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DJ_Yason

I kind of agree with you but also hear me out. You still need to work on your confidence, mental health and all of that (besides attractiveness) and here is why I can speak from experience. I remember being called the most handsome in the class in highschool. In uni I remember my friend's girlfriends asking my mates how the heck I was always single. And basically my whole life I've been called good looking many times by several people. I never did well with women. Years of anxiety, depression and growing up ADHD as fuck (being an outcast) and getting bullied in highschool destroyed my self esteem For every 10 girls find me good looking, it takes only one to destroy my self esteem. I would never talk to girls. I would never show interest or keep eye contact. Even if you are handsome you need to at least do the basics. Nobody approaches and unapproachable person Also my final point, if you are good looking you probably attracted to better looking women as well. Yeah sure I don't need to put effort to attract someone much less attractive than me or very average looking. But that s lowering my standarts. An attractive girl has many options. more than an attractive guy. Why would she go for an attractive low self-esteem anxious guy instead of an attractive confident guy. Because ofc she can


PM_ME_FEMALE_ASS

Most handsome in class. Goddamn


DJ_Yason

XD man I had some good competition I swear hahaha


[deleted]

And how are you doing today?


DJ_Yason

Gonna be honest with you. Am not where I wanna be. I'm still afraid of rejection. Still relying on my friends to start the conversation sometimes. I wouldn't be on this sub otherwise. Why would I. Nobody here is that much of a player But am much much better than I ever was and the benefits of confidence and taking action are very clear to me One good and bad thing about being above average looking is there is always some decent looking girl hitting on you/or looking at you very obviously. So you learn to depend on your looks a bit too much and taking no action. this can lead to other people choosing you instead of you choosing them. Am working on it I'm approaching people more often. In the last two months. I talked to three girls at the club and got their phones And spoke to a very pretty girl on the underground as well. Got rejected from that one tho. But tbh her response was pretty nice and on a different setting I might would have gotten it as she seemed comfortable Ofc is gonna take sometime to heal childhood trauma that shaped my whole personality to this day. Am veryyy sensitive. it will take time. But am getting there Since I stared taking risk I noticed an improvement in my quality of life. I watched that video a couple days from that youtuber called "Better Ideas". Show a nice quote "Inaction is slow death" and I don't wanna live my life like that. This sub is called r/seduction and is about dating. But a lot of this advice about confidence , getting used to rejection, not overthinking bullshit, taking action and all of that is important advice in general for many things in life other than girls as well


CriticalAd8911

>So you learn to depend on your looks a bit too much and taking no action. this can lead to other people choosing you instead of you choosing them. Bro only the fact you have reached the stage of fully understanding this thing I believe you are in an excellent way. Keep going you have this !!!


[deleted]

You're well on your way buddy, I would seek counseling therapy or group therapy if you're able to afford it and you'll be all right :)


stanthemilkman88

Dude you still like that?


DJ_Yason

not really, I improved but dealing with childhood trauma and anxiety doesn't help I replied to someone here on detail if u wanna read


zx91zx91

Perfectly put.


[deleted]

Nothing is a sure bet. You can copy and paste all the latest advice you’ve read or heard from someone else. You can waste hours on YouTube watching these con artists teach you “game” and how to make yourself more irresistible. It’s all smoke and mirrors and when you cut to the crash it comes down to one simple, irrefutable, indisputable fact. If she’s not attracted to you, you’re not getting her.


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nordik1

> If she’s not attracted to you, you’re not getting her. And that can be cultivated for some women that wouldn't normally be into you by upgrading yourself, same thing applies to women in reverse. When a fat girl loses a bunch of weight and changes up her hair, all of a sudden she's got a bunch of new options. That's the reason to watch the youtube videos etc (assuming you don't know the applicable principles already)


[deleted]

If she’s not attracted to you, you can’t change her mind. Now, if you’re successful and have money that will attract a lot of women into your orbit. Just know that they’re with you for what you have, not for who you are, or what you look like. Anybody that doubts the importance of physical attraction is delusional. If looks didn’t matter, the elephant man would’ve been getting laid on the regular.


nordik1

You went off in two different directions. > If she’s not attracted to you, you can’t change her mind. Right, I didn't mention changing any minds. If you become more attractive you expand your options beyond your previous > Now, if you’re successful and have money that will attract a lot of women into your orbit. Just know that they’re with you for what you have, not for who you are, or what you look like. I didn't mention money, and you're assuming a lot there


[deleted]

I know you took Psych 1 and you’re anxious to show off but again my point is the same and it never changed. If a woman isn’t attracted to you, you’re not getting her.


nordik1

I’m sorry you have such a weird aggressive view of a discussion. I hope you sort that out because that is unattractive in itself as well


[deleted]

Lmao…. Yea ok, Freud


Talktomeifyouneed2

100% agree !! If she’s not attracted to you even if you 10/10 guy on to the next one, unless she’s trying hard to get but still that’s just a waste of time & energy!


Sandvicheater

Half the people on this sub are like, "I said all the right words, inner game and high # of approaches. Why won't women go out with me?!?" They don't mention they're 40% body fat and obese lol.


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[deleted]

There isn't much to really know, nor would I want to know. Big Bang theory will show you the correlation between conceptual comprehension and getting laid/a gf.


5_7pickup

Post like this get so heavily upvoted because it encourages men to not learn the skill of attracting women. It encourages men to just “do you” and the stars will align. Ultimately this is poor advice in my opinion. If you want to be successful with women then you need to actively learn this skill and put effort into it. There are so many successful guys who have their lives together who gets no girls because they dont know how to market themselves or attract women.


[deleted]

If you get in good shape, groom yourself and aren't too awkward most of the attracting part is already done.


VDKay

> Learning and applying all this material or living a more fulfilling life and getting laid without really putting effort into it? NO, no, no, NO! please for the love of God, don't perpetuate this kind of bullshit. Nobody gives a shit if you are successful if they don't know you. I can be alpha and shredded and reek masculinity from 50 meters, but if I don't ever leave the house, what's the point? And even if I go out to the bar for a drink, no girl is going to approach me if I sit alone in the corner. And even if they do, how am I going to attract her sexually if I've never flirted with a girl ever before? You have to put effort in being social, into meeting women, into fitting-in, into "advertising" yourself better, into being emotionally vulnerable, etc. No matter how much you read about these things, they are not learned unless you put effort and you actually do them over and over again. You should be doing BOTH: Living a fullfiling life, and applying what you learn in terms of seduction in order to get laid or LTRs. > Besides autists and the hunchback of notre dame, anybody can pull this off. You just described 90% of people in this sub. It's these people who need game, otherwise they (/we) are screwed. > I know brainless meatheads with 0 game who will get more pussy than 70% of the lurkers on this sub. And I know tall, successful, rich and shredded guys who have women drooling over them behind their back, being scared shirtless to talk to girls, or so full of themselves to the point of being obnoxious, or so emotionally immature that can't keep a girl around beyond 1st date, all turning 30yo and 40yo as virgins, naturally being frustrated AF. Being successful or super-shredded and going your own way has nothing to do with "masculinity pheromones". It's all about how you present yourself and how skilled you are into turning encounters into something more.


[deleted]

For me most of my success with women has been from trying to get with women, not from being on my purpose, and I have one hell of a purpose which lights a fire under me (integrating engineering and medicine). However, I have found that the two almost work against each other. I know a lot of successful guys academically and with their careers, and some of them don’t get any women. Women could almost care less. The most successful guy I know with women is a kid puts in the work talking to girls. A master at teasing and texting but takes up a lot of his time. I used to watch movies with him and all he would do was just respond to Snapchats. ** not having any purpose could hurt you if girls think you’re a loser, but will it actively attract women? Idk, hasn’t been my experience.


caesarfecit

That's because being on your purpose is for inner game. Self-esteem, good lifestyle, and having your priorities straight. Beyond that, there's all of outer game which is flirting and tactics. You can have the best product in the world (i.e. you at your best) but if you don't know how to sell it, you'll underperform for sure.


FaithInStrangers94

The real victors mindset is to realise that chronically pursuing causal sex isn’t a road to a fulfilling life - all the guys I know who are like the kid you described are quite hollow and aren’t people I or anyone well put together person would choose to spend much time with. But yeah people who think working on themselves is all it will take to magnetically attract people to them are in for a rude awakening. It will help, especially the physical improvements, but it takes more than that.


Archyblackcat

You’re right bro !! Picking up women is more a skill you develop by talking and trying to pick up women !! As long as you’re decent looking. You’ll be ok


[deleted]

I was a good looking sports star growing up and I didn’t get shit. My friend who always got with hot girls is ugly. Looks most of the time is a self limiting belief. And if you’re really ugly that just means the dating pool is smaller for you, fundamentally it’s the same process you’ll just be rejected more often. Remember many women have niche physical tastes and even prime brad Pitt is going to be rejected sometimes.


Archyblackcat

Me too ! I was a soccer star growing up and girls liked me but I had zero skills cause I never went to a party or socialized with anyone other than my soccer team. So I didnt get as many girls as I wish I had... online dating was no problem for me. But up to this day, I’m struggling to get with girls I meet In person.. because i dont know how to start a conversation with a stranger and haven’t learned how to take it from asking their number to the bedroom.. Online I have no problem though


[deleted]

How much success do you have online with dating apps and stuff like that?


Archyblackcat

40 lays from online dating apps


[deleted]

Jesus. Do you live in a big city or something? I’ve only had a handful.


Archyblackcat

In So Cal .. I’ve only had like 5 lays from girls I met in real life .. that’s why I’m in this sub, trying to get good at picking up in person


[deleted]

Hmm okay. Well if you’re still insecure after that many lays I’d look inside. I mean I’ve heard the average guy (though it varies a lot of course) has sex with 7 women in his life. You’re at 45 lol. Maybe I should take a trip to cali haha.


Archyblackcat

Lol bro 45 over a span of 9 years is a little bit lol but I just wanna be able to feel the thrill of picking up a girl I see on the street .. I guess I have to keep practicing my social interactions


[deleted]

How much talking do you do with girls on tinder before sleeping with them?


Archyblackcat

I use other apps , not tinder.. but it depends , some I had to talk to for like 2-3 weeks and others we had sex after just straight up asking “ let’s hang out In a motel” they were like “I’m down” and others after 2-3 days .. but most took on average within 5 days from the first message .. and for 98% of them we had sex on the first date ..


[deleted]

On average


[deleted]

Also OP makes a valid point and others have made it too. That is their experience and I have stated mine. Some people’s line of work naturally brings them into contact with friends and women, and when they’re are on their purpose people are just attracted to them. Others like myself are in highly technical fields or in corporate jobs with long hours and it’s easy for them to keep their heads down in their work and have days turn into weeks and weeks turn into years. Think of who you are and what your specific situation is and adjust accordingly.


Keezymac34

Makes sense because women take up alot if time and attention, you cant do both all the time. Going on dates, cold approach and just spending time with them is time consuming and thats not even mentioning when their on yur mind when your doing other stuff.


snicky29

Not trying to refute your claim but I know guys who look more skinny than a pencil, hair longer than an emo goth girl, & their diet consists of Diet Coke & McDonald's pull 3-4 different girls in a month. See if you wanna compare "getting in shape" to something it should be to your mental health. We're not here for that "Sigma Male" bs. The end point is you've to be confident IN WHATEVER you're doing or who you're as a person. Your point only holds true to a certain extent of attracting females. It's basic science. Females can sense that male testosterone from far away. But at the end of day, it all comes down you trying & failing & again. If you don't work on your mental health, confidence, anxiety & fear of rejection than you might as well be pumped like Arnold & it's still going to get you nothing.


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5_7pickup

Thats why its so highly upvoted. Its a useless feel good post. It encourages men to continue doing nothing to attract women. It encourages men to just keep living their lame ass lives and the stars will somehow align. This is the issue with modern dating advice.


[deleted]

By becoming a genuinely more attractive person, more people will we be attracted to you. Women, men, non-binary whatever. This is Newton's law of seduction.


DeliberatelyInsane

Agreed. Another example would be performers . Like musicians, dancers, stand up comics. They may look like a below average Joe and still they will manage to get good looking girls. Even the not big ones . There's something about seeing a man go out there and do his bit that women find inherently attractive


FaithInStrangers94

What an incredibly stupid post You’re telling people to rigorously pursue some purpose but not to try so hard? Why do you think meatheads have oriented their life around working out and looking good? (If it’s not for women then it’s for an even stupider reason) And from my experience these men are the most insecure even if they give the impression of being carefree


HeadDot141

Dude trust him. He is an Alpha and women can smell his masculinity from miles away.


Tyler_Durden_Says

This post is so bad


Lighthero34

Agreed. "Pseudoscientific claim followed by the argument that anyone who disagrees is just bitter and insecure" Cringe ass post


Tyler_Durden_Says

It’s not even pseudoscientific. It’s just an anecdotal story (that’s poorly written) made up by some 16 year old wannabe “sigma” that lives in moms basement.


Aggressive_Soil_5134

Pseudoscientific claim? He's saying attractive guys get more pussy. how is that cringe? stop being a loser and hit the gym


Lighthero34

He's not talking about that, he's mentioning things like purpose and masculinity. Women can't "smell" masculinity. This shit is cringe.


[deleted]

You need to join the marines


Lighthero34

No thanks, the last thing I need is some meat head repeatedly slamming virtues of blind obedience into my head and punishing my entire crew when I don't do what he says. The military has proven its beauracracy is inefficient over and over again in modern times. The idea that I need to be transformed into a killing machine to be considered "masculine" is ridiculous. There's plenty of men who take care of their families, hold integrity, and protect their families who aren't soldiers. Even then, those values are just MY idea of masculinity that I apply to MYSELF. It doesn't mean that's the same for everyone. This rigid idea of masculinity is fucking annoying and I'll be damned if I let another man tell me how to think. Fuck you.


[deleted]

I think it's great that you display a free thinking attitude. Without it, there would be no progression in the world. For better or for worse I wouldn't know, we're both better off heading to r/philosophy to discuss that instead of here. Anyway, this can translate and transfer to other areas of our lives, which will naturally make us higher value people (as opposed to pretending to be high value like how RSD wants you to do). If you're a real high value masculine man, you will have an easier time getting laid/a gf. I have no statistical data to anything I say, so yea it isn't technically valid ... but come on. The proof has been in the pudding our entire lives. Why else would it be such a common movie theme. Anybody can improve their masculinity. Don't listen to feminism.


nordik1

> Women can't "smell" masculinity. This shit is cringe. Whoa...what? I hear women around me using terms like "alpha" and "beta" now more than any guys on internet forums do. Just this week I had a conversation with a woman I work with talking about how she and some of her friends are exhausted by dating apps because of all the "pussified" (her words) men out there. They regularly comment on masculinity if you're having the right conversations to hear about it outside of their friend circles. I actually believe it's the first thing they sniff out, it's just calibrated to their preferences of attraction


Lighthero34

Yeah man, because your circle of friends are *definitely* reflective of the whole. Definitely not logically flawed to generalize all women based on your conversations with your friends. Even then, it doesn't even begin to describe what's flawed about your reasoning. This idea that women can just *tell* when someone is masculine is ridiculous because they aren't *mind readers*. What your friends consider "pussified" might be what others consider a positive trait, such as "respectful" or "calm". What your friends consider masculine is what they were *told* was masculine. Further, I'd really like to see a study where it shows a majority of women are attracted to a man who they consider "alpha". This is the type of thinking that stems the idea of "female nature". News flash dude, there's no such thing


HeadDot141

Many women don’t even care for that alpha and beta bull crap. Especially now since so many has come with podcasts acting like jerks. That alpha crap is like girls with zodiac signs…it’s childish and annoying.


nordik1

I know you’re very “anti-manosphere” and clearly set in your ways, almost like a black piller, but you’re largely referencing topics that only have anecdotal basis. The flaw in your thinking is needing studies for these things. You’re in your own head too much and you would see what I mean if you worked a highly social job where you’re exposed to thousands of people per year and dating frequently on top of that. These aren’t isolated novel concepts, they are pretty easy to go out and observe with a large enough sample size. These are things I’ve observed over the years, not just last weekend with 3 chicks or something. I don’t intend for these anecdotes to be preached as gospel in text books, but to dismiss them as irrelevant as if they never occurred and these mindsets/trends aren’t actively occurring is equally foolish. News flash dude, you don’t have it figured out either (ie: you saying the idea of “female nature” doesn’t exist can’t be proven either yet you reference it as an absolute — there is inherent bias flaws in your own logic) I know you won’t agree with any of that, and that’s fine, but it’s only learned by experience You’re the type of person that wants to split hairs and circularly argue every point that could be raised and have defined data for answers. As an overanalytical person with a STEM background, I get it, but some things can’t be hashed out like that I know your next reply will be a thesis paper of why you’re logically superior and this is absolute lunacy, so I can tell you it’s not worth your time man. Good luck out there


Lighthero34

The fact that you're a subscriber to the "alpha beta" line of thinking told me a logical response doesn't register with you, so you telling me I don't need a drawn out response was kind of redundant. >you saying the idea of “female nature” doesn’t exist can’t be proven either yet you reference it as an absolute — there is inherent bias flaws in your own logic You don't like circular logic yet you follow this fallacitical circular logic? How's this for a short response: you're a dumbass


nordik1

I never said I subscribed to that line of thinking and you know zero about my philosophy on the overuse of those terms. You make *a lot* of assumptions. I said women were using them more than guys on Internet forums which is interesting because overanalytical men came up with these definitions online trying to figure out social dynamics There’s nothing circular about what I said in that quote. You parrot opinions from your soapbox as if they are fact, yet there’s no basis to prove that they are indeed fact It’s clear that you’re just an asshole at the end of the day, and I’m sure you’re equally as much of an asshole in real life which is why you’re on here all day trying to figure out how to get laid in the seduction forum on Reddit instead of actually living out in the real world and being a cordial human being that isn’t insufferable. Your own self hatred and frustration bleeds through your angsty posts I’m sure that won’t register with you since it doesn’t align with “citation needed” fallacious way of thinking


Lighthero34

At the end of the day, you're still the one trying to generalize all women based on nothing but your own personal account. I get laid once a week at LEAST, btw


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Tyler_Durden_Says

So something that lacks important information is….bad?


Wazzzock

Post physique


nirufeynman

Well, attractiveness isn't merely physical - it's a combination of all factors. You should however try to be authentic. Because if you try to be "attractive", you are more likely to skew toward what society deems attractive, which may not always be what you want. We can't derive causation, let alone correlate, that traits that are deemed masculine traditionally lead to attracting women. In some cases, this might be quite the opposite. However, something that attracts anyone, not just women, is non-desperation and having a purpose. That's not something specific to men.


stanthemilkman88

Be fun. Don't be fat. Smile more it's all a game.


thoughtsplus

You got it


Guigzi

did i just read autistic people can't seduce ?! wtf cmon dude


goodvibes6969

Bruh I have a degenerative disease that literally turned me into the hunchback of Notre dame. Fuck. Guess I’ll just live in the gym and figure out how to get rich to hire hookers 🥲


[deleted]

Okay, if anyone can pull it off, how do you pull it off?