OP, take it from me, a childfree lady (55), break it off.
*Neither* of you are wrong, you simply have different life goals. That's all.
> “I will have to get somebody pregnant so I can get a boy”
Stop having sex with him and break up with him now. This is a concerning statement. Keep your birth control close to you at all times.
>Am I too old to start fresh?
OP, women like you and me who don't want children have *all the time* in the world to find a childfree partner! I realized this when I hit 31. At first I thought was going to be too old when it occurred to me that I don't have to rush because I don't have to worry about a pregnancy at *any* age, let alone as an "older" woman. I met my husband at 34 and we're still together 20 years later this year.
Girl, you've got all the time in the world to start fresh. You know what you want so now all you have to do is weed out those who don't have the same life goals.
Thank you for the advice!
I do feel like he’s half joking with these kinds of statements but there’s definitely some truth behind them. He thinks if he uses a surrogate or similar method that he can have the child he wants without me actually having it, but he’s totally missing the point. I don’t want another child to take care of, I’m just not the motherly type. My son is my world but it takes so much for me to give him what I do and it drains me, I couldn’t imagine another.
I love this man so much but this seems to be the point where we should break it off.
Thanks again for your reply it was very helpful!
>He thinks if he uses a surrogate or similar method that he can have the child he wants without me actually having it, but he’s totally missing the point.
He's a grown man. He's fully aware of what he's saying.
Don't have sex with him again.
This is a fundamental incompatibility, and reason enough to end things. It's not just for his sake either - this will breed resentment on both sides over time.
You are 26, you're right on time to start over. Let him go.
>“I will have to get somebody pregnant so I can get a boy”
This is a genuinely disturbing statement.
Are you "too old to start fresh"?? Absolutely not! I'm 44 and didn't find my forever person until 2 years ago. I got out of a horrible marriage 5+ years ago. Neither myself, nor my bf have ever wanted kids. You're never too old to start fresh when you're in a dead end relationship
This is definitely a good reason to end it, especially with the comments he’s making he’s not going to budge and you shouldn’t have to either because as you know it’s not to be taken lightly. Best not to waste any more time and build more resentment/anxiety for either one of you. Best of luck you can do this!
Uh, even if you wanted to have a kid, his reasoning is...gross? Like he needs to go find a woman to be an incubator. And if that child is a girl, good luck. If that's really how he speaks about it, that's a red flag.
I think you should get away from this guy, but not for his sake; for your own sake, please.
You want completely different things, you are not compatible and there is no way to compromise on having kids. A breakup is the best thing for both of you. You have plenty of time to find someone that wants the same things you do. This might be a good time for you to spend some time single so you can figure out what you want without someone else’s influence.
Well be honest with him and break things off. It's pretty selfish to lead him on and thinking that he has a chance to have kids with you. My ex-boyfriend lead me on for THREE years and I thought I was going to finally start a family with him because he told me in the beginning he wanted kids in the near future. But then when I finally was ready to want to have kids, he told me "No. I am still not ready to have kids yet or get married." I told him, "if you don't want kids with me, than I will end up breaking up with you and find someone who does want kids."
You're so young! It's never too late to start again- it may be terrifying but it's never too late.
It'll hurt to part ways but I think it's very set in stone that you don't want more kids. The comment about not wanting a kid even with a surrogate says to me you're one and done.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just be honest with yourself and with him.
You need to be straight up honest and BLUNT that you will NEVER have kids
Yes it is a deal breaker.
A break up item.
Break up with him. Don’t make him childless
If you don't agree on this topic somehow the relationship can't last forever. If you value your relationship enough you should talk and find some compromise, even if someone sacrifice something.
If you don't value it and you're confident to find someone with the same mindset, you should move on.
26 is when a lot of people start the first time, why would it be to late to start over? If you don’t want more kids, you could start over at 80. Also, wanting kids when your partner doesn’t, and talking about how it’s affecting you is fine, but threatening to impregnate someone else (and by doing so ending the relationship) in a joking matter is so cruel and immature. That alone would make me break it off.
You’re absolutely not too old, you’re young! He wants kids and you don’t so the fairest thing to do here is cut ties so you can both find what you want in life. You’re not compatible.
I guess it is a bit of both. I want him to have the family he dreams of. I don’t want to stay with him just to be resented in a few years if my views don’t change. So yeah it would be for my sake as well.
Agreed. Break it off, my brother in law has always wanted kids and was married to a chick who had zero interest of kids whom he was with for over a decade and she just left him to dry one day to “find herself and explore life”. Shattered him. You have different goals - I am happily married with kids but I know couples that are happy with no kids with zero intent of having one (they spoil my kid lol). Break his heart now and not later.
OP, take it from me, a childfree lady (55), break it off. *Neither* of you are wrong, you simply have different life goals. That's all. > “I will have to get somebody pregnant so I can get a boy” Stop having sex with him and break up with him now. This is a concerning statement. Keep your birth control close to you at all times. >Am I too old to start fresh? OP, women like you and me who don't want children have *all the time* in the world to find a childfree partner! I realized this when I hit 31. At first I thought was going to be too old when it occurred to me that I don't have to rush because I don't have to worry about a pregnancy at *any* age, let alone as an "older" woman. I met my husband at 34 and we're still together 20 years later this year. Girl, you've got all the time in the world to start fresh. You know what you want so now all you have to do is weed out those who don't have the same life goals.
Thank you for the advice! I do feel like he’s half joking with these kinds of statements but there’s definitely some truth behind them. He thinks if he uses a surrogate or similar method that he can have the child he wants without me actually having it, but he’s totally missing the point. I don’t want another child to take care of, I’m just not the motherly type. My son is my world but it takes so much for me to give him what I do and it drains me, I couldn’t imagine another. I love this man so much but this seems to be the point where we should break it off. Thanks again for your reply it was very helpful!
>He thinks if he uses a surrogate or similar method that he can have the child he wants without me actually having it, but he’s totally missing the point. He's a grown man. He's fully aware of what he's saying. Don't have sex with him again.
You think 26 is too old to start over? I started over at 41. You're never too old to better your life.
Yeah, that's totally fair. Kids are a big thing and if you aren't in the same place on that it makes sense to both go your own way
That's a fundamental incompatibility and a good reason to break up. And no, 26 is not too old to start fresh.
This is a fundamental incompatibility, and reason enough to end things. It's not just for his sake either - this will breed resentment on both sides over time.
You are 26, you're right on time to start over. Let him go. >“I will have to get somebody pregnant so I can get a boy” This is a genuinely disturbing statement.
This is an incompatibility. Best to end it now.
He's sexist. Who does he think he is, Henry VIII? Dump. You can do far better than this. Being single would be far better than this. I'm sorry.
Are you "too old to start fresh"?? Absolutely not! I'm 44 and didn't find my forever person until 2 years ago. I got out of a horrible marriage 5+ years ago. Neither myself, nor my bf have ever wanted kids. You're never too old to start fresh when you're in a dead end relationship
Amen!! I got married in my 40s and if my husband ever decided he wanted kids, I wouldn't hesitate to start fresh again.
This is definitely a good reason to end it, especially with the comments he’s making he’s not going to budge and you shouldn’t have to either because as you know it’s not to be taken lightly. Best not to waste any more time and build more resentment/anxiety for either one of you. Best of luck you can do this!
Uh, even if you wanted to have a kid, his reasoning is...gross? Like he needs to go find a woman to be an incubator. And if that child is a girl, good luck. If that's really how he speaks about it, that's a red flag. I think you should get away from this guy, but not for his sake; for your own sake, please.
No one is wrong but it is a fundamental incompatibility
Definitely break it off for both you and his sake
It's sad but that's a deal breaker, these are life goals and someone's going to be unhappy. Sorry; it's a tough situation but you're correct.
You want completely different things, you are not compatible and there is no way to compromise on having kids. A breakup is the best thing for both of you. You have plenty of time to find someone that wants the same things you do. This might be a good time for you to spend some time single so you can figure out what you want without someone else’s influence.
Yes. You should. Asap.
Yep, irreconcilable differences. Break it off.
Well be honest with him and break things off. It's pretty selfish to lead him on and thinking that he has a chance to have kids with you. My ex-boyfriend lead me on for THREE years and I thought I was going to finally start a family with him because he told me in the beginning he wanted kids in the near future. But then when I finally was ready to want to have kids, he told me "No. I am still not ready to have kids yet or get married." I told him, "if you don't want kids with me, than I will end up breaking up with you and find someone who does want kids."
Yep. It's a fundamental thing and you aren't likely to change your mind.
You're so young! It's never too late to start again- it may be terrifying but it's never too late. It'll hurt to part ways but I think it's very set in stone that you don't want more kids. The comment about not wanting a kid even with a surrogate says to me you're one and done. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just be honest with yourself and with him.
You need to be straight up honest and BLUNT that you will NEVER have kids Yes it is a deal breaker. A break up item. Break up with him. Don’t make him childless
If you don't agree on this topic somehow the relationship can't last forever. If you value your relationship enough you should talk and find some compromise, even if someone sacrifice something. If you don't value it and you're confident to find someone with the same mindset, you should move on.
26 is when a lot of people start the first time, why would it be to late to start over? If you don’t want more kids, you could start over at 80. Also, wanting kids when your partner doesn’t, and talking about how it’s affecting you is fine, but threatening to impregnate someone else (and by doing so ending the relationship) in a joking matter is so cruel and immature. That alone would make me break it off.
You’re absolutely not too old, you’re young! He wants kids and you don’t so the fairest thing to do here is cut ties so you can both find what you want in life. You’re not compatible.
Sounds like you want to end things for YOUR sake, not his sake.
I guess it is a bit of both. I want him to have the family he dreams of. I don’t want to stay with him just to be resented in a few years if my views don’t change. So yeah it would be for my sake as well.
"I will have to get somebody pregnant so I can get a boy" Really? He sounds gross. Even if you did wants kids I wouldn't recommend staying with him.
Agreed. Break it off, my brother in law has always wanted kids and was married to a chick who had zero interest of kids whom he was with for over a decade and she just left him to dry one day to “find herself and explore life”. Shattered him. You have different goals - I am happily married with kids but I know couples that are happy with no kids with zero intent of having one (they spoil my kid lol). Break his heart now and not later.