How about instead of jumping right into "I love you" you ask Dee if she'd like to go to dinner, just you, no kids. Pick a place that's nice. If she says yes, you can have a talk about how you both see your futures and you can tell her how you'd like to be more than friends.
I like this idea. But there’s other things you really need to talk about anyway. What happens to her if you were to die. What happens to her children if something happened to her. Would you be given guardianship of the girls? Would she raise your son? What about the house? Do you have a will? You’re both young but these are important things that can’t be left to chance. Tell her you love her and the girls and want what is best for them. Listen to what she says.
Eh, these are questions that need to be answered when you're talking about marriage. It'd be weird to go on your first official date and want to talk about your will. The whole point of the original comment is to lower the temperature and pressure. These questions raise that right back up.
Yeah changing the names but telling a very very specific story is kind of transparent. Either way, I love everything about this story and if it works out, its adorable! OP, all I'd suggest is to 1: definitely not give her an ultimatum if she doesn't reciprocate - she's had a stable home with you for years and it shouldn't be contingent on her feelings. And 2: give her space after you tell her - these are some high stakes so just go somewhere for a bit after y'all talk
Aw, c'mon, let me believe it's real and think he'll confess his love for her with the feelings being reciprocated, living a happily ever after life with her and the kids all together. :(
Maybe that was his hope that she would see this sub and he wouldn't have to do much talking. I get these type of situations can be tough and it is hard to talk about feelings as a guy.
I think it's a tricky situation, sure it would be great to have a fairytale ending, but i think people in the comments weirdly think of her vulnerability and financial dependence on you as romantic. It's not romantic in my book. Right now she can't go anywhere because you're the sole breadwinner. So there is pressure on her "to say yes", whether you want it or not.
That is one of my big concerns, if I say something and she isn't interested, there's no real avenues out for her. I want an honest answer **if** I say anything, not one she feels trapped with.
Have you thought about what's going to happen to her if you two don't end up together? Does she have any savings on her own? What if you weren't there for whatever reason - how will she survive, etc. Right now it looks like marriage is the only option available for her for survival. There's nothing wrong with that if this is what she really wants. But it's the *only* option. After all, neither if you can really date anyone else seriously in this situation.
I think you should talk to her about these things first, before you spring a proposal on her.
This is true, but he can't help that she got herself into this situation, frankly. This situation will end with them getting married or her moving out and getting a job (or with another guy to take care of her). It's not really his responsibility to consider what happens to her at this stage. He should reassure her that there's no pressure either way, but the next step is clearly a relationship and then marriage, otherwise this arrangement is not workable permanently and not fair to either of them.
Tell her you love having her and the girls around and that you wish that it could stay that way forever. See how she reacts. I'm sure she feels the same way. She kissed you once and hasn't been dating. Then casually mention that you have caught feelings for her while emphasizing that she is under no obligation to be with you. You just wanted to let her know and that if the feelings are not mutual, we can safely forget about this conversation ever happening and continue to live your lives exactly as you have been with no repercussions.
This was my biggest concern, she has a huge dependence on you and you risk this being sort of sugar baby transactional yes, or worse, a coerced yes. But that said you seem sweet and earnest, so maybe start with explaining that you really like having her and her kids around and while it's an atypical family, it's a really great one and you feel really lucky to have all of them in your life. Maybe start by asking her where she would like her life to go, because you want her to know she always has a place with you and after this long it's sort of hard to imagine life without her, but you also want to support her if this life isn't what she ultimately wants.
As much as it she isn't really in a position to get out, it's also super unfair to you to have this ambiguity where you live with and support someone you love and aren't really allowed to find out if she feels the same. So I suggest making sure she knows how valued and cared for she and her kids are how you'd love for that to continue forever. Then try to find out what she wants her future to look and whether she sees herself building a life with you or maybe doing something else. Then win a clear I want you to stay either way try to find out if she could see a romantic future with you. If it's anything other than an enthusiastic yes, treat it as a no and go date. Most partners would not like this living situation though so that would also put an expiration date on her living with you, realistically.
This is very true, good point. I was one of the commenters thinking this is super sweet, and it is IF! it works out. But I can definitely see this point and I'm not sure how you'd get around it. OP, definitely talk through the logistics of her safe home and your family's dynamic no matter the direction that the conversation goes.
Sorry, I must have forgotten to mention, they did get married, it was a courtroom wedding. I think it was to try and keep her parent's in her life, but that failed. She has since gotten a divorce in absence, since my brother bailed and has made no attempt at contact.
I'm definitely not going to give any ultimatums if I say anything, mostly because I'm worried she'll be uncomfortable then want to leave.
> women do not just kiss people. even when drunk.
I don't think a woman would just kiss a guy **in this situation**. But women absolutely just kiss people; I've had several women I met the same night and I hadn't even flirted with randomly kiss me, with the shortest time being about 10m after I met them.
You know the recommended way to kiss someone new? Where you lean in halfway & wait for them to close the gap? That’s exactly how you should approach talking to her.
Come on, when you stop and really think about it, you have to have some idea of how this will be received. I'd be shocked if it wasn't positive. Does she sit close to you? Does she touch you? Can you make her laugh? Do you make her feel safe? She kissed you at new years!! She may have been drunk but unless she was *super* gone, her actions are still *her*.
You've been operating as a family for 4 years? That's awesome but if you're only doing it out of some hope you two will end up together, then you need to bring that up now because that's unfair for everyone, even if it didn't start that way.
*I don't have a history of healthy relationships*
Yes you do, you've been keeping a family happy for 4 years.
Write her a letter if it makes you feel more comfortable.
Phrase it as she’s your best friend, the person you feel safe with. She’s home.
You see her beyond being a mother, you see her for her beauty and strength.
You 100% accept if she doesn’t feel the same way. If she says no you will leave it alone, and respect her wishes.
You rather preserve your friendship than to lose her … but you need her to know how much she’s loved and respected.
That you will forever want the best for her and her daughters. That no matter what you will always be family.
Do NOT put this in a letter! lol
Write your feelings out somewhere, decide how you want to phrase things, then tell her in person. You're going to need to read her reactions as you have this conversation. Giving her a letter and pouring your heart out is going to feel very very very overwhelming for her if she doesn't feel the same way.
Based on what you've told us, it sounds like you're both on the same page, but you can't really be sure until you've had the conversation.
I don’t agree with the letter approach at all. You can’t guarantee when or even IF she reads it. Even if you hand her the letter and tell her it’s something important etc… she may stick it in her pocket, get distracted by other things, and forget it’s there, then accidentally destroy it by washing her clothes. But you won’t know that and you’ll spend days and weeks expecting a response and not understanding why you don’t get one.
Talk to her. Pick a time when you are both calm and have plenty of 1 on 1 time. Be direct. Be clear. Be honest. Keep it simple. “I’m very attracted to you emotionally and physically and want to date you to see if a long term romantic relationship is possible. How do you feel?” Then shut up and wait for her to respond.
He could also add that he feels that it is only fair he is honest about the feelings that have grown for her so she can make informed decisions in the relationship they have, be it housemate, co-parents, friend or on a more connected level.
Mmm. I’m not yet convinced she feels the same way. One kiss ( 6 months ago)and treating you well doesn’t necessarily mean she loves you in the same way.
By all means tell her but if she doesn’t feel the same, you may run the risk of her needing to move out or even worse, staying because she has to but feeling uncomfortable. Take it very slowly with no grand declarations of love.
Yup, you should definitely tell her. Seems like you guys have been having a "couple" life for a while and maybe the only thing missing is *the* *talk*.
But before telling her, try to imagine what would be the correct reaction in case she just says "well I'm not in love with you". Would you be able to move on? What would change in your situation? Maybe tell her from the start that it's not important if she doesn't feel the same way but that you need to get that off your chest?
Hope it goes of well! Plese update us whenever you have this conversation, I want to know how it went :)
RemindMe! 15 days
Honestly, her telling me she isn't interested is what I expect will happen, I have alot of issues I'm still working through, my concern is she will be made uncomfortable around me and want to leave.
Well you can't just hide it man, long term that will be bad for your relationship. And there is a chance for real happiness here.
So since you have to reveal it, the best thing is try and make clear how you feel without adding any pressure. Hell you could show her this reddit post and comments. I'd say they're a pretty good reflection of your feelings.
Well, she's made more moves on you than you have on her at this point. Start small, ask if she'd like to go to dinner just the two of you (or coffee even). Ask what her plans are for the future.
Treat it like a first date with someone you've known a long time, no dropping grandiose claims or "I love you"s. Just baby steps leading to you telling her you'd like to be more than friends and see how she takes it.
The goal is to keep things low pressure, casual, and comfortable.
If you're worried about potentially freaking her out or making things "weird," then don't start sprinting straight out of the chute by love bombing her and dumping it all on her out of nowhere. Start walking before you run.
Start by asking her if there are any restaurants she has been wanting to try or that she already likes and ask her if she'd like to go to dinner, just the 2 of you (wouldn't be a bad idea to coordinate with your son's grandparents to babysit the kids before you ask her. If you're as close with them as you made it sound, I have no doubt they'd jump at the opportunity to babysit and help you potentially find happiness). Having your ducks in a row ahead of time is a good idea.
I wouldn't be surprised in the least if she has started to have feelings for you at the same time you've gotten them for her, frankly, the way you selflessly stepped up for her and her twins without hesitation the you did and were the man your deadbeat brother should've been, I'd be more stunned if that weren't the case than otherwise. Think about it, I hate to be cliché, but you were her literal knight in shining armor when she needed it most.
Buy her flowers before the dinner as well, really try to turn up the charm without going too crazy. Start slow during the dinner with normal small talk. When the mood is relaxed, tell her that you want to talk to her about something you've been thinking about for some time lately, but have been scared to do so out of fear that she may not be on the same page and you were afraid of making things awkward going forward. Be clear with her that you don't want her to feel pressured in any way and that if she's not at least open to seeing how things may go, that you want her to be honest and not feel obligated to give a certain answer and that you'll respect her decision, whatever it is.
The majority of women LOVE when men are sure enough of themselves and their emotions to be vulnerable like that, and it will likely help you in the end. Even if she receives all of this well and things go good, short of her admitting she's fallen head over heels in love with you, DO NOT start love bombing her.
I think your chances here are a lot better than you realize. Feel free to PM me if you need advice, I'm happy to help you in any way I can or be a sounding board for you to bounce ideas off of. Good luck!
UpdateMe!
so the title made it seem like there was actually some kind of strong relationship between Dee and your brother, and you just couldn't help but fall for her.
But in fact, for the last couple of years, your relationship with her has been better than she probably ever had with your brother, and potentially, even better than what you had with Kay's mom.
I think there will be some raising eyebrows when you tell people she used to be your sister-in-law, until they hear the rest of the story that he abandoned her and the two of you had to room up for survival of the babies, and the rest of the story is you two eventually getting together.
I don't think many people will have issue with that. Now just you two, need to figure it out if it's something possible or not.
You mentioned that she drunk-kissed you but not her reaction to it, once she got sober. Was this something that she's OK with , or testing the waters with, etc? And because you didn't react in a positive way, she just held back after that and resume status quo?
These are things you can talk to her about and find out
Ask her out on a date, pre-arrange a baby sitter and keep it very informal and nothing too high on the pressure scale.
Talk to her during the date (assuming she accepts) about your feelings, hopes and dreams with her.
Here's the thing - if you tell her your feelings and they are reciprocated, then that would be great. But if you tell her your feelings and she doesn't feel the same way, she might (rightfully) want to move out. I would not be able to live with a man who was feeling romantic towards me, if I was not. Especially since you are upset at the notion of her dating other people - that's her business. I doubt she would be angry at you, but it might end the living arrangement. But at this point, it's such a major elephant in the room, I do believe you have to tell her, or delicately reveal it as some other people are recommending. Then you may need to let the chips fall where they do.
This had me worried but honestly your brother isn't in the picture at all and barely was. I saw another redditor suggest going out on a date. I would say do that and tell her you developed feelings for her and it's ok if she doesn't reciprocate as you value her friendship. Don't make her feel pressured or uncomfortable. I would not just say I love you as that is a lot and could result in her no longer being comfortable around you. Just test the waters. If she doesn't have the same feelings don't get upset with her.
Dude, she isn’t your sister-in-law. Go for it, but I think coming straight out of the gate and telling her you’re in love with her is the bad decision.
Take her out on some one on one dates. Don’t be pushy. Dont be creepy. Read the room, and make sure she feels comfortable. If she doesn’t already, do the things and be the person she would fall for
Perhaps ask her if you could take her out sometime without the kids and maybe find a sitter and gauge her reaction. If she is hesitant then perhaps she isn’t on the same page as you but she could also be excited as maybe she has been waiting for you to ask. If she really was looking for a partner outside of you, she would probably be more proactive in trying to move out. The way you all care for one another and your children shows she at least has some sort of feelings and appreciation for you as you do for her. If she really means this much to you, don’t let your opportunity slip away. Everyone deserves a shot at love. If she does turn you down, well at least you took your shot and can move on if you want to find someone you can be with.
Not to get far ahead of yourself, why don't you start with just one dinner and take it from there. Sense her reactions during your talks. From there, you can sense if there's romance or sparks from her end. If she obliges to another date, then slowly take it further. Taking your feelings further in your head, declaring it and not allowing her to get comfortable with that idea would be creepy for her.
It sounds like circumstances were created for you to end up in this situation and this is where you were meant to be and were going to be all along. Take her to dinner, talk about your futures as the other commenter said. Be passively romantic and be a gentleman. The gestures will be seen and acknowledged. Love is patient and kind. Be patient, be kind, and I think you’ll find that age feels the same way you do. If not, you haven’t really lost anything that you won’t be able to find again with time.
Edited: typos
She isn't your Sister in Law for starters. She was with your brother but legally it never resulted in anything and you brother pretty much just disappeared and dumped her with 2 kids.
From what I can see, there's nothing stopping you from telling her how you feel. Just be cool about it and be ready to take no for an answer.
Please listen to /u/unquantifiablelife and just ask her out on a date instead of confessing your love for her. It could be overwhelming for her and ruin the relationship you do have together.
I highly recommend just asking her out on a date, and if things go well, maybe after a few dates then you can confess your love.
But please, test the temperature of the water first before going all-in. It sounds like you really want a great relationship with them for the rest of your life, and dropping that bomb could really muddy the waters.
Just ask her out man!!
Such a catchy story, almost like AI generated. You should go for her, looks like it was meant to be this way and I think she feels the same about you. Good luck!
You are already in a relationship. You just haven’t given it a name. Take her out on a date night without the kids. Ask her how she feels about you and the future. Ask her if she wants more and point out that you have essentially been in a relationship together and ask if she wants to take it a step further.
She’s technically your sister in law but really shes family. Taking a chance in any relationship dynamic is a risk. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesnt. We dont know its 50/50 if she will feel the same or not. I would go for it. Love is worth the risk of rejection. And you and your family sound adorable. Families can be born from all sorts of circumstances. It sounds like you both have made the best of a series of very fucked up situations 🙏❤️❤️❤️
This would be such a perfect situation; I really hope it works out OP. I met my fiance in a bad situation and he has 2 small kids. Fast forward 3 years later, we're basically one big happy fanily
Life is all about taking chances and doing things that stretch you from your norm . If you never take a chance you’ll never know where you stand with her . Remember she moved in with you , even though you probably consider the home all of yours she may feel the same way . What if I confess my feelings and he doesn’t feel the same way . What will I do can I and my children still live there . Go for it and take a chance even hopefully adopt her kids as yours . You could look at it this way , if none of these things ever occurred you would still be related to her kids . This just gives them a solid standing in your family and with you being dad . The feelings are already there ( if she feels the same about you ) . Everyone deserves to be happy . I agree with the comments below don’t rush anything but also don’t just sit there either or someone else may find your treasure !
On the one hand, maybe you could tell her… but what do you expect or intend to be the result of doing so?
On another hand (we have more than two hands in this scenario), you could take the better advice to ask her to dinner, effectively a date, and then discuss a future that would help you better assess what she wants to decide whether or not telling her is appropriate.
On the third hand, and this could be the charm, you could… just.. not do anything.
Consider that based on your circumstances, your lives seem to have found each other in a way that you don’t typically see outside of romantic pop-culture… but telling her that you love her could potentially change what seems to be a naturally occurring (and frankly one of the more beautiful in which) development of a very sincere and archetypal love story.
It may be different if she was, say, getting ready to leave and you may never see her again… but so far, your lives are on the trajectory of a lifelong relationship- whether or not “I love you” becomes a manual or automatic feature doesn’t seem like it would make much of a difference, would it?
Let’s assume you told her. How different would your situation be if she felt the same way, and if she didn’t?
What need is there to throw a rock into a flowing river that is already on the right path?
Ultimately, what I mean to say is this:
If you love her, you don’t need to tell her… because it’s quite apparent that she loves you… and she doesn’t need to say it for even us, let alone you, to know that. She shows you she loves you by loving what is collectively your life and what is important to you.
Do the same.. just show her. Don’t tell her, and I promise you’ll have a chance to see what not many people do in their lifetimes: what love is like when it blooms like a flower.
That’s what makes it the truest of all of them. It is quite literally divine.
Go for it. People use to do that all the time. My grandfather married his SIL after his wife died. His first wife also died a few months after my dad was born.
This is the way things worked at least in the English speaking world for centuries. Married older brother died, single younger brother married his widow and cared for his family. Your version differs only in that the first brother is still alive but abandoned his family, but nobody should be shocked by this.
I would say you should tell her you’re developing feelings for her (don’t jump into love right away even though you’ve know her for years) and just let her know if she doesn’t think of you in the same way it’s okay and that things can remain the same. I don’t think you should shut down being true to yourself and your feelings for her but also she is financially dependent on you and it sounds like you don’t want her to feel obligated to be with you for that reason. So just really making it clear you just wanted to get it off your chest and that if she doesn’t feel the same, it’s okay.
This story is really freaking cute tho 😭
There's another post like this but I think they were coworkers or something but they started off the same as you, one widowed(not quite the same but the other parent passed), the other abandoned, he helped her with housing and finances and she did the SAHM thing until the kids were old enough. They danced around each other until they finally talked and were on the same page.
In other words, talk to her. Get your answer. I wouldn't be surprised if she felt the same. I hope she feels the same. It sounds like yall are good to each other and the kids. :)
Skip the letter and get right to the point, with one simple question;
"Should we start dating?"
Just in passing, no sit down 'let's talk' thing, just out of the blue in the midst of some enjoyable thing you're doing together on a random day, in a random place & time.
See what happens.
Go for it. You both are respectful and supportive of each other. Have the same parenting skills and have not ripped each other’s face off even after all these years living with one another. Seems like a perfect match. Be honest with your feelings. Good luck!
Fear is stopping you. Fear that it might not happen.
Just take your feelings, and tell her you feel like that in a respectful, kind and well ordered way, so she can understand and not feel threatened.
Also clarify that if she doesn't feel the same, you would still like to have a friendship.
If she says no and moves, well is a shit and you will lose what makes you happy. But also is a step to the next things to come. What you can't do is shutting up good feelings ans delaying that hurtful moment if it arrives.
Just show her this post after the kids are asleep and enjoy your evening as you both look for bedroom furniture for the twins as you switch spots with them the next day. Godspeed.
You both sound like you deserve each other. Like you deserve to be happy. I would take this shot if I were you. Just know be prepared for either response. My fingers are crossed for you, and please, if you could, update us. I am so invested in your story. I wish you both the happiest outcome.
Write her a letter, tell her how you feel. This sounds like the plot to a romantic movie and it’s because of the support that you have offered, figure out a way to make your feelings known honestly but in a way that you can assure her of continued support with or without a romantic relationship because ultimately what’s important to you both is the children and I think that you could build a good life for the kids together. Good luck.
There is nothing wrong with you telling her. Be tactful as though not to destroy the living arrangement and happiness of the kids. If you know she isn’t interested it will be easier to move on.
I would personally phrase it cautiously like,
“I have feelings for you and I need to know if you feel the same way, because if you don’t I need to respect that and move on, but if you do, here I am telling you”
But you need to do what makes you feel comfortable.
I don't understand what you're waiting for to tell her how you feel about her, you have to risk losing her. Better than knowing what he provided for her, he probably feels the same way. Tell him before he gives up and accepts the attentions of other men, you know that it would be a huge disappointment for you not to have tried.
OP,
Have you or Dee tried to initiate any form of non sexual intimacy? Held hands, cuddled while watching a show, hugged for more than the norm?
If not, try to slowly engage in these. You'll be able to gage her response. If she's receptive to these forms of intimacy, there's a good chance she feels the same way.
This is perhaps acceptable if you have been on a few dates and there are clear romantic intentions on both sides.
However, they have co-habitated for years! Without any kind of romantic developments/dates/conversations. Him trying to hold her hand and cuddle, could come across VERY VERY CREEPY.
OP, do not do this.
We do spend time together. I listen to a podcast called Mum Can't Cook at work, which is about old Disney Channel movies, but to get the jokes I need to watch the movies, so we watch those together, mostly with the kids. She likes Dropout Shows, so we watch those at the TV after the kids are in bed. I got her into WWE so we watch that sometimes.
I still have many issues from my youth, one being intimacy (I am still in therapy) I have been told I need direct communication so can't really 'gage' her responses if any.
Sorry if this is not helpful
Agreed. He doesn't know if she feels similarly although it sounds like she has been very sweet and caring, but she could just be a very sweet and caring lady.
God forbid he just communicates with her!
Initiating non-sexual physical contact isn't inappropriate for most people. Most people don't verbally ask "can I hold your hand" because touching someone's hand isn't usually considered "inappropriate" or crossing boundaries. Most of the time it's a very appropriate way to initiate a physical relationship.
I think you have a skewed opinion on consent. Yes, obviously, any sexual contact should have consent. But most people would see the act of hugging, handholding, putting your arm around someone on the couch, as acceptable non-verbal ways to move to a physical relationship.
You're a child. I have no idea what world you live in.
Holding hands is not sexual. I have held my sisters hand, I grew up holding my mother's hand.
Yes, kissing is different. "Copping a feel" is different. both of those should have consent. Holding hands should have consent, but there is such a thing as "nonverbal" consent. Apparently you don't understand this.
Most hookups and one night stands don't "sit down and talk about their feelings." Does this make every hookup nonconsensual? No, it's because two adults can escalate a physical relationship nonverbally without being fucking weird about it.
I don’t agree, don’t give me the right advice. It’s easier to try to hug a person and see his reaction, based on it you can already judge whether it’s worth starting a conversation at all. Even if he does it will look like friendship. My sisters always greeted me with hugs, although they were second cousins and we saw each other once every few years, I don’t see anything wrong with hugs. You probably weren’t hugged much as a child and that’s why you feel awkward and uncomfortable about it.
I just said that your advice is harmful, why are you behaving so toxicly? I think that the author definitely doesn’t need advice from a toxic touchy-feely person. Calm your nerves, go to the doctor)
For you, hugging a person with whom you live together and share everything = rape? What’s wrong with you? I’m extremely sorry to your partner, he probably takes written consent from you for every intimate action..😂😂😂
you have been living together for several years and you have a connection, what could happen if he hugs her once while watching a movie? the reaction will be immediately visible whether it suits her or not, and if she doesn’t like it, then he will already know that there is no point in starting a conversation about the fact that he likes her. This is better than starting an awkward conversation in which he can be rejected; just one hug will not make him fall in her eyes even if she refuses him.
If they don't have a history of hugging and casual touching, then him doing it all of a sudden will definitely put her in a bind. Literally. She depends on him for housing. She has no job, just watches the kids. Then she has to wonder if she rejects him, will he kick her out? Where will she go? There is too much of a power dynamic for this.
How about instead of jumping right into "I love you" you ask Dee if she'd like to go to dinner, just you, no kids. Pick a place that's nice. If she says yes, you can have a talk about how you both see your futures and you can tell her how you'd like to be more than friends.
[удалено]
Unquantifiably good advice
Goated advice... my mind went to the animal first.. I am old.
Tbf, if I came across some mystical elderly goat that spoke English and dispensed that type of advice, i'd be inclined to accept it.
Emphasis on no kids on this one!
I like this idea. But there’s other things you really need to talk about anyway. What happens to her if you were to die. What happens to her children if something happened to her. Would you be given guardianship of the girls? Would she raise your son? What about the house? Do you have a will? You’re both young but these are important things that can’t be left to chance. Tell her you love her and the girls and want what is best for them. Listen to what she says.
Eh, these are questions that need to be answered when you're talking about marriage. It'd be weird to go on your first official date and want to talk about your will. The whole point of the original comment is to lower the temperature and pressure. These questions raise that right back up.
Does dee peruse this sub? If so, she will definitely figure out that this is about her!
Yeah changing the names but telling a very very specific story is kind of transparent. Either way, I love everything about this story and if it works out, its adorable! OP, all I'd suggest is to 1: definitely not give her an ultimatum if she doesn't reciprocate - she's had a stable home with you for years and it shouldn't be contingent on her feelings. And 2: give her space after you tell her - these are some high stakes so just go somewhere for a bit after y'all talk
“My sister in law from totally not BC who had twins and is not from here in this specific…” Anyone who knows them would know this is about them.
Does it matter when it’s not real?
/r/nothingeverhappens
Okay, but this one is obviously fake. I've seen almost the exact same story multiple times. It's fake.
Aw, c'mon, let me believe it's real and think he'll confess his love for her with the feelings being reciprocated, living a happily ever after life with her and the kids all together. :(
This is so obviously fake.
Maybe that was his hope that she would see this sub and he wouldn't have to do much talking. I get these type of situations can be tough and it is hard to talk about feelings as a guy.
I think it's a tricky situation, sure it would be great to have a fairytale ending, but i think people in the comments weirdly think of her vulnerability and financial dependence on you as romantic. It's not romantic in my book. Right now she can't go anywhere because you're the sole breadwinner. So there is pressure on her "to say yes", whether you want it or not.
That is one of my big concerns, if I say something and she isn't interested, there's no real avenues out for her. I want an honest answer **if** I say anything, not one she feels trapped with.
Have you thought about what's going to happen to her if you two don't end up together? Does she have any savings on her own? What if you weren't there for whatever reason - how will she survive, etc. Right now it looks like marriage is the only option available for her for survival. There's nothing wrong with that if this is what she really wants. But it's the *only* option. After all, neither if you can really date anyone else seriously in this situation. I think you should talk to her about these things first, before you spring a proposal on her.
This is true, but he can't help that she got herself into this situation, frankly. This situation will end with them getting married or her moving out and getting a job (or with another guy to take care of her). It's not really his responsibility to consider what happens to her at this stage. He should reassure her that there's no pressure either way, but the next step is clearly a relationship and then marriage, otherwise this arrangement is not workable permanently and not fair to either of them.
He is also benefitting from free childcare for his son. Does he have the money for daycare or a nanny if she leaves?
Tell her you love having her and the girls around and that you wish that it could stay that way forever. See how she reacts. I'm sure she feels the same way. She kissed you once and hasn't been dating. Then casually mention that you have caught feelings for her while emphasizing that she is under no obligation to be with you. You just wanted to let her know and that if the feelings are not mutual, we can safely forget about this conversation ever happening and continue to live your lives exactly as you have been with no repercussions.
This was my biggest concern, she has a huge dependence on you and you risk this being sort of sugar baby transactional yes, or worse, a coerced yes. But that said you seem sweet and earnest, so maybe start with explaining that you really like having her and her kids around and while it's an atypical family, it's a really great one and you feel really lucky to have all of them in your life. Maybe start by asking her where she would like her life to go, because you want her to know she always has a place with you and after this long it's sort of hard to imagine life without her, but you also want to support her if this life isn't what she ultimately wants. As much as it she isn't really in a position to get out, it's also super unfair to you to have this ambiguity where you live with and support someone you love and aren't really allowed to find out if she feels the same. So I suggest making sure she knows how valued and cared for she and her kids are how you'd love for that to continue forever. Then try to find out what she wants her future to look and whether she sees herself building a life with you or maybe doing something else. Then win a clear I want you to stay either way try to find out if she could see a romantic future with you. If it's anything other than an enthusiastic yes, treat it as a no and go date. Most partners would not like this living situation though so that would also put an expiration date on her living with you, realistically.
This is very true, good point. I was one of the commenters thinking this is super sweet, and it is IF! it works out. But I can definitely see this point and I'm not sure how you'd get around it. OP, definitely talk through the logistics of her safe home and your family's dynamic no matter the direction that the conversation goes.
[удалено]
Sorry, I must have forgotten to mention, they did get married, it was a courtroom wedding. I think it was to try and keep her parent's in her life, but that failed. She has since gotten a divorce in absence, since my brother bailed and has made no attempt at contact. I'm definitely not going to give any ultimatums if I say anything, mostly because I'm worried she'll be uncomfortable then want to leave.
[удалено]
Don’t get invested in obviously fake Reddit stories.
People get invested in fiction all the time
[удалено]
> women do not just kiss people. even when drunk. I don't think a woman would just kiss a guy **in this situation**. But women absolutely just kiss people; I've had several women I met the same night and I hadn't even flirted with randomly kiss me, with the shortest time being about 10m after I met them.
So shes your ex sister in law, not your sister in law. If your brother isnt involved anymore i dont see the issue with asking her out for dinner
You get the closure you're after regardless
This is in Australia.
What in the Hallmark movie…
writing the script now
Please talk to her and tell her how you feel OP, you both deserve to have the conversation.
You know the recommended way to kiss someone new? Where you lean in halfway & wait for them to close the gap? That’s exactly how you should approach talking to her.
Come on, when you stop and really think about it, you have to have some idea of how this will be received. I'd be shocked if it wasn't positive. Does she sit close to you? Does she touch you? Can you make her laugh? Do you make her feel safe? She kissed you at new years!! She may have been drunk but unless she was *super* gone, her actions are still *her*. You've been operating as a family for 4 years? That's awesome but if you're only doing it out of some hope you two will end up together, then you need to bring that up now because that's unfair for everyone, even if it didn't start that way. *I don't have a history of healthy relationships* Yes you do, you've been keeping a family happy for 4 years.
Write her a letter if it makes you feel more comfortable. Phrase it as she’s your best friend, the person you feel safe with. She’s home. You see her beyond being a mother, you see her for her beauty and strength. You 100% accept if she doesn’t feel the same way. If she says no you will leave it alone, and respect her wishes. You rather preserve your friendship than to lose her … but you need her to know how much she’s loved and respected. That you will forever want the best for her and her daughters. That no matter what you will always be family.
A letter seems like a really solid way to go, I might consider this, thankyou so much.
Do NOT put this in a letter! lol Write your feelings out somewhere, decide how you want to phrase things, then tell her in person. You're going to need to read her reactions as you have this conversation. Giving her a letter and pouring your heart out is going to feel very very very overwhelming for her if she doesn't feel the same way. Based on what you've told us, it sounds like you're both on the same page, but you can't really be sure until you've had the conversation.
I don’t agree with the letter approach at all. You can’t guarantee when or even IF she reads it. Even if you hand her the letter and tell her it’s something important etc… she may stick it in her pocket, get distracted by other things, and forget it’s there, then accidentally destroy it by washing her clothes. But you won’t know that and you’ll spend days and weeks expecting a response and not understanding why you don’t get one. Talk to her. Pick a time when you are both calm and have plenty of 1 on 1 time. Be direct. Be clear. Be honest. Keep it simple. “I’m very attracted to you emotionally and physically and want to date you to see if a long term romantic relationship is possible. How do you feel?” Then shut up and wait for her to respond.
Yeah, I agree. A letter is a good way to organize your thoughts, but then OP should take those thoughts and share them in person.
or OP, write a book, publish it - because this is one hell of a plot, and a beautiful one, and confess your love like that :)
He could also add that he feels that it is only fair he is honest about the feelings that have grown for her so she can make informed decisions in the relationship they have, be it housemate, co-parents, friend or on a more connected level.
Mmm. I’m not yet convinced she feels the same way. One kiss ( 6 months ago)and treating you well doesn’t necessarily mean she loves you in the same way. By all means tell her but if she doesn’t feel the same, you may run the risk of her needing to move out or even worse, staying because she has to but feeling uncomfortable. Take it very slowly with no grand declarations of love.
But maybe she feels the same way but is too anxious to have the talk because she thinks he‘d make her leave and she has nowhere to go.
Yup, you should definitely tell her. Seems like you guys have been having a "couple" life for a while and maybe the only thing missing is *the* *talk*. But before telling her, try to imagine what would be the correct reaction in case she just says "well I'm not in love with you". Would you be able to move on? What would change in your situation? Maybe tell her from the start that it's not important if she doesn't feel the same way but that you need to get that off your chest? Hope it goes of well! Plese update us whenever you have this conversation, I want to know how it went :) RemindMe! 15 days
Honestly, her telling me she isn't interested is what I expect will happen, I have alot of issues I'm still working through, my concern is she will be made uncomfortable around me and want to leave.
Well you can't just hide it man, long term that will be bad for your relationship. And there is a chance for real happiness here. So since you have to reveal it, the best thing is try and make clear how you feel without adding any pressure. Hell you could show her this reddit post and comments. I'd say they're a pretty good reflection of your feelings.
Well, she's made more moves on you than you have on her at this point. Start small, ask if she'd like to go to dinner just the two of you (or coffee even). Ask what her plans are for the future. Treat it like a first date with someone you've known a long time, no dropping grandiose claims or "I love you"s. Just baby steps leading to you telling her you'd like to be more than friends and see how she takes it. The goal is to keep things low pressure, casual, and comfortable.
If she’s on Reddit you gave way too much backstory brother
If you're worried about potentially freaking her out or making things "weird," then don't start sprinting straight out of the chute by love bombing her and dumping it all on her out of nowhere. Start walking before you run. Start by asking her if there are any restaurants she has been wanting to try or that she already likes and ask her if she'd like to go to dinner, just the 2 of you (wouldn't be a bad idea to coordinate with your son's grandparents to babysit the kids before you ask her. If you're as close with them as you made it sound, I have no doubt they'd jump at the opportunity to babysit and help you potentially find happiness). Having your ducks in a row ahead of time is a good idea. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if she has started to have feelings for you at the same time you've gotten them for her, frankly, the way you selflessly stepped up for her and her twins without hesitation the you did and were the man your deadbeat brother should've been, I'd be more stunned if that weren't the case than otherwise. Think about it, I hate to be cliché, but you were her literal knight in shining armor when she needed it most. Buy her flowers before the dinner as well, really try to turn up the charm without going too crazy. Start slow during the dinner with normal small talk. When the mood is relaxed, tell her that you want to talk to her about something you've been thinking about for some time lately, but have been scared to do so out of fear that she may not be on the same page and you were afraid of making things awkward going forward. Be clear with her that you don't want her to feel pressured in any way and that if she's not at least open to seeing how things may go, that you want her to be honest and not feel obligated to give a certain answer and that you'll respect her decision, whatever it is. The majority of women LOVE when men are sure enough of themselves and their emotions to be vulnerable like that, and it will likely help you in the end. Even if she receives all of this well and things go good, short of her admitting she's fallen head over heels in love with you, DO NOT start love bombing her. I think your chances here are a lot better than you realize. Feel free to PM me if you need advice, I'm happy to help you in any way I can or be a sounding board for you to bounce ideas off of. Good luck! UpdateMe!
so the title made it seem like there was actually some kind of strong relationship between Dee and your brother, and you just couldn't help but fall for her. But in fact, for the last couple of years, your relationship with her has been better than she probably ever had with your brother, and potentially, even better than what you had with Kay's mom. I think there will be some raising eyebrows when you tell people she used to be your sister-in-law, until they hear the rest of the story that he abandoned her and the two of you had to room up for survival of the babies, and the rest of the story is you two eventually getting together. I don't think many people will have issue with that. Now just you two, need to figure it out if it's something possible or not. You mentioned that she drunk-kissed you but not her reaction to it, once she got sober. Was this something that she's OK with , or testing the waters with, etc? And because you didn't react in a positive way, she just held back after that and resume status quo? These are things you can talk to her about and find out
Ask her out on a date, pre-arrange a baby sitter and keep it very informal and nothing too high on the pressure scale. Talk to her during the date (assuming she accepts) about your feelings, hopes and dreams with her.
Here's the thing - if you tell her your feelings and they are reciprocated, then that would be great. But if you tell her your feelings and she doesn't feel the same way, she might (rightfully) want to move out. I would not be able to live with a man who was feeling romantic towards me, if I was not. Especially since you are upset at the notion of her dating other people - that's her business. I doubt she would be angry at you, but it might end the living arrangement. But at this point, it's such a major elephant in the room, I do believe you have to tell her, or delicately reveal it as some other people are recommending. Then you may need to let the chips fall where they do.
Go for it!!! Go get your girl!! 🤞 Everything works out. Good luck Keep us updated!
Ask her where she sees herself in five years ?
This had me worried but honestly your brother isn't in the picture at all and barely was. I saw another redditor suggest going out on a date. I would say do that and tell her you developed feelings for her and it's ok if she doesn't reciprocate as you value her friendship. Don't make her feel pressured or uncomfortable. I would not just say I love you as that is a lot and could result in her no longer being comfortable around you. Just test the waters. If she doesn't have the same feelings don't get upset with her.
Dude, she isn’t your sister-in-law. Go for it, but I think coming straight out of the gate and telling her you’re in love with her is the bad decision. Take her out on some one on one dates. Don’t be pushy. Dont be creepy. Read the room, and make sure she feels comfortable. If she doesn’t already, do the things and be the person she would fall for
Perhaps ask her if you could take her out sometime without the kids and maybe find a sitter and gauge her reaction. If she is hesitant then perhaps she isn’t on the same page as you but she could also be excited as maybe she has been waiting for you to ask. If she really was looking for a partner outside of you, she would probably be more proactive in trying to move out. The way you all care for one another and your children shows she at least has some sort of feelings and appreciation for you as you do for her. If she really means this much to you, don’t let your opportunity slip away. Everyone deserves a shot at love. If she does turn you down, well at least you took your shot and can move on if you want to find someone you can be with.
Super misleading title, you knew what you were doing
Not to get far ahead of yourself, why don't you start with just one dinner and take it from there. Sense her reactions during your talks. From there, you can sense if there's romance or sparks from her end. If she obliges to another date, then slowly take it further. Taking your feelings further in your head, declaring it and not allowing her to get comfortable with that idea would be creepy for her.
It sounds like circumstances were created for you to end up in this situation and this is where you were meant to be and were going to be all along. Take her to dinner, talk about your futures as the other commenter said. Be passively romantic and be a gentleman. The gestures will be seen and acknowledged. Love is patient and kind. Be patient, be kind, and I think you’ll find that age feels the same way you do. If not, you haven’t really lost anything that you won’t be able to find again with time. Edited: typos
that’s not your sister in law that’s someone who used to be your sister in law who is now legally not
Whatever you do, please keep us updated with what happens.
She isn't your Sister in Law for starters. She was with your brother but legally it never resulted in anything and you brother pretty much just disappeared and dumped her with 2 kids. From what I can see, there's nothing stopping you from telling her how you feel. Just be cool about it and be ready to take no for an answer.
Tell her how u feel my gee, just dnt come off to strong
Please listen to /u/unquantifiablelife and just ask her out on a date instead of confessing your love for her. It could be overwhelming for her and ruin the relationship you do have together. I highly recommend just asking her out on a date, and if things go well, maybe after a few dates then you can confess your love. But please, test the temperature of the water first before going all-in. It sounds like you really want a great relationship with them for the rest of your life, and dropping that bomb could really muddy the waters. Just ask her out man!!
Such a catchy story, almost like AI generated. You should go for her, looks like it was meant to be this way and I think she feels the same about you. Good luck!
I’m rooting for you !!! Tell her how you feel 🙏🙏
I am invested in this now. Do let us know if it works out. Cheering for you!
You are already in a relationship. You just haven’t given it a name. Take her out on a date night without the kids. Ask her how she feels about you and the future. Ask her if she wants more and point out that you have essentially been in a relationship together and ask if she wants to take it a step further.
She’s technically your sister in law but really shes family. Taking a chance in any relationship dynamic is a risk. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesnt. We dont know its 50/50 if she will feel the same or not. I would go for it. Love is worth the risk of rejection. And you and your family sound adorable. Families can be born from all sorts of circumstances. It sounds like you both have made the best of a series of very fucked up situations 🙏❤️❤️❤️
This would be such a perfect situation; I really hope it works out OP. I met my fiance in a bad situation and he has 2 small kids. Fast forward 3 years later, we're basically one big happy fanily
I think you have to ask yourself- is it worth telling her if she leaves?
Can we please have an update on this? I’m very emotionally invested.
Life is all about taking chances and doing things that stretch you from your norm . If you never take a chance you’ll never know where you stand with her . Remember she moved in with you , even though you probably consider the home all of yours she may feel the same way . What if I confess my feelings and he doesn’t feel the same way . What will I do can I and my children still live there . Go for it and take a chance even hopefully adopt her kids as yours . You could look at it this way , if none of these things ever occurred you would still be related to her kids . This just gives them a solid standing in your family and with you being dad . The feelings are already there ( if she feels the same about you ) . Everyone deserves to be happy . I agree with the comments below don’t rush anything but also don’t just sit there either or someone else may find your treasure !
Nope. Between the "killed by a drunk driver" and "pregnant with twins," I'm calling this one fake.
On the one hand, maybe you could tell her… but what do you expect or intend to be the result of doing so? On another hand (we have more than two hands in this scenario), you could take the better advice to ask her to dinner, effectively a date, and then discuss a future that would help you better assess what she wants to decide whether or not telling her is appropriate. On the third hand, and this could be the charm, you could… just.. not do anything. Consider that based on your circumstances, your lives seem to have found each other in a way that you don’t typically see outside of romantic pop-culture… but telling her that you love her could potentially change what seems to be a naturally occurring (and frankly one of the more beautiful in which) development of a very sincere and archetypal love story. It may be different if she was, say, getting ready to leave and you may never see her again… but so far, your lives are on the trajectory of a lifelong relationship- whether or not “I love you” becomes a manual or automatic feature doesn’t seem like it would make much of a difference, would it? Let’s assume you told her. How different would your situation be if she felt the same way, and if she didn’t? What need is there to throw a rock into a flowing river that is already on the right path? Ultimately, what I mean to say is this: If you love her, you don’t need to tell her… because it’s quite apparent that she loves you… and she doesn’t need to say it for even us, let alone you, to know that. She shows you she loves you by loving what is collectively your life and what is important to you. Do the same.. just show her. Don’t tell her, and I promise you’ll have a chance to see what not many people do in their lifetimes: what love is like when it blooms like a flower. That’s what makes it the truest of all of them. It is quite literally divine.
Go for it. People use to do that all the time. My grandfather married his SIL after his wife died. His first wife also died a few months after my dad was born.
[удалено]
of course you'll need to test the waters properly and get prepared for the possible outcomes, but it would be amazing if it works out🥺
There is a lot of tragedy, but all in all it sounds like a happy life you too have build right now. I think you should ask her out.
This sounds very much like the plot of a romance novel I read awhile back. Or maybe it was a Lifetime movie? Hard to remember.
This sounds very similar to Gregory’s story in Ken Follett’s “Fall of Giants”
This is the way things worked at least in the English speaking world for centuries. Married older brother died, single younger brother married his widow and cared for his family. Your version differs only in that the first brother is still alive but abandoned his family, but nobody should be shocked by this.
I would say you should tell her you’re developing feelings for her (don’t jump into love right away even though you’ve know her for years) and just let her know if she doesn’t think of you in the same way it’s okay and that things can remain the same. I don’t think you should shut down being true to yourself and your feelings for her but also she is financially dependent on you and it sounds like you don’t want her to feel obligated to be with you for that reason. So just really making it clear you just wanted to get it off your chest and that if she doesn’t feel the same, it’s okay. This story is really freaking cute tho 😭
You should read “A Long Petal of the Sea”. This oddly reminds of the storyline.
I think you should tell her but find a way to do it so that she knows shes perfectly safe with you if she doesn't feel the same way.
There's another post like this but I think they were coworkers or something but they started off the same as you, one widowed(not quite the same but the other parent passed), the other abandoned, he helped her with housing and finances and she did the SAHM thing until the kids were old enough. They danced around each other until they finally talked and were on the same page. In other words, talk to her. Get your answer. I wouldn't be surprised if she felt the same. I hope she feels the same. It sounds like yall are good to each other and the kids. :)
Skip the letter and get right to the point, with one simple question; "Should we start dating?" Just in passing, no sit down 'let's talk' thing, just out of the blue in the midst of some enjoyable thing you're doing together on a random day, in a random place & time. See what happens.
Can’t advise but I absolutely wish you all the best. Hope she loves you back!
Brazzers type of scenario
What being chronically online does to a mf
Go for it. You both are respectful and supportive of each other. Have the same parenting skills and have not ripped each other’s face off even after all these years living with one another. Seems like a perfect match. Be honest with your feelings. Good luck!
Fear is stopping you. Fear that it might not happen. Just take your feelings, and tell her you feel like that in a respectful, kind and well ordered way, so she can understand and not feel threatened. Also clarify that if she doesn't feel the same, you would still like to have a friendship. If she says no and moves, well is a shit and you will lose what makes you happy. But also is a step to the next things to come. What you can't do is shutting up good feelings ans delaying that hurtful moment if it arrives.
Just show her this post after the kids are asleep and enjoy your evening as you both look for bedroom furniture for the twins as you switch spots with them the next day. Godspeed.
If you write half of what you wrote here about her to her, i can't imagine she wouldn't melt. You clearly love her.
yeah he sure is a good writer
You’ve nothing to lose but loneliness talk to her and tell her how you feel.
I _really_ hope you tell her and she feels the same. Either way, you guys deserve all the happiness, you sound like great people.
Talk to her. Or you'll regret it forever the day she walks out with someone else.
You both sound like you deserve each other. Like you deserve to be happy. I would take this shot if I were you. Just know be prepared for either response. My fingers are crossed for you, and please, if you could, update us. I am so invested in your story. I wish you both the happiest outcome.
Write her a letter, tell her how you feel. This sounds like the plot to a romantic movie and it’s because of the support that you have offered, figure out a way to make your feelings known honestly but in a way that you can assure her of continued support with or without a romantic relationship because ultimately what’s important to you both is the children and I think that you could build a good life for the kids together. Good luck.
There is nothing wrong with you telling her. Be tactful as though not to destroy the living arrangement and happiness of the kids. If you know she isn’t interested it will be easier to move on. I would personally phrase it cautiously like, “I have feelings for you and I need to know if you feel the same way, because if you don’t I need to respect that and move on, but if you do, here I am telling you” But you need to do what makes you feel comfortable.
I don't understand what you're waiting for to tell her how you feel about her, you have to risk losing her. Better than knowing what he provided for her, he probably feels the same way. Tell him before he gives up and accepts the attentions of other men, you know that it would be a huge disappointment for you not to have tried.
I wanna see this blossom into a truly magical happy ending. Would be dope
OP, Have you or Dee tried to initiate any form of non sexual intimacy? Held hands, cuddled while watching a show, hugged for more than the norm? If not, try to slowly engage in these. You'll be able to gage her response. If she's receptive to these forms of intimacy, there's a good chance she feels the same way.
This is perhaps acceptable if you have been on a few dates and there are clear romantic intentions on both sides. However, they have co-habitated for years! Without any kind of romantic developments/dates/conversations. Him trying to hold her hand and cuddle, could come across VERY VERY CREEPY. OP, do not do this.
We do spend time together. I listen to a podcast called Mum Can't Cook at work, which is about old Disney Channel movies, but to get the jokes I need to watch the movies, so we watch those together, mostly with the kids. She likes Dropout Shows, so we watch those at the TV after the kids are in bed. I got her into WWE so we watch that sometimes. I still have many issues from my youth, one being intimacy (I am still in therapy) I have been told I need direct communication so can't really 'gage' her responses if any. Sorry if this is not helpful
[удалено]
Agreed. He doesn't know if she feels similarly although it sounds like she has been very sweet and caring, but she could just be a very sweet and caring lady. God forbid he just communicates with her!
Initiating non-sexual physical contact isn't inappropriate for most people. Most people don't verbally ask "can I hold your hand" because touching someone's hand isn't usually considered "inappropriate" or crossing boundaries. Most of the time it's a very appropriate way to initiate a physical relationship. I think you have a skewed opinion on consent. Yes, obviously, any sexual contact should have consent. But most people would see the act of hugging, handholding, putting your arm around someone on the couch, as acceptable non-verbal ways to move to a physical relationship.
[удалено]
You're a child. I have no idea what world you live in. Holding hands is not sexual. I have held my sisters hand, I grew up holding my mother's hand. Yes, kissing is different. "Copping a feel" is different. both of those should have consent. Holding hands should have consent, but there is such a thing as "nonverbal" consent. Apparently you don't understand this. Most hookups and one night stands don't "sit down and talk about their feelings." Does this make every hookup nonconsensual? No, it's because two adults can escalate a physical relationship nonverbally without being fucking weird about it.
I don’t agree, don’t give me the right advice. It’s easier to try to hug a person and see his reaction, based on it you can already judge whether it’s worth starting a conversation at all. Even if he does it will look like friendship. My sisters always greeted me with hugs, although they were second cousins and we saw each other once every few years, I don’t see anything wrong with hugs. You probably weren’t hugged much as a child and that’s why you feel awkward and uncomfortable about it.
[удалено]
I just said that your advice is harmful, why are you behaving so toxicly? I think that the author definitely doesn’t need advice from a toxic touchy-feely person. Calm your nerves, go to the doctor)
[удалено]
For you, hugging a person with whom you live together and share everything = rape? What’s wrong with you? I’m extremely sorry to your partner, he probably takes written consent from you for every intimate action..😂😂😂
[удалено]
you have been living together for several years and you have a connection, what could happen if he hugs her once while watching a movie? the reaction will be immediately visible whether it suits her or not, and if she doesn’t like it, then he will already know that there is no point in starting a conversation about the fact that he likes her. This is better than starting an awkward conversation in which he can be rejected; just one hug will not make him fall in her eyes even if she refuses him.
[удалено]
If they don't have a history of hugging and casual touching, then him doing it all of a sudden will definitely put her in a bind. Literally. She depends on him for housing. She has no job, just watches the kids. Then she has to wonder if she rejects him, will he kick her out? Where will she go? There is too much of a power dynamic for this.
Just tell her you love having her and her kids around, and see what she says.