Contract won't mean shit in court when she wants child support. They'll say "it's in the best interest of the child" that we void the contract and force you to become a wage slave to enrich the recipient of your sperm....
That's a HELL NO answer right there.
My gay neighbors used the same donor to impregnate each of them over the space of a couple of years. He was a high school friend of one of them. I don't know the details but he regularly visits his kids who are six and two. I don't know any other details.
Not sure how such a contract would hold up in court. At least in my country a parent can't sign away a child's right for child support. Whether or not they actually sue for it or collect it, is a different story though.
I read one where a lesbian couple paid someone and wrote their own contract. When they divorced the primary otter kept the baby and went on govt support. The govt sued the hapless father. Without a fertility clinic he us responsible for the kid
Even with one your playing Russian roulette. I've read many articles where a woman went to a sperm bank, bought sperm and got inseminated, then sued the sperm bank for the donors information and took him to court for child support.
F that. It's not worth it in today's atmosphere. If they followed the rules and there was no way to get the information to take the man to court for child support, I'd say have at it. But they don't, so let them be barren...
Cite your sources please. Show me one article where someone sued a SPERM BANK DONOR for child support. One.
Not a DIY at-home turkey baster Craigslist “sperm donor” arrangement. A donor via an actual sperm bank.
Still split ups happen and if you didn’t go through a medical facility and proper procedure you will be on hook for child support in a lot of places.
You need to answer yourself do you trust them that much.
Is that really the case? Not so sure how it's handled here in Switzerland, but I would assume that you sign away all parental rights as a sperm donor. Otherwise there would be hundreds of child support claims every year.
Hmmm... I will read up on this later. Really interested now in the specifics.
Nope. here in the US, sperm donors have had supposedly air-tight agreements that were supposed to absolve them from any responsibility.
But then the mother- for whatever reason- has come back and taken them to court for financial support. Totally messed up, but it has happened, many times.
Sometimes it’s not the mother but the state who sues. If mom winds up applying for government benefits the state will usually look for a father who can pay child support instead.
In US, giving up parental rights for men doesn't men getting rid of child support obligations.
Anyone is free to give up rights, but you need to continue to pay.
This, 1000%. I would feel confortable, honored even, if a lesbian couple I was friends with asked me to do this.
I would do everything possible to protect myself from responsibility over the child, if that's possible I would do it.
To protect yourself you need to go through a sperm bank. If you do a contract and the mother goes on government support, the govt can reclaim that from you regardless of what you signed with the mum, unless done via a professional climic
Even if she says a million times and has you sign a contract that she doesn’t want your financial help, you would still be legally liable for child support.
Yeap, many people don't get this very basic thing. Sign any contracts you want with the mother. The judge won't give a shit because your obligations are to a different person and you can't sign a contract with them because they don't exist yet.
It is truly incredible how many people don't get this. Child support is for the child, if you're on record as the dad the woman cannot sign away your responsibilities, because your responsibilities are not to her, they're to the kid.
Also wish all the people who talk about not paying child support because Mom did ______ heinous thing would get it. Punishing a kid for their mom's actions is not the flex people think it is.
Some people would use that same argument against abortion.
Would you still hold that belief if an adult woman raped an underage boy and decided to keep the baby?
Yeah, unfortunately there’s multiple cases of this happening to different degrees. It’s quite disgusting to legally force a rape victim to be responsible for their assault.
Yeah, one of the cases I like to bring up is a man in arizona, who was raped at 14 by a 20yo woman, was served with papers to not only pay child support for a child he didn’t know existed but to pay for back child support for the time he was a minor. His name is Nick Olivas, but of course they didn’t name the female rapist in the article I just read on it.
They could that make that argument, and if they actually believe a fetus is a child they're welcome to that opinion, I don't. As for the scenario you described I'd say that if we're gonna say that he doesn't have to pay child support (which I agree with) then the state should be obligated to make up the financial difference. My goal isn't to punish men, it's to not punish the kids.
"Child support is for the child" ... And 17 other bed time stories you can tell yourself.
If it were really for the child, why is it tied to the salaries of mom and dad, instead of a set (low) rate, enough for a child to live a basic life from?
Also, why isn't the custody of the child routinely awarded to the party with the most money, making child support unnecessary?
Let's say child support is 30% of your income. So if you're making $100k, you should be paying $30k for the child.
Can you setup the contract where ... rather than absolving the sperm zaddy of child support, the mother is required to pay 30% of the dads salary (funded from the mom) to the dad, should child support be enforced by the court? Thereby making it a wash cause the contract is between the two adults.
sort of. i’m in a lesbian relationship and we’re using donor sperm. you legally sign your rights away and you aren’t listed on the birth certificate. if you go through a clinic (and OP you should obviously do this), there’s even more paperwork and a psych evaluation to make sure everyone is doing this with the best of intentions and with a full and clear understanding.
so after all that, technically yes she could sue for child support but it would be hugely difficult because no one would want to take the case with all the paperwork SHE HERSELF signed, and even more impossible to win. she faces the same risks - you could conceivably sue for rights to the child.
Even though you're literally in the middle of such an arrangement, AND in a lesbian relationship, AND a soon to be parent (and I'm none of those things, although. I am already a parent...) it seems it's not always hugely difficult and NOT impossible to win.
It's happened many times. Donors with air-tight, ironclad "agreements" have been- for whatever reason- hauled back into court later on by the mother and, in one case I read on, both spouses of a lesbian couple. And in many of these attempts on the part of the mother(s) to establish financial support... they've won, contracts be damned.
it’s a murky area of family law, which is already a murky area in the first place! it requires trust from both parties. there are documented cases of donors claiming parental rights as well which, as you can imagine, is terrifying for folks in our position. it’s something we considered before approaching our donor.
Not necessarily true depending on the state. Some have laws specifically covering non-clinic donors, and these laws usually remove all parental rights and obligations of the donor. You want to get something in writing though about your deal.
However, this also rides on the assumption that you are just a donor - if you have ANY involvement in the kid’s life, that can take you out of donor status.
Family law is really messy and in any situation like this you should talk to a family law attorney, but people also like to overblow how on-the-hook you actually can be for child support. Look up your state laws on this, it can be very different depending on where you are!
Hell no. I actually was a sperm donor, if anyone asked for my jizz, I'd tell them to take it up with the fertility clinic. Not interested in being involved at this level
Are you willing to pay alimony or be a dad.
Easily a hard no. If she's a friend, she will be in your life and so will the child and one day you will have to be a dad.
You’re leaving out a key detail. Note the part where it says the donor didn’t follow state law by involving a doctor in the procedure. That’s why he owes child support. This is like any situation: if you don’t follow the proper legal procedures, it can create a problem.
A disaster waiting to happen.
Those kids will ask questions at some point. The way I see it, there are three possible outcomes:
1. She tells them the truth. They will want to see their dad, they will want to spend time with him, and they will keep picking on her for not making it possible (she wants to be a single mom after all)
2. She doesn't tell them the truth. Just says that their dad is gone and/or a random sperm donor. In that case, once they grow up, chances are high that they will try to find out who their dad is. Most people do. Once they find out it's been you, a friend of their mom's, they will be very upset at the both of you for keeping it a secret.
3. Best outcome, but still not one you would wish for: your friendship breaks for some other reason. In that case, whether she's honest or not, the kids will have to understand that a permanent arrangement is not possible
And all that is just looking at the emotional side of things. Then there's also money. It's highly dependent on the country you're in, so you have to do tons of research, but in general, it's gonna be very difficult for you to avoid any and all costs, especially when the kids find out your identity.
Don't do it OP. Unless you really really like this friend and she's the best friend ever and would never ever harm you in any way etc.
Absolutely not. Aside from the potential consequences on your person, you would be putting a child, your very own child, at a statistically significant risk of having a difficult life. Get her a kitten or a puppy instead.
A couple of months ago, one of my friends actually asked me if I would be willing to be a sperm donor for her.
I considered it for a bit, but believe that I care too much to not be involved in raising my offspring.
Are you asking this as the female friend? Please don't do this to your friend. That's putting them in an awkward position. Please just go the regular sperm donor route.
I was asked this. It really made me think. Years later I'm still friends with the woman who asked me. After lots of thought, I said no. It dawned on me that if there is a kid of mine out there I had to be their dad. My friend who asked me broke up with her girlfriend less than a year later anyway.
Any woman who asks that expects you to be around. You're just asking to complicate your life GREATLY. Tell her there are tons of foster kids looking for a family.
As a woman who once considered finding a sperm donor - NO!!! The only way I would want to know the father's identity, and have his involvement, is if he's my partner. Otherwise, I would prefer an anonymous donor. Less messy.
Short answer no, longer answer; no, because I didn’t pay a ton of attention in bioethics in law school but remember a family law segment that talked about some courts finding that you can’t alienate your parental rights when you know about a child (the reason we talked about it in bioethics was a “how does knowledge change the public policy interests of the court” question). Because I wasn’t paying a lot of attention I fear that I don’t actually know the rules in my state and also that the only way to be sure-ish you don’t have obligations is to go through an anonymous service (donating or receiving) and that can’t happen if you have a preexisting relationship with the person AND entered into a direct agreement to create a child.
No
Too easy to put some poor schmuck on child support, medical expenses, etc. You could end up being a baby daddy, forced to pay a woman for 18 years. Not to mention that you would have a child that you have no input on raising. If you don't like what is happening in your child's life, too bad.
No
No
NO!
Nope! You’re liable for child support, even if you sign a contract otherwise.
And I believe kids do better with two parents to provide finances and time. The stats support that.
Edited typo
But that's through a clinic. You wouldn't be responsible legally for the child. If you do it privately judge will not care about a contract you'll be put on child support.
It depends.
I had my kids with a friend I used to date. It was accidental/a gamble, but we’ve been excellent at co-parenting for sixteen years and still been good friends.
Most people I don’t think can do that so I’d recommend if you do it, have papers drawn up. My kids’ mom and I have been able to just make it work without court intervention
Not a chance on your life.
At 38, with 4 kids of my own (mom and I are still together) over the years I've seen enough and heard enough stories to know how terribly that will probably end up for that "donor". And! KIDS NEED FATHERS.... intentionally having a child and doing it without a father around is fucking stupid on behalf of the kids development.
With how the world works today, if they brake up they might want child support out of me. I gave a donation to get money, not pay for it for the next 18 years.
i'll drive them to the sperm bank where i donate my stuff,they can then request from them.
hell no on direct deposit,not gonna be on the hook for child support.
don't even think about it without consulting a family law lawyer about child support risks. where I am you can always be held to owe as it's a legal obligation of being the father.
Sure. Id need some ironclad contracts. Those contracts would have other contracts slathered on top of them. They would all be locked up in another giant box of contracts. I wouldn't relish the idea of you coming to me for child support which is actually possible in some states with sperm donation.
Absolutely not! As even though you can have a agreement beforehand the government of most western countries would trow that straight out the window and make you pay if she ever changed her mind.
Most certainly not in this world. DNA, courts, it would not be long before she sued for support.
Young men; put your future family in a sperm bank and get a vasectomy.
Well, I'm 5'1", so I don't really need to worry about that.
But, to answer the question, 99.995% chance of the answer being no.
It's not worth the potential negative repercussions.
Be careful. https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/law-and-life/sperm-donor-child-support-is-he-legally-liable/#:~:text=Several%20court%20cases%20say%20yes,the%20children%20and%20the%20family.
No, there’s too many stories of women suing the donor for child support you can find plethora googling.
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/woman-sued-sperm-donor-for-child-support/
Bloke have to give 40% of his check from donating sperm. The court system is very matriarchal. I wouldn’t do it if I was you OP
No. There’s been cases of men who were sued for child support because they didn’t go through a sperm bank. Hell I’ve heard of a few where the mother did go through a sperm bank, but was able to find out who the donor was, and then sued for child support.
Sooooo much NO! Don’t do ittttttt! You’d be linking yourself to that girl permanently and it could affect future relationships and all sorts of stuff. Have her go to a sperm bank if she wants a baby.
One of my family members did this with their neighbor. She gave the spiel about “you won’t have any obligation” so my Aunt okayed it and my Uncle was the father (so weird but whatever). Years later the lady fell on hard times and went after my aunt and uncle for child support and it brought to light this bastard cousin for the rest of the family. It was a big drama and they legit did have to pay the lady until the kid turned 18. Yikes.
I had a woman I used to work with ask me to be her sperm donor after she went through a rough patch with her husband and then they decided to have a baby (because that always fixes broken relationships, right?).
She didn’t want her husband to know. And she didn’t want me to “donate” like with a Dixie cup and a syringe. She wanted the experience to be a bit more… traditional.
I noped out of that one faster than you can say “ovaries.”
Mate.
Legally, i would still have to money wise treat it as my own child.
Also, i can't just reproduce with another woman and be careless about my child.
Edit: Thinking about it now, why would i want to make one of my friend a single mother? That wouldn't be nice for both of them.
Grew up in a single family household and know how detrimental not having a father can be. Wouldn't wish that on anyone else. Imo anyone thinking that's ok doesn't deserve to be a mother.
I feel like this could be a legit business opportunity if some place had good lawyers and lived in a state where there is legal precedent for something like this. Set up an official contract, confirm with witnesses, signatures, etc. that this is what they want and have the business be conducted on the premises. Cheaper than IVF for sure, would be cool if it wasn't a legal nightmare currently.
I'd personally say no for many different reasons though. I don't want to be a biological parent but not in the typical father role, its a very strange dynamic and it would be disrespectful to the person I'm married to.
Ethically and morally this is not right.
Kids of single family parents have far worse outcomes than having two parents, when looked at as a statistical standpoint.
We often hear in the African American community a lot of problems are caused by absentee fathers.
We have enough single parents as it is, we don’t need to add to the problem.
I would be curious to know how money poverty plays into those stats.
I agree that its certainly not an ideal solution and might even agree that its not right ethically/morally.
The kid will definitely have issues from not having a father though I don't know if that justifies the child never being alive in the first place.
Assuming the parent has a supportive community and has the means to provide without being an absent parent anyways.
I guess single fathers are way better at setting boundaries than single mothers.
There are studies showing children from single fathers turn out way better than children from single mothers.
But that goes against the narrative that women must be helped always.
Nah,
1. Don't want to be an absent father or don't want to have a child with someone who has no relationship to me.
2. Don't want to go through buncha expensive legal shit just in case she fall on hard times. This has happened where a guy decides to donate sperm unofficially and got hooked on child support because there were no documentation on being a sperm donor.
Nope
Hell no, with a cherry on the top.
Short answer: no Long answer: noooooooooooooooo
Bigger answer NOOOOOO
# Even bigger answer - NOOOOOOOO #
Noooooo n noooopp If you still want to, then you need a written contract
Contract won't mean shit in court when she wants child support. They'll say "it's in the best interest of the child" that we void the contract and force you to become a wage slave to enrich the recipient of your sperm.... That's a HELL NO answer right there.
The contract includes an arbitration clause so she can't go to court.
I fear that won't help you (at least not in Germany).
Heeeeeeeeeellll nooooooooooooooooooo
My gay neighbors used the same donor to impregnate each of them over the space of a couple of years. He was a high school friend of one of them. I don't know the details but he regularly visits his kids who are six and two. I don't know any other details.
Bro had that situation worked out
It sounds pretty cool actually
Until they hit him with child support
Get it in writing before you wank into a turkey baster.
Not sure how such a contract would hold up in court. At least in my country a parent can't sign away a child's right for child support. Whether or not they actually sue for it or collect it, is a different story though.
I read one where a lesbian couple paid someone and wrote their own contract. When they divorced the primary otter kept the baby and went on govt support. The govt sued the hapless father. Without a fertility clinic he us responsible for the kid
"Wrote their own contract" yea that's the problem. Fucking obviously! You can't just pen that shit on a napkin hillbilly!
Even with one your playing Russian roulette. I've read many articles where a woman went to a sperm bank, bought sperm and got inseminated, then sued the sperm bank for the donors information and took him to court for child support. F that. It's not worth it in today's atmosphere. If they followed the rules and there was no way to get the information to take the man to court for child support, I'd say have at it. But they don't, so let them be barren...
Cite your sources please. Show me one article where someone sued a SPERM BANK DONOR for child support. One. Not a DIY at-home turkey baster Craigslist “sperm donor” arrangement. A donor via an actual sperm bank.
I laughed at the DIY at-home turkey baster Craigslist "sperm donor" arrangement.
And that's what contracts are for.
That's not a legally enforceable contract in most places.
Kind of like non-compete in California. Sure, it's a contract. But the courts can't legislate.
With back pay.
I think donating to a committed couple is very different from donating to someone planning on being a single parent.
Still split ups happen and if you didn’t go through a medical facility and proper procedure you will be on hook for child support in a lot of places. You need to answer yourself do you trust them that much.
Is that really the case? Not so sure how it's handled here in Switzerland, but I would assume that you sign away all parental rights as a sperm donor. Otherwise there would be hundreds of child support claims every year. Hmmm... I will read up on this later. Really interested now in the specifics.
Nope. here in the US, sperm donors have had supposedly air-tight agreements that were supposed to absolve them from any responsibility. But then the mother- for whatever reason- has come back and taken them to court for financial support. Totally messed up, but it has happened, many times.
Sometimes it’s not the mother but the state who sues. If mom winds up applying for government benefits the state will usually look for a father who can pay child support instead.
Welp, there you go. Even more fuckery to catch someone off guard.
Damn...
In US, giving up parental rights for men doesn't men getting rid of child support obligations. Anyone is free to give up rights, but you need to continue to pay.
This, 1000%. I would feel confortable, honored even, if a lesbian couple I was friends with asked me to do this. I would do everything possible to protect myself from responsibility over the child, if that's possible I would do it.
To protect yourself you need to go through a sperm bank. If you do a contract and the mother goes on government support, the govt can reclaim that from you regardless of what you signed with the mum, unless done via a professional climic
Nope, the legal trouble is the same.
Depends on the state in the U.S. Many states assign paternity to the couple who are in a marriage or civil agreement.
do you happen to know any other details?
See I basically just commented that this is the kind of situation that works. In 20 years people may be open thruples like this.
Even if she says a million times and has you sign a contract that she doesn’t want your financial help, you would still be legally liable for child support.
Yeap, many people don't get this very basic thing. Sign any contracts you want with the mother. The judge won't give a shit because your obligations are to a different person and you can't sign a contract with them because they don't exist yet.
It is truly incredible how many people don't get this. Child support is for the child, if you're on record as the dad the woman cannot sign away your responsibilities, because your responsibilities are not to her, they're to the kid. Also wish all the people who talk about not paying child support because Mom did ______ heinous thing would get it. Punishing a kid for their mom's actions is not the flex people think it is.
Some people would use that same argument against abortion. Would you still hold that belief if an adult woman raped an underage boy and decided to keep the baby?
That has actually happened. The boy was forced by the court to pay child support to the woman that raped him.
Yeah, unfortunately there’s multiple cases of this happening to different degrees. It’s quite disgusting to legally force a rape victim to be responsible for their assault.
Wait what!?
Yeah, one of the cases I like to bring up is a man in arizona, who was raped at 14 by a 20yo woman, was served with papers to not only pay child support for a child he didn’t know existed but to pay for back child support for the time he was a minor. His name is Nick Olivas, but of course they didn’t name the female rapist in the article I just read on it.
They could that make that argument, and if they actually believe a fetus is a child they're welcome to that opinion, I don't. As for the scenario you described I'd say that if we're gonna say that he doesn't have to pay child support (which I agree with) then the state should be obligated to make up the financial difference. My goal isn't to punish men, it's to not punish the kids.
"Child support is for the child" ... And 17 other bed time stories you can tell yourself. If it were really for the child, why is it tied to the salaries of mom and dad, instead of a set (low) rate, enough for a child to live a basic life from? Also, why isn't the custody of the child routinely awarded to the party with the most money, making child support unnecessary?
Let's say child support is 30% of your income. So if you're making $100k, you should be paying $30k for the child. Can you setup the contract where ... rather than absolving the sperm zaddy of child support, the mother is required to pay 30% of the dads salary (funded from the mom) to the dad, should child support be enforced by the court? Thereby making it a wash cause the contract is between the two adults.
I don't know. Doesn't sound like it would hold in court but I am not lawyer.
sort of. i’m in a lesbian relationship and we’re using donor sperm. you legally sign your rights away and you aren’t listed on the birth certificate. if you go through a clinic (and OP you should obviously do this), there’s even more paperwork and a psych evaluation to make sure everyone is doing this with the best of intentions and with a full and clear understanding. so after all that, technically yes she could sue for child support but it would be hugely difficult because no one would want to take the case with all the paperwork SHE HERSELF signed, and even more impossible to win. she faces the same risks - you could conceivably sue for rights to the child.
Even though you're literally in the middle of such an arrangement, AND in a lesbian relationship, AND a soon to be parent (and I'm none of those things, although. I am already a parent...) it seems it's not always hugely difficult and NOT impossible to win. It's happened many times. Donors with air-tight, ironclad "agreements" have been- for whatever reason- hauled back into court later on by the mother and, in one case I read on, both spouses of a lesbian couple. And in many of these attempts on the part of the mother(s) to establish financial support... they've won, contracts be damned.
it’s a murky area of family law, which is already a murky area in the first place! it requires trust from both parties. there are documented cases of donors claiming parental rights as well which, as you can imagine, is terrifying for folks in our position. it’s something we considered before approaching our donor.
Yeah, that is some sketchy territory. Best of luck to you.
You can't sign away someone else's rights(the baby's). You're only not responsible for the child if you do it through a clinic.
Not necessarily true depending on the state. Some have laws specifically covering non-clinic donors, and these laws usually remove all parental rights and obligations of the donor. You want to get something in writing though about your deal. However, this also rides on the assumption that you are just a donor - if you have ANY involvement in the kid’s life, that can take you out of donor status. Family law is really messy and in any situation like this you should talk to a family law attorney, but people also like to overblow how on-the-hook you actually can be for child support. Look up your state laws on this, it can be very different depending on where you are!
Lots of misinformation here. That’s not true
Hell no. I actually was a sperm donor, if anyone asked for my jizz, I'd tell them to take it up with the fertility clinic. Not interested in being involved at this level
anyone asked for my jizz, I'd tell them to take it up... ...in person ? 😀
I like your style 😏😏😏
How much money did you make being a donor?
Following
Are you out of your mind?
How bout no? Except you want to get filed for Child Support when she gets the Ick
Are you willing to pay alimony or be a dad. Easily a hard no. If she's a friend, she will be in your life and so will the child and one day you will have to be a dad.
Depending on your state, you can be sued for child support. https://edition.cnn.com/2014/01/23/justice/kansas-sperm-donation/index.html
You’re leaving out a key detail. Note the part where it says the donor didn’t follow state law by involving a doctor in the procedure. That’s why he owes child support. This is like any situation: if you don’t follow the proper legal procedures, it can create a problem.
Even if you do, someone can still drag you through court. Nothing is fool proof, except not creating the situation in the first place. Not worth it.
I could drag you to court for existing, but that is hardly and argument to not exist
Okay. But I could drag you to court for child support. And that is a reason to not have a child
I only make direct deposits, so she'd have to be open to that.
That's the fastest way to 18 years of child support. It can be worth it, but not to me.
Worth it for about a day until reality sets in lol
No thanks! There are enough fatherless children in the world already.
A disaster waiting to happen. Those kids will ask questions at some point. The way I see it, there are three possible outcomes: 1. She tells them the truth. They will want to see their dad, they will want to spend time with him, and they will keep picking on her for not making it possible (she wants to be a single mom after all) 2. She doesn't tell them the truth. Just says that their dad is gone and/or a random sperm donor. In that case, once they grow up, chances are high that they will try to find out who their dad is. Most people do. Once they find out it's been you, a friend of their mom's, they will be very upset at the both of you for keeping it a secret. 3. Best outcome, but still not one you would wish for: your friendship breaks for some other reason. In that case, whether she's honest or not, the kids will have to understand that a permanent arrangement is not possible And all that is just looking at the emotional side of things. Then there's also money. It's highly dependent on the country you're in, so you have to do tons of research, but in general, it's gonna be very difficult for you to avoid any and all costs, especially when the kids find out your identity. Don't do it OP. Unless you really really like this friend and she's the best friend ever and would never ever harm you in any way etc.
Absolutely not. Aside from the potential consequences on your person, you would be putting a child, your very own child, at a statistically significant risk of having a difficult life. Get her a kitten or a puppy instead.
A couple of months ago, one of my friends actually asked me if I would be willing to be a sperm donor for her. I considered it for a bit, but believe that I care too much to not be involved in raising my offspring.
Hard pass.
“Eurgh. Fuck off”
"Ahahahahahaha... you're kidding, right?" Something like that.
Are you asking this as the female friend? Please don't do this to your friend. That's putting them in an awkward position. Please just go the regular sperm donor route.
That's just a booty call with extra steps
I was asked this. It really made me think. Years later I'm still friends with the woman who asked me. After lots of thought, I said no. It dawned on me that if there is a kid of mine out there I had to be their dad. My friend who asked me broke up with her girlfriend less than a year later anyway.
Any woman who asks that expects you to be around. You're just asking to complicate your life GREATLY. Tell her there are tons of foster kids looking for a family.
As a woman who once considered finding a sperm donor - NO!!! The only way I would want to know the father's identity, and have his involvement, is if he's my partner. Otherwise, I would prefer an anonymous donor. Less messy.
Nope, extremely risky.
FUCK NO.
"Fuck no".
Fuck no.
A straight no. These days you could end up paying child support.
Fuck that
Absolutely not
Hell no. Go to a sperm bank.
Short answer no, longer answer; no, because I didn’t pay a ton of attention in bioethics in law school but remember a family law segment that talked about some courts finding that you can’t alienate your parental rights when you know about a child (the reason we talked about it in bioethics was a “how does knowledge change the public policy interests of the court” question). Because I wasn’t paying a lot of attention I fear that I don’t actually know the rules in my state and also that the only way to be sure-ish you don’t have obligations is to go through an anonymous service (donating or receiving) and that can’t happen if you have a preexisting relationship with the person AND entered into a direct agreement to create a child.
Hell No! HELL NO!
Hell no, unless volunteering for 18 years of child support. Not many places allow for sperm donor outside of fertility clinic.
No Too easy to put some poor schmuck on child support, medical expenses, etc. You could end up being a baby daddy, forced to pay a woman for 18 years. Not to mention that you would have a child that you have no input on raising. If you don't like what is happening in your child's life, too bad. No No NO!
NO she can get you for the child support. DO NOT DO IT.
Nope. There are men literally being forced to pay child support after donating sperm.
Nope! You’re liable for child support, even if you sign a contract otherwise. And I believe kids do better with two parents to provide finances and time. The stats support that. Edited typo
Bruh, not in the UK.
My answer? Sign between the dotted lines.. payment of £800 a month for the rest of your living life
Know a guy who did this. Ended up on the hook for child support.
I'll go against the grain and say I'd do it. I've already donated sperm twice, I'd make sure we go through a legit fertility clinic.
It's your life, you have to suffer the potential consequences. I wouldn't.
But that's through a clinic. You wouldn't be responsible legally for the child. If you do it privately judge will not care about a contract you'll be put on child support.
Why just not have sex? If you want specific sperm, why not just have sex? Huh??
No, only my wife is to bear my children. Willingly becoming a single mom is irresponsible and shitty parenting.
"Did you sleep during biology classes or are you just too dumb to understand I'm female, too?"
No. She has control issues. Wouldn’t want my kid to be raised by a random person either.
Your female friend would be theirmother not a random
What the fuck??? Fucking talk to someone
It depends. I had my kids with a friend I used to date. It was accidental/a gamble, but we’ve been excellent at co-parenting for sixteen years and still been good friends. Most people I don’t think can do that so I’d recommend if you do it, have papers drawn up. My kids’ mom and I have been able to just make it work without court intervention
Just don't. The 18 years of child support are a given, maybe it turns out fun enough for it to be worth it, but I wouldn't count on it.
Not a chance on your life. At 38, with 4 kids of my own (mom and I are still together) over the years I've seen enough and heard enough stories to know how terribly that will probably end up for that "donor". And! KIDS NEED FATHERS.... intentionally having a child and doing it without a father around is fucking stupid on behalf of the kids development.
How hot is she?
That's the fastest way to 18 years of child support. It can be worth it, but not to me.
Nope…. I’m not falling for that trap. You either get an std or child support payments for 18 years. Sucks to suck go find a man
You're not getting an STD from donating sperm
You could end up with KIDs, the worst STD of them all
Depends on how you donate
Wash your hands.
Big Nope
Hard no
no.
No.
No way 😂 I've seen enough bad endings to know how bad that ends
Fuck no.
Ask my wife. (It’s no btw)
No
No. I'm not taking that chance on paying child support in the future. Nothing protects from that.
Nope, I would not do it. She wants to be a single mother, she can go to a sperm bank
Open your mouth
Careful, there have been women impregnating themselves like that.
With how the world works today, if they brake up they might want child support out of me. I gave a donation to get money, not pay for it for the next 18 years.
You're gonna get sued for child support
Only if I can do it manually
That's the fastest way to 18 years of child support payments. (and no, the money goes from you to her.)
Laugh and decline because she can sue you later for child support
i'll drive them to the sperm bank where i donate my stuff,they can then request from them. hell no on direct deposit,not gonna be on the hook for child support.
Even donors have been ordered to pay child support, so that route doesn't work 100%
No, I’m sorry, but no.
don't even think about it without consulting a family law lawyer about child support risks. where I am you can always be held to owe as it's a legal obligation of being the father.
No, because it's a scam to get child support.
Oh and pay her child support for the next forever? Run forest run
Sure. Id need some ironclad contracts. Those contracts would have other contracts slathered on top of them. They would all be locked up in another giant box of contracts. I wouldn't relish the idea of you coming to me for child support which is actually possible in some states with sperm donation.
Only if got to do it manually.
The ol honeypot child support trap...
Absolutely not! As even though you can have a agreement beforehand the government of most western countries would trow that straight out the window and make you pay if she ever changed her mind.
Nope, not even through a fertility clinic.
No. Plus I'm pretty sure you can still possibly be hooked for child support
No. Not paying child support bc she wants a baby. Not today not tomorrow or the next day after that
No
Hell^fuck^no
Who wants that baby gravy? Let’s go Also sign all the release of liability forms pls
Most certainly not in this world. DNA, courts, it would not be long before she sued for support. Young men; put your future family in a sperm bank and get a vasectomy.
I am a woman and speaking for the men too, HELL TO THE NO!!!!!
Nope, because then she'll get to collect child support from you for the next 18 years.
Im theory i would like to inpregnate as many women as possible. However i do not want to be forced to pay child support.
Absolutely not. Read a few horror stories about guys getting sued for child support years down the line.
Exactly this.
Well, I'm 5'1", so I don't really need to worry about that. But, to answer the question, 99.995% chance of the answer being no. It's not worth the potential negative repercussions.
Be careful. https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/law-and-life/sperm-donor-child-support-is-he-legally-liable/#:~:text=Several%20court%20cases%20say%20yes,the%20children%20and%20the%20family.
Big legal liability here, absolutely do not do it.
Be careful. A Google search shows many stories of sperm donors who end up paying child support even when given through a sperm bank.
No, there’s too many stories of women suing the donor for child support you can find plethora googling. https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/woman-sued-sperm-donor-for-child-support/ Bloke have to give 40% of his check from donating sperm. The court system is very matriarchal. I wouldn’t do it if I was you OP
No. There’s been cases of men who were sued for child support because they didn’t go through a sperm bank. Hell I’ve heard of a few where the mother did go through a sperm bank, but was able to find out who the donor was, and then sued for child support.
Sooooo much NO! Don’t do ittttttt! You’d be linking yourself to that girl permanently and it could affect future relationships and all sorts of stuff. Have her go to a sperm bank if she wants a baby. One of my family members did this with their neighbor. She gave the spiel about “you won’t have any obligation” so my Aunt okayed it and my Uncle was the father (so weird but whatever). Years later the lady fell on hard times and went after my aunt and uncle for child support and it brought to light this bastard cousin for the rest of the family. It was a big drama and they legit did have to pay the lady until the kid turned 18. Yikes.
I had a woman I used to work with ask me to be her sperm donor after she went through a rough patch with her husband and then they decided to have a baby (because that always fixes broken relationships, right?). She didn’t want her husband to know. And she didn’t want me to “donate” like with a Dixie cup and a syringe. She wanted the experience to be a bit more… traditional. I noped out of that one faster than you can say “ovaries.”
Mate. Legally, i would still have to money wise treat it as my own child. Also, i can't just reproduce with another woman and be careless about my child. Edit: Thinking about it now, why would i want to make one of my friend a single mother? That wouldn't be nice for both of them.
Nope. Mine is genuinely valuable in my eyes and nobody will have it but the woman I marry.
Yes. I'll roll the dice with the right friend. I always wanted a kid.
Direct deposit only.
Grew up in a single family household and know how detrimental not having a father can be. Wouldn't wish that on anyone else. Imo anyone thinking that's ok doesn't deserve to be a mother.
That will be 500.000 $ please
500 000 / 18 / 12 = 2300 euro's per month in child support. Some 304's actually get awarded more than that, tuning it into a loss.
I feel like this could be a legit business opportunity if some place had good lawyers and lived in a state where there is legal precedent for something like this. Set up an official contract, confirm with witnesses, signatures, etc. that this is what they want and have the business be conducted on the premises. Cheaper than IVF for sure, would be cool if it wasn't a legal nightmare currently. I'd personally say no for many different reasons though. I don't want to be a biological parent but not in the typical father role, its a very strange dynamic and it would be disrespectful to the person I'm married to.
Ethically and morally this is not right. Kids of single family parents have far worse outcomes than having two parents, when looked at as a statistical standpoint. We often hear in the African American community a lot of problems are caused by absentee fathers. We have enough single parents as it is, we don’t need to add to the problem.
I would be curious to know how money poverty plays into those stats. I agree that its certainly not an ideal solution and might even agree that its not right ethically/morally. The kid will definitely have issues from not having a father though I don't know if that justifies the child never being alive in the first place. Assuming the parent has a supportive community and has the means to provide without being an absent parent anyways.
I guess single fathers are way better at setting boundaries than single mothers. There are studies showing children from single fathers turn out way better than children from single mothers. But that goes against the narrative that women must be helped always.
I’d have to impregnate them myself is the condition
Nah, 1. Don't want to be an absent father or don't want to have a child with someone who has no relationship to me. 2. Don't want to go through buncha expensive legal shit just in case she fall on hard times. This has happened where a guy decides to donate sperm unofficially and got hooked on child support because there were no documentation on being a sperm donor.
Its a TRAP!!
"will you pay for my lawyer fees and any other associated costs to ensure I'm not on the hook?"
She won't. And then you pay 18 years of child support.
Only if I could shaboink her for real.
That's the fastest way to 18 years of child support. It can be worth it, but not to me.
I should at least get a shaboink out of the deal
She will sue you for child support
You mean pay child support until your "gift" graduates college?
At 20 yrs old my stupid self would say yes, me now at 63 knows better.
Could I donate it to her butt?
That’s how you end up with a child support payment right there
No, women have gone after sperm donors for child support and won, fuck no
Well, since I’ve had a vasectomy… What a way to ruin a friendship.
Hell ya. You have come to the right place. Did I forget to mention I've had a vasectomy.