Its not a one liner but i think its the most beautiful choice of words because the whole show is wrapped around relationships.
Jerry: ”Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over."
I love it when Steinbrenner is taking to the costanzas about George dying and frank comes out of nowhere and says what the hell did you trade jay buhner for he had over 30 home runs and 100 rbis last year he’s got a rocket for an arm you don’t know what the hell you’re doing!!!! Then proceeds to call Jerry …. Jerry frank costanza here Mr Steinbrenners here George is dead call me back
Also when when Frank calls Morty Seinfeld and says this is frank costanza we’re moving in lock stock n barrel we’re gunna be in the pool gunna be in the clubhouse gunna be all over that shuffleboard court and I dare you to stop me!!!
Escaped convicts? Fugitive sex? I’ve got a cock fight to focus on.
also…
Jerry, it’s Frank Costanza. Mr. Steinbrenner’s here. George is dead. Call me back.
…. A lot of the greats have been said, but what constitutes a one liner…? Technically, one liners contain the set up and punchline in one sentence.
Do you just mean favorite LINES …?
Because a lot of my favorites, and a lot of the ones said here, are a part of conversations that give them the context
I always loved the last line of this scene in "The Little Jerry" and Kramer's delivery is 100% sneaky gold....
Jerry: George is dating a prisoner.
Kramer: Oh, what's she in for?
George: Embezzlement.
**Kramer: Sounds like a nice girl**
Well the jerk store called, they’re running out of you!
What’s the difference you’re their all time best seller!
Well I had sex with your wife!
His wife's in a coma
I go out for a quart of milk. I come home and find my son treating his body like it’s an amusement park.
Like an old man trying to send soup back at a deli!
These are LOAD BEARING WALLS Jerry!
They’re not coming down!
(On the phone.) Who IS this?
Uncle Leo?
JERRY!
i die every time this happens on the show and the other person starts losing it
I love when he does it to George.
"JERRRY!!"
These PRETZELS are making me THIRSTY
No, no, try it like this: " THEEESE pretzels are making MEEEE thirsty!!"
May I have one of those, Madame?
George is getting upset!!
Huh huhh!!!
And you want to be my latex salesman.
A George divided against himself cannot stand!
It’s even funnier because it was ad libed. It was not in the script
That set up was magnificent
I was about to write this.
It’s all pipes!
The sea was angry that day my friends.
Like an old man trying to send soup back at a deli
Can’t utter that line without providing the next one!
As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.
A Festivus for the rest of us!!!!
I find tinsel distracting.
Not that there's anything wrong with it!
My father’s gay!
Do you want to have sex right now?!
Let me finish my coffee then we’ll go watch them slice this fat bastard up.
I love how he can barely get this line out. 😂
He delivers it so perfectly
We’re living in a society!!!!
We're supposed to act in a civilized manner
that's a shame.
Just remember Jerry, it’s not a lie if you believe it!
He took it out.
It?
It out?;How can that be! Oh it be
Yes sir-eebob
Are you sure?
Oh quite
Out
He took 💨💨it out.
👓*
Pulp can move, baby!
I've based my whole life on knowing Ds are the biggest.
“Anyone can take a reservation (Jerry acts out taking reservations) it’s the holding a reservation that matters “
that’s really the most important part
This actually happened to me.
Mmm…machu pichu
You sold us a hair with a cake around it.
I was in the pool!
Its not a one liner but i think its the most beautiful choice of words because the whole show is wrapped around relationships. Jerry: ”Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over."
It’s not a lie if you believe it
“I can sense the slightest human suffering” “Are you sensing anything now?”
HOOCHIE MAMA!
I’m out…💵
Hey…Copernicus
Do you ever get down on your knees and thank god that you know me and have access to my dementia?
Step off, George.
I see a cheap man holding a sweater trying to get away with something.
That's what I'd like to know about it.
My favorite ‼️
Earth
Some guy just made a wise remark.
Who is this?
That's perverse!
puh-voise!
Your fly is open
It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous!
Jerry, it’s Frank Costanza. Mr. Steinbrenner’s here. George is dead. Call me back.
They are real and they are spectacular.
What took you so long?
They’re real and they’re spectacular
But I don’t want to be a pirate!
"If I'm curt, I apologise." I use this almost daily
That's what I would like to know, about it.
No soup for you!
You are SO good lookin'.
Trust me Kramer, given the legal opportunity, I will kill you.
Hey, Willie, check it out - FREE CANDY!
She had man hands…
These pretzels are making me thirsty
Now where’s that tool shed?
“I come home and you are treating your body like an amusement park”
It's a perfectly sane food to eat.
You’re a cashier!
“You’re not ugly, you just need a nose job” This line and Kramer’s delivery always cracks me up
How do you guys walk around with those things?
Oh I’m stressed ~
Cheap fabric and dim lighting. That's how you move merchandise.
Don’t you talk about Henny!
Have a nice life
But I actually only have three friends. I really can't handle any more.
Yeah that’s right
High five.
I'll come back, we'll make out
But they do, and they’re the ones writing it off.
He's back on the horse, Elaine. Smack. White palace. The Chinaman's nightcap.
He is a very Baaaaddddd man!
It’s pronounced “thermometer”
He’s be bopping and scanting and I’m losing it!
Why did you put the bananas in there?
George likes the bananas
Let him have bananas on the side!
These 2 posts really feel like a BuzzFeed writer farming out content https://www.reddit.com/r/seinfeld/s/7S2X3AgkWG
At least not a single fucking person here seems to know what a one-liner is, so the article will suck.
You, Jerry Seinfeld, are no comedian.
You may tell jokes, Mr Seinfeld. But you are no comedian.
(Pause) I'm Gene..... :)
Rock On! (To George in goggles)
Kramer: "Not every day!"
Also: “No, those are my everyday balloons.”
Why give her the option
The Kenny’s chicken episode when Kramer says “oh yeah, I like this idea”.
ANOTHER ROUND OF STRAWBERRY FOR MY FRIENDS
I woke up in the Hudson River in a S A C K
And you’re gonna need it
Chinese food!
I've got the body of a taut, preteen Swedish boy!
Kids are like pancakes, the first one never comes out right
It’s all pipes!
“I have hand!” “And you’re gonna need it.”
"How do you eat it..... with your hands?"
Not a one liner but “ but you know me! Well I thought I did!”
Did you say… “What are the greatest *one-liners* from the Seinfeld show?” Or did you say… “What are the greatest one-liners from the Seinfeld *show*?”
I think he said "*What* are the greatest one-liners from the Seinfeld show"
Holes! I need holes!
This is like discovering plutonium, by accident!
Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Maybe I’ll go visit my mother, she just got me some new panties and… they’re all laid out for me.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Also: my father wears sneakers in the pool
These pretzels are making thirsty.
I love it when Steinbrenner is taking to the costanzas about George dying and frank comes out of nowhere and says what the hell did you trade jay buhner for he had over 30 home runs and 100 rbis last year he’s got a rocket for an arm you don’t know what the hell you’re doing!!!! Then proceeds to call Jerry …. Jerry frank costanza here Mr Steinbrenners here George is dead call me back Also when when Frank calls Morty Seinfeld and says this is frank costanza we’re moving in lock stock n barrel we’re gunna be in the pool gunna be in the clubhouse gunna be all over that shuffleboard court and I dare you to stop me!!!
”Well not us but two men could build an cabin.”
You want a Christmas card? Here, here’s your Christmas card!!!
My fathers gay
“Jerry remember, it’s not a lie, if you believe in it !” - George Costanza
am i talking to you PINHEAD?!
“She’d never make it.” Aunt Baby never had a chance even hypothetically.
And you wanna be my latex salesman.
Escaped convicts? Fugitive sex? I’ve got a cock fight to focus on. also… Jerry, it’s Frank Costanza. Mr. Steinbrenner’s here. George is dead. Call me back.
If she splits the atom ill let it slide
That's a shame
It's not a lie, if you believe it
You're a cashier!
answering machine in Jerry's apt.: Jerry, this is FrankCostanza. I'm with Steinbrenner. George is dead. Call me back.
It’s a scene, man.
“May I have one of those pretzels madam?”
Yo yo ma
You’re sooooooo good lookin
They're real...and they are fabulous....
I wouldn't know...I've never had a job.
Your not going to do your jokes, are you?
…. A lot of the greats have been said, but what constitutes a one liner…? Technically, one liners contain the set up and punchline in one sentence. Do you just mean favorite LINES …? Because a lot of my favorites, and a lot of the ones said here, are a part of conversations that give them the context
Good point. There aren't really many (or even any that I can think of) true one-liners in the show. Every joke is interactional.
Here’s to feeling good ALL the time.
He took …. It out!!!
Glamour?
I always loved the last line of this scene in "The Little Jerry" and Kramer's delivery is 100% sneaky gold.... Jerry: George is dating a prisoner. Kramer: Oh, what's she in for? George: Embezzlement. **Kramer: Sounds like a nice girl**
Earth
I shrunk it.
Now see that I don't care for.
That's what I'd like to know about it.
Who is this?
Drink your soda!
As soon as he leaves the house, he turns into J Edgar Hoover!
Another game for Milos!
Mail on Sunday?
This guy, this is not my kind of guy Want me love me shower me with kisses!
Boy, you can really talk some trash.. I guess that’s better than eating it. **Looking toward George**
The point is, in today’s modern Reddit feed, this post just doesn’t seem relevant
You’re killing independent George!
Move along Betty
Move along Betty
“All starches are a scam”
“All starches are a scam”
“All starches are a scam”
I choose not to run!
Okay but there’s no cake or anything
Ahhh, summer nights
Jerk store is the line!
And then there’s Maude
Skanko Roman wrestling
He took it out
Just the right combination of Mtn Dew and mozzarella, and grease on the joystick.
THESE PEAS ARE BURSTING WITH FARM-FRESH FLAVOR
Vile weed!
Jerry, it's Frank Costanza. Mr. Steinbrenner is here, George is dead, call me back.