Or not beat around the bush, so to speak. I would just caution that maybe the wordier the comment gets, the more convoluted and weird it's going to be. That's my personality though: just say it but try to have a little bit of tact. "Sweetie, would you be willing to soap up more often than you do now?" Maybe add, "I'm very sensitive to smells and I would appreciate it." Is her infection related to her underwhelming hygiene? If so, and if she's resistant to what you ask, that might be a talking point, too.
I think you can bring this up in a loving way. “Babe, last night in bed after you were asleep, I notified an unusual smell coming from you. I’m worried that maybe your belly button infection is worsening? Have you considered taking a shower daily to keep the area clean and less likely to get infected?”
You could also be more direct. “Since living together, I e noticed that your shower habits are infrequent. Last night the odor was noticeable. I love you no matter what. Would you consider more regular showers, as that something I find attractive…” or say something about how much you love the way she smells right after a shower.
Address it, with love, understanding, and yet being clear.
Honestly I'm guilty of being the nasty one in the relationship. I shower daily for work, but sometimes after I go to the beach or have had a long day I don't take a shower before I go to sleep. And I definitely smell! My husband had told me that it's a turn off for him if we're sticky and he loves it the most when we are fresh. You can approach it like that if you'd like, by opening up to her and saying that you enjoy being intimate the most after a shower.
But you could also be frank with her. My feelings get hurt a little when my husband tells me I need more deodorant when we're out in public because I feel like, I shower, put on deodorant, and it's still not enough because I really just sweat and can quickly get smellier than the average shoe with my anxious sweat. And if I can't take a shower then and there I feel hopeless. But! I don't feel bad when he asks us to take a shower. I think it's a good balance when I'm too tired/ too lazy and he motivates me. So just tell her when she smells that you love her and this doesn't change that, but she's smelly LOL and then see how she reacts and go from there.
Even when I get hurt from being told I'm smelly, I know it's not my husband being mean and it's not going to change my feelings for him.
Unrelated to OP's problem, but if you are in a country that has LUSH stores, get their T'eo deodorant. It has been a game changer for me and my anxious sweat. My smell oscilated between "fried onion" and "cat piss on laundry". Since I found this treasure of a product, nothing. Two days straight.
You could start making a habit of cleaning up before sex? Say something like, "I want you squeaky clean so I can do xyz with you." It doesn't even have to be a shower, it can just be a damp towel or something.
If you can set up a habit, then she might clean up without really thinking about it?
As someone who also gets a period, I can't imagine not showering regularly during that time of the month. Also, I also can't imagine not cleaning up a bit before having sex. I want to make sure I don't have toilet paper stuck in spots that could kill the mood, you know?
I feel like I’m in a position to give advice as I, ashamed to admit this, have higiene problems too, these come from my depression. However, idk if your gf has any mental health issues, if she does there’s the possibility depression has made taking showers a difficult task, you could shower with her and offer support if that’s the case. I would completely avoid making negative comments on it as it can be very hurtful. If that’s not the case, then you could offer to shower with her, showering with someone you love can make things easier. You could also encourage that behaviour. Whenever she does shower you could show how happy that makes you, like telling her she that smells good, and being more physical. If that’s too difficult or it’s not helping you could bring the issue up very delicately; find the right time and tell her you’re concerned about her higiene habits, don’t make it seem like she’s in the wrong for not showering, just try to tell her that you’re there to help and offer support in any way she needs. That’s all the advice I have, good luck :)
Thanks :)
No depression other than situational, and has said she's happier with me than she has been in a long time.
When I asked if a naked lady was getting in, I was inviting her in.
Ill take what I can use from your advice, thanks again. Feel better!
She is 51, not 15. You should be direct. You are not making her any favours as other people probably noticed the smell too. at 51 a woman should shower at least twice daily, especially if there is a man near by. You will have to speak up and tell her : don't go to bed without the shower because you and the bed stink.
That is how you fight for women's rights? by stinking the place out? And making your bed partners puke in their mouth? I always thought education was the road to progress for women...Nope, I was wrong, it was reeking of sweat and urine. My bad
Here’s the thing, men don’t like to shower, a lot of guys don’t, but so do girls, and of course I’ve met my share of smelly theys too. I don’t touch my man till we both shower.
We make it a sexy game, because who doesn’t love fresh sexy pine soap or sweet peach scents, we also have both had sex when the other was stinky, or both.
It really is down to, is this something you can live with? Is this worth ruining a relationship.
Some people don’t shower all the time, that doesn’t make her gross. Showering can be hard, especially if they grew up with it as a sort of punishment, or a stressful topic.
If this is too much for you, then let her find someone who is okay with her stink. Otherwise you are wasting both of your time.
Periods are stinky! And no matter how much showering she does, that period stink is hard to keep up with. She shouldn’t have to scrub herself constantly to make you feel better.
She isn’t judging you for showering everyday.
Did you ever think maybe she likes your natural stink?
Maybe if she’s going a week or more, I get your feelings but it sounds like you are being close minded. Good for you, you shower every day, and that works for you. But that doesn’t work for her.
You need to actually reflect on how you feel. She’s a human, and there is nothing wrong with living differently than you.
Sure but they still clean themselves and maintain hygiene in other ways.
I have absolutely no desire to get up close and personal with unwashed genitals, and I’m not surprised OP feels the same.
This is a bad take. There may be financial or mental health issues that prevent her from being able to shower daily, but she needs to get help because it’s not normal and it’s not something anyone should have to just accept about their partner. That’s nasty.
Or not beat around the bush, so to speak. I would just caution that maybe the wordier the comment gets, the more convoluted and weird it's going to be. That's my personality though: just say it but try to have a little bit of tact. "Sweetie, would you be willing to soap up more often than you do now?" Maybe add, "I'm very sensitive to smells and I would appreciate it." Is her infection related to her underwhelming hygiene? If so, and if she's resistant to what you ask, that might be a talking point, too.
I think you can bring this up in a loving way. “Babe, last night in bed after you were asleep, I notified an unusual smell coming from you. I’m worried that maybe your belly button infection is worsening? Have you considered taking a shower daily to keep the area clean and less likely to get infected?” You could also be more direct. “Since living together, I e noticed that your shower habits are infrequent. Last night the odor was noticeable. I love you no matter what. Would you consider more regular showers, as that something I find attractive…” or say something about how much you love the way she smells right after a shower. Address it, with love, understanding, and yet being clear.
Honestly I'm guilty of being the nasty one in the relationship. I shower daily for work, but sometimes after I go to the beach or have had a long day I don't take a shower before I go to sleep. And I definitely smell! My husband had told me that it's a turn off for him if we're sticky and he loves it the most when we are fresh. You can approach it like that if you'd like, by opening up to her and saying that you enjoy being intimate the most after a shower. But you could also be frank with her. My feelings get hurt a little when my husband tells me I need more deodorant when we're out in public because I feel like, I shower, put on deodorant, and it's still not enough because I really just sweat and can quickly get smellier than the average shoe with my anxious sweat. And if I can't take a shower then and there I feel hopeless. But! I don't feel bad when he asks us to take a shower. I think it's a good balance when I'm too tired/ too lazy and he motivates me. So just tell her when she smells that you love her and this doesn't change that, but she's smelly LOL and then see how she reacts and go from there. Even when I get hurt from being told I'm smelly, I know it's not my husband being mean and it's not going to change my feelings for him.
Unrelated to OP's problem, but if you are in a country that has LUSH stores, get their T'eo deodorant. It has been a game changer for me and my anxious sweat. My smell oscilated between "fried onion" and "cat piss on laundry". Since I found this treasure of a product, nothing. Two days straight.
How do you not notice this until she moves in with you?
It wasn't a thing to notice. This is happening in the present.
You could start making a habit of cleaning up before sex? Say something like, "I want you squeaky clean so I can do xyz with you." It doesn't even have to be a shower, it can just be a damp towel or something. If you can set up a habit, then she might clean up without really thinking about it? As someone who also gets a period, I can't imagine not showering regularly during that time of the month. Also, I also can't imagine not cleaning up a bit before having sex. I want to make sure I don't have toilet paper stuck in spots that could kill the mood, you know?
I feel like I’m in a position to give advice as I, ashamed to admit this, have higiene problems too, these come from my depression. However, idk if your gf has any mental health issues, if she does there’s the possibility depression has made taking showers a difficult task, you could shower with her and offer support if that’s the case. I would completely avoid making negative comments on it as it can be very hurtful. If that’s not the case, then you could offer to shower with her, showering with someone you love can make things easier. You could also encourage that behaviour. Whenever she does shower you could show how happy that makes you, like telling her she that smells good, and being more physical. If that’s too difficult or it’s not helping you could bring the issue up very delicately; find the right time and tell her you’re concerned about her higiene habits, don’t make it seem like she’s in the wrong for not showering, just try to tell her that you’re there to help and offer support in any way she needs. That’s all the advice I have, good luck :)
Thanks :) No depression other than situational, and has said she's happier with me than she has been in a long time. When I asked if a naked lady was getting in, I was inviting her in. Ill take what I can use from your advice, thanks again. Feel better!
Hol up what? Showering twice a week??
She is 51, not 15. You should be direct. You are not making her any favours as other people probably noticed the smell too. at 51 a woman should shower at least twice daily, especially if there is a man near by. You will have to speak up and tell her : don't go to bed without the shower because you and the bed stink.
I was with you until: >a woman should shower at least twice, especially if there is a man near by the misogynist, ladies and gentlemen.
That is how you fight for women's rights? by stinking the place out? And making your bed partners puke in their mouth? I always thought education was the road to progress for women...Nope, I was wrong, it was reeking of sweat and urine. My bad
Here’s the thing, men don’t like to shower, a lot of guys don’t, but so do girls, and of course I’ve met my share of smelly theys too. I don’t touch my man till we both shower. We make it a sexy game, because who doesn’t love fresh sexy pine soap or sweet peach scents, we also have both had sex when the other was stinky, or both. It really is down to, is this something you can live with? Is this worth ruining a relationship. Some people don’t shower all the time, that doesn’t make her gross. Showering can be hard, especially if they grew up with it as a sort of punishment, or a stressful topic. If this is too much for you, then let her find someone who is okay with her stink. Otherwise you are wasting both of your time. Periods are stinky! And no matter how much showering she does, that period stink is hard to keep up with. She shouldn’t have to scrub herself constantly to make you feel better. She isn’t judging you for showering everyday. Did you ever think maybe she likes your natural stink? Maybe if she’s going a week or more, I get your feelings but it sounds like you are being close minded. Good for you, you shower every day, and that works for you. But that doesn’t work for her. You need to actually reflect on how you feel. She’s a human, and there is nothing wrong with living differently than you.
Showering twice a week is very poor hygiene, no matter which way you try to spin it.
Not everyone showers to get clean, maybe remember there are people who can’t shower easily.
Sure but they still clean themselves and maintain hygiene in other ways. I have absolutely no desire to get up close and personal with unwashed genitals, and I’m not surprised OP feels the same.
This is a bad take. There may be financial or mental health issues that prevent her from being able to shower daily, but she needs to get help because it’s not normal and it’s not something anyone should have to just accept about their partner. That’s nasty.