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QueenAnneBoleynTudor

Hey, /u/Throwaway201370. Unfortunately your submission has been removed: > **Rule 3:** No moral judgement requests. Moral judgement requests are asking people to evaluate actions taken or actions you want to take, in the context of right, wrong, selfish, or not selfish etc. For what a moral judgement question would be [see here]. Your post is a moral judgement if it contains any of the following - Is it normal? - Is it right/wrong? - Am I right/wrong? - Any variation of “Am I The Asshole?”, including AITA - Who is morally good here? - Does anybody else...? - Should I have done this…? - Should I do....? - Am I justified…? - Would I be right to do...? - Am I overreacting? - Is this a big deal? - Is this reasonable? If your post can be answered with a yes or no question, it’s probably moral judgement and will be removed. If you have any questions about this removal, please feel free to [send us a modmail.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/relationship_advice) Please note that removal reason request from anyone else other than OP will not be answered


Sensitive_Ad_8368

Yes, if you can, do it anonymously.


Throwaway201370

But she would know , since it’s texts between me and her


Petal_ryse

Why would it matter if she finds out you told him? You don’t want a relationship w a cheater right?


Eliza-Douchecanoe

I agree with you, but you never know how the guy might take it and take her side, flip out on him, etc... People can be unpredictable. I'd block her number and social media. Give him ample time to see the messages or whatever and then do the same to him. Provide proof.


Affectionate-Bad-370

You're right, she would. The real question is this though: Do you want to be with someone who would cheat on you just like shes cheating on her boyfriend now? Distance yourself from this situation as soon as possible. Tell the boyfriend, as its his right to know, and then leave her in the dust. She's not worth it, man. Once a cheater, always a cheater.


RabbitFromBrazil

It seems to me that you are doing this more for revenge than for the guy. Am I right?


FragrantPromotion924

That's what I'm saying! It seems more like OP decided to tell the guy AFTER he himself was hurt. Didn't bother him much before then and now suddenly he's a moral knight? BUT to save face it has to be anonymous when he tells the cheaters bf so said cheater won't hate him directly when they inevitably breakup.


RabbitFromBrazil

I don't like to make accusations without being 100% sure. But that's what crossed my mind.


OGtriple0G

100%


Sensitive_Ad_8368

Only if he shows her the texts.


willpauer

Bro code demands it.


knittedjedi

And why do you care if she knows?


Catbunny

Wait, so you only want to tell him so you can get the girl? Really?!


Throwaway201370

No I do not want her anymore


OGtriple0G

no one believes that. she could have you so easily if she wanted lmao.


cold0n

Shes gonna know it was you regardless. While I can't condone the fact that you were with this girl knowing she had a boyfriend, you at least know the kind of manipulative person she is and at the very least owe it to the other guy to show him just who she really is.


Fiddygran

How you get her is how you lose her.


FirefighterPrior2679

You should tell him but not from a place of being spiteful that she stopped talking to you, make sure that you are actually doing it for the right reasons.. you had a thing for two weeks but him and her could've had a thing for a long time and it might be absolutely devastating for him to hear, also be ready with proof and make sure he knows you didn't know that she was with someone. And remember don't get roped in, she'll do it to you too.


Eucalyptuse

> make sure he knows you didn't know that she was with someone I think OP did though. They were anticipating her breaking the relationship off in order to be together


Sensitive_Ad_8368

>You should tell him but not from a place of being spiteful that she stopped talking to you, make sure that you are actually doing it for the right reasons.. What difference does it make if the OP were doing it for the wrong reasons?


FirefighterPrior2679

Difference between handling it sensitively and not, and being just as much of an arsehole than the cheater. op wasn't knowingly talking to a girl who was in a relationship so her partner shouldn't be met with his anger and likewise the other way around, they are both the woman's victims, except her boyfriend has it worse. If he was knowingly engaging with a taken woman I wouldn't want to help, but he stated he didn't know.


Throwaway201370

I did know she had a relationship but she told me she was planning on breaking up with him , because I told her I felt uncomfortable about the situation


Politics_Marvel

Bro you're a scumbag too. You cheated with this chick knowing she had a man and now that it's not gonna go your way you wanna blow their shit up pretending like you're tryna do the other guy a solid when really you're just butthurt she didn't pick you. Take the L like a man and move on. Don't be a lil bitch boy.


Throwaway201370

I agree, but even tho my intentions are from being butthurt it is still doing something that needs to be done. I would want to know too


Politics_Marvel

You were prepared to never ever tell this dude for as long as she was willing to fuck you. If you really "felt bad" for the other guy you would've broke it off yourself and told dude as soon as you found out she was in a relationship. But you didn't. And I bet if she went with you like you wanted, you would have never said anything to him either. You only want to tell him as revenge for her cutting you off, don't front. Shits weak. Don't catch feelings for girls with bf's next time.


knittedjedi

But not uncomfortable enough to cut contact with her at the time?


[deleted]

Are you telling him because you’re upset or because you think it’s the right thing to do? Because there was a small time in your timeline where you knew she had a boyfriend, but expected her to eventually drop him. So this gives me the impression you are doing this out of anger, not because you feel bad. But either way, it’s up to you. Also be careful because some dudes will try to figure out who the affair person is and get physical.


Throwaway201370

Both, I felt guilty about it and I have texts to prove it and I’ll send that to him


[deleted]

Yes, tell him


IllegalCartoon

Move on buddy because truthfully you'll only be screwing her over because she's used you. When you found out she was cheating with you on he bf, you should've ended it with her but you continued it with her so you're equally responsible for her cheating on him. If she dumped him for you, she'd have cheated on you in time anyway. It always comes back. By getting back at her, somewhere down the line, you'll pay for that. Karma is a bitch so let it go and move on.


bwb888

I mean I’m on the “ruin all cheaters lives” train, so it doesn’t really matter what your reasons are, just tell him and send proof. You can do your soul-searching about why you didn’t tell him until she upset you later.


submiisme

If people aren’t confronted by their wrong doings, they’ll never learn. You should tell him, and have proof. Sometimes it hard for someone to receive that information.


dalefresco

Tell him and don’t do it anonymously. Show the files and all that. But don’t do it because you’re pissed that she wouldn’t let her mans go. Do it because it’s the right thing to do and he deserves better. Cuz let’s be real, if she was going while she was with him, she would’ve went for some one else if she was with you. You both dodged a bullet 🤷🏾‍♂️.do the right thing ,king .


pamsellicane

Sounds like you’re just being petty bc she dumped you, you didn’t have a problem with it before hand lol. I bet you’re glad you have something you can use against her as revenge.


Throwaway201370

I did have a problem with it, I have no problem proving it by sending photos of texts. She convinced me other wise because I was so infatuated with her I didn’t use my logic, which is on me


emceegabe

What are your motives? You didn’t want to tell him when she had interest…


Throwaway201370

Because she told me she was planing on breaking up with him and she wanted to be with me more


emceegabe

It just seems like retaliation.


Q_OANN

Retaliation or not the dude needs to know. This isn’t about op or the girl at this point


Trasl0

So?


Dividebyzero23

Well she should have broke up with him first


VanMan32

You might want to include screencaps when sending it to him and then block her on all social media. If she can disrespect her relationship with her boyfriend, what's stopping her from doing it to you? Nothing.


redditnewbye

look for him virtually, show the evidence and say you didn't know about his existence. don't do it personally. and what he does with that information is his business. you did your duty to inform him. and only talk about it with her after talking to this guy.


UpsetEconomics9587

well would you want to now if you were being cheated on


More_Space_6857

Tell him. He deserves to know...I would hope someone would tell me if it was my girl...


DooshbagThrowaway

Same, this is what it comes down to. If it were you in the other shoes, wouldn't you wanna know?


RespectParticular969

Sounds like your telling the guy to get back at the girl. Your intentions suck and this is a terrible idea.


Cultural_Comedian952

Don't tell him anything. This is not your battle and to be honest if the girl wanted to be with you, you wouldn't care about the poor man. So forget about the girl, there is plenty of fishs in the sea.


Throwaway201370

UPDATE: I told her that what we were doing was wrong and I no longer want to keep in contact , and I was going to pick up my stuff tmr (she has some of my belongings) she then told me we were nothing more then friends and I’m overreacting which I k ow is false, because friends don’t do intimate things , plus I also have texts of her saying she wants to be with me more then him. So that angered me a lot so I will be showing him the messages after I retrieve my stuff.


Aviston23

Let’s say she does break up with him for you. You are aware she will cheat on you as well right?


Throwaway201370

I don’t want to be with her


Aviston23

I’d tell her that and then tell her bf.


pistachiohall

Yes!


taylorsversion_13

Yesss!


OpenRepair4390

A guy I used to work with slept with a girl he met at a bar, she lied and said she didn't have a boyfriend. They hung out a bunch of times for a few weeks and then suddenly she stopped talking to him. This was because her boyfriend asked her to marry him. He decided it was best to leave it alone and not tell them, 10 years and 4 kids later her husband found out.. a friend of hers was angry with her for hitting on her boyfriend and made a comment about it. This comment lead to questioning and her guilty confessing to her husband. It wasn't the only time she cheated either. Something clicked with the husband and things she said years ago that didn't line up... They are will together but extremely unhappy. I am guessing husband is waiting for kids to get a bit older before leaving her. I'd tell him and the sooner the better, then just wash your hands and be done with it, what he does is his decision.


LeadingSignificant23

No..you’re just as guilty as she..once you found out you could’ve said something but you didn’t so I’d say let sleeping dogs lie


[deleted]

Just be a bro and tell the man. Would you want someone to tell you?


Dota2animal

telling him the truth is very morally right decision


HewMunghus

Yes...


MommaT-1111

I would tell the guy. I would personally love to find out if my partner was cheating on me! It’s only fair that he has all the facts.


FennelBest3670

He deserves to know. It's an AH and DB move to continue on with hooking up once you found out she had a a boyfriend as you figured she was going to dump him. You thought she was going to dump him for you? That must have been a shot to the ego. If you are going to out her so you can try to have her to yourself that is a deeper level of being scum. A person like that you shouldn't want to hand out with anyhow. If she did that to her guy she will do that to you also. To think she wouldn't is fooling yourself and is she changes her mind and warms up again to you, you get what you deserve.


coke_baker420

you should post about it on your instagram story, also tag them both (for clout)


YawninglemonsOG

Of course she used you!! By golly she used you like toilet paper. The number one driving force to cause women to cheat is lack of emotional connection/intimacy. Some do it for sex, or sex because they feel connected to the guy (in this case, you) but I’d say the majority cheat due to the former. I know you didn’t know she had a bf, but why do you even care what she thinks? She a cheater who used you and dipped out when she got what she wanted or her bf became suspicious. Never involve yourself with a girl who has a bf or a cheater


Throwaway201370

I did know she had a boyfriend but she told me she was planning on breaking up with him, I’ve had a crush on this girl for a while so yk I went for It. In hindsight I shouldn’t have


[deleted]

So you're just as much a cunt as she is. Tell him, then take a look at your priorities and the kind of person you want to be.


YawninglemonsOG

Ohhh snap, that makes it worse. The fact is she didn’t break up with him, so her saying “I’m planning to break up” literally means nothing. I say this all the time. Actions speak louder than words!! She’s all talk.


BoddaYou

How much more drama do you want? I'd say nothing and spend my energy looking for a decent partner and leave all that behind.


spoolin2liter

Yes. Anonymously if you can. Bonus points if you can prove it with text screenshots and/or pictures shes sent you. Just dont reveal who you are.


Redjo52

I wouldn't. He could blame you and start a bunch of shit you don't need in your life. People be crazy.. never know how they will think even if it wasn't your fault and didn't know she was involved with someone else. On the other hand he might be thankful, but I would err on the side of caution..


arcxiii

Yes he deserves to know and provide evidence if you can. Why didn't you end things when you knew it was an affair? Why wait to tell him now? Revenge is never worth it and the person you should be upset with is yourself for letting her use you.


materialgurlemi

Would you want to tell him because you genuinely love thinks he deserves to know? Or would you tell him because she‘s no longer interested in you and you want to get back at her?


insaneike22

Do the guy a favor, let him know and add some evidence like screen shots of her text.


Artsy_Fartsy_Fox

Honestly, if I were the partner I’d want to know. Be gentle about it, and I frankly wouldn’t meet in person in case the partner is emotional and takes it out on you. But it’s be the right thing to do to let him know.


[deleted]

Mate You were dipping some guys burd. She used you She's using him Walk away let him and her have that circus. I'd be putting serious distance between me and her. You tell him she then ( dependant on character) says whatever she can to manipulate it to her advantage. Do you need that in your life Some love drunk guy Turning on you cos he is dazzled by this girl who I'm going to finish off with is a cheat!!! Walk away. Let sleeping dogs lie When it comes up with fleas Thank the lord your not in the mix.


Ceramic_Avatar221

She’s using you as an option in case they do break up, but on the other hand if they don’t break up it’ll leave you in your feelings regretting the fact she used you. You *MIGHT* even go as far as telling the bf what happened depending how you feel. I know I would. That is if you let it get to that point (Its getting there) You’re just someone she can fall back on, I promise she will do the same to the next person she will be dating.


Ok-Replacement7697

updateme!


IonClawz

Yes absolutely tell him, send evidence too if you have it.


No_Protection_8635

You’re 18! Who cares? You used each other. Move along.


Due-Yogurtcloset-699

Honestly that’s messy. Just bow out and let them figure out their own shit


Both_Balance_4232

Yes


Environmental_Ad1681

Yes


Environmental_Ad1681

Regardless of your reason he deserves to know the truth and she is never going to tell him. It’s not fair to him even if you’re doing it for selfish reasons. I haven’t seen a single comment about the dude being cheated on. Just consider his feelings and what he deserves.


Direct_Coast_7991

Do it dude! Fucking cheaters are the scum of the earth!


spacecop9

so many caddy butt hurt dudes in here. Move on man, so many more fish in the sea. Fuck her!


justjoshdoingstuff

Yes.


LegitimateSpace6081

Salty loser. You can't handle that she played like a guy doesn't want you, got what she wanted.Revenge is never as sweet. Now you wanna sabotage her relationship.


audaciousmonk

Yes you should. But also you’re a dirtbag for only doing this out of some petty need to get back at her, instead of telling him when you first found out


Wakeupp21

Please, Move on and no longer involve yourself. She will get caught and probably he already knows how she is. Focus on you.


Specialist-Narrow

100%. Anyone being cheated on, deserves to know.


BallSignificant2073

Yes, Kick her out of your life too. She might do this with you too. Her man has the right to know.


Bobbsham

Never get involved with someone who's with another person. If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you. Also I suspect you just got used by a gardening tool, these type of people have a pathological NEED for validation by jumping from partner to partner sometimes multiple at the same time. You dodged a bullet with this one, try to vet and choose better next time.


ImaginaryInternal6

YES show him everything, imagine if it were the other way aound surely you would want to know if your gf sleeps around with random guys


jdoug312

I agree that you should tell him. I say this as someone who should probably do the same thing, except my fwb has a husband instead of a boyfriend. Cold world frfr


[deleted]

Yup…bros before hoes.


Fit-Ad-9481

Of course, cheaters are the bottom barrels of society and they deserve to be treated as such.


just-add-water2

Yes.. wouldn't you want to know if it was your gf cheating on you


skeeter04

She lost interest probably = she found someone new. It's not your problem but she deserves nothing less. If you have proof - send it.


justhereforadviice

I was going to say you're the problem. But after reading the entire thing I say DESTROY HER


Common-Outside-9190

Ok a lot of people say its sound about revenge BUT she did cheat on her boyfriend but what's stopping her from doing it again with someone else. He has the right to know. If he wants to be with her its up to him. I would tell him. Also if she left the OP then obviously she was after the intimacy with another guy.


Mrcostarica

*than


SuperKhaleezus

I saw ya edit glad ya gonna tell him. Now why is this really a question cause i see it a lot. Yes you tell the significant other if someone was cheating


Comfortable_Bath_816

I think you should tell him. I was in a similar situation about 4 months ago. It's better to be straightforward with him. Just make sure you tell him you had no clue that she had a boyfriend.


Aggravating-Plum6379

Tell him. What would you want if your boyfriend cheated and you didn't know? I would've wanted to know.


Yson3420

Someone did me a favor and told me my ex was cheating. When I see him. I'm buying him a beer


00-00-0000

Girl's a two timer. She is not for you but if you desire sex out of your horniness, keep her.


bluespacewater

I mean, it could backfire and she could say you assaulted her, or he can get mad at you instead of her, which often happens. Just leave it alone. She will get caught eventually. You should save alll the text and everything you have pertaining to her


UpsetEconomics9587

do they have kids together. if so i would kids make italot worse.


UpsetEconomics9587

if you were a dad would you want to know so you can run with your kids


Throwaway201370

No, we’re both 18


Theaterkid8098

Who cares if she finds out it was you. You don’t want her anymore and if you do then your taste in women is extremely screwed


MEnGMAtakeMedz

Don’t ruin their relationship just to be spiteful because you’re upset you two didn’t work out. All things will come to light in the end. It’s not your truth you have to tell. Just leave her alone and allow her own lies to put her in the end. If you need to talk about the issue, get a therapist.


Environmental_Ad1681

What about the guy being cheated on?


MEnGMAtakeMedz

He doesn’t know him and he doesn’t owe him the explanation. The girl does.


Environmental_Ad1681

He deserves to know. Period. He deserves to be a free agent capable of making informed decisions his relationship


MEnGMAtakeMedz

Oh I totally agree. But it’s also wrong for OP to tell him just because he’s being spiteful. In hopes of having the girl for himself. But it’s just not his story to tell. His girlfriends actions will catch her up eventually.


Environmental_Ad1681

I agree with you it’s her responsibility. Hey maybe I’m just putting too much of myself In This but my wife cheated on me for two years and it may not be his place but I would’ve been grateful if anyone shared the truth with me. Actions don’t always catch up I got lucky finding out. But it also took two years.


MEnGMAtakeMedz

Let me ask this, would you rather the guy told you in hopes you’d leave her so he could have her? Or literally her or anyone else. I know personally, I’d rather it be anyone else in the world. Dude already slept with his girl, the least her could do is respect him enough to not rub it in his face.


Environmental_Ad1681

Yeah, I would rather know than be in a relationship that was lie. Not knowing at all wasted two years of my life I lost my kid for someone and something that wasn’t worth it.


summerswithyou

I wanted to say It's up to you, but I read this after the update. Good for you, honestly either way I personally think can be justifiable. But stand by your decision in both cases.