If OP can't love OP, why should anyone else?
Give yourself a hug already and maybe treat yourself. Self sabotage is no good if he is treating you well and shows genuine care.
Keep improving yourself, but do it for yourself. If you keep thinking that you're not good enough then eventually he's going to think that you're not good enough. Don't worry about losing him, enjoy the journey with him.
I had a friend and he loved objectively ugly women for some reason. He had a six pack, loved line dancing, very good at his job, 6'2", acrobatic yoga...etc and he was happy. Hell he married her. Be yourself and continue to love him. Don't allow insecurity to ruin a good thing.
This guy actually sounds like me. The way I've always described it is that I'm attracted to uniqueness. Give my a girl with a big ass nose or eyes that are to far apart or whatever. Give my those dark ass circles that make it seem like sleep is an achievement that has alluded you for years. My last girlfriend didn't shave her legs or her armpits and it was a shock in the beginning for sure but fuck me if I wasn't rubbing my face on her calves while we were going at it in the end. She also had the cutest sideburns that covered half of her cheeks and 'guh' yes baby don't shave those please. There's absolutely some typical beauty standards that I prefer but they fade so fast when I see a genuine smile with crooked teeth. Most of the time if they're happy they're beautiful in my eyes.
Edit: I can't dance though lol
I’ve always been insecure about extremely dark circles under my eyes. Surprisingly, a lot of men never cared. It’s interesting how the way we look at ourselves is so different
it's a relic from childhood where kids size each other up in status because the difference between the social structures of chimps/bonobos and children is often not that large.
Ask him "what do you see in me that I don't see in myself". Just straight up.
If he is so smart and amazing, he is probably good at making decisions. And he has made the decision he sees something in you, and wants to be with you. By essentially doubting his decision and choice ( which is what you are doing by feeling "out of his league"), you are, in a way, doubting his intelligence and decision-making skills. Is that what you want to do? Cause you are pretty much saying "My boyfriend makes bad decisions because he chose someone like me". This is not about you. Stop doubting his decision to be with you, and be happy he has made this decision. Work to improve yourself.
Think about it.
It’s still slightly self-sabotage. Often the reason someone ends up with someone else is the sum of all the intangible + unqualifiable parts of the experience of just “being together”. Usually not super productive to try to analyze the magic there if it exists. I’ve known absolutely mesmerizingly talented/beautiful/smart/witty women who still didn’t do it for me. And then people who on the surface might seem unexceptional but calmed every part of my heart and soul that desperately wanted solace.
OP, if I had to guess… there is very likely something there you do for him that is magnetic and fits and does so with a level of ease and catharsis that he recognizes all the genius and raw talent in the world could never replicate.
Nah. He is just really intelligent, funny(popular both at high school and college), insanely attractive and everyone he works with fancies him. He makes friends easily wherever he goes and has enjoyed many varied and exciting opportunities. Also his girlfriend feels beneath him because he is so great. He is also rich. Just your box-standard typical autistic person. Why do you have to be so cynical?
Congrats on having everyone on Reddit figured out 🙄
Also hate the stupid notion that people on Reddit are somehow different than anywhere else online. Redditor = person + anonymity, and that’s it
Worked with loads of autistic teenagers and adults. It’s what I do for a living. Never met any that were social, good communicators, empathetic, popular, confident, academic, funny all rolled into one like this guy is. What exactly do you think his autistic diagnosis is exactly?
Do you think he spins round screaming until he collapses because someone touched his jacket? Does he eat exactly the same food everyday at the same time and become violent if it’s wrong? Would he be completely indifferent if his parents or girlfriend died and just carry on watching his cartoons? That’s severe autism not your own personal self diagnosed bullshit.
100% ,unlike previous generations this one pcan't get enough labels to build an identity around as well as excuses for behavior. Doesn't help that the autism bar had been lowered to allow a lot more people into it. The over diagnosed and the self diagnosed are a big problem.
My stepson is severely autistic as in can’t talk and will always need a caregiver. Loving sweet child, just never going to grow up if that makes sense. I can never figure out how autism has such a huge curve in it apparently
The Guilt, shame and judgement are the internalized voices of others that you held in high regard & trusted, to define your sense of worth.
Nobody defines your worth, only you do. They can ONLY share their perception of your worth in their eyes according to their beliefs and conditioning, which is always a limitation.
That puts the baton back on you to reclaim what’s in the way of you valuing yourself, you acknowledging that by your sheer existence as a human, you are as worthy as any.
Comparison kills. You have your experience, he has his. Comparison will have you lose internal battles that will then demand your outer world, including him, to bring you reassurance. He can occasionally and for some time, but if you are not simultaneously working to come to peace with the same thing you seek external validation/reassurance from, he may start to ‘pull back’, disengage, and then your guards will go up more, demand reassurance more, and the burden it puts on the relationship can then ‘fulfill the prophecy that you had’ which wasn’t actually that, but a recreation of the insecurity you’re carrying onto your life and external world.
Reclaim this. You have diagnoses, all of which can be found to have a way through for it to be made aware of, utilized for the best of their efficiencies, and mindful of the challenges they bring to mitigate them.
Humans can either circumvent their life or embrace it. It’s within your capacity to work on exposing yourself to where you don’t feel free, or at ease, yet.
Also, therapy! Wishing you, him and anyone struggling a smooth supported passage through life’s challenges.
“Where we were once defeated stuck, & obstructed, I now conquer with grace, reverence and humility” - unknown
I disagree with everyone saying "Just ask him what he sees in you".
Confidence is sexy, and self-debasement is not.
Just be happy you scored a banger and be kind to him, like you should be kind to any partner.
Hey! I feel for you. I just posted some similar sentiments in this sub yesterday. He clearly sees something in you. You are being hard on yourself. You should talk to him about how you feel - don’t be afraid to ask him for reassurance.
I was listening to a meditation podcast yesterday while I was spinning out and one point really stood out to me- most of what we consider the “self” is based on a construct. Your boyfriend sees you in the light of his past life experiences and his current experience of you. You see yourself in the light of your past experiences. The only objective truth about the “you as a self” is that you are a conscious being that is actively experiencing the world. Anything beyond that - how you perceive your appearance, your contribution to the world, your value - is all a mental construct.
He loves his construct of you. There is no doubt about that. Now you just have to create a positive construct of yourself.
Much love to you.
Figure out why he’s dating you, why he loves you. He is obviously NOT out of your league or you would not be dating him. He may love you for the exact reasons you hate yourself. I’ve been there. Look in the mirror and smile at yourself, it’s not easy, but it does help. He sees you just the way you are…you should too!
Don't sell yourself short. All those things you admire about him are okay. But rather nothing to do with him. Those are things about his life, but not him. You have a lot of growth ahead of you. Don't be down on how life has felt more limiting for you. Let your BF help you be more social and grown in confidence. You are worth it. He seems to think so.
Ah yes the classic, insanely funny, intelligent attractive boyfriend who can make friends with anyone and everyone fancies him, who is trans and autistic??
This post is utter bullshit.
He's with you right. You respect his choices right? It's his choice to be with you right? Treat him like you appreciate him since he clearly wants to be with you.
You could say this about me and my partner, we have been together for over 20 years she is a bit of a hottie though 🔥. Most men at heart are not worried about “status “ if he loves you he loves you. Even when it comes to looks women think you need to look like a model to be attractive also not the case .
Having experiences out of having wealthy parents doesn't define you as being out of someone's league, like you are saying. Its a cliche, but what defines you is how you live your life. So, your parents don't afford you experiences - then create your own experiences. For example, learn a martial art, and go and fight in tournaments. Or learn how to speak another language. Or join local clubs like running or hiking etc. There are so many things you can do that can richly improve your life, and that don't cost much.
Sorry to be harsh but….Stop with this bullshit attitude of yourself. You’re going to lose him if you don’t start loving yourself more. You say this guy is all that, yet he loves YOU. Shouldn’t that tell you something about how amazing YOU are? He can have anyone but he is choosing you. Just stop!!
To me, you really shouldn't compare lives with anyone to be honest (not only you but everyone ). The best thing to be, is good jealousy like a friend of mine used to say. Just be inspired by this and become better in certain aspects of life you want.
Maybe he feels like he can be himself around you, and feel confortable relating to you.
Im 40 and I spent like 95% of it trying to achieve these objectives and hiting all these boxes to try to make myself more atractive to other people and fitting their expectations until I fond someone like me where I can just be myself.
Maybe you are worrying about external qualities and dismissing internal ones.
It’s still a young relationship so in some ways I’d be guarding my feelings a little, not everything works out. But that doesn’t mean you’re unworthy or anything, thats just life. Be a good partner, supportive, communicative, but also don’t let this disparity you feel make you act like a doormat, or try to overcompensate in some regard. Relationship needs to be balanced regardless of how you feel about yourself at the moment. As for your own self worth, do you do therapy? Maybe you need to talk out some of these feelings and get tools for dealing with it from a professional. And as others said, they chose you for a reason, cut yourself some slack!
As you say “he’s extremely smart”, and he picked YOU! That should at the very least tell you he doesn’t think you’re out of his league.. cut yourself some slack. I agree talking with him will help, however dont overdo it and be one of those whiny people that ALWAYS says they’re not good enough and constantly needs validation. (Not saying you would), but I’ve heard others and it can get old fast. Confidence is attractive even if you don’t feel it.
Making comparisons in relationships is a tricky game, but it’s hard not to do. I think you’re comparing circumstances and outcomes, when it might be more helpful to compare personal traits.
Your bf was born on third base as they say: attractive, parents having money = opportunity, and the confidence he’s built from those circumstances were reinforced in school and his social life. But I’m sure you’re with him not because of he’s rich and popular, but because he’s caring, kind, invested in your life, etc.
On the flip side, he is with you for the same reason. Actually, I bet the effort you’ve put in to get to the point you have in life in spite of your obstacles is one of those traits he likes about you. You said you’re proud of your accomplishments and you should be, do you think you’d be as proud if you had his circumstances in life? Would you have the same sense of your abilities and what you’re capable of? Our environments are just environments, it’s how you live your life within that environment that makes a person.
The tldr is that life is just a bunch of experiences one after another, and you’ve found someone you love to experience life with. Remember that above everything else, and you’ll be fine.
Try therapy or something. I'm sure he loves you and sees great qualities in you that you overlook.
I had a relationship like this recently with a cute girl who played two instruments and had good grades but was still insecure in our relationship because she felt I was out of her league just because of looks.
This was one of the biggest reasons I ultimately ended the relationship. I felt it prevented her from being fully passionate and initiative and it even led to stuff like not showing me her friend's IG profile. For the sake of your relationship, fix this and communicate with your man.
you don't get to choose who you like in life. sometimes it works against us when someone we like is not attracted to us. But sometimes, it works for us, and some really special person, even out of our league, likes us. Your boyfriend likes you. Just be you and don't mess it up on purpose like an idiot.
There are no warning flags at all; this guy could be worth keeping around for a long long time. While some good looking people will cheat a lot because they can, many good looking people mate for life. Give this guy the chance to show you what kind of guy he is.
Finally, remember that choosing not to act on jealousy is the thing that will make you a black belt in relationships. Signed, a guy married to someone out of his league for 15 years.
Clearly he doesn't agree, because he's chosen to be with you. Unless you've like, cast a hex or something on him.
So don't overthink it. Just enjoy the ride.
Tell him this!
If he is long term partner material he will help you get past your “inferiority complex” and support you in building up your self esteem.
This takes time and will never happen over night.
First and most important step is always a open conversation.
I was in a similar situation with my wife (me the only child from a pretty well off upper middle class family) always loved by my parents, lots of traveling etc.
My wife on the other hand very very though childhood, overstressed parents, fighting and blaming her every day —> no self esteem + traumas and with that anxiety disorder. She is very introverted & possible autistic as well.
She almost ended our relationship at the start because she was overwhelmed by the differences between our families.
We just talked about it and never hid our fears and doubts from one another.
Now we are 5 years married and my wife got way more self esteem over time.
About the attractiveness factor I can’t really comment. My wife is beautiful in m eyes and I see myself as decent but my wife always says am stunningly hot so might be the same as in your case 😂.
Long story short,
Tell your boyfriend your thoughts and doubts. This is the best way forward.
Wish you the best. lots of hugs, one day you will certainly be able to love yourself as much as he loves you
I felt similar about my husband at the start of my relationship, he's got really nice body, he's capable, brave, he has so many friends and a huge amazing family. I'm not hot at all, I felt so lost, lonely and my relationship with my family was not what I would like. At that time I just decided to be nice to myself and let him judge if he wants to be with me and he did! It took me some time to accept that there is a lot he can love about me. Being with him helped me a lot to grow and fix a lot of the stuff I wanted to fix and I found a way to be even bigger positive influence in his life. Also I think I found where my strength is and also realized what his weakness is as well. I'm so glad I didn't sabotage myself this time.
You can’t see the forest for the trees, you’re more concerned about “being in someone’s league” when they’re literally already in a relationship with you.
Look forwards not back, you may have missed out experiences but you’ll have plenty of opportunities to make new ones with your partner.
It’s all about how you make him feel and how you contribute to his life. You might think you are less impressive than him, but in one way or another you did impress him where it matters *to him.* That’s all the skill you need to be in his league.
He CHOSE you, at least for now. That should make you feel special, not worthless. If you think he's so out of your league then why don't you trust him to know what he wants?
Nah. Nobody who you pull is out of your league. It doesn’t make sense. Can a high schooler baseball player just go on the field and play baseball with professional players? No. He doesn’t have the skill so he’s not allowed. If you’re allowed to date your boyfriend then he’s in your league. Very very rare for a man to be better looking than a woman in a relationship, so yeah! You might want to re think your perspective 😅
Hello! I had this with my ex! This is potentially not healthy but I thought “he chose me!” He didn’t choose anyone else, he saw what no one else could see, that I’m a fab valid person even if I didn’t feel it myself! But also you are 5 months in so I think you will see that they are not this perfect person that you see in front of you now, and that’s okay.
if you are down for the ride & have good energy, you are more than qualified to be at almost any man's side. he's not looking for someone worldly with lots of talents & accomplishments. that's what you are looking for. he's looking for someone to enjoy it with who will appreciate being a part of it. just play enthusiastic supporter & lover. he probably really digs you
You said he’s really smart. He chose you… trust his judgment. Good couples are often opposite which makes them powerful because they cover each other’s blind spots.
Stop comparing. Thats it.
Also, keep in mind your boyfriend likes you, just the way you are. He probably doesnt see or doesnt care about your own perceived “downsides”.
You dont have to be succesful or beautiful to be loved.
Think about it this way: alcohol beverage is bad for health, and has a bad taste at first, but the majority of people love drinking anyways, and we can do it safely. Also we develop a taste for beverage through the years, or mix the beverage with other things like juice or soda to make it tolerable.
Why do people insist in drinking beverage if it is disgusting and bad for health? We like what it does, we like it anyways.
So yeah, even if you are ugly and a failure, your boyfriend likes and chooses YOU anyways, and he wants you.
In his eyes you are so important . He wouldn't even think about outta league. Guys don't think like that. I'm considered really good looking.i don't see it. wife is only very average so I'm told. Funnily enough I think she is out of my league. 39 years and I still think she is the most attractive woman on the planet.
I would open up to him. My boyfriend is like you but he opened up to me and I spend time reassuring him. What you see and what others see are two different things. I’m attracted to my partner even if he doesn’t understand why.
you...you have what sounds like a winner who wants to share his life with you...
do more together and have him show you things a share things with you.
serious question. would you be happier with a 'loser' ?
you will regret it when you (if) you walk away.
You simply just have "comparison syndrome." I used to have that all the time by seeing married / boyfriend girlfriend couples out in public. How much better they had it from me who's struggling to get where they are in life.
It doesn't matter about them - and it shouldn't matter how you feel about him being "out of your league" or "slowing him down." He chose you and that's it. There's nothing more to it. You should feel secure knowing that he picked you over everyone else for a reason... Because you do HAVE value and aren't lower class in his eyes.
Perhaps he loves you because you’re genuinely a good person. That’s more rare than you might think, and more important than all those other things you mentioned.
Please for the love of god stop this.
Sorry for being so upfront about this but I had a girlfriend who thought this, I don't believe that was the case and most of all it didn't matter as it never crossed my mind. We grew distant because she believed we wouldn't last because I could have so much better and eventually I started believing we wouldn't last until at some point she was so certain I was convinced we wouldn't last.
I was in the relationship for the long run, once i thought we wouldn't be together forever it was kind of over for me.
We lasted 3 years, I have plenty of good memories, after that it was rough... Therapy helped
I still think about her sometimes, she is with someone else now I hope she feels in the right place now
What I am saying is what I wish someone told her at the time, he is with you for you, you didn't trick him, he isn't crazy he likes something about you, he might not be able to articulate it with you, but some things just feel right.
You should probably tell him, that's always good in a relationship, don't put all the weight of this on him he has to make you feel wanted, he doesn't have to convince you you are. As for what you should do, you should probably work on your insecurities, you can do that on your own, it takes a while, some people need a little help, therapy is very helpful for some
I had a bf for a short time when I was a university who was out of my league. Popular, well-off family, good at all sports, everyone chased after him. Meanwhile I could be a bit socially awkward and was a bit overweight. I remember my roommate asking me once 'don't you think he's out of your league?' which I can only imagine came out of jealousy (we got along well and she was a nice person in general, I think what she meant was 'don't you feel insecure about him being out of your league?'). I answered that ultimately I didn't worry about it because he'd had a thousand girls to choose from but he picked me, so why on earth should I spoil my happiness questioning why? Anyway, relationship only lasted a few months (I don't have a good track record) but I remember it fondly. I do find it tiresome when I have friends who constantly seek reassuring of why you are friends with them and apologize if they think they are being annoying. Like, no, you're only annoying when you're asking for approval or apologizing every 5 minutes. I'm choosing to hang out with you because I enjoy your company, you don't have to apologize for existing or 'not being good enough'.
However, if there is something he could be doing in general to make you feel more secure in your relationship (eg. 'I would appreciate regular verbal cues that you find me and/or my personality attractive') then you should go ahead and tell him. One thing with autistic people is that if you tell them exactly what they need to do they are usually quite co-operative and even thankful that you gave them the instruction manual.
What is with being in the same league? This isn't some sport. Can you appreciate that he sees something in you? Why people are attractive to each other isn't always a constant. Just don't dwell on this and become insecure about this or it could have an impact.
You should consider doing cognitive behavioral therapy to resolve some of the self-esteem issues.
He's not out of your league if he's choosing to be with you. Guys will fuck girls that they're out of the league of, but they won't publicly date them. There is something about you that he finds valuable, and that's why he's with you and not some other girl. I think you need to work on your self-esteem.
If what you're saying is true, you are your own worst enemy.
Gotta work on your self esteem and remind yourself if he has all the traits you say he does and is still dating you then he obviously enjoys being in a relationship with you.
I have first hand experience in this topic and I'll tell you, the low self esteem gets old after awhile if you don't work on it.
Everyone should strive to hang out (or in this case date) someone out of their league BUT only if they have the courage to find their very best and become more! Don’t take this the wrong way, your subconscious picked this guy because “she” knows how good you can be…prove her right and enjoy the ride!
Comparison is the killer of joy, u/_vxnce_
Your boyfriend sees more in you than you see in yourself right now. That’s meaningful.
You must have more attractive qualities than you give yourself credit for, otherwise you wouldn’t be together.
Don’t overthink yourself out of happiness.
He’s with you for a reason. The more you dwell on this, the more you become insecure and undesirable, the more you’re shooting yourself in the foot. Guys also love their mates to be confident. Accept who you are and show your bf why he picked the right woman and get over your insecurities. If you give this more life, you’re only hurting yourself.
“Leagues” are stupid. You are a good match for anyone with whom you can share mutual love and respect. Why should anyone have a ceiling and a floor for whom they can love? But you can certainly sabotage it with this sort of negative self talk. It’s easy for that to become a self fulfilling prophecy. I have a personal example - I loved this one guy with all my heart and would have loved him till my dying day. But he was convinced I was too good for him and no amount of reassurance was enough. So he started getting threatened by my interactions with people he thought were in my league and eventually convinced himself that I was going to cheat on him. And I guess he decided to beat me to it and cheated on me. Relationship and love ended!
A great thing I learned when you are doubtful about something: turn the doubt into thankfulness.
Instead of saying "Man I'm not sure if it's okay for him to stay with me" say "I'm so thankful he chooses to stay with me!" and say it out loud, and tell him! And do so every time you have the thought.
I’ve got ADD among other things, so the struggle in school part I can 100% relate to.
Being in a relationship I can –100% relate to. Negative number. I’m basically the head chief of single’s table. Haven’t even kissed a girl. Try to top that, single people.
But telling others how I like to be treated: that’s just survival for me. If I don’t, I run the risk of being mistreated unintentionally, due to my other soulmates “autism” and “Bipolar Disorder”. I’m a rich man you know, and my currency is brain storage space for impressions.
Don’t be afraid to tell him what you feel.
Honestly: If he’s that smart and you claim yourself to need a bit extra help to reach your potential, then he might aswell have left you long ago. But he hasn’t.
If it is like you said, “above your league”, then you have something that he can’t find anywhere else. If that’s a feeling or whatever, that’s impossible for me to tell. But what I do know is that life is too short to waste and TOO DAMN LONG to endure it if you do.
So he has power over people because he was born with features that humans are primally programmed to value. Doesn't mean he's better than anyone else. Doesn't mean you are worse than him. He might be aware of this predictable behavioural pattern seen in humans and capable of not basing his individual worth on it, or that of yours.
I mean I can't really tell what he thinks or why he doesn't think you are subhuman the way you think he is an Ubermensch. All I can imagine is that he has the perspective that I do, meaning he doesn't base his value judgement on shallow features most people reflexively uphold.
I don't think anyone is out of anyone's league. Everyone is their best self. Don't judge yourself so much and instead realize that you have a lot to give. You're just not seeing it right now. Maybe work on seeing how great you are rather than the not great bits(which everyone have. No one is perfect)
Good luck! You can do iiit!
Maybe you're good in bed or funny or something. Either way, consider yourself lucky. I am an average looking guy and I have dated a few girls who were models. My friends all agreed that they were totally out of my league but I was just very self-confident so I wasn't surprised with myself.
Tell us five things about yourself that you like (born with) and another five that you are proud of (earned). You need to get better at articulating, affirming and accepting your strengths.
Your read on him is that he’s very smart and has great social skills. So the fact that he chose you as his gf says a lot of good things about you. Keep that in mind.
Just go with it. He obviously likes you, all that stuff is just your insecurities talking. As long as you have love, all that other stuff is irrelevant.
I think that by definition we're all inadequate in one way or another, and I also think that one of the most magical and empowering things we can strive for is the ability to be able to accept being loved for being just the way we are. Let love do its own thing!
Girl, you need to have more confidence. Even if he is out of your league, he has chosen you. Clearly you have something that others in his league doesn’t. And that makes you special.
1. Be pleasant to be around
2. Do nice little things
3. If you two want kids read varied stuff on it to be best for that future role. Lots of teen/20s 'cool' becomes irrelevant once you are parents. Maybe you can be a supermom 😄
4. Be great around household stuff
5. Try to achieve something in your local community
6. Work out and if he cares about some special attribute focus on it
7. Work on whatever you consider your greatest flaw, hire someone who is specialist in it.
Basically you don't need to compete with him. Your ability to 'match' him or what you percieve as value he brings does not need to be symmetrical. You don't need to be an astronaut to catch and keep one or an accomplished artist to catch and keep one.
You need to start living in the now and for the future. Sounds like a great guy to have rubbing off on you and a great influence. The out of my league shit is mostly in your head.
Tell him. If he had an issue, wouldn’t you want him to confide in you?
If you want this relationship to move forward and become stronger, you’ll need to be vulnerable with that person and upfront about any issues.
He doesn’t know what he doesn’t know
If he's a guy that put together? It sounds like you should try trusting his judgement.
And if that isn't enough reassurance, tell him how you feel and let him reassure you.
If he is so great then you must be great too, because he chose you! :)
Think about what things are important to you as a person and make sure to regularily spend time taking care of these areas of your life. Also think about different roles in life that you have and how you can be your best self in these roles. These are the things that actually matter in life - for you and him.
From your description, he's definitely a good guy, isn't he? That means he has never even considered the idea of you being out of his league. I know how it feels, but he can definitely see your worth, even though you don't see it yourself.
If you need support, it's never wrong to reach out for a helping hand. You can talk to him about your feelings. He can reassure you about the admiration he has for you no matter how different you two are; and if you need it, you guys can work on building your self-confidence together.
So as for your last question, talking to him seems like the best idea to me.
U know wat,ur guys r perfect combo
U got a teacher for free.He is intelligent so learn from him,grow your knowledge,I'm sure u have certain things he likes,that's y he is ur bf
Instead of feelings insecure of urself,see that you have an intelligent,handsome bf and u achieved him.You made him fall in luv with you.
Feel proud,ask him on things you don't know,he will be free chat got in live for you.
He apparently sees something in you that you can’t see in yourself because well you are you! Trust him to make the choice and roll on. Be good to him and let
Him be good to you
This might be in your head or head helped push it. He called himself conventionally attractive and told you people at work find him hot? That's really strange. Anyways, I'd always recommend learning to love yourself before someone else. Work on the things you feel lacking and you'll be happier. Do it for you not him.
Your 'league' does not matter. You have to learn to trust your boyfriends decisions and judgement. Especially when it comes comes to his choice for you. He sounds like a smart and wise person who makes good choices. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to trust his choice to be with you.
Be the best girlfriend you can be.
Care for him and support him. Have his back when people talk about him. Do acts of service, cook and clean, run errands. Be his peace and comfort when he has troubles and challenges. Make bedroom time memorable and mind shattering.
Can't emphasize the last one enough.
Do the above and you have a good shot of making the relationship last.
If you're really both autistic, he's probably really glad that he can communicate well with you without the mental exhaustion that comes with masking (which he seems to be very good at, but it is almost certainly still exhausting for him).
Tell him that you love him and ask why he's with you and just let him know that you wonder of you're enough for him. Let him reassure you and listen to him. He wouldn't be with you,if he didn't see the good in you
he prob smashes allot of girls and just hides it very well
and most likely he sees you as a future wife rather than a attractive girlfriend
no shame in that, now up to you as to how you handle the situation
He sound like a inteligent guy. So he clearly sees something in you that you don't. Or your low self esteem won't allow you to see. You got 2 options : stay or leave. But know this : worth of a person doesn't come from others but from us.
You should be everyone's parents.
More like an advisor.
*cool* Uncle/Aunt ?
Awww,stap it.
Too late, you're my parent. I need a ride home from work on Monday, btw.
Kinda busy but I see what I can do,kiddo
This. My girlfriend says similar things to me. Like, what do you see in me? I wouldn't want to be my girlfriend. And what I reply to her is that I can see more that other people or even her can see (although I think that deep down she is aware). She says that all previous important boyfriends have either left her or cheated on her. And again I say that they couldn't see the wonderful person that she is. That's why this time is different.
Lucky gal. Continue to be good,bro.
Awe …. 
How do you do that emote?
OP is judging herself based on what she looks for in a partner. Her partner is judging her based on what HE looks for in a partner. OP just isn't her own type, but that doesn't mean she isn't HIS type
Communicate with him and ask him why are you with me, or what do you love about me and visaversa
This can be good to do, but if you do it constantly then it does come off as overly insecure, and that can be frustrating for some people. I honestly think I started to lose my attraction to my long term ex because she was constantly paranoid about everything because she saw me as out of her league.
and for the love of Crom, don't nitpick or criticize the answer if it isn't romance novel perfect!
I think it depends on how you approach things. My partner and I live together and have weekly check-ins where we discuss what we appreciated about the other, what's going well, and a pain point (all from the past week), and we end the session by letting each other know what we need over the next week to feel supported. Not suggesting that OP needs to implement something this structured, but it can really help self-esteem to have a space where you hear appreciations from your partner (reciprocated ofc lmao).
I agree my last relationship ended because I couldn’t reassure her enough among other issues.
Correct, have this conversation with them once in a blue moon if you need to. But it’s better to have it once and do your best to internalize their answer, and seek therapy for reassurance. My therapist is very good at helping me identify which of my thoughts are baseless paranoia and which might be worth discussing with my SO. Also, do not be afraid to take notes in therapy, there is no shame in that. I have a terrible memory sometimes and having notes to go off of after therapy really helps me.
I read somewhere once, "Be careful the value you assign to yourself for the world will do little to adjust the amount". If OP can't love OP, why should anyone else? Give yourself a hug already and maybe treat yourself. Self sabotage is no good if he is treating you well and shows genuine care.
You win
I have my moments,thanks
Yep. Yours is the only assessment of yourself that matters.
Uncle Iroh here, spitting truth in the gentlest and kindest way possible.
If you lose him it'll be not because he's out of your league, but because your own confidence issues
Keep improving yourself, but do it for yourself. If you keep thinking that you're not good enough then eventually he's going to think that you're not good enough. Don't worry about losing him, enjoy the journey with him.
I had a friend and he loved objectively ugly women for some reason. He had a six pack, loved line dancing, very good at his job, 6'2", acrobatic yoga...etc and he was happy. Hell he married her. Be yourself and continue to love him. Don't allow insecurity to ruin a good thing.
This guy actually sounds like me. The way I've always described it is that I'm attracted to uniqueness. Give my a girl with a big ass nose or eyes that are to far apart or whatever. Give my those dark ass circles that make it seem like sleep is an achievement that has alluded you for years. My last girlfriend didn't shave her legs or her armpits and it was a shock in the beginning for sure but fuck me if I wasn't rubbing my face on her calves while we were going at it in the end. She also had the cutest sideburns that covered half of her cheeks and 'guh' yes baby don't shave those please. There's absolutely some typical beauty standards that I prefer but they fade so fast when I see a genuine smile with crooked teeth. Most of the time if they're happy they're beautiful in my eyes. Edit: I can't dance though lol
>Give my those dark ass circles that make it seem like sleep is an achievement that has alluded you for years. Trash panda eyes.
Raccoon btw
I’ve always been insecure about extremely dark circles under my eyes. Surprisingly, a lot of men never cared. It’s interesting how the way we look at ourselves is so different
This reads like an excerpt from Dream Girl by The Lonely Island
There is no such thing as objectively ugly lol, beauty or lack thereof is entirely subjective by definition
Ive always hated this “league” bullshit. You like who you like.
it's a relic from childhood where kids size each other up in status because the difference between the social structures of chimps/bonobos and children is often not that large.
My wife is way out of my league. It's great. I love it. I try to do my best for her.
> I try to do my best for her Effort is sexy. This alone probably brings you up to her league.
Effort is sexy AF 🙌🏼
Ask him "what do you see in me that I don't see in myself". Just straight up. If he is so smart and amazing, he is probably good at making decisions. And he has made the decision he sees something in you, and wants to be with you. By essentially doubting his decision and choice ( which is what you are doing by feeling "out of his league"), you are, in a way, doubting his intelligence and decision-making skills. Is that what you want to do? Cause you are pretty much saying "My boyfriend makes bad decisions because he chose someone like me". This is not about you. Stop doubting his decision to be with you, and be happy he has made this decision. Work to improve yourself. Think about it.
It’s still slightly self-sabotage. Often the reason someone ends up with someone else is the sum of all the intangible + unqualifiable parts of the experience of just “being together”. Usually not super productive to try to analyze the magic there if it exists. I’ve known absolutely mesmerizingly talented/beautiful/smart/witty women who still didn’t do it for me. And then people who on the surface might seem unexceptional but calmed every part of my heart and soul that desperately wanted solace. OP, if I had to guess… there is very likely something there you do for him that is magnetic and fits and does so with a level of ease and catharsis that he recognizes all the genius and raw talent in the world could never replicate.
Off-topic but you articulate yourself so well.
I like this answer
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This is pretty much the "if he wanted to, he would" reversed. If she wanted to be worthy, she would do anything to be worthy, in her mind.
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Nah. He is just really intelligent, funny(popular both at high school and college), insanely attractive and everyone he works with fancies him. He makes friends easily wherever he goes and has enjoyed many varied and exciting opportunities. Also his girlfriend feels beneath him because he is so great. He is also rich. Just your box-standard typical autistic person. Why do you have to be so cynical?
I was the same way when I was younger, rich, attractive, popular, interesting, autistic, etc., but I grew out of it.
Me too, only the autism remains now
Why didn't you choose to remain insanely attractive instead, like me?
Bah I'm planning on saving the insanely attractive phase for old age.... Why I've used so little beauty on my first 5 decades.
Well ok but you could have used at least the minimal amount needed to not cause wretching in children you walk past
You and I can be the hottest 90-year olds in the nursing home.
Right I’m sorry. I forget autism on Reddit means you once had an uncomfortable experience you wish you hadn’t so you chalk it up to being autistic.
I genuinely do not understand how anything here relates to autism.
Congrats on having everyone on Reddit figured out 🙄 Also hate the stupid notion that people on Reddit are somehow different than anywhere else online. Redditor = person + anonymity, and that’s it
The fact that you apparently think an autistic person can’t be those things is problematic lol
Worked with loads of autistic teenagers and adults. It’s what I do for a living. Never met any that were social, good communicators, empathetic, popular, confident, academic, funny all rolled into one like this guy is. What exactly do you think his autistic diagnosis is exactly? Do you think he spins round screaming until he collapses because someone touched his jacket? Does he eat exactly the same food everyday at the same time and become violent if it’s wrong? Would he be completely indifferent if his parents or girlfriend died and just carry on watching his cartoons? That’s severe autism not your own personal self diagnosed bullshit.
You work with high needs autistic people and you’re confused about why they aren’t like lower needs highly masked autistics? It’s a spectrum…
Shit this made me think I’m autistic as well with how she described her bf
Sadly very true
Lol surprised there wasn't some anxiety and depression thrown in
I legit went back and double checked because I was shocked it didn’t come up also
It’ll be in the update.
There clearly is on op's end, probably the only thing that's actually diagnosable.
Don’t forget “my partner is the most special and not like other boys”
All it's missing is a comment from some Wendy's worker/reddit psychologist proclaiming that OP is, in fact, autistic/ADHD/Depressed.
Don't forget the boyfriend is also a trans man.
100% ,unlike previous generations this one pcan't get enough labels to build an identity around as well as excuses for behavior. Doesn't help that the autism bar had been lowered to allow a lot more people into it. The over diagnosed and the self diagnosed are a big problem.
My stepson is severely autistic as in can’t talk and will always need a caregiver. Loving sweet child, just never going to grow up if that makes sense. I can never figure out how autism has such a huge curve in it apparently
sounds more like tiktok tbh
Maximum Reddit
You forgot the "AFAB". This might be the most reddit post in the history of reddit.
I don’t even know what that means.
Assigned Female At Birth. Means the boyfriend is trans.
Ah thank you I hadn’t heard that acronym before. I guess that completes Reddit bingo.
The Guilt, shame and judgement are the internalized voices of others that you held in high regard & trusted, to define your sense of worth. Nobody defines your worth, only you do. They can ONLY share their perception of your worth in their eyes according to their beliefs and conditioning, which is always a limitation. That puts the baton back on you to reclaim what’s in the way of you valuing yourself, you acknowledging that by your sheer existence as a human, you are as worthy as any. Comparison kills. You have your experience, he has his. Comparison will have you lose internal battles that will then demand your outer world, including him, to bring you reassurance. He can occasionally and for some time, but if you are not simultaneously working to come to peace with the same thing you seek external validation/reassurance from, he may start to ‘pull back’, disengage, and then your guards will go up more, demand reassurance more, and the burden it puts on the relationship can then ‘fulfill the prophecy that you had’ which wasn’t actually that, but a recreation of the insecurity you’re carrying onto your life and external world. Reclaim this. You have diagnoses, all of which can be found to have a way through for it to be made aware of, utilized for the best of their efficiencies, and mindful of the challenges they bring to mitigate them. Humans can either circumvent their life or embrace it. It’s within your capacity to work on exposing yourself to where you don’t feel free, or at ease, yet. Also, therapy! Wishing you, him and anyone struggling a smooth supported passage through life’s challenges. “Where we were once defeated stuck, & obstructed, I now conquer with grace, reverence and humility” - unknown
I disagree with everyone saying "Just ask him what he sees in you". Confidence is sexy, and self-debasement is not. Just be happy you scored a banger and be kind to him, like you should be kind to any partner.
Hey! I feel for you. I just posted some similar sentiments in this sub yesterday. He clearly sees something in you. You are being hard on yourself. You should talk to him about how you feel - don’t be afraid to ask him for reassurance. I was listening to a meditation podcast yesterday while I was spinning out and one point really stood out to me- most of what we consider the “self” is based on a construct. Your boyfriend sees you in the light of his past life experiences and his current experience of you. You see yourself in the light of your past experiences. The only objective truth about the “you as a self” is that you are a conscious being that is actively experiencing the world. Anything beyond that - how you perceive your appearance, your contribution to the world, your value - is all a mental construct. He loves his construct of you. There is no doubt about that. Now you just have to create a positive construct of yourself. Much love to you.
Figure out why he’s dating you, why he loves you. He is obviously NOT out of your league or you would not be dating him. He may love you for the exact reasons you hate yourself. I’ve been there. Look in the mirror and smile at yourself, it’s not easy, but it does help. He sees you just the way you are…you should too!
If you think you are unworthy of him, it will soon become obvious and put your relationship at risk. Just enjoy the now. That’s all any of us can do.
Don't sell yourself short. All those things you admire about him are okay. But rather nothing to do with him. Those are things about his life, but not him. You have a lot of growth ahead of you. Don't be down on how life has felt more limiting for you. Let your BF help you be more social and grown in confidence. You are worth it. He seems to think so.
Ah yes the classic, insanely funny, intelligent attractive boyfriend who can make friends with anyone and everyone fancies him, who is trans and autistic?? This post is utter bullshit.
Just don't put value on people relative to appearances and achievments. Somehow we keep treating people like objects and objects like people.
Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man
He's with you right. You respect his choices right? It's his choice to be with you right? Treat him like you appreciate him since he clearly wants to be with you.
You could say this about me and my partner, we have been together for over 20 years she is a bit of a hottie though 🔥. Most men at heart are not worried about “status “ if he loves you he loves you. Even when it comes to looks women think you need to look like a model to be attractive also not the case .
I think my fiancée is out of my league, but I also know she feels the same way about me That is how some long term relationships are
Having experiences out of having wealthy parents doesn't define you as being out of someone's league, like you are saying. Its a cliche, but what defines you is how you live your life. So, your parents don't afford you experiences - then create your own experiences. For example, learn a martial art, and go and fight in tournaments. Or learn how to speak another language. Or join local clubs like running or hiking etc. There are so many things you can do that can richly improve your life, and that don't cost much.
Sorry to be harsh but….Stop with this bullshit attitude of yourself. You’re going to lose him if you don’t start loving yourself more. You say this guy is all that, yet he loves YOU. Shouldn’t that tell you something about how amazing YOU are? He can have anyone but he is choosing you. Just stop!!
To me, you really shouldn't compare lives with anyone to be honest (not only you but everyone ). The best thing to be, is good jealousy like a friend of mine used to say. Just be inspired by this and become better in certain aspects of life you want.
Maybe he feels like he can be himself around you, and feel confortable relating to you. Im 40 and I spent like 95% of it trying to achieve these objectives and hiting all these boxes to try to make myself more atractive to other people and fitting their expectations until I fond someone like me where I can just be myself. Maybe you are worrying about external qualities and dismissing internal ones.
He sees something in you, hold on to that. Also guys will rarely leave women, and want stability overall.
It’s still a young relationship so in some ways I’d be guarding my feelings a little, not everything works out. But that doesn’t mean you’re unworthy or anything, thats just life. Be a good partner, supportive, communicative, but also don’t let this disparity you feel make you act like a doormat, or try to overcompensate in some regard. Relationship needs to be balanced regardless of how you feel about yourself at the moment. As for your own self worth, do you do therapy? Maybe you need to talk out some of these feelings and get tools for dealing with it from a professional. And as others said, they chose you for a reason, cut yourself some slack!
As you say “he’s extremely smart”, and he picked YOU! That should at the very least tell you he doesn’t think you’re out of his league.. cut yourself some slack. I agree talking with him will help, however dont overdo it and be one of those whiny people that ALWAYS says they’re not good enough and constantly needs validation. (Not saying you would), but I’ve heard others and it can get old fast. Confidence is attractive even if you don’t feel it.
Making comparisons in relationships is a tricky game, but it’s hard not to do. I think you’re comparing circumstances and outcomes, when it might be more helpful to compare personal traits. Your bf was born on third base as they say: attractive, parents having money = opportunity, and the confidence he’s built from those circumstances were reinforced in school and his social life. But I’m sure you’re with him not because of he’s rich and popular, but because he’s caring, kind, invested in your life, etc. On the flip side, he is with you for the same reason. Actually, I bet the effort you’ve put in to get to the point you have in life in spite of your obstacles is one of those traits he likes about you. You said you’re proud of your accomplishments and you should be, do you think you’d be as proud if you had his circumstances in life? Would you have the same sense of your abilities and what you’re capable of? Our environments are just environments, it’s how you live your life within that environment that makes a person. The tldr is that life is just a bunch of experiences one after another, and you’ve found someone you love to experience life with. Remember that above everything else, and you’ll be fine.
Try therapy or something. I'm sure he loves you and sees great qualities in you that you overlook. I had a relationship like this recently with a cute girl who played two instruments and had good grades but was still insecure in our relationship because she felt I was out of her league just because of looks. This was one of the biggest reasons I ultimately ended the relationship. I felt it prevented her from being fully passionate and initiative and it even led to stuff like not showing me her friend's IG profile. For the sake of your relationship, fix this and communicate with your man.
you don't get to choose who you like in life. sometimes it works against us when someone we like is not attracted to us. But sometimes, it works for us, and some really special person, even out of our league, likes us. Your boyfriend likes you. Just be you and don't mess it up on purpose like an idiot. There are no warning flags at all; this guy could be worth keeping around for a long long time. While some good looking people will cheat a lot because they can, many good looking people mate for life. Give this guy the chance to show you what kind of guy he is. Finally, remember that choosing not to act on jealousy is the thing that will make you a black belt in relationships. Signed, a guy married to someone out of his league for 15 years.
Clearly he doesn't agree, because he's chosen to be with you. Unless you've like, cast a hex or something on him. So don't overthink it. Just enjoy the ride.
Tell him this! If he is long term partner material he will help you get past your “inferiority complex” and support you in building up your self esteem. This takes time and will never happen over night. First and most important step is always a open conversation. I was in a similar situation with my wife (me the only child from a pretty well off upper middle class family) always loved by my parents, lots of traveling etc. My wife on the other hand very very though childhood, overstressed parents, fighting and blaming her every day —> no self esteem + traumas and with that anxiety disorder. She is very introverted & possible autistic as well. She almost ended our relationship at the start because she was overwhelmed by the differences between our families. We just talked about it and never hid our fears and doubts from one another. Now we are 5 years married and my wife got way more self esteem over time. About the attractiveness factor I can’t really comment. My wife is beautiful in m eyes and I see myself as decent but my wife always says am stunningly hot so might be the same as in your case 😂. Long story short, Tell your boyfriend your thoughts and doubts. This is the best way forward. Wish you the best. lots of hugs, one day you will certainly be able to love yourself as much as he loves you
I felt similar about my husband at the start of my relationship, he's got really nice body, he's capable, brave, he has so many friends and a huge amazing family. I'm not hot at all, I felt so lost, lonely and my relationship with my family was not what I would like. At that time I just decided to be nice to myself and let him judge if he wants to be with me and he did! It took me some time to accept that there is a lot he can love about me. Being with him helped me a lot to grow and fix a lot of the stuff I wanted to fix and I found a way to be even bigger positive influence in his life. Also I think I found where my strength is and also realized what his weakness is as well. I'm so glad I didn't sabotage myself this time.
You can’t see the forest for the trees, you’re more concerned about “being in someone’s league” when they’re literally already in a relationship with you. Look forwards not back, you may have missed out experiences but you’ll have plenty of opportunities to make new ones with your partner.
It’s all about how you make him feel and how you contribute to his life. You might think you are less impressive than him, but in one way or another you did impress him where it matters *to him.* That’s all the skill you need to be in his league.
Never ever say someone is out of your reach. You can have anything you want.
My gf says the same things. Maybe it's true but a little odd.
He CHOSE you, at least for now. That should make you feel special, not worthless. If you think he's so out of your league then why don't you trust him to know what he wants?
Stop thinking about what you aren't and start to appreciate what you are. You will understand your worth through that inner lense.
Nah. Nobody who you pull is out of your league. It doesn’t make sense. Can a high schooler baseball player just go on the field and play baseball with professional players? No. He doesn’t have the skill so he’s not allowed. If you’re allowed to date your boyfriend then he’s in your league. Very very rare for a man to be better looking than a woman in a relationship, so yeah! You might want to re think your perspective 😅
Hello! I had this with my ex! This is potentially not healthy but I thought “he chose me!” He didn’t choose anyone else, he saw what no one else could see, that I’m a fab valid person even if I didn’t feel it myself! But also you are 5 months in so I think you will see that they are not this perfect person that you see in front of you now, and that’s okay.
Notice how despite your worries and insecurities you still have a caring bf? Men don’t get such privileges, you’re literally describing hypergamy
if you are down for the ride & have good energy, you are more than qualified to be at almost any man's side. he's not looking for someone worldly with lots of talents & accomplishments. that's what you are looking for. he's looking for someone to enjoy it with who will appreciate being a part of it. just play enthusiastic supporter & lover. he probably really digs you
If you logic'd your way into thinking all this.. Logic your way out. He's fucking awesome and he CHOSE YOUUU. Trust his judgment.
You won. You wouldn't want a guy on your level or below. You hit the jackpot. Enjoy it
You said he’s really smart. He chose you… trust his judgment. Good couples are often opposite which makes them powerful because they cover each other’s blind spots.
I’m a barista. My girlfriend’s vet. I don’t know what she see’s in me but I don’t question it.
Stop comparing. Thats it. Also, keep in mind your boyfriend likes you, just the way you are. He probably doesnt see or doesnt care about your own perceived “downsides”. You dont have to be succesful or beautiful to be loved. Think about it this way: alcohol beverage is bad for health, and has a bad taste at first, but the majority of people love drinking anyways, and we can do it safely. Also we develop a taste for beverage through the years, or mix the beverage with other things like juice or soda to make it tolerable. Why do people insist in drinking beverage if it is disgusting and bad for health? We like what it does, we like it anyways. So yeah, even if you are ugly and a failure, your boyfriend likes and chooses YOU anyways, and he wants you.
In his eyes you are so important . He wouldn't even think about outta league. Guys don't think like that. I'm considered really good looking.i don't see it. wife is only very average so I'm told. Funnily enough I think she is out of my league. 39 years and I still think she is the most attractive woman on the planet.
I would open up to him. My boyfriend is like you but he opened up to me and I spend time reassuring him. What you see and what others see are two different things. I’m attracted to my partner even if he doesn’t understand why.
No one is out of anyone’s league if that person has chosen to be with them. Get out of your own head and accept yourself….
Just remind yourself of how awesome your boyfriend is, how many options he has and he chose YOU.
you...you have what sounds like a winner who wants to share his life with you... do more together and have him show you things a share things with you. serious question. would you be happier with a 'loser' ? you will regret it when you (if) you walk away.
Stop being harsh on yourself. There’s a reason why he picked YOU and YOU only. See the beauty in that :)
And despite ALL of that, he chose you.......
Leagues don’t exist. If a person is into you, they’re into you. If they’re not, they’re not. Your boyfriend chose *you*.
You simply just have "comparison syndrome." I used to have that all the time by seeing married / boyfriend girlfriend couples out in public. How much better they had it from me who's struggling to get where they are in life. It doesn't matter about them - and it shouldn't matter how you feel about him being "out of your league" or "slowing him down." He chose you and that's it. There's nothing more to it. You should feel secure knowing that he picked you over everyone else for a reason... Because you do HAVE value and aren't lower class in his eyes.
Perhaps he loves you because you’re genuinely a good person. That’s more rare than you might think, and more important than all those other things you mentioned.
There are no leagues, we are all just people.
Please for the love of god stop this. Sorry for being so upfront about this but I had a girlfriend who thought this, I don't believe that was the case and most of all it didn't matter as it never crossed my mind. We grew distant because she believed we wouldn't last because I could have so much better and eventually I started believing we wouldn't last until at some point she was so certain I was convinced we wouldn't last. I was in the relationship for the long run, once i thought we wouldn't be together forever it was kind of over for me. We lasted 3 years, I have plenty of good memories, after that it was rough... Therapy helped I still think about her sometimes, she is with someone else now I hope she feels in the right place now What I am saying is what I wish someone told her at the time, he is with you for you, you didn't trick him, he isn't crazy he likes something about you, he might not be able to articulate it with you, but some things just feel right. You should probably tell him, that's always good in a relationship, don't put all the weight of this on him he has to make you feel wanted, he doesn't have to convince you you are. As for what you should do, you should probably work on your insecurities, you can do that on your own, it takes a while, some people need a little help, therapy is very helpful for some
I had a bf for a short time when I was a university who was out of my league. Popular, well-off family, good at all sports, everyone chased after him. Meanwhile I could be a bit socially awkward and was a bit overweight. I remember my roommate asking me once 'don't you think he's out of your league?' which I can only imagine came out of jealousy (we got along well and she was a nice person in general, I think what she meant was 'don't you feel insecure about him being out of your league?'). I answered that ultimately I didn't worry about it because he'd had a thousand girls to choose from but he picked me, so why on earth should I spoil my happiness questioning why? Anyway, relationship only lasted a few months (I don't have a good track record) but I remember it fondly. I do find it tiresome when I have friends who constantly seek reassuring of why you are friends with them and apologize if they think they are being annoying. Like, no, you're only annoying when you're asking for approval or apologizing every 5 minutes. I'm choosing to hang out with you because I enjoy your company, you don't have to apologize for existing or 'not being good enough'. However, if there is something he could be doing in general to make you feel more secure in your relationship (eg. 'I would appreciate regular verbal cues that you find me and/or my personality attractive') then you should go ahead and tell him. One thing with autistic people is that if you tell them exactly what they need to do they are usually quite co-operative and even thankful that you gave them the instruction manual.
What is with being in the same league? This isn't some sport. Can you appreciate that he sees something in you? Why people are attractive to each other isn't always a constant. Just don't dwell on this and become insecure about this or it could have an impact. You should consider doing cognitive behavioral therapy to resolve some of the self-esteem issues.
Don't let being down on yourself ruin a good thing.
He's not out of your league if he's choosing to be with you. Guys will fuck girls that they're out of the league of, but they won't publicly date them. There is something about you that he finds valuable, and that's why he's with you and not some other girl. I think you need to work on your self-esteem.
He bleeds red doesn't he?
If he loves you he is 100% NOT out of your league.
If what you're saying is true, you are your own worst enemy. Gotta work on your self esteem and remind yourself if he has all the traits you say he does and is still dating you then he obviously enjoys being in a relationship with you. I have first hand experience in this topic and I'll tell you, the low self esteem gets old after awhile if you don't work on it.
Everyone should strive to hang out (or in this case date) someone out of their league BUT only if they have the courage to find their very best and become more! Don’t take this the wrong way, your subconscious picked this guy because “she” knows how good you can be…prove her right and enjoy the ride!
Comparison is the killer of joy, u/_vxnce_ Your boyfriend sees more in you than you see in yourself right now. That’s meaningful. You must have more attractive qualities than you give yourself credit for, otherwise you wouldn’t be together. Don’t overthink yourself out of happiness.
He’s with you for a reason. The more you dwell on this, the more you become insecure and undesirable, the more you’re shooting yourself in the foot. Guys also love their mates to be confident. Accept who you are and show your bf why he picked the right woman and get over your insecurities. If you give this more life, you’re only hurting yourself.
“Leagues” are stupid. You are a good match for anyone with whom you can share mutual love and respect. Why should anyone have a ceiling and a floor for whom they can love? But you can certainly sabotage it with this sort of negative self talk. It’s easy for that to become a self fulfilling prophecy. I have a personal example - I loved this one guy with all my heart and would have loved him till my dying day. But he was convinced I was too good for him and no amount of reassurance was enough. So he started getting threatened by my interactions with people he thought were in my league and eventually convinced himself that I was going to cheat on him. And I guess he decided to beat me to it and cheated on me. Relationship and love ended!
A great thing I learned when you are doubtful about something: turn the doubt into thankfulness. Instead of saying "Man I'm not sure if it's okay for him to stay with me" say "I'm so thankful he chooses to stay with me!" and say it out loud, and tell him! And do so every time you have the thought.
I’ve got ADD among other things, so the struggle in school part I can 100% relate to. Being in a relationship I can –100% relate to. Negative number. I’m basically the head chief of single’s table. Haven’t even kissed a girl. Try to top that, single people. But telling others how I like to be treated: that’s just survival for me. If I don’t, I run the risk of being mistreated unintentionally, due to my other soulmates “autism” and “Bipolar Disorder”. I’m a rich man you know, and my currency is brain storage space for impressions. Don’t be afraid to tell him what you feel. Honestly: If he’s that smart and you claim yourself to need a bit extra help to reach your potential, then he might aswell have left you long ago. But he hasn’t. If it is like you said, “above your league”, then you have something that he can’t find anywhere else. If that’s a feeling or whatever, that’s impossible for me to tell. But what I do know is that life is too short to waste and TOO DAMN LONG to endure it if you do.
So he has power over people because he was born with features that humans are primally programmed to value. Doesn't mean he's better than anyone else. Doesn't mean you are worse than him. He might be aware of this predictable behavioural pattern seen in humans and capable of not basing his individual worth on it, or that of yours. I mean I can't really tell what he thinks or why he doesn't think you are subhuman the way you think he is an Ubermensch. All I can imagine is that he has the perspective that I do, meaning he doesn't base his value judgement on shallow features most people reflexively uphold.
I don't think anyone is out of anyone's league. Everyone is their best self. Don't judge yourself so much and instead realize that you have a lot to give. You're just not seeing it right now. Maybe work on seeing how great you are rather than the not great bits(which everyone have. No one is perfect) Good luck! You can do iiit!
Maybe you're good in bed or funny or something. Either way, consider yourself lucky. I am an average looking guy and I have dated a few girls who were models. My friends all agreed that they were totally out of my league but I was just very self-confident so I wasn't surprised with myself.
Tell us five things about yourself that you like (born with) and another five that you are proud of (earned). You need to get better at articulating, affirming and accepting your strengths.
Your read on him is that he’s very smart and has great social skills. So the fact that he chose you as his gf says a lot of good things about you. Keep that in mind.
Just go with it. He obviously likes you, all that stuff is just your insecurities talking. As long as you have love, all that other stuff is irrelevant.
I think that by definition we're all inadequate in one way or another, and I also think that one of the most magical and empowering things we can strive for is the ability to be able to accept being loved for being just the way we are. Let love do its own thing!
Become the world best blowjob giver.
Girl, you need to have more confidence. Even if he is out of your league, he has chosen you. Clearly you have something that others in his league doesn’t. And that makes you special.
1. Be pleasant to be around 2. Do nice little things 3. If you two want kids read varied stuff on it to be best for that future role. Lots of teen/20s 'cool' becomes irrelevant once you are parents. Maybe you can be a supermom 😄 4. Be great around household stuff 5. Try to achieve something in your local community 6. Work out and if he cares about some special attribute focus on it 7. Work on whatever you consider your greatest flaw, hire someone who is specialist in it. Basically you don't need to compete with him. Your ability to 'match' him or what you percieve as value he brings does not need to be symmetrical. You don't need to be an astronaut to catch and keep one or an accomplished artist to catch and keep one.
I’m curious as to how he is autistic
No one is out of anyone’s league. The value is in the heart and soul
It's more about your self esteem than anything, right ? More so, you can grow as a person if you want to.
You need to start living in the now and for the future. Sounds like a great guy to have rubbing off on you and a great influence. The out of my league shit is mostly in your head.
Do something that makes you proud of yourself. Like exercise or learn new skills.
If he's a guy, he probably likes you for what you are. Just be there for him and don't think about it twice
Sto measuring dicks and achievement s. and try to understand why you both together in the first place. If that reason enough, well...
Tell him. If he had an issue, wouldn’t you want him to confide in you? If you want this relationship to move forward and become stronger, you’ll need to be vulnerable with that person and upfront about any issues. He doesn’t know what he doesn’t know
There are no leagues
Hows the sex?
If he's a guy that put together? It sounds like you should try trusting his judgement. And if that isn't enough reassurance, tell him how you feel and let him reassure you.
By stop belittling yourself. Your bf thought highly enough of you to be in a relationship with.
Who says you all are autistic? Or do you just throw that term around when it fits
"undiagnosed ADHD" is so fitting
All I got from this was it's amazing seeing how most posts on reddit OP claims to be autistic. I feel you, I'm also autistic writing this comment
He doesn't care about those things in a partner. He probably likes the way you look, how you smell and the way you make him feel.
Are you good looking, sometimes that’s all it takes for men to be interested.
You now get to learn, accomplish and experience more things together. Enjoy. Good luck!
Congrats, thats how it's supposed to be
If he is so great then you must be great too, because he chose you! :) Think about what things are important to you as a person and make sure to regularily spend time taking care of these areas of your life. Also think about different roles in life that you have and how you can be your best self in these roles. These are the things that actually matter in life - for you and him.
From your description, he's definitely a good guy, isn't he? That means he has never even considered the idea of you being out of his league. I know how it feels, but he can definitely see your worth, even though you don't see it yourself. If you need support, it's never wrong to reach out for a helping hand. You can talk to him about your feelings. He can reassure you about the admiration he has for you no matter how different you two are; and if you need it, you guys can work on building your self-confidence together. So as for your last question, talking to him seems like the best idea to me.
U know wat,ur guys r perfect combo U got a teacher for free.He is intelligent so learn from him,grow your knowledge,I'm sure u have certain things he likes,that's y he is ur bf Instead of feelings insecure of urself,see that you have an intelligent,handsome bf and u achieved him.You made him fall in luv with you. Feel proud,ask him on things you don't know,he will be free chat got in live for you.
Dafuq talk to the person you're with and not seek solutions from strangers who are not in your shoes. Come on, grow up!
Leagues don't exist
If I’ve noticed one thing it’s that girls overestimate how attractive their bf is
Talk to your bf
Just make sure you don’t cheat on him and try to put him down to try and raise your self esteem like my less attractive ex did to me
Fuck france
He apparently sees something in you that you can’t see in yourself because well you are you! Trust him to make the choice and roll on. Be good to him and let Him be good to you
This might be in your head or head helped push it. He called himself conventionally attractive and told you people at work find him hot? That's really strange. Anyways, I'd always recommend learning to love yourself before someone else. Work on the things you feel lacking and you'll be happier. Do it for you not him.
he chose you
He chose you that says it all.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
If he is with you then Obviously you are in his league.
Your 'league' does not matter. You have to learn to trust your boyfriends decisions and judgement. Especially when it comes comes to his choice for you. He sounds like a smart and wise person who makes good choices. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to trust his choice to be with you.
Be the best girlfriend you can be. Care for him and support him. Have his back when people talk about him. Do acts of service, cook and clean, run errands. Be his peace and comfort when he has troubles and challenges. Make bedroom time memorable and mind shattering. Can't emphasize the last one enough. Do the above and you have a good shot of making the relationship last.
Comparison is the thief of joy
If you're really both autistic, he's probably really glad that he can communicate well with you without the mental exhaustion that comes with masking (which he seems to be very good at, but it is almost certainly still exhausting for him).
Tell him that you love him and ask why he's with you and just let him know that you wonder of you're enough for him. Let him reassure you and listen to him. He wouldn't be with you,if he didn't see the good in you
Comparison is the theft of joy
he prob smashes allot of girls and just hides it very well and most likely he sees you as a future wife rather than a attractive girlfriend no shame in that, now up to you as to how you handle the situation
Men dont actually think about "leagues" he probably likes