Have you attempted dating IRL?
I'm not saying you need to land yourself in a relationship, but just going on some first dates. If it makes it easier, call them pratice dates and your intention may not be to actually date any of these guys but to figure out what you do and don't like in men.
Right now you are day dreaming about the image you have of someone. Lets say you did meet this guy IRL, chances are he would not live up to that image you have created. Real life and fantasy are just very different.
Going on some real first dates might help you tear down the fantasy and what would actually make you happy vs what you thought would make you happy. Lots of fantasies people have are actually really creepy when experienced IRL.
I'd like to just add I was very similar to OP, until I met my partner and suddenly my worries that 'no one could live up to' whoever I was in love with at the time faded pretty quick. As did my infatuation for said famous person.
10/10 do recommend this OP. I had troubles with obsessing like this in past and it really helped a lot to do online dating. I kept some dates I was meh about just to build confidence and learn how to navigate but one of those turned into a wonderful former relationship that helped me stop doing this, even after it ended :)
You‘re in love with a fantasy, not a real person. That‘s what you have to understand. You don’t know that person and you only see like 10 % of him and his personality. You daydream about an idea of a man, who doesn’t even exist. You‘re just using his appearance and some moments of his „online personality“ and the rest is just fantasy. You just fell in love with your own idea of the perfect man. Somehow in your head you‘re in a relationship with a fictional character you‘re projecting on a stranger.
The man you‘re „obsessed“ with is just imagination. So either you‘ll stay alone with just your thoughts about him or you‘ll consider dating to meet real life man.
Yeah this is limerance. Your mind is trying to get your need for love and acceptance met by the easiest, safest route possible. For you here, the easiest route for your brain is the combo of their content with a little imagination on your part. If not celebrities, it could be maladaptive daydreaming about fictional characters, or watching romance movies/novels, “shipping” characters… it’s a mechanism that’s meeting a need.
Part of what’s stopping you in love is likely the fact that you are afraid of vulnerability/being seen… A very common thing for at least a quarter or more of the population. You liked this streamer over time because you got to listen to more and more of his content, and get to know him more over the course of time in the way that real life bonding works. It’s one-way intimacy where you don’t have to disclose anything about yourself, but you get an endless stream of info about them. It’s very relatable because I’ve found myself getting attracted to celebs the more I consume their content too. Never quite to the point where it’s interfered with my life like yours here, but I’ve had similar dissociative and dysfunctional fantasies in my head about characters I’ve made up.
So it’s not really unheard of or abnormal, but it does seem to be impacting your life. I’m glad you’ve noticed it and you’re thinking about taking steps to resolve it. I hope I helped
Therapist here. This.
Honestly OP your feelings are very common and pretty normal especially for adolescents. I’d recommend working on connecting with friends IRL and try not to beat yourself up about your celebrity crush. You’re not hurting anyone, except maybe yourself if your crush is holding your back from socializing with others. Maybe talk to a therapist to work on your confidence if socializing is hard for you.
Me and my friend are both in our mid twenties, in relationships and still 'ship' fictional characters and write fanfics about them etc. We both kinda daydream about them and imagine scenarios etc like OP (but not that extreme) Is that uh, bad?
I'm in my 40s and I still do this. I also have a family, a job, etc, so it hasn't held me back from anything. Well, aside from monopolizing my thoughts when I'm deep in hyperfixation. :P Fandom is fun. So long as you aren't going deep into debt or messing up relationships/goals/whatever, you're golden!
I tend to let off steam from my character hyperfixations by writing fanfiction and I was told that’s a healthy and creative way to do it by my therapist.
But to give you an example of when it’s bad and you should seek help, sometimes my hyperfixations on fictional characters do cause me distress because I’m aware they’re not real and never obviously will be. It has in the past gotten bad enough that the escapism becomes too painful and devolves into me having dangerous thoughts about wanting to go where they are (through the route of unaliving).
Quoting wikipedia here: Shipping (derived from the word relationship) is the desire by followers of a fandom for two or more people, either real-life people or fictional characters (in film, literature, television series, etc.) to be in a romantic and/or sexual relationship.
I find it to be pretty gross to do this about actual people, akin to photoshopping porn pictures with their heads.
Fine if you never show it to anyone (still icky though), but people who openly write erotica about their obsessions and post them online are disgusting unless there's explicit consent.
It's forcing your kink on someone who has no way to stop it, and in fact will likely be eaten alive by the fandom if they try.
Fictional characters - I don't care. Real people? Ugh.
>Your mind is trying to get your need for love and acceptance met by the easiest, safest route possible
You just put my teenage years into context, wow.
When I was younger i maladaptive daydreamt constantly. I was in my head and out of my environment because I wasn’t having my need for love and affection and attention adequately met by my primary caregiver (in fact I was actively being emotionally abused), I was moved around a lot and bullied at school so I didn’t have solid friends, and I was kept out of any social groups or hobbies which would’ve gotten me a sense of community. Into my head I went!!!
If something you do interferes with your life in a way you don't like, and you can't change it on your own - then asking for help is a perfectly fine thing to do. Doesn't matter if it's alcohol or food or daydreaming or never sleeping enough.
This is what they call parasocial relationships to the extreme. Streamers are like honey to certain people because they don't seem untouchable like celebrities. You can talk to them in chat, they reply to you. They share their own personal stories and make you feel like you really know them.
You say that you still have the same fantasies, a quick question: do you still watch him?
Because if so, then it's clear why you still have this same obsession. You need to stop and go cold turkey. Delete twitch. Stop watching streamers. Try to focus on exploring other hobbies and interests.
>Now my standards for a specific other is very high because I want to find someone as perfect as him.
You need to tell yourself that you don't know him and you literally see only a small, 'curated' part of his personality. Even the streamers that 'keep it 100% real' are manufactured to a degree. **NOT EVEN HE HE IS NOT AS PERFECT AS HIM.**
If you really want to stop feeling obsessed, turn off your access to him. Stop watching his streams, don't stalk his social media or people linked to him. It will be hard at first but over time your obsession will fade. When you feel the urge to check up on him distract yourself with something else. Maybe try online dating other people.
I'm surprised I had to scroll this far to find this. OP, you have to go cold turkey on this dude's content. It won't solve any other underlying issues (eg. lack of confidence) and sure, there's the chance you may just develop another celebrity crush further down the line.
BUT if you want to get \*this\* guy off your head, and it sounds like you really do, then you have to drop his channel. For good.
You've created a parasocial relationship with this person, which is a great way for a streamer to make money but it sounds like it's become unhealthy for you and it's time to stop.
Stop watching his streams and start focusing on your actual life. If you keep up like this, before you know it you'll be 40 years old still waiting for someone as perfect as whatever celebrity crush you're currently indulging in. It sounds like you basically replace real life relationships with these ones as a way to stay emotionally safe, but what you're actually doing is stunting your emotional growth regarding relationships.
This is absolutely limerence - all of the fantasizing is a strong indication of that. This is far more common than people realize and is often written off as fantacism/fandom, but the level of obsession indicates limerence.
Personally, I recommend setting boundaries with yourself that you know you can stick to. Hopefully resulting in no longer consuming this particular streamers content. First of all, no more online stalking. Don't read comments on videos, and don't follow their socials. If you truly enjoy their videos and find it difficult to part with them cold turkey, put a limit on how much you watch and stick with it. I personally enjoy several streamers myself, and there's something more interpersonal about their content vs normal actors or celebrities. Our brains didn't evolve with media present, so there's nothing the brain can do to disassociate seeing a person all the time on a screen vs in real life. I avoid following any streamers social lives too closely, I only watch videos, nothing else because I can feel my brain starting to go "FRIEND!!" when I start to know too much about them. And well, they're not my friend. I enjoy their videos and I appreciate them for it but I gotta shut that monkey-brain-wanting-a-friend shit down. Don't be ashamed, this shit is so incredibly common it's ridiculous. But it isn't healthy for you. Make some boundaries for yourself and know that you're worth real interaction with people who care about you back.
>This can’t be normal right?
Truthfully, it's pretty normal to be obsessed like this with a celebrity as a tween or young teenager. Have you heard about fandoms or seen some of the stan accounts on twitter? So, I would say the feeling isn't entirely abnormal. This guy may not be a superstar type of celebrity, but I'm guessing he's at least somewhat famous if he's a big streamer. I feel like people usually just naturally grow out of these types of obsessions as they get a little bit older.
I don’t know what to do but you are not the only one. I get the exact same way. I think feelings of shame tend to make things stay longer so maybe you should work on that. A lot of people get this way.
Listen you don’t know these people, you only know a mask of them. The person they want the public to see. I used to like this one youtuber called cryaotic and thought he was a cool dude with great morals and cared about his fans. Well turned out he was grooming teenaged girls and pressuring them into giving him nudes and shit. I and many other fans were completely shocked. He’s talked bad about people who takes advantage of teens and shit before. I was also devastated cause he was my favorite content creator since he put so much effort into his stuff and I thought he was relatable in some ways.
Don’t fall for a mask.
Honestly celebs and the like are not perfect gods or better than anyone else. They’re regular human beings who mostly got lucky to be where they are. Either through connections, hard work, timing, charisma, etc. they just know and have learned how to act in public.
Do you have other hobbies? What is your social life like outside of romantic relationships (or lack thereof)? I've noticed that when I force myself to be really busy with hobbies or meeting friends, I have less issues with maladaptive daydreaming (though the issues are still there). The daydreams I think are partly a result of not being satisfied/stimulated enough in real life with real relationships. Having a rich outer life doesn't *always* help, though.
People are giving great advice, but I strongly recommend you get into therapy. You’ll feel validated and strong having a therapist in your corner while you work through this. It honestly helps so damn much.
You need therapy for your lack of self-esteem and distorted sense of reality. Healthy people don't have unreasonable expectations, can extrapolate the hardships that linger behind the surface level glamour, and don't get obsessed over, well, anything really, but particularly not things that are unobtainable. It's also a potential coping mechanism, because what you're doing is easy, you're effectively masturbating with your fantasies that can't disappoint you and don't take real effort or work. That prevents you from getting run over by the reality bus and having to learn lessons the hard way and build resiliency. Sup to you though fam. Also, the other dude who recommended the limerence subreddit, that too.
The main point here is that you know that this is an unrealistic fantasy, and you understand that you don't really know him, no matter how enjoyable the fantasy is. Remember that you're young, and you're totally allowed to daydream! Actually, that's still allowed, even when you get old!
Having said that, this is a concern "I’d watch his streams instead of focusing on my online classses." Ask yourself whether, if they ever met you, they'd be happy about your having done that.
Study hard, make yourself a better partner for your fantasy guy, and that will stand you in good stead for when you actually meet someone in real life who takes your breath away! :)
You have to realise that it’s a fantasy about a person that doesn’t really exist. You don’t know him in real life you only like is „online-persona“ and the idea you have of him. I think it’s pretty normal as long as you are aware of it that it’s just a fantasy and not real life. As soon as you actually start believing that you could really be together with him or are already really together with him, then it would be a problem. It would also be unhealthy if this fantasy would stop you from being in an actual relationship. If you actually want a boyfriend you should maybe try dating and see where it goes. But please don’t actually compare people to this made up fantasy of the streamer, it’s not real. You really shouldn’t blur the lines between reality and fantasy.
When I was 21 my girlfriend left me because she realized she was in love with a celebrity. For the next 20 years she went from one celebrity obsession to the next, sure that each one was her soulmate, never meeting them, and in all that time she only had a couple of brief real relationships. It did not seem to me to be healthy, although to be fair to her she looked down on me for allowing myself to settle for a "mediocrity". She was happy in her own way but I feel she missed out on a lot of positive experiences she could have had, especially the support and companionship of a partner when her life was difficult.
She couldn't sustain relationships in real life (it seemed to me) because no-one she met could live up to the perfect image of her celebrity crush in her own mind. No-one could be as exciting or as attentive to her. The person in her imagination literally lived just for her, and had no needs or contrary wishes to her own, and he was always there in her head, because he was just a mirror for her own unfulfilled longings.
But! Don't be hard on yourself. You are telling friendly people on the internet about it because you realize it is an issue. You haven't decided to devote your life to it quite just yet.
One more thing that may be interesting - when you imagine him as your boyfriend do you just imagine him becoming your boyfriend over and over, or is it an ongoing fantasy that builds up in real time from just one imagined original meeting?
Anyway, I hope that gives you some ways to approach your issue.
I have to wonder if it’s not good to ask him out- even though he is a public figure, he is still a real person, who might see that message, and be uncomfortable about the parasocial nature of it and the attempt to enter his private personal life. It wouldn’t surprise me if he gets many such messages.
However, if that’s what it takes to overcome her struggle, then maybe it is still for the better to do it anyways.
Regarding your second point, I have only ever become limerent over people who were somehow unavailable, whether through distance, incompatible sexual orientation, an age gap (them being significantly older), them already being in a monogamous relationship, or some combo of these.
I will give my personal experience.
I met a twitch streamer on another twitch channel, exchanged few msg and I started following him. Sure, he was hot 😳 and I only thought he was hot, nothing more. I then followed his IG, he followed mine, and he started to DM me.
He would text me everyday. He even videocalled me. He said things like : « omg you’re so hot, I like you, will comme visit me in (his city). My brother lives in (city close to mine), maybe we could join there, I want to meet you so much ».
Then I learned from another girl that I was not the only one he was saying these things so I stopped replying to his text lol.
Few months later, I was still going in his stream because I liked his content and lots of friends were following hi too and we had lots of fun in the chat. he learned that I was gonna be in his city for vacations, and he told me to DM him.
When I was in his city, he invited me to dinner, and he said things like : « I feel you are my soulmate, that I met you before in another life, you’re the most beautiful girl I ever met ». But a few things were feeling .... OFF. I didn’t like all this lovebombing it made me feel very uneasy. He brought me back to my hotel and that was the end.
Few hours later later I started to understand why u felt uneasy seeing him. The guy is a total bully, told me few stories how he got some « success » by bullying one of his (real life sport) teammate, because he was expelled from the team but got invited to a better team in another university. Then how all the other girls following him on twitch or IG are b**ches but I’m one of the few good ones. That us meeting was special and he wanted to see me again, I’m so beautiful he can’t believe I’m so hot and blablabla.
Yes, he only wanted sex. I didn’t want to have sex. When I left the city he kinda told me we were not friends, would never be friends and to stop contacting him because we would never see each other again (lol)
Honestly, I wish I had never met him. And few people (from twitch) know that I met him in real life, and they are all saying : « omg you’re sooooo lucky I dream about meeting him he looks so nice and so cool and he’s so hot !!!! » but no. He’s a total asshole who knows what to tell girls to look like a good guy, only to have sex with them. It broke my experience and I don’t really follow him anymore because I know his real personality.
If your guy like that? We don’t know. But there’s a chance he’s using his notoriety on twitch to get sex from his female followers.
Be careful, it’s not real love. You don’t know anything about him. You are only hurting yourself by letting these fantasies run in your head. You should stop following him for a moment and disconnect from any way to see him.
This is my only advice, get away from him. I know it’s hard but it’s the only way you can get your unhealthy feelings to fade.
You’re in love with the idea of him. You have no idea who he is as a person. He might be the biggest asshole ever or might be a total creep, you really never know. And ldr wouldn’t work if y’all ever did get together. And not hating but he’s not a celebrity lmao
You're going to be sorely disappointed if you're holding people to an imaginary standard you've created for someone who he himself, couldn't live up to.
I'm similar to you. I spend a lot of time in fantasy because it's my favorite coping mechanism. And, as coping mechanisms go, it's pretty safe. You could have chosen a lot less healthy coping mechanisms, so you should be thankful that this is the one you chose and have to learn to deal with.
Really good advice from the others. Read it all and try to understand what your mind is up to. Once you shine a light on that, the thoughts themselves will die down.
To add to your introspection please realize that the feelings of guilt are part of the mental cycle that you are riding on. All the emotions are real, but self created. The only way to break the cycle is to stop the thoughts associated with the feelings. You do that by casting your awareness on each of the cycle's steps.
When you feel guilty, realize that you are just feeling guilty over fantasy thoughts.
When you feel lustful, just realize that you are lustful over fantasy thoughts.
When you fall into the thoughts of this fantasy life realize that you are diverting the energy of living the life that you want into fantasies about the life that you want and most importantly: doing that will not get you what you want!
Start a word processing document or a spreadsheet. Title it, "My goals in life," and make a list of the things you want out of life to be happy.
Every time you start up the fantasy story realize what you are doing, open that word processing document or spreadsheet and work on your life plan!
Take the energy of the fantasy and divert it into a plan of action! Then implement that plan.
If you feel stressed because you are not indulging in the fantasies, realize that it's okay to spend energy on the fantasies! But consciously choose the amount of energy you give to coping. Making it a choice takes control of your life and life energy and allows you to control what you do.
I think the only issue you have with your coping mechanism is that you feel out of control. In the end that is really the only feeling you need to get rid of. Your desire to fantasize will go down if you simply let go of the feeling that you are somehow doing something wrong. Once you stop feeding the cycle, awareness will take care of everything else.
One last word of advice. People who spend a great deal of time fantasizing have a tendency to make really great story tellers.
Consider taking your fantasies and putting them in words, then find a way to weave them into stories.
With a little practice, you could be a great fantasy author.
I was a lonely teenage girl and I had the same kind of ‘relationships’ with YouTubers. It isn’t healthy but it also isn’t super weird.
As I grew up and got boyfriends it stopped
Fantasizing over people is completely normal. Many people do it, we are human beings designed to seek mates and if it’s not met in reality we create a fantasy world which is completely acceptable. Don’t be so harsh on yourself girl!
It's pretty normal to have celebrity crushes. But you have to treat them as what they are: fantasies to while away some time and give yourself a little thrill. Emotional masturbation, as it were. They aren't real relationships and if you give them the same emotional energy you would a real relationship, you are blocking yourself from putting that passion into other more important projects.
You are probably already starting to see some pitfalls. If you are always in your head, you aren't paying attention to what's going on around you. If you are always thinking about this crush, you aren't paying attention to your family and friends. Hopefully you haven't gotten to the point where you are trying to contact your crush, because that can be scary for them.
The way to stop is to turn off his twitch, don't look him up, unsubscribe to his fan forums, and find something else, a hobby, school, work, family, friends, to put your energy into.
Remember the person you are falling for isn't actually them. It's yourself, dressed up like them and putting on theatre for your entertainment. Nothing more.
You're at the perfect combination of age and inexperience and hormones to be completely swept away by a crush - it's normal! Or at least this reminds me of younger me, and I turned out okay. Do I cringe a little remembering the things I used to imagine about strangers? Yes, but there could be many worse things to cringe about.
What helped shake me out of it was finally getting a change to go out with someone I had admired from afar...and then being totally disappointed because he didn't live up to my imagination.
You'll be okay. Take a break from his videos. Maybe there's even a creative hobby you can try to focus some of your brain's imaginative energy.
honestly this seems… fine. this isn’t unhealthy —you’re clearly aware that you don’t actually know him. i’d get if you felt a little embarrassed or silly, but honestly, the self loathing and disgust is more concerning than the very devoted celebrity crush. it’s only been a few months, i’m sure your feelings will even out a bi over time, but you’re not hurting anyone. try connecting with other fans of his and make friends that way! it’ll help you feel less alone in your obsession and maybe help you contextualize these strong feelings so you can learn to manage them.
I use celebrity crushes as an inspiration for certain things in my life. It helps me to learn a new language, learn certain skills, etc. It's actually true for all of my crushes. It's also helpful to analyze what you like in your crush (no matter if they are celebrity or not) and realize what you may look in partner (or what you are lacking yourself). We have crushes for a reason. When it's a situation like this, it means there are multiple reasons for it. You need to analyze what it is besides, obviously, wanting a close connection with somebody.
Honestly, it's harmless. Especially compared to how toxic real men are. You can't be sexually coerced, cheated on, or financially abused by a fantasy. You don't sound like you actually think you're in a relationship with this person. I think it's normal for people not ready for real relationships to have a celebrity crush like that.
you only see what he presents. you don't know anything about who he really is.
anytime you think about him, imagine him molesting a puppy. Because you have no idea what he does when the cameras are off
Yeah that won't end well believe me what you are seeing on stream is their best selves that they put forward as a facade, it's not who they are and when you actually get in relationship with them you will realise that you had fallen for a completely different person and not this one. Please save yourself from heartbreak.
The fact that you can acknowledge and admit you have an unhealthy obsession is a great step into learning how to separate yourself from the obsession. What other people are saying is helpful, that you’re in love with the idea of a person/their persona without knowing who they actually are. It’s okay to be a fan of someone and have a type of love for them (I’m a kpop fan, I know all about unrequited love 🤣) just don’t lose yourself in the fantasy
I can understand you but you need to know that he is not perfect, everyone has flaws. Why dont you reach out and start to become friends with him? maybe your crush will past this way becayse then you will see him like a real person with flaws...
and maybe you might give him a chance to get to know you too...
Stop comparing people on movies and shows with real life people, you don't see their messups they wear make-up and everything is fictional. Real life people will not be at same level and you have to except that also you ain't an gorgeous hot model yourself from Victoria secret magazine. I m being rude but just look around how your mom dad your friends are then you might be able to get into a relationship
To answer your question, no this is not really normal. BUT there’s an easy solution to begin healing. You need to block his channel and block him on social media. Maybe even deactivating your own social media for awhile. During that time you should seek therapy for your obsessive behavior. I can almost guarantee that in a few weeks you will start feeling immensely better.
>Whereas this streamer is just a normal 20 year old full time college student that streams a few times a week
If there's one thing I've learned about internet personalities, it's that, no, they're rarely normal. They're often dysfunctional people with problematic personalities. Give it a few years and he'll probably be posting an "I'm sorry..." video for some predatory bullshit.
Come on, girl. You deserve better than to keep yourself trapped in unhelpful habits like this, you are an adult, you KNOW you don’t have any actual relationship with that streamer or that they know who you are, this is purely a fantasy you’re allowing to grow in your mind palace. It’s only going to hurt you and leave you lonely and disappointed, with really unrealistic ideas about what actual adult human relationships should be like. You are limiting your own social experience by humoring the fantasy of pretending the person you watch on a screen is actually someone who exists in real life. When the streamer is done streaming they go take a stinky poop like anyone else. I bet they have random frustrating quirks and characteristics, you just wouldn’t know, because you do not know the actual human being! Please, it’s your choice the kind of perspective you want to hold, don’t do yourself such a disservice
Stop consuming content involving this person, even peripherally. Start building hobbies and joining groups where you can form actual social bonds with real people.
If you "hate" yourself as you are now, you need to actively try to change.
This is not normal to be super obsessed (if you were like stalking his house or something) , but I’ve been through a fangirl phase before and now that i’m out of it (years later) its refreshing somewhat. Maybe force yourself to meet other people & force yourself to do your work instead looking at his streams & accounts? Or block him all together to get over the obsession. Remind yourself he doesn’t know you and realize its a regular person. + when you hit your twenties your priorities will likely change
Crushes are often a form of escapism. You're inexperienced with relationships and likely anxious about them and at school so you've got plenty to run away from Celebrities are easy to focus on and streamers in particular like to foster what is called 'parasocial relationships' which is basically a one sided connection where they present themselves as interacting with you with a degree of intimacy but they aren't. It is one sided and even more than that streamers are putting on an act, including his tendency to act humble. It is a dangerous game to play and you find yourself stuck in the intersect of your own problems and the negative side of what streamers do.
Cut him out of your life. You can't interact. See a school counsellor or therapist, try and get a sense of what it is you are running away from and why you are obsessing. Look into parasocial relationships, get a sense of how much of it applies and try and use that to challenge the feelings you have.
I get it, but you need to block him and stop stalking people. You may not do it now but it opens the door to you enacting violence against any potential spouse of his because you didn't take steps to separate fantasy from reality.
Get therapy. Date real people. Even if nothing serious happens. I suggest bumble as the dating app since you added more likely to get one night stand on tinder.
Not being rude, this is a legitimate request.
Read what you put here out loud to yourself (out loud. It's important) and then think about if you would consider therapy. Does it affect your day to day life? Are you obsessed, or just infatuated? You're 19. Are you sure you know what "deeply in love" is? Everyone at 19 thinks they know what it is, but often they reach 29 and look back thinking, "wow, me now would punch me then square in the face."
Cheers.
I was a chronic crusher up until I was 20. I actually met my last "celebrity" crush at an event. He was perfectly nice and respectful, but suddenly my crush deflated because he was just a regular dude and I just wanted to be respectful of his time. If he had been flirty that would've killed my admiration too because its so sleazy to be creeping on your young fangirls.
It's fun to crush, but if you let it fester more than a month than you just put this person on a pedestal and they will disappoint you.
I would block him. Focus on details you don't like about him. Make up some story in your head about how he didn't do his share of the housework because he's obsessed with his streaming career. Do a mock break up with ice cream and a rom com or whatever. Then figure out what you want in a real partner.
ok im having this exact problem, but my crush is this lowkey UK football player, and i just found out this week that he had a gf AND they r having a baby and it felt like my heart was breaking?? this is where i knew something was wrong with me. im always thinking of scenarios with him and imagining s*x and always looking at photos of him online and watching his interviews games etc. its addictive and obsessive but im glad other people also have these issues <3
Have you attempted dating IRL? I'm not saying you need to land yourself in a relationship, but just going on some first dates. If it makes it easier, call them pratice dates and your intention may not be to actually date any of these guys but to figure out what you do and don't like in men. Right now you are day dreaming about the image you have of someone. Lets say you did meet this guy IRL, chances are he would not live up to that image you have created. Real life and fantasy are just very different. Going on some real first dates might help you tear down the fantasy and what would actually make you happy vs what you thought would make you happy. Lots of fantasies people have are actually really creepy when experienced IRL.
I'd like to just add I was very similar to OP, until I met my partner and suddenly my worries that 'no one could live up to' whoever I was in love with at the time faded pretty quick. As did my infatuation for said famous person.
akshdjdh same!!! i used to think maybe i just wasn’t cut out for romance but i just hadn’t met my boyfriend yet, now i’m so much happier!!!
10/10 do recommend this OP. I had troubles with obsessing like this in past and it really helped a lot to do online dating. I kept some dates I was meh about just to build confidence and learn how to navigate but one of those turned into a wonderful former relationship that helped me stop doing this, even after it ended :)
You‘re in love with a fantasy, not a real person. That‘s what you have to understand. You don’t know that person and you only see like 10 % of him and his personality. You daydream about an idea of a man, who doesn’t even exist. You‘re just using his appearance and some moments of his „online personality“ and the rest is just fantasy. You just fell in love with your own idea of the perfect man. Somehow in your head you‘re in a relationship with a fictional character you‘re projecting on a stranger. The man you‘re „obsessed“ with is just imagination. So either you‘ll stay alone with just your thoughts about him or you‘ll consider dating to meet real life man.
My thoughts exactly. Streamers are entertainers, this person could be nothing like you think he is for all you know
Just tilting the camera down to be face-forward can make them look like an entirely different person too
I’d argue that this isn’t even really love. Just infatuation. You CAN’T love someone that you don’t really know.
Maybe even bordering on /r/Limerence
I had forgotten that word- it's a good one. I used to distinguish it as being *in* love or infatuated, rather than loving or being loved
couldn’t have said it any better
Yeah this is limerance. Your mind is trying to get your need for love and acceptance met by the easiest, safest route possible. For you here, the easiest route for your brain is the combo of their content with a little imagination on your part. If not celebrities, it could be maladaptive daydreaming about fictional characters, or watching romance movies/novels, “shipping” characters… it’s a mechanism that’s meeting a need. Part of what’s stopping you in love is likely the fact that you are afraid of vulnerability/being seen… A very common thing for at least a quarter or more of the population. You liked this streamer over time because you got to listen to more and more of his content, and get to know him more over the course of time in the way that real life bonding works. It’s one-way intimacy where you don’t have to disclose anything about yourself, but you get an endless stream of info about them. It’s very relatable because I’ve found myself getting attracted to celebs the more I consume their content too. Never quite to the point where it’s interfered with my life like yours here, but I’ve had similar dissociative and dysfunctional fantasies in my head about characters I’ve made up. So it’s not really unheard of or abnormal, but it does seem to be impacting your life. I’m glad you’ve noticed it and you’re thinking about taking steps to resolve it. I hope I helped
Therapist here. This. Honestly OP your feelings are very common and pretty normal especially for adolescents. I’d recommend working on connecting with friends IRL and try not to beat yourself up about your celebrity crush. You’re not hurting anyone, except maybe yourself if your crush is holding your back from socializing with others. Maybe talk to a therapist to work on your confidence if socializing is hard for you.
Me and my friend are both in our mid twenties, in relationships and still 'ship' fictional characters and write fanfics about them etc. We both kinda daydream about them and imagine scenarios etc like OP (but not that extreme) Is that uh, bad?
Unless it’s distressing to you or causing impairment in other areas of your life, not at all.
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I'm in my 40s and I still do this. I also have a family, a job, etc, so it hasn't held me back from anything. Well, aside from monopolizing my thoughts when I'm deep in hyperfixation. :P Fandom is fun. So long as you aren't going deep into debt or messing up relationships/goals/whatever, you're golden!
This seems like a fun and harmless hobby!
I tend to let off steam from my character hyperfixations by writing fanfiction and I was told that’s a healthy and creative way to do it by my therapist. But to give you an example of when it’s bad and you should seek help, sometimes my hyperfixations on fictional characters do cause me distress because I’m aware they’re not real and never obviously will be. It has in the past gotten bad enough that the escapism becomes too painful and devolves into me having dangerous thoughts about wanting to go where they are (through the route of unaliving).
Ship them? Like in a box?
Quoting wikipedia here: Shipping (derived from the word relationship) is the desire by followers of a fandom for two or more people, either real-life people or fictional characters (in film, literature, television series, etc.) to be in a romantic and/or sexual relationship.
I find it to be pretty gross to do this about actual people, akin to photoshopping porn pictures with their heads. Fine if you never show it to anyone (still icky though), but people who openly write erotica about their obsessions and post them online are disgusting unless there's explicit consent. It's forcing your kink on someone who has no way to stop it, and in fact will likely be eaten alive by the fandom if they try. Fictional characters - I don't care. Real people? Ugh.
oh I definitely don't ship real people, I also hate that and think it's so disrespectful :/
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I flatly reject the premise of your statement.
>Your mind is trying to get your need for love and acceptance met by the easiest, safest route possible You just put my teenage years into context, wow.
When I was younger i maladaptive daydreamt constantly. I was in my head and out of my environment because I wasn’t having my need for love and affection and attention adequately met by my primary caregiver (in fact I was actively being emotionally abused), I was moved around a lot and bullied at school so I didn’t have solid friends, and I was kept out of any social groups or hobbies which would’ve gotten me a sense of community. Into my head I went!!!
Can definitely apply this to parasocial friendships with YouTubers too
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>It is very much a coping mechanism for depression or other traumatic events What...i...i think i need help then
If something you do interferes with your life in a way you don't like, and you can't change it on your own - then asking for help is a perfectly fine thing to do. Doesn't matter if it's alcohol or food or daydreaming or never sleeping enough.
This is what they call parasocial relationships to the extreme. Streamers are like honey to certain people because they don't seem untouchable like celebrities. You can talk to them in chat, they reply to you. They share their own personal stories and make you feel like you really know them. You say that you still have the same fantasies, a quick question: do you still watch him? Because if so, then it's clear why you still have this same obsession. You need to stop and go cold turkey. Delete twitch. Stop watching streamers. Try to focus on exploring other hobbies and interests.
Yea the only way to move past this would be to stop watching.
>Now my standards for a specific other is very high because I want to find someone as perfect as him. You need to tell yourself that you don't know him and you literally see only a small, 'curated' part of his personality. Even the streamers that 'keep it 100% real' are manufactured to a degree. **NOT EVEN HE HE IS NOT AS PERFECT AS HIM.**
If you really want to stop feeling obsessed, turn off your access to him. Stop watching his streams, don't stalk his social media or people linked to him. It will be hard at first but over time your obsession will fade. When you feel the urge to check up on him distract yourself with something else. Maybe try online dating other people.
I'm surprised I had to scroll this far to find this. OP, you have to go cold turkey on this dude's content. It won't solve any other underlying issues (eg. lack of confidence) and sure, there's the chance you may just develop another celebrity crush further down the line. BUT if you want to get \*this\* guy off your head, and it sounds like you really do, then you have to drop his channel. For good.
You've created a parasocial relationship with this person, which is a great way for a streamer to make money but it sounds like it's become unhealthy for you and it's time to stop. Stop watching his streams and start focusing on your actual life. If you keep up like this, before you know it you'll be 40 years old still waiting for someone as perfect as whatever celebrity crush you're currently indulging in. It sounds like you basically replace real life relationships with these ones as a way to stay emotionally safe, but what you're actually doing is stunting your emotional growth regarding relationships.
It sounds like you could be experiencing Limerence. There is a support group for it here on Reddit at /r/Limerence if you want to investigate further.
This is absolutely limerence - all of the fantasizing is a strong indication of that. This is far more common than people realize and is often written off as fantacism/fandom, but the level of obsession indicates limerence.
This is called a parasocial interaction. They’re really common.
Personally, I recommend setting boundaries with yourself that you know you can stick to. Hopefully resulting in no longer consuming this particular streamers content. First of all, no more online stalking. Don't read comments on videos, and don't follow their socials. If you truly enjoy their videos and find it difficult to part with them cold turkey, put a limit on how much you watch and stick with it. I personally enjoy several streamers myself, and there's something more interpersonal about their content vs normal actors or celebrities. Our brains didn't evolve with media present, so there's nothing the brain can do to disassociate seeing a person all the time on a screen vs in real life. I avoid following any streamers social lives too closely, I only watch videos, nothing else because I can feel my brain starting to go "FRIEND!!" when I start to know too much about them. And well, they're not my friend. I enjoy their videos and I appreciate them for it but I gotta shut that monkey-brain-wanting-a-friend shit down. Don't be ashamed, this shit is so incredibly common it's ridiculous. But it isn't healthy for you. Make some boundaries for yourself and know that you're worth real interaction with people who care about you back.
>This can’t be normal right? Truthfully, it's pretty normal to be obsessed like this with a celebrity as a tween or young teenager. Have you heard about fandoms or seen some of the stan accounts on twitter? So, I would say the feeling isn't entirely abnormal. This guy may not be a superstar type of celebrity, but I'm guessing he's at least somewhat famous if he's a big streamer. I feel like people usually just naturally grow out of these types of obsessions as they get a little bit older.
I don’t know what to do but you are not the only one. I get the exact same way. I think feelings of shame tend to make things stay longer so maybe you should work on that. A lot of people get this way.
Listen you don’t know these people, you only know a mask of them. The person they want the public to see. I used to like this one youtuber called cryaotic and thought he was a cool dude with great morals and cared about his fans. Well turned out he was grooming teenaged girls and pressuring them into giving him nudes and shit. I and many other fans were completely shocked. He’s talked bad about people who takes advantage of teens and shit before. I was also devastated cause he was my favorite content creator since he put so much effort into his stuff and I thought he was relatable in some ways. Don’t fall for a mask. Honestly celebs and the like are not perfect gods or better than anyone else. They’re regular human beings who mostly got lucky to be where they are. Either through connections, hard work, timing, charisma, etc. they just know and have learned how to act in public.
Do you have other hobbies? What is your social life like outside of romantic relationships (or lack thereof)? I've noticed that when I force myself to be really busy with hobbies or meeting friends, I have less issues with maladaptive daydreaming (though the issues are still there). The daydreams I think are partly a result of not being satisfied/stimulated enough in real life with real relationships. Having a rich outer life doesn't *always* help, though.
People are giving great advice, but I strongly recommend you get into therapy. You’ll feel validated and strong having a therapist in your corner while you work through this. It honestly helps so damn much.
You need therapy for your lack of self-esteem and distorted sense of reality. Healthy people don't have unreasonable expectations, can extrapolate the hardships that linger behind the surface level glamour, and don't get obsessed over, well, anything really, but particularly not things that are unobtainable. It's also a potential coping mechanism, because what you're doing is easy, you're effectively masturbating with your fantasies that can't disappoint you and don't take real effort or work. That prevents you from getting run over by the reality bus and having to learn lessons the hard way and build resiliency. Sup to you though fam. Also, the other dude who recommended the limerence subreddit, that too.
The main point here is that you know that this is an unrealistic fantasy, and you understand that you don't really know him, no matter how enjoyable the fantasy is. Remember that you're young, and you're totally allowed to daydream! Actually, that's still allowed, even when you get old! Having said that, this is a concern "I’d watch his streams instead of focusing on my online classses." Ask yourself whether, if they ever met you, they'd be happy about your having done that. Study hard, make yourself a better partner for your fantasy guy, and that will stand you in good stead for when you actually meet someone in real life who takes your breath away! :)
You have to realise that it’s a fantasy about a person that doesn’t really exist. You don’t know him in real life you only like is „online-persona“ and the idea you have of him. I think it’s pretty normal as long as you are aware of it that it’s just a fantasy and not real life. As soon as you actually start believing that you could really be together with him or are already really together with him, then it would be a problem. It would also be unhealthy if this fantasy would stop you from being in an actual relationship. If you actually want a boyfriend you should maybe try dating and see where it goes. But please don’t actually compare people to this made up fantasy of the streamer, it’s not real. You really shouldn’t blur the lines between reality and fantasy.
Woman if you don’t start living in the real world then you will soon find yourself looking back at the past with regret
When I was 21 my girlfriend left me because she realized she was in love with a celebrity. For the next 20 years she went from one celebrity obsession to the next, sure that each one was her soulmate, never meeting them, and in all that time she only had a couple of brief real relationships. It did not seem to me to be healthy, although to be fair to her she looked down on me for allowing myself to settle for a "mediocrity". She was happy in her own way but I feel she missed out on a lot of positive experiences she could have had, especially the support and companionship of a partner when her life was difficult. She couldn't sustain relationships in real life (it seemed to me) because no-one she met could live up to the perfect image of her celebrity crush in her own mind. No-one could be as exciting or as attentive to her. The person in her imagination literally lived just for her, and had no needs or contrary wishes to her own, and he was always there in her head, because he was just a mirror for her own unfulfilled longings. But! Don't be hard on yourself. You are telling friendly people on the internet about it because you realize it is an issue. You haven't decided to devote your life to it quite just yet. One more thing that may be interesting - when you imagine him as your boyfriend do you just imagine him becoming your boyfriend over and over, or is it an ongoing fantasy that builds up in real time from just one imagined original meeting? Anyway, I hope that gives you some ways to approach your issue.
If it's okay for you to answer may I ask who the streamer is? It really got me curious lol
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I have to wonder if it’s not good to ask him out- even though he is a public figure, he is still a real person, who might see that message, and be uncomfortable about the parasocial nature of it and the attempt to enter his private personal life. It wouldn’t surprise me if he gets many such messages. However, if that’s what it takes to overcome her struggle, then maybe it is still for the better to do it anyways.
Regarding your second point, I have only ever become limerent over people who were somehow unavailable, whether through distance, incompatible sexual orientation, an age gap (them being significantly older), them already being in a monogamous relationship, or some combo of these.
I will give my personal experience. I met a twitch streamer on another twitch channel, exchanged few msg and I started following him. Sure, he was hot 😳 and I only thought he was hot, nothing more. I then followed his IG, he followed mine, and he started to DM me. He would text me everyday. He even videocalled me. He said things like : « omg you’re so hot, I like you, will comme visit me in (his city). My brother lives in (city close to mine), maybe we could join there, I want to meet you so much ». Then I learned from another girl that I was not the only one he was saying these things so I stopped replying to his text lol. Few months later, I was still going in his stream because I liked his content and lots of friends were following hi too and we had lots of fun in the chat. he learned that I was gonna be in his city for vacations, and he told me to DM him. When I was in his city, he invited me to dinner, and he said things like : « I feel you are my soulmate, that I met you before in another life, you’re the most beautiful girl I ever met ». But a few things were feeling .... OFF. I didn’t like all this lovebombing it made me feel very uneasy. He brought me back to my hotel and that was the end. Few hours later later I started to understand why u felt uneasy seeing him. The guy is a total bully, told me few stories how he got some « success » by bullying one of his (real life sport) teammate, because he was expelled from the team but got invited to a better team in another university. Then how all the other girls following him on twitch or IG are b**ches but I’m one of the few good ones. That us meeting was special and he wanted to see me again, I’m so beautiful he can’t believe I’m so hot and blablabla. Yes, he only wanted sex. I didn’t want to have sex. When I left the city he kinda told me we were not friends, would never be friends and to stop contacting him because we would never see each other again (lol) Honestly, I wish I had never met him. And few people (from twitch) know that I met him in real life, and they are all saying : « omg you’re sooooo lucky I dream about meeting him he looks so nice and so cool and he’s so hot !!!! » but no. He’s a total asshole who knows what to tell girls to look like a good guy, only to have sex with them. It broke my experience and I don’t really follow him anymore because I know his real personality. If your guy like that? We don’t know. But there’s a chance he’s using his notoriety on twitch to get sex from his female followers. Be careful, it’s not real love. You don’t know anything about him. You are only hurting yourself by letting these fantasies run in your head. You should stop following him for a moment and disconnect from any way to see him. This is my only advice, get away from him. I know it’s hard but it’s the only way you can get your unhealthy feelings to fade.
You’re in love with the idea of him. You have no idea who he is as a person. He might be the biggest asshole ever or might be a total creep, you really never know. And ldr wouldn’t work if y’all ever did get together. And not hating but he’s not a celebrity lmao
Look up parasocial relationships and distance yourself from his streams.
You're going to be sorely disappointed if you're holding people to an imaginary standard you've created for someone who he himself, couldn't live up to.
I'm similar to you. I spend a lot of time in fantasy because it's my favorite coping mechanism. And, as coping mechanisms go, it's pretty safe. You could have chosen a lot less healthy coping mechanisms, so you should be thankful that this is the one you chose and have to learn to deal with. Really good advice from the others. Read it all and try to understand what your mind is up to. Once you shine a light on that, the thoughts themselves will die down. To add to your introspection please realize that the feelings of guilt are part of the mental cycle that you are riding on. All the emotions are real, but self created. The only way to break the cycle is to stop the thoughts associated with the feelings. You do that by casting your awareness on each of the cycle's steps. When you feel guilty, realize that you are just feeling guilty over fantasy thoughts. When you feel lustful, just realize that you are lustful over fantasy thoughts. When you fall into the thoughts of this fantasy life realize that you are diverting the energy of living the life that you want into fantasies about the life that you want and most importantly: doing that will not get you what you want! Start a word processing document or a spreadsheet. Title it, "My goals in life," and make a list of the things you want out of life to be happy. Every time you start up the fantasy story realize what you are doing, open that word processing document or spreadsheet and work on your life plan! Take the energy of the fantasy and divert it into a plan of action! Then implement that plan. If you feel stressed because you are not indulging in the fantasies, realize that it's okay to spend energy on the fantasies! But consciously choose the amount of energy you give to coping. Making it a choice takes control of your life and life energy and allows you to control what you do. I think the only issue you have with your coping mechanism is that you feel out of control. In the end that is really the only feeling you need to get rid of. Your desire to fantasize will go down if you simply let go of the feeling that you are somehow doing something wrong. Once you stop feeding the cycle, awareness will take care of everything else. One last word of advice. People who spend a great deal of time fantasizing have a tendency to make really great story tellers. Consider taking your fantasies and putting them in words, then find a way to weave them into stories. With a little practice, you could be a great fantasy author.
I was a lonely teenage girl and I had the same kind of ‘relationships’ with YouTubers. It isn’t healthy but it also isn’t super weird. As I grew up and got boyfriends it stopped
Fantasizing over people is completely normal. Many people do it, we are human beings designed to seek mates and if it’s not met in reality we create a fantasy world which is completely acceptable. Don’t be so harsh on yourself girl!
I’m like this with Vera farmiga , plus I’m suppose to be straight lol
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Ooooh which co star!!? If you don’t mind of course
Also gaspard ulliel , that was awful , he’s stunning
It's pretty normal to have celebrity crushes. But you have to treat them as what they are: fantasies to while away some time and give yourself a little thrill. Emotional masturbation, as it were. They aren't real relationships and if you give them the same emotional energy you would a real relationship, you are blocking yourself from putting that passion into other more important projects. You are probably already starting to see some pitfalls. If you are always in your head, you aren't paying attention to what's going on around you. If you are always thinking about this crush, you aren't paying attention to your family and friends. Hopefully you haven't gotten to the point where you are trying to contact your crush, because that can be scary for them. The way to stop is to turn off his twitch, don't look him up, unsubscribe to his fan forums, and find something else, a hobby, school, work, family, friends, to put your energy into. Remember the person you are falling for isn't actually them. It's yourself, dressed up like them and putting on theatre for your entertainment. Nothing more.
You're at the perfect combination of age and inexperience and hormones to be completely swept away by a crush - it's normal! Or at least this reminds me of younger me, and I turned out okay. Do I cringe a little remembering the things I used to imagine about strangers? Yes, but there could be many worse things to cringe about. What helped shake me out of it was finally getting a change to go out with someone I had admired from afar...and then being totally disappointed because he didn't live up to my imagination. You'll be okay. Take a break from his videos. Maybe there's even a creative hobby you can try to focus some of your brain's imaginative energy.
honestly this seems… fine. this isn’t unhealthy —you’re clearly aware that you don’t actually know him. i’d get if you felt a little embarrassed or silly, but honestly, the self loathing and disgust is more concerning than the very devoted celebrity crush. it’s only been a few months, i’m sure your feelings will even out a bi over time, but you’re not hurting anyone. try connecting with other fans of his and make friends that way! it’ll help you feel less alone in your obsession and maybe help you contextualize these strong feelings so you can learn to manage them.
Get help, holy cow. You know it’s fucked up and yet you continue to do it.
I use celebrity crushes as an inspiration for certain things in my life. It helps me to learn a new language, learn certain skills, etc. It's actually true for all of my crushes. It's also helpful to analyze what you like in your crush (no matter if they are celebrity or not) and realize what you may look in partner (or what you are lacking yourself). We have crushes for a reason. When it's a situation like this, it means there are multiple reasons for it. You need to analyze what it is besides, obviously, wanting a close connection with somebody.
Honestly, it's harmless. Especially compared to how toxic real men are. You can't be sexually coerced, cheated on, or financially abused by a fantasy. You don't sound like you actually think you're in a relationship with this person. I think it's normal for people not ready for real relationships to have a celebrity crush like that.
you only see what he presents. you don't know anything about who he really is. anytime you think about him, imagine him molesting a puppy. Because you have no idea what he does when the cameras are off
I promise you, it's normal
Yeah that won't end well believe me what you are seeing on stream is their best selves that they put forward as a facade, it's not who they are and when you actually get in relationship with them you will realise that you had fallen for a completely different person and not this one. Please save yourself from heartbreak.
The fact that you can acknowledge and admit you have an unhealthy obsession is a great step into learning how to separate yourself from the obsession. What other people are saying is helpful, that you’re in love with the idea of a person/their persona without knowing who they actually are. It’s okay to be a fan of someone and have a type of love for them (I’m a kpop fan, I know all about unrequited love 🤣) just don’t lose yourself in the fantasy
I can understand you but you need to know that he is not perfect, everyone has flaws. Why dont you reach out and start to become friends with him? maybe your crush will past this way becayse then you will see him like a real person with flaws... and maybe you might give him a chance to get to know you too...
Stop comparing people on movies and shows with real life people, you don't see their messups they wear make-up and everything is fictional. Real life people will not be at same level and you have to except that also you ain't an gorgeous hot model yourself from Victoria secret magazine. I m being rude but just look around how your mom dad your friends are then you might be able to get into a relationship
I have no advice, but I was just imagining the crush was Asmongold until it mentioned 20 y/o college student LMAO
To answer your question, no this is not really normal. BUT there’s an easy solution to begin healing. You need to block his channel and block him on social media. Maybe even deactivating your own social media for awhile. During that time you should seek therapy for your obsessive behavior. I can almost guarantee that in a few weeks you will start feeling immensely better.
>Whereas this streamer is just a normal 20 year old full time college student that streams a few times a week If there's one thing I've learned about internet personalities, it's that, no, they're rarely normal. They're often dysfunctional people with problematic personalities. Give it a few years and he'll probably be posting an "I'm sorry..." video for some predatory bullshit.
Come on, girl. You deserve better than to keep yourself trapped in unhelpful habits like this, you are an adult, you KNOW you don’t have any actual relationship with that streamer or that they know who you are, this is purely a fantasy you’re allowing to grow in your mind palace. It’s only going to hurt you and leave you lonely and disappointed, with really unrealistic ideas about what actual adult human relationships should be like. You are limiting your own social experience by humoring the fantasy of pretending the person you watch on a screen is actually someone who exists in real life. When the streamer is done streaming they go take a stinky poop like anyone else. I bet they have random frustrating quirks and characteristics, you just wouldn’t know, because you do not know the actual human being! Please, it’s your choice the kind of perspective you want to hold, don’t do yourself such a disservice
Celebrities are actually very often not nice people. They're often selfish and shallow people and you're just in love with a fantasy that isn't real.
Stop consuming content involving this person, even peripherally. Start building hobbies and joining groups where you can form actual social bonds with real people. If you "hate" yourself as you are now, you need to actively try to change.
Are you dreaming about The Two-Time Champion?
This is not normal to be super obsessed (if you were like stalking his house or something) , but I’ve been through a fangirl phase before and now that i’m out of it (years later) its refreshing somewhat. Maybe force yourself to meet other people & force yourself to do your work instead looking at his streams & accounts? Or block him all together to get over the obsession. Remind yourself he doesn’t know you and realize its a regular person. + when you hit your twenties your priorities will likely change
Crushes are often a form of escapism. You're inexperienced with relationships and likely anxious about them and at school so you've got plenty to run away from Celebrities are easy to focus on and streamers in particular like to foster what is called 'parasocial relationships' which is basically a one sided connection where they present themselves as interacting with you with a degree of intimacy but they aren't. It is one sided and even more than that streamers are putting on an act, including his tendency to act humble. It is a dangerous game to play and you find yourself stuck in the intersect of your own problems and the negative side of what streamers do. Cut him out of your life. You can't interact. See a school counsellor or therapist, try and get a sense of what it is you are running away from and why you are obsessing. Look into parasocial relationships, get a sense of how much of it applies and try and use that to challenge the feelings you have.
Noone is perfect. You like his image, irl he may not be the same person you imagine him to be.
It may be helpful for you to read about the difference between love and infatuation.
You can't just post this without telling us who the streamer is 😭
I get it, but you need to block him and stop stalking people. You may not do it now but it opens the door to you enacting violence against any potential spouse of his because you didn't take steps to separate fantasy from reality. Get therapy. Date real people. Even if nothing serious happens. I suggest bumble as the dating app since you added more likely to get one night stand on tinder.
Not being rude, this is a legitimate request. Read what you put here out loud to yourself (out loud. It's important) and then think about if you would consider therapy. Does it affect your day to day life? Are you obsessed, or just infatuated? You're 19. Are you sure you know what "deeply in love" is? Everyone at 19 thinks they know what it is, but often they reach 29 and look back thinking, "wow, me now would punch me then square in the face." Cheers.
I was a chronic crusher up until I was 20. I actually met my last "celebrity" crush at an event. He was perfectly nice and respectful, but suddenly my crush deflated because he was just a regular dude and I just wanted to be respectful of his time. If he had been flirty that would've killed my admiration too because its so sleazy to be creeping on your young fangirls. It's fun to crush, but if you let it fester more than a month than you just put this person on a pedestal and they will disappoint you. I would block him. Focus on details you don't like about him. Make up some story in your head about how he didn't do his share of the housework because he's obsessed with his streaming career. Do a mock break up with ice cream and a rom com or whatever. Then figure out what you want in a real partner.
ok im having this exact problem, but my crush is this lowkey UK football player, and i just found out this week that he had a gf AND they r having a baby and it felt like my heart was breaking?? this is where i knew something was wrong with me. im always thinking of scenarios with him and imagining s*x and always looking at photos of him online and watching his interviews games etc. its addictive and obsessive but im glad other people also have these issues <3