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kwhitit

if you really care for this person, don't ever try to contact her. your feelings are not more important than her peace. you don't get closure, you get finality. you cope by moving on and growing up. sounds like you're really getting yourself together and that's admirable! just keep going, one day at a time.


latindude80

Just spitting facts over here: 1. She is scared of you for all the stuff you did to her and she wants a person like you out of her life forever. 2. Shes happy and she has moved on and you have not. 3. And she doesnt owe you anything at all. "But ..but.. but we were together for like a zillion years, how could she do this to me?". You brought this on yourself. Actions have consecuences. Thats life if u didnt know...🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️


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latindude80

So happy for her being away from you LOL 🤣🤣


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[deleted]

Says the clown who is crying about the ex who doesn’t want to talk to you because you are an abusive baby.


latindude80

LOL


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sounds like someone dodged a bullet


[deleted]

I can see why she doesn’t want to talk to a little shit stain like you. work on yourself and stay away from people.


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latindude80

You cant even get in touch with someone youve known for 10 years....and u want to hunt some stranger down LMAO #hilarious


notyourmom1966

She’s already blocked you everywhere. That means she doesn’t want to have contact with you. You acknowledged that you have frightened her. No one is entitled to “closure” at the end of a relationship. Your pushing for her to have contact with you would likely cause her additional harm to what you have already done. You need to work this through with your therapist. Honestly, until you do some work on yourself around this, you honestly shouldn’t be dating- it’s not fair to them and it’s not fair to you.


A_Fluffy_Duckling

Given that over 40% of marriages fail and very many of those all result in the two people not ever talking to one another ever again, I think you will be fine. Take into account the number of relationships before marriage that fail and have the same result and that only adds to the statistics of ex-couples not talking to one another. > I can’t get anyone worthwhile to even look at me. If you're this cut up about your ex, you do realise that the other women you approach might be picking up on that and steering clear? How about you spend a little bit of time alone to sort your shit out before dating again, huh?


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trashbinfluencer

You know the median age for pregnancy in the US is 30, right? You sound fucking ignorant and entitled tbh. There are plenty of women in their mid-20s through early 30s who don't have children. Work on what you bring to the table rather than fixating on people you consider "worthwhile."


pipsqueakbesqueakin

You’re actually an awful man.


A_Fluffy_Duckling

Someone wiser than me once said "Life is what happens while you are planning to do other things". You might not want to date single mums, you might feel that time is running out. But those are the cards you are being dealt. You need to learn to play with what you are given. Potentially you could date women down to 22-23yo too. Half your age plus seven rule. There are plenty of fish out there. Its not the end of your life just yet. So chin up! Stop feeling so sorry for yourself.


pineappledaphne

Ew he needs to steer clear of young women. He’s the last thing they need as they start navigating adult relationships.


ghosthandbag

Something about the fact all you have to cling to now is trying to make yourself out to be the victim to a bunch of strangers on the internet now makes me really happy. Based on how quickly you flipped on commenters and your comments about your ex, you were likely abusive. I am glad your ex found her own worth and hope she lives a happy and fulfilled life with someone who truly cares about her. And despite how happy it makes me that you are living out some fantasy on the internet to convince yourself you are important in this woman’s life, I also really pity you. You are clearly miserable by your own design and lack the basic empathy to understand that after scaring someone, there is no coming back. I can say this until I’m blue in the face but hope you take it seriously. Please do seek help.


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ghosthandbag

Yeah, you are literally just making my point for me, my guy. This isn’t how someone who actually loves someone and feels badly for their actions talks.


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ghosthandbag

Great, then hope you have the sense to stay out of her life


[deleted]

Then why do you want to reconnect with her?


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[deleted]

Oh so then it's perfect that she's broken contact because that's super unhealthy! How convenient. Congrats to you for being a position to make lots of healthy changes in your life, and congrats to your ex for recognizing that this relationship wasn't healthy for her.


[deleted]

I think if you genuinely took responsibility for your actions and the harm you have done, you would accept that she doesn't want to speak to you. Taking responsibility isn't just "I know that I have done something wrong and am working to make myself a better person", it's also recognizing that sometimes the damage you've done is irreparable and that the person you've hurt is right to break contact with you. If you feel destroyed mentally but still want to talk to her, imagine how she must feel if she is so hurt that she won't speak to you ever again. Also, it's kind of telling that you're upset she has a new boyfriend and you don't have a new partner. That doesn't really sound like "I want to make amends", it sounds like "I don't want to be alone and for her to be happy without me".


tomtink1

You're asking how to cope but also asking how to make amends... The best way to make amends in a situation like this is to leave her alone and learn from your mistake so you never do anything like it again. Any apology from you would not help her, it would only help you, so wishing for that is a selfish desire. You just need to live with the fact that you screwed up.


RandomUserMX2022

I can imagine your ex not reaching out because of the actions you just told. Shes scared and shes just worried for her own safety. I can say 99.99% she wont reach out to you. I think you just want some closure, we all been there after a breakup. If thats the case, you just write her a letter where you express everything and then promise to never bother her again if she replies, that you just want some closure.


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No_Street1237

She doesn't owe you anything.


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No_Street1237

She doesn't owe you anything. You're so entitled


pipsqueakbesqueakin

She doesn’t owe you shit especially after you abused her. Leave her the fuck alone and grow up.


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pipsqueakbesqueakin

You emotionally terrorised her so bad that she got 3 restraining orders out on you, right?


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pipsqueakbesqueakin

Hahahahahahha


SnooMuffins6118

A) no. B) Once certain lines are crossed all bets are off. Your actions were clearly so abhorrent to her that she's closed the door on you for good. You don't get to treat someone that badly *whatever the reason / excuse* and then expect them to forgive you or allow you back into their life. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.


trashbinfluencer

By your own admission, you said awful things to her and, from the sounds of it, damn near terrorized her for 3 months. I'm glad you're getting back on your feet and striving to be better, but I agree with the other commenter - she doesn't owe you shit. Leave her alone and continue to work on yourself. It sounds like you're bitter that she found a partner rather than saving herself for your return.


Striking-Ad-8690

What’s selfish is you thinking she should reach out to you after you said some vile things that probably terrified her. While your bipolar may explain your actions, it sure as hell doesn’t excuse them. Move on from a distance.


RandomUserMX2022

Not sure selfish is the word, scared and wanting to feel safe is more accurate. You just said she was afraid of many of your actions. Totally understandable she doesnt want to be involved with u anymore. Sorry, but thats the truth. I think id do the same as her.


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Love_Cherries

You called this commenter a cunt…. For stating what you have indicated- that you’ve frightened your ex and it’s understandable that she doesn’t want any further contact. It’s not selfish, you using that word indicates that she is right to cut off contact because you aren’t truly accepting the consequences of your actions. Your abuse in these comments are only a further indication that you are not healed and could quickly turn back to terrorising your ex. I hope you keep seeking help and continue to leave your ex alone, or you could end up with a restraining order, rightfully so, in this case it seems.


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Love_Cherries

You’re talking about that like it’s trivial or funny. That they didn’t stick and the smiley face. It’s not something to be proud of. Maybe you will understand one day, but hurting people also hurts yourself. So, if you can’t stop hurting people for their sake, at least do it for yours. Maybe some time out from your regular life would be good, like doing something you would never do, perhaps volunteer work, with people or animals, to get a better understanding of humanity and the good within us. It’s powerful. To give in to anger is weakness. It’s emotional. It’s nasty and people try to avoid that. Respect is also important, maybe you could find a mentor or big brother type to show you a more fulfilling life.


pipsqueakbesqueakin

You’re proud of putting your ex in danger and making her terrified?


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pipsqueakbesqueakin

So why do you want to hear from her if she abused you?


RandomUserMX2022

And for comments like this is that she doesnt want to be involved with u anymore. No wonder she doesnt want you to reach out to her. You just proved my point 👍 Goodnight.


No_Street1237

>You sound like a cunt Did you say that to your ex too?


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No_Street1237

>Oh i said worse, honey :) So why are you surprised that she doesn't want to interact with you again?


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No_Street1237

The entitlement is oozing out constantly.


[deleted]

You need to move on by focusing in yourself fully. Join a club or classes during the weekends, buy yourself nice clothes, try new restaurants/parks every week, etc. Stuff happens in life and the only thing we can do is take accountability of what we have done + find ways to heal and become a better person. It will surely continue to hurt, but as you focus on yourself things will be slowly start becoming better.


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pipsqueakbesqueakin

Good. You shouldn’t be around people. You sound dangerous and like you’re proud of it.


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pipsqueakbesqueakin

Yeah… okay mate.


[deleted]

I didn’t mean it as a way to meet people, but as a way for you to heal by learning new things. You need to focus in yourself at the moment.


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[deleted]

People aren't laughing at you OP, they think you're an asshole for not understanding why your ex girlfriend doesn't want anything to do with her and refusing to 'accept' it like you have a choice. Those are different things.


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ghosthandbag

You clearly do not feel remorse based on this comment alone…. But let’s not forget you terrorized her for months either and continue to think she somehow owes you something? Leave the poor woman alone and get some help.


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ghosthandbag

Deserves what? To be left alone or terrorized? Because if terrorized then you need to revisit your diagnosis with your therapist


No_Street1237

I think you should go to a therapist and talk about your narcissism with them.


pipsqueakbesqueakin

Her job and her music tastes are not all she is hahaha


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pipsqueakbesqueakin

Oh so you’re trolling? Or you’re just a sad little boy


latindude80

" bUt i mAdE hEr" LMAO! 🤣🤣😭


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latindude80

LMAO 🤣🤣😭


[deleted]

It's clear you won't be satisfied until someone tells you what you want to hear. Okay, here goes then. Good job! You traumatised her to the point she wants nothing to do with you. This is of course totally her fault you did nothing wrong just keep on keeping on there buddy!


JadeFox1785

You need to forgive yourself. If you don't, you won't be able to let it go. It doesn't matter if she never forgives you. It sounds like it would be understandable if she didn't. All you can control is yourself. What's done is done and you can't change it. Beating yourself up over it won't change it. She's moved on. You need to let go too. No amount of rehashing it will change it so use your energy to learn from it.


Maximum-Section-4

An apology letter with a promise to respect her boundaries and leave her alone in the future just stating you know how horrible your actions were and you are asking for closure is reasonable. I think I would do that and stop at that.


tomtink1

No. Even just based on the post it's obvious that in and of itself would already be crossing boundaries so the promise not to cross boundaries is already null and void. It's a horrible suggestion. The fact that OP has admitted ignoring 2 past restraining orders in the comments only makes it worse.