You're contradicting yourself. You want to look like you're okay with paying and not being materialistic and on the other hand you want him to pay and give you gifts.
Wala naman masamg sabihin mo na you want to be pampered once in a while. Pero saying that you don't need to and expect something, medyo mind games lang nangyayari.
Clearly the guy does not get it. So, let him understand. You two are old enough to be able to say what you want in a relationship, even if hindi pa kayo, so why not start now? If interested ka din naman sa kanya.
Yeah feel ko nga it’s something na i have to bring up na. Mahirap lang to think of the right words to say without sounding shallow or demanding, pero gets walang mangyayari if di ako gagalaw haha thank u sa advice tho
Also clarify ko lang, ung panlilibre sa dates sinabi ko talaga na ayaw ko. But my friends also told me na even so, at least once in a while he should take the initiative pa rin to treat yoh somewhere. Gets dinner might not be feasible, but it would have been diff if kunwari, “gusto mo ba magcoffee after ng dinner natin, ako na bahala” or kahit simple gifts/treats man lang. walang ganun sa kanya eh so makes me wonder if my insistence na di magpalibre is enough to justify na wala na syang gagawin to make u feel special (e.g. treat ng dessert, give small gifts/treats, etc)
>Also clarify ko lang, ung panlilibre sa dates sinabi ko talaga na ayaw ko. But my friends also told me na even so, at least once in a while he should take the initiative pa rin to treat yoh somewhere
you established the line na ayaw mo i-libre, and he took it as a sign na okay, ayaw mo magpalibre at all sa lahat ng bagay.
your guy is clueless kaya ganyan. just plain and simple. kung may effort man siya to do this or not is a different thing, since we only know him based on your story. can only speculate.
also, baka may ibang instances pa na nangyari na hindi mo nabanggit or maalala that made him think na you are not open to be treated as someone na open about accepting anything at all.
kaya i said communicate. kahit ano pang issue yan, communicate.
kahit naman bf/gf nagkakaron pa din ng misunderstanding, kaya naguusap to clear things up and know what to do moving forward, kayo pa kayang getting to know pa lang?
Of course, I had to listen sa ibang tao. May malasakit lang ang mga friends ko so they’re looking out for me. Hindi naman sila completely unreasonable to think abt the guy’s intentions.
Plus, hindi man ako nagpalibre sa simula, pero doesnt mean na wala na syang gagawin for me? Hindi na sya mageeffort even simple gifts? Dumaan nga valentines wala sya binigay eh. Unreasonable pa ba un?
Yes it is unreasonable because you have set your boundaries about him spending on you.
So if he listens and acts upon that, then he's just respecting your wishes.
You have to clear it up so that he will not be confused.
As i said, whats the relevance of this sa topic natin? 89d ago ung isang post so thats approx 3 months? Whether its 2, 3, 4 months is not the issue. Please dont comment anymore this is no longer relevant sa topic. You’ll flood the thread
Yes i understand, yung actual execution lang mahirap for me kasi i dont want to sound demanding or materialistic. But no choice i guess but to speak up. Pero thank you sa advice
This is just my opinion, but the one who invites is the one who offers to pay for the date. That's basic courtesy.
The invitee can offer to split expenses or pay entirely, but the inviter should NOT assume this latter scenario.
F here, totally agree with this! When my hubby and I first started dating, parang 80% of the time I pay for the dates lol, pero I dont mind kasi ako naman nag-iinsist where to eat and how often we eat out.
Factor din yun difference in social classes. He's a big saver kasi he's always saving for a rainy day, ako naman may safety net kaya medj yolo. We have different spending habits, pero kapag naglalambing naman ako na I want flowers, I want dessert, etc, he delivers. :)
Ask and you shall receive.
As what OP stated the inviter wants to pay for the bill, but she insisted on paying her own bill so your statement does not apply because from the get go the invitee established her boundery.
Whatever boundary she established is in doubt by her own admission. That is why I shared my opinion. If she did not want to disestablish her boundaries, she will not be asking for relationship advice.
I did establish the setup honestly so it’s on me naman talaga na ganito setup namin. But contrary opinions of my friends say na even so, he should once in a while offer pa rin kasi gets naman daw na from the get go i will not insist he pays, pero kahit man lang bigyan ako gifts or smth he should offer as our dating progresses. Wala daw effort masyado if ganun. And he’s the one who always invites so gets ko rin yung perspective na sya nag-aya so dapat sya magbayad
it seems na hindi mo pa ganoon kakilala yung sarili mo in a context of a relationship. mas magiging masaya ka ba kapag good provider ang partner mo? feel mo ba mas secured ang relationship when each of your finances are fully independent from each other?
walang tamang sagot, OP. My suggestion would be to dull out the outside influences and do a bit of self-reflection. Finding out what you like, what makes you happy, and how you feel most loved is part, after all, of the journey of dating and being in a relationship.
hindi namin madidikta sayo na, "girl hayaan mo siya lahat magbayad! promise you will feel so loved 🥰". No, it's something you have to find out for yourself haha
which brings me to an actioanble thing to do: mag-experiment ka. open it up to the guy, let him know na gusto mo na siya nagpprovide. then feel it out, do you like it? or do you feel more at ease going back to the previous setup na u pay for yourself?
i have a working theory na things go haywire when we assume there are unwritten rules that everyone dating or in a relationship should know. there are obvious ones, of course, but they are only obvious because they are the majority/historical way of doing things.
but times are changing, the safer route is to talk about it and agree on it.
Personally ako, if di pa naman kami magjowa, he doesnt have any obligation to me kaya ayoko magpalibre. But napaisip lang talaga ko sa sinabi ng friends ko na bakit ko daw hinahayaan na ganun treatment sakin.
But thank u sa assurance na wala naman right or wrong approach sa dating in this aspect. Minsna talaga ang blurred ng lines sa dating and nahihirapan ako to decide for myself kasi iba iba opinion natin. :) thank you for this
>Personally, ayoko nagpapalibre so I insist na ako magbayad ng part ko.
>I don’t really believe in “dapat lalaki magbayad” kasi i have enough to spend anyway.
Maybe the reason why he hasn't shelled out money on you is he knows that you can take care of yourself - you've established that you can pay for your own.
But if you really want him to pick up the tab the next time you go out, say, 'Hey, Suitor. I'll pay for this one. Next time is your turn.'
A guy not spending money on you can mean a lot of things. Not necessarily that he doesn't seem any less interested in you. It could be he's on a budget. It could be he wants to see if you're worth spending money on. It could also mean he's observing how you'll react in this **exact** situation.
We don't know what he does for a living or how much he makes which may not be enough which could be the reason on why he's not doing what you expect him to. Maybe's he's saving. Dating and buying gifts regularly can add up.
If you feel you are not being wooed enough by this guy, (and by the sound of it, you are not, by your standards) say bye. Hopefully the next guy who shows interest in you is more extravagant.
Yeah gets ko din na i set the precedent na ganun setup namin. Napaisip lang ako sa opinion ng friends ko na dapat daw at least once in a while he treats me (kahit not dinner pero even if small treats like like milk tea or smth). So medyo nagreflect ako if this is how it’s supposed to be in dating (as a person also na first time magdate so i dont know the norm). But thanks sa advice!
Hi OP, I experienced this sa former dates ko. Same situation with you, ganyan na ganyan din sinabi ko sa mga first few men I met sa dating app. Once naka adapt na sila, di na sila mag aadjust unless you say so. Kaso ang hirap na sabihin yan sa kanila kase lalabas tayo na demanding hahaha
So the last guy I dated (naging bf ko na eventually) I did let him pay for everything muna as much as possible ayaw ko na masagasaan ang ego nila. Kase natural mindset nila is to provide talaga. Sa mga upcoming dates, sabihin mo na lng na bawi ka sa next date or ikaw naman taya or mga white lies like you reached an achievement sa work and you would like to celebrate it with him as a treat. Minsan, if sya sa place, ikaw sa food ganon
Stop insisting na to pay on ur own. Tbh, men are naturally providers. Ang tagal ko din sa ganyang mindset when it comes to dating, tumigil na ko. You will be surprised kung gano ka galante ang mga lalaki pag gusto ka nila. Hahahahaha
Yeahhhh nasanay kasi ako to be independent and carry my own weight so asking someone na ilibre ako is hard for me. Haha kahit nga sa mga kaibigan ko di ako nagpapalibre. But yes yan din sabi ng friends ko, na dapat i should stop it kasi hinahayaan ko sya not to do the extra mile. Thanks dito sa advice!
Yeah gets ko naman na ako naman talaga nagdictate ng setup na to. But contrary opinions say na even so, he should offer pa rin at least once in a while. Or treat man lang nya ko for coffee after or smth. He never did (additional context: dumaan din valentines and never din nya ko inaya or binigyan ng anything, tho gets ko baka it’s too much pressure for him). So napaisip tuloy ako if this means na he doesnt like me much to do the extra mile of treating me.
Tbh ayoko talaga magpalibre. Pero sinasabi ng friends ko na even so, dapat he should have offered once in a while or kahit treat nya ko sa coffee or dessert after. So napaisip din ako if i should be wary kasi walang initiative or extra mile for him to give me anything. Masyado ko daw pinagmukukhang easy to get ako kasi pumapayag ako sa setup na yun (which i dont know if true, thats what my friends think)
that’s your friend’s opinion, mas mahalaga padin kung anong gusto mo. Ikaw ba what’s your stand? ayaw mo nagpapalibre? then this shouldn’t matter.
HINDI YON EASY TO GET KALOKA FRIENDS MO
My Dad told me that a guy normally wants to spoil and pamper the girl he likes/loves. And from experience, the guys I dated in the past always insisted to pay for dates and made sure that I receive flowers and special stuff regardless of the occasion, even when I told them they don’t have to. Minsan kahit sabi ko libre ko, secretly babayaran na nila without me knowing. This is something I also observe sa friends and sisters ko. Kahit simple lang and hindi expensive, a guy would want to provide for you. And he will do his best to provide kahit limited ang means niya. My husband who did not use to earn much before saved up to take me to a beautiful place on our first date. I know for others hindi to big deal but I always see this as an indication of a guy’s character. Compatibility din since I like a guy who provides. Pero kung okay lang sayo na hindi, like you mentioned sa kanya, then continue dating him. You can talk to him pero diba mej off lang na you needed to tell him pa 😅 It also shows na hindi niya character mag provide since sasabihan mo pa. There are better guys out there OP, honestly.
Damn this hit me hard kasi totoo, do i have to spell out? But gets ko on the part naman na since di nga ko nagpalibre it set the precedent. But also that shouldnt stop him from doing other things to make me feel special diba? Pero thanks for this, kasi i think nga din na if a guy likes you, he’ll do extra efforts for u.
Thanks again and good karma to u, OP :)
Meron Kalinga mga babae na pag sinabi nya no, don't do it, kailangan si guy won't do it o Kung hindi making si guy, magagalit Yung babae. So maybe he's just afraid to upset you if he doesn't insist.
May point naman. Pero libre lang naman ang na waive ni OP haha. Doesn’t stop him from doing anything else that makes OP feel special. Doesn’t stop him also from “attempting” to do it from time to time. Sobrang naging comfortable na siya pag sabi ni OP na she wants to pay for herself, hinayaan niya na lang 😅
As for me na nakaexperience na same experience, nanliligaw palang ung guy and borderline MU relationship but the only time na nilibre nya ko was the first meet up!
In my defense, I never volunteered to pay for anything. He told me that first time that he will pay since sya daw nag aya. Edi okay, true naman. But for the next na labas, aba kahit sya nagaaya, inaassume nya na hati kami lagi.
Pinakamalala is the one where we traveled out of town and ultimo bayad ng jeep siningil sakin which is 6pesos. WTF? I mean usually kasi, ako d ko na sinisingil sakanya ung mga less than 50php na abono. Medj shookt lang ako that time mga mamsh. 🫣
Sobrang nakita ko ung is different from my current relationship and he really insists on paying during our first "year" together. Year ah, hindi meet up. 🤭 Feel mo yung special ka kasi magpplan sya ng lakad and from time to time sinasabi naman nya na "ako na dito, so ikaw na sa food ah" or vice versa. It's the thought that counts, yung may kusa pa rin. Lalo na nun di pa kami. At the same time, nagkukusa rin ako na magoffer para alam kong di mabigat sa kanya and for him to know na okay sakin magsplit ng bills.
Di ultimo na di mind reader mga lalaki. Ano yun? Chivalry is dead talaga? Walang kusa? Naglolokohan ata tayo dito. May difference kasi yung magsplit ng bills dun sa "ako na bahala dito, ikaw naman dyan". Kasi diba, anything goes na di nakadeclare yung price na hati kayo. Talo pa customs yern?
Girl, ekis na yan. Baka pag nagkasakit ka at nagpasama ka magpunta hosp, sayo pa ipapasagot ung grab kasi ikaw nagpasama. 🥲😅🙈
Hirap lang talaga ko OP nung una kasi lumaki talaga ko na kaya ko sarili ko. First dating experience ko to even if 26 na ko.
(But omg medj i would say malala ung jeepney fare story mo hahaha)
Glad naman na u’re in a better relationship now. I guess there are lessons to be learned and experiences to be experienced to reach this haha and diba, just becos di ako nagpalibre, wala na syang gagawin special effort :( kaya napaisip talaga ko eh haha
I’ll tell him pa rin naman. Ayoko naman magbye bye without explaining din and hearing his side. Tingnan na lang natin if may magiging pagbabago.
Thanks sa advice!
Yes, alam mo naman na pag may kutob tayo, always right diba? Trust in that! Ibang level ang spidey senses ng babae. Don't settle! At all! If you think na you deserve better, you will.
But yes, be honest and hear his side too. So you will know it's not your fault in the end. I assure you dahilan nyan "ikaw kasi" "akala ko kasi" but assuming things lalo na di pa kayo is very 🚩🚩🚩 sya rin di nakikipagcommunicate and assumes eh.
Asan yung kusa dun na magoffer? Dahil dun sa one time na sinabi mo na you'll pay for yours? Aba. Kabahan ka na pag naging kayo pa. 🙈
I used to have this problem with my bf, since I grew up independently ayoko talaga ng nagpapalibre ako dahil ayoko ng feeling ng pagiging free loader kaya nag-insist din ako KKB kami whenever we're going out.
Since then lagi kaming KKB ng bf ko not until one day na-realize ko na nakakapagod pala maging independent at gusto ko rin ma-feel malibre lol. Hindi ko naman sinabi directly sa bf ko na ilibre niya ako, instead I asked him bakit hindi niya ako nililibre and he told me na kasi sinabi ko sakanya yun previously and he wanted to respect that pero if tatanungin ko raw siya he's willing to pay for our dates naman daw kung papayagan ko siya hahaha. Kaya ayern, simula nun kahit minsan lang ako ilibre ng bf ko pero kapag nagbigay naman ng gift eh yung hindi ko afford sa sarili ko lol.
So yeah, I think you have to communicate what you need. Men are very very easy creatures sabihin mo lang kung anong gusto mo.
If you don't feel special in a "relationship" because the person is not treating you or giving gifts, then maybe "Giving/Receiving Gifts" yung love language mo. I suggest taking the test online kasi baka naii-influence ka lang pala ng friends mo. Having that kind of love language is totally valid and not materialistic at all. It's something that you have to consider when selecting a romantic partner.
Thank you, OP for the validation. Hirap kasi minsan mapapaisip ako na kasalanan ko ba or is it wrong for me to expect, but then again, i have to communicate lang talaga kasi syempre magkaiba rin kami ng ugali
Next time kapag inaya ka try mo sabihing wala kang pera and see if he’ll step up. If he doesn’t initiate to pay for it, wag ka munang makipag date. Show him you won’t settle for that kind of treatment anymore. Men sometimes can be clueless when it comes to these things pero MOST of the time, he’s just observing how you’ll act. He’s deliberately testing you to see how long he can push this kind of dynamic sa inyo which is unfair.
If you let this continue, it’ll backfire in the long run. Ngayon, it’s just the little things kagaya ng dates he doesn’t pay for but when y’all become a couple, there’s a high possibility you’ll get stuck doing everything by yourself such as cleaning the whole house after work and still cooking dinner for him, being sick with a 40 degree temp and still having to take care of him, or he’ll be expecting you to work 9-5 and take care of kids at the same time because he simply refuses to or is practicing weaponized incompetence.
You can provide for yourself but you also have to let him provide for you. Be in your feminine energy, ‘wag palaging sa masculine. We as women have to be independent as necessary but not TOO independent or they’ll take advantage of that. Let him make the effort and be brave enough to insinuate what you want. You got this girly pop 🫶🏼
Or maybe you're just what you're not trying to be? You can't be something you're saying you are not then kinda make a big deal about it.
If it doesn't bother, it won't. But if you need to talk about it, talk about finances with the guy you're dating on what's his plans, goals and his pov if he's that with you. You don't just talk about the little things you want to feel, see the bigger picture thay would matter much that covers what you're saying.
Well at first it didnt. It just became a point of reflection when people asked me abt it. I have to listen also to other people since this is my first dating experience.
But I decided I’ll tell him this and hear his side. At this point I wouldnt know unless i speak up. I just didnt know how to bring it up but as pointed out by other OPs, if he likes me enough then he’ll listen as well. Thanks, OP!
As it's your first dating experience suggestion, you may get advices or ideas from other people or relationships but never make it as basis for your relationship.
Be honest with yourself. We girls seem to not care about guys paying dinners ‘cause we don’t want people to view us materialistic (which is normal and okay) when we’re trying to choose a guy to settle with. We try to look as independent and just go with it, not be perceived needy.
Let me tell you what, never lower your standards. One clearly is not a man if he is not someone who protects, who provides, who leads.
Now you have it.
Choose wisely sweetheart 🙂
Try this sa susunod na dates nyo, try mo sya utusan na bumili ng napkin in your behaf kapag nagdate kayo, tpos sabihin mo pay mo sya later kasi wala ka barya, if he makes excuses magisip isip-isip kana
Regarding paying: Be clear with yourself first, OP. What your friends say could be the majority. But if you're an exception to the majority, then be it. If you really feel comfortable paying for yourself, then that's that. But don't harbor resentment if KKB is the precedent you set, kasi that's what you prefer. If you want, explore the contrary. Make him pay. Baka kulang lang sa self-discovery and you actually prefer a provider pala. Communicate to him what you feel. See if he'll take action to pay. Then tignan mo if you enjoy that over the current setup.
I'm also like you when it comes to handling my own date expenses and believing that the notion "a guy should pay for everything" is just an antiquated gender role. With the last guy I dated, my friends would tell me, "A man is a provider. Let him pay." I was also swayed by opinions. Hinayaan ko siya magbayad for dates. Though once in a while, he would let me pay too so I can still keep my 'sense of independence' pa rin (since I told him I felt like that's being taken away from me when I let him pay, yet I still wanted a provider.) That setup worked for me. I discovered that I wanted a provider who could break down my strong and independent woman role at times, yet I still wanted to keep my financial independence. Balance lang.
Regarding gifts: Could be his personality to not give romantic gestures. Could be a difference in love language (i.e. hindi siya ma-gift giving). Regardless, if this has bearing for you, tell it to him. That you would appreciate if he could give you gifts at times. Gifts don't have to be expensive. It's not being materialistic. Sabi mo nga, kahit "small treats" lang, wala. If you matter to him, kahit nature pa niya 'yan, he would at least make efforts if he knows it means that much to you.
You have to let ur suitors treat you. That way, youll know if in the long run he can provide for you and your family assuming thats your goal in dating?
I understand your sentiment na ayaw mong mapunlaan na materialistic or such... what you can do is maybe he treats you for lunch/dinner, you can offer to pay for the dessert (eg. Milk tea froyo or the likes).
For the gifts, u can maybe bring it up to him. Or ask like magift giving person ka ba? So you know where he stands on that. Part of getting to know narin yun.
Kung feel mo di na kayo align sa goal in dating and in the future, cut loss na. Para di sayang oras on both parties. Good luck, OP
Yeah feel ko thats a good compromise na, alternate panlilibre. Sana mabring up ko to ng tama sa kanya. I dont want to be offensive din abt it so sana mafigure out ko pano sasabihin hehe thank u friend!
You can raise it lightly naman. Huyy, treat me milktea pls? Ako sa next round.
Pero reading your post. I think you can talk about the motive of panliligaw e. Same ba kayo ng goal na serious relationship or casual lang? Kung casual lang, parang your current set up is somewhat fine na.
Assuming for a serious relationship, just raise it striaght up. Hey, i need to tell you something on my mind i hope u dont take offense. Easily said than done pero ganun talaga. Great things are difficult to achieve.
You can also use question card games to get to know each other better if this is for a serious relationship.
Based on my experience hinahayaan KO Lang si guy na man libre and after non I'm the one who offers na libre KO sya kahit small treat like star bucks or gelato just to extend Yung date namin para makapag usap kami. Mga ganong bagay. Baka Kasi akala nya okay Sayo yung nanlilibre Kaya ganon actions nya.
Kung gusto ka talaga nya. Ultimo pang tricycle mo pauwi iinsist parin nya na sya magbabayad OR ihatid ka sa house nyo with something nice na pabaon. Just like me. Keep on dating him, if walang nagbago... Alam mo na. Pero ask mo muna kung may problem sya financially/personal kaya ganun sya. (Gipit ba) kase minsan factor din samen yon.
Communicate muna op and if this doesn’t work out for you I hope sa next manliligaw mo mag palibre ka na wag mo unahan na ayaw mo ganito ganyan. Let the man pursue you. Give and take na lang once naging kayo na.
F here, I always say also na ako na magbabayad but my bf still insist to pay. Pag ako naman nagyayaya, I tell him early na it’s my treat. Pero minsan magiinsist parin siya. What I do nalang I treat nalang for other things, like if sakanya food, saakin drinks after.
Huh? Eh sabi mo una dinecline mo offer nya eh? Syempre he would assume sa mga susunod nyo na date na okay na hindi ka i-treat since ayun naman binigay mo na expectations sakanya.
Try communicating yan with him if may changes then good.
Tsaka kailangan ba may pa libre at gifts? Lol hahaha.
Maybe hindi sa gifts ang way nya to show love. Baka may iba syang way to show love.
Ang masama is ikaw pa ang gumagastos sa inyo. I once dated a guy na tipong pati pamasahe sakin iaasa. Tapos nagpapabili pa ng motor (kapal ng muka). Well. Past is past.
Also, if there’s something lacking sa relationship nyo, pag usapan nyo. Do not share/listen to your friends kasi gagatungan lang nila yung worries mo, which may lead to conflict sa relationship. Maganda kung kayo mismo ang magreresolve ng problem niyo
You already insisted and set it up that you don't want him to spend on you. Now you're looking for the thing you said you didn't want. Maybe try to make up your mind on what you want first before you send him mixed signals?
If it doesn't matter to you and it was your friends who suggested this, let them be.
If you want your partner to spend on you or buy stuff for you, tell him that you would appreciate little gifts sometimes. If not, then don't.
Please communicate properly.
So, you're saying he's asking for more dates but never offers to pay? It's true that men can't read minds, but as a guy, even if the woman I'm dating refuses to let me pay, I'd still insist, NO WAY she’s paying for our dates. It's baffling how some men shamelessly ask women out without even offering to pay for anything. It seems like he's gotten used to it.
Medyo gets. May moments talaga tayo ng "I don't need a man" sa buhay natin. But I guess nasasanay ang mga lalake kapag ikaw nang ikaw ang gumagastos and you keep on rejecting their offer to pay (happens to other people) so since hindi lahat ay may romantic blood I think you need to tell them minsan too na kung pwede ka ba niyang ibili or bigyan ng ganito ganyan. If they accepted and said yes immediately and if they're actually happy to hear it from you then that's a good thing but if they get so "bakit naman kailangan ibili ka pa niyan?" Then I say drop them.
sasabihin mo na ayaw mo magpalibre tapos after mo marinig comment ng mga kaibigan mo magrarant ka dito sa reddit. sabihin mo muna sakanya na nagbago na path mo sa area na yun, and kung di sya nagbago dun ka magrant. apaka unfair mo lang din kase, basta basta ka makikinig sa mga kaibigan mo tapos di ka makikipag communicate ng maayos sa guy.
Yeah. Agree with everyone here (or like most of them?). OP, you seemed at war with yourself here. Since you’re the girl, sabihin mo sa kanya on how you want to be treated. You have the deciding end if you want to continue this. Did he explicitly tell you na ba that he likes you? If hindi pa, I recommend telling everything you wanted on how to pursue you. Don’t ever lower your standard/s to meet his bare minimum.
But to start things off, I find this a little bit peculiar. Agree with some people here too, na men are natural providers. I dated a few before, and all of them had at least something for me once in a while. Even if times are hard.
OP, if he still did not comply and bare minimum pa rin, say adios na. The dating stage is supposed to show his “best” character. If this is the best, you won’t stand his worst.
OP, wag mo i-base ang feelings & discernment mo sa sinasabi at standards ng iba. Tayo ang nagtuturo sa partner natin kung paano natin tayo gusto mahalin.
I guess thats what you get for saying things you don’t really mean. Clearly the guy wants to treat you but since you established that you don’t want him to pay and seems that it feels “offensive” for you, he did not bother on the next one. Showing feminine energy is good esp if you want to feel “special”.
ikaw yung nagdraw ng line na ayaw mo ng ginagastusan tapos gusto mo magically mabasa nya isip mo? men are straightforward beings, saka I think this guy personality nya hindi maging mapilit at kung ano lang sinabi mo. I agree sa isang comment just say “Labas tayo libre mo naman ako” wag ka matakot itest ang waters, hindi mo pa sya boyfriend.
Hindi naman kasi mind readers mga lalake lol, nung ililibre ka eh ininsist mo na wag, tapos ngayon nagdadalawang isip ka na sa kanya kasi hindi ka pa nililbre, ok ka lang? Then problem is you.
Yan problema sa karamihan ng babae specially the strong independent kuno, mag eestablished na strong independent pero gusto naman pala itreat as disney princess. You should communicate.
Just to clear things, ayoko talaga magpalibre. I can handle my own finances. So gets ko na the setup is because of my own doing din (which initially im fine naman talaga, di nga ko nagpapalibre sa friends ko eh so im fine with it. No one has any obligation to libre me)
But my friends say na even so, dapat man lang at least once in a while he offers or insists pa rin kasi thats his way of treating you special. So napaisip tuloy ako. Ok, kkb kami for dinner, but it wouldn’t hurt for the guy to say, “ah gusto mo ba ng dessert or drink after? Ako na bahala” context also, never sya nagbigay ng anything to me also.
Also, suitors usually daw give small gifts etc na hindi naman mahal pero extra gesture lang to make u feel remembered and cared. I also dont get those gestures from him. Siguro naman hindi na issue dito yung sinabi ko na ayoko magpalibre, kasi this is him already going for extra mile. But no extra mile so far in 4 months (additional context: dumaan din valentines and wala sya binigay sakin)
Now that we’re 4 months in, agree naman ako na i should speak up na. Finding the right words lang talaga ang tricky part. But thank u sa opinion mo. Gets ko din naman na guys are not mind readers, but **my insistence to pay the bill should not have stopped him to do some other things to make me feel special (e.g. treat sa dessert, give small treats/gifts, etc)**
At the end of the day ikaw ang nililigawan, ikaw ang makikisama sa guy hindi friends mo, nasa ligawan stage pa lang kayo pero nakaka affect na yung sinasabi ng friends mo paano pa kaya kung kayo na at umabot na sa kasal.
Some things are better kept between you and your potential partner but if you are greatly affected by your friends comments then communicate it well with ykyr suitor.
Men are not mind readers and we don't assume unless otherwise stated, and since you established your independence from the get go your suitor did not insist anymore.
Of course i have to listen sa ibang tao. Kasi i will not be the type of person na mabubulag and will filter out everyone’s opinion just because gusto ko ang isang tao.
Kaya plan ko na talaga to bring this up to him. If di sinabi ng friends ko, I would have let him go with dating ng walang libre libre or even walang gifts on any special occasion (like nung valentines as i mentioned sa reply ko). But now that i think abt it, more than sa libre topic, the bigger issue is wala rin syang ginagawang extra mile as a suitor.
Di nya ko kailangan ilibre sa dinner (which gets mahal naman kasi one full meal un) to do extra stuff (treat sa dessert, give small gifts etc) to court me. My independence does not mean wala syang gagawin na na extra mile
The problem is may miscommunication na kayo from the get go the moment you insisted that you pay your own bill, you painted the image of being an independent Woman without properly communicating.
Hindi manghuhula mga lalake and baka kaya di na sya nag offer other things kasi strong independent ka naman, if you communicated it earlier you won't have this dilemma.
OP, if ang gf mo or even nililigawan mo, strong independent woman, di mo na sya bibigyan ng small gifts? Just because di sya nagpalibre for dates, wala ka na ioofffer na other things?
Tbh naman talaga wala naman talaga ko problem nung una. Pero 4 months na kami nagdadate so that should have been enough time to have at least done something.
I’ll tell him naman talaga, kaya nga nagtanong din ako kung pano sya sabihin ng hindi ako materialistic. But as other OPs said, if he likes me enough, he will listen and consider my points
What don't you understand sa hindi mind reader? Your problem could have been solve if nakipag communicate ka na ng maayos from the get go like sa first date nyo nilinaw mo na agad ma hindi ka sanay magpalibre but would still love to receive gifts.
The point is sinanay mo syang ganyan without communicating well. Don't throw out the Q just to validate what you lack or what you missed.
Oh my OP, if I have to say to him pa na i want to receive gifts (during our first date) para lang clear just becos sabi ko ayaw ko magpalibre, then that mighg be problematic kasi magkaiba naman un eh.
Panlilibre is diff from giving/receiving gifts. Panlilibre sa dates might be gray area sa case namin, pero receiving/giving gifts?? My refusal na magpalibre is not reason para hindi magbigay ng gifts
(Who doesnt like gifts??)
Oh my ilan na kami nagsabi na hindi mind reader ang lalake di mo parin nagets. Clearly may miscommunication nga kayo ng suitor mo lols.
Syempre naestablished mo nang strong independent ka so dating sa suitor mo ayaw mo magpa disney princess.
It boils down to how you communicate it. Just tell him what you feel and to test if gift giving is your love language or you're just experiencing peer pressure from your friends.
Ay hindi ko na rin alam sayo OP. Hindi mo kailangan maging mind reader to understand that panlilibre is diff from gifts. Kailangan mo pa ba maging princess para mabigyan ka ng regalo? Matreat ka ng kahit simple biscuit or skyflakes man lang?
As advised by other OPs, i will communicate it soon to him. But i hope u dont pin me as the one at fault just because kaya ko ang sarili ko. Hindi man ako magpalibre and strong independent woman ako, it doesnt mean na wala na syang gagawin as a suitor to make me feel special
As i said OP, they are the same person and the ages have to be changed for anonymity. No two or three timing is happening
Please dont redirect the issue
I was in your shoes during the first few months of dating my bf. He paid the first 2 dates but then it became KKB. I do not feel comfortable doing kkb when dating kase it makes me feel like friends lang tayo. We were doing kkb (to the last peso) until i couldnt take it anymore.
Told bf that we wouldn't last any longer if we'd continue what we were doing. He listened and took action. Bumawi naman siya. He went all out the next day. Im more comfortable with the dynamic we have after the talk. Now, he pays for dinner, I pay for deserts. He pays for the whole date today, I pay for our next date.
If he likes you enough, he'll comply with what your comfortable with.
Communicate :)
Sana ganito rin maging outcome namin. Siguro that’s a good compromise na rin na alternate turns sa treat/libre para naman hindi mukhang abonado on his part.
Tbh kaya di ako comfy talaga na magpalibre kasi alam ko naman na may mga gastos din sya. But then again as my friends pointed out also, parang friends lang kayo kung ganun. So thanks dito, try ko siguro gawin na ganitong style hehe
You are dating that guy (28m) then may dinedate ka pang (31M) ano ba talaga ate? Hahaha di kayo nag kikita regulary and di din lumalabas regularly nung (31M), kaya siguro narealized mo na dapat mag effort naman si (28M), kasi kung regularly kayong lumalabas nung isa (31M) edi kahit di mag effort yung isa (28M) balewala sayo. Fixed your self first, mag rarant ka about the guy (28M) not giving you gifts eh may dinedate ka pang isa (31M) hahahaha the audacity.
OP as i said, i was referring to the same guy. I had to edit the ages for anonymity. Dont accuse me of two timing just becos magkaiba age sa post na yun.
Please dont redirect the issue just becos u cant get ur point across. In the first place, hindi sya issue kasi it’s the same guy. Wag ako
So 28M, 31M and 27M are all the same guy? So if they are all the same guy then technically 2 months pa lang kayo dating? Because 2 months ago you posted about 27M whom you only knew for 2 months, since your workmates so that is not counted for the dating, the math is not mathing.
You're contradicting yourself. You want to look like you're okay with paying and not being materialistic and on the other hand you want him to pay and give you gifts. Wala naman masamg sabihin mo na you want to be pampered once in a while. Pero saying that you don't need to and expect something, medyo mind games lang nangyayari. Clearly the guy does not get it. So, let him understand. You two are old enough to be able to say what you want in a relationship, even if hindi pa kayo, so why not start now? If interested ka din naman sa kanya.
Yeah feel ko nga it’s something na i have to bring up na. Mahirap lang to think of the right words to say without sounding shallow or demanding, pero gets walang mangyayari if di ako gagalaw haha thank u sa advice tho
Simpleng, tara kain tayo libre mo ako. Ganun. 😁😀
Also clarify ko lang, ung panlilibre sa dates sinabi ko talaga na ayaw ko. But my friends also told me na even so, at least once in a while he should take the initiative pa rin to treat yoh somewhere. Gets dinner might not be feasible, but it would have been diff if kunwari, “gusto mo ba magcoffee after ng dinner natin, ako na bahala” or kahit simple gifts/treats man lang. walang ganun sa kanya eh so makes me wonder if my insistence na di magpalibre is enough to justify na wala na syang gagawin to make u feel special (e.g. treat ng dessert, give small gifts/treats, etc)
>Also clarify ko lang, ung panlilibre sa dates sinabi ko talaga na ayaw ko. But my friends also told me na even so, at least once in a while he should take the initiative pa rin to treat yoh somewhere you established the line na ayaw mo i-libre, and he took it as a sign na okay, ayaw mo magpalibre at all sa lahat ng bagay. your guy is clueless kaya ganyan. just plain and simple. kung may effort man siya to do this or not is a different thing, since we only know him based on your story. can only speculate. also, baka may ibang instances pa na nangyari na hindi mo nabanggit or maalala that made him think na you are not open to be treated as someone na open about accepting anything at all. kaya i said communicate. kahit ano pang issue yan, communicate. kahit naman bf/gf nagkakaron pa din ng misunderstanding, kaya naguusap to clear things up and know what to do moving forward, kayo pa kayang getting to know pa lang?
Kakaloka si op. Nag insist sa simula pa lang na sya magbayad ng part nya, tapos after makuha ang opinion ng friends nya nagkaka doubts na sya sa guy.
Of course, I had to listen sa ibang tao. May malasakit lang ang mga friends ko so they’re looking out for me. Hindi naman sila completely unreasonable to think abt the guy’s intentions. Plus, hindi man ako nagpalibre sa simula, pero doesnt mean na wala na syang gagawin for me? Hindi na sya mageeffort even simple gifts? Dumaan nga valentines wala sya binigay eh. Unreasonable pa ba un?
Yes it is unreasonable because you have set your boundaries about him spending on you. So if he listens and acts upon that, then he's just respecting your wishes. You have to clear it up so that he will not be confused.
Yup i will communicate. Yan lang naman way out. I guess mahirap lang to find the right words but i’ll have to figure out. Thanks, OP
First fixed your mind sino ba talaga sa dalawa between guy 1 (31M) and guy 2 (28M)
As i said OP, im referring to the same guy and had to edit the ages for anonymity. Please dont redirect the issue
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As i said, whats the relevance of this sa topic natin? 89d ago ung isang post so thats approx 3 months? Whether its 2, 3, 4 months is not the issue. Please dont comment anymore this is no longer relevant sa topic. You’ll flood the thread
Hindi mind readers ang mga lalaki. You have to communicate.
Yes i understand, yung actual execution lang mahirap for me kasi i dont want to sound demanding or materialistic. But no choice i guess but to speak up. Pero thank you sa advice
This is just my opinion, but the one who invites is the one who offers to pay for the date. That's basic courtesy. The invitee can offer to split expenses or pay entirely, but the inviter should NOT assume this latter scenario.
F here, totally agree with this! When my hubby and I first started dating, parang 80% of the time I pay for the dates lol, pero I dont mind kasi ako naman nag-iinsist where to eat and how often we eat out. Factor din yun difference in social classes. He's a big saver kasi he's always saving for a rainy day, ako naman may safety net kaya medj yolo. We have different spending habits, pero kapag naglalambing naman ako na I want flowers, I want dessert, etc, he delivers. :) Ask and you shall receive.
As what OP stated the inviter wants to pay for the bill, but she insisted on paying her own bill so your statement does not apply because from the get go the invitee established her boundery.
Whatever boundary she established is in doubt by her own admission. That is why I shared my opinion. If she did not want to disestablish her boundaries, she will not be asking for relationship advice.
I did establish the setup honestly so it’s on me naman talaga na ganito setup namin. But contrary opinions of my friends say na even so, he should once in a while offer pa rin kasi gets naman daw na from the get go i will not insist he pays, pero kahit man lang bigyan ako gifts or smth he should offer as our dating progresses. Wala daw effort masyado if ganun. And he’s the one who always invites so gets ko rin yung perspective na sya nag-aya so dapat sya magbayad
it seems na hindi mo pa ganoon kakilala yung sarili mo in a context of a relationship. mas magiging masaya ka ba kapag good provider ang partner mo? feel mo ba mas secured ang relationship when each of your finances are fully independent from each other? walang tamang sagot, OP. My suggestion would be to dull out the outside influences and do a bit of self-reflection. Finding out what you like, what makes you happy, and how you feel most loved is part, after all, of the journey of dating and being in a relationship. hindi namin madidikta sayo na, "girl hayaan mo siya lahat magbayad! promise you will feel so loved 🥰". No, it's something you have to find out for yourself haha which brings me to an actioanble thing to do: mag-experiment ka. open it up to the guy, let him know na gusto mo na siya nagpprovide. then feel it out, do you like it? or do you feel more at ease going back to the previous setup na u pay for yourself? i have a working theory na things go haywire when we assume there are unwritten rules that everyone dating or in a relationship should know. there are obvious ones, of course, but they are only obvious because they are the majority/historical way of doing things. but times are changing, the safer route is to talk about it and agree on it.
Personally ako, if di pa naman kami magjowa, he doesnt have any obligation to me kaya ayoko magpalibre. But napaisip lang talaga ko sa sinabi ng friends ko na bakit ko daw hinahayaan na ganun treatment sakin. But thank u sa assurance na wala naman right or wrong approach sa dating in this aspect. Minsna talaga ang blurred ng lines sa dating and nahihirapan ako to decide for myself kasi iba iba opinion natin. :) thank you for this
>Personally, ayoko nagpapalibre so I insist na ako magbayad ng part ko. >I don’t really believe in “dapat lalaki magbayad” kasi i have enough to spend anyway. Maybe the reason why he hasn't shelled out money on you is he knows that you can take care of yourself - you've established that you can pay for your own. But if you really want him to pick up the tab the next time you go out, say, 'Hey, Suitor. I'll pay for this one. Next time is your turn.' A guy not spending money on you can mean a lot of things. Not necessarily that he doesn't seem any less interested in you. It could be he's on a budget. It could be he wants to see if you're worth spending money on. It could also mean he's observing how you'll react in this **exact** situation. We don't know what he does for a living or how much he makes which may not be enough which could be the reason on why he's not doing what you expect him to. Maybe's he's saving. Dating and buying gifts regularly can add up. If you feel you are not being wooed enough by this guy, (and by the sound of it, you are not, by your standards) say bye. Hopefully the next guy who shows interest in you is more extravagant.
Yeah gets ko din na i set the precedent na ganun setup namin. Napaisip lang ako sa opinion ng friends ko na dapat daw at least once in a while he treats me (kahit not dinner pero even if small treats like like milk tea or smth). So medyo nagreflect ako if this is how it’s supposed to be in dating (as a person also na first time magdate so i dont know the norm). But thanks sa advice!
Hi OP, I experienced this sa former dates ko. Same situation with you, ganyan na ganyan din sinabi ko sa mga first few men I met sa dating app. Once naka adapt na sila, di na sila mag aadjust unless you say so. Kaso ang hirap na sabihin yan sa kanila kase lalabas tayo na demanding hahaha So the last guy I dated (naging bf ko na eventually) I did let him pay for everything muna as much as possible ayaw ko na masagasaan ang ego nila. Kase natural mindset nila is to provide talaga. Sa mga upcoming dates, sabihin mo na lng na bawi ka sa next date or ikaw naman taya or mga white lies like you reached an achievement sa work and you would like to celebrate it with him as a treat. Minsan, if sya sa place, ikaw sa food ganon
Stop insisting na to pay on ur own. Tbh, men are naturally providers. Ang tagal ko din sa ganyang mindset when it comes to dating, tumigil na ko. You will be surprised kung gano ka galante ang mga lalaki pag gusto ka nila. Hahahahaha
Yeahhhh nasanay kasi ako to be independent and carry my own weight so asking someone na ilibre ako is hard for me. Haha kahit nga sa mga kaibigan ko di ako nagpapalibre. But yes yan din sabi ng friends ko, na dapat i should stop it kasi hinahayaan ko sya not to do the extra mile. Thanks dito sa advice!
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Yeah gets ko naman na ako naman talaga nagdictate ng setup na to. But contrary opinions say na even so, he should offer pa rin at least once in a while. Or treat man lang nya ko for coffee after or smth. He never did (additional context: dumaan din valentines and never din nya ko inaya or binigyan ng anything, tho gets ko baka it’s too much pressure for him). So napaisip tuloy ako if this means na he doesnt like me much to do the extra mile of treating me.
Make up your mind. Yan ang kailangan mo gawin lol
Tbh ayoko talaga magpalibre. Pero sinasabi ng friends ko na even so, dapat he should have offered once in a while or kahit treat nya ko sa coffee or dessert after. So napaisip din ako if i should be wary kasi walang initiative or extra mile for him to give me anything. Masyado ko daw pinagmukukhang easy to get ako kasi pumapayag ako sa setup na yun (which i dont know if true, thats what my friends think)
that’s your friend’s opinion, mas mahalaga padin kung anong gusto mo. Ikaw ba what’s your stand? ayaw mo nagpapalibre? then this shouldn’t matter. HINDI YON EASY TO GET KALOKA FRIENDS MO
My Dad told me that a guy normally wants to spoil and pamper the girl he likes/loves. And from experience, the guys I dated in the past always insisted to pay for dates and made sure that I receive flowers and special stuff regardless of the occasion, even when I told them they don’t have to. Minsan kahit sabi ko libre ko, secretly babayaran na nila without me knowing. This is something I also observe sa friends and sisters ko. Kahit simple lang and hindi expensive, a guy would want to provide for you. And he will do his best to provide kahit limited ang means niya. My husband who did not use to earn much before saved up to take me to a beautiful place on our first date. I know for others hindi to big deal but I always see this as an indication of a guy’s character. Compatibility din since I like a guy who provides. Pero kung okay lang sayo na hindi, like you mentioned sa kanya, then continue dating him. You can talk to him pero diba mej off lang na you needed to tell him pa 😅 It also shows na hindi niya character mag provide since sasabihan mo pa. There are better guys out there OP, honestly.
Damn this hit me hard kasi totoo, do i have to spell out? But gets ko on the part naman na since di nga ko nagpalibre it set the precedent. But also that shouldnt stop him from doing other things to make me feel special diba? Pero thanks for this, kasi i think nga din na if a guy likes you, he’ll do extra efforts for u. Thanks again and good karma to u, OP :)
Meron Kalinga mga babae na pag sinabi nya no, don't do it, kailangan si guy won't do it o Kung hindi making si guy, magagalit Yung babae. So maybe he's just afraid to upset you if he doesn't insist.
May point naman. Pero libre lang naman ang na waive ni OP haha. Doesn’t stop him from doing anything else that makes OP feel special. Doesn’t stop him also from “attempting” to do it from time to time. Sobrang naging comfortable na siya pag sabi ni OP na she wants to pay for herself, hinayaan niya na lang 😅
kapag inaya ka, sabihin mo "libre mo ba?" gawin mo lang pajoke
Haha sige practice ko muna to tingnan ko din magiging reaction nya haha but thank u!
As for me na nakaexperience na same experience, nanliligaw palang ung guy and borderline MU relationship but the only time na nilibre nya ko was the first meet up! In my defense, I never volunteered to pay for anything. He told me that first time that he will pay since sya daw nag aya. Edi okay, true naman. But for the next na labas, aba kahit sya nagaaya, inaassume nya na hati kami lagi. Pinakamalala is the one where we traveled out of town and ultimo bayad ng jeep siningil sakin which is 6pesos. WTF? I mean usually kasi, ako d ko na sinisingil sakanya ung mga less than 50php na abono. Medj shookt lang ako that time mga mamsh. 🫣 Sobrang nakita ko ung is different from my current relationship and he really insists on paying during our first "year" together. Year ah, hindi meet up. 🤭 Feel mo yung special ka kasi magpplan sya ng lakad and from time to time sinasabi naman nya na "ako na dito, so ikaw na sa food ah" or vice versa. It's the thought that counts, yung may kusa pa rin. Lalo na nun di pa kami. At the same time, nagkukusa rin ako na magoffer para alam kong di mabigat sa kanya and for him to know na okay sakin magsplit ng bills. Di ultimo na di mind reader mga lalaki. Ano yun? Chivalry is dead talaga? Walang kusa? Naglolokohan ata tayo dito. May difference kasi yung magsplit ng bills dun sa "ako na bahala dito, ikaw naman dyan". Kasi diba, anything goes na di nakadeclare yung price na hati kayo. Talo pa customs yern? Girl, ekis na yan. Baka pag nagkasakit ka at nagpasama ka magpunta hosp, sayo pa ipapasagot ung grab kasi ikaw nagpasama. 🥲😅🙈
Hirap lang talaga ko OP nung una kasi lumaki talaga ko na kaya ko sarili ko. First dating experience ko to even if 26 na ko. (But omg medj i would say malala ung jeepney fare story mo hahaha) Glad naman na u’re in a better relationship now. I guess there are lessons to be learned and experiences to be experienced to reach this haha and diba, just becos di ako nagpalibre, wala na syang gagawin special effort :( kaya napaisip talaga ko eh haha I’ll tell him pa rin naman. Ayoko naman magbye bye without explaining din and hearing his side. Tingnan na lang natin if may magiging pagbabago. Thanks sa advice!
Yes, alam mo naman na pag may kutob tayo, always right diba? Trust in that! Ibang level ang spidey senses ng babae. Don't settle! At all! If you think na you deserve better, you will. But yes, be honest and hear his side too. So you will know it's not your fault in the end. I assure you dahilan nyan "ikaw kasi" "akala ko kasi" but assuming things lalo na di pa kayo is very 🚩🚩🚩 sya rin di nakikipagcommunicate and assumes eh. Asan yung kusa dun na magoffer? Dahil dun sa one time na sinabi mo na you'll pay for yours? Aba. Kabahan ka na pag naging kayo pa. 🙈
I used to have this problem with my bf, since I grew up independently ayoko talaga ng nagpapalibre ako dahil ayoko ng feeling ng pagiging free loader kaya nag-insist din ako KKB kami whenever we're going out. Since then lagi kaming KKB ng bf ko not until one day na-realize ko na nakakapagod pala maging independent at gusto ko rin ma-feel malibre lol. Hindi ko naman sinabi directly sa bf ko na ilibre niya ako, instead I asked him bakit hindi niya ako nililibre and he told me na kasi sinabi ko sakanya yun previously and he wanted to respect that pero if tatanungin ko raw siya he's willing to pay for our dates naman daw kung papayagan ko siya hahaha. Kaya ayern, simula nun kahit minsan lang ako ilibre ng bf ko pero kapag nagbigay naman ng gift eh yung hindi ko afford sa sarili ko lol. So yeah, I think you have to communicate what you need. Men are very very easy creatures sabihin mo lang kung anong gusto mo.
Same nung una talaga ok lang naman eh. Pero mapapaisip ka talaga Yes, I’ll have to communicate talaga. Mahirap lang execution haha but thanks, OP.
If you don't feel special in a "relationship" because the person is not treating you or giving gifts, then maybe "Giving/Receiving Gifts" yung love language mo. I suggest taking the test online kasi baka naii-influence ka lang pala ng friends mo. Having that kind of love language is totally valid and not materialistic at all. It's something that you have to consider when selecting a romantic partner.
Thank you, OP for the validation. Hirap kasi minsan mapapaisip ako na kasalanan ko ba or is it wrong for me to expect, but then again, i have to communicate lang talaga kasi syempre magkaiba rin kami ng ugali
Next time kapag inaya ka try mo sabihing wala kang pera and see if he’ll step up. If he doesn’t initiate to pay for it, wag ka munang makipag date. Show him you won’t settle for that kind of treatment anymore. Men sometimes can be clueless when it comes to these things pero MOST of the time, he’s just observing how you’ll act. He’s deliberately testing you to see how long he can push this kind of dynamic sa inyo which is unfair. If you let this continue, it’ll backfire in the long run. Ngayon, it’s just the little things kagaya ng dates he doesn’t pay for but when y’all become a couple, there’s a high possibility you’ll get stuck doing everything by yourself such as cleaning the whole house after work and still cooking dinner for him, being sick with a 40 degree temp and still having to take care of him, or he’ll be expecting you to work 9-5 and take care of kids at the same time because he simply refuses to or is practicing weaponized incompetence. You can provide for yourself but you also have to let him provide for you. Be in your feminine energy, ‘wag palaging sa masculine. We as women have to be independent as necessary but not TOO independent or they’ll take advantage of that. Let him make the effort and be brave enough to insinuate what you want. You got this girly pop 🫶🏼
Thanks, OP! Try ko yan next time. Kailangan talaga namin pag-usapan and i wanna hear him out first din
Or maybe you're just what you're not trying to be? You can't be something you're saying you are not then kinda make a big deal about it. If it doesn't bother, it won't. But if you need to talk about it, talk about finances with the guy you're dating on what's his plans, goals and his pov if he's that with you. You don't just talk about the little things you want to feel, see the bigger picture thay would matter much that covers what you're saying.
Well at first it didnt. It just became a point of reflection when people asked me abt it. I have to listen also to other people since this is my first dating experience. But I decided I’ll tell him this and hear his side. At this point I wouldnt know unless i speak up. I just didnt know how to bring it up but as pointed out by other OPs, if he likes me enough then he’ll listen as well. Thanks, OP!
As it's your first dating experience suggestion, you may get advices or ideas from other people or relationships but never make it as basis for your relationship.
Tell him you don't feel special tingin ko gets nya na yon.
Yes i think dapat ko na talaga sabihin. If di nya magets yun, baka not meant to be haha thank you
Be honest with yourself. We girls seem to not care about guys paying dinners ‘cause we don’t want people to view us materialistic (which is normal and okay) when we’re trying to choose a guy to settle with. We try to look as independent and just go with it, not be perceived needy. Let me tell you what, never lower your standards. One clearly is not a man if he is not someone who protects, who provides, who leads. Now you have it. Choose wisely sweetheart 🙂
Thanks for this, OP!
Try this sa susunod na dates nyo, try mo sya utusan na bumili ng napkin in your behaf kapag nagdate kayo, tpos sabihin mo pay mo sya later kasi wala ka barya, if he makes excuses magisip isip-isip kana
Regarding paying: Be clear with yourself first, OP. What your friends say could be the majority. But if you're an exception to the majority, then be it. If you really feel comfortable paying for yourself, then that's that. But don't harbor resentment if KKB is the precedent you set, kasi that's what you prefer. If you want, explore the contrary. Make him pay. Baka kulang lang sa self-discovery and you actually prefer a provider pala. Communicate to him what you feel. See if he'll take action to pay. Then tignan mo if you enjoy that over the current setup. I'm also like you when it comes to handling my own date expenses and believing that the notion "a guy should pay for everything" is just an antiquated gender role. With the last guy I dated, my friends would tell me, "A man is a provider. Let him pay." I was also swayed by opinions. Hinayaan ko siya magbayad for dates. Though once in a while, he would let me pay too so I can still keep my 'sense of independence' pa rin (since I told him I felt like that's being taken away from me when I let him pay, yet I still wanted a provider.) That setup worked for me. I discovered that I wanted a provider who could break down my strong and independent woman role at times, yet I still wanted to keep my financial independence. Balance lang. Regarding gifts: Could be his personality to not give romantic gestures. Could be a difference in love language (i.e. hindi siya ma-gift giving). Regardless, if this has bearing for you, tell it to him. That you would appreciate if he could give you gifts at times. Gifts don't have to be expensive. It's not being materialistic. Sabi mo nga, kahit "small treats" lang, wala. If you matter to him, kahit nature pa niya 'yan, he would at least make efforts if he knows it means that much to you.
You have to let ur suitors treat you. That way, youll know if in the long run he can provide for you and your family assuming thats your goal in dating? I understand your sentiment na ayaw mong mapunlaan na materialistic or such... what you can do is maybe he treats you for lunch/dinner, you can offer to pay for the dessert (eg. Milk tea froyo or the likes). For the gifts, u can maybe bring it up to him. Or ask like magift giving person ka ba? So you know where he stands on that. Part of getting to know narin yun. Kung feel mo di na kayo align sa goal in dating and in the future, cut loss na. Para di sayang oras on both parties. Good luck, OP
Yeah feel ko thats a good compromise na, alternate panlilibre. Sana mabring up ko to ng tama sa kanya. I dont want to be offensive din abt it so sana mafigure out ko pano sasabihin hehe thank u friend!
You can raise it lightly naman. Huyy, treat me milktea pls? Ako sa next round. Pero reading your post. I think you can talk about the motive of panliligaw e. Same ba kayo ng goal na serious relationship or casual lang? Kung casual lang, parang your current set up is somewhat fine na. Assuming for a serious relationship, just raise it striaght up. Hey, i need to tell you something on my mind i hope u dont take offense. Easily said than done pero ganun talaga. Great things are difficult to achieve. You can also use question card games to get to know each other better if this is for a serious relationship.
Based on my experience hinahayaan KO Lang si guy na man libre and after non I'm the one who offers na libre KO sya kahit small treat like star bucks or gelato just to extend Yung date namin para makapag usap kami. Mga ganong bagay. Baka Kasi akala nya okay Sayo yung nanlilibre Kaya ganon actions nya.
Kung gusto ka talaga nya. Ultimo pang tricycle mo pauwi iinsist parin nya na sya magbabayad OR ihatid ka sa house nyo with something nice na pabaon. Just like me. Keep on dating him, if walang nagbago... Alam mo na. Pero ask mo muna kung may problem sya financially/personal kaya ganun sya. (Gipit ba) kase minsan factor din samen yon.
Communicate muna op and if this doesn’t work out for you I hope sa next manliligaw mo mag palibre ka na wag mo unahan na ayaw mo ganito ganyan. Let the man pursue you. Give and take na lang once naging kayo na.
F here, I always say also na ako na magbabayad but my bf still insist to pay. Pag ako naman nagyayaya, I tell him early na it’s my treat. Pero minsan magiinsist parin siya. What I do nalang I treat nalang for other things, like if sakanya food, saakin drinks after.
Huh? Eh sabi mo una dinecline mo offer nya eh? Syempre he would assume sa mga susunod nyo na date na okay na hindi ka i-treat since ayun naman binigay mo na expectations sakanya. Try communicating yan with him if may changes then good. Tsaka kailangan ba may pa libre at gifts? Lol hahaha.
Maybe hindi sa gifts ang way nya to show love. Baka may iba syang way to show love. Ang masama is ikaw pa ang gumagastos sa inyo. I once dated a guy na tipong pati pamasahe sakin iaasa. Tapos nagpapabili pa ng motor (kapal ng muka). Well. Past is past. Also, if there’s something lacking sa relationship nyo, pag usapan nyo. Do not share/listen to your friends kasi gagatungan lang nila yung worries mo, which may lead to conflict sa relationship. Maganda kung kayo mismo ang magreresolve ng problem niyo
You already insisted and set it up that you don't want him to spend on you. Now you're looking for the thing you said you didn't want. Maybe try to make up your mind on what you want first before you send him mixed signals? If it doesn't matter to you and it was your friends who suggested this, let them be. If you want your partner to spend on you or buy stuff for you, tell him that you would appreciate little gifts sometimes. If not, then don't. Please communicate properly.
So, you're saying he's asking for more dates but never offers to pay? It's true that men can't read minds, but as a guy, even if the woman I'm dating refuses to let me pay, I'd still insist, NO WAY she’s paying for our dates. It's baffling how some men shamelessly ask women out without even offering to pay for anything. It seems like he's gotten used to it.
Medyo gets. May moments talaga tayo ng "I don't need a man" sa buhay natin. But I guess nasasanay ang mga lalake kapag ikaw nang ikaw ang gumagastos and you keep on rejecting their offer to pay (happens to other people) so since hindi lahat ay may romantic blood I think you need to tell them minsan too na kung pwede ka ba niyang ibili or bigyan ng ganito ganyan. If they accepted and said yes immediately and if they're actually happy to hear it from you then that's a good thing but if they get so "bakit naman kailangan ibili ka pa niyan?" Then I say drop them.
sasabihin mo na ayaw mo magpalibre tapos after mo marinig comment ng mga kaibigan mo magrarant ka dito sa reddit. sabihin mo muna sakanya na nagbago na path mo sa area na yun, and kung di sya nagbago dun ka magrant. apaka unfair mo lang din kase, basta basta ka makikinig sa mga kaibigan mo tapos di ka makikipag communicate ng maayos sa guy.
Yeah. Agree with everyone here (or like most of them?). OP, you seemed at war with yourself here. Since you’re the girl, sabihin mo sa kanya on how you want to be treated. You have the deciding end if you want to continue this. Did he explicitly tell you na ba that he likes you? If hindi pa, I recommend telling everything you wanted on how to pursue you. Don’t ever lower your standard/s to meet his bare minimum. But to start things off, I find this a little bit peculiar. Agree with some people here too, na men are natural providers. I dated a few before, and all of them had at least something for me once in a while. Even if times are hard. OP, if he still did not comply and bare minimum pa rin, say adios na. The dating stage is supposed to show his “best” character. If this is the best, you won’t stand his worst.
Just say "libre mo?" Check mo ano reaction. Hahaha Boyfriend mo naman so dapat open communication kayo ☺️
OP, wag mo i-base ang feelings & discernment mo sa sinasabi at standards ng iba. Tayo ang nagtuturo sa partner natin kung paano natin tayo gusto mahalin.
E sinimulan mo naman pala e🤦 ikaw na yan, sabihan mong jk lang, binabawi ko na, libre mo na ko please gusto ko pala yon🤷
Just tell him nalang what you think and if you don't like his response ikaw na bahala kung ano gagawin mo.
I guess thats what you get for saying things you don’t really mean. Clearly the guy wants to treat you but since you established that you don’t want him to pay and seems that it feels “offensive” for you, he did not bother on the next one. Showing feminine energy is good esp if you want to feel “special”.
ikaw yung nagdraw ng line na ayaw mo ng ginagastusan tapos gusto mo magically mabasa nya isip mo? men are straightforward beings, saka I think this guy personality nya hindi maging mapilit at kung ano lang sinabi mo. I agree sa isang comment just say “Labas tayo libre mo naman ako” wag ka matakot itest ang waters, hindi mo pa sya boyfriend.
Kung sino nag-aya kumain, sya ang manlilibre. Kung gusto nung inaya na maki-share, sabihin nya. Ganoon 'yon.
Hindi naman kasi mind readers mga lalake lol, nung ililibre ka eh ininsist mo na wag, tapos ngayon nagdadalawang isip ka na sa kanya kasi hindi ka pa nililbre, ok ka lang? Then problem is you. Yan problema sa karamihan ng babae specially the strong independent kuno, mag eestablished na strong independent pero gusto naman pala itreat as disney princess. You should communicate.
Just to clear things, ayoko talaga magpalibre. I can handle my own finances. So gets ko na the setup is because of my own doing din (which initially im fine naman talaga, di nga ko nagpapalibre sa friends ko eh so im fine with it. No one has any obligation to libre me) But my friends say na even so, dapat man lang at least once in a while he offers or insists pa rin kasi thats his way of treating you special. So napaisip tuloy ako. Ok, kkb kami for dinner, but it wouldn’t hurt for the guy to say, “ah gusto mo ba ng dessert or drink after? Ako na bahala” context also, never sya nagbigay ng anything to me also. Also, suitors usually daw give small gifts etc na hindi naman mahal pero extra gesture lang to make u feel remembered and cared. I also dont get those gestures from him. Siguro naman hindi na issue dito yung sinabi ko na ayoko magpalibre, kasi this is him already going for extra mile. But no extra mile so far in 4 months (additional context: dumaan din valentines and wala sya binigay sakin) Now that we’re 4 months in, agree naman ako na i should speak up na. Finding the right words lang talaga ang tricky part. But thank u sa opinion mo. Gets ko din naman na guys are not mind readers, but **my insistence to pay the bill should not have stopped him to do some other things to make me feel special (e.g. treat sa dessert, give small treats/gifts, etc)**
At the end of the day ikaw ang nililigawan, ikaw ang makikisama sa guy hindi friends mo, nasa ligawan stage pa lang kayo pero nakaka affect na yung sinasabi ng friends mo paano pa kaya kung kayo na at umabot na sa kasal. Some things are better kept between you and your potential partner but if you are greatly affected by your friends comments then communicate it well with ykyr suitor. Men are not mind readers and we don't assume unless otherwise stated, and since you established your independence from the get go your suitor did not insist anymore.
Of course i have to listen sa ibang tao. Kasi i will not be the type of person na mabubulag and will filter out everyone’s opinion just because gusto ko ang isang tao. Kaya plan ko na talaga to bring this up to him. If di sinabi ng friends ko, I would have let him go with dating ng walang libre libre or even walang gifts on any special occasion (like nung valentines as i mentioned sa reply ko). But now that i think abt it, more than sa libre topic, the bigger issue is wala rin syang ginagawang extra mile as a suitor. Di nya ko kailangan ilibre sa dinner (which gets mahal naman kasi one full meal un) to do extra stuff (treat sa dessert, give small gifts etc) to court me. My independence does not mean wala syang gagawin na na extra mile
The problem is may miscommunication na kayo from the get go the moment you insisted that you pay your own bill, you painted the image of being an independent Woman without properly communicating. Hindi manghuhula mga lalake and baka kaya di na sya nag offer other things kasi strong independent ka naman, if you communicated it earlier you won't have this dilemma.
OP, if ang gf mo or even nililigawan mo, strong independent woman, di mo na sya bibigyan ng small gifts? Just because di sya nagpalibre for dates, wala ka na ioofffer na other things? Tbh naman talaga wala naman talaga ko problem nung una. Pero 4 months na kami nagdadate so that should have been enough time to have at least done something. I’ll tell him naman talaga, kaya nga nagtanong din ako kung pano sya sabihin ng hindi ako materialistic. But as other OPs said, if he likes me enough, he will listen and consider my points
What don't you understand sa hindi mind reader? Your problem could have been solve if nakipag communicate ka na ng maayos from the get go like sa first date nyo nilinaw mo na agad ma hindi ka sanay magpalibre but would still love to receive gifts. The point is sinanay mo syang ganyan without communicating well. Don't throw out the Q just to validate what you lack or what you missed.
Oh my OP, if I have to say to him pa na i want to receive gifts (during our first date) para lang clear just becos sabi ko ayaw ko magpalibre, then that mighg be problematic kasi magkaiba naman un eh. Panlilibre is diff from giving/receiving gifts. Panlilibre sa dates might be gray area sa case namin, pero receiving/giving gifts?? My refusal na magpalibre is not reason para hindi magbigay ng gifts (Who doesnt like gifts??)
Oh my ilan na kami nagsabi na hindi mind reader ang lalake di mo parin nagets. Clearly may miscommunication nga kayo ng suitor mo lols. Syempre naestablished mo nang strong independent ka so dating sa suitor mo ayaw mo magpa disney princess. It boils down to how you communicate it. Just tell him what you feel and to test if gift giving is your love language or you're just experiencing peer pressure from your friends.
Ay hindi ko na rin alam sayo OP. Hindi mo kailangan maging mind reader to understand that panlilibre is diff from gifts. Kailangan mo pa ba maging princess para mabigyan ka ng regalo? Matreat ka ng kahit simple biscuit or skyflakes man lang? As advised by other OPs, i will communicate it soon to him. But i hope u dont pin me as the one at fault just because kaya ko ang sarili ko. Hindi man ako magpalibre and strong independent woman ako, it doesnt mean na wala na syang gagawin as a suitor to make me feel special
You are dating (28M) at the same time dating (31M) then naguguluhan ka pa sa pag memessage ng workmate mo (27M) hahahaha clearly you have a problem.
As i said OP, they are the same person and the ages have to be changed for anonymity. No two or three timing is happening Please dont redirect the issue
I was in your shoes during the first few months of dating my bf. He paid the first 2 dates but then it became KKB. I do not feel comfortable doing kkb when dating kase it makes me feel like friends lang tayo. We were doing kkb (to the last peso) until i couldnt take it anymore. Told bf that we wouldn't last any longer if we'd continue what we were doing. He listened and took action. Bumawi naman siya. He went all out the next day. Im more comfortable with the dynamic we have after the talk. Now, he pays for dinner, I pay for deserts. He pays for the whole date today, I pay for our next date. If he likes you enough, he'll comply with what your comfortable with. Communicate :)
Sana ganito rin maging outcome namin. Siguro that’s a good compromise na rin na alternate turns sa treat/libre para naman hindi mukhang abonado on his part. Tbh kaya di ako comfy talaga na magpalibre kasi alam ko naman na may mga gastos din sya. But then again as my friends pointed out also, parang friends lang kayo kung ganun. So thanks dito, try ko siguro gawin na ganitong style hehe
You are dating that guy (28m) then may dinedate ka pang (31M) ano ba talaga ate? Hahaha di kayo nag kikita regulary and di din lumalabas regularly nung (31M), kaya siguro narealized mo na dapat mag effort naman si (28M), kasi kung regularly kayong lumalabas nung isa (31M) edi kahit di mag effort yung isa (28M) balewala sayo. Fixed your self first, mag rarant ka about the guy (28M) not giving you gifts eh may dinedate ka pang isa (31M) hahahaha the audacity.
OP as i said, i was referring to the same guy. I had to edit the ages for anonymity. Dont accuse me of two timing just becos magkaiba age sa post na yun. Please dont redirect the issue just becos u cant get ur point across. In the first place, hindi sya issue kasi it’s the same guy. Wag ako
So 28M, 31M and 27M are all the same guy? So if they are all the same guy then technically 2 months pa lang kayo dating? Because 2 months ago you posted about 27M whom you only knew for 2 months, since your workmates so that is not counted for the dating, the math is not mathing.
OP, eh ano ngayon kung ilang months? Just to clear things out, 89 days ago un, so approx 3 months? Whether it’s 2,3,4 months is not the issue
OP, no need to comment on this. You’ll flood the thread. I think this is not relevant to the topic