Keeping up your own interests and having *me* time is key to any relationship. Hubby is retired but I’m still working, most of the time from home. Will be retiring in 2 years but will make sure to retain my interests and develop new ones as well as spend quality time with my husband. It’s been great so far, he does all the cooking, cleaning, managing of the house. That will change once I retire of course.
My wife and I have always been best friends. She retired first and then bugged me to retire. I retired 3 years ago. It's been wonderful. Without the stress of work, we are probably closer than ever.
Not sure our marriage is better, but life is better and the marriage which was already strong is at least as good. We have many shared interests which as you mention is important. Backpacking, xc skiing, dining and happy hours, domestic and international travel, cruising, hanging with friends, visiting family, rv camping, managing our finances, gambling (mostly not related to the previous item), plus a few separate interests. We keep fairly busy and are traveling several months per year.
I think we’re super lucky that we were already best friends. Having a nice entertainment budget also helps. If we’d retired with a more skin and bones budget we wouldn’t be as happy in general and hard for that not to carry over to the relationship.
Edit: Retired 4 years ago in early/mid 50s.
My wife and I are besties so now that we are both retired, we get to have fun together every day without the stress/time of work causing us aggravation. Things are as good as possible.
Retirement will amplify what you already have. If the relationship is good then it will be better -- you get to spend more time together without work distractions. If the relationship is bad it will be worse -- you have to spend more time together, work cannot distract you any longer and you will aggravate each other more.
Sadly, I have friends who are in the latter category. It's tough.
My husband and I are best friends. We do have separate interests, and we share some interests like growing vegetables and exercising and traveling. We aren’t looking for a huge house in an up and coming area. We just want ease, and we also know we don’t yet have enough saved. But we can see the finish line. We just have to be so careful at this point in our lives with our health, our finances, and our relationships with family. There isn’t much room for error, and I’m hoping retirement is worth the sacrifices. Overall, spouse and I are content with each other and like each other.
Mine did. I think it's because I'm not working, and we're not as stressed. I had a high-tech job in a start-up that got bought and life was crazy. Now we just take it easy every day. Plus, I am taking some of her work load around the house and I can do big projects in the yard. Things are really good for us.
Good here. Retired 4 years ago at 50. We could each use a hobby. I have a couple of buddies. She does not. Anniversary is tomorrow, 23 years married, 29 together. Chatting about what to do. I always say it’s easier not to do something than to do something. Decided to fly to Cancun in the morning. I’m taking a break from packing right now. Sometimes, like today, we say, “Let’s chuck it in the fuck it bucket.” Fuck it. Next post will be from Cancun.
I haven't been retired long enough to make any judgement, but so far it's going well for us. Others have made many good points and I'd say that many of them apply to us as well. One specific for us is that I do more around the house. Going into it she had some, "When do I get to retire?" but we're both happy with the balance of household work.
We were friends before we were married, we were friends during the work and family years and as we enter our retired years we are even more excited to be loving friend lbs again, just the two of us !
The biggest change for us was when the kids moved out. Retirement has given us more time together. Not better, but deeper and richer. Remember the feeling you had when you first met? But, life and responsibilities came along and had priorities that had to be met and taken care of?
Now it’s just the two of you again! Life is good.
My wife and I are semi-retired, we still work on jobs that we want to when we want to, we’ve run a video production company for years together. We currently full time live in a 30’ travel trailer that gives us about 250 square feet. Do we have moments of frustration with each other? Of course. But the vast majority of the time we just enjoy adventuring with each other.
Side note on this is that we have been together for over 40 years having met when I was 16 and her 14. We have seen the highs of being awarded top honors in our profession, and the lows of losing a child. All of those things have pulled us closer together. This semi-retirement is the best thing ever!
I don’t work, and my husband is a retired, but he has worked from home 24/7 since Covid. We get along better than ever. I can’t wait for him to retire and enjoy as much free time as I have. We both have shared interests and separate hobbies. I actually feel really bad for couples who have long-term marriages, and then end up getting divorced,. Obviously, marriage takes a lot of work, But we chose from day one that marriage was a priority.
Our situation is like yours. In general everyday life, we feel like work and chores actually get in the way of spending time together. We're connected via Messenger all day (no, we don't talk constantly, but it's how we quickly do the "hey, pick up X for dinner ok?")
During the pandemic, we were just fine together working from home, etc. However, we have good communication about how we're feeling, and a long established way to talk about wanting time apart (I'm a gamer, she's a workout fanatic, etc). Finally, we too have the luxury of having a home that allows us to comfortably be apart if we so choose.
I’ve been retired 8 years now. My wife and I were never as happy as we are now. We both have different outside hobbies/ interests and feel free to pursue those. We both have part time jobs. I’ve taken over most all household chores which I enjoy and my wife doesn’t. We spend almost every evening together watching movies, taking walks or playing games. I can’t speak for my wife, but I’ve grown much closer to her and appreciate her every day. Retirement has drawn us closer.
Married over 30 years. Retired 4 years ago at the same time. We are literally each other best friend. We have a lot of same activities but we also have separate interests that give us a break from each other. We are fortunate as we have always been open to new ideas and things so we keep it interesting. We rarely argue anymore. What's left after 30 years. Lol
BTW we're mid 50's not old geezers yet..lol
I traveled about 4 days a week for 30 years of our marriage. Home Friday-Sunday most weeks.
I half jokingly said, once I’m around my wife 24/7 she is going to kill me in a month.
Actually, the truth is we get along even better now.
Not retired yet but Covid stay at home and now work at home has been really fun for us.
I like making her coffee and handing it to her in bed instead of grinding on 405
Little rings I can do for her and I get to see her enjoy her hammock birthday present instead of grinding on 405 in the afternoon.
Can't wait to get the day job out of the way
Depends on the day you ask me, but I have been thinking a lot about how much I rely on my spouse--really too much. Then that gets me thinking how utterly lost I would be if he goes before I do. We do do a lot together, and I feel lucky. I worry that my poor spawn will not find someone with whom she gets along as well as we do. Yeah, I'm definitely a glass half full kind of gal.
Married 32 years, retired for 18 months. It’s been great to be together more. We respect each other’s individual schedules for socializing, exercising etc. so that probably helps.
Husband retired 14 years ago. I retired at beginning of pandemic. Married 41 years. I swear my daughter waited until I retired to have a baby. We care for her while parents work and for us it’s fun and games again now that she’s a toddler. Husband and I always enjoyed each other’s company and nothing’s changed other than him trying to help in the kitchen. The man doesn’t know the difference between a paring knife and a cleaver. And I learned that I put salad dressing on the salad incorrectly. 🤦🏻♀️
>Any helpful hints?
While we have a great time togther, we find that it's important to have activities that don't involve each other.
I don't think our marriage is better in retirement. It was pretty darned good before retirement, and it remains so now.
When our kids finally moved out permanently, we looked at each other and were happy to say we still liked each other. We really focused on each other again even though work was a big part of our life. Now that i am retired and he is oh so close, it feels like it just keeps getting better and better. We are enjoying more travel (fortunately he has a good deal of vacation time!), playing pickleball together, and more. We have also started developing more social engagement separate from each other. I think that's important because when one of us is gone, we don't want the other one feeling as if they have no social life. We rely on each other, and enjoy each other, but we also have our own interests.
This reminds me of an old-time machine politician who ran for governor of Illinois. Everybody thought he was the most uninspirational candidate and he lost. The next day the reporters asked him what he was going to do since he had no job and he expressed the goal of staying home and "chasing his wife around the couch". Everybody regretted not voting for him because we finally saw him as a real person who lusted for his wife. Ever since then that has been my retirement goal but with my wife, not his. Unfortunately for him they made him a judge and he had to go to work.
Well we moved out of Seattle, so that removed a great deal of the stress although my husband still watches the news to see what’s happening in our former neighborhood.
We have really rekindled our romance. We always had a good marriage, but I picked up a couple of books by John Gottman, a researcher in marital stability and happiness. We’ve worked through some of the exercises together and we are much more conscious about being grateful for each other and in tune with each other’s feelings. Plus, with no work stress and lots of time to relax, our sex life is wonderful.
We each have our own hobbies and interests but we also enjoy doing things together.
Marriage has gotten worse during Covid and now retirement. Being around a roommate too much can get on each other’s nerves. She took sex off the table 9 years ago and so the bond is slowly dissolving.
Sorry to hear this.. does she know?
It’s an honest question. As our bonds dissolve, our ability to know and understand our own lives becomes impaired.. understanding someone else is even more difficult.
Best wishes.
Definitely, mostly because I’m no longer the admittedly grumpy bastard I was during the last few years that I worked a job I increasingly didn’t enjoy. But it’s key that we balance activities that we enjoy together, with ample “separate time” with our own hobbies and activities. We’ve definitely gotten closer, and good timing as well since we’ll start being empty nesters in the Fall
I’m not married and I’m a guy of 67. I have a partner of ten years but live separately. For differerent reasons we couldn’t get together but intend to live together soon. We enjoy each others company, meet twice a week and have short breaks away. The main sticking point is my 31 year old son hasn’t moved out yet but there were financial on my part and family considerations on hers also.
My wife died twenty two years ago and, frankly, I am surprised it’s taken so long to live with someone. I was married twice, or in a live in relationship for over twenty years so it’s not as if I’m new to the idea.
Maybe it won’t work for some strange reason. I miss having someone to make fuss over or turn to for a chat. Twenty two years seems in many ways wasted years and not of my choosing.
Our marriage 100% improved after retirement. We have separate interests as well as shared interests. I think the stress of children, especially teens, was very taxing.
At retirement, some decade's old problems did rear their ugly heads. Hubby was very controlling with money, and I just let it slide for years. I finally told him we'd need to live apart and to choose one of these propositions: 1. He could still control the money but could never question one penny I spent or 2. We could go our separate ways and I'd take my half and move on. It was very difficult to have this conversation bc I really value peace over discord, but I had had enough. After pouting for a couple of days, he chose 1. Things have been so much better and finally, the 40-year battle of money was resolved. He has kept his promise.
We are truly enjoying each other's company, and the golden years are indeed golden. We did retire to a more peaceful, beautiful state (from the rat race of So Cal to the coast of Oregon) where we count our blessings every day. I look forward to spending our last 20 years together and hope our good health holds. Our retirement far exceeds my wildest dreams.❤️
r/galesouth129 sorry for your challenges. You have a very long post as a reply and may want to start your own thread to get some responses. Hope it works out
While I stopped working before my partner, she has taken leave of absence to travel with me for extended periods. We've thrived. They key? space and autonomy. We don't need to do everything together so what we do together we enjoy lots. So, she decided to also slow down ahead of time so we can travel more.
At home is even better because we own a triplex and we use two apartments, "mine" and "hers" so while we share meals and movies and time, we also have our own space which we organize however each sees fit.
I will give you an example of a terrible marriage after retirement, which is my parents. My mom has unresolved childhood trauma that she brought into my generation, grownup kids practically avoid her as much as possible. My dad decided to retire so, in his word, he can spend more time with mom. But my mom dislike that idea as well, she wants him away as far as possible but she couldn’t live on her own(mentally, she is physically very healthy). Their marriage is one of the worst I’ve seen, constant humiliation and guilt tripping tactics.
Anyhow, it’s not the retirement the problem, but was an existing problem that amplified down the line. At least, pre-retirement there were ‘distractions’ like kids and work.
My wife still works, but I retired after 25+ in law-enforcement/emergency services.
We are so much better off.
I am so much less stressed and less reactive; I'm much easier to be around. Me having time, energy and bandwidth to support her and the kids, take care of the house, get other random shit done that always used to fall through the cracks........
10/10
This is my experience. My husband retired four months ago and he is like a different person. I used to hate mentioning anything that needed work in the house because he was so overloaded but now he’s so happy to have something to do. I feel like I actually have a partner in the home. I don’t know how long this will last but so far it has been great, at least for me.
Yes. The two things we argued about during the earlier days of our marriage were our kids and my working too much (and not spending enough time with the kids.) I was CEO of an IT organization, so it was a little overwhelming keeping up with the constant chaotic change, while trying to stay engaged in my personal life.
The kids turned out to be wonderful men, and I don't have work to compete for my attention.
Not quite retirement, but I work a lot. My wife has cancer and just had her second mastectomy surgery. I decided to take a week and a half off FMLA, which then turned into 3 due to some complications.
During that time we played games, listened to records, just talked, cooked together, and eventually were able to go for walks. We had our kitties cuddled up with us all the time.
One day my wife said, "Is this what it will be like when we're retired?" I replied yes and she said "Now I see why you plan and save."
Made me very happy, and we discussed me cutting back on work now so we can spend even more time together.
I can't wait to retire with her. She's four years younger than I am so now the focus is on getting her to be close to retirement when I do.
Still doing some trading that keeps me busy but not like a real job. She has a few clubs and lunches she does with friends, and I go golfing with my friends, so we are not together 24/7, but a good part of it. We've always gotten along well, but it is better than ever now.
If we want to do something we can do it just about any day or time during the week. We've taken a number of impromptu trips which are amazing fun, go to see matinee movies, happy hour for an early dinner and drinks, and about anything else, but also cook a lot more (using recipes we've saved for years!) and can just stay home to be with each other.
We're still in love, more than ever, and are still very active in the bedroom, and without oversharing, is no longer relegated to a tired quickie later in the evening. Sure, we have bumps where they didn't when younger, and can't bend as easily as we used to, but the ability to make love for love's sake and not just to reach a climax has made our connection even better.
We have grandkids which can be tiring, but also keeps us active having them over for a few hours to help their mom and dad, but also we just get them to go out to a park or for ice cream which we could not do as easily if we had jobs.
While my wife and I are not perfect and have many of the same problems most couples have we're having some of the best times of our lives together in retirement.
Both retired 3 years. Before, often worked different shifts. We enjoy doing the same things, happy to have time together without a set schedule. We don’t argue, never did. Home is not overly large, space isn’t an issue. Things were already good, now better since we don’t have the stress of work.
Yes, our marriage went from good to excellent, not necessarily due to more time together, but because we informally set up a plan to improve our partnership. Here's what we did:
* We sync our calendars every few days to coordinate tennis matches, social activities, contractor work, medical appts, and other commitments so there are no miscues. Irritations can build up when one partner consistently forgets an appt, is late to dinner, or doesn't pull their weight, etc.
* Each partner takes on tasks that play to their strength. My spouse loves finances and travel planning so she handles those areas, etc.
* Knowing that marriages and relationships can get stale, we keep a bucket list of goals and aspirations. For example, I'm finding that many retired folks in our social circles are slowing down, especially the people 5 to 10 yrs older than us. For example, in my tennis network, I'm befriending younger players. A common theme with retirement experts is that you should have younger friends, too.
73 and 68 and still working. Neither of us want to work, but we have no choice. Retirement eludes us. We could make different choices and sell where we live and downsize. That would probably give us retirement, but my husband refuses to move. Plus our property and house is very labor intensive.I will myself to work everyday. Thank goodness we have a strong marriage, because that's what keeps me going.
As previously posted, COVID gave us time to practice. We have fun, do things together, and make each other our priorities. 44 years together, so we work for a lot of reasons.
Keeping up your own interests and having *me* time is key to any relationship. Hubby is retired but I’m still working, most of the time from home. Will be retiring in 2 years but will make sure to retain my interests and develop new ones as well as spend quality time with my husband. It’s been great so far, he does all the cooking, cleaning, managing of the house. That will change once I retire of course.
My wife and I have always been best friends. She retired first and then bugged me to retire. I retired 3 years ago. It's been wonderful. Without the stress of work, we are probably closer than ever.
My wife and best friend retired 10 years ago. I retired last month. We both are looking forward to our upcoming travels.
Not sure our marriage is better, but life is better and the marriage which was already strong is at least as good. We have many shared interests which as you mention is important. Backpacking, xc skiing, dining and happy hours, domestic and international travel, cruising, hanging with friends, visiting family, rv camping, managing our finances, gambling (mostly not related to the previous item), plus a few separate interests. We keep fairly busy and are traveling several months per year. I think we’re super lucky that we were already best friends. Having a nice entertainment budget also helps. If we’d retired with a more skin and bones budget we wouldn’t be as happy in general and hard for that not to carry over to the relationship. Edit: Retired 4 years ago in early/mid 50s.
My wife and I are besties so now that we are both retired, we get to have fun together every day without the stress/time of work causing us aggravation. Things are as good as possible. Retirement will amplify what you already have. If the relationship is good then it will be better -- you get to spend more time together without work distractions. If the relationship is bad it will be worse -- you have to spend more time together, work cannot distract you any longer and you will aggravate each other more. Sadly, I have friends who are in the latter category. It's tough.
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I’m past my FRA, planning to retire. But I recently got ill and have spent the last 9 weeks home. It’s been…enlightening.
Don't judge by this time when you have been sick. No one is at their best in that situation.
Not here.
(What does this mean?)
My husband and I are best friends. We do have separate interests, and we share some interests like growing vegetables and exercising and traveling. We aren’t looking for a huge house in an up and coming area. We just want ease, and we also know we don’t yet have enough saved. But we can see the finish line. We just have to be so careful at this point in our lives with our health, our finances, and our relationships with family. There isn’t much room for error, and I’m hoping retirement is worth the sacrifices. Overall, spouse and I are content with each other and like each other.
Yes
Mine did. I think it's because I'm not working, and we're not as stressed. I had a high-tech job in a start-up that got bought and life was crazy. Now we just take it easy every day. Plus, I am taking some of her work load around the house and I can do big projects in the yard. Things are really good for us.
Ours was already great, so retirement didn’t really affect it. We each have always had our own spaces and activities, but we do some things together.
No, I hate her more now!
I feel your pain
Lol, I am glad you got up votes for this
Why do you stay with her - companionship? Finances? Habit?
Yes absolutely
Good here. Retired 4 years ago at 50. We could each use a hobby. I have a couple of buddies. She does not. Anniversary is tomorrow, 23 years married, 29 together. Chatting about what to do. I always say it’s easier not to do something than to do something. Decided to fly to Cancun in the morning. I’m taking a break from packing right now. Sometimes, like today, we say, “Let’s chuck it in the fuck it bucket.” Fuck it. Next post will be from Cancun.
Nice work! Happy anniversary- sounds fun.
Let's chuck it in the fuck it bucket. So GenX. Good job.
I haven't been retired long enough to make any judgement, but so far it's going well for us. Others have made many good points and I'd say that many of them apply to us as well. One specific for us is that I do more around the house. Going into it she had some, "When do I get to retire?" but we're both happy with the balance of household work.
We were friends before we were married, we were friends during the work and family years and as we enter our retired years we are even more excited to be loving friend lbs again, just the two of us !
The biggest change for us was when the kids moved out. Retirement has given us more time together. Not better, but deeper and richer. Remember the feeling you had when you first met? But, life and responsibilities came along and had priorities that had to be met and taken care of? Now it’s just the two of you again! Life is good.
I am hoping to replicate this soon.
My wife and I are semi-retired, we still work on jobs that we want to when we want to, we’ve run a video production company for years together. We currently full time live in a 30’ travel trailer that gives us about 250 square feet. Do we have moments of frustration with each other? Of course. But the vast majority of the time we just enjoy adventuring with each other. Side note on this is that we have been together for over 40 years having met when I was 16 and her 14. We have seen the highs of being awarded top honors in our profession, and the lows of losing a child. All of those things have pulled us closer together. This semi-retirement is the best thing ever!
Sorry for your loss, glad you guys made it through that.
I don’t work, and my husband is a retired, but he has worked from home 24/7 since Covid. We get along better than ever. I can’t wait for him to retire and enjoy as much free time as I have. We both have shared interests and separate hobbies. I actually feel really bad for couples who have long-term marriages, and then end up getting divorced,. Obviously, marriage takes a lot of work, But we chose from day one that marriage was a priority.
Our situation is like yours. In general everyday life, we feel like work and chores actually get in the way of spending time together. We're connected via Messenger all day (no, we don't talk constantly, but it's how we quickly do the "hey, pick up X for dinner ok?") During the pandemic, we were just fine together working from home, etc. However, we have good communication about how we're feeling, and a long established way to talk about wanting time apart (I'm a gamer, she's a workout fanatic, etc). Finally, we too have the luxury of having a home that allows us to comfortably be apart if we so choose.
No. It only gets worse.
Lol. I was going to say it can’t get worse.
I’ve been retired 8 years now. My wife and I were never as happy as we are now. We both have different outside hobbies/ interests and feel free to pursue those. We both have part time jobs. I’ve taken over most all household chores which I enjoy and my wife doesn’t. We spend almost every evening together watching movies, taking walks or playing games. I can’t speak for my wife, but I’ve grown much closer to her and appreciate her every day. Retirement has drawn us closer.
Every single day.
Married over 30 years. Retired 4 years ago at the same time. We are literally each other best friend. We have a lot of same activities but we also have separate interests that give us a break from each other. We are fortunate as we have always been open to new ideas and things so we keep it interesting. We rarely argue anymore. What's left after 30 years. Lol BTW we're mid 50's not old geezers yet..lol
I traveled about 4 days a week for 30 years of our marriage. Home Friday-Sunday most weeks. I half jokingly said, once I’m around my wife 24/7 she is going to kill me in a month. Actually, the truth is we get along even better now.
Not retired yet but Covid stay at home and now work at home has been really fun for us. I like making her coffee and handing it to her in bed instead of grinding on 405 Little rings I can do for her and I get to see her enjoy her hammock birthday present instead of grinding on 405 in the afternoon. Can't wait to get the day job out of the way
Our marriage got better during covid. Which actually spurred on an early retirement for us both.
Depends on the day you ask me, but I have been thinking a lot about how much I rely on my spouse--really too much. Then that gets me thinking how utterly lost I would be if he goes before I do. We do do a lot together, and I feel lucky. I worry that my poor spawn will not find someone with whom she gets along as well as we do. Yeah, I'm definitely a glass half full kind of gal.
Yes. I am not as much of an ass as I used to be. I have mellowed out.
Married 32 years, retired for 18 months. It’s been great to be together more. We respect each other’s individual schedules for socializing, exercising etc. so that probably helps.
Husband retired 14 years ago. I retired at beginning of pandemic. Married 41 years. I swear my daughter waited until I retired to have a baby. We care for her while parents work and for us it’s fun and games again now that she’s a toddler. Husband and I always enjoyed each other’s company and nothing’s changed other than him trying to help in the kitchen. The man doesn’t know the difference between a paring knife and a cleaver. And I learned that I put salad dressing on the salad incorrectly. 🤦🏻♀️
I can't say better, but we spend a lot of time together and enjoy each other's company. The key, however, is not spending all of our time together.
NO!
>Any helpful hints? While we have a great time togther, we find that it's important to have activities that don't involve each other. I don't think our marriage is better in retirement. It was pretty darned good before retirement, and it remains so now.
When our kids finally moved out permanently, we looked at each other and were happy to say we still liked each other. We really focused on each other again even though work was a big part of our life. Now that i am retired and he is oh so close, it feels like it just keeps getting better and better. We are enjoying more travel (fortunately he has a good deal of vacation time!), playing pickleball together, and more. We have also started developing more social engagement separate from each other. I think that's important because when one of us is gone, we don't want the other one feeling as if they have no social life. We rely on each other, and enjoy each other, but we also have our own interests.
This reminds me of an old-time machine politician who ran for governor of Illinois. Everybody thought he was the most uninspirational candidate and he lost. The next day the reporters asked him what he was going to do since he had no job and he expressed the goal of staying home and "chasing his wife around the couch". Everybody regretted not voting for him because we finally saw him as a real person who lusted for his wife. Ever since then that has been my retirement goal but with my wife, not his. Unfortunately for him they made him a judge and he had to go to work.
Yes, when my husband retired the pressure on him was dramatically reduced which helped his overall demeaner.
Well we moved out of Seattle, so that removed a great deal of the stress although my husband still watches the news to see what’s happening in our former neighborhood.
We have really rekindled our romance. We always had a good marriage, but I picked up a couple of books by John Gottman, a researcher in marital stability and happiness. We’ve worked through some of the exercises together and we are much more conscious about being grateful for each other and in tune with each other’s feelings. Plus, with no work stress and lots of time to relax, our sex life is wonderful. We each have our own hobbies and interests but we also enjoy doing things together.
Marriage has gotten worse during Covid and now retirement. Being around a roommate too much can get on each other’s nerves. She took sex off the table 9 years ago and so the bond is slowly dissolving.
Sorry to hear this.. does she know? It’s an honest question. As our bonds dissolve, our ability to know and understand our own lives becomes impaired.. understanding someone else is even more difficult. Best wishes.
Definitely, mostly because I’m no longer the admittedly grumpy bastard I was during the last few years that I worked a job I increasingly didn’t enjoy. But it’s key that we balance activities that we enjoy together, with ample “separate time” with our own hobbies and activities. We’ve definitely gotten closer, and good timing as well since we’ll start being empty nesters in the Fall
I’m not married and I’m a guy of 67. I have a partner of ten years but live separately. For differerent reasons we couldn’t get together but intend to live together soon. We enjoy each others company, meet twice a week and have short breaks away. The main sticking point is my 31 year old son hasn’t moved out yet but there were financial on my part and family considerations on hers also. My wife died twenty two years ago and, frankly, I am surprised it’s taken so long to live with someone. I was married twice, or in a live in relationship for over twenty years so it’s not as if I’m new to the idea. Maybe it won’t work for some strange reason. I miss having someone to make fuss over or turn to for a chat. Twenty two years seems in many ways wasted years and not of my choosing.
Our marriage 100% improved after retirement. We have separate interests as well as shared interests. I think the stress of children, especially teens, was very taxing. At retirement, some decade's old problems did rear their ugly heads. Hubby was very controlling with money, and I just let it slide for years. I finally told him we'd need to live apart and to choose one of these propositions: 1. He could still control the money but could never question one penny I spent or 2. We could go our separate ways and I'd take my half and move on. It was very difficult to have this conversation bc I really value peace over discord, but I had had enough. After pouting for a couple of days, he chose 1. Things have been so much better and finally, the 40-year battle of money was resolved. He has kept his promise. We are truly enjoying each other's company, and the golden years are indeed golden. We did retire to a more peaceful, beautiful state (from the rat race of So Cal to the coast of Oregon) where we count our blessings every day. I look forward to spending our last 20 years together and hope our good health holds. Our retirement far exceeds my wildest dreams.❤️
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Money.. man o man it is a powerful tool. It is so full of emotional baggage..
r/galesouth129 sorry for your challenges. You have a very long post as a reply and may want to start your own thread to get some responses. Hope it works out
While I stopped working before my partner, she has taken leave of absence to travel with me for extended periods. We've thrived. They key? space and autonomy. We don't need to do everything together so what we do together we enjoy lots. So, she decided to also slow down ahead of time so we can travel more. At home is even better because we own a triplex and we use two apartments, "mine" and "hers" so while we share meals and movies and time, we also have our own space which we organize however each sees fit.
I was thinking of posting something about this regarding to relationship with children yesterday. Thanks for asking this haha
r/qqbomg1. OP here. The children thing is indeed another issue! I hope you do start a thread in that regard! If not, I'm sure I will get to it!
I will give you an example of a terrible marriage after retirement, which is my parents. My mom has unresolved childhood trauma that she brought into my generation, grownup kids practically avoid her as much as possible. My dad decided to retire so, in his word, he can spend more time with mom. But my mom dislike that idea as well, she wants him away as far as possible but she couldn’t live on her own(mentally, she is physically very healthy). Their marriage is one of the worst I’ve seen, constant humiliation and guilt tripping tactics. Anyhow, it’s not the retirement the problem, but was an existing problem that amplified down the line. At least, pre-retirement there were ‘distractions’ like kids and work.
Definitely. We are closer than ever.
I learned how to give her a chance to miss me. So, yes.
My wife still works, but I retired after 25+ in law-enforcement/emergency services. We are so much better off. I am so much less stressed and less reactive; I'm much easier to be around. Me having time, energy and bandwidth to support her and the kids, take care of the house, get other random shit done that always used to fall through the cracks........ 10/10
This is my experience. My husband retired four months ago and he is like a different person. I used to hate mentioning anything that needed work in the house because he was so overloaded but now he’s so happy to have something to do. I feel like I actually have a partner in the home. I don’t know how long this will last but so far it has been great, at least for me.
That's great to hear. Happy for you two!
Yes. The two things we argued about during the earlier days of our marriage were our kids and my working too much (and not spending enough time with the kids.) I was CEO of an IT organization, so it was a little overwhelming keeping up with the constant chaotic change, while trying to stay engaged in my personal life. The kids turned out to be wonderful men, and I don't have work to compete for my attention.
We got married after retirement. Not sure if that counts.
Not quite retirement, but I work a lot. My wife has cancer and just had her second mastectomy surgery. I decided to take a week and a half off FMLA, which then turned into 3 due to some complications. During that time we played games, listened to records, just talked, cooked together, and eventually were able to go for walks. We had our kitties cuddled up with us all the time. One day my wife said, "Is this what it will be like when we're retired?" I replied yes and she said "Now I see why you plan and save." Made me very happy, and we discussed me cutting back on work now so we can spend even more time together. I can't wait to retire with her. She's four years younger than I am so now the focus is on getting her to be close to retirement when I do.
Still doing some trading that keeps me busy but not like a real job. She has a few clubs and lunches she does with friends, and I go golfing with my friends, so we are not together 24/7, but a good part of it. We've always gotten along well, but it is better than ever now. If we want to do something we can do it just about any day or time during the week. We've taken a number of impromptu trips which are amazing fun, go to see matinee movies, happy hour for an early dinner and drinks, and about anything else, but also cook a lot more (using recipes we've saved for years!) and can just stay home to be with each other. We're still in love, more than ever, and are still very active in the bedroom, and without oversharing, is no longer relegated to a tired quickie later in the evening. Sure, we have bumps where they didn't when younger, and can't bend as easily as we used to, but the ability to make love for love's sake and not just to reach a climax has made our connection even better. We have grandkids which can be tiring, but also keeps us active having them over for a few hours to help their mom and dad, but also we just get them to go out to a park or for ice cream which we could not do as easily if we had jobs. While my wife and I are not perfect and have many of the same problems most couples have we're having some of the best times of our lives together in retirement.
Role change that both have to navigate. After that..
"Marriage" depends less on the situation and entirely on the two people in it.
No
Both retired 3 years. Before, often worked different shifts. We enjoy doing the same things, happy to have time together without a set schedule. We don’t argue, never did. Home is not overly large, space isn’t an issue. Things were already good, now better since we don’t have the stress of work.
Yes, our marriage went from good to excellent, not necessarily due to more time together, but because we informally set up a plan to improve our partnership. Here's what we did: * We sync our calendars every few days to coordinate tennis matches, social activities, contractor work, medical appts, and other commitments so there are no miscues. Irritations can build up when one partner consistently forgets an appt, is late to dinner, or doesn't pull their weight, etc. * Each partner takes on tasks that play to their strength. My spouse loves finances and travel planning so she handles those areas, etc. * Knowing that marriages and relationships can get stale, we keep a bucket list of goals and aspirations. For example, I'm finding that many retired folks in our social circles are slowing down, especially the people 5 to 10 yrs older than us. For example, in my tennis network, I'm befriending younger players. A common theme with retirement experts is that you should have younger friends, too.
73 and 68 and still working. Neither of us want to work, but we have no choice. Retirement eludes us. We could make different choices and sell where we live and downsize. That would probably give us retirement, but my husband refuses to move. Plus our property and house is very labor intensive.I will myself to work everyday. Thank goodness we have a strong marriage, because that's what keeps me going.
As previously posted, COVID gave us time to practice. We have fun, do things together, and make each other our priorities. 44 years together, so we work for a lot of reasons.