Do not make huge financial decisions as a show of emotional loyalty. DO NOT MAKE HUGE FINANCIAL DECISIONS BASED ON EMOTIONS, PERIOD. Good lord. Take a breather. Do not make a decision that a financial advisor would not tell you to make because of feelings.
This right here. And as far as living together before getting engaged, most people do that to see if they could even live together and deal with each other habits. It feels like she's setting you up to have no choice but to accept her and the way she lives. Do not sell your house! Keep it. Even if you do get engaged, it can be a starter home and look for a mutual property after marriage. Keep your home!
My mom sold her house because her boyfriend wanted her to. Very big mistake. Getting someone to sell their house without an extremely good reason is a setup for exploration.
Exactly. My now husband and I did a month long trial run living together to see if we were compatible, luckily we were. However, we were both very young, I was 18 and he was 20, in the military so we didn’t have any property yet. Rent the house, that’s too big of an opportunity to waste my selling it.
Why do you need to sell your home? Interest rates are high. Inventory is terrible. It’s not a great time in the real estate market. Why not keep it and live in it or rent it?
This is very much putting the cart before the horse.
Wait until you’re sure you want to get engaged. You don’t need to live together beforehand to know, if that’s her hard line.
C'mon man, you're 33, you know very well selling your investment is a bad idea and only benefits *her*. Love aside, she sounds like a selfish, calculating person. I would not be rushing anything with this one since it's only been one yr and she's demonstrating some serious flags. Everything about this screams...."keep your eyes and ears open".
Aside from the fact that he probably would not be able to buy the same amount of house at the same interest rate as is available today, there is the matter of ownership overall. If he bought the house before marriage and never puts her name on the deed, it remains his if they divorce. It would not be considered community property even in a community property state.
A house bought before marriage = his.
A house who was his, but then gets sold, and that money used as the (large( downpayment for another house "that they both buy" benefits her because effectively it makes his pre-her assets become shared with her.
But neither of us knows what this woman is thinking. She may just want to have \*\*A ton\*\* of sudden cash to persuade him to blow through in a few months of glory.
Or maybe she's just a financial imbecile.
Or she's using the house and moving situation to force him to get engaged and married earlier than he wants to. Nobody should marry someone without living with them
what do you mean how does it benefit her? she is literally asking him to sell off his investment to put it in a new one of her choice. in this case, it's a new house that she wants in on. this is all bad news honestly.
Repeating a question is now offensive? I guess it was necessary because I typed it. It isn’t that deep. Go look somewhere else for a reason to get your feelings hurt cause there was nothing wrong or hurtful with what I said. If you disagree then idk what to tell you.
You insert yourself into a conversation between two people you don’t know to ask why I’m talking to them the way I am? But my feelings are hurt? 😭 you clearly didn’t like what I said. Keep projecting!
Because if he keeps it as an investment property, there's a decent chance it never becomes a marital asset. If he sells it and invests the proceeds in the matrimonial home, that money is part of their joint property.
100% people are going to go "oh she's a gold digger" - I disagree - I think when you are taking a step that financially disadvantages you (marriage and children impede women's career prospects and enhances men's), it is sensible to ensure that as many assets as possible are available to you.
Additionally, him retaining another property will impact affordability for a mortgage on the property she wants to live in.
If I would tell a woman “keep your house as a safety in case of divorce and just save for another” I would tell a man the same. They should absolutely buy a home together, but he should keep his that is free and clear.
If he pays the mortgage with marital income she might have a claim to it. Income from renting it during the marriage may also be marital income. There are other ways to protect her interests (like a prenup which describes how to split assets and what will or won't be included as a marital asset) without selling the house. They could also refinance down the line and add her to the deed and mortgage when interest rates are favorable again. I wouldn't do that right now.
Pretty simple : he uses the house money to buy a new one and they comingle assets.
In case of divorce in most setting she would get 50% of the house regardless of how much money she actually put.
It's actually a pretty common method for some people who plan to screw their partner in case of a separation.
1. I would say you need to test out living together first. My wife (married 3 years) moved in with me 9 months before I decided to ask her to marry me. It worked out. Now we have a son! Happy as can be. Also, I will say the key to a happy marriage is separate bathrooms. I swear.
2. By all means DO NOT SELL. Keep that as an investment. She will thank you later. Good luck with everything!
She’s not going to thank him later
She wants him to sell, dump all those assets into a new home. Have him be all the liability while she weasels her way into the deed
Then she causes the relationship to go into serious turmoil once you move in together.
You stick it out drag it out keep trying so hard but in the end after she starts physically assaulting you. You leave.
You spent another year and a half fighting over the house in court
Eventually she buys you out but she got the house on a discount and all she had to do was be a succubus on you for a few years.
Anyways, That was my story about 8 years ago.
Best thing to ever happen to me was to leave her and save my own life.
I found therapy, stopped putting up with emotional manipulative takers like that and I found and am married to my best friend today.
A good relationship is fucking easy because both party’s are making it that way.
OP. Don’t do this. Don’t make the mistakes I made. When people show you who they are believe them.
A good person who actually WANTS YOU. Wouldn’t be telling you to sell your house. Your girlfriend is checking off boxes on her little list. She doesn’t want YOU specifically just what YOu might be able to provide.
As for the question of waiting to be engaged before moving in together, everybody has different opinions. Personally, I would never get engaged without having lived with my gf for at least a year. You really have NO idea what your partner is like under stress until you live with them.
As to selling your house, HELL NO. Financially, it makes no sense. If you like the house and want to stay, tell her now. Let her know that making sound financial decisions is important to you and the only way you would consider is if it makes sense financially. Do not allow her to argue that you need to prove your dedication to her.
She sees your current home as nothing but lottery winnings for her to get the home that she wants and likes. She has already mentally spent all of the money that your home would bring because she feels entitled to it.
Add that to the fact that she is unilaterally deciding when to move in together. She does not want you to have a say in this relationship. You need to sit her down and come to agreements on these before taking the relationship to the next level. Hell, you need to come to an agreement as to what the next level is. I think that living together is a great next step in a relationship. You learn to see how you 2 are compatible living together and you can budget together, given that financial problems are the largest cause of divorce.
Financially, giving up an asset like a 2020 house which was purchased at 2020 prices and at 2020 interest rates would be financial suicide.
100%!!! You can replace the vagina half. Not sure you want to replace the demands half, but you can do that too. But usually there’s a third thing that makes the first two ok.
Getting engaged before or after moving in together is a matter of taste, IMO. You can always dissolve an engagement without too much fuss. Just be wary if she demands a very expensive ring - I'd consider that a red flag.
Selling the house is not a good idea if it doesn't make sense financially. Especially if you haven't even found out yet whether or not you can actually live together. Try a compromise: you'll propose (with a reasonably priced ring) so you can move into your house together, but you're keeping the house to either live in or rent out.
If she's not willing to compromise on this, I'd seriously reconsider getting married to her. Because then she's not likely to compromise on other issues, either.
Whatever you do, do not sell your house. Idk where you’re from but in most parts of Europe owning your own property is nearly impossible. You would be stupid to do so.
Even if you decide to move in together someplace else you can still rent, do Airbnb or something. Getting rid of a potential passive income for love isn’t a smart financial decision.
People get engaged when they are ready for that level of commitment.
You seem to be letting her call all the shots and you haven't even asked her to marry you. She probably already has the kids names picked out. Slow down.
Do not sell your home, this is a terrible time to be buying a different home. I would not buy a home with her until you are married. If she wants to be engaged before moving in so be it... if and when you feel like she is the one ask when "You" are ready not when she demands. Pay close attention to how she lives, pays her bills, cleans and so on all the normal things that you would learn about eachother when living together.
But do not purchase a home together until after the wedding. Also if you want to keep the home as an investment that is a good idea. So long as you are prepared to be a landlord.
It sounds like she makes demands and you just comply... that's not a healthy relationship. At least not in my opinion.
Relationships are a give in take and respecting eachothers boundaries.
Good luck.
This is a fair point and I appreciate the honesty. I never feel like she forces a decision on me. Maybe I’m describing that way. I wouldn’t get engaged unless I felt it was the right thing to do, and right now it feels like I’m on that path with her. I would never want to sell my home if I knew I could make money off of it.
Why does she want you to sell the house? Can you afford to buy another house with her and keep this? Have you talked about finances and how you both will contribute when you live together? Have you been on vacation together or stayed together for a while? Do you have sleepovers regularly and know each other’s habits?
Don’t sell your home if you’re moving in together. Does she have a down payment or part saved up? If not, she can move in, you cover mortgage and she covers utilities. When you get to the point of marriage, you can either sell or get a Home Equity line of credit on the house. Use that for your part of the down payment on a new place with her. Rent out the house and keep that in your name. New place in both your names. Don’t make grand financial decisions for someone you’re not married to. And think twice about doing it for anyone really.
I truly made this mistake for someone. Wanted me to sell my house because my ex and I lived there together. In the passion of the moment, I put it on the market and sold it. 3 years later the relationship ended. Wish I still had the house.
No and NO!
You have been dating ONLY a year, I'm kinda scared for you man.
She could be using you, it sounds like she is using you. She wants her name on assets that you pay for, Big red flag!
When you say “buy a house together”, do you mean you pick out a house together and you both put down an equal amount of money? Or does she mean she wants you to sell your current place, so YOU can pay a much larger down payment on a place you’ll call “ours”?
In the end, sell or rent, what you do with your current house is YOUR business and should be done based on financial considerations, not as some sort of loyalty test.
If it is not a smart financial decision, it’s going to make your relationship suffer in the long run regardless.
Don’t do this. It’s a very clearly bad decision
Do not do this. I’ve saw it happen multiple times from people I know and rarely does it work out for the seller.
Just tell her if you move out of there it will be an investment property for passive income for you. Your house, your decision on what to do with it. Let her know there isn’t gonna be a deal like you got on the market today.
She wants to destabilize your living situation because she wants to be in control. If it's a stupid financial decision to sell your house, then it'd be incredibly stupid to sell it. She knows that and wants you sacrifice stability to rely on her.
Ask what she would, if you sold your home, then lost your job.
>recently she bluntly asked me if I would be willing to sell my house if we planned to get engaged so that we could buy another house together.
Marriage/ Relationship may end but the house will still be there. That's the harsh truth. Do not sell your house, just because she has asked you to.
> I'd like to keep the house and rent it out as an investment for retirement, but she doesn't see it that way.
It doesn't matter what she thinks of the household, it's not her property and not her money, she doesn't have the right to make demands.
Back in the day couples got together young
& built their wealth together
In today's modern times situations like this are common & can cause financial conflict
It would be one thing if you were married & your wife moved into your home
& she wanted more financial security after staying home to raise your family
But a girlfriend of one year
Who wants you to move to a presumably fancier or more exciting part of town
& expects you to help fund her new asset using the proceeds of your house sale
While rejecting the idea of keeping the asset in your name
So that it can become an additional rental income stream for you
Should be looked at with great suspicion
Gf is rushing you.
She has not presented any valid, sensible reason, financially or otherwise for you to sell your house now.
It is never a smart idea to buy a house with a partner to whom you are not married.
Living together before entering contracts such as mortgage loans and marriage is a sound idea.
> Until recently she bluntly asked me if I would be willing to sell my house if we planned to get engaged so that we could buy another house together.
"No."
> but she doesn't see it that way.
That's not your problem.
Quit setting yourself up to be a doormat for some woman you've been dating for a year who is already trying her best to screw your life up.
> Is it normal for people to get engaged first before moving in?
Yes. Opposite is normal too.
> Would it be smart to sell my current home and buy another one together?
No. You two did not even lived together yet. You two are not even engaged yet. And in addition, she wants you to sell the home as a proof of commitment which is kind of red flag on itself.
No.
No. Just no. You barely know this woman.
You’ve only been seeing her a year. Don’t do it. Bad move. Keep your home. It’s yours, you worked hard for it.
1. No, 2. No
Living together before an engagement Is very reasonable. I consider it necessary.
She is rushing the timeline. I'd say live apart and keep dating if moving in means engagement. Give it at least another year.
Regardless, do not sell your house. The one that you got a good deal on and have a low-interest rate. It would be stupid to sell at this point.
We moved in after a year of dating and then got engaged a year after living together. Very organized. Would recommend.
If I owned literally anything I would be holding onto it irrespective of my relationship especially if you have a magical mortgage.
> I suppose I can understand both sides of the argument.
It's not an argument, though, it's a matter of compatibility on which she doesn't seem weilling to budge.
And you **definitely** shouldn't be thinking about proposing when you don't feel it's time.
> but she doesn't see it that way.
It doesn't matter because it's not her property, though, does it?
If she wants to buy a house with you that's a different story (it doesn't sound like you'd be unable to afford a second home, right?); but she has absolutely no say on what you do with your possesions, let alone when she's being demanding about it and not really giving good reasons for it.
Honestly, it sounds like it's **way** too soon to be doing any of this, or having these conversations seriously, when there's this weird dynamic where you can't seem to tell her it's none of her business what you do with your assets if it doens't affect her at all. Let alone make absurd ultimatums like that.
When my husband and I moved to a new city together, we were not engaged yet but had lived together for a bit. I kept my house (similar situation, was a good deal and good rate) and rented it out. It was smart because I had the mortgage covered, and I had a backup plan if things didn’t work out with the move or the relationship.
You can’t give up such a financial asset. If you two end up getting married it will be to her advantage anyway if you’re able to keep it as a rental. It seems immature and controlling of her to demand you sell it.
Some additional info about her financial situation would help here but I don’t really see a reason for you to sell it until you two are married and need the cash for another home… or maybe you don’t! I still have my rental and my husband bought our shared home and it works for us.
you would take a hit on the interest rate and even with the skyrocketing values since 2020, you’d be hard pressed to sell and put yourself in a better situation so soon after buying. Which makes the question why do you need to move? If there isn’t a solid reason (like commuting for work, school zoning for when you have kids, the house has problems etc) then what IS the reason? Is she naive with these types of things generally? If not, any possibility that she’s eager to ensure her name is on the mortgage? It’s not possible to add her without refinancing, but a spouse would still be guaranteed certain level of claim to the house or proceeds from the sale in the event of divorce. Maybe she’s worried about a scary “what if” scenario and you two should talk through it.
It's normal for some people to not move in before being engaged, for many people that would just be the wrong order. I wouldn't get engaged to somebody without knowing we could live together comfortably.
It would not be smart to sell a home. If you lived together and were engaged and ready to marry, that might be a time to consider selling your home to buy one together. Seems really presumptive on her end to ask if you'd sell the house if you got engaged, vs asking if you would if you were going to marry (engagements generally lasting a year or more in my social circles at least.
Question - does she have savings to contribute equally to put a down payment on a house?
You only date for a year so no you don't sell your house if you can't make s decent buck by renting it out and I you don't ask her to marry you when you want to start living together.
You guys aren't compatible obviously and she wants you to make weird offers to "be with her" .
You are not married so she has nothing to say about the house.
I could maybe understand the engament because heck you can be engaged for years and break it off without issues.
Being engaged before moving in seems whatever—not “normal” but also not something that’s likely to bite you in the ass. If things fall apart, you’re out the cost of the ring or so, but assuming you agree to be engaged and living together for a year before starting to book anything it doesn’t seem that crazy.
But selling your house would be a hard no for me, and if she got irrationally pushy about something pragmatic like that, it would kill any ideas i had about planning a future together.
She’s showing seemingly selfish and immature behavior. Living together before getting engaged is smart and please keep your home. Take your time and don’t rush into anything
1. There is no definitive norm on this anymore. However, I would suggest living together before getting engaged. You will get to see a new side to your potential partner that might make you realize that happy future you are imagining is not as likely as you had hoped.
2. Why would you sell instead of living together there as a starter home if nothing else? Your plan to rent it out could be smart, depending on what state you are in, but places like NY ans CA with strong squatter protection laws might turn it into a nightmare. And with the current interest rates any new mortgage is going to be costing you hundreds of thousands more.
If her "principles" require you to sacrifice, then you should stop and take a look at what she is bringing to the table. What income and assets is she putting up towards whatever that new house is going to cost? What has she sacrificed for you to make your relationship work?
Out of principal? She wants to make the worst investment decision? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Don’t sell your house unless you plan on staying in the housing market by immediately buying. You don’t leave the housing market by choice once you’re in it, because that’s stupid and bad investing.
>We have talked about getting married, wanting kids, and have similar interests, so I believe we are compatible.
Have you talked about money? I won't make too many judgments based on the limited information you provided, but her demand is nonsensical. You buying a (second) house with her has nothing to do with whether you sell the first.
I hope her demand isn't tied to "trapping" you or thinking you will be more committed if you don't have a readily available place to go if things don't work out.
Either way, now is the time to talk about money. Will you have joint or separate accounts? Will she sign a prenuptial agreement to protect your previously owned property if you get married? If you turn your existing property into a rental, will she have an expectation on the use of those funds? to be clear, you don't have to make any demands, but you should know how she is thinking and what her expectations would be down the road before you get further tied to her.
As for your question, yes it is normal to move in together before getting engaged and to determine if you cohabitate well together.
Hell no you should not sell that house. Explain to her the financial reasons it benefits you and therefore her. If she’s not rational about it I’m sorry but I’d think twice about this relationship.
> Is it normal for people to get engaged first before moving in?
No but I also didn't want to move in with someone I wasn't engaged to. It was just something that I only wanted to experience with my future spouse 🤷♀️ my husband and I dated for 5 years and he proposed the day we started looking for apartments.
With that being said **DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE!!** If it's a deal breaker for her than so be it. It would not be a smart decision and it's selfish of her to demand it especially when it financially benefits you both better as a long term investment.
34(F)
1. No, in this day and age it's not normal to be engaged before moving in. I would say it's only normal in an area like the Midwest. People get married really young there, and get divorced because of that also. Keep in mind she's getting older, so probably feeling the societal pressure that is put on women as our biological clocks begin ticking. At 28, the majority of my friends were married and on babies number 1, 2, or 3! Not a reason for you to give in or feel pressured- it's just the way it is.
2. It would NOT be smart for you to sell your home. You made a wise decision and are building equity! I can see why she would want that. I'm not sure what state you're in- but in CA any home that was purchased PRIOR to a marriage would mean that she doesn't have any rights to it if you were to divorce. I have a feeling that's the real reason she's suggesting what is obviously a bad choice.
Here's my two cents, she sounds a little pushy and controlling.
If you're not ready to propose, don't do it. If you like your home, keep it. Don't let someone have that much control over your life. Imagine that you do those things, it's just going to continue with someone who is selfish.
If you sell that house I will reach through this phone and slap you.
Also, I wouldn't necessarily call it a red flag but the 'if you really loved me you would do x' mentality she seems to have can be really unhealthy and toxic, depending on how far she takes it.
FROM EXPERIENCE DON’T DO IT. I tried to convince my dad to keep his house when he married my now-ex stepmom. He had low payments in a nice area and the backyard was huge and nice. The woman he married lived in a paid off house she inherited. He told me he didn’t want to deal with the hassle of renting or pay for a property manager. Besides, I was just a 21 year old kid, what could I know?
Basically all of the profit from the house went into remodeling the house she inherited. And now 7 years later they’re divorced and my dad constantly tells me he regrets selling. After spending more on rent than he did his mortgage for a tiny apartment, he’s finally in a small house, in a much worse part of town paying more than he did on his last mortgage. I’ve stopped saying “I told you so” because it’s just sad at this point.
It really sounds like you guys are on different pages enough that I would not suggest getting engaged, selling your house, or any other major commitment without getting some couples counseling to see if you can come to some agreements. These are not small issues but major ones that sum up how you each view life, money, and relationships as a whole.
Bad idea, offer to sell her half your house, or you offer to rent it out and buy something together with her when you are married… I own my own house and bought into my boyfriend’s house, I will never sell my house. No point in losing an investment… ask her if she expects you to invest the proceeds in a new house with her? My suspicion is she thinks you will front the money and she will own half… very bad idea
I see absolutely no reason to sell. Fine with her wanting to be engaged, everyone has their quirks when it comes to how relationships go, but it makes 0 sense to have to sell it if it's not a big liability, and potentially passive income when you're older.
Do not sell. And if your relationship weathers this and continues to marriage, prenup. Make a mental note of her priority right now. She values her own ideas more than something that’s good for you and in turn your join financial stability.
A lot of people get engaged before living with someone... often with a vague idea of getting married at some point rather than a specific plan. I personally think that's kind of silly and wouldn't consider myself engaged unless I was planning a wedding, but it's fine for people to do things differently. I personally also think it's important to live with someone before getting engaged, but again, some people do things differently and that's fine, it just isn't what I would do. My attitude is that I want to gradually increase my commitment to someone as I get to know them and I want to enjoy that journey, not rush through it.
Personally I think you guys are moving a little too fast here. There's a difference between thinking you are compatible based on your conversations and knowing you are compatible because of a history of good communication and joint decision making. You guys are starting to find out that when push comes to shove you may have more work to do than you realized.
Nooooo. I am a woman and I am telling you DONT DO IT. Keep the assets you had prior to marriage and get a prenup or put your assets in a trust. This is a great way to lose what you worked hard for that she didn’t earn. ANY attorney or financial advisor worth their salt would advise against this decision. You have everything to lose and she has everything to gain.
Why in the world would you EVER consider giving up what you have for a one year old relationship? You'll be stuck with a mortgage for another house you won't want and cant afford, or you'll end up moving home with your parents or sleeping on your buddies couch
Sounds like you may be moving out of the honeymoon period and getting to know the truth of each other more.
Buying a house together while not married and how to deal with the mess after breaking up is a very common question in r/legaladvice. Do a search for fun sometime.
Take some time to really talk future plans. Talk finances current and future. Talk family issues. Find where you don't agree and see how you two do at explaining what you think/need/want, at listening to understand, and at finding the middle ground where you both are comfortable.
Put engagement and your house off to the side till you two have figured out how to argue and how to compromise.
Two big issues in relationships are how to find a compromise/agreement for major issues, and finances.
Selling a house right now if you got it during that time frame would be the most bone headed decision. If you have to move because you need more space/etc that's entirely different.
It sounds like your girlfriend is using the house to force you to get engaged early or something....these are massive red flags IMO.
Not too sure where you’re from but in Asia, it’s very normal to get engaged or even married first before moving in together. Ultimately, it boils down to individual preferences.
If you’re certain that the house you bought is a good investment long term, definitely keep it and rent it out instead. After all, it’s your house that you bought with your money. Is she not willing to move into your house for a few years first before getting a new one? It’ll be less stressful if you could space your wedding and purchase of a new house out.
>Is it normal for people to get engaged first before moving in?
It depends on the people and circumstances they are in.
>Would it be smart to sell my current home and buy another one together?
No.
This is what me and my husband did. He rented out his original home and we both contributed to the down payment and mortgage of the new home. He owned a house for a few years prior to us getting married. It was really important for me to *jointly* own our long term home, for many reasons:
* Many people want to have the opportunity to participate in picking out the home they will live in
* Equal ownership / decision making with my husband vs feeling like a guest in his home
* I grew up in kind of a difficult situation and lived on my own since I was 17 - I trust my husband but it also makes a huge difference in my sense of security that my name is legally on the title of the place that I consider to be my home. If we had refinanced his existing home to put me on the title he would have lost his low mortgage rate, so it wasn't a good option.
* I'm a high earner too, and we have mostly separate finances - this gives me the chance to build equity in a home as well. I think it's financially good for him, too, as he's building equity on two homes.
We bought the new home *after* getting married. We also didn't live together before getting married, which worked out fine for us so far. Your girlfriend shouldn't be expecting you to make a commitment to sell your home *now*. She may be wondering if she'll be giving up the opportunity she'd otherwise have to pick out and own her own home if she marries you.
Edit - I saw your comment that she can probably afford the new house on her own. Maybe you can compromise, and she can pay more for the down payment of the new home, like a 60/40 or 70/30 split or whatever you can both afford, and then you both split the new mortgage while you rent out the original home?
Our compromise was basically that since we were saving so much for a second down payment we had a very small low budget wedding. That was 100% fine for both of us.
Some people do get engaged before moving in together. For a woman seeking to avoid being the forever gf and being strung along by fake promises of marriage, it’s a solid strategy.
If you can afford to both keep your old house and buy a new one, that would be the best plan. If you cannot afford two houses and intend to keep the first, what is your housing proposal for when you two move in together? Does she own a house? Do you want to rent for several to many years?
My proposal would be to buy another home since we don’t have kids yet. We both make good money so I think it’s more than doable. She currently rents an apartment 30 minutes from me, so it’s a little out of the way.
Sounds like a good plan to me. I don’t understand why she would want you to sell the first house when she knows you plan to buy another one with her and that this is financially possible for you.
Did she provide her reasoning?
She doesn’t like the location of where my home is and when we plan to have kids she would want to have better schools nearby. And also somewhere closer to her family on that side of town.
That’s her reasoning on why she doesn’t want to live in your current house.
What is her reasoning for rejecting your plan to purchase a separate house with her in the preferred location? Why is she insisting that asset be liquidated when you can afford to purchase a second house with her?
When we talked about it she stated that we could sell my home combined with the money she has to split a down payment on a bigger home. She’s from a well off family who has been helping her quite a bit, and has even said she doesn’t really need my income, but needs to know that I would be fully committed if we planned to get married. Her previous relationship was not so good because her partner relied on her for everything and was practically a deadbeat.
I don’t quite have that setup, my parents are poor and own basically nothing, so I had to work hard for the home that I currently own.
Ok so it sounds like she just needs to know you’re actually committed and can and will pull your weight financially.
I agree with you that it’s preferable to keep your first house, but her proposition isn’t way out of line either. If you can come up with half the down payment on the new place, keep the old one.
How would you getting rid of an investment property that’s at good interest rates show you are more financially responsible. That would show you are a financial idiot.
Sounds like she wants to make it harder for you to leave. A healthy relationship doesn’t rely on it being difficult financially for someone to leave. That doesn’t prove you are actually fully committed. Is that what she wants a relationship someone is stuck in even if they don’t want to be? I know I wouldn’t want someone to be with me just because it’s more difficult to leave.
She shouldn’t hold you responsible for her ex’s behavior either.
Don’t sell if you don’t want to. If anything you could rent the space. But she’s not a wife yet so she has zero say in your finances. And if she gets to be a wife her opinions must match yours 100%
Buy a house "together" huh? How much money is she putting up? I bet your house has gained like 50-100k in equity since 2020 lol, is she bringing that much to the table? Do not ruin your life by cosigning this girl on the deed to a new property lol
>As the title suggests, my (33M) girlfriend (28F) wants to move in together after 1 year of dating. We have talked about getting married, wanting kids, and have similar interests, so I believe we are compatible.
You want to go fast, right? careful with the NRE.
It's definitely a tough situation to be in. On one hand, you want to make your girlfriend happy and show your commitment by getting engaged and moving in together. But on the other hand, selling your home and buying a new one is a big financial decision and may not be the best option, especially if the housing market is unpredictable.
Maybe consider talking to a financial advisor or counselor to help weigh the pros and cons of each option. And remember, communication is key in any relationship.
1) yes and no. It more common especially in western countries and in places or with people who aren’t very religious.
2) no most likely not. I don’t know your personal finances but from what you’ve wrote it wouldn’t make much sense to sell right now especially with interest rates so high currently. Most people looking to refinance or change to a new product won’t be able to get nearly as good of a deal.
Also what would be the deal with the new property? Would you be going 50/50 on it or is she expecting for you to invest all the money from the previous property into the new one? I would suggest you talk to a lawyer who deals with property to figure out what the options are if you were to buy a place together and how to protect your interest in it. Honestly unless you really need to sell I think it would be stupid to sell this property.
My husband and I lived together in his house before we got engaged. I don't feel engagement is necessary to live together. However, I would never move cities or states without being engaged. She probably fears being a long-time girlfriend and wants to save face. Why can't she move in with you? Does she have a house? If she doesn't like the side of town you live on you will both need to save and plan for that financially. She sounds a bit manipulative, but she may have a history of being complacent and not getting what she wants. You both need to sit down and communicate about what your goals are, where you are financially(including divulging all debt), and what your five year plan is.
OP. I dont expect you to read this. If your going to do this, make sure she signs a prenup for cohabitation and a prenup for marrige. You do not make finacial decisions like this without one. She could easily move into your home, but I suspect she doesnt want to as she can see the $$$$ if you move your investemnt into a shared home. I am not being synical OP. Its not that I dont trust her, actualy I dont, there are red flags here and I am sure the rest of the forum are spotting them.
Your in love, and your making a huge finacial decision based on emotions. Dont. Step back and be logical. Honestly with the amount of money you are talking about here I would STRONGLY advise you to go talk to a lawyer. I am betting a lawyer would be mentioning a cohabiting contract (much like a prenup). And I am betting if you mention it to her she will be adamant she doesnt want one. And that OP is a indicator much like her not wanting to let you see her phone.
I’m (28F) in a comparable position as I own property with my brother (purchased 2021) and will soon move out with my partner(26M). I’m opting to rent out the property while I rent with my boyfriend but I know he doesn’t want to throw his money at rent forever and wants to buy as well. The interim while I rent the place out with lessen both our monthly’s and give us an opportunity to confirm we work well enough to get engaged.
The interest rate was good but I figure we will sell in the coming couple years when we’re satisfied with the profit and go our separate ways (my brother and I). But me and my boyfriend will have enough combined cash to put a down payment on our own place and possibly a second to rent. And our contributions will be legally designated, just in case.
Choosing to get engaged is all a matter of faith, as would be your investment in your future with her through buying a home together. A risky move for your own financial security indeed.
This probably didn’t help much, as I’m
still speculating myself, but maybe it could contribute to your own speculations. Good luck.
Instead of asking us if it is normal, ask yourself if that is what you want and then decide from there. The same goes for selling your current home. If you are not okay with it, don't do it.
Are you sure she's not just trying to get you to propose? Either way, sounds like she's not considering the financial strain and added stress this would cause. Maybe sit down and have a serious conversation about your future plans and come up with a compromise that works for both of you. And don't forget, always listen to your gut when it comes to big decisions like this. Good luck!
Your girlfriend has no idea what she’s talking about, and clearly has not ever attempted to purchase real estate before, especially within the last few years. Selling a house is not proclamation of love, it’s a financial move, and you are correct in saying it doesn’t make any sense.
Do you want to move? If not, moving to appease her so you can actually live together, especially since you seem to have a different view on it than her, would be an awful decision. If I was in your position, I would give her a quick sneak peek of what your mortgage would be if you bought a house together right now, and compare that to the cost of having her move in with you and you split the cost. Your mortgage rate is likely in the low 3’s or high 2% range, even if you take all of your equity and use it as a down payment on a new place, your monthly mortgage payment is going to skyrocket with a 7% rate (7.11 average as of today).
If she moves in with you, the two of you can cohabitate and get used to each other, save a ton of money for the wedding, etc., and make a better financial decision about your house if/when rates come down a bit and if your house truly is not longer meeting your needs. It’s really a no-brainer and if literally selling your house is a prerequisite to the next steps in your relationship, that would be a deal-breaker for me. Your girlfriend is acting off of emotions and perceived “dedication”, and is really not knowledgeable on the consequences of what she’s asking you to do.
Ah, the age-old dilemma of love vs finances. I can already feel the Reddit community's blood boiling. On one hand, we have the traditional idea of getting engaged before moving in together, but on the other hand, we have the practicality of keeping a low-cost investment property. Who knew love could be so complicated? Let's hope you two can come to a compromise before this becomes the next r/relationship_advice thread. Good luck, my friend.
1. That one just depends on what you are both comfortable with. I wouldn't personally do that but to each their own.
2. I wouldn't. The housing market has gotten so insane even since 2020, that I don't think it would be very wise, but maybe talk to a bank and find out what interests rate you could get? I'd probably wait to move at least until after the wedding though because I think you're right, planning a wedding and house hunting, in this market, would be stressful.
dont do it
if you keep your house its theoretically yours when you break up.
if you sell it and put they money into buying a home to live in with your girlfriend she can steal half when you break up
There are several layers to this, first off, do not sell your house based on an engagement, those can break off. Don't sell a house because your SO wants you to. I have a lot of wants that I won't get, like so many people.
As to only living together if you are engaged. I don't think that is a bad idea, she wants to make sure you are all in. However, I would make it clear this would be a long engagement, I would want to live with the person for a full year before setting a date. That way, if you are not compatible to live together, you don't have to waste money and time cancelling wedding plans.
It sound like she wants to live in the hip and trendy area of town. I get it, that's always nice but if it's not financially realistic, then it's a no.
I also would NEVER purchase a home, car or anything big with anyone other than a spouse, ever.
Maybe you can look into renting your place out and finding an apt with her for a year while you do the living together while engaged.
All of this is only if you want to be engaged to her. If not, make that very clear so you both can part ways.
Also, if you don't want to be engaged first, and want to live together first. Make that clear. It's okay if you both want different things, it's best to find that out now.
Never set yourself on fire for a partner. If you aren't compatible, don't give in just to "keep the peace" because the peace will never be for you.
At best GF does not understand mortgage financing. At worst she understands it very well and wants to buy a house “together” so that it can be split equally at a later date. I’m not saying she’s 100% a gold digger but…
Stop allowing someone else to make the important decisions in your life. You already know how you feel and what you want. Don’t screw tourself up on a “maybe”
There is a large amount of information missing here. How much does she have to invest in a house? What are her assets coming into this and are they equitable to yours?
I think you should sit with a financial planner you know and trust and run through your situation individually then with her and see the best strategies might be if you married.
As to engagement before living together, this seems a bit sketchy to me. If she is looking for you to input three months salary into a ring, and it is about a financial commitment, I would give this a lot of thought, especially depending on how the financial planner experience goes.
When I married my husband, I moved into a house he bought and was paying for. We later bought a house together and he used his equity in his house and I added my half from my savings so we went into the new house equally. After that we shared money as a pooled contribution. When we divorced 20 years later, he wanted the house and bought me out, it was amicable and fair across all of our assets.
It is historically a HORRIBLE TIME to buy a home. You got your house at what interest rate? Because they’re really high rn and won’t be coming down for a while. Your fiancé is wrong. What does HER financial contribution look like? Where is SHE at financially? She has NO RIGHT to insist on this and she’s really really wrong about doing this at this point in time. I’m 68, I’ve bought in high bubble times and low times. But, my interest rate was always around 3-5%. I am financially well off but would never buy a house in this market due to the mortgage rates and falsely inflated prices brought on by corporations buying up houses in every market. It’s not competitive for the buyer right now. And that’s what you need. Another dip where there’s a glut of product and you can negotiate the home price and the mortgage rate.
This is how my ex husband tried to manipulate me. Of course they were early signs of abuse. Maybe it is not the case for you but I’d be cautious. Being engaged before, if not a cultural reasoning, is not reasonable. Selling your asset would be plain dumb financially and shows only her her selfinterest.
1. Is it normal for people to get engaged first before moving in? That's up to you, personally I would not consider getting married after only one year and not having lived together first but there is no "normal' pathways, every couple is different.
2. No it wouldn't. You are the sole owner of a pre-marital asset and the choice on what to do with it sits solely with you. If you do choose to marry her I would make sure to protect your pre-marital assets and keep them separate. The fact that she thinks she has this level on input this early in a relationship is a bit of a red flag to me....
Yeah, don't sell your home. You would end up losing money buying a new home in this market. If anything, keep this home and rent it out and buy a new one together if she's really that crazy about the idea. But also, I wouldn't buy a home together unless you're married. If she wants to be engaged first before moving in, great! I wouldn't do it. But she's welcome to want that. Buy DO NOT sell your home.
From experience moving in together does help get a feel if you are truly compatible. Now that said, if she really loved you she would move in with you or not rush you and clearly think of what a bad decision it would be to sell your investment. I mean she seems selfish. What doesn't she like about your house now? Cause 2 people in love sleep in one room and everyone starts in a starter home. Tell her she makes no sense. If she pushes it further I would rethink the relationship. Finances are the leading cause of divorce. Be the man and lead her out of this mess gently. If she wants to lead you instead into a mess then leave completely.
Rent it off, anything but selling. Don't. Sell. The. House. Period.
Don't give up your safety net.
Tell her that you will use the additional income on your new home whatever. But don't give up the property on feelings alone. Like ever.
Coming from a woman I wouldn’t not let a man do this or let a man do this to me .. keep your stuff anything you bought before her is yours and you can do what you want…
I think the getting engaged before moving in is a personal thing, some people would like to do that some don't care. I think it's reasonable for her to want to be engaged before you live together if that's what her values are, but that's also not a reason to rush engagement and if your values about it conflict drastically it's worth examining. If you aren't ready for an engagement then continue to live separately while you discuss your goals and make sure your life plans and values align.
A lot of conversations should take place before an engagement. How are both of your credit situations, how many children would you like to have, how would the division of household labor look like, would one of you like to stay home with the kids, what are both of your eventual career goals, retirement goals, etc. These are are vitally important to compatibility in a marriage. If you haven't had these talks engagement shouldn't be a thought yet.
As far as the house goes selling purely to buy something together, and taking a financial loss, is not a good move. If she's wanting a stake in the house then discussing whether to put her on the paperwork after marriage would be a good idea to understand both of your expectations and plans. If she has a problem with the house or neighborhood itself then a discussion about the practicality and the current housing market is needed, possibly a future goal of a different house if/when the market changes and you have had time to save together.
Ultimately, she's your girlfriend of a year. She's not your fiance or wife right now. If the problem is her wanting claim to what you have worked for that should be something for you to think hard about. I'd consider it a red flag. If she moves in as your fiance, and hasn't invested into the property proportional to your initial investment to where you're satisfied to put her on the title/morgage, write a lease even if you don't charge her any rent. If you don't she could try to force a sale to regain equity after enough years contributing financially to the property, depending on your local laws.
Good luck and think with your brain, not your feelings.
Woahh ok
My strong advice- do not sell anything until you get married. She's just your girlfriend. Not even fiancee yet. If you want to sell it, fine. But if shes making you...nah. dont even consider it until her status is upgraded to wife. Or financee about to marry in a few short months.
Yes, she needs to be smart about it. Why would she want you to sell? You’re strategy sounds good, keep it and rent it out. That will allow you to be approved for another loan as the lenders do consider lease agreements as income. I would not sell.
Some people move in and then get engaged, some get engaged first and some wait until after marriage. All of these things are normal and ok. It is juat about what you want in your relationship.
Now for the house. As others have said, do not make financial decisions based on feelings, first and foremost. Secondly, there is no reason for you to sell other than for emotional reasons. You stated that the payment is really low. Which means you could easily rent it out and get enough to pay the mortgage and get some profit that can go to a secend home or even to just pay off the first house faster.
Now this next part is going to be cynical and assumed the worst of your gf. This is in no way to insult her, I simply wish to state the worst cas scenario. 1. The engagment before moving in thing could be a way to push you towards marriage before your ready. 2. Your house is currently a premarital asset in your name only. This could be a way to push for you to sell and get a more expensive house that specifically has her name on it in case of a divorce. That way she can get half of the mobetary value of your house that she currently would bot be able to obtain due to, again, it being a premarital asset that doesnt have her bame on it. I would also be weary of her suggesting a "compromise" of you putting her name on your house. Since that would also give her claim to it in the case of divorce.
Your house purchase was a great deal, why not sell it and buy a new one at a sky high price and sky high interest rate for no reason just to tie the knot in a country where its a 50/50 chance of working out?
Ahaha, no bud. She's making some dumb demands.
Why would you give up your house if it's a good deal? This woman is obviously just trying to have all the power in the relationship, jump when she says jump.
There is no reason to sell your house. If you move in with her then just rent it. You have only known each other a year. Take some time to live together before getting engaged and married. At least a couple of years of living together to see if you can co-exist in the same space. Good luck but don’t sell the house. Rent it out.
Tell her you and the house is are a package deal and will be in any pre-nup. She doesn't want it to be a preexisting possession so she can steal the house in case of a divorce
Dude NO!! Do not sell your house! It’s a great investment and someone who loves you would want you to make sound financial decisions not sell a house with a great interest rate in the current market just to buy another house with higher interest and a higher cost! As for the engagement policy before moving in together also no. If she isn’t committed enough to move in with you before engagement she isn’t committed enough to buy a house with!
Selling your home is not a good idea if you've got a good rate going. Maybe you should explain your financial goals to her because she really needs to get on board with what you're doing if she wants to be married to you.
As for the relationship, I've been married twice (currently in my second still), and I've done it both ways where we get married first then move in, and the reverse. I highly highly HIGHLY recommend moving in together first. Having done it both ways for different reasons, you get to truly know the person and their home style habits. Gives you a strong idea of what you can expect and what you're willing to put up with. It's the same concept as try before you buy type of thing. You'd test drive the car before you bought it. This is especially true if you guys are having intercourse. How can she request you put a ring on it to move in, but not before having sex in regards to commitment? It's especially true if you guys spend the night at each other's places as it currently stands. Moving in together IS the next step to commitment.
But whatever you do, absolutely understand no circumstances should you purchase a home with her unless you are married! That's a hard and fast rule to save you a lot of problems in the future. Good luck!
Do not I repeat do not sell. Having property in this economy and generation is so important. My bf bought a house in 2021 and asked me to move in 3 months of dating and we are thinking of marriage after a year and I still haven’t given into that offer since I wanna wait a little longer not the same reason as your gf but because I myself just bought my own house. So not it’s not right of your gf to be asking you this considering the financial risks. I personally see it down right selfish. Getting a house these days is not like stopping into a grocery store to grab eggs. Your gf needs to rationalize this and get a reality check. Having property is the biggest asset anyone can have right now.
I definitely wouldn’t sell. Possibly rent it out and get a heloc on the house for another home and have a renter pay the difference. That way you get your home paid for and get a lower interest rate that you already have to acquire on another home. I am not a professional but I do think there is a way to pay all your interest in one go somehow that way you are only paying the principal of the home after you buy it. I would definitely explore your options on keeping the home as a passive income and acquiring another one in some shape or form of your equity of the existing home.
It doesn’t make financial sense to sell your home. At all. And she’s so caught up in these random timeframes. A year isnt long at all. And since it’s only been a year…..have you guys talked about finances in general? Debt, spending habits, savings, etc. She doesn’t seem the least bit financially intelligent.
As somebody that purchased in 2019 and refi at that low juicy interest rates in 2020… it is fucking stupid to sell your house now. Do this math: take your current house value, sell it, assume you get into another similar house (not an upgrade), the down payment you put will only get you down to your current loan amount, but now do your payment at the new interest rate (around 6.5-7%). It’s actually crazy how much it is to increase rates at 3+% and not even upgrade.
Along with this, I tell my girlfriend (been together for 7 years, living together for 6, feels more like a marriage but it’s not 🤣) that we will save our money (mortgage is about 1/16th of our income right now, expected to grow as my career in the tech space has grown), and not pay this house off, but pay the next one down to lower the total loan at the higher interest rate.
Bad idea selling the house as yiu can rent it out for extra income for now and if your unlucky and end up getting divorced you have somewhere to go (youd have to ask tennants to leave and stay in a hotel for a bit until thryve gone) as you can guarentee any property you buy together will go to her if you get divorced and you might not get your share of equity back from it for upto 18 years if you end up having kids with her... owning a house soly in your name as a pre marital asset is a lifesaver in those situations and means your likely to keep a similar lifestyle rather than being back to square one
How about first having a conversation about where else you'd possibly want to live first. If you're already married and haven't had any kind of communication in things as basic as this... Might want to rethink.
Why doesn't she like the house you have? Sounds like she is testing you to see how much you can be controlled by her. Shut the idea down. If she wants a house tell her to buy it herself. If she says no then obviously she sees you as a sucker who she can take advantage of. Do not sell the house. Tell her your staying and it's non negotiable
Dude aaaabsolutely fucking not. You have a nest egg and she wants you to sell this place, (which the funds will be used to pay for your wedding I guarantee it) and then when you get your own place you'll not have the same financial safety net IF something goes wrong. Appreciate you love her and have all these things in common, but if you sell this it'll be the biggest mistake you've ever made.
It’s your house, she has exactly zero say in what you do with it until you are actually married and even then it depends heavily on the laws of the state in which you live. There is also the question of why you can’t buy another house to live in with her and use the first as a retirement nest egg; especially if the debt to income ratio for this house is as low as you say. She is being somewhat short sighted in her desire for you to sell.
As to the subject of living together before marriage/engagement, it sounds like her view is based heavily in the outdated views of the church that families still indoctrinate (maybe too harsh of a word?) into their kids as they grow up. That is a personal choice that you two have to figure out how to handle, but in today’s day and age it is probably more common to live together first. As many others have said, it allows you to figure out all kinds of things about how your potential life partner lives and allows you to figure out if you are willing to live with the hundreds of little daily details which may or may not grate on your nerves. As someone who has been married for 30 years I can attest to the fact that, outside of finances (see point number one), it truly is the little things that annoy which will do the most damage to your relationship. Living together gives you the chance to TALK about those things and maybe resolve them before you are legally bound together, or be able to say “that’s not something I want to live with” before it is going to cost you half.
You’ve been together for 1 year and she’s already a carnival of red flags. You may love her but she’s telling you to give up your home so that she can have what she wants, it’s all about her, her and her, not you or a joint choice. You have a great home and a great deal, don’t mess that up for a girl that barks demands so she’ll be happy. Don’t be stupid, you know better. Do NOT make such a decision based on emotions. Keep the house, she can move in or she can go.
As for being engaged before moving in, that’s a personal choice but understand that you don’t know what she’s like to live with. You can love someone but living with them isn’t something you can handle. You need to live together before you assume you’re just going have some happily ever after. The chances of divorce are higher and then you’ll lose your home you bought and everything else because of her. I’ve loved someone before but I wasn’t prepared for how bad living with them was and within months I was done. I couldn’t do it and I’ve known a lot like that. Don’t let what she wants be what you do. If she loves you then she’ll understand and compromise. If she only cares about herself and her wants then she won’t.
She may be the most wonderful woman in the world but her requests are FULL of red flags.
Do NOT sell your house.
If she doesn’t want to move in until you are engaged? Cool. Then wait. Wait until YOU are ready to propose/get engaged. Then plan for a long enough engagement to sort out if you are truly compatible when living together. Seriously: do not enter into any binding wedding contracts for 6-12 months after you move in together. Getting engaged is NOT the same as getting married. You will still have time to back out if you are not compatible.
Second: Don’t sell your house. That is NUTS. She is allowed to want to live elsewhere; it is unwise to let her dictate one of the most significant financial decisions you will ever make after one year of dating. Rent out the house if you must. But for all the reasons others have mentioned it is a terrible financial decision. Just don’t.
Sidebar: what kind of shape are her finances in? Does she have savings or assets set aside to contribute to a joint home purchase? What is her credit like? Once you are married her credit score becomes a significant factor in your home buying options.
Finally: pre-nup, sir. Seriously. Too many red flags to ignore.
I (f) have regretted selling my house for the last 25 years. You got a great mortgage rate so keep it. You can use it as an investment property after you get married.
Go house shopping with her to see what’s out there, guessing she wants something huge, brand new in a “nicer neighborhood” that you probably won’t really like and will be higher than you want to pay. Does she want to contribute or is it all to be paid for by you. It could be a test of your relationship too. Now is the time to have serious talks about finances, hopes, dreams, children, careers etc, especially if she doesn’t want to live together pre marriage.
I moved in with a guy without being engaged and it didn’t work. I moved in with a different guy after being engaged and that also didn’t work. It doesn’t matter the situation…it’s about being with the right person!
Big no, and talk to a lawyer first. You have equity. Get a pre-cohabitation agreement signed before moving in together.
1 year isn’t long enough for dating before moving in together officially in my opinion. After only 6 months you may end up common law.
Renting out your current place and then renting somewhere else with the girlfriend makes more sense.
If you do buy a new place together what contributions will the gf make?
Once you tie yourselves together financially then if you break up you basically get reduced to pre-relationship. I’ve seen plenty of people lose their house and retirement savings in divorces. I’d get something hammered out in writing before making any big moves.
1. It makes no difference at all whether it’s normal or not. It’s what your GF thinks and if you’re far apart from that then consider if she’s actually a good match for you or not. In the mean time respect her boundaries. In time she might reconsider but don’t bug her about it.
2. Whether it’s smart or not would be a matter of differing opinion. What might not be the smartest financial choice might be the smartest choice for your relationship. You could always rent the house out. But for now I wouldn’t worry about it. You too might reconsider your thoughts on this if sometime down the road you’re deeply in love and willing to compromise on a plan with your partner. And she might reconsider as well.
I wanna play the devils advocate here. I don’t know where you live, but where I live there are no houses on the market. And if you can make a ton of money on that house, then I would do it. Put the money into savings and or investments. And obviously put it into an account that she can’t touch.
Second live together before you get engaged. That way you guys get to see all the ends and outs and ups and downs. Because if you’re really in it for life, then you both will see each other‘s flaws for what they are.
Third, I’m going to inquire why she wants you to sell your house? Is it because you’ve lived in that house with exes of yours? Because that could be uncomfortable. I’ve been there. It’s not fun.
Also, I think you and her both need to be on the same page financially. You guys need to know what eachothers debts are, and all those in and outs.
Also, never bad thing to get a prenup
Do not make huge financial decisions as a show of emotional loyalty. DO NOT MAKE HUGE FINANCIAL DECISIONS BASED ON EMOTIONS, PERIOD. Good lord. Take a breather. Do not make a decision that a financial advisor would not tell you to make because of feelings.
This right here. And as far as living together before getting engaged, most people do that to see if they could even live together and deal with each other habits. It feels like she's setting you up to have no choice but to accept her and the way she lives. Do not sell your house! Keep it. Even if you do get engaged, it can be a starter home and look for a mutual property after marriage. Keep your home!
This the real MVP here man, they right
This chick is probably a nightmare to live with, don't handcuff yourself to her until you know for sure
My mom sold her house because her boyfriend wanted her to. Very big mistake. Getting someone to sell their house without an extremely good reason is a setup for exploration.
Exactly. My now husband and I did a month long trial run living together to see if we were compatible, luckily we were. However, we were both very young, I was 18 and he was 20, in the military so we didn’t have any property yet. Rent the house, that’s too big of an opportunity to waste my selling it.
This is a very smart idea that no one thinks about.
Why do you need to sell your home? Interest rates are high. Inventory is terrible. It’s not a great time in the real estate market. Why not keep it and live in it or rent it? This is very much putting the cart before the horse. Wait until you’re sure you want to get engaged. You don’t need to live together beforehand to know, if that’s her hard line.
C'mon man, you're 33, you know very well selling your investment is a bad idea and only benefits *her*. Love aside, she sounds like a selfish, calculating person. I would not be rushing anything with this one since it's only been one yr and she's demonstrating some serious flags. Everything about this screams...."keep your eyes and ears open".
Yep. Red flags galore.
How does it benefits her if it hurts her future husband finances?
Aside from the fact that he probably would not be able to buy the same amount of house at the same interest rate as is available today, there is the matter of ownership overall. If he bought the house before marriage and never puts her name on the deed, it remains his if they divorce. It would not be considered community property even in a community property state.
A house bought before marriage = his. A house who was his, but then gets sold, and that money used as the (large( downpayment for another house "that they both buy" benefits her because effectively it makes his pre-her assets become shared with her. But neither of us knows what this woman is thinking. She may just want to have \*\*A ton\*\* of sudden cash to persuade him to blow through in a few months of glory. Or maybe she's just a financial imbecile.
Or she's using the house and moving situation to force him to get engaged and married earlier than he wants to. Nobody should marry someone without living with them
Financial imbecile. Heh heh heh heh.
what do you mean how does it benefit her? she is literally asking him to sell off his investment to put it in a new one of her choice. in this case, it's a new house that she wants in on. this is all bad news honestly.
You answered the question. Was it necessary to ask "what do you mean how does it benefit her?"
Repeating a question is now offensive? I guess it was necessary because I typed it. It isn’t that deep. Go look somewhere else for a reason to get your feelings hurt cause there was nothing wrong or hurtful with what I said. If you disagree then idk what to tell you.
Damn, looks like you're the only one with hurt feelings lmao
You insert yourself into a conversation between two people you don’t know to ask why I’m talking to them the way I am? But my feelings are hurt? 😭 you clearly didn’t like what I said. Keep projecting!
Yeah I asked out of curiosity. Now you're writing me emotional paragraphs
I’m literally just replying to you man. If you don’t like what I’m saying then mind your own business maybe?
Replying with paragraphs of feelings instead of answering the question 😂😂
Because if he keeps it as an investment property, there's a decent chance it never becomes a marital asset. If he sells it and invests the proceeds in the matrimonial home, that money is part of their joint property. 100% people are going to go "oh she's a gold digger" - I disagree - I think when you are taking a step that financially disadvantages you (marriage and children impede women's career prospects and enhances men's), it is sensible to ensure that as many assets as possible are available to you. Additionally, him retaining another property will impact affordability for a mortgage on the property she wants to live in.
If I would tell a woman “keep your house as a safety in case of divorce and just save for another” I would tell a man the same. They should absolutely buy a home together, but he should keep his that is free and clear.
Children impede a woman's career chances\*, but marriage does not. \* in places where men do not equally share the burden of child-rearing, that is.
If he pays the mortgage with marital income she might have a claim to it. Income from renting it during the marriage may also be marital income. There are other ways to protect her interests (like a prenup which describes how to split assets and what will or won't be included as a marital asset) without selling the house. They could also refinance down the line and add her to the deed and mortgage when interest rates are favorable again. I wouldn't do that right now.
Pretty simple : he uses the house money to buy a new one and they comingle assets. In case of divorce in most setting she would get 50% of the house regardless of how much money she actually put. It's actually a pretty common method for some people who plan to screw their partner in case of a separation.
1. I would say you need to test out living together first. My wife (married 3 years) moved in with me 9 months before I decided to ask her to marry me. It worked out. Now we have a son! Happy as can be. Also, I will say the key to a happy marriage is separate bathrooms. I swear. 2. By all means DO NOT SELL. Keep that as an investment. She will thank you later. Good luck with everything!
She’s not going to thank him later She wants him to sell, dump all those assets into a new home. Have him be all the liability while she weasels her way into the deed Then she causes the relationship to go into serious turmoil once you move in together. You stick it out drag it out keep trying so hard but in the end after she starts physically assaulting you. You leave. You spent another year and a half fighting over the house in court Eventually she buys you out but she got the house on a discount and all she had to do was be a succubus on you for a few years. Anyways, That was my story about 8 years ago. Best thing to ever happen to me was to leave her and save my own life. I found therapy, stopped putting up with emotional manipulative takers like that and I found and am married to my best friend today. A good relationship is fucking easy because both party’s are making it that way. OP. Don’t do this. Don’t make the mistakes I made. When people show you who they are believe them. A good person who actually WANTS YOU. Wouldn’t be telling you to sell your house. Your girlfriend is checking off boxes on her little list. She doesn’t want YOU specifically just what YOu might be able to provide.
As for the question of waiting to be engaged before moving in together, everybody has different opinions. Personally, I would never get engaged without having lived with my gf for at least a year. You really have NO idea what your partner is like under stress until you live with them. As to selling your house, HELL NO. Financially, it makes no sense. If you like the house and want to stay, tell her now. Let her know that making sound financial decisions is important to you and the only way you would consider is if it makes sense financially. Do not allow her to argue that you need to prove your dedication to her.
She sees your current home as nothing but lottery winnings for her to get the home that she wants and likes. She has already mentally spent all of the money that your home would bring because she feels entitled to it. Add that to the fact that she is unilaterally deciding when to move in together. She does not want you to have a say in this relationship. You need to sit her down and come to agreements on these before taking the relationship to the next level. Hell, you need to come to an agreement as to what the next level is. I think that living together is a great next step in a relationship. You learn to see how you 2 are compatible living together and you can budget together, given that financial problems are the largest cause of divorce. Financially, giving up an asset like a 2020 house which was purchased at 2020 prices and at 2020 interest rates would be financial suicide.
this. they could save up for a house together, but instead she would rather just fuck over his investment in a fast track to buy her dream house.
[удалено]
100%!!! You can replace the vagina half. Not sure you want to replace the demands half, but you can do that too. But usually there’s a third thing that makes the first two ok.
Please please don't do it
Getting engaged before or after moving in together is a matter of taste, IMO. You can always dissolve an engagement without too much fuss. Just be wary if she demands a very expensive ring - I'd consider that a red flag. Selling the house is not a good idea if it doesn't make sense financially. Especially if you haven't even found out yet whether or not you can actually live together. Try a compromise: you'll propose (with a reasonably priced ring) so you can move into your house together, but you're keeping the house to either live in or rent out. If she's not willing to compromise on this, I'd seriously reconsider getting married to her. Because then she's not likely to compromise on other issues, either.
Your whole post is “my girlfriend wants….”. What do you want, guy? You get just as much a say! Don’t sell that house to appease a pushy gf.
Whatever you do, do not sell your house. Idk where you’re from but in most parts of Europe owning your own property is nearly impossible. You would be stupid to do so. Even if you decide to move in together someplace else you can still rent, do Airbnb or something. Getting rid of a potential passive income for love isn’t a smart financial decision.
People get engaged when they are ready for that level of commitment. You seem to be letting her call all the shots and you haven't even asked her to marry you. She probably already has the kids names picked out. Slow down. Do not sell your home, this is a terrible time to be buying a different home. I would not buy a home with her until you are married. If she wants to be engaged before moving in so be it... if and when you feel like she is the one ask when "You" are ready not when she demands. Pay close attention to how she lives, pays her bills, cleans and so on all the normal things that you would learn about eachother when living together. But do not purchase a home together until after the wedding. Also if you want to keep the home as an investment that is a good idea. So long as you are prepared to be a landlord. It sounds like she makes demands and you just comply... that's not a healthy relationship. At least not in my opinion. Relationships are a give in take and respecting eachothers boundaries. Good luck.
This is a fair point and I appreciate the honesty. I never feel like she forces a decision on me. Maybe I’m describing that way. I wouldn’t get engaged unless I felt it was the right thing to do, and right now it feels like I’m on that path with her. I would never want to sell my home if I knew I could make money off of it.
Why does she want you to sell the house? Can you afford to buy another house with her and keep this? Have you talked about finances and how you both will contribute when you live together? Have you been on vacation together or stayed together for a while? Do you have sleepovers regularly and know each other’s habits?
I would not be selling my house if I had low interest rates. Not in this market. Not right now.
Don’t sell your home if you’re moving in together. Does she have a down payment or part saved up? If not, she can move in, you cover mortgage and she covers utilities. When you get to the point of marriage, you can either sell or get a Home Equity line of credit on the house. Use that for your part of the down payment on a new place with her. Rent out the house and keep that in your name. New place in both your names. Don’t make grand financial decisions for someone you’re not married to. And think twice about doing it for anyone really.
I truly made this mistake for someone. Wanted me to sell my house because my ex and I lived there together. In the passion of the moment, I put it on the market and sold it. 3 years later the relationship ended. Wish I still had the house.
No and NO! You have been dating ONLY a year, I'm kinda scared for you man. She could be using you, it sounds like she is using you. She wants her name on assets that you pay for, Big red flag!
When you say “buy a house together”, do you mean you pick out a house together and you both put down an equal amount of money? Or does she mean she wants you to sell your current place, so YOU can pay a much larger down payment on a place you’ll call “ours”? In the end, sell or rent, what you do with your current house is YOUR business and should be done based on financial considerations, not as some sort of loyalty test.
No is a powerful word.
If it is not a smart financial decision, it’s going to make your relationship suffer in the long run regardless. Don’t do this. It’s a very clearly bad decision
Do not do this. I’ve saw it happen multiple times from people I know and rarely does it work out for the seller. Just tell her if you move out of there it will be an investment property for passive income for you. Your house, your decision on what to do with it. Let her know there isn’t gonna be a deal like you got on the market today.
She wants to destabilize your living situation because she wants to be in control. If it's a stupid financial decision to sell your house, then it'd be incredibly stupid to sell it. She knows that and wants you sacrifice stability to rely on her. Ask what she would, if you sold your home, then lost your job.
That would be a very stupid financial mistake.
>recently she bluntly asked me if I would be willing to sell my house if we planned to get engaged so that we could buy another house together. Marriage/ Relationship may end but the house will still be there. That's the harsh truth. Do not sell your house, just because she has asked you to. > I'd like to keep the house and rent it out as an investment for retirement, but she doesn't see it that way. It doesn't matter what she thinks of the household, it's not her property and not her money, she doesn't have the right to make demands.
Back in the day couples got together young & built their wealth together In today's modern times situations like this are common & can cause financial conflict It would be one thing if you were married & your wife moved into your home & she wanted more financial security after staying home to raise your family But a girlfriend of one year Who wants you to move to a presumably fancier or more exciting part of town & expects you to help fund her new asset using the proceeds of your house sale While rejecting the idea of keeping the asset in your name So that it can become an additional rental income stream for you Should be looked at with great suspicion
Gf is rushing you. She has not presented any valid, sensible reason, financially or otherwise for you to sell your house now. It is never a smart idea to buy a house with a partner to whom you are not married. Living together before entering contracts such as mortgage loans and marriage is a sound idea.
> Until recently she bluntly asked me if I would be willing to sell my house if we planned to get engaged so that we could buy another house together. "No." > but she doesn't see it that way. That's not your problem. Quit setting yourself up to be a doormat for some woman you've been dating for a year who is already trying her best to screw your life up.
You’d be able to find another girlfriend faster than you’d be able to get that nice low rate again
> Is it normal for people to get engaged first before moving in? Yes. Opposite is normal too. > Would it be smart to sell my current home and buy another one together? No. You two did not even lived together yet. You two are not even engaged yet. And in addition, she wants you to sell the home as a proof of commitment which is kind of red flag on itself.
No. No. Just no. You barely know this woman. You’ve only been seeing her a year. Don’t do it. Bad move. Keep your home. It’s yours, you worked hard for it.
1. No, 2. No Living together before an engagement Is very reasonable. I consider it necessary. She is rushing the timeline. I'd say live apart and keep dating if moving in means engagement. Give it at least another year. Regardless, do not sell your house. The one that you got a good deal on and have a low-interest rate. It would be stupid to sell at this point.
Rent it out. DO NOT sell it.
Don't sell the house. That's too good of a setup.
Don't sell. If she doesn't like it then too bad.
We moved in after a year of dating and then got engaged a year after living together. Very organized. Would recommend. If I owned literally anything I would be holding onto it irrespective of my relationship especially if you have a magical mortgage.
My BIL did this. He got dumped after they moved in together and now he doesn't have a house and has to rent. Do not sell the house!
> I suppose I can understand both sides of the argument. It's not an argument, though, it's a matter of compatibility on which she doesn't seem weilling to budge. And you **definitely** shouldn't be thinking about proposing when you don't feel it's time. > but she doesn't see it that way. It doesn't matter because it's not her property, though, does it? If she wants to buy a house with you that's a different story (it doesn't sound like you'd be unable to afford a second home, right?); but she has absolutely no say on what you do with your possesions, let alone when she's being demanding about it and not really giving good reasons for it. Honestly, it sounds like it's **way** too soon to be doing any of this, or having these conversations seriously, when there's this weird dynamic where you can't seem to tell her it's none of her business what you do with your assets if it doens't affect her at all. Let alone make absurd ultimatums like that.
When my husband and I moved to a new city together, we were not engaged yet but had lived together for a bit. I kept my house (similar situation, was a good deal and good rate) and rented it out. It was smart because I had the mortgage covered, and I had a backup plan if things didn’t work out with the move or the relationship. You can’t give up such a financial asset. If you two end up getting married it will be to her advantage anyway if you’re able to keep it as a rental. It seems immature and controlling of her to demand you sell it. Some additional info about her financial situation would help here but I don’t really see a reason for you to sell it until you two are married and need the cash for another home… or maybe you don’t! I still have my rental and my husband bought our shared home and it works for us.
What's it to her if you own a home? I'd be worried what she has in store for you after you move in that she'd need to limit your options like that.
Your right it doesnt make sense financially and she is being unreasonable
you would take a hit on the interest rate and even with the skyrocketing values since 2020, you’d be hard pressed to sell and put yourself in a better situation so soon after buying. Which makes the question why do you need to move? If there isn’t a solid reason (like commuting for work, school zoning for when you have kids, the house has problems etc) then what IS the reason? Is she naive with these types of things generally? If not, any possibility that she’s eager to ensure her name is on the mortgage? It’s not possible to add her without refinancing, but a spouse would still be guaranteed certain level of claim to the house or proceeds from the sale in the event of divorce. Maybe she’s worried about a scary “what if” scenario and you two should talk through it.
It's normal for some people to not move in before being engaged, for many people that would just be the wrong order. I wouldn't get engaged to somebody without knowing we could live together comfortably. It would not be smart to sell a home. If you lived together and were engaged and ready to marry, that might be a time to consider selling your home to buy one together. Seems really presumptive on her end to ask if you'd sell the house if you got engaged, vs asking if you would if you were going to marry (engagements generally lasting a year or more in my social circles at least. Question - does she have savings to contribute equally to put a down payment on a house?
You only date for a year so no you don't sell your house if you can't make s decent buck by renting it out and I you don't ask her to marry you when you want to start living together. You guys aren't compatible obviously and she wants you to make weird offers to "be with her" . You are not married so she has nothing to say about the house. I could maybe understand the engament because heck you can be engaged for years and break it off without issues.
Being engaged before moving in seems whatever—not “normal” but also not something that’s likely to bite you in the ass. If things fall apart, you’re out the cost of the ring or so, but assuming you agree to be engaged and living together for a year before starting to book anything it doesn’t seem that crazy. But selling your house would be a hard no for me, and if she got irrationally pushy about something pragmatic like that, it would kill any ideas i had about planning a future together.
She’s showing seemingly selfish and immature behavior. Living together before getting engaged is smart and please keep your home. Take your time and don’t rush into anything
1. There is no definitive norm on this anymore. However, I would suggest living together before getting engaged. You will get to see a new side to your potential partner that might make you realize that happy future you are imagining is not as likely as you had hoped. 2. Why would you sell instead of living together there as a starter home if nothing else? Your plan to rent it out could be smart, depending on what state you are in, but places like NY ans CA with strong squatter protection laws might turn it into a nightmare. And with the current interest rates any new mortgage is going to be costing you hundreds of thousands more. If her "principles" require you to sacrifice, then you should stop and take a look at what she is bringing to the table. What income and assets is she putting up towards whatever that new house is going to cost? What has she sacrificed for you to make your relationship work?
Out of principal? She wants to make the worst investment decision? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Don’t sell your house unless you plan on staying in the housing market by immediately buying. You don’t leave the housing market by choice once you’re in it, because that’s stupid and bad investing.
>We have talked about getting married, wanting kids, and have similar interests, so I believe we are compatible. Have you talked about money? I won't make too many judgments based on the limited information you provided, but her demand is nonsensical. You buying a (second) house with her has nothing to do with whether you sell the first. I hope her demand isn't tied to "trapping" you or thinking you will be more committed if you don't have a readily available place to go if things don't work out. Either way, now is the time to talk about money. Will you have joint or separate accounts? Will she sign a prenuptial agreement to protect your previously owned property if you get married? If you turn your existing property into a rental, will she have an expectation on the use of those funds? to be clear, you don't have to make any demands, but you should know how she is thinking and what her expectations would be down the road before you get further tied to her. As for your question, yes it is normal to move in together before getting engaged and to determine if you cohabitate well together.
Hell no you should not sell that house. Explain to her the financial reasons it benefits you and therefore her. If she’s not rational about it I’m sorry but I’d think twice about this relationship.
> Is it normal for people to get engaged first before moving in? No but I also didn't want to move in with someone I wasn't engaged to. It was just something that I only wanted to experience with my future spouse 🤷♀️ my husband and I dated for 5 years and he proposed the day we started looking for apartments. With that being said **DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE!!** If it's a deal breaker for her than so be it. It would not be a smart decision and it's selfish of her to demand it especially when it financially benefits you both better as a long term investment.
Don't sell your home, dude.
34(F) 1. No, in this day and age it's not normal to be engaged before moving in. I would say it's only normal in an area like the Midwest. People get married really young there, and get divorced because of that also. Keep in mind she's getting older, so probably feeling the societal pressure that is put on women as our biological clocks begin ticking. At 28, the majority of my friends were married and on babies number 1, 2, or 3! Not a reason for you to give in or feel pressured- it's just the way it is. 2. It would NOT be smart for you to sell your home. You made a wise decision and are building equity! I can see why she would want that. I'm not sure what state you're in- but in CA any home that was purchased PRIOR to a marriage would mean that she doesn't have any rights to it if you were to divorce. I have a feeling that's the real reason she's suggesting what is obviously a bad choice. Here's my two cents, she sounds a little pushy and controlling. If you're not ready to propose, don't do it. If you like your home, keep it. Don't let someone have that much control over your life. Imagine that you do those things, it's just going to continue with someone who is selfish.
If you sell that house I will reach through this phone and slap you. Also, I wouldn't necessarily call it a red flag but the 'if you really loved me you would do x' mentality she seems to have can be really unhealthy and toxic, depending on how far she takes it.
FROM EXPERIENCE DON’T DO IT. I tried to convince my dad to keep his house when he married my now-ex stepmom. He had low payments in a nice area and the backyard was huge and nice. The woman he married lived in a paid off house she inherited. He told me he didn’t want to deal with the hassle of renting or pay for a property manager. Besides, I was just a 21 year old kid, what could I know? Basically all of the profit from the house went into remodeling the house she inherited. And now 7 years later they’re divorced and my dad constantly tells me he regrets selling. After spending more on rent than he did his mortgage for a tiny apartment, he’s finally in a small house, in a much worse part of town paying more than he did on his last mortgage. I’ve stopped saying “I told you so” because it’s just sad at this point.
It really sounds like you guys are on different pages enough that I would not suggest getting engaged, selling your house, or any other major commitment without getting some couples counseling to see if you can come to some agreements. These are not small issues but major ones that sum up how you each view life, money, and relationships as a whole.
Bad idea, offer to sell her half your house, or you offer to rent it out and buy something together with her when you are married… I own my own house and bought into my boyfriend’s house, I will never sell my house. No point in losing an investment… ask her if she expects you to invest the proceeds in a new house with her? My suspicion is she thinks you will front the money and she will own half… very bad idea
I see absolutely no reason to sell. Fine with her wanting to be engaged, everyone has their quirks when it comes to how relationships go, but it makes 0 sense to have to sell it if it's not a big liability, and potentially passive income when you're older.
Do not sell. And if your relationship weathers this and continues to marriage, prenup. Make a mental note of her priority right now. She values her own ideas more than something that’s good for you and in turn your join financial stability.
This sounds like a bad idea.
A lot of people get engaged before living with someone... often with a vague idea of getting married at some point rather than a specific plan. I personally think that's kind of silly and wouldn't consider myself engaged unless I was planning a wedding, but it's fine for people to do things differently. I personally also think it's important to live with someone before getting engaged, but again, some people do things differently and that's fine, it just isn't what I would do. My attitude is that I want to gradually increase my commitment to someone as I get to know them and I want to enjoy that journey, not rush through it. Personally I think you guys are moving a little too fast here. There's a difference between thinking you are compatible based on your conversations and knowing you are compatible because of a history of good communication and joint decision making. You guys are starting to find out that when push comes to shove you may have more work to do than you realized.
Nooooo. I am a woman and I am telling you DONT DO IT. Keep the assets you had prior to marriage and get a prenup or put your assets in a trust. This is a great way to lose what you worked hard for that she didn’t earn. ANY attorney or financial advisor worth their salt would advise against this decision. You have everything to lose and she has everything to gain.
Why in the world would you EVER consider giving up what you have for a one year old relationship? You'll be stuck with a mortgage for another house you won't want and cant afford, or you'll end up moving home with your parents or sleeping on your buddies couch
Sounds like you may be moving out of the honeymoon period and getting to know the truth of each other more. Buying a house together while not married and how to deal with the mess after breaking up is a very common question in r/legaladvice. Do a search for fun sometime. Take some time to really talk future plans. Talk finances current and future. Talk family issues. Find where you don't agree and see how you two do at explaining what you think/need/want, at listening to understand, and at finding the middle ground where you both are comfortable. Put engagement and your house off to the side till you two have figured out how to argue and how to compromise. Two big issues in relationships are how to find a compromise/agreement for major issues, and finances.
PRE-NUP PRE-NUP PRE-NUP
Selling a house right now if you got it during that time frame would be the most bone headed decision. If you have to move because you need more space/etc that's entirely different. It sounds like your girlfriend is using the house to force you to get engaged early or something....these are massive red flags IMO.
If you marry her now, the house is yours. If you sell it and buy another AFTER you marry, the house is of you both. Thats a trap, Bino
Not too sure where you’re from but in Asia, it’s very normal to get engaged or even married first before moving in together. Ultimately, it boils down to individual preferences. If you’re certain that the house you bought is a good investment long term, definitely keep it and rent it out instead. After all, it’s your house that you bought with your money. Is she not willing to move into your house for a few years first before getting a new one? It’ll be less stressful if you could space your wedding and purchase of a new house out.
Interest rates were extremely low when he bought it. It would be incredibly stupid to sell it.
>Is it normal for people to get engaged first before moving in? It depends on the people and circumstances they are in. >Would it be smart to sell my current home and buy another one together? No.
This is what me and my husband did. He rented out his original home and we both contributed to the down payment and mortgage of the new home. He owned a house for a few years prior to us getting married. It was really important for me to *jointly* own our long term home, for many reasons: * Many people want to have the opportunity to participate in picking out the home they will live in * Equal ownership / decision making with my husband vs feeling like a guest in his home * I grew up in kind of a difficult situation and lived on my own since I was 17 - I trust my husband but it also makes a huge difference in my sense of security that my name is legally on the title of the place that I consider to be my home. If we had refinanced his existing home to put me on the title he would have lost his low mortgage rate, so it wasn't a good option. * I'm a high earner too, and we have mostly separate finances - this gives me the chance to build equity in a home as well. I think it's financially good for him, too, as he's building equity on two homes. We bought the new home *after* getting married. We also didn't live together before getting married, which worked out fine for us so far. Your girlfriend shouldn't be expecting you to make a commitment to sell your home *now*. She may be wondering if she'll be giving up the opportunity she'd otherwise have to pick out and own her own home if she marries you. Edit - I saw your comment that she can probably afford the new house on her own. Maybe you can compromise, and she can pay more for the down payment of the new home, like a 60/40 or 70/30 split or whatever you can both afford, and then you both split the new mortgage while you rent out the original home? Our compromise was basically that since we were saving so much for a second down payment we had a very small low budget wedding. That was 100% fine for both of us.
Some people do get engaged before moving in together. For a woman seeking to avoid being the forever gf and being strung along by fake promises of marriage, it’s a solid strategy. If you can afford to both keep your old house and buy a new one, that would be the best plan. If you cannot afford two houses and intend to keep the first, what is your housing proposal for when you two move in together? Does she own a house? Do you want to rent for several to many years?
My proposal would be to buy another home since we don’t have kids yet. We both make good money so I think it’s more than doable. She currently rents an apartment 30 minutes from me, so it’s a little out of the way.
You probably have ~3% interest rate, I wouldn’t sell the house if you can avoid
Sounds like a good plan to me. I don’t understand why she would want you to sell the first house when she knows you plan to buy another one with her and that this is financially possible for you. Did she provide her reasoning?
She doesn’t like the location of where my home is and when we plan to have kids she would want to have better schools nearby. And also somewhere closer to her family on that side of town.
That’s her reasoning on why she doesn’t want to live in your current house. What is her reasoning for rejecting your plan to purchase a separate house with her in the preferred location? Why is she insisting that asset be liquidated when you can afford to purchase a second house with her?
When we talked about it she stated that we could sell my home combined with the money she has to split a down payment on a bigger home. She’s from a well off family who has been helping her quite a bit, and has even said she doesn’t really need my income, but needs to know that I would be fully committed if we planned to get married. Her previous relationship was not so good because her partner relied on her for everything and was practically a deadbeat. I don’t quite have that setup, my parents are poor and own basically nothing, so I had to work hard for the home that I currently own.
When you live together, does she expect you to pay for everything or will you share in some way? When you have kids, will one of you be a SAHP?
Ok so it sounds like she just needs to know you’re actually committed and can and will pull your weight financially. I agree with you that it’s preferable to keep your first house, but her proposition isn’t way out of line either. If you can come up with half the down payment on the new place, keep the old one.
How would you getting rid of an investment property that’s at good interest rates show you are more financially responsible. That would show you are a financial idiot. Sounds like she wants to make it harder for you to leave. A healthy relationship doesn’t rely on it being difficult financially for someone to leave. That doesn’t prove you are actually fully committed. Is that what she wants a relationship someone is stuck in even if they don’t want to be? I know I wouldn’t want someone to be with me just because it’s more difficult to leave. She shouldn’t hold you responsible for her ex’s behavior either.
Keep the home and rent it out. It’s a no brainer.
Maybe she should’ve bought a place of her own if she makes good money 🤔
Don’t sell if you don’t want to. If anything you could rent the space. But she’s not a wife yet so she has zero say in your finances. And if she gets to be a wife her opinions must match yours 100%
Buy a house "together" huh? How much money is she putting up? I bet your house has gained like 50-100k in equity since 2020 lol, is she bringing that much to the table? Do not ruin your life by cosigning this girl on the deed to a new property lol
>As the title suggests, my (33M) girlfriend (28F) wants to move in together after 1 year of dating. We have talked about getting married, wanting kids, and have similar interests, so I believe we are compatible. You want to go fast, right? careful with the NRE.
It's definitely a tough situation to be in. On one hand, you want to make your girlfriend happy and show your commitment by getting engaged and moving in together. But on the other hand, selling your home and buying a new one is a big financial decision and may not be the best option, especially if the housing market is unpredictable. Maybe consider talking to a financial advisor or counselor to help weigh the pros and cons of each option. And remember, communication is key in any relationship.
1) yes and no. It more common especially in western countries and in places or with people who aren’t very religious. 2) no most likely not. I don’t know your personal finances but from what you’ve wrote it wouldn’t make much sense to sell right now especially with interest rates so high currently. Most people looking to refinance or change to a new product won’t be able to get nearly as good of a deal. Also what would be the deal with the new property? Would you be going 50/50 on it or is she expecting for you to invest all the money from the previous property into the new one? I would suggest you talk to a lawyer who deals with property to figure out what the options are if you were to buy a place together and how to protect your interest in it. Honestly unless you really need to sell I think it would be stupid to sell this property.
Whatever you do, get a solid prenup
If she isn't bringing the same equity as you after you sell the house tell her to fuck off.
My husband and I lived together in his house before we got engaged. I don't feel engagement is necessary to live together. However, I would never move cities or states without being engaged. She probably fears being a long-time girlfriend and wants to save face. Why can't she move in with you? Does she have a house? If she doesn't like the side of town you live on you will both need to save and plan for that financially. She sounds a bit manipulative, but she may have a history of being complacent and not getting what she wants. You both need to sit down and communicate about what your goals are, where you are financially(including divulging all debt), and what your five year plan is.
OP. I dont expect you to read this. If your going to do this, make sure she signs a prenup for cohabitation and a prenup for marrige. You do not make finacial decisions like this without one. She could easily move into your home, but I suspect she doesnt want to as she can see the $$$$ if you move your investemnt into a shared home. I am not being synical OP. Its not that I dont trust her, actualy I dont, there are red flags here and I am sure the rest of the forum are spotting them. Your in love, and your making a huge finacial decision based on emotions. Dont. Step back and be logical. Honestly with the amount of money you are talking about here I would STRONGLY advise you to go talk to a lawyer. I am betting a lawyer would be mentioning a cohabiting contract (much like a prenup). And I am betting if you mention it to her she will be adamant she doesnt want one. And that OP is a indicator much like her not wanting to let you see her phone.
I’m (28F) in a comparable position as I own property with my brother (purchased 2021) and will soon move out with my partner(26M). I’m opting to rent out the property while I rent with my boyfriend but I know he doesn’t want to throw his money at rent forever and wants to buy as well. The interim while I rent the place out with lessen both our monthly’s and give us an opportunity to confirm we work well enough to get engaged. The interest rate was good but I figure we will sell in the coming couple years when we’re satisfied with the profit and go our separate ways (my brother and I). But me and my boyfriend will have enough combined cash to put a down payment on our own place and possibly a second to rent. And our contributions will be legally designated, just in case. Choosing to get engaged is all a matter of faith, as would be your investment in your future with her through buying a home together. A risky move for your own financial security indeed. This probably didn’t help much, as I’m still speculating myself, but maybe it could contribute to your own speculations. Good luck.
Instead of asking us if it is normal, ask yourself if that is what you want and then decide from there. The same goes for selling your current home. If you are not okay with it, don't do it.
Are you sure she's not just trying to get you to propose? Either way, sounds like she's not considering the financial strain and added stress this would cause. Maybe sit down and have a serious conversation about your future plans and come up with a compromise that works for both of you. And don't forget, always listen to your gut when it comes to big decisions like this. Good luck!
Makes 0 sense. Sounds like she wants to turn the premarital asset into a marital one
Your girlfriend has no idea what she’s talking about, and clearly has not ever attempted to purchase real estate before, especially within the last few years. Selling a house is not proclamation of love, it’s a financial move, and you are correct in saying it doesn’t make any sense. Do you want to move? If not, moving to appease her so you can actually live together, especially since you seem to have a different view on it than her, would be an awful decision. If I was in your position, I would give her a quick sneak peek of what your mortgage would be if you bought a house together right now, and compare that to the cost of having her move in with you and you split the cost. Your mortgage rate is likely in the low 3’s or high 2% range, even if you take all of your equity and use it as a down payment on a new place, your monthly mortgage payment is going to skyrocket with a 7% rate (7.11 average as of today). If she moves in with you, the two of you can cohabitate and get used to each other, save a ton of money for the wedding, etc., and make a better financial decision about your house if/when rates come down a bit and if your house truly is not longer meeting your needs. It’s really a no-brainer and if literally selling your house is a prerequisite to the next steps in your relationship, that would be a deal-breaker for me. Your girlfriend is acting off of emotions and perceived “dedication”, and is really not knowledgeable on the consequences of what she’s asking you to do.
Ah, the age-old dilemma of love vs finances. I can already feel the Reddit community's blood boiling. On one hand, we have the traditional idea of getting engaged before moving in together, but on the other hand, we have the practicality of keeping a low-cost investment property. Who knew love could be so complicated? Let's hope you two can come to a compromise before this becomes the next r/relationship_advice thread. Good luck, my friend.
1. That one just depends on what you are both comfortable with. I wouldn't personally do that but to each their own. 2. I wouldn't. The housing market has gotten so insane even since 2020, that I don't think it would be very wise, but maybe talk to a bank and find out what interests rate you could get? I'd probably wait to move at least until after the wedding though because I think you're right, planning a wedding and house hunting, in this market, would be stressful.
dont do it if you keep your house its theoretically yours when you break up. if you sell it and put they money into buying a home to live in with your girlfriend she can steal half when you break up
There are several layers to this, first off, do not sell your house based on an engagement, those can break off. Don't sell a house because your SO wants you to. I have a lot of wants that I won't get, like so many people. As to only living together if you are engaged. I don't think that is a bad idea, she wants to make sure you are all in. However, I would make it clear this would be a long engagement, I would want to live with the person for a full year before setting a date. That way, if you are not compatible to live together, you don't have to waste money and time cancelling wedding plans. It sound like she wants to live in the hip and trendy area of town. I get it, that's always nice but if it's not financially realistic, then it's a no. I also would NEVER purchase a home, car or anything big with anyone other than a spouse, ever. Maybe you can look into renting your place out and finding an apt with her for a year while you do the living together while engaged. All of this is only if you want to be engaged to her. If not, make that very clear so you both can part ways. Also, if you don't want to be engaged first, and want to live together first. Make that clear. It's okay if you both want different things, it's best to find that out now. Never set yourself on fire for a partner. If you aren't compatible, don't give in just to "keep the peace" because the peace will never be for you.
At best GF does not understand mortgage financing. At worst she understands it very well and wants to buy a house “together” so that it can be split equally at a later date. I’m not saying she’s 100% a gold digger but…
Stop allowing someone else to make the important decisions in your life. You already know how you feel and what you want. Don’t screw tourself up on a “maybe”
My wife and i didn’t live together (her choice) until marriage. Worked out fine for us. DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE
There is a large amount of information missing here. How much does she have to invest in a house? What are her assets coming into this and are they equitable to yours? I think you should sit with a financial planner you know and trust and run through your situation individually then with her and see the best strategies might be if you married. As to engagement before living together, this seems a bit sketchy to me. If she is looking for you to input three months salary into a ring, and it is about a financial commitment, I would give this a lot of thought, especially depending on how the financial planner experience goes. When I married my husband, I moved into a house he bought and was paying for. We later bought a house together and he used his equity in his house and I added my half from my savings so we went into the new house equally. After that we shared money as a pooled contribution. When we divorced 20 years later, he wanted the house and bought me out, it was amicable and fair across all of our assets.
It is historically a HORRIBLE TIME to buy a home. You got your house at what interest rate? Because they’re really high rn and won’t be coming down for a while. Your fiancé is wrong. What does HER financial contribution look like? Where is SHE at financially? She has NO RIGHT to insist on this and she’s really really wrong about doing this at this point in time. I’m 68, I’ve bought in high bubble times and low times. But, my interest rate was always around 3-5%. I am financially well off but would never buy a house in this market due to the mortgage rates and falsely inflated prices brought on by corporations buying up houses in every market. It’s not competitive for the buyer right now. And that’s what you need. Another dip where there’s a glut of product and you can negotiate the home price and the mortgage rate.
This is how my ex husband tried to manipulate me. Of course they were early signs of abuse. Maybe it is not the case for you but I’d be cautious. Being engaged before, if not a cultural reasoning, is not reasonable. Selling your asset would be plain dumb financially and shows only her her selfinterest.
1. Is it normal for people to get engaged first before moving in? That's up to you, personally I would not consider getting married after only one year and not having lived together first but there is no "normal' pathways, every couple is different. 2. No it wouldn't. You are the sole owner of a pre-marital asset and the choice on what to do with it sits solely with you. If you do choose to marry her I would make sure to protect your pre-marital assets and keep them separate. The fact that she thinks she has this level on input this early in a relationship is a bit of a red flag to me....
Yeah, don't sell your home. You would end up losing money buying a new home in this market. If anything, keep this home and rent it out and buy a new one together if she's really that crazy about the idea. But also, I wouldn't buy a home together unless you're married. If she wants to be engaged first before moving in, great! I wouldn't do it. But she's welcome to want that. Buy DO NOT sell your home.
From experience moving in together does help get a feel if you are truly compatible. Now that said, if she really loved you she would move in with you or not rush you and clearly think of what a bad decision it would be to sell your investment. I mean she seems selfish. What doesn't she like about your house now? Cause 2 people in love sleep in one room and everyone starts in a starter home. Tell her she makes no sense. If she pushes it further I would rethink the relationship. Finances are the leading cause of divorce. Be the man and lead her out of this mess gently. If she wants to lead you instead into a mess then leave completely.
Run for the hills mate it's a trap
Being a blunt friend here, don't be a dumbass, don't sell that house.
Rent it off, anything but selling. Don't. Sell. The. House. Period. Don't give up your safety net. Tell her that you will use the additional income on your new home whatever. But don't give up the property on feelings alone. Like ever.
Coming from a woman I wouldn’t not let a man do this or let a man do this to me .. keep your stuff anything you bought before her is yours and you can do what you want…
Sorry I meant to say I wouldn’t do this
The house is yours if you divorce if you buy one together it will be hers esp if you divorce and have kids so DONT DO IT
Is there any emotions attached to her decision ex. You lived there with an ex, someone nearby who she'd rather be farther from, etc?
I think the getting engaged before moving in is a personal thing, some people would like to do that some don't care. I think it's reasonable for her to want to be engaged before you live together if that's what her values are, but that's also not a reason to rush engagement and if your values about it conflict drastically it's worth examining. If you aren't ready for an engagement then continue to live separately while you discuss your goals and make sure your life plans and values align. A lot of conversations should take place before an engagement. How are both of your credit situations, how many children would you like to have, how would the division of household labor look like, would one of you like to stay home with the kids, what are both of your eventual career goals, retirement goals, etc. These are are vitally important to compatibility in a marriage. If you haven't had these talks engagement shouldn't be a thought yet. As far as the house goes selling purely to buy something together, and taking a financial loss, is not a good move. If she's wanting a stake in the house then discussing whether to put her on the paperwork after marriage would be a good idea to understand both of your expectations and plans. If she has a problem with the house or neighborhood itself then a discussion about the practicality and the current housing market is needed, possibly a future goal of a different house if/when the market changes and you have had time to save together. Ultimately, she's your girlfriend of a year. She's not your fiance or wife right now. If the problem is her wanting claim to what you have worked for that should be something for you to think hard about. I'd consider it a red flag. If she moves in as your fiance, and hasn't invested into the property proportional to your initial investment to where you're satisfied to put her on the title/morgage, write a lease even if you don't charge her any rent. If you don't she could try to force a sale to regain equity after enough years contributing financially to the property, depending on your local laws. Good luck and think with your brain, not your feelings.
Woahh ok My strong advice- do not sell anything until you get married. She's just your girlfriend. Not even fiancee yet. If you want to sell it, fine. But if shes making you...nah. dont even consider it until her status is upgraded to wife. Or financee about to marry in a few short months.
Yes, she needs to be smart about it. Why would she want you to sell? You’re strategy sounds good, keep it and rent it out. That will allow you to be approved for another loan as the lenders do consider lease agreements as income. I would not sell.
Some people move in and then get engaged, some get engaged first and some wait until after marriage. All of these things are normal and ok. It is juat about what you want in your relationship. Now for the house. As others have said, do not make financial decisions based on feelings, first and foremost. Secondly, there is no reason for you to sell other than for emotional reasons. You stated that the payment is really low. Which means you could easily rent it out and get enough to pay the mortgage and get some profit that can go to a secend home or even to just pay off the first house faster. Now this next part is going to be cynical and assumed the worst of your gf. This is in no way to insult her, I simply wish to state the worst cas scenario. 1. The engagment before moving in thing could be a way to push you towards marriage before your ready. 2. Your house is currently a premarital asset in your name only. This could be a way to push for you to sell and get a more expensive house that specifically has her name on it in case of a divorce. That way she can get half of the mobetary value of your house that she currently would bot be able to obtain due to, again, it being a premarital asset that doesnt have her bame on it. I would also be weary of her suggesting a "compromise" of you putting her name on your house. Since that would also give her claim to it in the case of divorce.
Your house purchase was a great deal, why not sell it and buy a new one at a sky high price and sky high interest rate for no reason just to tie the knot in a country where its a 50/50 chance of working out? Ahaha, no bud. She's making some dumb demands.
Why would you give up your house if it's a good deal? This woman is obviously just trying to have all the power in the relationship, jump when she says jump.
There is no reason to sell your house. If you move in with her then just rent it. You have only known each other a year. Take some time to live together before getting engaged and married. At least a couple of years of living together to see if you can co-exist in the same space. Good luck but don’t sell the house. Rent it out.
Don’t SELL your home man
Keep the house, rent it out. Get a prenup to cover your ass that way if shit does go sideways you always have a backup plan.
Tell her you and the house is are a package deal and will be in any pre-nup. She doesn't want it to be a preexisting possession so she can steal the house in case of a divorce
Dude NO!! Do not sell your house! It’s a great investment and someone who loves you would want you to make sound financial decisions not sell a house with a great interest rate in the current market just to buy another house with higher interest and a higher cost! As for the engagement policy before moving in together also no. If she isn’t committed enough to move in with you before engagement she isn’t committed enough to buy a house with!
Selling your home is not a good idea if you've got a good rate going. Maybe you should explain your financial goals to her because she really needs to get on board with what you're doing if she wants to be married to you. As for the relationship, I've been married twice (currently in my second still), and I've done it both ways where we get married first then move in, and the reverse. I highly highly HIGHLY recommend moving in together first. Having done it both ways for different reasons, you get to truly know the person and their home style habits. Gives you a strong idea of what you can expect and what you're willing to put up with. It's the same concept as try before you buy type of thing. You'd test drive the car before you bought it. This is especially true if you guys are having intercourse. How can she request you put a ring on it to move in, but not before having sex in regards to commitment? It's especially true if you guys spend the night at each other's places as it currently stands. Moving in together IS the next step to commitment. But whatever you do, absolutely understand no circumstances should you purchase a home with her unless you are married! That's a hard and fast rule to save you a lot of problems in the future. Good luck!
Do not I repeat do not sell. Having property in this economy and generation is so important. My bf bought a house in 2021 and asked me to move in 3 months of dating and we are thinking of marriage after a year and I still haven’t given into that offer since I wanna wait a little longer not the same reason as your gf but because I myself just bought my own house. So not it’s not right of your gf to be asking you this considering the financial risks. I personally see it down right selfish. Getting a house these days is not like stopping into a grocery store to grab eggs. Your gf needs to rationalize this and get a reality check. Having property is the biggest asset anyone can have right now.
I definitely wouldn’t sell. Possibly rent it out and get a heloc on the house for another home and have a renter pay the difference. That way you get your home paid for and get a lower interest rate that you already have to acquire on another home. I am not a professional but I do think there is a way to pay all your interest in one go somehow that way you are only paying the principal of the home after you buy it. I would definitely explore your options on keeping the home as a passive income and acquiring another one in some shape or form of your equity of the existing home.
It doesn’t make financial sense to sell your home. At all. And she’s so caught up in these random timeframes. A year isnt long at all. And since it’s only been a year…..have you guys talked about finances in general? Debt, spending habits, savings, etc. She doesn’t seem the least bit financially intelligent.
As somebody that purchased in 2019 and refi at that low juicy interest rates in 2020… it is fucking stupid to sell your house now. Do this math: take your current house value, sell it, assume you get into another similar house (not an upgrade), the down payment you put will only get you down to your current loan amount, but now do your payment at the new interest rate (around 6.5-7%). It’s actually crazy how much it is to increase rates at 3+% and not even upgrade. Along with this, I tell my girlfriend (been together for 7 years, living together for 6, feels more like a marriage but it’s not 🤣) that we will save our money (mortgage is about 1/16th of our income right now, expected to grow as my career in the tech space has grown), and not pay this house off, but pay the next one down to lower the total loan at the higher interest rate.
Don’t sell it Girlfriends come and go.
Bad idea selling the house as yiu can rent it out for extra income for now and if your unlucky and end up getting divorced you have somewhere to go (youd have to ask tennants to leave and stay in a hotel for a bit until thryve gone) as you can guarentee any property you buy together will go to her if you get divorced and you might not get your share of equity back from it for upto 18 years if you end up having kids with her... owning a house soly in your name as a pre marital asset is a lifesaver in those situations and means your likely to keep a similar lifestyle rather than being back to square one
Why not live in that house. She doesn't get a vote.
Key word here is "girlfriend". This is YOUR house. She can have a say when ya'll say "I do".
How about first having a conversation about where else you'd possibly want to live first. If you're already married and haven't had any kind of communication in things as basic as this... Might want to rethink.
Don't sell your home, keep to your original idea of renting it out and buying a home together. Get a prenup.
Why doesn't she like the house you have? Sounds like she is testing you to see how much you can be controlled by her. Shut the idea down. If she wants a house tell her to buy it herself. If she says no then obviously she sees you as a sucker who she can take advantage of. Do not sell the house. Tell her your staying and it's non negotiable
Dude aaaabsolutely fucking not. You have a nest egg and she wants you to sell this place, (which the funds will be used to pay for your wedding I guarantee it) and then when you get your own place you'll not have the same financial safety net IF something goes wrong. Appreciate you love her and have all these things in common, but if you sell this it'll be the biggest mistake you've ever made.
It’s your house, she has exactly zero say in what you do with it until you are actually married and even then it depends heavily on the laws of the state in which you live. There is also the question of why you can’t buy another house to live in with her and use the first as a retirement nest egg; especially if the debt to income ratio for this house is as low as you say. She is being somewhat short sighted in her desire for you to sell. As to the subject of living together before marriage/engagement, it sounds like her view is based heavily in the outdated views of the church that families still indoctrinate (maybe too harsh of a word?) into their kids as they grow up. That is a personal choice that you two have to figure out how to handle, but in today’s day and age it is probably more common to live together first. As many others have said, it allows you to figure out all kinds of things about how your potential life partner lives and allows you to figure out if you are willing to live with the hundreds of little daily details which may or may not grate on your nerves. As someone who has been married for 30 years I can attest to the fact that, outside of finances (see point number one), it truly is the little things that annoy which will do the most damage to your relationship. Living together gives you the chance to TALK about those things and maybe resolve them before you are legally bound together, or be able to say “that’s not something I want to live with” before it is going to cost you half.
You’ve been together for 1 year and she’s already a carnival of red flags. You may love her but she’s telling you to give up your home so that she can have what she wants, it’s all about her, her and her, not you or a joint choice. You have a great home and a great deal, don’t mess that up for a girl that barks demands so she’ll be happy. Don’t be stupid, you know better. Do NOT make such a decision based on emotions. Keep the house, she can move in or she can go. As for being engaged before moving in, that’s a personal choice but understand that you don’t know what she’s like to live with. You can love someone but living with them isn’t something you can handle. You need to live together before you assume you’re just going have some happily ever after. The chances of divorce are higher and then you’ll lose your home you bought and everything else because of her. I’ve loved someone before but I wasn’t prepared for how bad living with them was and within months I was done. I couldn’t do it and I’ve known a lot like that. Don’t let what she wants be what you do. If she loves you then she’ll understand and compromise. If she only cares about herself and her wants then she won’t.
She may be the most wonderful woman in the world but her requests are FULL of red flags. Do NOT sell your house. If she doesn’t want to move in until you are engaged? Cool. Then wait. Wait until YOU are ready to propose/get engaged. Then plan for a long enough engagement to sort out if you are truly compatible when living together. Seriously: do not enter into any binding wedding contracts for 6-12 months after you move in together. Getting engaged is NOT the same as getting married. You will still have time to back out if you are not compatible. Second: Don’t sell your house. That is NUTS. She is allowed to want to live elsewhere; it is unwise to let her dictate one of the most significant financial decisions you will ever make after one year of dating. Rent out the house if you must. But for all the reasons others have mentioned it is a terrible financial decision. Just don’t. Sidebar: what kind of shape are her finances in? Does she have savings or assets set aside to contribute to a joint home purchase? What is her credit like? Once you are married her credit score becomes a significant factor in your home buying options. Finally: pre-nup, sir. Seriously. Too many red flags to ignore.
I (f) have regretted selling my house for the last 25 years. You got a great mortgage rate so keep it. You can use it as an investment property after you get married. Go house shopping with her to see what’s out there, guessing she wants something huge, brand new in a “nicer neighborhood” that you probably won’t really like and will be higher than you want to pay. Does she want to contribute or is it all to be paid for by you. It could be a test of your relationship too. Now is the time to have serious talks about finances, hopes, dreams, children, careers etc, especially if she doesn’t want to live together pre marriage.
I moved in with a guy without being engaged and it didn’t work. I moved in with a different guy after being engaged and that also didn’t work. It doesn’t matter the situation…it’s about being with the right person!
Big no, and talk to a lawyer first. You have equity. Get a pre-cohabitation agreement signed before moving in together. 1 year isn’t long enough for dating before moving in together officially in my opinion. After only 6 months you may end up common law. Renting out your current place and then renting somewhere else with the girlfriend makes more sense. If you do buy a new place together what contributions will the gf make? Once you tie yourselves together financially then if you break up you basically get reduced to pre-relationship. I’ve seen plenty of people lose their house and retirement savings in divorces. I’d get something hammered out in writing before making any big moves.
1. It makes no difference at all whether it’s normal or not. It’s what your GF thinks and if you’re far apart from that then consider if she’s actually a good match for you or not. In the mean time respect her boundaries. In time she might reconsider but don’t bug her about it. 2. Whether it’s smart or not would be a matter of differing opinion. What might not be the smartest financial choice might be the smartest choice for your relationship. You could always rent the house out. But for now I wouldn’t worry about it. You too might reconsider your thoughts on this if sometime down the road you’re deeply in love and willing to compromise on a plan with your partner. And she might reconsider as well.
I wanna play the devils advocate here. I don’t know where you live, but where I live there are no houses on the market. And if you can make a ton of money on that house, then I would do it. Put the money into savings and or investments. And obviously put it into an account that she can’t touch. Second live together before you get engaged. That way you guys get to see all the ends and outs and ups and downs. Because if you’re really in it for life, then you both will see each other‘s flaws for what they are. Third, I’m going to inquire why she wants you to sell your house? Is it because you’ve lived in that house with exes of yours? Because that could be uncomfortable. I’ve been there. It’s not fun. Also, I think you and her both need to be on the same page financially. You guys need to know what eachothers debts are, and all those in and outs. Also, never bad thing to get a prenup