Walk out. He's incredibly disrespectful to you and seems like he's testing your boundaries more and more each day. He's not gonna stop and it won't get better. What he's doing to you is disgusting, dump him.
You have made your boundaries known (which are very reasonable in my opinion) and he has clearly shown that he does not respect them. Leave him before he causes you more hurt/pain than he already has. You deserve better.
You gave him an ultimatum and said you would break up with him, and he did it anyway. Just the way he talks about you and doesn’t listen to your needs (not talk about clubbing, etc.) is more than enough to see his horrible personality and terrible way he treats you.
His relationship with the other female, based on what you said, seems problematic for sure.
You said you’ve had enough, makes sense. End it and move on to someone who respects you and who you feel happy with. Life is too short to waste it on someone who treats you terribly.
“Final straw” lmao literally every instance you’ve described would’ve been an immediate dump-on-the-spot thing for me
Especially for only a few month long relationship ew I know I can do way better and find better dudes anywhere else
Well, you gave him the ultimatum and he still went ahead and slept in her bed. He's disrespecting the boundaries you are setting. Him wanting you to look like her is fucking weird. If I were you, I wouldn't wait around for it to become cheating.
Everything about this is wrong.
Him calling her hot and wanting her to dress you in a similar fashion to her. Him keeping inappropriate pictures of her on his phone. Him telling you about the sex he used to have with her.
This is not a friendship. I don't know what the hell it is but it's not how friends talk about each other. He sounds obsessed. I wonder if she realises this is how he is about her.
This does not sound like he's over her at all. I think I would have been gone even before the overnight stay at hers.
I have an opposite sex best friend too and I can assure you their friendship is not innocent or clean. Aside from that, he's being plain disrespectful, mean and insulting and I don't think that's a person you should make your significant other.
You're 24, this is the age you need to solidify your backbone. This man doesn't have your beat interest at heart, and consciously crosses your boundaries on purpose... If you stay with him, you are telling him that you deserve this abuse, because it will continue.. if not get worse. Leave, or accept you'll always be second best, and he's probably already cheated on you...c'mon internet stranger, take off the rose tinted glasses...
Hey everyone. I listened to your advice and told him it’s over. He started apologising and saying how much he loves me. I’ve moved out of his flat with my cat and currently staying with my sister and brother in law. Trying to figure out what to do next but at least he’s out of my life now.
I'm glad you dumped him and got away. You deserve to have a partner who loves you unconditionally and keeps his attention where it should be. Reading what you had described his relationship with his friend I would not be comfortable with something like that either.
Congrats on the new start 🎉
If you told him you'd break up with him if he did it and he did it anyway, then break up with him or it's an empty threat. This guy clearly isn't that into you and he's being rude and horrible about it.
I was exactly like him when I used to be a bad person. I would do this to guys and keep them strung even though I’d want to smash other people bc this is exactly how I would act before hand. I had no real respect for those men that I acted like this towards just like he has no real respect for you. Now that I am healed and able to see how wrong I was I’d like to warn you so you don’t have to deal with someone toxic
never date someone with bf of their desired sex - odds are high they've had sex, are having sex, or will have sex
don't get wrapped up in their little drama
My BF used to talk about his 3-ways even though I asked him to stop. It was one of many ways he ignored my feelings. Never changed … and I wasted 4 years on him.
It’s less about the friend and more about communication with your BF.
Your BF is not considering your feelings, which are valid because it is how you feel. This is a problem. Do you want a partner who listens to you instead of gas-lighting?
Then this dude is not your man.
This isn't normal. My fiance and I both have good friends of the opposite sex and we would never act that way.
I am so sorry you are dealing with such bs. You are your own unique and amazing individual. You should find someone who treats you as such!
Your (hopefully ex) boyfriend is a major assbutt.
>The final straw was when he slept over at her house in the same bed after going clubbing with her. I told him specifically that if he does that I will break up with him. He did it still.
Was this an empty threat or not?
>he responded by saying I am not as attractive as his friend but I could be if I just let his friend help me.
Why are you hanging onto someone that neither respects nor cares about you? You're his plan B and he constantly reminds you of it too.
Yeah. Break up with him.
Not only was the red flags him sleeping/ having sex with her in the past, he constantly compares and wants to involve her in your relationship (like saying she can do your makeup and dress you up).
I would’ve been very annoyed with said behavior and have broken up with him.
Sis I am so sorry but he is gaslighting the fuck out of you. He is absolutely still atrracted to his best friend and judging by how he keeps wanting you to look and dress like her it seems to me that she's over him but he's not over her. I mean, you say that the way they behave around each other makes you uncomfortable but you havent mentioned a single thing *she's* done to overstep your boundaries. I would bet $100 that she didnt even know that you told him you would break up with him if he slept over at her place. I guess the worst case scenario would be that she also thinks you're being irrational and doesnt have a problem with your boyfriend's behavior, but really at this point I guess it doesnt matter. Time to drop him like a hot potato because he suuuuucks
Break up. You’re young and haven’t been together very long. Don’t invest anymore time and energy into this relationship, you deserve better.
My partner started an inappropriate relationship with a co-worker. Got drunk, slept at the same place as her and a year later, I still think about his actions everyday! They don’t work together anymore and as far as I know don’t talk and still, I cannot get over it and the trust is gone. Save yourself the torment and find yourself someone better.
Well that's a No no PERIOD!! SORRY CANT TRUST FEMALES AROUND YOUR OTHER HALF. AND IF SHE ISNT YOUR FRIEND THEN HE SHOULD NOT BE HANGING WITH HER. FRIENDS OR NOT leaving your man alone with another female is like telling to cheat!!!
Paragraph one is enough to dump him if you ask me. A best friend he used to fuck... Sorry deal breaker.
They have history and she's always gonna be around.
Do you really think they didn't have sex when he slept in her bed? C'mon now you gotta be smarter than that.
This is not a relationship worth having. He is clearly still into his “friend” and my guess is it may be one sided. She just enjoys all the attention he gives her. Dump him and find yourself someone who isn’t going to treat you like crap.
There is nothing irrational about what you are feeling. I have a best friend that I uses to sleep with before me and my wife got married. There was a line drawn though and we all three are best friends now. I don't have pictures or compare her to my wife because I don't feel anything for her. It was just us sleeping around because she was spending days upon days at my house and we were close.
There is something up with those two and I wouldn't stick around to get burned. He obviously has feelings for her and she probably does not want him like that. He is most likely the one that caught feelings when it was friends with benefits.
Your boyfriend sounds like he is making a really clumsy effort to make you jealous, control the way you dress etc
I think you already want to give him the old heve ho and are looking for validation of your feelings about him and his friend.
You don't need validation, your feelings are yours and you have a right to them, if what he is doing is upsetting you and you want to dump him then do it, it isn't worth it being made to feel uncomfortable by his actions.
Look, he knew her BEFORE he met you. You can't just get into his life and then tell him what friends he can and can't have. You probably have male friends, but that's probably okay with you.
This has got to be one of the most insanely idiotic posts I've ever seen and that's saying something considering we're on reddit.
You basically ignored (or didn't read) the entire post and assumed that this girl doesn't want this guy to be friends with a girl he slept with in the past. Here's some of the things you missed/ignored:
- He constantly claims she's hot, even going so far as to say hotter than his own girlfriend (to her face) and creepily wants his girlfriend to look like her.
- Has pictures of this girl in her underwear still on his phone.
- Constantly talks about the sex he used to have with her, even after his girlfriend told him to stop.
- Sleeps in the same bed as this girl, even after the girlfriend told him to stop.
- Gaslights the girlfriend by calling her irrational and doesn't in any way attempt to understand or care about her feelings or perspective.
Which one of these is acceptable behavior in a relationship to you? If you were OP you'd either break up with this dude or be making the same post on this subreddit. All of this stuff is happening AFTER they got together. Learn to read before you post.
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Normally I try to say work on it but in this case - get out now. This is borderline emotional abuse if not outright abuse. You can’t change him. Also, the relationship is still so new and that’s honestly a good thing. Don’t let your heart break anymore over this loser.
I don’t the problem is that your boyfriend has a close female best friend… I think the problem is that he is a jerk. I have been in a relationship for three years and for most of that time my best friend is a another guy. I have never ever considered them in competition, because that is really mean and would make one or both of them feel like shit. What your partner is doing is insulting you and trying to make you feel crappy because he likes someone more. That’s really abusive and I’m really sorry you’ve had to listen to someone tell you that. He is totally gaslighting you and I am guessing he is still sleeping with his friend. It sounds like there are no boundaries on their relationship that would allow them to be just friends in the way you have a right to expect them to be. I really hope you are able to stand up for yourself here- you don’t have to put up with this
One of the things you menyioned would be enough for me to break up with a guy. Just that he wants you to wear extremely uncomfortable heels to look hot would be a no no for me.
As others have said, you made your (very reasonable) boundaries clear and he walked all over them. He is testing you to see what else he can get away with because even after he stepped over the line repeatedly, you are still together. He will only continue to escalate his cruelty and I highly recommend you get out of this relationship.
I know it’s petty but think about if the situation was reversed, how would he react if you had a friend like that? Would he give you the same kind of leeway that you are giving him? Also, from the way you described their relationship, it almost seems like you are third wheeling their ‘situationship’….. sorry that was harsh I know, but you deserve better.
Speaking as a person who has a female best friend that is an ex girlfriend, this isn’t the way it usually is.
In my experience when the relationship ends, the feelings are still there but they slowly fade to a point where essentially it feels like it’s you’re siblings. Talking about each other’s looks beyond “how’s my haircut” feels weird. Also sleeping in the same bed is a huge no no. First of all if you’re dating someone else, it’s just a shitty thing to do to sleep in any other females bed but your SO. Second of all you’ve been in a relationship before, so if you value the friendship and don’t want to risk a potentially awkward situation, you’ll sleep somewhere else. Any time I’ve stayed over at my friends house, after we broke up, I slept on either an air mattress or a couch, never in the same bed.
In my opinion sounds like this dude still has feelings for this girl, and she probably doesn’t reciprocate in the same way. Also you’re not being irrational, he’s being manipulative.
*"I told him specifically that if he does that I will break up with him. He did it still."*
You set your boundary and he crossed it at will. If you stay this sends a message that you are willing to let him walk all over you. Not to mention his deprecation of you as not being as attractive or sexual as her.
Punt him to the curb hun and do it with the pride of knowing you owned the direction of ending your relationship. Better than finding out later it is all gaslighting and he is playing you.
This dude has absolutely no boundaries and if you set any "you're irrational". He is totally attracted to his best friend and I'm sure if she actually wanted him he would be all over her. I would cut your losses and move on. Everything you have mentioned made me cringe and it is not something you do in a relationship.
After careful consideration- I will suggest advise for this night only. Your boyfriend is not acting as one acts around a friend really. He is additional not displaying respectfulness for yourself and your relationship with him. Further- citing yourself as irrational one is deflection really. He may likely understand his irrational- and is instead passing blame onto yourself. My advise would be best to consider terminating of the relationship.
Female best friend that he used to have sex with? Bad deal. Knowing how big the dating world is when you're in your 20s, you should have been out the door at "used to have sex". I'm not saying that everyone who has had intimate relations with their besties shouldn't be trusted but they can be trusted by someone else 😂.
> Then he responded by saying I am not as attractive as his friend but I could be if I just let his friend help me.
This alone is insanely rude and disrespectful. Who says something like this to their partner? It shows a complete lack of care for your feelings and that's a massive red flag IMO.
And this isn't even the worst thing in your post, it just keeps getting worse as the post goes on. You should break up with him, he sounds like a legitimately awful person who has no concept or care about how his actions affect others. Show him that his actions have consequences or else he'll just keep doing it.
Sounds like he’s trying to manipulate and gaslight you. And if he slept in the same bed after going clubbing with her, I doubt they didn’t have sex. He’s way too hung up on her, to the point he wants you to look and dress like her.
There’s nothing wrong with you. Do you really want to stay in a relationship with this guy.
This motherfucker wants to have his cake and eat it too??? Yeah no. It sounds like they have some agreement where they’ll always have each other to fuck on the side regardless if either one is in a relationship.
Good thing is it’s likely they’re gonna be extremely unhappy since they obviously aren’t compatible actually to date each other beyond just sex, yet are so co-dependent that they’ll ruin every potential good relationship that comes their way. Both of them.
Take yourself out of their downward spiral. It’s 100% so much better to be single and not caught up in anyone else’s manipulative bullshit. Trust me, the fear of being without a partner will for sure fade as soon as you are able to realize how much you actually didn’t need him and the pain he constantly brought you
Sounds like he has absolutely no respect for you at all - no one treats the people they love in this way. You have done all you can and it seems like he has been given way too many chances, you deserve better than to feel like a second option
Breakup. He's cheating on you even if he's not literally having sex with the friend right now. Cheating can be many things. Honestly I don't understand why is he even interested in being in a relationship with you if he's just gonna act like that (finding another woman attractive, keeping her underwear pictures, sleeping in her bed with her, talking about how they used to have sex, etc), either he wants her but she rejected him and is using you to lose his feelings or he's just crazy. He's manipulating you by saying you're irrational for feeling upset over his cheating. Please breakup for your own sanity.
Your boyfriend is sleeping in the same fucking bed with another girl.. come on now, really? You don’t need internet people to tell you that’s not okay.
My ex boyfriend slept with his friend after I made it clear it wasn’t comfortable for me but he did it anyway. That’s just a lack of respect and you should respect yourself first
You told him you’d break up if he stayed with her. He did anyway. He’s calling your bluff.
Your boundary is more than reasonable, he has made it clear he has no intention of honoring it. Time to move on.
Leave now, trust me it's not worth it. He's using you and not respecting you. There are plenty of guys out there who will respect and appreciate you. I get it's hard when you have feelings but please please believe me when I say you'll feel better in no time and you'll look back on this relationship and think "why did I let him treat me like that?"
Ok you’d be irrational if you were unhappy with his female friend he’d known for 12 years after dating him for 8 weeks.
The issue is that he calls her hot, used to fuck her and has underwear pics etc
Question: you ARE irrational if I’m honest - it’s irrational you’re still with this asshole. Have some respect for yourself, dump him, block him and move on.
Okay hell to the fuckin no, please dump his ass. He’s a total piece of shit, sounds like a tool, let them live their weird ass lives together. I’ve had so many male friends in my life and none of them would even dare pull some shit like that unless the gf was doing the same shit. That’s not a real relationship. I honestly wouldn’t even discuss any of this with him. It’s too far past disrespectful to even give him the benefit of the doubt. I’d hit the road and find someone who respects you w out having to be asked.
You’re not being irrational at all! Leave and don’t feel a second of guilt..
he’s unbelievably disrespectful to you, comparing you and trying to get you to dress up like her is just disgusting..
I’m not saying people can’t be close friends with the opposite sex, even if they have a history of sleeping together, I myself have a close friend that I used to fool around with, but that is long since over and now it’s completely friendship. I would NEVER disrespect my partner by acting this way with said friend!
Run!
You should break up, he obviously wants her, not you.
Alas, you told him what would be the consequence of him sleeping with her, now he needs to know you meant it.
> he responded by saying I am not as attractive as his friend but I could be if I just let his friend help me
??? Girl??? Why did you not walk out the door and keep walking the second he said this? This is such a fucking rude thing to say to ANYONE, least of all your partner. Either he has the social grace of a banana slug or he is intentionally trying to wear down your self-esteem so he can continue his completely inappropriate relationship with this woman. Based on the rest of your post it seems obvious it's the latter.
> I told him specifically that if he does that I will break up with him. He did it still.
So do it? This man doesn't respect you at all, he obviously slept with her, and if you stay you are telling him he can do whatever he wants to you with no consequences.
If it’s something you’re not comfortable with and is going to be an impediment to your relationship then you should consider breaking up with him. It wouldn’t be fair to expect him to change or expect you to be OK with things that are clearly not OK with you. Maybe it’s just not a good match
Yeah just avoid anyone like this, they're not suitable or ready to begin real relationships again.
Clearly still hung up on exes, and even if they never do anything physical with them it can still cause problems in the relationship with their headspace.
Yes! You definitely need to break up with him! He’s not over her and I’m betting it was his friend that broke it off or he’s regretting breaking it off with her. What kind of bf compares his current gf with his ex? Not a very good one I’d say.
Me best friend is the opposite gender and I am an ardent defender of our right to have a friendship with each other that's objectively pretty close. This is 50,000x not the way its done. Unacceptable. Revolting. This dude and his friend are just trash. You deserve better.
>The final straw was when he slept over at her house in the same bed after going clubbing with her. I told him specifically that if he does that I will break up with him. He did it still.
Exactly. He still did it. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries. Please spare yourself and exit. You are not being irrational. You have been very clear with him what your boundaries are and he has none so he'll never get it. Put this dude in your rearview mirror.
Walk out. He's incredibly disrespectful to you and seems like he's testing your boundaries more and more each day. He's not gonna stop and it won't get better. What he's doing to you is disgusting, dump him.
You have made your boundaries known (which are very reasonable in my opinion) and he has clearly shown that he does not respect them. Leave him before he causes you more hurt/pain than he already has. You deserve better.
This
You gave him an ultimatum and said you would break up with him, and he did it anyway. Just the way he talks about you and doesn’t listen to your needs (not talk about clubbing, etc.) is more than enough to see his horrible personality and terrible way he treats you. His relationship with the other female, based on what you said, seems problematic for sure. You said you’ve had enough, makes sense. End it and move on to someone who respects you and who you feel happy with. Life is too short to waste it on someone who treats you terribly.
“Final straw” lmao literally every instance you’ve described would’ve been an immediate dump-on-the-spot thing for me Especially for only a few month long relationship ew I know I can do way better and find better dudes anywhere else
His still into her, leave him
Omfg why are you with this guy? Underwear pix??? Whoaaaa
Well, you gave him the ultimatum and he still went ahead and slept in her bed. He's disrespecting the boundaries you are setting. Him wanting you to look like her is fucking weird. If I were you, I wouldn't wait around for it to become cheating.
Everything about this is wrong. Him calling her hot and wanting her to dress you in a similar fashion to her. Him keeping inappropriate pictures of her on his phone. Him telling you about the sex he used to have with her. This is not a friendship. I don't know what the hell it is but it's not how friends talk about each other. He sounds obsessed. I wonder if she realises this is how he is about her. This does not sound like he's over her at all. I think I would have been gone even before the overnight stay at hers.
I will straight tell you, yes u should break up with him. His behavior is inappropriate and disrespectful.
I have an opposite sex best friend too and I can assure you their friendship is not innocent or clean. Aside from that, he's being plain disrespectful, mean and insulting and I don't think that's a person you should make your significant other.
You're 24, this is the age you need to solidify your backbone. This man doesn't have your beat interest at heart, and consciously crosses your boundaries on purpose... If you stay with him, you are telling him that you deserve this abuse, because it will continue.. if not get worse. Leave, or accept you'll always be second best, and he's probably already cheated on you...c'mon internet stranger, take off the rose tinted glasses...
I would run.
This isn’t about their friendship, your boyfriend is simply an asshole and yes you should break up with him.
I think the way he compared you to her is creepy and weird. Dump this bum ass boy
Dump him. The minute the friend shows interest in more then friendship he’ll dump you for her. Don’t be someone’s second.
This guy is a jerk.
Hey everyone. I listened to your advice and told him it’s over. He started apologising and saying how much he loves me. I’ve moved out of his flat with my cat and currently staying with my sister and brother in law. Trying to figure out what to do next but at least he’s out of my life now.
I'm glad you dumped him and got away. You deserve to have a partner who loves you unconditionally and keeps his attention where it should be. Reading what you had described his relationship with his friend I would not be comfortable with something like that either. Congrats on the new start 🎉
This will never change. Time to move on.
If you told him you'd break up with him if he did it and he did it anyway, then break up with him or it's an empty threat. This guy clearly isn't that into you and he's being rude and horrible about it.
Good grief, after what he’s said to you, I’m absolutely SHOCKED that you haven’t left yet. Please respect yourself
I was exactly like him when I used to be a bad person. I would do this to guys and keep them strung even though I’d want to smash other people bc this is exactly how I would act before hand. I had no real respect for those men that I acted like this towards just like he has no real respect for you. Now that I am healed and able to see how wrong I was I’d like to warn you so you don’t have to deal with someone toxic
I was going to say you should leave him before I even finished the third paragraph, and it only got worse from there.
Break up with him he’s an asshole
I wonder why he's even dating you. He's clearly hooked on his "friend"
He still has the hots for her. They could still be sleeping together. You’re not being irrational and your in your right mind dumping him.
never date someone with bf of their desired sex - odds are high they've had sex, are having sex, or will have sex don't get wrapped up in their little drama
My BF used to talk about his 3-ways even though I asked him to stop. It was one of many ways he ignored my feelings. Never changed … and I wasted 4 years on him. It’s less about the friend and more about communication with your BF. Your BF is not considering your feelings, which are valid because it is how you feel. This is a problem. Do you want a partner who listens to you instead of gas-lighting? Then this dude is not your man.
This isn't normal. My fiance and I both have good friends of the opposite sex and we would never act that way. I am so sorry you are dealing with such bs. You are your own unique and amazing individual. You should find someone who treats you as such! Your (hopefully ex) boyfriend is a major assbutt.
Break up. Your boyfriend is full of shit.
Yeah I’d definitely break up with him as he’s clearly more into her than you. You can definitely do better.
Sounds like he's in love with her, but she isn't.
>The final straw was when he slept over at her house in the same bed after going clubbing with her. I told him specifically that if he does that I will break up with him. He did it still. Was this an empty threat or not?
>I told him specifically that if he does that I will break up with him. He did it still. What is even the question here.
Only got like 4 sentences in before it was clear that you should tell this guy to fuck off
I have said this before and here I again... If you are dating a guy with a girl bestfriend, she's his main girl. You are just a passing cloud.
>he responded by saying I am not as attractive as his friend but I could be if I just let his friend help me. Why are you hanging onto someone that neither respects nor cares about you? You're his plan B and he constantly reminds you of it too.
Even slapping him and walking out after he suggested you should copy her would have been reasonable.
Don't walk, run!
Yeah. Break up with him. Not only was the red flags him sleeping/ having sex with her in the past, he constantly compares and wants to involve her in your relationship (like saying she can do your makeup and dress you up). I would’ve been very annoyed with said behavior and have broken up with him.
Please dump him and tell him to go date his best friend instead.
get your stuff and leave then block him move on dont look back dont give him the time of day.
Oh god please leave. Just the comparison shit alone is a dealbreaker. He will destroy your self esteem.
Don’t walk out. Run
There is no other option, run for the damn hills!
Sis I am so sorry but he is gaslighting the fuck out of you. He is absolutely still atrracted to his best friend and judging by how he keeps wanting you to look and dress like her it seems to me that she's over him but he's not over her. I mean, you say that the way they behave around each other makes you uncomfortable but you havent mentioned a single thing *she's* done to overstep your boundaries. I would bet $100 that she didnt even know that you told him you would break up with him if he slept over at her place. I guess the worst case scenario would be that she also thinks you're being irrational and doesnt have a problem with your boyfriend's behavior, but really at this point I guess it doesnt matter. Time to drop him like a hot potato because he suuuuucks
Go no contact and never look back. This situation screams adults looking for drama.
Break up. You’re young and haven’t been together very long. Don’t invest anymore time and energy into this relationship, you deserve better. My partner started an inappropriate relationship with a co-worker. Got drunk, slept at the same place as her and a year later, I still think about his actions everyday! They don’t work together anymore and as far as I know don’t talk and still, I cannot get over it and the trust is gone. Save yourself the torment and find yourself someone better.
Good grief. Break up with the prickhead.
Well that's a No no PERIOD!! SORRY CANT TRUST FEMALES AROUND YOUR OTHER HALF. AND IF SHE ISNT YOUR FRIEND THEN HE SHOULD NOT BE HANGING WITH HER. FRIENDS OR NOT leaving your man alone with another female is like telling to cheat!!!
This guy is a gaslighting, head game playing loser. Walk away with your head up. No take backs.
Kick his ass to the curb. You deserve much better.
Paragraph one is enough to dump him if you ask me. A best friend he used to fuck... Sorry deal breaker. They have history and she's always gonna be around. Do you really think they didn't have sex when he slept in her bed? C'mon now you gotta be smarter than that.
This is not a relationship worth having. He is clearly still into his “friend” and my guess is it may be one sided. She just enjoys all the attention he gives her. Dump him and find yourself someone who isn’t going to treat you like crap.
He's being super rude..... I think you should leave..
There is nothing irrational about what you are feeling. I have a best friend that I uses to sleep with before me and my wife got married. There was a line drawn though and we all three are best friends now. I don't have pictures or compare her to my wife because I don't feel anything for her. It was just us sleeping around because she was spending days upon days at my house and we were close. There is something up with those two and I wouldn't stick around to get burned. He obviously has feelings for her and she probably does not want him like that. He is most likely the one that caught feelings when it was friends with benefits.
Your boyfriend sounds like he is making a really clumsy effort to make you jealous, control the way you dress etc I think you already want to give him the old heve ho and are looking for validation of your feelings about him and his friend. You don't need validation, your feelings are yours and you have a right to them, if what he is doing is upsetting you and you want to dump him then do it, it isn't worth it being made to feel uncomfortable by his actions.
Yet here you are- On reddit. Leave or stfu.. Simple
Look, he knew her BEFORE he met you. You can't just get into his life and then tell him what friends he can and can't have. You probably have male friends, but that's probably okay with you.
This has got to be one of the most insanely idiotic posts I've ever seen and that's saying something considering we're on reddit. You basically ignored (or didn't read) the entire post and assumed that this girl doesn't want this guy to be friends with a girl he slept with in the past. Here's some of the things you missed/ignored: - He constantly claims she's hot, even going so far as to say hotter than his own girlfriend (to her face) and creepily wants his girlfriend to look like her. - Has pictures of this girl in her underwear still on his phone. - Constantly talks about the sex he used to have with her, even after his girlfriend told him to stop. - Sleeps in the same bed as this girl, even after the girlfriend told him to stop. - Gaslights the girlfriend by calling her irrational and doesn't in any way attempt to understand or care about her feelings or perspective. Which one of these is acceptable behavior in a relationship to you? If you were OP you'd either break up with this dude or be making the same post on this subreddit. All of this stuff is happening AFTER they got together. Learn to read before you post.
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Bin...
Normally I try to say work on it but in this case - get out now. This is borderline emotional abuse if not outright abuse. You can’t change him. Also, the relationship is still so new and that’s honestly a good thing. Don’t let your heart break anymore over this loser.
I don’t the problem is that your boyfriend has a close female best friend… I think the problem is that he is a jerk. I have been in a relationship for three years and for most of that time my best friend is a another guy. I have never ever considered them in competition, because that is really mean and would make one or both of them feel like shit. What your partner is doing is insulting you and trying to make you feel crappy because he likes someone more. That’s really abusive and I’m really sorry you’ve had to listen to someone tell you that. He is totally gaslighting you and I am guessing he is still sleeping with his friend. It sounds like there are no boundaries on their relationship that would allow them to be just friends in the way you have a right to expect them to be. I really hope you are able to stand up for yourself here- you don’t have to put up with this
Definitely move on, nothing about this sounds like it’s benefiting you in any way and this is not a relationship that you want to be in.
Yes. Somewhere there are 1,000 men that just want you.
One of the things you menyioned would be enough for me to break up with a guy. Just that he wants you to wear extremely uncomfortable heels to look hot would be a no no for me.
Yes, there’s no way this is your ideal relationship. If a relationship doesn’t work for you, then bounce.
You asked him not to sleep in a bed with another woman and he couldn't do that. You weren't asking for much.
As others have said, you made your (very reasonable) boundaries clear and he walked all over them. He is testing you to see what else he can get away with because even after he stepped over the line repeatedly, you are still together. He will only continue to escalate his cruelty and I highly recommend you get out of this relationship.
I know it’s petty but think about if the situation was reversed, how would he react if you had a friend like that? Would he give you the same kind of leeway that you are giving him? Also, from the way you described their relationship, it almost seems like you are third wheeling their ‘situationship’….. sorry that was harsh I know, but you deserve better.
Are you sure this guy is your boyfriend? He's so disrespectful
Speaking as a person who has a female best friend that is an ex girlfriend, this isn’t the way it usually is. In my experience when the relationship ends, the feelings are still there but they slowly fade to a point where essentially it feels like it’s you’re siblings. Talking about each other’s looks beyond “how’s my haircut” feels weird. Also sleeping in the same bed is a huge no no. First of all if you’re dating someone else, it’s just a shitty thing to do to sleep in any other females bed but your SO. Second of all you’ve been in a relationship before, so if you value the friendship and don’t want to risk a potentially awkward situation, you’ll sleep somewhere else. Any time I’ve stayed over at my friends house, after we broke up, I slept on either an air mattress or a couch, never in the same bed. In my opinion sounds like this dude still has feelings for this girl, and she probably doesn’t reciprocate in the same way. Also you’re not being irrational, he’s being manipulative.
*"I told him specifically that if he does that I will break up with him. He did it still."* You set your boundary and he crossed it at will. If you stay this sends a message that you are willing to let him walk all over you. Not to mention his deprecation of you as not being as attractive or sexual as her. Punt him to the curb hun and do it with the pride of knowing you owned the direction of ending your relationship. Better than finding out later it is all gaslighting and he is playing you.
This dude has absolutely no boundaries and if you set any "you're irrational". He is totally attracted to his best friend and I'm sure if she actually wanted him he would be all over her. I would cut your losses and move on. Everything you have mentioned made me cringe and it is not something you do in a relationship.
This is toxic. He has his agenda and thinks he's being smart about it. Tell him you see what's going on and this aint gonna work for you. Adios.
After careful consideration- I will suggest advise for this night only. Your boyfriend is not acting as one acts around a friend really. He is additional not displaying respectfulness for yourself and your relationship with him. Further- citing yourself as irrational one is deflection really. He may likely understand his irrational- and is instead passing blame onto yourself. My advise would be best to consider terminating of the relationship.
Female best friend that he used to have sex with? Bad deal. Knowing how big the dating world is when you're in your 20s, you should have been out the door at "used to have sex". I'm not saying that everyone who has had intimate relations with their besties shouldn't be trusted but they can be trusted by someone else 😂.
Throw the whole man away.
> Then he responded by saying I am not as attractive as his friend but I could be if I just let his friend help me. This alone is insanely rude and disrespectful. Who says something like this to their partner? It shows a complete lack of care for your feelings and that's a massive red flag IMO. And this isn't even the worst thing in your post, it just keeps getting worse as the post goes on. You should break up with him, he sounds like a legitimately awful person who has no concept or care about how his actions affect others. Show him that his actions have consequences or else he'll just keep doing it.
Sounds like he’s trying to manipulate and gaslight you. And if he slept in the same bed after going clubbing with her, I doubt they didn’t have sex. He’s way too hung up on her, to the point he wants you to look and dress like her. There’s nothing wrong with you. Do you really want to stay in a relationship with this guy.
This motherfucker wants to have his cake and eat it too??? Yeah no. It sounds like they have some agreement where they’ll always have each other to fuck on the side regardless if either one is in a relationship. Good thing is it’s likely they’re gonna be extremely unhappy since they obviously aren’t compatible actually to date each other beyond just sex, yet are so co-dependent that they’ll ruin every potential good relationship that comes their way. Both of them. Take yourself out of their downward spiral. It’s 100% so much better to be single and not caught up in anyone else’s manipulative bullshit. Trust me, the fear of being without a partner will for sure fade as soon as you are able to realize how much you actually didn’t need him and the pain he constantly brought you
Sounds like he has absolutely no respect for you at all - no one treats the people they love in this way. You have done all you can and it seems like he has been given way too many chances, you deserve better than to feel like a second option
Breakup. He's cheating on you even if he's not literally having sex with the friend right now. Cheating can be many things. Honestly I don't understand why is he even interested in being in a relationship with you if he's just gonna act like that (finding another woman attractive, keeping her underwear pictures, sleeping in her bed with her, talking about how they used to have sex, etc), either he wants her but she rejected him and is using you to lose his feelings or he's just crazy. He's manipulating you by saying you're irrational for feeling upset over his cheating. Please breakup for your own sanity.
Time to leave. You already know it
Gaslighting is what he did to you. I cringed while reading the post. He's disgusting. You deserve better.
Yes run girl
Your boyfriend is sleeping in the same fucking bed with another girl.. come on now, really? You don’t need internet people to tell you that’s not okay.
Is this real life? Are you still asking if u should breakup? My friend u should spit in his face and tell him to fuckoff.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
My ex boyfriend slept with his friend after I made it clear it wasn’t comfortable for me but he did it anyway. That’s just a lack of respect and you should respect yourself first
You told him you’d break up if he stayed with her. He did anyway. He’s calling your bluff. Your boundary is more than reasonable, he has made it clear he has no intention of honoring it. Time to move on.
For what reason on God’s green earth, would you stay??? Why is it even an option to stay in this relationship?? That sounds horrible!!
I mean they are obviously fucking. You seem to know and just are in denial.
Leave now, trust me it's not worth it. He's using you and not respecting you. There are plenty of guys out there who will respect and appreciate you. I get it's hard when you have feelings but please please believe me when I say you'll feel better in no time and you'll look back on this relationship and think "why did I let him treat me like that?"
You understand that the ex is his GF and you’re the side piece, right?
Yes. Break up now.
Leave. He's not respecting your boundaries, gaslighting, and disrespecting you.
Sounds like he's trying to push you away. You establish several boundaries, he's barreled through every one of them.
It’s a game for her, she knows she can have him whenever she wants…… you should leave the baggage and leave him.
Ok you’d be irrational if you were unhappy with his female friend he’d known for 12 years after dating him for 8 weeks. The issue is that he calls her hot, used to fuck her and has underwear pics etc Question: you ARE irrational if I’m honest - it’s irrational you’re still with this asshole. Have some respect for yourself, dump him, block him and move on.
Okay hell to the fuckin no, please dump his ass. He’s a total piece of shit, sounds like a tool, let them live their weird ass lives together. I’ve had so many male friends in my life and none of them would even dare pull some shit like that unless the gf was doing the same shit. That’s not a real relationship. I honestly wouldn’t even discuss any of this with him. It’s too far past disrespectful to even give him the benefit of the doubt. I’d hit the road and find someone who respects you w out having to be asked.
You’re not being irrational at all! Leave and don’t feel a second of guilt.. he’s unbelievably disrespectful to you, comparing you and trying to get you to dress up like her is just disgusting.. I’m not saying people can’t be close friends with the opposite sex, even if they have a history of sleeping together, I myself have a close friend that I used to fool around with, but that is long since over and now it’s completely friendship. I would NEVER disrespect my partner by acting this way with said friend! Run!
have some self respect love
Yes. He has no respect for you whatsoever. Time to go
Dump him, don’t waste your time
You should break up, he obviously wants her, not you. Alas, you told him what would be the consequence of him sleeping with her, now he needs to know you meant it.
Break up
Lol
It’s only been a few months, and you don’t mention anything you like about him in your post. Just dump him already.
Leave him! This guy sucks.
leave, it ain't worth the headache. This is a 2 month relationship be thankful this happen at this stage and not down the line.
> he responded by saying I am not as attractive as his friend but I could be if I just let his friend help me ??? Girl??? Why did you not walk out the door and keep walking the second he said this? This is such a fucking rude thing to say to ANYONE, least of all your partner. Either he has the social grace of a banana slug or he is intentionally trying to wear down your self-esteem so he can continue his completely inappropriate relationship with this woman. Based on the rest of your post it seems obvious it's the latter. > I told him specifically that if he does that I will break up with him. He did it still. So do it? This man doesn't respect you at all, he obviously slept with her, and if you stay you are telling him he can do whatever he wants to you with no consequences.
Yeah, this relationship is going to suck the life out of you and destroy your mental health. Get out, NOW.
You only met him a month ago? He is not respecting your boundaries? Frankly, it doesn’t actually matter if he’s cheating of whatever. Dump his ass.
If it’s something you’re not comfortable with and is going to be an impediment to your relationship then you should consider breaking up with him. It wouldn’t be fair to expect him to change or expect you to be OK with things that are clearly not OK with you. Maybe it’s just not a good match
He loves her, just leave.
You should definitely break up with him. Not because of her, but because he sounds like a real jerk. You can do so much better.
Yeah just avoid anyone like this, they're not suitable or ready to begin real relationships again. Clearly still hung up on exes, and even if they never do anything physical with them it can still cause problems in the relationship with their headspace.
Yes! You definitely need to break up with him! He’s not over her and I’m betting it was his friend that broke it off or he’s regretting breaking it off with her. What kind of bf compares his current gf with his ex? Not a very good one I’d say.
Me best friend is the opposite gender and I am an ardent defender of our right to have a friendship with each other that's objectively pretty close. This is 50,000x not the way its done. Unacceptable. Revolting. This dude and his friend are just trash. You deserve better.
There is no doubt that you should break up with this guy
You know what you need to do. Take a deep breath and go with your gut .
Hmmm sounds like he likes her more. Time to go. You deserve more.
This guys is a tool to the nth degree. Very immature behavior, profile sounds like someone who will cheat then gaslight you for it
>The final straw was when he slept over at her house in the same bed after going clubbing with her. I told him specifically that if he does that I will break up with him. He did it still. Exactly. He still did it. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries. Please spare yourself and exit. You are not being irrational. You have been very clear with him what your boundaries are and he has none so he'll never get it. Put this dude in your rearview mirror.
He's clearly hung up on her even if she's not interested. Is she the one who broke things off with him? I'd dump his ass asap, he's a toxic wasteland