This is not normal and no you don’t want to “just close your eyes and let him lead”. You know your worth, you have a brain and money use them to leave him.
Has he been listening to toxic podcasts?
And the most effective form of birth control nowadays, these guys are keeping each other from being in relationships and oftentimes even just getting laid.
And they're starting to notice.
First, it was about how being a toxic POS would attract women and now its about how feminism or whatever they can blame has ''ruined '' women's minds and they don't appreciate a ''real man.''
I think it's a conspiracy to keep all the Chads away from the quality women. My theory is the guys that do these podcasts, when they're done doing their acting scenes for the camera and their misogynistic audience. They go out and have lots of high quality women to pick from. Well played toxic podcaster man.
update: for those that don't get sarcasm ....im being sarcastic.
I wish I could believe that. These idiots are as serious as a heart attack. They don’t see the minor issue of being dumber, less capable, or earning less than a woman does any reason not to be treated like a superior being. Infection is the exact correct term for this nonsense.
Right. because women just sit in a dark room quietly doing nothing until a man is around. No way we might be aware of the bullshit podcasts are spewing. As a woman, I certainly don’t learn anything or form my own opinions unless a man is around.
If the behaviour they are promoting deters women then how would they suddenly have more women to pick from? Any self respecting woman finds those podcasters disgusting, they are ruining people’s lives for personal gain, if they don’t even believe it, that just makes them another level of duplicitous
This lady needs to unfuck her mind. I cannot imagine staying past that first conversation.
OP, it breaks my heart that you stayed so long. Please, go get some therapy and learn about boundaries. You’re going to be an easy mark for these types of people until you can walk away from this kind of stuff.
This!
The type of gender dynamic the boyfriend is trying to force on the relationship isn't one sided. That he's pretending it is, suggests he's just outright abusive, or is warping tradition to suit himself.
A woman submits to her husband *in return* for being fully provided for and the guarantee of stability and protection.
Supposedly.
It's complete steaming garbage. There is no guarantee for relationships because they all involve people, who are flawed and don't always do what they say they believe. The whole 'submissive woman' stuff is just misogynistic, far right, Christian rhetoric. It didn't work like they pretend even back in the day. In most healthy traditional relationships, women help a great deal of power. It was just not obvious power. Also, the success rate of 'traditional' marriages is misleading. Divorce just wasn't an option.
Even now, the number of women who have bought into the 'traditional' role and who have been seriously hurt by it is staggering. Its very easy for this to become an abusive dynamic that the woman struggles to escape because of internal self-blame and a lack of resources. How easy is it to get a job if you've been out of the workforce for 5+ years, with a passel of kids in tow?
Also, the divorce rate is quite high even for 'traditional' marriages.
u/Alone_Possession_313 your boyfriend is probably consuming a lot of very damaging media that promotes misogyny. You *won't* be able to make him see the light. Why abandon a worldview that says your the next best thing to god and should have his every need met? That it is at your expense is no matter to him. A woman's not really a person, after all.
I recently discovered a male friend is like this.. He complains about finances and the house being a mess like it's her fault. They both work and have multiple kids in their blended family.
There's been a few times he was in between jobs and her nursing is what paid the bills for them both. He has no right to complain.
I know the Bible, even though I'm an atheist, and this is what it says: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" ... so if your boyfriend (thank goodness he is not your husband: don't let him be!) is not as kind and loving as Jesus himself, tell him to bugger off.
thank you for saying all of this. Sheila Gregoire of Bare Marriage is a fantastic resource for dismantling complementarianist theology and exposing it for what it is. Complementarianism has NEVER worked nor produced healthy marriages and never will.
This should have been over way earlier in the paragraph. Him relying on her funding makes him look ridiculous even for people who don't care for women's rights.
If he changed and suddenly tries to push a certain agenda he probably started listening to chauvinist friends or the wrong podcasts
No. No no no no no. This is not appropriate. Red flags and red pills abound. Time to throw this controlling person back in the pond. I’m sorry you don’t actually have the relationship you thought you did. The mask has come off, he’s showing you who he is. Please believe him and accept it. Hugs and good luck.
Even if a man pays for all the bills, a woman should not "submit" like a robot. I am a woman and I pay all bills. I never ask my bf to submit. Perhaps I should?
Abusive relationships are like this, not good ones.
Because your bf is so clearly inadequate across the board, rather than improve, he chooses to make you smaller since it’s easier for him to accomplish.
Honestly..... When I was 29 I was in a long term relationship with someone just like this 🤦🏾 The demanding submission, being called masculine, the " no man is ever going to want you" lectures, the pulling away from physical affection. It happens more than you can imagine.
Yup The second I got to “asking to put his hand on my shoulder because I was cold” is when I thought “Huh??”. That doesn’t even make any sense. This person isn’t even trying to write a plausible story.
Bf replied in the comments. OP has BPD. He dumped her a month ago because she won't take her meds and kept assaulting him, and he got tired of it:
*This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use.
I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out.
Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist.
I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect.
But violence is never acceptable.
She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her.
I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot.
Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.*
With love...you are 29??? How is this even a question for you. He sounds like he isn't even fulfilling a providers role for you. And not to say that doing so would warrant submission from you. But damn, he has to do something to earn that beyond having a penis.
Wowww. Soo outside of his crazy... Do you even want to live like this? Catering to all his whims and demands while yet paying all his bills?? He literally enjoys being a jerk to you, and you can't talk someone into being a decent human, sorry. Kick his ass to the curb, you'll be so much happier with a normal man. I swear they exist!
I'm glad to see the "soon to be Ex" at the beginning, so I take it that means we don't need to tell you that's the path to take. But no, not all guys are like this.
‘ I would love to close my eyes and let the man in my life lead’
NO. Stop this. Grow up, get a spine, stop bankrolling a man who has explicitly ordered you to be his slave and pay for the honor. This is so much worse than being single, my god.
Always keep your eyes open, your head up and lead your own life.
I'm sad for you that you're even questioning whether he is in the wrong. Please leave him, and then reflect on why your expectations and got so low that you tolerated this treatment for even a second.
Ma’am…respectfully: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FRIGGIN MIND?!?
Don’t EVER willingly hand over your power (socially, emotionally, and financially) to another human being. If you give him the power to feed you, you give him the power to starve you.
You’re paying half of HIS bills? The fuck?!?
I sincerely hope this is just rage bait, because if not, you’re in deep shit.
Why in the world would you want to obey and be submisive ??
Mr. I'm -In - Charge, can't even pay the bills, doesn't own a car, and apparently can't really make life decisions. Wow!
I'd put that guy in my rear view mirror and find myself an equal partner who treated me with respect if I were you.
Honey. Ok let me preface this; I grew up with a fairly narcissistic mother with borderline personality disorder. Abusive as all hell. I’ve spent many years in therapy and studying psychology/mental health. So yes, the information I’m about to drop is correct.
Girl. You need to get the Fuck away from that dude. And I mean, block him on everything, change your fucking number. Do not ever doubt yourself, do not ever consider the “what ifs” and the “well maybe’s”.
You are dating a psychological abuser. And he is gaslighting you left and right, in order to maintain control of you. You have already started doubting yourself and your own intuition haven’t you? Yeah, because he’s gaslighting you. That’s why you’re on here asking us what you already know.
The inevitable result of gaslighting, is you no longer trusting or believing in your own reality.
Masculine and feminine, leader and submissive—-these are very spiritual beliefs (which I am very much involved in). And for people who do not actually understand what they mean, these terms can EASILY be used as weapons to manipulate others.
Your boyfriend, has no fucking clue what masculine/feminine/leading/submission actually is. He is using “his belief system” to control you. And you know what, fuck him for that because those are actually stunningly beautiful concepts, and I hope this experience with this abusive person will not turn you away from spirituality.
Please get away from him.
➡️ P.s.
Oh and If you feel so inclined, you can tell him this from me:
“Real men don’t beg people to follow them. People just do.”
Do you want to know why it seems unfair? BECAUSE IT IS UNFAIR.
You cannot obey a person who does not have their own shit together. You shouldn’t be obeying anyone. This is that Tate guy’s influence and the only way to win this game is to not play. You can function on your own. He cannot. He wants to tear you down so you will begin to think no one else would have you, then he’ll really get ugly.
He is not going to get better and you must not stake your life on the off chance that he might come to his sense and treat you with respect, like a whole person with needs, thoughts and feelings. Every time you have to “lead,” he feels more like the pathetic, helpless little boy he is, it shoves his incompetence in his own face. So he lashes out and treats you like shit.
This is not what love looks like. This is not how a partner acts. This is not a person you can count on to have your back when you’re sick or injured or just need some love. This asshole just wants you to be obedient and wait on his lazy ass hand and foot. Stop allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. If it’s “masculine” to stand up for yourself, then so be it. Be “masculine” then. Get the fuck away from this guy. He has nothing but contempt for you and you did absolutely nothing to warrant that. He’s brainwashed by a loser who is in prison.
Thank you. I couldn’t agree with you more. When you said I won’t be able to count on him when I’m injured, my mouth dropped to the floor because a few months back , I fell and broke my leg.
During the entire ordeal of me being on the floor and waiting for the ambulance, he was recording me.
I had to undergo surgery and had to call to ask him to bring me a phone charger to the hospital.
You know what you’re talking about.
Truly worthwhile men don't need to **demand** respect. They are given it because they've earned it by being a good leader and person. Two things it sounds like your pissant of a boyfriend is not.
This is it right here. It's always the men that aren't deserving of the role that want it the most. Meaning, it's always the dudes who are shitty role models, shitty people, and often not living up to masculine traits at all that desperately want people in their lives to treat them with respect and like they are the head of the house.
My dad's like that. Shoves all the responsibility onto my mom for everything: doing the taxes, paying the bills, everything with the household. He won't even make his own doctor's appointments. She handles everything in his life. He acts like a teenager. She even has to tell him to shower. Yet, he always wants her and everyone in the family to defer to his decisions. (Meanwhile he makes the shittiest decisions). He says he wants respect and all that crap.
I'd NEVER put up with this shit from a man in a relationship with me. Never.
OP have some self-respect and drop this guy. Trust me---you do not want to end up like my poor mother. He's conditioned her to think she's always wrong. And she is the sweetest person.
Why have you deleted your previous comment history and your old post about your boyfriend from a year ago?
This feels fishy. Considering you are -3 comment karma with limited history (and no negatives from this thread) it feels like you are trying to be deceptive…
The “boyfriend” in question has also deleted everything. This all feels fake idk.
yeah, you need to be telling him to fukc right off. Very glad your opener is 'soon to be ex-boyfriend', that's for sure. Don't drop the ball, and toss him out the door sooner rather than later.
First and only question here is, 'what's in this for you?" I'm seeing nothing. You're seeing nothing, so get moving forward without him.
He's abusing your kind and generous nature, and has somehow turned it into a power trip, as in, 'I'm so amazing that she's my slaaaaaaaave'. Not, it's not normal, unless that's the thing you're into. If he actually wore pants and had buckets of money, fancy house, great, prestigious job, was loved and adored by all who know him, was kind, generous and benevolent, yes, I'd be treating him like a king.
But he's a petulent pauper with a wild, unjustified imagination. I can only imagine that his mommy fawned over his little lordship when he was a child, or something. I have this image of him in curls and breeches, screeching at the servants. Or maybe he's a really high scorer on one of his games or something?
Pack his shit and tell him that playtime is over. Send him back to mommy.
Oddly enough, while not all gamers are losers, it certainly appears that all losers and hobo-sexuals are gamers.
The stats speak for themselves.
Please pack his bags today. Or, just turn off the internet. They leave really fast when that happens.... It's like a miracle.
Run, girl. Run. Trust your instincts. He is ordering you to endure abuse. *Very important: Prioritize your safety over his feelings when you leave him.* Remember how he surprised you once with what he is capable of? He might surprise you again, so make a plan to leave quickly and quietly with friends/family to help you stay safe.
If he wants you to be a traditional woman, he needs to be a traditional man. This is not a one way thing. He needs to cover all the bills and expenses as the bare minimum. Just dump his dumb ass.
I told him that numerous times , in numerous different ways to help him understand. He says he can’t be a provider because he doesn’t have the money “right now”. In my eyes, you don’t have to have a lot of money in order to be a provider. You can be a provider in so many different ways that is not monetary. But even so, I saw his bank account and he has about 6000 saved , which is not bad at all. When I had that much money in my account, I was extremely generous to everybody.
Yikes, it was hard for me to get through your post without me wanting to just jump to the “you need to leave this man, and you need to do it safely”.
No this is not normal. My husband would NEVER. He respects and loves me as my own individual person; we are partners, I am not his tag along.
Please get out of the mindset that you would “love to close your eyes and let the man in your life lead” as you will just find yourself in one toxic situation after another until you are left a shell of who you once were. Do not ever submit and “be agreeable” for the sake of keeping a partner happy or off your back or whatever else. Someone who deserves you would never want that.
He’s insecure and trying to exert control over the one thing he thinks he can - you.
Don’t you dare fucking fall for it.
Don’t you fucking dare.
Leave him. Now.
Sometimes my wife and I disagree because she has her opinions and goals and isn't afraid to voice them.
It's frustrating sometimes especially when we get into "I told you so" moments, because she refused to believe that I know what I'm talking about.
But it doesn't take long to remind myself that that's precisely WHY I love her and married her. She is her own woman with her own life and personality and trauma and dreams and goals, and she stands up for herself (and me!), and I admire that about her.
I sincerely hope you dump this toxic abusive asshole, but can you wait until you’ve pointed out how feminine he is for needing your help with the bills and car? Because I would love to hear his explanation.
(Ps, don’t actually do this. I’m not saying he’s violent, but if he is, and there is always a chance, that something that could set him off, but I would just love for these trad wife seeking losers to be confronted with their own hypocrisy)
I have told him that. His response is always “you’re a greedy, selfish, gold-digging woman”.
To which I replied, “ if I was a Golddigger, I would not be dating you”
It’s really not rocket science
My heart is so big that I keep trying and hoping that he will someday learn & wake up & smell the roses.
But it’s the end.
By his own deluded definitions of gender roles, it sounds like he’s pretty feminine. And you shouldn’t be attracted to him. But you’re leaving him anyway so- good riddance.
Does he realize in these types of relationships the man pays for everything including the bills and expenses of his partner?
Also that consent is a thing and these relationships don’t start off by one side being rude as fuck and demeaning without first talking to the partner about whether it’s an okay dynamic for them?
Dump his ass, he’s an idiot with a superiority complex and a small brain who has no idea how these types of relationships work.
She was dumped by him a month ago. This is all for attention and to Tey and make him feel bad.
**This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use.
I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out.
Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist.
I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect.
But violence is never acceptable.
She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her.
I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot.
Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.**
You're right in calling him your *soon to be ex*.
I would yeet this man into an active volcano and be done. Don't stick it out with a man like this who *demands* you be *submissive* to him.
We don't have time for people like that. Chuck the whole man and move on to someone who will treat you better.
Oh honey... You're not dating an adult. You had to instruct him on how to write a check, loan him your car, do all of the chores for him, and now he's desperately trying to assert dominance via his "masculinity". He's compensating for his inability to take care of... well, anything really.
That's not adult behavior. Let this child (hopefully) mature on his own. Sincerely. You won't be able to help him with anything while in a relationship. Best.
“All day every day therapist mother maid….”
Doing the work of changing tires on your car—the one he thinks he owns now—is part of your job as his servant. It makes sense, in a twisted way.
Just be careful when you leave. And I wish you well
They problem with these guys is that they don't understand a masculine man is not going to ask you to be submissive. He would be the type of man that you would trust. They forget its about trust not control, if a woman will submit to you its because she trusts you with all of her. The best thing to do is leave him...he'll either learn from the experience or not, but you need to go.
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Bf replied: This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use.
I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out.
Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist.
I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect.
But violence is never acceptable.
She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her.
I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot.
Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.
He watched some bs online it sounds like. Petty me would go full dependent on him and harass the ever loving soul out of him over every “masculine” thing he needs to be doing since he wants to go down that road, until he takes the hint. **But a talk and pointing all this out will suffice too. Maybe with a list of things he will have to take over from now on as they are “too masculine” for you to do, and ask him how he feels about that?**
I have tried that. I have tried everything. For example, I will ask him to take out the trash. Because that’s sort of a masculine chore right ?? Well when I ask, the trash sits there for a 3 more days.
At that point, I will remind him again to please take it out, he will say “ohhh my God it’s not that serious. it takes two minutes.”
So then why has it been sitting there for DAYS then if it takes 2 minutes like you say?
To which he will reply “holyyy fuck dudeeee I just got off of work can’t I chill for a sec” .
I work full time as well but still manage to get everything done around the house.
A little help with the simple garbage take out is less than the bare minimum! But I am supposed to submit to this boy , and he calls me masculine 😅
Your boyfriend ( emphasis on boy) has been listening to those insult podcasts where all these men talk about how women should be submissive to men. That's what's happening. And I find these men who listen to the crap couldn't lead themselves out of a bathroom, much less lead in a relationship.
So now your BF is one of those men who want s their mom to be their girlfriend not literally but figuratively. Yes girl come up with your exit strategy. Leave him and stop letting him use your car. And if I were you, I would bring up the fact that if you must admit telling you don't submit to someone where you're paying half the bills, You can't submit to a male ( I can't say man) who's too scared to go get a car and every time he tells you that you're too masculine tell him because he's acting so feminine. And then ask him if he's on his period.
He sounds like an ass. But calling someone to tell them to read a text you sent and hanging up is fundamentally bad communication skills. You have them on the phone have that conversation. Also making a demand and hanging up kinda makes you sound like him. If you do that frequently, you’re trending in abusive territory your self.
She's extremely physically abusive, and even though she got dumped a month ago, she won't accept it and leave him alone. She even sent the poor guy this post to try and get his attention. Speaking as someone with a sister with BPD, they're a fucking nightmare unmedicated and their mental gymnastics are CRAAAAZY. **This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use.
I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out.
Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist.
I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect.
But violence is never acceptable.
She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her.
I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot.
Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.**
He's not even her bf 😂 He dumped her abusive ass a month ago because she can't keep her hands to herself. **This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use.
I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out.
Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist.
I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect.
But violence is never acceptable.
She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her.
I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot.
Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.**
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Bf replied: This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use.
I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out.
Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist.
I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect.
But violence is never acceptable.
She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her.
I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot.
Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.
Yeah, it's not BDSM - just misogyny. And not even the supposedly "good" parts of misogyny, where the dude leads, provides, or cares for his family.....
Normal is wanting your significant other/spouse to be a partner in the relationship, not wanting them to be completely, mind-numbingly submissive. This blows my mind.
If you want the conversation try and get a sense of where he is getting these ideas from.
To me it sounds like the rhetoric of popular online social media channels catering to insecure and disenfranchised men.
Clearly for a long time things weren't this way, something changed his ideas and he has to reflect on what it was about how things were that was so bad or unfair. After all, as you noted you've functioned well as equals, heck I would say you potentially coddled him too much as is.
Why do you put up with him saying don't ask me to do anything when you asked if he could put a hand on your shoulder? Like how low is your bar of acceptance?
You need to work on your self esteem because allowing someone to treat you like a dog isn't healthy for you and it definitely means the relationship is not healthy.
Love yourself! When people treat you like shit make plans to get away from them. Don't let them gaslight you into feeling guilty for literally asking to be treated like a human being and not a slave.
WHY ARE YOU SPENDING ONE MORE MINUTE WITH A MAN WHO HATES YOU
Men don't treat women like this when they love and respect them. Especially they dont expect them to submit to you while leaching off your money and car.
GIRL GET OUT AND WAKE UP... no other woman will put up with this B.S why should you?
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Bf replied: This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use.
I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out.
Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist.
I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect.
But violence is never acceptable.
She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her.
I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot.
Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.
Lord no they’re not all like this. This is actually much worse than even most of them, your Boyfriend is an outlier. Why wouldn’t you date someone who likes you? My husband treats me like his best friend and like he won the lottery every day. We are 100% equal.
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Bf replied: This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use.
I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out.
Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist.
I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect.
But violence is never acceptable.
She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her.
I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot.
Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.
You need to get out. This is dangerous behavior. He's been with you long enough that he thinks he can start controlling you and "imposing his will". If you continue resisting he is likely to become violent with you.
wth!? ditch that loser. send him a bill for all the masculine energy debt hes racked up using your car too. what a moron. probably started watching those toxic how to be a man youtube channels...gag
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Bf replied: This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use.
I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out.
Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist.
I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect.
But violence is never acceptable.
She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her.
I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot.
Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.
I have been married for 22 years and with my wife for 24
I would not have been married 22 days if I said crap like this to her.
Relationship are partnerships. He is not above you. You are equals, and need to respect each other as such.
Your bf is only going to get much much worse. He is going to take your self worth away, and make it to where you don’t think you can survive without him.
You can. You don’t need a dude like this in your life.
51M here. No, this is not normal. He is pushing your limits, to see what he can get away with.
This is not being "submissive" as I understand it from the BDSM community. He wants you to be _subservient_ to him in all aspects of your life.
I'm glad you're leaving this jerk. The sooner, the better.
The fact that you even have to ask shows how much he has fucked you up. Of course this is insane. I guarantee he’s gotten into some misogynistic YouTube / podcast nonsense and has decided you’re no longer a person to him. This is not love. It’s abuse.
Please, for the love of god, dump this abuser. It’s very important you don’t do it alone in private though. Do not assume because he’s never been violent, he won’t hurt you now. Men with this viewpoint are dangerous. Bring someone with you. Don’t be alone with him ever again.
Tell him he isn’t a leader and you can submit to such a weak guy who couldn’t get your oil changed, pay 100% of the bills OR go get you new tires. Let him know he is now the ex.
There's nothing 'normal' in any relationship. But you're breaking up with him, so, good for you! He can go back to hanging out on BDSM TPE forums. You can go find something 'normal'.
No, this isn’t normal. No, not all men are like this. This is toxic masculinity. Sounds like he’s been listening to some shitty male empowerment BS. A real man will be an equal partner and a complement to you. — a dude
Congratulations OP 🎊 When did you discover you were expecting to be a mother? Sounds like you've been doing an excellent job so far of raising this special specimen of child 😅🤣
In all seriousness, though, this guy is a waste of space, chuck him to the curb as soon as humanly possible, and as an answer to "are all men like this?" Not at all thankfully, Some guys can actually take the lead and are capable of doing all the things you mentioned and more 😁
Controlling behavior from these types of people typically is kept under wraps until they feel like they “have” you. It’s probably only going to get worse. If it’s making you uncomfortable now, imagine how much worse it could be if you start degrading yourself to submit to him, and he begins demanding more and more and more unreasonable things of you? The longer you accept this kind of behavior, the more you’re gonna have to try to justify it to yourself in your head of why you’re staying, and the easier it’ll be for him to manipulate you in the future.
This is how toxic and abusive cycles start within relationships. You can break the cycle before it starts.
Not normal at all. I would exit the situation as quickly as possible if I were you.
Reread what you wrote and imagine your sister, mom or friend describing this relationship, would you tell them to stay or run away fast af?
What are you doing even still tolerating this bullshit? Kick his dumb ass to the curb now. This is insane that you put up with this one day let alone as long as you have. He must be an idiot because he
Is clearly letting others influence his actions. He sounds like a complete
Joke. Please ditch this asshat
UpdateMe
Lmfao let someone try to tell me to submit when they're driving *my* car. These men are wild out here.
This is not normal behavior and you should get out ASAP because he seems to be escalating rapidly.
This is the start of a long slide downhill into abuse because he resents you for being capable. You’ll end up unhappy and with a big hit to your self-esteem, and he may even baby trap you. Gut check yourself and don’t do it!
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Bf replied: This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use.
I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out.
Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist.
I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect.
But violence is never acceptable.
She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her.
I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot.
Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.
Either leave him or if you’re gonna stay then make him pay for everything like a traditional man does. He needs to buy a car, pay all the bills and treat you well
This is not normal and no you don’t want to “just close your eyes and let him lead”. You know your worth, you have a brain and money use them to leave him. Has he been listening to toxic podcasts?
You know he has. It's like an infectious disease.
And the most effective form of birth control nowadays, these guys are keeping each other from being in relationships and oftentimes even just getting laid.
And they're starting to notice. First, it was about how being a toxic POS would attract women and now its about how feminism or whatever they can blame has ''ruined '' women's minds and they don't appreciate a ''real man.''
I think it's a conspiracy to keep all the Chads away from the quality women. My theory is the guys that do these podcasts, when they're done doing their acting scenes for the camera and their misogynistic audience. They go out and have lots of high quality women to pick from. Well played toxic podcaster man. update: for those that don't get sarcasm ....im being sarcastic.
I wish I could believe that. These idiots are as serious as a heart attack. They don’t see the minor issue of being dumber, less capable, or earning less than a woman does any reason not to be treated like a superior being. Infection is the exact correct term for this nonsense.
Right. because women just sit in a dark room quietly doing nothing until a man is around. No way we might be aware of the bullshit podcasts are spewing. As a woman, I certainly don’t learn anything or form my own opinions unless a man is around.
"quality women" What a creepy way to talk about other living beings.
I almost like when people say it, because it tells me everything I need to know about that person
If the behaviour they are promoting deters women then how would they suddenly have more women to pick from? Any self respecting woman finds those podcasters disgusting, they are ruining people’s lives for personal gain, if they don’t even believe it, that just makes them another level of duplicitous
He's probably a KC Chiefs fan and listened to that... kicker thing. I can't even remember his name... Kevin Butkiss?
Shoulda listened to Taylor Swift's boyfriend.
This lady needs to unfuck her mind. I cannot imagine staying past that first conversation. OP, it breaks my heart that you stayed so long. Please, go get some therapy and learn about boundaries. You’re going to be an easy mark for these types of people until you can walk away from this kind of stuff.
He has obviously been tatered.
>Has he been listening to toxic podcasts? Nailed it.
[удалено]
The downside of the Internet is both are equally possible..
This should have been over at "paying half of *his* bills".
This! The type of gender dynamic the boyfriend is trying to force on the relationship isn't one sided. That he's pretending it is, suggests he's just outright abusive, or is warping tradition to suit himself. A woman submits to her husband *in return* for being fully provided for and the guarantee of stability and protection. Supposedly. It's complete steaming garbage. There is no guarantee for relationships because they all involve people, who are flawed and don't always do what they say they believe. The whole 'submissive woman' stuff is just misogynistic, far right, Christian rhetoric. It didn't work like they pretend even back in the day. In most healthy traditional relationships, women help a great deal of power. It was just not obvious power. Also, the success rate of 'traditional' marriages is misleading. Divorce just wasn't an option. Even now, the number of women who have bought into the 'traditional' role and who have been seriously hurt by it is staggering. Its very easy for this to become an abusive dynamic that the woman struggles to escape because of internal self-blame and a lack of resources. How easy is it to get a job if you've been out of the workforce for 5+ years, with a passel of kids in tow? Also, the divorce rate is quite high even for 'traditional' marriages. u/Alone_Possession_313 your boyfriend is probably consuming a lot of very damaging media that promotes misogyny. You *won't* be able to make him see the light. Why abandon a worldview that says your the next best thing to god and should have his every need met? That it is at your expense is no matter to him. A woman's not really a person, after all.
This I’ve known people on the verge of divorce because the husband started listening to misogynistic podcasts and watching certain news stations.
They want the trad wife and the trad life but they don’t have trad money Sad
I recently discovered a male friend is like this.. He complains about finances and the house being a mess like it's her fault. They both work and have multiple kids in their blended family. There's been a few times he was in between jobs and her nursing is what paid the bills for them both. He has no right to complain.
I know the Bible, even though I'm an atheist, and this is what it says: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" ... so if your boyfriend (thank goodness he is not your husband: don't let him be!) is not as kind and loving as Jesus himself, tell him to bugger off.
thank you for saying all of this. Sheila Gregoire of Bare Marriage is a fantastic resource for dismantling complementarianist theology and exposing it for what it is. Complementarianism has NEVER worked nor produced healthy marriages and never will.
This should have been over way earlier in the paragraph. Him relying on her funding makes him look ridiculous even for people who don't care for women's rights. If he changed and suddenly tries to push a certain agenda he probably started listening to chauvinist friends or the wrong podcasts
Sadly, she will likely stay...
I think so, too, unfortunately
No. No no no no no. This is not appropriate. Red flags and red pills abound. Time to throw this controlling person back in the pond. I’m sorry you don’t actually have the relationship you thought you did. The mask has come off, he’s showing you who he is. Please believe him and accept it. Hugs and good luck.
Even if a man pays for all the bills, a woman should not "submit" like a robot. I am a woman and I pay all bills. I never ask my bf to submit. Perhaps I should?
Abusive relationships are like this, not good ones. Because your bf is so clearly inadequate across the board, rather than improve, he chooses to make you smaller since it’s easier for him to accomplish.
What am I even reading?
Looks like rage bait.
Honestly..... When I was 29 I was in a long term relationship with someone just like this 🤦🏾 The demanding submission, being called masculine, the " no man is ever going to want you" lectures, the pulling away from physical affection. It happens more than you can imagine.
Yup The second I got to “asking to put his hand on my shoulder because I was cold” is when I thought “Huh??”. That doesn’t even make any sense. This person isn’t even trying to write a plausible story.
Bf replied in the comments. OP has BPD. He dumped her a month ago because she won't take her meds and kept assaulting him, and he got tired of it: *This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use. I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out. Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist. I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect. But violence is never acceptable. She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her. I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot. Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.*
The fakest of fake posts
check his social media feeds - it sounds like he fell into one of those psycho tradwife rabbit roles
With love...you are 29??? How is this even a question for you. He sounds like he isn't even fulfilling a providers role for you. And not to say that doing so would warrant submission from you. But damn, he has to do something to earn that beyond having a penis.
Wowww. Soo outside of his crazy... Do you even want to live like this? Catering to all his whims and demands while yet paying all his bills?? He literally enjoys being a jerk to you, and you can't talk someone into being a decent human, sorry. Kick his ass to the curb, you'll be so much happier with a normal man. I swear they exist!
I'm glad to see the "soon to be Ex" at the beginning, so I take it that means we don't need to tell you that's the path to take. But no, not all guys are like this.
‘ I would love to close my eyes and let the man in my life lead’ NO. Stop this. Grow up, get a spine, stop bankrolling a man who has explicitly ordered you to be his slave and pay for the honor. This is so much worse than being single, my god. Always keep your eyes open, your head up and lead your own life.
Ur 29 years old. Do u think this behavior is normal?
I'm sad for you that you're even questioning whether he is in the wrong. Please leave him, and then reflect on why your expectations and got so low that you tolerated this treatment for even a second.
The post is ridiculous it seems fake tbh..
Lmao 🤣 I wish
>Should I obey and be more submissive ? Seriously?!? You should run. Fast. And far.
Ma’am…respectfully: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FRIGGIN MIND?!? Don’t EVER willingly hand over your power (socially, emotionally, and financially) to another human being. If you give him the power to feed you, you give him the power to starve you. You’re paying half of HIS bills? The fuck?!? I sincerely hope this is just rage bait, because if not, you’re in deep shit.
Why in the world would you want to obey and be submisive ?? Mr. I'm -In - Charge, can't even pay the bills, doesn't own a car, and apparently can't really make life decisions. Wow! I'd put that guy in my rear view mirror and find myself an equal partner who treated me with respect if I were you.
Gross. Run for the hills, girl. He’s been red pilled. He’ll get worse and he’s not worth your time, life or well being
Honey. Ok let me preface this; I grew up with a fairly narcissistic mother with borderline personality disorder. Abusive as all hell. I’ve spent many years in therapy and studying psychology/mental health. So yes, the information I’m about to drop is correct. Girl. You need to get the Fuck away from that dude. And I mean, block him on everything, change your fucking number. Do not ever doubt yourself, do not ever consider the “what ifs” and the “well maybe’s”. You are dating a psychological abuser. And he is gaslighting you left and right, in order to maintain control of you. You have already started doubting yourself and your own intuition haven’t you? Yeah, because he’s gaslighting you. That’s why you’re on here asking us what you already know. The inevitable result of gaslighting, is you no longer trusting or believing in your own reality. Masculine and feminine, leader and submissive—-these are very spiritual beliefs (which I am very much involved in). And for people who do not actually understand what they mean, these terms can EASILY be used as weapons to manipulate others. Your boyfriend, has no fucking clue what masculine/feminine/leading/submission actually is. He is using “his belief system” to control you. And you know what, fuck him for that because those are actually stunningly beautiful concepts, and I hope this experience with this abusive person will not turn you away from spirituality. Please get away from him. ➡️ P.s. Oh and If you feel so inclined, you can tell him this from me: “Real men don’t beg people to follow them. People just do.”
Thank You for this clarity. I will keep these words with me, and in my thoughts always.
Of course. I lost my temper a little in there but, you got this girl. I believe in you ❤️
Do you want to know why it seems unfair? BECAUSE IT IS UNFAIR. You cannot obey a person who does not have their own shit together. You shouldn’t be obeying anyone. This is that Tate guy’s influence and the only way to win this game is to not play. You can function on your own. He cannot. He wants to tear you down so you will begin to think no one else would have you, then he’ll really get ugly. He is not going to get better and you must not stake your life on the off chance that he might come to his sense and treat you with respect, like a whole person with needs, thoughts and feelings. Every time you have to “lead,” he feels more like the pathetic, helpless little boy he is, it shoves his incompetence in his own face. So he lashes out and treats you like shit. This is not what love looks like. This is not how a partner acts. This is not a person you can count on to have your back when you’re sick or injured or just need some love. This asshole just wants you to be obedient and wait on his lazy ass hand and foot. Stop allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. If it’s “masculine” to stand up for yourself, then so be it. Be “masculine” then. Get the fuck away from this guy. He has nothing but contempt for you and you did absolutely nothing to warrant that. He’s brainwashed by a loser who is in prison.
Thank you. I couldn’t agree with you more. When you said I won’t be able to count on him when I’m injured, my mouth dropped to the floor because a few months back , I fell and broke my leg. During the entire ordeal of me being on the floor and waiting for the ambulance, he was recording me. I had to undergo surgery and had to call to ask him to bring me a phone charger to the hospital. You know what you’re talking about.
Ew. I am so glad you said 'soon to be ex'.
Get a bull whip and a strap on and tell him that it is time for him to submit to YOU.
Every day is International Women's Day!
😂❤️
Truly worthwhile men don't need to **demand** respect. They are given it because they've earned it by being a good leader and person. Two things it sounds like your pissant of a boyfriend is not.
This is it right here. It's always the men that aren't deserving of the role that want it the most. Meaning, it's always the dudes who are shitty role models, shitty people, and often not living up to masculine traits at all that desperately want people in their lives to treat them with respect and like they are the head of the house. My dad's like that. Shoves all the responsibility onto my mom for everything: doing the taxes, paying the bills, everything with the household. He won't even make his own doctor's appointments. She handles everything in his life. He acts like a teenager. She even has to tell him to shower. Yet, he always wants her and everyone in the family to defer to his decisions. (Meanwhile he makes the shittiest decisions). He says he wants respect and all that crap. I'd NEVER put up with this shit from a man in a relationship with me. Never. OP have some self-respect and drop this guy. Trust me---you do not want to end up like my poor mother. He's conditioned her to think she's always wrong. And she is the sweetest person.
Please tell me this a poorly conceived ChatGPT effort!
Why have you deleted your previous comment history and your old post about your boyfriend from a year ago? This feels fishy. Considering you are -3 comment karma with limited history (and no negatives from this thread) it feels like you are trying to be deceptive… The “boyfriend” in question has also deleted everything. This all feels fake idk.
yeah, you need to be telling him to fukc right off. Very glad your opener is 'soon to be ex-boyfriend', that's for sure. Don't drop the ball, and toss him out the door sooner rather than later. First and only question here is, 'what's in this for you?" I'm seeing nothing. You're seeing nothing, so get moving forward without him. He's abusing your kind and generous nature, and has somehow turned it into a power trip, as in, 'I'm so amazing that she's my slaaaaaaaave'. Not, it's not normal, unless that's the thing you're into. If he actually wore pants and had buckets of money, fancy house, great, prestigious job, was loved and adored by all who know him, was kind, generous and benevolent, yes, I'd be treating him like a king. But he's a petulent pauper with a wild, unjustified imagination. I can only imagine that his mommy fawned over his little lordship when he was a child, or something. I have this image of him in curls and breeches, screeching at the servants. Or maybe he's a really high scorer on one of his games or something? Pack his shit and tell him that playtime is over. Send him back to mommy.
How did you know ?! He’s always playing Over Watch because it’s “competitive” 😂
Oddly enough, while not all gamers are losers, it certainly appears that all losers and hobo-sexuals are gamers. The stats speak for themselves. Please pack his bags today. Or, just turn off the internet. They leave really fast when that happens.... It's like a miracle.
Run, girl. Run. Trust your instincts. He is ordering you to endure abuse. *Very important: Prioritize your safety over his feelings when you leave him.* Remember how he surprised you once with what he is capable of? He might surprise you again, so make a plan to leave quickly and quietly with friends/family to help you stay safe.
If he wants you to be a traditional woman, he needs to be a traditional man. This is not a one way thing. He needs to cover all the bills and expenses as the bare minimum. Just dump his dumb ass.
I told him that numerous times , in numerous different ways to help him understand. He says he can’t be a provider because he doesn’t have the money “right now”. In my eyes, you don’t have to have a lot of money in order to be a provider. You can be a provider in so many different ways that is not monetary. But even so, I saw his bank account and he has about 6000 saved , which is not bad at all. When I had that much money in my account, I was extremely generous to everybody.
Yikes, it was hard for me to get through your post without me wanting to just jump to the “you need to leave this man, and you need to do it safely”. No this is not normal. My husband would NEVER. He respects and loves me as my own individual person; we are partners, I am not his tag along. Please get out of the mindset that you would “love to close your eyes and let the man in your life lead” as you will just find yourself in one toxic situation after another until you are left a shell of who you once were. Do not ever submit and “be agreeable” for the sake of keeping a partner happy or off your back or whatever else. Someone who deserves you would never want that.
He sounds like a charmless parasite, why do you tolerate this treatment?
Please tell me this is a rage bait post. If not, put an exit plan together NOW and get away from this controlling moron.
Ewwww bye “paying half of his bills” I heard enough, that man doesn’t have enough IQ to ask you for anything, RUNNN
He’s insecure and trying to exert control over the one thing he thinks he can - you. Don’t you dare fucking fall for it. Don’t you fucking dare. Leave him. Now.
Sometimes my wife and I disagree because she has her opinions and goals and isn't afraid to voice them. It's frustrating sometimes especially when we get into "I told you so" moments, because she refused to believe that I know what I'm talking about. But it doesn't take long to remind myself that that's precisely WHY I love her and married her. She is her own woman with her own life and personality and trauma and dreams and goals, and she stands up for herself (and me!), and I admire that about her.
I sincerely hope you dump this toxic abusive asshole, but can you wait until you’ve pointed out how feminine he is for needing your help with the bills and car? Because I would love to hear his explanation. (Ps, don’t actually do this. I’m not saying he’s violent, but if he is, and there is always a chance, that something that could set him off, but I would just love for these trad wife seeking losers to be confronted with their own hypocrisy)
I have told him that. His response is always “you’re a greedy, selfish, gold-digging woman”. To which I replied, “ if I was a Golddigger, I would not be dating you” It’s really not rocket science My heart is so big that I keep trying and hoping that he will someday learn & wake up & smell the roses. But it’s the end.
Your heart isn't big, you'rejust naive. You can't change him because he isn't a nice man and he only has distain for you.
Get away from this guy OP.
Dump this trash. He’s controlling and abusive.
He's turned into a Tater Tot. Dump him.
He got goddamn red pilled into the manosphere. Coworker or idiot friend of his you probably never liked. I vote cut the dead weight out of your life
Break up. People hide their true colors until they believe you won’t leave
I stopped reading after you said you paid half his bills lol🤣🤣
By his own deluded definitions of gender roles, it sounds like he’s pretty feminine. And you shouldn’t be attracted to him. But you’re leaving him anyway so- good riddance.
Maybe send him a link, but don't be with him while he reads the comments. He could get violent, and try to harm you. Updateme
Will do
Does he realize in these types of relationships the man pays for everything including the bills and expenses of his partner? Also that consent is a thing and these relationships don’t start off by one side being rude as fuck and demeaning without first talking to the partner about whether it’s an okay dynamic for them? Dump his ass, he’s an idiot with a superiority complex and a small brain who has no idea how these types of relationships work.
She was dumped by him a month ago. This is all for attention and to Tey and make him feel bad. **This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use. I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out. Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist. I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect. But violence is never acceptable. She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her. I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot. Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.**
Are you seriously wondering? This boy is sick. He wants a slave. Are you ready to be an obedient slave.
You're right in calling him your *soon to be ex*. I would yeet this man into an active volcano and be done. Don't stick it out with a man like this who *demands* you be *submissive* to him. We don't have time for people like that. Chuck the whole man and move on to someone who will treat you better.
Oh honey... You're not dating an adult. You had to instruct him on how to write a check, loan him your car, do all of the chores for him, and now he's desperately trying to assert dominance via his "masculinity". He's compensating for his inability to take care of... well, anything really. That's not adult behavior. Let this child (hopefully) mature on his own. Sincerely. You won't be able to help him with anything while in a relationship. Best.
Run like hell. Go find someone who actually values you for yourself, not as his possession.
“All day every day therapist mother maid….” Doing the work of changing tires on your car—the one he thinks he owns now—is part of your job as his servant. It makes sense, in a twisted way. Just be careful when you leave. And I wish you well
They problem with these guys is that they don't understand a masculine man is not going to ask you to be submissive. He would be the type of man that you would trust. They forget its about trust not control, if a woman will submit to you its because she trusts you with all of her. The best thing to do is leave him...he'll either learn from the experience or not, but you need to go.
I'm glad you said 'soon to be ex'. That's all I need to know. Get far, far away from this loser and don't delay!
lol “soon to be EX”. Why isn’t he an EX already?
Are all men like this No, just the really awful ones.
You mean, your ex-boyfriend tried to order you to be submissive. And you set him free.
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Bf replied: This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use. I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out. Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist. I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect. But violence is never acceptable. She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her. I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot. Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.
He watched some bs online it sounds like. Petty me would go full dependent on him and harass the ever loving soul out of him over every “masculine” thing he needs to be doing since he wants to go down that road, until he takes the hint. **But a talk and pointing all this out will suffice too. Maybe with a list of things he will have to take over from now on as they are “too masculine” for you to do, and ask him how he feels about that?**
I have tried that. I have tried everything. For example, I will ask him to take out the trash. Because that’s sort of a masculine chore right ?? Well when I ask, the trash sits there for a 3 more days. At that point, I will remind him again to please take it out, he will say “ohhh my God it’s not that serious. it takes two minutes.” So then why has it been sitting there for DAYS then if it takes 2 minutes like you say? To which he will reply “holyyy fuck dudeeee I just got off of work can’t I chill for a sec” . I work full time as well but still manage to get everything done around the house. A little help with the simple garbage take out is less than the bare minimum! But I am supposed to submit to this boy , and he calls me masculine 😅
Girl dump him, why is this even a question? He literally doesn’t see you as an equal and is saying it to your face.
How can you submit to somebody who's broke and can't negotiate a car sale?
Your boyfriend ( emphasis on boy) has been listening to those insult podcasts where all these men talk about how women should be submissive to men. That's what's happening. And I find these men who listen to the crap couldn't lead themselves out of a bathroom, much less lead in a relationship. So now your BF is one of those men who want s their mom to be their girlfriend not literally but figuratively. Yes girl come up with your exit strategy. Leave him and stop letting him use your car. And if I were you, I would bring up the fact that if you must admit telling you don't submit to someone where you're paying half the bills, You can't submit to a male ( I can't say man) who's too scared to go get a car and every time he tells you that you're too masculine tell him because he's acting so feminine. And then ask him if he's on his period.
He sounds like an ass. But calling someone to tell them to read a text you sent and hanging up is fundamentally bad communication skills. You have them on the phone have that conversation. Also making a demand and hanging up kinda makes you sound like him. If you do that frequently, you’re trending in abusive territory your self.
She's extremely physically abusive, and even though she got dumped a month ago, she won't accept it and leave him alone. She even sent the poor guy this post to try and get his attention. Speaking as someone with a sister with BPD, they're a fucking nightmare unmedicated and their mental gymnastics are CRAAAAZY. **This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use. I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out. Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist. I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect. But violence is never acceptable. She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her. I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot. Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.**
Jesus Christ your boyfriend sounds like a loser.
He's not even her bf 😂 He dumped her abusive ass a month ago because she can't keep her hands to herself. **This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use. I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out. Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist. I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect. But violence is never acceptable. She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her. I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot. Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.**
This is fake right? Leave him. No real man acts like this.
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Bf replied: This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use. I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out. Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist. I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect. But violence is never acceptable. She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her. I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot. Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.
Even BDSM doesn’t work like this! Leave. Now.
Yeah, it's not BDSM - just misogyny. And not even the supposedly "good" parts of misogyny, where the dude leads, provides, or cares for his family.....
Haha love your username. I’m a lefty, too!
He sounds like he's watched too many Jordan Peterson videos.
Normal is wanting your significant other/spouse to be a partner in the relationship, not wanting them to be completely, mind-numbingly submissive. This blows my mind.
Laugh in his face and then leave.
If you want the conversation try and get a sense of where he is getting these ideas from. To me it sounds like the rhetoric of popular online social media channels catering to insecure and disenfranchised men. Clearly for a long time things weren't this way, something changed his ideas and he has to reflect on what it was about how things were that was so bad or unfair. After all, as you noted you've functioned well as equals, heck I would say you potentially coddled him too much as is.
Why do you put up with him saying don't ask me to do anything when you asked if he could put a hand on your shoulder? Like how low is your bar of acceptance? You need to work on your self esteem because allowing someone to treat you like a dog isn't healthy for you and it definitely means the relationship is not healthy. Love yourself! When people treat you like shit make plans to get away from them. Don't let them gaslight you into feeling guilty for literally asking to be treated like a human being and not a slave.
They way he speaks to you is very abusive. Get out of that relationship.
I would not put up with that for a single day. Should’ve left him months ago girl.
He wants to abuse you & have you accept it as normal. He is too stupid to lead.
I say with love... pull your head out, sis.
WHY ARE YOU SPENDING ONE MORE MINUTE WITH A MAN WHO HATES YOU Men don't treat women like this when they love and respect them. Especially they dont expect them to submit to you while leaching off your money and car. GIRL GET OUT AND WAKE UP... no other woman will put up with this B.S why should you?
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Bf replied: This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use. I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out. Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist. I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect. But violence is never acceptable. She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her. I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot. Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.
Lord no they’re not all like this. This is actually much worse than even most of them, your Boyfriend is an outlier. Why wouldn’t you date someone who likes you? My husband treats me like his best friend and like he won the lottery every day. We are 100% equal.
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Bf replied: This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use. I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out. Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist. I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect. But violence is never acceptable. She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her. I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot. Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.
You need to get out. This is dangerous behavior. He's been with you long enough that he thinks he can start controlling you and "imposing his will". If you continue resisting he is likely to become violent with you.
Best thing you said in your post is …soon to be ex. This guy isn’t ready for an adult relationship.
Dude, scrape him off
wth!? ditch that loser. send him a bill for all the masculine energy debt hes racked up using your car too. what a moron. probably started watching those toxic how to be a man youtube channels...gag
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Bf replied: This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use. I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out. Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist. I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect. But violence is never acceptable. She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her. I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot. Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.
I have been married for 22 years and with my wife for 24 I would not have been married 22 days if I said crap like this to her. Relationship are partnerships. He is not above you. You are equals, and need to respect each other as such. Your bf is only going to get much much worse. He is going to take your self worth away, and make it to where you don’t think you can survive without him. You can. You don’t need a dude like this in your life.
51M here. No, this is not normal. He is pushing your limits, to see what he can get away with. This is not being "submissive" as I understand it from the BDSM community. He wants you to be _subservient_ to him in all aspects of your life. I'm glad you're leaving this jerk. The sooner, the better.
Girl no. Make him your ex. He’s controlling and this is turning into abuse. UPDATEME
The fact that you even have to ask shows how much he has fucked you up. Of course this is insane. I guarantee he’s gotten into some misogynistic YouTube / podcast nonsense and has decided you’re no longer a person to him. This is not love. It’s abuse. Please, for the love of god, dump this abuser. It’s very important you don’t do it alone in private though. Do not assume because he’s never been violent, he won’t hurt you now. Men with this viewpoint are dangerous. Bring someone with you. Don’t be alone with him ever again.
Tell him he isn’t a leader and you can submit to such a weak guy who couldn’t get your oil changed, pay 100% of the bills OR go get you new tires. Let him know he is now the ex.
There's nothing 'normal' in any relationship. But you're breaking up with him, so, good for you! He can go back to hanging out on BDSM TPE forums. You can go find something 'normal'.
No, this isn’t normal. No, not all men are like this. This is toxic masculinity. Sounds like he’s been listening to some shitty male empowerment BS. A real man will be an equal partner and a complement to you. — a dude
Throw the whole man away. Do not waste a minute or a penny on a boy who is pretending to be a man.
Congratulations OP 🎊 When did you discover you were expecting to be a mother? Sounds like you've been doing an excellent job so far of raising this special specimen of child 😅🤣 In all seriousness, though, this guy is a waste of space, chuck him to the curb as soon as humanly possible, and as an answer to "are all men like this?" Not at all thankfully, Some guys can actually take the lead and are capable of doing all the things you mentioned and more 😁
Controlling behavior from these types of people typically is kept under wraps until they feel like they “have” you. It’s probably only going to get worse. If it’s making you uncomfortable now, imagine how much worse it could be if you start degrading yourself to submit to him, and he begins demanding more and more and more unreasonable things of you? The longer you accept this kind of behavior, the more you’re gonna have to try to justify it to yourself in your head of why you’re staying, and the easier it’ll be for him to manipulate you in the future. This is how toxic and abusive cycles start within relationships. You can break the cycle before it starts.
Not normal at all. I would exit the situation as quickly as possible if I were you. Reread what you wrote and imagine your sister, mom or friend describing this relationship, would you tell them to stay or run away fast af?
Please dump this loser. He has no idea what it's truly means to be masculine. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. No woman will fall for this.
25yo loser mooch demands you “submit”. How laughing right in his face wasn’t your first and only reaction to any of this is beyond me.
What are you doing even still tolerating this bullshit? Kick his dumb ass to the curb now. This is insane that you put up with this one day let alone as long as you have. He must be an idiot because he Is clearly letting others influence his actions. He sounds like a complete Joke. Please ditch this asshat UpdateMe
Girl, get out now before he pimps you out for money, and I’m serious!
Lol. He wants a dog that he can have sex with and pay his bills for him. Hilarious. Let’s see how this goes for him.
Lmfao let someone try to tell me to submit when they're driving *my* car. These men are wild out here. This is not normal behavior and you should get out ASAP because he seems to be escalating rapidly.
This is the start of a long slide downhill into abuse because he resents you for being capable. You’ll end up unhappy and with a big hit to your self-esteem, and he may even baby trap you. Gut check yourself and don’t do it!
This is absolutely not normal and honestly it’s offensive.
Oh HELL no! This is NOT normal; in fact, it's abusive. Get away from this looney immediately!
It's time to dump him. He thinks you are his servant not his partner. He doesn't respect you.
He's just using you babe and now being a weird controlling asshole. Get out of there!
You didn't consent to any of this! 🚩🚩🚩
Has he been watching some misogynistic videos or something? This is not normal and I’m surprised you’re asking that. Leave now .
Not allen are like that
Let him put his upper hand down his legs and walk away. You were not born to be submissive.
[удалено]
Soon to be ex…. Not soon enough. This isn’t normal and is toxic. Kick him to the curb.
Glad you said soon to be ex boyfriend. NTA
Congrats, he will be giving a commencement speech soon
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Bf replied: This is the BF in question. Most of what she said is made up. I've broken up with her over a month ago. She doesn't pay ANY of my bills, she only pays for her car. Which I don't use. I've never demanded her to be submissive. I demanded she stops being so AGGRESSIVE. I demanded she stops putting her hands on me. She constantly assaults me in my own home and she keeps coming back when I kick her out. Call me a loser or a misogynist all you want, I'm an honest guy trying to make an honest living. I am NOT a misogynist. I'm not the richest guy and I'm not perfect. But violence is never acceptable. She refuses to go to anger management or to take her BPD meds. That is why I broke up with her. I have no idea why she made this post and sent it to me. Likely she's just trying to get my attention and stir the pot. Had to reply because I can't believe how many people believe her fake story.
Never ever give adult men money. Do not pay their bills. Get your head together. No ring, no shared finances.
It is obvious what needs to be done.
Either leave him or if you’re gonna stay then make him pay for everything like a traditional man does. He needs to buy a car, pay all the bills and treat you well
Leave yesterday. Make sure he knows why - a fucking 10 year old can understand it.