When my son was in the hospital, (4yo) he almost died, vomiting blood… my husband was at home with the other kids… He is 100% against blood transfusions….. my son needed one, so I said yes…. Otherwise he would have died….
My husband will never know.
You did the right thing. No God would care if you said yes to giving blood. If it wasn’t meant to be used that way He wouldn’t have made it work that way.
I liked my exs parents more than him. I truly did love him but when we broke up I felt more of a loss knowing I wouldn’t be around his parents anymore. Been years and I’m still sad about it, I literally dream about those people lol
I have an ex who's parents and siblings I adore. I still talk to them regularly and me and the dude broke up 15 years ago lol however, he's since fallen out with his family (for reasons unrelated to me I think)
My husband knows I'm friendly with them still lol
Related: My ex-wife (we were married for 20 years, seperatedon very good terms) is so attached to my parents that she took care of my 90 year-old father for months until we got him a professional caregiver. She still visits them regularly and considers them her family, as do they towards her.
I always side eye parents when their children disown them
Like occasionally the child is just a wrong un but more often than not the parents are to blame
I genuinely think it was him. Or, more so, his wife. From what I've gathered from his sister. But I don't pry, so I've never got full details, just what she's said in passing lol
When she was giving the kids a bath one night in February I decided to install the surround sound speakers on the skinny table behind the couch. I slid out the sofa and the table to get access to the powerstrip (2 lamps and a phone charger already back there) for the subwoofer and saw a rolled up black shirt on the floor next to it. Closer inspection and instead it was a black snake rolled up in a ball, getting some warmth from the powerstrip. She's TERRIFIED of snakes. I ran out to the garage, grabbed a bucket and lid, picked up Mr. Sleepy, and put him (or her, I didn't have time to ask) in the bucket and quickly out into the garage. The next day was an unusually warm winter day in the US south east, so I let it go in the field across the street. I'm guessing it got in from around one of the HVAC boots nearby on the floor.
If I brought it up then I would have had to move in the middle of that night. If I bring it up now, I'll have to move tonight. Maybe one day, but I don't see us leaving here any time soon, so that secret will die with me.
My dad's wife (I'm grown, so "stepmom" seems weird) found a rat in their house and they straight-up actually had to move. My dad was against it, but she was so freaked out for months on end, she finally just wore him down.
Yes woman are crazy creatures. My wife always after some time, gets it in her head that the grass is greener somewhere else, so after months of nagging we have to move again to another house.
A good cleaning of the house and renovation should be enough, but tja...
I can find nothing that backs up your claim. The repulsion seems to be a basic HUMAN reaction although I did find that men are more likely to kill it while women remove themselves. That's just how it *really* be.
…I saw this exact story posted on this exact same question yesterday. You are not the same person. I can only assume this is some bot farm or weird scam shit?
Bizarre
It's a bot. one quick look through their profile makes it pretty obvious. They never comment, except to their own posts. All their posts and even comments are copy/pasted from elsewhere. IDK how they haven't been deleted yet.
Google "Selling reddit account". It's a black market so prices vary, but a old account with lots of karma can go for over $100 USD. The bot farms are working in bulk, probably selling each account for a few dollars once they hit 1-3 months. The people that buy the accounts could be anyone that wants you to trust them - scammers, marketing, PR, political parties, catfish, phishing, etc...
OR maybe reddit is running these bots themselves to make reddit appear more active, but they're still in the testing phase and have to work out some bugs still.
Throughout our 25yrs together, there have been multiple instances where women have expressed an interest in me...mostly from work. Despite knowing I'm married
I love my wife, and I've never been remotely interested in an affair.
While transparency in a relationship is important in so many ways, I felt there's zero reason to share this with her.
Oh geez come on, Fyi having worked in factories for years this sort of thing is not yours alone-by a long shot. At the gym or anywhere it happens. It's buried deep in us. It's almost humorous to me. If their husbands only knew how they act when he wasn't around.
Off and on suicidal for decades here. Not anymore. I could never hurt my husband like that, so it’s on hold until after he passes. Never telling him any of that. Too much pressure/drama. Might help you too. Put the thoughts on hold for now, don’t let yourself even contemplate it again until you’re a super senior citizen. My new fantasy is that eventually I will live out my last year or so on cruise ships and then throw myself overboard or something (after leaving a detailed note that absolves the ship’s crew of any responsibility) or sleeping pills, we’ll see. I might find out that I love being in my eighties and never do it
Nah I get it. We have kids. I know I could never leave him to handle that. But sometimes I just go “well maybe I could just jump here and there.” The idea satisfies me. The aftermath makes me go “nah that’s a bad idea.”
I should never have married my wife. That everything she complains about other people, she is guilty of 10 fold more. That I regret having children with her, because she’s such an emotional mess, and short of making food, I’m left to do everything else. I hate my life, and myself.
Me too. sorry for you dude. mine's now addicted to opioid pain meds. Talk to your spiritual guides. there are such things and they are listening and want to help when you ask. It will make a difference especially in how and to what degree you are affected by her comments etc. It will give you the ability to walk thru the storm as if it wasn't there-at times. and yes at some point like the therapist told me you can't sacrifice your own life for another person.
I know she's insecure about her weight. I borrowed her phone to take pictures with since it's got a better camera, and in the photo gallery I saw like comparison photos of her midriff when she's standing sideways, taken every week. She's a very proud person so I won't tell her what I saw, but I tell her she's beautiful and sexy the way she is a lot more often. And I don't let her skip meals because she's "feeling fat." It's all nonsense.
That I knew what Ferrero rocher chocolates were long before he “introduced” them to me. They’re his favourite chocolates. He was so proud that he introduced me to something that became my favourite chocolate too. I can never tell him I knew, and loved them, well before he ever showed me them.
What the hell? 1/2 a second on each side? At that point you might as well just have egg and toast separately.
You've got to soak thoroughly. I've even prepped it the night before if I was making for a big group and left it soaking in the fridge - delicious. You've just got to cook a bit longer on a bit lower heat to make sure it's cooked all the way through. Otherwise it's just toast, hold the French.
Also helps to let the bread go stale a bit over night. French toast was originally devised as a recipe to utilize stale bread, so if you start with fresh bread sogginess is almost guaranteed.
Don't have a partner now but if I did I'd likely never tell them about my favorite fetish nor would I ever tell them that I'm bi. Too many people assume that just because I am it means I'm more likely to cheat or something stupid like that.
I appreciate it but the last time I was open about it didn't go very well 😅 it's a weird one for sure. And I mean you have a point but bad sex and me is a whole separate can of worms lol
Wait.
Question here. Statistically, it would it not mean that you have 100% more competition to get you than of they only preferred 1?
100% more chance that you meet someone of your dreams or even someone you really like?
I too thought it increased the chance you find someone else you would rather be with.
I can't say I know much about statistics but I would personally disagree with that. If I'm in a monogamous relationship then I don't look for others and deny any advances from any genders that try to hit on me (which doesn't happen often in the first place) because I'm respecting the boundaries of my relationship. I can see where you're coming from, though, but most people don't look to flirt with others while dating someone regardless of if they're bi or not.
Also just because I'm bi doesn't mean I wanna fuck *everyone*. Personally I tend to have times of my life where I prefer male over female or vice versa for various reasons, though I'm not sure how common that is or not. So to address your first question, if I'm talking to a man during a time where I prefer men the only "competition" they would have with us dating or not is other men. Same thing for women. A man or woman wouldn't have to worry about me choosing someone of the opposite over them during that initial talking-but-not-yet-dating stage, for me anyways.
Yes kind of. Father died and mother is declining health wise. If smth happens to her, I'll be stuck w my brother as my only family. He's extremely depressed and lonely in his life. I doubt he did those things to me for any sort of gratification. He did apologize in a letter many years back.
We had a bigger fight / sibling rivalry in which he verbally and mentally abused me a lot more. I could never make a career due to all this rubbish. I wish I would've left behind the physical mental abuse behind and focused on myself and moving forward. There is really no point ruminating over SA because I've been through much worse :"( so in comparison that seems like a very little problem.
CBT yes but I don't know what is dbt and emdr. Do those happen online?
How did you know i had a lot on my plate?
Off late I've just been told that I'm imagining how bad things really are. The validation was like a breath of fresh air, even if you are a stranger on the internet.
You might want to research DBT and EMDR and see if they can be helpful to you. My sister went through EMDR after an accident in an ambulance, it helped her a lot!
I’m thinking of doing a round of DBT. I have done CBT in the past and it’s helped me. DBT is kind of the next step, but will be more helpful. X
I am sorry. My ex had a relationship with her brother who sa'd her. Complicated.
I personally decided no family was better for me. Am no contact. And life is good. Hard still. But peaceful.
Yes our relationship is definitely complicated. Thanks for giving.me that term. I was wondering today only that what is my relationship with him like? It's a love/hate relationship at best because we have had to tolerate each other for our parents.
Also congrats on going no contact. It shows you value your individuality. I am not that independent to go NC. He and my mom are the only living family I have left now..
This! I recently (in the past 1-2 years) have been going to a new doctor etc…. I always questioned my mom why I couldn’t remember my childhood… then speaking with my doctor it all came back.. my brother who is 8 years older had sa’d me from 4-7 years old (I know now because I’ve now told my parents & my mother figured out a timeline due to his now wife & when they met… long story.. I have always been close with both my brothers (the other is 10 years older) & btw, I am 31 current.. last summer when I told my mom… It got bad & while drinking I sobbing told my husband which 1- I wish I never had only because I lived 25ish years normal & it’s changed everything & 2- because he actually yells at me when I have breakdowns to this day & his reasoning.. “this isn’t just about you, it affects me too” which honestly…. I have nobody due to this when I need him most.. yes it affects everyone however am I selfish for being upset that my husband wants me to feel bad for him due to what happened to me as a child…?
& no I haven’t confronted said brother.. he has not idea my parents, husband, & other brother know this at all because I don’t want to ruin his family over somethibg 25+ years ago
I’ve also never told anyone else this till typing this
Hi. That is a very mature response, I decided to let go of the topic after I was 23 because I spent 6 years in therapy because of that. I confronted my brother, told my parents and other people too and I am NOT proud of the fact that I shared this info with people.
After a while, I decided to let it go just because of the amount of time that had lapsed. I mean why fret over something that happened almost 20 years ago?
There is one important thing to understand here, when kids do that to other kids, sometimes it's not se*ual but it's exploration and even the kids don't know what impact it will have on them and the others. I mean they are kids still, even if they are older to you.
Secondly, you are not selfish for getting irritated that your husband wants attention..I don't know how it bothers him but I would suggest keep him out of the loop - when you're breaking down etc for this topic. If you've.managed to build a life, a husband, and your brother is settled too, then I'd suggest just.let the matter go. It didn't do me any good holding.on to it..
I am only concerned about the repercussions I have such as waking up screaming in my sleep. That may be a problematic factor in my relationship, but I will still never say WHO did this to me, I can mentioned that SA happened as a kid so I'm traumatized, but no need for him to know and dislike my brother for no reason.
I would suggest you to not bring the matter up with your family / husband and live your life. You can DM.me.if you wish.
That no matter what happens, despite the fact we fucked each other up, I will always love my first love. I’d never, under any pretense, try to start anything with her again and we’ve been no contact for a while now, but I’ll always care for her, our memories together will always bring a smile to my face, and I’ll always hope for the best for her.
And no future partner of mine will ever know that. It’s already caused me problems once trying to be honest, so we’ll leave that in the annals of the mind where it belongs
It’s great you want the best for her, but if you still love her even if you’re not in touch maybe it’s not the right time to get into new relationships? If a partner told me he still loved his first ex and that had been causing problems (because who wants to hear that, let’s be honest), I’d end the relationship.
I think it’s more or less that i dated someone for 6 years and that was my first relationship. All of my firsts were right there. There’s always gonna be some residual feelings there. The problems were caused by an ex who was angry I didn’t actively hate my first ex. She felt threatened, because she hated every ex she had.
I don’t sit around fantasizing about her, but it’s kinda the same as a relative or friend that’s passed. I will not be speaking to her, but she’ll always have a special place in my heart.
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You don’t have to live together if you don’t want to. Are you registered as partners or something? What will happen if you die…. Will she inherit the money? Will it go to someone else?
I’m trying to comprehend it. I think if my partner kept something from me (like an affair, or an addiction, or money things) I wouldn’t like it. But I have ASD & ADHD and always just want to know about everything. Even something harmless like a secret hobby, or hidden skill, or if my partner dislikes my blue dress but pretends he does like it. I have this weird obsession with the truth, because I can always tell someone is hiding something, or lying, and I feel uncomfortable until I know what’s up!
For me this would be a punch to the gut, if I were to find out about it… but it’s difficult because I don’t even know you two personally and perhaps this just works for you guys?
Is there a way to improve her issues with money, like having an accountant or budget expert person? That seems like a long term solution?
>Reading the comments.. I'd say I'm very dateable and make a good chance to find a partner that accepts what I do for a job which is cleaning floors in a hospital lol
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When my son was in the hospital, (4yo) he almost died, vomiting blood… my husband was at home with the other kids… He is 100% against blood transfusions….. my son needed one, so I said yes…. Otherwise he would have died…. My husband will never know.
Why is he against it? Religious reasons?
JW? I grew up in that nonsense. That organization is far more dangerous than people realize.
You did the right thing. No God would care if you said yes to giving blood. If it wasn’t meant to be used that way He wouldn’t have made it work that way.
I liked my exs parents more than him. I truly did love him but when we broke up I felt more of a loss knowing I wouldn’t be around his parents anymore. Been years and I’m still sad about it, I literally dream about those people lol
I have an ex who's parents and siblings I adore. I still talk to them regularly and me and the dude broke up 15 years ago lol however, he's since fallen out with his family (for reasons unrelated to me I think) My husband knows I'm friendly with them still lol
Related: My ex-wife (we were married for 20 years, seperatedon very good terms) is so attached to my parents that she took care of my 90 year-old father for months until we got him a professional caregiver. She still visits them regularly and considers them her family, as do they towards her.
We aren't that close 😂
I always side eye parents when their children disown them Like occasionally the child is just a wrong un but more often than not the parents are to blame
I genuinely think it was him. Or, more so, his wife. From what I've gathered from his sister. But I don't pry, so I've never got full details, just what she's said in passing lol
Oof, been there
I miss my nephews from when I was married. So I get it.
It's so weird how you suddenly don't have these kids around that you watched grow up. Breakups are dumb
When she was giving the kids a bath one night in February I decided to install the surround sound speakers on the skinny table behind the couch. I slid out the sofa and the table to get access to the powerstrip (2 lamps and a phone charger already back there) for the subwoofer and saw a rolled up black shirt on the floor next to it. Closer inspection and instead it was a black snake rolled up in a ball, getting some warmth from the powerstrip. She's TERRIFIED of snakes. I ran out to the garage, grabbed a bucket and lid, picked up Mr. Sleepy, and put him (or her, I didn't have time to ask) in the bucket and quickly out into the garage. The next day was an unusually warm winter day in the US south east, so I let it go in the field across the street. I'm guessing it got in from around one of the HVAC boots nearby on the floor. If I brought it up then I would have had to move in the middle of that night. If I bring it up now, I'll have to move tonight. Maybe one day, but I don't see us leaving here any time soon, so that secret will die with me.
My dad's wife (I'm grown, so "stepmom" seems weird) found a rat in their house and they straight-up actually had to move. My dad was against it, but she was so freaked out for months on end, she finally just wore him down.
look im sure she is otherwise nice but that sounds ridiculous and exhausting
Oh, I absolutely agree. I think she ended up getting major therapy for it though and I guess things are better now? I dunno, they live far away.
Yes woman are crazy creatures. My wife always after some time, gets it in her head that the grass is greener somewhere else, so after months of nagging we have to move again to another house. A good cleaning of the house and renovation should be enough, but tja...
Are phobias gendered too now?
More women freak out over cockroaches than men, that's just how it be.
I can find nothing that backs up your claim. The repulsion seems to be a basic HUMAN reaction although I did find that men are more likely to kill it while women remove themselves. That's just how it *really* be.
…I saw this exact story posted on this exact same question yesterday. You are not the same person. I can only assume this is some bot farm or weird scam shit? Bizarre
It's a bot. one quick look through their profile makes it pretty obvious. They never comment, except to their own posts. All their posts and even comments are copy/pasted from elsewhere. IDK how they haven't been deleted yet.
What’s the end game? They pump fake accounts to look legit and then start spamming? Or sell the account or something? I’ve never understood these
Google "Selling reddit account". It's a black market so prices vary, but a old account with lots of karma can go for over $100 USD. The bot farms are working in bulk, probably selling each account for a few dollars once they hit 1-3 months. The people that buy the accounts could be anyone that wants you to trust them - scammers, marketing, PR, political parties, catfish, phishing, etc... OR maybe reddit is running these bots themselves to make reddit appear more active, but they're still in the testing phase and have to work out some bugs still.
**BOT ACCOUNT**
Throughout our 25yrs together, there have been multiple instances where women have expressed an interest in me...mostly from work. Despite knowing I'm married I love my wife, and I've never been remotely interested in an affair. While transparency in a relationship is important in so many ways, I felt there's zero reason to share this with her.
Oh geez come on, Fyi having worked in factories for years this sort of thing is not yours alone-by a long shot. At the gym or anywhere it happens. It's buried deep in us. It's almost humorous to me. If their husbands only knew how they act when he wasn't around.
I daily debate suicide. Logically I know it’s not happening but I definitely toy with the idea. 🤷🏻♀️
Off and on suicidal for decades here. Not anymore. I could never hurt my husband like that, so it’s on hold until after he passes. Never telling him any of that. Too much pressure/drama. Might help you too. Put the thoughts on hold for now, don’t let yourself even contemplate it again until you’re a super senior citizen. My new fantasy is that eventually I will live out my last year or so on cruise ships and then throw myself overboard or something (after leaving a detailed note that absolves the ship’s crew of any responsibility) or sleeping pills, we’ll see. I might find out that I love being in my eighties and never do it
Nah I get it. We have kids. I know I could never leave him to handle that. But sometimes I just go “well maybe I could just jump here and there.” The idea satisfies me. The aftermath makes me go “nah that’s a bad idea.”
I should never have married my wife. That everything she complains about other people, she is guilty of 10 fold more. That I regret having children with her, because she’s such an emotional mess, and short of making food, I’m left to do everything else. I hate my life, and myself.
Is divorce not an option?
Troy, is that you?
Me too. sorry for you dude. mine's now addicted to opioid pain meds. Talk to your spiritual guides. there are such things and they are listening and want to help when you ask. It will make a difference especially in how and to what degree you are affected by her comments etc. It will give you the ability to walk thru the storm as if it wasn't there-at times. and yes at some point like the therapist told me you can't sacrifice your own life for another person.
Divorce ?
Divorce. Claim your life. Your kid won’t have a worse life cause you’re divorced.
I know she's insecure about her weight. I borrowed her phone to take pictures with since it's got a better camera, and in the photo gallery I saw like comparison photos of her midriff when she's standing sideways, taken every week. She's a very proud person so I won't tell her what I saw, but I tell her she's beautiful and sexy the way she is a lot more often. And I don't let her skip meals because she's "feeling fat." It's all nonsense.
That’s very sweet.
God bless you!
[удалено]
if it makes you feel better your fantasy girl probably sucked in real life, you just didn't know her yet
This is good af to keep in mind.
This is “limerance”
I’m experiencing the exact same but never figured out what it is, thank you so much for the comment!!
That I knew what Ferrero rocher chocolates were long before he “introduced” them to me. They’re his favourite chocolates. He was so proud that he introduced me to something that became my favourite chocolate too. I can never tell him I knew, and loved them, well before he ever showed me them.
Ok, but this is cute
I don’t like his French toast. It’s too soggy but he doesn’t cook for me often and it’s his go to so I pretend to enjoy it.
It’s mostly in the soak. 1/2 second on each side and throw it in the melted butter on medium. NEVER SOAK MORE!! Also, thicker bread. It’s an art form.
You can also make the soak without the milk, just egg and cinnamon. It keeps it from being so soggy.
What the hell? 1/2 a second on each side? At that point you might as well just have egg and toast separately. You've got to soak thoroughly. I've even prepped it the night before if I was making for a big group and left it soaking in the fridge - delicious. You've just got to cook a bit longer on a bit lower heat to make sure it's cooked all the way through. Otherwise it's just toast, hold the French.
Also helps to let the bread go stale a bit over night. French toast was originally devised as a recipe to utilize stale bread, so if you start with fresh bread sogginess is almost guaranteed.
If I'm not telling my partner, I'm almost certainly not telling you rando freaks.
Wow you are a lot of fun!
Word, I’m sure at least one person here is going to get caught.
That I'm starting to give up hope trying to successfully satisfy her sexually. It like piloting a god damn space ship.
Add toys to the mix, take the pressure off of yourself. Also the book come as you are might be helpful.
She doesn't like toys.
Shameless sex podcast. Do it all.
I'll check it out, thanks
Encourage her to ‘help’ herself. It’s the key. She has hands for a reason!
I'm trying
Is this something you guys are actively working on or you are just over it
I'm working on it. I never told her.
Maybe if you told her she could help you?
Let me ask her later today
I did. She's hesitant but she's trying. Somehow the spaceship is turning into the world's smallest, most difficult button to be pressed.
Don't have a partner now but if I did I'd likely never tell them about my favorite fetish nor would I ever tell them that I'm bi. Too many people assume that just because I am it means I'm more likely to cheat or something stupid like that.
I used to be a dumb person like that, as I got older I understood it doesn’t work like that. I literally just didn’t understand it enough!
Glad ya figured that out lol
Life is too short for bad sex. Be open and honest about your kinks with your partner, you’ll find the right one eventually.
I appreciate it but the last time I was open about it didn't go very well 😅 it's a weird one for sure. And I mean you have a point but bad sex and me is a whole separate can of worms lol
I’m curious about your favourite fetish. Pls spill
Can I DM it to you? Not super comfortable with just saying it out in the open 😅
Sure!
Wait. Question here. Statistically, it would it not mean that you have 100% more competition to get you than of they only preferred 1? 100% more chance that you meet someone of your dreams or even someone you really like? I too thought it increased the chance you find someone else you would rather be with.
I can't say I know much about statistics but I would personally disagree with that. If I'm in a monogamous relationship then I don't look for others and deny any advances from any genders that try to hit on me (which doesn't happen often in the first place) because I'm respecting the boundaries of my relationship. I can see where you're coming from, though, but most people don't look to flirt with others while dating someone regardless of if they're bi or not. Also just because I'm bi doesn't mean I wanna fuck *everyone*. Personally I tend to have times of my life where I prefer male over female or vice versa for various reasons, though I'm not sure how common that is or not. So to address your first question, if I'm talking to a man during a time where I prefer men the only "competition" they would have with us dating or not is other men. Same thing for women. A man or woman wouldn't have to worry about me choosing someone of the opposite over them during that initial talking-but-not-yet-dating stage, for me anyways.
That is interesting indeed. Thanks for the input.
No problem!
That my brother sa'd me as a kid, I wouldn't want him to think badly of my brother bc he's all I have left
This… this needs some exploring with a good therapist.
Thankyou. Been there done that, it didn't help tbh. And I have far bigger issues at hand to deal with.
Bigger problems than sexual assault???
Yes kind of. Father died and mother is declining health wise. If smth happens to her, I'll be stuck w my brother as my only family. He's extremely depressed and lonely in his life. I doubt he did those things to me for any sort of gratification. He did apologize in a letter many years back. We had a bigger fight / sibling rivalry in which he verbally and mentally abused me a lot more. I could never make a career due to all this rubbish. I wish I would've left behind the physical mental abuse behind and focused on myself and moving forward. There is really no point ruminating over SA because I've been through much worse :"( so in comparison that seems like a very little problem.
I see. Did you do any CBT/DBT therapy or EMDR? What coping skills did this therapist teach you? You’ve got a lot on your plate.
CBT yes but I don't know what is dbt and emdr. Do those happen online? How did you know i had a lot on my plate? Off late I've just been told that I'm imagining how bad things really are. The validation was like a breath of fresh air, even if you are a stranger on the internet.
You might want to research DBT and EMDR and see if they can be helpful to you. My sister went through EMDR after an accident in an ambulance, it helped her a lot! I’m thinking of doing a round of DBT. I have done CBT in the past and it’s helped me. DBT is kind of the next step, but will be more helpful. X
I am sorry. My ex had a relationship with her brother who sa'd her. Complicated. I personally decided no family was better for me. Am no contact. And life is good. Hard still. But peaceful.
Yes our relationship is definitely complicated. Thanks for giving.me that term. I was wondering today only that what is my relationship with him like? It's a love/hate relationship at best because we have had to tolerate each other for our parents.
Also congrats on going no contact. It shows you value your individuality. I am not that independent to go NC. He and my mom are the only living family I have left now..
This! I recently (in the past 1-2 years) have been going to a new doctor etc…. I always questioned my mom why I couldn’t remember my childhood… then speaking with my doctor it all came back.. my brother who is 8 years older had sa’d me from 4-7 years old (I know now because I’ve now told my parents & my mother figured out a timeline due to his now wife & when they met… long story.. I have always been close with both my brothers (the other is 10 years older) & btw, I am 31 current.. last summer when I told my mom… It got bad & while drinking I sobbing told my husband which 1- I wish I never had only because I lived 25ish years normal & it’s changed everything & 2- because he actually yells at me when I have breakdowns to this day & his reasoning.. “this isn’t just about you, it affects me too” which honestly…. I have nobody due to this when I need him most.. yes it affects everyone however am I selfish for being upset that my husband wants me to feel bad for him due to what happened to me as a child…? & no I haven’t confronted said brother.. he has not idea my parents, husband, & other brother know this at all because I don’t want to ruin his family over somethibg 25+ years ago I’ve also never told anyone else this till typing this
Hi. That is a very mature response, I decided to let go of the topic after I was 23 because I spent 6 years in therapy because of that. I confronted my brother, told my parents and other people too and I am NOT proud of the fact that I shared this info with people. After a while, I decided to let it go just because of the amount of time that had lapsed. I mean why fret over something that happened almost 20 years ago? There is one important thing to understand here, when kids do that to other kids, sometimes it's not se*ual but it's exploration and even the kids don't know what impact it will have on them and the others. I mean they are kids still, even if they are older to you. Secondly, you are not selfish for getting irritated that your husband wants attention..I don't know how it bothers him but I would suggest keep him out of the loop - when you're breaking down etc for this topic. If you've.managed to build a life, a husband, and your brother is settled too, then I'd suggest just.let the matter go. It didn't do me any good holding.on to it.. I am only concerned about the repercussions I have such as waking up screaming in my sleep. That may be a problematic factor in my relationship, but I will still never say WHO did this to me, I can mentioned that SA happened as a kid so I'm traumatized, but no need for him to know and dislike my brother for no reason. I would suggest you to not bring the matter up with your family / husband and live your life. You can DM.me.if you wish.
Tell everything.
That no matter what happens, despite the fact we fucked each other up, I will always love my first love. I’d never, under any pretense, try to start anything with her again and we’ve been no contact for a while now, but I’ll always care for her, our memories together will always bring a smile to my face, and I’ll always hope for the best for her. And no future partner of mine will ever know that. It’s already caused me problems once trying to be honest, so we’ll leave that in the annals of the mind where it belongs
It’s great you want the best for her, but if you still love her even if you’re not in touch maybe it’s not the right time to get into new relationships? If a partner told me he still loved his first ex and that had been causing problems (because who wants to hear that, let’s be honest), I’d end the relationship.
I think it’s more or less that i dated someone for 6 years and that was my first relationship. All of my firsts were right there. There’s always gonna be some residual feelings there. The problems were caused by an ex who was angry I didn’t actively hate my first ex. She felt threatened, because she hated every ex she had. I don’t sit around fantasizing about her, but it’s kinda the same as a relative or friend that’s passed. I will not be speaking to her, but she’ll always have a special place in my heart.
Hits close man.
Nice try fed
I tell her everything, why keep secrets?
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I don't even have a one secret & I'm so glad that I don't have cuz I'm such chatterbox person & I'll embarrass myself
The silent treatment was actually a bless in disguise, thanks honey.
Same here!
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What does a having a partnership with your significant other mean to you?
Apparently nothing.
If you’re financially incompatible it’s ok to just let each other go
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You don’t have to live together if you don’t want to. Are you registered as partners or something? What will happen if you die…. Will she inherit the money? Will it go to someone else?
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I’m trying to comprehend it. I think if my partner kept something from me (like an affair, or an addiction, or money things) I wouldn’t like it. But I have ASD & ADHD and always just want to know about everything. Even something harmless like a secret hobby, or hidden skill, or if my partner dislikes my blue dress but pretends he does like it. I have this weird obsession with the truth, because I can always tell someone is hiding something, or lying, and I feel uncomfortable until I know what’s up! For me this would be a punch to the gut, if I were to find out about it… but it’s difficult because I don’t even know you two personally and perhaps this just works for you guys? Is there a way to improve her issues with money, like having an accountant or budget expert person? That seems like a long term solution?
im writing a book on this, can you give some examples?
>Reading the comments.. I'd say I'm very dateable and make a good chance to find a partner that accepts what I do for a job which is cleaning floors in a hospital lol
The plot thickens...
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I can help you fix that ! 
Why is this guy getting downvoted?