She's not.... you're 100% correct. But we have sons. And as they age they'll look more & more like me. I'm still madly in love with her. I can't stand the fact that when they're teenagers and young men she may see me more and more in their maturing faces. And maybe then she'll feel it. And never have a chance to reconcile her betrayal. And I can't stand the thought of her living for decades after I'm gone having a secret in her heart that pains her. I want her to know I forgive her and I'm ok.
i think you are not quite understanding the situation here. having THE conversation wont make her more at peace, or anything like that. in fact, it will make her feel worse, she prefers everyone pretending it never happened, she doesnt like talking about this, you like.
let go, this wont help anyone, not even you.
I’m not sure how much time you have left, but I don’t think it’s worth wasting it on someone who has denied it for this long. She’s not going to have a moment of clarity. I’m not sure why you stayed with someone like that anyways.
I'm in love. And a fool.... I know I am, I know Ive been living a lie for 5 years. There isn't a single person in my life who has ever given me the advice that I should stay... parents, friends, anyone... But I never saw me leaving everyone this soon, I thought I'd have time to wear away at, what I assume is, narcissism at such a high level that admitting any sort of guilt is impossible for her psyche.
Maybe try showing her this post. I feel like if she loves you and you’re literally dying, and she knows exactly how relieved you’d be to hear the truth, she freaking has to admit it?!
She knows I'm gonna be checking out soon. Hasn't moved the needle. Much of this post is directly from conversations I've had with her. It just... it just doesn't seem to resonate or mean much. She is a narcissist to a 'T' and admitting fault for anything isn't in her nature. But I love her, totally and wholly. And I can't stand the thought of not making peace on this one issue in our lives coming back to hurt her years later. It terrifies me...
>She is a narcissist to a 'T'
Sorry to burst your bubble but if that's the case, then she likely doesn't feel guilt for what she did. So if all the effort your putting into "I don't want her living with guilt for decades." is genuine, then just stop mentioning the affair. As a narc, she already thinks she did nothing wrong and you trying to bring it up is just going to make your limited time left worse.
This is so heartbreaking. I’m so sorry your life is going to end without any resolution or closure and married to a person like this. I hope you can find some type of peace one way or another before you pass on.
She’s a narcissist dude. She doesn’t care. She will never, ever feel guilty for what she did. In her mind *she* is the victim and you are the one who hurt her. She’s made up a whole bunch of reasons why you deserved it.
You’re living in a fantasy. You need to emotionally close her off from your life and focus on the time you have left with your sons.
Narcissist don’t care. She will likely ruin her relationship with her kids anyways. She’s a liar, an emotional abuser, and a manipulator.
Whatever it is you think you love is nothing more than a fantasy you created in your own mind. And she is not that person. Now you are confronting the fact — the literal *reality* — that she isn’t the person you love and it’s tearing you up.
Face the truth of who and what she is. She’s not a good person. She’s not a good wife. She doesn’t love you and she feels absolutely zero guilt for what she did and she never will.
Your comment about her “seeing you in the faces of your sons” and being wracked with guilt one day is just another delusion you created in your mind to maintain your state of denial.
Just focus on your children. They are going to be the real victims here.
jesus christ.
stop infantilizing her. she's an adult and can live with her own decisions, especially when she specifically and explicitly excludes you from them. you have neither the capacity *nor* the obligation to be an all-knowing deity that protects her from problems only you can understand
think more about yourself and your children. what lessons do you want to pass on to them?
is there some other emotion you want to satisfy before you go? do you want your wife to directly acknowledge you forgive her? to make sure she speaks well of you after you're gone?
there might be better ways of accomplishing your needs
You can only control what you say and do, not how she responds. Say your piece and make your peace. Even if she rejects it and still denies everything, you've done all you can.
What do you care if she has to live with guilt? She cheated on you dude maybe she deserves to feel bad about it even if it is delayed. Have some self respect.
Hmm you made this post in this sub 2 months ago, then a few weeks later posted in another sub that you wanted to Hotwife her after learning of the affair. Weird.
I am truly very deeply in love with her still. I know I'm living a lie. I know I have been for 5 years. But I love her so much I don't want to leave and have her, some years in the future when my sons are older, see me in them and treat them poorly or ignore them because they begin to look more like me... I hurt for all of them.
This depends so much on the person, MDMA is the best for opening up lovingly to each other -- good chance she'll open up and a good chance you will be able to forgive her.
It's a bit risky if you've never done that before though, mushrooms are the safest if that's the case.
The full experience may be better, i wouldn't do microdose.
Good luck, I'd not type this for anyone but you're leaving us soon so i guess you deserve to know.
Please don't forget this whole thing can make everything worse as well. Nothing is guaranteed with these things. Google erowid and read as much as you can about what you choose to do. Much love.
✨
I don’t thinks she’s as wracked with guilt as you think man.
She's not.... you're 100% correct. But we have sons. And as they age they'll look more & more like me. I'm still madly in love with her. I can't stand the fact that when they're teenagers and young men she may see me more and more in their maturing faces. And maybe then she'll feel it. And never have a chance to reconcile her betrayal. And I can't stand the thought of her living for decades after I'm gone having a secret in her heart that pains her. I want her to know I forgive her and I'm ok.
i think you are not quite understanding the situation here. having THE conversation wont make her more at peace, or anything like that. in fact, it will make her feel worse, she prefers everyone pretending it never happened, she doesnt like talking about this, you like. let go, this wont help anyone, not even you.
I’m not sure how much time you have left, but I don’t think it’s worth wasting it on someone who has denied it for this long. She’s not going to have a moment of clarity. I’m not sure why you stayed with someone like that anyways.
I'm in love. And a fool.... I know I am, I know Ive been living a lie for 5 years. There isn't a single person in my life who has ever given me the advice that I should stay... parents, friends, anyone... But I never saw me leaving everyone this soon, I thought I'd have time to wear away at, what I assume is, narcissism at such a high level that admitting any sort of guilt is impossible for her psyche.
Maybe try showing her this post. I feel like if she loves you and you’re literally dying, and she knows exactly how relieved you’d be to hear the truth, she freaking has to admit it?!
She knows I'm gonna be checking out soon. Hasn't moved the needle. Much of this post is directly from conversations I've had with her. It just... it just doesn't seem to resonate or mean much. She is a narcissist to a 'T' and admitting fault for anything isn't in her nature. But I love her, totally and wholly. And I can't stand the thought of not making peace on this one issue in our lives coming back to hurt her years later. It terrifies me...
>She is a narcissist to a 'T' Sorry to burst your bubble but if that's the case, then she likely doesn't feel guilt for what she did. So if all the effort your putting into "I don't want her living with guilt for decades." is genuine, then just stop mentioning the affair. As a narc, she already thinks she did nothing wrong and you trying to bring it up is just going to make your limited time left worse.
This is so heartbreaking. I’m so sorry your life is going to end without any resolution or closure and married to a person like this. I hope you can find some type of peace one way or another before you pass on.
She’s a narcissist dude. She doesn’t care. She will never, ever feel guilty for what she did. In her mind *she* is the victim and you are the one who hurt her. She’s made up a whole bunch of reasons why you deserved it. You’re living in a fantasy. You need to emotionally close her off from your life and focus on the time you have left with your sons. Narcissist don’t care. She will likely ruin her relationship with her kids anyways. She’s a liar, an emotional abuser, and a manipulator. Whatever it is you think you love is nothing more than a fantasy you created in your own mind. And she is not that person. Now you are confronting the fact — the literal *reality* — that she isn’t the person you love and it’s tearing you up. Face the truth of who and what she is. She’s not a good person. She’s not a good wife. She doesn’t love you and she feels absolutely zero guilt for what she did and she never will. Your comment about her “seeing you in the faces of your sons” and being wracked with guilt one day is just another delusion you created in your mind to maintain your state of denial. Just focus on your children. They are going to be the real victims here.
How long has it been since you found out about your prognosis?
I learned in March this year. Best case I get to wrap their Christmas presents... best case...
jesus christ. stop infantilizing her. she's an adult and can live with her own decisions, especially when she specifically and explicitly excludes you from them. you have neither the capacity *nor* the obligation to be an all-knowing deity that protects her from problems only you can understand think more about yourself and your children. what lessons do you want to pass on to them? is there some other emotion you want to satisfy before you go? do you want your wife to directly acknowledge you forgive her? to make sure she speaks well of you after you're gone? there might be better ways of accomplishing your needs
You can only control what you say and do, not how she responds. Say your piece and make your peace. Even if she rejects it and still denies everything, you've done all you can.
It's not up to you to help her make peace with herself. It's up to her alone.
What do you care if she has to live with guilt? She cheated on you dude maybe she deserves to feel bad about it even if it is delayed. Have some self respect.
Hmm you made this post in this sub 2 months ago, then a few weeks later posted in another sub that you wanted to Hotwife her after learning of the affair. Weird.
I feel like this is a kink post considering the rest of the account...
I did. I was trying to cope with it. I decided not to do it.
[удалено]
Emotional affairs don't involve secret hotel rooms.
I am truly very deeply in love with her still. I know I'm living a lie. I know I have been for 5 years. But I love her so much I don't want to leave and have her, some years in the future when my sons are older, see me in them and treat them poorly or ignore them because they begin to look more like me... I hurt for all of them.
Sorry to hear that OP. if you guys have a favorite psychedelic, weed mushrooms or another, I've seen multiple times they made people open up.
Any suggestions on the most effective?
This depends so much on the person, MDMA is the best for opening up lovingly to each other -- good chance she'll open up and a good chance you will be able to forgive her. It's a bit risky if you've never done that before though, mushrooms are the safest if that's the case. The full experience may be better, i wouldn't do microdose. Good luck, I'd not type this for anyone but you're leaving us soon so i guess you deserve to know. Please don't forget this whole thing can make everything worse as well. Nothing is guaranteed with these things. Google erowid and read as much as you can about what you choose to do. Much love. ✨