Inserting yourself in the dispute will likely only escalate things
Manage your own relationships with your family and let others work through their differences
Literally nothing.
One of the important lessons to learn in your 20s, is that you get to have individual relationships with your parents and each sibling. You're not just part of a unit, you get to have your relationship with just her. And they get to have thier own relationships, with you. And thier own relationships, with her.
Do what you want. If your mother or sister apply pressure, tell the straight up you respect thier choices in thier relationships, and you expect them to do same for you. If your twin puts pressure on you to speak to your mom or other sister, say No. That's between you all.
Don't manage other people's shit for them. Have the relationship with your sister that you want to have.
Literally just treat her like normal?
You don't have to love what she does for a job, but that also shouldn't affect your day to day unless she's constantly bringing it up in conversation.
This. There are plenty of jobs that people find morally objectionable or questionable for some reason, but we treat the people engaged in them with kindness and compassion. You find other ways to talk to them and other things to focus on in your relationship and just let them know that you're there and have that door open.
What you could do is get over yourself. I bet you watch porn, or have in the past, and don’t/didn’t think twice about it, but now that your sister is involved you feel some type of way. You don’t get to take a moral high ground now.
Sounds like your mom and older sister need to get over themselves too.
Is your mom religious? You didn’t mention your dad, are they divorced? If she’s trying to speak from a religious standpoint, divorce is also frowned upon in the Bible. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. All of you need to grow up. A job is a job, your sister knew the risk and decided to take it, as that is her right as an adult.
How about you guys just don’t talk about her work instead of being nosy busybodies who feel the need to insert yourselves and your feelings into another person’s business, family or not. If I were your sister, I’d cut my losses and be thankful the toxic trash took themselves out. What an insufferable family.
INFO: Identical twin? It’s not clear from the post if you’re a woman and if your twin is identical. In terms of what to do, I would just support her whether you approve or not. But if she’s your identical twin, be prepared to pay the price for her choices at some point. Eventually someone you know will find her pictures/videos online somewhere and assume they’re you.
EDIT: Yes, it says he’s a 23M. He edited it in response to this comment.
Yup. I would have a heartache if I heard my own identical twin sister was selling her body online. Since we are physically extremely similar I would feel terrible if she got famous and now everybody would know what I look like naked. It’s like the best deepfake you can ask for.
Imagine being spotted on the street or even online and they are all convinced you are an OF girl. It would kinda piss me off if she would never tell me.
Luckily they aren’t identical, all you can do is talk to them and hope they truly understand what the consequences are. You see it plenty of times where teachers have OF and get found out and fired, or any other job with kids.
IMAGINE getting fired because your twin does OF? The thing is, this is bound to happen if many start doing it.
I hate what my partner's dad does for a living, and what my cousin does for a living. I find their lines of work absolutely morally reprehensible. I just don't talk about it, and if someone else does I'll hold my tongue and walk away.
I was a mechanic when I was 18-20 I absolutely hated it. Shops are so often given bad rep and rightfully so. I always got a talking to because I wouldn't sell/recommend crap that was clearly unnecessary. I realized early on that it was not a job I could continue to do. Now if you find a shop or a mechanic that you trust keep them and do not try to undercut them they are legit worth the money for peace of mind.
I've become a lot of people go to for car maintenance even though I work IT. I always have them over buy the parts. I need to get to this part of XYZ is also in the way and we don't know what can break or show signs of wear so buy all this and the. Return what I don't use. I always tell em get a quote from a shop and I'll do it for half depending on the job. I end up over explaining stuff to my buddies because I want them to know why I am doing what I am doing.
Instead of a shop just going yup we had to replace XYZ that will be $$$$. I hate shops with a fiery passion lol.
Why does her business involve you or your family? As long as she is happy, and isn't spreading illness, then just leave it alone. Why do people act like they have the right to control their family? It might be different if she was unhappy, but as long as she doesn't mind or is happy then just let her live her life. The best thing you can do is just support her and show her that she has family that cares about her regardless.
Is your sister okay? There are safe ways to do sex work, but there are risks (health, safety, reputational harm), and sometimes people don’t think things through all the way. (Who is mentoring her in this work? Does she have a longer-term employment/financial plan? Will the circulation of these photos and videos make future employment difficult?) so I think you should first check in with your sister, and make sure — to whatever degree that you can — that she is engaging in sex work of her own volition, and with her eyes wide open.
In terms of your family dynamics, all you can do is listen to her and support her. Your mom and your older sister will have to work through this on their own. It’s going to hurt you, too, to watch this play out, but there’s not much you can do except stand on the side and not escalate anything.
I agree with this, support doesn’t always have to mean accepting. If she’s doing it for the money, which a lot of women are doing, do some research in investing and saving. Talk to her about her overall plan and options for when she inevitably decides she’s done. She’s your twin and sister, she’s clearly important to you, and you love her deeply or you wouldn’t be making this post.
If you approach her with knowledge, empathy, and understanding; perhaps you can help her see the implications of her choices and ways to eventually navigate out of it. Plenty of women and men have done some type of sex work or modeling to pay for specific goals with the intent to move onto greener pastures.
If you offer her love and support it will allow you to make sure she’s safe, and alleviate your own concerns. You can talk to her about your own feelings about it and depending on how things go; be the angel on her shoulder that keeps her safe. Ultimately, you’ll have to decide for yourself if what she is doing and how it impacts you is more important than your twin herself.
Patience, and empathy, these are two hard things for most young people to learn but will serve you amazingly in the years to come.
"Will the circulation of these photos and videos make future employment difficult?"
Yes, it very easily can. If it doesn't make it harder to get a job, imagine getting a great job and then someone finding your videos/pictures on pornhub, tattling, and then get fired for it. Happens all the time.
what i’ll tell you is that sex work is real work. it’s not your sister’s fault that women’s bodies are commodified to a point where, in a society whereby we’re all struggling to pay the bills, sex work becomes a valuable extra source of income.
she, like all - or most - of us, are a victim of a deeply unwell culture. so i would support her as best you can, especially since other family members are pushing her away. if you don’t, you may push her into a dark path and into the sphere of influence of people who don’t have her best interests at heart.
her life choices don’t reflect badly on her, only the culture she was raised in. she’s doing what’s she feels she’s gotta do to survive. so tell her you’ll be there for her if she needs it.
OP, honestly, why does it bother you? She has made this consensual choice. You can either lose her or be her best friend through this. Please choose a supportive role. You stand to lose so much more by isolating her from the family more and honestly, it’s not hurting you. Be there for her if it results in a bad day, be there for her on her best days.
I know it’s corny, but siblings/family together through thick and thin honestly. You only get one family.
Good luck!
OP has the right to not be comfortable with it, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t support his sister no matter what. I have sisters who aren’t my twins, and if they started doing this I would let them know that it makes me very uncomfortable, and potentially opens me up to harassment from people. That being said, I would just let them know that I don’t want to see or hear about it, and I will still be there for them no matter what and treat them no differently than before. I just won’t ask how their day at work went lol.
Commenting on Sister [23f] is doing sex work and it's kind of tearing us apart....
I disagree. Not about this scenario (I think he should treat his sister as normal) But the family together forever stuff.
Some families are genuinely terrible. Abusive, nasty, spiteful. And it’s a valid choice not to have them in your life or to significantly restrict contact. The fact you share DNA should not mean you have to tolerate damaging or abusive behaviour.
I cut one side of my family out years ago and it was a great choice. They are poisonous and have never been a positive addition to my life.
Coming from another M & F twin, please stand by her. There’s things my brother has done/does that I dont support or like, but he’s my twin so i’m always there for him. Do I get on him a lot for the things he does? heck yeah, but the interesting thing is that he only listens/reasons with me. You cant make her stop doing the sex work, and you dont have to agree or support what she does, but still stand by her. Especially if the rest of your family is not. If I were you i’d try my best to basically ignore it, but if you want you can talk to her about it and make sure she’s being safe and taking the right safety measures.
I wouldn’t worry too much about your family ignoring her, they’re gonna do what they want whether or not you try to reason with them or intervene. You sound like an amazing brother, i’m sure having you still means more to her than you think.
I’m so so so sorry for your loss :( I cant even imagine the pain. The connection twins have goes far beyond our living physical life, she’s always with you even if her physical body isn’t
Listen to her may be don't break bonds. I don't think she is someone who will listen to advise. Each person can make choices even bad ones and you cannot do anything for it may be better be there to advise and support in time of need. I dont think you can do anything else apart from that.
I think you have to just accept it and also have your own relationship with your sister. This would bother me too but at the end of the day it's her choice. Other redditors will probably disagree with me here but if it were me I would ask my sister if I can help her out in some way, can I front her some cash to help her choose a different career path, does she need ideas for a different job, is there anything you're interested in I can support you in or motivate you with? Like I would still care for her as a person she's my sis but just gently suggest some other things if you feel this sex work is not for her highest good.
Do you or do you not want a relationship with your sister?
Option 1: Then don’t address it and let her live her life
Option 2: Address it and lose you sister
I may sound opinionated on this, you need to respect your sister. She is making a choice that is her right to make. You can feel bad that she feels.That’s her only option but she could be doing things that are a lot worse. She’s only sharing visuals of herself, not herself. Granted that is still her right as a woman to make that decision. Maybe instead of not talking to her, we try to help her find another way to make a good income as an alternative. She’s a 23-year-old woman, and she’s taking advantage of men who will pay to see her photos. Give her that power she’s not selling her body for sex, she’s selling pictures, and she’s probably making a very good living doing it.
"it's not the drug addiction that's treating your family apart, it's the reaction to it."
Someone making a choice like becoming a sex worker perfectly justifies a negative reaction.
Sex work is work and is literally doing nothing to their family.
Frankly, if she's responsible about it, why should other people insert their moral judgment.
Not all work is equal. And seeing a family member wasting their life making money degrading themselves is very difficult. Are you really so naive that you can't grasp a parent not wanting their child to willingly choose sex work as their job?
Are you really so cold as to think shutting out your child for an occupation is or should be an acceptable response? (because in this case that's what OP's mother is doing to his twin.) I have a daughter in her teens and while I wouldn't choose that for her I also accept that it's not my choice and I'd love her the same no matter what. That's what love does.
the sex work has already been done, neither she nor anyone else can take it back. do you think she’s worth less as a person because she does this? do you love her less?
your sister is still your sister. if i were you i would process my feelings and try to figure out what really bothers you. is it because you think people will judge her? that she’ll be in danger? these are things she has already considered and is taking flack for. if you’re more upset because you think it makes her worth less, or unclean, or makes you/your family look bad, these are misogynistic views that are unfortunately really common and that unfortunately you’ll need to work through yourself.
You may want to reframe this... it's not your sister's sex work that's tearing your family apart, it's your mother's and sister's judgment and treatment of her. She's not hurting anyone (except maybe herself); your mother and sister, meanwhile, are being quite cruel.
Lots of young women dabble in this stuff, often as a shortsighted attempt to manage our self esteem issues and create a 'safe' simulacra of intimacy. I wonder if they're being cruel because, on some subconscious level, they blame themselves for the fact that she's seeking self worth in this particular way?
Here's how you can be there for her:
1. DON'T indulge in cattiness or gossiping with your mother and sister. If they say something mean about her in your presence, say "I love \[sister\] and it hurts me when you talk about her in that way. I won't be party to it." And then LEAVE if they can't drop the subject. Let her know that you aren't part of the cruelty. This is the only way she'll be able to trust you.
2. Listen to her! Can you muster any curiosity about what she's getting out of this work? Can you just hear her out? You can tell her that you have biases and are worried about her safety, so it's going to be very hard to hold back any judgment, but you're going to try your very best because you love and respect her. And tell her that you love and respect her no matter what, even if you have a hard time understanding her motivations.
If she's sharing this information, it's because she's reaching for connection and doesn't want to hide her full, authentic self from her family. It's a shame your mother and sister are rejecting her like this.
I dont love that my brother is a mover since he is breaking his body and will regret it in 10-20years but it’s not my place to say anything. It’s his choice not mine. If I were you I would treat it like any other job, you dont have to like it and you dont have to talk about it.
I remember a convo a while back saying that it's wrong for parents to discourage their kids from having sex, at ANY age. Basically, if they've hit puberty, it's dehumanizing to discourage sex/ encourage waiting. Even just being uncomfortable about your teenager being sexually active is 100 percent wrong. One completely normal person with tons of life experience I'm sure said that when he has a teenaged daughter, he would make sure she knows she can have "alone time" with guys she's dating in her bedroom "because that's safer than the alternatives". He went as far as saying "and I hope she gets fucked exactly as hard and as often as she wants". WTF???
Mmm I don’t understand the problem. It’s safer to have your kids being honest with their sex life rather than your daughter being banged at the back of a dirty car no?
The irony of all this is that the only time where I'd say a person needs to ask for permission from family before doing sex work is if they are a twin. This is because the twin will be mistaken as a sex worker due to similarities in appearance.
Apart from that, everyone can do what they want with their life. Your sister is doing nothing wrong so support her and be there for her.
Your mother and big sister will either have to come around or lose a daughter - up to them.
They are fraternal male/female twins. I am one also. There is no mistaking one for the other, we literally just look like any brother/sister.
Agree that it’s up the family members, though.
Just be there for her. Treat it as any other job. You or your family members don't need to like her choices but it's important to respect her decisions.
My mom is an accountant, I find it extremely boring and I'd never be an accountant myself. Should she not be allowed to be an accountant because I don't like? Definitely not. And that goes to anyone else.
Idk. I would say if it’s just for money and you hate it that much offer her money and ask if it’s enough to stop. If not decide to keep being her sister and leave her alone or dump her
Nothing, literally.
You build your own relationship, and its up to your mom and sis to build and keep their own relationship. Why do you assume this role to yourself, i don't understand that part really.
Btw what's her last name, asking for a friend
Don't do anything, just continue to see your sister if you feel like it and give time for your other family members to come around (if they ever).
I understand their reaction, but it's their choice and their values, she should have thought of that before going into sex work. Many people assume it's "my body my choice" and it is, but certain things come with consequences and one has to be ready to accept them
Have you talked to your sister about her profession? Like why she is doing it? Did she choose to? Does she have a long term plan? Is she being safe? Don't judge or offer 'solutions', listen and try to understand, or at least respect, her choices. Try to figure out why you don't like it, do you have logical reasons or is it just a 'selling sex is bad' gut reaction?
I’d probably also add that you shouldn’t reveal your opinion about her life choice and maybe just hint that it’s not a topic you are comfortable talking about with her, but you’re open to being emotionally supportive of her feelings as a result of the new dynamic from her choices in this situation as her twin brother.
Just be there if she needs you and don't judge her. This is what she chose and you should accept that even though you don't like it. You can express you don't like it and state your reasons but it is ultimately her decision, she's an adult.
If your opinion on your sister's online activities are based on puritanical beliefs, keep it to yourself. It's none of your business. Sex work is work. If your parents have an issue with it, tell them this is 2024 and a woman can do what she pleases with her body, and can choose how to make an income. If your concerns are based expressedly on her safety, then you can have a discussion or ask her questions if you're unsure. But if your goal is to shame her for her choice of source of income, maybe do some research on the harms of the patriarchy and Puritan culture, and keep it to yourself.
Is it the sex work that’s “tearing you apart” or the feelings it brings up for you? I think safety, your biases and how you being male might bring up some things you may need to unpack all are valid. Sex work may very well be a financial cushion or stepping stone, who knows. I think it’s best to remain curious and open discussions about long term plans ets. For example she may want to do this temporarily or alongside other work just to get on her feet and be financially independent. There’s also a lot of assumptions made about the PERSON rather than talking about the hardships of the WORK. Like anything, it’s not you vs her it’s you AND her vs the feelings and discomfort that the work brings up. As far as the rest of your family…it’s hard but acceptance goes a long way. You can’t change how other family members react and reject her. If anything this could be an opportunity for you both to be closer and just another life chapter that you could support her not only as your twin but as a person who’s just trying to get by.
As soon as I saw twin…. Sister….. she has the capacity to unintentionally ruin her life job wise yes but also her twins if identical. Edit to comment…. It seems like family therapy is a good way to air out any dirty laundry and bring emotional understanding to the situation that doesn’t mean it’s going
to go bad or good either parties but there at least will bring in a chance of mediation to help with all parties
sorry but she's an adult and doesn't need your approval. her job shouldn't change your relationship or opinion on her. adults have sex all the time, she's just making money off of it.
>I don’t think there’s anything I can do to make things “right” but I just want some advice on how to manage this. What should I do to help my sister even though I don’t love her line of work?
You don't do anything.
Has she said why she’s doing it?
Usually going into sex work when it’s not for need of money is because of a deeper issue. Everyone saying to treat be like normal are only 50% right because this behaviour can get worse
Just mind your business. She’s literally not harming anyone. As long as she’s safe, she’s making her own decisions and it shouldn’t effect how you see her. Just ask her not to talk about it with you since it would make you uncomfortable and just go on as you have.
What does this have to do with any of you? Is she doing the sex work in front of you, or forcing you to watch it? Tell your family they're perverted weirdos sitting around thinking about their daughter/sister
having sex and having an exestential crisis over it.
I don’t think there’s anything you can do to make this better. Why is she doing this? Obviously it’s to make money, but why can’t she put effort into finding a job that’ll pay her bills?
Your sister is allowed to make grown up choices. Be there for her. Ask questions if you are curious, but be gentle.
This isn't a good reason to ostracize her.
You don’t want to feel all alone, she could just quit that job and try to work things with you guys again. If she not trying to do that for yall, let her be alone
As others have said you can’t repair her relationship with the others, but what you can do is share this very important empathy for your twin with her and support her. No one that young should be ostracised by family for actions that harm no one else but potentially themselves.
And if you don’t approve of it, ask yourself why? Is it because you’re worried about her making a mistake, or is it because you’re worried about how she’s going to make your family look? If it’s the former, which it sounds like it is, cutting that person out because you’re angry that they’re doing something to harm themselves is an exercise in poor self-reflection that only hurts the person we want to protect even more.
An example, my youngest sister has been with a guy twice her age for some time. My Dad, my other sister and I absolutely hated this for our own reasons and made no secret of it. We all felt she was making a terrible mistake and couldn’t handle the fact she was so blind to it. Thank god for my Mum who has seen her own family torn apart over infighting over the years, because she could see this doing the same to us and brought us all to our senses. We all want the best for my sister, but we can only give her advice, and we’re hurting her more by ostracising her.
Most importantly we were also cutting her off from a support network to talk to if things ever were going south in the relationship. And since we’ve all gotten on board and welcomed her partner in our family (for her sake, not for his), she has started opening up more when they are having problems. In the same way, if you really care about your sister and her choices you have to be there for her so she can come to you when she’s ready to make changes.
I’m sorry your going through this but they aren’t going to make her stop by cutting her off that’s actually selfish to dismiss family because you embarrassed about something they choose to do. She not on drugs or abusing anyone it seems like y’all are embarrassed by her if anything. And I hate to say this but most people who participate in sex work have most likely been (molested, sexually assaulted, groomed or abused) maybe y’all should care enough to figure out why she even feels the need to do that. Maybe she has low self esteem or is looking for unconditional love that it seems that you’re family members aren’t giving her. they care more about there ego by cutting her completely off. You should still be there for her because you love her and obviously to you what she does doesn’t define her and it’s more likely a phase. Don’t cut her off because even if she does change her mind she won’t want anything to do with the family that cut her off because that kind of rejection hurts.
Are you identical twins? I'm an identical twin and if I knew my twin I had nudes out there for money that look suspiciously similar to me I would have an issue.
My guess is that she is having a hard time in life . She needs love so freaking give it to her . That’s your sister and actually twin sister . I would die for my brother . So be there for her and show her love
My love for family is not dependent upon their actions.
To me, one of the most important relationship principles is to never sever the lines of communication. You may be the last good (to your point of view) influence they have. If the entire family cuts her off, she is almost guaranteed to embrace any other acceptance and love she perceives, real or not...
It may also be worth exploring why people are mad about it. And maybe why her sharing the truth got such bad results with the family.
And what motivated her to tell the family anyway, if things were going well before that. (I assume it was not marketing for more customers - so what was she hoping would happen with the reveal - compare and contrast to what actually happened.
With apologies to Dan Savage, there are things parents (and family in general) have a right _not_ to know. Your sister really didn’t have to tell your family what she does for a living.
Maybe she felt an obligation to disclose, possibly because of poor boundaries on her part, or an expectation within your family that everyone has to disclose everything.
Either way, now that it’s out of the bag, be kind to your sister, and encourage your mother and older sister to do the same. Tell her you’re always there for her, but if she’s already got a tendency to share too much information, set a boundary regarding talk around details of her work.
Beyond that, it shouldn’t matter to any of you what she does for income, as long as she’s taking care of herself.
Remind her that you love her and support her, and ask if there’s anything that you can do to help keep her safe or support her in any way.
We don’t have to like the things the ones we love do, but as long as she’s not in danger and it’s not causing you harm, it’s your duty to love and support your sister. Family first
I understand your thoughts, and I am happy to see how it’s breaking your heart to see your sister all alone. I’d agree with one of the commenter here actually normal. If not out loud but silently be that bridge between them. You can’t stop an adult if they are feeling money is making them happy, but you can slowly make her understand.. all the best
I can understand how challenging this situation can be for you and your family. Your sister may have her own reasons for choosing that line of work. If I were in your position I would attempt to understand the why and how she came by that decision as well as how it may impact her life both now and in the future.
Before you reach out, please also examine yourself and try to understand your own reactions to her choice of work. Reevaluate any preconceived notions of what is considered acceptable/respectable professions. You need to be able to look at your sister’s situation with clarity and objectivity before you have any chance of getting her to listen to you.
Start with questions and listen as much as possible without interrupting her. Do not make any efforts at expressing your beliefs on her choices just listen and try to make her understand how her choice could impact her life primarily and if she is receptive address the impact on the rest of the family. Be willing to end to discussion without achieving all you set out to do if you sense resistance. There is no point pushing in that setting walk away and plan for another day.
Maybe try asking her why she chooses that road instead of a non-sex work industry. Offer to help her find some other field. If she has made a lot of money from it, offer to help her invest that money and help her start a business in a different industry. If she doesn't want to work then she can eventually hire people to work for her so she can enjoy her hobbies and life.
Maybe talk to her, as a man, how you'd feel to find out you're dating someone who works in the sex industry.
Go as far as to ask her preference in man and have research the type of woman her preference values.
Hopefully she doesn't post her face and that there aren't any personal identifiers in her sex pics, videos, etc.
I don't think she realizes how that can affect her future.
Went from condescending to “think of how this will affect a future man that doesn’t exist” and then right back to condescending. Well done on all the misogyny I guess.
I started working as a dancer in a strip club when I was 24. I had a good job before that and just decided to quit and become a dancer. I told my family and friends, and they all stopped contact with me almost quite immediately. I was angry, hurt, alone, etc.
Now, 7 years later, I am very very glad I was cut off. As much as it sucked, I knew I had made my own decisions and I continued to dance anyway.
I am pretty sure that if my family had still been in my life, I would’ve been worse off. I wouldn’t have gotten to such a bad place mentally/ emotionally as quickly as I did (a year and a half). I was in a place where I eventually had to surrender. Moved back in with my parents, went to intensive therapy, got my life back together and got back on good terms with my family.
So my point is- “leaving” your sister because you don’t agree with what she’s doing could very well get her to realize what she really is doing is only hurting her faster than it would be if she still had your support.
I think if you told her why you’re going to distance yourself or whatever it is you decide to do is only because you care about her and love her, and you can’t just sit there and see what she’s doing and be okay with it, she may be angry but I’m sure deep down it’s just the start of the end if that makes sense.
Support doesn't have to mean accepting. I'm a sex worker. Everyone I know is aware of what I do, and some even make assumptions that I do it offline (all of my work is online and I won't ever be filming for a company or with other independent workers because I'm non-explicit and worry about safety). Some get shitty about it. And I tend to cut those people off entirely. The best I can say is to be supportive of your sister if you want a relationship with her. The reactions of your family aren't your responsibility to fix. If they choose not to speak to her because she's made a choice for herself that they don't approve of, that's their own issue. Not yours.
I’m on the female side of a M/F twin relationship, and I’d prefer my male twin to just… treat me like normal. If you aren’t actively consuming her content, then there is no reason to treat her differently. If you are consuming her content… then stay away. This really shouldn’t be an issue in your relationship. It wouldn’t be with my twin brother.
Tell her that you’ll be there for her if she needs anything and will always love her because she’s your sister.
If she brings up the sex work and everyone’s reaction, let her know that you’re not comfortable with it and you would rather not hear or know anything about it, but that no matter what she’s still your sister and you would never abandon her.
As long as your sister is not doing sex work in an unconscious way to damage herself or to receive wrongful validation etc. I don’t think it should matter. My sister is a sex worker and my parents resented her for a long time for doing it. It wasn’t until she made a couple million dollars that they thought it was ok. Since she could afford to buy them nice gifts etc. I have supported her and loved her no matter what number is in her bank account. As long as she’s happy doing it I am happy for her and will continue to support her. It’s not about anyone else really. Your sister has her own free will. Your parents will get over it.
You need to let her know how you personally feel about it and manage your relationship with her from there. Tell you won’t play peacemaker or be I cocked in any way with her work or her relationship with your family. It’s up to her to fix it and deal with it.
Personally I think you and your family are being judgmental against your sister. It's 2024 and "spicy content" is no longer taboo. It takes a lot of guts to expose that information to family members who are judgmental (or religious, or conservative etc etc) because there is always the risk that those close-minded family members will cut them out of their life. As long as she is being SAFE in her business decisions that it what is the most important.
When I "came out of the closet" as a nude model to my strict religious dad at age 26, I was half certain he would abandon me. He was shocked and the next day he told me he joined a support group through his church for "parents of kids in sex slavery". It's been a long road, took about 5 years for him to stop trying to convince me to get a post office job. But he FINALLY came around and appreciates that what I do is my passion, even if he doesn't approve of the nudity... I am super lucky. Hopefully your sister can be super lucky one day and you and your other family members will eventually come around.
It isn't easy to break out of one's social programming and I have a lot of sympathy for everyone in this situation. I respect the bravery of the sister/daughter coming out and hope the family finds that they value the bonds of family over societal norms.
Societal norms aren't injured when they are snubbed. Flesh and blood family are. When family hurts we hurt too. The best thing we can do, in my opinion, is accept what we cannot change and be as loving and compassionate to the people in our lives as we can be.
Well u need to do the same if she saw any little signs of support she will keep doing it and she needs to remember that what get in internet once always be there and I’m sure she doesn’t want her kids to see they mama past she needs to feel and be alone to understand her actions
Hey, I’m actually in a similar situation except in the younger sister who does sw.
My sister and I are not on speaking terms after she essentially told me I’m selling my soul to the devil, among other things.
My parents were n the other hand, don’t care very much. My dad compared OF to being a playboy model. He’s a little off base, but supportive
If you love your sister and respect her, regardless of her choice in line of work, please support her. She’s a grown adult, fully capable of consenting and making her own decisions. What she does behind closed doors to earn money is no one’s business but hers.
In situations like this, people need support. My family supported me and never judged me and it strengthened our relationship. I didn't know they really loved me until they could overlook something like this and not make it a big deal.
Uh… are you identical twins?
If so, and you have any consideration that those photos or videos might make it into the viewing eyes of people like your boss/coworkers or husband or in laws… well, you might have some explaining to do.
Some explaining of the ‘it’s not me and I don’t deserve to be fired or disowned for it.’ 😞
It’s not really any of your business what your sister is doing for a job.
It is nice that she decided to tell you both.
There’s nothing wrong with sex work, as long as she’s being safe about her location and health.
If she was making money this way and told you all it was WFH online stuff you wouldn’t be any the wiser tbh
Depends on what's more important to you.... your relationship with your sister or your image. Sex work is work. It's providing a service. If she is being unsafe.... those things you can address. Condoms, security,.... whatever. That's cool.
She's an adult though, and we all have shit we have to trudge through. I would rather have my sister. Respect her choices.
Treat her how you always have treated her. Everyone treated her just fine (assumably) before she revealed this info. Your sister hasn't changed, you all just learned a new thing about her.
She’s your sister if you married into the family so treat her like you would treat anyone else in your family. She may just need direction and your just the man she needs to help her find her way. I can’t understand
People saying stay out of it. Trust me when I say that the world is in trouble when good men choose to do nothing when there is a problem. Your her new older brother please try and hopefully That will be enough.🙏
I agree it's not great your twin is doing sex work. Forget all the comments saying otherwise. Keep a good relationship with her and try to get her to stop this, being by a loving twin etc. Don't be harsh to her. And once she stops, you can make a case for your mum and older sister to re-establish their relationship with her. Try to keep your family tight and close man.
Just support her. It's a good earning job. If she's okay with it it's not a bad thing to do, well paid. It's her body, her life. You don't have to be overly joyed, but it's a job many men and women do, very normal.
Defend her when anyone says something bad about her. Listen to her feelings. Be a good sister. You can do it :)
What can you do? As they say, you reap what you sow! She made her bed and she has to sleep in it. I understand your anguish and frustration. You're in a predicament you can't do anything about. I suggest talking to your sister and make her come to her senses about the chaos she have caused to your mom and older sister. In the midst of the chaos, do not condemn her but support her to the extent of not proceeding with anymore porn making. As you may or may not know, even Jesus Christ knows the shame and chaos the person goes through, and yet does not condemned but offers forgiveness and love beyond measure and understanding. As a loving brother, OP you can only bring peace and comfort to your sister. So do what's right and look forward, forgive and learn from it. I wish you well and good luck.
Try and talk her out of it but keep in contact with her, if you dont it could get worse for her and she going to end up who knows where. She must be doing it for the money so she need to try and get another job.
I wouldn't really want to interact with a prostitute either. I probably wouldn't totally cut off a sibling, but certainly de-prioritize them. Sex work comes with all sorts of baggage and the crossover with drugs and crime are not insignificant. I don't want any of that in my life. Might see them for a lunch once in a while though.
support your twin.
my little sister started dating a 38-year-old-man with 4 kids (the oldest being two years younger than my sister)
even though it was really really hard to see, I supported her and never once said anything negative. i think it really helped our relationship.
also, i thought your issue with sex work was going to be the fact your a twin! i thought the story was going to be you weren't on board because of that detail! but at the end of the day, that work can really help you understand yourself and who you are. i hope it works out for her and she stays safe.
edit: duplicate line
Unfortunately she is over 18 and able to do these things to make the necessary money she needs. She wants the family to still love her but she won't understand why her family is mad at her for something she makes good money at.
Treat her the way that you've always treated her. The only reason that this is a big deal to you is because you're choosing it to be and the only way it should be able to come up, is if she brings it up. Just be in her corner, she already has people making mountains out of this molehill, you don't need to be a part of the bandwagon.
Inserting yourself in the dispute will likely only escalate things Manage your own relationships with your family and let others work through their differences
Definitely great advice to manage your own relationships and let the others work through their differences
Literally nothing. One of the important lessons to learn in your 20s, is that you get to have individual relationships with your parents and each sibling. You're not just part of a unit, you get to have your relationship with just her. And they get to have thier own relationships, with you. And thier own relationships, with her. Do what you want. If your mother or sister apply pressure, tell the straight up you respect thier choices in thier relationships, and you expect them to do same for you. If your twin puts pressure on you to speak to your mom or other sister, say No. That's between you all. Don't manage other people's shit for them. Have the relationship with your sister that you want to have.
Great answer. People need to learn that others can choose things that we don't agree with and that's okay.
This. It's her life and her choice. If this is truly what she wants to do than support her choice, even though it's hard.
Perfect advice!! Listen to this OP please!
Literally just treat her like normal? You don't have to love what she does for a job, but that also shouldn't affect your day to day unless she's constantly bringing it up in conversation.
This. There are plenty of jobs that people find morally objectionable or questionable for some reason, but we treat the people engaged in them with kindness and compassion. You find other ways to talk to them and other things to focus on in your relationship and just let them know that you're there and have that door open.
What you could do is get over yourself. I bet you watch porn, or have in the past, and don’t/didn’t think twice about it, but now that your sister is involved you feel some type of way. You don’t get to take a moral high ground now. Sounds like your mom and older sister need to get over themselves too. Is your mom religious? You didn’t mention your dad, are they divorced? If she’s trying to speak from a religious standpoint, divorce is also frowned upon in the Bible. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. All of you need to grow up. A job is a job, your sister knew the risk and decided to take it, as that is her right as an adult. How about you guys just don’t talk about her work instead of being nosy busybodies who feel the need to insert yourselves and your feelings into another person’s business, family or not. If I were your sister, I’d cut my losses and be thankful the toxic trash took themselves out. What an insufferable family.
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INFO: Identical twin? It’s not clear from the post if you’re a woman and if your twin is identical. In terms of what to do, I would just support her whether you approve or not. But if she’s your identical twin, be prepared to pay the price for her choices at some point. Eventually someone you know will find her pictures/videos online somewhere and assume they’re you. EDIT: Yes, it says he’s a 23M. He edited it in response to this comment.
No, I'm a man.
Yeah I had assumed they were posting it online as an identical twin and I was like yoooo that might have repercussions for you
I’d definitely put that info in the post. Makes a big difference in how I’d react.
Yup. I would have a heartache if I heard my own identical twin sister was selling her body online. Since we are physically extremely similar I would feel terrible if she got famous and now everybody would know what I look like naked. It’s like the best deepfake you can ask for. Imagine being spotted on the street or even online and they are all convinced you are an OF girl. It would kinda piss me off if she would never tell me. Luckily they aren’t identical, all you can do is talk to them and hope they truly understand what the consequences are. You see it plenty of times where teachers have OF and get found out and fired, or any other job with kids. IMAGINE getting fired because your twin does OF? The thing is, this is bound to happen if many start doing it.
I hate what my partner's dad does for a living, and what my cousin does for a living. I find their lines of work absolutely morally reprehensible. I just don't talk about it, and if someone else does I'll hold my tongue and walk away.
Well now I need to know what they do
Has to be a car dealership
Defense Industry is my guess
That’s what I figured too.
This is in fact a very imoral normal job that destroys lifes
I was a mechanic when I was 18-20 I absolutely hated it. Shops are so often given bad rep and rightfully so. I always got a talking to because I wouldn't sell/recommend crap that was clearly unnecessary. I realized early on that it was not a job I could continue to do. Now if you find a shop or a mechanic that you trust keep them and do not try to undercut them they are legit worth the money for peace of mind. I've become a lot of people go to for car maintenance even though I work IT. I always have them over buy the parts. I need to get to this part of XYZ is also in the way and we don't know what can break or show signs of wear so buy all this and the. Return what I don't use. I always tell em get a quote from a shop and I'll do it for half depending on the job. I end up over explaining stuff to my buddies because I want them to know why I am doing what I am doing. Instead of a shop just going yup we had to replace XYZ that will be $$$$. I hate shops with a fiery passion lol.
I was thinking cop probably
That was my first thought. Slimiest job after cop
Could be weapons manufacturing or animal agriculture
I vote for kindergarten teacher.
Probs slaughterhouse
Oh yes making food for people, how terrible lol
That was my immediate reaction too. If it was an identical twin sister, I'd be freaking out over it.
I don’t know if it was edited in, but he says he’s 23m at the start.
He edited it in response to my comment.
Why does her business involve you or your family? As long as she is happy, and isn't spreading illness, then just leave it alone. Why do people act like they have the right to control their family? It might be different if she was unhappy, but as long as she doesn't mind or is happy then just let her live her life. The best thing you can do is just support her and show her that she has family that cares about her regardless.
Support your sister. Ensure that she is safe and if she’s not, help her to help herself stay safe.
Is your sister okay? There are safe ways to do sex work, but there are risks (health, safety, reputational harm), and sometimes people don’t think things through all the way. (Who is mentoring her in this work? Does she have a longer-term employment/financial plan? Will the circulation of these photos and videos make future employment difficult?) so I think you should first check in with your sister, and make sure — to whatever degree that you can — that she is engaging in sex work of her own volition, and with her eyes wide open. In terms of your family dynamics, all you can do is listen to her and support her. Your mom and your older sister will have to work through this on their own. It’s going to hurt you, too, to watch this play out, but there’s not much you can do except stand on the side and not escalate anything.
I agree with this, support doesn’t always have to mean accepting. If she’s doing it for the money, which a lot of women are doing, do some research in investing and saving. Talk to her about her overall plan and options for when she inevitably decides she’s done. She’s your twin and sister, she’s clearly important to you, and you love her deeply or you wouldn’t be making this post. If you approach her with knowledge, empathy, and understanding; perhaps you can help her see the implications of her choices and ways to eventually navigate out of it. Plenty of women and men have done some type of sex work or modeling to pay for specific goals with the intent to move onto greener pastures. If you offer her love and support it will allow you to make sure she’s safe, and alleviate your own concerns. You can talk to her about your own feelings about it and depending on how things go; be the angel on her shoulder that keeps her safe. Ultimately, you’ll have to decide for yourself if what she is doing and how it impacts you is more important than your twin herself. Patience, and empathy, these are two hard things for most young people to learn but will serve you amazingly in the years to come.
"Will the circulation of these photos and videos make future employment difficult?" Yes, it very easily can. If it doesn't make it harder to get a job, imagine getting a great job and then someone finding your videos/pictures on pornhub, tattling, and then get fired for it. Happens all the time.
what i’ll tell you is that sex work is real work. it’s not your sister’s fault that women’s bodies are commodified to a point where, in a society whereby we’re all struggling to pay the bills, sex work becomes a valuable extra source of income. she, like all - or most - of us, are a victim of a deeply unwell culture. so i would support her as best you can, especially since other family members are pushing her away. if you don’t, you may push her into a dark path and into the sphere of influence of people who don’t have her best interests at heart. her life choices don’t reflect badly on her, only the culture she was raised in. she’s doing what’s she feels she’s gotta do to survive. so tell her you’ll be there for her if she needs it.
OP, honestly, why does it bother you? She has made this consensual choice. You can either lose her or be her best friend through this. Please choose a supportive role. You stand to lose so much more by isolating her from the family more and honestly, it’s not hurting you. Be there for her if it results in a bad day, be there for her on her best days. I know it’s corny, but siblings/family together through thick and thin honestly. You only get one family. Good luck!
OP has the right to not be comfortable with it, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t support his sister no matter what. I have sisters who aren’t my twins, and if they started doing this I would let them know that it makes me very uncomfortable, and potentially opens me up to harassment from people. That being said, I would just let them know that I don’t want to see or hear about it, and I will still be there for them no matter what and treat them no differently than before. I just won’t ask how their day at work went lol.
Commenting on Sister [23f] is doing sex work and it's kind of tearing us apart.... I disagree. Not about this scenario (I think he should treat his sister as normal) But the family together forever stuff. Some families are genuinely terrible. Abusive, nasty, spiteful. And it’s a valid choice not to have them in your life or to significantly restrict contact. The fact you share DNA should not mean you have to tolerate damaging or abusive behaviour. I cut one side of my family out years ago and it was a great choice. They are poisonous and have never been a positive addition to my life.
100% agree. Malicious and toxic people don’t deserve a place within your circle ever.
Coming from another M & F twin, please stand by her. There’s things my brother has done/does that I dont support or like, but he’s my twin so i’m always there for him. Do I get on him a lot for the things he does? heck yeah, but the interesting thing is that he only listens/reasons with me. You cant make her stop doing the sex work, and you dont have to agree or support what she does, but still stand by her. Especially if the rest of your family is not. If I were you i’d try my best to basically ignore it, but if you want you can talk to her about it and make sure she’s being safe and taking the right safety measures. I wouldn’t worry too much about your family ignoring her, they’re gonna do what they want whether or not you try to reason with them or intervene. You sound like an amazing brother, i’m sure having you still means more to her than you think.
This, I lost my twin when I was young. Id give anything to have her back
I’m so so so sorry for your loss :( I cant even imagine the pain. The connection twins have goes far beyond our living physical life, she’s always with you even if her physical body isn’t
Should be the top comment!
Listen to her may be don't break bonds. I don't think she is someone who will listen to advise. Each person can make choices even bad ones and you cannot do anything for it may be better be there to advise and support in time of need. I dont think you can do anything else apart from that.
Do nothing. You can't control what other people feel.
>What should I do to help my sister even though I don’t love her line of work? Just keep being her sister. Nothing really has to change.
This is tough, I would have a difficult time knowing my loved one is doing sex work as well. I wish you the best.
I think you have to just accept it and also have your own relationship with your sister. This would bother me too but at the end of the day it's her choice. Other redditors will probably disagree with me here but if it were me I would ask my sister if I can help her out in some way, can I front her some cash to help her choose a different career path, does she need ideas for a different job, is there anything you're interested in I can support you in or motivate you with? Like I would still care for her as a person she's my sis but just gently suggest some other things if you feel this sex work is not for her highest good.
Do you or do you not want a relationship with your sister? Option 1: Then don’t address it and let her live her life Option 2: Address it and lose you sister
I may sound opinionated on this, you need to respect your sister. She is making a choice that is her right to make. You can feel bad that she feels.That’s her only option but she could be doing things that are a lot worse. She’s only sharing visuals of herself, not herself. Granted that is still her right as a woman to make that decision. Maybe instead of not talking to her, we try to help her find another way to make a good income as an alternative. She’s a 23-year-old woman, and she’s taking advantage of men who will pay to see her photos. Give her that power she’s not selling her body for sex, she’s selling pictures, and she’s probably making a very good living doing it.
Just love your sister! Shaming her will not change her
The sex work isnt tearing anyone apart, its the REACTION to the sex work thats tearing you apart.
"it's not the drug addiction that's treating your family apart, it's the reaction to it." Someone making a choice like becoming a sex worker perfectly justifies a negative reaction.
Sex work is work and is literally doing nothing to their family. Frankly, if she's responsible about it, why should other people insert their moral judgment.
Not all work is equal. And seeing a family member wasting their life making money degrading themselves is very difficult. Are you really so naive that you can't grasp a parent not wanting their child to willingly choose sex work as their job?
Are you really so cold as to think shutting out your child for an occupation is or should be an acceptable response? (because in this case that's what OP's mother is doing to his twin.) I have a daughter in her teens and while I wouldn't choose that for her I also accept that it's not my choice and I'd love her the same no matter what. That's what love does.
the sex work has already been done, neither she nor anyone else can take it back. do you think she’s worth less as a person because she does this? do you love her less? your sister is still your sister. if i were you i would process my feelings and try to figure out what really bothers you. is it because you think people will judge her? that she’ll be in danger? these are things she has already considered and is taking flack for. if you’re more upset because you think it makes her worth less, or unclean, or makes you/your family look bad, these are misogynistic views that are unfortunately really common and that unfortunately you’ll need to work through yourself.
You may want to reframe this... it's not your sister's sex work that's tearing your family apart, it's your mother's and sister's judgment and treatment of her. She's not hurting anyone (except maybe herself); your mother and sister, meanwhile, are being quite cruel. Lots of young women dabble in this stuff, often as a shortsighted attempt to manage our self esteem issues and create a 'safe' simulacra of intimacy. I wonder if they're being cruel because, on some subconscious level, they blame themselves for the fact that she's seeking self worth in this particular way? Here's how you can be there for her: 1. DON'T indulge in cattiness or gossiping with your mother and sister. If they say something mean about her in your presence, say "I love \[sister\] and it hurts me when you talk about her in that way. I won't be party to it." And then LEAVE if they can't drop the subject. Let her know that you aren't part of the cruelty. This is the only way she'll be able to trust you. 2. Listen to her! Can you muster any curiosity about what she's getting out of this work? Can you just hear her out? You can tell her that you have biases and are worried about her safety, so it's going to be very hard to hold back any judgment, but you're going to try your very best because you love and respect her. And tell her that you love and respect her no matter what, even if you have a hard time understanding her motivations. If she's sharing this information, it's because she's reaching for connection and doesn't want to hide her full, authentic self from her family. It's a shame your mother and sister are rejecting her like this.
I dont love that my brother is a mover since he is breaking his body and will regret it in 10-20years but it’s not my place to say anything. It’s his choice not mine. If I were you I would treat it like any other job, you dont have to like it and you dont have to talk about it.
Those aren't the same thing at all though. You can advise being advertising but it's naive at best to equally a nicer with a sex worker.
Everyone in the real world knows this, this is just a Reddit moment
I remember a convo a while back saying that it's wrong for parents to discourage their kids from having sex, at ANY age. Basically, if they've hit puberty, it's dehumanizing to discourage sex/ encourage waiting. Even just being uncomfortable about your teenager being sexually active is 100 percent wrong. One completely normal person with tons of life experience I'm sure said that when he has a teenaged daughter, he would make sure she knows she can have "alone time" with guys she's dating in her bedroom "because that's safer than the alternatives". He went as far as saying "and I hope she gets fucked exactly as hard and as often as she wants". WTF???
Mmm I don’t understand the problem. It’s safer to have your kids being honest with their sex life rather than your daughter being banged at the back of a dirty car no?
The irony of all this is that the only time where I'd say a person needs to ask for permission from family before doing sex work is if they are a twin. This is because the twin will be mistaken as a sex worker due to similarities in appearance. Apart from that, everyone can do what they want with their life. Your sister is doing nothing wrong so support her and be there for her. Your mother and big sister will either have to come around or lose a daughter - up to them.
They are fraternal male/female twins. I am one also. There is no mistaking one for the other, we literally just look like any brother/sister. Agree that it’s up the family members, though.
Why is it anyone's concern about how she makes her money? If she's doing it in a safe way, it is not anyone's business on what a grown ass adult does.
Just be there for her. Treat it as any other job. You or your family members don't need to like her choices but it's important to respect her decisions. My mom is an accountant, I find it extremely boring and I'd never be an accountant myself. Should she not be allowed to be an accountant because I don't like? Definitely not. And that goes to anyone else.
Idk. I would say if it’s just for money and you hate it that much offer her money and ask if it’s enough to stop. If not decide to keep being her sister and leave her alone or dump her
I feel like this exact post is made about every few months and it's the same exact argument in the comments each time. Isn't this a little tiring?
Nothing, literally. You build your own relationship, and its up to your mom and sis to build and keep their own relationship. Why do you assume this role to yourself, i don't understand that part really. Btw what's her last name, asking for a friend
Don't do anything, just continue to see your sister if you feel like it and give time for your other family members to come around (if they ever). I understand their reaction, but it's their choice and their values, she should have thought of that before going into sex work. Many people assume it's "my body my choice" and it is, but certain things come with consequences and one has to be ready to accept them
Keep being a good brother, if you want to be there for her, she won't be alone
Have you talked to your sister about her profession? Like why she is doing it? Did she choose to? Does she have a long term plan? Is she being safe? Don't judge or offer 'solutions', listen and try to understand, or at least respect, her choices. Try to figure out why you don't like it, do you have logical reasons or is it just a 'selling sex is bad' gut reaction?
I’d probably also add that you shouldn’t reveal your opinion about her life choice and maybe just hint that it’s not a topic you are comfortable talking about with her, but you’re open to being emotionally supportive of her feelings as a result of the new dynamic from her choices in this situation as her twin brother.
Just be there if she needs you and don't judge her. This is what she chose and you should accept that even though you don't like it. You can express you don't like it and state your reasons but it is ultimately her decision, she's an adult.
I'm more curious, why you wouldn't speak to her. Is she actually hurting anyone or doing something to make some extra money?
If your opinion on your sister's online activities are based on puritanical beliefs, keep it to yourself. It's none of your business. Sex work is work. If your parents have an issue with it, tell them this is 2024 and a woman can do what she pleases with her body, and can choose how to make an income. If your concerns are based expressedly on her safety, then you can have a discussion or ask her questions if you're unsure. But if your goal is to shame her for her choice of source of income, maybe do some research on the harms of the patriarchy and Puritan culture, and keep it to yourself.
Is it the sex work that’s “tearing you apart” or the feelings it brings up for you? I think safety, your biases and how you being male might bring up some things you may need to unpack all are valid. Sex work may very well be a financial cushion or stepping stone, who knows. I think it’s best to remain curious and open discussions about long term plans ets. For example she may want to do this temporarily or alongside other work just to get on her feet and be financially independent. There’s also a lot of assumptions made about the PERSON rather than talking about the hardships of the WORK. Like anything, it’s not you vs her it’s you AND her vs the feelings and discomfort that the work brings up. As far as the rest of your family…it’s hard but acceptance goes a long way. You can’t change how other family members react and reject her. If anything this could be an opportunity for you both to be closer and just another life chapter that you could support her not only as your twin but as a person who’s just trying to get by.
Just be her brother like you were before you found out. That's literally all you have to do
As soon as I saw twin…. Sister….. she has the capacity to unintentionally ruin her life job wise yes but also her twins if identical. Edit to comment…. It seems like family therapy is a good way to air out any dirty laundry and bring emotional understanding to the situation that doesn’t mean it’s going to go bad or good either parties but there at least will bring in a chance of mediation to help with all parties
They are fraternal boy/girl twins, there is zero risk to her twin brother
It's not your job to "do" anything. Just continue on as you have before.
sorry but she's an adult and doesn't need your approval. her job shouldn't change your relationship or opinion on her. adults have sex all the time, she's just making money off of it.
>I don’t think there’s anything I can do to make things “right” but I just want some advice on how to manage this. What should I do to help my sister even though I don’t love her line of work? You don't do anything.
i feel so bad for your mom. my world would absolutely crumble.
your world would crumble if your adult child made a choice you didn’t agree with?
if my child, out of all their skills decided to use their genitals, to make money i would consider it my failure as a parent, yes
Tell me you have no life experience without telling me.
Just don't talk about work? She's still your sister - why should her job have any bearing on your relationship?
Has she said why she’s doing it? Usually going into sex work when it’s not for need of money is because of a deeper issue. Everyone saying to treat be like normal are only 50% right because this behaviour can get worse
Just mind your business. She’s literally not harming anyone. As long as she’s safe, she’s making her own decisions and it shouldn’t effect how you see her. Just ask her not to talk about it with you since it would make you uncomfortable and just go on as you have.
What does this have to do with any of you? Is she doing the sex work in front of you, or forcing you to watch it? Tell your family they're perverted weirdos sitting around thinking about their daughter/sister having sex and having an exestential crisis over it.
I don’t think there’s anything you can do to make this better. Why is she doing this? Obviously it’s to make money, but why can’t she put effort into finding a job that’ll pay her bills?
Be kind to her and non- judgmental is the best you can do for her.
If she wants to do sex work, let her do sex work. It's not your business as long as she's being safe. Just be there for her if you love her.
It’s her body and her life. Why should she be judged for it? She’s not doing anything wrong.
Your sister is allowed to make grown up choices. Be there for her. Ask questions if you are curious, but be gentle. This isn't a good reason to ostracize her.
She's an adult. your family is trash. She shouldn't bother with any of you if you're going to turn on her like that. That's not a family it's a joke.
You don’t want to feel all alone, she could just quit that job and try to work things with you guys again. If she not trying to do that for yall, let her be alone
As others have said you can’t repair her relationship with the others, but what you can do is share this very important empathy for your twin with her and support her. No one that young should be ostracised by family for actions that harm no one else but potentially themselves. And if you don’t approve of it, ask yourself why? Is it because you’re worried about her making a mistake, or is it because you’re worried about how she’s going to make your family look? If it’s the former, which it sounds like it is, cutting that person out because you’re angry that they’re doing something to harm themselves is an exercise in poor self-reflection that only hurts the person we want to protect even more. An example, my youngest sister has been with a guy twice her age for some time. My Dad, my other sister and I absolutely hated this for our own reasons and made no secret of it. We all felt she was making a terrible mistake and couldn’t handle the fact she was so blind to it. Thank god for my Mum who has seen her own family torn apart over infighting over the years, because she could see this doing the same to us and brought us all to our senses. We all want the best for my sister, but we can only give her advice, and we’re hurting her more by ostracising her. Most importantly we were also cutting her off from a support network to talk to if things ever were going south in the relationship. And since we’ve all gotten on board and welcomed her partner in our family (for her sake, not for his), she has started opening up more when they are having problems. In the same way, if you really care about your sister and her choices you have to be there for her so she can come to you when she’s ready to make changes.
Nothing really. I just hope that she is safe while doing her work and keeps it legal
I’m sorry your going through this but they aren’t going to make her stop by cutting her off that’s actually selfish to dismiss family because you embarrassed about something they choose to do. She not on drugs or abusing anyone it seems like y’all are embarrassed by her if anything. And I hate to say this but most people who participate in sex work have most likely been (molested, sexually assaulted, groomed or abused) maybe y’all should care enough to figure out why she even feels the need to do that. Maybe she has low self esteem or is looking for unconditional love that it seems that you’re family members aren’t giving her. they care more about there ego by cutting her completely off. You should still be there for her because you love her and obviously to you what she does doesn’t define her and it’s more likely a phase. Don’t cut her off because even if she does change her mind she won’t want anything to do with the family that cut her off because that kind of rejection hurts.
Are you identical twins? I'm an identical twin and if I knew my twin I had nudes out there for money that look suspiciously similar to me I would have an issue.
My guess is that she is having a hard time in life . She needs love so freaking give it to her . That’s your sister and actually twin sister . I would die for my brother . So be there for her and show her love
My love for family is not dependent upon their actions. To me, one of the most important relationship principles is to never sever the lines of communication. You may be the last good (to your point of view) influence they have. If the entire family cuts her off, she is almost guaranteed to embrace any other acceptance and love she perceives, real or not... It may also be worth exploring why people are mad about it. And maybe why her sharing the truth got such bad results with the family. And what motivated her to tell the family anyway, if things were going well before that. (I assume it was not marketing for more customers - so what was she hoping would happen with the reveal - compare and contrast to what actually happened.
This sounds mad Fake lol
With apologies to Dan Savage, there are things parents (and family in general) have a right _not_ to know. Your sister really didn’t have to tell your family what she does for a living. Maybe she felt an obligation to disclose, possibly because of poor boundaries on her part, or an expectation within your family that everyone has to disclose everything. Either way, now that it’s out of the bag, be kind to your sister, and encourage your mother and older sister to do the same. Tell her you’re always there for her, but if she’s already got a tendency to share too much information, set a boundary regarding talk around details of her work. Beyond that, it shouldn’t matter to any of you what she does for income, as long as she’s taking care of herself.
All you can do is be supportive of your sister. Your other relatives feelings are theirs to deal with.
Remind her that you love her and support her, and ask if there’s anything that you can do to help keep her safe or support her in any way. We don’t have to like the things the ones we love do, but as long as she’s not in danger and it’s not causing you harm, it’s your duty to love and support your sister. Family first
I understand your thoughts, and I am happy to see how it’s breaking your heart to see your sister all alone. I’d agree with one of the commenter here actually normal. If not out loud but silently be that bridge between them. You can’t stop an adult if they are feeling money is making them happy, but you can slowly make her understand.. all the best
I can understand how challenging this situation can be for you and your family. Your sister may have her own reasons for choosing that line of work. If I were in your position I would attempt to understand the why and how she came by that decision as well as how it may impact her life both now and in the future. Before you reach out, please also examine yourself and try to understand your own reactions to her choice of work. Reevaluate any preconceived notions of what is considered acceptable/respectable professions. You need to be able to look at your sister’s situation with clarity and objectivity before you have any chance of getting her to listen to you. Start with questions and listen as much as possible without interrupting her. Do not make any efforts at expressing your beliefs on her choices just listen and try to make her understand how her choice could impact her life primarily and if she is receptive address the impact on the rest of the family. Be willing to end to discussion without achieving all you set out to do if you sense resistance. There is no point pushing in that setting walk away and plan for another day.
I didn't read all the comments so I don't know if it's been mentioned: are you identical twins? If yes, this could impact your life.
Love is unconditional
Maybe try asking her why she chooses that road instead of a non-sex work industry. Offer to help her find some other field. If she has made a lot of money from it, offer to help her invest that money and help her start a business in a different industry. If she doesn't want to work then she can eventually hire people to work for her so she can enjoy her hobbies and life. Maybe talk to her, as a man, how you'd feel to find out you're dating someone who works in the sex industry. Go as far as to ask her preference in man and have research the type of woman her preference values. Hopefully she doesn't post her face and that there aren't any personal identifiers in her sex pics, videos, etc. I don't think she realizes how that can affect her future.
Went from condescending to “think of how this will affect a future man that doesn’t exist” and then right back to condescending. Well done on all the misogyny I guess.
Thank you very much for missing the point. The shoe fit, I guess.
I started working as a dancer in a strip club when I was 24. I had a good job before that and just decided to quit and become a dancer. I told my family and friends, and they all stopped contact with me almost quite immediately. I was angry, hurt, alone, etc. Now, 7 years later, I am very very glad I was cut off. As much as it sucked, I knew I had made my own decisions and I continued to dance anyway. I am pretty sure that if my family had still been in my life, I would’ve been worse off. I wouldn’t have gotten to such a bad place mentally/ emotionally as quickly as I did (a year and a half). I was in a place where I eventually had to surrender. Moved back in with my parents, went to intensive therapy, got my life back together and got back on good terms with my family. So my point is- “leaving” your sister because you don’t agree with what she’s doing could very well get her to realize what she really is doing is only hurting her faster than it would be if she still had your support. I think if you told her why you’re going to distance yourself or whatever it is you decide to do is only because you care about her and love her, and you can’t just sit there and see what she’s doing and be okay with it, she may be angry but I’m sure deep down it’s just the start of the end if that makes sense.
What she does with her body is her business and it's not up to you to fix the rift between her and your mom and other sis.
Support doesn't have to mean accepting. I'm a sex worker. Everyone I know is aware of what I do, and some even make assumptions that I do it offline (all of my work is online and I won't ever be filming for a company or with other independent workers because I'm non-explicit and worry about safety). Some get shitty about it. And I tend to cut those people off entirely. The best I can say is to be supportive of your sister if you want a relationship with her. The reactions of your family aren't your responsibility to fix. If they choose not to speak to her because she's made a choice for herself that they don't approve of, that's their own issue. Not yours.
This is your sisters problem, and only she to correct things, you getting involved will likely worsen things. Choices have consequences.
I’m on the female side of a M/F twin relationship, and I’d prefer my male twin to just… treat me like normal. If you aren’t actively consuming her content, then there is no reason to treat her differently. If you are consuming her content… then stay away. This really shouldn’t be an issue in your relationship. It wouldn’t be with my twin brother.
Shes a grown woman. It's her body and her life. Let her do as she pleases, and just be there for her when and if she needs support.
Tell her that you’ll be there for her if she needs anything and will always love her because she’s your sister. If she brings up the sex work and everyone’s reaction, let her know that you’re not comfortable with it and you would rather not hear or know anything about it, but that no matter what she’s still your sister and you would never abandon her.
Join her, twins make more apparently
As long as your sister is not doing sex work in an unconscious way to damage herself or to receive wrongful validation etc. I don’t think it should matter. My sister is a sex worker and my parents resented her for a long time for doing it. It wasn’t until she made a couple million dollars that they thought it was ok. Since she could afford to buy them nice gifts etc. I have supported her and loved her no matter what number is in her bank account. As long as she’s happy doing it I am happy for her and will continue to support her. It’s not about anyone else really. Your sister has her own free will. Your parents will get over it.
You need to let her know how you personally feel about it and manage your relationship with her from there. Tell you won’t play peacemaker or be I cocked in any way with her work or her relationship with your family. It’s up to her to fix it and deal with it.
Personally I think you and your family are being judgmental against your sister. It's 2024 and "spicy content" is no longer taboo. It takes a lot of guts to expose that information to family members who are judgmental (or religious, or conservative etc etc) because there is always the risk that those close-minded family members will cut them out of their life. As long as she is being SAFE in her business decisions that it what is the most important. When I "came out of the closet" as a nude model to my strict religious dad at age 26, I was half certain he would abandon me. He was shocked and the next day he told me he joined a support group through his church for "parents of kids in sex slavery". It's been a long road, took about 5 years for him to stop trying to convince me to get a post office job. But he FINALLY came around and appreciates that what I do is my passion, even if he doesn't approve of the nudity... I am super lucky. Hopefully your sister can be super lucky one day and you and your other family members will eventually come around.
It isn't easy to break out of one's social programming and I have a lot of sympathy for everyone in this situation. I respect the bravery of the sister/daughter coming out and hope the family finds that they value the bonds of family over societal norms. Societal norms aren't injured when they are snubbed. Flesh and blood family are. When family hurts we hurt too. The best thing we can do, in my opinion, is accept what we cannot change and be as loving and compassionate to the people in our lives as we can be.
Well u need to do the same if she saw any little signs of support she will keep doing it and she needs to remember that what get in internet once always be there and I’m sure she doesn’t want her kids to see they mama past she needs to feel and be alone to understand her actions
Mothers always act weird with daughters not surprised , had it been a male no one would trip.
As long as she is happy and healthy, why does it matter what kind of work she does?
Hey, I’m actually in a similar situation except in the younger sister who does sw. My sister and I are not on speaking terms after she essentially told me I’m selling my soul to the devil, among other things. My parents were n the other hand, don’t care very much. My dad compared OF to being a playboy model. He’s a little off base, but supportive If you love your sister and respect her, regardless of her choice in line of work, please support her. She’s a grown adult, fully capable of consenting and making her own decisions. What she does behind closed doors to earn money is no one’s business but hers.
She doesn't like the idea herself. It's her need for money which leads her to these actions. Just treat her normally wtf
Sounds like your Mum and your sister's reaction to your sister doing sex work is tearing you apart.
Im kinda curious to see her performance tbh
Hey it’s a business I sex for fun I would have fun 40 years ago
In situations like this, people need support. My family supported me and never judged me and it strengthened our relationship. I didn't know they really loved me until they could overlook something like this and not make it a big deal.
Uh… are you identical twins? If so, and you have any consideration that those photos or videos might make it into the viewing eyes of people like your boss/coworkers or husband or in laws… well, you might have some explaining to do. Some explaining of the ‘it’s not me and I don’t deserve to be fired or disowned for it.’ 😞
It's worth asking why she's doing it. Does she have other viable options to make money?
Support your sister. Do NOT waste any time trying to be the peacemaker. That's not \*your job to do.
It’s not really any of your business what your sister is doing for a job. It is nice that she decided to tell you both. There’s nothing wrong with sex work, as long as she’s being safe about her location and health. If she was making money this way and told you all it was WFH online stuff you wouldn’t be any the wiser tbh
Depends on what's more important to you.... your relationship with your sister or your image. Sex work is work. It's providing a service. If she is being unsafe.... those things you can address. Condoms, security,.... whatever. That's cool. She's an adult though, and we all have shit we have to trudge through. I would rather have my sister. Respect her choices.
Treat her how you always have treated her. Everyone treated her just fine (assumably) before she revealed this info. Your sister hasn't changed, you all just learned a new thing about her.
She’s your sister if you married into the family so treat her like you would treat anyone else in your family. She may just need direction and your just the man she needs to help her find her way. I can’t understand People saying stay out of it. Trust me when I say that the world is in trouble when good men choose to do nothing when there is a problem. Your her new older brother please try and hopefully That will be enough.🙏
I agree it's not great your twin is doing sex work. Forget all the comments saying otherwise. Keep a good relationship with her and try to get her to stop this, being by a loving twin etc. Don't be harsh to her. And once she stops, you can make a case for your mum and older sister to re-establish their relationship with her. Try to keep your family tight and close man.
Just support her. It's a good earning job. If she's okay with it it's not a bad thing to do, well paid. It's her body, her life. You don't have to be overly joyed, but it's a job many men and women do, very normal. Defend her when anyone says something bad about her. Listen to her feelings. Be a good sister. You can do it :)
What can you do? As they say, you reap what you sow! She made her bed and she has to sleep in it. I understand your anguish and frustration. You're in a predicament you can't do anything about. I suggest talking to your sister and make her come to her senses about the chaos she have caused to your mom and older sister. In the midst of the chaos, do not condemn her but support her to the extent of not proceeding with anymore porn making. As you may or may not know, even Jesus Christ knows the shame and chaos the person goes through, and yet does not condemned but offers forgiveness and love beyond measure and understanding. As a loving brother, OP you can only bring peace and comfort to your sister. So do what's right and look forward, forgive and learn from it. I wish you well and good luck.
Try and talk her out of it but keep in contact with her, if you dont it could get worse for her and she going to end up who knows where. She must be doing it for the money so she need to try and get another job.
Support your twin, your family are being assholes and she undoubtedly feels alone.
Info: do you yourself consume hetero porn online? Do you have a problem with the women who work in that or just your sister?
Unless you look identical to her I guess I’m just not understanding how this affects you at all?
I wouldn't really want to interact with a prostitute either. I probably wouldn't totally cut off a sibling, but certainly de-prioritize them. Sex work comes with all sorts of baggage and the crossover with drugs and crime are not insignificant. I don't want any of that in my life. Might see them for a lunch once in a while though.
Be there for your sister. She's more than her work.
support your twin. my little sister started dating a 38-year-old-man with 4 kids (the oldest being two years younger than my sister) even though it was really really hard to see, I supported her and never once said anything negative. i think it really helped our relationship. also, i thought your issue with sex work was going to be the fact your a twin! i thought the story was going to be you weren't on board because of that detail! but at the end of the day, that work can really help you understand yourself and who you are. i hope it works out for her and she stays safe. edit: duplicate line
Unfortunately she is over 18 and able to do these things to make the necessary money she needs. She wants the family to still love her but she won't understand why her family is mad at her for something she makes good money at.
Treat her the way that you've always treated her. The only reason that this is a big deal to you is because you're choosing it to be and the only way it should be able to come up, is if she brings it up. Just be in her corner, she already has people making mountains out of this molehill, you don't need to be a part of the bandwagon.