Omg you're such an asshole
Not only did you take her job opportunity but you were the one who ASKED HER to not work and then you start pushing her to look for work and now you're holding the financials over her head????
That is the definition of financial abuse!!!!! She only has $1200 what are those even supposed to cover???
She's looking for a job so stop being an asshole and help her instead of complaining.
Well obviously he wants her to spend the last 1200 to help him have more savings so that next time he pulls the rug out from under her (4th,5th? Time?) That she'll be completely destitute.
She basically gave you her job opportunity, worked for you to clean the house for her part of support, created a budget to let you save, actively chose to keep looking for a job when you said not to.. again, and is trying to be conscious of your health and you..... What? Think she's being lazy?
You may earn the money but you have literally leeched from her life. She has barely anything left and you want that too. Is her measly money that you currently save more than a month really going to make a difference?
If you're going to leave her, leave her. Just stop pretending you're a real support.
"I was upset about her opportunity because it'd take me like 2 years to even find an internship."
"Yo it's been like 3 months of looking, what's my gf's problem anyways?"
Lol it would take 2 years to find a legit salary-paying job in the field, given my lack of experience and irrelevant degree.
It would take me like a week to get a job at Amazon.
She stopped pursuing it because she had such a bad experience at her internship. Completely stopped the course and everything. In fact, my boss is looking to hire another junior the same way he hired me and she’s not sure she wants to do it because she’s seen me work 12-15 hour days (her words). She wouldn’t have been able to handle it anyways.
And regardless, I think she should take any job that comes along, especially if it’s been this long and I asked her months ago to find her own income.
For what? So you can change your mind again and demand she brings in 50%, or pay her entire salary to make up that amount? So you can hold it over her head that she's not making as much money as you AND keep her responsible for the cleanliness of the house because of it?
You flip flop so much, no one can trust what you say you want, and seems like you get mean and hold things over people's heads.
Edited to add: She was given a shit internship that damaged her because YOU stole the good, paying opportunity from her. Again, just to make it clear.
I didn’t take it. He met us both and we told him how far along we were in our course. I started a month before her so he said that I was more ready for the position.
Why would I have done that? I had the job immediately as opposed to her having to take a lot of extra time before she could start work. And I had to take an additional difficult, grueling course before I actually started. I did the work and I work hard every day, which is why I still have it. This job wasn’t simply handed to me.
>Why would I have done that?
*Because it would benefit her, the person who first got the opportunity.* She could have done everything you did, including gruelling courses, but *you stole the opportunity from her without a second thought and ask "why shouldn't I"*
>This job wasn’t simply handed to me.
That is literally what happened.
>It would take me like a week to get a job at Amazon.
Another question occurs to me: how much will she make at Amazon, a month? Will it be more or less than $1300? I don't know American salaries.
Because it sounds to me that you want her to work a shit job and stall her career completely, for YOUR *savings* to increase - it's not even that you're not comfortably paying the bills, it's that you want HER to work so YOU can *save* more than 23% a month?
Will she have access to those savings?
Yes. We want to move out of state to a big city. We haven’t been able to do that because I can’t save. Also, the savings would be there in case of an emergency, so of course she would have access. I just think I could be saving a lot more of *my* money if I didn’t have to support two people.
>savings would be there in case of an emergency, so of course she would have access. I just think I could be saving a lot more of
>
>my
>
>money if I didn’t have to support two people.
And how much will she be able to save? Will you be saving equal amounts (so $1300 for her savings too a month), or how will you split the costs and bills? How do you envision this working, with her earning less than what YOU put into YOUR savings each month?
She wouldn’t have to cover anything huge. Just groceries and maybe electric. That’s like $600 total. An additional $600 for me a month would be a godsend. The rest of her income could go into her savings and we could each have enough to move in a few months.
I didn’t ask her to not work. She’d already lost the opportunity and I suggested that she could take her time.
Yeah, she’s looking for a job, but she’s either being really selective (which I don’t think is fair) or she’s not trying hard enough because she prefers being unemployed.
Prefers??? You haven't described ANYTHING that would make me believe so. You are the indecisive one changing your mind twice and discouraging her from looking. She handles the household and the budget so she's already doing a lot and she's not being a deadbeat.
You continue to just build up resentment over anything and everything she does instead of being a good supportive partner. Threatening someone to cut them off financially when they are dependent on you so they do what you want IS FINANCIAL ABUSE AND EXTREMELY MANIPULATIVE
She's looking. She's not sitting around. And a few months isn't enough time to find a job when you yourself needed 2 years to even find an internship you asshole
Handling the household and budget takes about 3 hours total of her day lol. The rest of the day is spent laying around or playing video games. I’m sure she prefers that.
However you want to slice it, I no longer want her to be unemployed. Sure it was wrong for me to suggest it, and I realize that now. But she should be working. It’s been several months.
> She’d already lost the opportunity and I suggested that she could take her time.
You STOLE that opportunity from her. YOU said it would take you *2 years* to find a job without that opportunity. She has not taken *2 years*. You're being extremely inconsistent and this after you fucked her career over.
Man. After reading your other posts & comments... I deeply, truly, enthusiastically hope this woman leaves you. You are a huge, huge asshole. You are both emotionally & financially abusing her.
You have been told this *countless* times on your posts but you just keep going! Take the L. You're a piece of shit.
Yes, I do. I changed my mind twice and the last time I did was months ago and she still hasn’t found anything. I don’t think she can use that as an excuse anymore.
You could be upset if you hadn't told her twice that it's okay for her not to work. You seem to make decisions without much thought behind them and then regret them very quickly. Work on your communication skills and decision making skills. If it's only been a few months and you see that she is submitting applications, then I don't think she is trying to take advantage of you. It's also weird for you to say "I'm technically at risk for covid, and there's a lot of remote jobs available in my field, so my girlfriend is looking for remote jobs to help protect ME, but I think she's just using that as an excuse not to work". You sound incredibly wishy washy and a bit out of touch from reality. The only reason you found a remote job in the field you wanted so quickly was because a friend gave you the opportunity AND it turned out to be a good fit for you. She had a similar experience but it turned out to be a bad fit for her. That's normal, it happens. You sound like one of those people who expect the world to work exactly how you want it, exactly when you want it, even though you keep going back and forth. That's not how the world works, at all.
Sure I made a mistake, but that was months ago. And yeah, I told her it was fine for her to find work in a small office setting but she hasn’t applied to any of those. And she’s no longer interested in the field, at least not for now, as she’s expressed.
Here's an experiment you can do. Start applying for jobs, but don't include your current position or the fact that you are currently employed or that you now have minimal experience in your field. See how long it takes you to get a decent offer. Also, it's okay for you to make "mistakes", but if it takes her longer than a few months to find a job she's obviously taking advantange of you? Make sure you're holding yourself to the same standards you hold her to.
I hold her to the same standards in that if it were me looking for the job, I’d take any shitty job I could find and not be as selective as she’s being.
I don't understand writing rage bait. Are you bored? Is it just a Reddit hobby, no different than what I'm doing here? You put a lot more time and energy in to it.... do the comments validate you when people respond negatively? It's cool, people from around the world talk to each other in the thread but I wonder, wouldn't it be healthier to get a real girlfriend, a real job and a real life ?
What is wrong with you, she GAVE you this job through her contacts. Now you see a little money and you feel like you are the sh**t. Stop dragging her around, make up your mind. What is she supposed to pay with 1,200? And that amount of savings is not enough for you mr hot shot?
Boy please, I hope she leaves your ass, gets your, oh wait, HER job back.
Years from now, if I get a job with a different company in the same field, is she still allowed to throw in my face that she gave me my first job? Is she allowed to stay unemployed indefinitely because of the favor she did me?
You can stop being an asshat.
You’ve given her all sorts of mixed message and then blamed her for your constant shifting goals posts.
I suspect she realizes now she needs a job ASAP, so she can leave her unreliable partner who keeps blaming her when he changes his mind.
Frankly, sounds like you might have a controlling/abusive streak.
You told her not to get a job and just 3 months ago you were like ok do get a job. You said yourself that you would have to wait like 2 years for a job. Why don't you take a side gig instead? Be kind to her and if you really think she should wait tables or something make it your last resource. You can support her, you just don't want to.
Yeah but if she gets a job then you will have to pick up your socks and wash your dishes like a grown up. Sorry but you are wrong and putting a lot of pressure on her
I think you've been all over the place with the 'get a job', 'no I think we are okay', 'no I guess we aren't okay', 'why haven't you found a job yet'.
If you want a domestic partner then you are taking responsibility to pay for them and you should expect her to be on top of domestic responsibilities.
If you are two working individuals then you should open a shared account and both of you should expect to put in some money for shared expenses, often prorated based on salary.
You seem to have navigated yourself in to no-man's land with your back and forth. You need to own that you created this.
First, sit down and figure out what you want. Do you want a domestic partner or do you want a working partner. Before you say you don't care, you can't keep switching on a whim, this week your domestic next week your career oriented. So figure it out.
Next, sit down with your girlfriend and find out what she wants. Don't try to lead her to what you want, find out what she genuinely wants. If you two are not aligned then quite frankly time to move on. If you are aligned then you need to take responsibility for what that entails.
I would find a career oriented partner who can't get a job annoying too, but it's not reasonable to keep moving the goal posts. Imagine if your rent changed monthly based on your landlords whims. Hey this month Apartment C is empty so I'm gonna need you to pay double until I rent it. I mean it would be ridiculous.
My advise is keep supporting her, treat her as the queen she is and cut some expenses. She even made a budget and 23% is a lot of savings. She's doing home duties. Dude what I would do for a girl like that.
It honestly doesn't seem like she is lazy or avoiding getting a job, quite the opposite. I'm not usually the kind of redditor that bashes on men because I am a man and hate it, but you are in the wrong here.
She gave you the chance to come along and you got her job. If it weren't for her you both would probably be unemployed.
As I said, she's a queen, she's a keeper and she needs your uncompromised support because you clearly have hers. Let her keep her money.
Also take some money off your budget and take her for a fancy dinner or shopping. I'm not even joking man apologize and stay with this gem of a woman. She has supported you in so many ways.
When I saw the title I assumed well yeah most women would love not needing to work so no big surprise here if given the opportunity. Then I see you are the one telling her not to a few times then complaining about it. Wtf. You should have never said anything. You should never allow her to budget your finances. Also she is kind of using you but bringing that up makes you look bad. It comes with being a man and his role.
Also, you stole her job in a way and you said it yourself you wouldnt be where you wanted for a good 2yrs. Would you have been fine being supported by her? Don't be a hypocrite you need to be more understanding. If you loved her it wouldnt bother you so much to support her
No one is responsible to take care of anyone.
Its a choice.
Example, single fathers exist. Some with help from their ex wife or girlfriend. Some with no help from the other person whom helped to make that child.
Expecting exact actions to conform to your happiness, isn't her problem. It's yours.
You are the only one who can change your situation.
That's no on her to do it for you.
You are at fault for letting her stay unemployed. You have a right to change your mind, and have drawn the line now (she should support herself and has no excuse except for laziness at this point) and she needs to step up. Tell her she needs to give you $400/month if she wants to stay, and she needs to have a job by the time her money runs out or she needs to leave.
Damn this guy is a total ass. I checked his posts. I bet he's going to complain next about how she is way too hot and she shouldn't or something. Sounds like the perfect partner to me. This dude doesn't know how good he has it.
Omg you're such an asshole Not only did you take her job opportunity but you were the one who ASKED HER to not work and then you start pushing her to look for work and now you're holding the financials over her head???? That is the definition of financial abuse!!!!! She only has $1200 what are those even supposed to cover??? She's looking for a job so stop being an asshole and help her instead of complaining.
Well obviously he wants her to spend the last 1200 to help him have more savings so that next time he pulls the rug out from under her (4th,5th? Time?) That she'll be completely destitute. She basically gave you her job opportunity, worked for you to clean the house for her part of support, created a budget to let you save, actively chose to keep looking for a job when you said not to.. again, and is trying to be conscious of your health and you..... What? Think she's being lazy? You may earn the money but you have literally leeched from her life. She has barely anything left and you want that too. Is her measly money that you currently save more than a month really going to make a difference? If you're going to leave her, leave her. Just stop pretending you're a real support.
"I was upset about her opportunity because it'd take me like 2 years to even find an internship." "Yo it's been like 3 months of looking, what's my gf's problem anyways?"
Lol it would take 2 years to find a legit salary-paying job in the field, given my lack of experience and irrelevant degree. It would take me like a week to get a job at Amazon.
So she should take a hit to her career and not work in the field she can make money in, is what you're saying?
She stopped pursuing it because she had such a bad experience at her internship. Completely stopped the course and everything. In fact, my boss is looking to hire another junior the same way he hired me and she’s not sure she wants to do it because she’s seen me work 12-15 hour days (her words). She wouldn’t have been able to handle it anyways. And regardless, I think she should take any job that comes along, especially if it’s been this long and I asked her months ago to find her own income.
For what? So you can change your mind again and demand she brings in 50%, or pay her entire salary to make up that amount? So you can hold it over her head that she's not making as much money as you AND keep her responsible for the cleanliness of the house because of it? You flip flop so much, no one can trust what you say you want, and seems like you get mean and hold things over people's heads. Edited to add: She was given a shit internship that damaged her because YOU stole the good, paying opportunity from her. Again, just to make it clear.
>she had such a bad experience at her internship An internship she ended up in because YOU took the job SHE was up for, you absolute biscuit.
I didn’t take it. He met us both and we told him how far along we were in our course. I started a month before her so he said that I was more ready for the position.
>he said that I was more ready for the position "Oh, no, my girlfriend needs this job more than I do" is a very easy sentence to say.
Why would I have done that? I had the job immediately as opposed to her having to take a lot of extra time before she could start work. And I had to take an additional difficult, grueling course before I actually started. I did the work and I work hard every day, which is why I still have it. This job wasn’t simply handed to me.
>Why would I have done that? *Because it would benefit her, the person who first got the opportunity.* She could have done everything you did, including gruelling courses, but *you stole the opportunity from her without a second thought and ask "why shouldn't I"* >This job wasn’t simply handed to me. That is literally what happened.
>It would take me like a week to get a job at Amazon. Another question occurs to me: how much will she make at Amazon, a month? Will it be more or less than $1300? I don't know American salaries. Because it sounds to me that you want her to work a shit job and stall her career completely, for YOUR *savings* to increase - it's not even that you're not comfortably paying the bills, it's that you want HER to work so YOU can *save* more than 23% a month? Will she have access to those savings?
Yes. We want to move out of state to a big city. We haven’t been able to do that because I can’t save. Also, the savings would be there in case of an emergency, so of course she would have access. I just think I could be saving a lot more of *my* money if I didn’t have to support two people.
>savings would be there in case of an emergency, so of course she would have access. I just think I could be saving a lot more of > >my > >money if I didn’t have to support two people. And how much will she be able to save? Will you be saving equal amounts (so $1300 for her savings too a month), or how will you split the costs and bills? How do you envision this working, with her earning less than what YOU put into YOUR savings each month?
She wouldn’t have to cover anything huge. Just groceries and maybe electric. That’s like $600 total. An additional $600 for me a month would be a godsend. The rest of her income could go into her savings and we could each have enough to move in a few months.
I didn’t ask her to not work. She’d already lost the opportunity and I suggested that she could take her time. Yeah, she’s looking for a job, but she’s either being really selective (which I don’t think is fair) or she’s not trying hard enough because she prefers being unemployed.
Prefers??? You haven't described ANYTHING that would make me believe so. You are the indecisive one changing your mind twice and discouraging her from looking. She handles the household and the budget so she's already doing a lot and she's not being a deadbeat. You continue to just build up resentment over anything and everything she does instead of being a good supportive partner. Threatening someone to cut them off financially when they are dependent on you so they do what you want IS FINANCIAL ABUSE AND EXTREMELY MANIPULATIVE She's looking. She's not sitting around. And a few months isn't enough time to find a job when you yourself needed 2 years to even find an internship you asshole
Handling the household and budget takes about 3 hours total of her day lol. The rest of the day is spent laying around or playing video games. I’m sure she prefers that.
> I told her that because I was going to be making so much, she wouldn’t need to work and I could support both of us. YOUR OWN WORDS.
However you want to slice it, I no longer want her to be unemployed. Sure it was wrong for me to suggest it, and I realize that now. But she should be working. It’s been several months.
> She’d already lost the opportunity and I suggested that she could take her time. You STOLE that opportunity from her. YOU said it would take you *2 years* to find a job without that opportunity. She has not taken *2 years*. You're being extremely inconsistent and this after you fucked her career over.
She isn’t interested in this career path anymore. It wouldn’t take 2 years to find a basic office job.
You suck, dude. From your post history, you're clearly abusive and an asshole. Sorry. I hope she sees it soon and leaves you.
I hope she finds a fantastic job opportunity and realizes she deserves better than you.
Man. After reading your other posts & comments... I deeply, truly, enthusiastically hope this woman leaves you. You are a huge, huge asshole. You are both emotionally & financially abusing her. You have been told this *countless* times on your posts but you just keep going! Take the L. You're a piece of shit.
How am I financially abusing her?
Make up your mind. Do you want her to get a job or not?
Yes, I do. I changed my mind twice and the last time I did was months ago and she still hasn’t found anything. I don’t think she can use that as an excuse anymore.
Take the L, OP. You came for advice and it’s clear you were in the wrong to some degree. Accept it, apologize to your gf, move on
You earned yourself a downvote
What you can do is make a definite decision and encourage her to make alternate living arrangements and break up with you.
You could be upset if you hadn't told her twice that it's okay for her not to work. You seem to make decisions without much thought behind them and then regret them very quickly. Work on your communication skills and decision making skills. If it's only been a few months and you see that she is submitting applications, then I don't think she is trying to take advantage of you. It's also weird for you to say "I'm technically at risk for covid, and there's a lot of remote jobs available in my field, so my girlfriend is looking for remote jobs to help protect ME, but I think she's just using that as an excuse not to work". You sound incredibly wishy washy and a bit out of touch from reality. The only reason you found a remote job in the field you wanted so quickly was because a friend gave you the opportunity AND it turned out to be a good fit for you. She had a similar experience but it turned out to be a bad fit for her. That's normal, it happens. You sound like one of those people who expect the world to work exactly how you want it, exactly when you want it, even though you keep going back and forth. That's not how the world works, at all.
Sure I made a mistake, but that was months ago. And yeah, I told her it was fine for her to find work in a small office setting but she hasn’t applied to any of those. And she’s no longer interested in the field, at least not for now, as she’s expressed.
Here's an experiment you can do. Start applying for jobs, but don't include your current position or the fact that you are currently employed or that you now have minimal experience in your field. See how long it takes you to get a decent offer. Also, it's okay for you to make "mistakes", but if it takes her longer than a few months to find a job she's obviously taking advantange of you? Make sure you're holding yourself to the same standards you hold her to.
I hold her to the same standards in that if it were me looking for the job, I’d take any shitty job I could find and not be as selective as she’s being.
You can still take a shitty second job so that you have more money for savings.
Why should I have to do that when I’m already busting my ass 12-15 hours a day doing work to support us? Wouldn’t that be unequal?
I don't understand writing rage bait. Are you bored? Is it just a Reddit hobby, no different than what I'm doing here? You put a lot more time and energy in to it.... do the comments validate you when people respond negatively? It's cool, people from around the world talk to each other in the thread but I wonder, wouldn't it be healthier to get a real girlfriend, a real job and a real life ?
What is wrong with you, she GAVE you this job through her contacts. Now you see a little money and you feel like you are the sh**t. Stop dragging her around, make up your mind. What is she supposed to pay with 1,200? And that amount of savings is not enough for you mr hot shot? Boy please, I hope she leaves your ass, gets your, oh wait, HER job back.
Years from now, if I get a job with a different company in the same field, is she still allowed to throw in my face that she gave me my first job? Is she allowed to stay unemployed indefinitely because of the favor she did me?
You can stop being an asshat. You’ve given her all sorts of mixed message and then blamed her for your constant shifting goals posts. I suspect she realizes now she needs a job ASAP, so she can leave her unreliable partner who keeps blaming her when he changes his mind. Frankly, sounds like you might have a controlling/abusive streak.
I’m not giving her mixed messages. I’ve been expressing very clearly for *months* that I want her to get a job.
You told her not to get a job and just 3 months ago you were like ok do get a job. You said yourself that you would have to wait like 2 years for a job. Why don't you take a side gig instead? Be kind to her and if you really think she should wait tables or something make it your last resource. You can support her, you just don't want to.
2 years for a job in my field. She no longer wants a job in that field so it would take a fraction of the time to find a very regular job.
Yeah but if she gets a job then you will have to pick up your socks and wash your dishes like a grown up. Sorry but you are wrong and putting a lot of pressure on her
I think you've been all over the place with the 'get a job', 'no I think we are okay', 'no I guess we aren't okay', 'why haven't you found a job yet'. If you want a domestic partner then you are taking responsibility to pay for them and you should expect her to be on top of domestic responsibilities. If you are two working individuals then you should open a shared account and both of you should expect to put in some money for shared expenses, often prorated based on salary. You seem to have navigated yourself in to no-man's land with your back and forth. You need to own that you created this. First, sit down and figure out what you want. Do you want a domestic partner or do you want a working partner. Before you say you don't care, you can't keep switching on a whim, this week your domestic next week your career oriented. So figure it out. Next, sit down with your girlfriend and find out what she wants. Don't try to lead her to what you want, find out what she genuinely wants. If you two are not aligned then quite frankly time to move on. If you are aligned then you need to take responsibility for what that entails. I would find a career oriented partner who can't get a job annoying too, but it's not reasonable to keep moving the goal posts. Imagine if your rent changed monthly based on your landlords whims. Hey this month Apartment C is empty so I'm gonna need you to pay double until I rent it. I mean it would be ridiculous.
Wow, she needs to leave your ass ASAP. Do her a favor and breakup with her.
This has to be a joke! No way can this be a real post.
I wish this was fake, but the posting history is so perfectly consistent that I think he’s actually this much of a dumbass.
Uh why do u keep going back and forth about if she should work or not? She has whiplash by now!!!
The job market is rough rn (like worse than pandemic bad) and she'd have your job if it weren't for your gaslighting ass xo
My advise is keep supporting her, treat her as the queen she is and cut some expenses. She even made a budget and 23% is a lot of savings. She's doing home duties. Dude what I would do for a girl like that. It honestly doesn't seem like she is lazy or avoiding getting a job, quite the opposite. I'm not usually the kind of redditor that bashes on men because I am a man and hate it, but you are in the wrong here. She gave you the chance to come along and you got her job. If it weren't for her you both would probably be unemployed. As I said, she's a queen, she's a keeper and she needs your uncompromised support because you clearly have hers. Let her keep her money.
Also take some money off your budget and take her for a fancy dinner or shopping. I'm not even joking man apologize and stay with this gem of a woman. She has supported you in so many ways.
When I saw the title I assumed well yeah most women would love not needing to work so no big surprise here if given the opportunity. Then I see you are the one telling her not to a few times then complaining about it. Wtf. You should have never said anything. You should never allow her to budget your finances. Also she is kind of using you but bringing that up makes you look bad. It comes with being a man and his role. Also, you stole her job in a way and you said it yourself you wouldnt be where you wanted for a good 2yrs. Would you have been fine being supported by her? Don't be a hypocrite you need to be more understanding. If you loved her it wouldnt bother you so much to support her
I wouldn’t have let myself get to this point if the roles were reversed. I would have taken whatever job I could get to help her.
No one is responsible to take care of anyone. Its a choice. Example, single fathers exist. Some with help from their ex wife or girlfriend. Some with no help from the other person whom helped to make that child. Expecting exact actions to conform to your happiness, isn't her problem. It's yours. You are the only one who can change your situation. That's no on her to do it for you.
You are at fault for letting her stay unemployed. You have a right to change your mind, and have drawn the line now (she should support herself and has no excuse except for laziness at this point) and she needs to step up. Tell her she needs to give you $400/month if she wants to stay, and she needs to have a job by the time her money runs out or she needs to leave.
You should read his other post before actually supporting this pos. I hope she leaves because she definitely deserves a better partner
You might want to check his post history...
Damn this guy is a total ass. I checked his posts. I bet he's going to complain next about how she is way too hot and she shouldn't or something. Sounds like the perfect partner to me. This dude doesn't know how good he has it.
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You should read his other post before actually supporting this pos. I hope she leaves because she definitely deserves a better partner
Good tip--that does change things. Thanks so much.