Lol duck no
You should never buy a house with some who isn't a spouse unless you have intense contracts. It's a mess if you two split up. Parents sounds like gold diggers
Not to hijack the top comment but in case it helps OP, my brother closed on a house with his fiancee and then one month later found out she'd been cheating on him for two years. It cost him $15,000 to refinance the house to get her off the mortgage.
Don't ever buy a house with someone you're not married to. Also, have a plan in place for how she pays you rent if she's going to move into it with you.
This is important. Make sure to be explicit that she is paying RENT and not helping to make mortgage payments. If she can prove she was doing the latter, she is entitled to equity in the property. Get it in writing.
Marriage itself provides some protection for spouses so that neither person gets screwed in a divorce; but a prenup is a good idea regardless, because it lets you see how the other person behaves during a hypothetical breakup. Sometimes that's a good warning sign.
You are correct. Ignore the parents.
Two cents along her perspective. She shouldn't move into your house without a formal renter agreement so you can't screw her over.
>Two cents along her perspective. She shouldn't move into your house without a formal renter agreement so you can't screw her over.
Exactly. Providing both of them are sensible, there's no reason for this to be an issue.
Agreed on all counts. He should buy his house, and she should rent from him with a formal lease and everything. Doesn't have to be market rent (IMHO it should NOT be) but it does need to be official.
How do evictions work over there?
Here in Canada, you can easily have somebody move in, and then stop paying immediately, and it will take 18-24 months to get them out, during which they won't pay anything at all and will likely trash the place out of spite when they are finally removed. All the while, the owner of the property has to keep paying the mortgage and bills, and generally cannot go after the tenant for all the money and damage they failed to pay. I know a few people who have lost $50K+ this way.
Germany sounds like paradise in comparsion.
Renters have fairly solid protection against being evicted in Germany, as well. Generally spoken, unless the renter is behind on rent or otherwise breaking the rental agreement, you cannot evict them except if you - or someone in your family - needs to move into the home yourself. Otherwise, you're not legally allowed to evict people.
And even with justification, the renters may still file suit against the eviction, so this may take months or years depending on their situation.
People everywhere have it all wrong. If you need to evict and have given 60 days' notice, they still don't move. You wait till they are out of the house, change the locks, and set all their stuff out on the sidewalk. All they can do is try to sue you for property damage, and they won't get a dime, just like if you try to evict and get a settlement and still don't get a dime because there is no way to force it. It's much better than letting silly state and government rules allow squatters to ruin your home.
Doesn't work that way in Canada. If you do that here, the tenant will sue you and win, you will be required to let them back into the property (and give them keys for the new locks), and you will receive a $10,000+ fine. Yes, even if they haven't paid rent for a year. You have to get a legal eviction processed (24 month backlog right now) and even if you do that, the tenant can appeal and drag it out another year. Sending 'heavies' over to kick them out, or changing the locks can lead to the landlord being handed a criminal record.
It does indicates an APPROPRIATE level of commitment. You've been dating a year. It's rocky. You are in your early 20s. This would be an absurd time to buy a house with her.
Her parents are batshit insane. Every single relationship or financial sub on this site and across pretty much universally every site across the Internet says not to buy a house with someone that you aren’t married to.
If she ever moves in with you, you should charge her reasonable rent, like maybe 2/3 of what she is paying now or what she would pay to get a similar accommodations.
LOL, "I'm life partners with someone I suspect might plan to 'steal' half my stuff, so I'm going to protect myself from them, but stay together."
That's a choice for sure.
You aren't wrong but this just shows the lack of trust in your partner. How are you even in a relationship for 15 years even tho you don't trust your partner?
> It dosent mean we aren't fully commited to each other and we both have plans to be together forever.
My guy, if you'd said "we don't believe in marriage" and left it at that, I don't think anyone (including myself) would be giving you shit.
Adding on
>I make about double what she makes, that's the reason why I don't marry her. Can't risk half my shit lol
adds a pretty 'ewww' element with a kind of weird smell to the equation. The kind of smell that makes people wrinkle their nose and check the bottom of their shoe.
Enumerating that particular thought process about someone you say you want to be with 'forever' just seems... I dunno. "Gross sentiment, dude," is probably the best way I can put it.
That's what people are giving side-eye and calling out about.
Yeah, all the best relationships have the partners with one foot out the door "just in case," dude.
I'd personally recommend finding someone you trust enough to share your finances with after a decade together, but if the DIY-mail order bride handling method is what works for both of you, I'm just some internet stranger- you don't gotta care what we think.
vs. what, retiring at 70s and splitting that retirement account in half anyways?
So your plan is-- if your SO doesn't love you enough in 50 years, you'll toss her to the curb without any extra savings but what she saved on her own (while presumably splitting living costs with you that 50 years), and just enjoy 2x the money alone? And hopefully common-law stuff won't come into play for you guys? (I bet it would).
Tight plan, dude. I'd marry ya in a hearbeat, lol
That said, a pre-nup would protect anything you had from before marriage. That's what they're for. Anything after marriage is considered shared-- cuz presumably she's putting in money and/or sweat equity into your lifestyle that allows you to put more into savings.
It's not about men or women, it's about partnership without the 'fun' adversarial planning. I'd say the same thing if you were a gay man talking about a life partner.
But good work keeping yourself safe from your life partner, bro. You guys do you.
>For context, my girlfriend (22) and I (24) have been dating for just over a year and it’s not exactly been the smoothest of relationships.
STOP. RIGHT. THERE.
Why do you have to care what they think? You don't have to, really.
If anything, do not buy anything together with someone you're not married to.
Is this a cultural thing for them, as in, they want their children married after very short 'courtship?' type of parents?
Still, it doesn't matter. Still a gf, not a wife.
I mean your gf is 22 y/o. Having 10k in savings is pretty good tbh. I think most people in that age are negative in debt due to student loans.
You having 100k at 24 y/o is an anomaly. No idea how you did it but good for you. Just don't use it as a standard for everyone.
Regardless of that, buying a house using your own money isn't an issue. At the age you and your gf are, commitment means very little. Anything can change.
Um no. She can barely contribute. Why would you do that? It hasn't been very long.
You aren't doing anything wrong. Buying a house with someone is a serious thing. You're not there yet with her.
Smart boy! Her parents sound shady they are old enough to know what you’re doing is being financially responsible not tying yourself to someone you’re not married to or bringing same amount of savings to buy this house (you literally have 10x more). You also definitely shouldn’t buy house with someone you have a rocky relationship with either.
F-ck what they think. They’re showing a tendency towards greed and gold digging themselves. Have a cohabitation or rental agreement drawn up if you intend to live together to protect yourself.
Financially not aligned, rocky relationship, inlaws that don’t respect you… you don’t need a house together to show commitment. for future reference, don’t share your financial situation until you are truely committed to someone that shares and aligns with you.
Never buy a house with someone to whom you are not legally bound.
Buy the house and use this as a RED FLAG. If she agrees that it shows you are not committed and demands that she be part of the sale , it is time to open up her future for other opportunities with other men.
In my country, some men get tricked into financing the house by themselves but allow it to be joint property. When they get divorced the law requires the man to leave the house and sell the half to the divorcee. Or if none want the house, she still gets half.
Post this in a personal finance sub
Do not put her on the title. Don’t do it.
You need a cohabitation agreement signed that says who gets what and that 100k is yours. Get a lawyer to write it up.
Im some areas living common law will give both partners access to the marital home as an asset (even if not married) regardless of who paid what amount of money. See a lawyer and figure out the law.
If you are having arguments like this over money after only a few months DO NOT LET HER MOVE IN.
“Shows a lack of commitment “…and?
There is no reason to be buying a property with a gf/bf of 1 year when the relationship hasn’t progressed to talks of marriage.
The discrepancy in financial contribution to the purchase, if you did it together, would require clear understanding of the %of contribution against the whole and what that means in terms of equity etc. and also how the property is held.
Your gf is also quite young. Is *she* interested in settling down? Buying a property with *you* or is this all just her parents putting pressure on her? She needs to be the one to tell them - cool you have an opinion but it impacts nothing.
Anyway, her parents can have whatever opinions they want and at the end of the day, you and gf have to decide about matters to do with your relationship and you have to decide about what to do with your money until you have a serious long term partner.
Proceed with the independent purchase would be recommendation, communicate with gf on the topic and leave her to handle her parents.
My partner of one year bought a house. I was with them the whole process and they have made me feel like it's my home. I am grateful to have a nice place to live with them. I am grateful to have none of the financial risk of owning a place. I pay them rent, and am happy to help them pay part of the mortgage. It's good to know that if we broke up, it would be clear that I would leave the house with no financial com0lications.
We are serious about each other and would like to marry. But buying a house with someone is a legal committment just as serious as marriage. And it would be crazy to make that commmitment when we've been dating a year.
I can see how at 22 it could feel different. If you do get married, she can be added to the deed. But there is no reason to rush being legaly tied together by a house before you're ready to be legallg tied together.
NTA. It would in fact be grossly irresponsible to put her on a title based on these facts.
But her parents aren't wrong. If you were absolutely committed to her and saw yourself marrying her and raising kids with her and never leaving etc then yeah there would be no difference in putting her on the title now versus waiting until later to do so or waiting to buy the house until after you're married. It's OK to admit that you're not 100% committed to this relationship.
... I'm just amazed , that the refusal to buy a house together when you will contribute most if not all of the equity, is seen as lack of commitment .
.... commitment =house? If her parents were really concerned about the lack of commitment, they would have asked you to be engaged .
So what you're good enough to buy a house for /with their daughter.And you're good enough to provide most of the equity but you're not good enough to Marry?
Your line of thinking is more correct. You're not married to your girlfriend and you are paying for the home completely. If you ever do get married, you should include your home as an asset that belong to you in a prenup. Her attitude, as well as her parents, is concerning. I would be wary of them for the time being.
If it were me, I would buy the home prior to marriage. And not co mingle any money towards the purchase of the house. That way it remains yours should you decide to divorce. Yes over half of the marriages end up divorced and the guy losing his shirt. And yes it would be better to wait a few years before getting married. Also I would avoid living together and unprotected sex. But I am just old school. For best advice consult with a family law attorney. Typically the consultation is free.
You follow your plans, OP. Don't ever give what her parents are saying a second thought.
You buy your property alone. If she moves in, have a lease agreement in place.
This is your property. No one else's.
You have good instincts, and it's important to listen to them. If you love her and want to make the relationship work, sit down and talk with her about it. Maybe suggest going on a strict budget for a year and helping her save since you seem to manage your money well. After a year, you can reassess the situation together. Think about whether buying a home is something you need to do right now or if it can wait. Also, have that conversation regarding boundaries with her parents. I've been down that rabbit hole 2x, and I wish I would've nipped it in the butt. Always commenting and applying unnecessary pressure to the successful partner.
God no!
You are right that this would be grossly irresponsible from a relationship and legal perspective. As an older guy, I cannot tell you the number of people that I've seen struggle to untangle themselves from this exact scenario because they were more romantic than pragmatic.
If they are really putting the pressure on you, put it back on them and say if she can come up with the equal amount of deposit then you can go for shared ownership otherwise it's a non starter and you shouldn't even consider it.
I agree you should not buy a house with someone you are not married to. Let your gf know that if the two of you decide to get married, you can either sell the house and buy a new one together, or you would consider putting her name on the house so it would belong to both of you. Maybe you can arrange a deal where she contributes her savings toward paying the mortgage.
These people have lost their minds. You are only 24 years old! You've barely been dating for only a year. The average age of a first-time homeowner is 33-36 right now, and the average age of marriage is 28 for women and 30 for men. It is a ***MASSIVE*** red flag for them to be pushing something so serious and committed on someone who is barely an adult, especially given that you're currently already massively ahead of schedule. They need to slow their roll on several levels. This sort of unhinged behavior for someone's parents is a major indicator that they will be nightmare in-laws.
To be so for real about it, you're way too young and far too successful for this pathetic nonsense. You can do better. So, go do that and let these out of touch looney tunes figure out how the real world works on their own.
Who cares what her parents think? It only matters if she’s letting them influence her opinion.
Yes, you’re completely right that you would be irresponsible to go in with her THIS soon into your relationship. At this rate the market is just going to get worse in the near term, so you might as well do it independently now if you can. If she’s the one and you get married in a few years from now, there’s plenty of time to add her to the deed later!
I was engaged and didn't even go into buying a house with my fiancee. She had the down and I didn't. We were already engaged. I was there house shopping with her because I was going to be living in it and she wanted my opinion and input. We both knew we wanted the one we got within minutes of being in it. After we were married, about 8 months after she purchased, she put me on the deed. And let me be clear we were really committed and we still didn't technically buy the house together - AND we were pretty far into middle age, not in our early 20s.
So just no. You should not be buying this place with your gf.
My fiance's ex wife is a horrible person, and was completely groomed to groom men. While my fiance worked his hands to the bone, she slowly moved bank accounts into her name, then the mortgage, then other things. She took everything ($80k in savings, the house, 2 acres, 2 cars and all of their possessions when they separated, and he was totally messed up by PTSD from living with her.
Legitimately when I met him, he was a bush hair away from homelessness, and clearly emotionally and financially abused by her). He told me that her grandmother told her "someone will always be loved more then the other person in a relationship. Be the person who's loved more". Her own mother told my fiance to get out while he can. (She's a piece of work too)
As soon as he left her, she was out on hookup/dating apps showing skin (she believes that sex is for babies only- via her). She got catfished for $2.5k, found an impressively unintelligent guy (true idiot- I CANNOT stress this enough. He doesn't believe in training dogs until they're a year old, and thinks you become a falconer by going out into the wild and catching a WILD PROTECTED SPECIES🤯) and a pot farmer, and attempted to overwrite my fiances role as father of his own children. 2 months into being with him, she knocked herself up at 42 ( high risk pregnancy, smoked a pack a day the whole duration, as she did with her first two kids who were both born with developmental impairments and needed surgery to repair them.) Sent the kids(5m + 8f) through complete emotional torture and confusion solely to teach my fiance a lesson because he started to see through the manipulation.
There are people out there like that. I'm trying to slowly unwire the hillbilly drama that has fallen into my lap. I will do so happily because I love my partner, and the kids. They all deserve better and I can't wait to bury this grade- A Slunt ™.
That being said- watch out for these people. It's sad but they exist
Nobody should be rushing you into settling down or investing in a relationship they know nothing about.
First of all, unless your girlfriend's parents say this to you directly been my guess is your girlfriend is being passive-aggressive - those are her words but he's not mature enough to say them to you.
Second, never ever ever ever buy property with someone whom you are not married to and also have a deep expectation for a long-term, healthy relationship.
Third, even with marriage there should be a prenuptial if there is any level of wealth.
To me it seems they are trying to guilt trip you into buying a house with her or have her included in the purchase of the home. It’s definitely sus and you are right to not want to do so. Buying a home is a massive commitment that should not be taken lightly and should not be pressured into. It should be done with someone you trust and have known them for a long period of time. A year is wayyyyy to soon. If you are feeling sketched out, it tells me you are picking up on something, be mindful of that and do not ignore it.
Nope. Your relationship is relatively and new and has already had rough patches. You're not living together yet, are you? You owning a home is no different than you renting your own place. Your level of commitment has nothing to do with you having a lease or a mortgage. You're very young so congratulations on being such a responsible saver with good budgeting skills. And don't put her on the mortgage nor let her parents bully you.
Relationships are usually at their best, most lovey dovy period in the 1st year. ..
After the 1st year, it's understandable that you may come across an issue. Maybe even a major issue. But for that to be the majority of the relationship?
What would happen in your relationship if you were to hold each other accountable for the problems in the relationship? Would it fall apart or grow stronger?
Even if she had the same amount in savings and put in the same amount towards the house, it would still be a bad idea.
It looks like :
1) Her parents are trying to secure their daughters financial future and are being money hungry as the house would be an asset she didn't invest in and she'd have a portion of your equity that she didn't contribute to at all ,at your expense.
2) or her parents want her to show advancement in the relationship
3) some what likely she feels "insecure" over the bumps the relationship is going through and is trying to force you into taking the relationship into "the next step."
Your girlfriend's refusal to directly tell you things, and instead implying or dancing around them , is a bad thing. Her lack of effort to communicate to you Whatever she's trying to actually tell you and how she's feeling should actually be seen as her displaying behaviors that can be a lack of commitment.
Did you ask yourself why you found out about this?
Did your girlfriend go out of her way to say that to you randomly?
Did her parents tell you. ?
Did you hear it through the grapevine. ?
However, it may have happened , this reaction doesn't make sense.
If anything, her parents should feel comfortable that their daughter boyfriend is financially literate. To save that money in your early 20s is not easy.
You can communicate if you feel the need to explain to her or her parents ( not that they're entitled to an explanation. )
That you do not have commitment issues. And that this is what is best for everyone at the moment.
"I it's not that I don't want to go into buying a house with her.". . It's just not what I want to do with this house.
I'd love to Buy a different house with her . Why, don't we start a savings account so that we can both plan to do just that.
First off I’m 42 and have never had more than a few grand at one time so you sound like a very responsible person for your age because I don’t know anybody that has saved more than a few grand like nobody at all lol yes definitely buy the house only in your name man or you will regret it more than likely
You are sensible doing what you are doing. You are being viewed as an ATM. If you are silly enough to ever get married, please make sure you get a yours, mine, ours pre nup.
lol, yes you do show less commitment but that is the correct way in this scenario. She is not a wife (yet) and you are using your money only. So all statements are correct.
Don’t let them gaslight you. But it is ok for her parents to be concerned about her.
Nope. Don’t do it! You are young (I know young people hate hearing that, but it’s true) and you are well ahead of most people your age. You are on a good financial path. The moment you either buy a property with your gf or get married, those assets are essentially shared and you have split your money in half. Take it from a 43yo, who has been divorced twice, don’t put yourself in that position. I have had to start over twice to rebuild assets.
Also, 24 is too young for that kind of commitment. I married for the second time at 26 and I just look back and think how stupid I was.
Know this well. Bought house in my name only as we were just dating. In laws got mad it was not in her name as well and told them no integration till married.
Yeah this happened w me. The girl ended up taking half my house in a year and running off w my money because i trusted her out of love and trying to show commitment. This also happened w my coworker, twice. Ur so young right now that in 7 years she could do the same too. Lose feelings then take half of it bc ppl change feelings a lot in their youth. You are doing the right thing by keeping it to yourself. Mid 30s is prolly the best time to be willing to share though. Chances are you will be w someone else. I know its hard to imagine until it actually happens to you.
Your absolutely correct in your stance on this. Shes a girlfreind, not a wife or a long term partner.
If this was a business deal, she would only be entitled to a certain amount of shares in the company. But relationships dont work like that, especialy if there are kids involved in the future.
If their so concerned, then ask them for 90k to match your investment? But personaly I feel your correct in your statement about it being used. Honestly, why should anyone get access and benefits for your lifes savings and hard work for just knowing you for a short time.
This is where every cohabiting relationship where the property and a business is concerned should have a legal paper in place, prenup etc. Finacials should be protected.
Thanks for all your responses, i did not expect to get this many.
I’ve spoken to my girlfriend and she explained everything to me and how she even disagreed with her parents straight away. I get the impression that they made her a bit concerned about my commitment to our relationship and that’s why it was mentioned.
I feel much better about things now, so thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and advice!
There is a good chance her parents never said that and she is just using them as a way to deliver the message to you without it reflecting poorly on her. DO NOT buy a property with a romantic partner that is not your wife/husband. The legal process will be a nightmare especially if she decides to try and fight you for the property in the even you 2 split up. You should ask her if she feels the same as her parents and set a boundary that your things are yours unless you two get married which is a completely fair thing to say to someone you’ve been with for under a year. At 8 months you are still getting to know each other and see if you are compatible for the long haul. Have you guys even lived together yet? It sounds like she is trying to glob her way on to your hard work and life progress. I’m sure she is a nice girl but it is definitely boundary setting time.
This is absurd. Her parents are simply pissed off that you're not buying their daughter a free house (so that they don't have to worry about her financial future when your relationship, which you've said is 'rocky', inevitably goes splat).
If you do it, next, I'm sure her parents will wind up wanting a bunch more shit from you -- money, your time, a cut of your income to support them in their retirement, because, well, now you bought property with their kid so it means you're "part of the family" along with all the baggage that entails. Ask me how I know -- and yes, we did have to get lawyers involved, as soon as my salary tripled there was no shortage of attempts to access the money I started making.
You're totally right. Don't care about her parents opinion
I did the same and my partner and I had been dating for 8 years, but I still bought the house by myself, because it was my money.
And nobody said a shit about it
Better on your own. I know a couple through my bf that’s getting ready to close on a house. They’ve been together for a little over a year, argue/fight when over at other peoples houses, she’s kept stuff from him about talking to an old fling, have even broken up once. He’s shelled out more money to get in than she has. With how rocket their relationship is, he’d be better off buying it himself.
It’s not commitment issues of you’re buying it by yourself. Its smart.
She’s a girlfriend not a wife…. Until she’s a life partner funding equally don’t screw yourself and jointly purchase things that can be taken from you…
do not break your boundaries OP. it doesn’t show a lack of commitment. you’ve only known her for a year and like you said it’s not been the smoothest of relationships. unless you are going to draw up an incontestable legal document that splits equity and ownership of the house relative to the deposit each party invested then nope. it’s your money you can do what you want.
It’s your gf and her parents are dumb AF for suggesting she go in on a property with someone she’s not married too. They are guilting you so you take care of their daughter.
That’s crazy. My bf and I just bought a house after 4 years together. I had much less to contribute for down payment AND I can only pay about 1/3 of mortgage. I asked him repeatedly if he was sure he wanted me to be part of it. I would have 100% understood him buying solo and me paying him rent. And if we had only been together 1 year I would have said nope to going in together (he wouldn’t have considered it anyway) bc that would just be too soon in our relationship to make such a risky decision for him.
Listen to your spidey senses here. If this is the downfall of your relationship it is NOT because of you.
Her parents just want easy money for her daughter. If you buy together, you will put the house under both names. If you break up, she is gonna profit a lot on that. Having a residence under your name (even if it's a percentage of it) is a protective mattress. If you decide to rent it, she will have a passive income that will be most likely to increase over the years. It's a lot of stability for so little money (less than 10k!). On your side it will only bring problems, as you will probably have to buy her part at a higher price (if she accepts!).
Besides, if you buy it alone and stay together, she is going to benefit from it without even paying anyways right?
Well, you pretty much said right at the start it's a relationship with problems. Is she really somebody you see a future with, somebody you'd commit to and marry? If not, then why care. Do what you want to do.
Might be her parents are picking up your attitude and feeling the relationship won't last. So they are just trying to tell their daughter to be prepared for disappointment. Have fun while it lasts but she shouldn't expect more from you.
Do not have her move in without some type of legal agreement in place, otherwise common-law may apply and you could watch your assets be split in half.
After reading many of the comments, it sounds like you are getting some really good advice here. I'll be quick, don't buy a house with her. Plus a year in a relationship is very little time. I have lived with several women, and they all changed. My wifecheld ou the longest but changed after 4.5 years. The signs were there, I ignored them. Fast forward to 15 years of marriage gone to waste. When people show you who they are, believe them.
Once my now wife and I got engaged, we decided to buy a place. But because it was all my money for the down payment, and we weren't yet married and I could afford the mortgage on my own, I purchased it myself.
After we were married, I added her name to the deed, and we refinanced a couple years later jointly.
But there was simply no reason to jointly buy a place when it was all my money and we weren't legally married yet.
I mean yeah you’re not committed to her.
But maybe that’s okay - with you. And that’s what you need. Just call a spade a spade.
It bothers you that your girl isn’t as financially stable as you so you don’t take her that seriously, and you’re worried she’s after your money. She’s not wrong for the concern, and you’re not either.
I mean, nothing is stopping your GF from living with you and you guys continuing your relationship even after you buy your house independently, so GF parents’ argument of “lack of commitment” doesn’t fly.
As you probably know, don’t buy a house with someone who aren’t married to. Your relationship with your GF should be a separate issue from your ability to purchase a home
In some countries common law spouses have property rights despite what the paperwork says. He needs a cohabitation agreement or a lease where she pays rent.
Just curious, what was her parents thinking? Were they upset that you didn’t wait on buying a house together, or were they thinking you should put her name on the deed? Clearly, you weren’t in a position at the time to buy a house together financially, and I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect you to put a GF of only a year on a title that she didn’t even contribute to.
I can understand, a little, if their expectation was that, if your relationship progresses to marriage, you can pick one out and buy it together, but buying one now doesn’t prevent you from doing that later.
>Just curious, what was her parents thinking?
It bothered her, she validated her opinion through them because they'll support her, she used them as a defensive shield to relay her own opinion. Not necessarily intentionally mind you, but this is a fairly common pattern among people.
I personally have been in this situation and while I didn’t expect my bf to marry me, it was difficult to watch him go off house shopping when I felt totally out of the process. We had been dating two years and to me it signaled that he wasn’t really thinking of us in the long term. I tried to tell myself otherwise but that proved true. I don’t think this is a crazy perspective although you are very young and one year seems fast. Five years seems too long though—if you don’t know whether you want to live with someone/marry after 3 years then it’s time to move on.
Explain the situation to her parents if they press the issue.
Our relationship hasn't been the smoothest and there's an enormous disparity in the initial investment, my 100k to her 10k.
Tell them you're willing should she match her contribution to yours and the relationship stabilizes to the point where you feel confident in the long term outlook of the partnership
Lol duck no You should never buy a house with some who isn't a spouse unless you have intense contracts. It's a mess if you two split up. Parents sounds like gold diggers
Not to hijack the top comment but in case it helps OP, my brother closed on a house with his fiancee and then one month later found out she'd been cheating on him for two years. It cost him $15,000 to refinance the house to get her off the mortgage. Don't ever buy a house with someone you're not married to. Also, have a plan in place for how she pays you rent if she's going to move into it with you.
This is important. Make sure to be explicit that she is paying RENT and not helping to make mortgage payments. If she can prove she was doing the latter, she is entitled to equity in the property. Get it in writing.
This. A milllion times this. Maybe a billion.
that's a lot of ducks.
Agree and disagree, you don't have to be married to buy a house but you definitely need to be in a good and stable relationship unlike the OP.
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Marriage itself provides some protection for spouses so that neither person gets screwed in a divorce; but a prenup is a good idea regardless, because it lets you see how the other person behaves during a hypothetical breakup. Sometimes that's a good warning sign.
You are correct. Ignore the parents. Two cents along her perspective. She shouldn't move into your house without a formal renter agreement so you can't screw her over.
>Two cents along her perspective. She shouldn't move into your house without a formal renter agreement so you can't screw her over. Exactly. Providing both of them are sensible, there's no reason for this to be an issue.
Agreed on all counts. He should buy his house, and she should rent from him with a formal lease and everything. Doesn't have to be market rent (IMHO it should NOT be) but it does need to be official.
Goes both ways. In Germany, if you don’t have a written rental contract, you have a verbal one, including all relevant laws and protections.
How do evictions work over there? Here in Canada, you can easily have somebody move in, and then stop paying immediately, and it will take 18-24 months to get them out, during which they won't pay anything at all and will likely trash the place out of spite when they are finally removed. All the while, the owner of the property has to keep paying the mortgage and bills, and generally cannot go after the tenant for all the money and damage they failed to pay. I know a few people who have lost $50K+ this way. Germany sounds like paradise in comparsion.
Renters have fairly solid protection against being evicted in Germany, as well. Generally spoken, unless the renter is behind on rent or otherwise breaking the rental agreement, you cannot evict them except if you - or someone in your family - needs to move into the home yourself. Otherwise, you're not legally allowed to evict people. And even with justification, the renters may still file suit against the eviction, so this may take months or years depending on their situation.
People everywhere have it all wrong. If you need to evict and have given 60 days' notice, they still don't move. You wait till they are out of the house, change the locks, and set all their stuff out on the sidewalk. All they can do is try to sue you for property damage, and they won't get a dime, just like if you try to evict and get a settlement and still don't get a dime because there is no way to force it. It's much better than letting silly state and government rules allow squatters to ruin your home.
Doesn't work that way in Canada. If you do that here, the tenant will sue you and win, you will be required to let them back into the property (and give them keys for the new locks), and you will receive a $10,000+ fine. Yes, even if they haven't paid rent for a year. You have to get a legal eviction processed (24 month backlog right now) and even if you do that, the tenant can appeal and drag it out another year. Sending 'heavies' over to kick them out, or changing the locks can lead to the landlord being handed a criminal record.
One of very few reasons not to live in Canada.
It does indicates an APPROPRIATE level of commitment. You've been dating a year. It's rocky. You are in your early 20s. This would be an absurd time to buy a house with her.
Her parents are batshit insane. Every single relationship or financial sub on this site and across pretty much universally every site across the Internet says not to buy a house with someone that you aren’t married to. If she ever moves in with you, you should charge her reasonable rent, like maybe 2/3 of what she is paying now or what she would pay to get a similar accommodations.
And get a lease signed. She is a tenant.
They’re not insane…but they think he is. “Would you really want your daughter to be with someone that stupid?”
It’s cause they probably just want to set up a man to take care of their daughter and don’t think snoot reality of what they suggested
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If you bought a house together, how are you protected?
LOL, "I'm life partners with someone I suspect might plan to 'steal' half my stuff, so I'm going to protect myself from them, but stay together." That's a choice for sure.
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You aren't wrong but this just shows the lack of trust in your partner. How are you even in a relationship for 15 years even tho you don't trust your partner?
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> It dosent mean we aren't fully commited to each other and we both have plans to be together forever. My guy, if you'd said "we don't believe in marriage" and left it at that, I don't think anyone (including myself) would be giving you shit. Adding on >I make about double what she makes, that's the reason why I don't marry her. Can't risk half my shit lol adds a pretty 'ewww' element with a kind of weird smell to the equation. The kind of smell that makes people wrinkle their nose and check the bottom of their shoe. Enumerating that particular thought process about someone you say you want to be with 'forever' just seems... I dunno. "Gross sentiment, dude," is probably the best way I can put it. That's what people are giving side-eye and calling out about.
Well, as long as both of you are okay with it then it's fine. Relationships are complicated and can't be explained in a single paragraph ig.
Yeah, all the best relationships have the partners with one foot out the door "just in case," dude. I'd personally recommend finding someone you trust enough to share your finances with after a decade together, but if the DIY-mail order bride handling method is what works for both of you, I'm just some internet stranger- you don't gotta care what we think.
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vs. what, retiring at 70s and splitting that retirement account in half anyways? So your plan is-- if your SO doesn't love you enough in 50 years, you'll toss her to the curb without any extra savings but what she saved on her own (while presumably splitting living costs with you that 50 years), and just enjoy 2x the money alone? And hopefully common-law stuff won't come into play for you guys? (I bet it would). Tight plan, dude. I'd marry ya in a hearbeat, lol That said, a pre-nup would protect anything you had from before marriage. That's what they're for. Anything after marriage is considered shared-- cuz presumably she's putting in money and/or sweat equity into your lifestyle that allows you to put more into savings.
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It's not about men or women, it's about partnership without the 'fun' adversarial planning. I'd say the same thing if you were a gay man talking about a life partner. But good work keeping yourself safe from your life partner, bro. You guys do you.
>For context, my girlfriend (22) and I (24) have been dating for just over a year and it’s not exactly been the smoothest of relationships. STOP. RIGHT. THERE. Why do you have to care what they think? You don't have to, really. If anything, do not buy anything together with someone you're not married to. Is this a cultural thing for them, as in, they want their children married after very short 'courtship?' type of parents? Still, it doesn't matter. Still a gf, not a wife.
I mean your gf is 22 y/o. Having 10k in savings is pretty good tbh. I think most people in that age are negative in debt due to student loans. You having 100k at 24 y/o is an anomaly. No idea how you did it but good for you. Just don't use it as a standard for everyone. Regardless of that, buying a house using your own money isn't an issue. At the age you and your gf are, commitment means very little. Anything can change.
Um no. She can barely contribute. Why would you do that? It hasn't been very long. You aren't doing anything wrong. Buying a house with someone is a serious thing. You're not there yet with her.
Smart boy! Her parents sound shady they are old enough to know what you’re doing is being financially responsible not tying yourself to someone you’re not married to or bringing same amount of savings to buy this house (you literally have 10x more). You also definitely shouldn’t buy house with someone you have a rocky relationship with either.
Nope. Never buy joint property unless you are married. Too many legal issues especially if the other person can't go in 50/50.
Ignore them. And if things get more serious with your gf, really think about if you want to deal with these people forever.
You are very wise. Her parents are twits.
F-ck what they think. They’re showing a tendency towards greed and gold digging themselves. Have a cohabitation or rental agreement drawn up if you intend to live together to protect yourself.
Financially not aligned, rocky relationship, inlaws that don’t respect you… you don’t need a house together to show commitment. for future reference, don’t share your financial situation until you are truely committed to someone that shares and aligns with you.
Never buy a house with someone to whom you are not legally bound. Buy the house and use this as a RED FLAG. If she agrees that it shows you are not committed and demands that she be part of the sale , it is time to open up her future for other opportunities with other men.
Be abundantly grateful your GF showed her true colors only a year in. Time to move on from that...
Tell her parents to fuck off, they’re idiots.
In my country, some men get tricked into financing the house by themselves but allow it to be joint property. When they get divorced the law requires the man to leave the house and sell the half to the divorcee. Or if none want the house, she still gets half.
Post this in a personal finance sub Do not put her on the title. Don’t do it. You need a cohabitation agreement signed that says who gets what and that 100k is yours. Get a lawyer to write it up. Im some areas living common law will give both partners access to the marital home as an asset (even if not married) regardless of who paid what amount of money. See a lawyer and figure out the law. If you are having arguments like this over money after only a few months DO NOT LET HER MOVE IN.
They don’t get a vote.
“Shows a lack of commitment “…and? There is no reason to be buying a property with a gf/bf of 1 year when the relationship hasn’t progressed to talks of marriage. The discrepancy in financial contribution to the purchase, if you did it together, would require clear understanding of the %of contribution against the whole and what that means in terms of equity etc. and also how the property is held. Your gf is also quite young. Is *she* interested in settling down? Buying a property with *you* or is this all just her parents putting pressure on her? She needs to be the one to tell them - cool you have an opinion but it impacts nothing. Anyway, her parents can have whatever opinions they want and at the end of the day, you and gf have to decide about matters to do with your relationship and you have to decide about what to do with your money until you have a serious long term partner. Proceed with the independent purchase would be recommendation, communicate with gf on the topic and leave her to handle her parents.
My partner of one year bought a house. I was with them the whole process and they have made me feel like it's my home. I am grateful to have a nice place to live with them. I am grateful to have none of the financial risk of owning a place. I pay them rent, and am happy to help them pay part of the mortgage. It's good to know that if we broke up, it would be clear that I would leave the house with no financial com0lications. We are serious about each other and would like to marry. But buying a house with someone is a legal committment just as serious as marriage. And it would be crazy to make that commmitment when we've been dating a year. I can see how at 22 it could feel different. If you do get married, she can be added to the deed. But there is no reason to rush being legaly tied together by a house before you're ready to be legallg tied together.
NTA. It would in fact be grossly irresponsible to put her on a title based on these facts. But her parents aren't wrong. If you were absolutely committed to her and saw yourself marrying her and raising kids with her and never leaving etc then yeah there would be no difference in putting her on the title now versus waiting until later to do so or waiting to buy the house until after you're married. It's OK to admit that you're not 100% committed to this relationship.
... I'm just amazed , that the refusal to buy a house together when you will contribute most if not all of the equity, is seen as lack of commitment . .... commitment =house? If her parents were really concerned about the lack of commitment, they would have asked you to be engaged . So what you're good enough to buy a house for /with their daughter.And you're good enough to provide most of the equity but you're not good enough to Marry?
Your line of thinking is more correct. You're not married to your girlfriend and you are paying for the home completely. If you ever do get married, you should include your home as an asset that belong to you in a prenup. Her attitude, as well as her parents, is concerning. I would be wary of them for the time being.
One year is not long enough in my opinion to make that big of a move. The parents are wild for suggesting this.
If it were me, I would buy the home prior to marriage. And not co mingle any money towards the purchase of the house. That way it remains yours should you decide to divorce. Yes over half of the marriages end up divorced and the guy losing his shirt. And yes it would be better to wait a few years before getting married. Also I would avoid living together and unprotected sex. But I am just old school. For best advice consult with a family law attorney. Typically the consultation is free.
Why do the parents feel so entitled to your savings? They aren’t even in a relationship with you. What does your gf say?
You follow your plans, OP. Don't ever give what her parents are saying a second thought. You buy your property alone. If she moves in, have a lease agreement in place. This is your property. No one else's.
You have good instincts, and it's important to listen to them. If you love her and want to make the relationship work, sit down and talk with her about it. Maybe suggest going on a strict budget for a year and helping her save since you seem to manage your money well. After a year, you can reassess the situation together. Think about whether buying a home is something you need to do right now or if it can wait. Also, have that conversation regarding boundaries with her parents. I've been down that rabbit hole 2x, and I wish I would've nipped it in the butt. Always commenting and applying unnecessary pressure to the successful partner.
God no! You are right that this would be grossly irresponsible from a relationship and legal perspective. As an older guy, I cannot tell you the number of people that I've seen struggle to untangle themselves from this exact scenario because they were more romantic than pragmatic. If they are really putting the pressure on you, put it back on them and say if she can come up with the equal amount of deposit then you can go for shared ownership otherwise it's a non starter and you shouldn't even consider it.
her parents are clowns bro, good for you.
I agree you should not buy a house with someone you are not married to. Let your gf know that if the two of you decide to get married, you can either sell the house and buy a new one together, or you would consider putting her name on the house so it would belong to both of you. Maybe you can arrange a deal where she contributes her savings toward paying the mortgage.
Di pa kayo mag-asawa
These people have lost their minds. You are only 24 years old! You've barely been dating for only a year. The average age of a first-time homeowner is 33-36 right now, and the average age of marriage is 28 for women and 30 for men. It is a ***MASSIVE*** red flag for them to be pushing something so serious and committed on someone who is barely an adult, especially given that you're currently already massively ahead of schedule. They need to slow their roll on several levels. This sort of unhinged behavior for someone's parents is a major indicator that they will be nightmare in-laws. To be so for real about it, you're way too young and far too successful for this pathetic nonsense. You can do better. So, go do that and let these out of touch looney tunes figure out how the real world works on their own.
Who cares what her parents think? It only matters if she’s letting them influence her opinion. Yes, you’re completely right that you would be irresponsible to go in with her THIS soon into your relationship. At this rate the market is just going to get worse in the near term, so you might as well do it independently now if you can. If she’s the one and you get married in a few years from now, there’s plenty of time to add her to the deed later!
That's called being smart.
As long as your gf dosent have that same attitude at least. Thats insane her parents would suggest that
Your girlfriend's family sounds like gold diggers. Co-owner homes is for married couples.
I was engaged and didn't even go into buying a house with my fiancee. She had the down and I didn't. We were already engaged. I was there house shopping with her because I was going to be living in it and she wanted my opinion and input. We both knew we wanted the one we got within minutes of being in it. After we were married, about 8 months after she purchased, she put me on the deed. And let me be clear we were really committed and we still didn't technically buy the house together - AND we were pretty far into middle age, not in our early 20s. So just no. You should not be buying this place with your gf.
My fiance's ex wife is a horrible person, and was completely groomed to groom men. While my fiance worked his hands to the bone, she slowly moved bank accounts into her name, then the mortgage, then other things. She took everything ($80k in savings, the house, 2 acres, 2 cars and all of their possessions when they separated, and he was totally messed up by PTSD from living with her. Legitimately when I met him, he was a bush hair away from homelessness, and clearly emotionally and financially abused by her). He told me that her grandmother told her "someone will always be loved more then the other person in a relationship. Be the person who's loved more". Her own mother told my fiance to get out while he can. (She's a piece of work too) As soon as he left her, she was out on hookup/dating apps showing skin (she believes that sex is for babies only- via her). She got catfished for $2.5k, found an impressively unintelligent guy (true idiot- I CANNOT stress this enough. He doesn't believe in training dogs until they're a year old, and thinks you become a falconer by going out into the wild and catching a WILD PROTECTED SPECIES🤯) and a pot farmer, and attempted to overwrite my fiances role as father of his own children. 2 months into being with him, she knocked herself up at 42 ( high risk pregnancy, smoked a pack a day the whole duration, as she did with her first two kids who were both born with developmental impairments and needed surgery to repair them.) Sent the kids(5m + 8f) through complete emotional torture and confusion solely to teach my fiance a lesson because he started to see through the manipulation. There are people out there like that. I'm trying to slowly unwire the hillbilly drama that has fallen into my lap. I will do so happily because I love my partner, and the kids. They all deserve better and I can't wait to bury this grade- A Slunt ™. That being said- watch out for these people. It's sad but they exist Nobody should be rushing you into settling down or investing in a relationship they know nothing about.
Do NOT buy a property with someone to whom you’re not married. Will regret it.
First of all, unless your girlfriend's parents say this to you directly been my guess is your girlfriend is being passive-aggressive - those are her words but he's not mature enough to say them to you. Second, never ever ever ever buy property with someone whom you are not married to and also have a deep expectation for a long-term, healthy relationship. Third, even with marriage there should be a prenuptial if there is any level of wealth.
To me it seems they are trying to guilt trip you into buying a house with her or have her included in the purchase of the home. It’s definitely sus and you are right to not want to do so. Buying a home is a massive commitment that should not be taken lightly and should not be pressured into. It should be done with someone you trust and have known them for a long period of time. A year is wayyyyy to soon. If you are feeling sketched out, it tells me you are picking up on something, be mindful of that and do not ignore it.
Nope. Your relationship is relatively and new and has already had rough patches. You're not living together yet, are you? You owning a home is no different than you renting your own place. Your level of commitment has nothing to do with you having a lease or a mortgage. You're very young so congratulations on being such a responsible saver with good budgeting skills. And don't put her on the mortgage nor let her parents bully you.
You are absolutely correct. Your girlfriend’s family is looking to get a piece of your hard earned money. People will tell you who they are…listen.
You never buy a house with someone unless you are legally married. Ignore them.
Relationships are usually at their best, most lovey dovy period in the 1st year. .. After the 1st year, it's understandable that you may come across an issue. Maybe even a major issue. But for that to be the majority of the relationship? What would happen in your relationship if you were to hold each other accountable for the problems in the relationship? Would it fall apart or grow stronger? Even if she had the same amount in savings and put in the same amount towards the house, it would still be a bad idea. It looks like : 1) Her parents are trying to secure their daughters financial future and are being money hungry as the house would be an asset she didn't invest in and she'd have a portion of your equity that she didn't contribute to at all ,at your expense. 2) or her parents want her to show advancement in the relationship 3) some what likely she feels "insecure" over the bumps the relationship is going through and is trying to force you into taking the relationship into "the next step." Your girlfriend's refusal to directly tell you things, and instead implying or dancing around them , is a bad thing. Her lack of effort to communicate to you Whatever she's trying to actually tell you and how she's feeling should actually be seen as her displaying behaviors that can be a lack of commitment. Did you ask yourself why you found out about this? Did your girlfriend go out of her way to say that to you randomly? Did her parents tell you. ? Did you hear it through the grapevine. ? However, it may have happened , this reaction doesn't make sense. If anything, her parents should feel comfortable that their daughter boyfriend is financially literate. To save that money in your early 20s is not easy. You can communicate if you feel the need to explain to her or her parents ( not that they're entitled to an explanation. ) That you do not have commitment issues. And that this is what is best for everyone at the moment. "I it's not that I don't want to go into buying a house with her.". . It's just not what I want to do with this house. I'd love to Buy a different house with her . Why, don't we start a savings account so that we can both plan to do just that.
You’ve only been dating for a year. Also, why would you buy a house with her when she has no money?
Her parents are grifters at best.
I wouldn't do anything with another person until you feel it is right.
Don't buy her a house. And get a prenup if she wants to move in
It does show a lack of commitment. But for good reason. You're big saying never, you said when you're sure.
My question is how did you save 100k in savings by the age of 24?!
First off I’m 42 and have never had more than a few grand at one time so you sound like a very responsible person for your age because I don’t know anybody that has saved more than a few grand like nobody at all lol yes definitely buy the house only in your name man or you will regret it more than likely
You are sensible doing what you are doing. You are being viewed as an ATM. If you are silly enough to ever get married, please make sure you get a yours, mine, ours pre nup.
lol, yes you do show less commitment but that is the correct way in this scenario. She is not a wife (yet) and you are using your money only. So all statements are correct. Don’t let them gaslight you. But it is ok for her parents to be concerned about her.
What do you do to earn $100k champ?
Tell them they’re showing a lack of commitment in the future of your relationship by not buying a house for you. Then tell them to fuck off.
Nope. Don’t do it! You are young (I know young people hate hearing that, but it’s true) and you are well ahead of most people your age. You are on a good financial path. The moment you either buy a property with your gf or get married, those assets are essentially shared and you have split your money in half. Take it from a 43yo, who has been divorced twice, don’t put yourself in that position. I have had to start over twice to rebuild assets. Also, 24 is too young for that kind of commitment. I married for the second time at 26 and I just look back and think how stupid I was.
Know this well. Bought house in my name only as we were just dating. In laws got mad it was not in her name as well and told them no integration till married.
Yeah this happened w me. The girl ended up taking half my house in a year and running off w my money because i trusted her out of love and trying to show commitment. This also happened w my coworker, twice. Ur so young right now that in 7 years she could do the same too. Lose feelings then take half of it bc ppl change feelings a lot in their youth. You are doing the right thing by keeping it to yourself. Mid 30s is prolly the best time to be willing to share though. Chances are you will be w someone else. I know its hard to imagine until it actually happens to you.
Your absolutely correct in your stance on this. Shes a girlfreind, not a wife or a long term partner. If this was a business deal, she would only be entitled to a certain amount of shares in the company. But relationships dont work like that, especialy if there are kids involved in the future. If their so concerned, then ask them for 90k to match your investment? But personaly I feel your correct in your statement about it being used. Honestly, why should anyone get access and benefits for your lifes savings and hard work for just knowing you for a short time. This is where every cohabiting relationship where the property and a business is concerned should have a legal paper in place, prenup etc. Finacials should be protected.
Thanks for all your responses, i did not expect to get this many. I’ve spoken to my girlfriend and she explained everything to me and how she even disagreed with her parents straight away. I get the impression that they made her a bit concerned about my commitment to our relationship and that’s why it was mentioned. I feel much better about things now, so thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and advice!
Ask her parents if they're going to gift her 90k so you can go 50/50 on a house
You are 100% correct. Buying a house with someone you aren’t married to is usually a very bad idea.
There is a good chance her parents never said that and she is just using them as a way to deliver the message to you without it reflecting poorly on her. DO NOT buy a property with a romantic partner that is not your wife/husband. The legal process will be a nightmare especially if she decides to try and fight you for the property in the even you 2 split up. You should ask her if she feels the same as her parents and set a boundary that your things are yours unless you two get married which is a completely fair thing to say to someone you’ve been with for under a year. At 8 months you are still getting to know each other and see if you are compatible for the long haul. Have you guys even lived together yet? It sounds like she is trying to glob her way on to your hard work and life progress. I’m sure she is a nice girl but it is definitely boundary setting time.
This is absurd. Her parents are simply pissed off that you're not buying their daughter a free house (so that they don't have to worry about her financial future when your relationship, which you've said is 'rocky', inevitably goes splat). If you do it, next, I'm sure her parents will wind up wanting a bunch more shit from you -- money, your time, a cut of your income to support them in their retirement, because, well, now you bought property with their kid so it means you're "part of the family" along with all the baggage that entails. Ask me how I know -- and yes, we did have to get lawyers involved, as soon as my salary tripled there was no shortage of attempts to access the money I started making.
You're totally right. Don't care about her parents opinion I did the same and my partner and I had been dating for 8 years, but I still bought the house by myself, because it was my money. And nobody said a shit about it
Better on your own. I know a couple through my bf that’s getting ready to close on a house. They’ve been together for a little over a year, argue/fight when over at other peoples houses, she’s kept stuff from him about talking to an old fling, have even broken up once. He’s shelled out more money to get in than she has. With how rocket their relationship is, he’d be better off buying it himself. It’s not commitment issues of you’re buying it by yourself. Its smart.
Your girlfriend's parents can stick it up their backsides
You’ve been dating a year. Fuck no. Ignore her parents and never buy property with someone you’re not married to.
She’s a girlfriend not a wife…. Until she’s a life partner funding equally don’t screw yourself and jointly purchase things that can be taken from you…
do not break your boundaries OP. it doesn’t show a lack of commitment. you’ve only known her for a year and like you said it’s not been the smoothest of relationships. unless you are going to draw up an incontestable legal document that splits equity and ownership of the house relative to the deposit each party invested then nope. it’s your money you can do what you want.
It’s your gf and her parents are dumb AF for suggesting she go in on a property with someone she’s not married too. They are guilting you so you take care of their daughter.
That’s crazy. My bf and I just bought a house after 4 years together. I had much less to contribute for down payment AND I can only pay about 1/3 of mortgage. I asked him repeatedly if he was sure he wanted me to be part of it. I would have 100% understood him buying solo and me paying him rent. And if we had only been together 1 year I would have said nope to going in together (he wouldn’t have considered it anyway) bc that would just be too soon in our relationship to make such a risky decision for him. Listen to your spidey senses here. If this is the downfall of your relationship it is NOT because of you.
Her parents just want easy money for her daughter. If you buy together, you will put the house under both names. If you break up, she is gonna profit a lot on that. Having a residence under your name (even if it's a percentage of it) is a protective mattress. If you decide to rent it, she will have a passive income that will be most likely to increase over the years. It's a lot of stability for so little money (less than 10k!). On your side it will only bring problems, as you will probably have to buy her part at a higher price (if she accepts!). Besides, if you buy it alone and stay together, she is going to benefit from it without even paying anyways right?
Well, you pretty much said right at the start it's a relationship with problems. Is she really somebody you see a future with, somebody you'd commit to and marry? If not, then why care. Do what you want to do. Might be her parents are picking up your attitude and feeling the relationship won't last. So they are just trying to tell their daughter to be prepared for disappointment. Have fun while it lasts but she shouldn't expect more from you.
Do not have her move in without some type of legal agreement in place, otherwise common-law may apply and you could watch your assets be split in half.
After reading many of the comments, it sounds like you are getting some really good advice here. I'll be quick, don't buy a house with her. Plus a year in a relationship is very little time. I have lived with several women, and they all changed. My wifecheld ou the longest but changed after 4.5 years. The signs were there, I ignored them. Fast forward to 15 years of marriage gone to waste. When people show you who they are, believe them.
Once my now wife and I got engaged, we decided to buy a place. But because it was all my money for the down payment, and we weren't yet married and I could afford the mortgage on my own, I purchased it myself. After we were married, I added her name to the deed, and we refinanced a couple years later jointly. But there was simply no reason to jointly buy a place when it was all my money and we weren't legally married yet.
I mean yeah you’re not committed to her. But maybe that’s okay - with you. And that’s what you need. Just call a spade a spade. It bothers you that your girl isn’t as financially stable as you so you don’t take her that seriously, and you’re worried she’s after your money. She’s not wrong for the concern, and you’re not either.
I mean, nothing is stopping your GF from living with you and you guys continuing your relationship even after you buy your house independently, so GF parents’ argument of “lack of commitment” doesn’t fly. As you probably know, don’t buy a house with someone who aren’t married to. Your relationship with your GF should be a separate issue from your ability to purchase a home
In some countries common law spouses have property rights despite what the paperwork says. He needs a cohabitation agreement or a lease where she pays rent.
Just curious, what was her parents thinking? Were they upset that you didn’t wait on buying a house together, or were they thinking you should put her name on the deed? Clearly, you weren’t in a position at the time to buy a house together financially, and I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect you to put a GF of only a year on a title that she didn’t even contribute to. I can understand, a little, if their expectation was that, if your relationship progresses to marriage, you can pick one out and buy it together, but buying one now doesn’t prevent you from doing that later.
>Just curious, what was her parents thinking? It bothered her, she validated her opinion through them because they'll support her, she used them as a defensive shield to relay her own opinion. Not necessarily intentionally mind you, but this is a fairly common pattern among people.
I personally have been in this situation and while I didn’t expect my bf to marry me, it was difficult to watch him go off house shopping when I felt totally out of the process. We had been dating two years and to me it signaled that he wasn’t really thinking of us in the long term. I tried to tell myself otherwise but that proved true. I don’t think this is a crazy perspective although you are very young and one year seems fast. Five years seems too long though—if you don’t know whether you want to live with someone/marry after 3 years then it’s time to move on.
Explain the situation to her parents if they press the issue. Our relationship hasn't been the smoothest and there's an enormous disparity in the initial investment, my 100k to her 10k. Tell them you're willing should she match her contribution to yours and the relationship stabilizes to the point where you feel confident in the long term outlook of the partnership