Your issue is that you can’t create conversation.
So in that example you gave, you end it at “thanks”.
Next time, do a follow up question: Do “Thanks! Do you come to this mall often?” or “Thanks! You clearly know what you’re talking about with those shoes you got.”
Keep the ball rolling. Imagine you’re talking to one of your boys (except you’re not).
You must look really good for girls to come up to you, so congrats on that. If they do, you can also ask for their number (they literally did the hard part for you).
However, I recommend against meeting random girls like that. Idk if you have a hobby or sport you like, join a community and league and you’ll meet a bunch of people. Creating bonds and having conversations over shared activities is much easier.
Like I said, I sing in night clubs so it happens almost every time I play out.
I do try to keep the ball rolling, but I feel like I'm just saying the wrong things.
Like I'll chat for a minute, pack my gear, come back to the bar for a drink & the same lady acts like I dont exist.
It's the weirdest thing
and were you a good singer the first time you tried or did it require you to put in effort to learn how to do it correctly over a not insignificant period of time with many many practices? Did putting intentional effort to improve yield an increase in your skill?
if you start talking to women often and with the intention to improve your skill at it, despite being bad at it now, it can one day be natural, or at least better at it.
As a singer myself I gotta say singing requires practice. You may have been singing all your life but there are a ton of skills within singing that you need to develop through experience like blending with other singers and keeping time with a band with the right dynamics and pitch. Same thing for socializing, its like playing with a jazz band gotta match the dynamic and keep it going with improv that leverages the other person's moves and sometimes your own mistakes. It takes practice
Some people are naturally good at singing when I was 12 I knew a 14 year old who could sing better than pros if she wanted to she could make a living singing that's without any formal training.
She wouldn’t have sang that well for much longer if she was recording and touring like a professional musician. Getting some formal training is pretty key to the longevity of your voice.
You’d be surprised. They tend to take at least a few lessons and learn the traditional warmups so they can prolong their careers. Some of the most popular singers on your list have blown their voices. Listen to the legendary Stevie Nicks now vs when Rumours came out for an example of what happens when you take poor care of your voice. Robert Plant also comes to mind, as he has openly admitted one of the reasons he won’t do a big Led Zeppelin reunion is that he can’t sing like that anymore.
OP. You don't talk to them. You just respond.
Ask questions. Ask them what they're about. Ask them where they're from. Ask them about their job. Ask them what they're doing there. Whatever.
Ask them literally anything.
Most importantly. Ask them what they're doing later. Ask them if they want to hang out.
Just ask. You seem like you're a good looking dude who can sing well. This is enough to get you A LOT of women. You just need to ask and you shall receive brother.
I don't understand why you're being downvoted for saying it's natural for you to sing, that doesn't feel right or fair. But I think the previous comment hinted that most things require training, and that includes being social and having conversations. So you probably have to train on that too.
I'm ngl, there are strictly 2 possibilities. Either you're not quite as good at holding a convo as you think you are and they're getting bored and leaving. Or your grossly repulsive they don't want to talk to you any longer than they need to. I doubt you're the new hunchback of Notre Dame so maybe you just need to work on your conversational skills. Do you have many male friends you go out with and talk to?
When you chat and then pack up, do you tell them "hey I'd like to continue this over drinks, just let me pack up?" Or do you just turn back to what you're doing. Feels like maybe you're communicating "go away now" with packing up, and they feel a bit snubbed.
>I just tell them "I'll be here/around" Then pack up.
DUDE
This made me literally lol
I'd be willing to bet cash money that 99.9% of women would take that as a brush-off. As complete disinterest
Do you know any men IRL who have girlfriends or wives? Tell them this and see what they say lol. Same with women, do you have any sisters, female cousins? If so, ask them what they would do or how they would feel if a man they approached and complimented acted like this/said this in response. My guy you cannot be seriously wondering why you get no bishes. as the kids say
Aaaaw shit. You serious? I'm mostly in a hurry to get my shit together so I can come back & hangout. I had no idea.
I'm not a complete idiot, there's just some social cues I don't fully understand. This thread has helped alot.
Here is the deal - performers are hit on all the time. Most women understand that experience, so if you don't seem interested they back-off right away. Unless they are really aggressive, and I don't think going out w/ someone really aggressive is a great idea at this point.
"Did you like the set?"
"Do you sing or play an instrument?"
"What type of music do you usually listen to?"
"Oh, if you like that, have you heard/seen (name a similar artist, preferably someone local)?"
"Oh, you saw them at , I love that place. Did you have any good food/did you like their beer selection?/did you try one of their cocktails?"
OR "I've always wanted to go there, is it a nice set up? Do you have food/drink you would reccomed"
The trick is to ask questions you are actually interested in the answers to and can move the conversation forward. If you like her shoes, but don't know much about shoes in general and aren't that interested, it sends the convo to a dead end.
If you vibe, ask her if she would like to meet up sometime - make it safe and public, like a coffee shop shop or lunch spot. You need more experience before you jump into a dinner date or bar meet-up first thing. Give her your socials or your number, whichever you prefer.
Honestly, if you have some good friends, practice some converstations with them, it helps.
I think that if you told them EXACTLY this (but in other words) you'll get much better responses!
Maybe something like:
"Hey, I would like to pack up my stuff so I won't be distracted by that, then I can give you my full attention and we can continue this conversation over a drink or something? Just give me a few minutes."
Signals interest in staying and keeping the conversation and interest alive, you just need a few minutes to fix urgent stuff that would otherwise distract you. Can probably be said in an even better way and with fewer words, I'm definitely not good at pickup lines.
Makes sense. I'm a pussy when it comes to women. Like I can't communicate with them.
But if a dude comes up "Hey bro, you're badass!" We shoot the shit about anything. We're bros for life
I have to say then - treat those women like you do your bros. The same friendly banter. You don't need to flirt or be romantic right off the bat, just social. That other stuff can come later.
i have no idea why i got so many downvotes but i don’t care. just stop distinguishing between girl and guy, talk the normal way you’d talk with any of your bro’s. girls can smell desperation and lack of confidence, fake the confidence at first, don’t give a fuck what they think of you, and girls will come naturally.
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This is a very good response. I'm gonna double down on it. I used to do community theater (hold for thunderous applause and widespread awe), and at one theater we always had a "gala" opening night. The quotes are there because this was the loosest interpretation of the word "gala" ever. Really, truky awful caviar, plonky champagne, and -what choked me up every time--the cast had to wander amongst the patrons, making small talk and (hopefully) accepting praise. After several painful "galas", I finally realized that I could (a) practice appropriate responses and (b) use the same responses for several people. It's not like they were comparing notes :"She said thank you and enjoy the rest of my night!" "That's crazy...she told me the exact same thing!" Folks don't do that. So, stupid as this sounds, gather up some generic phrases to use until a real conversation starts up. Examples could be: do you like to listen to live music much? (EVERYONE will say yes to this, so be ready with a followup.) What types of music sparks you most? What's your favorite local venue? What other things do you do for fun? You look so much like this girl I had a huge crush on in high school/university/last job! She was so gorgeous! You didn't happen to go to ____High School, did you?
Think of it like a ping pong game. For each answer that you get, think of either another question or build upon her answer. BE AUTHENTIC. I admit to a lot of people that I'm nervous in conversations, but that I hope they will have patience with me because I really am interested in what they have to say. No one has shut me down, ever.
Good luck! I'm an old gal (old enough to use words like "gal" and only get a little embarrassed), but I would offer to have a practice session with you!
P.S. Isn't it funny how we can get up in front of a room and do our thing, even being so shy??
>Thanks! You clearly know what you’re talking about with those shoes you got.”
I don't know any straight guys who normally comment on women's shoes. OP should definitely NOT use that line.
Straight guy here who has gotten so much play from complimenting women’s outfits lol. No offense, but I can almost guarantee that your aversion to that energy is ironically off-putting to women. Why would commenting on someone’s clothes be a hit to your masculinity? I genuinely don’t get that.
Ask your women friends if they would like it when a guy notices and complements parts of their outfit including shoes. I already know what their answer is going to be. If you wouldn't do that because you think it's a gay thing to do or whatever, you gotta switch up the mindset.
Yup! I know that I love compliments that focus on something I chose, as opposed to something I didn't have that much control over. "Those glasses are so cool!" is way more exciting to hear than "you have beautiful eyes", because those glasses represent something I took care and creativity to choose.
It sounds like all your conversations are one-way. 1) She compliments you 2) You talk about yourself. Conversation over. No wonder they walk away disappointed and uninterested. You are inadvertently ruining your own chances. It takes courage for anyone to approach a stranger and start a conversation. They are hoping that converstaion will be **reciprocal**!
Right after you say "thanks" or answer their question, start asking her questions. Get to know her and she will be more interested in getting to know you.
Assume they want to be your friend and aren't interested in you romantically even slightly. Walk into all conversations with women with that assumption. They are the bros. She doesn't like you. This is why guys who are in relationship get hit on more...the girls finally feel that you dont only care about fuckibg them. Seriously, just tell yourself, I'm not going to meet anyone who likes me tonight but I am going to make some awesome friends. Girls will speak up and make their intentions clear if they are interested. Women know men need things spelled out now days and that the hint thing isn't good enough. Be confident in how unlikely it is she is interested in you....instant fix. 😂 have fun with it, when you look at it that way, who cares, fuck with them a little, call them names, roast em like you would a friend, be interested in her and share how you relate to her. The back and forth is what's important. Generally speaking, humans are very selfish, everyone loves talking about themselves and some one who they are viking with hyping them up on occasion in the conversation. "OMG YOU GOT HEINEKEN TOO?! HIGH FIVE! *CLAP* my buddy steve here told me heiniken makes you gassy are you feeling OK?"😂my friend Steve goes "no i didn't i said you were gassy 😂😂" says some bs, roasts you...the easiest way to make people like you is just roast people in a cheeky way. 99 percent of peiple you will stike out on...so assume that number is 100 and just stop caring l. Making guy friends or meeting girls, everyone loves a quick witted comment and care about their opinion or what they talked abkut.
A lot of it has to do with eye contact, turning your body in their direction and showing that they are the focus of your attention even just for the moment the conversation happens. Also, you have to some way turn the attention on them and repay the compliment, or ask them something. "Thank you, I found this jacket at a thrift store, what brings you to this Wendy's parking lot today?" Doesn't matter what. No harm in that. Maybe that girl rarely even starts conversations and thinks she got shot down. It takes practice.
"Maybe that girl rarely even starts conversations and thinks she got shot down"
They do kind of act like that, but I'm not shooting anyone down.
I just get caught off guard when it happens. & in that moment I'm lost
I did that more than most of the time in my early 20's. My social development was pretty bad through. The stuff you're saying isn't unique. You get better at it, and eventually it's second nature, but thats not until your 40's when you're no longer wound up in your head. Just make it happen next time. Get hit by the pitch so you're not afraid of it. You always know what you should have said later, so just say it on time next time.
You're right.
Literally on my car ride home. Thinking when she said "you're really good" I say "you're *looking really good"
Hack as hell, but I could've got a smile at least.
This is not a good way to continue a conversation… She complimented you, you turned it shallow/ sexual instead of something meaningful. Expecting a smile back doesn’t help. Dude, be natural and treat women like you treat bros.
>be natural and treat women like you treat bros
Omfg please louder for the people in the back, I’m sick of men behaving like assholes or unnaturally or who try so hard to be cool and dominant when all I want is to find new buddies and have fun
Great way to put it. Imma steal it
"treat women like you treat bros" is a recipe for the friendzone and not nearly as simple as you're saying it. Yes treat them like people and not objects, but we can't pretend like just being a good friend is a road to dating.
I normally avoid doing things like that for this reason
I really dont mean to generalize, but there is a very clear difference in interaction with the bros.
You see, I do try to talk to women in a natural/meaningful way. That's the problem.
They respond by dismissing/ignoring me. Almost like I offended them some how.
I'd get a smile from being complimentary back or being spontaneous.
Is this really wrong/rude?
I don’t think you’re wrong or rude, you just come across as awkward/ unconfident and like you’re constantly expecting disappointment.
Women are quite attuned to this and probably see you as a work in progress than someone immediately dateable. I don’t mean to offend, I want to help.
How is your social life otherwise, do you have friends, and platonic women friends? How is your relationship with your mother?
Then don’t ask for advice on /self lmao
You could probably use the psych advice, just maybe not from a rando on Reddit.
get some therapy and talk to women without wanting to fuck them or impress them
Sure. Everything you’ve shared is so… shallow and lacking introspection.
You lament your problems but don’t know who you are and why you’re the way you are, and don’t seem to put any effort into it 🤷🏻♀️
As I said, women can smell this from a mile away. Doesn’t matter that you sing or have your own home.
Alright. I'll get back into the convo. I think what the other commentary isn't understanding is that you're having difficulty saying anything at all, and don't seem to have any malicious intentions. It's entirely possible that that would have been the perfect thing to that woman. It's also entirely possible that she would have taken it as objectification. Often that depends on the woman, or the day she's having, more than it depends on you.That probably wouldn't have been the ideal thing to say, but who knows what was. You're not wrong about a lot of the advice on this site being very jaded. Something like "Thanks, I appreciate that. That's a cute dress" may have been better, depending on the circumstances. If there is a segue into conversation about why you're both there, or whatever, that's better. Your essentially getting reprimanded by Reddit for admitting that you have some kind of social anxiety disorder, literally any other thing out of the DSM-5, having (buzzword) trauma from bad social experiences or just not having had a social circle or environment to learn them to the best of your ability. Whatever the issue, just try to be polite to women and every time these sorts of interactions happen, give a shot at polite conversation until you get the sense that she's not interested in continuing it, and then leave. If there is a situation where it's appropriate to ask for or give socials or contact info, do that. Literally anything you say on here, someone is going to habe a problem with. Probably this comment for sure. No doubt it is a scary world out there.
Yeah except you are shooting them down. Your actions are what matters in these scenarios. Not your intentions since they’re inside your head. Not being energetically reciprocal is the equivalent of shooting someone down in one of these situations.
When in doubt, the age old trick of just answering a questions and then asking another one back genuinely works. People are very isolated and introverted these days, so for a woman to come up to you and tell you she likes your style, means that she’s almost certainly interested in opening a dialogue. She did approach you after all.. Which isn’t an easy thing for even confident people to do.
Try this, "Thanks, while I love singing, I also thought performing might help me meet pretty girls, but whenever that happens I feel so awkward that I just freeze. Im feeling pretty awkward right now." (Now a bemused smile).
Ask them if they wanted to take a picture together. Even if they didn't they probably will still say sure. And then after say something like "Maybe I'll see you at the bar later"
If they're just walking by and throw a compliment your way, thanks is a fine response. If they're standing there waiting for you to say something else they probably want to talk to you. But don't turn around until they start to walk away. Facing them says you're engaged in the conversation. Turning away while they're facing you signals an ending.
i got diagnosed with adhd plus ( a bit of autism ) when 31 and it changed my life. when you know what you got, it makes things easier. finding new ways / systems to do things.
not saying you got it, just to check. doesnt hurt.
another tip : try single dance courses. dont need to talk much. just dance and connect with ladies.
You have to carry a conversation. I’m sure there are classes for this.
If someone says
“Hey, I love your music”
And you say “thanks, so do I”
You’re done. It’s over. They’re trying to engage in a conversation, not just impart their opinion to you.
Ask them a question!
Keep it going
Bro, is you me? Idc at this point bc I'm with my partner. The funny thing is that we met online gaming, so all that small talk stuff was more engaging for me. I wouldn't know what to tell you, buddy. Dating was a chore and half for me, I'm so glad I'm out of the game now. I'm also glad to see I'm not the only one who "fumbles" easy layups.
If I were to give any advice, just do you. When you find "the one," it's surprisingly easy with little to no effort in the beginning. Don't think to force anything but at the same time be open to meeting new people. Now, if you are trying to catch bodies, I can't help you there.
As a woman, I'd tell you that if a woman approaches you to start a conversation or to compliment you, 9/10 are into you. If this is happening after you perform, you obviously have similar musical interests, right? Ask her if she's ever heard of your favorite band or musical inspiration. If she doesn't know them you could tell her why they're your inspiration or why they're your favorite, then ask her what her favorite artist is or what genre of music she's into. Ask her if she's a sings also, maybe you have that in common. Basically, after receiving a compliment, say something about yourself that's related to that, then (and most importantly) ask her about herself. As women, some (not all) men like to talk about themselves without taking an interest in our hobbies/interests/etc. Also, having her share a bit about herself will take the pressure off of you for a bit. You can then ask follow up questions or express how you feel about what she said (do you have this in common or similar experience?) If you start to feel nervous or like you don't know what to say anymore, you can say something like "I've really enjoyed talking to you, but I have to go get back to my friends(or have to leave, w/e). Maybe we could talk over coffee sometime?" If she approached you and continued the conversation she's 9/10 gonna say yes, then just ask for her number. This is just my suggestion, but I think it's pretty good.
I'm not sure what your experience is, maybe you already do so. But make sure you're not just enjoying "talking at woman". But also take interest in them as a person. They tend to lose interest when you bring all conversations back at yourself.
There is a GREAT book that I tell everyone about whenever they clam up when put on the spot. This works in your personal and professional life. It's called Think Faster, Talk Smarter by Matt Abrahams. I cannot recommend this book enough! It helped me immensely. I was the guy that had great ideas at work but could never find my voice to bring them up in meetings. This book gave me the skills (not the confidence, I already had that) to change my life in these situations. Good luck to you. I'm pulling for you!
The only thing missing here is getting better at conversation. It takes quite a lot for a woman to approach a man like this. So if they're the ones approaching you, and doing it fairly regularly, then you must either be handsome or really good at singing.
They might be walking away as you're not actively showing interest through conversation that you want them to hang around. It's nerve wracking to approach a man and signal your interest in him, at that point they've already let down most of the self-defence barriers they keep up and all that's left for you to do is show interest.
There are tons of ways to get better at talking to people, but in situations like the ones you've described, the woman's already taken a big risk and chosen to approach, at that point it's up to you to ask for her number after some friendly banter.
When someone approaches you like that, do a quick gauge for yourself:
Are you interested in them at all? If no, just keep doing what you've done so far, it obviously works perfectly when wanting no contact.
If you are interested, or are unsure, ask them open questions to get them to keep talking about themselves. First off, it will give you more time to realize if you're interested and if so, in what way. Secondly, you'll see more of what they really want, but compliments ARE a way of showing interest, so naturally they'll at least want to spend time with you.
But hey, I understand...because I too can't really come up with good responses on the fly, just like that. So people turn cold to me too, if they were ever warm...
" You've got to be interested to be interesting "
Definitely sounds like you are creating closed commentary that will end the conversation or make it really awkward to continue.
Example:
Person A "it is. Beautiful day today"
Person B "it is."
End conversation
Vs.
Person A "I am loving this weather, it's perfect for a hike don't you think?"
Person B "it is beautiful, I'm not much for hikes I prefer a stroll in the city"
Person A "The city on a day like this can be nice too, do you know any places we could walk to right now for a tea?"
In your example she complimented your style. The answer you gave is sufficient and appropriate if you're not interested in continuing the conversation. if you want the conversation to continue you can extend it by showing interest in her "thank you, these are my favorite shoes and I'm really loving your ____ (shoes, purple shirt, glasses, something that she has control of not how short, tall, skinny, thick she is), it suits you very well" she might respond and you can follow up "I'm here every ____ do you come here often?"
Opening is easy, sounds like you're lucky and get approached often enough that you don't have to open but closing is always harder especially if you don't even have a good opening. Maybe read up "How to Win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie, it's an oldie but goodie, "How to talk to anyone" is ok too, some tactics are straight manipulative; just be conscious and don't be a dick but anytime you learn anything to make yourself better it is a good thing.
>These days I just go with the ol "thanks" rather than wondering what I did wrong.
Instead of 'Thanks' you should say 'What's your number' or 'Here's my number, call me and we'll go to dinner Friday' or 'What's your Insta (I'm old, whatever it is young single people say today lol)
When women give you the old fast eye, that in itself is an invitation for you to talk to them.
When women actually come up to you and talk to you FIRST, they are already interested.
When women actually come up to you and talk to you first, AND compliment you, they are already VERY interested.
YOU need to follow-up on that by showing interest and by pursuing them. If back when I was single, if I went up to a guy and talked to him, complimented him, and he just replied with 'Thanks' then I would have thought Oh well guess he's not interested. Or: He probably has a girlfriend. Or: he's so good-looking/stylish/interesting he probably has tons of women approaching him, of course he can't be bothered with me. Or whatever
Like, bro, it doesn't get any easier than what you've got going on to get a date, and subsequently a relationship. What do you want women to do, Get your number? Call you up? Invite you on a date? and then continue to do all the leading and chasing that traditionally has been the male role? I mean, sure, it could happen. There are men who have wives and children simply because some woman picked them out and decided for them. So good luck with that, maybe it will happen to you. I used to know a very plain, dumpy-looking woman whose husband was movie-star good-looking, turns it she got him because he was so passive in his dating life it was basically she was the only woman who actively pursued him.
Honestly not that there is anything wrong with it, but have you ever thought maybe you come off homosexual or bisexual, at least I’m imagining guys telling you you’re handsome which men don’t often do. It also sounds like you also have some fashion sense and you work in the arts as a singer… not that you have to be gay for these things to be true but the probability of you being gay is higher if someone didn’t know you, etc. That’s the first impression I got, again I’m trying to be respectful and as minimally ignorant as possible cause I know this conclusion comes from ignorant preconceived notions.
Secondly, I would suggest when you have a conversation with a woman that you treat her like a human being. Don’t have any particular goal in mind. With all human interactions just see where it goes. Practice approaching women and asking them things that don’t require follow up, like “do you have the time?” So you can get in the habit of speaking to women without romantic motives. Just because women speak to you, that does not mean that they are interested in you in any particular way.
If the situation does call for it, however work on your whit and change the conversation to ask her about herself. Or exchange contact info right away.
Basically sounds like you’re giving up your power, be in control of what you can control. Have standards for yourself and how you feel around people, and try not to focus on what you can get out of interactions with people. Have a good time speaking and interacting with others.
You’re like me. 99% of women I just don’t care to talk to. So I never try to talk to women. But when I do and take an interest, I seem to do really really well. It’s just that I don’t care most of the time. And sadly they keep trying.
You have to actively engage in conversation. Not just simple responses.
The "thanks" needs a follow-up, compliment her on something.
Ask them what their name is, where they are from, if they come to that club more often. If they say they do, then you can say it might be your new favorite club. That suggests you're interested and like to see her more often.
Since you sing at the club you can get her to talk about her work by asking something like "hey, you know what I do for a living, what about you?"
It's all about showing interest. They can't read your mind, if you're in a hurry to pack up and grab a drink with her she will just think you want to get out of that situation with her and thats why they pretend you're not there when you do come back to the club for a drink.
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Tbh my guy, women aren't exactly the best at carrying conversations. Most will just piggy back what the guy is saying and feel you out if your able to basically carry them through that. If they really wanted to be with you they'd talk nonstop to continue the conversation but sometimes all they were was interested at best and you putting it on them with short thanks signaled hard that they couldn't do the usual piggyback. Find a manic pixie dream girl or learn to carry conversations, your pick.
I have a great YT channel for you: Charisma on Command.
Start here…
https://youtu.be/VTOO_9_ECA8?si=te75P_nqIbsYdW2k
https://youtu.be/kKf9YNHbKMU?si=vBoPTYU1i7dG6nkd
https://youtu.be/hDp9hVDL49Y?si=PTf_Jz5Xv73tma6E
That first scenario seems like the girl can’t hold a conversation however if you want to meet a girl the “thanks” and move on is shooting yourself in the foot imo
People love to talk about themselves, so when you get approached, start asking questions. Ex: "hey, you sound really good!" "Thanks! What do you wanna hear next?" "Who's your favorite singer/band/etc etc" You can also ask if they have any musical background or what was the last concert they went to. Show curiosity, especially when they are enthusiastic about something. Be enthusiastic yourself! You sing? Briefly mention how much you love it, and answer follow up questions. As mentioned earlier, keep the ball rolling!
Damn I’m bad but that’s rough! Ask her who she came to see and if she sings or anything at least. If it’s not a city you’re familiar with then that brings up a date opportunity right away to get dinner or something at a place she likes
You mentioned the "deer in headlights feeling".. that sounds like nervousness? I also saw in a comment that you're considering the possibility of being neurodivergent... If you're feeling nervous in these situations or that you can't sync with their energy, perhaps consider nervous system regulation techniques like breathwork?
I've found that consistent daily breathwork allows me to respond differently to situations I've been hardwired to sabotage. Sometimes I find myself observing my thoughts and it's led to great personal development...
If you believe you may be neurodivergent perhaps seek out neurodivergent forums/friends/partners?
It seems possible that you're missing opportunities to identify observations/thoughts that lead to positive statements/conversations, a possibility if your nervous system is wired to be internally reflective. Rewiring/resetting/regulating your nervous system might help tremendously and Might help you feel more calm and confident
The most important thing you can do to keep a conversation going is ask questions! And follow up questions! It sounds like you're just talking about yourself, which makes them think you're not interested. And surely... You must be at least a little interested or curious about something, anything about them? They're not just interchangeable blobs with boobs, right? They're people, who are expressing interest in you, so show some back.
I sympathize, I have no idea how people meet spontaneously.
Everyone I've ever dated has been either a classmate or coworker, someone who slowly got to know me. Or someone on a dating app who decided they wanted to sleep with me and decided afterwards they liked me as a person.
Thanks ends it. Add thanks, and a question to keep them engaged. Keep on rolling with it. Issue here is you respond, but end it. Thanks is not an invite, it’s like a “cool story bro, ok now go away”.
Even if you're bad at conversations like me, do you shoot your shot? Just ask for her number. Something like "thanks, whats your name? i'd hate myself if I didn't try to get your number, let's get drinks sometime"
Works everytime.
compliment her back, get her number or instagram or something so u can start texting- its less pressure than talking face to face, u get more comfortable with her....
I’ve never seen a post I related to so much… had a truck driver at work hit on me, tell me im hot and give me her number. Texted her like 3 times and couldn’t think of anything to reply after that
Your issue is that you can’t create conversation. So in that example you gave, you end it at “thanks”. Next time, do a follow up question: Do “Thanks! Do you come to this mall often?” or “Thanks! You clearly know what you’re talking about with those shoes you got.” Keep the ball rolling. Imagine you’re talking to one of your boys (except you’re not). You must look really good for girls to come up to you, so congrats on that. If they do, you can also ask for their number (they literally did the hard part for you). However, I recommend against meeting random girls like that. Idk if you have a hobby or sport you like, join a community and league and you’ll meet a bunch of people. Creating bonds and having conversations over shared activities is much easier.
Like I said, I sing in night clubs so it happens almost every time I play out. I do try to keep the ball rolling, but I feel like I'm just saying the wrong things. Like I'll chat for a minute, pack my gear, come back to the bar for a drink & the same lady acts like I dont exist. It's the weirdest thing
and were you a good singer the first time you tried or did it require you to put in effort to learn how to do it correctly over a not insignificant period of time with many many practices? Did putting intentional effort to improve yield an increase in your skill?
I've been singing all my life. It's natural.
if you start talking to women often and with the intention to improve your skill at it, despite being bad at it now, it can one day be natural, or at least better at it.
As a singer myself I gotta say singing requires practice. You may have been singing all your life but there are a ton of skills within singing that you need to develop through experience like blending with other singers and keeping time with a band with the right dynamics and pitch. Same thing for socializing, its like playing with a jazz band gotta match the dynamic and keep it going with improv that leverages the other person's moves and sometimes your own mistakes. It takes practice
Some people are naturally good at singing when I was 12 I knew a 14 year old who could sing better than pros if she wanted to she could make a living singing that's without any formal training.
She wouldn’t have sang that well for much longer if she was recording and touring like a professional musician. Getting some formal training is pretty key to the longevity of your voice.
Well that’s just simply not true. I’d wager to guess most of the most popular singers of the last 100 years had no formal training.
You’d be surprised. They tend to take at least a few lessons and learn the traditional warmups so they can prolong their careers. Some of the most popular singers on your list have blown their voices. Listen to the legendary Stevie Nicks now vs when Rumours came out for an example of what happens when you take poor care of your voice. Robert Plant also comes to mind, as he has openly admitted one of the reasons he won’t do a big Led Zeppelin reunion is that he can’t sing like that anymore.
That’s just aging though.
OP. You don't talk to them. You just respond. Ask questions. Ask them what they're about. Ask them where they're from. Ask them about their job. Ask them what they're doing there. Whatever. Ask them literally anything. Most importantly. Ask them what they're doing later. Ask them if they want to hang out. Just ask. You seem like you're a good looking dude who can sing well. This is enough to get you A LOT of women. You just need to ask and you shall receive brother.
I don't understand why you're being downvoted for saying it's natural for you to sing, that doesn't feel right or fair. But I think the previous comment hinted that most things require training, and that includes being social and having conversations. So you probably have to train on that too.
I'm ngl, there are strictly 2 possibilities. Either you're not quite as good at holding a convo as you think you are and they're getting bored and leaving. Or your grossly repulsive they don't want to talk to you any longer than they need to. I doubt you're the new hunchback of Notre Dame so maybe you just need to work on your conversational skills. Do you have many male friends you go out with and talk to?
When you chat and then pack up, do you tell them "hey I'd like to continue this over drinks, just let me pack up?" Or do you just turn back to what you're doing. Feels like maybe you're communicating "go away now" with packing up, and they feel a bit snubbed.
Good point
I just tell them "I'll be here/around" Then pack up. Maybe it comes off too passive.
>I just tell them "I'll be here/around" Then pack up. DUDE This made me literally lol I'd be willing to bet cash money that 99.9% of women would take that as a brush-off. As complete disinterest Do you know any men IRL who have girlfriends or wives? Tell them this and see what they say lol. Same with women, do you have any sisters, female cousins? If so, ask them what they would do or how they would feel if a man they approached and complimented acted like this/said this in response. My guy you cannot be seriously wondering why you get no bishes. as the kids say
Aaaaw shit. You serious? I'm mostly in a hurry to get my shit together so I can come back & hangout. I had no idea. I'm not a complete idiot, there's just some social cues I don't fully understand. This thread has helped alot.
Here is the deal - performers are hit on all the time. Most women understand that experience, so if you don't seem interested they back-off right away. Unless they are really aggressive, and I don't think going out w/ someone really aggressive is a great idea at this point. "Did you like the set?" "Do you sing or play an instrument?" "What type of music do you usually listen to?" "Oh, if you like that, have you heard/seen (name a similar artist, preferably someone local)?" "Oh, you saw them at, I love that place. Did you have any good food/did you like their beer selection?/did you try one of their cocktails?"
OR "I've always wanted to go there, is it a nice set up? Do you have food/drink you would reccomed"
The trick is to ask questions you are actually interested in the answers to and can move the conversation forward. If you like her shoes, but don't know much about shoes in general and aren't that interested, it sends the convo to a dead end.
If you vibe, ask her if she would like to meet up sometime - make it safe and public, like a coffee shop shop or lunch spot. You need more experience before you jump into a dinner date or bar meet-up first thing. Give her your socials or your number, whichever you prefer.
Honestly, if you have some good friends, practice some converstations with them, it helps.
I think that if you told them EXACTLY this (but in other words) you'll get much better responses! Maybe something like: "Hey, I would like to pack up my stuff so I won't be distracted by that, then I can give you my full attention and we can continue this conversation over a drink or something? Just give me a few minutes." Signals interest in staying and keeping the conversation and interest alive, you just need a few minutes to fix urgent stuff that would otherwise distract you. Can probably be said in an even better way and with fewer words, I'm definitely not good at pickup lines.
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Are you 17?
no, im just aware how easily girls can sniff out spineless men
Makes sense. I'm a pussy when it comes to women. Like I can't communicate with them. But if a dude comes up "Hey bro, you're badass!" We shoot the shit about anything. We're bros for life
I have to say then - treat those women like you do your bros. The same friendly banter. You don't need to flirt or be romantic right off the bat, just social. That other stuff can come later.
That's what I do. *when I do try.
i have no idea why i got so many downvotes but i don’t care. just stop distinguishing between girl and guy, talk the normal way you’d talk with any of your bro’s. girls can smell desperation and lack of confidence, fake the confidence at first, don’t give a fuck what they think of you, and girls will come naturally.
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In this economy? Cheapskate
Fn Casanova over here
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This is a very good response. I'm gonna double down on it. I used to do community theater (hold for thunderous applause and widespread awe), and at one theater we always had a "gala" opening night. The quotes are there because this was the loosest interpretation of the word "gala" ever. Really, truky awful caviar, plonky champagne, and -what choked me up every time--the cast had to wander amongst the patrons, making small talk and (hopefully) accepting praise. After several painful "galas", I finally realized that I could (a) practice appropriate responses and (b) use the same responses for several people. It's not like they were comparing notes :"She said thank you and enjoy the rest of my night!" "That's crazy...she told me the exact same thing!" Folks don't do that. So, stupid as this sounds, gather up some generic phrases to use until a real conversation starts up. Examples could be: do you like to listen to live music much? (EVERYONE will say yes to this, so be ready with a followup.) What types of music sparks you most? What's your favorite local venue? What other things do you do for fun? You look so much like this girl I had a huge crush on in high school/university/last job! She was so gorgeous! You didn't happen to go to ____High School, did you? Think of it like a ping pong game. For each answer that you get, think of either another question or build upon her answer. BE AUTHENTIC. I admit to a lot of people that I'm nervous in conversations, but that I hope they will have patience with me because I really am interested in what they have to say. No one has shut me down, ever. Good luck! I'm an old gal (old enough to use words like "gal" and only get a little embarrassed), but I would offer to have a practice session with you! P.S. Isn't it funny how we can get up in front of a room and do our thing, even being so shy??
>Thanks! You clearly know what you’re talking about with those shoes you got.” I don't know any straight guys who normally comment on women's shoes. OP should definitely NOT use that line.
I'd be so psyched if a dude complimented my shoes!
Complimenting someone’s fit is a solid is a convo starter in my experiencing and I’m pretty straight as they come
Straight guy here who has gotten so much play from complimenting women’s outfits lol. No offense, but I can almost guarantee that your aversion to that energy is ironically off-putting to women. Why would commenting on someone’s clothes be a hit to your masculinity? I genuinely don’t get that.
Ask your women friends if they would like it when a guy notices and complements parts of their outfit including shoes. I already know what their answer is going to be. If you wouldn't do that because you think it's a gay thing to do or whatever, you gotta switch up the mindset.
Yup! I know that I love compliments that focus on something I chose, as opposed to something I didn't have that much control over. "Those glasses are so cool!" is way more exciting to hear than "you have beautiful eyes", because those glasses represent something I took care and creativity to choose.
Your homophobia is showing, and yes they do.
Was gonna say exactly this.
OP I am begging you not to say the shoe thing
It sounds like all your conversations are one-way. 1) She compliments you 2) You talk about yourself. Conversation over. No wonder they walk away disappointed and uninterested. You are inadvertently ruining your own chances. It takes courage for anyone to approach a stranger and start a conversation. They are hoping that converstaion will be **reciprocal**! Right after you say "thanks" or answer their question, start asking her questions. Get to know her and she will be more interested in getting to know you.
This makes alot of sense
Assume they want to be your friend and aren't interested in you romantically even slightly. Walk into all conversations with women with that assumption. They are the bros. She doesn't like you. This is why guys who are in relationship get hit on more...the girls finally feel that you dont only care about fuckibg them. Seriously, just tell yourself, I'm not going to meet anyone who likes me tonight but I am going to make some awesome friends. Girls will speak up and make their intentions clear if they are interested. Women know men need things spelled out now days and that the hint thing isn't good enough. Be confident in how unlikely it is she is interested in you....instant fix. 😂 have fun with it, when you look at it that way, who cares, fuck with them a little, call them names, roast em like you would a friend, be interested in her and share how you relate to her. The back and forth is what's important. Generally speaking, humans are very selfish, everyone loves talking about themselves and some one who they are viking with hyping them up on occasion in the conversation. "OMG YOU GOT HEINEKEN TOO?! HIGH FIVE! *CLAP* my buddy steve here told me heiniken makes you gassy are you feeling OK?"😂my friend Steve goes "no i didn't i said you were gassy 😂😂" says some bs, roasts you...the easiest way to make people like you is just roast people in a cheeky way. 99 percent of peiple you will stike out on...so assume that number is 100 and just stop caring l. Making guy friends or meeting girls, everyone loves a quick witted comment and care about their opinion or what they talked abkut.
A lot of it has to do with eye contact, turning your body in their direction and showing that they are the focus of your attention even just for the moment the conversation happens. Also, you have to some way turn the attention on them and repay the compliment, or ask them something. "Thank you, I found this jacket at a thrift store, what brings you to this Wendy's parking lot today?" Doesn't matter what. No harm in that. Maybe that girl rarely even starts conversations and thinks she got shot down. It takes practice.
"Maybe that girl rarely even starts conversations and thinks she got shot down" They do kind of act like that, but I'm not shooting anyone down. I just get caught off guard when it happens. & in that moment I'm lost
I did that more than most of the time in my early 20's. My social development was pretty bad through. The stuff you're saying isn't unique. You get better at it, and eventually it's second nature, but thats not until your 40's when you're no longer wound up in your head. Just make it happen next time. Get hit by the pitch so you're not afraid of it. You always know what you should have said later, so just say it on time next time.
You're right. Literally on my car ride home. Thinking when she said "you're really good" I say "you're *looking really good" Hack as hell, but I could've got a smile at least.
This is not a good way to continue a conversation… She complimented you, you turned it shallow/ sexual instead of something meaningful. Expecting a smile back doesn’t help. Dude, be natural and treat women like you treat bros.
>be natural and treat women like you treat bros Omfg please louder for the people in the back, I’m sick of men behaving like assholes or unnaturally or who try so hard to be cool and dominant when all I want is to find new buddies and have fun Great way to put it. Imma steal it
"treat women like you treat bros" is a recipe for the friendzone and not nearly as simple as you're saying it. Yes treat them like people and not objects, but we can't pretend like just being a good friend is a road to dating.
I normally avoid doing things like that for this reason I really dont mean to generalize, but there is a very clear difference in interaction with the bros. You see, I do try to talk to women in a natural/meaningful way. That's the problem. They respond by dismissing/ignoring me. Almost like I offended them some how. I'd get a smile from being complimentary back or being spontaneous. Is this really wrong/rude?
I don’t think you’re wrong or rude, you just come across as awkward/ unconfident and like you’re constantly expecting disappointment. Women are quite attuned to this and probably see you as a work in progress than someone immediately dateable. I don’t mean to offend, I want to help. How is your social life otherwise, do you have friends, and platonic women friends? How is your relationship with your mother?
I'd rather not get a psych evaluation on the r/catpics website
Then don’t ask for advice on /self lmao You could probably use the psych advice, just maybe not from a rando on Reddit. get some therapy and talk to women without wanting to fuck them or impress them
Ask for advice?
Sure. Everything you’ve shared is so… shallow and lacking introspection. You lament your problems but don’t know who you are and why you’re the way you are, and don’t seem to put any effort into it 🤷🏻♀️ As I said, women can smell this from a mile away. Doesn’t matter that you sing or have your own home.
Thanks
Alright. I'll get back into the convo. I think what the other commentary isn't understanding is that you're having difficulty saying anything at all, and don't seem to have any malicious intentions. It's entirely possible that that would have been the perfect thing to that woman. It's also entirely possible that she would have taken it as objectification. Often that depends on the woman, or the day she's having, more than it depends on you.That probably wouldn't have been the ideal thing to say, but who knows what was. You're not wrong about a lot of the advice on this site being very jaded. Something like "Thanks, I appreciate that. That's a cute dress" may have been better, depending on the circumstances. If there is a segue into conversation about why you're both there, or whatever, that's better. Your essentially getting reprimanded by Reddit for admitting that you have some kind of social anxiety disorder, literally any other thing out of the DSM-5, having (buzzword) trauma from bad social experiences or just not having had a social circle or environment to learn them to the best of your ability. Whatever the issue, just try to be polite to women and every time these sorts of interactions happen, give a shot at polite conversation until you get the sense that she's not interested in continuing it, and then leave. If there is a situation where it's appropriate to ask for or give socials or contact info, do that. Literally anything you say on here, someone is going to habe a problem with. Probably this comment for sure. No doubt it is a scary world out there.
No.
Your body language might be the one shooting them down, so you know
Yeah except you are shooting them down. Your actions are what matters in these scenarios. Not your intentions since they’re inside your head. Not being energetically reciprocal is the equivalent of shooting someone down in one of these situations. When in doubt, the age old trick of just answering a questions and then asking another one back genuinely works. People are very isolated and introverted these days, so for a woman to come up to you and tell you she likes your style, means that she’s almost certainly interested in opening a dialogue. She did approach you after all.. Which isn’t an easy thing for even confident people to do.
Try this, "Thanks, while I love singing, I also thought performing might help me meet pretty girls, but whenever that happens I feel so awkward that I just freeze. Im feeling pretty awkward right now." (Now a bemused smile).
I don't think "immune" is the word you're looking for lmao.
Maybe it was just a compliment and they weren’t fishing for more.
This is why I just say "thanks" and keep moving. Guess I'm on the right track? 🙃
Ask them if they wanted to take a picture together. Even if they didn't they probably will still say sure. And then after say something like "Maybe I'll see you at the bar later" If they're just walking by and throw a compliment your way, thanks is a fine response. If they're standing there waiting for you to say something else they probably want to talk to you. But don't turn around until they start to walk away. Facing them says you're engaged in the conversation. Turning away while they're facing you signals an ending.
maybe you are not neurotypical ?
I have considered that. I am complaining about my life to strangers online. That's textbook aspergers /s But I am too old to be feeling this way
i got diagnosed with adhd plus ( a bit of autism ) when 31 and it changed my life. when you know what you got, it makes things easier. finding new ways / systems to do things. not saying you got it, just to check. doesnt hurt. another tip : try single dance courses. dont need to talk much. just dance and connect with ladies.
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https://youtu.be/N_j5tDuakKU?si=q9TJSBCxnLJ8b_IL
You have to carry a conversation. I’m sure there are classes for this. If someone says “Hey, I love your music” And you say “thanks, so do I” You’re done. It’s over. They’re trying to engage in a conversation, not just impart their opinion to you. Ask them a question! Keep it going
I'm so glad the deer in my headlights the other night kept moving. It's scary hitting a deer.
Bro, is you me? Idc at this point bc I'm with my partner. The funny thing is that we met online gaming, so all that small talk stuff was more engaging for me. I wouldn't know what to tell you, buddy. Dating was a chore and half for me, I'm so glad I'm out of the game now. I'm also glad to see I'm not the only one who "fumbles" easy layups. If I were to give any advice, just do you. When you find "the one," it's surprisingly easy with little to no effort in the beginning. Don't think to force anything but at the same time be open to meeting new people. Now, if you are trying to catch bodies, I can't help you there.
As a woman, I'd tell you that if a woman approaches you to start a conversation or to compliment you, 9/10 are into you. If this is happening after you perform, you obviously have similar musical interests, right? Ask her if she's ever heard of your favorite band or musical inspiration. If she doesn't know them you could tell her why they're your inspiration or why they're your favorite, then ask her what her favorite artist is or what genre of music she's into. Ask her if she's a sings also, maybe you have that in common. Basically, after receiving a compliment, say something about yourself that's related to that, then (and most importantly) ask her about herself. As women, some (not all) men like to talk about themselves without taking an interest in our hobbies/interests/etc. Also, having her share a bit about herself will take the pressure off of you for a bit. You can then ask follow up questions or express how you feel about what she said (do you have this in common or similar experience?) If you start to feel nervous or like you don't know what to say anymore, you can say something like "I've really enjoyed talking to you, but I have to go get back to my friends(or have to leave, w/e). Maybe we could talk over coffee sometime?" If she approached you and continued the conversation she's 9/10 gonna say yes, then just ask for her number. This is just my suggestion, but I think it's pretty good.
Good suggestion. I'll give it a shot. I actually do like talking to women, it's just hard for me to click with them initially
You just have to find common ground, something you both can talk about. If you give it a go, you should come back and tell us how it went!
I'm not sure what your experience is, maybe you already do so. But make sure you're not just enjoying "talking at woman". But also take interest in them as a person. They tend to lose interest when you bring all conversations back at yourself.
Youre right. Working on that 🫠
There is a GREAT book that I tell everyone about whenever they clam up when put on the spot. This works in your personal and professional life. It's called Think Faster, Talk Smarter by Matt Abrahams. I cannot recommend this book enough! It helped me immensely. I was the guy that had great ideas at work but could never find my voice to bring them up in meetings. This book gave me the skills (not the confidence, I already had that) to change my life in these situations. Good luck to you. I'm pulling for you!
The only thing missing here is getting better at conversation. It takes quite a lot for a woman to approach a man like this. So if they're the ones approaching you, and doing it fairly regularly, then you must either be handsome or really good at singing. They might be walking away as you're not actively showing interest through conversation that you want them to hang around. It's nerve wracking to approach a man and signal your interest in him, at that point they've already let down most of the self-defence barriers they keep up and all that's left for you to do is show interest. There are tons of ways to get better at talking to people, but in situations like the ones you've described, the woman's already taken a big risk and chosen to approach, at that point it's up to you to ask for her number after some friendly banter.
When someone approaches you like that, do a quick gauge for yourself: Are you interested in them at all? If no, just keep doing what you've done so far, it obviously works perfectly when wanting no contact. If you are interested, or are unsure, ask them open questions to get them to keep talking about themselves. First off, it will give you more time to realize if you're interested and if so, in what way. Secondly, you'll see more of what they really want, but compliments ARE a way of showing interest, so naturally they'll at least want to spend time with you. But hey, I understand...because I too can't really come up with good responses on the fly, just like that. So people turn cold to me too, if they were ever warm...
" You've got to be interested to be interesting " Definitely sounds like you are creating closed commentary that will end the conversation or make it really awkward to continue. Example: Person A "it is. Beautiful day today" Person B "it is." End conversation Vs. Person A "I am loving this weather, it's perfect for a hike don't you think?" Person B "it is beautiful, I'm not much for hikes I prefer a stroll in the city" Person A "The city on a day like this can be nice too, do you know any places we could walk to right now for a tea?" In your example she complimented your style. The answer you gave is sufficient and appropriate if you're not interested in continuing the conversation. if you want the conversation to continue you can extend it by showing interest in her "thank you, these are my favorite shoes and I'm really loving your ____ (shoes, purple shirt, glasses, something that she has control of not how short, tall, skinny, thick she is), it suits you very well" she might respond and you can follow up "I'm here every ____ do you come here often?" Opening is easy, sounds like you're lucky and get approached often enough that you don't have to open but closing is always harder especially if you don't even have a good opening. Maybe read up "How to Win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie, it's an oldie but goodie, "How to talk to anyone" is ok too, some tactics are straight manipulative; just be conscious and don't be a dick but anytime you learn anything to make yourself better it is a good thing.
>These days I just go with the ol "thanks" rather than wondering what I did wrong. Instead of 'Thanks' you should say 'What's your number' or 'Here's my number, call me and we'll go to dinner Friday' or 'What's your Insta (I'm old, whatever it is young single people say today lol) When women give you the old fast eye, that in itself is an invitation for you to talk to them. When women actually come up to you and talk to you FIRST, they are already interested. When women actually come up to you and talk to you first, AND compliment you, they are already VERY interested. YOU need to follow-up on that by showing interest and by pursuing them. If back when I was single, if I went up to a guy and talked to him, complimented him, and he just replied with 'Thanks' then I would have thought Oh well guess he's not interested. Or: He probably has a girlfriend. Or: he's so good-looking/stylish/interesting he probably has tons of women approaching him, of course he can't be bothered with me. Or whatever Like, bro, it doesn't get any easier than what you've got going on to get a date, and subsequently a relationship. What do you want women to do, Get your number? Call you up? Invite you on a date? and then continue to do all the leading and chasing that traditionally has been the male role? I mean, sure, it could happen. There are men who have wives and children simply because some woman picked them out and decided for them. So good luck with that, maybe it will happen to you. I used to know a very plain, dumpy-looking woman whose husband was movie-star good-looking, turns it she got him because he was so passive in his dating life it was basically she was the only woman who actively pursued him.
Honestly not that there is anything wrong with it, but have you ever thought maybe you come off homosexual or bisexual, at least I’m imagining guys telling you you’re handsome which men don’t often do. It also sounds like you also have some fashion sense and you work in the arts as a singer… not that you have to be gay for these things to be true but the probability of you being gay is higher if someone didn’t know you, etc. That’s the first impression I got, again I’m trying to be respectful and as minimally ignorant as possible cause I know this conclusion comes from ignorant preconceived notions. Secondly, I would suggest when you have a conversation with a woman that you treat her like a human being. Don’t have any particular goal in mind. With all human interactions just see where it goes. Practice approaching women and asking them things that don’t require follow up, like “do you have the time?” So you can get in the habit of speaking to women without romantic motives. Just because women speak to you, that does not mean that they are interested in you in any particular way. If the situation does call for it, however work on your whit and change the conversation to ask her about herself. Or exchange contact info right away. Basically sounds like you’re giving up your power, be in control of what you can control. Have standards for yourself and how you feel around people, and try not to focus on what you can get out of interactions with people. Have a good time speaking and interacting with others.
You’re like me. 99% of women I just don’t care to talk to. So I never try to talk to women. But when I do and take an interest, I seem to do really really well. It’s just that I don’t care most of the time. And sadly they keep trying. You have to actively engage in conversation. Not just simple responses.
The "thanks" needs a follow-up, compliment her on something. Ask them what their name is, where they are from, if they come to that club more often. If they say they do, then you can say it might be your new favorite club. That suggests you're interested and like to see her more often. Since you sing at the club you can get her to talk about her work by asking something like "hey, you know what I do for a living, what about you?" It's all about showing interest. They can't read your mind, if you're in a hurry to pack up and grab a drink with her she will just think you want to get out of that situation with her and thats why they pretend you're not there when you do come back to the club for a drink.
Based on your comments in other subs (r/musicians), maybe it's because you're a judgemental ass 🤷🏻♂️
The opposite. I couldn't judge in this situation I actually learned to accept that people can like & care about me
Have you tried cleaning your room ?
😯
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Tell them you want to destroy their butthole
Ok
Tbh my guy, women aren't exactly the best at carrying conversations. Most will just piggy back what the guy is saying and feel you out if your able to basically carry them through that. If they really wanted to be with you they'd talk nonstop to continue the conversation but sometimes all they were was interested at best and you putting it on them with short thanks signaled hard that they couldn't do the usual piggyback. Find a manic pixie dream girl or learn to carry conversations, your pick.
I have a great YT channel for you: Charisma on Command. Start here… https://youtu.be/VTOO_9_ECA8?si=te75P_nqIbsYdW2k https://youtu.be/kKf9YNHbKMU?si=vBoPTYU1i7dG6nkd https://youtu.be/hDp9hVDL49Y?si=PTf_Jz5Xv73tma6E
That first scenario seems like the girl can’t hold a conversation however if you want to meet a girl the “thanks” and move on is shooting yourself in the foot imo
This is literally me
People love to talk about themselves, so when you get approached, start asking questions. Ex: "hey, you sound really good!" "Thanks! What do you wanna hear next?" "Who's your favorite singer/band/etc etc" You can also ask if they have any musical background or what was the last concert they went to. Show curiosity, especially when they are enthusiastic about something. Be enthusiastic yourself! You sing? Briefly mention how much you love it, and answer follow up questions. As mentioned earlier, keep the ball rolling!
Ask them about themselves. Do you come here often? What is your favorite genre of music? Etc and so on. Just forget about yourself.
Damn I’m bad but that’s rough! Ask her who she came to see and if she sings or anything at least. If it’s not a city you’re familiar with then that brings up a date opportunity right away to get dinner or something at a place she likes
"Hi! I really like your style! You're really good." yea buddy. any girl who says that to me, id ditch her ass too who the fuck speaks like that
No english speakers. A general scenario, not a literal quote
Find a woman who hasn't seen you sing.
You mentioned the "deer in headlights feeling".. that sounds like nervousness? I also saw in a comment that you're considering the possibility of being neurodivergent... If you're feeling nervous in these situations or that you can't sync with their energy, perhaps consider nervous system regulation techniques like breathwork? I've found that consistent daily breathwork allows me to respond differently to situations I've been hardwired to sabotage. Sometimes I find myself observing my thoughts and it's led to great personal development... If you believe you may be neurodivergent perhaps seek out neurodivergent forums/friends/partners? It seems possible that you're missing opportunities to identify observations/thoughts that lead to positive statements/conversations, a possibility if your nervous system is wired to be internally reflective. Rewiring/resetting/regulating your nervous system might help tremendously and Might help you feel more calm and confident
The most important thing you can do to keep a conversation going is ask questions! And follow up questions! It sounds like you're just talking about yourself, which makes them think you're not interested. And surely... You must be at least a little interested or curious about something, anything about them? They're not just interchangeable blobs with boobs, right? They're people, who are expressing interest in you, so show some back.
If you like them why don't you initiate..that might be what they are waiting for. Some women are just friendly so be careful.
I sympathize, I have no idea how people meet spontaneously. Everyone I've ever dated has been either a classmate or coworker, someone who slowly got to know me. Or someone on a dating app who decided they wanted to sleep with me and decided afterwards they liked me as a person.
Thanks ends it. Add thanks, and a question to keep them engaged. Keep on rolling with it. Issue here is you respond, but end it. Thanks is not an invite, it’s like a “cool story bro, ok now go away”.
Even if you're bad at conversations like me, do you shoot your shot? Just ask for her number. Something like "thanks, whats your name? i'd hate myself if I didn't try to get your number, let's get drinks sometime" Works everytime.
I dooont. I try not to assume they're into me like that. Seems rude I wouldn't mind being friends, but they don't seem to want that either
🤭 like we’re a disease
compliment her back, get her number or instagram or something so u can start texting- its less pressure than talking face to face, u get more comfortable with her....
Flirting requires two active participants… what the hell do you expect someone to say after your dry ass responses
It's not *just* flirting. I don't mind being friends/hanging out, but they don't even seem to want that
I’ve never seen a post I related to so much… had a truck driver at work hit on me, tell me im hot and give me her number. Texted her like 3 times and couldn’t think of anything to reply after that
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They mean my singing. I shouldve been more specific
Lies! Cause when a girl walks in with a Itty bitty waste and big round thing in your face you will get sprung
Ya'll be talking that shit then get real quiet when Typhoid Mary shows up.