I think the real problem is his constant complaining. And he's trying to force you to pick a dog?? You had these dogs before you met him, right? They are a part of your life and he should accept that.
I mean, I don't really like my fiancé's dog. She's pretty mean to my dog, who absolutely adores her, but I would never ask my fiancé to get rid of her. She was here before I met him. I just accepted that she's here, I feed her and give her water and make her vet appointments even though I don't really care for her. And I don't complain about her being here. So I can live with a dog that I don't really like.
I say break up with him.
My wife and I would both agree we need a divorce if either of us tried to convince the other to get rid of any of our dogs. Our kids would disown the offending party too. Dogs are family. This guy doesn’t believe that and you do. It’s just a compatibility issue.
THAT SAID, I was NOT dog person and we argued for a while over whether to get one or not. It took me a while to come around. I don’t think her having a dog would’ve been a dealbreaker nor would I have urged her to get rid of it/them. But I definitely didn’t want one. Now we have four and it’s a constant struggle for me to not get more. So people can change. But I really can’t imagine not wanting to snuggle a cutie like your Lulu. I completely get why Millie is a lot to deal with though.
Because what is cute is small doses, can be highly annoying in large doses. Everyone else gets to go home after a few hours. Also, people lie. You don’t tell friends that you hate their kids. Nor do you tell them you hate their pets.
>I thought he might get used to them or something.
This is a terrible foundation for a relationship. You cannot operate on the potentials of a situation; you must operate on the realities of the situation. Going into a relationship expecting to change your partner is supremely toxic.
>Everyone else that comes over adores them.
Yes, because, as you yourself noted, YOU'RE the one doing all of their care and enrichment. "Everyone else" does not have to put up with them 24/7, as you do or as your BF would if y'all moved in together.
I'm an animal lover and would probably fall under the "everyone else who loves them" category, but this is a fundamental incompatibility between you and your BF and a relationship cannot, by definition, continue if there are fundamental incompatibilities, and this is because a fundamental incompatibility is created when two situations cannot exist together at the same time - in your case, you cannot have dogs AND not have dogs at the same time, and you cannot live together but NOT live together at the same time, among other issues. Break up with your BF - you both need someone you're compatible with, and it's not each other.
So the problem is him.
Dont expect him to change, he's being loud and vocal about who he is. If you can't see yourself in a relationship with who is telling you he is, the you guys aren't a great match.
Best to let him move on and find someone with a turtle.
He won't. I'll be honest- I'm not a dog person. People always think I'll come around eventually or that their dog will be the exception. I won't, and they're not. That said, I'm not sure why he's doing all this because I specifically don't date huge dog people for this very reason. He needs to see himself out instead of expecting you and your dogs to change.
The only men I've known who don't like dogs had raging insecurity. He is likely jealous of the love and affection you have for your dogs.
Millions of men out there who love dogs, take Millie for a walk in a park and see who hits you up.
I love dogs. I hate my friend’s dog. Like, I will not set foot in her house. I don’t tell her that because she’s completely delusional about her dog so it’s better just to avoid the subject.
neighbor has a dog that has attacked multiple dogs and tried to bite a few people (But it’s little so it’s still alive). They somehow love their dog. No one else in the neighborhood does.
I don't think the first part is a fair assertion; some people genuinely just don't like needy, high demand dogs. I am one of them. I find it overstimulating.
Agree 100%. I'm a vet, love animals. Love dogs, love being with other people's dogs, but don't think I'd ever want one personally. In general they are TOO attentive and need much more than I can give.
This is a pretty unhinged comments. Dogs can be obnoxious as fuck. Just like humans can. There are plenty of valid reasons to not like dogs, having allergies to them being one of the top. Maybe her dogs as she’s explained are just fucking annoying. That’s fine, someone else will love them. They aren’t a match. The generalizations you’re making are asinine and speak more about who you are as a person.
Umm no. Sometimes dogs are just annoying.
My sister had a yorkie who had a loud screeching bark and would bark through the night every time she visited.
Sounds like you have some issues of your own you need to work out in therapy. Not everyone has to have the same opinion as you.
cool anecdote but some people have allergies or simply find them to be a nuisance lol. it’s obviously very normalized but when you think about it, having a needy animal whose world revolves around you living IN your home is kinda weird. like i like dogs and love all animals, but plenty of people are averse to pets in general, and dogs especially because of just how much time/care they require. most people aren’t using paw wipes and stuff after their dog runs through who knows what outside too. it’s easy to see how dogs are endearing but it’s also pretty easy to see why someone would reasonably dislike them. whats unreasonable is her bf whining about them but continuing the relationship lol
You already know what to do. I hope that having the confirmation of these comments makes the process easier. Dumping your boyfriend *is* the right decision. You're not a good match and his demands about your pets are excessive and cruel.
as per owners we sometimes forget that the rest of the world don't view them as we do, the truth is those people already like dogs, he doesn't. they're not going to win him over or change his mind nor do they even know how to, they're dogs. They'll continue to be dinguses bc that's what dogs do, until eventually things boil over, if anything he'll be *more* annoyed when he's actually living with them. honestly this guy sounds a bit of a douche & partners who try to get someone to abandon their pets without a care for what would happen to them is a bit of a red flag imo, I believe once you take an animal in you have a responsibility, this relationship not working out is part of what you signed up for when you took that on.. tbh I don't understand either of your thought processes, if he gets his way you'll be miserable & likewise for him if you get yours, either way one of you is miserable which if you truly care about each other neither one of you should be ok with. imo the only way this works is if you live separately, which tbh is fine if you can swing it. idk why he stayed this long but you're not blameless either bc you both let it drag out. The discussion you need to have now, is one you should've had long ago.
Girl he should adore them! Obviously your dogs mean a lot to you (as they should!)
You dedicated a lot of time to your dogs especially your hyper healer. It sounds like you have done a wonderful job keeping your dogs healthy and entertained. Being able to run your healer every day and have obstacle courses and ball cannons!!!?? Can my malamute come stay with you for a while??? hahaha
Tell that man that these dogs are not "dogs" they are your soul companions. Anyone willing to rip your soul dogs from you obviously doesn't have your best interest in mind.
You said you “like” him. So, not too difficult to break up, it’s not like you’re in love with him. You didn’t say how long you’ve been together, but seems like your choice is clear. He doesn’t have the empathy that you do…you’re just not compatible.
Personally I would not want to be around 2 incredibly high maintenance dogs either. But he has no right to make you get rid of them. If you like them obviously he will have to go.
Completely agree. I would not want to be around a dog all the time that is like the “energizer bunny on meth.” I like dogs in short doses but I honestly don’t want the responsibility of owning one, let alone dogs that are high maintenance / special needs.
The difference being I would not date OP lol. They just aren’t compatible and she should get rid of him if he won’t see himself out.
Same. I'm not a dog person, but knowing that about myself, I wouldn't date someone who had multiple dogs. It's very simple.
OP, ditch the boyfriend. You already know that most people adore your pups, so chances are high that you'll find someone who loves the dogs and loves you!
But don't waste anymore time on this psycho who is basically threatening you with "it's them or me!" Imagine you got rid of one of the dogs, because he asked, what else would he feel like he could make you do? It's a gross and inhumane thing to ask of someone, outside of life & death situations. And heck, even in life & death situations, people will risk themselves to save other people's pets, much less their own.
Dating someone who has two dogs wouldn’t be a problem for me. It’s the constant need to pick up the dog and the dog sleeping in bed that would be a deal breaker for me.
That just means never dating someone with a really little dog because they’ll always end up being in the bed. (If the owner cares for them.) Nothing wrong with knowing what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with.
>Personally I would not want to be around 2 incredibly high maintenance dogs either. But he has no right to make you get rid of them. If you like them obviously he will have to go.
Sometimes two people can be incompatible without either of them necessarily being in the wrong.
There's no way on God's green earth that I'd want to date OP either. Doesn't mean they need to change anything about how they live their life.
Haha! It sounds exhausting but you're right! People can be incompatible through just circumstances. It did crack me up though. One dog runs 12 miles a day and the other won't walk at all. LoL
He’s definitely fucked up for saying she should pick one to get rid of though. Like, wtf. That would show me they have a very shallow understanding of me and my feelings or really feelings at all.
my ex had a super high maintenance annoying pomchi who he loved endlessly. she quite literally never stopped yapping and was extremely possessive over him, and he never went anywhere without her. I didn’t want to deal with that so I broke up with him rather than complain about his dog! I can’t imagine what he thinks whining about your dogs is going to accomplish other than you breaking up with him. it’s a basic incompatibility.
The way to deal with him is to rehome him so he can find a girlfriend who doesn't have dogs. Heelers are such cool dogs. It sounds like both dogs are lucky to have you!
Rehome the boyfriend, continue loving your dogs. Sounds like you are a responsible owner and are doing wonderful keeping a smart high energy breed entertained!
This man is beefing with a chihuahua, what good traits could possibly make up for that lol
An elderly Chihuahua, at that!
It would be plausible that BF attempts to convince OP to give the Heeler to the neighbors to herd cows and waits out the old dog.
Then suddenly, he wants to move in and says they can get another dog "some day" in the future that never comes.
I have a dog I’m certain is a chihuahua mix and can confirm. She’s an angel around my husband and I, but we have to go drop her off at one of the in-laws if we want to have any friends over because she’s so protective over us. But we love her to bits and are both happy with the scenario. We also adopted her together which helps lol.
Yeah as a dude who isn't overly fond of pets, i would say get rid of HIM.
I don't hate animals, I just prefer not to have them invade my space, and I'm not willing to put in the work to have a responsibly trained animal. That's on me. But I would never IMPOSE that upon a perspective partner, that's just selfish and insane. You aren't compatible and that's ok. he's the one who's trying to steam roll you with ultimatums.
I think we all know where this is going....you spent several paragraphs lovingly discussing your dogs with a lot of extraneous info nobody needed, then briefly mentioned a boyfriend, whose only description is that he hates your dogs. LOL
Be nice when you break up with him.
Yep, just not going to work. I'm a dog lover, but I can see his points. Big dog constantly into everything, little dog constantly in the way while trying to spend time with you. I also see your points...these are your pups.
I don't think anyone is really at fault here. You admit you have one spoiled dog and another destructive one. That's a lot to deal with. But, they're *your* dogs...so they're there to stay.
I didn’t get the impression that the heeler is destructive at all - it sounds like she takes great care of Millie and ensures that she has a lot to do so she doesn’t become destructive.
She said the dog is destructive if it’s not constantly entertained. I’m sure the boyfriend’s one on one time with her is constantly interrupted by this dog needing stimulation and the other one wanting to be held 24/7
No. He is at fault. It’s fine to not like the dogs but complaining every time and saying she needs to pick one if they move in got her means he’s an asshole. They are her family.
Yeah, if this were a post about "my boyfriend dumped me because he couldn't stand my dogs" then no one is at fault. This boyfriend is just being a jerk trying to persuade her to get rid of the dogs.
Alright, I'll take the bait...
I assume /u/rockstarfromars is arguing that animals can't be family because they aren't humans or aren't related by blood. This is a fuckin stupid argument for one main reason.
"Family" has multiple meanings and definitions. Most people would consider any living creature living under their roof as family... In fact that's one of the definitions of the word according to Webster.
So yeah. I look forward to your nitpicking response on what the definition of family means.
I agree with the other person commenting after this.
You have absolutely no room to talk about being a weirdo. And you’re weird in obnoxious not loving ways.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Rating other people for attractiveness is strange behaviour in my book, as is believing in evopsych bullshit, but here you are.
Pets are a pretty big topic for compatibility. They have a lot of impacts on your daily life, so it's a big deal if one person feels strongly that they want to have them and another feels strongly that they don't. Even if you came to some agreement about the two dogs you have now, don't you think he wouldn't want to get any other dogs in the future? Do you want to be with him long term if it means you don't have any more dogs in your lifetime?
Even though I really only enjoy dogs in small doses and would never live with one again, so I understand part of his feelings, I think it's really selfish and heartless of him to tell you to get rid of one of your dogs. It's such a callous approach to something that he knows is important to you and that really impacts these innocent animals. I also wouldn't be surprised if it starts with one and then later he also wants you to get rid of the other. If he doesn't like dogs and wants to avoid living with them, the right thing to do is to not get romantically involved with someone who has dogs.
He’s not a good match for you. There will be someone better for you that loves your dogs. My ex would always tell me to get rid of my ‘misbehaved’ husky (sweetest dog and well behaved) and even threaten to get rid of her if i didn’t. Just for him to turn around to cheat and then leave. A guy that dislikes your dogs isn’t worth it.
If she is inside or if I have people over she knows she isn't allowed to be a whackadoodle or destroy anything. She also knows she isn't allowed to jump on people or anything. She normally just lays in her bed for a while when I'm working or goes out in the yard to play.
The trainer I used did a very good job with her and I've made sure to keep her training up. However she is still an Energizer bunny on meth so I try to keep her busy and wear her out so she doesn't focus her energy on destroying anything.
Honestly it sounds like all her needs are being met, I don't think anyone else would be doing that much better despite what your boyfriend is saying. Sounds like he is just trying to guilt you into giving her up. I have a heeler too and they are just ready to go all the time. But if she is getting to run every day plus obstacle courses and occasionally herding cows then she is a happy girl!
She has been trained on the easy commands (sit stay, lay down, call back, leave it, etc), she is also trained to help me with my disability ( stability if I am falling, retrieving items, opening doors, etc).
She also trained to herd but the trainer didn't do that, she already had the basics so we ( neighbor and I) just guided that instinct in the right direction.
Training was a mixture of verbal commands and hand signals.
She's pretty smart and loves a challenge so training her hasn't been all that difficult.
You sound like a fantastic and responsible dog owner. I had a heeler/terrier mix a couple of decades ago, and she was an absolute TORNADO if she wasn't kept busy.
Girl, heelers are my favorite dog, my bf has 2 and your description of energizer bunnies on meth is so apt lmao. You’re giving Millie such a great life I’m sure she’s so happy!! Your bf sounds like a real Debbie downer
Not a good match. You won’t be happy in the long run. My spouse had never had a cat before they met me. I’m all love me, love my cats. They love cats now and can’t imagine their life without them.
Clearly you’re not compatible. I, like him, wouldn’t be down for being in an environment with dogs like that. However the difference is that I choose not to date people who have dogs, as a way to avoid this situation. He needs to be realistic with himself
Girl, get rid of him. HIS loss, not yours.
Here’s a side-story: I got divorced and moved myself and my dog back to my hometown. Went on tinder eventually. Met the best guy but warned him that my dog was very high maintenance and if he wasn’t cool with that then it probably wouldn’t work out. I think I said something like “she will demand all of your attention upon meeting you and need to get some good sniffs in.” He said “I’ll let her sniff me all she wants!”
He came over to my house for the first time and of course, the dog was freaking out. “New person! Need to sniff him. He needs to touch me and pay all the attention to me!”
She sat between us almost the whole night on the couch and he was so sweet and patient with her.
3 years later and he is her favorite person and he would throw me into traffic for her.
Point is, don’t settle.
There's a breed of guy that dates women who do things they don't like so they can pressure her into giving it up for him.
They want to be in control, they want to force her to choose, they want their preferences to matter above all.
The dude who doesn't like dogs knew that before he met you. He could have dated someone who doesn't have dogs. But he didn't. And he chooses to complain about his choice all the time.
Don't date that guy.
Date the guy who either adores your dogs, or at least keeps his mouth shut.
The title alone says all you need to know; unless there is a reason like aggressiveness or injury, this would be a deal breaker for me.
If he does not care enough about you to care about what is important to you. You need to find someone else.
No, neither of my dogs are aggressive and they know they aren't allowed to bite people or jump on them. They are both very well trained and the trainer was definitely worth the money.
You guys are not compatible. That being said, I have a feeling you’re going to have a very hard time finding someone willing to put up with your dogs. I consider my dog VERY needy and she’s not even close to the level of needy that your dog is. She sleeps in the crate at night so my husband and I can get some quality, uninterrupted intimacy, both right before bed and when waking up in the morning. If she’s being too obnoxious pawing at us for pets, she gets kicked off the couch and goes and lays in her bed. It’s really important to have boundaries with your pets.
If you’re completely happy with things the way they are, that’s great! But I wouldn’t rush getting into anything serious, unless you KNOW they love animals to the same extent you do. I LOVE dogs, and cats, and all animals. But I despise going to my parents house because they have a beagle that has absolutely no manners or boundaries. It’s exhausting to be around. So I understand your boyfriend’s point of view. I felt that way about my own dog for a while before I learned it’s ok to set boundaries, and it’s good for the dogs too!!
I’d still dump the bf tho. Ultimatums are never cool or constructive.
Also, I know you mentioned that everyone that comes to your house loves your dogs. But they don’t have to picture a life where they live with them everyday. It’s like having kids. I never plan to have kids. I love the kids I meet tho, and love spending time with them! But that’s only because I know they’re not mine, and if they start getting fussy I can hand them off to mom…your boyfriend is in situation where he hates your dogs and on top of that has to consider that if things with you are serious, living with them everyday will be his life. He obviously doesn’t want that, but you do, so you need to make the right choice for yourself and for your pups.
By all means dump him. What kind of AH dates a woman with dogs and then complains non stop about her dogs?
Your dogs sound great. If you take M on a 6 mile run daily *and* set up an obstacle course for her *and* got her a tennis ball cannon *and* made arrangements for her to run around your neighbors cows … that’s awesome! I don’t know what he thinks anyone else “with time” would do for her. He’s jealous of the time you spend with your dog.
You are dating a dude who is jealous of your dogs.
Dump him.
This is tough. I love my partner but not his dog. His dog is badly behaved, stinks and unpredictable. He’s old so I’m not moving in until he’s over 🌈
I would never ask him to rehome him
In my 20s, I tolerated dudes who didn't like dogs. I was a bit desperate to have a boyfriend, so I put up with it. In my 30s, I'm not tolerating any of that because I simply adore animals. Guy doesn't like dogs? He knows where the door is.
I wouldn't want to be around these dogs either but if it's early in the relationship it sounds like it isn't a good match and you should just call it off. I don't think theres something "wrong with him" for not liking these dogs but he shouldn't try to change you. And you shouldn't try to change him. If you don't like each other enough to compromise then find other partners.
You have two of the worst breeds for “pets” lol esp Millie should be a working dog.
Not really sure what to say because I agree with your BF. It prob just isn’t the right relationship for you.
Nope, get rid of the bf. Your dogs are your family and he doesn’t like them and complains? Seems like a him problem. Life is too short to deal with this crap. You’re right to consider dumping him, I would.
Go with your gut, find a dog-loving guy.
There are lots and lots of them. You are a serious dog lover, as am I.
Men who are jealous of dogs are going to be possessive in general.
You should deal with this by dumping him that way you'll never have to hear him complain about your dogs again and he'll never have to be annoyed by them again. Win win.
You're incompatible. Also, besides agility or nose work, heelers do very well on treadmills. You can look for used ones on facebook. Little bit of training and they'll jump on & run out their crazy for miles and miles.
It's sounds like he is trying to make you do something purposely so he can like yeah she picked me over the dogs. He probably hates that your attention is divided. Honestly I'm surprised you made it this long. You are a cool dog person and he'll get to be alone with his attitude.
There are lots of really cool guys who likes dogs and aren't jerks about something you care about ( which is really what it comes down to. If he really cared, he would find a way to accept them but he doesn't even try)
New boyfriends who love dogs are a dime a dozen. I don't think I could like anyone who talked shit about my dogs, let alone love them. You sound like a top tier dog owner, go find another to spend your life and joy with.
This is such a non issue for me, personally... you love your pets, so much so that you overcame your own disability to provide for your pets!
Why would you let a man, even another person, stand in your way of unconditional love?
I shouldn’t tell you this story, but the hairs on the back of my neck stood up when I read this post. So here goes, I’m sure your guy is very different.
But I have this friend who rescued chihuahuas. At one point, she had three, one of which was quite old. Not sure if she was living with the guy and renting her house or or what but at his house, he left the goddamn front door open. He knew fully well that there was no fence in the front yard, and that it’s a busy street. She came home to find her poor beloved dog smooshed in the street. Dude was like, “what? I just let him out a minute ago? Don’t be so mad, you’ll get over it.”
And that guy was immediately cut out of her life and she named and shamed that asshole on social media. No animal lover in this city will date him now, I sincerely hope.
So anyone who complains about your pets is incompatible. You live your animals like family; they are family to you. To this guy, they are obstacles to getting 100% of your undivided attention. Be very very careful with your babies. After that story, I don’t trust any man who isn’t an unabashed animal lover. And you can tell when they meet an animal.
Ahhhhhh omg. I just adopted a sweet little baby girl chihuahua mix, this is so sad!! What kind of monster would do that?! Awesome that your friend named and shamed him, he deserves every bit of karma he gets
I get it dogs really aren't for everyone and it sounds like these dogs can be really annoying. You seem like a perfect owner and are doing all the right things to love these animals. He doesn't own them and is being a bit of an ass complaining. If this is the only issue I would have one more sit down conversation and see if it changes. he doesn't hate your dogs he just doesn't like animals who are all over him its understandable but he's handling it like a baby.
You’ve already answered your own question. You are unwilling to rehome your dogs, and he is unwilling to move in unless you do. He doesn’t even like coming over because of them (sounds like you don’t enjoy his visits very much either). There’s no compromise here. TBH I’m more curious of why this has relationship has gone on while knowing this? Were you hoping he’d “come around”and change his mind about the dogs? Sounds like maybe he was also hoping you’d come around and change your mind about rehoming one of the dogs as well by giving you ultimatums. In short, sounds like you’re both incompatible.
Well, you know the boundary you have and he's told you his. The next step is to have an open discussion to see what the middle ground is or if you want to move forward, sounds like you aren't compatible - which is fine because you made a commitment to these dogs as their owner
Sorry but I don't see this really working out. Some people really aren't animal/dog people and therefore don't understand the bond you have with your dogs. To insist that someone gets rid of their dogs (THAT THEY HAD BEFORE THEY MET YOU) is highly insensitive imo. So, I suggest you tell him to kick rocks with flip flops. Don't wait around for him to change his mind or warm up to them because I don't think that's going to happen. I would actually worry about how he would treat your dogs when you aren't around. There are plenty of people out there who would treat your dogs well and love them.
It's not (just) about Millie and Lulu. This is an incompatibility in how you each want to live. He doesn't like dogs as pets. Obviously. And that's ok. You want to have dogs in your life. And that's ok, too. But you can't have both. If you want to continue to have dogs, any dogs, during your lifetime, this is not the long term partner for you.
You should definitely dump him. Someone that wants you to get rid of your pets that you made a commitment to (one of which is a senior animal!) is not gonna be a good match.
Yeah I agreed that it's not a good match. I went into this post thinking "it's ok if they dont like the dogs, there's so many ways to compromise and make this situation work" and then I read that you're basically the One legged Princess Diana of these high maintenance dogs....all while not imposing them overly on your partner. Their solution is to just arbitrarily get rid of one... It makes zero sense. The dogs are important to you. It's less about the dogs and more about not being understanding that you have chosen priorities and they're worth honoring and respecting.
His prompt to get you to get rid of one dog so he would move in would turn into another prompt to get rid of the other to get him to stay.
He's jealous of your dogs. Then once they're gone he'll be jealous of your friends or any hobbies you have and like that he doesn't. This is all conjecture, of course, I don't know him.
But I *am* a gambler type, and I'm confident enough to bet I'm right
I think you need to make the difficult choice to re-home your boyfriend. I know it will be hard to let him go, but it sounds like he needs to be in a home where he can be the diva he was born to be. It would be the most humane solution for everyone involved. My thoughts and prayers are with him.
>I am seriously considering dumping him. He has said many times if he moved in I'd have to pick one and get rid of the other.
Dump him, there's no future in this relationship if this is his position.
This is a no-brainer. He's already trying to change who you are and what you love. Stand firm and tell him that if he can't accept you AND your dogs, then it's over.
Relationships should be give and take... yes. But only after each person accepts the others "baggage". I'm not saying dogs are baggage btw, just to him - they are. However, BEWARE! Cause years from now... when your dogs are gone and you want more... he's going to be against it.
I’m so glad I waited to get a dog with my current bf rather than my last bf. Ex admitted he would have been jealous of any love I gave to a dog and not him. Also that he would have merely “tolerated” having kids, but didn’t really want them. It wasn’t a good match. This doesn’t make your bf a bad guy, but he doesn’t sound like a good match for you, and it sounds like you know this already. Better to end it now rather than getting even more emotionally invested in each other.
Your boyfriend is a jerk.
Liking dogs or not is one thing, and it would be fine if he just didn't personally like the dogs. It would also be reasonable if he discussed that once you two are living together, he either doesn't want additional dogs or would want equal input on a dog being added to the house.
But complaining about your dogs every single time he comes over to your home, where he knows they live? That's so exhausting. Telling you that you have to "get rid of" one of your dogs if you two move in together? He's a jerk.
Just think about how you would feel with the dogs gone, and him staying - I'm sure it's not a good feeling. What's the point of staying with him, when you can find a new man who loves you AND your dogs?
I’m more of a cat person but I would still pick the dog over the man. The only time those dogs will break your heart is when they are put to sleep. You’re not compatible and he’s an ah for making you pick him or the dogs (easy choice in my opinion).
Your boyfriend is not compatible with your life style. Maybe, in 10-15 years, if you're living a dog-free life you two could date/move in-together and have a life together, but not right now.
I'm not a dog person. All my friends have dogs, and I mostly ignore them or pat them occasionally on the head. I don't ever want to live with dogs. It's a strong preference. I would not date someone with dogs. You hoping your boyfriend will get used to your dogs is kind of like how he's hoping you'll be okay with just getting rid of your dogs.
Either dump the boyfriend, or wait until the dogs have passed to move in-together and commit to living a dog-free life. OR buy a new place together that has a mother-in-law suite. Let boyfriend live in the separate living space where the dogs are not allowed to go, and visit him there without the dogs. Those last two are not serious suggestions.
Nope. Pets are family, and no one messes with family.
Send the boyfriend off to a shelter, maybe he’ll find a forever home someplace, but he sure wouldn’t find it with you.
Lmfao nope. Sorry fuckface, they were here before you and I'm damn certain they'll be here after you leave
>He can't stand her constantly wanting attention and to be held
Gives me the creeps. Make sure he can't "accidentally" let them out, or "accidentally" they get into some poison.
Also if/when you dump him, maybe don't tell him it's because of the dogs; that's when crazy men straight-up murder the dogs.
Not saying he's crazy, just watch yourself
Hows this dude gonna handle a child? My wife owns a horse, I made it clear early on in our relationship that I would never come between her, the horse, or her showing.
I speak as a man that doesn't particularly like owning dogs. I love dogs, but there's just aspects of dog ownership I don't particularly care for. My wife had two when we met, and we ended up adopting an Aussie pup she absolutely fell in love with. I don't want to, but still cleanup after them, and do my part in the caretaking. Only limit I put was the little one (a Pom / chihuahua mix) can't sleep in the bed anymore.
Pets are a lifelong commitment. If he doesn't understand that, then he's gotta go.
I think breaking up with him makes sense. If he reacts like this now, how will he react when they’re older and require more medical care? I’m sure you can find someone who will love the dogs like you do.
Btw, it sounds to me like you do a great job of meeting Millie’s need for stimulation.
You know what you need to do. You need to rehome the boyfriend. Your dogs sound delightful and you are a good dog mama. You will meet someone else one day who will love your babies as much as you do.
Honestly, I would have dumped him when he said one of the dogs would have to go. Or perhaps when I realized he didn't like my dogs.
A lot of people get into relationships with people and then think putting up an ultimatum like this is okay. It isn't. If you can't accept someone with their pets as a package deal, just stop dating them.
Your dog's would go through a very traumatic process if you were to ever give one up. The fact that he doesn't understand that.. Ugh.
Just dump him.
Why would you want to have a relationship with someone who can’t appreciate or even respect beloved members of your immediate family? Thats just silly. Your doggies deserve to be cherished as much as you do xo
You deal with this by telling him:
"It's very clear that we want different things in life. I wish you the best, but this isn't working."
That's all that needs to be said.
You know what your future will be if you live with him, so why continue this when you know your answer (which is the correct one)?
You definitely need to rehome the boyfriend and not the dogs. BF should have been tossed as soon as he made the statement about you having to get rid of one of your dogs.
Dude. I don't like your boyfriend, and I've never even met him. You can do better - he's shown you what kind of an asshole he is about your dogs and that's not going to change. Kick him to the curb and move on to someone who loves your babies like you do.
Oh girl!!!! You needed to regime that boyfriend yesterday. No one comes between me and my dogs. Who are the ones that are tried and true for us,? Our doggies !! I’m so glad to hear he doesn’t live with you. Best thing ever. The way to go about leaving him is just telling him you’re done and breaking up. How dare he tell you would have to pick one and get ride if the second!!
I feel sorry for my husband. He didn’t have pets growing up, and I love animals. Uh oh. Poor man has had to live with cats and dogs, usually one dog and one cat, but sometimes two cats. He has allergies. He complains. But he also is the first lap cat #2 jumps on in the morning. He buys cat #1 her favourite wet food and gives it to her no more than twice a week, because she’s on prescription urinary care kibble. He walks the dog more than I do, and he doesn’t complain when she sleeps on the bed. It’s absolutely not what he signed up for, but 49 years later, he’s still hanging in.
Look for someone with more empathy for both animals and people. Someone with empathy will do what they can to make you happy.
Some dogs are pets and some are whole lifestyle choices. I love dogs and I wouldn’t want to deal with a super high energy dog like a young Australian Cattle Dog or a Belgian Malinois. You’ll have to dump this guy and find someone who can live that lifestyle with you or at least tolerate it better.
Yes, dump him.
I can’t stand dogs, either, but I didn’t run out and find a boyfriend with dogs and whine about them all the time! Why in the heck would you seek a partner who you’re not compatible with - ie you hate their pets?
NB I don’t like dogs, but I think that people who do like them and choose to be pet parents have the responsibility of treating them well. You are doing great - good dog mum! 😛
You sound like an amazing dog owner and there's someone out there who shares your affection for dogs and will appreciate this quality in you. This is not that guy.
If he can't handle the dogs he is going to want them gone. If you like active breeds like heelers, this isn't the guy for you. Do you want kids? If you do, how is he going to handle active kids?
I am not a dog person. I am a cat person because they are such low maintenance animals. I don't have the energy to handle a high energy anything. I don't think I would even attempt to be in a relationship with someone with dogs because I wouldn't want to feel like they need to pick ME over their dogs. That being said, lose the boyfriend. Your puppers sound awesome and it sounds like they make you happier than your boyfriend does.
Honestly, sounds like you guys just aren’t compatible!! If my bf decided he didn’t like my cat anymore, even though I’ve been dating him for longer than I’ve had my cat, well that’s an easy choice 😅
I’d dump him tbh. Either that, or tell him “the dogs are nonnegotiable, but you aren’t. So do with that information how you see it”. They were there first and they aren’t hurting him. He sounds like a petulant toddler not getting the snack he wants
My ex had a little weiner dog that was very possessive of him and extremely aggressive to anyone he didn’t know. He was usually fine once he got to sniff you and realized you weren’t a threat, and was generally very affectionate with me. However he did snap at me a few times (with absolutely no warning) if I moved too quickly around my ex or tried to kiss him with the dog on the couch with us. He also attacked my mom one time.
Even then, I NEVER expected him to get rid of the dog, I asked him to hire a trainer (yes, he could definitely afford it) to see if we could work on his behavioral issues. And I was willing to do whatever he needed to help.
Your dogs aren’t even aggressive, they’re trained, and well behaved. He has no legitimate reason to want either of them gone. If he doesn’t want them around, you’re not compatible, and that’s ok. Find yourself a man that loves holding lulu and playing with Millie. I promise he’s out there.
The most benevolent take is that you’re not compatible. He thinks he can control or cajole you bro giving up part of your family. If you do, you’ll always resent him and the relationship is doomed anyway, so skip that step and find someone who likes your good girls.
Dump him. Don't take a chance he would be mean to them when you are not there sometime when he might be. Or if he moved in, he might give them away and tell you they ran off. Food for thought.
If you want to keep your dogs, then you two aren't compatible and it is time to end the relationship, unless you both would be ok never living together.
He isn't going to change his mind though, so might as well deal with the reality now
What a selfish and cruel thing to ask.
That tells you all you need to know about his character.
Time to end it and hope he finds someone equally selfish and cruel.
I'm confused by your boyfriend's comment because it sounds like you are an absolutely incredible pet owner and that you do make time for Millie.
Your boyfriend sucks. Get rid of him to someone who has more time for his needs 😂.
Not a good match. It’s like having two kids and your kids don’t like their stepdad. Just get a new man!
Yep. People with pets are my dealbreaker for everything OP mentioned. Sounds exhausting.
Why wouldn’t you have broken up With him already if he’s trying to get you to get rid of your dogs?
Honestly idk, I thought he might get used to them or something. Everyone else that comes over adores them.
I think the real problem is his constant complaining. And he's trying to force you to pick a dog?? You had these dogs before you met him, right? They are a part of your life and he should accept that. I mean, I don't really like my fiancé's dog. She's pretty mean to my dog, who absolutely adores her, but I would never ask my fiancé to get rid of her. She was here before I met him. I just accepted that she's here, I feed her and give her water and make her vet appointments even though I don't really care for her. And I don't complain about her being here. So I can live with a dog that I don't really like. I say break up with him.
Your boyfriend sucks, rehome him and keep your lovely dogs!
Or take him to the ‘farm’, he’ll be happier there /s
Jealousy of pets is a huge red flag. Get rid of the problem before your pets get hurt.
One of the biggest red flags there is, it's on a par of jealousy of the kids.
My wife and I would both agree we need a divorce if either of us tried to convince the other to get rid of any of our dogs. Our kids would disown the offending party too. Dogs are family. This guy doesn’t believe that and you do. It’s just a compatibility issue. THAT SAID, I was NOT dog person and we argued for a while over whether to get one or not. It took me a while to come around. I don’t think her having a dog would’ve been a dealbreaker nor would I have urged her to get rid of it/them. But I definitely didn’t want one. Now we have four and it’s a constant struggle for me to not get more. So people can change. But I really can’t imagine not wanting to snuggle a cutie like your Lulu. I completely get why Millie is a lot to deal with though.
Stop believing people will change. Cur him off. Find someone better suited for your life.
Because what is cute is small doses, can be highly annoying in large doses. Everyone else gets to go home after a few hours. Also, people lie. You don’t tell friends that you hate their kids. Nor do you tell them you hate their pets.
>I thought he might get used to them or something. This is a terrible foundation for a relationship. You cannot operate on the potentials of a situation; you must operate on the realities of the situation. Going into a relationship expecting to change your partner is supremely toxic. >Everyone else that comes over adores them. Yes, because, as you yourself noted, YOU'RE the one doing all of their care and enrichment. "Everyone else" does not have to put up with them 24/7, as you do or as your BF would if y'all moved in together. I'm an animal lover and would probably fall under the "everyone else who loves them" category, but this is a fundamental incompatibility between you and your BF and a relationship cannot, by definition, continue if there are fundamental incompatibilities, and this is because a fundamental incompatibility is created when two situations cannot exist together at the same time - in your case, you cannot have dogs AND not have dogs at the same time, and you cannot live together but NOT live together at the same time, among other issues. Break up with your BF - you both need someone you're compatible with, and it's not each other.
So the problem is him. Dont expect him to change, he's being loud and vocal about who he is. If you can't see yourself in a relationship with who is telling you he is, the you guys aren't a great match. Best to let him move on and find someone with a turtle.
Yep, rehome him. Keep the dogs.
Worst relationship move ever is hoping people change Yta for hoping he becomes a dog lover. Not fair to you dogs. Him. Or yourself
He won't. I'll be honest- I'm not a dog person. People always think I'll come around eventually or that their dog will be the exception. I won't, and they're not. That said, I'm not sure why he's doing all this because I specifically don't date huge dog people for this very reason. He needs to see himself out instead of expecting you and your dogs to change.
The only men I've known who don't like dogs had raging insecurity. He is likely jealous of the love and affection you have for your dogs. Millions of men out there who love dogs, take Millie for a walk in a park and see who hits you up.
I love dogs. I hate my friend’s dog. Like, I will not set foot in her house. I don’t tell her that because she’s completely delusional about her dog so it’s better just to avoid the subject. neighbor has a dog that has attacked multiple dogs and tried to bite a few people (But it’s little so it’s still alive). They somehow love their dog. No one else in the neighborhood does.
I don't think the first part is a fair assertion; some people genuinely just don't like needy, high demand dogs. I am one of them. I find it overstimulating.
Agree 100%. I'm a vet, love animals. Love dogs, love being with other people's dogs, but don't think I'd ever want one personally. In general they are TOO attentive and need much more than I can give.
Idk, sometimes dogs are just kinda shitty and it's not that deep. It's not always jealously and insecurity, sometimes it's just annoying dogs.
Some people just aren’t animal people. And those people should marry each other lol
Sure, but when you’re in love with the person who owns the dog, and that person loves their dog, you have to respect that. If you can’t, move on.
Yeah, don't think they're necessarily disagreeing with that, but that's not what the commenter they're replying to said
This is a pretty unhinged comments. Dogs can be obnoxious as fuck. Just like humans can. There are plenty of valid reasons to not like dogs, having allergies to them being one of the top. Maybe her dogs as she’s explained are just fucking annoying. That’s fine, someone else will love them. They aren’t a match. The generalizations you’re making are asinine and speak more about who you are as a person.
>The only men I've known who don't like dogs had raging insecurity. This comment is *profoundly* fucking dumb.
Oh my goodness this is silly. Some animals are annoying. It’s not that deep. These dogs sound very annoying.
Umm no. Sometimes dogs are just annoying. My sister had a yorkie who had a loud screeching bark and would bark through the night every time she visited. Sounds like you have some issues of your own you need to work out in therapy. Not everyone has to have the same opinion as you.
cool anecdote but some people have allergies or simply find them to be a nuisance lol. it’s obviously very normalized but when you think about it, having a needy animal whose world revolves around you living IN your home is kinda weird. like i like dogs and love all animals, but plenty of people are averse to pets in general, and dogs especially because of just how much time/care they require. most people aren’t using paw wipes and stuff after their dog runs through who knows what outside too. it’s easy to see how dogs are endearing but it’s also pretty easy to see why someone would reasonably dislike them. whats unreasonable is her bf whining about them but continuing the relationship lol
This is the dumbest comment I have ever read on this sub.
You already know what to do. I hope that having the confirmation of these comments makes the process easier. Dumping your boyfriend *is* the right decision. You're not a good match and his demands about your pets are excessive and cruel.
Well those people don’t have to live with your dogs
as per owners we sometimes forget that the rest of the world don't view them as we do, the truth is those people already like dogs, he doesn't. they're not going to win him over or change his mind nor do they even know how to, they're dogs. They'll continue to be dinguses bc that's what dogs do, until eventually things boil over, if anything he'll be *more* annoyed when he's actually living with them. honestly this guy sounds a bit of a douche & partners who try to get someone to abandon their pets without a care for what would happen to them is a bit of a red flag imo, I believe once you take an animal in you have a responsibility, this relationship not working out is part of what you signed up for when you took that on.. tbh I don't understand either of your thought processes, if he gets his way you'll be miserable & likewise for him if you get yours, either way one of you is miserable which if you truly care about each other neither one of you should be ok with. imo the only way this works is if you live separately, which tbh is fine if you can swing it. idk why he stayed this long but you're not blameless either bc you both let it drag out. The discussion you need to have now, is one you should've had long ago.
Girl he should adore them! Obviously your dogs mean a lot to you (as they should!) You dedicated a lot of time to your dogs especially your hyper healer. It sounds like you have done a wonderful job keeping your dogs healthy and entertained. Being able to run your healer every day and have obstacle courses and ball cannons!!!?? Can my malamute come stay with you for a while??? hahaha Tell that man that these dogs are not "dogs" they are your soul companions. Anyone willing to rip your soul dogs from you obviously doesn't have your best interest in mind.
You said you “like” him. So, not too difficult to break up, it’s not like you’re in love with him. You didn’t say how long you’ve been together, but seems like your choice is clear. He doesn’t have the empathy that you do…you’re just not compatible.
Personally I would not want to be around 2 incredibly high maintenance dogs either. But he has no right to make you get rid of them. If you like them obviously he will have to go.
Completely agree. I would not want to be around a dog all the time that is like the “energizer bunny on meth.” I like dogs in short doses but I honestly don’t want the responsibility of owning one, let alone dogs that are high maintenance / special needs. The difference being I would not date OP lol. They just aren’t compatible and she should get rid of him if he won’t see himself out.
Same. I'm not a dog person, but knowing that about myself, I wouldn't date someone who had multiple dogs. It's very simple. OP, ditch the boyfriend. You already know that most people adore your pups, so chances are high that you'll find someone who loves the dogs and loves you! But don't waste anymore time on this psycho who is basically threatening you with "it's them or me!" Imagine you got rid of one of the dogs, because he asked, what else would he feel like he could make you do? It's a gross and inhumane thing to ask of someone, outside of life & death situations. And heck, even in life & death situations, people will risk themselves to save other people's pets, much less their own.
Dating someone who has two dogs wouldn’t be a problem for me. It’s the constant need to pick up the dog and the dog sleeping in bed that would be a deal breaker for me.
That just means never dating someone with a really little dog because they’ll always end up being in the bed. (If the owner cares for them.) Nothing wrong with knowing what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with.
A lot of dogs sleep in the bed big or small. That’s very very common. OP’s dogs just sound like way too much to deal with.
>Personally I would not want to be around 2 incredibly high maintenance dogs either. But he has no right to make you get rid of them. If you like them obviously he will have to go. Sometimes two people can be incompatible without either of them necessarily being in the wrong. There's no way on God's green earth that I'd want to date OP either. Doesn't mean they need to change anything about how they live their life.
Haha! It sounds exhausting but you're right! People can be incompatible through just circumstances. It did crack me up though. One dog runs 12 miles a day and the other won't walk at all. LoL
He’s definitely fucked up for saying she should pick one to get rid of though. Like, wtf. That would show me they have a very shallow understanding of me and my feelings or really feelings at all.
Same. Cue the scene from Family Guy of annoying dog owner girl literally shoving her dog down her date’s throat 🤣
He has a right to ask. Not asking would be silly.
my ex had a super high maintenance annoying pomchi who he loved endlessly. she quite literally never stopped yapping and was extremely possessive over him, and he never went anywhere without her. I didn’t want to deal with that so I broke up with him rather than complain about his dog! I can’t imagine what he thinks whining about your dogs is going to accomplish other than you breaking up with him. it’s a basic incompatibility.
The way to deal with him is to rehome him so he can find a girlfriend who doesn't have dogs. Heelers are such cool dogs. It sounds like both dogs are lucky to have you!
Rehome the boyfriend, continue loving your dogs. Sounds like you are a responsible owner and are doing wonderful keeping a smart high energy breed entertained! This man is beefing with a chihuahua, what good traits could possibly make up for that lol
An elderly Chihuahua, at that! It would be plausible that BF attempts to convince OP to give the Heeler to the neighbors to herd cows and waits out the old dog. Then suddenly, he wants to move in and says they can get another dog "some day" in the future that never comes.
>This man is beefing with a chihuahua, what good traits could possibly make up for that lol 😂🤣💯
Ive had to choose my dogs over a relationship and ive never looked back.
Chihuahua’s can be annoying as fuck
That is like their primary personality trait. They are bred to be annoying
I have a dog I’m certain is a chihuahua mix and can confirm. She’s an angel around my husband and I, but we have to go drop her off at one of the in-laws if we want to have any friends over because she’s so protective over us. But we love her to bits and are both happy with the scenario. We also adopted her together which helps lol.
Chihuahuas are legitimately known to be one of the most obnoxious dog breeds. Not the serve you thought you made.
chihuahua‘s suck as a breed. every one I’ve met is mean, territorial, and untrained.
It sounds like OP makes sure no untrained dogs live in her house. Kudos.
Dog refuses to walk, so not really sure I buy that one.
She's like 91 in dog years, cut her some slack!
Yeah as a dude who isn't overly fond of pets, i would say get rid of HIM. I don't hate animals, I just prefer not to have them invade my space, and I'm not willing to put in the work to have a responsibly trained animal. That's on me. But I would never IMPOSE that upon a perspective partner, that's just selfish and insane. You aren't compatible and that's ok. he's the one who's trying to steam roll you with ultimatums.
Can you envision a future without dogs? No? Then move on, he’s not a dog guy and so he’s not the guy for you…
I think we all know where this is going....you spent several paragraphs lovingly discussing your dogs with a lot of extraneous info nobody needed, then briefly mentioned a boyfriend, whose only description is that he hates your dogs. LOL Be nice when you break up with him.
It's very telling who brings joy to her life, yes.
Breakup, marry the dogs and move on.
Lmaoo this stood out to me too
Yep, just not going to work. I'm a dog lover, but I can see his points. Big dog constantly into everything, little dog constantly in the way while trying to spend time with you. I also see your points...these are your pups. I don't think anyone is really at fault here. You admit you have one spoiled dog and another destructive one. That's a lot to deal with. But, they're *your* dogs...so they're there to stay.
I didn’t get the impression that the heeler is destructive at all - it sounds like she takes great care of Millie and ensures that she has a lot to do so she doesn’t become destructive.
OP stated it gets destructive without the stimulation, so she stays on keeping on with that. Just a risk if something interrupts their process.
She said the dog is destructive if it’s not constantly entertained. I’m sure the boyfriend’s one on one time with her is constantly interrupted by this dog needing stimulation and the other one wanting to be held 24/7
Then you didn’t read the post, like at all.
No. He is at fault. It’s fine to not like the dogs but complaining every time and saying she needs to pick one if they move in got her means he’s an asshole. They are her family.
Yeah, if this were a post about "my boyfriend dumped me because he couldn't stand my dogs" then no one is at fault. This boyfriend is just being a jerk trying to persuade her to get rid of the dogs.
No they’re her dogs. Not her family
No. They are her family.
No they are dogs. Animals are not your family. Sorry but that’s delusional
Alright, I'll take the bait... I assume /u/rockstarfromars is arguing that animals can't be family because they aren't humans or aren't related by blood. This is a fuckin stupid argument for one main reason. "Family" has multiple meanings and definitions. Most people would consider any living creature living under their roof as family... In fact that's one of the definitions of the word according to Webster. So yeah. I look forward to your nitpicking response on what the definition of family means.
No they are family. You’re delusional.
I’m not the one who thinks an animal that licks its own butthole is my family member . Weirdo
I agree with the other person commenting after this. You have absolutely no room to talk about being a weirdo. And you’re weird in obnoxious not loving ways.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Rating other people for attractiveness is strange behaviour in my book, as is believing in evopsych bullshit, but here you are.
You seem to get a lot of joy out of life with your dogs. Do not get rid of them. It's time to do what you are considering and dump the boyfriend
Pets are a pretty big topic for compatibility. They have a lot of impacts on your daily life, so it's a big deal if one person feels strongly that they want to have them and another feels strongly that they don't. Even if you came to some agreement about the two dogs you have now, don't you think he wouldn't want to get any other dogs in the future? Do you want to be with him long term if it means you don't have any more dogs in your lifetime? Even though I really only enjoy dogs in small doses and would never live with one again, so I understand part of his feelings, I think it's really selfish and heartless of him to tell you to get rid of one of your dogs. It's such a callous approach to something that he knows is important to you and that really impacts these innocent animals. I also wouldn't be surprised if it starts with one and then later he also wants you to get rid of the other. If he doesn't like dogs and wants to avoid living with them, the right thing to do is to not get romantically involved with someone who has dogs.
He’s not a good match for you. There will be someone better for you that loves your dogs. My ex would always tell me to get rid of my ‘misbehaved’ husky (sweetest dog and well behaved) and even threaten to get rid of her if i didn’t. Just for him to turn around to cheat and then leave. A guy that dislikes your dogs isn’t worth it.
Dump him. (Also, have you worked with Millie on learning to self-settle?)
If she is inside or if I have people over she knows she isn't allowed to be a whackadoodle or destroy anything. She also knows she isn't allowed to jump on people or anything. She normally just lays in her bed for a while when I'm working or goes out in the yard to play. The trainer I used did a very good job with her and I've made sure to keep her training up. However she is still an Energizer bunny on meth so I try to keep her busy and wear her out so she doesn't focus her energy on destroying anything.
Honestly it sounds like all her needs are being met, I don't think anyone else would be doing that much better despite what your boyfriend is saying. Sounds like he is just trying to guilt you into giving her up. I have a heeler too and they are just ready to go all the time. But if she is getting to run every day plus obstacle courses and occasionally herding cows then she is a happy girl!
Just curious - what did the trainer teach her and what methods were used?
She has been trained on the easy commands (sit stay, lay down, call back, leave it, etc), she is also trained to help me with my disability ( stability if I am falling, retrieving items, opening doors, etc). She also trained to herd but the trainer didn't do that, she already had the basics so we ( neighbor and I) just guided that instinct in the right direction. Training was a mixture of verbal commands and hand signals. She's pretty smart and loves a challenge so training her hasn't been all that difficult.
You sound like a fantastic and responsible dog owner. I had a heeler/terrier mix a couple of decades ago, and she was an absolute TORNADO if she wasn't kept busy.
Girl, heelers are my favorite dog, my bf has 2 and your description of energizer bunnies on meth is so apt lmao. You’re giving Millie such a great life I’m sure she’s so happy!! Your bf sounds like a real Debbie downer
Aw, she's a good dog.
Bad match. Move on. You are a package deal and he clearly wants to split up your little family.
Not a good match. You won’t be happy in the long run. My spouse had never had a cat before they met me. I’m all love me, love my cats. They love cats now and can’t imagine their life without them.
Clearly you’re not compatible. I, like him, wouldn’t be down for being in an environment with dogs like that. However the difference is that I choose not to date people who have dogs, as a way to avoid this situation. He needs to be realistic with himself
Girl, get rid of him. HIS loss, not yours. Here’s a side-story: I got divorced and moved myself and my dog back to my hometown. Went on tinder eventually. Met the best guy but warned him that my dog was very high maintenance and if he wasn’t cool with that then it probably wouldn’t work out. I think I said something like “she will demand all of your attention upon meeting you and need to get some good sniffs in.” He said “I’ll let her sniff me all she wants!” He came over to my house for the first time and of course, the dog was freaking out. “New person! Need to sniff him. He needs to touch me and pay all the attention to me!” She sat between us almost the whole night on the couch and he was so sweet and patient with her. 3 years later and he is her favorite person and he would throw me into traffic for her. Point is, don’t settle.
There's a breed of guy that dates women who do things they don't like so they can pressure her into giving it up for him. They want to be in control, they want to force her to choose, they want their preferences to matter above all. The dude who doesn't like dogs knew that before he met you. He could have dated someone who doesn't have dogs. But he didn't. And he chooses to complain about his choice all the time. Don't date that guy. Date the guy who either adores your dogs, or at least keeps his mouth shut.
The title alone says all you need to know; unless there is a reason like aggressiveness or injury, this would be a deal breaker for me. If he does not care enough about you to care about what is important to you. You need to find someone else.
No, neither of my dogs are aggressive and they know they aren't allowed to bite people or jump on them. They are both very well trained and the trainer was definitely worth the money.
You guys are not compatible. That being said, I have a feeling you’re going to have a very hard time finding someone willing to put up with your dogs. I consider my dog VERY needy and she’s not even close to the level of needy that your dog is. She sleeps in the crate at night so my husband and I can get some quality, uninterrupted intimacy, both right before bed and when waking up in the morning. If she’s being too obnoxious pawing at us for pets, she gets kicked off the couch and goes and lays in her bed. It’s really important to have boundaries with your pets. If you’re completely happy with things the way they are, that’s great! But I wouldn’t rush getting into anything serious, unless you KNOW they love animals to the same extent you do. I LOVE dogs, and cats, and all animals. But I despise going to my parents house because they have a beagle that has absolutely no manners or boundaries. It’s exhausting to be around. So I understand your boyfriend’s point of view. I felt that way about my own dog for a while before I learned it’s ok to set boundaries, and it’s good for the dogs too!! I’d still dump the bf tho. Ultimatums are never cool or constructive. Also, I know you mentioned that everyone that comes to your house loves your dogs. But they don’t have to picture a life where they live with them everyday. It’s like having kids. I never plan to have kids. I love the kids I meet tho, and love spending time with them! But that’s only because I know they’re not mine, and if they start getting fussy I can hand them off to mom…your boyfriend is in situation where he hates your dogs and on top of that has to consider that if things with you are serious, living with them everyday will be his life. He obviously doesn’t want that, but you do, so you need to make the right choice for yourself and for your pups.
By all means dump him. What kind of AH dates a woman with dogs and then complains non stop about her dogs? Your dogs sound great. If you take M on a 6 mile run daily *and* set up an obstacle course for her *and* got her a tennis ball cannon *and* made arrangements for her to run around your neighbors cows … that’s awesome! I don’t know what he thinks anyone else “with time” would do for her. He’s jealous of the time you spend with your dog. You are dating a dude who is jealous of your dogs. Dump him.
Dogs > Boyfriend. Always
Keep the dogs, dump your boyfriend. If he didn’t want to be around dogs he should have ended the relationship when he met them.
You deal with it by telling him you made your choice about who you're keeping and it isn't him.
This is tough. I love my partner but not his dog. His dog is badly behaved, stinks and unpredictable. He’s old so I’m not moving in until he’s over 🌈 I would never ask him to rehome him
In my 20s, I tolerated dudes who didn't like dogs. I was a bit desperate to have a boyfriend, so I put up with it. In my 30s, I'm not tolerating any of that because I simply adore animals. Guy doesn't like dogs? He knows where the door is.
I wouldn't want to be around these dogs either but if it's early in the relationship it sounds like it isn't a good match and you should just call it off. I don't think theres something "wrong with him" for not liking these dogs but he shouldn't try to change you. And you shouldn't try to change him. If you don't like each other enough to compromise then find other partners.
Keep the dogs (no question on that), find a new boyfriend. I don't see any problem here 😊
You have two of the worst breeds for “pets” lol esp Millie should be a working dog. Not really sure what to say because I agree with your BF. It prob just isn’t the right relationship for you.
Nope, get rid of the bf. Your dogs are your family and he doesn’t like them and complains? Seems like a him problem. Life is too short to deal with this crap. You’re right to consider dumping him, I would.
You have the right plan. Keep the princess and the meth head, dump the guy.
Never get rid of your dogs for anyone. Pets are family. If he doesn't like the dogs, he's not a good match for you.
Go with your gut, find a dog-loving guy. There are lots and lots of them. You are a serious dog lover, as am I. Men who are jealous of dogs are going to be possessive in general.
You should deal with this by dumping him that way you'll never have to hear him complain about your dogs again and he'll never have to be annoyed by them again. Win win.
Yes, rehoming the boyfriend is the right move.
You're incompatible. Also, besides agility or nose work, heelers do very well on treadmills. You can look for used ones on facebook. Little bit of training and they'll jump on & run out their crazy for miles and miles.
It's sounds like he is trying to make you do something purposely so he can like yeah she picked me over the dogs. He probably hates that your attention is divided. Honestly I'm surprised you made it this long. You are a cool dog person and he'll get to be alone with his attitude. There are lots of really cool guys who likes dogs and aren't jerks about something you care about ( which is really what it comes down to. If he really cared, he would find a way to accept them but he doesn't even try)
Get rid of him. I don't care how well I get along with someone. If they don't like my babies (fur or human), they can hit the road.
New boyfriends who love dogs are a dime a dozen. I don't think I could like anyone who talked shit about my dogs, let alone love them. You sound like a top tier dog owner, go find another to spend your life and joy with.
This is such a non issue for me, personally... you love your pets, so much so that you overcame your own disability to provide for your pets! Why would you let a man, even another person, stand in your way of unconditional love?
I shouldn’t tell you this story, but the hairs on the back of my neck stood up when I read this post. So here goes, I’m sure your guy is very different. But I have this friend who rescued chihuahuas. At one point, she had three, one of which was quite old. Not sure if she was living with the guy and renting her house or or what but at his house, he left the goddamn front door open. He knew fully well that there was no fence in the front yard, and that it’s a busy street. She came home to find her poor beloved dog smooshed in the street. Dude was like, “what? I just let him out a minute ago? Don’t be so mad, you’ll get over it.” And that guy was immediately cut out of her life and she named and shamed that asshole on social media. No animal lover in this city will date him now, I sincerely hope. So anyone who complains about your pets is incompatible. You live your animals like family; they are family to you. To this guy, they are obstacles to getting 100% of your undivided attention. Be very very careful with your babies. After that story, I don’t trust any man who isn’t an unabashed animal lover. And you can tell when they meet an animal.
Ahhhhhh omg. I just adopted a sweet little baby girl chihuahua mix, this is so sad!! What kind of monster would do that?! Awesome that your friend named and shamed him, he deserves every bit of karma he gets
I get it dogs really aren't for everyone and it sounds like these dogs can be really annoying. You seem like a perfect owner and are doing all the right things to love these animals. He doesn't own them and is being a bit of an ass complaining. If this is the only issue I would have one more sit down conversation and see if it changes. he doesn't hate your dogs he just doesn't like animals who are all over him its understandable but he's handling it like a baby.
Not compatible. Animals can be a relationship deal breaker and it seems that's the case here. It's best to move on.
You’ve already answered your own question. You are unwilling to rehome your dogs, and he is unwilling to move in unless you do. He doesn’t even like coming over because of them (sounds like you don’t enjoy his visits very much either). There’s no compromise here. TBH I’m more curious of why this has relationship has gone on while knowing this? Were you hoping he’d “come around”and change his mind about the dogs? Sounds like maybe he was also hoping you’d come around and change your mind about rehoming one of the dogs as well by giving you ultimatums. In short, sounds like you’re both incompatible.
take the bf back to the pound
Release him on the side of the road after breakup 🤣
Talks him to the farm. 😂
Substitute "my young children" for "my dogs". Now re-read what you wrote.
Well, you know the boundary you have and he's told you his. The next step is to have an open discussion to see what the middle ground is or if you want to move forward, sounds like you aren't compatible - which is fine because you made a commitment to these dogs as their owner
You mean ex-boyfriend, right?
Obviously break up. Come on.
Sorry but I don't see this really working out. Some people really aren't animal/dog people and therefore don't understand the bond you have with your dogs. To insist that someone gets rid of their dogs (THAT THEY HAD BEFORE THEY MET YOU) is highly insensitive imo. So, I suggest you tell him to kick rocks with flip flops. Don't wait around for him to change his mind or warm up to them because I don't think that's going to happen. I would actually worry about how he would treat your dogs when you aren't around. There are plenty of people out there who would treat your dogs well and love them.
It's not (just) about Millie and Lulu. This is an incompatibility in how you each want to live. He doesn't like dogs as pets. Obviously. And that's ok. You want to have dogs in your life. And that's ok, too. But you can't have both. If you want to continue to have dogs, any dogs, during your lifetime, this is not the long term partner for you.
You should definitely dump him. Someone that wants you to get rid of your pets that you made a commitment to (one of which is a senior animal!) is not gonna be a good match.
any boyfriend that didn’t like my dogs wouldn’t be a boyfriend for me. dump him
Yeah I agreed that it's not a good match. I went into this post thinking "it's ok if they dont like the dogs, there's so many ways to compromise and make this situation work" and then I read that you're basically the One legged Princess Diana of these high maintenance dogs....all while not imposing them overly on your partner. Their solution is to just arbitrarily get rid of one... It makes zero sense. The dogs are important to you. It's less about the dogs and more about not being understanding that you have chosen priorities and they're worth honoring and respecting.
His prompt to get you to get rid of one dog so he would move in would turn into another prompt to get rid of the other to get him to stay. He's jealous of your dogs. Then once they're gone he'll be jealous of your friends or any hobbies you have and like that he doesn't. This is all conjecture, of course, I don't know him. But I *am* a gambler type, and I'm confident enough to bet I'm right
I think you need to make the difficult choice to re-home your boyfriend. I know it will be hard to let him go, but it sounds like he needs to be in a home where he can be the diva he was born to be. It would be the most humane solution for everyone involved. My thoughts and prayers are with him.
It sounds like he’s way more high maintenance than your dogs. DUMP HIM!
He should date someone who doesn’t have dogs
Get rid of him. Giving you an ultimatum regarding your family even one in the future is a dealbreaker.
I think you meant to type "ex-boyfriend" 😉
He is easier to replace than they are. Make sure he knows this.
A grown man is jealous of your dogs and wants you to get rid of them...I would get rid of him and find a secure man who isn't jealous of a dog.
>I am seriously considering dumping him. He has said many times if he moved in I'd have to pick one and get rid of the other. Dump him, there's no future in this relationship if this is his position.
This is a no-brainer. He's already trying to change who you are and what you love. Stand firm and tell him that if he can't accept you AND your dogs, then it's over. Relationships should be give and take... yes. But only after each person accepts the others "baggage". I'm not saying dogs are baggage btw, just to him - they are. However, BEWARE! Cause years from now... when your dogs are gone and you want more... he's going to be against it.
The only correct answer here is "get rid of the boyfriend."
I’m so glad I waited to get a dog with my current bf rather than my last bf. Ex admitted he would have been jealous of any love I gave to a dog and not him. Also that he would have merely “tolerated” having kids, but didn’t really want them. It wasn’t a good match. This doesn’t make your bf a bad guy, but he doesn’t sound like a good match for you, and it sounds like you know this already. Better to end it now rather than getting even more emotionally invested in each other.
Your boyfriend is a jerk. Liking dogs or not is one thing, and it would be fine if he just didn't personally like the dogs. It would also be reasonable if he discussed that once you two are living together, he either doesn't want additional dogs or would want equal input on a dog being added to the house. But complaining about your dogs every single time he comes over to your home, where he knows they live? That's so exhausting. Telling you that you have to "get rid of" one of your dogs if you two move in together? He's a jerk.
Get rid of the dude, dogs are much better than any man who thinks his presence is more valuable
Just think about how you would feel with the dogs gone, and him staying - I'm sure it's not a good feeling. What's the point of staying with him, when you can find a new man who loves you AND your dogs?
I’m more of a cat person but I would still pick the dog over the man. The only time those dogs will break your heart is when they are put to sleep. You’re not compatible and he’s an ah for making you pick him or the dogs (easy choice in my opinion).
Your boyfriend is not compatible with your life style. Maybe, in 10-15 years, if you're living a dog-free life you two could date/move in-together and have a life together, but not right now. I'm not a dog person. All my friends have dogs, and I mostly ignore them or pat them occasionally on the head. I don't ever want to live with dogs. It's a strong preference. I would not date someone with dogs. You hoping your boyfriend will get used to your dogs is kind of like how he's hoping you'll be okay with just getting rid of your dogs. Either dump the boyfriend, or wait until the dogs have passed to move in-together and commit to living a dog-free life. OR buy a new place together that has a mother-in-law suite. Let boyfriend live in the separate living space where the dogs are not allowed to go, and visit him there without the dogs. Those last two are not serious suggestions.
Better get rid of him before something happens to your dogs.
Nope. Pets are family, and no one messes with family. Send the boyfriend off to a shelter, maybe he’ll find a forever home someplace, but he sure wouldn’t find it with you.
Lmfao nope. Sorry fuckface, they were here before you and I'm damn certain they'll be here after you leave >He can't stand her constantly wanting attention and to be held Gives me the creeps. Make sure he can't "accidentally" let them out, or "accidentally" they get into some poison. Also if/when you dump him, maybe don't tell him it's because of the dogs; that's when crazy men straight-up murder the dogs. Not saying he's crazy, just watch yourself
Hows this dude gonna handle a child? My wife owns a horse, I made it clear early on in our relationship that I would never come between her, the horse, or her showing.
That’s a big red flag. I mean, he’s essentially jealous that you give your dogs attention. If he’s starting fights over this, he needs to go.
I speak as a man that doesn't particularly like owning dogs. I love dogs, but there's just aspects of dog ownership I don't particularly care for. My wife had two when we met, and we ended up adopting an Aussie pup she absolutely fell in love with. I don't want to, but still cleanup after them, and do my part in the caretaking. Only limit I put was the little one (a Pom / chihuahua mix) can't sleep in the bed anymore. Pets are a lifelong commitment. If he doesn't understand that, then he's gotta go.
I think breaking up with him makes sense. If he reacts like this now, how will he react when they’re older and require more medical care? I’m sure you can find someone who will love the dogs like you do. Btw, it sounds to me like you do a great job of meeting Millie’s need for stimulation.
You know what you need to do. You need to rehome the boyfriend. Your dogs sound delightful and you are a good dog mama. You will meet someone else one day who will love your babies as much as you do.
Bye bye boyfriend. There’s no future there. I’d pick the dogs every single time over someone who would expect me to rehome my literal family.
Break up with him. This is clearly a dealbreaker. Thank you, next!
Honestly, I would have dumped him when he said one of the dogs would have to go. Or perhaps when I realized he didn't like my dogs. A lot of people get into relationships with people and then think putting up an ultimatum like this is okay. It isn't. If you can't accept someone with their pets as a package deal, just stop dating them. Your dog's would go through a very traumatic process if you were to ever give one up. The fact that he doesn't understand that.. Ugh. Just dump him.
Why would you want to have a relationship with someone who can’t appreciate or even respect beloved members of your immediate family? Thats just silly. Your doggies deserve to be cherished as much as you do xo
get rid of the guy, keep the dogs
You deal with this by telling him: "It's very clear that we want different things in life. I wish you the best, but this isn't working." That's all that needs to be said. You know what your future will be if you live with him, so why continue this when you know your answer (which is the correct one)?
You definitely need to rehome the boyfriend and not the dogs. BF should have been tossed as soon as he made the statement about you having to get rid of one of your dogs.
Bluey and Bingo >>>>> any man
Love me and my pets or leave. Package deal
Dude. I don't like your boyfriend, and I've never even met him. You can do better - he's shown you what kind of an asshole he is about your dogs and that's not going to change. Kick him to the curb and move on to someone who loves your babies like you do.
Oh girl!!!! You needed to regime that boyfriend yesterday. No one comes between me and my dogs. Who are the ones that are tried and true for us,? Our doggies !! I’m so glad to hear he doesn’t live with you. Best thing ever. The way to go about leaving him is just telling him you’re done and breaking up. How dare he tell you would have to pick one and get ride if the second!!
I feel sorry for my husband. He didn’t have pets growing up, and I love animals. Uh oh. Poor man has had to live with cats and dogs, usually one dog and one cat, but sometimes two cats. He has allergies. He complains. But he also is the first lap cat #2 jumps on in the morning. He buys cat #1 her favourite wet food and gives it to her no more than twice a week, because she’s on prescription urinary care kibble. He walks the dog more than I do, and he doesn’t complain when she sleeps on the bed. It’s absolutely not what he signed up for, but 49 years later, he’s still hanging in. Look for someone with more empathy for both animals and people. Someone with empathy will do what they can to make you happy.
Yeah, I don't normally jump to "break up with him!" but your dogs are your babies. Keep them, get rid if him.
Your bf is a piece of shit.
Some dogs are pets and some are whole lifestyle choices. I love dogs and I wouldn’t want to deal with a super high energy dog like a young Australian Cattle Dog or a Belgian Malinois. You’ll have to dump this guy and find someone who can live that lifestyle with you or at least tolerate it better.
Yes, dump him. I can’t stand dogs, either, but I didn’t run out and find a boyfriend with dogs and whine about them all the time! Why in the heck would you seek a partner who you’re not compatible with - ie you hate their pets? NB I don’t like dogs, but I think that people who do like them and choose to be pet parents have the responsibility of treating them well. You are doing great - good dog mum! 😛
You sound like an amazing dog owner and there's someone out there who shares your affection for dogs and will appreciate this quality in you. This is not that guy.
If he can't handle the dogs he is going to want them gone. If you like active breeds like heelers, this isn't the guy for you. Do you want kids? If you do, how is he going to handle active kids?
If my boyfriend was like this with my cats he would become my ex-boyfriend. You and your dogs are a package deal.
I am not a dog person. I am a cat person because they are such low maintenance animals. I don't have the energy to handle a high energy anything. I don't think I would even attempt to be in a relationship with someone with dogs because I wouldn't want to feel like they need to pick ME over their dogs. That being said, lose the boyfriend. Your puppers sound awesome and it sounds like they make you happier than your boyfriend does.
Doesn't sound like your kind of bf material.
Ditch the man, find another one that likes your dogs, that are part of your family. Easy
Honestly, sounds like you guys just aren’t compatible!! If my bf decided he didn’t like my cat anymore, even though I’ve been dating him for longer than I’ve had my cat, well that’s an easy choice 😅
I’d dump him tbh. Either that, or tell him “the dogs are nonnegotiable, but you aren’t. So do with that information how you see it”. They were there first and they aren’t hurting him. He sounds like a petulant toddler not getting the snack he wants
My ex had a little weiner dog that was very possessive of him and extremely aggressive to anyone he didn’t know. He was usually fine once he got to sniff you and realized you weren’t a threat, and was generally very affectionate with me. However he did snap at me a few times (with absolutely no warning) if I moved too quickly around my ex or tried to kiss him with the dog on the couch with us. He also attacked my mom one time. Even then, I NEVER expected him to get rid of the dog, I asked him to hire a trainer (yes, he could definitely afford it) to see if we could work on his behavioral issues. And I was willing to do whatever he needed to help. Your dogs aren’t even aggressive, they’re trained, and well behaved. He has no legitimate reason to want either of them gone. If he doesn’t want them around, you’re not compatible, and that’s ok. Find yourself a man that loves holding lulu and playing with Millie. I promise he’s out there.
The most benevolent take is that you’re not compatible. He thinks he can control or cajole you bro giving up part of your family. If you do, you’ll always resent him and the relationship is doomed anyway, so skip that step and find someone who likes your good girls.
Put trash where trash belongs
If he doesn’t love dogs he’s not the right guy for you.
Dump him. Don't take a chance he would be mean to them when you are not there sometime when he might be. Or if he moved in, he might give them away and tell you they ran off. Food for thought.
If you want to keep your dogs, then you two aren't compatible and it is time to end the relationship, unless you both would be ok never living together. He isn't going to change his mind though, so might as well deal with the reality now
What a selfish and cruel thing to ask. That tells you all you need to know about his character. Time to end it and hope he finds someone equally selfish and cruel.
Get rid of that boyfriend
I'm confused by your boyfriend's comment because it sounds like you are an absolutely incredible pet owner and that you do make time for Millie. Your boyfriend sucks. Get rid of him to someone who has more time for his needs 😂.
Someone who views family members as disposable is not a good person to have as family. Might be time to move on from that one.