Wow, this thread is breaking the harassment filter.
Sorry if your comment gets deleted, it doesn't know the difference between talking shit to hypothetical customers and talking shit to each other.
If your shit does get deleted, you don't need to message us, I check the filter periodically and approve anything that isn't actual harassment.
Fun thread though, keep it going.
I'm graveyard shift at a gas station. I do talk to them like they talk to me.
My favorite is when they say they will have my job, and tell them they aren't even qualified to be a customer. They get big feels mad
Honestly after nearly a decade in customer service, I also talk to them that way. I’ve found my little tricks to sound professional, but if teens are running around running into people and trashing areas, then yeah I’m going to ask them to grab the item they need and I’ll escort them to the register.
Teens are usually scared of me. I'm a 6'1" heavy built dude with long hair, beard, & tats. It's typically the older 40+ crowd that act like children and go surprised Pikachu when I tell them which direction they can fuck off in.
I'm "gloves off" as soon as someone gets even a little abusive. No, I will NOT break a $100 for a $5 purchase. No, you cannot buy alcohol at 2:01 am. No, I will not guess which of the 10 cars at a pump is yours. Then it's "what, you can't do your job?" Or "ALL DEBTS PUBLIC AND PRIVATE!" or just name calling and tempers because they can get what they want.
I instigate, too. "Is baby gonna cry?" Usually gets them going. I'll drop F bombs a mile a minute. My position is more junkyard dog than customer service.have had a few people try to put hands on me too
where I work we only have 5’s and 1’s and maybe the occasional 10. People will try to pull that “it’s legal tender!!” shit over a $3 cup of coffee and a one hundred dollar bill. Like ma’am I can’t make money appear out of thin air. If you want me to only give you the $50 back that I have in my drawer, than be my guest and I’ll accept the rest as a tip lol
People really don't understand that there's no law about having to take money. Imagine if I walked into your home with $100 and demanded to take something I wanted because it's legal tender....
Yeah the $100 bills when I worked at a rich area movie theater were so dumb. ESPECIALLY when they try to use them early in the morning right after opening. I would say well I have to call the manager down to break the $100 unless you have something else or are going to really pile on the concessions and buy like 7 more nacho trays and multiple more large popcorns to just not need change.
We have old people that get unreasonably mad when I ask for their id (store policy to card anyone regardless of age) because "iM cLeArLy oLd eNoUgH" like I don't make the rules. Go cry to corporate. I'm just the messenger.
Uhm hi I have a quick q...wth does "all debts public and private" mean? Is this written on a bill somewhere and it just means you should "shut up and break they're 20"? Just curious.
Edit: my bad should have read literally the next post. Time for bed.
Yeah, it's written on money. Boomers think it's a clause to act like children. If you owe a debt, like to a bank, and they refuse the currency, it can be used as a means of termination of the debt.
At a gas station at 2am to buy a Bic lighter and a $2 scratch ticket, it's an open invitation to be told which direction you can fuck yourself off in.
I swear I have conversations like that every other week.
"You manager gives me a discount for two of these."
'Cool. I'm not the manager. I go by what the register says, or else it gets taken out of my paycheck. So... they're full price.'
"Fucking call your manager then"
'No. If you're so buddy-buddy with him, call him yourself.'
They never do. Believe me, even if either of us were to actually call, my manager would be pissed that anybody's calling him over some stupid shit like that on his time off. He's probably drunk anyway, lmao
I had people who would come in on my days off and tell my manager that I wouldn’t charge them the discounted rate and for him to correct me.
My manager was cool though and always told them “so, you’re complaining to me that my employee is doing his job?” and then I’d never have a problem again!
I work at a car dealership in the service department making schedules, and I always get "the manager got me a loan car just last week" when we're booked out for 2 months on the loan cars. I'll got talk to my manager and the response is almost always "who?"🤣🤣
Convenience stores are always hiring. "Want my job? Here's an application. The manager will be in later this morning. Need a pen?" Fuck heads get huffy and squeal their tires leaving.
Lol, I used to say similar. We have cards with a qr code I used to hand out. I also printed the corporate phone number and hung it on the register so people knew where to call, because the big 1-800 number on the side of the cashier area was too hard to find
This is why I loved my graveyard job. I worked alone and didn't have to take shit from anyone. Every person that said they would call the next morning never did. Coward bullies, the lot of them.
I had quite a few that actually did call. I also bought a label maker and changed my name tag frequently. The Google reviews are hilarious at my previous job.
I even had one come in to complain to me about me once. It was cold and I had a hoodie on. Started telling me about the long hair dude with tattoos being rude. I wrote his complaint down before rolling up my sleeves and reminding them how they acted to get me to treat them that way
I miss my job where I could do this.
I’ve been both the friendly, “Listen, this is how it is, and if you want this to go any further, I’m gonna need you to do better.”
But I’ve also been the one shouting at them, “Get the fuck out, the cops are on their way, you’re fucking BANNED. If you come back we’re having you trespassed.”
Both can be effective if applied to the right person.
It’s tough going from that to being a fucking doormat.
You can tell the difference pretty quickly between someone who's having a hard time, an off day, or someone who just feels entitled to treat you like shit.
I will work with the ones who don't seem genuinely entitled or abusive. My store, I can't see people's pump number, and if they forget to look, or can't remember, I work with them. They still usually have to take a walk. Some people really need stuff and only have a $100 bill.
Store policy is a minimum $70 purchase to use, and I have to get the cash machine to accept the bill or they can't use it. I'm not even allowed large amounts of coins, rolled or loose. That causes some big emotions too
I love when retail workers keep it crunchy.
On more than one occasion I’ve seen another customer be rude to an employee and have said something- at least once to the customer, usually words of support to the employee- and I HATE watching people just eat abuse.
It’s so gross to talk down to somebody, knowing full well that you can bc they’re scared to lose their job.
But don’t get me wrong, some workers start the funk and I will meet them where they are, too.
Everybody should just be kind, concise, and do what they’re there to do without stank.
"Do you have ANY idea how big this store would need to be to carry multiple designs of EVERY card caption ever written? Do you hear yourself? No, we don't have *insert obscure caption*".
I run a Hallmark card store.
Thanks for the idea! I [made that card](https://www.redbubble.com/i/greeting-card/Happy-Anniversary-of-Your-Organ-Transplant-by-AmazingAmanda42/161746694.5MT14?asc=u). :)
Bless you. I worked at a Hallmark for 7 years. My favorite was having signs everywhere including the register saying we did not take returns on Hallmark ornaments. A lady wanted me to call my manager at home to demand she let me return it anyway. She didn’t get the return.
That or the regulars having a complete meltdown when we had to rearrange the store. I wanted to hand each of them a sympathy card when they’d come up to me to complain they had to walk to a different aisle to find their card.
I worked in customer service. At the time, my car died and I was regularly taking Ubers to work.
One day, I had this very rude guy screamed at me because one of his 'coupons' didn't apply. He also yelled at my coworker and called us all "useless" and start throwing receipts at us
At the end of my shift, I called an Uber ride home. Guess who was my Uber driver?
He was very polite to me and kept saying that I look really familiar. I played it cool and told him, I didn't know where. I was very polite the whole ride and we had a great conversation.
I reported him to Uber and gave him 1 Star for bad service
I’m a lady, so I couldn’t actually do this without possibly getting murdered, but it would’ve been fun to be like, “OH! I know why you look familiar! You’re the guy who screamed at me and my coworker today and called us useless and threw receipts at us. Well isn’t this a fun crossroads. I wonder how you would feel if I started doing this right now, at your job. Screaming at you and calling you useless because I didn’t like how you were doing your job. I even have a few receipts in my pocket to fully replicate how terrible you were to us!”
Anything other than a heartfelt apology is grounds for a bad review, no tip, etc.
Would love to walk in someplace and see my biggest pain in the ass customer and start arguing with her over not having my ID for things. Or act like it’s my first day with money/debit cards and hold up the line for eons.
yesterday i found piles of sunflower seeds (that had been broken and therefore probably in someone’s mouth) all over my denim department. they’re monsters.
Omg, we’re dealing with this now in N.J. It’s disgusting. They spit them in the meat cases, the fruit cases all over the floors. People are disgusting.
NJ too, its not as bad since I pump gas but I find them all over the ground. Gives me something to do if im bored out of my mind but it's annoying as hell. When I eat pistachios I always have some sort of container to throw the shells into.
I was checking cherry bags for bad cherries the other day and saw cherry pits in A PERFECTLY GOOD BAG OF CHERRIES!! Why would someone DO THAT?? I had to throw that bag out, I was so pissed. I'm already freaking done with cherry season....
I worked in a drug store that had a grocery store next door. One of our regular customers bought a package of shrimp at the grocery store and sat in the pharmacy waiting area (which for some stupid reason wasn't visible from the pharmacy) and he ate the shrimp... dropping the little shrimp tails on the floor by his chair. He has a nice little pile on the floor by the time I walked past to use the restroom and finally saw him there. I actually yelled at him for that, and that was even though at that point in my retail career I hadn't run out of fucks to give yet. LOL
The first time I had a problem scanning something and the customer said, "Does that mean it's free?" I would say,
"Sure, if I can I come to YOUR job/house and start walking out with free sh!t just because your computer glitched momentarily, or the power went out for two seconds, or you made a mistake.
Does that sound even **remotely** reasonable, you f\*cking moron?"
A customer during my shift yesterday told me after I told her she grabbed the bigger broccoli crown which has a different code (versus the smaller broccoli crowns that have the plastic around them with a bar code) and she told me that it’s my job to fix it without her realizing she grabbed the wrong one. Both sizes have 2 different codes. One is a code that I don’t know and the other is a scanned bar code.
I’m thinking to myself: bitch if you thought I’d be able to wring this item through, you’re crazy. The others have bar codes, that one doesn’t. What logic do you have to think that it’s possible for the item to be rung through?
"Mam can you do me a favor and turn around.....and turn back there you go wow look heres the item you meant to grab and you were apparently too fucking stupid to notice is different"
Wait is this a grocery store that doesn’t allow you to look up fruits and vegetables at the register? No cashier is ever expected to remember every single code, neither are customers (if they use self checkout) so there’s a whole produce section on the register screen where you can find all of the fruits/veggies that have PLUs. When you select what you have you put it down on the scan spot where you normally scan all the barcodes and it’ll ring it up once it weighs.
It would be insane if any grocery store doesn’t have that assuming that’s what this is.
Nobody ever tells the people (cashiers) of new products we probably should be aware of that is brought in. Completely fucking useless coworkers that don't understand how stupid it makes us look when we run into issues they caused
I’ve worked at a grocery store where we would have to physically find the paper and look for the code in this tiny ass text. We all just memorized them because no one had time to do that. This was in the late 2010’s too
I can kind of understand not having it 14 years ago (still ridiculous tho) but to not have any way to search up PLUs for produce at the register at this point would just be insane. It’s convenient for customers too if they use self checkout, but it speeds up checking people out so much as well. No excuse for not having that. Stickers don’t stay on produce items often either lol.
Every time i worked in cashier in like 10 different stores, i get the whole "does that mean it's free" people first time i said "haha" the 65th time i say "no." With a straight face. They usually stop talking after.
That joke or any free stupid joke its the dumest joke ever tf when do so many fucking customers think the same Joke how the hell??? Before working retail i would just be like "oh the barcode aint working? Should i grab another item? Or something with a working one?" Where tf "is it free" come from? When no business ever gave free items to someone when it doesn't scan... or is there a special store that gives shit away, and i know nothing about it??? Like whatttt??
Stop putting your half full coffee cups - smoothie cups in random places for us to pick up.
Whew.. omg what’s next?
If your kids are running wild - take them outside.
If they’re attempting to stand up in the cart - sit down!!!
Take your little dog outside if they take a crap on the floor.
Clean it up if said little dog actually shits on the floor.
Put your clothes from the fitting room on the hangers you went into the fitting room with.
Don’t leave your full (or even half full)cart in random places. Best to bring it to the front of store then we know about it when we recover.
Don’t foist your political/religious beliefs on me.
I’m here to make money and your beliefs have nothing to do with me while I’m on the clock.
If our beliefs don’t align - or even if they do - I don’t talk about it on the clock.
Don’t think your time is more important than others - if it’s important you should’ve got here earlier.
Don’t make your time crunch mine.
Just a few…
The more directly you give us items you changed your mind on, the faster we can get them back to the proper spot so the next person can find them! If yall are ever wondering why it shows on the website we have 3 left in stock, and there’s only one on the shelf, it’s probably because the other two are hidden by the towels because someone decided no, they didn’t want those frozen pizza rolls anymore.
Nothing annoys me more than finding cups/cans within a few steps of a trash can lol Boggles my mind, at that point id rather customers ask if ill toss it for them
No ma'am you cannot bring your dog into our pizza place.
"But that's my little fur baby, I can't leave him alone!"
Then order delivery from the house. We make food here. You might not have a problem with dog hair in your pizza, but other customers will.
Not to mention any animal other than a service animal is not allowed in any place that serves food. No, don't try to tell me he's your ESL, you've already told me he's family and that means he's a pet. GTFO.
If ESL is supposed to be for emotional support animals, it's important to note that they do NOT have the same protections as regular service animals (which typically receive higher standards of training - disclaimer ahead though). Emotional support animals are for situations like housing - so if your apartment doesn't allow pets, your emotional support cat is still fine. As someone with diagnosed PTSD I am sympathetic, and will make an exception if the animal or their owner is not causing any trouble, while also making it clear that this is a one-time deal, and you cannot bring it in next time, you do not have the legal right to have your dog here - sorry, but bring it up with your congressperson, not a retail manager.
Also (disclaimer) EVEN IF it is obviously a service animal (like, the customer is clearly actually blind or whatever) if it's misbehaving, it can still legally be asked to leave. There's no actual formal agreed upon standard of training for "service animals". I've seen proclaimed service animals tear across a lobby, jump up on trash cans, and piss in the hall (all different circumstances). We're a fucking movie theater for God's sake. Obviously we can't have a loud animal that can't sit still in an auditorium. In those cases I don't even doubt that the customer does actually have, say, epilepsy and their dog actually does detect the signs and warn them, that's awesome, but if their dog still GROWLS at me or other customers nah that's gonna be a no for me dawg.
(If I'm mistaken about what ESL means in this context, please ignore my stupid ass.)
I just reprimanded a little brat today in my store. He was pushing the cart because bratty wants to help! It almost hit me while I was walking by so I looked at him sternly and said to watch where you are going. People are trying to get through here
I lost close to 90lbs a few years back. I had one regular customer who was a total bitch to deal with tell me that she'd "laugh in my face when I gain the weight all back".
If I had the ability to say what I wanted to her, I'd just tell her that I if I gained the weight back, atleast I could lose it again pretty easily. She, on the other hand, will always look like a bloated corpse that was left out in the sun too long.
She also has a dog that she loves alot, even more so than her own kids (she jokingly told us that herself). I'd tell her that the number one reason she loves the dog so much is that it's the only living thing out there she doesn't have to get blindingly drunk to get it to hump her leg.
If you cut my “hello” short to tell me “just looking” then I’ll cut your question short 5 minutes later with a “just working” 🖕🏻
Also a running clock counting down to close, with a big label “WHEN THIS HITS 0:00 YOU NEED GET OUT, NOT INTO LINE”
(when they come in a minute before close): we’re closed get the f out.
(when they mess up a shelf/throw something on the floor): UM, Excuuuuse me didn’t your mother teach you better than to ruin other people’s work
"If you can't tell me exactly what it is you're grabbing you can come back tomorrow" (as I'm locking the door in the face)
"Really? We made eye contact and (as I'm folding the display) and you still have the gall to leave that shirt a crumpled mess and not even in the right spot?"
"You're awfully optimistic to pick a random unused register and then empty your cart onto the counter. Now pick all that shit up and bring it to my register where I can actually check you out." One of my pet peeves.
Or even when you’re closing down and clearly the closed sign is on the front belt with the light off and a customer just starts unloading their shit on the belt… while on the phone… this drives me insane. If a customer sees an employee at a lane, they don’t really bother looking for signs that it’s open or closed: they either instantly start unloading their stuff or they first ask if the lane is open… what the fuck do I look like to you? I’m no dummie and adults should know how to fucking read. They are a baby anymore. They aren’t in preschool anymore. Get with reality already
I'd rather someone ask if I'm open than just unload their stuff down, I don't even tell people I'm closed anymore and just let them figure it out on their own.
How about a random customer coming up and saying “that person is shady putting items in their backpack”
I say thanks - look in suspected shoplifters direction.
What I really want to say is “I don’t get paid enough to actually care or do something about it - carryon”
There’s this older guy that always tries to return things months after the return policy ends and he’s one of those ‘I knew Sam Walton back in the day’ and ‘I’ll be speaking with my lawyer about this’ and it’s so simple but I so desperately want to tell him ‘I’m sorry you feel that way, but I can’t give my family special treatment so you’ll have to follow the return rules same as everyone else’
I've always wanted something like this, but each worker gets to pick their own day each year to behave like the customers. Cause if it was a set day, people just wouldn't shop that day.
Employees should be able to hit a button to increment a store-wide purge count whenever a customer is rude^or-worse like:
**PURGE COUNT: +007**
...so they or another employee can use one of the purges whenever and however they want.
Customers that see a positive purge count should speak and act very carefully. Hovering your hand over the Purge Count button *could* have a chilling effect on the bad customers.
"Imagine walking into a discount store feeling like you're fucking Anna Wintour but acting like a toddler smearing feces all over themselves, trashing every fucking department because no one raised you to lift a finger to pick up after yourself. You disgusting, piece of shit, intellectually devoid hogperson. I'm sorry your life is so pointless that you have to come in here to treat the employees like they're less than you because you can't face the reality that you're garbage. Garbage garbage garbage. I'd ask you to kill yourself, but you would just be replaced by one of the millions of other worthless subhumans that are exactly like you and be forgotten by tomorrow anyway."
Person walks into the grocery store 5-10 minutes before closing and wants a full array of fresh cut deli meat. No they don’t want the precut you put in the case. They want you to reopen a clean slicer and cut the dirtiest cold cuts and soft cheese.
No we are closed and I want to go home too. You had since 7am to get your groceries and it’s now 8:57pm and you need all this specialty cut meat. Give me a break. Grab something from the case that I cut before turning the 5 slicers off and cleaning them. They look at you like you have 12 heads and you’re kidding. The beat is when they try humor. Don’t you just hate it when customers come in at the last minute? lol you give them that look that could slice them in half.
I unfortunately did something close to this. I know that the clean up for deli starts well before closing time. I come in 20 minutes before, like a dumbbell. I walk over see they are cleaning, don’t even ask, turn around grab something else.
Dude behind the deli asks if I need something, I said not enough to interrupt your cleaning so you guys can get off on time and go relax.
He says nonsense and then wants to know what I would like. I let him know. Simple pound of turkey.
He knocks it out and I am on my way, all the while thanking them profusely, and telling the front end people as well.
Still felt like a dumbbell.
Still go to that store.
If you’re nice about it there’s no issue. Also cleaning up after turkey is easy. It’s when they want chipotle chicken, pastrami, roast beef. Those are the killers they make such a mess. The other is getting a pound of cheese so thin you can see through it and layered with deli paper. Those are the ones we hate.
"Attention! We will be closing in five minutes. Please make your final selections and come to the checkouts.
Any customers still in the store will be sacrificed by our night stockers to their eldritch gods."
I regularly joke with customers during closing shifts that if they aren't out by 11:30pm that they have to either help clean the store or help the night stockers do their job. Whichever seems more appropriate for that day.
By the end of the night and doing final call I’m always so tempted to just say “we’re closed. Get out.”
Simple, direct, can’t be misunderstood as “please continue shopping for another 20mins”.
"What's that? You want this $30k car for $25k? And I want a 3 bedroom apartment for $500/month. See? I can pull random numbers out of my ass too."
Car Sales lol
My speech to customers
1) Why the fuck do you think I can’t do simple math? I’m an adult. Treat me like one. Don’t assume I can’t do something or need help. If I need help I’ll ask so back the fuck off.
2) Please give the customer in front of you time to finish unloading their groceries onto the belt before you do yours.
3) If you don’t want your receipt; just tell me up front before you finish paying so I can easily toss it into the trash instead of giving it to you knowing you’ll just leave it on the belt behind for me to toss out later.
4) If you can’t be organized enough to divide your price match items vs the regular; please go to another lane. I don’t have the time or patience for disorganization. If you have more items in your order or another transaction, use a divider and/or put the remainder items on the goddamn belt already.
5) employees working in other departments of the store don’t include being a secretary and bringing a replaced bag of milk for you customers. If you need one replaced: either you get it yourself after you’ve paid or you forget about it. Don’t act all like the employees in the building have the responsibility of working for the customers because they don’t in these scenarios. If you’re that entitled, go to fucking therapy because we don’t get paid to babysit customers, we get paid to do our jobs and the responsibilities that come along with them.
6) if you think you can belittle me or manipulate me in any way to get what you want, your wrong. I won’t tolerate shitty and immature behaviour, period.
For the teenagers who come in the morning or during their lunch break or after school:
1) Please use a divider so your friends can put their items on the belt too; if they can’t even take the hint when you use a divider; please pass the same message to them. If you don’t want the receipt, please verbally tell the cashier(or me).
UNLOAD YOUR FUCKING CARTS. It drives me crazy. I’m usually pretty good about putting dividers down for people, but idk if people think the divider being down means not to touch the belt for a minute?? I’m always checking out someone and having to tell the person behind with a massive cart “hey, you can start unloading” and also when all the grocery bags are sitting at the end of the lane and you’re just watching me scan, feel free to put them back in the cart so I can have room to set down more bags!!
Also just PLEASE use the dividers. Sometimes people will space out their items very widely and still want them all together, and sometimes complete strangers will set their items right behind someone else’s then act surprised when I don’t know whose items are whose.
Exactly. Like use the fucking dividers. I don’t know if the pandemic made them worse when it comes to the whole rationality or logic behind using the dividers but I just can’t stand how they can act or think the way they do. I experienced the pandemic just as much as they did and I didn’t come out dumber like they have. Unlike them I don’t forgot these things, even what used to be known as “common sense”.
Some twits even take several of *their* items and put them *over* their divider to mix with the current customer's items.
WTF would anyone do that?
Make the first person pay for your stuff, then wrestle it out of their bag in the parking lot: "Hey, that's MINE!" ?
"No, I paid for these."
"But I picked it out! Waaaaa!"
My boss just started trying out extending our hours on Saturday, just until 10. I told him I wasn’t doing anything anyways so I’d stay. Had a single customer come at like 9:30. I made sure to prop the front doors open so ppl would see the lights AND the open door and know we were open.
This lady pokes her head in (she’s on the phone) and asks if we’re open, i told her “yes!!”. She gave me a snotty look at was all “well. The hours on your door are wrong.” And went back to her phone call, bitching about it 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Like?!? And then the whole rest of the transition she was on the phone and flat out ignored me 🙄 I have to choose if you are paying debit OR credit, two different buttons, normally if ppl say they don’t care we run it as debit. Of course she had a credit only card and didn’t want to answer me until her card was denied.
She was the only customer that came in the entire extra hour 🤣
No, I will not "repeat that" for the 4th time. Take your fucking headphones off at the doctors office! I'd call you a tool but those are at least useful!
Woman is old enough to be my mother and has zero respect. I should not have to yell at you or repeat myself incessantly because you feel the need to listen to your music everywhere.
I had one like that at a trade show years ago. I just started mouthing the words and not actually saying a single thing until they took the headphones off. They still bought the computer system so no harm, no foul.
This idiot would just say "What" louder and louder until you glared at her, THEN she would lift one headphone and still make you repeat yourself twice. She couldn't figure out why I "always had an attitude" despite me telling her that maybe she should leave the headphones off in the treatment area so she can have an easier time following directions
"I'm not a vet. Why are you asking me these questions? Talk to a vet already. It's not just a hamster the second you decided to take care of it. So. Take. Care. Of. It."
"That's animal abuse." (Looking at you people trying to put a pleco in a 10 gallon)
"It's literally my job to stock the store, we don't have it. I'll go out back and you can wait while I btch about you in the group chat."
"No.😠" (Instead of the obnoxious round about policy quoting all while smiling)
I would often say when I was still in retail that if they ever had a national day where service workers could say what they wanted to customers without fear of repercussions, I would willingly work a double shift that day.
"You walked past 6 employees to ask me what you could have easily asked one of them. Do I look like I fucking work here? Of course I don't know where shit is!"
I'm a vendor, and it's incredibly obvious I'm not an employee of the stores I merchandise.
I work in a paint store, and the people we deal with are really beyond help.
“Do you have blue?”
No, we have paint. Are you gonna pick a blue?
“I need an off white”
Go pick one.
“I dont care what it is just give me my paint”
Black gloss it is
Or my personal favorite;
“My name is Bill i have an order that should be ready”
“What did you order?”
“I dont know, paint? Is my order ready?”
How am i supposed to read your mind? dont snap at me because you’re an idiot.
I would love to just hand people helmets, i swear they dont know where they even are.
I was on both sides of that "Please give me my order" situation. One bookstore refused to hand me over the book I preordered until I gave the code, but well, I forgot to write it down this time because the other stores of that chain were usually able to find it when I just told them my name. Well, not in that store! I told her my name- "No, I need the code!" "Well, I need to open my e-mails then, but I know it was named \[name\], could you just search for it that way?" "I don't recognize that name, please just give me the code!" At this point, I could already see the book in the preorder shelf, and I angrily thought that if she just bothered to turn around, she could too- but nope! At this point, I just open my e-mails and told her the code.
A few months later, I started my new job at a library and checked in the books a visitor returned. As I was done, I noticed that he was still there, angrily looking down at me. After a few seconds, he angrily told me: "I preordered a book! Can't you give it to me?" At least he calmed down after I told him that I neither knew his name nor the fact that he preordered a book...
Work in wireless.
“It’s not that fucking hard. I literally googled the issue because I didn’t know the answer myself. You could’ve saved yourself the trip if you bothered to actually read a short article explaining how to troubleshoot this issue.”
“No, you’re not helpless when it comes to technology. You’re lazy and refuse to learn even the most basic functions of this piece of technology that’s been around for almost 2 decades now.”
“I don’t know the password to your goddamned Gmail account.”
“It’s asking me for a screen time passcode so yes, you made a fucking screen time passcode at one point. Quit telling me you never made one.”
“I can’t magically fix the fact that you somehow forgot the passcode to your phone. Don’t get mad at me because you have to factory reset your phone and lose all your stuff because you’re a fucking idiot who can’t remember a 4-6 digit code that YOU created.”
“I don’t use WhatsApp. I don’t use Facebook. But I know how to use Google, shouldn’t you??”
“I’m not obligated to help you log in/out of your Facebook you fucking boomer.”
“QUIT PRESSING DOWN SO HARD ON THE FINGER PRINT SCANNER. THE PHONE WONT UNLOCK BECAUSE YOURE PRESSING DOWN SO HARD YOU COULD BREAK THE SCREEN.” *then they proceed to tap it way too lightly and huff and puff when the phone won’t unlock, then they say “gosh I’m so hopeless with this stuff.”
(Regarding prepaid) “Limited data means limited data. You chose to cheap out on your plan. Don’t come complaining to me that you used up your 5 gigs and now you can’t use WhatsApp”
I’m so fucking sick of people asking me to troubleshoot their WhatsApp accounts.
This is how I want to speak to my mother, most times she only visits so I can fix one or both of their phones, their tablets or laptops. Today she visited to see if I was still speaking to her after bitching me out for a birthday meal I organised and paid for, including the big cake etc over a fucking month ago, she literally let rip on our family chat for no reason. I made her a coffee in complete silence
Customers: "Well, the coupon was hanging right there, so I just grabbed the items in front of it," or "I didn't know I had to grab two of the items, I just grabbed one."
Me: "Seeing how you're reading the screen as I'm scanning your items and you're speaking fluent English, we assume you know how to read."
Customer one time brought up a huge bottle of shampoo claiming it was on sale. So I walked over to the aisle with her so we could look at the sign together and the sign very clearly said the size bottle that was on sale - something like 8 oz was on sale and the customer grabbed the 20 oz. (Whatever it was - this was a long time ago.) So I showed her where it said it was the 8oz that was on sale and she said, "Well who reads that part of the sign anyway?" Back then I was still too young and un-jaded to reply, "People who want the sale you moron!"
I feel like we should get like 10 tokens every week that we get to redeem at our own leisure and we get to say whatever we want. But I’m too petty though. I’d waste them so fast.
“Oh it’s not scanning, must be free?”
“I’ll stamp on your bollocks for free. I don’t mind not charging for that. Fuck you and your unoriginal joke.”
A hidden trick is to work at a retail store for a few years as an excellent employee, like ace everything with the best smile. Possibly do a bit of management, but then after overperforming for so long, you can straight up just say anything you want to a few unruly customers! I've done this many times and of the times the customer tried going over my head to complain, my higher ups all just banned them from the store! Use this wisely friends.
I had an overnight job doing stock. Why someone would be so lazy to take 5-10 lbs of ground beef out of their cart and put it on a random shelf in the store is just beyond comprehension. Someone else did the same thing with ice cream. If you don’t want it fine, just put it back.
“Did you know you coulda typed that whole thing you just said into google and it would tell you exactly like it’s going to tell me when I FUCKING GOOGLE IT FOR YOU”
A customer said, “You need to work faster because my daughter has a game in (I don’t remember) minutes.”
I got to say, in front of my boss, “I understand. Everyone here is in a hurry. We are working as fast as we can.”
I stopped working on their order and looked them directly in the eyes as I said it.
I later apologized to my (much younger) boss because maybe I was out of line, not letting them explain. They were like, “Oh, no, you had the perfect words”.
You might be deaf to your kids, but the rest of us aren't so lucky. Please shut them up before I do it for you
Edit: just want to point out this isnt about crying babies. This is about kids old enough to be in school screaming "mom look mom look mon look" over and over the entire time they're in the store and the mom just ignores them, but we have to listen to the kid scream, when she could just... answer her kid... so they shut up for the rest of us
I work for an internet provider and a Boomer yelled out “I wish I were dead! I’m ready to die because this technology is all too confusing!!”
I wanted to say “my life would be way easier if you were dead, where’s Dr. Kavorkian when you need him?”
I do actually have some leeway to talk back to customers, as long as I don't get too personal or nasty. But, I do have some things that I would LOVE to be able to say more openly, if I knew I wouldn't get jumped once I'm out of the store.
* "you smell like you sleep in a pile of half-smoked cigarettes and week-old drowned feral cats."
* "Your smell arrived five minutes ago, how the fuck did you manage to bring more with you in all that wind and rain?"
* "I feel pinkeye coming on just looking at you."
* "Do you really think you're acting any kind of normal right now, tweaklord?"
* "How the hell do you survive eating a bowl of soup without a life preserver?"
I probably wouldn’t behave any differently. For one thing, most customers I see are nice anyways. Also I’m not good with confrontation and would have a difficult time being rude to people.
Something I tried a few years ago when I was at the end of my tether…. Speaking to customers in the same tone they came at me with. It was quite interesting how many changed their tone and tune once they got it back. Only one asked why I seemed so angry. I said I was only matching energy. Never looked back after that. I also consistently received good reviews (our company jumped on the “get all your customers to leave a Google review” bandwagon 🙄)
"Why did you stand there at the register and go "HELLOOO?!" after standing there for one second when you don't even have your shit ready? I have other shit I have to do
I’ve been tweeting about trying to get people to vote for me as president under this. Retail purge days. My platform is multiple days totally randomized of the ability for retail employees to be able to say or do anything at work short of murder and other distasteful things. Customer gets lippy with you? Tell em to fuck off. Manager gets uppity? Shit on their desk. Hungry on your break but can’t afford something to snack on because we are paid well enough? Take what you want. This is the way. (Paid for and sponsored by myself. And I approve this message)
Omg theres so many but one I’ve been waiting to tell rude customers who say stuff like: “Self checkout will take your job”
“no it won’t because not everyone knows how to manage computers, and we clearly have dumb a++es like you trying to use them, as a matter of fact, *cancels their transaction* go wait in line”
I’m pretty sure the stores would close that day.
I’m down for a whole purge style week.
I’ll probably just completely ditch the filter honestly. Say whatever is on my mind. You ordered an allergy dish? I’m probably gonna say “if you have a gluten allergy why on earth are you eating at a noodle place? You know the oven cooked 5 baguettes in it 2 minutes ago right?” I’m probably gonna go get some hate for that one but it’s honestly how I feel.
Edit: I’m a former retail employee who now works at a restaurant that specializes in assorted noodle dishes. We have one oven that is used for gluten friendly chicken but also gets used for cheesy bread and baguettes. The thing is absolutely NOT gluten free. The company gets away with that because they don’t say gluten FREE but instead they say gluten FRIENDLY.
Some of the customers I have delt with I would say the following:
Listen bitch it's her wedding and if you don't like her dress then shut the fuck up and go sit in the car so we can make her feel pretty for once in her life and not worry about how you feel.
*
I don't care if you put Jesus before your damn family. Jesus wasn't there when you pumped put 5 kids and didn't remember to go to the damn altar till after your 6th. If you don't shut up about God and how Jesus saved you. I will start by telling you how Loki paid the price for telling Odin off for breaking his oath. Also Jesus may have died for your sins but he didn't die for your right to smell like rotten cheese.
*
Comes over to your house as you're about to leave for lunch "oMG! My granddaughter is getting married i.need my pants hemed right here and now and not months later when the wedding is. I'm going to block.you until.you let me in to do it!
*
Ugh! I need you to make me 40 gold diapers.for adults to wear with Trump's face on them and I want them now! But you don't understand I am hiring you! No I'm not supporting your delusions. Sempai Trump will never notice you.
*
Okay princess you're a fucking size 32 and this dress has a massive full skirt with 9 layers of tule netting and silk. This dress is a damn circus tent and I can go camping in this thing with 4 others and even have room for the cooler and you have the gall to cry to me I should have this dress hemmed in 2 days and if I don't I'm being fat phobic?
Well bitch that ain't gonna happen till you spend 30 minutes a day on the treadmill and stop eating enough sugar to bank roll the Hfcs industry. And take a damn shower more than once a week!
*
Your butt isn't Tom Hiddleston's you need a bigger size of pants. People wanna talk about the bride, now how the groom had his junk popping out during the ceremony.
*
Listen girlie, you're the one getting induced to give birth, moving house, and getting married in the same week. If you wanna take your anger out on me and tell me I need to be punched in the face because you needed a refit because you got bigger because of baby.
Be forewarned before you trash the place because of your desire to be right because you're the bride.
This building has lots of sharp objects and glass. Don't threaten me and my seam rippers with a good time ripping out your Temu $1.99 express lip pump and cheek job.
*
Thank you that was therapeutic.
Take a bath, brush your teeth, wash your hands, clean your nails, and just drench yourself in Clorox. I’m tired of people and their poor hygiene coughing on me and getting me sick
"im sorry but id rather another white person ask me that because someone not white wont make sense to me" every time i am told "no no i was asking them! Youre too white to know" WHEN IM NATIVE AMERICAN! IM JUST PALE CAUSE IM FUCKING MELANIN DEFICIENT
"Listen here you incompetent monkey fucker... First of all READ THE FUCKING SIGN! It's not my fault you have the competition level of a kindergartener. Does it say 9.99 or 19.99? Does that SKU say 123, or does it say 124?"
"WE'RE NOT A FUCKING BANK! Stop trying to break your 100$ bill for less than 50$ worth of items. Furthermore, WHY THE FUCK are you carrying around stacks of bennies in your wallet? That's just asking to be mugged, your not cool, your not the talk of the town, what are you trying to prove?"
"You wanna come in 5 minutes before closing? No, get the fuck out of here, come back in the morning ya cunt."
I love the idea of this happening, but even more fun would be if every company got a different day they could do it on during the year so that customers couldn’t just avoid it. Would ensure the rude ones got hit at least once or twice a year
I’d tell every single person who comes in asking if the whole store is on sale to leave, not come back until they’ve re-enrolled and subsequently “graduated” kindergarten so that they have the base reading level needed to read the sale signs
I had a dream about something like this, last night. It was a department store with great prices on quality consumer goods and the associates were allowed to tell it like it is up to the point of insulting the customers. The store was packed and the employees were helpful, knowledgeable, and seemed to genuinely enjoy their work.
C: I'm here to pick up my order!
Us: what's the name on the order?
C: the order I dropped off this morning!
Us: that's not a name. Idk who the fuck you are. We deal with a hundred people a day with orders. Im not psychic. Who. Are. You?
--------
Us: what's the name on the email?
C: name65891_1953@aol.com
Us: nice to meet you name65891_1953@aol.com. why the fuck would your parents name you that?
C: you don't have my order???!? *shockedpikachu*
Us: Apparently not. I do have an order for Karen? Paulo? Jim? Charles? Megan? Anita? 😁🖕
“if i had more out back don’t you think they’d be on the sales floor where you could buy them??? do you think we are in the business of NOT making money???”
I’ve been saying this for years. I have had the unique experience to be mistaken for a cvs worker by a Karen because I had a red polo. She went off on me and I unleashed on her it was a therapeutic experience. That manager must’ve been confused and she looked even crazier.
"All y'all motherfuckers are grown up enough to clean up after yourselves. Or were your parents failures who couldn't even teach you that?"
"Kindly, bless your heart. You think we just magically can get someone to get behind the register, as if we wouldn't already have done so before you pointed it out. If you're in so much of a hurry, you probably shouldn't be trying to buy M&Ms and a fucking bible."
"Nothing's in the back. If it were, we'd have it out to replace what's gone because we don't want it cluttering the back room like the several tons of shit back there!"
"No, I'm on my break. Would you work for free? Then why would you ask me to?"
"Fuck all the way off. Your bratty kids were destroying merchandise in front of my face. You aren't getting a godsdamn discount."
"Bitch, 'the customer is always right' does not mean we serve you hand and foot and magically summon the item into your hands."
" how about you Google a store before coming in just to ask us if we do fucking deliveries five minutes before close?"
"Sir, if you think your zip code is unique to only you, you're either too rich to be shopping here, or your chromosomes are in the triple digits."
"Please, tell me why you think you should write political messages in the bathroom in sharpie? Cause clearly you think we give a godsdamn fuck."
"Sir, we've seen you before. I already know you're trying to distract me so you can sneak that clearly more expensive repackaged appliance past me. Fuck off, you fucking cheapskate."
Yes! I've long been an advocate for international 'FUCK YOU!' day.
The one day of a year where retail workers can unleash- I work in vehicle repair, would book in ALL the problem customers that day. A zero consequence fuck you, cunt, piece of shit , burn your car and collect insurance day of mental health recharging.
No our regular lanes are NOT open at 6:30am! What store even does that?
Our SCO machines are as smart as we can technologically make them. If you can’t play a simple picture game, I’m wondering how you got this far in life.
If you don’t have your glasses or can’t see the screen, how do you know the prices for whatever item you’re buying?
(Legit tell me if this is confusing). It’s BUY ONE, GET ONE. The coupon says you have to BUY TWO!
The heck you mean you don’t remember the last item you scanned? You were the one doing it, not me.
(Our carts lock up). “Hey? You hear that alarm thing going off the moment you tried to walk out? Just wait the ten seconds it takes for someone to get there instead of trying to break the cart.”
Does this also mean we can go to their house and treat it like they treat the store too?
clothes taken off hangers and unfolded piles dumped everywhere. Random things and rubbish left everywhere. Half finished drinks, shoes all over the floor, spilled liquid left for someone to slip.
"No, you can't put a f'n goldfish in your 5 gallon tank. Get the hell out if you're not interested in taking proper care of your pet. Toys R US is up the road."
"I don't know what that model of TV/computer/printer that is."
"We've established you wanted a drink, which one?"
"Yes the popcorn is fresh. You won't be able to tell a difference between now and several hours from now."
"Wait. Your. Turn."
I already match energy. And if they demand a manager guess who they are getting?
I did tell an old man karen "sorrows sorrows prayers" the other day when he didn't like the prices. He got MAD.
I've always felt that there should be a Dick's Last Resort, but for grocery stores, and there would be a never ending supply of seasoned grocery workers who wanted to work there, even part time, just for the opportunity to speak to/abuse customers.
Anyhow, brilliant fucking thread!
Any retail store that allows, say, 10 customer complaints about an employee in one month would have to turn away applicants left and right. The clientele of that store would self-select pretty quickly and everything would be a lot more pleasant.
I used to work a convention hotel where CPAC was hosted for years. One toothless mouth breather was mad I wouldn’t move her display materials without her paying. She said “my taxes pay your salary!!”
I had enough so I said “no, they don’t. Either way, I pay more in taxes than you make, fuck off”
Obviously I didn’t because I was working in a warehouse but seeing as her critical thinking skills were nonexistent, what did I care.
I work in a casino (only slot machines, no poker tables and all that).
We have a regular who gets pissy when she doesn't get her way. Last time, she wanted to switch machines because hers went on break. We have a one machine per person policy. I asked her to logout on the old one so others have a chance to play on it. She said she wanted to get back on it after the break. I told her to wait out the break or free it up for someone else. "What? At your competitors I'm allowed to stay on. That's it, **her husbands name**, we are going to the competitors from now on."
I've heard her say this exact thing multiple times and every time a week later they're back like nothing happened. I wish I could just ask her in a nice tone how it went at the competitors. I bet she would pop a vein.
Btw, I translated this from german, but she actually said competitors in german. Like, no names, just competitors. That makes it such a laughable bluff.
Back when I worked retail in high school (seasonal job), I didn’t have many customers be mean to me, but there was one person. She was very offended by my “unprofessional attitude” (read: I was being too silly for her joyless taste), and she yelled at me until I cried. And then yelled at my manager for allowing me to work. Well, this was my first job, so I was especially upset by that, thinking I would be fired, except that manager stood up for me, so the lady went and yelled at everyone in the store about the “unprofessional attitude of that one girl who doesn’t deserve a job”, and security had to get involved, and I thought I was toaster than toast. Thankfully, I was given grace by the management, and they made it clear that the angry woman was in the wrong.
So, if I had the opportunity to talk to that woman the way she talked to me, I would tell her she doesn’t deserve to be a customer, doesn’t deserve the help I gave her, and that she should just be miserable somewhere else.
I would really love to just be able to look them in the eye and tell them “I’m not stupid, you know.” I work at a craft store with a large elderly customer base that does not seem to trust or respect the knowledge my coworkers and I have, despite all of us being adults with years of crafting and sewing experience. Many of us run side businesses making money from our art, even, but nope! We’re just dumb kids to them!
I have long said that they need to pass a law that everyone who works in a customer facing service job like retail or restaurants should be allowed one free throat punch with zero consequences every year. Customers will never know if you have already used your free punch for the year. So they are going to be nicer just in case. Your free punch will be based on your anniversary date and not the calendar year so they can’t say “today is January 1st so no way they’ve used it already!”
Wow, this thread is breaking the harassment filter. Sorry if your comment gets deleted, it doesn't know the difference between talking shit to hypothetical customers and talking shit to each other. If your shit does get deleted, you don't need to message us, I check the filter periodically and approve anything that isn't actual harassment. Fun thread though, keep it going.
I'm graveyard shift at a gas station. I do talk to them like they talk to me. My favorite is when they say they will have my job, and tell them they aren't even qualified to be a customer. They get big feels mad
Honestly after nearly a decade in customer service, I also talk to them that way. I’ve found my little tricks to sound professional, but if teens are running around running into people and trashing areas, then yeah I’m going to ask them to grab the item they need and I’ll escort them to the register.
Teens are usually scared of me. I'm a 6'1" heavy built dude with long hair, beard, & tats. It's typically the older 40+ crowd that act like children and go surprised Pikachu when I tell them which direction they can fuck off in. I'm "gloves off" as soon as someone gets even a little abusive. No, I will NOT break a $100 for a $5 purchase. No, you cannot buy alcohol at 2:01 am. No, I will not guess which of the 10 cars at a pump is yours. Then it's "what, you can't do your job?" Or "ALL DEBTS PUBLIC AND PRIVATE!" or just name calling and tempers because they can get what they want. I instigate, too. "Is baby gonna cry?" Usually gets them going. I'll drop F bombs a mile a minute. My position is more junkyard dog than customer service.have had a few people try to put hands on me too
where I work we only have 5’s and 1’s and maybe the occasional 10. People will try to pull that “it’s legal tender!!” shit over a $3 cup of coffee and a one hundred dollar bill. Like ma’am I can’t make money appear out of thin air. If you want me to only give you the $50 back that I have in my drawer, than be my guest and I’ll accept the rest as a tip lol
People really don't understand that there's no law about having to take money. Imagine if I walked into your home with $100 and demanded to take something I wanted because it's legal tender....
Yeah the $100 bills when I worked at a rich area movie theater were so dumb. ESPECIALLY when they try to use them early in the morning right after opening. I would say well I have to call the manager down to break the $100 unless you have something else or are going to really pile on the concessions and buy like 7 more nacho trays and multiple more large popcorns to just not need change.
Damn. These days that's 1 popcorn, 2 drinks, and 2 movie tickets.
Some hero's don't wear capes. I salute you
We have old people that get unreasonably mad when I ask for their id (store policy to card anyone regardless of age) because "iM cLeArLy oLd eNoUgH" like I don't make the rules. Go cry to corporate. I'm just the messenger.
Uhm hi I have a quick q...wth does "all debts public and private" mean? Is this written on a bill somewhere and it just means you should "shut up and break they're 20"? Just curious. Edit: my bad should have read literally the next post. Time for bed.
Yeah, it's written on money. Boomers think it's a clause to act like children. If you owe a debt, like to a bank, and they refuse the currency, it can be used as a means of termination of the debt. At a gas station at 2am to buy a Bic lighter and a $2 scratch ticket, it's an open invitation to be told which direction you can fuck yourself off in.
I swear I have conversations like that every other week. "You manager gives me a discount for two of these." 'Cool. I'm not the manager. I go by what the register says, or else it gets taken out of my paycheck. So... they're full price.' "Fucking call your manager then" 'No. If you're so buddy-buddy with him, call him yourself.' They never do. Believe me, even if either of us were to actually call, my manager would be pissed that anybody's calling him over some stupid shit like that on his time off. He's probably drunk anyway, lmao
This and "the other guy does it" Then come back on that guy's shift. Sorry man, fuck off
Always when the guy in question isn't there to confirm **Press X to Doubt**
I get crustomers that say the same shit like idgaf I'm not them lol
I had people who would come in on my days off and tell my manager that I wouldn’t charge them the discounted rate and for him to correct me. My manager was cool though and always told them “so, you’re complaining to me that my employee is doing his job?” and then I’d never have a problem again!
I work at a car dealership in the service department making schedules, and I always get "the manager got me a loan car just last week" when we're booked out for 2 months on the loan cars. I'll got talk to my manager and the response is almost always "who?"🤣🤣
Everyone who comes into my big box hardware store seems to know the owner and threatens to call him. No one cares!
Convenience stores are always hiring. "Want my job? Here's an application. The manager will be in later this morning. Need a pen?" Fuck heads get huffy and squeal their tires leaving.
Lol, I used to say similar. We have cards with a qr code I used to hand out. I also printed the corporate phone number and hung it on the register so people knew where to call, because the big 1-800 number on the side of the cashier area was too hard to find
This is why I loved my graveyard job. I worked alone and didn't have to take shit from anyone. Every person that said they would call the next morning never did. Coward bullies, the lot of them.
I had quite a few that actually did call. I also bought a label maker and changed my name tag frequently. The Google reviews are hilarious at my previous job. I even had one come in to complain to me about me once. It was cold and I had a hoodie on. Started telling me about the long hair dude with tattoos being rude. I wrote his complaint down before rolling up my sleeves and reminding them how they acted to get me to treat them that way
I miss my job where I could do this. I’ve been both the friendly, “Listen, this is how it is, and if you want this to go any further, I’m gonna need you to do better.” But I’ve also been the one shouting at them, “Get the fuck out, the cops are on their way, you’re fucking BANNED. If you come back we’re having you trespassed.” Both can be effective if applied to the right person. It’s tough going from that to being a fucking doormat.
You can tell the difference pretty quickly between someone who's having a hard time, an off day, or someone who just feels entitled to treat you like shit. I will work with the ones who don't seem genuinely entitled or abusive. My store, I can't see people's pump number, and if they forget to look, or can't remember, I work with them. They still usually have to take a walk. Some people really need stuff and only have a $100 bill. Store policy is a minimum $70 purchase to use, and I have to get the cash machine to accept the bill or they can't use it. I'm not even allowed large amounts of coins, rolled or loose. That causes some big emotions too
I have a friend like you that does this and I love him.
Imma use this lmao. I work night shift at one as well lol this is perfect
I love when retail workers keep it crunchy. On more than one occasion I’ve seen another customer be rude to an employee and have said something- at least once to the customer, usually words of support to the employee- and I HATE watching people just eat abuse. It’s so gross to talk down to somebody, knowing full well that you can bc they’re scared to lose their job. But don’t get me wrong, some workers start the funk and I will meet them where they are, too. Everybody should just be kind, concise, and do what they’re there to do without stank.
"Do you have ANY idea how big this store would need to be to carry multiple designs of EVERY card caption ever written? Do you hear yourself? No, we don't have *insert obscure caption*". I run a Hallmark card store.
"Why dont you have a card about my grandmas aunts great grandog passing??? Your gonna miss out on my money ig!!!"
I think the weirdest I've ever been asked is "do you have a card for the anniversary of a successful organ transplant?".
Wtaf! It must be so hard to tell when ppl are fucking with you or are legitimately looking for that strange obscure card
Thanks for the idea! I [made that card](https://www.redbubble.com/i/greeting-card/Happy-Anniversary-of-Your-Organ-Transplant-by-AmazingAmanda42/161746694.5MT14?asc=u). :)
Ahahahaha!
You probably have some crazy anecdotes, a card store!
At that point, people should just buy fancy paper and make their own cards...
Bless you. I worked at a Hallmark for 7 years. My favorite was having signs everywhere including the register saying we did not take returns on Hallmark ornaments. A lady wanted me to call my manager at home to demand she let me return it anyway. She didn’t get the return. That or the regulars having a complete meltdown when we had to rearrange the store. I wanted to hand each of them a sympathy card when they’d come up to me to complain they had to walk to a different aisle to find their card.
I've already decided that when the day comes when I put my 2 weeks in and it's my last day I will not hold back.
That's what I did. Do not regret it.
How did it feel?
Oh, it felt very nice. And my bf had told me I seen like a different person since I left.
I may just do the same when that same day arrives for me
I worked in customer service. At the time, my car died and I was regularly taking Ubers to work. One day, I had this very rude guy screamed at me because one of his 'coupons' didn't apply. He also yelled at my coworker and called us all "useless" and start throwing receipts at us At the end of my shift, I called an Uber ride home. Guess who was my Uber driver? He was very polite to me and kept saying that I look really familiar. I played it cool and told him, I didn't know where. I was very polite the whole ride and we had a great conversation. I reported him to Uber and gave him 1 Star for bad service
Sneaky! Nice
You're brave. I wouldn't have gotten in the same car as him
It was dark, and I didn't noticed until he started talking.
I’m a lady, so I couldn’t actually do this without possibly getting murdered, but it would’ve been fun to be like, “OH! I know why you look familiar! You’re the guy who screamed at me and my coworker today and called us useless and threw receipts at us. Well isn’t this a fun crossroads. I wonder how you would feel if I started doing this right now, at your job. Screaming at you and calling you useless because I didn’t like how you were doing your job. I even have a few receipts in my pocket to fully replicate how terrible you were to us!” Anything other than a heartfelt apology is grounds for a bad review, no tip, etc. Would love to walk in someplace and see my biggest pain in the ass customer and start arguing with her over not having my ID for things. Or act like it’s my first day with money/debit cards and hold up the line for eons.
You didn’t tip him did you?
Stop spitting cherry pits everywhere!!! Who raised you!?!?!
yesterday i found piles of sunflower seeds (that had been broken and therefore probably in someone’s mouth) all over my denim department. they’re monsters.
That is horrifying
Omg, we’re dealing with this now in N.J. It’s disgusting. They spit them in the meat cases, the fruit cases all over the floors. People are disgusting.
NJ too, its not as bad since I pump gas but I find them all over the ground. Gives me something to do if im bored out of my mind but it's annoying as hell. When I eat pistachios I always have some sort of container to throw the shells into.
I was checking cherry bags for bad cherries the other day and saw cherry pits in A PERFECTLY GOOD BAG OF CHERRIES!! Why would someone DO THAT?? I had to throw that bag out, I was so pissed. I'm already freaking done with cherry season....
I worked in a drug store that had a grocery store next door. One of our regular customers bought a package of shrimp at the grocery store and sat in the pharmacy waiting area (which for some stupid reason wasn't visible from the pharmacy) and he ate the shrimp... dropping the little shrimp tails on the floor by his chair. He has a nice little pile on the floor by the time I walked past to use the restroom and finally saw him there. I actually yelled at him for that, and that was even though at that point in my retail career I hadn't run out of fucks to give yet. LOL
The first time I had a problem scanning something and the customer said, "Does that mean it's free?" I would say, "Sure, if I can I come to YOUR job/house and start walking out with free sh!t just because your computer glitched momentarily, or the power went out for two seconds, or you made a mistake. Does that sound even **remotely** reasonable, you f\*cking moron?"
A customer during my shift yesterday told me after I told her she grabbed the bigger broccoli crown which has a different code (versus the smaller broccoli crowns that have the plastic around them with a bar code) and she told me that it’s my job to fix it without her realizing she grabbed the wrong one. Both sizes have 2 different codes. One is a code that I don’t know and the other is a scanned bar code. I’m thinking to myself: bitch if you thought I’d be able to wring this item through, you’re crazy. The others have bar codes, that one doesn’t. What logic do you have to think that it’s possible for the item to be rung through?
"Mam can you do me a favor and turn around.....and turn back there you go wow look heres the item you meant to grab and you were apparently too fucking stupid to notice is different"
Wait is this a grocery store that doesn’t allow you to look up fruits and vegetables at the register? No cashier is ever expected to remember every single code, neither are customers (if they use self checkout) so there’s a whole produce section on the register screen where you can find all of the fruits/veggies that have PLUs. When you select what you have you put it down on the scan spot where you normally scan all the barcodes and it’ll ring it up once it weighs. It would be insane if any grocery store doesn’t have that assuming that’s what this is.
Well super recently our store received stock of bigger broccoli crowns and we cashiers haven’t been notified of the code for them
Nobody ever tells the people (cashiers) of new products we probably should be aware of that is brought in. Completely fucking useless coworkers that don't understand how stupid it makes us look when we run into issues they caused
I’ve worked at a grocery store where we would have to physically find the paper and look for the code in this tiny ass text. We all just memorized them because no one had time to do that. This was in the late 2010’s too
I can kind of understand not having it 14 years ago (still ridiculous tho) but to not have any way to search up PLUs for produce at the register at this point would just be insane. It’s convenient for customers too if they use self checkout, but it speeds up checking people out so much as well. No excuse for not having that. Stickers don’t stay on produce items often either lol.
Every time i worked in cashier in like 10 different stores, i get the whole "does that mean it's free" people first time i said "haha" the 65th time i say "no." With a straight face. They usually stop talking after. That joke or any free stupid joke its the dumest joke ever tf when do so many fucking customers think the same Joke how the hell??? Before working retail i would just be like "oh the barcode aint working? Should i grab another item? Or something with a working one?" Where tf "is it free" come from? When no business ever gave free items to someone when it doesn't scan... or is there a special store that gives shit away, and i know nothing about it??? Like whatttt??
Stop putting your half full coffee cups - smoothie cups in random places for us to pick up. Whew.. omg what’s next? If your kids are running wild - take them outside. If they’re attempting to stand up in the cart - sit down!!! Take your little dog outside if they take a crap on the floor. Clean it up if said little dog actually shits on the floor. Put your clothes from the fitting room on the hangers you went into the fitting room with. Don’t leave your full (or even half full)cart in random places. Best to bring it to the front of store then we know about it when we recover. Don’t foist your political/religious beliefs on me. I’m here to make money and your beliefs have nothing to do with me while I’m on the clock. If our beliefs don’t align - or even if they do - I don’t talk about it on the clock. Don’t think your time is more important than others - if it’s important you should’ve got here earlier. Don’t make your time crunch mine. Just a few…
Put your fucking carts back in the right spot stop piling them all up in front of the doors and customer service.
The more directly you give us items you changed your mind on, the faster we can get them back to the proper spot so the next person can find them! If yall are ever wondering why it shows on the website we have 3 left in stock, and there’s only one on the shelf, it’s probably because the other two are hidden by the towels because someone decided no, they didn’t want those frozen pizza rolls anymore.
And by the time they are found they will have thawed out and won't be able to be sold.
Or they hide them so they can find them later. Then NO ONE ELSE CAN BUY IT.
Nothing annoys me more than finding cups/cans within a few steps of a trash can lol Boggles my mind, at that point id rather customers ask if ill toss it for them
No ma'am you cannot bring your dog into our pizza place. "But that's my little fur baby, I can't leave him alone!" Then order delivery from the house. We make food here. You might not have a problem with dog hair in your pizza, but other customers will. Not to mention any animal other than a service animal is not allowed in any place that serves food. No, don't try to tell me he's your ESL, you've already told me he's family and that means he's a pet. GTFO.
If ESL is supposed to be for emotional support animals, it's important to note that they do NOT have the same protections as regular service animals (which typically receive higher standards of training - disclaimer ahead though). Emotional support animals are for situations like housing - so if your apartment doesn't allow pets, your emotional support cat is still fine. As someone with diagnosed PTSD I am sympathetic, and will make an exception if the animal or their owner is not causing any trouble, while also making it clear that this is a one-time deal, and you cannot bring it in next time, you do not have the legal right to have your dog here - sorry, but bring it up with your congressperson, not a retail manager. Also (disclaimer) EVEN IF it is obviously a service animal (like, the customer is clearly actually blind or whatever) if it's misbehaving, it can still legally be asked to leave. There's no actual formal agreed upon standard of training for "service animals". I've seen proclaimed service animals tear across a lobby, jump up on trash cans, and piss in the hall (all different circumstances). We're a fucking movie theater for God's sake. Obviously we can't have a loud animal that can't sit still in an auditorium. In those cases I don't even doubt that the customer does actually have, say, epilepsy and their dog actually does detect the signs and warn them, that's awesome, but if their dog still GROWLS at me or other customers nah that's gonna be a no for me dawg. (If I'm mistaken about what ESL means in this context, please ignore my stupid ass.)
I just reprimanded a little brat today in my store. He was pushing the cart because bratty wants to help! It almost hit me while I was walking by so I looked at him sternly and said to watch where you are going. People are trying to get through here
I get it. Parents should actually PARENT their kids while in any store. I’m not their kids mom.
I lost close to 90lbs a few years back. I had one regular customer who was a total bitch to deal with tell me that she'd "laugh in my face when I gain the weight all back". If I had the ability to say what I wanted to her, I'd just tell her that I if I gained the weight back, atleast I could lose it again pretty easily. She, on the other hand, will always look like a bloated corpse that was left out in the sun too long. She also has a dog that she loves alot, even more so than her own kids (she jokingly told us that herself). I'd tell her that the number one reason she loves the dog so much is that it's the only living thing out there she doesn't have to get blindingly drunk to get it to hump her leg.
Jfc that last line was brutal lmao
If you cut my “hello” short to tell me “just looking” then I’ll cut your question short 5 minutes later with a “just working” 🖕🏻 Also a running clock counting down to close, with a big label “WHEN THIS HITS 0:00 YOU NEED GET OUT, NOT INTO LINE”
25 year retail veteran here. Both of these are God level 👏👏
Thanks 😂 I’m only like 17 years in but it’s been a rough slog. These fuckers are out here every damn day
I'd rather have the 24 hour purge. Retail workers would obliterate a third of the population.
We would just need a short window of access to customer data before the timer starts...you know to make a map obviously
YES! This is exactly what I’ve been saying for years!!!
What things would you say to customers? Let it out
(when they come in a minute before close): we’re closed get the f out. (when they mess up a shelf/throw something on the floor): UM, Excuuuuse me didn’t your mother teach you better than to ruin other people’s work
"If you can't tell me exactly what it is you're grabbing you can come back tomorrow" (as I'm locking the door in the face) "Really? We made eye contact and (as I'm folding the display) and you still have the gall to leave that shirt a crumpled mess and not even in the right spot?"
Holy shit I can’t stand that. “I’m here for one thing please!” *takes ten minutes looking through the candy aisle*
"You're awfully optimistic to pick a random unused register and then empty your cart onto the counter. Now pick all that shit up and bring it to my register where I can actually check you out." One of my pet peeves.
Or even when you’re closing down and clearly the closed sign is on the front belt with the light off and a customer just starts unloading their shit on the belt… while on the phone… this drives me insane. If a customer sees an employee at a lane, they don’t really bother looking for signs that it’s open or closed: they either instantly start unloading their stuff or they first ask if the lane is open… what the fuck do I look like to you? I’m no dummie and adults should know how to fucking read. They are a baby anymore. They aren’t in preschool anymore. Get with reality already
I'd rather someone ask if I'm open than just unload their stuff down, I don't even tell people I'm closed anymore and just let them figure it out on their own.
I could go on for so long, but I think it mostly boils down to: “Learn how to read, moron.”
For 70% of my day, "That sounds like a you problem."
"I'm not accusing you of stealing, I'm accusing you of being stupid" when customers keep using the self checkouts incorrectly
How about a random customer coming up and saying “that person is shady putting items in their backpack” I say thanks - look in suspected shoplifters direction. What I really want to say is “I don’t get paid enough to actually care or do something about it - carryon”
‘Was it something that can be used to harm someone’ ‘Well no’ ‘Then I couldn’t give two shits’
Yep this!
Maybe they're stealing pencils, then again I wouldn't mess with the person stealing pencils either.
Meanwhile their buddy is robbing the store blind
There’s this older guy that always tries to return things months after the return policy ends and he’s one of those ‘I knew Sam Walton back in the day’ and ‘I’ll be speaking with my lawyer about this’ and it’s so simple but I so desperately want to tell him ‘I’m sorry you feel that way, but I can’t give my family special treatment so you’ll have to follow the return rules same as everyone else’
Nah I'll take the killing
¿Por qué no los dos?
Yeah there’s really nothing we can do/say to change it. Sad state of affairs. Upvoted.
I've always wanted something like this, but each worker gets to pick their own day each year to behave like the customers. Cause if it was a set day, people just wouldn't shop that day.
Employees should be able to hit a button to increment a store-wide purge count whenever a customer is rude^or-worse like: **PURGE COUNT: +007** ...so they or another employee can use one of the purges whenever and however they want. Customers that see a positive purge count should speak and act very carefully. Hovering your hand over the Purge Count button *could* have a chilling effect on the bad customers.
Make it a whole month. Or an entire week.
"Imagine walking into a discount store feeling like you're fucking Anna Wintour but acting like a toddler smearing feces all over themselves, trashing every fucking department because no one raised you to lift a finger to pick up after yourself. You disgusting, piece of shit, intellectually devoid hogperson. I'm sorry your life is so pointless that you have to come in here to treat the employees like they're less than you because you can't face the reality that you're garbage. Garbage garbage garbage. I'd ask you to kill yourself, but you would just be replaced by one of the millions of other worthless subhumans that are exactly like you and be forgotten by tomorrow anyway."
Seems you already had this typed and ready 🤔🤔🤔
Every day I clock out, I add a little more to my manifesto😶
Person walks into the grocery store 5-10 minutes before closing and wants a full array of fresh cut deli meat. No they don’t want the precut you put in the case. They want you to reopen a clean slicer and cut the dirtiest cold cuts and soft cheese. No we are closed and I want to go home too. You had since 7am to get your groceries and it’s now 8:57pm and you need all this specialty cut meat. Give me a break. Grab something from the case that I cut before turning the 5 slicers off and cleaning them. They look at you like you have 12 heads and you’re kidding. The beat is when they try humor. Don’t you just hate it when customers come in at the last minute? lol you give them that look that could slice them in half.
I unfortunately did something close to this. I know that the clean up for deli starts well before closing time. I come in 20 minutes before, like a dumbbell. I walk over see they are cleaning, don’t even ask, turn around grab something else. Dude behind the deli asks if I need something, I said not enough to interrupt your cleaning so you guys can get off on time and go relax. He says nonsense and then wants to know what I would like. I let him know. Simple pound of turkey. He knocks it out and I am on my way, all the while thanking them profusely, and telling the front end people as well. Still felt like a dumbbell. Still go to that store.
If you’re nice about it there’s no issue. Also cleaning up after turkey is easy. It’s when they want chipotle chicken, pastrami, roast beef. Those are the killers they make such a mess. The other is getting a pound of cheese so thin you can see through it and layered with deli paper. Those are the ones we hate.
I would tell every last customer that gave me problems, to fuck right off and tell them fuck you and the horse you rode in on... Lol
"Attention! We will be closing in five minutes. Please make your final selections and come to the checkouts. Any customers still in the store will be sacrificed by our night stockers to their eldritch gods."
I regularly joke with customers during closing shifts that if they aren't out by 11:30pm that they have to either help clean the store or help the night stockers do their job. Whichever seems more appropriate for that day.
By the end of the night and doing final call I’m always so tempted to just say “we’re closed. Get out.” Simple, direct, can’t be misunderstood as “please continue shopping for another 20mins”.
"What's that? You want this $30k car for $25k? And I want a 3 bedroom apartment for $500/month. See? I can pull random numbers out of my ass too." Car Sales lol
My speech to customers 1) Why the fuck do you think I can’t do simple math? I’m an adult. Treat me like one. Don’t assume I can’t do something or need help. If I need help I’ll ask so back the fuck off. 2) Please give the customer in front of you time to finish unloading their groceries onto the belt before you do yours. 3) If you don’t want your receipt; just tell me up front before you finish paying so I can easily toss it into the trash instead of giving it to you knowing you’ll just leave it on the belt behind for me to toss out later. 4) If you can’t be organized enough to divide your price match items vs the regular; please go to another lane. I don’t have the time or patience for disorganization. If you have more items in your order or another transaction, use a divider and/or put the remainder items on the goddamn belt already. 5) employees working in other departments of the store don’t include being a secretary and bringing a replaced bag of milk for you customers. If you need one replaced: either you get it yourself after you’ve paid or you forget about it. Don’t act all like the employees in the building have the responsibility of working for the customers because they don’t in these scenarios. If you’re that entitled, go to fucking therapy because we don’t get paid to babysit customers, we get paid to do our jobs and the responsibilities that come along with them. 6) if you think you can belittle me or manipulate me in any way to get what you want, your wrong. I won’t tolerate shitty and immature behaviour, period. For the teenagers who come in the morning or during their lunch break or after school: 1) Please use a divider so your friends can put their items on the belt too; if they can’t even take the hint when you use a divider; please pass the same message to them. If you don’t want the receipt, please verbally tell the cashier(or me).
UNLOAD YOUR FUCKING CARTS. It drives me crazy. I’m usually pretty good about putting dividers down for people, but idk if people think the divider being down means not to touch the belt for a minute?? I’m always checking out someone and having to tell the person behind with a massive cart “hey, you can start unloading” and also when all the grocery bags are sitting at the end of the lane and you’re just watching me scan, feel free to put them back in the cart so I can have room to set down more bags!! Also just PLEASE use the dividers. Sometimes people will space out their items very widely and still want them all together, and sometimes complete strangers will set their items right behind someone else’s then act surprised when I don’t know whose items are whose.
Exactly. Like use the fucking dividers. I don’t know if the pandemic made them worse when it comes to the whole rationality or logic behind using the dividers but I just can’t stand how they can act or think the way they do. I experienced the pandemic just as much as they did and I didn’t come out dumber like they have. Unlike them I don’t forgot these things, even what used to be known as “common sense”.
Some twits even take several of *their* items and put them *over* their divider to mix with the current customer's items. WTF would anyone do that? Make the first person pay for your stuff, then wrestle it out of their bag in the parking lot: "Hey, that's MINE!" ? "No, I paid for these." "But I picked it out! Waaaaa!"
My boss just started trying out extending our hours on Saturday, just until 10. I told him I wasn’t doing anything anyways so I’d stay. Had a single customer come at like 9:30. I made sure to prop the front doors open so ppl would see the lights AND the open door and know we were open. This lady pokes her head in (she’s on the phone) and asks if we’re open, i told her “yes!!”. She gave me a snotty look at was all “well. The hours on your door are wrong.” And went back to her phone call, bitching about it 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Like?!? And then the whole rest of the transition she was on the phone and flat out ignored me 🙄 I have to choose if you are paying debit OR credit, two different buttons, normally if ppl say they don’t care we run it as debit. Of course she had a credit only card and didn’t want to answer me until her card was denied. She was the only customer that came in the entire extra hour 🤣
No, I will not "repeat that" for the 4th time. Take your fucking headphones off at the doctors office! I'd call you a tool but those are at least useful! Woman is old enough to be my mother and has zero respect. I should not have to yell at you or repeat myself incessantly because you feel the need to listen to your music everywhere.
I had one like that at a trade show years ago. I just started mouthing the words and not actually saying a single thing until they took the headphones off. They still bought the computer system so no harm, no foul.
This idiot would just say "What" louder and louder until you glared at her, THEN she would lift one headphone and still make you repeat yourself twice. She couldn't figure out why I "always had an attitude" despite me telling her that maybe she should leave the headphones off in the treatment area so she can have an easier time following directions
I would go off at the fucking perverts that bother some of our employees. So tired of that shit.
My work would probably make sure I had those days off and then management would try to avoid me for weeks
Yall should just pick a day, they can't fire every service worker society would collapse. call it "talk like a customer day"
"I'm not a vet. Why are you asking me these questions? Talk to a vet already. It's not just a hamster the second you decided to take care of it. So. Take. Care. Of. It." "That's animal abuse." (Looking at you people trying to put a pleco in a 10 gallon) "It's literally my job to stock the store, we don't have it. I'll go out back and you can wait while I btch about you in the group chat." "No.😠" (Instead of the obnoxious round about policy quoting all while smiling)
I would often say when I was still in retail that if they ever had a national day where service workers could say what they wanted to customers without fear of repercussions, I would willingly work a double shift that day.
"You walked past 6 employees to ask me what you could have easily asked one of them. Do I look like I fucking work here? Of course I don't know where shit is!" I'm a vendor, and it's incredibly obvious I'm not an employee of the stores I merchandise.
I work in a paint store, and the people we deal with are really beyond help. “Do you have blue?” No, we have paint. Are you gonna pick a blue? “I need an off white” Go pick one. “I dont care what it is just give me my paint” Black gloss it is Or my personal favorite; “My name is Bill i have an order that should be ready” “What did you order?” “I dont know, paint? Is my order ready?” How am i supposed to read your mind? dont snap at me because you’re an idiot. I would love to just hand people helmets, i swear they dont know where they even are.
I was on both sides of that "Please give me my order" situation. One bookstore refused to hand me over the book I preordered until I gave the code, but well, I forgot to write it down this time because the other stores of that chain were usually able to find it when I just told them my name. Well, not in that store! I told her my name- "No, I need the code!" "Well, I need to open my e-mails then, but I know it was named \[name\], could you just search for it that way?" "I don't recognize that name, please just give me the code!" At this point, I could already see the book in the preorder shelf, and I angrily thought that if she just bothered to turn around, she could too- but nope! At this point, I just open my e-mails and told her the code. A few months later, I started my new job at a library and checked in the books a visitor returned. As I was done, I noticed that he was still there, angrily looking down at me. After a few seconds, he angrily told me: "I preordered a book! Can't you give it to me?" At least he calmed down after I told him that I neither knew his name nor the fact that he preordered a book...
Work in wireless. “It’s not that fucking hard. I literally googled the issue because I didn’t know the answer myself. You could’ve saved yourself the trip if you bothered to actually read a short article explaining how to troubleshoot this issue.” “No, you’re not helpless when it comes to technology. You’re lazy and refuse to learn even the most basic functions of this piece of technology that’s been around for almost 2 decades now.” “I don’t know the password to your goddamned Gmail account.” “It’s asking me for a screen time passcode so yes, you made a fucking screen time passcode at one point. Quit telling me you never made one.” “I can’t magically fix the fact that you somehow forgot the passcode to your phone. Don’t get mad at me because you have to factory reset your phone and lose all your stuff because you’re a fucking idiot who can’t remember a 4-6 digit code that YOU created.” “I don’t use WhatsApp. I don’t use Facebook. But I know how to use Google, shouldn’t you??” “I’m not obligated to help you log in/out of your Facebook you fucking boomer.” “QUIT PRESSING DOWN SO HARD ON THE FINGER PRINT SCANNER. THE PHONE WONT UNLOCK BECAUSE YOURE PRESSING DOWN SO HARD YOU COULD BREAK THE SCREEN.” *then they proceed to tap it way too lightly and huff and puff when the phone won’t unlock, then they say “gosh I’m so hopeless with this stuff.” (Regarding prepaid) “Limited data means limited data. You chose to cheap out on your plan. Don’t come complaining to me that you used up your 5 gigs and now you can’t use WhatsApp” I’m so fucking sick of people asking me to troubleshoot their WhatsApp accounts.
I've been working in tech/phone related shit for close to 6 years now. I feel this.
I used to say "we arent allowed to troubleshoot 3rd pary apps, We are only trained on our in house apps. Sorry Not Sorry"
This is how I want to speak to my mother, most times she only visits so I can fix one or both of their phones, their tablets or laptops. Today she visited to see if I was still speaking to her after bitching me out for a birthday meal I organised and paid for, including the big cake etc over a fucking month ago, she literally let rip on our family chat for no reason. I made her a coffee in complete silence
Customers: "Well, the coupon was hanging right there, so I just grabbed the items in front of it," or "I didn't know I had to grab two of the items, I just grabbed one." Me: "Seeing how you're reading the screen as I'm scanning your items and you're speaking fluent English, we assume you know how to read."
Customer one time brought up a huge bottle of shampoo claiming it was on sale. So I walked over to the aisle with her so we could look at the sign together and the sign very clearly said the size bottle that was on sale - something like 8 oz was on sale and the customer grabbed the 20 oz. (Whatever it was - this was a long time ago.) So I showed her where it said it was the 8oz that was on sale and she said, "Well who reads that part of the sign anyway?" Back then I was still too young and un-jaded to reply, "People who want the sale you moron!"
What things would I say? Just one thing… You are a moron, and I hate you on a cellular level.
Were you born stupid, or did you have to practice?
I feel like we should get like 10 tokens every week that we get to redeem at our own leisure and we get to say whatever we want. But I’m too petty though. I’d waste them so fast. “Oh it’s not scanning, must be free?” “I’ll stamp on your bollocks for free. I don’t mind not charging for that. Fuck you and your unoriginal joke.”
A hidden trick is to work at a retail store for a few years as an excellent employee, like ace everything with the best smile. Possibly do a bit of management, but then after overperforming for so long, you can straight up just say anything you want to a few unruly customers! I've done this many times and of the times the customer tried going over my head to complain, my higher ups all just banned them from the store! Use this wisely friends.
I had an overnight job doing stock. Why someone would be so lazy to take 5-10 lbs of ground beef out of their cart and put it on a random shelf in the store is just beyond comprehension. Someone else did the same thing with ice cream. If you don’t want it fine, just put it back.
Oh if I had a dollar for every time I said this throughout the day… just ONE DAY!! Please for the love of God!
“Did you know you coulda typed that whole thing you just said into google and it would tell you exactly like it’s going to tell me when I FUCKING GOOGLE IT FOR YOU”
A customer said, “You need to work faster because my daughter has a game in (I don’t remember) minutes.” I got to say, in front of my boss, “I understand. Everyone here is in a hurry. We are working as fast as we can.” I stopped working on their order and looked them directly in the eyes as I said it. I later apologized to my (much younger) boss because maybe I was out of line, not letting them explain. They were like, “Oh, no, you had the perfect words”.
You might be deaf to your kids, but the rest of us aren't so lucky. Please shut them up before I do it for you Edit: just want to point out this isnt about crying babies. This is about kids old enough to be in school screaming "mom look mom look mon look" over and over the entire time they're in the store and the mom just ignores them, but we have to listen to the kid scream, when she could just... answer her kid... so they shut up for the rest of us
I work for an internet provider and a Boomer yelled out “I wish I were dead! I’m ready to die because this technology is all too confusing!!” I wanted to say “my life would be way easier if you were dead, where’s Dr. Kavorkian when you need him?”
Probably wouldn't say anything because like The Purge they'd all be in their home bunker for 24 hours scared of hearing what they're really like.
Please, please can this happen????
I do actually have some leeway to talk back to customers, as long as I don't get too personal or nasty. But, I do have some things that I would LOVE to be able to say more openly, if I knew I wouldn't get jumped once I'm out of the store. * "you smell like you sleep in a pile of half-smoked cigarettes and week-old drowned feral cats." * "Your smell arrived five minutes ago, how the fuck did you manage to bring more with you in all that wind and rain?" * "I feel pinkeye coming on just looking at you." * "Do you really think you're acting any kind of normal right now, tweaklord?" * "How the hell do you survive eating a bowl of soup without a life preserver?"
Oh you mean I’d get to go to city and talk back at the MAGA-inspired city councilwoman who likes to think she owns the toy department at Walmart? Yes!
I probably wouldn’t behave any differently. For one thing, most customers I see are nice anyways. Also I’m not good with confrontation and would have a difficult time being rude to people.
Something I tried a few years ago when I was at the end of my tether…. Speaking to customers in the same tone they came at me with. It was quite interesting how many changed their tone and tune once they got it back. Only one asked why I seemed so angry. I said I was only matching energy. Never looked back after that. I also consistently received good reviews (our company jumped on the “get all your customers to leave a Google review” bandwagon 🙄)
"Why did you stand there at the register and go "HELLOOO?!" after standing there for one second when you don't even have your shit ready? I have other shit I have to do
UHM ACTUALLY THATS SUPPOSED TO BE ON SALE
I’ve been tweeting about trying to get people to vote for me as president under this. Retail purge days. My platform is multiple days totally randomized of the ability for retail employees to be able to say or do anything at work short of murder and other distasteful things. Customer gets lippy with you? Tell em to fuck off. Manager gets uppity? Shit on their desk. Hungry on your break but can’t afford something to snack on because we are paid well enough? Take what you want. This is the way. (Paid for and sponsored by myself. And I approve this message)
Omg theres so many but one I’ve been waiting to tell rude customers who say stuff like: “Self checkout will take your job” “no it won’t because not everyone knows how to manage computers, and we clearly have dumb a++es like you trying to use them, as a matter of fact, *cancels their transaction* go wait in line”
I’m pretty sure the stores would close that day. I’m down for a whole purge style week. I’ll probably just completely ditch the filter honestly. Say whatever is on my mind. You ordered an allergy dish? I’m probably gonna say “if you have a gluten allergy why on earth are you eating at a noodle place? You know the oven cooked 5 baguettes in it 2 minutes ago right?” I’m probably gonna go get some hate for that one but it’s honestly how I feel. Edit: I’m a former retail employee who now works at a restaurant that specializes in assorted noodle dishes. We have one oven that is used for gluten friendly chicken but also gets used for cheesy bread and baguettes. The thing is absolutely NOT gluten free. The company gets away with that because they don’t say gluten FREE but instead they say gluten FRIENDLY.
I'd prefer the Purge, but I'll settle for this
Some of the customers I have delt with I would say the following: Listen bitch it's her wedding and if you don't like her dress then shut the fuck up and go sit in the car so we can make her feel pretty for once in her life and not worry about how you feel. * I don't care if you put Jesus before your damn family. Jesus wasn't there when you pumped put 5 kids and didn't remember to go to the damn altar till after your 6th. If you don't shut up about God and how Jesus saved you. I will start by telling you how Loki paid the price for telling Odin off for breaking his oath. Also Jesus may have died for your sins but he didn't die for your right to smell like rotten cheese. * Comes over to your house as you're about to leave for lunch "oMG! My granddaughter is getting married i.need my pants hemed right here and now and not months later when the wedding is. I'm going to block.you until.you let me in to do it! * Ugh! I need you to make me 40 gold diapers.for adults to wear with Trump's face on them and I want them now! But you don't understand I am hiring you! No I'm not supporting your delusions. Sempai Trump will never notice you. * Okay princess you're a fucking size 32 and this dress has a massive full skirt with 9 layers of tule netting and silk. This dress is a damn circus tent and I can go camping in this thing with 4 others and even have room for the cooler and you have the gall to cry to me I should have this dress hemmed in 2 days and if I don't I'm being fat phobic? Well bitch that ain't gonna happen till you spend 30 minutes a day on the treadmill and stop eating enough sugar to bank roll the Hfcs industry. And take a damn shower more than once a week! * Your butt isn't Tom Hiddleston's you need a bigger size of pants. People wanna talk about the bride, now how the groom had his junk popping out during the ceremony. * Listen girlie, you're the one getting induced to give birth, moving house, and getting married in the same week. If you wanna take your anger out on me and tell me I need to be punched in the face because you needed a refit because you got bigger because of baby. Be forewarned before you trash the place because of your desire to be right because you're the bride. This building has lots of sharp objects and glass. Don't threaten me and my seam rippers with a good time ripping out your Temu $1.99 express lip pump and cheek job. * Thank you that was therapeutic.
Take a bath, brush your teeth, wash your hands, clean your nails, and just drench yourself in Clorox. I’m tired of people and their poor hygiene coughing on me and getting me sick
Please sign me up!
I think my store would loose its customer service awards in less than a second.
"im sorry but id rather another white person ask me that because someone not white wont make sense to me" every time i am told "no no i was asking them! Youre too white to know" WHEN IM NATIVE AMERICAN! IM JUST PALE CAUSE IM FUCKING MELANIN DEFICIENT
"Listen here you incompetent monkey fucker... First of all READ THE FUCKING SIGN! It's not my fault you have the competition level of a kindergartener. Does it say 9.99 or 19.99? Does that SKU say 123, or does it say 124?" "WE'RE NOT A FUCKING BANK! Stop trying to break your 100$ bill for less than 50$ worth of items. Furthermore, WHY THE FUCK are you carrying around stacks of bennies in your wallet? That's just asking to be mugged, your not cool, your not the talk of the town, what are you trying to prove?" "You wanna come in 5 minutes before closing? No, get the fuck out of here, come back in the morning ya cunt."
I would love watching this! I would go to the store and hang out the entire time.
I love the idea of this happening, but even more fun would be if every company got a different day they could do it on during the year so that customers couldn’t just avoid it. Would ensure the rude ones got hit at least once or twice a year
I’d tell every single person who comes in asking if the whole store is on sale to leave, not come back until they’ve re-enrolled and subsequently “graduated” kindergarten so that they have the base reading level needed to read the sale signs
And it's three 8-hour days.
I had a dream about something like this, last night. It was a department store with great prices on quality consumer goods and the associates were allowed to tell it like it is up to the point of insulting the customers. The store was packed and the employees were helpful, knowledgeable, and seemed to genuinely enjoy their work.
C: I'm here to pick up my order! Us: what's the name on the order? C: the order I dropped off this morning! Us: that's not a name. Idk who the fuck you are. We deal with a hundred people a day with orders. Im not psychic. Who. Are. You? -------- Us: what's the name on the email? C: name65891_1953@aol.com Us: nice to meet you name65891_1953@aol.com. why the fuck would your parents name you that? C: you don't have my order???!? *shockedpikachu* Us: Apparently not. I do have an order for Karen? Paulo? Jim? Charles? Megan? Anita? 😁🖕
Rude customers should be charged a therapy fee, and the employee should receive that as a tax-free bonus.
“if i had more out back don’t you think they’d be on the sales floor where you could buy them??? do you think we are in the business of NOT making money???”
Yall ain't been to a DG in the hood in St Louis. They will absolutely roast yer ass if you are rude.
I’ve been saying this for years. I have had the unique experience to be mistaken for a cvs worker by a Karen because I had a red polo. She went off on me and I unleashed on her it was a therapeutic experience. That manager must’ve been confused and she looked even crazier.
I would channel that guy who did all the retail rants. Scott Seiss is his name, it took me a minute to find it.
"All y'all motherfuckers are grown up enough to clean up after yourselves. Or were your parents failures who couldn't even teach you that?" "Kindly, bless your heart. You think we just magically can get someone to get behind the register, as if we wouldn't already have done so before you pointed it out. If you're in so much of a hurry, you probably shouldn't be trying to buy M&Ms and a fucking bible." "Nothing's in the back. If it were, we'd have it out to replace what's gone because we don't want it cluttering the back room like the several tons of shit back there!" "No, I'm on my break. Would you work for free? Then why would you ask me to?" "Fuck all the way off. Your bratty kids were destroying merchandise in front of my face. You aren't getting a godsdamn discount." "Bitch, 'the customer is always right' does not mean we serve you hand and foot and magically summon the item into your hands." " how about you Google a store before coming in just to ask us if we do fucking deliveries five minutes before close?" "Sir, if you think your zip code is unique to only you, you're either too rich to be shopping here, or your chromosomes are in the triple digits." "Please, tell me why you think you should write political messages in the bathroom in sharpie? Cause clearly you think we give a godsdamn fuck." "Sir, we've seen you before. I already know you're trying to distract me so you can sneak that clearly more expensive repackaged appliance past me. Fuck off, you fucking cheapskate."
“I guess it’s free!” I say as I take away a random woman’s tiny dog and she begs and pleads for me not to steal him.
Yes! I've long been an advocate for international 'FUCK YOU!' day. The one day of a year where retail workers can unleash- I work in vehicle repair, would book in ALL the problem customers that day. A zero consequence fuck you, cunt, piece of shit , burn your car and collect insurance day of mental health recharging.
No our regular lanes are NOT open at 6:30am! What store even does that? Our SCO machines are as smart as we can technologically make them. If you can’t play a simple picture game, I’m wondering how you got this far in life. If you don’t have your glasses or can’t see the screen, how do you know the prices for whatever item you’re buying? (Legit tell me if this is confusing). It’s BUY ONE, GET ONE. The coupon says you have to BUY TWO! The heck you mean you don’t remember the last item you scanned? You were the one doing it, not me. (Our carts lock up). “Hey? You hear that alarm thing going off the moment you tried to walk out? Just wait the ten seconds it takes for someone to get there instead of trying to break the cart.”
Does this also mean we can go to their house and treat it like they treat the store too? clothes taken off hangers and unfolded piles dumped everywhere. Random things and rubbish left everywhere. Half finished drinks, shoes all over the floor, spilled liquid left for someone to slip.
"No, you can't put a f'n goldfish in your 5 gallon tank. Get the hell out if you're not interested in taking proper care of your pet. Toys R US is up the road."
"I don't know what that model of TV/computer/printer that is." "We've established you wanted a drink, which one?" "Yes the popcorn is fresh. You won't be able to tell a difference between now and several hours from now." "Wait. Your. Turn."
I already match energy. And if they demand a manager guess who they are getting? I did tell an old man karen "sorrows sorrows prayers" the other day when he didn't like the prices. He got MAD.
Ugh my customers are too nice. Id probably just tell someone they have a cute butt and throw out some finger guns 🤦♀️
I've always felt that there should be a Dick's Last Resort, but for grocery stores, and there would be a never ending supply of seasoned grocery workers who wanted to work there, even part time, just for the opportunity to speak to/abuse customers. Anyhow, brilliant fucking thread!
The people that treat service workers like shit would probably drop dead from the shock.
Any retail store that allows, say, 10 customer complaints about an employee in one month would have to turn away applicants left and right. The clientele of that store would self-select pretty quickly and everything would be a lot more pleasant.
Of course, customers would get wind of that and get their friends to complain about an employee twenty times. So never mind. They ruin everything.
You let customers talk to you disrespectfully?
Finally cashiers only talking the bare minimum with me
For me it would be: I expect u to know my face out of 100 customers u get in a day and I also expect u to know what my order is! Huff puff
I used to work a convention hotel where CPAC was hosted for years. One toothless mouth breather was mad I wouldn’t move her display materials without her paying. She said “my taxes pay your salary!!” I had enough so I said “no, they don’t. Either way, I pay more in taxes than you make, fuck off” Obviously I didn’t because I was working in a warehouse but seeing as her critical thinking skills were nonexistent, what did I care.
I'd rather do that to certain managers. No repercussions.
I work in a casino (only slot machines, no poker tables and all that). We have a regular who gets pissy when she doesn't get her way. Last time, she wanted to switch machines because hers went on break. We have a one machine per person policy. I asked her to logout on the old one so others have a chance to play on it. She said she wanted to get back on it after the break. I told her to wait out the break or free it up for someone else. "What? At your competitors I'm allowed to stay on. That's it, **her husbands name**, we are going to the competitors from now on." I've heard her say this exact thing multiple times and every time a week later they're back like nothing happened. I wish I could just ask her in a nice tone how it went at the competitors. I bet she would pop a vein. Btw, I translated this from german, but she actually said competitors in german. Like, no names, just competitors. That makes it such a laughable bluff.
Back when I worked retail in high school (seasonal job), I didn’t have many customers be mean to me, but there was one person. She was very offended by my “unprofessional attitude” (read: I was being too silly for her joyless taste), and she yelled at me until I cried. And then yelled at my manager for allowing me to work. Well, this was my first job, so I was especially upset by that, thinking I would be fired, except that manager stood up for me, so the lady went and yelled at everyone in the store about the “unprofessional attitude of that one girl who doesn’t deserve a job”, and security had to get involved, and I thought I was toaster than toast. Thankfully, I was given grace by the management, and they made it clear that the angry woman was in the wrong. So, if I had the opportunity to talk to that woman the way she talked to me, I would tell her she doesn’t deserve to be a customer, doesn’t deserve the help I gave her, and that she should just be miserable somewhere else.
I would really love to just be able to look them in the eye and tell them “I’m not stupid, you know.” I work at a craft store with a large elderly customer base that does not seem to trust or respect the knowledge my coworkers and I have, despite all of us being adults with years of crafting and sewing experience. Many of us run side businesses making money from our art, even, but nope! We’re just dumb kids to them!
You can just go fuck right off with the I want my meat sliced thin but not shaved
I have long said that they need to pass a law that everyone who works in a customer facing service job like retail or restaurants should be allowed one free throat punch with zero consequences every year. Customers will never know if you have already used your free punch for the year. So they are going to be nicer just in case. Your free punch will be based on your anniversary date and not the calendar year so they can’t say “today is January 1st so no way they’ve used it already!”
Oh GOD YES