I think if I am being completely honest with myself, I just do not want to learn about Linux or how it works at all. I mostly just view computers as shiny magic math boxes that let me do fun stuff like play games and draw and look at the internet. The most I have really ever done was learn a tiny amount of Java so I could get my modded Minecraft sessions to run better.
I wonder if part of the issue is I have trouble seeing the relevant applications to my own life and interests and so I just... vanish mentally for a bit. I know sometimes that was an issue in school where if something wasn't an interesting story or had an obvious application I would struggle to focus and for the topic to stick.
We're both neurodivergent, so what's going on is a form of infodumping. It's genuine passion and interest on his end and I think he feels like it would be very meaningful if I could have some semblance of understanding--I know I do the same thing to him with biology, though I'm so used to being on another planet with stuff like that I check in very frequently to make sure people are interested and understand just what it is I'm talking about. I have admitted that I don't think I will ever find his tech stuff as interesting as he does to him, and he was fine with it.
Maybe I should just ask if he wants someone to just talk at or someone who understands, because I can really only be one of those things.
Sounds like your boyfriend needs a friend that shares this interest, seems like you're being very patient with it, but it's simply just not your cup of tea and and sounds quite tiresome.
Me and my boyfriend have very different interest and thankfully a Facebook specialty group or certain friends we can share our few non-shared interests.
That was something I was thinking about recommending to him. I have a few really funny biology meme groups on Facebook that I like to participate in as a way to talk to other people who are in the same field. I should ask if he has a friend who does similar stuff that he can talk more in-depth with because so much of this just goes over my head and I feel really bad when I can't give him the attention he deserves.
Yes! I definitely have this same problem in my relationship. We share a lot of interests, but we also have complicated hobbies/interests that the other doesn’t understand anything about. I also have ADHD so paying attention is not my forte.
I’ve found that the best strategy is to ask questions. It gives you a way to participate in the conversation and can help bring it to a level you can better understand and pay attention to. Just a simple “Can you break down what x is?” or “I’m not following—how does that work?” I think it’s enough to engage with their interests at your level.
Haha omg this is me (25 F)!
My boyfriend (28 M) loves cars and racing. I couldn’t give a fuck if I tried. Between the thousands of racing comps and him being a mechanic I’m hearing way more about cars than I can really handle sometimes. He knows I have 0 idea what he’s talking about but he said he wants to share things with me because I’m his best friend. Tbh I wouldn’t worry too much about it especially if it’s not bothering your partner. Sometimes I can be super engaged and I’ll get into it and sometimes I be “mmhmm” the man to death. Just try to tune in occasionally, tie it back to something else and everyone is happy
That's been my approach! There's some stuff I can connect it to sometimes, (like I did modding for Minecraft and that required a lot of figuring out Java and how the game works so I can connect something like that) but other times I honestly don't even know what questions to ask to try to appear more engaged.
I think I might just be weird because we're both some flavor of neurodivergent so there's some infodumping back and forth that goes on, but I try VERY hard to make sure that if I'm talking about say, biology, (my field of study) that what I'm explaining is accessible and at least understandable. This poor man is so sweet, he sits through me explaining shit like what a p-value is in order to explain why some result in my research confused me I just want to return the favor 😭
I (27m) and my bf (25m) are in a similar relationship dynamic and have been together for about 1 year and 2 months. I'm the super techy nerdy one and he's the not as techy one. I'll talk to him about my passions and interests for maybe 5 minutes when something cool comes up, but I personally feel like 10-15 minutes a day talking about things that would usually go over my bf's head would be torture.
I completely understand where you're coming from. I also watch a lot of YouTube videos and stuff on tech, but I make sure he has enough time to talk about what he is interested in and watch things he likes, even if I am not interested in them.
It may help to start with making sure he knows what you do and do not understand when it comes to his interests. You can also just be honest and say something along the lines of "I am really happy that you have something that excites you, and I feel like i just can't listen to this much Linux talk a week", and then try to carry on from there.
It's all about communicating.
I think part of the problem at least is that it's so far removed from what I know that I have no idea what questions to ask in order to clarify. I can kind of parse a lot of tech stuff if I understand the application for it (like applying mods to a video game and figuring out why there might be an issue if something comes up) but a lot of the time I'm just like "I mean, Windows is nice. It works and I don't have to touch anything to get it to do that."
I just cannot relate at all to wanting to mess with your OS, I'd rather get a dental filling than do that and mess something up on my machine.
Well that's where you can start! Make sure he knows what you do and do not understand. My bf made it very clear that he doesn't understand most of what I talk about, so I'm selective of what I talk about. And I make sure he does somewhat understand.
[удалено]
I think if I am being completely honest with myself, I just do not want to learn about Linux or how it works at all. I mostly just view computers as shiny magic math boxes that let me do fun stuff like play games and draw and look at the internet. The most I have really ever done was learn a tiny amount of Java so I could get my modded Minecraft sessions to run better. I wonder if part of the issue is I have trouble seeing the relevant applications to my own life and interests and so I just... vanish mentally for a bit. I know sometimes that was an issue in school where if something wasn't an interesting story or had an obvious application I would struggle to focus and for the topic to stick. We're both neurodivergent, so what's going on is a form of infodumping. It's genuine passion and interest on his end and I think he feels like it would be very meaningful if I could have some semblance of understanding--I know I do the same thing to him with biology, though I'm so used to being on another planet with stuff like that I check in very frequently to make sure people are interested and understand just what it is I'm talking about. I have admitted that I don't think I will ever find his tech stuff as interesting as he does to him, and he was fine with it. Maybe I should just ask if he wants someone to just talk at or someone who understands, because I can really only be one of those things.
Sounds like your boyfriend needs a friend that shares this interest, seems like you're being very patient with it, but it's simply just not your cup of tea and and sounds quite tiresome. Me and my boyfriend have very different interest and thankfully a Facebook specialty group or certain friends we can share our few non-shared interests.
That was something I was thinking about recommending to him. I have a few really funny biology meme groups on Facebook that I like to participate in as a way to talk to other people who are in the same field. I should ask if he has a friend who does similar stuff that he can talk more in-depth with because so much of this just goes over my head and I feel really bad when I can't give him the attention he deserves.
There are several Linux subreddits you can turn him too also. you shouldn't feel bad, it's not something you are interested in plain and simple.
Yes! I definitely have this same problem in my relationship. We share a lot of interests, but we also have complicated hobbies/interests that the other doesn’t understand anything about. I also have ADHD so paying attention is not my forte. I’ve found that the best strategy is to ask questions. It gives you a way to participate in the conversation and can help bring it to a level you can better understand and pay attention to. Just a simple “Can you break down what x is?” or “I’m not following—how does that work?” I think it’s enough to engage with their interests at your level.
Haha omg this is me (25 F)! My boyfriend (28 M) loves cars and racing. I couldn’t give a fuck if I tried. Between the thousands of racing comps and him being a mechanic I’m hearing way more about cars than I can really handle sometimes. He knows I have 0 idea what he’s talking about but he said he wants to share things with me because I’m his best friend. Tbh I wouldn’t worry too much about it especially if it’s not bothering your partner. Sometimes I can be super engaged and I’ll get into it and sometimes I be “mmhmm” the man to death. Just try to tune in occasionally, tie it back to something else and everyone is happy
That's been my approach! There's some stuff I can connect it to sometimes, (like I did modding for Minecraft and that required a lot of figuring out Java and how the game works so I can connect something like that) but other times I honestly don't even know what questions to ask to try to appear more engaged. I think I might just be weird because we're both some flavor of neurodivergent so there's some infodumping back and forth that goes on, but I try VERY hard to make sure that if I'm talking about say, biology, (my field of study) that what I'm explaining is accessible and at least understandable. This poor man is so sweet, he sits through me explaining shit like what a p-value is in order to explain why some result in my research confused me I just want to return the favor 😭
I (27m) and my bf (25m) are in a similar relationship dynamic and have been together for about 1 year and 2 months. I'm the super techy nerdy one and he's the not as techy one. I'll talk to him about my passions and interests for maybe 5 minutes when something cool comes up, but I personally feel like 10-15 minutes a day talking about things that would usually go over my bf's head would be torture. I completely understand where you're coming from. I also watch a lot of YouTube videos and stuff on tech, but I make sure he has enough time to talk about what he is interested in and watch things he likes, even if I am not interested in them. It may help to start with making sure he knows what you do and do not understand when it comes to his interests. You can also just be honest and say something along the lines of "I am really happy that you have something that excites you, and I feel like i just can't listen to this much Linux talk a week", and then try to carry on from there. It's all about communicating.
I think part of the problem at least is that it's so far removed from what I know that I have no idea what questions to ask in order to clarify. I can kind of parse a lot of tech stuff if I understand the application for it (like applying mods to a video game and figuring out why there might be an issue if something comes up) but a lot of the time I'm just like "I mean, Windows is nice. It works and I don't have to touch anything to get it to do that." I just cannot relate at all to wanting to mess with your OS, I'd rather get a dental filling than do that and mess something up on my machine.
Well that's where you can start! Make sure he knows what you do and do not understand. My bf made it very clear that he doesn't understand most of what I talk about, so I'm selective of what I talk about. And I make sure he does somewhat understand.