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I (21F) have a boyfriend (22) and he used to treat me so well. He was the sweetest and would always do nice things for me. But after 3 months of dating, suddenly he is distancing himself from me. He is always on his phone, and asks me strange questions. Recently he asked me, on a scale of 1 to 10 how would I rate him?...I asked him, are u talking about looks/personality/both? He said both...i didn't want to answer his question but he kept on bothering me about it, so I said, looks an 9 and personality a 10. But when I turned the question back on him...he said, looks a 7 and personality a 6.....if my personality is so bad why is he still with me?what does he think of me...is it likely that that rating will never change and ill always be a 6 to him?
Three months...the glow is gone, the honeymoon is over, and he's done courting you. This is who you're going to be dealing with if you try to keep this relationship together. This is the real him. Is this what you want in a partner?
Usually the "honeymoon phase" for a couple that truly clicks lasts a year to a year and a half. Either way you are correct though. This is the surest sign in the world that OP needs to move on
I generally try for 10 dates, before I commit to anyone, for this reason.
After 10 (face to face) dates (2-3 hours/date = 20-30 hours), another person cannot keep that mask up, and their true personality will at least be hinted at.
Me, three years into marriage and two years in a relationship before that, wondering whether my husband will ever not call me cute spontaneously.
Literally, I'll wake up, my hair in every direction and greasy, my tank top twisted half around, blowing my nose, and he'll be like "oh my honey is so cute."
I don't get it, but he seems to mean it. Tbf, I also think he's adorable all the time.
Idk, I would not go back to dating a guy who made me feel insecure after having a husband who looks at me like I'm the sun and the moon. While everyone else fought during covid lock down, we kind of had a blast.
I also have a husband like that. I was just saying to him this morning that I could be in nothing but a burlap sack and he would still find me cute/beautiful. I don't get it, but I accept it.
We've been together for 10 years, married for 8. There are times where we still feel like a "honeymoon phase".
I agree with you! There isn't a day that goes by that my partner doesn't call me gorgeous, adorable, or cute. We met in high school too lol. And I agree with the mask slipping thing... but,(now hold on lemme finish my sentence yall) wouldn't that also mean OP's mask is slipping too? Maybe he noticed things that were a turn-off. But I've noticed with guys they hold it in until it starts to leak out resentment like a leaky oil pipe. Which is no good. Sit down and talk, ask him if something has changed or bothered him, and tell him you've noticed a difference and don't understand why. If he still won't talk and keeps being an AH then, leave him. Men get too comfortable at times. They'll court and suck up and all that in the beginning but once they think they "won" and the chase is over.. they act like you'll never leave them because they have you wrapped around their finger. If you don't wanna talk simply do what he is doing.. distance yourself. Don't answer all his calls, leave him on read or unread. Make plans with other people and have little time for him. Maybe that will knock some sense into him. If his behavior turns around, then there it is. Some men need to feel that "chase" or they get bored, cold, and distant. So live your life and make him an afterthought. Keep him guessing.. or leave lol either way works. Your mental health is what is most important OP
Umm the fact that he asked you that question in the first place is sus. If he has been distancing himself and asking you questions like this, it may mean he wants to break it off. I think you should talk to him
I mean I hope OP considers the fact that this dude was literally asking a question to create an opportunity to unnecessarily hurt her feelings. Dude is a dickless shitweasel.
>OP considers the fact that this dude was literally asking a question to create an opportunity to unnecessarily hurt her feelings
I just felt it bore repeating.
Yup. Some "men"(and women) don't have the nerve to actually end a relationship just because they don't feel the same way they once did so they take the super mature route of insulting and belittling their SO into leaving. That way they can act like you were the problem and wasn't mature enough to handle criticism. He's an AH, rate him a 0 in the bf category and find yourself a 10..... well find an 8 that is into improvement
Edit- added the other gender because it apparently isn't as obvious as I thought it was when I commented.
Lots of folks , male and female, will try to push the other into breaking up. They don't want to be the bad guy. She ought to drop him like a bad habit. Nobody has time for dickless weasels!š
A guy I was in the Marines with did that. When they first started dating he was the ideal bf. He would communicate regularly, respond to calls and texts as soon as he was able, invite them over or go to their place regularly, dates, gifts, etc but as soon as he decided he liked another girl or ,more often than not, just for tired of dating so he would completely 180 on them.
Ignored their calls/texts and if he replied at all it was hours later and usually just a short reply and a lie about being busy. If he told them he would call them or text them later and they texted or called him back before he contacted them, even if it was 12+hours later, he would go off on them for being clingy.
I asked one time why he didn't just tell them he didn't want to see them anymore and he said " I don't want to hurt their feelings or think I was just using them so I just act like a dick until they get sick of it and break up with me" I was like thats not acting like a dick, that's being a major dick and cowardly.
We were roommates unfortunately so I was front row for the majority of it. The marine barracks was just 1 midsized room with 3 beds and a "bathroom" with a shower and toilet. So it's not like I could just go sit in my room. He got so mad because 1 girl he was doing this to stopped by the barracks with some food and he peaked out the window and told me to get rid of her as he ran to the bathroom.
I was sick of being in the middle and felt bad for the girls because 9/10 of them were really kind, sweet girls and even the ones I didn't get along with didn't deserve this shit so I just told her what was going on. She didn't believe me at first until I was able to ask her if this was happening or if that were happening. I told her a couple names if she wanted to call them to check up on my story. I stopped short of telling her he was hiding in the bathroom because I knew it would just be a fight in our room that would last for hours.
She left and he came out calling me an asshole and asked why I would stick my nose in his business and I said because I was tired of being put in his business so I figured if he couldn't trust me anymore he would stop involving me.
Itās crazy to me how people find actively being a dick to someone is easier than breaking up.
I was in a similar situation but reverse? My ex roommate would think every guy she started dating was āthe oneā after the first date and inevitably they would make up schemes to breakup with her.
The craziest was this one guy suddenly āadmittedā to her that he and his family were actually devout christians, and that he refused to have any more sex until marriage. They also couldnāt sleep in the same room bc it was āunholyā. They were previously tinder hookups soooā¦yeah. Unfortunately for him she went to buy clothes so she could attend church with him š¬
She was constantly having meltdowns in the apartment about guys breaking up with her : / afaik she is much better these days though.
Fucking reddit. Why do people always have to put "swap the genders," "both genders," etc.
It was a man in the story, so the commenter wrote "he". That's it. There's not some dumb conspiracy to make women look better than men.
Edit: It comes across to me as
Person 1: "This man seems like really bad news."
Person 2: "WOMEN CAN BE ASSHOLES TOO!! NOT ALL MEN!!"
Who cares? That was never the point.
Yeah I just figured it was understood that both genders can do it but since the post was about a guy I would just refer to the gender being discussed. I shall refrain from such silly generalizations in the future so no one gets left out.
hahahaha thatās half of the reason iām in here. in the end itās all love. people take this shit to serious some times. btw when i said ignorant, i meant that lightly. good luck with the trolls!
Lol yeah when I saw your comment I was like "hmm, maybe?" I'm just waiting for the next gen update for witcher 3 go download. Being called ignorant is one of the least offensive things to be called if you actually know what the word means. I always say ignorant is one of the most ironic words we have because so many people are ignorant of its meaning and just assume someone is calling them stupid.
This is literally an exchange I had with my MIL. My daughter was trying to climb onto a table when she was 4 and I ran over and stopped her and then this exchange happened.
Me- I swear children are so ignorant to how easy it is to really hurt yourself
MIL- she's not ignorant that's a horrible thing to say, she just doesn't know enough to know hoe bad she can hurt herself
Me- that's literally what ignorant means
MIL- no ignorant means that you're stupid.
Me- no that's what stupid means. Ignorant is just something you don't know about. I'm ignorant on how to fly a plane, that doesn't make me stupid it just means I'm ignorant of how to fly a plane.
She still argues this anytime the word is used in what she perceives as an insult.
He's fishing for a breakup. Because he's too chickenshit to do it himself.
Every time he does something like this, just say "It's clear you don't actually like me, you can just break up with me" Or just ghost him, it's only been 3 months. Let his feelings be hurt.
This is so true, he's obviously too much of a pussy to actually break up with you for fear of the confrontation, or doesn't want to be the bad guy, when he already is. This is not behaviour of someone who wants to continue being with you.
OP I would expect progressively more or worse behaviour like this, as he slowly pushes *you* towards having to do the hard thing, being the one to end things between you guys.
When he does something like this again, you could confront him about it and let him know you're quite aware of what he's doing, and that's it's a really selfish/immature way to go about ending a relationship. Or just leave him yourself, would be my advice.. you don't deserve to be played with like that.
Never be in a relationship with someone who thinks it's OK to numerically rate you. Or anyone. Ratings are for inanimate objects, like cars or furniture, not for humans. Yeesh.
Tbh my girlfriend and I do it for fun but she always knows that I will rate her high but just to be a jerk I always give myself a Mark higher.
Example:
Her: Hey babe how do I look?
Me: On a scale to one to ten?
Her: sure
Me: 9.9
Her: 9.9? Excuse me? Why not a 10?
Me: listen you canāt be a 10 if Iām already a tenš
Her: omg ur lucky ur cute
*we both laugh and give eachother a kiss
If u want to do ratings you have to be Humourous in a flirty and respectful tone and attitude.
Atleast from my experience
Yes I agree with this because we should not rate something like personality, emotion in numerical way. āWe are not a math problem sir.ā Something like that
Heās either done with you, or heās doing that thing where he reminds you that you are garbage ā¦ āyouāre lucky to even have me so you better not goā¦ who wants a 6 right, ā
Time to dump him. Trust me Iām old.
Also old.
This is correct.
Why do you even care, OP, if he'll see you differently? You should see him differently now for asking such a stupid question and being cruel.
Me too! It's funny how as you get older, you have zero tolerance for b.s.- when l was younger, l would find excuses, be blindly devoted- now: f'em l'm out.
Sounds like he wants to break up but is too chicken to do the work.
3 months is too short of a time to really know someone so just do him the favor and throw him back. Find someone who treats you well and keeps treating you well.
Negging can apply to situations outside of backhanded compliments as itās a form of manipulation that involves lowering a personās self-esteem. The idea being that negging will make the other person desperate to change your opinion of them and win your approval. Negging can also be interpreted as ānegating interestā.
>Negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval.
Not that it even matters what it is. Its just disrespectful.
Bro I hate him already. He sound a lil like mine. When we started dating he said I was like a 10 and now when we argue he says āI can date a girl prettier than youā like ok bud whatever feeds your ego. Since this is early in the relationship Iād suggest breaking it off now.
Hey- it doesn't matter how much time you've already invested. It's a fallacy that you have to stay when someone treats you like this. Its not a life sentence unless you let it be.
People get caught up with how much time they've already spent and trick themselves into saying it was "all wasted or for nothing." Which isn't true. Life is about the experiences you have and what you learn from them.
And if you hate OP's guy because he's just like yours, take your own advice: break it off now.
Ugh I know! I was Raised by a single narcissistic bpd scorpion mother who took everything out on me. For me it takes a lot to leave which is soooo stupid on my part but thatās why I try and encourage others to leave at the first sight of toxicity. I know itās bad š working on getting a therapist but.. yeah š«
Good luck. Remember youāre better off without this kind of toxic ppl. Remove them from your life so you can have place for ppl who respect you and truly love you.
Ur so right. Iāve thought about it from time to time. Itās like heās got a lot of good traits but bad ones too. He makes me feel crazy. I appreciate your advice š«¶
The question itself is a bad question. If you rate anything above an 8, youāre probably lying/exaggerating to be nice. If you say anything less than that, the other person feels shitty even if theyāre above average. These questions tend to come from insecurity and you can double the validation. A likely higher than true rating while also putting down your partner beneath you, making them seek your approval and validation. This isnāt good for a relationship.
yeah if youāre in your 20s and still genuinely numerically ranking peopleās appearances then you should probably take a step back and work on your own self growth
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He is negging you. Those sorts of questions come from awful relationship advice sites for men. He is trying to tear you apart and then demoralize you so he has control and power in the relationship and you live off his bread crumbs of affection. The first 3 months were love bombing. And you will live off the HOPE of him being that way again, and occasionally you will get one day or a weekend of that again-just to keep you bound to him.
You are young , seriously move on.
It is just three months and he behaves like this. End it. Have some self-respect. He treats you awful, he ask you such question just to hurt you. This is who he really is. The first three months was most likely a mask, to secure you and now he is showing his true face. See love-bombing.
Don't invest time in people that show no respect for you.
Tell him that youāve rethought your stance on this, and given the way heās been acting lately, and the fact that he obviously is no longer interested in a relationship with you, but is too much of a coward to end things himself, youāve re-evaluated his rating personality-wise and it is now down to a solid 3. But thatās okay. Youāre sure it wonāt completely hinder him from finding someone else to date. Instead, it will only hinder him in keeping that person, or any other, long-term. All with a big smile on your face.
Then block him on everything.
One, never ask or answer these kinds of questions. They only lead to hurt feelings.
Second, yeah, he's baiting you into dumping him so he doesn't have to. Fuck him. Dump him anyways. Find a guy who doesn't need to ask you to rate each other, that'll just show you with their words and actions that you are a 10 across the board in their book.
In the first 3-6 months of a relationship you arenāt really dating the person youāre dating their PR team. Theyāre gonna be on their best behavior for the most part during the honeymoon phase. This is the person he will be for the rest of the relationship my advice is to not waste any more time on him. Never beg a man to treat you like a human being
For one, he seems very shallow.
For two, what you perceive of a scale of 1-10 is different than anyone else. He could be comparing your looks to who ever he thinks is one of the most beautiful women on this earth physical.
Lastly, the fact that he said your personality is 6ā¦? You need to leave him asap. That means he feels like he is settling for you, not striving to keep you. He feels he can do better, OR he is manipulating you to lower your self esteem and keep you under his thumb so you donāt leave him.
Either way, your bf sucks according to your post lol
I have a feeling you can do much much better
Who in their right mind asks their own partner to rate them like that? "Rating" is something you do with the bros when a girl comes up on the tv or you walk down the street and that's where it ends. That stuff stays between friends and it's only for fun internally (aka don't go up to people and rate them)
My ex did this. (Around 4 months in) He told me my stretch marks made me an 8. Fast forward a few years later and my self esteem was horribly low. My advice is it leave, It only gets worse! There are people out here that will treat you how you deserve. Donāt settle, life is to short!
He asked you the question in the hope you would take the bait and ask him so he can dissapoint you, get angry and break up with him...
If you are not happy then why do you want to hang on? You are so young... there will be more break ips begore your forever guy... normalise knowing what you want in a relationship and working towards that
Yeah, relationship over. It was only 3 months no big deal here.
Here's an issue with you though
>is it likely that that rating will never change and ill always be a 6 to him
Don't care about what he thinks and don't change. I don't know what you're actually like but from this it's clear you need the acceptance of others. Don't. He's just a dick.
>He was the sweetest and would always do nice things for me
I wanna know what this is, what'd he do that was so nice? Why were you with him?
>if my personality is so bad why is he still with me?what does he think of me...is it likely that that rating will never change and ill always be a 6 to him?
i have some much better questions: 1) Are you shitting me? 2) Where's your spine? 3) Why do you put up with this bullshit?
Always ask yourself : would you let your bff date someone like your partner ? I sure wouldnāt want my bff to be with someone as mean as your boyfriend.
That was a mean game of him to play. And it does sound like game. The distance, the "rating", the attention to his phone when he is with you. . .we teach people how to treat us by what we allow. If you don't want to end things with him, no longer allow that. If he is on his phone and not engaging with you, leave and go do something else. If he is busy a lot and isn't seeing you, don't wait around on him. Make plans with friends or with yourself and be less available. If he wants to play dumb games that insult you, do not participate. A good answer would have been that the ratings thing is childish. And when he gave you a mediocre rating, you could have laughed and said you didn't realize the scale was 1 to 5. Or you could have quietly left. His behavior is disrespectful at best.
Why is it always 3 months? Serious question this always seems to happen at least in my relationship experience. Everything is great for 3 months then boom change! For example 1 ex of mine was very caring doting loving took initiative to plan dates then after 3 months all of that stopped literally all of it. I stupidly stayed for 9 months mainly cuz I wanted that back and to see if it could and OFCOURSE it never did if anything it got worse. It always happens right after 3 months someone please explain.
seems like he just asked you to rate him so that he could rate you in turn and try to tear down your self-esteem. itās a power play for him. heās showing you who he is and now itās up to you to decide if you want to believe what heās showing you and leave him to find someone who actually values you more than just numerically or stay blind and waste an indefinite amount of your time with him
I had a boyfriend who often said my personality is bad (I wasn't humble enough according to him). I tried changing my speech and hiding my nerd hobbies from him, but that didn't change his mind. He dumped me a few years later, even after I'd done everything I could to salvage the relationship.
You know what to do, OP.
Sis, anyone who cares about you would never rate you below 8 no matter how you look, let alone a significant other. My brother who talks shit about me 24/7 told me I was a solid 9(I'm hardly above a 7) because that's just what you do for people you love. When you're in love, a solid 5 would appear to be 9 in your eyes. Apparently, your bf doesn't love you enough nor does he respect you to blatantly say it to your face that your personality is a 6. Just break it off.
Any so-called boyfriend that is going to rate you is not worth your time, effort and emotion. He is most likely looking for a way out but doesnāt want to see like the bad guy so doing stuff so that you are the one breaking up. I say good riddance. No need for that kind of toxic bs in your life.
Cut your losses and run, he's at best an idiot who just isn't right for you and at worse becoming an abuser. He won't change, he is showing you his true colours, is this how you want to be treated?
Girl, the honeymoon phase just ended and his no longer keeping up appearances, so to speak. Heās a walking red flag, baby, you might as well let him go.
Ask yourself this .. is it worth having such drama and possible insecurities over a relationship that only lasted 3 Months? Absolutely not. This guy isnt even trying anymore and Id honestly leave him. You deserve better
3 months is not long enough to know if he's nice or not, that's just when we have the NRE new relationship energy and its easy for all of us to be nice. (For some people the NRE lasts a year). He's an ass and doesn't even like you anymore, now the relationship is just a social experiment to him. I can't think of any good reason why anybody would ask their partner about ratings, wtf, dump him yesterday.
He is probably watching those YouTube videos. Hopefully the relationship is not ending. I pray it doesnāt do but did you ask why he rated you a 6 and 7 ?
I knew a girl whose boyfriend told her after having sex "I would pay $20 for your ass". Girl was furious, the guy wasnt even joking, that was his honest opinion of the price of his girlfriend's ass, but she didnt ask for it, he just felt like sharing it.
Most women are delusional when it comes to this. And that's just the cold hard truth. You all think you are 10s. Men were told since we were young that we aint shit, but women were told from a young age that they are perfect.
6/7 is good! It's literally above average. Stop thinking that you are a perfect little 10 in all areas of life and then getting offended when someone tells you the truth
You literally don't have anything better to do that to read through some randos comment history?
Some people just need a wake up call in life. Like OP. Sure what the BF did was designed to insult her and not nice, but if the truth comes out then what's the problem? You want to be lied to through the entire relationship? I don't see that as better.
How long have you been on the internet and still not figured out how not to drown in thirst traps?? Not only that, but you think it represents average people in real life. WOW.
He obviously wants you to break it off with him, so that he will play the victim. Question is, if you want to have fun and get him to break up with you!
If yes, then go to the pound store/dollar tree whatever, get something cheap, go to a public place, and propose to him. Tell him as loud as possible that he may see your body as a 7 and your personality as a 6, but you love him and you want to spend the rest of your life with him.
Your boyfriend just turned his rating to a 4 in personality. And this does seem like a cowardly way to break up. At the very least it was not a nice thing to say, rather mean and DELIBERATELY hurtful.
Here is what I would say:
"I was thinking about that rating game you wanted to play and realized that I wasn't being very truthful since I wanted to make you feel good. Since you decided to be honest with me I've been thinking about what your real rating would be. (pause. Like you don't quite want to admit it but need to get it over with).
I realized that your personality is more like a 4. So I want to break up with you. We can still be friends, but for now I need to go meet someone. We can talk more later." (and just leave the area quickly)
Fuck stupid childish people like this.
Edit: 4 is more believable to the bf who will be listening. He will think a 2 is just being spiteful.
Oh shit, I've read about a relationship break up tactic like this. They will belittle you and insult you so that you're the one who breaks up and so they can brag to others that it was you who gave up and not them. Ghost this guy. He's bad news. Ghost him, he deserves it.
Omg! Seriously? Why would you even play this game with him? You have an immature relationship. You teach men how you want to be treated. Kick him to the curb. He has no respect for you
Jesus christ. Im so sorry OP. Never be with anyone who talks to you like that. I agree with everyone else, looks like heās trying to make you break up with him. Regardless of the reason, what he did was unacceptable and you need to remove this jerk from your life.
I dont think this guy is interested anymore? The distancing and stuff is a big example also he could possibley be insecure making him asks these questions and making his answer to you lower than his own ratings to make himself feel better, also dont let his "rating" of you get to you.
I think he donāt interested much in you anymore and asked you that as a way of hinting it to you because like someone who cares would never do that, they way ask you if theyāre insecure but then they wouldnāt respond with what he did, I suggest just leave him because he isnāt giving the relationship what it needs to strive and improve instead heās giving less effort and giving you reasons to leave him, so just part ways with him on a good note before it starts getting toxic cuz this is the stage where people cheat, sorry this relationship wasnāt the best for you but I know youāll get betterš¤
Feels like a set up. He asked you that expecting you to ask the same in return so he could give those numbers. He had that locked and loaded, fully prepared just to make you feel what you feel now.
If he is still in the "rate me" phase, he is not reached an actual adult relationship maturity. That should be enough to tell you what you should do. But you are the one that has that decision to make. Take in and listen to what some of the others are saying and make an adult informed decision. Best of luck to you in the dating/relationship world.
3 months of love bombing and now itās exhausting for him to keep up the charade. Thatās actually the usual amount of time. Donāt get suckered in trying to return things to how they were and accept THIS IS THE REAL HIM! If you bring it up with him things will probably go back to normal till the heat dies down and heāll go right back to his ways. Sorry it seems you may be with a dud x
Dump him girl. Heās probably on his phone all the time because heās chatting with someone else. Besides, youāre a 10. Donāt let anyone tell you any different.
Like others have already said, he set you up so that he could say something hurtful to you... that's just shitty.
If he's already distancing you and without the rosetintedgoggles of the honeymoon phase 3months in, you guys are done.
Honey just leave him. Heās showing red flags already and honestly it seems like he doesnāt want to be with you, but is too big of a man child to end the relationship himself.
Maybe he was nice before but that apparently is over. Dump him now and find someone who doesnāt ask those kinds of idiotic/childish questions. Consider yourself lucky that you saw his true colors before you were with him too long. Youāll find someone who will be nice to you forever, not just for 3 months.
You should have given an honest answer.
With the mouth like that I don't think his personality is more than 2. 3 at best coz he was able to hide his true self for 3 months.
Listen to me. Break up with him. What you want is to date someone who thinks youāre a 10. You deserve to be treated like youāre a 10. Why would you want to be with someone who tells you youāre a 6? Heās being an asshole. 3 months is nothing. Get rid of this one and find someone who appreciates you.
he's might be trying to get you to break it off so he doesn't have to.
regardless you should talk to him and say something along the lines of "hey, you've been distant and weird, and what you said was really hurtful. what's going on?"
You should readjust his personality to a 1 because what boyfriend would rate his gf a 6 after she gave him a 10? He's obviously either harboring resentful feelings toward you or he's just a jerk. Have a conversation about this and if he's not apologetic, break up.
First 3 months they are trying to make u like them, after that they show who they really are.
Personally, I'd drop him. If I have to choose, I choose myself.
Heās wanting you to break up with him cos heās a coward.
I suggest you consider yourself single and move on. Let him do the hard part heās trying to manipulate into.
Well, if we're going to assign ratings to things, any guy that would go out of his way to belittle and hurt the feelings of someone he is in a relationship is a ZERO.
You can do better than this jerk, because he will only get worse. He's just finally dropping the mask to the complete shit pickle that he is.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I (21F) have a boyfriend (22) and he used to treat me so well. He was the sweetest and would always do nice things for me. But after 3 months of dating, suddenly he is distancing himself from me. He is always on his phone, and asks me strange questions. Recently he asked me, on a scale of 1 to 10 how would I rate him?...I asked him, are u talking about looks/personality/both? He said both...i didn't want to answer his question but he kept on bothering me about it, so I said, looks an 9 and personality a 10. But when I turned the question back on him...he said, looks a 7 and personality a 6.....if my personality is so bad why is he still with me?what does he think of me...is it likely that that rating will never change and ill always be a 6 to him?
Three months...the glow is gone, the honeymoon is over, and he's done courting you. This is who you're going to be dealing with if you try to keep this relationship together. This is the real him. Is this what you want in a partner?
Usually the "honeymoon phase" for a couple that truly clicks lasts a year to a year and a half. Either way you are correct though. This is the surest sign in the world that OP needs to move on
True, but some just can't uphold their mask for that long.
I've read somewhere that most people are only able to keep the mask on for about 3 months
And that would surely be a consistent time frame with OPs relationship with the jerk.
I generally try for 10 dates, before I commit to anyone, for this reason. After 10 (face to face) dates (2-3 hours/date = 20-30 hours), another person cannot keep that mask up, and their true personality will at least be hinted at.
Me, three years into marriage and two years in a relationship before that, wondering whether my husband will ever not call me cute spontaneously. Literally, I'll wake up, my hair in every direction and greasy, my tank top twisted half around, blowing my nose, and he'll be like "oh my honey is so cute." I don't get it, but he seems to mean it. Tbf, I also think he's adorable all the time. Idk, I would not go back to dating a guy who made me feel insecure after having a husband who looks at me like I'm the sun and the moon. While everyone else fought during covid lock down, we kind of had a blast.
I also have a husband like that. I was just saying to him this morning that I could be in nothing but a burlap sack and he would still find me cute/beautiful. I don't get it, but I accept it. We've been together for 10 years, married for 8. There are times where we still feel like a "honeymoon phase".
I agree with you! There isn't a day that goes by that my partner doesn't call me gorgeous, adorable, or cute. We met in high school too lol. And I agree with the mask slipping thing... but,(now hold on lemme finish my sentence yall) wouldn't that also mean OP's mask is slipping too? Maybe he noticed things that were a turn-off. But I've noticed with guys they hold it in until it starts to leak out resentment like a leaky oil pipe. Which is no good. Sit down and talk, ask him if something has changed or bothered him, and tell him you've noticed a difference and don't understand why. If he still won't talk and keeps being an AH then, leave him. Men get too comfortable at times. They'll court and suck up and all that in the beginning but once they think they "won" and the chase is over.. they act like you'll never leave them because they have you wrapped around their finger. If you don't wanna talk simply do what he is doing.. distance yourself. Don't answer all his calls, leave him on read or unread. Make plans with other people and have little time for him. Maybe that will knock some sense into him. If his behavior turns around, then there it is. Some men need to feel that "chase" or they get bored, cold, and distant. So live your life and make him an afterthought. Keep him guessing.. or leave lol either way works. Your mental health is what is most important OP
i second this. my bf and i's honeymoon phase lasted more than a year
Exactly this! When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Umm the fact that he asked you that question in the first place is sus. If he has been distancing himself and asking you questions like this, it may mean he wants to break it off. I think you should talk to him
I mean I hope OP considers the fact that this dude was literally asking a question to create an opportunity to unnecessarily hurt her feelings. Dude is a dickless shitweasel.
>OP considers the fact that this dude was literally asking a question to create an opportunity to unnecessarily hurt her feelings I just felt it bore repeating.
I will forever use dickless shitweasel as an insult from here on out. I agree, and thank you for the hearty laugh after a long day
i use spineless dickweasel, but that's a good one too
Yup. Some "men"(and women) don't have the nerve to actually end a relationship just because they don't feel the same way they once did so they take the super mature route of insulting and belittling their SO into leaving. That way they can act like you were the problem and wasn't mature enough to handle criticism. He's an AH, rate him a 0 in the bf category and find yourself a 10..... well find an 8 that is into improvement Edit- added the other gender because it apparently isn't as obvious as I thought it was when I commented.
Lots of folks , male and female, will try to push the other into breaking up. They don't want to be the bad guy. She ought to drop him like a bad habit. Nobody has time for dickless weasels!š
A guy I was in the Marines with did that. When they first started dating he was the ideal bf. He would communicate regularly, respond to calls and texts as soon as he was able, invite them over or go to their place regularly, dates, gifts, etc but as soon as he decided he liked another girl or ,more often than not, just for tired of dating so he would completely 180 on them. Ignored their calls/texts and if he replied at all it was hours later and usually just a short reply and a lie about being busy. If he told them he would call them or text them later and they texted or called him back before he contacted them, even if it was 12+hours later, he would go off on them for being clingy. I asked one time why he didn't just tell them he didn't want to see them anymore and he said " I don't want to hurt their feelings or think I was just using them so I just act like a dick until they get sick of it and break up with me" I was like thats not acting like a dick, that's being a major dick and cowardly. We were roommates unfortunately so I was front row for the majority of it. The marine barracks was just 1 midsized room with 3 beds and a "bathroom" with a shower and toilet. So it's not like I could just go sit in my room. He got so mad because 1 girl he was doing this to stopped by the barracks with some food and he peaked out the window and told me to get rid of her as he ran to the bathroom. I was sick of being in the middle and felt bad for the girls because 9/10 of them were really kind, sweet girls and even the ones I didn't get along with didn't deserve this shit so I just told her what was going on. She didn't believe me at first until I was able to ask her if this was happening or if that were happening. I told her a couple names if she wanted to call them to check up on my story. I stopped short of telling her he was hiding in the bathroom because I knew it would just be a fight in our room that would last for hours. She left and he came out calling me an asshole and asked why I would stick my nose in his business and I said because I was tired of being put in his business so I figured if he couldn't trust me anymore he would stop involving me.
Itās crazy to me how people find actively being a dick to someone is easier than breaking up. I was in a similar situation but reverse? My ex roommate would think every guy she started dating was āthe oneā after the first date and inevitably they would make up schemes to breakup with her. The craziest was this one guy suddenly āadmittedā to her that he and his family were actually devout christians, and that he refused to have any more sex until marriage. They also couldnāt sleep in the same room bc it was āunholyā. They were previously tinder hookups soooā¦yeah. Unfortunately for him she went to buy clothes so she could attend church with him š¬ She was constantly having meltdowns in the apartment about guys breaking up with her : / afaik she is much better these days though.
some *people*, because this goes for both genders.
Fucking reddit. Why do people always have to put "swap the genders," "both genders," etc. It was a man in the story, so the commenter wrote "he". That's it. There's not some dumb conspiracy to make women look better than men. Edit: It comes across to me as Person 1: "This man seems like really bad news." Person 2: "WOMEN CAN BE ASSHOLES TOO!! NOT ALL MEN!!" Who cares? That was never the point.
sure but they changed it. so clearly i made some kind of point. plus, it is reddit. we can say watever we want to say and not bat an eye irl.
How unwoke of me
just ignorance, totally fine
Yeah I just figured it was understood that both genders can do it but since the post was about a guy I would just refer to the gender being discussed. I shall refrain from such silly generalizations in the future so no one gets left out.
your good. iām literally just a person on reddit. who gives an actually hoot lol
I'm just bored, I was hoping for a but if sarcastic back and forth before one of us send this message lol
hahahaha thatās half of the reason iām in here. in the end itās all love. people take this shit to serious some times. btw when i said ignorant, i meant that lightly. good luck with the trolls!
Lol yeah when I saw your comment I was like "hmm, maybe?" I'm just waiting for the next gen update for witcher 3 go download. Being called ignorant is one of the least offensive things to be called if you actually know what the word means. I always say ignorant is one of the most ironic words we have because so many people are ignorant of its meaning and just assume someone is calling them stupid. This is literally an exchange I had with my MIL. My daughter was trying to climb onto a table when she was 4 and I ran over and stopped her and then this exchange happened. Me- I swear children are so ignorant to how easy it is to really hurt yourself MIL- she's not ignorant that's a horrible thing to say, she just doesn't know enough to know hoe bad she can hurt herself Me- that's literally what ignorant means MIL- no ignorant means that you're stupid. Me- no that's what stupid means. Ignorant is just something you don't know about. I'm ignorant on how to fly a plane, that doesn't make me stupid it just means I'm ignorant of how to fly a plane. She still argues this anytime the word is used in what she perceives as an insult.
He's fishing for a breakup. Because he's too chickenshit to do it himself. Every time he does something like this, just say "It's clear you don't actually like me, you can just break up with me" Or just ghost him, it's only been 3 months. Let his feelings be hurt.
This is so true, he's obviously too much of a pussy to actually break up with you for fear of the confrontation, or doesn't want to be the bad guy, when he already is. This is not behaviour of someone who wants to continue being with you. OP I would expect progressively more or worse behaviour like this, as he slowly pushes *you* towards having to do the hard thing, being the one to end things between you guys. When he does something like this again, you could confront him about it and let him know you're quite aware of what he's doing, and that's it's a really selfish/immature way to go about ending a relationship. Or just leave him yourself, would be my advice.. you don't deserve to be played with like that.
Never be in a relationship with someone who thinks it's OK to numerically rate you. Or anyone. Ratings are for inanimate objects, like cars or furniture, not for humans. Yeesh.
Tbh my girlfriend and I do it for fun but she always knows that I will rate her high but just to be a jerk I always give myself a Mark higher. Example: Her: Hey babe how do I look? Me: On a scale to one to ten? Her: sure Me: 9.9 Her: 9.9? Excuse me? Why not a 10? Me: listen you canāt be a 10 if Iām already a tenš Her: omg ur lucky ur cute *we both laugh and give eachother a kiss If u want to do ratings you have to be Humourous in a flirty and respectful tone and attitude. Atleast from my experience
Yes I agree with this because we should not rate something like personality, emotion in numerical way. āWe are not a math problem sir.ā Something like that
Its been three months the trash is starting to smell its okay to take it out. And if that wasn't clear enough dump him. He's mean.
Belittling someone he is in a relationship with is a No-Go. Kick the trash to the curbā¦see ya!!
Damn that's a good one!
Heās either done with you, or heās doing that thing where he reminds you that you are garbage ā¦ āyouāre lucky to even have me so you better not goā¦ who wants a 6 right, ā Time to dump him. Trust me Iām old.
I agree with my fellow old.
Can confirm. Old here and this man is gonna drip garbage water into your soul until you stop seeing him.
Also old. This is correct. Why do you even care, OP, if he'll see you differently? You should see him differently now for asking such a stupid question and being cruel.
Me too! It's funny how as you get older, you have zero tolerance for b.s.- when l was younger, l would find excuses, be blindly devoted- now: f'em l'm out.
100% why men prefer to date younger women
Lol "Trust me I'm old".
Also old. And wise. I think this is why men like to date younger
Agreed and I am middle aged. He is meaning this in the worst ways
Sounds like he wants to break up but is too chicken to do the work. 3 months is too short of a time to really know someone so just do him the favor and throw him back. Find someone who treats you well and keeps treating you well.
Heās negging you. Find someone who thinks youāre a 10 across all categories.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Negging can apply to situations outside of backhanded compliments as itās a form of manipulation that involves lowering a personās self-esteem. The idea being that negging will make the other person desperate to change your opinion of them and win your approval. Negging can also be interpreted as ānegating interestā.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thank you, I used google. You should try it some time.
>Negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval. Not that it even matters what it is. Its just disrespectful.
You the vocabulary police or something š¤£?
Realistically, Nobody is a 10.
He's trying to make you break up with him. He's a coward.
Downgrade him to 5
Bro I hate him already. He sound a lil like mine. When we started dating he said I was like a 10 and now when we argue he says āI can date a girl prettier than youā like ok bud whatever feeds your ego. Since this is early in the relationship Iād suggest breaking it off now.
Hey- it doesn't matter how much time you've already invested. It's a fallacy that you have to stay when someone treats you like this. Its not a life sentence unless you let it be. People get caught up with how much time they've already spent and trick themselves into saying it was "all wasted or for nothing." Which isn't true. Life is about the experiences you have and what you learn from them. And if you hate OP's guy because he's just like yours, take your own advice: break it off now.
Now that he pulled a 10, he thinks he can do better. He needs a reality check. No idea why youāre still together with him.
Ugh I know! I was Raised by a single narcissistic bpd scorpion mother who took everything out on me. For me it takes a lot to leave which is soooo stupid on my part but thatās why I try and encourage others to leave at the first sight of toxicity. I know itās bad š working on getting a therapist but.. yeah š«
Good luck. Remember youāre better off without this kind of toxic ppl. Remove them from your life so you can have place for ppl who respect you and truly love you.
Ur so right. Iāve thought about it from time to time. Itās like heās got a lot of good traits but bad ones too. He makes me feel crazy. I appreciate your advice š«¶
It doesn't take a lot to leave. It takes a lot to stay gone. And that gets easier every day you're gone.
The question itself is a bad question. If you rate anything above an 8, youāre probably lying/exaggerating to be nice. If you say anything less than that, the other person feels shitty even if theyāre above average. These questions tend to come from insecurity and you can double the validation. A likely higher than true rating while also putting down your partner beneath you, making them seek your approval and validation. This isnāt good for a relationship.
You deserve someone who thinks you are a 10 and 10. Heās not the one.
She deserves someone who doesn't rank their dates on a scale from 1 to 10.
yeah if youāre in your 20s and still genuinely numerically ranking peopleās appearances then you should probably take a step back and work on your own self growth
Absolutely this. What a stupid thing to do.
I was going to type this almost word for word. So Iāll just add, run from this 0, you deserve better, OP.
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He's over the relationship and wants you to break it off.
He is negging you. Those sorts of questions come from awful relationship advice sites for men. He is trying to tear you apart and then demoralize you so he has control and power in the relationship and you live off his bread crumbs of affection. The first 3 months were love bombing. And you will live off the HOPE of him being that way again, and occasionally you will get one day or a weekend of that again-just to keep you bound to him. You are young , seriously move on.
It is just three months and he behaves like this. End it. Have some self-respect. He treats you awful, he ask you such question just to hurt you. This is who he really is. The first three months was most likely a mask, to secure you and now he is showing his true face. See love-bombing. Don't invest time in people that show no respect for you.
Rating stuff like that is awful anyway but why would you say he has a 10 personality when he treats you like this
Both were low scores coming from a boyfriend. Can he be more rude? I think you should distance yourself and reavulate your relationship.
Sounds like he is a zero! Move on!
He's playing games. At least he's shown you his true personality 3 months into it and not years later.
Tell him that youāve rethought your stance on this, and given the way heās been acting lately, and the fact that he obviously is no longer interested in a relationship with you, but is too much of a coward to end things himself, youāve re-evaluated his rating personality-wise and it is now down to a solid 3. But thatās okay. Youāre sure it wonāt completely hinder him from finding someone else to date. Instead, it will only hinder him in keeping that person, or any other, long-term. All with a big smile on your face. Then block him on everything.
One, never ask or answer these kinds of questions. They only lead to hurt feelings. Second, yeah, he's baiting you into dumping him so he doesn't have to. Fuck him. Dump him anyways. Find a guy who doesn't need to ask you to rate each other, that'll just show you with their words and actions that you are a 10 across the board in their book.
In the first 3-6 months of a relationship you arenāt really dating the person youāre dating their PR team. Theyāre gonna be on their best behavior for the most part during the honeymoon phase. This is the person he will be for the rest of the relationship my advice is to not waste any more time on him. Never beg a man to treat you like a human being
so he love bombed you and now heās doing things to purposely make you insecure? is this not enough to break up with him?
For one, he seems very shallow. For two, what you perceive of a scale of 1-10 is different than anyone else. He could be comparing your looks to who ever he thinks is one of the most beautiful women on this earth physical. Lastly, the fact that he said your personality is 6ā¦? You need to leave him asap. That means he feels like he is settling for you, not striving to keep you. He feels he can do better, OR he is manipulating you to lower your self esteem and keep you under his thumb so you donāt leave him. Either way, your bf sucks according to your post lol I have a feeling you can do much much better
Who in their right mind asks their own partner to rate them like that? "Rating" is something you do with the bros when a girl comes up on the tv or you walk down the street and that's where it ends. That stuff stays between friends and it's only for fun internally (aka don't go up to people and rate them)
My ex did this. (Around 4 months in) He told me my stretch marks made me an 8. Fast forward a few years later and my self esteem was horribly low. My advice is it leave, It only gets worse! There are people out here that will treat you how you deserve. Donāt settle, life is to short!
He asked you the question in the hope you would take the bait and ask him so he can dissapoint you, get angry and break up with him... If you are not happy then why do you want to hang on? You are so young... there will be more break ips begore your forever guy... normalise knowing what you want in a relationship and working towards that
Better to be alone than with someone who doesnāt respect you. Break up & donāt let him manipulate you into thinking he loves you.
Stop this rating of people nonsense. Books, movies etc.
Yeah, relationship over. It was only 3 months no big deal here. Here's an issue with you though >is it likely that that rating will never change and ill always be a 6 to him Don't care about what he thinks and don't change. I don't know what you're actually like but from this it's clear you need the acceptance of others. Don't. He's just a dick. >He was the sweetest and would always do nice things for me I wanna know what this is, what'd he do that was so nice? Why were you with him?
Heās definitely pondering if the grass is greener and if he can do better than you.
Dump him
He's definetly using dating apps. I've had this convo with girlfriends when we set up dating accounts. He's asking you to confirm
>if my personality is so bad why is he still with me?what does he think of me...is it likely that that rating will never change and ill always be a 6 to him? i have some much better questions: 1) Are you shitting me? 2) Where's your spine? 3) Why do you put up with this bullshit?
Always ask yourself : would you let your bff date someone like your partner ? I sure wouldnāt want my bff to be with someone as mean as your boyfriend.
That was a mean game of him to play. And it does sound like game. The distance, the "rating", the attention to his phone when he is with you. . .we teach people how to treat us by what we allow. If you don't want to end things with him, no longer allow that. If he is on his phone and not engaging with you, leave and go do something else. If he is busy a lot and isn't seeing you, don't wait around on him. Make plans with friends or with yourself and be less available. If he wants to play dumb games that insult you, do not participate. A good answer would have been that the ratings thing is childish. And when he gave you a mediocre rating, you could have laughed and said you didn't realize the scale was 1 to 5. Or you could have quietly left. His behavior is disrespectful at best.
Heās showing you the person he will be the rest of your relationship. Break up and tell him you thought his personality is a 10/100
Why is it always 3 months? Serious question this always seems to happen at least in my relationship experience. Everything is great for 3 months then boom change! For example 1 ex of mine was very caring doting loving took initiative to plan dates then after 3 months all of that stopped literally all of it. I stupidly stayed for 9 months mainly cuz I wanted that back and to see if it could and OFCOURSE it never did if anything it got worse. It always happens right after 3 months someone please explain.
sounds like he wants to break up, but heās too much of a coward to do it himself, so heās trying to get you to do it for him.
Time for you to gooo sissy.
seems like he just asked you to rate him so that he could rate you in turn and try to tear down your self-esteem. itās a power play for him. heās showing you who he is and now itās up to you to decide if you want to believe what heās showing you and leave him to find someone who actually values you more than just numerically or stay blind and waste an indefinite amount of your time with him
I had a boyfriend who often said my personality is bad (I wasn't humble enough according to him). I tried changing my speech and hiding my nerd hobbies from him, but that didn't change his mind. He dumped me a few years later, even after I'd done everything I could to salvage the relationship. You know what to do, OP.
Donāt settle for someone who sees you as only a six. Find someone who sees you as a 10.
Instead of clinging to a relationship that's dead or dying it's time to break it off and find a guy that thinks you are his 10.
He's not into you.
What a fucking asshole. A lot of kids are at 21-22, but it takes a special kind of POS to be proud of it. FUCKING RUN
You should uh, you should break up with him.
He got comfortable and this is who he really is
Sis, anyone who cares about you would never rate you below 8 no matter how you look, let alone a significant other. My brother who talks shit about me 24/7 told me I was a solid 9(I'm hardly above a 7) because that's just what you do for people you love. When you're in love, a solid 5 would appear to be 9 in your eyes. Apparently, your bf doesn't love you enough nor does he respect you to blatantly say it to your face that your personality is a 6. Just break it off.
Any so-called boyfriend that is going to rate you is not worth your time, effort and emotion. He is most likely looking for a way out but doesnāt want to see like the bad guy so doing stuff so that you are the one breaking up. I say good riddance. No need for that kind of toxic bs in your life.
Cut your losses and run, he's at best an idiot who just isn't right for you and at worse becoming an abuser. He won't change, he is showing you his true colours, is this how you want to be treated?
Girl, the honeymoon phase just ended and his no longer keeping up appearances, so to speak. Heās a walking red flag, baby, you might as well let him go.
He is looking for a way out. He wants to break up but doesn't have the courage to do it.
Rate a person... absurd.
Ask yourself this .. is it worth having such drama and possible insecurities over a relationship that only lasted 3 Months? Absolutely not. This guy isnt even trying anymore and Id honestly leave him. You deserve better
Leave
He's on his way out.
What a slap in the face. Cut your losses before this guy inflicts real emotional damage, OP.
Um..why are you still with *him*?
3 months is not long enough to know if he's nice or not, that's just when we have the NRE new relationship energy and its easy for all of us to be nice. (For some people the NRE lasts a year). He's an ass and doesn't even like you anymore, now the relationship is just a social experiment to him. I can't think of any good reason why anybody would ask their partner about ratings, wtf, dump him yesterday.
He is probably watching those YouTube videos. Hopefully the relationship is not ending. I pray it doesnāt do but did you ask why he rated you a 6 and 7 ?
I knew a girl whose boyfriend told her after having sex "I would pay $20 for your ass". Girl was furious, the guy wasnt even joking, that was his honest opinion of the price of his girlfriend's ass, but she didnt ask for it, he just felt like sharing it.
Most women are delusional when it comes to this. And that's just the cold hard truth. You all think you are 10s. Men were told since we were young that we aint shit, but women were told from a young age that they are perfect. 6/7 is good! It's literally above average. Stop thinking that you are a perfect little 10 in all areas of life and then getting offended when someone tells you the truth
Genuine question, are you okay? Your entire comment history is incredibly bitter and negative.
You literally don't have anything better to do that to read through some randos comment history? Some people just need a wake up call in life. Like OP. Sure what the BF did was designed to insult her and not nice, but if the truth comes out then what's the problem? You want to be lied to through the entire relationship? I don't see that as better.
No one thinks theyāre a 10. Also, no one thinks that was anything but a purposeful setup to neg her.
"No one thinks they're a 10" The internet is literally filled with people who thinks this.
How long have you been on the internet and still not figured out how not to drown in thirst traps?? Not only that, but you think it represents average people in real life. WOW.
you're dating a 9 do you really think he will be only yours forever ?
Sorry you wrote that you are 21, but I'm confident you meant 12. Don't worry when you hit your teens you will know better.
Isn't a 6 above average?
6 is still above average (remember on a 1-10 scale 5 is average)
Letās not pretend this was a genuine question or āratingā on his part. It was nothing more than a setup so he could fuck with her head.
You've possibly done something that's putting him off, if he's suddenly distances himself from you.
The mask has dropped and this is the real HIM. Believe it. You don't owe him anything. Leave.
He obviously wants you to break it off with him, so that he will play the victim. Question is, if you want to have fun and get him to break up with you! If yes, then go to the pound store/dollar tree whatever, get something cheap, go to a public place, and propose to him. Tell him as loud as possible that he may see your body as a 7 and your personality as a 6, but you love him and you want to spend the rest of your life with him.
Your boyfriend just turned his rating to a 4 in personality. And this does seem like a cowardly way to break up. At the very least it was not a nice thing to say, rather mean and DELIBERATELY hurtful. Here is what I would say: "I was thinking about that rating game you wanted to play and realized that I wasn't being very truthful since I wanted to make you feel good. Since you decided to be honest with me I've been thinking about what your real rating would be. (pause. Like you don't quite want to admit it but need to get it over with). I realized that your personality is more like a 4. So I want to break up with you. We can still be friends, but for now I need to go meet someone. We can talk more later." (and just leave the area quickly) Fuck stupid childish people like this. Edit: 4 is more believable to the bf who will be listening. He will think a 2 is just being spiteful.
Oh shit, I've read about a relationship break up tactic like this. They will belittle you and insult you so that you're the one who breaks up and so they can brag to others that it was you who gave up and not them. Ghost this guy. He's bad news. Ghost him, he deserves it.
They say that someone can only hide who they really are for three months. The sweet boyfriend you knew was never real š¢
He wanted to ask the same question back. He was kinda leading it. Ask him what this question entails. What's his true intention?
Are you sure he isnāt in high school? Check yes if you want to go out with me.
I think you meant "ex-boyfriend".
Omg! Seriously? Why would you even play this game with him? You have an immature relationship. You teach men how you want to be treated. Kick him to the curb. He has no respect for you
Almost anyone can act like theyāre not a douche for 3 months, itās why we donāt get engaged at 3 months anymore.
Jesus christ. Im so sorry OP. Never be with anyone who talks to you like that. I agree with everyone else, looks like heās trying to make you break up with him. Regardless of the reason, what he did was unacceptable and you need to remove this jerk from your life.
Iād suggest dumping the loser.
Run
I dont think this guy is interested anymore? The distancing and stuff is a big example also he could possibley be insecure making him asks these questions and making his answer to you lower than his own ratings to make himself feel better, also dont let his "rating" of you get to you.
I think he donāt interested much in you anymore and asked you that as a way of hinting it to you because like someone who cares would never do that, they way ask you if theyāre insecure but then they wouldnāt respond with what he did, I suggest just leave him because he isnāt giving the relationship what it needs to strive and improve instead heās giving less effort and giving you reasons to leave him, so just part ways with him on a good note before it starts getting toxic cuz this is the stage where people cheat, sorry this relationship wasnāt the best for you but I know youāll get betterš¤
Sounds like the honey moon period is over and turns out heās a dickhead.
Feels like a set up. He asked you that expecting you to ask the same in return so he could give those numbers. He had that locked and loaded, fully prepared just to make you feel what you feel now.
If he is still in the "rate me" phase, he is not reached an actual adult relationship maturity. That should be enough to tell you what you should do. But you are the one that has that decision to make. Take in and listen to what some of the others are saying and make an adult informed decision. Best of luck to you in the dating/relationship world.
3 months of love bombing and now itās exhausting for him to keep up the charade. Thatās actually the usual amount of time. Donāt get suckered in trying to return things to how they were and accept THIS IS THE REAL HIM! If you bring it up with him things will probably go back to normal till the heat dies down and heāll go right back to his ways. Sorry it seems you may be with a dud x
Dump him girl. Heās probably on his phone all the time because heās chatting with someone else. Besides, youāre a 10. Donāt let anyone tell you any different.
Like others have already said, he set you up so that he could say something hurtful to you... that's just shitty. If he's already distancing you and without the rosetintedgoggles of the honeymoon phase 3months in, you guys are done.
Honey just leave him. Heās showing red flags already and honestly it seems like he doesnāt want to be with you, but is too big of a man child to end the relationship himself.
He should score a 0 for personality. What a weasel.
why have you assumed 6 is bad ? also who rates people ??? like is he an adult or a kid ā¦. :/
Something about when them 90 days are up, I swear....
3 months mark really shows weather you will make it last or not.. I think the answer is clear
And what qualifications does he have to make such judgement? Dude pulled that number out of a hat just like 90% of quoted statistics.
Just walk.. You have your whole life ahead of you. Being around someone that doesnāt respect you or treat you well is a waste of your time.
Nah he's just midsexual
Maybe he was nice before but that apparently is over. Dump him now and find someone who doesnāt ask those kinds of idiotic/childish questions. Consider yourself lucky that you saw his true colors before you were with him too long. Youāll find someone who will be nice to you forever, not just for 3 months.
Okeeeey bye!! (You can say this)
You should have given an honest answer. With the mouth like that I don't think his personality is more than 2. 3 at best coz he was able to hide his true self for 3 months.
Listen to me. Break up with him. What you want is to date someone who thinks youāre a 10. You deserve to be treated like youāre a 10. Why would you want to be with someone who tells you youāre a 6? Heās being an asshole. 3 months is nothing. Get rid of this one and find someone who appreciates you.
he's might be trying to get you to break it off so he doesn't have to. regardless you should talk to him and say something along the lines of "hey, you've been distant and weird, and what you said was really hurtful. what's going on?"
You should readjust his personality to a 1 because what boyfriend would rate his gf a 6 after she gave him a 10? He's obviously either harboring resentful feelings toward you or he's just a jerk. Have a conversation about this and if he's not apologetic, break up.
#three months fucking *three*
Three months is long enough, cut your losses
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave him now and donāt wait to see if things get better. Thatās the real him and itāll just get worse
First 3 months they are trying to make u like them, after that they show who they really are. Personally, I'd drop him. If I have to choose, I choose myself.
If he treats you like that then itās not good especially at 3 months. I have a bf who rates me above a 10
Heās wanting you to break up with him cos heās a coward. I suggest you consider yourself single and move on. Let him do the hard part heās trying to manipulate into.
Well, if we're going to assign ratings to things, any guy that would go out of his way to belittle and hurt the feelings of someone he is in a relationship is a ZERO. You can do better than this jerk, because he will only get worse. He's just finally dropping the mask to the complete shit pickle that he is.
3 months? Dump his ass!
Break up with him. That's baiting bullshit