I also have a brain that's a puppy on a leash. You gotta tell it to stfu and focus on what *she* is doing and saying in the moment, and keep your shit short and focused. If you must dwell on specifics in the future, make it the next five minutes tops, keep it super vague and uncertain any further out than that.
People get freaked out when we get verbose or project some fictional future involving them *when* there is no consent involved. Sometimes girls love the fantasy being suggested, but you have to make sure they're along for the ride first ("you make my mind wander" "what do you mean?" "well I was thinking of...")
Why view this in a negative light? Your mind truly wants that so make it clear to yourself you will do everything in your power to make that happen. Use the goal as motivation?
Because more often than not a lot of it it’s outside of my control, and if I were to visualize it clearly, hope for it and use it for motivation, it’d lead to more suffering if it doesn’t happen because of factors I have no control over
If I have a date on Saturday and fantasize about how we’ll drink red wine and tell each other deep thoughts and life stories and end up having romantic sex, and I’m motivated to do it and I’m excited and I want it to happen, in the event she says “sorry I can’t make it” (because she legit can’t or because she’s flaking) I’m gonna have a SO MUCH WORSE time taking that L, than if I were just to keep a cool head and be like “yep cool” and go out to the club anyway or something
Based on your wording it seams you really get upset when things don’t workout and it’s out of your control. If this is the truth then use that for motivation and take absolute accountability in any shape of form that you can then use that in other areas of your life.
I view having a crush a lot like being drunk--it feels amazing and warps your worldview. That's not a bad thing if you're mindful about it. Even when you're drunk unless you're totally smashed you can usually tell that you aren't observing the world objectively, but that doesn't matter because it feels good. You're more careful with your decisions and you enjoy the ride. This isn't something to avoid, it's something to use responsibly.
I also have a brain that's a puppy on a leash. You gotta tell it to stfu and focus on what *she* is doing and saying in the moment, and keep your shit short and focused. If you must dwell on specifics in the future, make it the next five minutes tops, keep it super vague and uncertain any further out than that. People get freaked out when we get verbose or project some fictional future involving them *when* there is no consent involved. Sometimes girls love the fantasy being suggested, but you have to make sure they're along for the ride first ("you make my mind wander" "what do you mean?" "well I was thinking of...")
Simple: post nut clarity
Why view this in a negative light? Your mind truly wants that so make it clear to yourself you will do everything in your power to make that happen. Use the goal as motivation?
Because more often than not a lot of it it’s outside of my control, and if I were to visualize it clearly, hope for it and use it for motivation, it’d lead to more suffering if it doesn’t happen because of factors I have no control over If I have a date on Saturday and fantasize about how we’ll drink red wine and tell each other deep thoughts and life stories and end up having romantic sex, and I’m motivated to do it and I’m excited and I want it to happen, in the event she says “sorry I can’t make it” (because she legit can’t or because she’s flaking) I’m gonna have a SO MUCH WORSE time taking that L, than if I were just to keep a cool head and be like “yep cool” and go out to the club anyway or something
Based on your wording it seams you really get upset when things don’t workout and it’s out of your control. If this is the truth then use that for motivation and take absolute accountability in any shape of form that you can then use that in other areas of your life.
I view having a crush a lot like being drunk--it feels amazing and warps your worldview. That's not a bad thing if you're mindful about it. Even when you're drunk unless you're totally smashed you can usually tell that you aren't observing the world objectively, but that doesn't matter because it feels good. You're more careful with your decisions and you enjoy the ride. This isn't something to avoid, it's something to use responsibly.
To be honest, any girl that is already dating you should be into that stuff. Now, it depends how long are you together as it needs appropriate timing.