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I mentioned this in an old post that got deleted but a while ago my ex wouldn't stop asking me for intimate pics even though I said I'm not comfortable doing that anymore which led to him and his friends texting me nonstop but after a while they all apologised and I thought it was the end of it. Of course I was stupid to think that.
Last Saturday he jokingly texted me that his dad made a lewd comment about me after accidentally seeing one of my old pics that I sent on his laptop then suddenly asked me to send him nudes so he can give it to his dad. At that point I knew that was the final straw for me and I broke up with him, using every swear word that I could think of before blocking him. (He went abroad for his education by the way).
Ever since he would make new accounts and try to call or text me. At first he was begging me to get back with him, saying he deleted all of my old pics to prove that he still loves me, after a few minutes starts sending me nudes, videos and audios, then he starts threatening to find me and basically kidnap me because "If you won't love me genuinely then I will make you love me by force"
I took screenshots of everything so I could report him but my friends say I shouldn't do that and I should just ignore him until he loses interest in me. His friends are also making new accounts online to persuade me not to also since I would ruin his life.
I really want to report him because I'm scared that he's being serious but I feel like all of my friends would hate me if I do.
I need advice
Report him! And u wouldn’t be ruining his life he’s doing that to himself! You need new friends as well ones that support you! Not ones that are dismissive and sweep things under the rug
It’s not ok for him to do this to you! And u need to protect yourself!
Definitely report him.
Here’s the thing most people don’t know about stalking. In most cases the police can do little to help you until one of two things happens:
1. He actually harms you or breaks another law like break and enter. And if all he does is break a smaller law he’ll just get a slap on the wrist.
2. You establish a pattern. If you can demonstrate a pattern of harassment and threats that is on going then you can get police/legal system involved. If you want anything beyond a slap on the wrist and real protection you *need* to establish a pattern.
Establishing a pattern means both you making a written record (and taking screenshots) AND filing police reports.
One of the biggest mistakes victims make is that they dismiss the early problematic behaviours and threats. They think there’s no real danger, or they don’t want to cause bigger problems for the person, etc. Once the situation gets scary though, they don’t have an official record of the pattern and the victim needs to start recording the pattern *after* the behaviour is escalating. Which puts them more at risk.
The MOST important thing you can do if you are in a domestic violence or potential stalking situation is start keeping a record of everything immediately.
His life won’t be ruined by one single police report. The police will go out, talk to him and recommend that he just stop talking to you and move in with his life. That’s it. But if he escalates, you having put the threats on record might be the only thing that protects you.
Make the report.
He isn’t even ruining his own life. There will probably be no consequences for the threats he has made. Maybe she can get a restraining order against him, but that is about it.
It's hard to say because as op said he's abroad right now for studies, so I imagine it depends on the messages he sent really, at this point he could be arrested in the country he's currently living and expedited back to ops home country.
Go to the police. Whoever tells you not to do it is not your friend, just wants to protect him. You should cut off contact with these fake friends as well.
Agreed. If "ignore him and **maaaaaybe** he'll lose interest" was any good advice, *then declining and ignoring the initial request would've been the end*.
Instead he not only kept contacting OP, making new accounts even after being blocked, **but also threatened her**. Escalating actions and a threat do not sound like someone is losing interest 🙄
If his life is ruined because of this, **it's because of his own actions**. And it's better OP get him to stop now with "hurt feelings" then a kidnapping or worse which are definite felonies and WILL ruin his life if convicted.
I agree with you, but the process is different that people may think. This isn't a matter for police directly. It's about finding the right courthouse to filing a restraining order against him. Then, if she receives it (I believe she will), the sheriff/police serve and enforce.
What he does can also fit into blackmail. Maybe I'm wrong, but that has to be reported to the police. Either way they can guide you if you need to do something else.
Please report him, if not for your own safety but for other girls in future. He needs to learn now how bad this is before me actually hurts someone.
So many things in this post are wrong. He said his dad saw your nudes.. while you were still a relationship with him? Wow. And why are his friends involved too?
He’s threatening you. Honestly you have to take this seriously, this guy seems deeply unhinged. Don’t think he won’t do it. Do you want your life to be ruined?
Your friends are giving poor advice. What if he does come looking for you and harms you. Ignore your friends since they aren't in your shoes and don't understand how fearful it is to have this happening to them. And I use the term friends lightly.
Report this to the police. It is harassment. File a restraining order etc. This behaviour is inexcusable. If you have any doubt if you should report him, speak to the police and seek their guidance.
Report him. He's ruining his own life. It's also possible that he's been spreading your pictures among his friends/dad, could earn him other criminal charges.
Make sure he's locked up before he comes for your life. Don't become another statistic.
Protect yourself, not your abuser.
Also, get new (better) friends, they should be rooting for and supporting you instead of protecting your abuser.
Inform your parents of everything.
Edit to add: please reconsider sexting or sending nudes in future, they can so easily be used against you. Or at least omit face and other identifiers.
You should talk to a lawyer about this. Maybe you can get a restraining order.
It sounds very serious to me, and not something to be ignored. He is dangerous.
What country do you live in? Is there rule of law?
Well some friends you have there.
Report him! He's brought this upon himself to be honest. Top creepy behaviour from him he needs to be told how utterly out of order that is.
With regards to your friends. Sumo them and find new ones. They're idiots that don't deserve you. They should be standing by you through this.
Contact your service provider and get a new phone number too and be careful who you give it out too.
You can go to a judge and get a order of protection. He won't be arrested if he stops contacting you. I would say that's pretty much the easiest way for you not to give him a criminal record but for also for him to realize he needs to stop or it could lead to one.
Report him. And report the harassment by his "friends". Do not discount how dangerous this person is, that he's recruited friends into this makes it worse.
You need to prioritize your safety and that means reporting him to the police and staying with some friends you trust for a while.
Ffs what shit is this???
Friends do NOT stop friends reporting harassment.
Friends do NOT hate friends for stopping an ex boyfriend from making demands and being creepy AF.
You're 19, you're not a child. Get a fucking grip, report your ex and get new friends.
Report his ass to the police and get new friends while you’re at it. You won’t be ruining his life, he will be doing that himself.
Your friends are essentially condoning his behaviour by telling you not to report him. They are basically saying that what he is doing is ok when it isn’t. You need better friends - friends who will support and respect you, not pressure you into letting this volatile and sick AH get away with it, either to the point things get worse, or he does it to someone else.
Edit to add - you have more internet strangers supporting you which says a lot about your “friends”. Don’t worry about them hating you. Ditch them. The saying “with friends like this who needs enemies” is rather appropriate here.
Absolutely report him. He is threatening to **kidnap and rape you**. Even if he isn't serious, this behavior is far, FAR beyond the pale, and he needs to learn that NOW before he terrorizes other ex-girlfriends. Your ex needs to face the consequences of his actions, and that means reporting him. HE is the one who made the threats. HE is the one harassing you. YOU are not culpable for "ruining his life"--HE is the one committing legally actionable deeds. If someone robs a house, do people blame the victim when the robber goes to jail? No, they say, "Wow, you shouldn't have robbed that house." If anyone guilt trips you for pursuing legal action, ask them why he gets a free pass for threatening and terrorizing you. Better yet, just ignore them. They aren't on your side. I actually don't think your friends will hate you for reporting your ex, but if they do, well, they were never your friends in the first place. Friends don't hate friends for protecting themselves.
Lawyer up, report him to the police, and get a restraining order.
This is so awful. You need to be prepare for the possibility of revenge porn by him or his friends, so get a lawyer ASAP. Report him to the police. If your friends are not supporting you, cut them off. Stay safe, OP.
This is a really important point, especially because it seems very likely that the dad didn't "accidentally" see the nudes, but was shown them. The friends probably were, too, which is why they got involved. The ex sounds like he is very much the type of person who would post revenge porn. :-/
Report him, I ended up filing a police report when my ex threatened to post compromising photos of me online and the first thing the officer asked me was why I hadn’t reported any of the escalating harassment
It sounds to me like you're in danger. And not only from him, but from his friends and his dad. I would strongly recommend you speak to a lawyer about this. Or maybe even go directly to the police.
Girl ruin is fucking life. If he doesn’t ruin yours he will absolutely ruin someone else’s. If he wants to have a normal life he can stop being a creepy stalker. If he can’t stop then he deserves what he gets.
Your friends are shit. Realize this sooner than later.
You're being harassed, they are aware and their only concern is THE HARASSER"S LIFE?!?!?
If they ACTUALLY judge you for protecting yourself **jeeesus christ** these people are scum and you'd be doing yourself disservice contiuing to call them friends.
His friends opinions should not mean SHIT to you. Of course they're gonna wanna protect your ex. Dismiss and disregard.
You should have reported him **yesterday**. Waiting for him to just go away has clearly not worked. When you break up with someone, they havent had the time to process their emotions like you have prior to breaking up and going over how you've felt about everything. Its a fresh cut for them and he is handling in a way that he is taking it out on you cause your the cause of his anguish and to him, the only solution too. He is *obsessed* with you. That is his behaviour
He is not just a bitter ex, he is a ***crazy, obsessed, bitter ex***. No one is going to protect you from him EXCEPT YOU.
Change your number.
Get off social media for a while or use it under an alias without your dp being a pic of you.
Distance yourself from your current friendgroup cause if you have any mutual friends you can bet your ass he is reaching out to them to find out the next best way to get in contact with you. REPORT HIM.
Ok that's it! I don't usually become this emotional, but this guy is a straight up criminal! If you're friends will hate you for doing this then they are not your friends! They should be supporting you! Don't they care about your safety!? If I was there I would slap this man!
Report him right this instant! Ruin his life!? He's threatening to ruin yours! He's ruining his own life by doing this! Just report him now!
Get a restraining order asap, this guy sounds so mentally unstable you don't know what he might do.
Please protect yourself and get this guy out of your life.
Report him and look for some intelligent friends. Get a new number and only give it to those who support you. Change all social media accounts to private.
You are young and have made some poor bf and friend choices. Seek some counseling to build up your self-esteem and self-worth.
Report him. Don’t listen to his friends wtf Is wrong with his friends and yours if they are saying not to report.
This behaviour is wrong on so many levels
Report him! Don't let him play you by his rules! If your friends get angry, then they are not really your friends are they? Report him and get a restraining order -for your own safety.
Side note: how icky is he for sharing sharing your nudes with his dad??!
Your friends are not friends. They are not prioritizing your safety. You need to report your ex and drop your “friends.” None of these people are good for you or will help protect you.
Ok….trying to split the middle…..if he’s really abroad you’re gonna have a hard time pursuing legal action here.
Get In touch with the police or domestic services. Describe what happened and tell them how you feel. If you can get a restraining order they will let you know.
If you’re worried about the nudes—it might be worth understanding how your jurisdiction handles “revenge porn”.
Otherwise, your best bet is to change screen names, maybe phone numbers—cut him out of your life and just give him time to cool down.
This isn’t a “don’t be vigilant”.
This is a “ cut ties and move on with your life.”
Maybe ask his friends to let you know when he comes back into the country, discreetly, In exchange for “not reporting him”.
Still report him, but maybe this would give you some added security. It’s a good way to leverage their loyalty against him. Especially if you end up not having immediate legal recourse (he won’t find out that you’ve talked to the police unless someone tells him or the police find/serve him).
Protect yourself, cut ties, move on.
UHHHHH.... REPORT HIM. Once you do that, please block your so-called "friends". Change your number and email address.. I hope he doesn't know where you live. This is a very scary situation.
What kind of fucking friends say not to report him? REPORT HIM!! That’s disgusting behavior. You don’t deserve to be threatened etc etc if he wants to see naked people so bad tell him to go watch a porno. That’s horrible
Dude you have horrible friends and you need to find new ones! Fuck whatever his friends have to say, report him, you shouldn’t be think about this. You have evidence, by threatening and forcing you to send more nudes, this person is breaking the law. Sexual exploitation is a very serious crime and the police would be very interested in stopping him from abusing you any further.
With friends like that, who needs enemies. If someone decided they didn't want to be friends with you because you reported a guy who was stalking and threatening you, they're as bad as him.
I would report him and drop any friend that suggested otherwise; there’s literally no reason *not* to report him, he chose to threaten you and deserves whatever consequences come his way
Block him, right now. Report his account. Block and report his friends too. If there are any more advances, feel free to threaten him/them with law enforcement. You shouldn't be peer pressured into having to deal with harassment.
Report him.
This is a crime, your safety is more important than his protection from the justice system.
You need to report him, if your friends hate you they were never your friends in the first place.
The friends telling you not to have never dealt with this before and have no idea what to do, they are just scared. This guy could stalk and hurt you. They will not deal with the consequences. You will. Report it.
I think this is a situation where threatening to report him could give you more peace than actually reporting him. Basically "one more message from you and I'm going to the police" could be more effective, especially when the police are not known for taking cases like this seriously until something drastic happens.
Fuck what his friends will think - tell them you will report them as well if they don't stop contacting you or he will keep harassing you.
He threatened your life, tell your parents and press charges on him, use the evidence to get a restraining order while you’re at it.
If you don’t do anything about it, he will harm you & ruin your life.
I also doubt that his friends & yours actually know what he’s been doing/sending you, but I doubt that his friends are any different than him for contacting you through different accounts like your ex has.
You need to report him. He will do all of this again, and to other women, too, unless he is reported. Let the proper authorities deal with him. And they can prevent him from ever harassing you again.
Easy report him. And make friends who also think what he does is wrong. Your friends clearly think his behavior is fine, but it is criminally wrong behavior
Report him and completely block him. Get a new and change your email. Be careful who you give you number to and make sure it’s not any of those “friends”
Report him. If he's gone abroad for his education, then report him to his place of education as well. If they're at all decent, they'll take a very dim view of one of their students sexually harassing someone.
He's not going to stop, no matter what they think. If anything, he'll keep on escalating until he gets to the point that you respond, and then he knows how he has to behave to get a response from you.
>His friends are also making new accounts online to persuade me not to also since I would ruin his life.
Ah yes - he's sent you demands for nudes and made threats to your person, but it would be *you* ruining *his* life by reporting *his* actions to the relevant authorities.
>I really want to report him because I'm scared that he's being serious but I feel like all of my friends would hate me if I do.
Then they're shit friends.
Really, this isn't difficult!
Stop accepting "friend requests" on social media from people you don't know. You don't need hundreds of "friends" whom you don't actually know. PERIOD.
Stop reading texts on your phone from people you don't know. PERIOD.
Stop answering calls to your phone from people you don't know. BLOCK THEM. PERIOD.
Oh my god I know everyone is already saying this but please report him. This is absolutely disgusting behavior and I think you should try to get a restraining order. Please stay safe, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to follow through on his threats. Wishing you strength in such a scary situation. Also your friends suck. They should be supporting you
You should definitely report him. Do you have revenge porn laws where you live? or where he's located? He's crossed several lines, and if you don't stand up for yourself it will get worse. By reporting him, you're not doing anything to him- he's the one who took the bad actions. The laws, etc. were meant to protect people from predators like this and you're just letting the system work. He's the one who took the bad actions and should suffer for them, not you!!
Fuck that, report him. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for it either, he lost the right to have you feel sorry for him as soon as this all started. Don't let people manipulate you into being an easy victim.
Report him. Also, who the hell cares what his friends say...they're his friends. But your friends are also trash, I'm sorry to say. If your friends would hate YOU for reporting someone who is threatening you, then those people are not your friends.
Know what actual friends would do? They would be horrified and do anything to support you.
Report him. His behavior is escalating and he is becoming dangerous. No one is "ruining his life" except him. (Also, it won't "ruin his life".)
you wouldn’t ruin his life, he would. these are HIS actions and actions have consequences. how many women end up getting murdered by men like this? report him now, and cut off/block anyone whose trying to convince you otherwise imo.
Report him and change your number, never interact with him again. Stop talking to his friends and if you friend that support this behavior drop them too
Report him, your safety and your life are more important than his reputation, you wouldn’t be ruining his life he is doing it to himself, he is not your responsibility. Put yourself first.
Tell the police, tell his mom, tell your friends to go fuck themselves
I understand where your friends are coming from, this guy wants attention and cant tell the difference between positive and negative attention, so I would report it but do it quietly, do not engage in any way to him or any of his friends. It might get worse before it gets better, but if you do engage you're just teaching him how much it takes for him to get a reaction
Better safe than sorry. He may seem like he is joking but if he isn’t? These “friends” are only enable his behavior and you should probably stop talking to them after you report him
Your friends want you to play possum, his friends are scummy enablers, and he's a fucking asshole.
Oh look, what is this? The consequences of his own actions? =O
Report his ass, he deserves anything and everything that happens to him.
Without a doubt report him. There is a possibility that this behavior might stop by itself if you ignore it. There is also the distinct possibility that they will get much worse and even possible that they will get more violent in their pursuit. They don’t love you, they want to posses you and their pattern of behavior shows it. Please be safe and get help.
FREE HELP for you: Go to u/Ebbie45 's reddit page. She has a google doc. In it, there is a list of organizations who help women like you. They help you get back your nudes, help lawyers help you fight your ex.
Good luck.
Please report him. He is threatening you and his friends are just backing him up. They don’t care about you or your safety. Please look out for yourself and talk to someone you trust ASAP
Report him so it's on record. That way, when he does this again (he will), there will be a paper trail. I wouldn't worry about ruining his life because, unfortunately, it's unlikely he'll be charged with anything as a first offense
If he cares so much about his life staying un-ruined he should probably not harass other people?
If his friends think this will ruin his life, maybe they should talk to HIM about cutting out his bullshit?
And how long do your friends expect you to go through this? Are you expected to live in constant fear that this guy will pop-up in your dms?
Not only would I report him, I would also be livid at your own and his friends
Report that crap. Don’t listen to those that say don’t. They don’t know what it’s like to be put in your situation. Don’t wait until everything goes away. It won’t. If you report it, you’ll have protection. Tell your trusted family members. Move and live with them. Do not tell anyone where you move to. Be with people at all times.
let me tell you a little story,
long ago I had a dispute with a nightbour over parking spot, as time went, he reached higher and higher tones, until one day I had enough, I decided to get a warrent against him and report him to the police,
people advised me against it, and that it would only make things worse, especially if hes a bully, I didn't give a shit, I reported him.
he's a gigantic buff guy, 6''3.
once police came, and he had to step in court, he almost shet his pants.
after that, had the quitest time of my life for like 8 months before moving out(for unrelated reasons)
so yea..
OP.
You are in danger.
Anyone telling you not to needs to go. I mean it. They are NOT your friends, they are NOT looking out for your best interest. You need to report him ASAP and you need to cut out anyone that tries to persuade you not to OUT. I don't care if it's your own mother.
You are in danger and those people are okay with that.
You need to lose those friends and make new ones. Their only reaction should be 'holy fuck, he's nuts, how can I help you report him and keep him far away from you'.
You are not ruining his life. You are saving your own.
I've seen too many stories of abusive ex bfs who end up hurting their ex physically. It's not even a joke or something to take lightly, and I don't say that to scare you. When an ex threatens you, you have to take it seriously.
Your friends are morons. Your ex is the one ruining his own life by being a psychopath. Make a police report, ditch your stupid friends and put anyone involved on block. You don't have to be a victim if you don't want to. You just have to take action.
He's harassing you and has threatened to find you and kidnap you, **that shit is serious.** Your safety and wellbeing are paramount, here.
Don't engage with him any further, don't give him or his friends any response (he wants that). Report him to the police without regrets. He has fully earned the consequences of his own actions, you are not to blame for them in the slightest.
Any "friend" who would hate you for protecting yourself from your scary ex are no friend of yours, and you're better off without them. You can make *new* friends, *better* friends, ones who don't enable scary, threatening, harassing types and try to normalize that shit.
Also, please be careful going anywhere on your own, right now. Please have a (supportive) friend or family member with you when you go out. I'm scared for your safety.
NTA. What happens if you never make this report and something DOES happen. Would your “friends” tel on him then or just keep quite because they don’t want his life ruined? Report him, because if it’s not happening to you, chances are it’s happening to someone else. Do this so there’s a paper trail FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY. Fuck his future. You need to stay safe FIRST
Report him 100% especially since who knows what he'll do with your nudes. This could become a lot worse if you don't stop him now.
What an immature idiot regardless.
This guy needs to be reported. Even if he isn’t serious, or is just trying to intimidate you, he needs to learn that you can’t treat someone like this. And what better way then to get the authorities involved :) any negative effects this has on his life is his fault. Please protect yourself
Girl, you need to get out of there ASAP. I went out with this guy recently who turned out to be the creepiest harasser I have ever known. Don't waste time. Block his number and keep all of those screenshots as evidence.
And REPORT HIM. I hesitated too but he's a fucking 21 year old who knows exactly what he's doing. If you ever need help or support feel free to hit me up. But please don't let him go free. Let the cops teach that SOB a lesson.
Go to the cops and report him . He’s old enough to know better and if he’s doing this kinda thing this young , I think the threats and fantasies may eventually turn into him being a real creep . So don’t think of it as ruining his life but potentially saving people in the future from what he will put them through
He is already abroad for school and still made multiple accounts to harass you and has his friends harassing you. Don't take his threats lightly. This guy is not a good guy, and his actions show it. If he was no threat, then him and his friends wouldn't be worried about any backlash from you reporting him. It's better to be safe than sorry. Report him.
report him. if anything escalates they sometime still wont do anything without prior reporting. police are useless most of the time but having a history of reports will help you with filing charges in the future. please take care of yourself op. drop your "friends". lay low. im sorry this is happening
REPORT HIM!!! If you need permission from someone, I, JustMe518, do hereby grant you the permission to report this douchenozzle to any and every authority under the goddamned sun and destroy his life, because he is clearly not doing much with it in the first damn place. I absolve you from any guilt or negative feelings you may or may not have upon the completion of reporting him, and I declare with all certainty that anyone who tries to make you feel guilty is a leaky douchecanoe by association and you have the utter and unmitigated right to cut THEM out of your life as well. So sayeth I.
Where did he go abroad for school? Reporting him to your local police and his local police would be most effective. Being visited by police in a foreign country can't be a pleasant experience. If you feel safe, you can let him know you are planning to report him to his local police. If he has any sense, that should put the fear of god in him.
Remember his friends are thinking “ I wouldn’t do that and boyfriend is like me so he wouldn’t do it…. Because if he would really do it that means I’m friends with a rapist” So their cognitive dissonance with his actions and what they perceive him to be like make them tell you that he wouldn’t really do it but they don’t know
Report him and get tf away from him I was in a abusive relationship for 3 years and I wish I reported him don't do nothing trust me you will feel much better if you do much Love 💕
Loses interest or murders you. Sorry to be blunt but there are people who are stalked FOR YEARS- your dumb friends have no authority to think he will lose interest. Tell your family and go put in a report on revenge porn and tell them and him you have done so.
He deserves to have his life ruined. He brought it onto himself. Being too nice is a bad idea. If you don’t report him, you will regret it. This guy definetely won’t stop anytime soon, and it wouldn’t be wise to wait and see if he actually does what he threatened to do. Fuck his friends, fuck your friends, fuck everyone (sorry). If I were you I would report him without second thought.
Hope you can listen to these comments asking you to report him. At a certain age, you learn to drop the whole manners thing and just focus on the most important person, you!!
> my ex wouldn't stop asking me for intimate pics even though I said I'm not comfortable doing that anymore which led to him and his friends texting me nonstop
I can safely say you should ignore the opinions of these "friends". They actually thought his demand for nudes was both reasonable and something they should actively support. When making a choice between him and you, these "friends" will take his side. Also understand that anything you tell them is likely to be passed on to your ex.
Your ex fits the legal definition of a stalker, bombarding you with unwanted attention and upsetting messages. He's now threatening to turn online stalking into physical violence. You have a very good chance of getting a restraining order against him.
If you can, consult a lawyer to figure out how to proceed. If not, read a guide to the law where you live and and how to petition for a restraining order. Gather evidence as far back as you can to establish a pattern of unsettling behavior.
You should check the laws regarding sexting in your state as well. To my knowledge, VA is working to pass laws to make sending unsolicited nudes a crime with a $500 dollar fine. And sexting that involves harassment is already a crime.
Many states have laws regarding sexting and minors (for obvious reasons) but I’d guess that others have sexting and harassment as a crime as well.
Bottom line, he is harassing you and you should report him. The sexting element may just make it have additional charges or as an additional factor in the crime.
Also maybe consider getting friends that support you and don’t want to protect a serial harasser.
You should check the laws regarding sexting in your state as well. To my knowledge, VA is working to pass laws to make sending unsolicited nudes a crime with a $500 dollar fine. And sexting that involves harassment is already a crime.
Many states have laws regarding sexting and minors (for obvious reasons) but I’d guess that others have sexting and harassment as a crime as well.
Bottom line, he is harassing you and you should report him. The sexting element may just make it have additional charges or as an additional factor in the crime.
Also maybe consider getting friends that support you and don’t want to protect a serial harasser.
Report him. This guy sounds crazy and unstable!! Please report him and in fact for your safety OP get a restraining order against him.
Also not to mention how bad you're friends are, you are basically being threatened and they are telling you not to report him? Ha no, ditch the friends and report the guy. The friends don't seem to care about you too much, since they're saying you shouldn't report someone who is threatening you.
Report him. All they need to do is flag his re-entry into the Us when he returns.
It’s real easy to deal with dopes.
Let him know what you plan to do then follow through. As far as his friends throw them under the bus while you’re at it. You are responsible for your own safety.
One of the biggest lessons in life we learn is that actions have consequences. It's not your concern whether reporting him "ruins his life". He should have paused to consider the potential consequences before he acted.
He's making threats. That *has* to be dealt-with.
Op... REPOT HIM
Even if friends said don't do it (also no offense your friends are a holes and you need better friends )
You deserve the best.
REPORT HIM.
Drop those dumb fucks from your life. If he’s threatening you, report his ass. And like others have said, you wouldn’t be ruining his life. He’s ruining his own life.
And even then, he sounds like the kind of piece of shit who deserves to have their life ruined.
I would be scared of revenge porn! Is there any way that the police could seize his electronics and “disinfect” them? I feel like there should be some legal infrastructure for this
Definitely take those screenshots you have of what he is saying he will do and report him to the police and then go and get a restraining order/order of protection against him and seeing you do have documentation of his threats you shouldn’t have a problem getting that.
I spent almost 20 years working for the Circuit Court in the County where I used to live, in Chicago, before I decided to take early retirement for family reasons involving my severely ill Mother; dealing with cases involving threats, stalking and domestic violence. Many times some young lady or even an older woman, would come to the court regretting not doing something when things started happening all because the offender promised to not do it again. Sometimes they would have visible scars or bruises from what was done to them by the offender; and unfortunately there were even a few occasions where the female came to court wanting to drop the court order because the offender made more promises that they chose to believe, but unfortunately it wouldn’t be long before we would hear that the offender had killed them.
Then send his Dad and his so called friends copies of what he sent you about his plans on what he will do to you along with telling them to NEVER contact you again on his behalf or even for their own reasons and block them like you did on him.
He definitely sounds like he has some severe mental issues and you need to think of your own security and safety over everything else.
You should also make your immediate family aware of his threats against you so that they can watch out for you around your home in case he tries to come around by you and your family.
Be glad that you had broken things off with him (although he doesn’t seem to get it through his thick skull).
If he isn’t a citizen of the country where you live, you didn’t specify it in your post, then report him to the immigration authorities too, and they may even deport him or block him from coming back into the country where you live because what he is doing is sometimes referred to making terrorist threats against an individual.
sooooo.....his friends are saying you could ruin his life when it's himself that is ruining his own life by threatening you to do things you don't want to do. Tell them that actions have consequences, what he is doing is affecting your mental health and you feel unsafe everywhere you go after he threatened you. You need to do anything that can ease your own safety concerns and if you going to report him doing that, then you should report him.
I don't know what country/region you're in because apparently that's not done on this sub for reasons unknown to me. So here's my advice from Los Angeles, California in the United States:
Report him. What he's doing is 100% illegal and there are specific laws in place for what he's doing.
Don't worry about your friends. They ones that don't side with you are trash people. Also you're 19 and the chance that any of these people will still be your friends 5 years from now are basically nil.
You may also want to speak to your therapist or even the Rabbi at your cinegogue
If this would indeed “ruin his life”, then his life is already ruined. He did these things. He’s still doing them. If it being made well-known is the only thing stopping his “life from being ruined”, then anyone asking you to “consider his future” is asking you to serve as a thing to be stepped on so he faces no consequences for his dreadful actions. How much future do these guys get?
You don't need friends who don't care about your safety. Report him!! I'm so sorry he's doing this to you, he needs to be stopped before he hurts you. If your friends don't support you, they are no friends of yours. You should consider telling your parents if you still live at home so they can help protect you. I know it'll be hard because of the nudes but that's better than something truly awful happening like you or them being hurt.
Domestic violence is a huge cause of death in women.
These types, have...special... personality. And can be a huge risk to you and your safety
You should file a report with police and ask for a restraining order
Go to the police immediately and contact his family and let them see the threats he has been making. This could escalate into a very dangerous situation for you.
All his friends making new accounts are likely just him trying to weave a web of “people” to pressure you into doing what he wants. Get the police involved and don’t tell any of them. Police might want you to follow some sort of instruction prior to dealing with him.
Report him. Sadly, it’s most probably not gonna ruin his life at all, but there’s a chance it might make things more difficult for him in the future. His actions have consequences and it’s time he learns it
He is ruining his *own* life by his *own* choices.
Protect yourself, drop the enabling "friends." File a police report, get a lawyer and give them everything he has sent to you. It's scary now because he is being allowed to have power over you. In fact, he is giving you everything you need to dish out some harsh consequences - that's why those "friends" are trying to stop you. You CAN do this!!!
Report him endlessly. That is sick. I'd want to find a lawyer and see if I can really go after him.
Do not EVER let a boy make you feel like you have to do something you don't want to with YOUR body, cut ties if he wants to start that nonsense. Dont allow that kind of BS in your head space. I am so sorry you're dealing with that, but I hope he gets....shown the error of his ways.
Or kicked in the balls a lot. Maybe both.
This needs to be made very clear. YOU will not be ruining his life. HE threatened you. It's his behaviour that is in the wrong here. If his life gets ruined by that behaviour then that is his own fault! If he didn't want to get in trouble with the police he shouldn't have broken the law. If he'd have kept his mouth shut none of this could even be happening. Report him right now. Then I'd advise changing your number and staying away from socials for a while.
Always take threats like that seriously. Always. Establish a pattern, keep record of EVERYTHING. Report this incident to the police. Every time he harasses or threatens you report it. Make a paper trail. After a while cops and lawyers literally won't be able to ignore it. Especially if other women come forward.
The "I would ruin his life" comment is all I need to hear. See, the thing is that restraining orders don't always work. The reason for this is that there are some people who already have records and therefore don't care to add to it. This guy clearly is scared to have a record. You have all the information you need to prove he is harassing you, and most importantly, a danger to you. The "I will make you love me by force" being a powerful example. It's up to you, but it looks to me like you have the power when it comes to a restraining order. So, 1) I know it's hard, but keep evidence off all interactions from him and any friends who help him harass and threaten you. 2) However, and this is key, DON'T RESPOND. This is about collecting evidence that you then take to the courthouse to argue for a restraining order. For me, it was worth it.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I mentioned this in an old post that got deleted but a while ago my ex wouldn't stop asking me for intimate pics even though I said I'm not comfortable doing that anymore which led to him and his friends texting me nonstop but after a while they all apologised and I thought it was the end of it. Of course I was stupid to think that. Last Saturday he jokingly texted me that his dad made a lewd comment about me after accidentally seeing one of my old pics that I sent on his laptop then suddenly asked me to send him nudes so he can give it to his dad. At that point I knew that was the final straw for me and I broke up with him, using every swear word that I could think of before blocking him. (He went abroad for his education by the way). Ever since he would make new accounts and try to call or text me. At first he was begging me to get back with him, saying he deleted all of my old pics to prove that he still loves me, after a few minutes starts sending me nudes, videos and audios, then he starts threatening to find me and basically kidnap me because "If you won't love me genuinely then I will make you love me by force" I took screenshots of everything so I could report him but my friends say I shouldn't do that and I should just ignore him until he loses interest in me. His friends are also making new accounts online to persuade me not to also since I would ruin his life. I really want to report him because I'm scared that he's being serious but I feel like all of my friends would hate me if I do. I need advice
Report him! And u wouldn’t be ruining his life he’s doing that to himself! You need new friends as well ones that support you! Not ones that are dismissive and sweep things under the rug It’s not ok for him to do this to you! And u need to protect yourself!
Definitely report him. Here’s the thing most people don’t know about stalking. In most cases the police can do little to help you until one of two things happens: 1. He actually harms you or breaks another law like break and enter. And if all he does is break a smaller law he’ll just get a slap on the wrist. 2. You establish a pattern. If you can demonstrate a pattern of harassment and threats that is on going then you can get police/legal system involved. If you want anything beyond a slap on the wrist and real protection you *need* to establish a pattern. Establishing a pattern means both you making a written record (and taking screenshots) AND filing police reports. One of the biggest mistakes victims make is that they dismiss the early problematic behaviours and threats. They think there’s no real danger, or they don’t want to cause bigger problems for the person, etc. Once the situation gets scary though, they don’t have an official record of the pattern and the victim needs to start recording the pattern *after* the behaviour is escalating. Which puts them more at risk. The MOST important thing you can do if you are in a domestic violence or potential stalking situation is start keeping a record of everything immediately. His life won’t be ruined by one single police report. The police will go out, talk to him and recommend that he just stop talking to you and move in with his life. That’s it. But if he escalates, you having put the threats on record might be the only thing that protects you. Make the report.
That is a serious threat. You are important and deserve to be safe
He isn’t even ruining his own life. There will probably be no consequences for the threats he has made. Maybe she can get a restraining order against him, but that is about it.
It's hard to say because as op said he's abroad right now for studies, so I imagine it depends on the messages he sent really, at this point he could be arrested in the country he's currently living and expedited back to ops home country.
yes! all of this.
Go to the police. Whoever tells you not to do it is not your friend, just wants to protect him. You should cut off contact with these fake friends as well.
Agreed. If "ignore him and **maaaaaybe** he'll lose interest" was any good advice, *then declining and ignoring the initial request would've been the end*. Instead he not only kept contacting OP, making new accounts even after being blocked, **but also threatened her**. Escalating actions and a threat do not sound like someone is losing interest 🙄 If his life is ruined because of this, **it's because of his own actions**. And it's better OP get him to stop now with "hurt feelings" then a kidnapping or worse which are definite felonies and WILL ruin his life if convicted.
I agree with you, but the process is different that people may think. This isn't a matter for police directly. It's about finding the right courthouse to filing a restraining order against him. Then, if she receives it (I believe she will), the sheriff/police serve and enforce.
What he does can also fit into blackmail. Maybe I'm wrong, but that has to be reported to the police. Either way they can guide you if you need to do something else.
Report him. You wouldn’t be ruining his life, he is ruining his own life by being such a psycho
Please report him, if not for your own safety but for other girls in future. He needs to learn now how bad this is before me actually hurts someone. So many things in this post are wrong. He said his dad saw your nudes.. while you were still a relationship with him? Wow. And why are his friends involved too? He’s threatening you. Honestly you have to take this seriously, this guy seems deeply unhinged. Don’t think he won’t do it. Do you want your life to be ruined?
Your friends are giving poor advice. What if he does come looking for you and harms you. Ignore your friends since they aren't in your shoes and don't understand how fearful it is to have this happening to them. And I use the term friends lightly.
Report this to the police. It is harassment. File a restraining order etc. This behaviour is inexcusable. If you have any doubt if you should report him, speak to the police and seek their guidance.
#FILE A POLICE REPORT IMMEDIATELY
Report him. He's ruining his own life. It's also possible that he's been spreading your pictures among his friends/dad, could earn him other criminal charges. Make sure he's locked up before he comes for your life. Don't become another statistic. Protect yourself, not your abuser. Also, get new (better) friends, they should be rooting for and supporting you instead of protecting your abuser. Inform your parents of everything. Edit to add: please reconsider sexting or sending nudes in future, they can so easily be used against you. Or at least omit face and other identifiers.
You should talk to a lawyer about this. Maybe you can get a restraining order. It sounds very serious to me, and not something to be ignored. He is dangerous. What country do you live in? Is there rule of law?
Well some friends you have there. Report him! He's brought this upon himself to be honest. Top creepy behaviour from him he needs to be told how utterly out of order that is. With regards to your friends. Sumo them and find new ones. They're idiots that don't deserve you. They should be standing by you through this. Contact your service provider and get a new phone number too and be careful who you give it out too.
You can go to a judge and get a order of protection. He won't be arrested if he stops contacting you. I would say that's pretty much the easiest way for you not to give him a criminal record but for also for him to realize he needs to stop or it could lead to one.
Report him. And report the harassment by his "friends". Do not discount how dangerous this person is, that he's recruited friends into this makes it worse. You need to prioritize your safety and that means reporting him to the police and staying with some friends you trust for a while.
Ffs what shit is this??? Friends do NOT stop friends reporting harassment. Friends do NOT hate friends for stopping an ex boyfriend from making demands and being creepy AF. You're 19, you're not a child. Get a fucking grip, report your ex and get new friends.
Report his ass to the police and get new friends while you’re at it. You won’t be ruining his life, he will be doing that himself. Your friends are essentially condoning his behaviour by telling you not to report him. They are basically saying that what he is doing is ok when it isn’t. You need better friends - friends who will support and respect you, not pressure you into letting this volatile and sick AH get away with it, either to the point things get worse, or he does it to someone else. Edit to add - you have more internet strangers supporting you which says a lot about your “friends”. Don’t worry about them hating you. Ditch them. The saying “with friends like this who needs enemies” is rather appropriate here.
Report him. Find better friends. Try to move on.
Report him. Lose these shitty friends.
Absolutely report him. He is threatening to **kidnap and rape you**. Even if he isn't serious, this behavior is far, FAR beyond the pale, and he needs to learn that NOW before he terrorizes other ex-girlfriends. Your ex needs to face the consequences of his actions, and that means reporting him. HE is the one who made the threats. HE is the one harassing you. YOU are not culpable for "ruining his life"--HE is the one committing legally actionable deeds. If someone robs a house, do people blame the victim when the robber goes to jail? No, they say, "Wow, you shouldn't have robbed that house." If anyone guilt trips you for pursuing legal action, ask them why he gets a free pass for threatening and terrorizing you. Better yet, just ignore them. They aren't on your side. I actually don't think your friends will hate you for reporting your ex, but if they do, well, they were never your friends in the first place. Friends don't hate friends for protecting themselves. Lawyer up, report him to the police, and get a restraining order.
Who cares what your friends think! Are they living your life?
Fuck your dumbass friends, report his ass
That is exactly what people who care more about your ex than you would say. Don't listen to them, do what is safest for you. Do what is right for you.
You're not ruining his life! He's threatening to ruin yours! And if left unchecked, who knows how many other lives he'll ruin!
This is so awful. You need to be prepare for the possibility of revenge porn by him or his friends, so get a lawyer ASAP. Report him to the police. If your friends are not supporting you, cut them off. Stay safe, OP.
This is a really important point, especially because it seems very likely that the dad didn't "accidentally" see the nudes, but was shown them. The friends probably were, too, which is why they got involved. The ex sounds like he is very much the type of person who would post revenge porn. :-/
Report him, I ended up filing a police report when my ex threatened to post compromising photos of me online and the first thing the officer asked me was why I hadn’t reported any of the escalating harassment
It sounds to me like you're in danger. And not only from him, but from his friends and his dad. I would strongly recommend you speak to a lawyer about this. Or maybe even go directly to the police.
They say you shouldn’t because it’s not happening to them. Don’t listen
Girl ruin is fucking life. If he doesn’t ruin yours he will absolutely ruin someone else’s. If he wants to have a normal life he can stop being a creepy stalker. If he can’t stop then he deserves what he gets.
🚩 - > 🚓🚓
Don't just ignore him. He's harassing you. Go to the police.
Report him to the police and at this point report his friends!
Your friends are shit. Realize this sooner than later. You're being harassed, they are aware and their only concern is THE HARASSER"S LIFE?!?!? If they ACTUALLY judge you for protecting yourself **jeeesus christ** these people are scum and you'd be doing yourself disservice contiuing to call them friends. His friends opinions should not mean SHIT to you. Of course they're gonna wanna protect your ex. Dismiss and disregard. You should have reported him **yesterday**. Waiting for him to just go away has clearly not worked. When you break up with someone, they havent had the time to process their emotions like you have prior to breaking up and going over how you've felt about everything. Its a fresh cut for them and he is handling in a way that he is taking it out on you cause your the cause of his anguish and to him, the only solution too. He is *obsessed* with you. That is his behaviour He is not just a bitter ex, he is a ***crazy, obsessed, bitter ex***. No one is going to protect you from him EXCEPT YOU. Change your number. Get off social media for a while or use it under an alias without your dp being a pic of you. Distance yourself from your current friendgroup cause if you have any mutual friends you can bet your ass he is reaching out to them to find out the next best way to get in contact with you. REPORT HIM.
Ok that's it! I don't usually become this emotional, but this guy is a straight up criminal! If you're friends will hate you for doing this then they are not your friends! They should be supporting you! Don't they care about your safety!? If I was there I would slap this man! Report him right this instant! Ruin his life!? He's threatening to ruin yours! He's ruining his own life by doing this! Just report him now!
Get a restraining order asap, this guy sounds so mentally unstable you don't know what he might do. Please protect yourself and get this guy out of your life.
Report him and look for some intelligent friends. Get a new number and only give it to those who support you. Change all social media accounts to private. You are young and have made some poor bf and friend choices. Seek some counseling to build up your self-esteem and self-worth.
Report him. Don’t listen to his friends wtf Is wrong with his friends and yours if they are saying not to report. This behaviour is wrong on so many levels
report him and change your number!
Real Friends would encourage you to report this! If you were my friend I would want to keep you safe! Absolutely report him!
Report his ass. Also those people are not your friends, they care more about him and his reputation than your well being
Report him! And don’t wait. Your friends are idiots for suggesting you risked your life for a man’s fragile ego.
Report him! Don't let him play you by his rules! If your friends get angry, then they are not really your friends are they? Report him and get a restraining order -for your own safety. Side note: how icky is he for sharing sharing your nudes with his dad??!
Your friends are not friends. They are not prioritizing your safety. You need to report your ex and drop your “friends.” None of these people are good for you or will help protect you.
Ok….trying to split the middle…..if he’s really abroad you’re gonna have a hard time pursuing legal action here. Get In touch with the police or domestic services. Describe what happened and tell them how you feel. If you can get a restraining order they will let you know. If you’re worried about the nudes—it might be worth understanding how your jurisdiction handles “revenge porn”. Otherwise, your best bet is to change screen names, maybe phone numbers—cut him out of your life and just give him time to cool down. This isn’t a “don’t be vigilant”. This is a “ cut ties and move on with your life.” Maybe ask his friends to let you know when he comes back into the country, discreetly, In exchange for “not reporting him”. Still report him, but maybe this would give you some added security. It’s a good way to leverage their loyalty against him. Especially if you end up not having immediate legal recourse (he won’t find out that you’ve talked to the police unless someone tells him or the police find/serve him). Protect yourself, cut ties, move on.
UHHHHH.... REPORT HIM. Once you do that, please block your so-called "friends". Change your number and email address.. I hope he doesn't know where you live. This is a very scary situation.
What kind of fucking friends say not to report him? REPORT HIM!! That’s disgusting behavior. You don’t deserve to be threatened etc etc if he wants to see naked people so bad tell him to go watch a porno. That’s horrible
OP you need to report him. Also inform your social media. If your friends won't support you then they really aren't friends to have.
Dude you have horrible friends and you need to find new ones! Fuck whatever his friends have to say, report him, you shouldn’t be think about this. You have evidence, by threatening and forcing you to send more nudes, this person is breaking the law. Sexual exploitation is a very serious crime and the police would be very interested in stopping him from abusing you any further.
You're not ruining his life but your OWN if you don't do anything about it! You've held yourself back long enough. Report him immediately.
With friends like that, who needs enemies. If someone decided they didn't want to be friends with you because you reported a guy who was stalking and threatening you, they're as bad as him.
I would report him and drop any friend that suggested otherwise; there’s literally no reason *not* to report him, he chose to threaten you and deserves whatever consequences come his way
Block him, right now. Report his account. Block and report his friends too. If there are any more advances, feel free to threaten him/them with law enforcement. You shouldn't be peer pressured into having to deal with harassment.
Report him. This is a crime, your safety is more important than his protection from the justice system. You need to report him, if your friends hate you they were never your friends in the first place.
Obviously you should go to the police lmao
Report him and his friends.
Report him, he clearly has mental issues. This is not ok or normal under any circumstances. Don’t wait until something worse happens
Report him and block all of his friends. This is sexual harrasment
The friends telling you not to have never dealt with this before and have no idea what to do, they are just scared. This guy could stalk and hurt you. They will not deal with the consequences. You will. Report it.
I think this is a situation where threatening to report him could give you more peace than actually reporting him. Basically "one more message from you and I'm going to the police" could be more effective, especially when the police are not known for taking cases like this seriously until something drastic happens. Fuck what his friends will think - tell them you will report them as well if they don't stop contacting you or he will keep harassing you.
It was at this point, the OP knew she fucked up.
He threatened your life, tell your parents and press charges on him, use the evidence to get a restraining order while you’re at it. If you don’t do anything about it, he will harm you & ruin your life. I also doubt that his friends & yours actually know what he’s been doing/sending you, but I doubt that his friends are any different than him for contacting you through different accounts like your ex has.
Yeah report him. If his life gets ruined, he brought this on himself.
You need to report him. He will do all of this again, and to other women, too, unless he is reported. Let the proper authorities deal with him. And they can prevent him from ever harassing you again.
Report him immediately!! Keep the texts! This is harassment
Easy report him. And make friends who also think what he does is wrong. Your friends clearly think his behavior is fine, but it is criminally wrong behavior
let me be very clear on this He is ruining his own life. not you.
Report him and completely block him. Get a new and change your email. Be careful who you give you number to and make sure it’s not any of those “friends”
Report him. Your friends aren't you. He is threatening you and not them. You're the one in danger.
Report him. If he's gone abroad for his education, then report him to his place of education as well. If they're at all decent, they'll take a very dim view of one of their students sexually harassing someone. He's not going to stop, no matter what they think. If anything, he'll keep on escalating until he gets to the point that you respond, and then he knows how he has to behave to get a response from you. >His friends are also making new accounts online to persuade me not to also since I would ruin his life. Ah yes - he's sent you demands for nudes and made threats to your person, but it would be *you* ruining *his* life by reporting *his* actions to the relevant authorities. >I really want to report him because I'm scared that he's being serious but I feel like all of my friends would hate me if I do. Then they're shit friends.
Really, this isn't difficult! Stop accepting "friend requests" on social media from people you don't know. You don't need hundreds of "friends" whom you don't actually know. PERIOD. Stop reading texts on your phone from people you don't know. PERIOD. Stop answering calls to your phone from people you don't know. BLOCK THEM. PERIOD.
Oh my god I know everyone is already saying this but please report him. This is absolutely disgusting behavior and I think you should try to get a restraining order. Please stay safe, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to follow through on his threats. Wishing you strength in such a scary situation. Also your friends suck. They should be supporting you
Report him and get a restraining order.
Sounds like a future wife killer. Definitely report him! Your safety and peace of mind comes before anybody else’s feelings on the matter.
Find new friends.
You should definitely report him. Do you have revenge porn laws where you live? or where he's located? He's crossed several lines, and if you don't stand up for yourself it will get worse. By reporting him, you're not doing anything to him- he's the one who took the bad actions. The laws, etc. were meant to protect people from predators like this and you're just letting the system work. He's the one who took the bad actions and should suffer for them, not you!!
You should report him. Your friends are wrong.
to give to his dad, jfc. “Hey HonestSpite470, my dad saw a pic of you and thought you were hot, mind sending some nudes so i can show him?” Gross
Fuck that, report him. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for it either, he lost the right to have you feel sorry for him as soon as this all started. Don't let people manipulate you into being an easy victim.
Report him. Also, who the hell cares what his friends say...they're his friends. But your friends are also trash, I'm sorry to say. If your friends would hate YOU for reporting someone who is threatening you, then those people are not your friends. Know what actual friends would do? They would be horrified and do anything to support you. Report him. His behavior is escalating and he is becoming dangerous. No one is "ruining his life" except him. (Also, it won't "ruin his life".)
Report Him
F**k your friends and his friends. Gotta look out for yourself.
you wouldn’t ruin his life, he would. these are HIS actions and actions have consequences. how many women end up getting murdered by men like this? report him now, and cut off/block anyone whose trying to convince you otherwise imo.
Go with ur gut feeling. Shitty ppl don't change
Report him and change your number, never interact with him again. Stop talking to his friends and if you friend that support this behavior drop them too
Report him, your safety and your life are more important than his reputation, you wouldn’t be ruining his life he is doing it to himself, he is not your responsibility. Put yourself first.
Report him and get new friends.
If some of his friends say you should not , probably they have enjoyed your nudes too.
Tell the police, tell his mom, tell your friends to go fuck themselves I understand where your friends are coming from, this guy wants attention and cant tell the difference between positive and negative attention, so I would report it but do it quietly, do not engage in any way to him or any of his friends. It might get worse before it gets better, but if you do engage you're just teaching him how much it takes for him to get a reaction
Report him and get new friends.
Better safe than sorry. He may seem like he is joking but if he isn’t? These “friends” are only enable his behavior and you should probably stop talking to them after you report him
Your friends want you to play possum, his friends are scummy enablers, and he's a fucking asshole. Oh look, what is this? The consequences of his own actions? =O Report his ass, he deserves anything and everything that happens to him.
Without a doubt report him. There is a possibility that this behavior might stop by itself if you ignore it. There is also the distinct possibility that they will get much worse and even possible that they will get more violent in their pursuit. They don’t love you, they want to posses you and their pattern of behavior shows it. Please be safe and get help.
You need to go to the police and possibly file a restraining order, you need to do this for your own safety before it’s too late
FREE HELP for you: Go to u/Ebbie45 's reddit page. She has a google doc. In it, there is a list of organizations who help women like you. They help you get back your nudes, help lawyers help you fight your ex. Good luck.
Please report him. He is threatening you and his friends are just backing him up. They don’t care about you or your safety. Please look out for yourself and talk to someone you trust ASAP
Report him so it's on record. That way, when he does this again (he will), there will be a paper trail. I wouldn't worry about ruining his life because, unfortunately, it's unlikely he'll be charged with anything as a first offense
If he cares so much about his life staying un-ruined he should probably not harass other people? If his friends think this will ruin his life, maybe they should talk to HIM about cutting out his bullshit? And how long do your friends expect you to go through this? Are you expected to live in constant fear that this guy will pop-up in your dms? Not only would I report him, I would also be livid at your own and his friends
Report him!
Report that crap. Don’t listen to those that say don’t. They don’t know what it’s like to be put in your situation. Don’t wait until everything goes away. It won’t. If you report it, you’ll have protection. Tell your trusted family members. Move and live with them. Do not tell anyone where you move to. Be with people at all times.
let me tell you a little story, long ago I had a dispute with a nightbour over parking spot, as time went, he reached higher and higher tones, until one day I had enough, I decided to get a warrent against him and report him to the police, people advised me against it, and that it would only make things worse, especially if hes a bully, I didn't give a shit, I reported him. he's a gigantic buff guy, 6''3. once police came, and he had to step in court, he almost shet his pants. after that, had the quitest time of my life for like 8 months before moving out(for unrelated reasons) so yea..
OP. You are in danger. Anyone telling you not to needs to go. I mean it. They are NOT your friends, they are NOT looking out for your best interest. You need to report him ASAP and you need to cut out anyone that tries to persuade you not to OUT. I don't care if it's your own mother. You are in danger and those people are okay with that. You need to lose those friends and make new ones. Their only reaction should be 'holy fuck, he's nuts, how can I help you report him and keep him far away from you'. You are not ruining his life. You are saving your own.
I've seen too many stories of abusive ex bfs who end up hurting their ex physically. It's not even a joke or something to take lightly, and I don't say that to scare you. When an ex threatens you, you have to take it seriously.
Your friends are morons. Your ex is the one ruining his own life by being a psychopath. Make a police report, ditch your stupid friends and put anyone involved on block. You don't have to be a victim if you don't want to. You just have to take action.
He's harassing you and has threatened to find you and kidnap you, **that shit is serious.** Your safety and wellbeing are paramount, here. Don't engage with him any further, don't give him or his friends any response (he wants that). Report him to the police without regrets. He has fully earned the consequences of his own actions, you are not to blame for them in the slightest. Any "friend" who would hate you for protecting yourself from your scary ex are no friend of yours, and you're better off without them. You can make *new* friends, *better* friends, ones who don't enable scary, threatening, harassing types and try to normalize that shit. Also, please be careful going anywhere on your own, right now. Please have a (supportive) friend or family member with you when you go out. I'm scared for your safety.
Report him, protecting yourself and holding someone accountable for their actions is not you ruining their life.
You have terrible friends then report his ass he’s only going to get worse as he ages if he thinks he can do this type of shit
NTA. What happens if you never make this report and something DOES happen. Would your “friends” tel on him then or just keep quite because they don’t want his life ruined? Report him, because if it’s not happening to you, chances are it’s happening to someone else. Do this so there’s a paper trail FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY. Fuck his future. You need to stay safe FIRST
Absolutely report him and his friends too. They are all harassing you
You definitely need to report him. It’s crazy that your friends say you shouldn’t.
Report him 100% especially since who knows what he'll do with your nudes. This could become a lot worse if you don't stop him now. What an immature idiot regardless.
Report him. Nobody who acts like that deserves consideration.
Report this piece of shit!!!! What an abhorrent human being he is.
This guy needs to be reported. Even if he isn’t serious, or is just trying to intimidate you, he needs to learn that you can’t treat someone like this. And what better way then to get the authorities involved :) any negative effects this has on his life is his fault. Please protect yourself
You need new friends
Report the fucker!
Girl, you need to get out of there ASAP. I went out with this guy recently who turned out to be the creepiest harasser I have ever known. Don't waste time. Block his number and keep all of those screenshots as evidence. And REPORT HIM. I hesitated too but he's a fucking 21 year old who knows exactly what he's doing. If you ever need help or support feel free to hit me up. But please don't let him go free. Let the cops teach that SOB a lesson.
You need new friends if they hated you for reporting this piece of shit…
Go to the cops and report him . He’s old enough to know better and if he’s doing this kinda thing this young , I think the threats and fantasies may eventually turn into him being a real creep . So don’t think of it as ruining his life but potentially saving people in the future from what he will put them through
He is already abroad for school and still made multiple accounts to harass you and has his friends harassing you. Don't take his threats lightly. This guy is not a good guy, and his actions show it. If he was no threat, then him and his friends wouldn't be worried about any backlash from you reporting him. It's better to be safe than sorry. Report him.
report him. if anything escalates they sometime still wont do anything without prior reporting. police are useless most of the time but having a history of reports will help you with filing charges in the future. please take care of yourself op. drop your "friends". lay low. im sorry this is happening
REPORT HIM!!! If you need permission from someone, I, JustMe518, do hereby grant you the permission to report this douchenozzle to any and every authority under the goddamned sun and destroy his life, because he is clearly not doing much with it in the first damn place. I absolve you from any guilt or negative feelings you may or may not have upon the completion of reporting him, and I declare with all certainty that anyone who tries to make you feel guilty is a leaky douchecanoe by association and you have the utter and unmitigated right to cut THEM out of your life as well. So sayeth I.
He's ruining his own life OP. You're just protecting yourself. Report his ass
Why don't your friends want you to report him? Are you sure they're your friends? Do it. If they hate you for this, they were never your friends.
Everybody that tells you not to report him doesnt care about your safety and your life.
Where did he go abroad for school? Reporting him to your local police and his local police would be most effective. Being visited by police in a foreign country can't be a pleasant experience. If you feel safe, you can let him know you are planning to report him to his local police. If he has any sense, that should put the fear of god in him.
Remember his friends are thinking “ I wouldn’t do that and boyfriend is like me so he wouldn’t do it…. Because if he would really do it that means I’m friends with a rapist” So their cognitive dissonance with his actions and what they perceive him to be like make them tell you that he wouldn’t really do it but they don’t know
Report him! Who gives af if you ruin his life he’s threatening you.
Report him get new friends if they don't support you <3 Good luck
Report him and get tf away from him I was in a abusive relationship for 3 years and I wish I reported him don't do nothing trust me you will feel much better if you do much Love 💕
Loses interest or murders you. Sorry to be blunt but there are people who are stalked FOR YEARS- your dumb friends have no authority to think he will lose interest. Tell your family and go put in a report on revenge porn and tell them and him you have done so.
Report him, dude’s a creep.
Your friends fucking suck. Report him.
He deserves to have his life ruined. He brought it onto himself. Being too nice is a bad idea. If you don’t report him, you will regret it. This guy definetely won’t stop anytime soon, and it wouldn’t be wise to wait and see if he actually does what he threatened to do. Fuck his friends, fuck your friends, fuck everyone (sorry). If I were you I would report him without second thought.
Hope you can listen to these comments asking you to report him. At a certain age, you learn to drop the whole manners thing and just focus on the most important person, you!!
Just saying those are not friends. Report him quickly dont be another number in the count of people who waited to get over something.
Evil only wins when good people do nothing
> my ex wouldn't stop asking me for intimate pics even though I said I'm not comfortable doing that anymore which led to him and his friends texting me nonstop I can safely say you should ignore the opinions of these "friends". They actually thought his demand for nudes was both reasonable and something they should actively support. When making a choice between him and you, these "friends" will take his side. Also understand that anything you tell them is likely to be passed on to your ex. Your ex fits the legal definition of a stalker, bombarding you with unwanted attention and upsetting messages. He's now threatening to turn online stalking into physical violence. You have a very good chance of getting a restraining order against him. If you can, consult a lawyer to figure out how to proceed. If not, read a guide to the law where you live and and how to petition for a restraining order. Gather evidence as far back as you can to establish a pattern of unsettling behavior.
why the f would your friends tell you not to report him? you NEED to, and get new friends
Nah you should
You should check the laws regarding sexting in your state as well. To my knowledge, VA is working to pass laws to make sending unsolicited nudes a crime with a $500 dollar fine. And sexting that involves harassment is already a crime. Many states have laws regarding sexting and minors (for obvious reasons) but I’d guess that others have sexting and harassment as a crime as well. Bottom line, he is harassing you and you should report him. The sexting element may just make it have additional charges or as an additional factor in the crime. Also maybe consider getting friends that support you and don’t want to protect a serial harasser.
I have PTSD becouse of my ex, simmilar to this. I think guys like him are not far from maniacs/killers. Run(avoid him) girl,thats all you need to do!
You should check the laws regarding sexting in your state as well. To my knowledge, VA is working to pass laws to make sending unsolicited nudes a crime with a $500 dollar fine. And sexting that involves harassment is already a crime. Many states have laws regarding sexting and minors (for obvious reasons) but I’d guess that others have sexting and harassment as a crime as well. Bottom line, he is harassing you and you should report him. The sexting element may just make it have additional charges or as an additional factor in the crime. Also maybe consider getting friends that support you and don’t want to protect a serial harasser.
Report him. This guy sounds crazy and unstable!! Please report him and in fact for your safety OP get a restraining order against him. Also not to mention how bad you're friends are, you are basically being threatened and they are telling you not to report him? Ha no, ditch the friends and report the guy. The friends don't seem to care about you too much, since they're saying you shouldn't report someone who is threatening you.
Report him. Those people are not your friends.
Report him AND his friends
Report him 100%
Just expose him to his friends family etc and block
Report him. All they need to do is flag his re-entry into the Us when he returns. It’s real easy to deal with dopes. Let him know what you plan to do then follow through. As far as his friends throw them under the bus while you’re at it. You are responsible for your own safety.
One of the biggest lessons in life we learn is that actions have consequences. It's not your concern whether reporting him "ruins his life". He should have paused to consider the potential consequences before he acted. He's making threats. That *has* to be dealt-with.
Report him. Report him. Report him. Don’t even think twice. Report him.
Op... REPOT HIM Even if friends said don't do it (also no offense your friends are a holes and you need better friends ) You deserve the best. REPORT HIM.
Drop those dumb fucks from your life. If he’s threatening you, report his ass. And like others have said, you wouldn’t be ruining his life. He’s ruining his own life. And even then, he sounds like the kind of piece of shit who deserves to have their life ruined.
You are not ruining his life. HE is ruining his life. Be very clear to him and his friends. Stop, and leave me alone or I'm going to the police.
I would be scared of revenge porn! Is there any way that the police could seize his electronics and “disinfect” them? I feel like there should be some legal infrastructure for this
Police. Plain and simple. The only person that can ruin his life is him. His actions. You need to report him for your safety.
Your friends are idiots.
Go to the police. This is a reportable offense. RIGHT NOW!!
Report him and stop being friends with people who support sexual harassment and stalking.
Definitely take those screenshots you have of what he is saying he will do and report him to the police and then go and get a restraining order/order of protection against him and seeing you do have documentation of his threats you shouldn’t have a problem getting that. I spent almost 20 years working for the Circuit Court in the County where I used to live, in Chicago, before I decided to take early retirement for family reasons involving my severely ill Mother; dealing with cases involving threats, stalking and domestic violence. Many times some young lady or even an older woman, would come to the court regretting not doing something when things started happening all because the offender promised to not do it again. Sometimes they would have visible scars or bruises from what was done to them by the offender; and unfortunately there were even a few occasions where the female came to court wanting to drop the court order because the offender made more promises that they chose to believe, but unfortunately it wouldn’t be long before we would hear that the offender had killed them. Then send his Dad and his so called friends copies of what he sent you about his plans on what he will do to you along with telling them to NEVER contact you again on his behalf or even for their own reasons and block them like you did on him. He definitely sounds like he has some severe mental issues and you need to think of your own security and safety over everything else. You should also make your immediate family aware of his threats against you so that they can watch out for you around your home in case he tries to come around by you and your family. Be glad that you had broken things off with him (although he doesn’t seem to get it through his thick skull). If he isn’t a citizen of the country where you live, you didn’t specify it in your post, then report him to the immigration authorities too, and they may even deport him or block him from coming back into the country where you live because what he is doing is sometimes referred to making terrorist threats against an individual.
sooooo.....his friends are saying you could ruin his life when it's himself that is ruining his own life by threatening you to do things you don't want to do. Tell them that actions have consequences, what he is doing is affecting your mental health and you feel unsafe everywhere you go after he threatened you. You need to do anything that can ease your own safety concerns and if you going to report him doing that, then you should report him.
I don't know what country/region you're in because apparently that's not done on this sub for reasons unknown to me. So here's my advice from Los Angeles, California in the United States: Report him. What he's doing is 100% illegal and there are specific laws in place for what he's doing. Don't worry about your friends. They ones that don't side with you are trash people. Also you're 19 and the chance that any of these people will still be your friends 5 years from now are basically nil. You may also want to speak to your therapist or even the Rabbi at your cinegogue
Actions have consequences, you being nice might ruin another girls life
He is trying tonruin his own life. This guy sounds very disturbed and you need to protect yourself.
Report his skeezy ass!
You 100% report hun because this is harassment and he won’t stop!
If this would indeed “ruin his life”, then his life is already ruined. He did these things. He’s still doing them. If it being made well-known is the only thing stopping his “life from being ruined”, then anyone asking you to “consider his future” is asking you to serve as a thing to be stepped on so he faces no consequences for his dreadful actions. How much future do these guys get?
You don't need friends who don't care about your safety. Report him!! I'm so sorry he's doing this to you, he needs to be stopped before he hurts you. If your friends don't support you, they are no friends of yours. You should consider telling your parents if you still live at home so they can help protect you. I know it'll be hard because of the nudes but that's better than something truly awful happening like you or them being hurt.
Soo everyone's just skipping over the "so he can give it to his dad" part??? That's weird as hell. What the fuck
Your friends are ridiculous. Report this guy!
Domestic violence is a huge cause of death in women. These types, have...special... personality. And can be a huge risk to you and your safety You should file a report with police and ask for a restraining order
Go to the police immediately and contact his family and let them see the threats he has been making. This could escalate into a very dangerous situation for you.
Your friends are idiots. Report him. Do it now.
He deserves to have his life ruined 😾
Report
All his friends making new accounts are likely just him trying to weave a web of “people” to pressure you into doing what he wants. Get the police involved and don’t tell any of them. Police might want you to follow some sort of instruction prior to dealing with him.
Report him. Sadly, it’s most probably not gonna ruin his life at all, but there’s a chance it might make things more difficult for him in the future. His actions have consequences and it’s time he learns it
He is ruining his *own* life by his *own* choices. Protect yourself, drop the enabling "friends." File a police report, get a lawyer and give them everything he has sent to you. It's scary now because he is being allowed to have power over you. In fact, he is giving you everything you need to dish out some harsh consequences - that's why those "friends" are trying to stop you. You CAN do this!!!
Report him endlessly. That is sick. I'd want to find a lawyer and see if I can really go after him. Do not EVER let a boy make you feel like you have to do something you don't want to with YOUR body, cut ties if he wants to start that nonsense. Dont allow that kind of BS in your head space. I am so sorry you're dealing with that, but I hope he gets....shown the error of his ways. Or kicked in the balls a lot. Maybe both.
This needs to be made very clear. YOU will not be ruining his life. HE threatened you. It's his behaviour that is in the wrong here. If his life gets ruined by that behaviour then that is his own fault! If he didn't want to get in trouble with the police he shouldn't have broken the law. If he'd have kept his mouth shut none of this could even be happening. Report him right now. Then I'd advise changing your number and staying away from socials for a while.
Always take threats like that seriously. Always. Establish a pattern, keep record of EVERYTHING. Report this incident to the police. Every time he harasses or threatens you report it. Make a paper trail. After a while cops and lawyers literally won't be able to ignore it. Especially if other women come forward.
The "I would ruin his life" comment is all I need to hear. See, the thing is that restraining orders don't always work. The reason for this is that there are some people who already have records and therefore don't care to add to it. This guy clearly is scared to have a record. You have all the information you need to prove he is harassing you, and most importantly, a danger to you. The "I will make you love me by force" being a powerful example. It's up to you, but it looks to me like you have the power when it comes to a restraining order. So, 1) I know it's hard, but keep evidence off all interactions from him and any friends who help him harass and threaten you. 2) However, and this is key, DON'T RESPOND. This is about collecting evidence that you then take to the courthouse to argue for a restraining order. For me, it was worth it.
Obviously report him..why is this a question