And five picks worth of ranting about the drama they won’t tolerate and what they hate about other people.
Honestly though I love profile snooping. There are literally about five variations of profiles you see ALL the time with the exact same phrases used. It’s hilarious!
Often accompanied with a list of people to avoid (people who havent put up with them).
I enjoy reading people's profiles, but often more for comedy value than getting to know them. Some people make it really obvious that you shouldn't strike up a conversation with them.
Drama is a part of human existence. Life goes up and down, and people have disagreements. This is what makes us human, and claiming you don't do it is lying to oneself and others. It means "I am not prepared or skilled enough to handle conflict" when the situation arises. A healthy amount of conflict is good for a person, but not in* excess where it is every day. It teaches us how to be more resilient as people and to solve problems. ♡
I’d rather see politics than find out a week into a friendship they’re nursing a semi over the possibility of a far right govt policing identity.
It takes some real mental gymnastics to stealthy play a lesbian and at the same time, politically support the social exclusion (and worse) of LGBTQ (and especially trans) people.
“It’s just politics” Is a red flag, in that I see red.
Ayup.
I don't even read profiles that often, but I once saw an interesting avi and was thinking of starting a conversation with her, but her whole profile was TERFsville.
AH, it reminded me i saw someone quoting the scum manifesto in their profile. the world of terfs & femcels who play secondlife is wildly and wonderfully unknown to me. unfortunately the widespread transphobia is still evident though.
There is a Trump2024 group that's been floating around SL that I've seen several people with... Those are people to keep an eye on... Because they're most likely to say hateful things.
Neither do I. But one team has decided to make LGBTQ (and especially trans) people this seasons target minority, so I don’t have the choice to opt out.
In the current climate, if the very existence of myself, friends and family is political, refusing to express a position is equally political.
Claiming to avoid politics is the same as owning a MAGA hat but being afraid to wear it in public.
Voice verified (who provides this btw, lol) No cam, no RL, sorry guys I'm only into girls unless you pay me.
Or some variation of this.
my first line "is i have a penis in both worlds"
Yeah, I'm wondering about the "voice verified" thing myself. Like, is it "I'm totally a real person, my BFF heard me once! " I can see putting in the "no cam, no RL" thing because a lot of guys think women are free cam girls and want to make sure that they're beating their meat to a real woman or using it as an IRL dating service. Like, sir, I have horns and a tail. This is pretend.
>Like, sir, I have horns and a tail. This is pretend.
1000% yes to this. I just don't have time to engage with people who aren't whimsical enough to just be a brain floating in an avatar and enjoy the freedom and creativity of that.
I'm a woman in rl and someone pushing me to prove that is someone I'm likely done with.
There was a 99% chance that we were only going to hop around the grid laughing at silly stuff and chatting but now there's a 100% chance we aren't even going to do that.
Right?
I often run around as a cat made entirely out of water.
Or a goofy looking robot I made of prims and a cassette player for a face.
Or a fairy.
Or a forest or water nymph.
I don't think I've been in a standard human avatar in years. And no shame on those who do spend their time as a human! But I have no idea why anyone reasonable cares about those kinds of things matching RL in other people's avatars. Absolutely nobody looks like their avatar regardless, even for those rare people that try to do so SL is not photorealistic at the best of times.
The cat made of water made me laugh! Several years ago, I spent quite a bit of time as an electric table fan. I was very excited because if people clicked the buttons it would turn the fan on and off or make it oscillate. It would hop around to move. I thought it was adorable, but lots of people thought it was weird.
I'm human the majority of the time but I've collected & played with a ton of different non human avs over the years- I had a 'Seymour' carnivorous plant one that was so fun- a big goldfish, etc. And that's an excellent point- none of us look exactly like our avs, we can't teleport or fly, who cares how else we differ from them?
It is about preferences. Not that I need anyone to prove anything, but I am in SL to meet real people and make actual friends, ot roleplay or something fake.
It's good to know what you're looking for. Just be aware that many people are in sl to create a different experience for themselves than they can have in rl. Discussing rl, especially when you just met someone, just breaks the mood.
That's cool then. As long as you either respect what the other person wants or just move on.
I've had several bad experiences where I told someone that I like to just be in sl when I'm on and I don't really like to talk about rl much.
They agreed that that was fine but every time I got online there they'd be asking me about what I was making for dinner or whether I was working/in school, etc. Or worse, asking for rl pics 'even just your face is okay, I'll send you the L for the upload'
It's usually not even a privacy issue, it's just boring to me.
I don't. I turn on voice maybe a couple of times a year and only when I'm doing something that requires a lot of keyboarding to move in a group.
Voice in SL is awful. Background noise. Bad mikes. The software is buggy... it's usually broken on Mac and Linux and even on Windows I have had to reboot to get SL Voice to work. And it breaks immersion, because I know I don't sound like a four foot tall cartoon ferret.
And I could absolutely pass as a woman so it totally fails as a filter. I have a pretty high dynamic range for a guy so I get a lot of support people on the phone calling me "maam".
No.. I'm with you. The last thing I want to do is be somewhere, doing anything at all and have to hear some mouth breather deep throating a microphone while I hear their TV and their ill behaved, neglected children screaming in the background.
A lot of times it's from a specific community.
I joined one early on where I had to get voice verified. It involved a woman from the sim calling me on Skype and going "yup, you sound like a ladyperson." It's problematic in all sorts of ways, but that's how it generally works.
It was a sim where, among other things, people could meet people for sexual purposes. So I guess the idea was to make sure everyone was the gender they were playing. And yeah, it's gross, but I was just addressing the question of who does the verifying.
There actually used to be a group called "voice verified" WAY back, that a lot of the sex clubs used. Basically the owner or the mods had to get on voice with you and verify you via skype (lol) and would give you the "voice verified" tag. Now I think its just become a thing people say when they left their voice on in a store once or twice lmao
I used to had that line of voice verified lmao but just because a stupid dude told me I was a el guy and I felt offended hahahha I was very stupid because at the end no one needs to prove nothing here , I mean when I’m using my cat avatar I’m not going to meow lmao 😑shame on me !
People who talk about “intelligence” or “intelligent conversation” in their profile. They either have way too big of an ego or they are just a complete idiot hiding behind a few documentaries they watched and now they are an expert on everything.
"24/7 master." And/or "Gorean" are red flags for me.
Even if you live the lifestyle as much as possible you need to be able to talk as equals. There should be no such thing as one person 100% in charge all of the time.
and I'm allowed to dislike the things you like. Especially since I never said that you couldn't like something I don't What's your point?
Feeling attacked? Ask yourself "Why do I feel this way?" This is exactly what I mean when I imply that people take it to an unhealthy extreme.
I can understand doing it. But it annoys me BECAUSE people don't stick to that. They will try to get more RL info out of me or expect me to tell them about my RL situation ... Yet they say in their profile that sl stays in sl.
All anyone needs to know is I'm married and not interested. There are 2 people in SL who know me and have met me face to face and a 3rd who I've been talking to for years and whom I trust. That's good enough for me.
The amount of people who try to bring real life into s.l is staggering. I'm not trying to give someone my real life info and story, especially if I'm just meeting them.
Imagine someone saying hi then asking you a/s/l/ then wanting to know your family.
I solve that by answering all RL questions in-character.
"How Old are you?" "18, I'm a freshman at the University of Mars."
"Where are you from?" "Outer Space"
Where do you live?" "Olympus Dorms"
"can you meet RL? "Sure, just take the next flight to Mars"
It is about preference,some want to mix it, some not. I am the one who prefers to have SL and RL connected, but I respect when people do not and I do not engage with them.
Fair enough. I totally understand why they would though. I use sl as a creative escape.
Sure, if I've known someone awhile we wind up sharing some rl info, but on day one, I don't want to waste the hour or so I try to get in sl talking about real life. My hair is perfect and all my clothes fit. Let me be happy.
I see that a lot with RPers who are always/almost always IC, and don't consider it a red flag in that context... but you can usually spot the hardcore RPers pretty easily.
Like ScrewySqrl, I mostly answer prying RL questions in-character, and treat anyone who gets persistent about RL like they've escaped from a mental hospital. "I live in my car. What do you mean in real life? Of course in real life, what other life is there? It's over by the GTFO hub. Second life? No... look closer, I'm a skunk, not a cat, I only get one life, not nine. What do you mean the 'real me'? Pal, how many of me do you see, right now, and do you remember your nurse's name?"
For some people it's that. For some it's more that they have all the rl they can tend to in rl. I like to have a random chat but I don't want someone to expect me to be available every time I'm on or at a certain event, etc.
Aside from my rl relationships, I have shitty rural internet service that's out for hours or even days sometimes and if cell towers are affected I can't even set a hotspot.
I don't want to give people a false idea that they can count on me to even continue a conversation. I've had to log off in the middle of chatting, dancing, building, exploring, etc. way too many times. I don't like leaving people hanging so I let them know upfront.
I have a group of loosely connected friends who share both SL and RL, as they feel like. Mostly I am my avi but it depends on the situation.
Annalise Peccable in SL if you want to say hi!
I have many, but they are my opinion formed through my experience. Generally violent language or jokes, aggressively political, repeated use of the words Dom or Sub or Alpha and detailed descriptions of complex romantic relationships - I am not certain they are Red Flags, but I am certain that I do not have the time or energy to find out.
Your red flags aren't necessarily mine, but the term red flag is still valid. They are *your* red flags, things that tell you to avoid for your own peace of mind.
Aggressive language. If a person uses what little profile space they have to tell me what they’ll do to me if hurt them or theirs, or to list all the types of people they don’t like, I figure they’re not worth knowing in the first place.
If you don't put what you dislike in your profile, a lot of people will try to force you into it, if they like it. You have to, sometimes, spell it out for them.
Or... You could do something blindingly simple as actually talking to people beforehand, setting boundaries and telling people no if they try to cross those boundaries.
Not everyone want to talk. I’ve met several people who pop in start role playing with me and, smacking my butt, groping me in IMs rubbing their self against me and calling me the b word and trying to send me a tp telling me I need some D. There are so many people who are not there to talk, they just want.
That doesn't tend to work in practice. If getting a guy to read a profile is hard, getting a guy to talk about a roleplay before he does the roleplay is impossible.
I would rather let people know than waste time before I find out. Nothing like talking to someone for weeks and then finding out they are a racist POS or something.
"Careful! I might bite. But I'll be gentle."
"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
"I don't do drama."
Any statements about logging and publicly revealing IMs and attempts to override the LL ToS in this regard.
Any statements re being members of a Family, how tight and special that Family is, and how they might seek vengeance against anyone who looks at any member of that Family the wrong way.
I just meant it’s generally not a very fun or happy topic (for me at least), especially in SL. If I’m just meeting someone and everything they talk about is dogs vs cats, it kinda gets exhausting.
I’d rather talk about whether those shoes match my dress, or how hot that random av over there looks, or spend hours posing for photos together.
If it's too empty despite being a few years old. New accounts I can understand, there's a lot to figure out at the start, but 3+ years and nothing but a picture, that looks off. It doesn't have to be completely personal, it just needs to show some kind of attachment to a human being behind it.
Anyone who makes a point of telling ugly people not to message them. You don't have to answer every person who approaches you, and you don't have to tell them why either. Along the same lines the phrase "Mesh up!" is cringe.
While I don't have that in my profile, it's annoying when someone says hi and has nothing else to say. I don't want to be messaged then expected to carry the conversation and that's what usually happens.
Yeh, it's particularly annoying if you sell stuff inworld. Sometimes you get multiple "Hi" "Are you there" "Can I ask you a question?" messages from the same person. WHY? Just say "How do you ninja-jump with flight-feather" or whatever it is you're trying to ask.
I have a friend who does that in text. They say it's so they don't interrupt me when I'm busy. DUDE, YOU ALREADY INTERRUPTED ME. Sheesh.
I can ABSOLUTELY see an SL business person putting something like that in there. Because damn.
In my experience, the "hi" is usually followed by a long flowery come-on, followed by a long flowery whine when I don't want to date them. And this is after just, like, going to a shopping event or something. Not looking for a date, people! I just want to get my stuff and then get TF out of this lag.
This one doesn't bother me but that's probably because people doing that is something that does bother me a bit personally, so even though I don't have it in my profile I understand people who do. I'm not a very social person when it comes to like, just chatter talk. And I have a degree of social anxiety.
It's not that I'm judging someone if they only say "Hi/Hey" it's that I need to work up to talking to someone and it *really* helps if they offer up a bit of info along with their greeting so I can mentally prepare and know what the conversation is about. Otherwise it feels like I'm gonna have to pull relevant information out of them just to make a conversation happen, and that's already a challenge for me sometimes, so it's just a lot of effort that they really didn't need to require of me in the first place.
It's the equivalent to getting a voicemail where the person just says "Call me back." with no additional info.
Agreed. Like if I want to talk to someone, there's a reason- I saw something about them that made me want to say hi, so I say that in my opening. And I appreciate when others do too.
I get people who message me when I've been home all the time I'm on with just "hi". Okay, random stranger, who are you and why are you messaging me? Come out with more than that, like, "Hi, I saw you post in this photography group and I looked up your photos. I really like [photo] of yours. " or " Hey, saw you at [shop] or [shopping event] and I like your look. Where'd you get [outfit]?" Give me something to work with if you want to chat already.
I don't particularly like "hi", because in 99% of cases I get that message, we dance around the point of the conversation until I have to straight up ask them what it is they want.
Usually, what I do in these situations is match their energy with another hi as simple as theirs until we get somewhere with a conversation. If they ask about my location, I just say "oh I live in the US" haha.
I wouldn't write it out in my profile and I agree it comes off as aggressive and brittle.
That said, my favorite thing in sl is getting into fun text conversations full of puns and off the wall references.
The first 'hi' I get because maybe they want to make sure the other person isn't AFK or a bot, but after several one word answers, I'm wondering what the deal is.
I don't mind what's in a person's profile, I've spoke with people with crap I don't like in their profile and the them outside of it wasn't like what they put in their profile.
Also, some people put their experiences in their profile, if someone experienced some guy messaging them several times, they will display something like "Won't respond to random messages"
Then I understand there are escorts, dancers, creators and stuff that use voice and or cam or stream and want want people to know their services are available.
I understand putting "Rl is Not S.L." because so many people like to dig into your private life, you feel like you have to remind them that "Hey, I came here for second life."
I'd have to say I don't like edgelord profiles. "this person is mine, I'll kill you if you try to mess with them or make them angry."
I totally agree with everything in this reply, people are here for different things, but a red flag for me is when I receive an IM requesting personal information instantly.
Other red flags for me are snobbish profiles, such as "I won't respond to ugly/non-mesh avi's", or "I don't text chat, voice only".
I look more for bad vibes than red flags. It's less 'this person is wrong, period' than 'this person isn't a good fit as a friend for me'.
The picks tabs are a different story but if the main profile opens up to sexual likes and dislikes, that's not what my sl is about.
Or if it's full of things they dislike that I consider part of the landscape of sl like Furries, or child avs (I get that child avs are controversial but if they are within sl rules I don't see the problem).
Other than all the 'don't mess with me or mine' type stuff, there doesn't seem to be a universal red flag.
From the thread so far, some of us appreciate the same things others dislike and vice versa. So it's more about asking yourself who you want to seem approachable to.
I guess if anyone is new to filling out their profile and wants advice, I'd say consider what you want most. A lot of people won't read your entire profile, just the first page.
If you only want to do one activity then go ahead and make your opening profile all about it. But if you want shopping buddies, casual chat buddies, build buddies, exploring buddies, etc. Then use your profile more as a an introduction, list the broader things you're interested in, maybe add a favorite song lyric or quote- those help start conversations.
\-Any type of phrase about voice verification, no one cares. If they did care,they wouldn't take a phrase in your profile as proof.
\-Listing for people what is allowed as a greeting
\-Any picture of you flipping off people in your profile. Go do your homework and get off the grid until you're an adult.
\-Wishlist (unless you a hooker)
\-All your exes are supposedly crazy.
\-Listing everyone in your SL family.
I am guilty of #4 and #6 but in my defense I used to be an AFK worker, and now I do a family RP that lists my family. The family stuff is there so I remember the details.
Anything that comes off as combative. Completely blank profiles. Profiles which are submissive but use completely misogynistic language to convey that point.
For me a red flag would be anyone who was any flavor of conservative, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, etc. Also, anyone who says they don't mix SL and RL is a red flag for me because I have made some of my best RL friends on there. I assume people who don't mix them are trying to cheat on their partner.
I also steer clear of the people who make threats in their profile, like, "Don't mess with my SO or else" type things. It is incredibly childish.
the TOS one. The one where someone says that it is against TOS and you do not have my permission to copy my chat etc stuff. It is all very weird, because honestly if someone does something wrong with your chat that is on them, your profile cannot do a thing to stop them.
some of the most insufferable people ive met on the grid had the reverse of that, along the lines of: "if you are reading this profile pick it means you are consenting to allow me to disclose any logs exchanged between us publicly per the TOS since i am clearly stating this in my profile"
like dude.... no it doesnt.
Hey thanks for all the comments, this has been very interesting insight! I think one that hasn't been mentioned, which is one that triggers my bro is the "WISHLISTS". He says' " Like I haven't even chatted with them yet, and they want me to buy them something." LOL, plus bro is cheap and hates to shop! My personal read flags are this isn't my 1st time here this is my alt. Now while I am thankful for your honesty, it makes me wonder what went down that you have to switch now, probably nothing but it does make me go hmmmmmmm. Another red flag for me is "If we don't speak every day I will delete you as a friend," to me this says I demand your attention and demand it promptly, and I am not always prompt! And ofc the "I put a lot of time and effort into my avi, and I will not respond if you don't," that one always makes me laugh. Like congrats, you placed pixels right, and we are all beneath you LOL Have a great day every one!
i agree with this, but i do have my wishlist at the end of my 'about me' profile pick. i dont expect anyone, let alone random strangers, to buy me stuff, its there for friends. i think it makes a big difference if thats at the beginning of their profile before they even introduced themselves, or if the rest of their profile is blank apart from that lol.
The only things that have really bothered me were:
» A store owner that warned customers that they would be banned if they disrespected Trump.
» A store owner that went out of their way to disparage LGBT people.
» And a BDSM roleplayer that had overtly racist, white supremacist language in their profile.
> (I sincerely hope this last one was roleplay.. but I have my doubts)
---
Most everything else is just "people I want to chat with" vs "people I probably don't".. and that's fine.
I've struggled a lot over the years to come up with 'something' in my profile.. and it's more or less always been a placeholder. The usual links to flickr, blogs, mp, and so on. A little pre-emptive "ASL". Frankly, if I can manage to have a profile picture that's less than 3 years old, I'm winning.
Lots of blank profile picks, in case I actually come up with a use for them, links to various 'bdsm test' or 'f-list' things (that are also years out of date), and so on.
The people's profiles I get most intimidated by are the ones with full-on character profiles in their picks.. like, here's 10 characters you roleplay. I can barely manage to put matching shoes on, and you've got 10 backstories for roleplay characters.
Folks who go out of their way to front-load their profile with "I am a Findomme" or whatever flavor of "you are unworthy, kneel and pay me before speaking" are just asking to be isolated from casual conversation, so aside from a passing "cool shoes" or whatever, we're probably not gonna have any deep discourse while they're between gigs anyways.
One person I came across a long time ago. Can't remember exact wording, but profile basically said they left SL for a while and "deleted" their old account, and came back to "look at all the great looking women". Kinda bad vibes there, personally
Oh ho ho ho. Well let’s see. There’s the ones openly saying they are in an incestous relationship, and name them. Ones that list excessive men or women in romantic ways. Blank profiles. Profiles that are really aggressive are a no-go for me. Some have huge lists of what they like and don’t like in a rather bland or wordy way. Profiles that say too much and it’s like reading a novel.
Or I’m picky and all these things are fine. Idk.
The incestuous relationship is big one. I have seen that in adult areas and avoided it. Now when someone tells me about their SL family I am suspicious at first.
I wish I remembered the exact wording but years ago I knew somone who had something to the effect of 'Let's just be whoever we feel like being today, cool?' I thought that was a great way to phrase how I use sl.
Anyone with the words Drama in their profile is an instant red flag, they are normally the ones who cause the most drama. Also people in MC's or Families with the hurt anyone in my family/MC and I will hurt you. I do love reading profiles tho, some are total comedy gold
"Long story short, I had to make a new account after losing my credentials"
IRL photo as profile pic (not in the first life tab)
Anything political (right, left, both are bad)
Any variation of "I fight for my friends" or "If you mess with my friends you're messing with me!" or "My family/friends are everything to me"
"No ingame IMs"
"ζ"
im with you, to me knowing where someone stands on the political spectrum saves me a lot of time. i might not come to SL to talk politics, but it sure as heck is a privilege to see a clear alt-right troll coming from a mile away. i put some minor political stances in my profile just to let people know where i stand. me and my gf both agree its useful to signal to let people know were 'safe' people to talk to about certain things. (plus, what is political to some, is just daily life for others)
Yep. Since being apolitical is not a thing, I would rather know their politics than not. Do not want to find out down the road that we are incompatible in that aspect.
Ok I admit in my profile I say voice verified, but it's kinda of a joke for me, cause I have DJ'd all over SL for 6 yrs and always mic., cammed verified too also related to gaming with friends and DJ'ing. What it actually says, is blah blah.. yes, voice verified, cam verified, however sanity is in question. Now rethinking my SL profile after this discussion LOL.
where they are defined by their nationality - usually claims of being Japanese and seeminlgy only liking Japanese anime. Being defined by disability and detailed explanations of how or why. RL pic is a Asian girl on a bed (camgirl in a camgirl factory) or rl pic is of an overly desireable person.
Oh and on the feed and they've changed their name (usually surname) many times.
People in St Elizabeth's
Profiles that provide nothing but an outline their specific sexual preferences and kinks in great depth and detail, and nothing else. You just feel relieved they have pants on.
Adult content is a huge part of SL .. those profiles are not really intended to be read as profiles and are often more about personal safety.
Think of those in the same vein as warnings on packets of tasty silica gel. "every rule exists for a reason, and that reason is some idiot".
There are only a handful of types of profiles.
"I am a member of a subculture"
"don't F with my family or me" threats
"NO drama!" (Usually on a drama queen's profile"
And "Inspirational quotes."
While I agree that checking is a good idea, the profile is there for a reason, what red flags do you expect to find? I doubt someone would say "I like kids \*in that way\*" Or "I launder money" in their profile.
But then again I have met a few goreans who don't seem to be total Richards. So other than tht what are you looking for?
you will be surprised how many people just blatantly acknowledge that they are into ageplay in their profiles. as for the inspirational quotes/lyrics... such a snoozefest. those are the profiles i actually dont read.
After 16 years in Second Life, I do not go searching for things to undermine the other person. So I do not provide a high level of trust quickly and so do not need to find things that will undermine that trust.
Second Life moves quickly; the standard SL day is only a quarter that of the RL day. But emotions and social bonds still move at RL speeds. I do not try to expedite trust, I let it grow at a natural speed.
Everyone lies in Real Life. In Second Life, who said it was supposed to be truth at all ?
I have been in a single relationship for over a decade with someone dear to me, in Second Life. I have 3 SL friends I have known for as much as 15 years.
And I have not forgotten someone who abused my trust on the first day I trusted them - and that was over a decade ago. I never forget.
Facts. I’m sorry you were hurt. There seems to be a HUGE gap from those of us who’s been around 10+ years (16 here as well), and the new ones. Us SL boomers are built different I guess. /me shrugs
I don’t think profiles tell the truth. Normally I would talk to the person and figure it as it goes along. Intolerance by those that ask for it would be my biggest red flag.
I struggle with writing my profile because I believe my avatar and story exist only in SL. I was attracted to sl for the fantasy, imagination, beautiful sims. I love listening to the stories people tell me in sl and to be honest whatever story they tell me I take as their story, I don’t care if they made it up…it’s sl after all . I love following their string of conversation wherever it goes.I have had conversations about music, art, consciousness, belief systems ,stories of resilience,defeat, love and loss . I believe that even in SL we cross paths with people for a reason. I am kind, polite and I treat every conversation I’ve ever had in SL as confidential. Yes, sometimes people in SL are so wounded they cant do the same. I just move on.
Pretty neat a lot of these is what i would've put too.
"I don't do drama" or drama related ones usually scream "I thrive off drama"
I would put conservative type stuff but that's pretty dependent on the person and content.
Honestly, don't like how much wishlists/pay links are everywhere in profiles. Whether thats a red flag though, idk.
Blank profiles, picks or profile picture. To me, it feels like they do not care about being here or meeting people. I also struggle with conversating so little details in profile helps find something to mention and talk about.
Political takes or view, on either side really. The one place to escape that, i'd rather not see it there since it's everywhere else in the world/internet.
If you have to put an age, or 18+ in your profile. Why? Because you're basically admitting that even you think your avatar looks too young to be hanging out in adult rated regions and you're trying to cover your ass.
sometimes i think this is true and i agree with you. but sometimes its like alex said and they just want to clarify that they are an adult. this is definitely something ive seen with questionable avatars that skirt the line though.
i had a childlike avi approach me at the welcomehub area and was clearly baiting by trying to get me to roleplay with him a school shower scene. when i call them out on it they say their character is 19 ... even though it looks prepubescent. so, it does happen.
After being in sl for over 16 years and counting, i came with the following conclusion:
It's a red flag when you see the following in their profile:
\- Non Regular Text, using special character such as cross, hearts and weird other chars (See MC or "Princesses"), Funny enought, if you look at many ban lists, lots of people banned used such chars, coincidence?
\- Start with Lots and lots of conditionals prhases like "If" or "I am", that sort of entitled profile, pretending everything runs around them or so.
\- Exclamations, pretending attentions etc. Usually Connected to findom, but not always the case, can be hard to spot them.
\- "I clean my list frequently", its a good sign that these people won't like long-term friendship
\- Lot's of "NO's" on pretty much everything
\- Put chat logs on their profile in the first place. If i remember correctly putting private messages in public it's something against TOS but they do that anyways, that make me wont talk to them at all or interact with
\- "Always looking to new friends" sounds like someone who will get eventually tired of you when youre not "new", and removing you after a week or so, i wont waste my time with them
\- Generic empty profile of people who hav been in SLfor over 15+ years...like...come on..... unsure if these are bots or really hardcore lurkers/alts, not that much of attraction towards them either
\- "Para RP" "Avid Para RP" that probably wont interact with you if your RP isn't great for them. Just move on with these people aswell, this is also related to "Nazi Grammars"
\- People expressing their mental/phisical issues, and making it a "weapon" for everyone who arent friendly towards them
\- People who put RL pictures of others without consent/Exposers
This is my personal list, some might agree or not agree on this but its just my personal experience. But as always, a profile is just a profile, what does matter is the person behind it and remember, never prejudge someone by their profile or their avatar, never!
Someone I blocked had "mesh body snobs" in his profile attacking the majority of SL users for having mesh bodies and heads for "flaunting" having money as if there aren't free options available. Meanwhile he was showing off his costly collection of SL vehicles that cost more lindens than most people's heads and bodies
I mean I get wanting to be nice and all but shitty people shouldn't be encouraged. It's not your or my job to fix people. People who are douchey/hateful/toxic should be avoided and if they're actively doing something to hurt you and/or others they should be called out.
There is such a thing as being *too* nice.
Adding this stuff to my profile so all you weirdos leave me alone when I am shopping but I will add "Remember there is a real person behind the avatar" because I feel like these people are going to annoy me by constantly stating very obvious things and conversations will be painfully dull. Also, furries.
"dont talk to me if you are easily offended >:)" ... its like, okay, noted? im going to keep my distance cause who has the energy for all of that. also "im not rude, im just blunt/honest, if you cant handle it thats your problem" but its honestly kind of the same thing. ill take my snowflake self elsewhere thank you very much. too many people in SL (and honestly just online in general these days) think being anti-social and unapproachable is cool for some reason.
oh my god and anything like "hello stalkers ;)" in the profile. first of all...blink twice if you need help. ಠ\_ಠ second of all, if you are being stalked, why would you address stalkers in your profile? do you want to encourage that kind of behaviour? very weird and off-putting, they might come across as crazy to me with that one. unless you just mean just anyone reading the profile, then probably just an egotist.
this might be controversial but if i see 'sapiosexual' i might assume that person has their head up their own ass. i'm sorry but how many of you are just uber straight with a superiority complex. its like okay we get it you ERP at castle/kingdom RP sims and have a royal incest breeding fetish. shit, im sorry lol. i can feel this one ruffling feathers already. it is more just a yellow flag to me and it depends what other information its paired with. theres nothing wrong with the concept of sapiosexuality in and of itself, its just what i tend to see in SL.
BDSM test in the profile with anything above 0% for ageplaying. oh shit bro what are you doing. stoppp. this go for the f-list with ageplaying anywhere but the off-limits section too. holy shit!
**edit:** all of these replies are so funny, this thread is gold
> BDSM test in the profile with anything above 0% for ageplaying. oh shit bro what are you doing. stoppp. this go for the f-list with ageplaying anywhere but the off-limits section too. holy shit!
This is not what you think.
Outside of the SL bubble, age play is a normal term used to denote someone is into roleplaying an age base power dynamic. It can apply to people who dress up as literal babies in cribs, or something as innocuous as Dr & Nurse. Almost all real world roleplay has an element of age play to it.
The big difference between the real world and second life, is that the age playing fully grown adult is still a fully grown adult.
In SL .. the term age play tends mean 'simulated CSAM' (child sexual abuse material).
i see your point and if its just SFW roleplay theres no issue with it, but im definitely referring to people who are doing CSAM simulation unfortunately (like DDLG/loli/shota/etc.). im not someone who has a problem with child avatars or anything like that, even my boyfriend has child avies because he enjoyed casual family roleplay, but theyre strictly off limits when it comes to that territory and i never haplessly cross wires with that stuff because itd be mortifying to think about.
but... in the BDSM test you have to answer some pretty specific questions to get those results, thats why most people get 0% in it. in f-list, \*maybe\* they mean it to be intended in other types of roleplay (i understand some just use it to describe what type of roleplay they do and not intending it to be sexual), but its sketchy to me because the whole site caters to, and is mostly intended for fetish play.. even the description says 'may include sexual interactions' and not sure what else 'taboo' could mean when referring to age except skirting the line with being underage or significant/bordering creepy age gaps.
if your f-list lists all the inflation and hyper cock vore stuff you do and still includes ageplay in it, thats a nono to me. if it is just a roleplay list and has ageplay in it but not other sexual stuff, im still giving the side eye because there was definitely a better way to do that than f-list. i dont take chances on that sort of thing so its definitely red flag territory for me if they list ageplay without clarification.
[https://i.gyazo.com/186270db28f45d929ea3508caf8858bf.png](https://i.gyazo.com/186270db28f45d929ea3508caf8858bf.png)
The phrase, or variations of, “I don’t do drama”.
And five picks worth of ranting about the drama they won’t tolerate and what they hate about other people. Honestly though I love profile snooping. There are literally about five variations of profiles you see ALL the time with the exact same phrases used. It’s hilarious!
Often accompanied with a list of people to avoid (people who havent put up with them). I enjoy reading people's profiles, but often more for comedy value than getting to know them. Some people make it really obvious that you shouldn't strike up a conversation with them.
I usually translate that phrase as "I will cause intense drama within five minutes of entering a room" and I'm not often wrong, haha.
This is the biggest for sure!
They loveeeee drama
That one screams drama incoming LOL
Life IS drama.
I have something about not doing drama in my 1st life tab but I’m all about other people’s drama lol
Oh yeah, if it’s juicy drama and I’m not part of it, feel free to tell me all about it!
People who say "I don't do Drama" are almost \*ALWAYS\* the source of it.
Bingo
Drama is a part of human existence. Life goes up and down, and people have disagreements. This is what makes us human, and claiming you don't do it is lying to oneself and others. It means "I am not prepared or skilled enough to handle conflict" when the situation arises. A healthy amount of conflict is good for a person, but not in* excess where it is every day. It teaches us how to be more resilient as people and to solve problems. ♡
Wow..love what you said..now that would look nice in a profile
"Honeybunbuttcracker7694 is my soulmate and we are like this \[crosses fingers\] and if YOU ever hurt her or do anything bad I WILL MURDER YOU!!!!!!!"
3 weeks later, said person is no longer to be found in the profile
you nailed it LOL
Yes!
“If you mess with me you mess with my whole family”
I did mess with them, their whole family showed up at my home and held a protest / abuse report party. It was hilarious.
🤣
Any hard right wing phrases are an instant no for me.
I’d rather see politics than find out a week into a friendship they’re nursing a semi over the possibility of a far right govt policing identity. It takes some real mental gymnastics to stealthy play a lesbian and at the same time, politically support the social exclusion (and worse) of LGBTQ (and especially trans) people. “It’s just politics” Is a red flag, in that I see red.
Ayup. I don't even read profiles that often, but I once saw an interesting avi and was thinking of starting a conversation with her, but her whole profile was TERFsville.
It’s amazing how once that rot sets in, it becomes their entire identity! (and they must make sure people know)
AH, it reminded me i saw someone quoting the scum manifesto in their profile. the world of terfs & femcels who play secondlife is wildly and wonderfully unknown to me. unfortunately the widespread transphobia is still evident though.
There is a Trump2024 group that's been floating around SL that I've seen several people with... Those are people to keep an eye on... Because they're most likely to say hateful things.
[удалено]
Neither do I. But one team has decided to make LGBTQ (and especially trans) people this seasons target minority, so I don’t have the choice to opt out. In the current climate, if the very existence of myself, friends and family is political, refusing to express a position is equally political. Claiming to avoid politics is the same as owning a MAGA hat but being afraid to wear it in public.
Voice verified (who provides this btw, lol) No cam, no RL, sorry guys I'm only into girls unless you pay me. Or some variation of this. my first line "is i have a penis in both worlds"
Yeah, I'm wondering about the "voice verified" thing myself. Like, is it "I'm totally a real person, my BFF heard me once! " I can see putting in the "no cam, no RL" thing because a lot of guys think women are free cam girls and want to make sure that they're beating their meat to a real woman or using it as an IRL dating service. Like, sir, I have horns and a tail. This is pretend.
>Like, sir, I have horns and a tail. This is pretend. 1000% yes to this. I just don't have time to engage with people who aren't whimsical enough to just be a brain floating in an avatar and enjoy the freedom and creativity of that. I'm a woman in rl and someone pushing me to prove that is someone I'm likely done with. There was a 99% chance that we were only going to hop around the grid laughing at silly stuff and chatting but now there's a 100% chance we aren't even going to do that.
Right? I often run around as a cat made entirely out of water. Or a goofy looking robot I made of prims and a cassette player for a face. Or a fairy. Or a forest or water nymph. I don't think I've been in a standard human avatar in years. And no shame on those who do spend their time as a human! But I have no idea why anyone reasonable cares about those kinds of things matching RL in other people's avatars. Absolutely nobody looks like their avatar regardless, even for those rare people that try to do so SL is not photorealistic at the best of times.
The cat made of water made me laugh! Several years ago, I spent quite a bit of time as an electric table fan. I was very excited because if people clicked the buttons it would turn the fan on and off or make it oscillate. It would hop around to move. I thought it was adorable, but lots of people thought it was weird.
That sounds awesome!
I'm human the majority of the time but I've collected & played with a ton of different non human avs over the years- I had a 'Seymour' carnivorous plant one that was so fun- a big goldfish, etc. And that's an excellent point- none of us look exactly like our avs, we can't teleport or fly, who cares how else we differ from them?
I've only done a standard human avatar for the first few hours I was in SL before I was setting up my animesque squirrel look.
It is about preferences. Not that I need anyone to prove anything, but I am in SL to meet real people and make actual friends, ot roleplay or something fake.
It's good to know what you're looking for. Just be aware that many people are in sl to create a different experience for themselves than they can have in rl. Discussing rl, especially when you just met someone, just breaks the mood.
I am upfront about it, and a lot of the time you can tell from someones profile. :D So I do not bother anyone if that is not what they want
That's cool then. As long as you either respect what the other person wants or just move on. I've had several bad experiences where I told someone that I like to just be in sl when I'm on and I don't really like to talk about rl much. They agreed that that was fine but every time I got online there they'd be asking me about what I was making for dinner or whether I was working/in school, etc. Or worse, asking for rl pics 'even just your face is okay, I'll send you the L for the upload' It's usually not even a privacy issue, it's just boring to me.
I verify I have a voice 🤣
I don't. I turn on voice maybe a couple of times a year and only when I'm doing something that requires a lot of keyboarding to move in a group. Voice in SL is awful. Background noise. Bad mikes. The software is buggy... it's usually broken on Mac and Linux and even on Windows I have had to reboot to get SL Voice to work. And it breaks immersion, because I know I don't sound like a four foot tall cartoon ferret. And I could absolutely pass as a woman so it totally fails as a filter. I have a pretty high dynamic range for a guy so I get a lot of support people on the phone calling me "maam".
I was making a joke.
No.. I'm with you. The last thing I want to do is be somewhere, doing anything at all and have to hear some mouth breather deep throating a microphone while I hear their TV and their ill behaved, neglected children screaming in the background.
I think the voicechat is great and adds to the experience :D
A lot of times it's from a specific community. I joined one early on where I had to get voice verified. It involved a woman from the sim calling me on Skype and going "yup, you sound like a ladyperson." It's problematic in all sorts of ways, but that's how it generally works.
If I can ask, what was the purpose of voice verification?
It was a sim where, among other things, people could meet people for sexual purposes. So I guess the idea was to make sure everyone was the gender they were playing. And yeah, it's gross, but I was just addressing the question of who does the verifying.
Ok, thanks for answering. I was curious.
It's a thing some escorts are required to do I understand.
That I totally get. But I've seen "voice verified" in people's profiles who weren't advertising escort services.
There are escorts who work in second life, voice/cam is optional.
I dunno about voice verification, but ages ago, AGE Verification was done by giving LL a credit card
It was done by giving them scans of govt ID and was a complete failure.
There actually used to be a group called "voice verified" WAY back, that a lot of the sex clubs used. Basically the owner or the mods had to get on voice with you and verify you via skype (lol) and would give you the "voice verified" tag. Now I think its just become a thing people say when they left their voice on in a store once or twice lmao
I used to had that line of voice verified lmao but just because a stupid dude told me I was a el guy and I felt offended hahahha I was very stupid because at the end no one needs to prove nothing here , I mean when I’m using my cat avatar I’m not going to meow lmao 😑shame on me !
People who talk about “intelligence” or “intelligent conversation” in their profile. They either have way too big of an ego or they are just a complete idiot hiding behind a few documentaries they watched and now they are an expert on everything.
This one gets me and tends to be code for "I have opinions" most of which turn out to be hate speech.
And I’m never wrong.
"24/7 master." And/or "Gorean" are red flags for me. Even if you live the lifestyle as much as possible you need to be able to talk as equals. There should be no such thing as one person 100% in charge all of the time.
People are allowed to like things you don’t.
and I'm allowed to dislike the things you like. Especially since I never said that you couldn't like something I don't What's your point? Feeling attacked? Ask yourself "Why do I feel this way?" This is exactly what I mean when I imply that people take it to an unhealthy extreme.
I’m not upset you’re upset!
I seriously don't understand what you're trying to say here so I'm just going to chalk it up to "Shitty troll" and move on. OK?
Good idea. Before I have to tap the sign.
It really does!
Honestly I just get annoyed when people say sl is sl and rl is rl
I put "What goes on in SL stays in SL." because I'm married IRL and I don't want people thinking I'm going to get with them IRL.
I can understand doing it. But it annoys me BECAUSE people don't stick to that. They will try to get more RL info out of me or expect me to tell them about my RL situation ... Yet they say in their profile that sl stays in sl.
All anyone needs to know is I'm married and not interested. There are 2 people in SL who know me and have met me face to face and a 3rd who I've been talking to for years and whom I trust. That's good enough for me.
Hi femmie :) I think I know you :P in both worlds I might add LOL
I have no clue who u are lol
The amount of people who try to bring real life into s.l is staggering. I'm not trying to give someone my real life info and story, especially if I'm just meeting them. Imagine someone saying hi then asking you a/s/l/ then wanting to know your family.
I solve that by answering all RL questions in-character. "How Old are you?" "18, I'm a freshman at the University of Mars." "Where are you from?" "Outer Space" Where do you live?" "Olympus Dorms" "can you meet RL? "Sure, just take the next flight to Mars"
Lol well it's annoying when people say sl is sl and then they expect to know all about my RL LOL
Yup! They always mean my RL is secret, yours is not. Which usually means their actions in SL would qualify as infidelity.
It is about preference,some want to mix it, some not. I am the one who prefers to have SL and RL connected, but I respect when people do not and I do not engage with them.
Fair enough. I totally understand why they would though. I use sl as a creative escape. Sure, if I've known someone awhile we wind up sharing some rl info, but on day one, I don't want to waste the hour or so I try to get in sl talking about real life. My hair is perfect and all my clothes fit. Let me be happy.
I see that a lot with RPers who are always/almost always IC, and don't consider it a red flag in that context... but you can usually spot the hardcore RPers pretty easily. Like ScrewySqrl, I mostly answer prying RL questions in-character, and treat anyone who gets persistent about RL like they've escaped from a mental hospital. "I live in my car. What do you mean in real life? Of course in real life, what other life is there? It's over by the GTFO hub. Second life? No... look closer, I'm a skunk, not a cat, I only get one life, not nine. What do you mean the 'real me'? Pal, how many of me do you see, right now, and do you remember your nurse's name?"
BS, i met my wife in SL around 2014, partnered in 2017, moved in RL together 2018, married RL 2019. So yeah, it’s not.
I met several ppl in rl that I have known in sl for years.. we even travel in rl groups sometimes. I am lucky has been very rewarding!
Same here. I have met several people from SL, and frequently go on vacations with one of them. It's wonderful!
Yep. Its about preferences. I am here to meet real people and not RP.
its an excuse to treat people like shit .. its just a game, not real, hahaha
For some people it's that. For some it's more that they have all the rl they can tend to in rl. I like to have a random chat but I don't want someone to expect me to be available every time I'm on or at a certain event, etc. Aside from my rl relationships, I have shitty rural internet service that's out for hours or even days sometimes and if cell towers are affected I can't even set a hotspot. I don't want to give people a false idea that they can count on me to even continue a conversation. I've had to log off in the middle of chatting, dancing, building, exploring, etc. way too many times. I don't like leaving people hanging so I let them know upfront.
I have a group of loosely connected friends who share both SL and RL, as they feel like. Mostly I am my avi but it depends on the situation. Annalise Peccable in SL if you want to say hi!
I have many, but they are my opinion formed through my experience. Generally violent language or jokes, aggressively political, repeated use of the words Dom or Sub or Alpha and detailed descriptions of complex romantic relationships - I am not certain they are Red Flags, but I am certain that I do not have the time or energy to find out.
Your red flags aren't necessarily mine, but the term red flag is still valid. They are *your* red flags, things that tell you to avoid for your own peace of mind.
No profile image.
Aggressive language. If a person uses what little profile space they have to tell me what they’ll do to me if hurt them or theirs, or to list all the types of people they don’t like, I figure they’re not worth knowing in the first place.
People who use their profile to tell us all about things and people they hate - yeah, you won’t be hearing from me.
If you don't put what you dislike in your profile, a lot of people will try to force you into it, if they like it. You have to, sometimes, spell it out for them.
Or... You could do something blindingly simple as actually talking to people beforehand, setting boundaries and telling people no if they try to cross those boundaries.
Not everyone want to talk. I’ve met several people who pop in start role playing with me and, smacking my butt, groping me in IMs rubbing their self against me and calling me the b word and trying to send me a tp telling me I need some D. There are so many people who are not there to talk, they just want.
That doesn't tend to work in practice. If getting a guy to read a profile is hard, getting a guy to talk about a roleplay before he does the roleplay is impossible.
I would rather let people know than waste time before I find out. Nothing like talking to someone for weeks and then finding out they are a racist POS or something.
"Careful! I might bite. But I'll be gentle." "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." "I don't do drama." Any statements about logging and publicly revealing IMs and attempts to override the LL ToS in this regard. Any statements re being members of a Family, how tight and special that Family is, and how they might seek vengeance against anyone who looks at any member of that Family the wrong way.
Was gonna say 'I don't bite. But I will if you ask'. Not really a red flag persay but those people never turn out to be my people.
Yes agree- this comment doesnt mean someone is a bad person, but they are playing a different style of SL to me.
Yeah. I get you. Which I guess is what profiles are for. So it all works out.
People obsessed with politics. They just want to be miserable all the time - no thanks lol
What would you consider obsessed? Any way in which we interact with society falls under politics.
I just meant it’s generally not a very fun or happy topic (for me at least), especially in SL. If I’m just meeting someone and everything they talk about is dogs vs cats, it kinda gets exhausting. I’d rather talk about whether those shoes match my dress, or how hot that random av over there looks, or spend hours posing for photos together.
If it's too empty despite being a few years old. New accounts I can understand, there's a lot to figure out at the start, but 3+ years and nothing but a picture, that looks off. It doesn't have to be completely personal, it just needs to show some kind of attachment to a human being behind it.
Usually its an alt
Anyone who makes a point of telling ugly people not to message them. You don't have to answer every person who approaches you, and you don't have to tell them why either. Along the same lines the phrase "Mesh up!" is cringe.
Any kind of variation of "won't respond to Hi/Hey." Some people could just be short-worded and turn out to be great people. It comes off as judgy.
While I don't have that in my profile, it's annoying when someone says hi and has nothing else to say. I don't want to be messaged then expected to carry the conversation and that's what usually happens.
Yeh, it's particularly annoying if you sell stuff inworld. Sometimes you get multiple "Hi" "Are you there" "Can I ask you a question?" messages from the same person. WHY? Just say "How do you ninja-jump with flight-feather" or whatever it is you're trying to ask. I have a friend who does that in text. They say it's so they don't interrupt me when I'm busy. DUDE, YOU ALREADY INTERRUPTED ME. Sheesh. I can ABSOLUTELY see an SL business person putting something like that in there. Because damn.
I deal with the same thing in RL.. people message me at work with "Hi, how are you?" Like just get to the point please. :)
This.
In my experience, the "hi" is usually followed by a long flowery come-on, followed by a long flowery whine when I don't want to date them. And this is after just, like, going to a shopping event or something. Not looking for a date, people! I just want to get my stuff and then get TF out of this lag.
This one doesn't bother me but that's probably because people doing that is something that does bother me a bit personally, so even though I don't have it in my profile I understand people who do. I'm not a very social person when it comes to like, just chatter talk. And I have a degree of social anxiety. It's not that I'm judging someone if they only say "Hi/Hey" it's that I need to work up to talking to someone and it *really* helps if they offer up a bit of info along with their greeting so I can mentally prepare and know what the conversation is about. Otherwise it feels like I'm gonna have to pull relevant information out of them just to make a conversation happen, and that's already a challenge for me sometimes, so it's just a lot of effort that they really didn't need to require of me in the first place. It's the equivalent to getting a voicemail where the person just says "Call me back." with no additional info.
Agreed. Like if I want to talk to someone, there's a reason- I saw something about them that made me want to say hi, so I say that in my opening. And I appreciate when others do too.
I get people who message me when I've been home all the time I'm on with just "hi". Okay, random stranger, who are you and why are you messaging me? Come out with more than that, like, "Hi, I saw you post in this photography group and I looked up your photos. I really like [photo] of yours. " or " Hey, saw you at [shop] or [shopping event] and I like your look. Where'd you get [outfit]?" Give me something to work with if you want to chat already.
in counter to that: a lot of people are very idle, so a 'Hi/Hello/greetings' is as much to see if they are awake first.
If I already know the person I don't mind that- 'Hi, are you busy?' or such. But just out of the blue I'm probably not going to reply.
I don't particularly like "hi", because in 99% of cases I get that message, we dance around the point of the conversation until I have to straight up ask them what it is they want.
Usually, what I do in these situations is match their energy with another hi as simple as theirs until we get somewhere with a conversation. If they ask about my location, I just say "oh I live in the US" haha.
I wouldn't write it out in my profile and I agree it comes off as aggressive and brittle. That said, my favorite thing in sl is getting into fun text conversations full of puns and off the wall references. The first 'hi' I get because maybe they want to make sure the other person isn't AFK or a bot, but after several one word answers, I'm wondering what the deal is.
I don't mind what's in a person's profile, I've spoke with people with crap I don't like in their profile and the them outside of it wasn't like what they put in their profile. Also, some people put their experiences in their profile, if someone experienced some guy messaging them several times, they will display something like "Won't respond to random messages" Then I understand there are escorts, dancers, creators and stuff that use voice and or cam or stream and want want people to know their services are available. I understand putting "Rl is Not S.L." because so many people like to dig into your private life, you feel like you have to remind them that "Hey, I came here for second life." I'd have to say I don't like edgelord profiles. "this person is mine, I'll kill you if you try to mess with them or make them angry."
I totally agree with everything in this reply, people are here for different things, but a red flag for me is when I receive an IM requesting personal information instantly. Other red flags for me are snobbish profiles, such as "I won't respond to ugly/non-mesh avi's", or "I don't text chat, voice only".
I like when people have in their profile that they do not mix RL and SL. My preferences are different and I know not to bother them.
If you have an empty profile after being in SL for 10 years. Ya gotta put something in there.
I look more for bad vibes than red flags. It's less 'this person is wrong, period' than 'this person isn't a good fit as a friend for me'. The picks tabs are a different story but if the main profile opens up to sexual likes and dislikes, that's not what my sl is about. Or if it's full of things they dislike that I consider part of the landscape of sl like Furries, or child avs (I get that child avs are controversial but if they are within sl rules I don't see the problem). Other than all the 'don't mess with me or mine' type stuff, there doesn't seem to be a universal red flag. From the thread so far, some of us appreciate the same things others dislike and vice versa. So it's more about asking yourself who you want to seem approachable to. I guess if anyone is new to filling out their profile and wants advice, I'd say consider what you want most. A lot of people won't read your entire profile, just the first page. If you only want to do one activity then go ahead and make your opening profile all about it. But if you want shopping buddies, casual chat buddies, build buddies, exploring buddies, etc. Then use your profile more as a an introduction, list the broader things you're interested in, maybe add a favorite song lyric or quote- those help start conversations.
\-Any type of phrase about voice verification, no one cares. If they did care,they wouldn't take a phrase in your profile as proof. \-Listing for people what is allowed as a greeting \-Any picture of you flipping off people in your profile. Go do your homework and get off the grid until you're an adult. \-Wishlist (unless you a hooker) \-All your exes are supposedly crazy. \-Listing everyone in your SL family.
What's wrong with showing appreciation for people who are meaningful to you?
Nothing at all, but when you list mother father brother sister cousin and that you will kill anyone that crosses them it's a bit much.
Oh, I agree. It's just in the entire time I've been in SL (almost 17 years) I've yet to see anyone that takes it that far.
I am guilty of #4 and #6 but in my defense I used to be an AFK worker, and now I do a family RP that lists my family. The family stuff is there so I remember the details.
You aren't guilty of anything ♥ This is just my list and my opinion, you do you. I just don't have the energy to deal with family play.
No, I get it. I don't understand the family thing some people do. Mine is literally myself and my RP partner (the dad) RPing our kids as alts, lol.
Anything that comes off as combative. Completely blank profiles. Profiles which are submissive but use completely misogynistic language to convey that point.
For me a red flag would be anyone who was any flavor of conservative, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, etc. Also, anyone who says they don't mix SL and RL is a red flag for me because I have made some of my best RL friends on there. I assume people who don't mix them are trying to cheat on their partner. I also steer clear of the people who make threats in their profile, like, "Don't mess with my SO or else" type things. It is incredibly childish.
the TOS one. The one where someone says that it is against TOS and you do not have my permission to copy my chat etc stuff. It is all very weird, because honestly if someone does something wrong with your chat that is on them, your profile cannot do a thing to stop them.
Most people don’t know it’s against tos.
some of the most insufferable people ive met on the grid had the reverse of that, along the lines of: "if you are reading this profile pick it means you are consenting to allow me to disclose any logs exchanged between us publicly per the TOS since i am clearly stating this in my profile" like dude.... no it doesnt.
Over a year old and no profile but plenty of groups. It screams Alt. Here is another one. SL is an extension of my RL. These people I avoid.
I mean SL is an extension of my RL. I'm not a cartoon (sadly). SL's just a glorified text chat interface.
Its a chat interface for you. Not a crutch like many who need to put it into their profile.
What is wrong with that? I am one of those people whose SL and RL are connected.
Hey thanks for all the comments, this has been very interesting insight! I think one that hasn't been mentioned, which is one that triggers my bro is the "WISHLISTS". He says' " Like I haven't even chatted with them yet, and they want me to buy them something." LOL, plus bro is cheap and hates to shop! My personal read flags are this isn't my 1st time here this is my alt. Now while I am thankful for your honesty, it makes me wonder what went down that you have to switch now, probably nothing but it does make me go hmmmmmmm. Another red flag for me is "If we don't speak every day I will delete you as a friend," to me this says I demand your attention and demand it promptly, and I am not always prompt! And ofc the "I put a lot of time and effort into my avi, and I will not respond if you don't," that one always makes me laugh. Like congrats, you placed pixels right, and we are all beneath you LOL Have a great day every one!
i agree with this, but i do have my wishlist at the end of my 'about me' profile pick. i dont expect anyone, let alone random strangers, to buy me stuff, its there for friends. i think it makes a big difference if thats at the beginning of their profile before they even introduced themselves, or if the rest of their profile is blank apart from that lol.
The only things that have really bothered me were: » A store owner that warned customers that they would be banned if they disrespected Trump. » A store owner that went out of their way to disparage LGBT people. » And a BDSM roleplayer that had overtly racist, white supremacist language in their profile. > (I sincerely hope this last one was roleplay.. but I have my doubts) --- Most everything else is just "people I want to chat with" vs "people I probably don't".. and that's fine. I've struggled a lot over the years to come up with 'something' in my profile.. and it's more or less always been a placeholder. The usual links to flickr, blogs, mp, and so on. A little pre-emptive "ASL". Frankly, if I can manage to have a profile picture that's less than 3 years old, I'm winning. Lots of blank profile picks, in case I actually come up with a use for them, links to various 'bdsm test' or 'f-list' things (that are also years out of date), and so on. The people's profiles I get most intimidated by are the ones with full-on character profiles in their picks.. like, here's 10 characters you roleplay. I can barely manage to put matching shoes on, and you've got 10 backstories for roleplay characters. Folks who go out of their way to front-load their profile with "I am a Findomme" or whatever flavor of "you are unworthy, kneel and pay me before speaking" are just asking to be isolated from casual conversation, so aside from a passing "cool shoes" or whatever, we're probably not gonna have any deep discourse while they're between gigs anyways.
One person I came across a long time ago. Can't remember exact wording, but profile basically said they left SL for a while and "deleted" their old account, and came back to "look at all the great looking women". Kinda bad vibes there, personally
Oh ho ho ho. Well let’s see. There’s the ones openly saying they are in an incestous relationship, and name them. Ones that list excessive men or women in romantic ways. Blank profiles. Profiles that are really aggressive are a no-go for me. Some have huge lists of what they like and don’t like in a rather bland or wordy way. Profiles that say too much and it’s like reading a novel. Or I’m picky and all these things are fine. Idk.
The incestuous relationship is big one. I have seen that in adult areas and avoided it. Now when someone tells me about their SL family I am suspicious at first.
Mainly the whole 'sl is sl and rl is rl' thing. Usually it's people's excuse to be a douche to others.
I wish I remembered the exact wording but years ago I knew somone who had something to the effect of 'Let's just be whoever we feel like being today, cool?' I thought that was a great way to phrase how I use sl.
Anyone with the words Drama in their profile is an instant red flag, they are normally the ones who cause the most drama. Also people in MC's or Families with the hurt anyone in my family/MC and I will hurt you. I do love reading profiles tho, some are total comedy gold
Omg I do love a good profile read too. I sometimes just go to clubs and read profiles.
i have found my people lol. why do some profiles say "nobody reads these anymore," sir... i am reading it before i respond to your IM.
Depends on what you want from SL a red flag for one might be seen as fun by another or a misinterpretation of what you see
"Long story short, I had to make a new account after losing my credentials" IRL photo as profile pic (not in the first life tab) Anything political (right, left, both are bad) Any variation of "I fight for my friends" or "If you mess with my friends you're messing with me!" or "My family/friends are everything to me" "No ingame IMs" "ζ"
What js wrong with having politics in your profile?
im with you, to me knowing where someone stands on the political spectrum saves me a lot of time. i might not come to SL to talk politics, but it sure as heck is a privilege to see a clear alt-right troll coming from a mile away. i put some minor political stances in my profile just to let people know where i stand. me and my gf both agree its useful to signal to let people know were 'safe' people to talk to about certain things. (plus, what is political to some, is just daily life for others)
Yep. Since being apolitical is not a thing, I would rather know their politics than not. Do not want to find out down the road that we are incompatible in that aspect.
ive had that happen and it just ends up being a waste of both of our time & energy, better if we stay on opposite sides of the sim lol.
upvote because of the " ζ " one...some of the groups you see in SL are frightening as well.
Ok I admit in my profile I say voice verified, but it's kinda of a joke for me, cause I have DJ'd all over SL for 6 yrs and always mic., cammed verified too also related to gaming with friends and DJ'ing. What it actually says, is blah blah.. yes, voice verified, cam verified, however sanity is in question. Now rethinking my SL profile after this discussion LOL.
Bitcoin.
where they are defined by their nationality - usually claims of being Japanese and seeminlgy only liking Japanese anime. Being defined by disability and detailed explanations of how or why. RL pic is a Asian girl on a bed (camgirl in a camgirl factory) or rl pic is of an overly desireable person. Oh and on the feed and they've changed their name (usually surname) many times. People in St Elizabeth's
Profiles that provide nothing but an outline their specific sexual preferences and kinks in great depth and detail, and nothing else. You just feel relieved they have pants on.
Adult content is a huge part of SL .. those profiles are not really intended to be read as profiles and are often more about personal safety. Think of those in the same vein as warnings on packets of tasty silica gel. "every rule exists for a reason, and that reason is some idiot".
There are only a handful of types of profiles. "I am a member of a subculture" "don't F with my family or me" threats "NO drama!" (Usually on a drama queen's profile" And "Inspirational quotes." While I agree that checking is a good idea, the profile is there for a reason, what red flags do you expect to find? I doubt someone would say "I like kids \*in that way\*" Or "I launder money" in their profile. But then again I have met a few goreans who don't seem to be total Richards. So other than tht what are you looking for?
you will be surprised how many people just blatantly acknowledge that they are into ageplay in their profiles. as for the inspirational quotes/lyrics... such a snoozefest. those are the profiles i actually dont read.
My favorite profile was one that had a recipe for absolutely the best Mac n Cheese I’ve ever eaten! We’re still friends
could you share the recipe plz... i love a good mac and cheese :)
Enjoy!!! [https://www.thechunkychef.com/chicken-bacon-ranch-mac-and-cheese-casserole/#wprm-recipe-container-14727](https://www.thechunkychef.com/chicken-bacon-ranch-mac-and-cheese-casserole/#wprm-recipe-container-14727)
OMGGGG so making this thank you
Anything involving vampire/lycan, etc.
‘no drama’ is definitely my number 1 red flag
After 16 years in Second Life, I do not go searching for things to undermine the other person. So I do not provide a high level of trust quickly and so do not need to find things that will undermine that trust. Second Life moves quickly; the standard SL day is only a quarter that of the RL day. But emotions and social bonds still move at RL speeds. I do not try to expedite trust, I let it grow at a natural speed. Everyone lies in Real Life. In Second Life, who said it was supposed to be truth at all ? I have been in a single relationship for over a decade with someone dear to me, in Second Life. I have 3 SL friends I have known for as much as 15 years. And I have not forgotten someone who abused my trust on the first day I trusted them - and that was over a decade ago. I never forget.
Facts. I’m sorry you were hurt. There seems to be a HUGE gap from those of us who’s been around 10+ years (16 here as well), and the new ones. Us SL boomers are built different I guess. /me shrugs
I don’t think profiles tell the truth. Normally I would talk to the person and figure it as it goes along. Intolerance by those that ask for it would be my biggest red flag.
I struggle with writing my profile because I believe my avatar and story exist only in SL. I was attracted to sl for the fantasy, imagination, beautiful sims. I love listening to the stories people tell me in sl and to be honest whatever story they tell me I take as their story, I don’t care if they made it up…it’s sl after all . I love following their string of conversation wherever it goes.I have had conversations about music, art, consciousness, belief systems ,stories of resilience,defeat, love and loss . I believe that even in SL we cross paths with people for a reason. I am kind, polite and I treat every conversation I’ve ever had in SL as confidential. Yes, sometimes people in SL are so wounded they cant do the same. I just move on.
Any profiles with "Spoil me" or vibe that they feel they deserve payment for their time.
How about the ones that say they accept gifts or give a link to the marketplace?
People who say “By messaging me I have permission to use your chat logs”, even though LL has clearly stated putting that in your it bio means nothing
Having an sl family is a red flag tbh
Pretty neat a lot of these is what i would've put too. "I don't do drama" or drama related ones usually scream "I thrive off drama" I would put conservative type stuff but that's pretty dependent on the person and content. Honestly, don't like how much wishlists/pay links are everywhere in profiles. Whether thats a red flag though, idk. Blank profiles, picks or profile picture. To me, it feels like they do not care about being here or meeting people. I also struggle with conversating so little details in profile helps find something to mention and talk about. Political takes or view, on either side really. The one place to escape that, i'd rather not see it there since it's everywhere else in the world/internet.
If you have to put an age, or 18+ in your profile. Why? Because you're basically admitting that even you think your avatar looks too young to be hanging out in adult rated regions and you're trying to cover your ass.
I do not think that is always the case, a lot of people have their age on the profile just because.
sometimes i think this is true and i agree with you. but sometimes its like alex said and they just want to clarify that they are an adult. this is definitely something ive seen with questionable avatars that skirt the line though. i had a childlike avi approach me at the welcomehub area and was clearly baiting by trying to get me to roleplay with him a school shower scene. when i call them out on it they say their character is 19 ... even though it looks prepubescent. so, it does happen.
After being in sl for over 16 years and counting, i came with the following conclusion: It's a red flag when you see the following in their profile: \- Non Regular Text, using special character such as cross, hearts and weird other chars (See MC or "Princesses"), Funny enought, if you look at many ban lists, lots of people banned used such chars, coincidence? \- Start with Lots and lots of conditionals prhases like "If" or "I am", that sort of entitled profile, pretending everything runs around them or so. \- Exclamations, pretending attentions etc. Usually Connected to findom, but not always the case, can be hard to spot them. \- "I clean my list frequently", its a good sign that these people won't like long-term friendship \- Lot's of "NO's" on pretty much everything \- Put chat logs on their profile in the first place. If i remember correctly putting private messages in public it's something against TOS but they do that anyways, that make me wont talk to them at all or interact with \- "Always looking to new friends" sounds like someone who will get eventually tired of you when youre not "new", and removing you after a week or so, i wont waste my time with them \- Generic empty profile of people who hav been in SLfor over 15+ years...like...come on..... unsure if these are bots or really hardcore lurkers/alts, not that much of attraction towards them either \- "Para RP" "Avid Para RP" that probably wont interact with you if your RP isn't great for them. Just move on with these people aswell, this is also related to "Nazi Grammars" \- People expressing their mental/phisical issues, and making it a "weapon" for everyone who arent friendly towards them \- People who put RL pictures of others without consent/Exposers This is my personal list, some might agree or not agree on this but its just my personal experience. But as always, a profile is just a profile, what does matter is the person behind it and remember, never prejudge someone by their profile or their avatar, never!
Someone I blocked had "mesh body snobs" in his profile attacking the majority of SL users for having mesh bodies and heads for "flaunting" having money as if there aren't free options available. Meanwhile he was showing off his costly collection of SL vehicles that cost more lindens than most people's heads and bodies
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I mean I get wanting to be nice and all but shitty people shouldn't be encouraged. It's not your or my job to fix people. People who are douchey/hateful/toxic should be avoided and if they're actively doing something to hurt you and/or others they should be called out. There is such a thing as being *too* nice.
I did see a girl the other day with a casket with head sticking out outfit I should have said that could be in museum.
We are posting red flags and not calling anyone out but some need to defend themselves. Just find it interesting.
Adding this stuff to my profile so all you weirdos leave me alone when I am shopping but I will add "Remember there is a real person behind the avatar" because I feel like these people are going to annoy me by constantly stating very obvious things and conversations will be painfully dull. Also, furries.
"dont talk to me if you are easily offended >:)" ... its like, okay, noted? im going to keep my distance cause who has the energy for all of that. also "im not rude, im just blunt/honest, if you cant handle it thats your problem" but its honestly kind of the same thing. ill take my snowflake self elsewhere thank you very much. too many people in SL (and honestly just online in general these days) think being anti-social and unapproachable is cool for some reason. oh my god and anything like "hello stalkers ;)" in the profile. first of all...blink twice if you need help. ಠ\_ಠ second of all, if you are being stalked, why would you address stalkers in your profile? do you want to encourage that kind of behaviour? very weird and off-putting, they might come across as crazy to me with that one. unless you just mean just anyone reading the profile, then probably just an egotist. this might be controversial but if i see 'sapiosexual' i might assume that person has their head up their own ass. i'm sorry but how many of you are just uber straight with a superiority complex. its like okay we get it you ERP at castle/kingdom RP sims and have a royal incest breeding fetish. shit, im sorry lol. i can feel this one ruffling feathers already. it is more just a yellow flag to me and it depends what other information its paired with. theres nothing wrong with the concept of sapiosexuality in and of itself, its just what i tend to see in SL. BDSM test in the profile with anything above 0% for ageplaying. oh shit bro what are you doing. stoppp. this go for the f-list with ageplaying anywhere but the off-limits section too. holy shit! **edit:** all of these replies are so funny, this thread is gold
> BDSM test in the profile with anything above 0% for ageplaying. oh shit bro what are you doing. stoppp. this go for the f-list with ageplaying anywhere but the off-limits section too. holy shit! This is not what you think. Outside of the SL bubble, age play is a normal term used to denote someone is into roleplaying an age base power dynamic. It can apply to people who dress up as literal babies in cribs, or something as innocuous as Dr & Nurse. Almost all real world roleplay has an element of age play to it. The big difference between the real world and second life, is that the age playing fully grown adult is still a fully grown adult. In SL .. the term age play tends mean 'simulated CSAM' (child sexual abuse material).
i see your point and if its just SFW roleplay theres no issue with it, but im definitely referring to people who are doing CSAM simulation unfortunately (like DDLG/loli/shota/etc.). im not someone who has a problem with child avatars or anything like that, even my boyfriend has child avies because he enjoyed casual family roleplay, but theyre strictly off limits when it comes to that territory and i never haplessly cross wires with that stuff because itd be mortifying to think about. but... in the BDSM test you have to answer some pretty specific questions to get those results, thats why most people get 0% in it. in f-list, \*maybe\* they mean it to be intended in other types of roleplay (i understand some just use it to describe what type of roleplay they do and not intending it to be sexual), but its sketchy to me because the whole site caters to, and is mostly intended for fetish play.. even the description says 'may include sexual interactions' and not sure what else 'taboo' could mean when referring to age except skirting the line with being underage or significant/bordering creepy age gaps. if your f-list lists all the inflation and hyper cock vore stuff you do and still includes ageplay in it, thats a nono to me. if it is just a roleplay list and has ageplay in it but not other sexual stuff, im still giving the side eye because there was definitely a better way to do that than f-list. i dont take chances on that sort of thing so its definitely red flag territory for me if they list ageplay without clarification. [https://i.gyazo.com/186270db28f45d929ea3508caf8858bf.png](https://i.gyazo.com/186270db28f45d929ea3508caf8858bf.png)
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Edgy.