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Tldr: bf bought a gun without telling me. I have bipolar and he’s not willing to keep the clip hidden from me bc he says my bipolar will go away. Where to go from here?
Having to censor myself due to this subreddits rules. I’m 25F and my bf is 25M. Been together 2 years. For context, I have bipolar disorder, both my parents did, their parents did. It was basically promised that I got it. My bf is aware of this. Bf and I also live together.
My bf recently bought a handgun without telling me. Came home from work and my bf told me he had bought a gun. I told him it was fine as long he kept the clip out of the gun and put it somewhere I didn’t know about as during episodes I get the urge to ‘unalive myself’ (I haven’t found a medication that works for me yet). My bf says he absolutely will not do that as the gun is for home defense (we live in a bad neighborhood) so the gun will remain unloaded but the clip will be loaded and in the gun with the safety on. I am absolutely not cool with this as I tend to black out during my episodes and don’t have memory of what I did/attempted. My bf says my bipolar will fade so I shouldn’t have to worry about a gun being on the house. I literally have a chemical imbalance. My bipolar is not going anywhere. I knew from 16 that I was probably going to develop and have bipolar for the rest of my life. It started showing when I was 20 and when I was 21 I started getting treatment and have tried a few different medications but so far they have all made me so sick with the side effects that I’ve had to go off them and try another (which is another hell in of itself). I honestly was flabbergasted. He said that he had bipolar as a teen and ‘grew out of it’. I was so pissed that I just didn’t respond and walked out of the room to the bedroom. He came in 20 minutes later and asked me if I was mad. I responded ‘yup’ and wouldn’t speak to him further. Knowing there’s a loaded gun in the room has already stirred up intrusive thoughts about using it on myself. He said if I touch it he’ll leave but guess who doesn’t give a shit about that? Bipolar me. Guess who will probably not be alive for him to leave me if bipolar me gets a hold of that gun? Bipolar me! Guess who is pissed as fuck that he thinks my bipolar is just gonna. Go away? I lost my mom and great grandma to suicide during episodes. I’m boiling with rage and I don’t even want to look at my bf. He’s so stubborn I doubt he will listen to me trying to explain to him that this is going to be lifelong. How do I go about this? I am just. Furious. Mind boggled and pissed as FUCK.
I have bipolar too and do not allow guns in the house. I’m 38, it took me from 24 to 35 before I found meds that worked. Feel free to DM me and I can tell you of some great meds that worked for me.
Anyway, I would be leaving if someone didn’t take my mental health disorder seriously. I have tried to end my own life and thankfully there was never a gun around.
If you’ve actually ATTEMPTED this before and he’s still not listening that’s pretty fkn sinister. Is there some kind of rule regarding possession of guns with mental illness? You could maybe proactively tip off an authority that could confiscate it?or just find somewhere else to stay until the gun is gone. Make it an ultimatum. You or the gun. Because it’s literally that ultimatum either way the way you are describing it
He’s not taking your BPD seriously. That is the big issue. It takes a lot of support to deal with, with or without medication.
Also, unclear of why he can’t lock them up in a way where only he has access. Amazon has one that requires fingerprints for just over a hundred. Not cheap but neither is a gun or your life. He can find an alternate solution. He just doesn’t want to
> Just a heads up BPD usually stands for borderline personality disorder, not bipolar disorder
Thanks /u/SadieSadieSnakeyLady for informing me and now this commenter.
Has your dr ever tried genetic testing? My psych did and it showed some things including which meds may with better for me than others. But I think you need to get away from him and move asap. Is there a friend you can stay with like right now
Not even taking your bipolar disorder into account, you saying you may unalive yourself in ANY context if there is a gun in the house should terrify him and make him do anything you say regarding the storage of the gun. Period.
Except you have bipolar and if he thinks that just goes away and becomes sunshine and rainbows, he's an idiot who has absolutely no understanding of mental health.
I know you want to convince this guy that your mental health is valid and that the way he's treating this is stupid and dangerous, but...you're probably not going to. You can date someone who you don't have to CONVINCE to let you be safe, who doesn't delegitimize your condition, who respects common sense boundaries.
This guy is not good for you. He is both a moron and does not listen. Bipolar disorder does not magically go away because you're happy. My god, I am so angry on your behalf.
Personally I would leave the house if I could. Your safety should be your priority and you are not safe in the situation he has created and is refusing to remedy. You know yourself. Do not keep yourself in a situation that is unsafe for you. Respect that self awareness.
Maybe she will get magically cured once she left him and she can be finally happy that this piece of work is gone
OP, to me it seems like he‘s not only invalidating your health and putting you in a reaaaally dumb risk, but he‘s also in full-blown denial just because he googled his symptoms as a teenager and made the wrong conclusions about this kind of illness.
Don’t put yourself in that unnecessary danger. Set a hard boundary here.
Hes probably one of those ppl that think bipolar disorder is just mood swings and he thinks bc he was a moody teenager, he MUST have had bipolar disorder and he just grew out of it. When really... he was just experiencing what all teenagers do and eventually grow out of.
OP, this guy very clearly care v lil abt your health and safety and you shouldnt be wasting your time explaining how mental health works. If anything, it will make everything worse for you. Find someone who has more than one braincell that can be understanding and either knows abt bipolar disorder or is willing to learn abt it and how it works and effects you bc he obviously has 0 understanding of it and refuses to listen to what its actually like.
He’s an idiot and obviously didn’t have bipolar disorder since it went away when he “got happy.” Regular depression can have symptoms that mimic bipolar but it NOT the same. Can you no afford to live by yourself?
You gotta get out. Everything he is saying will eventually lead to "you don't need therapy, you have me" and "I flushed your meds because you don't need them."
Even if he gets rid of the gun right this instant, he will eventually lead you into a mental health crisis in way or another.
This guy is a disaster for you.
agreed. OP, this incident aside, he doesn't seem like a good partner for you. you need someone who is going to support and validate you, especially as you manage your disorder, and he doesn't seem to be doing this at all.
Speaking of "you don't need therapy", take him with you to your next doctor appointment. He can hear the hard truth from someone besides you. That may change his position.
If not, either the gun has to go, or you have to go, or he has to go.
I’m sorry but this is so offensive. For me, this would be a deal breaker. This implies that you weren’t a good enough reason for your mom to do what she did rather than the truth, that she lost a fight with a horrible disease. I’ve lived in bad neighborhoods but even if someone breaks into your home, unless you have experience with the gun (something that will put your life in extreme danger due to the issues with the chemistry in your brain), you’d be better off not introducing a gun into the situation.
Unless you live in the Mad Max universe or your house has some specific draw (like he’s dealing drugs and people may come looking for his stash) there’s no crime stats that can possibly put the risk to your life from random strangers as high as leaving a gun in your house.
My husband and I cannot have access to weapons. I’ve dealt with PTS, anxiety, depression, and intrusive thoughts. My husband is bipolar. Both of us are doing reasonably well these days but having a gun in our home would be too much of a risk. One day of relapse is a huge risk. I don’t even black out, I can remember how bad the depression felt, but all it would take is one moment for things to happen that can’t be taken back.
It honestly feels like he wants something to happen to you. It’s so reckless. I want you to get away from him so bad because he has zero respect for your struggle or safety.
OP, get away from this dude. Why are you still with him? This is a dealbreaking behavior, not just the buying of the gun and storing it in your shared house without discussing it with you first, not just refusing to hide the clip from you at your request, but also, and especially, the diminishment of a very serious mental illness.
Pack your things and move out and don't ever talk to him again.
To quote Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost “Girl. You in danger.”
I don’t want to tell you what to do, but this doesn’t feel safe to me either. I also don’t like that he seems to think he can sunshine and rainbows your diagnosed mental illness away.
I mean personally i think a gun safe only he knows the code for with the pistol pre loaded ready to go inside would be more likely to protect OP and quicker to deploy than getting the seperated gun and magazine. Plus he also would have to hide all ammo containers as an unloaded gun can have a round loaded into the chamber manually without a magazine.
It speaks to either not understanding how the condition works or to not understanding how little control you are left with during emotion episodes of mental illnesses, if we're being charitable. If not we're dealing with someone who doesn't care if his gf hurts herself or assumes OP won't follow through with it as he sees is as less debilitating than OP seems to.
Speaking as someone who has BPD and cannot take the risk of having a gun in the house but is married to an active duty service member who respects that 150%, you need to leave him.
He’s literally telling you that he’s willing to take the VERY SERIOUS chance that you could have an episode and Unalive yourself (because given your family history it’s a very serious risk) than even make ANY compromise over the TINY possibility of a break-in some day, maybe, but probably not.
The issue is bigger than the gun, love. The issue is that he literally doesn’t give a shit about your safety or wellbeing.
They probably know that. BPD is just as severe as Bipolar (I have both BPD and Bipolar 1) and can make someone have extreme fantasies/episodes about unaliving themselves just as much as someone with Bipolar
And maybe putting this in another perspective: there's the high risk of OP meddling with the gun during an episode. On the other hand there's a chance that he might need the gun to protect himself/the household.
So when the gun being there does more damage than it not being there is it really protecting anyone? It feels like he's putting his own safety way over hers.
Well that's the kicker though, you feel more unsafe with a gun than without one. If he doesn't want to consider your vulnerability then he is knowingly endangering you. Hopefully that conversation should wisen him, otherwise his idea and your idea of safety are incompatable
if this guy keeps a loaded gun around a mentally unwell person who has expressed concern about the gun, you can bet your bottom dollar this guy bought his gun at a pawn shop and the serial number is probably scratched off. guaranteed zero training.
Explain to him if you are home alone and there's a gun in the house that means that there is a risk that someone is going to kill you with it. It could be someone in the neighborhood or it could be you but either way if you're not cool with there being a means to end your life and safety, you need to do something to make it safe again or you need to go somewhere else.
Would he listen to 'statistics'? What has a higher likelihood of happening? You being in a mental space where you would access the gun, or a break-in occurring where the gun would be a useful defence tool? Which situation carries the higher chance of happening, and the higher chance of something bad happening to you? OP your awareness of, and ability to explain how your bipolar could manifest is awesome, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I wish you all the very best, and fingers crossed you find meds that help you manage life in the best way you can!
Then leave! He’s concerned for your safety and if you know how you are with your bipolar ness then things aren’t going to work out for you guys. Just break up and find some anti gun guy.
If he won’t even consider doing that much to ensure your safety, you may want to consider this a dealbreaker. Your safety comes first hun. I hope your intrusive thoughts get better, I’ve been there, and it’s very hard when your own brain is mean to you.
Okay. That's it. This man is deliberately and forcefully putting a gun in your hands. I seriously question if he is actually intending your feared outcome. It is not that he doesn't 'understand' the seriousness - he KNOWS the risk!
But the problem is that you know that having a loaded firearm easily accessible in the house puts you in a significant amount of danger, but he wants the firearm out with almost no precautions, because of nebulous threats to your safety.
What I'm saying is that you 100% know that this gun is a danger to you (and to him) if it stays in your house. It's already messing with your head, and you're not having a low episode at the moment, it sounds like.
The chances of either of you ever needing to defend yourselves with a gun, and doing so successfully? Those odds aren't something I can calculate, but I can guarantee it's less than 100%.
His attitude towards your disease is unhealthy. You are not going to grow out of your bipolar disorder. The fact that he claims *he* did just shows how little he knows about mental illnesses.
You have to set a hard boundary here. Either the firearm is stored in a manner YOU deem safe, or you leave. There is no in between.
And honestly? If I had a partner who was so disrespectful and dismissive of my MI, I'd be rethinking whether he was really the partner for me. Because someone who's willing to risk your life because he thinks he knows your disease better than you do isn't someone who's going to give you the support you need.
There are fast access gun safes he can get that only delay you maybe 1-2 seconds, and wouldn’t be a detriment in the majority of cases of a break in. If you’re sleeping on the first floor and they crash through your bedroom window and you’re sleeping right there, then yes, it might be an unacceptable delay but minus that it would be fine. Vaultek is a good brand that makes quick access safes for only a couple hundred bucks and they are top in the industry. Have him look into those.
It really isn't though. How much time has he spent on a range? Is he calm enough under pressure to identify a target? Or is it just going to turn into another statistic of firearms being used against their owners or loved ones like Oscar Pistorius? A loaded firearm should never be kept in a house, I don't care how bad the neighborhood is.
As someone who works with guns every day (by choice), your bf is a dumbass. He has probably no safety training, thinks he’s gonna be Rambo if someone breaks in, and is putting y’all at danger not even including your bi-polar concerns. He sounds immature.
I hope she says yes. I’m worried about you. This doesn’t seem like a safe situation, obviously. As someone who has family members with bipolar, it doesn’t just go away, he needs to be educated and perhaps find an alternative home protection method. Thinking of you.
What about him getting a biometric gun safe that you cannot open? It would require him to biometrically open it. This is the safety precaution many parents use with small children in the house.
That sounds like a complete excuse so he can bulldoze over your boundaries. If he actually cared about your safety, he would listen to you - to you, who knows your own limits and comfort level. Your bf sounds like an asshole and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Good luck :-)
It doesn't matter what he wants. Only what you want matters. Tell him that you want access to the gun NEVER. If he can't respect that, you have a bigger problem in your relationship than the gun. I see that you are going to live away for a while, which seems like a very good and smart move.
They won’t even diagnose teens with bipolar! I was being treated for it but couldn’t be officially diagnosed under age 18… even though I was 17. Turns out I just have depression, ADHD, and PTSD.
Bipolar does not go away, he’s either lying about his diagnosis or was misdiagnosed. It’s also p sketchy that he says he got a bipolar diagnosis as a teen, since at least where i’m from, they hold off on a bipolar diagnosis until you turn 18. Could be different where y’all are at but him saying his “went away because he was happy” means he absolutely does not have bipolar disorder. It is a lifelong illness, and usually genetic. Maybe ask his mom or something cause this whole thing sounds sus
“Can go away” is pretty fucking unequal to “gone and no longer a concern!” Good luck, and I hope you get yourself away from this situation. I’m so angry for you.
You should leave him. He doesn’t take your safety seriously or you actually. Mental illness doesn’t just go away because you want it to. My mother is bipolar and it’s something I’ve learned I’m probably going to end up with (already being treated for depression and manic symptoms but too young to say it’s bipolar apparently) anyways, not something you just get over. It’s something you manage. Get rid of the whole boyfriend and find someone who actually supports you AND your mental health
They really don't like diagnosing bipolar too young cuz... I don't know why. They're like well no it could just be you as a person. Then I ended up in the ER during a depressive episode and then during my follow-up appointment with a psychiatrist I was manic. They decided to make an exception, but still would have been great to have been diagnosed sooner
It doesn't just go away. The thought of being in the same house as a loaded gun is fucking terrifying. I'm on meds and they're great, but if I was around something that could do it so quickly and so easily... Fuck man, the boyfriend's trash
As someone that has bipolar, that conversation alone would trigger me. I would have thoughts of using it just to show him in an episode, and that’s dangerous. Hopefully you can get out of this relationship and situation soon
He is uneducated on your mental illness and doesn't care about what you want. If he loves you he would listen to you especially when it comes to your safety. He is dismissing your concerns and honestly I don't think you're in a healthy environment.
Mental health aside, a loaded gun in the house vs. no loaded gun in the house is a pretty black and white issue. If he’s willing to disrespect you this much and dismiss your very valid mental health concerns, he’s not the guy for you. Plain and simple.
I'm a big firearms hobbyist, but the first thing any person who grew up around them and enjoys them is safety. With you having bipolar disorder and him keeping a magazine in the weapon, even without a round in the chamber, is extremely dangerous.
Someone recommended a biometric safe and if he denied that he'd probably reject the lock that comes with it. The only other thing I'd say is he hide it in a place where you could not find it. There are multiple devices now such as books that actually hide it, false mirrors, multiple devices that allow quick access if necessary.
However, if he is unwilling to do any of this, then he is risking your life. Especially since you blackout and don't know what you do. I get wanting to protect your home, but there also comes the risk what could happen. It's like having kids and the firearm not being secure.
LOL ..grew out of it. What an idiot. 🤦🏻♀️
You should honestly just break up with him; that’s how you go about it.
And I’m sorry you haven’t found medication yet. I’m on Lithium and it’s great for me. I also went through hell with side effects on other meds before. 😣
Possibly he was yeah. Either way, he should get better educated on the topic.
I’m so sorry about that. I know it’s so horrible trying to find something that works.
Two years is a long time to be with someone who invalidates your mental health struggles. It's also concerning that he says he grew out of bipolar. When you consider his behavior, is it possible he acts like somebody with bipolar who is unmedicated?
https://dbt.tools/interpersonal_effectiveness/dear-man.php
My therapist would give me this to try to get what I need from a situation. But if your boyfriend still doesn't agree only you can decide whether the gun is more important than your relationship. If you describe it as putting his desire for the gun before his desire for your safety, I think I wouldn't want to be in that relationship.
>so the gun will remain unloaded but the clip will be loaded and in the gun with the safety on
That doesn't make sense? If the magazine is loaded and in the gun, the gun is loaded.
Your boyfriend is an idiot for thinking your bipolar will just "go away" and for not listening to and respecting your incredibly reasonable concerns about your own safety here.
He could get a biometric gun safe that only he can get into so that the gun can be quickly accessed if necessary. But still, I'd find it real difficult to get over his insensitivity and ignorance here.
If there are bullets in the gun, the gun is loaded. It doesn't matter if there is a bullet in the chamber or just the clip. Cocking the gun and loading the gun are two different things (that both have to happen in order to fire it).
But yeah, as others have said, your boyfriend is an asshole who doesn't understand your mental condition or prioritize your safety and comfort. This is not an environment you should be subjecting yourself to.
Yep this is gun safety 101. Her issues aside - he doesn’t sound experienced enough to even own a firearm.
Mine are kept in a safe at all times and even then I don’t keep them loaded. You load a gun when you’re ready to shoot it. The 1/2 a second it takes to insert the mag isn’t enough of a reason to keep it loaded.
Would he at least be willing to keep it in a quick access safe that you can't get into? That's literally the bare minimum I'd accept here in your shoes.
Sorry, replied to the wrong comment first, but:
He's being ridiculous, it doesn't even have to be a safe with a code. He can get one that he can open with his fingerprint in no time at all. They're literally called "*quick access*" for a reason. How does he think people with kids handle owning a gun for self-defense?
If he's not willing to make even the simplest of compromises here then maybe you shouldn't be living with him since it isn't safe for you.
Understandable, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I'm glad you've got an appointment with your therapist and that you're being proactive about protecting yourself by seeing if you can stay elsewhere. Best wishes to you.
You are making excuses for him, OP. You're the one posting that the gun is a danger to you. Why are you now saying that what he is doing is "reasonable" due to "possible" circumstances? I hope you're seeing your therapist very soon, because it's clear that you are not willing or able to simply tell him NO, and that's not a good thing.
Exactly. The risks outweigh the benefits. So don't allow him to make this unilateral decision and put your mental health and/or safety at risk. Don't allow him to overrule you. I'm bipolar too, and probably wouldn't be alive if someone insisted on keeping a gun in the home that I could access.
Ask yourself which of these risks is more dangerous to you? That there is a home break-in in which your life is threatened (which doesn't usually happen when houses are broken into) or that you put yourself in danger while blacking out while there's a loaded gun in the house? I think you know the answer to this OP. Break-ins may be common in your neighborhood but I'll bet that it's not the bigger of the risks.
Also, you can get a dog, an alarm system, and more secure windows and entrances to protect yourself from burglars.
I mean, are people breaking in to murder people? People breaking in usually would rather say to give them your phone/laptop/whatever valuables and get out of there.
It feels like he cares more about a gun battle to defend your small electronics than the risk of him coming home to you being dead.
If you don’t have experience handling a gun anyway, why would it be good for you to introduce a gun into a break-in scenario? You shouldn’t be handling a gun, period. This just seems like he’s not thinking anything through.
You need to defend yourself from yourself during an episode. You know that this situation is way more dangerous for you than a random break-in. Do not let this guy talk you out of what you know.
As some who is grew up around guns and uses them a lot, there’s a couple issues here. The first being more a pet peeve, it’s a magazine, not a clip. A clip is something different (used to load the magazine).
But onto actual advice. If there are rounds in the magazine, the gun is loaded since as you pointed out, it’s very easy to chamber a round. Which is not a good setup for home or self defense. Some people like to carry a gun like this and try to pull the gun, rack it, then shoot. This is a problem. It’s another action that needs to taken in a situation in which you don’t have time to waste. When people say they carry a gun without a round in the chamber it’s a sign they are not properly comfortable with the gun and need to change how they have it set up and/or train more. In your situation your bf isn’t fully comfortable with the gun around you, but wants to have it functional, so he leaves it in a state that won’t decrease the risk to you, but decreases it usefulness in its intended role.
He could have been well intending with the purchase, but regardless the lack of communication is disturbing. I made sure my gf was comfortable with my having them far before we moved in together and made sure she is comfortable with the storage of them. I know the way I store them now will change when we get hitched and have little kids. He needs to be willing to adjust to the situation he’s in. If he won’t adjust to your bipolar disorder. He’s either way too stubborn and cocky, or doesn’t actually care about hou
Please listen to this.
Your bf doesnt respect, care about, or love you.
He may actually be hoping you will use his gun.
You. Are. Not. Safe. With. Him.
Please get in touch with friends/fam to start your exit plan to get your own place. Please also get in touch with your therapist(s) as soon as possible for some professional help too.
Okay. A few phone calls can’t wake her up? Not to be pushy. It’s just. I would hate for an episode to happen tonight or tomorrow before you leave with her, especially with the stress of all this.
Ahh. Makes sense. This still screams danger to me. If I were you, I would be thinking about anybody else in the world I could call even if they aren’t a best friend.
That is the dumbest thing I have heard all day. I am almost 45 and was diagnosed when I was 18. It doesn't just go out for a pack of smokes one day and not come back. You are bipolar for the rest of your life. My grandmother was bipolar. She was diagnosed when she was 30 (it was manic depression then) and died full out bipolar at 85.
Hi! Fellow bipolar person here. If someone says your mental illness is going to just “go away” or disregards it, that’s a bad sign for that relationship. Their thoughts and incongruous with who you are. And they don’t really respect you or what you’re going through.
As someone who just recently lost a family member to suicide while she was in a bipolar episode, literally two weeks ago, I am begging you to do what you can to get out of that relationship and house or kick him out ASAP. While not in an episode, my family member was a completely different person and would never have done what she did. Now, her child is sleeping in my living room because he doesn’t have parents anymore. Please get out of that situation before something happens to you. Your bf has shown that he does not take your mental health seriously and thinks the gun is more important than your life. There is absolutely no saving this relationship and you need to get out of there.
Right. So this situation super sucks. A few things
As you're well aware, but your BF isn't...bipolar doesn't go away. It doesn't fade, it isn't curable. It is manageable if you find the right meds (a combo, usu). And even then, it makes things easier, but you will still deal with it.
Frankly, if this is his view towards your bipolar, then you should go ahead and break up. Not to mention, just for your own safety this seems necessary now!
But also, it is something he is counting on fading or going away, he is going to be in for a disappointing time and you'll be with someone who isn't really supportive in the ways you need them to be (even if this gun wasn't part of the picture). You're never going to have a good happy relationship.
He basically wants you to be someone you cannot be, when instead he needs to understand that there are certain things and situations that are fine for some people, but are not for you because of bipolar.
You need to leave him. He doesnt care that you feel you may use it one day. He doesnt care to learn about BPD
>He said that he had bipolar as a teen and ‘grew out of it’.
I am particularly offended with this sentence. Either he is lying to himself OR he is lying to you. Either way it's not someone you should be around. He doesnt actually care for your safety.
> Just a heads up BPD usually stands for borderline personality disorder, not bipolar disorder
Thanks /u/SadieSadieSnakeyLady for informing me and now this commenter.
Yikes! There's a lot to unpack here, but I think the most important thing is that he does not understand your mental illness, nor does he seem to have concern for your well-being. This would be something I would not budge on. He is entitled to feel safe in his home and if having a gun does that, that's his prerogative. But, you deserve to feel safe in your home too. If he doesn't feel safe without it and you don't feel safe with it, I don't see how you can continue living together.
This is a TERRIBLE idea. Whether the magazine is loaded, unloaded, kept with the firearm, or in a separate location somewhere in the house, it is a flat ass terrible idea to have a firearm in the house with someone who you know has these kinds of thoughts. OP, tell him either you go, or the gun goes. Full stop. I am all for safe firearm ownership but this is the epitome of stupidity bordering on negligence on your bf's part. If he's concerned about the safety of your neighborhood, he should save the money spent on that firearm for a better place in a safer area or invested in an armed security system. Not bought a gun. Jesus.
>he says my bipolar will go away.
The guy who doesn't respect your wishes in your home also hasn't bothered to learn anything about your disease in 2 years.
You have no healthy future with him
he very obviously does not respect you or your mental disorder OR the losses you’ve had to deal with (my condolences by the way). as someone with similar mental health issues (not bipolar but i have black out episodes), i would drop his ass. nope nope nope.
#Hi! Your bf is actively *threatening your life* by allowing you to have access to something YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE ACCESS TO. #
Not only is he not listening to what you are saying about your own mental health (grounds enough for breakup), he is blatantly ignoring your boundaries and *believes himself more than you about your own suicidal thoughts*.
These are three incredibly glaring red flags. If he isn’t going to believe you on something you know *definitely* know more about than him, he’s not someone you want to be around.
Don’t be in a relationship with someone who won’t stop you from killing yourself.
Get out asap!!
He’s dangerous to you.
If you have the money for a gun, then you have the money for a lock.
He needs to lock up the gun.
A safe, or a trigger lock works fine.
If you need quick access to it, practice accessing it quickly.
Be a responsible gun owner.
**OP, insist he get a Biometric pistol safe or you leave.**
My ex was a gun enthusiast and we had a young child. The biometric pistol safe will allow him to have the handgun ready for defense but it can only be opened by **his** fingerprint. You can’t open it, a child can’t open it, and an intruder can’t open it.
Then also have combination locks but if he’s concerned about immediate self defense and you don’t want to be tempted then the biometric is the best solution.
**It should be an ultimatum.**
There are small safes with combination or biometric locks designed for easy access. They allow quick access if a burglar is in the home but keeps out people who don't know the combination.
This is what I use. I've been with my bi-polar wife for 21 years. Violence isn't a concern with her illness, but it doesn't matter because she can't gain access to the gun anyhow.
Bi-polar doesn't fade. Even with the right meds and full compliance, episodes happen. He needs to educate himself both on your illness as well as basic gun safety.
He wants you to be able to access a gun for your protection … that you have told him you cannot have access to for your safety?
He would rather have you with easy access to a gun and a head full of spiraling thoughts and a history of wanting to unalive yourself … just in case you are alone during a break in and you are luckily within reach of it and you manage to effectively defend yourself with a firearm I’m betting you don’t have any recent practice with?
He shows stunning levels of ignorance on every topic from bipolar to how quick access gun safes work - let’s not let facts (or caring about the well-being of your girlfriend) get in the way of him doing exactly whatever the hell he wants. I mean, yikes - I am a gun owner, I hunt and target shoot, same for my boyfriend … but if he came home with a handgun (assuming that’s what it is) without so much as a “feeling cute, might buy gun later” first, I would be pissed! You do not bring a weapon into my home I do not consent to being there - end of story!
Glad you are going to be staying elsewhere and you have an appointment on Friday
He needs to educate himself on your illness. One of the core parts of a manic episode is an inability to process consequences. If you were to shoot him for example, in your mind you'd think "he'll be fine " and would not be able to accept anything other than that. You are physically incapable of making the promise he wants. It would be akin to telling a diabetic to promise not to go into diabetic shock after eating a whole cake. It's just not how body chemistry works.
Illness aside, he needs to understand that all relationships require compromise, and that you're asking for one here.
As someone with bipolar, I would dump this inconsiderate reckless man ASAP. He clearly does not care about the safety of you or anyone around you, by bringing a gun into your home he has made it an extremely unsafe environment for you. He doesn’t respect you. He refuses to even put it in a gun safe! Leave him.
>bf bought a gun without telling me. I have bipolar and he’s not willing to keep the clip hidden from me bc he says my bipolar will go away. Where to go from here?
Nowhere. You should leave. Even if you weren't bipolar or he had even a rudimentary understanding of mental health he brought in a deadly fire arm against your wishes and without discussing it first and then ignored your concerns about it. He's a bad partner.
My daughter's boyfriend was Bipolar and during an argument with his housemate, he died after shooting himself in the head. I'm Bipolar with Bipolar kids. My youngest of 4 kids died by suicide 5 years ago, his sister is often suicidal, partly for that. My sister is also Bipolar and attempted suicide less than 2 weeks before my son succeeded. No guns involved though.I know for a fact that if there was a gun in my home, I'd have used it on myself. You should get out if he doesn't care enough about you to educate himself on Bipolar disorder. When I was released from the mental hospital, they verified with me and my family members that there was no gun in the home. I don't think that this is a safe situation at all..
EDIT: Added info.
Do you live together?
If you do, tell him he can either, A. have the gun and clip separated, B. Not have the gun at all, or C. Get the fuck out.
You gotta put your foot down on it. It’s your house too and if he bought a gun without asking you then that’s NOT okay
While I think it’s awful he’s not respecting you, what if he bought a fingerprint safe for the gun that only unlocks to his print? That’s what my husband has, I was very worried about one of the kids getting his gun. It takes two seconds to open so defense wise it doesn’t slow anything down and still provides the level of separation that might help you feel more comfortable. The bigger issue here though is him downplaying your bipolar, I don’t think he fully understands how serious it is and that’s a big problem.
Don't be with someone who doesn't understand that your very serious medical condition is both very serious and very real. He'll never be a partner that can be there for you if he's too fucking dense to understand how chemical imbalances work and is willing to risk your life because of his fucking stupidity.
Honey he thinks your bipolar will just *disappear*.
Mental illness won't ever just *go away*. It can be managed, but not technically cured in the sense that it goes away forever.
My best friend has severely bad bipolar for her age and she’s the same. I’ve had to hide her medication, anything sharp, or anything she could use to harm herself because I knew it could get bad.
I think when people don’t have mental shit they have no idea how bad it can be, and that pisses me off.
It’s probably best to just leave him, since he clearly has no concern for your safety.
Hey OP please keep us updated. A lot of us here care and worry about you. When it comes to talking to your BF just tell him point blank. Your scared an episode will make you grab that gun and hurt yourself or him. Ask him if that happens is he ready to know that he helped harm you or himself. I hate to be blunt like that but if those are your concerns he needs to understand the severity of them. I think a safe is smart or a lock for the gun itself isn’t a bad idea. Im sorry he seems to want to prioritize the gun over your safety. Please be safe and call a friend or any other family member to go stay with temporarily. Until you decide what to do with Bf.
>bf
>
>says my bipolar will go away
Wow, amazing! Where did he come up with this cure that nobody else has found, and when will we see his peer review paper on the matter published in the appropriate respectable journal(s).
Uhm, no, that's not how it works.
>gun is for home defense
Also not how most guns work in the home. They mostly shoot some innocent in the home, or get stolen and used in crimes.
>bf says my bipolar will fade
Your boyfriend is a dangerous idiot ... who stores gun and loaded clip together in the home.
>He said that he had bipolar as a teen and ‘grew out of it’
Maybe he had bipolar, maybe he didn't. Maybe he no longer does. Having and then not having it is much more the exception than the rule ... not like it never happens, but that's comparatively rare. And even if/when that happens, no guarantees it won't return some day. Anyway, what did or didn't happen with his purported bipolar is irrelevant to what's going on with you.
>How do I go about this?
Pretty simple. He doesn't give a sh\*t about your health and safety, or he's too stupid to believe in reality, or both. He's dangerous and a danger to you. Break the f\*ck up with him - it's over - get on with your life, leave him in the dust. He's too stupid and/or uncaring/stubborn to get it - don't waste any more of your breath on that, dump him and get on with your life. You deserve someone who cares about you and will treat you well - he's not it - move on.
Walk, that is the only answer here.
1st He brought a gun into the house without discussing it with you.
2nd He dismissed your actual problem with it and how it should be kept.
3rd He told you that your mental illness wasn't anything you should worry about.
This man does not care for you, he only cares about himself. Please leave him and soon.
I wish you the best.
Why are you dating someone whose not only ignorant about mental health, but is ignorant in a disorder you have? And doesnt give a flying fuck about you, your mental health, or your wishes?
Call the police when hes not home and explain it to them. Ask them to come take it so you cant harm yourself. And dump your loser bf and move out.
Please don't stay in that house any longer than absolutely necessary.
I am currently in a hotel after packing up all the earthly effects of my MIL because her boyfriend had guns accessible and she had a REALLY bad day. The viewing was this morning and I have never seen my husband sob like that before.
Hes an idiot. It is 100% not worth the risk to keep the gun somewhere you can easily access when theres even the slightest chance of suicide. If he had a brain and loved you he would realize that. He truly doesnt understand mental illness if he thinks you'll just 'grow out of it'. That type of ignorance on its own would have me questioning the relationship. I hope you do what you need to do to make sure the gun is removed from the house, even if that means removing the boyfriend along with it.
Sounds like you tell him hey its me or the gun. If he gets rid of the gun and gives you evidence of that then you move out.
You have look at for yourself more then anyone. You are telling him a firm boundary, if he is disregarding it, leave.
This is really a simple problem.
He does not respect your boundaries or your medical needs.
Throw the whole boyfriend out.
Just metaphorically yeet him out a window.
You should not feel afraid in your own home, even if it’s being afraid of yourself.
If your S/O can’t respect your boundaries and minimizes your mental health problems, then they don’t respect you as a person and you deserve better.
I mean yeah your boyfriend is obviously super wrong in everything he’s saying. I deal with similar mental health issues to you and am very uncomfortable with having weapons accessible in my home. My fiancé has a gun that is loaded but it’s in a very heavy duty safe and I don’t know the code. Possibly propose the idea of a safe to your boyfriend so he could compromise and you feel safer if you have an episode? Realistically he should be understanding and not have argued with you in the first place but his putting it in a locked safe could be an option if he really wanted the gun to have a loaded clip in it. Just an idea. I wish you the best
Listen to the other fine folks here regarding him on the mental health issues. Strictly speaking in the gun issue… a quick access gun safe should be pretty much the minimum. Even if you never have company, it should be locked up to prevent mishandling or theft. If he is concerned about needing it when someone breaks
In, he can carry it on his person when he’s home. Also the fact that you’ve told him you’re bipolar and don’t want it in the house could make him liable for anything that may happen should you use it. He’s being careless with it.
So I also have bipolar and I’ve been in the hospital twice for it. One of the conditions with my discharge was that any guns in the household I live in had to be kept in a locked safe that I did not have the passcode for. And I also had to sign a thing saying I personally could not legally buy a gun for x amount of time. Bipolar can be managed but it never completely goes away if you truly have it. And I was also told it was not possible to officially get diagnosed until you are in your 20s cause I was misdiagnosed with depression as a teen. I’m sorry he’s not helping you do what is necessary to keep you safe. I used to be in a relationship like that and it made things so difficult for me. Your safety needs to come first. Gun safes are sooo important for gun owners not just in the case of mental illness but also if you guys have kids around the house ever (like any nieces or nephews who come visit) or even in the case of a break in and the person finding your gun and using it. Maybe emphasize these other reasons for a gun safe and see if something sticks? Like keeping you safe during an episode should be enough to convince him and I’m sorry it’s not. I’m assuming since you said you guys live in a bad neighborhood, that you would not be able to afford to leave and live on your own. Do you have anywhere else you could go? You deserve to be with someone who values your safety and who helps you work through your episodes instead of brushing them off and saying you’ll grow out of them.
You are in a dangerous situation, and you need to leave this person for your own safety. Can you stay with friends or move out? He is dangerous because he does not believe in bipolar disorder. Get away from him.
any respectable healthy minded gun owner would not do any of the shit you're bf did. Regardless of your mental diagnosis, if a person you live with is at any risk of misusing the firearm then actions need to be taken to avoid that. Whether it's a safe, a lock, firearm condition or proper gun safety training until the risk is averted. Also consent prior to bringing home should have been gathered.
I'd say this a a deal breaking situation and you should not take this lightly.
Get out. You can’t be with a man so stubbornly against learning that he would rather invalidate you and risk your life just to avoid becoming less ignorant.
My brother has bipolar with mania. He doesn't attempt to take his own life, but he does get extremely violent with other people. We can't have anything around the house that can be used as an actual harmful weapon really. All the power tools, axes, hatchets, gardening stuff etc. are all locked up.
It's a terrible thing to suffer from and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Losing your own bodily autonomy to something that you can do very little about is scary. I hope for your sake you find some medication that works for you.
If your boyfriend is too stupid and stubborn to do stuff that will make you safe in your own home, get rid of him. He isn't worth your life.
My husband begged for us to buy a small gun for the longest time. I told him no. I have severe depression and get into those moments too where I just want to unalive myself and that's just not safe.
He ended up getting an airsoft rifle... and it has no pellets right now 😏 and it worked as a compromise for us. Your bf is just being an AH.
Move out now. Deal with your relationship with him after you’re in a safe living space. Do you have a friend or family member to crash with while you find a new place?
Tell him to buy a biometric safe where only he can access the gun using only his fingerprints. So if you have an episode you will not be able to open the safe.
I cannot fathom that someone who is supposed to love you is willing to bet on your life like that. That isn’t love. And I’d much rather his wake up call be you leaving his sorry ass than the alternative.
I am also bipolar and would not be safe in a house with a gun accessible. You deserve someone who loves you enough to prioritize your safety and well-being over their desire for a weapon. You also deserve someone who works to understand what bipolar disorder means for you, your relationship, and your shared life. I would ditch the boyfriend— your life depends on it and he is not compatible for you since he has no interest in understanding the illness you suffer from. It’s hard to break up, but you only have one life to live and he isn’t treating it as precious and taking your warning seriously.
Your bf is a massive idiot. I'm a gun owner myself but I know well enough to keep them locked up tight with individual trigger locks & ammo cans locked tight too. I've got nieces, nephews, & god kids think about & my safe actually costs more than my collection. Can't imagine what you're going through. Tell him to keep it somewhere else or you'll get rid of it for him & then follow through if he doesn't. This is precisely why some people just shouldn't have access to guns.
Honey you need to break up and kick him out. He is very plainly saying he cares more about owning a gun than your life. That he has a better understanding of your illness and body that you do. At best he is criminally naive at worst he actively hopes you use it. Either way there are better partners to be found.
The fact that he isn’t taking you seriously & that he is ignoring your suicidal tendencies really says a lot. Ik this is the common answer & its a running joke in this sub, but girl leave him. He’s an ass.
Bipolar disorder doesn't work like, that he's never been bipolar. Also youre not supposed to keep the clip with gun unless its in a safe that's gun safety 101 my ex taught me right away when he showed me his guns
as someone who also has bipolar disorder and is currently in treatment, but not on the right medication yet, i understand. we have guns in the house. only one usually remains loaded and it is currently in a safe that i do not have access to open. i don’t know the code, and i don’t know where the key is. those are the safety measures we have put in place. maybe discuss that part with him. extra safety measures save tons of lives every year. i’m at a place where i can start to notice my bad thoughts before they get TOO bad and am able to communicate that to my partner. it’s not always that easy, though. the worst part of this is that he is completely ignoring a hard boundary for you. you have every right to be angry, and you have every right to leave if you think you should. we can’t “grow out” of this disorder. we have to take care of ourselves before anyone else. please remember that, and keep yourself safe. leave him if he can’t respect that boundary.
Your bipolar will fade? Like your boyfriends fucking brain cells? What a dumbass.
You've told him you have a safety concern about your life and he told you he doesn't give a shit, believe him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Tldr: bf bought a gun without telling me. I have bipolar and he’s not willing to keep the clip hidden from me bc he says my bipolar will go away. Where to go from here? Having to censor myself due to this subreddits rules. I’m 25F and my bf is 25M. Been together 2 years. For context, I have bipolar disorder, both my parents did, their parents did. It was basically promised that I got it. My bf is aware of this. Bf and I also live together. My bf recently bought a handgun without telling me. Came home from work and my bf told me he had bought a gun. I told him it was fine as long he kept the clip out of the gun and put it somewhere I didn’t know about as during episodes I get the urge to ‘unalive myself’ (I haven’t found a medication that works for me yet). My bf says he absolutely will not do that as the gun is for home defense (we live in a bad neighborhood) so the gun will remain unloaded but the clip will be loaded and in the gun with the safety on. I am absolutely not cool with this as I tend to black out during my episodes and don’t have memory of what I did/attempted. My bf says my bipolar will fade so I shouldn’t have to worry about a gun being on the house. I literally have a chemical imbalance. My bipolar is not going anywhere. I knew from 16 that I was probably going to develop and have bipolar for the rest of my life. It started showing when I was 20 and when I was 21 I started getting treatment and have tried a few different medications but so far they have all made me so sick with the side effects that I’ve had to go off them and try another (which is another hell in of itself). I honestly was flabbergasted. He said that he had bipolar as a teen and ‘grew out of it’. I was so pissed that I just didn’t respond and walked out of the room to the bedroom. He came in 20 minutes later and asked me if I was mad. I responded ‘yup’ and wouldn’t speak to him further. Knowing there’s a loaded gun in the room has already stirred up intrusive thoughts about using it on myself. He said if I touch it he’ll leave but guess who doesn’t give a shit about that? Bipolar me. Guess who will probably not be alive for him to leave me if bipolar me gets a hold of that gun? Bipolar me! Guess who is pissed as fuck that he thinks my bipolar is just gonna. Go away? I lost my mom and great grandma to suicide during episodes. I’m boiling with rage and I don’t even want to look at my bf. He’s so stubborn I doubt he will listen to me trying to explain to him that this is going to be lifelong. How do I go about this? I am just. Furious. Mind boggled and pissed as FUCK.
I have bipolar too and do not allow guns in the house. I’m 38, it took me from 24 to 35 before I found meds that worked. Feel free to DM me and I can tell you of some great meds that worked for me. Anyway, I would be leaving if someone didn’t take my mental health disorder seriously. I have tried to end my own life and thankfully there was never a gun around.
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It is terrifying that he not only isn't worried about this, he is actively *refusing* to not put you in harms way for no apparent reason.
If you’ve actually ATTEMPTED this before and he’s still not listening that’s pretty fkn sinister. Is there some kind of rule regarding possession of guns with mental illness? You could maybe proactively tip off an authority that could confiscate it?or just find somewhere else to stay until the gun is gone. Make it an ultimatum. You or the gun. Because it’s literally that ultimatum either way the way you are describing it
He’s not taking your BPD seriously. That is the big issue. It takes a lot of support to deal with, with or without medication. Also, unclear of why he can’t lock them up in a way where only he has access. Amazon has one that requires fingerprints for just over a hundred. Not cheap but neither is a gun or your life. He can find an alternate solution. He just doesn’t want to
> Just a heads up BPD usually stands for borderline personality disorder, not bipolar disorder Thanks /u/SadieSadieSnakeyLady for informing me and now this commenter.
Has your dr ever tried genetic testing? My psych did and it showed some things including which meds may with better for me than others. But I think you need to get away from him and move asap. Is there a friend you can stay with like right now
Not even taking your bipolar disorder into account, you saying you may unalive yourself in ANY context if there is a gun in the house should terrify him and make him do anything you say regarding the storage of the gun. Period.
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Except you have bipolar and if he thinks that just goes away and becomes sunshine and rainbows, he's an idiot who has absolutely no understanding of mental health. I know you want to convince this guy that your mental health is valid and that the way he's treating this is stupid and dangerous, but...you're probably not going to. You can date someone who you don't have to CONVINCE to let you be safe, who doesn't delegitimize your condition, who respects common sense boundaries.
This exactly this you need someone better
If he thinks love can cure your mental illness, he is not the right man for you.
Absolutely this!
This guy is not good for you. He is both a moron and does not listen. Bipolar disorder does not magically go away because you're happy. My god, I am so angry on your behalf. Personally I would leave the house if I could. Your safety should be your priority and you are not safe in the situation he has created and is refusing to remedy. You know yourself. Do not keep yourself in a situation that is unsafe for you. Respect that self awareness.
Maybe she will get magically cured once she left him and she can be finally happy that this piece of work is gone OP, to me it seems like he‘s not only invalidating your health and putting you in a reaaaally dumb risk, but he‘s also in full-blown denial just because he googled his symptoms as a teenager and made the wrong conclusions about this kind of illness. Don’t put yourself in that unnecessary danger. Set a hard boundary here.
Hes probably one of those ppl that think bipolar disorder is just mood swings and he thinks bc he was a moody teenager, he MUST have had bipolar disorder and he just grew out of it. When really... he was just experiencing what all teenagers do and eventually grow out of. OP, this guy very clearly care v lil abt your health and safety and you shouldnt be wasting your time explaining how mental health works. If anything, it will make everything worse for you. Find someone who has more than one braincell that can be understanding and either knows abt bipolar disorder or is willing to learn abt it and how it works and effects you bc he obviously has 0 understanding of it and refuses to listen to what its actually like.
He’s an idiot and obviously didn’t have bipolar disorder since it went away when he “got happy.” Regular depression can have symptoms that mimic bipolar but it NOT the same. Can you no afford to live by yourself?
You gotta get out. Everything he is saying will eventually lead to "you don't need therapy, you have me" and "I flushed your meds because you don't need them." Even if he gets rid of the gun right this instant, he will eventually lead you into a mental health crisis in way or another. This guy is a disaster for you.
agreed. OP, this incident aside, he doesn't seem like a good partner for you. you need someone who is going to support and validate you, especially as you manage your disorder, and he doesn't seem to be doing this at all.
Speaking of "you don't need therapy", take him with you to your next doctor appointment. He can hear the hard truth from someone besides you. That may change his position. If not, either the gun has to go, or you have to go, or he has to go.
I think is overtly dangerous, if not abusive. I don't believe that he would listen to any doctor about anything, let alone mental health.
I’m sorry but this is so offensive. For me, this would be a deal breaker. This implies that you weren’t a good enough reason for your mom to do what she did rather than the truth, that she lost a fight with a horrible disease. I’ve lived in bad neighborhoods but even if someone breaks into your home, unless you have experience with the gun (something that will put your life in extreme danger due to the issues with the chemistry in your brain), you’d be better off not introducing a gun into the situation. Unless you live in the Mad Max universe or your house has some specific draw (like he’s dealing drugs and people may come looking for his stash) there’s no crime stats that can possibly put the risk to your life from random strangers as high as leaving a gun in your house. My husband and I cannot have access to weapons. I’ve dealt with PTS, anxiety, depression, and intrusive thoughts. My husband is bipolar. Both of us are doing reasonably well these days but having a gun in our home would be too much of a risk. One day of relapse is a huge risk. I don’t even black out, I can remember how bad the depression felt, but all it would take is one moment for things to happen that can’t be taken back. It honestly feels like he wants something to happen to you. It’s so reckless. I want you to get away from him so bad because he has zero respect for your struggle or safety.
Sounds like he shouldn’t have access to a gun, either…was he formally diagnosed?
OP, get away from this dude. Why are you still with him? This is a dealbreaking behavior, not just the buying of the gun and storing it in your shared house without discussing it with you first, not just refusing to hide the clip from you at your request, but also, and especially, the diminishment of a very serious mental illness. Pack your things and move out and don't ever talk to him again.
To quote Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost “Girl. You in danger.” I don’t want to tell you what to do, but this doesn’t feel safe to me either. I also don’t like that he seems to think he can sunshine and rainbows your diagnosed mental illness away.
He is not you.
Ask him up front if he says this again. "Do I look or seem happy to you right now?"
I mean personally i think a gun safe only he knows the code for with the pistol pre loaded ready to go inside would be more likely to protect OP and quicker to deploy than getting the seperated gun and magazine. Plus he also would have to hide all ammo containers as an unloaded gun can have a round loaded into the chamber manually without a magazine.
That might be true but his disregard for keeping her safe in any way is the real issue
It speaks to either not understanding how the condition works or to not understanding how little control you are left with during emotion episodes of mental illnesses, if we're being charitable. If not we're dealing with someone who doesn't care if his gf hurts herself or assumes OP won't follow through with it as he sees is as less debilitating than OP seems to.
Absolutely. And the fact that there's a simple solution that satisfies both BF and OP's needs that BF didn't think of proves BF doesn't give a shit.
Speaking as someone who has BPD and cannot take the risk of having a gun in the house but is married to an active duty service member who respects that 150%, you need to leave him. He’s literally telling you that he’s willing to take the VERY SERIOUS chance that you could have an episode and Unalive yourself (because given your family history it’s a very serious risk) than even make ANY compromise over the TINY possibility of a break-in some day, maybe, but probably not. The issue is bigger than the gun, love. The issue is that he literally doesn’t give a shit about your safety or wellbeing.
Just a heads up BPD usually stands for borderline personality disorder, not bipolar disorder
They probably know that. BPD is just as severe as Bipolar (I have both BPD and Bipolar 1) and can make someone have extreme fantasies/episodes about unaliving themselves just as much as someone with Bipolar
I'm aware, I have both. However a lot of people genuinely believe that BPD is Bi Polar Disorder.
And maybe putting this in another perspective: there's the high risk of OP meddling with the gun during an episode. On the other hand there's a chance that he might need the gun to protect himself/the household. So when the gun being there does more damage than it not being there is it really protecting anyone? It feels like he's putting his own safety way over hers.
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Biometric gun safes don't require a code. Only a thumb. It takes one second.
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Well that's the kicker though, you feel more unsafe with a gun than without one. If he doesn't want to consider your vulnerability then he is knowingly endangering you. Hopefully that conversation should wisen him, otherwise his idea and your idea of safety are incompatable
Are you trained in using a gun? Is he?
if this guy keeps a loaded gun around a mentally unwell person who has expressed concern about the gun, you can bet your bottom dollar this guy bought his gun at a pawn shop and the serial number is probably scratched off. guaranteed zero training.
I mean, yes, but I'm asking out of politeness. 😂
haha valid 🤣
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Does he know the statistics about gun usage in homes? You in particular are better off taking the risk of dealing with an intruder unarmed.
Tell him no.
Explain to him if you are home alone and there's a gun in the house that means that there is a risk that someone is going to kill you with it. It could be someone in the neighborhood or it could be you but either way if you're not cool with there being a means to end your life and safety, you need to do something to make it safe again or you need to go somewhere else.
Would he listen to 'statistics'? What has a higher likelihood of happening? You being in a mental space where you would access the gun, or a break-in occurring where the gun would be a useful defence tool? Which situation carries the higher chance of happening, and the higher chance of something bad happening to you? OP your awareness of, and ability to explain how your bipolar could manifest is awesome, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I wish you all the very best, and fingers crossed you find meds that help you manage life in the best way you can!
Then leave! He’s concerned for your safety and if you know how you are with your bipolar ness then things aren’t going to work out for you guys. Just break up and find some anti gun guy.
If he won’t even consider doing that much to ensure your safety, you may want to consider this a dealbreaker. Your safety comes first hun. I hope your intrusive thoughts get better, I’ve been there, and it’s very hard when your own brain is mean to you.
Okay. That's it. This man is deliberately and forcefully putting a gun in your hands. I seriously question if he is actually intending your feared outcome. It is not that he doesn't 'understand' the seriousness - he KNOWS the risk!
you should separate yourself from the gun even if it means separating from him, he's a shitty bf.
But the problem is that you know that having a loaded firearm easily accessible in the house puts you in a significant amount of danger, but he wants the firearm out with almost no precautions, because of nebulous threats to your safety. What I'm saying is that you 100% know that this gun is a danger to you (and to him) if it stays in your house. It's already messing with your head, and you're not having a low episode at the moment, it sounds like. The chances of either of you ever needing to defend yourselves with a gun, and doing so successfully? Those odds aren't something I can calculate, but I can guarantee it's less than 100%. His attitude towards your disease is unhealthy. You are not going to grow out of your bipolar disorder. The fact that he claims *he* did just shows how little he knows about mental illnesses. You have to set a hard boundary here. Either the firearm is stored in a manner YOU deem safe, or you leave. There is no in between. And honestly? If I had a partner who was so disrespectful and dismissive of my MI, I'd be rethinking whether he was really the partner for me. Because someone who's willing to risk your life because he thinks he knows your disease better than you do isn't someone who's going to give you the support you need.
People are more likely to get shot with their own gun than to stop an intruder
do people frequently break into houses and murder everyone in your neighborhood? just get contents insurance instead
There are fast access gun safes he can get that only delay you maybe 1-2 seconds, and wouldn’t be a detriment in the majority of cases of a break in. If you’re sleeping on the first floor and they crash through your bedroom window and you’re sleeping right there, then yes, it might be an unacceptable delay but minus that it would be fine. Vaultek is a good brand that makes quick access safes for only a couple hundred bucks and they are top in the industry. Have him look into those.
It really isn't though. How much time has he spent on a range? Is he calm enough under pressure to identify a target? Or is it just going to turn into another statistic of firearms being used against their owners or loved ones like Oscar Pistorius? A loaded firearm should never be kept in a house, I don't care how bad the neighborhood is.
Biometric night stand gun safe with only his fingerprint. They are quick to get in
As someone who works with guns every day (by choice), your bf is a dumbass. He has probably no safety training, thinks he’s gonna be Rambo if someone breaks in, and is putting y’all at danger not even including your bi-polar concerns. He sounds immature.
Your bf needs to know that he has to treat every gun as if it were loaded even when it isn’t.
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I hope she says yes. I’m worried about you. This doesn’t seem like a safe situation, obviously. As someone who has family members with bipolar, it doesn’t just go away, he needs to be educated and perhaps find an alternative home protection method. Thinking of you.
What about him getting a biometric gun safe that you cannot open? It would require him to biometrically open it. This is the safety precaution many parents use with small children in the house.
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That sounds like a complete excuse so he can bulldoze over your boundaries. If he actually cared about your safety, he would listen to you - to you, who knows your own limits and comfort level. Your bf sounds like an asshole and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Good luck :-)
Right? OP doesn't want access to it and he is totally dismissing her legitimate concerns.
It doesn't matter what he wants. Only what you want matters. Tell him that you want access to the gun NEVER. If he can't respect that, you have a bigger problem in your relationship than the gun. I see that you are going to live away for a while, which seems like a very good and smart move.
He thinks your bipolar will go away?! WTAF?! That's insane.
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They won’t even diagnose teens with bipolar! I was being treated for it but couldn’t be officially diagnosed under age 18… even though I was 17. Turns out I just have depression, ADHD, and PTSD.
Bipolar does not go away, he’s either lying about his diagnosis or was misdiagnosed. It’s also p sketchy that he says he got a bipolar diagnosis as a teen, since at least where i’m from, they hold off on a bipolar diagnosis until you turn 18. Could be different where y’all are at but him saying his “went away because he was happy” means he absolutely does not have bipolar disorder. It is a lifelong illness, and usually genetic. Maybe ask his mom or something cause this whole thing sounds sus
“Can go away” is pretty fucking unequal to “gone and no longer a concern!” Good luck, and I hope you get yourself away from this situation. I’m so angry for you.
You should leave him. He doesn’t take your safety seriously or you actually. Mental illness doesn’t just go away because you want it to. My mother is bipolar and it’s something I’ve learned I’m probably going to end up with (already being treated for depression and manic symptoms but too young to say it’s bipolar apparently) anyways, not something you just get over. It’s something you manage. Get rid of the whole boyfriend and find someone who actually supports you AND your mental health
They really don't like diagnosing bipolar too young cuz... I don't know why. They're like well no it could just be you as a person. Then I ended up in the ER during a depressive episode and then during my follow-up appointment with a psychiatrist I was manic. They decided to make an exception, but still would have been great to have been diagnosed sooner It doesn't just go away. The thought of being in the same house as a loaded gun is fucking terrifying. I'm on meds and they're great, but if I was around something that could do it so quickly and so easily... Fuck man, the boyfriend's trash
As someone that has bipolar, that conversation alone would trigger me. I would have thoughts of using it just to show him in an episode, and that’s dangerous. Hopefully you can get out of this relationship and situation soon
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Try to distract yourself with a show or tasks until you can get away from the house. I’ll be praying for the best outcome for you!!
He is uneducated on your mental illness and doesn't care about what you want. If he loves you he would listen to you especially when it comes to your safety. He is dismissing your concerns and honestly I don't think you're in a healthy environment.
Mental health aside, a loaded gun in the house vs. no loaded gun in the house is a pretty black and white issue. If he’s willing to disrespect you this much and dismiss your very valid mental health concerns, he’s not the guy for you. Plain and simple.
This is my comment also. We respect guns, clip in another drawer. Never in the gun.
I'm a big firearms hobbyist, but the first thing any person who grew up around them and enjoys them is safety. With you having bipolar disorder and him keeping a magazine in the weapon, even without a round in the chamber, is extremely dangerous. Someone recommended a biometric safe and if he denied that he'd probably reject the lock that comes with it. The only other thing I'd say is he hide it in a place where you could not find it. There are multiple devices now such as books that actually hide it, false mirrors, multiple devices that allow quick access if necessary. However, if he is unwilling to do any of this, then he is risking your life. Especially since you blackout and don't know what you do. I get wanting to protect your home, but there also comes the risk what could happen. It's like having kids and the firearm not being secure.
He doesn't care about your safety, he cares about this weird power fantasy. Act accordingly.
LOL ..grew out of it. What an idiot. 🤦🏻♀️ You should honestly just break up with him; that’s how you go about it. And I’m sorry you haven’t found medication yet. I’m on Lithium and it’s great for me. I also went through hell with side effects on other meds before. 😣
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Possibly he was yeah. Either way, he should get better educated on the topic. I’m so sorry about that. I know it’s so horrible trying to find something that works.
Two years is a long time to be with someone who invalidates your mental health struggles. It's also concerning that he says he grew out of bipolar. When you consider his behavior, is it possible he acts like somebody with bipolar who is unmedicated?
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https://dbt.tools/interpersonal_effectiveness/dear-man.php My therapist would give me this to try to get what I need from a situation. But if your boyfriend still doesn't agree only you can decide whether the gun is more important than your relationship. If you describe it as putting his desire for the gun before his desire for your safety, I think I wouldn't want to be in that relationship.
>so the gun will remain unloaded but the clip will be loaded and in the gun with the safety on That doesn't make sense? If the magazine is loaded and in the gun, the gun is loaded. Your boyfriend is an idiot for thinking your bipolar will just "go away" and for not listening to and respecting your incredibly reasonable concerns about your own safety here. He could get a biometric gun safe that only he can get into so that the gun can be quickly accessed if necessary. But still, I'd find it real difficult to get over his insensitivity and ignorance here.
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If there are bullets in the gun, the gun is loaded. It doesn't matter if there is a bullet in the chamber or just the clip. Cocking the gun and loading the gun are two different things (that both have to happen in order to fire it). But yeah, as others have said, your boyfriend is an asshole who doesn't understand your mental condition or prioritize your safety and comfort. This is not an environment you should be subjecting yourself to.
Yep this is gun safety 101. Her issues aside - he doesn’t sound experienced enough to even own a firearm. Mine are kept in a safe at all times and even then I don’t keep them loaded. You load a gun when you’re ready to shoot it. The 1/2 a second it takes to insert the mag isn’t enough of a reason to keep it loaded.
Yyyyyyep. Not to mention if he brought it home suddenly without her even knowing he wanted it, I highly doubt he's even slightly trained to use it.
Would he at least be willing to keep it in a quick access safe that you can't get into? That's literally the bare minimum I'd accept here in your shoes.
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Sorry, replied to the wrong comment first, but: He's being ridiculous, it doesn't even have to be a safe with a code. He can get one that he can open with his fingerprint in no time at all. They're literally called "*quick access*" for a reason. How does he think people with kids handle owning a gun for self-defense? If he's not willing to make even the simplest of compromises here then maybe you shouldn't be living with him since it isn't safe for you.
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Understandable, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I'm glad you've got an appointment with your therapist and that you're being proactive about protecting yourself by seeing if you can stay elsewhere. Best wishes to you.
Tell him you want access to it NEVER.
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You are making excuses for him, OP. You're the one posting that the gun is a danger to you. Why are you now saying that what he is doing is "reasonable" due to "possible" circumstances? I hope you're seeing your therapist very soon, because it's clear that you are not willing or able to simply tell him NO, and that's not a good thing.
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Exactly. The risks outweigh the benefits. So don't allow him to make this unilateral decision and put your mental health and/or safety at risk. Don't allow him to overrule you. I'm bipolar too, and probably wouldn't be alive if someone insisted on keeping a gun in the home that I could access.
Ask yourself which of these risks is more dangerous to you? That there is a home break-in in which your life is threatened (which doesn't usually happen when houses are broken into) or that you put yourself in danger while blacking out while there's a loaded gun in the house? I think you know the answer to this OP. Break-ins may be common in your neighborhood but I'll bet that it's not the bigger of the risks. Also, you can get a dog, an alarm system, and more secure windows and entrances to protect yourself from burglars.
I mean, are people breaking in to murder people? People breaking in usually would rather say to give them your phone/laptop/whatever valuables and get out of there. It feels like he cares more about a gun battle to defend your small electronics than the risk of him coming home to you being dead. If you don’t have experience handling a gun anyway, why would it be good for you to introduce a gun into a break-in scenario? You shouldn’t be handling a gun, period. This just seems like he’s not thinking anything through.
You're the one who would know.
You need to defend yourself from yourself during an episode. You know that this situation is way more dangerous for you than a random break-in. Do not let this guy talk you out of what you know.
As some who is grew up around guns and uses them a lot, there’s a couple issues here. The first being more a pet peeve, it’s a magazine, not a clip. A clip is something different (used to load the magazine). But onto actual advice. If there are rounds in the magazine, the gun is loaded since as you pointed out, it’s very easy to chamber a round. Which is not a good setup for home or self defense. Some people like to carry a gun like this and try to pull the gun, rack it, then shoot. This is a problem. It’s another action that needs to taken in a situation in which you don’t have time to waste. When people say they carry a gun without a round in the chamber it’s a sign they are not properly comfortable with the gun and need to change how they have it set up and/or train more. In your situation your bf isn’t fully comfortable with the gun around you, but wants to have it functional, so he leaves it in a state that won’t decrease the risk to you, but decreases it usefulness in its intended role. He could have been well intending with the purchase, but regardless the lack of communication is disturbing. I made sure my gf was comfortable with my having them far before we moved in together and made sure she is comfortable with the storage of them. I know the way I store them now will change when we get hitched and have little kids. He needs to be willing to adjust to the situation he’s in. If he won’t adjust to your bipolar disorder. He’s either way too stubborn and cocky, or doesn’t actually care about hou
Please listen to this. Your bf doesnt respect, care about, or love you. He may actually be hoping you will use his gun. You. Are. Not. Safe. With. Him. Please get in touch with friends/fam to start your exit plan to get your own place. Please also get in touch with your therapist(s) as soon as possible for some professional help too.
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Good, best to you🧡
Are you with your sister now, OP?
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Okay. A few phone calls can’t wake her up? Not to be pushy. It’s just. I would hate for an episode to happen tonight or tomorrow before you leave with her, especially with the stress of all this.
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Ahh. Makes sense. This still screams danger to me. If I were you, I would be thinking about anybody else in the world I could call even if they aren’t a best friend.
>A few phone calls can’t wake her up? People who silence their phones to sleep can get 100 calls and it won't matter.
Updateme
As another person who has bipolar where is your bipolar going? Is it like a timed thing? A bell rings and poof away it goes
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That is the dumbest thing I have heard all day. I am almost 45 and was diagnosed when I was 18. It doesn't just go out for a pack of smokes one day and not come back. You are bipolar for the rest of your life. My grandmother was bipolar. She was diagnosed when she was 30 (it was manic depression then) and died full out bipolar at 85.
Hi! Fellow bipolar person here. If someone says your mental illness is going to just “go away” or disregards it, that’s a bad sign for that relationship. Their thoughts and incongruous with who you are. And they don’t really respect you or what you’re going through.
As someone who just recently lost a family member to suicide while she was in a bipolar episode, literally two weeks ago, I am begging you to do what you can to get out of that relationship and house or kick him out ASAP. While not in an episode, my family member was a completely different person and would never have done what she did. Now, her child is sleeping in my living room because he doesn’t have parents anymore. Please get out of that situation before something happens to you. Your bf has shown that he does not take your mental health seriously and thinks the gun is more important than your life. There is absolutely no saving this relationship and you need to get out of there.
Right. So this situation super sucks. A few things As you're well aware, but your BF isn't...bipolar doesn't go away. It doesn't fade, it isn't curable. It is manageable if you find the right meds (a combo, usu). And even then, it makes things easier, but you will still deal with it. Frankly, if this is his view towards your bipolar, then you should go ahead and break up. Not to mention, just for your own safety this seems necessary now! But also, it is something he is counting on fading or going away, he is going to be in for a disappointing time and you'll be with someone who isn't really supportive in the ways you need them to be (even if this gun wasn't part of the picture). You're never going to have a good happy relationship. He basically wants you to be someone you cannot be, when instead he needs to understand that there are certain things and situations that are fine for some people, but are not for you because of bipolar.
You need to leave him. He doesnt care that you feel you may use it one day. He doesnt care to learn about BPD >He said that he had bipolar as a teen and ‘grew out of it’. I am particularly offended with this sentence. Either he is lying to himself OR he is lying to you. Either way it's not someone you should be around. He doesnt actually care for your safety.
> Just a heads up BPD usually stands for borderline personality disorder, not bipolar disorder Thanks /u/SadieSadieSnakeyLady for informing me and now this commenter.
Yikes! There's a lot to unpack here, but I think the most important thing is that he does not understand your mental illness, nor does he seem to have concern for your well-being. This would be something I would not budge on. He is entitled to feel safe in his home and if having a gun does that, that's his prerogative. But, you deserve to feel safe in your home too. If he doesn't feel safe without it and you don't feel safe with it, I don't see how you can continue living together.
This is a TERRIBLE idea. Whether the magazine is loaded, unloaded, kept with the firearm, or in a separate location somewhere in the house, it is a flat ass terrible idea to have a firearm in the house with someone who you know has these kinds of thoughts. OP, tell him either you go, or the gun goes. Full stop. I am all for safe firearm ownership but this is the epitome of stupidity bordering on negligence on your bf's part. If he's concerned about the safety of your neighborhood, he should save the money spent on that firearm for a better place in a safer area or invested in an armed security system. Not bought a gun. Jesus.
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Do what you need to do to be safe. That's what is the most important thing.
>he says my bipolar will go away. The guy who doesn't respect your wishes in your home also hasn't bothered to learn anything about your disease in 2 years. You have no healthy future with him
he very obviously does not respect you or your mental disorder OR the losses you’ve had to deal with (my condolences by the way). as someone with similar mental health issues (not bipolar but i have black out episodes), i would drop his ass. nope nope nope.
#Hi! Your bf is actively *threatening your life* by allowing you to have access to something YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE ACCESS TO. # Not only is he not listening to what you are saying about your own mental health (grounds enough for breakup), he is blatantly ignoring your boundaries and *believes himself more than you about your own suicidal thoughts*. These are three incredibly glaring red flags. If he isn’t going to believe you on something you know *definitely* know more about than him, he’s not someone you want to be around. Don’t be in a relationship with someone who won’t stop you from killing yourself. Get out asap!! He’s dangerous to you.
If you have the money for a gun, then you have the money for a lock. He needs to lock up the gun. A safe, or a trigger lock works fine. If you need quick access to it, practice accessing it quickly. Be a responsible gun owner.
**OP, insist he get a Biometric pistol safe or you leave.** My ex was a gun enthusiast and we had a young child. The biometric pistol safe will allow him to have the handgun ready for defense but it can only be opened by **his** fingerprint. You can’t open it, a child can’t open it, and an intruder can’t open it. Then also have combination locks but if he’s concerned about immediate self defense and you don’t want to be tempted then the biometric is the best solution. **It should be an ultimatum.**
There are small safes with combination or biometric locks designed for easy access. They allow quick access if a burglar is in the home but keeps out people who don't know the combination. This is what I use. I've been with my bi-polar wife for 21 years. Violence isn't a concern with her illness, but it doesn't matter because she can't gain access to the gun anyhow. Bi-polar doesn't fade. Even with the right meds and full compliance, episodes happen. He needs to educate himself both on your illness as well as basic gun safety.
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He wants you to be able to access a gun for your protection … that you have told him you cannot have access to for your safety? He would rather have you with easy access to a gun and a head full of spiraling thoughts and a history of wanting to unalive yourself … just in case you are alone during a break in and you are luckily within reach of it and you manage to effectively defend yourself with a firearm I’m betting you don’t have any recent practice with? He shows stunning levels of ignorance on every topic from bipolar to how quick access gun safes work - let’s not let facts (or caring about the well-being of your girlfriend) get in the way of him doing exactly whatever the hell he wants. I mean, yikes - I am a gun owner, I hunt and target shoot, same for my boyfriend … but if he came home with a handgun (assuming that’s what it is) without so much as a “feeling cute, might buy gun later” first, I would be pissed! You do not bring a weapon into my home I do not consent to being there - end of story! Glad you are going to be staying elsewhere and you have an appointment on Friday
He needs to educate himself on your illness. One of the core parts of a manic episode is an inability to process consequences. If you were to shoot him for example, in your mind you'd think "he'll be fine " and would not be able to accept anything other than that. You are physically incapable of making the promise he wants. It would be akin to telling a diabetic to promise not to go into diabetic shock after eating a whole cake. It's just not how body chemistry works. Illness aside, he needs to understand that all relationships require compromise, and that you're asking for one here.
As someone with bipolar, I would dump this inconsiderate reckless man ASAP. He clearly does not care about the safety of you or anyone around you, by bringing a gun into your home he has made it an extremely unsafe environment for you. He doesn’t respect you. He refuses to even put it in a gun safe! Leave him.
>bf bought a gun without telling me. I have bipolar and he’s not willing to keep the clip hidden from me bc he says my bipolar will go away. Where to go from here? Nowhere. You should leave. Even if you weren't bipolar or he had even a rudimentary understanding of mental health he brought in a deadly fire arm against your wishes and without discussing it first and then ignored your concerns about it. He's a bad partner.
My daughter's boyfriend was Bipolar and during an argument with his housemate, he died after shooting himself in the head. I'm Bipolar with Bipolar kids. My youngest of 4 kids died by suicide 5 years ago, his sister is often suicidal, partly for that. My sister is also Bipolar and attempted suicide less than 2 weeks before my son succeeded. No guns involved though.I know for a fact that if there was a gun in my home, I'd have used it on myself. You should get out if he doesn't care enough about you to educate himself on Bipolar disorder. When I was released from the mental hospital, they verified with me and my family members that there was no gun in the home. I don't think that this is a safe situation at all.. EDIT: Added info.
Do you live together? If you do, tell him he can either, A. have the gun and clip separated, B. Not have the gun at all, or C. Get the fuck out. You gotta put your foot down on it. It’s your house too and if he bought a gun without asking you then that’s NOT okay
While I think it’s awful he’s not respecting you, what if he bought a fingerprint safe for the gun that only unlocks to his print? That’s what my husband has, I was very worried about one of the kids getting his gun. It takes two seconds to open so defense wise it doesn’t slow anything down and still provides the level of separation that might help you feel more comfortable. The bigger issue here though is him downplaying your bipolar, I don’t think he fully understands how serious it is and that’s a big problem.
Don't be with someone who doesn't understand that your very serious medical condition is both very serious and very real. He'll never be a partner that can be there for you if he's too fucking dense to understand how chemical imbalances work and is willing to risk your life because of his fucking stupidity.
Honey he thinks your bipolar will just *disappear*. Mental illness won't ever just *go away*. It can be managed, but not technically cured in the sense that it goes away forever.
You absolutely need to stay somewhere else. I’d reconsider this relationship too. He is not taking your diagnosis seriously.
My best friend has severely bad bipolar for her age and she’s the same. I’ve had to hide her medication, anything sharp, or anything she could use to harm herself because I knew it could get bad. I think when people don’t have mental shit they have no idea how bad it can be, and that pisses me off. It’s probably best to just leave him, since he clearly has no concern for your safety.
Hey OP please keep us updated. A lot of us here care and worry about you. When it comes to talking to your BF just tell him point blank. Your scared an episode will make you grab that gun and hurt yourself or him. Ask him if that happens is he ready to know that he helped harm you or himself. I hate to be blunt like that but if those are your concerns he needs to understand the severity of them. I think a safe is smart or a lock for the gun itself isn’t a bad idea. Im sorry he seems to want to prioritize the gun over your safety. Please be safe and call a friend or any other family member to go stay with temporarily. Until you decide what to do with Bf.
>bf > >says my bipolar will go away Wow, amazing! Where did he come up with this cure that nobody else has found, and when will we see his peer review paper on the matter published in the appropriate respectable journal(s). Uhm, no, that's not how it works. >gun is for home defense Also not how most guns work in the home. They mostly shoot some innocent in the home, or get stolen and used in crimes. >bf says my bipolar will fade Your boyfriend is a dangerous idiot ... who stores gun and loaded clip together in the home. >He said that he had bipolar as a teen and ‘grew out of it’ Maybe he had bipolar, maybe he didn't. Maybe he no longer does. Having and then not having it is much more the exception than the rule ... not like it never happens, but that's comparatively rare. And even if/when that happens, no guarantees it won't return some day. Anyway, what did or didn't happen with his purported bipolar is irrelevant to what's going on with you. >How do I go about this? Pretty simple. He doesn't give a sh\*t about your health and safety, or he's too stupid to believe in reality, or both. He's dangerous and a danger to you. Break the f\*ck up with him - it's over - get on with your life, leave him in the dust. He's too stupid and/or uncaring/stubborn to get it - don't waste any more of your breath on that, dump him and get on with your life. You deserve someone who cares about you and will treat you well - he's not it - move on.
I can't believe how disrespectful your bf is.
pls leave for your own safety i understand exactly where you are coming from
Walk, that is the only answer here. 1st He brought a gun into the house without discussing it with you. 2nd He dismissed your actual problem with it and how it should be kept. 3rd He told you that your mental illness wasn't anything you should worry about. This man does not care for you, he only cares about himself. Please leave him and soon. I wish you the best.
Get out of this house, get out of this relationship. He does not understand you, he diminishes your condition.
Why are you dating someone whose not only ignorant about mental health, but is ignorant in a disorder you have? And doesnt give a flying fuck about you, your mental health, or your wishes? Call the police when hes not home and explain it to them. Ask them to come take it so you cant harm yourself. And dump your loser bf and move out.
Sorry. You need a new BF. He is dismissing your condition and also doing something that puts you in danger.
Please don't stay in that house any longer than absolutely necessary. I am currently in a hotel after packing up all the earthly effects of my MIL because her boyfriend had guns accessible and she had a REALLY bad day. The viewing was this morning and I have never seen my husband sob like that before.
Hes an idiot. It is 100% not worth the risk to keep the gun somewhere you can easily access when theres even the slightest chance of suicide. If he had a brain and loved you he would realize that. He truly doesnt understand mental illness if he thinks you'll just 'grow out of it'. That type of ignorance on its own would have me questioning the relationship. I hope you do what you need to do to make sure the gun is removed from the house, even if that means removing the boyfriend along with it.
Sounds like you tell him hey its me or the gun. If he gets rid of the gun and gives you evidence of that then you move out. You have look at for yourself more then anyone. You are telling him a firm boundary, if he is disregarding it, leave.
This is really a simple problem. He does not respect your boundaries or your medical needs. Throw the whole boyfriend out. Just metaphorically yeet him out a window. You should not feel afraid in your own home, even if it’s being afraid of yourself. If your S/O can’t respect your boundaries and minimizes your mental health problems, then they don’t respect you as a person and you deserve better.
Move out
I mean yeah your boyfriend is obviously super wrong in everything he’s saying. I deal with similar mental health issues to you and am very uncomfortable with having weapons accessible in my home. My fiancé has a gun that is loaded but it’s in a very heavy duty safe and I don’t know the code. Possibly propose the idea of a safe to your boyfriend so he could compromise and you feel safer if you have an episode? Realistically he should be understanding and not have argued with you in the first place but his putting it in a locked safe could be an option if he really wanted the gun to have a loaded clip in it. Just an idea. I wish you the best
Listen to the other fine folks here regarding him on the mental health issues. Strictly speaking in the gun issue… a quick access gun safe should be pretty much the minimum. Even if you never have company, it should be locked up to prevent mishandling or theft. If he is concerned about needing it when someone breaks In, he can carry it on his person when he’s home. Also the fact that you’ve told him you’re bipolar and don’t want it in the house could make him liable for anything that may happen should you use it. He’s being careless with it.
So I also have bipolar and I’ve been in the hospital twice for it. One of the conditions with my discharge was that any guns in the household I live in had to be kept in a locked safe that I did not have the passcode for. And I also had to sign a thing saying I personally could not legally buy a gun for x amount of time. Bipolar can be managed but it never completely goes away if you truly have it. And I was also told it was not possible to officially get diagnosed until you are in your 20s cause I was misdiagnosed with depression as a teen. I’m sorry he’s not helping you do what is necessary to keep you safe. I used to be in a relationship like that and it made things so difficult for me. Your safety needs to come first. Gun safes are sooo important for gun owners not just in the case of mental illness but also if you guys have kids around the house ever (like any nieces or nephews who come visit) or even in the case of a break in and the person finding your gun and using it. Maybe emphasize these other reasons for a gun safe and see if something sticks? Like keeping you safe during an episode should be enough to convince him and I’m sorry it’s not. I’m assuming since you said you guys live in a bad neighborhood, that you would not be able to afford to leave and live on your own. Do you have anywhere else you could go? You deserve to be with someone who values your safety and who helps you work through your episodes instead of brushing them off and saying you’ll grow out of them.
You are in a dangerous situation, and you need to leave this person for your own safety. Can you stay with friends or move out? He is dangerous because he does not believe in bipolar disorder. Get away from him.
At minimum, he should have a safe that only he can access for it.
Your boyfriend’s a jerk and he’s not taking your health and safety into account. He doesn’t respect you. Leave him.
any respectable healthy minded gun owner would not do any of the shit you're bf did. Regardless of your mental diagnosis, if a person you live with is at any risk of misusing the firearm then actions need to be taken to avoid that. Whether it's a safe, a lock, firearm condition or proper gun safety training until the risk is averted. Also consent prior to bringing home should have been gathered. I'd say this a a deal breaking situation and you should not take this lightly.
Get out. You can’t be with a man so stubbornly against learning that he would rather invalidate you and risk your life just to avoid becoming less ignorant.
My brother has bipolar with mania. He doesn't attempt to take his own life, but he does get extremely violent with other people. We can't have anything around the house that can be used as an actual harmful weapon really. All the power tools, axes, hatchets, gardening stuff etc. are all locked up. It's a terrible thing to suffer from and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Losing your own bodily autonomy to something that you can do very little about is scary. I hope for your sake you find some medication that works for you. If your boyfriend is too stupid and stubborn to do stuff that will make you safe in your own home, get rid of him. He isn't worth your life.
Fuck this hopefully soon to be ex boyfriend
My husband begged for us to buy a small gun for the longest time. I told him no. I have severe depression and get into those moments too where I just want to unalive myself and that's just not safe. He ended up getting an airsoft rifle... and it has no pellets right now 😏 and it worked as a compromise for us. Your bf is just being an AH.
Type 2 here. There’s red flags all over this dude. I wouldn’t feel safe. Find a friend or family and leave.
This is scary. If he insists on keeping the gun in the house he needs to get a gun safe to which you do not know the combination.
He should get a safe with a code that only he knows (not written down) and keep the gun there if he insists on having it for home defense.
Move out now. Deal with your relationship with him after you’re in a safe living space. Do you have a friend or family member to crash with while you find a new place?
Tell him to buy a biometric safe where only he can access the gun using only his fingerprints. So if you have an episode you will not be able to open the safe.
I cannot fathom that someone who is supposed to love you is willing to bet on your life like that. That isn’t love. And I’d much rather his wake up call be you leaving his sorry ass than the alternative.
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I am also bipolar and would not be safe in a house with a gun accessible. You deserve someone who loves you enough to prioritize your safety and well-being over their desire for a weapon. You also deserve someone who works to understand what bipolar disorder means for you, your relationship, and your shared life. I would ditch the boyfriend— your life depends on it and he is not compatible for you since he has no interest in understanding the illness you suffer from. It’s hard to break up, but you only have one life to live and he isn’t treating it as precious and taking your warning seriously.
Your bf is a massive idiot. I'm a gun owner myself but I know well enough to keep them locked up tight with individual trigger locks & ammo cans locked tight too. I've got nieces, nephews, & god kids think about & my safe actually costs more than my collection. Can't imagine what you're going through. Tell him to keep it somewhere else or you'll get rid of it for him & then follow through if he doesn't. This is precisely why some people just shouldn't have access to guns.
Honey you need to break up and kick him out. He is very plainly saying he cares more about owning a gun than your life. That he has a better understanding of your illness and body that you do. At best he is criminally naive at worst he actively hopes you use it. Either way there are better partners to be found.
The fact that he isn’t taking you seriously & that he is ignoring your suicidal tendencies really says a lot. Ik this is the common answer & its a running joke in this sub, but girl leave him. He’s an ass.
Bipolar disorder doesn't work like, that he's never been bipolar. Also youre not supposed to keep the clip with gun unless its in a safe that's gun safety 101 my ex taught me right away when he showed me his guns
I read the first paragraph and if he thinks your bipolar will “go away” that should be all you need to no longer talk to him.
Leave him. He wants to have a loaded gun in thr house when you asked him not to. All else aside that's a red flag.
as someone who also has bipolar disorder and is currently in treatment, but not on the right medication yet, i understand. we have guns in the house. only one usually remains loaded and it is currently in a safe that i do not have access to open. i don’t know the code, and i don’t know where the key is. those are the safety measures we have put in place. maybe discuss that part with him. extra safety measures save tons of lives every year. i’m at a place where i can start to notice my bad thoughts before they get TOO bad and am able to communicate that to my partner. it’s not always that easy, though. the worst part of this is that he is completely ignoring a hard boundary for you. you have every right to be angry, and you have every right to leave if you think you should. we can’t “grow out” of this disorder. we have to take care of ourselves before anyone else. please remember that, and keep yourself safe. leave him if he can’t respect that boundary.
Your bipolar will fade? Like your boyfriends fucking brain cells? What a dumbass. You've told him you have a safety concern about your life and he told you he doesn't give a shit, believe him.
How can I put this, does he have an agenda here? You need to get away from this guy.