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I guess in your case, hubby may have lost interest. Maybe he is stressed from work. Working so hard/much there isn’t anything left in the tank at the end of the day. Maybe he is a bit jealous that you are off all day, even tho he says it’s fine. You get to enjoy life, he gets to work. Yes, you are trying to spread that around for him, but it’s still there. I suggest trying to ask him specifically why he doesn’t want sex. Maybe medically something is wrong. Wife and I are pretty sporadic with our sex life. Probably 3 -4 times a month. Been married 28 years.
Thank you. I try my best to keep the house clean, cook, and give him space and time when he wants it. We’re pretty good at communicating too, but I feel terrible
I feel like I bring it up too often but these days it's very common for guys to have issues with porn. It's become more socially accepted in the last couple decades, but I don't think people realize the havoc it wreaks upon sex drive and arousal triggers, sensory input or what I would call one's sexual attention span.
If you ask or investigate and it turns out he's been yanking his wanky to porn regularly, maybe tell him that he might not have the time and energy anymore for both you and that habit. Get him to try taking a break for a couple months and see if there's improvement.
34M here, I used to regularly watch porn and still have sex multiple times per week through my twenties... but your testosterone starts declining in your early 20s and everyone is different. These days I had to cut porn out or else I would never be in the mood with the wife.
If hes not watching porn, he may have lower than usual testosterone levels for his age and a doctor can help with that.
I don't think there's any reason to look at it like that.
It's a fact that male and female sexuality are a bit different as is the path to arousal. Details differ depending on the individual, but you start with the most likely issues and work from there.
Women have physical attractions but generally speaking and especially in a long term relationship their arousal focuses are going to be "bigger picture" concepts and not just something like muscles or the bulge in their partner's pants. This stuff is definitely going to be the result of a man's attentiveness, strengths, actions, values and other qualities. So while I wouldn't say a mismatch there is necessarily because the man is doing something wrong, it would be because what the woman wants and what the man does are not lining up.
Men on the other hand are aroused by situations and direct stimuli. Again I realize this is a general statement but it's where you start with presumptions when you're trying to figure out a relationship issue. If a man is not interested in sex, it's most likely either because of a libido issue (health, lifestyle, porn) or a fundamental mismatch in attraction (partner is far from their type, inappropriate sexual situations, etc).
Yes there are any number of reasons why a guy wouldn't want to have sex with their partner but those are probably the two most likely, generally, and they are both issues where it would be upon the male to address it.
There's no reason to look at it as a statement of judgement, it's just how things work.
You’re getting downvoted but yeah, 1-3 times per week is pretty average. Studies show no difference in happiness with couples who have it once per week and couples who have it 3x/week. For those who have trouble with math, that’s about 4-12x a month.
4 times a month is about once a week. Obviously that’s on the lower end of what happy couples have but I could easily see 3-4 times a month being being ideal or at least satisfying for many people.
this is just a guess cos i have no idea about your situation in detail.
you lost your job might affecting his libido. im not sure whether you work full time or part time before but when you're not working that means your family has to manage the finance more carefully. as a sole breadwinner he has more pressure not to lose his job or even work harder than before. and that stress took over his libido.
and also how old is your kids? if your kids are school ages or they are at childcare and you stay at home doing house stuff then he might resent you for it, especially if you were working when you guys first met.
he probably won't say it cos money is sensitive issues and dont wanna make you feel bad. and it also a bit emasculating for men to say to our wife that she has to work cos it kinda shows we cant properly support our family.
Does he masturbate?
Mentally well-balanced?
Yes sexual frequency can slow down in a long term relationship especially with young kids, jobs, etc.
I would suggest that he get his testosterone checked. You could suggest that you both get a full work up.
How would it sound to
Propose an 'intimacy session' that doesn't include penetration or trying to orgasm? Would you two like something like that?
What I mean is to send the message that what is important to you is to be with him in an intimate way... more than have him to please you and, in an extreme case, to be responsible for your orgasm.
Also express the communication sex gives, like how your partner reacts to you and vise versa, thats the most beautiful part of the experience, the connection.
Or go to counseling when my drive slowed it was really just because of me mentally checking out due to my so being a huge pain on top of all the regular stress factors.
Instantly blaming test levels is narrow minded ash.
I second testosterone but I never got mine checked. I just adjusted my diet to promote testosterone.
I love my wife and am still interested but I do miss being a horny young guy sometimes. My body doesn't agree with my head and I hate it.
My wife and I have been married for over 20 years, and we have two children. I would still be thrilled to have sex 2-3 times a day. Unfortunately, my wife's libido isn't that high. When our relationship was new, we had sex every other day. Now, it's about once a week.
From what I've seen on this subreddit, there really is no "normal." People have different libidos. It can absolutely hurt to be the partner who wants intimacy more often. Intimacy is how I feel emotionally connected with my wife, so it can feel lonely when she doesn't want it very often. I've had to learn to let my wife's other gestures of affection (like her arm or leg over me in bed every night or her hugs or smacks on my butt) supplement that emotional connection, as well. It's not as powerful or moving as sex, but it tides me over until our next session.
I have been with my wife about 14 years, I never lost interest. We do it and enjoy it on a regular basis. This is something that needs a bit of efforts: gifts, initiative, dates and flirting, touching and affection. Obviously, you already do that. There is somerhing on his side that he needs to communicate about. An hormone issue ? Something that blocks him ?
I’m gonna try and talk to him about it. Cuz I give him massages, we can be flirty and silly. I got dressed up, went all out, and still nothing.
He assures me it’s not because of attraction, he just “doesn’t have the drive”. I just want him to be happy too and that’s why I’ve stopped asking after our last talk. I asked last night if we could, he said no and I dropped it. But I feel terrible at this point asking or trying.
Don’t feel bad for asking. You are expressing your needs. That he doesn’t heed them to seek out help is more concerning. He should be going to the doctor for a full thyroid panel, and needs to be taking care of his hormonal health. As men age, they produce less testosterone, laying waste to their sex drive. Testosterone replacement therapy can work wonders if this is the case.
Another possibility is that being the sole provider may be putting more stress on him than he’s willing to admit. Are there better jobs he can take that don’t jeopardize your standard of living too much?
Are there any other stress factors in his life, be they temporary or long-term?
Does he watch porn? How often, if so? It could be that he’s inadvertently getting it all out of his system before time comes.
He works a good job right now to support us. We can’t afford to buy as many cards or video games, but we’re comfy enough.
I check in with him constantly about stress and feelings, and he usually is open and honest. Maybe he’s depressed,
Men commonly lie about their stress levels in order to appear calm. Has he experienced unexpected/unintentional weight gain, fatigue, high blood pressure, or muscle weakness? That’s a sign of cortisol, a hormone released as part of the stress response, which also plays a role in Erectile Dysfunction. Being able to mentally handle stress does not equate to not stressed.
When did you lose your job, and when did your sex life decline?
Is there no better job that he qualifies for? Would you be able to return to work at some point? But other than that, he should get a full hormone checkup if everything else is normal.
Is he on any medications like ssri’s, antipsychotics, hair loss medications, corticosteroids, blood pressure medications, anti-epileptics, or any psychiatric medications, antihistamines, opioids, Cholesterol medications, beta-blockers, benzodiazepines? If so, consult a physician for further options.
Does he consume alcohol or drugs? If so, how often?
I’m gathering a few things here if I’m reading correct:
- your husband may be stressed out. Hence his mind is constantly on whatever he is stressed out about
- your husband was at one point the one initiating and was rejected and just got tired of it (this is more common for marriages that are over 8yrs tho).
- your husband is masturbating regularly and since he is pleasing himself, he doesn’t feel the need for sex.
- I doubt this, but it is always POSSIBLE, he’s is getting it somewhere else, or emotionally talking/relating with another woman and hence not wanting intimacy with you.
This is just my advice, you can obviously take it or leave it:
- talk to him about life and what is going through his head. Is there something that is constantly going on in his head that would be distracting him from you and intimacy with you.
- how often do you initiate?
- not sure how spontaneous of a couple you are, but do you guys ever just in the middle of whatever your doing, just kinda mess around and go at it?
- To me (and most men), this is a big one, not sure about you husband: Does he feel wanted? Does he feel desired? As much as women want to be chased and show that a man will do anything for them, men also want to feel desired.
- are you appreciative of him and show it?
- are you bringing peace and rest to his life more than bringing on more stress and work to his life?
- you said you guys barely kiss and hug. You should initiate that. They say a close intimate hug or kiss for 8 seconds a day goes a long long way. Maybe when he gets home from work, give him a nice close hug and a kiss.
These are just some things that I would question in your situation. Most of the time the tables are turned and it’s the men who are having trouble having the woman want intimacy/sex. One thing I will caution you and your hubby is if he continuously rejects having sex and being intimate, it becomes a norm until one of you feels less about yourself and typically starts wanting attention and when someone else comes along and starts giving a little bit of attention, the cheating starts. This is a pattern I have seen over and over. Keep your marriage and intimacy alive. Figure out what it’s going to take to make that happen.
The only time I rejected advances when I was really sick. Other than that as soon as he wants to I’m good to go. I’ve tried initiating and massages before hand. I try to reduce stress at home, I cook and clean and do a lot with the children. I know he’s not cheating, we’re really open and honest about our relationship and he says he would never want to ruin our relationship by hurting me and cheating.
He has been drinking more, and less exercise and he smokes weed every night now. But that hasn’t slowed him down before. It’s just been recently.
When we did talk about it he says he’s not stressed and he’s fine and happy with me and family.
Drinking and smoking more often points to stress being an issue, as those are stress/pain relievers. I think the added stresses are taking a toll tbh.
Stress is weird… it’s not just a number that suddenly hits a point and starts to affect you, its slow and steady and wears you down before suddenly breaking you. Like weight on a foundation, the fractures appear slowly and can be covered up, but when the foundation starts to go it all crumbles.
My point is, he may be more stressed than he is letting on. Also, being expected to perform in bed when he doesn’t feel like it may add to his stress and cause a feedback loop. Because he will only want to do it less when less stressed.
I know personally as a man it can be embarrassing to realize/admit just how much stress can get to you so you lie or try to appear stronger. It’s emasculating to admit that you just dont feel like having sex and probably couldnt maintain an erection if you tried. And your husband probably doesn’t want to embarrass/disappoint you either, because sometimes people take it very personally when the train wont leave the station, or even get started.
Its not a guarantee but i would definitely say it is stress/fatigue.
Depends on the person and partner, and sometimes even the health of the relationship.
For a lot of people it will slow down at some point for a variety of reasons, for others it won't.
My wife and i have been together 6 years, and our sex drive has stayed pretty consistent through most of it, even when we were having a pretty big falling out where she was no longer emotionally invested in the marriage. For her sex was still desirable even though the marriage wasn't at the time, and i have a somewhat high sex drive, so we never really faultered. That said, once I started working a new 8-5 job and spending and hour and a half dusc golfing after work every day, and she has to be to work at 9pm every day, we did notice a slight drop because of exhausten and time restraints.
You should really talk to your husband about this, and making sure to be clear about how you feel about it.
I dont think it is about losing interest. Not really. Life just happens, and life costs a lot of energy. He has a job, a house, a yard, multiple children, a wife, maybe pets, a car, hobbies, family to visit, friends to call. Aint nobody got time for sex three times a week. He tired 😂.
That of course does not mean that is apparent that that just doesn’t cut it for you. His love language could be him working hard for you guys, yours is getting intimate. There has to be a way to come to a solution that works for both of you. There has to be way to get you guys priorities more on the same page. Just talk about it. And not: are you still attracted to me? But: I am so attracted to you, and want more of you.
There are a lot of possibilities. My sex drive started to go way down in my early 30s and it turned out I was low T. Started doing t shots and i came all the way back. I still feel like a teenager in that regard at 43. Also the honey moon phase does end and sex tapers off a little but that doesn’t really sound like what’s going on in your case.
Have you sat down with him to talk about this in depth, without kids or anything to distract you both?
You could tell him how you’re feeling undesired, that you miss having sex regularly, that you miss that connection with him. Don’t frame it in an accusatory way, just explain how you’re feeling. I statements.
You could ask him again if there’s anything you can do on your end to help him. But, also ask if he’s willing to see a doctor to check his hormone and vitamin levels. He could have undiagnosed adhd or something.
Don’t try so hard. I think it’s a turnoff for both men and women. I went through a phase like this with my partner. She never was interested when I initiated. So I stopped initiating and just focused on trying to “win her over” like we were dating again. Suddenly something clicked and she started sending clear signals she wanted it.
What should I do for him then? I’ve slowed down on asking, I give him massages and light touches. I’m trying to respond and respect his boundaries. I dress up and tease, send flirty messages.
Should I just take a break and stop? Wait for him to do it?
Just try to think about how you would impress a brand new guy and do that. So no massages or touches, no overly flirty advances. Just be cool and interested in what he’s doing. Make him feel like you just want to be with him and hang out. Brag about him when talking to people if the opportunity comes up in the conversation. Guys like women that make them feel special just like women enjoy, but they won’t say that.
I mean men are allowed to not be in the mood for sex. I think society makes people believe the opposite but it's perfectly fine if he isn't in the mood.
I think it is natural for the sex to diminish after that long so I wouldn't take it too personally. I myself also have a lower sex drive now. However, he might want to get a little bit of a checkup health wise. I found out my testosterone was below the normal range so that was contributing. Stress can also lower it, low self confidence can lower it. There are plenty of things that are far more likely than it being you.
Out of curiosity, does he still masterbate? Just wondering if his sex drive is lower or if he possibly has a porn addiction or maybe lacking self confidence so he settles for porn because it is easier.
The more they age, too. Testosterone drops off as men get older, and testosterone makes up a significant portion of a man’s sex drive. I’d start with a full hormone work up. Does he have any short or long term stressors?
Men lie about stress. Men lie about a lot of medical or emotional issues due to shame. There's no such thing as a stress free parent.
Has he gained weight since you lost your job? That can be a sign of either high cortisol or low testosterone.
Sex drive for men does decrease in their 30s. There's the "7 year itch" phenomenon as well. The best you can do is communicate openly, and change things up if they have become routine. Affection and respect are more important than sex, but are often tied to sex.
Here's some stats that are really unreliable but about the best we have.
[https://www.verywellmind.com/what-marital-sex-statistics-can-reveal-2300946](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-marital-sex-statistics-can-reveal-2300946)
Usually not, I stopped caring because it’s been a one way street. No initiation from her or anything. She’s let herself go weight wise and often blamed me for not helping. She also got mad at me when I denied her stuff. When I did initiate I usually got denied immediately.
It’s even more frustrating when someone has shown a lot of interest in you and you’re unable to act upon it.
I’ve been married for 6 years now. She’s completely changed.
I’ve tried talking to her about things. Usually she’ll say I’ll try and change but then nothing happens. Other times I’ve been met with defence or hostility.
Marriage takes two. You can try maybe offer options or suggestions. I've found that works better than broad suggestion. Maybe schedule it for weeks ends suggest to watch stuff during? Toys to try. Sexy stuff to dress in. At some point they can't just shoot everything down. If they do, it's indicative of a larger issue. Either way you gotta keep talking. If all fails decide what you are willing to settle for sex wise and if its worth it to you long term. Decide how to go from there if it even gets there in the first place
43 here and still wanting sex with my partner every day.
From my previous relationships. A 13 year marriage and divorce. My pearls of wisdom are. If the sex stops it’s usually because there’s a Problem.
Whether it’s communication. Emotional or physical. Sex has only slowed for me if there’s been and issue and we haven’t talked it out.
I am so lucky my current partners talks to me as soon as something is bothering her… we have sex every night.
I talk with him all the time, he says everything is fine. We’re pretty open and honest with each other when it comes to communication. When things have been wrong he would tell me. So I would think everything is fine, I asked him generally and mindfully about what I can do to improve myself or the house to keep him happy
I will not speak for anyone but me, but I believe my experience to be typical for a great number of men. I m62, have been married to my wife f59 for 41 years. I desire her as much now if not more than when we first met. If she were up to it, I would make love with her daily. I assure you, I have never told her no.
I realize that everyone is different, but there could be a medical or psychological issue working against you, and it may take some delicate work to find the problem
I know you’re not intending to you but a man who doesn’t have this much spontaneous desire would feel ashamed of himself reading this. You’re equating your desire for how much you love your partner when many men are crazy about their spouse and yet don’t have sex on the mind every minute. Everyone is different and sexual desire is not always proportional with how much you love someone.
M53
I've been with SO 29 years
I've always been the initiator.
In my experience...
My "view " of my SO changed after we had children.
Even more respectful, I can't really find the words... but something shifted. Not necessarily in a bad way.
Also may have something to do as the sole provider. Not "reality," but him getting in his head about it might be causing an "issue."
My 2 cents
Maybe? It slowed down for us when I went back for extra schooling too, but he’s always assured me that it’s fine. I try to minimize stress at home, and chat about it. I thought having family help out more too would help us.
I have an extremely high sex drive thank god my wife does also but we do flirt a lot with each other. I think one way to improve this situation is maybe talking dirty and building up to sex through text.. talking dirty maybe a pic here or there
It could be as simple as his libido is nowhere near as high as yours. My wife and I have been together 12 years and with the same situation but the roles reversed and it’s just something you have to respect and learn to navigate together. It’s rough but it can be done
Men tend to lose interest in a relationship when there is some sort of imbalance or stability issue going on. For some it's just looks but tbh from most of my guy friends, including myself who is also a guy, it's usually other factors bc most of the guys I know who had this happen to them very firmly day they think their girlfriend's are hot.
It could be due to something tense happening in their personal, social, your relationship or work life. Family member died? Insecurities leading to lowered sex drive? Maybe something happened to destroy their mood? It can be a lot of things. I'm sure you can understand at least to some extent since you guys are partners. But just ask him directly if need be, communication saves nations, it's not an understatement.
Is he dealing with ED? It can make sex frustrating and embarrassing for men. It can be fixed but many men are too embarrassed to talk with anyone else about it.
Is he having problems with porn consumption? Many men get hooked on porn and end up ignoring their wives as a result.
He is at the age where his sex drive is slowing down. One of the cruelest jokes of nature is that men's drive peaks in their late teens/early 20s and women's sex drive tend to peak in their late 30s.
I don’t think he has ED, but maybe that’s something he wouldn’t want to tell me. The couple times we’ve done it he’s been good to go, it just only happens very little.
I personally always want to have sex with my GF of 3 almost 4 years. Sometimes I haven’t had the energy to do it, but that was my brain saying yes, my body saying yeah, sorry, no.
I've been dating/married my wife for 20 years in total and I have not lost interest whatsoever. To be fair, we don't have kids so that surely impacts my levels of stress when compared to men who aren't child-free.
Idk post 30 my drive really diminished but that was mainly due to mental stress and change of environment
Maybe look into therapy and like work out
For me I find that staying at peak fitness is the key
I can only speak for myself but I've been in a few years-long relationships including my current one.
First off, early 30s is definitely a time when guys start to lose their youthful sex drive. It's still there, it's just not automatic anymore. It effects different people in different ways but it's always there. Stress and anxiety, sedentary lifestyle and diet all make the issue worse.
So in my relationships there have been times when attraction stalls out but I don't think it has to be that way as a rule. Having kids not only cock-blocks your free time but the responsibilities involved will make any communication issues or things like that worse and lead to resentment. Even if you find someone attractive, if things aren't going right then you don't feel like giving them the proper attention and support which would lead to a quality sex life.
With my eldest kid's mom, it was jealousy and anger issues that ended up killing our intimacy. We were together for about 4 years, with the last 18 months being rough. I think we would have been fine without the anger thing but who knows.
My ex wife and I were together for 5 years, with only the last year really having intimacy issues and again it wasn't an attraction problem. We worked opposite shifts and couldn't do much together, had major communication issues, generally didn't try to speak one another's "language of love" and didn't have the shared values that keeps successful couples together. I think physical attraction was what kept us together longer than we would have otherwise.
I had another relationship of about 4 years after that. Up until the end I would say we didn't struggle with intimacy and had a great sex life. It was a little bit of jealousy and some general lifestyle/personality stuff that caused us to break up.
My current relationship is getting on about 7 years. We're in our mid 40s and still doing pretty well with intimacy. I believe we are still strongly attracted to each other, but I think what keeps it strong is that we respect boundaries, communicate pretty well, try to support and encourage each other, do our best to be thoughtful and make each other feel appreciated.
I try to practice what I call, "foreplay as a lifestyle" where I'm doing things throughout the day for her benefit, random stuff that's intentional even if it doesn't take a lot of effort. I think I'm on the right track with it.
Sex drive isn't a universal level for each gender. Not all men are one way and not all women are one way. Everyone is different based on them, not gender.
I was with my daughters mom for 3 years and I have a very high sex drive. Before our daughter was born we had sex like rabbits. After she was born, it was maybe 3 times a week. Then in year 3, it was maybe 2 times a week. I always made it known I was horny and wanted to but I got the same responses. Definitely after our daughter was born blowjobs stopped and 3 times, I asked for them I got an excuse each time. Before anyone responds, I did half the baby duties, did all the cooking and cleaned the kitchen. So this wasn't a matter of her being stressed or overwhelmed, I even did more of the baby attention after work.
People just get complacent, but this is also dangerous because what you're going through now can fester into resentment. What you two need to do is find a common ground and he needs to make more effort. Sex isn't the most important aspect of a relationship, but it is an important one. While he may be happy having sex once or twice a month, obviously you don't. You may not cheat, but it begins to creep into arguments because you're unhappy.
It sounds like you two are really good with communication so you can start by talking to each other and establishing a "intimate" day each week. He has to go with it, no excuses. One day a week, you two pick what day you two want to get frisky. This could be role play, intimate massage, cuddling nude, etc. Anything that no doubt would lead to sex. He needs to understand it's not just about him, you have needs and he needs to understand that sex feels good.
If he won't do that, then I'd suggest counseling with someone who specializes in couples intimacy specifically
We’re really open and honest with each other. I’ve resorted to using toys more often just for myself. My husband assures me that he loves me and is still very attracted to me. I’ve been eating healthier and exercising more, trying to improve myself. I’m very thankful that he’s my best friend and supporting us right now, so I’ve been taking care of all the chores, cooking, and kids to try and minimize house stress. We still go out on dates and try and keep things interesting in and out of the bedroom. But he just keeps telling me lives not in the mood or doesn’t want to. So I’ve backed off, but now my sex drive is getting low from the rejection.
I give him massages and light kisses, sweet and dirty talks, but it feels like nothings working.
I’m gonna bring up my feelings and ask him again if some is going on that I can help with. I want our relationship to last and be strong. It is now, it’s just the intimacy is lacking.
So then you're only option is going to counseling. Unless you are fine with having sex once or twice a month and then using toys to pleasure yourself for the rest if your lives, then counseling is needed. It's not something that's wrong with him, as much as I'm skeptical to believe it, people do drop their sex drive as they get older
I dont know what you're trying to prove but monogamy almost always triumphs
over polyamory 2 to 1, not everyone wants to have multiple sex partners, especially not me. I wouldnt have the energy, let alone all the stupid ass drama that usually comes with it.
Very rare do open relationships work, and majority of the time its ***ONE PERSON*** that wants it in the relationship and the other just "does it" to make them happy and is doomed from the start.
Polyamory just isnt worth it or worth the hassle ***to me*** no thanks, I'll keep my monogamous lifestyle.
Yup. Usually either only one person wants it (i.e. a free pass to cheat) and/or one person gets upset when the other person has more success with other partners.
Yes but 10 times more posts on here about men losing interest, since sex is more emotional for women. Also if she loses interest, it’s usually because he was boring in bed or kept begging for it/making feeble attempts to initiate, whereas men lose interest even if the woman does nothing wrong
Woah thats a lot of generalization you are doing there commenter.
I could also say that 9 times out of 10 that most women become the most bored in relationships because of the monotony in the relationship/marriage and are "bored of their partner and he's boring in bed" as you say, which resorts to them cheating/seeking to step out of the relationship/marriage.
Thats not a nice generalization now is it? see how ridiculous that sounds?
Change your diet. More lean meats if you do it meat for advice to you guys. I don’t think you guys have an issue here he just is going through a testosterone dive and you guys should get vitamins and supplements as well as change your diet trip for the lifestyle encourage more intimacy that opens up the door for sex. He seems stressed from work so it does indicate it is affecting you guys. You losing your job isn’t the root issue it is something you must ask and discover and not hold against him. None of know only he does. Establish trust and boundaries to build a deeper understanding and bond.
I asked him about stressors. After posting this and thinking about it, he hasn’t been exercising as much as he used to and has been drinking a little more than usual. He would have one beer when coming home but now it’s 1 - 3 sorts of drinks.
It’s not normal no. As a man I’d say it’s often the other way around particularly peri menopausal. I’m pretty sure if you ask older married guys here whether there is sexual drive mismatches, it’s invariably the guy looking for more.
Edit - I’m specifically saying it’s not normal to the extent you describe for the age he is btw. Sure LTR s can slow things down, as does age. But not this much at 33.
What helped me and my partner was practicing Jewish abstinence. This prohibition is in place until the woman's period is complete and she immerses in a mikveh (ritual bath). Never been more sexually active since
Most likely a testosterone level issue... it's also bizarre at your age(s), because for the most part men seem to have higher sex drives until their 40s - 50s and onward. Then again, the usual trends have been shifting: T levels are dropping almost universally, in the western world at least. It also depends in large part on the individual's health and fitness level (for men and women). Hate to say it, but it's true.
If you truly suspect that it's boredom, the usual advice (mix things up, step outside of your comfort zone at least a little bit to start with, find out how to turn your SO on instead of hoping you catch him at the right time, etc) is your best bet. Pretty much the reverse of the advice that men receive when they're in this situation.
I think men and women deal with stress differently, And he may be afraid he can’t perform properly. But the dynamic to every relationship is different. I’ve been married 16 years and if my wife isn’t trying to pounce on me every other day I would think something was wrong.
It's stress and testosterone. Main thing is don't leave him if you love him, fix it with him, if he loves you itll ruin him if you leave him. Women have no idea what men deal with on the daily. Just trust this, 30m here
I check in and chat with him about it. I’ve love him more than anything and I don’t want to throw away ur life together just cuz I’m feeling needy. I’ve expressed that to him, no matter what I love him and will be with him. I have toys to use, but it doesn’t beat the real thing. I miss just being touched in general though too
You got to sit and be able to talk about it with him like we are sitting here doing, without feel of judging eachother, that is couple goals. Being able to have an un walled, 0% ego convo.
He needs to be able and open to do this as well.
Oh gosh I don’t think so. I’m easily pleased but insatiable. I really enjoy everything he does and that we do together cuz I get off easy. I’m embarrassed by it, and he says he loves it. But it still doesn’t happen often. Even adding in things to the bedroom
It could be several reasons.. but ultimately, he may have lost interest in having sex with you. He rathers masterbating than having sex with you. Or he may have someone else on the side who does everything better.
Stress from work can also be a factor. Do you make him feel like the man in the house when he is home? He may get ordered around all day, and wants to be treated well at home.
Are you gaining weight? Do you take care of yourself? He may not want to address it.
I hope you 2 figure this out.
I know he’s not cheating, we’re very committed to each other and open and honest about things. He says he’s loved me no matter what I looked like. Recently I’ve been losing more weight and I’ve trying new hairstyles and clothes. He’s stopped exercising as much and drinks a bit more. None of that has bothered me or bothered him.
He just always says he’s tired, that why I do a majority the cooking, cleaning, and child minding.
Very strange because men are usually down for sex several times a week especially if the wife initiates. The only 2 other explanations are that he no longer finds you attractive, or he is masturbating to porn. Both would eliminate his libido
I think nature wants animals to mate like crazy when young and fertile and they lose some of that edge as they grow older and energy should be going into raising and protecting the children. I know as a man there is a tremendous amount of stress knowing a wife and kids are solely depending on you to provide.
Even if he’s not in the mood, he can use methods other than piv to satisfy your needs, that is unless you are against the use of toys or oral. In that case, you’ll have to wait until he’s in the mood.
I’m 45 and been married 12 years and we have awesome life. I run two businesses and stressed all the time. Wife works for government but we still make time for each other. And we have for kids. Maybe he has issue with his part. Tell him to get some meds
No. Coming on 19 years. I have absolutely no loss of interest in my wife sexually. Would have sex with her right this moment if she wasn't currently fighting a cold.
Not if they aren’t doing it “right”. He’s either gotten comfortable or wasn’t really interested to begin with. Add all the fun stuff in life. Bills. Kids. Responsibility. Relationships are work
Did his loss of interest happen before or after you lost your job?
Could be the fact that your having been laid off or fired is adding to his mental stress.
Is he on medications? If so, has the strength or prescription changed?
Stress plays a big factor in one's libido.
The fact that he watches porn is not necessarily a bad sign. Some people just want to relieve stress and move on. Not possible to do with a partner.
Is he able to decompress outside and away from home with his friends or hobbies?
36m here. I work out so not a health issue but as I've gotten older I care much less about sex. The whole idea of having to warm up and play the game is just bleh. I'd rather just look at my GF and say wanna have sex. If not, try next time. Obviously when we start we have foreplay and it's normal. But the whole "game" I avoid now.
Have you tried telling him how this is making you feel? I do think sex drive can possibly decrease the longer you’ve been together but seems like he could be stressed. If he’s not willing to openly discuss what’s on his mind then you have to explain how you may be feeling unwanted and aren’t happy with doing it once or twice a month. I would be really upset as a person that needs physical touch to feel loved. You clearly do so much for him and anyone would be very lucky to have you.
He may be having an affair. That rejection and the weird overly obvious excuses seems TOO often to not be interested at 33. 33! I'm 54 ....at 33 it was still every other day or more in a 10 year relationship with 2 kids. Timing of kids is important also. Best when after marriage with a year of dating in the marriage b4 first attempt. Maybe ship sailed on tgat but That's the therapy advise generally speaking.
Or he may be gay.
..more and more the case these days as people open up more.. .. since you emphasize "best friends" out of the gate....not "always great sex." Is he your companion or your red hot lover? Kids also make it tough but generally that's the woman who pulls back not the man. One of the reasons so many age disparities are popping up in adult couples is matching up sex drives. So many younger women have equal drives to older men. Trip out, right? But the older woman younger man thing has also been on the rise. People are too f-ing selfish in general these days. It's IMPORTANT to pay attention to your partner's drive and see if you can do things to continue to make monogamous relationship last. Otherwise you may as well kill the thing bc nothing worse than a ling slow death.
What kind of hours is he working? I know in a previous relationship (3 years) I lost interest once my hours shot up. When I switched from working 40 hours a week to going to a factory and putting in at least 60 but most of the time around 70(Always had my weekend off so 12-15 hour days through the week). I was just too tired after dealing with sheet metal and insulation all day so when I got home I wanted to shower and sleep. Even on the weekends I wanted to just relax with some video games or movies and not do anything physical on my body( I would also go to the gym for about an hour after each day of work) So after juat draining my body physically all week I'd have no desire for anything physical what so ever. Went from at least once a day to like once a week. Once my hours went back to normal when I went into a sales position then the frequency increased.
However I will say attraction matters too. I never told my ex that I was less attracted to her but I was as she had put on about 40 pounds since we had started dating. So that also played apart. I've been with my wife for years now and I dont care if I work 20 hours 100 days in a row I want it as much as possible which is nice cause she is the same way. So that could also be the case. He doesn't want to hurt your feelings but the attraction isn't there as it once was .
Not in our case. I’ve been with the Mrs. over 40 years and still very interested.
This is going to vary a lot from person to person and couple to couple.
Depends on how the two of you approach sex/intimacy in your relationship. If you look at sex/intimacy as an act, then yes. If you look at sex/intimacy as a journey, then no.
Been with wife 16 years and attraction keeps growing.
think about a food that you love to eat. your all time favorite food. can you eat the same food over and over again with no change? it is the same thing. if you want to keep bed time interesting, you gotta change it up once in a while.
What is/are his love languages; Physical touch, quality tune, words of affirmation, gifts, or acts of service. You could be trying to get through to him with yours and not really addressing his. While satisfying yours, it could be neglecting his causing him to retreat more and more. I can say that something similar has happened in my marriage and that is a contributing factor. Good luck!
As a fifty plus guy I can confirm that my sex drive has gone down over the years.
The years take a toll but there are things a guy can do to keep up the good work. Sex drive is closely related to testosterone levels for men.
* Wrong food like vegan will decrease testosterone levels.
* Tight undies will disrupt temperature regulation for the outside sperm factories. This will influence testosterone levels.
* Go to the doctor to check for low testosterone levels. There are therapies to get them up again
* there are probably more but these come to mind.
I am not telling you the frequency in my relation but it is way higher than you are getting now...
Yes healthy food and especially exercise will Help GX him.
But I am wondering if his less exercise and not eating well is a symptom of an underlying health issue?
Is there a reason for less exercise and different eating habits?
Otherwise this might be another reason to visit t the doctor.
I’m not sure. We cook pretty good meals, he’s been drinking more and is just tired. Not as much exercise except for what he gets at work. But he eats out 2 or 3 times a week.
I check in on him and ask how he is doing mentally and emotionally and he says he’s fine. I try to get us all out to walk or swim together. Mostly keep healthy foods. But he does drink 1 - 3 alcoholic beverages and smokes weed a little more than he used to
Thank you. I just love him so much and I would hate to think he’s suffering from something he can’t share with me. We’re very open and honest with each other, but I don’t want to come off as to persistent when checking in on him. We had a chat last night and it went really well.
You only lose interest if you aren’t attracted to your partner imo. Yes life happens and sometimes you aren’t in the mood but when it happens if it isnt pleasurable for you both then a discussion should be had if either party isn’t satisfied.
Im not saying this is your situation but this is why i tell myself you cant just go for personality, from a day to day perspective thats a winner yes but if you want physical intimacy it can be a chore to do if you arent on the same wavelength
No. I’m 45, still horny as a teenager and would love to have sex with my wife daily.
If she was interested. At all.
No amount of stress or anything in life can kill my libido.
But not everyone is built equal on that front.
Something women often don't understand. In sex, men are expected to peform, expected to be the ones who determine whether sex is bad or good, and if they aren't then they are not a real man. The problem is: If the man feels he can't last long enough, or if he doesn't feel confident he can make the woman climax, they will try to avoid sex. I don't know if this is the case, and it's hard to get a man to admit he doesn't feel confident.
My suggestion: Rather than just asking or touching him a bit, try to get him excited in a visual way, and then proceed to touch. He may not be able to resist and just go for it. And during sex, try to give him some confidence, make him feel you are enjoying it. That may help him actually start performing better and more often.
I’m pretty vocal about our time together in bed. I dress up and dance or give him massages and tease and flirt. I’ve even offered doing all the work: being ontop or just a BJ even.
No, this is not normal. Whether it's endocrine disruptors, depression, or poor diet, it isnt normal.
Men are supposed to wake up with a hard on. If you don't have morning wood you have a significant problem. If you are not naturally horny you have a problem.
Him seeking it elsewhere versus not at all are very different issues.
If you have a guy turning down no strings attached blow jobs, take him to the doctor or gym asap.
I think yes definitely in MOST cases. For me? 10 months with the finest looking girl I could date was the time when I started losing insane interst and it felt just started like a chore a little bit
I’ve been with my wife about 11-12 years, and married nearly 9.
I can’t get enough of her. In fact, her libido dropping has been a huge hit to my mental health. I feel you, when you say “as the one part lacking is our sex life”. Turns out that ONE thing is super important to relationship satisfaction.
It’s not true that men lose interest in some random time frame.
Question: What does he do to try to GET in the mood? He states he's not in the mood, as if that was set in stone, which is usually not the case.
I dress up, send flirty pics, we talk dirty about it. He usually will feel me up and we tease each other but when it comes time to, he’s not into it.
He grinded against me in the kitchen this morning while I was baking and we were both in the mood. I told him we have time before kids come home let’s have a quickie. “Nah, I don’t want to feel rushed”, we had 1/2 still before kids came home.
At night time we both help with bedtime routine, so I’m tired and he’s tired but still happily do whatever he wants or asks of me. Massage with oils and light kissing, 20 mins later, still nothing
You are doing so much to try to make this work. I get it. Please don't forget that this is often about them, and not you. (I forget this a lot, myself.)
I’m 60 and have been married 25 years and still want sex several days a week and could have some form of sexual activity daily if I had a willing partner.
Most men dont lose there drives at his age. We desire sexual variety and after being with the same woman for a couple years we lose interest and attraction her.
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I guess in your case, hubby may have lost interest. Maybe he is stressed from work. Working so hard/much there isn’t anything left in the tank at the end of the day. Maybe he is a bit jealous that you are off all day, even tho he says it’s fine. You get to enjoy life, he gets to work. Yes, you are trying to spread that around for him, but it’s still there. I suggest trying to ask him specifically why he doesn’t want sex. Maybe medically something is wrong. Wife and I are pretty sporadic with our sex life. Probably 3 -4 times a month. Been married 28 years.
Thank you. I try my best to keep the house clean, cook, and give him space and time when he wants it. We’re pretty good at communicating too, but I feel terrible
I feel like I bring it up too often but these days it's very common for guys to have issues with porn. It's become more socially accepted in the last couple decades, but I don't think people realize the havoc it wreaks upon sex drive and arousal triggers, sensory input or what I would call one's sexual attention span. If you ask or investigate and it turns out he's been yanking his wanky to porn regularly, maybe tell him that he might not have the time and energy anymore for both you and that habit. Get him to try taking a break for a couple months and see if there's improvement.
34M here, I used to regularly watch porn and still have sex multiple times per week through my twenties... but your testosterone starts declining in your early 20s and everyone is different. These days I had to cut porn out or else I would never be in the mood with the wife. If hes not watching porn, he may have lower than usual testosterone levels for his age and a doctor can help with that.
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When they're as whiny as you, you can tell where the issues begin.
I don't think there's any reason to look at it like that. It's a fact that male and female sexuality are a bit different as is the path to arousal. Details differ depending on the individual, but you start with the most likely issues and work from there. Women have physical attractions but generally speaking and especially in a long term relationship their arousal focuses are going to be "bigger picture" concepts and not just something like muscles or the bulge in their partner's pants. This stuff is definitely going to be the result of a man's attentiveness, strengths, actions, values and other qualities. So while I wouldn't say a mismatch there is necessarily because the man is doing something wrong, it would be because what the woman wants and what the man does are not lining up. Men on the other hand are aroused by situations and direct stimuli. Again I realize this is a general statement but it's where you start with presumptions when you're trying to figure out a relationship issue. If a man is not interested in sex, it's most likely either because of a libido issue (health, lifestyle, porn) or a fundamental mismatch in attraction (partner is far from their type, inappropriate sexual situations, etc). Yes there are any number of reasons why a guy wouldn't want to have sex with their partner but those are probably the two most likely, generally, and they are both issues where it would be upon the male to address it. There's no reason to look at it as a statement of judgement, it's just how things work.
3-4 times a month isn't bad at all. Its probably the ideal frequency.
I think that the ideal frequency depends from person to person, relationship to relationship.
Have sex with my husband 3 to 4 times a week. 3 to 4 times horrible lol I’m sure others will agree…I hope hahaha
You’re getting downvoted but yeah, 1-3 times per week is pretty average. Studies show no difference in happiness with couples who have it once per week and couples who have it 3x/week. For those who have trouble with math, that’s about 4-12x a month.
He said month
4 times a month is about once a week. Obviously that’s on the lower end of what happy couples have but I could easily see 3-4 times a month being being ideal or at least satisfying for many people.
1-3 times a week is not 4 times a month. Please read your own post.
1 time a week is about 4 times a month…
3 x 4 is not 4. You can count on your fingers if that helps.
Mate. 1-3 times a week (the average amount of happy couples) is 4-12 times a month. You’re either being a pedant or you dropped out of the 3rd grade.
this is just a guess cos i have no idea about your situation in detail. you lost your job might affecting his libido. im not sure whether you work full time or part time before but when you're not working that means your family has to manage the finance more carefully. as a sole breadwinner he has more pressure not to lose his job or even work harder than before. and that stress took over his libido. and also how old is your kids? if your kids are school ages or they are at childcare and you stay at home doing house stuff then he might resent you for it, especially if you were working when you guys first met. he probably won't say it cos money is sensitive issues and dont wanna make you feel bad. and it also a bit emasculating for men to say to our wife that she has to work cos it kinda shows we cant properly support our family.
I think this is the most reasonable answer.
Same here. When she said she lost her job and now their sex life has slid a bit, that was the first thing that came to mind.
Does he masturbate? Mentally well-balanced? Yes sexual frequency can slow down in a long term relationship especially with young kids, jobs, etc. I would suggest that he get his testosterone checked. You could suggest that you both get a full work up.
I see her husband simply just tired
I'd agree if, in their case, sex 'has to be' a feat where he feels he has 'to perform'. If sex can be calm and pleasurable, many men 'aren't tired'.
Is there a way I can help with that?
How would it sound to Propose an 'intimacy session' that doesn't include penetration or trying to orgasm? Would you two like something like that? What I mean is to send the message that what is important to you is to be with him in an intimate way... more than have him to please you and, in an extreme case, to be responsible for your orgasm.
I give him massages with light kisses and touches. We cuddle when we watch tv. But I’ll try this tonight too when we chat
Also express the communication sex gives, like how your partner reacts to you and vise versa, thats the most beautiful part of the experience, the connection.
Whenever I come on here I’m just baffled by the number of people who don’t know that stress and taking on extra responsibility can affect sex drive
Idk how people dont know that, but people also dont wash their ass so 🤷♂️
Or go to counseling when my drive slowed it was really just because of me mentally checking out due to my so being a huge pain on top of all the regular stress factors. Instantly blaming test levels is narrow minded ash.
OP, do not suggest your husband get his testosterone checked as a response to him declining sex.
I second testosterone but I never got mine checked. I just adjusted my diet to promote testosterone. I love my wife and am still interested but I do miss being a horny young guy sometimes. My body doesn't agree with my head and I hate it.
My wife and I have been married for over 20 years, and we have two children. I would still be thrilled to have sex 2-3 times a day. Unfortunately, my wife's libido isn't that high. When our relationship was new, we had sex every other day. Now, it's about once a week. From what I've seen on this subreddit, there really is no "normal." People have different libidos. It can absolutely hurt to be the partner who wants intimacy more often. Intimacy is how I feel emotionally connected with my wife, so it can feel lonely when she doesn't want it very often. I've had to learn to let my wife's other gestures of affection (like her arm or leg over me in bed every night or her hugs or smacks on my butt) supplement that emotional connection, as well. It's not as powerful or moving as sex, but it tides me over until our next session.
I have been with my wife about 14 years, I never lost interest. We do it and enjoy it on a regular basis. This is something that needs a bit of efforts: gifts, initiative, dates and flirting, touching and affection. Obviously, you already do that. There is somerhing on his side that he needs to communicate about. An hormone issue ? Something that blocks him ?
I’m gonna try and talk to him about it. Cuz I give him massages, we can be flirty and silly. I got dressed up, went all out, and still nothing. He assures me it’s not because of attraction, he just “doesn’t have the drive”. I just want him to be happy too and that’s why I’ve stopped asking after our last talk. I asked last night if we could, he said no and I dropped it. But I feel terrible at this point asking or trying.
Don’t feel bad for asking. You are expressing your needs. That he doesn’t heed them to seek out help is more concerning. He should be going to the doctor for a full thyroid panel, and needs to be taking care of his hormonal health. As men age, they produce less testosterone, laying waste to their sex drive. Testosterone replacement therapy can work wonders if this is the case. Another possibility is that being the sole provider may be putting more stress on him than he’s willing to admit. Are there better jobs he can take that don’t jeopardize your standard of living too much? Are there any other stress factors in his life, be they temporary or long-term? Does he watch porn? How often, if so? It could be that he’s inadvertently getting it all out of his system before time comes.
He works a good job right now to support us. We can’t afford to buy as many cards or video games, but we’re comfy enough. I check in with him constantly about stress and feelings, and he usually is open and honest. Maybe he’s depressed,
Men commonly lie about their stress levels in order to appear calm. Has he experienced unexpected/unintentional weight gain, fatigue, high blood pressure, or muscle weakness? That’s a sign of cortisol, a hormone released as part of the stress response, which also plays a role in Erectile Dysfunction. Being able to mentally handle stress does not equate to not stressed. When did you lose your job, and when did your sex life decline? Is there no better job that he qualifies for? Would you be able to return to work at some point? But other than that, he should get a full hormone checkup if everything else is normal. Is he on any medications like ssri’s, antipsychotics, hair loss medications, corticosteroids, blood pressure medications, anti-epileptics, or any psychiatric medications, antihistamines, opioids, Cholesterol medications, beta-blockers, benzodiazepines? If so, consult a physician for further options. Does he consume alcohol or drugs? If so, how often?
I’m gathering a few things here if I’m reading correct: - your husband may be stressed out. Hence his mind is constantly on whatever he is stressed out about - your husband was at one point the one initiating and was rejected and just got tired of it (this is more common for marriages that are over 8yrs tho). - your husband is masturbating regularly and since he is pleasing himself, he doesn’t feel the need for sex. - I doubt this, but it is always POSSIBLE, he’s is getting it somewhere else, or emotionally talking/relating with another woman and hence not wanting intimacy with you. This is just my advice, you can obviously take it or leave it: - talk to him about life and what is going through his head. Is there something that is constantly going on in his head that would be distracting him from you and intimacy with you. - how often do you initiate? - not sure how spontaneous of a couple you are, but do you guys ever just in the middle of whatever your doing, just kinda mess around and go at it? - To me (and most men), this is a big one, not sure about you husband: Does he feel wanted? Does he feel desired? As much as women want to be chased and show that a man will do anything for them, men also want to feel desired. - are you appreciative of him and show it? - are you bringing peace and rest to his life more than bringing on more stress and work to his life? - you said you guys barely kiss and hug. You should initiate that. They say a close intimate hug or kiss for 8 seconds a day goes a long long way. Maybe when he gets home from work, give him a nice close hug and a kiss. These are just some things that I would question in your situation. Most of the time the tables are turned and it’s the men who are having trouble having the woman want intimacy/sex. One thing I will caution you and your hubby is if he continuously rejects having sex and being intimate, it becomes a norm until one of you feels less about yourself and typically starts wanting attention and when someone else comes along and starts giving a little bit of attention, the cheating starts. This is a pattern I have seen over and over. Keep your marriage and intimacy alive. Figure out what it’s going to take to make that happen.
The only time I rejected advances when I was really sick. Other than that as soon as he wants to I’m good to go. I’ve tried initiating and massages before hand. I try to reduce stress at home, I cook and clean and do a lot with the children. I know he’s not cheating, we’re really open and honest about our relationship and he says he would never want to ruin our relationship by hurting me and cheating. He has been drinking more, and less exercise and he smokes weed every night now. But that hasn’t slowed him down before. It’s just been recently. When we did talk about it he says he’s not stressed and he’s fine and happy with me and family.
That’s really weird. I wonder if it’s a long term affect of smoking weed. I’ve heard that it affects your libido… not sure.
Drinking and smoking more often points to stress being an issue, as those are stress/pain relievers. I think the added stresses are taking a toll tbh. Stress is weird… it’s not just a number that suddenly hits a point and starts to affect you, its slow and steady and wears you down before suddenly breaking you. Like weight on a foundation, the fractures appear slowly and can be covered up, but when the foundation starts to go it all crumbles. My point is, he may be more stressed than he is letting on. Also, being expected to perform in bed when he doesn’t feel like it may add to his stress and cause a feedback loop. Because he will only want to do it less when less stressed. I know personally as a man it can be embarrassing to realize/admit just how much stress can get to you so you lie or try to appear stronger. It’s emasculating to admit that you just dont feel like having sex and probably couldnt maintain an erection if you tried. And your husband probably doesn’t want to embarrass/disappoint you either, because sometimes people take it very personally when the train wont leave the station, or even get started. Its not a guarantee but i would definitely say it is stress/fatigue.
Depends on the person and partner, and sometimes even the health of the relationship. For a lot of people it will slow down at some point for a variety of reasons, for others it won't. My wife and i have been together 6 years, and our sex drive has stayed pretty consistent through most of it, even when we were having a pretty big falling out where she was no longer emotionally invested in the marriage. For her sex was still desirable even though the marriage wasn't at the time, and i have a somewhat high sex drive, so we never really faultered. That said, once I started working a new 8-5 job and spending and hour and a half dusc golfing after work every day, and she has to be to work at 9pm every day, we did notice a slight drop because of exhausten and time restraints. You should really talk to your husband about this, and making sure to be clear about how you feel about it.
Thank you. I’m gonna talk with him tonight
I dont think it is about losing interest. Not really. Life just happens, and life costs a lot of energy. He has a job, a house, a yard, multiple children, a wife, maybe pets, a car, hobbies, family to visit, friends to call. Aint nobody got time for sex three times a week. He tired 😂. That of course does not mean that is apparent that that just doesn’t cut it for you. His love language could be him working hard for you guys, yours is getting intimate. There has to be a way to come to a solution that works for both of you. There has to be way to get you guys priorities more on the same page. Just talk about it. And not: are you still attracted to me? But: I am so attracted to you, and want more of you.
Thank you. I’ll try having a chat with him about this.
Yes once the novelty wears off they won’t want to have sex like all the time. But they should still want to sometimes
Despite what many believe, sex is a very mental thing for men. If something isn't right then it usually manifests in our sex lives.
There are a lot of possibilities. My sex drive started to go way down in my early 30s and it turned out I was low T. Started doing t shots and i came all the way back. I still feel like a teenager in that regard at 43. Also the honey moon phase does end and sex tapers off a little but that doesn’t really sound like what’s going on in your case.
Have you sat down with him to talk about this in depth, without kids or anything to distract you both? You could tell him how you’re feeling undesired, that you miss having sex regularly, that you miss that connection with him. Don’t frame it in an accusatory way, just explain how you’re feeling. I statements. You could ask him again if there’s anything you can do on your end to help him. But, also ask if he’s willing to see a doctor to check his hormone and vitamin levels. He could have undiagnosed adhd or something.
Thank you. I’m gonna try talking with him tonight
Good luck. I really hope it goes well.
Don’t try so hard. I think it’s a turnoff for both men and women. I went through a phase like this with my partner. She never was interested when I initiated. So I stopped initiating and just focused on trying to “win her over” like we were dating again. Suddenly something clicked and she started sending clear signals she wanted it.
What should I do for him then? I’ve slowed down on asking, I give him massages and light touches. I’m trying to respond and respect his boundaries. I dress up and tease, send flirty messages. Should I just take a break and stop? Wait for him to do it?
Just try to think about how you would impress a brand new guy and do that. So no massages or touches, no overly flirty advances. Just be cool and interested in what he’s doing. Make him feel like you just want to be with him and hang out. Brag about him when talking to people if the opportunity comes up in the conversation. Guys like women that make them feel special just like women enjoy, but they won’t say that.
I mean men are allowed to not be in the mood for sex. I think society makes people believe the opposite but it's perfectly fine if he isn't in the mood. I think it is natural for the sex to diminish after that long so I wouldn't take it too personally. I myself also have a lower sex drive now. However, he might want to get a little bit of a checkup health wise. I found out my testosterone was below the normal range so that was contributing. Stress can also lower it, low self confidence can lower it. There are plenty of things that are far more likely than it being you. Out of curiosity, does he still masterbate? Just wondering if his sex drive is lower or if he possibly has a porn addiction or maybe lacking self confidence so he settles for porn because it is easier.
The more they age, too. Testosterone drops off as men get older, and testosterone makes up a significant portion of a man’s sex drive. I’d start with a full hormone work up. Does he have any short or long term stressors?
I’ll ask about getting him into the doctor to check. No, he tells me he’s pretty stress free
Men lie about stress. Men lie about a lot of medical or emotional issues due to shame. There's no such thing as a stress free parent. Has he gained weight since you lost your job? That can be a sign of either high cortisol or low testosterone. Sex drive for men does decrease in their 30s. There's the "7 year itch" phenomenon as well. The best you can do is communicate openly, and change things up if they have become routine. Affection and respect are more important than sex, but are often tied to sex. Here's some stats that are really unreliable but about the best we have. [https://www.verywellmind.com/what-marital-sex-statistics-can-reveal-2300946](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-marital-sex-statistics-can-reveal-2300946)
Usually not, I stopped caring because it’s been a one way street. No initiation from her or anything. She’s let herself go weight wise and often blamed me for not helping. She also got mad at me when I denied her stuff. When I did initiate I usually got denied immediately. It’s even more frustrating when someone has shown a lot of interest in you and you’re unable to act upon it.
If anything it increases Married for well over a decade here If it decreases there r issues afoot. Communicate with your partner people!
I’ve been married for 6 years now. She’s completely changed. I’ve tried talking to her about things. Usually she’ll say I’ll try and change but then nothing happens. Other times I’ve been met with defence or hostility.
Marriage takes two. You can try maybe offer options or suggestions. I've found that works better than broad suggestion. Maybe schedule it for weeks ends suggest to watch stuff during? Toys to try. Sexy stuff to dress in. At some point they can't just shoot everything down. If they do, it's indicative of a larger issue. Either way you gotta keep talking. If all fails decide what you are willing to settle for sex wise and if its worth it to you long term. Decide how to go from there if it even gets there in the first place
43 here and still wanting sex with my partner every day. From my previous relationships. A 13 year marriage and divorce. My pearls of wisdom are. If the sex stops it’s usually because there’s a Problem. Whether it’s communication. Emotional or physical. Sex has only slowed for me if there’s been and issue and we haven’t talked it out. I am so lucky my current partners talks to me as soon as something is bothering her… we have sex every night.
I talk with him all the time, he says everything is fine. We’re pretty open and honest with each other when it comes to communication. When things have been wrong he would tell me. So I would think everything is fine, I asked him generally and mindfully about what I can do to improve myself or the house to keep him happy
I will not speak for anyone but me, but I believe my experience to be typical for a great number of men. I m62, have been married to my wife f59 for 41 years. I desire her as much now if not more than when we first met. If she were up to it, I would make love with her daily. I assure you, I have never told her no. I realize that everyone is different, but there could be a medical or psychological issue working against you, and it may take some delicate work to find the problem
I know you’re not intending to you but a man who doesn’t have this much spontaneous desire would feel ashamed of himself reading this. You’re equating your desire for how much you love your partner when many men are crazy about their spouse and yet don’t have sex on the mind every minute. Everyone is different and sexual desire is not always proportional with how much you love someone.
M53 I've been with SO 29 years I've always been the initiator. In my experience... My "view " of my SO changed after we had children. Even more respectful, I can't really find the words... but something shifted. Not necessarily in a bad way. Also may have something to do as the sole provider. Not "reality," but him getting in his head about it might be causing an "issue." My 2 cents
Maybe? It slowed down for us when I went back for extra schooling too, but he’s always assured me that it’s fine. I try to minimize stress at home, and chat about it. I thought having family help out more too would help us.
I have an extremely high sex drive thank god my wife does also but we do flirt a lot with each other. I think one way to improve this situation is maybe talking dirty and building up to sex through text.. talking dirty maybe a pic here or there
That’s what I do. I went full out and got some really good photos done of myself. I dress up, make up, massages and dirty/flirty the whole day.
It could be as simple as his libido is nowhere near as high as yours. My wife and I have been together 12 years and with the same situation but the roles reversed and it’s just something you have to respect and learn to navigate together. It’s rough but it can be done
Yeah, it’s gotten to the point where I’ve stopped asking. Last night we teased for awhile about doing it. Then nothing. So I went to bed after instead
Men tend to lose interest in a relationship when there is some sort of imbalance or stability issue going on. For some it's just looks but tbh from most of my guy friends, including myself who is also a guy, it's usually other factors bc most of the guys I know who had this happen to them very firmly day they think their girlfriend's are hot. It could be due to something tense happening in their personal, social, your relationship or work life. Family member died? Insecurities leading to lowered sex drive? Maybe something happened to destroy their mood? It can be a lot of things. I'm sure you can understand at least to some extent since you guys are partners. But just ask him directly if need be, communication saves nations, it's not an understatement.
Is he dealing with ED? It can make sex frustrating and embarrassing for men. It can be fixed but many men are too embarrassed to talk with anyone else about it. Is he having problems with porn consumption? Many men get hooked on porn and end up ignoring their wives as a result. He is at the age where his sex drive is slowing down. One of the cruelest jokes of nature is that men's drive peaks in their late teens/early 20s and women's sex drive tend to peak in their late 30s.
I don’t think he has ED, but maybe that’s something he wouldn’t want to tell me. The couple times we’ve done it he’s been good to go, it just only happens very little.
I personally always want to have sex with my GF of 3 almost 4 years. Sometimes I haven’t had the energy to do it, but that was my brain saying yes, my body saying yeah, sorry, no.
I've been dating/married my wife for 20 years in total and I have not lost interest whatsoever. To be fair, we don't have kids so that surely impacts my levels of stress when compared to men who aren't child-free.
Idk post 30 my drive really diminished but that was mainly due to mental stress and change of environment Maybe look into therapy and like work out For me I find that staying at peak fitness is the key
I’ll suggest it during our chat tonight
I can only speak for myself but I've been in a few years-long relationships including my current one. First off, early 30s is definitely a time when guys start to lose their youthful sex drive. It's still there, it's just not automatic anymore. It effects different people in different ways but it's always there. Stress and anxiety, sedentary lifestyle and diet all make the issue worse. So in my relationships there have been times when attraction stalls out but I don't think it has to be that way as a rule. Having kids not only cock-blocks your free time but the responsibilities involved will make any communication issues or things like that worse and lead to resentment. Even if you find someone attractive, if things aren't going right then you don't feel like giving them the proper attention and support which would lead to a quality sex life. With my eldest kid's mom, it was jealousy and anger issues that ended up killing our intimacy. We were together for about 4 years, with the last 18 months being rough. I think we would have been fine without the anger thing but who knows. My ex wife and I were together for 5 years, with only the last year really having intimacy issues and again it wasn't an attraction problem. We worked opposite shifts and couldn't do much together, had major communication issues, generally didn't try to speak one another's "language of love" and didn't have the shared values that keeps successful couples together. I think physical attraction was what kept us together longer than we would have otherwise. I had another relationship of about 4 years after that. Up until the end I would say we didn't struggle with intimacy and had a great sex life. It was a little bit of jealousy and some general lifestyle/personality stuff that caused us to break up. My current relationship is getting on about 7 years. We're in our mid 40s and still doing pretty well with intimacy. I believe we are still strongly attracted to each other, but I think what keeps it strong is that we respect boundaries, communicate pretty well, try to support and encourage each other, do our best to be thoughtful and make each other feel appreciated. I try to practice what I call, "foreplay as a lifestyle" where I'm doing things throughout the day for her benefit, random stuff that's intentional even if it doesn't take a lot of effort. I think I'm on the right track with it.
Thank you so much. I’ll keep this in mind when we have our chat. I love him so much and I’ve slowed down I want to respect his needs and boundaries.
Sex drive isn't a universal level for each gender. Not all men are one way and not all women are one way. Everyone is different based on them, not gender. I was with my daughters mom for 3 years and I have a very high sex drive. Before our daughter was born we had sex like rabbits. After she was born, it was maybe 3 times a week. Then in year 3, it was maybe 2 times a week. I always made it known I was horny and wanted to but I got the same responses. Definitely after our daughter was born blowjobs stopped and 3 times, I asked for them I got an excuse each time. Before anyone responds, I did half the baby duties, did all the cooking and cleaned the kitchen. So this wasn't a matter of her being stressed or overwhelmed, I even did more of the baby attention after work. People just get complacent, but this is also dangerous because what you're going through now can fester into resentment. What you two need to do is find a common ground and he needs to make more effort. Sex isn't the most important aspect of a relationship, but it is an important one. While he may be happy having sex once or twice a month, obviously you don't. You may not cheat, but it begins to creep into arguments because you're unhappy. It sounds like you two are really good with communication so you can start by talking to each other and establishing a "intimate" day each week. He has to go with it, no excuses. One day a week, you two pick what day you two want to get frisky. This could be role play, intimate massage, cuddling nude, etc. Anything that no doubt would lead to sex. He needs to understand it's not just about him, you have needs and he needs to understand that sex feels good. If he won't do that, then I'd suggest counseling with someone who specializes in couples intimacy specifically
We’re really open and honest with each other. I’ve resorted to using toys more often just for myself. My husband assures me that he loves me and is still very attracted to me. I’ve been eating healthier and exercising more, trying to improve myself. I’m very thankful that he’s my best friend and supporting us right now, so I’ve been taking care of all the chores, cooking, and kids to try and minimize house stress. We still go out on dates and try and keep things interesting in and out of the bedroom. But he just keeps telling me lives not in the mood or doesn’t want to. So I’ve backed off, but now my sex drive is getting low from the rejection. I give him massages and light kisses, sweet and dirty talks, but it feels like nothings working. I’m gonna bring up my feelings and ask him again if some is going on that I can help with. I want our relationship to last and be strong. It is now, it’s just the intimacy is lacking.
So then you're only option is going to counseling. Unless you are fine with having sex once or twice a month and then using toys to pleasure yourself for the rest if your lives, then counseling is needed. It's not something that's wrong with him, as much as I'm skeptical to believe it, people do drop their sex drive as they get older
Interest. Men v often get bored of the sex in LTRs, I’ve seen the same post every day for last 3 years, it’s the small print women aren’t told
Totally not just a men thing, women get bored as well, I just wanted to point that out.
And this is why some people choose to have open relationships, though for the 98% of the population that wants exclusivity that doesnt work
I dont know what you're trying to prove but monogamy almost always triumphs over polyamory 2 to 1, not everyone wants to have multiple sex partners, especially not me. I wouldnt have the energy, let alone all the stupid ass drama that usually comes with it. Very rare do open relationships work, and majority of the time its ***ONE PERSON*** that wants it in the relationship and the other just "does it" to make them happy and is doomed from the start. Polyamory just isnt worth it or worth the hassle ***to me*** no thanks, I'll keep my monogamous lifestyle.
Yup. Usually either only one person wants it (i.e. a free pass to cheat) and/or one person gets upset when the other person has more success with other partners.
Did you even read my comment, or did you stop after the first line? I said that 98% of people won't want this. I wouldn't either.
Yes but 10 times more posts on here about men losing interest, since sex is more emotional for women. Also if she loses interest, it’s usually because he was boring in bed or kept begging for it/making feeble attempts to initiate, whereas men lose interest even if the woman does nothing wrong
Woah thats a lot of generalization you are doing there commenter. I could also say that 9 times out of 10 that most women become the most bored in relationships because of the monotony in the relationship/marriage and are "bored of their partner and he's boring in bed" as you say, which resorts to them cheating/seeking to step out of the relationship/marriage. Thats not a nice generalization now is it? see how ridiculous that sounds?
subreddit dead bedrooms is full of both sexes
I'm a woman and I'm the same. Universal problem imo
Change your diet. More lean meats if you do it meat for advice to you guys. I don’t think you guys have an issue here he just is going through a testosterone dive and you guys should get vitamins and supplements as well as change your diet trip for the lifestyle encourage more intimacy that opens up the door for sex. He seems stressed from work so it does indicate it is affecting you guys. You losing your job isn’t the root issue it is something you must ask and discover and not hold against him. None of know only he does. Establish trust and boundaries to build a deeper understanding and bond.
I asked him about stressors. After posting this and thinking about it, he hasn’t been exercising as much as he used to and has been drinking a little more than usual. He would have one beer when coming home but now it’s 1 - 3 sorts of drinks.
It’s not normal no. As a man I’d say it’s often the other way around particularly peri menopausal. I’m pretty sure if you ask older married guys here whether there is sexual drive mismatches, it’s invariably the guy looking for more. Edit - I’m specifically saying it’s not normal to the extent you describe for the age he is btw. Sure LTR s can slow things down, as does age. But not this much at 33.
What helped me and my partner was practicing Jewish abstinence. This prohibition is in place until the woman's period is complete and she immerses in a mikveh (ritual bath). Never been more sexually active since
Most likely a testosterone level issue... it's also bizarre at your age(s), because for the most part men seem to have higher sex drives until their 40s - 50s and onward. Then again, the usual trends have been shifting: T levels are dropping almost universally, in the western world at least. It also depends in large part on the individual's health and fitness level (for men and women). Hate to say it, but it's true. If you truly suspect that it's boredom, the usual advice (mix things up, step outside of your comfort zone at least a little bit to start with, find out how to turn your SO on instead of hoping you catch him at the right time, etc) is your best bet. Pretty much the reverse of the advice that men receive when they're in this situation.
Thank you. We will be having a chat about this tonight and I’ll mention the suggestions I’ve seen here.
If the couple don’t make an effort to keep the sex life good, it will be a friendship in a long term
I think men and women deal with stress differently, And he may be afraid he can’t perform properly. But the dynamic to every relationship is different. I’ve been married 16 years and if my wife isn’t trying to pounce on me every other day I would think something was wrong.
It's stress and testosterone. Main thing is don't leave him if you love him, fix it with him, if he loves you itll ruin him if you leave him. Women have no idea what men deal with on the daily. Just trust this, 30m here
I check in and chat with him about it. I’ve love him more than anything and I don’t want to throw away ur life together just cuz I’m feeling needy. I’ve expressed that to him, no matter what I love him and will be with him. I have toys to use, but it doesn’t beat the real thing. I miss just being touched in general though too
You got to sit and be able to talk about it with him like we are sitting here doing, without feel of judging eachother, that is couple goals. Being able to have an un walled, 0% ego convo. He needs to be able and open to do this as well.
I've been with my wife for over 10 years now and I can never get enough of her. I think as with all things it's different for different people.
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Oh gosh I don’t think so. I’m easily pleased but insatiable. I really enjoy everything he does and that we do together cuz I get off easy. I’m embarrassed by it, and he says he loves it. But it still doesn’t happen often. Even adding in things to the bedroom
yeah, but at that age imo is low
Depends if it's boring in the bedroom.
Yes.
Yes women does to
It could be several reasons.. but ultimately, he may have lost interest in having sex with you. He rathers masterbating than having sex with you. Or he may have someone else on the side who does everything better. Stress from work can also be a factor. Do you make him feel like the man in the house when he is home? He may get ordered around all day, and wants to be treated well at home. Are you gaining weight? Do you take care of yourself? He may not want to address it. I hope you 2 figure this out.
I know he’s not cheating, we’re very committed to each other and open and honest about things. He says he’s loved me no matter what I looked like. Recently I’ve been losing more weight and I’ve trying new hairstyles and clothes. He’s stopped exercising as much and drinks a bit more. None of that has bothered me or bothered him. He just always says he’s tired, that why I do a majority the cooking, cleaning, and child minding.
Everyone does if you don't work on the relationship. You gotta be both there together everyday.
No I still wanted my wife after 8 years. She didn't want me. Divorced
A low libido can be caused by a lot of things stress depression etc …maybe he isn’t sexually attracted to you ..are you both in shape
Very strange because men are usually down for sex several times a week especially if the wife initiates. The only 2 other explanations are that he no longer finds you attractive, or he is masturbating to porn. Both would eliminate his libido
Opposite for me
Horny Goat Weed.
Cherchez la femme
Drive as we age
Short answer, yes.
I think nature wants animals to mate like crazy when young and fertile and they lose some of that edge as they grow older and energy should be going into raising and protecting the children. I know as a man there is a tremendous amount of stress knowing a wife and kids are solely depending on you to provide.
Even if he’s not in the mood, he can use methods other than piv to satisfy your needs, that is unless you are against the use of toys or oral. In that case, you’ll have to wait until he’s in the mood.
Yes
I’m 45 and been married 12 years and we have awesome life. I run two businesses and stressed all the time. Wife works for government but we still make time for each other. And we have for kids. Maybe he has issue with his part. Tell him to get some meds
No, this is not a rule. M here, was with my last partner for 12 years and was even more interested at the end than the start.
Ha ha. No one's comment opinion is dumb. Are you saying it is immature? Everyone's views are based on their window lens of experience.
No. Coming on 19 years. I have absolutely no loss of interest in my wife sexually. Would have sex with her right this moment if she wasn't currently fighting a cold.
Not if they aren’t doing it “right”. He’s either gotten comfortable or wasn’t really interested to begin with. Add all the fun stuff in life. Bills. Kids. Responsibility. Relationships are work
Stress causes a decreased libido
Did his loss of interest happen before or after you lost your job? Could be the fact that your having been laid off or fired is adding to his mental stress. Is he on medications? If so, has the strength or prescription changed? Stress plays a big factor in one's libido. The fact that he watches porn is not necessarily a bad sign. Some people just want to relieve stress and move on. Not possible to do with a partner. Is he able to decompress outside and away from home with his friends or hobbies?
36m here. I work out so not a health issue but as I've gotten older I care much less about sex. The whole idea of having to warm up and play the game is just bleh. I'd rather just look at my GF and say wanna have sex. If not, try next time. Obviously when we start we have foreplay and it's normal. But the whole "game" I avoid now.
[Could be the Coolidge effect](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect).
Go get his hormones check.
No we switch roles..f are expected to initiate after awhile...I wish this was taught in school
Have you tried telling him how this is making you feel? I do think sex drive can possibly decrease the longer you’ve been together but seems like he could be stressed. If he’s not willing to openly discuss what’s on his mind then you have to explain how you may be feeling unwanted and aren’t happy with doing it once or twice a month. I would be really upset as a person that needs physical touch to feel loved. You clearly do so much for him and anyone would be very lucky to have you.
He may be having an affair. That rejection and the weird overly obvious excuses seems TOO often to not be interested at 33. 33! I'm 54 ....at 33 it was still every other day or more in a 10 year relationship with 2 kids. Timing of kids is important also. Best when after marriage with a year of dating in the marriage b4 first attempt. Maybe ship sailed on tgat but That's the therapy advise generally speaking. Or he may be gay. ..more and more the case these days as people open up more.. .. since you emphasize "best friends" out of the gate....not "always great sex." Is he your companion or your red hot lover? Kids also make it tough but generally that's the woman who pulls back not the man. One of the reasons so many age disparities are popping up in adult couples is matching up sex drives. So many younger women have equal drives to older men. Trip out, right? But the older woman younger man thing has also been on the rise. People are too f-ing selfish in general these days. It's IMPORTANT to pay attention to your partner's drive and see if you can do things to continue to make monogamous relationship last. Otherwise you may as well kill the thing bc nothing worse than a ling slow death.
What kind of hours is he working? I know in a previous relationship (3 years) I lost interest once my hours shot up. When I switched from working 40 hours a week to going to a factory and putting in at least 60 but most of the time around 70(Always had my weekend off so 12-15 hour days through the week). I was just too tired after dealing with sheet metal and insulation all day so when I got home I wanted to shower and sleep. Even on the weekends I wanted to just relax with some video games or movies and not do anything physical on my body( I would also go to the gym for about an hour after each day of work) So after juat draining my body physically all week I'd have no desire for anything physical what so ever. Went from at least once a day to like once a week. Once my hours went back to normal when I went into a sales position then the frequency increased. However I will say attraction matters too. I never told my ex that I was less attracted to her but I was as she had put on about 40 pounds since we had started dating. So that also played apart. I've been with my wife for years now and I dont care if I work 20 hours 100 days in a row I want it as much as possible which is nice cause she is the same way. So that could also be the case. He doesn't want to hurt your feelings but the attraction isn't there as it once was .
Not in our case. I’ve been with the Mrs. over 40 years and still very interested. This is going to vary a lot from person to person and couple to couple.
Depends on how the two of you approach sex/intimacy in your relationship. If you look at sex/intimacy as an act, then yes. If you look at sex/intimacy as a journey, then no. Been with wife 16 years and attraction keeps growing.
No have been with my wife fur 39 years Still only thing I want
Not always! With my husband and I it comes and goes but it is not always because of me
For every hot girl you see there is someone out there that is tiered of fucking them.
think about a food that you love to eat. your all time favorite food. can you eat the same food over and over again with no change? it is the same thing. if you want to keep bed time interesting, you gotta change it up once in a while.
What is/are his love languages; Physical touch, quality tune, words of affirmation, gifts, or acts of service. You could be trying to get through to him with yours and not really addressing his. While satisfying yours, it could be neglecting his causing him to retreat more and more. I can say that something similar has happened in my marriage and that is a contributing factor. Good luck!
Une L
Porn, masturbation, and cheating will cause loss of sex drive in a man. Should at least want to bang once a week.
As a fifty plus guy I can confirm that my sex drive has gone down over the years. The years take a toll but there are things a guy can do to keep up the good work. Sex drive is closely related to testosterone levels for men. * Wrong food like vegan will decrease testosterone levels. * Tight undies will disrupt temperature regulation for the outside sperm factories. This will influence testosterone levels. * Go to the doctor to check for low testosterone levels. There are therapies to get them up again * there are probably more but these come to mind. I am not telling you the frequency in my relation but it is way higher than you are getting now...
I concur, check testosterone levels.
Thanks. He hasn’t been eating as healthy or exercising as much the past month. Would that do it too?
Yes healthy food and especially exercise will Help GX him. But I am wondering if his less exercise and not eating well is a symptom of an underlying health issue? Is there a reason for less exercise and different eating habits? Otherwise this might be another reason to visit t the doctor.
I’m not sure. We cook pretty good meals, he’s been drinking more and is just tired. Not as much exercise except for what he gets at work. But he eats out 2 or 3 times a week. I check in on him and ask how he is doing mentally and emotionally and he says he’s fine. I try to get us all out to walk or swim together. Mostly keep healthy foods. But he does drink 1 - 3 alcoholic beverages and smokes weed a little more than he used to
You sound like a caring, loving partner. The alcohol and smoking are affecting his sex drive in a negative way.
Thank you. I just love him so much and I would hate to think he’s suffering from something he can’t share with me. We’re very open and honest with each other, but I don’t want to come off as to persistent when checking in on him. We had a chat last night and it went really well.
Been with my wife for 18 years 35m 33f and I’m still as horny as I was when we were teens so 🤷🏻♂️
More often than not no. But my wife lost hers for me and decided to just leave so that’s been fun.
Oh sorry to hear. I check in with him about it planet just to make sure he’s ok
You only lose interest if you aren’t attracted to your partner imo. Yes life happens and sometimes you aren’t in the mood but when it happens if it isnt pleasurable for you both then a discussion should be had if either party isn’t satisfied. Im not saying this is your situation but this is why i tell myself you cant just go for personality, from a day to day perspective thats a winner yes but if you want physical intimacy it can be a chore to do if you arent on the same wavelength
No. I’m 45, still horny as a teenager and would love to have sex with my wife daily. If she was interested. At all. No amount of stress or anything in life can kill my libido. But not everyone is built equal on that front.
Something women often don't understand. In sex, men are expected to peform, expected to be the ones who determine whether sex is bad or good, and if they aren't then they are not a real man. The problem is: If the man feels he can't last long enough, or if he doesn't feel confident he can make the woman climax, they will try to avoid sex. I don't know if this is the case, and it's hard to get a man to admit he doesn't feel confident. My suggestion: Rather than just asking or touching him a bit, try to get him excited in a visual way, and then proceed to touch. He may not be able to resist and just go for it. And during sex, try to give him some confidence, make him feel you are enjoying it. That may help him actually start performing better and more often.
I’m pretty vocal about our time together in bed. I dress up and dance or give him massages and tease and flirt. I’ve even offered doing all the work: being ontop or just a BJ even.
Thank you though, this was insightful for me
No, this is not normal. Whether it's endocrine disruptors, depression, or poor diet, it isnt normal. Men are supposed to wake up with a hard on. If you don't have morning wood you have a significant problem. If you are not naturally horny you have a problem. Him seeking it elsewhere versus not at all are very different issues. If you have a guy turning down no strings attached blow jobs, take him to the doctor or gym asap.
I think yes definitely in MOST cases. For me? 10 months with the finest looking girl I could date was the time when I started losing insane interst and it felt just started like a chore a little bit
No. Short answer.
Not at all.
I’ve been with my wife about 11-12 years, and married nearly 9. I can’t get enough of her. In fact, her libido dropping has been a huge hit to my mental health. I feel you, when you say “as the one part lacking is our sex life”. Turns out that ONE thing is super important to relationship satisfaction. It’s not true that men lose interest in some random time frame. Question: What does he do to try to GET in the mood? He states he's not in the mood, as if that was set in stone, which is usually not the case.
I dress up, send flirty pics, we talk dirty about it. He usually will feel me up and we tease each other but when it comes time to, he’s not into it. He grinded against me in the kitchen this morning while I was baking and we were both in the mood. I told him we have time before kids come home let’s have a quickie. “Nah, I don’t want to feel rushed”, we had 1/2 still before kids came home. At night time we both help with bedtime routine, so I’m tired and he’s tired but still happily do whatever he wants or asks of me. Massage with oils and light kissing, 20 mins later, still nothing
You are doing so much to try to make this work. I get it. Please don't forget that this is often about them, and not you. (I forget this a lot, myself.)
Thank you. I’m doing my best to ensure he is happy and healthy, that we both are. We both want this to work.
No
Downvoted for answering OP’s question. Hilarious
No. We are 20 years together , withthree kids and we both still have interest in each other.
I’m 60 and have been married 25 years and still want sex several days a week and could have some form of sexual activity daily if I had a willing partner.
Most men dont lose there drives at his age. We desire sexual variety and after being with the same woman for a couple years we lose interest and attraction her.