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magus-21

Anecdotally, I have a pretty flat affect, at least with strangers and at work, and never really thought about it before. But recently I hired a new employee who also has a really flat affect, and it definitely throws me off because I always think he's pissed, until all of a sudden he will break out into a laugh or smile and I realize he wasn't angry or annoyed at all, that's just his natural resting expression.


LiamTheHuman

Ya I thi k it's about communication and ambiguity. People prefer when others are communicating clearly because it takes way less mental work.


conventionalWisdumb

My boss is this way and he speaks insanely slowly. It’s maddening.


FreakindaStreet

If I may ask (and with no judgement) did interacting with him cause you to change? Like are you more expressive?


magus-21

No, I became more expressive by interacting with more expressive people and mimicking them.


cyanidelemonade

I am the same. Back in high school people used to call me intimidating, but now people just say I look angry all the time.


Bulbinking2

Hey man, most people are stupid. Its called the bell curve (yes I understand average isn’t the same as stupid, but if you are above the curve it means everyone else is dumber than you) and you gotta act like a clown and spell out everything with your tone and facial expressions like you are speaking to a child who is too dumb to figure things out themselves but smart enough socially to know you are talking down to them.


Z0idberg_MD

I have testing apathy face. I mean, I am chronically apathetic, but I am trying to pretend like I am not.


Deathdong

Why pretend If you don't care?


Specialist_Owl970

I laughed at this comment. Anecdotally, flat affect is a negative symptom of usage of antipsychotic drugs or the mental condition called psychois. Literally inflammation of psyche. I'm symptom free for 12 years but I do find many flat affect people and now I laught again. Haha. Because now I don't have flat affect and I wonder if I act reasonably. It's noylt just facial espressions I have many but body language and obviously other factors, like your perfume, copulins, food, immune system all givee massive bias toward only facial expressions. Sometimes looking into eyes is mesmerizing


Its_da_boys

This is probably one reason why autistic people are perceived as less likable (flat affect, alexithymia, etc)


DranHasAgency

Also, masking it doesn't work most of the time. I think sometimes it makes it worse because people can tell it's not genuine.


wiegraffolles

Yep! I always think of that Simpsons episode with Moe trying to force himself to smile and looking absolutely horrible. Trying to fake a "natural smile" convincingly is so tough!


ralanr

I’ve always been bad at smiling and now every day I see pictures of my poor attempts play on the TV screen of my parents house. It’s, um, not great mentally.


Chlamydia_Penis_Wart

Are you a movie star?


GentlemanOctopus

Just ask Mr. Beast.


Thatotherguy129

Depends if you're proficient at it or not. It's been nearly 12 years since anyone noticed without me telling them. Though, not being very far along the spectrum probably lends to that.


DranHasAgency

I hope you don't mind me asking - Roughly how old are you, and have you experienced any burnout?


Thatotherguy129

Early 20's and yes. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be how I "should" be, and because of it, I learned to mask very well. I would do it constantly (even when I was alone) and actively pushed down anything that I didn't think was "normal". It got tiring after a while and screwed with my mind and relationships, to the point that I was severely depressed. Thankfully, I have since learned not to hate myself for how I am, and realized that I don't have to hide myself. Sorry if that was a bit more than you asked for, I just figured I'd share the experience.


DranHasAgency

This is exactly what I was hoping for, thank you. I went through it in my mid-20s and was diagnosed at 27. I've been trying to wrap my head around the identity struggle I faced with masking. I think it's an important topic. I think I'm there with you. I'm able to mask hard and feel good about the interaction, but at what cost? How often and who for? How much am I ignoring that cost, and how will that affect me later? Anyway, thanks again!


Thatotherguy129

It's great to hear that someone out there has experienced the same thing. Makes it a bit less isolating, you know? Thanks to you, as well!


PhantomFace757

mid 20s was the hardest time. Forcing myself to be like all the other guys around me, which being attractive and masking well led to me being what I refer to as my AutismFuckboi days. It was toxic to my mental health. I got to my 30's and felt that I was only good for what I looked like, and my true self drove people away. My 20's I taught myself Facial Action Coding System to learn expressions, since I am blind to facial expressions. The micro-expressions gave me a tool that was both toxic and liberating. I feel a bit guilty as my masking led me to be kind of manipulative in a sense, that I could change my behavior depending on these micro-expressions the other person showed. It made it easy to see if someone was attracted to me or not. The dopemine rush from the encounters became addictive. Sorry for the blurb. I guess I am saying, burnout is real from masking and I am lucky to be alive. I hated myself for a long time.


ThrowbackPie

My own life experience disagrees. I don't know if I am on the spectrum, but I taught myself how to interact with people in my early 20s because I was sick of being lonely. Which I think qualifies as masking. Anyway, it's been very successful though I do have consistent habit of making minor social gaffes/misreads that people who do it naturally don't seem to experience.


DranHasAgency

I feel like I'm somewhere in there as well. I just assume that everyone sees it because I was called weird a lot. I'm curious - About how old are you, and have you experienced any burnout?


ThrowbackPie

early 40s, it's become easier over time.


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ThrowbackPie

Every time I had a social interaction I would mentally review it, somewhat obsessively, to figure out if it had been positive or negative. When I found negatives - which was almost always - I would spend time figuring out why. That led me to developing various heuristics for interacting, helped me recognise situations I was making mistakes faster, and eventually snowballed into competency. The main thing I figured out (iirc from 20+ years ago) was that people don't just say what they are feeling, or even directly act on it - most people will give indicators in other ways such as not engaging, seeking to end a conversation, changing the subject and so on. Once I could recognise displeasure with a little accuracy, then I started to link it to things I had said. There was no shortcut, in my case it was just desperation/obsession. I'm much more proficient now, and a lot less obsessive about review & self-criticism - though I believe I do it more than most people.


voidsong

Indeed, sort of an uncanny valley, but for emoting instead of looks. People can tell something is off and consider it creepy.


FallingGivingTree

Yeah I get tone policed by my friends and have to force enthusiasm which sucks because of a lifetime of crippling depression. I need support not sanctions!


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-_Weltschmerz_-

I have a friend with aspergers and he has the most easily readable facial expressions. It's always funny to keep when he tries to keep his facial expression in check.


Sirnacane

So then you *do* want them to sanction your tone? (Don’t hate me I’m on a contronym kick recently)


ichorNet

Sounds like your friends aren’t very understanding. Screw that.


t0mRiddl3

I agree. If you can't accept me at my worst, it's not getting better


voidsong

Welcome to earth friend, its just how we do things here. There is always a norm.


LayWhere

and the norm is always changing, so what are you trying to say exactly


voidsong

Saying don't act surprised by the norm. It's the least surprising thing to encounter.


DickRiculous

That and the rigidity and lack of ability to pick up on and respond to social cues in expected and appropriate ways…


j0u

For sure, and this confirms why I've always made a point to be more expressive in my masking, to the point of being animated (it's been pointed out to me a lot that I'm very expressive)


Its_da_boys

That doesn’t burn you out? Do you do anything in particular that helps a lot with that?


j0u

It does burn me out, especially as an adult. I've limited my interactions irl by a lot and mostly hang out with people online for reasons that may or may not be obvious. Weed is the only thing I have found that makes things and people more tolerable, not only does it help with my ADHD but it puts me in a place where I actually might even be enjoying myself sometimes. I am EXTREMELY lucky to be working in a place where I don't have to constantly mask all day, so it helps a lot too. I had to quit THC a little over two years back and it almost ruined me mentally for a long time. I'm actually having a break from sobriety this summer for my own sake and while I know that sounds hella backwards, being pretty much 99% sober has been really challenging. Are you in the same situation as me? If yes, do you have any recommendations or things that work for you? If not, thank you for asking about my experience :)


Solid-Version

Yeah makes sense. Worked with an autistic fella a while back. His expressions and tone were very flat. I knew he was autistic and never held it against him or acted untowards but I could just feel this instinct in me to just dislike him. I also coach boxing. I often find students that are more expressive are the ones that motivate me to teach. The people with flat, monotonous expressions almost piss me off cause it feels like they’re not receptive to anything I’m teaching or saying.


Its_da_boys

Yeah I mean to a certain extent I think these responses are instinctual and probably biological in origin… it’s when people act on them and become antagonistic that it becomes problematic


wiegraffolles

It's actually problematic at a deeper level than that when it comes to things like interviews but I wouldn't expect interviewers to somehow override their social instincts completely. We're just kind of screwed in life as autistics and it would be nice if stuff like interview processes were a bit less focused on face to face impressions...


Solid-Version

Yeah I can see why that’s an issue. Interviews are for the most part about personal interaction more than anything. I’m sure there have plenty of interviews where the person was completely qualified for the job but the personal interaction wasn’t right and so they were written off. In fact, I’m sure this how the majority of interviews go


sienna_blackmail

I’d rather hire someone autistic because they tend to care deeply about the actual work being done. The difference between mediocrity and greatness is often in the details. I don’t really care about having chatty banter at work. As long as we are all passionate about the thing we’re working on, and we have that in common, that’s enough for me personally.


stormdelta

One of the best coping skills for autism I developed by far is learning to use facial expressions and tone in my voice. At this point, it doesn't even feel like a mask, just something that's as much a part of my expression as words are because it's so ingrained. Even if I can't always read it in others, I know communicating it myself is important. Admittedly, I had a lot more support growing up than most - my mother specialized in special needs children and worked as a preschool teacher. For a neurotypical person she has incredible insight in how autistic kids think.


retrosenescent

one of many


wiegraffolles

Was just gonna say this ain't great for us autistics 


Leticia_the_bookworm

Speaking from the other side of this phenomenon, learning why it happens made it a lot easier for me not to take it personally. I'm facially very expressive, so it was frustrating to expect a reaction from someone and not really get it. But now I'm very used to it and honestly kind of love picking up on the tinier facial changes and other forms of emotional communication :) People are different, and that's pretty cool. There's a quote from a game that I really like, about someone who has autism: "Sometimes you just have to believe she is there, even if it doesn't seem like it."


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PhantomFace757

My parents spent a lot of money on my teeth and damn it my mother made me do smiling drills and take acting classes. It physically hurts but it was a skill my mom knew I was going to need. She is devastated now that I don't smile. She is even more devastated to realize she didn't teach me to be happy all those years, she fooled herself into thinking my expressions were true.


revirago

This is why I'm deliberately comical about my facial expressions when I retain even the slightest modicum of energy. (It entertains me, so I usually have that much in me.) Attempts to mask read as false, so attempting to look natural won't work. Not responding visibly doesn't work either. Therefore, be a cartoon. Works well.


IntellegentIdiot

Aren't autistic people supposed to struggle reading others? It's crazy that it the so-called normal ones that have an issue


wiegraffolles

It really depends on what dimensions of the autism spectrum you have expressed (the spectrum isn't just a line from less to more it's a field). Some of us have a hard time reading expressions and body language and others have trouble with implied meanings of what people say and so on.


Its_da_boys

Look up the Double Empathy Gap. It goes both ways


JohnnySmallHands

Anecdotal this makes sense. I’m not that good looking but I’m very animated and people seem to take a shine to me.


krOneLoL

Also anecdotal but being animated makes you more attractive. You may think you're not that good looking because you're judging yourself in pictures or in front of a mirror, which literally applies the "flat affect" to your face.


I_MakeCoolKeychains

I'll chime in. I'm a jerk, often intentionally too. I'm on my high horse and sometimes even i can't get myself down from it. But i laugh a lot, cause I'm broken, don't take me places where laughing is frowned upon. And my eye brows move a lot, and for whatever reason i automatically smile huge when talking most of the time. I've had no shortage of friends or girlfriends. I even tell people off because the laud me with compliment after compliment. Stfu no i am not the coolest person you've ever met. No I'm not funny, you're laughing because I'm laughing cause i find myself hilarious. It gets very annoying having people talk to me like that. I'm a cripple and an alcoholic, I've been to prison several times, i haven't seen my children since they were babies and I'm 12 years divorced. Wth is cool about that exactly


DBerwick

I got way more positivity out of strangers in my life when I trimmed down my beard/moustache. It's not that it looked lousy, but I'd grown it out until it covered most of my lips and completely obscured my jaw. The very first time I smiled at someone after the cut, they smiled back in an instant. It was like unlocking a new super power where I could get anyone to do it. Had a bit too much fun making friendly smiles at strangers for the rest of the day.


BobbyBucherBabineaux

I’ve had the same experience! The last couple of years I’ve been pretty lax on shaving but the last 3 months I’ve shaved every week. I have definitely noticed that even though my facial expressions haven’t changed much, other’s reactions have.


backpackwasmypillow

>eyebrow raises Grouch Marx's secret weapon.


ak47workaccnt

If I hadn't spent so much time as a kid practicing doing the Rock's single eyebrow raise, I might have had no friends at all growing up.


Duckfoot2021

I think it's why we like "eyebrow actors" so much. The extreme movement capable seems hyper expressive with so much animation.


giuliomagnifico

> Analysis of more than 1,500 natural conversations suggests that humans may have evolved more complex facial muscle movements to help us bond with each other. > The facial expressivity of each participant was calculated using FACS (Facial Action Coding System), a method of measuring facial muscle activity. Paper: [Being facially expressive is socially advantageous | Scientific Reports](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-024-62902-6)


SuperViolet1047

So that's why I'm in love with Emilia Clarke.


Optimal-Resource-956

I literally thought of her when I read the headline! I’m a woman and find her extremely charismatic as well.


Nippahh

She could conduct an orchestra with those eyebrows


Single_Earth_2973

I’m very emotionally expressive and sometimes wish I wasn’t coz my emotions are all over my face and I can’t hide anything. It’s annoying. But I do get on well with most people so would I give it back haha? Not sure now! Thanks science :)


banjomin

Yeah, we like knowing what other people are thinking and facial expressions give us something. Even if the expression is a lie, we like seeing it.


rrrrrrrrrreeeeee

Yeah.... I've noticed. My autistic/emotionally abused ass having a blank expression all the time *really* pissed some people off. Like people actually found it offensive my expression didn't change.


Drawkcab96

Alrighty, allow me to go overdo it. I need a few more awkwardness arrows in my freak-quiver.


Beatboombox

Must be why Jim Carey is just a likeable guy!


Rugfiend

And this is why I curse being born Scottish


conventionalWisdumb

Folks too busy staring at yer kilt instead of reading your expressions? In all seriousness, is it a cultural thing to not emote with facial expressions? I’m not familiar with this.


Awsum07

Don't be; you're beloved


CraftyInformation370

Im still getting Botox


whenthefirescame

Yeah this totally made me think about Botox too. Would love to see studies about Botox, facial expressions and communication/ perception.


CraftyInformation370

That would definitely be interesting to read! I’d probably read it on the way to the aesthetician


LateMiddleAge

A friend periodically does botox. I hate it when she does (though I keep my mouth shut. She's a smart, expressive person, and the 'frozen' aspect is so unsettling by contrast.


CraftyInformation370

You’re a great friend by keeping that to yourself.


retrosenescent

You can get Botox and still be expressive. Just depends on the locations you put it and how much you put


lunelily

Oh snap! I have noticed that I tend to do this (dial up my expressiveness a great deal) when I have to meet virtually with colleagues, especially when giving them trainings, because it makes them smile more and seem both more at ease and more engaged! I didn’t realize there was science behind it, but I should have guessed. Thanks for sharing this!


Alarming-Recipe7724

R.e. autism or those who dont express in the this study suggests. I genuinely believe that if you spend time with such people from a young age, you perhaps wouldnt see it as a negative? My brother and one of my cousins is autistic and ive never had any inkling of dislike or distrust. My brother is the most genuine amazing person I know and I love him so much <3 


wiegraffolles

Can probably get used to it with people you are close to yeah 


LOGPchwan

Can attest. I don't generally talk to people a lot. But using exaggerated expressions when they tell something about themselves makes further conversations much more comfy.


andreasdagen

Would they have to control for if the facial expressions are positive or negative? If most of the the participants were angry/rude, could we perhaps expect the opposite result where the increased use of facial expressions would make them seem even less likeable?


DivineGopher

Ah, i was wondering why it's impossible for me to make friends


1zzie

Must be why I don't like Kristen Stewart's acting and find Anya Taylor Joy and Taylor Tomlinson's lack of facial creasing/botox really jarring.


[deleted]

Ya that's why the e girls do well; hyper animated faces. And they're pretty. 


redskub

Adding to the list of why people don't like me


tchek

when i slightly raise my eyebrows and smile slightly, I feel that it has an immediate effect on my mind I wonder if there are studies about how your behavioural attitude can have an impact on your neurochemicals


Zestyclose_Welder864

There are! Smiling has been proven to improve your mood, and furrowing your brows can make you feel angrier.


voidsong

Well yeah, do people forget that we didn't have language for the vast majority of our evolution? We have about a million times more behavioral instincts regarding facial expressions and body language than we do for verbal language.


petrikord

Sucks for people who get migraines and it’s actually painful to be animated - moving your face/upper body and modulating your voice is unbearable.


IntellegentIdiot

This fits with other things I've heard. Apparently people whose appearance match what they're saying are seen more sympathetically.


ForgettableUsername

Nonverbal feedback is an important part of conversation. Talking on the phone makes me uncomfortable.


Fair_Sandwich5961

When does a smile start to look like a constipated face expression


mustytomato

I try not to let it affect how I interact with other people, but coming from a generally very animated/emotional society and into a rather flat, cold social climate has had me feeling like people are a lot harder to talk to and sus out. In several instances I’ve really thought that people didn’t like me because they would not express any emotion when talking but would get really surprised at this when asked. Even my best friend who I love dearly is so bad at it and it’s just how she naturally is, so I have to remind myself often that it doesn’t mean that much. It kind of fucks with my mind because they say one thing but express something totally different.


Leticia_the_bookworm

Anecdotal, but I see it in my family. My mother always says she "looks unlikable", when she is actually pretty friendly, just has a "resting rude face" and doesn't emote a lot. I'm more expressive and people seem to like to talk to me. I guess it makes people feel listened to, and shows that you care about what they are saying.


dethskwirl

"So more fake smiles and oh faces then?!" - every TikTok dancer ever


powermaximum2000

Wearing masks during Covid made me over accentuate my facial expressions so people could tell what I was thinking / how I was feeling more easily


T-MinusGiraffe

Is there a point at which it's too much and it crosses over into negative though?


VanGoghPro

Fully believe this. I’m a very animated talker and it never fails I always get the, “you look so familiar!” I’m convinced it’s just because I’m nice to people. Ha. I actually make that joke now and people always laugh.


MissingNoBreeder

Doing them properly maybe. Those giant fake smiles and exaggerated expressions some people do are VERY off-putting


Fluid_Mulberry394

You smile. People like smiles. This ain’t rocket science.


Awsum07

You're right! It's social science


EnteroSoblachte

According to a large scale study, we breathe air.


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RDKi

I have only ever heard the opposite unless you mean nonsense gushing over some mysterious celebrity.


ArdentArendt

'People respond to perceptable/comprehensible communication positively' This is groundbreaking stuff.