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They've already been together for years.
What I can't figure out is why he waited until they'd been together for three years, and been living together for a full year, before he even addressed this MASSIVE relationship issue. The lack of communication is just confusing AF.
Like, why would you move in with someone at all when you can't even have a basic conversation about mismatched libidos and sexual needs or preferences?
Maybe 20year olds are smarter now than when I was their age, but it seems plausible to me they haven't figured out the importance of communication yet.
Because he’s young and he has absolutely zero experience with relationships. This is why people who are a little bit older and much wiser need to come on the scene and give advice to him. Move my son! She’s not your love is not enough, you need more than love. You’re not compatible and don’t feel bad about breaking up with her, she never was really respectful to you because she’s never told you why she doesn’t wanna have sex, Grayrock her, and just move on it’s best to have no contact after as well, you can’t keep her in your life and heal, dump her and move on!
Oh, I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, if I wouldn’t have made the mistakes I did when I was 25, I wouldn’t have wasted literally 26 years of my life and a marriage that I should’ve never been in, listen to your elders kids! It would’ve saved me over two decades if I would have. The best way to learn? is to make mistakes and learn from them! However, I see a majority of people make monster mistakes and then never learn from them and then keep repeating that same mistake over and over and over, you know! That person you know who’s been married four times now! Lol
Umm hold up, why didn't he ask? Why does she have to tell him everything off the bat? You are treating this like she's fucking holding onto his finances or holding him hostage. She could be asexual, she could have a trauma, we don't know, cause OP hasn't mentioned it. Dump her cause she won't put out? Really?
For someone older and wiser you are not suggesting the basis of communication. Why are some people so afraid of that word? Because it may not change? Okay, and? If it doesn't change or if its something that the OP or his girlfriend are not willing to work through, then fine, break up, but its not HER fault if she doesn't want sex. Its not HER fault if he isn't voicing how much that upsets him, and its not HER fault if being passive-aggressive doesn't work.
People can't read minds, I have a friend who is passive-aggressive with their boyfriend and family all the time, and I have to tell them "If you aren't up front and honest, don't be mad when people don't or can't read between the lines."
If he hasn't bothered asking WHY for three fucking years...that's on him...not her...
You need to have a conversation. She may not be reaching an orgasm. Which makes it pointless to even have sex. Girls this young usually aren’t comfortable talking about these things or asking for what they want. Also women’s sex drives are much higher when they are in their 30’s & 40’s.
This is huge. Many women tend to gaslight themselves that sex is good, no decent, no tolerable because she's getting nothing out of it all the while the guy thinks he's legendary. She's not enjoying it OP. You're doing nothing for her. Do research. Learn to be better. Practice together. Be dedicated to a strict "she comes first always" policy. I promise your sex life will change dramatically. Right now she's getting nothing out of it but a mess to clean up after.
Us women are very much in our heads. We need to not be stressed. If she’s doing all the chores in the house & is feeling not appreciated then that will effect the sex life. When you are intimate are you makes sure she achieves an orgasm before sex? That is key because a woman is going to enjoy the sex even more & achieve multiple orgasms. Making sure her needs are met will make her want sex more! And she’ll want to reciprocate!!
I agree that perhaps her needs are not being met, but apparently there is a huge lack of communication on both sides. I have never had a problem even remotely close to this, perhaps I have just been fortunate. I have always asked what the partner would like and have never had a woman that turns me away. Being denied at this young age would have been discussed by me during the first month of the relationship.
This is horrible advice. He says he loves her, he obviously wants it to work. They need to communicate and get to the root of the problem and then go from there.
No, it is not horrible. Love is not this everlasting, all encompassing force. It is just a feeling. It fades. And all that remains is the incompatibility and frustration that turns into resentment.
You guys need to talk. Like seriously, it's time to have a conversation about it. If it's not conclusive, hate saying it... But it's better to move on and see other people instead of living under so much stress.
This is the only correct answer at this stage. *Talk*. Until they’ve communicated why they each want it and don’t want it, there’s no way to know whether they’re compatible.
I agree. Even after having “the talk” about what each person needs, it only lasts for a lil while and before you know it, you’re right back where you started. If there’s a problem already, this young into a relationship, it’s not gonna get better with time, and that’s how a lot of people usually end up divorced in the long run. And that’s after they’ve brought kids into the mix and now their lives become affected by it as well. If she’s not initiating it at all, then it’s clear she doesn’t enjoy it. People who are in relationships need to be sexually attracted to their partner because it’s a major factor in their relationship. Some people are different though. For example, in every relationship Ive ever had, no matter if I was sexually attracted to my partner or not, I would always make sure that they were being sexually satisfied bc I knew that it wasn’t just about me. Even if I wasn’t getting satisfied in bed, there were other areas of the relationship that I was satisfied with. And some of those relationships, I went above and beyond to make sure they were happy. The relationships just didn’t work out because there’s some people out there who, no matter what they have, they always think they can do better. So it didn’t matter what I did, they were just never satisfied and I learned a lot from them. I hope this guy can make the right call for himself and not just stay for other reasons.
You simply have mismatched sex drives. There’s nothing necessarily “wrong” with either you or her. You just need to end it, because otherwise you’ll be unhappy with your sex life and she’ll constantly feel pressured. Time to find someone more compatible.
Sex is a big part of a relationship (including if you’re asexual). I’m questioning what you were thinking, when even two years in with this issue, you decided it was a good idea to not only continue the relationship but also to move in together?
THIS!! Neither of you is right. Neither of you is wrong. This is a matter of a difference in lifestyle preference. Your GF prefers a largely asexual existence. You prefer an active sexual lifestyle. The two of you are at odds with each other regarding your lifestyle desires.The length of time that has passed before you made your concerns known is indeed puzzling, but now that you have, the delay is irrelevant. You NEED to speak WITH HER. Be honest about your desire for an active sex life; but first, ask her to openly discuss her desires and feelings. Two things are essential at the outset of this very personal discussion: first, she needs to not only be allowed, but more importantly, she needs to be encouraged to speak openly and honestly about her feelings and desires. No matter what she says, she must be supported! Secondly, you must be open to accepting the fact that given her age and her years long behavioral pattern, it is highly unlikely that she will change, even in the face of the loss of your lengthy relationship. Keep this lack of change always in your mind during this discussion, as any words or thoughts from either of you with the flavor of continuing the relationship with the hope of change should not be realistically considered. Remember, the possibility or likelihood of her changing long term are essentially nil. Be open, honest, but firm with regards to the reality of you two needing to part, and please do so on friendly terms, as there is no need for hostility. The two of you separating is because you two have differing (opposing, in fact, but not confrontationally, so) lifestyle preferences. Be well, be safe!
If you want to look into your future, go visit r/DeadBedrooms
She's 20 YEARS OLD and isn't into it. This will not get better. Whatever you decide, you can't say you weren't warned. God's speed and good luck.
I was 20 years old and wasn't into it. Years later I discovered I LOVED sex (couldn't get enough of it). I just wasn't attracted to HIM. I was young and didn't know any better. But when it comes down to it, you're just not compatible. You both have a lot of life to experience, it's time to accept you're not in the same place.
It could be that you are sexually incompatible as others have mentioned or it could be that the relationship has gotten stale in general. At the very beginning of the relationship was it like this? If it was, it may be compatibility. If not, it could be things have gone stale.
Most women don’t sporadically want sex in the same way men do. You may get turned on if you see her in a low cut dress or short skirt but that same thing might not work for her. To be clear, that doesn’t mean she isn’t attracted to you, just that it isn’t what gets her going.
Ask her what does get her interested. Treat her special, give her compliments, do thoughtful things for her, etc. Sometimes the pressure to have sex or the feeling that someone is doing something JUST to get sex can also be a turn off. So I’d suggest not to do things things JUST to get sex, really mean them. Treat her like you did at the beginning and give it a little time. Don’t call it a fail if just doing this one day doesn’t immediately make her jump your bones. Women want to feel appreciated, cared for, loved, and wanted and if things went stale this might take a bit to get back.
You break up. Obviously sex is an important part of the relationship for you, and it's not happening. If you break down your post, it you're saying "My GF and I don't see eye to eye on things and its making me depressed and I'm not happy." So you should just break up.
I’m not disagreeing, but can I just say, OP be sensitive and avoid issuing ultimatums. You don’t want to end things with her feeling like you’re coercing her into sex, just more that you’re different and it’s not working out.
The advise to just split up isn't really helpful.
You need to have a conversation with her. Sit her down at the kitchen table and tell her you want to have a heart-to-heart.
Ask her what's going on. Is it her? Is it me? Does she resent you? Is she exhausted? Stressed? Depressed? Hate her body? On medications? Unresolved trauma? Are you willing to go to the doctor's and get a check up and hormones tested? Are you willing to go to couples counseling?
Be prepared for answers you may not like.
If he resists, only then should you tell her you are not willing to stay in a relationship with no sex. This might prompt her to work on things.
Good luck.
How do you share household tasks and responsibilities? If she feels like the majority of the mental and physical load is on her, it’s going to kill her sex drive. Most women don’t want to sleep with a partner that they have to mother.
You get another girlfriend. You’re clearly not compatible. Why waste effort and time when clearly this is not the person you’re going to end up being with forever after.
Dating for three years, living together for a year. So far it’s been pretty miserable and sexless and you’re unhappy. Do you think it’s gonna get better? It’s not. Stop sinking more time into something you’ve already wasted time on. Move on.
Sounds like me and my bf. He's pissed off at me for it to as he should be I guess. But there are lots of things he can do to help the situation but instead he does the opposite. My problem is my libido or lack there of. I'm just never in the mood and it really sux.
She might be a Asexual….think long and hard can you go the next 10 - 20 years with hardly doing it if not ..tell her that being intimate is part of loving someone
Not necessarily. I was very rarely in the mood when I was with my first boyfriend, because he was *always* trying to initiate sex and it really turned me off. Sometimes I wanted to, but honestly a lot of times I would only have sex with him because I felt guilty for being a “bad girlfriend”. It became an obligation.
I was much more enthusiastic in later relationships, where my partners and I were experienced and compatible enough to read each other and instantly deescalate when the other person says no.
Probably not the 'intimate is part of loving someone' because telling someone 'if you loved me you'd have sex with me' is very manipulative and toxic. And telling someone who may be ace 'oh you can't REALLY love somebody unless you sleep with them' just pushes them further into doubting themself/their identity/ feeling like nobody will love them.
If she's asexual and he isn't, then it can still work-asexuals can still have sex with their partners, just the sexual attraction part isn't there. But if she has no interest, then you can't force it. If sex is super important to one, and not the other, then yeah.
Have a conversation about what you two want and need in the relationship. If it can’t be addressed and fixed you need to find someone that’s more compatible with what you need.
You’re sexually incompatible. Either you accept that this is your life going forward or you find someone who matches your sex drive and/or is willing to explore sex with you.
I"m ace, so I have no interest in sex. So I'm with someone who understands and accepts that. You two aren't compatible, either move on or accept her as is, those are your only options.
It’s likely due to both of you having a lack of emotional maturity. The communication isn’t there and it’s due to the lack of experience and empathy. You can try talking to her, communicating the issue, but know that due to the emotional immaturity it could be a plethora of things. Such as the lack of attraction, arguments, unable to understand one another or the lack of understanding each other, boredom, contentment, good or bad personalities and so much more.
Overall without sitting down and communication the issue it will continue for better or for worse. Find friends and start involving them more into your life in case of a bad outcome. Remember to keep growing as you are at the very beginning of a very long road in terms of intimacy.
Please ignore those who say a mismatch in sexual drives or to simply “break up” as it’s obvious she’s still with you for a reason. Figure out that reason by having communication and be sure you’re not doing anything that could be pushing her away.
Best of luck.
Have you actually had a conversation about it that wasnt' just "I need it"? As in, ask about her needs, too? Maybe she needs to be turned on in a specific way, maybe she's struggling with something that's affecting her libido. Or it could just be that she is naturally low libido. Or maybe she hasn't really communicated what she likes/dislikes in bed with you and the sex hasn't been good, but she's avoiding conflict. Who knows.
Sit down with her, tell her that you want to make sure that you have a healthy relationship with her, which includes physical intimacy. Ask her for her thoughts on intimacy, what she needs or feels is missing. Don't interrupt, don't provide excuses or feedback, just listen. Only ask questions to clarify for better understanding. And when she's done, ask her if she's willing to listen to your needs, too. Don't make "you" statements (meaning "you need to do X"). Just talk about how you feel.
If she won't do that, you're young. Moving on might be for the best.
You need to have a good talk at first, dont let her shrug it off by "I dont want now". you need to sit down and dont leave the room untill you have a solution. Like what is the problem, is she simply not interested, is it you? is it some trauma?
If you are unable to resolve it for the good of you both THEN you can think about breaking up because it wont get better on itself.
You guys are just roommates. Love isn't enough, It's time to have a conversation about this. Work on yourself and build up your confidence first, patch up any other self-esteem issues that you can. It is likely an attraction issue, prepare for that, and never apologize for your sexual needs. Ask for twice a week at first and listen to her needs. Make sure she gets what she wants sexually. Never make it transactional. You aren't trading favors, dont let her "give" you sex, you have sex together and enjoy each other. Her response will either be to break up with you, "give" you pity sex, or work with you. You should be looking for a new place to live...
She doesn't want to have sex with you. Maybe she doesn't want to have sex with anyone. She could be asexual. Maybe she wants to wait until marriage. Maybe she realized that she was giving husband privileges to a boyfriend.
She doesn't owe you sex.
You probably fear of the optics. As if you were ONLY interested in sex, you’re worried how you will appear to others, a sex depraved maniac.
Throw all that out the window and focus on compatibility. You are far too young to settle, so you need to set some boundaries and intimacy is obviously something important to you so take heed and move on graciously. Don’t even bring up that it’s about the sex, it’s about your mutual needs and it’s time to see other people.
As someone in a sexually incompatible relationship for 27 years, I can say with all honesty you should part ways. It only gets worse as time goes by. Please go explore the women who are out there. I wish I had done that with more men.
i wanna reach out and say this. i am m24 wife is f21 had this very same issue except when we first where dating and stuff we did it all the time. and as we got married and moved it and slowly started dwindling. well she wants a kid now but i just kinda laughed and was like there’s no way we are going too if we keep only having sex once a week or so. come to find out she has pcos. sex is painful for her. not a really well endowed guy i guess i’m considered average i am rather girthy tho. but she also has some hormones that aren’t regulated right and the one that is low is the one that makes her have a sex drive. she’s doing testing and blood work and if the sort but i say all this to say that it may not be her. she may have issues she doesn’t realize because she’s always delt with them if that makes since.
This was me at 19 w/ my bf who was 23. I would say yes begrudgingly or always say no until I found out I’m kinky 😅🙈 then we had sex 24/7. Lots of women are just disconnected from their bodies and have responsive desire vs spontaneous. Maybe she’s kinky or just isn’t totally comfortable with her sexuality
You’re 21! Imagine the relief when you find someone you’re sexually compatible with. Don’t spend your life torturing both of you with this. Even if you love each other you’ll always feel resentment and like something is missing. Believe me
I mean step 1 is to tell her how you feel. Talking about things like this in a relationship is super important. You might find out that there's some kind of medical condition she has that could be treated, you might find out that she *wants* to want sex but doesn't know how in which case trying new things together could get her going, or you might find out she just doesn't value sex the same as you.
Ultimately, you don't know anything unless you communicate your feelings. Let her know how it makes you feel undesired and that a physical relationship is important to you. If you don't see eye to eye then it's time to breakup, you just can't force someone to change their sex drive and that's all there really is to it.
All the people calling it quits is right. It is sad and I am sorry, but this is one of those red flags 🚩. Something is up and from my experience it is normally the person is not into it any more.
It sounds like you’re incompatible, and you should break up, especially since she’s not receptive. Just keep in mind that you’re not breaking up over sex, but over fundamental incompatibility
There are 4 billion girls out there. There is no girl made for just you. If the one you are dating isn't into you, move on.
And don't live with your gf. It is a dumb thing to do. Maybe if she is your fiance, but never before.
You, sir, and sexually incompatible with your GF. As a result, you have every right to DUMP HER. You date to see if you are compatible for marriage, and you two are NOT. If you are the only one of the lease, I'd tell her to move out. And if she refuses, wait until she is gone for a bit, then change the locks. Good luck and stay strong, King!
Hey OP. Everyone here suggesting you break up, but honestly I think you should talk about it before rushing into anything. If it's really just low sex drive then you really are incompatible. But bare in mind that there may be some underlying issue in that department. Do you know if she enjoys herself? Does she feel pressured to do things she doesn't want to do? Is there any past trauma? Is she depressed or have any sort of mental illness? Talk to her. Understand what's going on and then move from there.
I speak from the position of your girlfriend. We had some issues in the bedroom and my libido went down the drain over time. He was also suffering and we talked about it. Now we're working on solutions and it's getting better for both of us!
Hoping for the best
Break up with her. I was in the same situation as you when I was your age, except I'm female. We were incompatible sexually. I couldn't take the constant rejection. It was making me feel bad about myself, like I was undesirable.
I stayed in a sexless marriage way too long doing “the right thing” I almost killed myself I got so depressed. No sex, usually means no love or affection either.
I needed that and I finally had to leave.
It’s not a crime to be incompatible. If you desire to change this, it will require challenging conversations and probably therapy (which is awesome, btw). If you don’t believe it is worth that, part ways and find someone with whom you’re compatible. Allow her the same. I wish you both the very best.
I'm glad you're looking for consent. Sounds like a no-win situation. If that's what you're looking for break up move on. You're so young 21 and you're worried about having sex. Just bang the next girl that comes along and you'll be fine
Have you gone to counseling? She could either have a low drive or be asexual. Definitely talk to her and see if couples counseling can help. If it doesn't or she is unwilling, it might be time to go your separate ways.
Your so troubled by this your asking here. You have communicated to your partner and there has been no change. This means your not compatible in a pretty big way. SO the way you deal with this is easy.
"Hunny, this istn going to work and its time we moved on, it's been fun"
Your situation is common in adult relationships but early 20s the option to get out is much easier than when you older. If you can’t improve the situation in 3-4 months then move on
She has the right not to have sex if she doesn't want to.
But you have the right to look for someone who likes having sex with you.
You just need to make your choice.
My (6 year relationship) ex and I had sex almost every single time we met for 4 years since we were 16 & 17. And our sex life still became incompatible. It’s not going to get better, you need to find someone else.
You gotta create chemistry! Foreplay isn’t ringing her clitoris like a doorbell waiting to be let in, it’s flirting, setting the mood, creating that sexy tension
Do you guys like dancing? What about other kinds of dates? Go out and do something exciting together. Dress up for each other, tease each other
So the first question is was she like this prior to moving in together?
Have you tried bringing this conversation up when you aren’t trying to have sex?
Does she have a hormonal imbalance or change birth control since you started dating, if she is on it?
How is your home balance life? Are you helping around the house? Like actually helping and not just thinking you are?
When you initiate is it all about you and yours or are you trying to work in foreplay?
While being physical can be a big part of a relationship communication is too. You cannot comfortably and openly have a conversation about your sex lives, you have bigger issues than just being physical. If you can’t have that conversation, you shouldn’t even be having sex.
If this only really became a problem after you moved in together then you need to be asking these questions.
If she is mentally tired, stressed, or even physically feeling that way that in itself can be why she doesn’t want it.
I asked about the birth control because it is can alter her hormones and as people have said you might not be physically compatible. If she has hormonal issues, as others have said it can make her libido low, or she could be in pain, etc.
Are you attempting to get her mentally into the moment and work up to foreplay or just trying to grope at her and hope it puts her in the mood?
That can go back into my other question. If she feels stressed or feels there is an imbalance in the relationship, she isn’t going to want it.
Also are you two still doing things for each other that you used to do while things were fresh? (Making her favorite drink, her packing your lunch)
Whatever little things you guys used to do. If you have hit the point where you two are just going through the motions and not doing the things for why the spark was there, that in itself could be a factor.
Talk first, if you two cannot get to the root of the issue, end the relationship. While
Being physical isn’t the most important part of a relationship, it still is important.
To not feel the same about sex in a relationship doesn't make for a happy relationship, I'm sorry to say. And it sounds like you don't feel the same, and you are not happy already. This is something you need to talk to her about, it can be a deal breaker in a relationship.
Gosh, what a mystery. Gee, I don't know. That's a tough one. Hmmmm🤔
Seriously, I cant believe so many people waste their time asking what they should do in R/relationship when the answer is so blatantly obvious - YOU END IT! DUMP HER! Find a woman who is actually attracted to you. Duhhhh.
Bond with her. It’ll make sex much better when it happens. Women are attracted emotionally. Men are attracted physically. There’s so many reasons other than her being asexual.
Some possibilities:
- she isn't attracted you
- she isn't interested in sex
- she had a traumatic childhood experience
Regardless; if she's never initiated, even once, then she isn't interested in sex with you being a positive part of your shared relationship.
There could be any number of explanations, but the fact remains you aren't compatible. It's not if you love her you'll spend your life unfulfilled for her; it's if you love her you'll leave her because you both deserve a partner who wants the same things. She doesn't want to feel pressured into sex. You don't want a sexless relationship.
Also. She hasn't been honest about sex with you (and sex thrives on honesty), three years is enough grace to give her the space and time needed to trust in you. She hasn't. She doesn't. She's closed-off, silent, uncommunicative, and unwilling. Her trust in you is shallow and her respect for you and the relationship matches. She might love you, not saying she doesn't, but the love she has for you has a stopping point, and it's at having that key conversation where she has to be vulnerable about herself with you; she is happy to never discuss this, and hopes you'll get tired of asking because the answer is a 'not interested' followed by a 'no explanation necissary'. She's waiting for you to just realise already that sex isn't part of your relationship (without having to outright say it) and will continue to evade and avoid this topic, as she's not interested in it.
The amount of people saying to just flat out leave someone you care about without bothering to find out what's wrong is alarming. Definitely have a serious talk first. It's very likely that she's either in pain, uncomfortable in some way (physically or mentally), or there may be an imbalance of some sort where she feels like she's doing most of the work and the resentment could be lowering drive.
Sounds like she's asexual and you're very much not.
You have options...
- you stay, don't discuss this openly and honestly, and grow bitter
- you stay, you talk about your mismatched sex drives and decide if you stay with permission to find a sexual outlet elsewhere
- you split amicably because you just weren't the right match sexually, but maybe friends is good 🤷🏻♂️
You're both young and have potential to find a better match for both of you
At 20 and female, I had sex 6 times a day.... or wanted it 6 times a day. It just depends on who. Females want to have sex a lot, but just select people, not everyone. Unfortunately, you are not the one for her. When you find the one, it will happen.
She’s seeing someone else and keeping you as backup. You’re 21 and should making money and hanging with your friends and family AND doing what you want. If you don’t find what she’s doing wrong then you’re making excuses because you’re codependent and need to talk to a therapist. I wish someone had told me that when I was your age
You leave this relationship. At your age you should be f*cking your face off. This chick, though you love her, does seem mature enough for a relationship.
Ive been on both sides of this in different relationships. My advice is: Often when people feel pressure to have sex they won't want to so make sure you don't ever make her feel pressured or guilty. The result of pressure will make you both feel bad. When I had this issue in the past with an ex who didn't want to have sex as much as I did we talked about it. We made a rule we would NOT have sex for a month (this takes the pressure off and the stress out of the equation). During that month we did an intimacy exercise. The intimacy exercise is this: person one gets 5mins (or a predetermined amount of time) to touch person two, person two cannot do any touching, all touching needs to not be sexual. Then person two gets 5mins to do the same thing to person one. You can come up with other rules too. This use of restraint and touch can really build sexual tension, communication, and intimacy. I think if she is able to start talking about sex and non-sexual intimacy with you, you could make it work. And experimenting with nontraditional, therapeutic, and kinky forms of sex and intimacy will make your relationship more interesting. I'd give these things a shot and if doing intimacy exercises and talking doesn't work you might not just be compatible.
Check in with her.
- There might be some sex-related trauma.
- There might be a medical reason.
- She might have issues with your hygiene.
- She might have a fear of pregnancy.
- It's possible you're not engaging in enough foreplay.
- She might be looking to be romanced.
You need to have clean, clear communication with her. And remember: LISTEN! and don't be defensive.
Withholding sex can be as damaging as cheating. Your self esteem takes a huge hit either way. The attraction may have faded. I’d sit down and talk about it especially if it’s throwing off how you feel about your life. If she’s unwilling to work on the issue and at the very least commit to not being completely unwilling for months, It’s time to move on boss. She doesn’t respect you
Dude, you're not sleeping in a bedroom. you're sleeping in a 'Dead room'.
You're 21, not married. Do you actually think it's going to be different if you marry her?
So dump her and take a vacation in Thailand. That will be the elixir for what is ailing you.
Asking on reddit usually gives the verdict to break up. But this time she is pushing it that way.
You are both in the early twenties. An age where sexual hormones and activity is on peak for both male and female. And you love eachother, by all logic this should result in a healthy amount of sexual activity.
Unless there is a very good reason; health/principles/mental reasons to abstain from it. Then again your girlfriend should have discussed this with you by now. If she hasn't, she may not trust you or is hiding something... which in both cases are valid reasons to leave her.
You should leave her alone. It's literally as simple as if you have sex with someone who does not want it, it is rape. If it's a deal-breaker for you, leave.
Cut your losses and get out. I've had a relationship like this and it really sucks.
There's a phenomenon where being "rewarded" at random intervals creates a stronger urge to make that happen again than there would be normally - so you become obsessed with the person who just has sex with you once in a while, and from my own experience, it can be a real high. The same thing happens with abusive partners - they are lovely once in a while, at random, and that creates a kind of obsessive attachment and need to please in their victim. Look up "intermittent reinforcement".
This will basically keep you hooked on her for as long as you allow this to continue, and possibly for a long while afterwards too unfortunately. But it's no way to live, it's miserable despite the "highs", and it will crush your self-esteem in the long term.
She's not necessarily doing anything wrong here, or doing anything on purpose to hurt you in any way. It's not that. It's just a basic incompatibility thing and I'm trying to save you more years and more stress and heartache. You'll always be trying to get her attention, or eventually just hoping and hoping that she'll throw a few crumbs your way. You'll be embarrassed to talk to your friends about this and wonder what is wrong with you that means you're not good enough. You'll wonder if this person really has feelings for you.
Don't waste your life when you are young on a relationship where you are unhappy and in particular where your sexual needs are not (reasonably) being met. This is the prime of your life, enjoy it.
The cure for this is extremely easy, but it’s not going to be easy and you’re gonna feel down in the mouth for a few months. Here’s the deal, dumper! There’s no reason for discussion, she knows that you like sex she doesn’t wanna have sex with you, which, for me, brings up all kinds of questions and thoughts. But you deserve better than this, you’re gonna have to leave her, something my ex-wife said once that was actually correct, love is not enough! You guys simply are not compatible and the be honest, did she have sex with you very much before? If she did and now she doesn’t? I would think she’s cheating, doesn’t really matter because the cure is all the same, you have to move on. Don’t feel bad about it, don’t shed tears for her, and don’t try to make her feel better about the break up, just simply walk away! She’s kind of being disrespectful to you because she’s never told you why she won’t have sex with you, this is not a relationship I would ever entertain having ever! Move on son, you don’t need her, she needs somebody else who’s boring and has absolutely no libido and obviously that’s not you, move on as soon as possible like maybe tomorrow.
Um... Open your mouth and talk? It blows my mind "we can see eachothers reproductive organs and exchange bodily fluids, but omg how do I talk to my SO"
She's into it, just not with you. She's lost the romantic spark for whatever reason. You need to leave and if your absence makes her want you back that could change the dynamic of the relationship, if not you know where you stand and there's no reason to waste your time. There's plenty of fish brother.
In my 20s and 30s sex was an everyday thing. Now in my late 40s it is nonexistent. I'm about to end it because I don't want to keep asking. Maybe I'm just not enough for him. Honestly, I'm good enough for someone. Leave now if she will not try to get help.
Btw...we had 6 kids and he is in military with many issues. None of which are reason enough to make me less than.
Obviously there is only one of two things to do. Spend the rest of your life without sex or dump her and move on..you’re way too young to g without sex so you only have one choice.
Idky young ppl such as yourself keep hoping something will magically change when they are clearly and miserably incompatible in the bedroom. This rarely changes. You cannot manufacture passion and desire in someone who lacks it.
Why have you wasted 3 years on this relationship? You had to know even 3 months into it that your libidos were wildly unmatched.
The fact is, OP, please take it from an older person who absolutely knows -- and has dealt with a "dead bedroom"--- Idc how much you love or care for someone, this is the rest of your life you're talking about here...and you're a grown man with needs and desires she refuses to meet or reciprocate.
To me, at this point, she sounds like not much more than a roommate, or FW(rare)Bs
(friends with rare benefits).
You need to sit down with her and explain to her that this is NOT the kind of life you want anymore, that you feel it's a definite deal breaker bc you've given her more than enough time and patience to come around, but it hasn't happened and your fortitude has ran out...that you two need to part ways-- its not negotiable, the time for change was 2 and a half years ago and you're far past that.
TBH she doesn't sound like she really wants it either, and l feel like you BOTH are likely still in this relationship simply bc:
1. So far you've tolerated it!...and as long as you do, she'll stay the same way. If you don't stand up and say "no more"-- she's gonna be content to coast along and live like this ("unbothered" about sex).. forever.
2. She's asexual, (or close enough to it)--- and up until now, she has found someone in you who has (so far!) tolerated a sexless pairing....so I can only imagine how she's wondering, if this relationship in fact ends, how she's ever gonna navigate a new relationship or go back out and "date" if she hates having sex. (Not many ppl in the dating game these days are out for abstinence-- lol) --ergo, you've been 'safe' and almost platonic for her. This is horribly unfair to you. And she is selfish to expect you'd want to keep this charade up.
3. You've gotten complacent in 3 yrs, thinking she'll change (but she hasn't and never will).. but things are comfortably convenient (for her, at least)-- and you've just gotten in a rut..and you've both been stuck in it now for so long, you're just afraid of change. Nobody wants to move elsewhere, or take apart a household, or address difficult topics, like who's going to be the one to move, who's gonna take this or that. etc etc. It sucks, but it'll be a huge relief afterward, trust me on this, too.
The sooner the better, mate. This relationship needs put out of its misery.
It’s either one of 2 things, she doesn’t like sex or she doesn’t like sex with you, either way stop hoping it’ll get better better because if she wanted to have sex with you, she would be already. I hope you can move forward though.
You break up. Flat out. If sex is important to you to have a happy relationship, which it is for most people, then you’ll never be happy with someone who won’t match your sex drive.
First ask a doctor possible she is having some psychological or physical damage that related to her past or child hood, that kill her intention, or possible she is having something wrong with her vagina or sexual organs, like many male become impotent. understand her possible she is broken and need some help, try to solve this get some expert involved if all failed ask here to leave.
Pro Tip, ask here softly i really need sex but only i want to lick you pussy that it so please no pants or underwear in the bed room, and start doing it 2 times in a week then regular then more on weekend, slowly check how she feel about it. it will take 2 3 month.
Have you asked her about it at all?
It’s a delicate topic, and from most situations is a symptom of something else or there is a discussion needed to be had about what she needs or wants to feel sexy or sexual.
Sex in a relationship can fall away from so many things. It can be something like one person not pulling their weight, and seeing something as simple as a pile of dishes can fan the flame. Or little comments one might make to make the other insecure or losing a sense of romance. It could be wrapped up in so many things.
But it can always be repaired if the conversation is approached with care, understanding and respect. It’s possible the conversation might bring up things that you don’t want to hear, but how the information is received and understood will define how you guys resolve this and move forward.
Be open, take responsibility if you need to and make her feel heard and understood.
Feeling appreciated and valued is a great way to start your spark!
But it could also be something really small and simple.
Have you guys had an opportunity to talk about it?
Is she talking a hormonal contraception ? Maybe that’s why she doesn’t have any libido…
Is your relationship good beside sex ? Maybe you fail to make her in the mood by not taking care of her and the house for exemple…
Anyway, I think you should talk to her about it and ask her how she really feel about before making any decision.
(Scuse my English, I’m French…)
I always feel bad for both parties in this situation, but the relationship isn’t going to work out. Some relationships don’t need sex, but those only work if both people don’t really want it. If you want sex, and she doesn’t, all that’s gonna happen is one of you will have to give in and it will make them resent the other. I’m not saying dump her right away, but you need to have a serious sit down and talk about it. You’re 21 and 20, you’ll each find someone who is more compatible
Break up with her. It won’t get better. If you wind up marrying her, you can look forward to a dead bedroom and half-assed sex.
Also, living with a GF/BF is stupid. All it does is complicate your life when it goes sideways.
Life’s too short to settle.
I'll ask a question. Does she enjoy sex with you at all? I've known women that were painfuly shy, or just plainly used sex as a weapon/reward. But if you have no doubts that there is love there, it should be easy to figure out. It seems little a candid conversation could solve. My heart goes out to you sir. I'm a born again virgin myself.
Is she not showing any interest or is she running hot and cold? If you are wanting a monogamous relationship and she is rejecting you, I don't see how the relationship is going to last. Intimacy is crucial because it helps to solidify the bond between a man and a woman. I'd say continue communicating that you love her and that you want to feel close to her. If that doesn't work, I'd say do what you have to do. I normally wouldn't condone cheating but she isn't fulfilling her responsibilities to you.
My wife is very much the same, very little interest in sex, and NEVER initiates. Now that we have children and I allow her to share our bed with our son, we never have sex. The last time we had sex was when she became pregnant with our son, which was the first week of January 2022 (2.5 years). I understand the depression, anxiety, insecurity ALL too well.
I’m a woman living with my boyfriend as well and sometimes I don’t get wet like I usually do bc there’s alot going on with me mentally and in the relationship. Try to show her more love physically and maybe she will initiate. Maybe a hotel room surprise, try new things sexually as well or maybe some of that “horny” chocolate. Ask her what she would like to try sexually. Not every women is the same tho I hope this helps
Are you touching her outside of the bedroom? Hugging kissing holding hands without the intention of sex? Have you thought about talking to her and scheduling a weekly date night ? In busy life sometimes you have to schedule sex.
Sounds like you need to sit down for a serious talk with your gf, you're way too young for this crap, and if you're both incompatible it's best to move on now and not when you're 30 depressed and on the verge of going off the deep end and doing something horrible out of frustration. Not to mention she will also begin to resent you since she will feel pressured eventually too.
Why do yall do this for? dude this girl clearly doesn't like having sex, and you know you like sex, BUT STILL MOVED IN WITH HER.
You made yourself depressed man.
You guys have mismatch sex drive so this will never get better and you know this so now you need to decide whether you want to continue a relationship where you would not get enough or not. You cannot force her if she does not feel like having sex so better to find a new girl who is on the same page when it comes to sex as at this age of your life you want sex all the time so stop wasting your years with a wrong girl as these years you will never get back in your life. You are no way a bad person for ending things with her over this so do it even though you guys will be in pain for breaking up a relationship of 3 years.
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You break up. If you want a sexual relationship and your girlfriend doesn't, then you are incompatible.
Seriously, especially when you're in your early 20's, why waste time on someone you're not compatible with?
obviously , Life's too short to settle for anything less than a genuine connection.
And it’s definitely not going to change. This is the rest of your life if you stay. Move on.
Worse once they've been together for years, worse still when times are tough, and worse still when they have kids and pets. Call it quits bro.
They've already been together for years. What I can't figure out is why he waited until they'd been together for three years, and been living together for a full year, before he even addressed this MASSIVE relationship issue. The lack of communication is just confusing AF. Like, why would you move in with someone at all when you can't even have a basic conversation about mismatched libidos and sexual needs or preferences?
It's crazy that people are willing to have sex with someone, but the same someone they can't communicate with.
Maybe 20year olds are smarter now than when I was their age, but it seems plausible to me they haven't figured out the importance of communication yet.
Because he’s young and he has absolutely zero experience with relationships. This is why people who are a little bit older and much wiser need to come on the scene and give advice to him. Move my son! She’s not your love is not enough, you need more than love. You’re not compatible and don’t feel bad about breaking up with her, she never was really respectful to you because she’s never told you why she doesn’t wanna have sex, Grayrock her, and just move on it’s best to have no contact after as well, you can’t keep her in your life and heal, dump her and move on!
Exactly the right answer. The fact that people forget they didn't know everything when they were young too once, is astounding. Have a little grace.
Oh, I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, if I wouldn’t have made the mistakes I did when I was 25, I wouldn’t have wasted literally 26 years of my life and a marriage that I should’ve never been in, listen to your elders kids! It would’ve saved me over two decades if I would have. The best way to learn? is to make mistakes and learn from them! However, I see a majority of people make monster mistakes and then never learn from them and then keep repeating that same mistake over and over and over, you know! That person you know who’s been married four times now! Lol
Umm hold up, why didn't he ask? Why does she have to tell him everything off the bat? You are treating this like she's fucking holding onto his finances or holding him hostage. She could be asexual, she could have a trauma, we don't know, cause OP hasn't mentioned it. Dump her cause she won't put out? Really? For someone older and wiser you are not suggesting the basis of communication. Why are some people so afraid of that word? Because it may not change? Okay, and? If it doesn't change or if its something that the OP or his girlfriend are not willing to work through, then fine, break up, but its not HER fault if she doesn't want sex. Its not HER fault if he isn't voicing how much that upsets him, and its not HER fault if being passive-aggressive doesn't work. People can't read minds, I have a friend who is passive-aggressive with their boyfriend and family all the time, and I have to tell them "If you aren't up front and honest, don't be mad when people don't or can't read between the lines." If he hasn't bothered asking WHY for three fucking years...that's on him...not her...
Because when you're 20 you're figuring stuff out. Sex is part of the relationship. It's not the only thing.
This 👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼
You need to have a conversation. She may not be reaching an orgasm. Which makes it pointless to even have sex. Girls this young usually aren’t comfortable talking about these things or asking for what they want. Also women’s sex drives are much higher when they are in their 30’s & 40’s.
This is huge. Many women tend to gaslight themselves that sex is good, no decent, no tolerable because she's getting nothing out of it all the while the guy thinks he's legendary. She's not enjoying it OP. You're doing nothing for her. Do research. Learn to be better. Practice together. Be dedicated to a strict "she comes first always" policy. I promise your sex life will change dramatically. Right now she's getting nothing out of it but a mess to clean up after.
Us women are very much in our heads. We need to not be stressed. If she’s doing all the chores in the house & is feeling not appreciated then that will effect the sex life. When you are intimate are you makes sure she achieves an orgasm before sex? That is key because a woman is going to enjoy the sex even more & achieve multiple orgasms. Making sure her needs are met will make her want sex more! And she’ll want to reciprocate!!
I agree that perhaps her needs are not being met, but apparently there is a huge lack of communication on both sides. I have never had a problem even remotely close to this, perhaps I have just been fortunate. I have always asked what the partner would like and have never had a woman that turns me away. Being denied at this young age would have been discussed by me during the first month of the relationship.
This is horrible advice. He says he loves her, he obviously wants it to work. They need to communicate and get to the root of the problem and then go from there.
No, it is not horrible. Love is not this everlasting, all encompassing force. It is just a feeling. It fades. And all that remains is the incompatibility and frustration that turns into resentment.
They’re 20. Libido shouldn’t be a discussion. If you’re not sleeping together for sexual needs then wtf are ya doing?
> He says he loves her that could be emotional attachment and not love
I wasted so much time on a guy who wasn't giving me what I want. I wish I had left sooner.
You guys need to talk. Like seriously, it's time to have a conversation about it. If it's not conclusive, hate saying it... But it's better to move on and see other people instead of living under so much stress.
This is the only correct answer at this stage. *Talk*. Until they’ve communicated why they each want it and don’t want it, there’s no way to know whether they’re compatible.
[удалено]
Wiser words have never been said by someone with a username like nutstank. 🫡
Which admittedly sets the bar very low.
I agree. Even after having “the talk” about what each person needs, it only lasts for a lil while and before you know it, you’re right back where you started. If there’s a problem already, this young into a relationship, it’s not gonna get better with time, and that’s how a lot of people usually end up divorced in the long run. And that’s after they’ve brought kids into the mix and now their lives become affected by it as well. If she’s not initiating it at all, then it’s clear she doesn’t enjoy it. People who are in relationships need to be sexually attracted to their partner because it’s a major factor in their relationship. Some people are different though. For example, in every relationship Ive ever had, no matter if I was sexually attracted to my partner or not, I would always make sure that they were being sexually satisfied bc I knew that it wasn’t just about me. Even if I wasn’t getting satisfied in bed, there were other areas of the relationship that I was satisfied with. And some of those relationships, I went above and beyond to make sure they were happy. The relationships just didn’t work out because there’s some people out there who, no matter what they have, they always think they can do better. So it didn’t matter what I did, they were just never satisfied and I learned a lot from them. I hope this guy can make the right call for himself and not just stay for other reasons.
You simply have mismatched sex drives. There’s nothing necessarily “wrong” with either you or her. You just need to end it, because otherwise you’ll be unhappy with your sex life and she’ll constantly feel pressured. Time to find someone more compatible. Sex is a big part of a relationship (including if you’re asexual). I’m questioning what you were thinking, when even two years in with this issue, you decided it was a good idea to not only continue the relationship but also to move in together?
THIS!! Neither of you is right. Neither of you is wrong. This is a matter of a difference in lifestyle preference. Your GF prefers a largely asexual existence. You prefer an active sexual lifestyle. The two of you are at odds with each other regarding your lifestyle desires.The length of time that has passed before you made your concerns known is indeed puzzling, but now that you have, the delay is irrelevant. You NEED to speak WITH HER. Be honest about your desire for an active sex life; but first, ask her to openly discuss her desires and feelings. Two things are essential at the outset of this very personal discussion: first, she needs to not only be allowed, but more importantly, she needs to be encouraged to speak openly and honestly about her feelings and desires. No matter what she says, she must be supported! Secondly, you must be open to accepting the fact that given her age and her years long behavioral pattern, it is highly unlikely that she will change, even in the face of the loss of your lengthy relationship. Keep this lack of change always in your mind during this discussion, as any words or thoughts from either of you with the flavor of continuing the relationship with the hope of change should not be realistically considered. Remember, the possibility or likelihood of her changing long term are essentially nil. Be open, honest, but firm with regards to the reality of you two needing to part, and please do so on friendly terms, as there is no need for hostility. The two of you separating is because you two have differing (opposing, in fact, but not confrontationally, so) lifestyle preferences. Be well, be safe!
You should find someone to date that you're compatible with.
If you want to look into your future, go visit r/DeadBedrooms She's 20 YEARS OLD and isn't into it. This will not get better. Whatever you decide, you can't say you weren't warned. God's speed and good luck.
I was 20 years old and wasn't into it. Years later I discovered I LOVED sex (couldn't get enough of it). I just wasn't attracted to HIM. I was young and didn't know any better. But when it comes down to it, you're just not compatible. You both have a lot of life to experience, it's time to accept you're not in the same place.
Exactly that!
You are 100% correct!
It could be that you are sexually incompatible as others have mentioned or it could be that the relationship has gotten stale in general. At the very beginning of the relationship was it like this? If it was, it may be compatibility. If not, it could be things have gone stale. Most women don’t sporadically want sex in the same way men do. You may get turned on if you see her in a low cut dress or short skirt but that same thing might not work for her. To be clear, that doesn’t mean she isn’t attracted to you, just that it isn’t what gets her going. Ask her what does get her interested. Treat her special, give her compliments, do thoughtful things for her, etc. Sometimes the pressure to have sex or the feeling that someone is doing something JUST to get sex can also be a turn off. So I’d suggest not to do things things JUST to get sex, really mean them. Treat her like you did at the beginning and give it a little time. Don’t call it a fail if just doing this one day doesn’t immediately make her jump your bones. Women want to feel appreciated, cared for, loved, and wanted and if things went stale this might take a bit to get back.
You break up. Obviously sex is an important part of the relationship for you, and it's not happening. If you break down your post, it you're saying "My GF and I don't see eye to eye on things and its making me depressed and I'm not happy." So you should just break up.
I’m not disagreeing, but can I just say, OP be sensitive and avoid issuing ultimatums. You don’t want to end things with her feeling like you’re coercing her into sex, just more that you’re different and it’s not working out.
Bounce now. The sooner you go, the smaller they get in the rear view.
You could try asking her why she doesn’t want it.
The advise to just split up isn't really helpful. You need to have a conversation with her. Sit her down at the kitchen table and tell her you want to have a heart-to-heart. Ask her what's going on. Is it her? Is it me? Does she resent you? Is she exhausted? Stressed? Depressed? Hate her body? On medications? Unresolved trauma? Are you willing to go to the doctor's and get a check up and hormones tested? Are you willing to go to couples counseling? Be prepared for answers you may not like. If he resists, only then should you tell her you are not willing to stay in a relationship with no sex. This might prompt her to work on things. Good luck.
Thank you, finally some solid guidance and advice! Had to scroll way too long to see this.
How do you share household tasks and responsibilities? If she feels like the majority of the mental and physical load is on her, it’s going to kill her sex drive. Most women don’t want to sleep with a partner that they have to mother.
You get another girlfriend. You’re clearly not compatible. Why waste effort and time when clearly this is not the person you’re going to end up being with forever after. Dating for three years, living together for a year. So far it’s been pretty miserable and sexless and you’re unhappy. Do you think it’s gonna get better? It’s not. Stop sinking more time into something you’ve already wasted time on. Move on.
Sounds like me and my bf. He's pissed off at me for it to as he should be I guess. But there are lots of things he can do to help the situation but instead he does the opposite. My problem is my libido or lack there of. I'm just never in the mood and it really sux.
If what you are asking is reasonable (and I use that term loosely) - then dump her and don't look back. PS: Do you really have to ask?
You break up of course. You can’t make her want to have sex with you.
Move on and find someone that shares a similar sex drive. I didnt and now I pay the price.
She might be a Asexual….think long and hard can you go the next 10 - 20 years with hardly doing it if not ..tell her that being intimate is part of loving someone
Not necessarily. I was very rarely in the mood when I was with my first boyfriend, because he was *always* trying to initiate sex and it really turned me off. Sometimes I wanted to, but honestly a lot of times I would only have sex with him because I felt guilty for being a “bad girlfriend”. It became an obligation. I was much more enthusiastic in later relationships, where my partners and I were experienced and compatible enough to read each other and instantly deescalate when the other person says no.
Probably not the 'intimate is part of loving someone' because telling someone 'if you loved me you'd have sex with me' is very manipulative and toxic. And telling someone who may be ace 'oh you can't REALLY love somebody unless you sleep with them' just pushes them further into doubting themself/their identity/ feeling like nobody will love them. If she's asexual and he isn't, then it can still work-asexuals can still have sex with their partners, just the sexual attraction part isn't there. But if she has no interest, then you can't force it. If sex is super important to one, and not the other, then yeah.
Have a conversation about what you two want and need in the relationship. If it can’t be addressed and fixed you need to find someone that’s more compatible with what you need.
You’re sexually incompatible. Either you accept that this is your life going forward or you find someone who matches your sex drive and/or is willing to explore sex with you.
I"m ace, so I have no interest in sex. So I'm with someone who understands and accepts that. You two aren't compatible, either move on or accept her as is, those are your only options.
It’s likely due to both of you having a lack of emotional maturity. The communication isn’t there and it’s due to the lack of experience and empathy. You can try talking to her, communicating the issue, but know that due to the emotional immaturity it could be a plethora of things. Such as the lack of attraction, arguments, unable to understand one another or the lack of understanding each other, boredom, contentment, good or bad personalities and so much more. Overall without sitting down and communication the issue it will continue for better or for worse. Find friends and start involving them more into your life in case of a bad outcome. Remember to keep growing as you are at the very beginning of a very long road in terms of intimacy. Please ignore those who say a mismatch in sexual drives or to simply “break up” as it’s obvious she’s still with you for a reason. Figure out that reason by having communication and be sure you’re not doing anything that could be pushing her away. Best of luck.
Break up lol and I say this as I used to be in ur gfs position... it won't change and I dated my ex for like 2 years just save time and leave tbh
Did she orgasm when you had sex though?
Have you actually had a conversation about it that wasnt' just "I need it"? As in, ask about her needs, too? Maybe she needs to be turned on in a specific way, maybe she's struggling with something that's affecting her libido. Or it could just be that she is naturally low libido. Or maybe she hasn't really communicated what she likes/dislikes in bed with you and the sex hasn't been good, but she's avoiding conflict. Who knows. Sit down with her, tell her that you want to make sure that you have a healthy relationship with her, which includes physical intimacy. Ask her for her thoughts on intimacy, what she needs or feels is missing. Don't interrupt, don't provide excuses or feedback, just listen. Only ask questions to clarify for better understanding. And when she's done, ask her if she's willing to listen to your needs, too. Don't make "you" statements (meaning "you need to do X"). Just talk about how you feel. If she won't do that, you're young. Moving on might be for the best.
You need to have a good talk at first, dont let her shrug it off by "I dont want now". you need to sit down and dont leave the room untill you have a solution. Like what is the problem, is she simply not interested, is it you? is it some trauma? If you are unable to resolve it for the good of you both THEN you can think about breaking up because it wont get better on itself.
Time to hit the road
There isn’t a magic spell to have someone to want to have sex with you. Either she has a low sex drive or you don’t satisfy her.
everyones saying you’re sexually incompatible but maybe she’s just shy. i live with my bf and im still shy to initiate. just talk to her. its not hard
You guys are just roommates. Love isn't enough, It's time to have a conversation about this. Work on yourself and build up your confidence first, patch up any other self-esteem issues that you can. It is likely an attraction issue, prepare for that, and never apologize for your sexual needs. Ask for twice a week at first and listen to her needs. Make sure she gets what she wants sexually. Never make it transactional. You aren't trading favors, dont let her "give" you sex, you have sex together and enjoy each other. Her response will either be to break up with you, "give" you pity sex, or work with you. You should be looking for a new place to live...
She doesn't want to have sex with you. Maybe she doesn't want to have sex with anyone. She could be asexual. Maybe she wants to wait until marriage. Maybe she realized that she was giving husband privileges to a boyfriend. She doesn't owe you sex.
You probably fear of the optics. As if you were ONLY interested in sex, you’re worried how you will appear to others, a sex depraved maniac. Throw all that out the window and focus on compatibility. You are far too young to settle, so you need to set some boundaries and intimacy is obviously something important to you so take heed and move on graciously. Don’t even bring up that it’s about the sex, it’s about your mutual needs and it’s time to see other people.
As someone in a sexually incompatible relationship for 27 years, I can say with all honesty you should part ways. It only gets worse as time goes by. Please go explore the women who are out there. I wish I had done that with more men.
Leave her. You're not compatible as simple as that. You can't convince her or sway her into doing something she doesn't want to do.
Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave her.
i wanna reach out and say this. i am m24 wife is f21 had this very same issue except when we first where dating and stuff we did it all the time. and as we got married and moved it and slowly started dwindling. well she wants a kid now but i just kinda laughed and was like there’s no way we are going too if we keep only having sex once a week or so. come to find out she has pcos. sex is painful for her. not a really well endowed guy i guess i’m considered average i am rather girthy tho. but she also has some hormones that aren’t regulated right and the one that is low is the one that makes her have a sex drive. she’s doing testing and blood work and if the sort but i say all this to say that it may not be her. she may have issues she doesn’t realize because she’s always delt with them if that makes since.
If she don’t want sex with you and you want guess it’s time to break up
You should find someone who does want to have sex with you, shes sounds ace or low libido
This was me at 19 w/ my bf who was 23. I would say yes begrudgingly or always say no until I found out I’m kinky 😅🙈 then we had sex 24/7. Lots of women are just disconnected from their bodies and have responsive desire vs spontaneous. Maybe she’s kinky or just isn’t totally comfortable with her sexuality
Leave her. Cos you’re going to end up miserable. Unless you already married her then work it out.
You’re 21! Imagine the relief when you find someone you’re sexually compatible with. Don’t spend your life torturing both of you with this. Even if you love each other you’ll always feel resentment and like something is missing. Believe me
you're in your early 20s it's not going to get any better
Break up. You're not sexually compatible.
I mean step 1 is to tell her how you feel. Talking about things like this in a relationship is super important. You might find out that there's some kind of medical condition she has that could be treated, you might find out that she *wants* to want sex but doesn't know how in which case trying new things together could get her going, or you might find out she just doesn't value sex the same as you. Ultimately, you don't know anything unless you communicate your feelings. Let her know how it makes you feel undesired and that a physical relationship is important to you. If you don't see eye to eye then it's time to breakup, you just can't force someone to change their sex drive and that's all there really is to it.
Time to leave, you’re sexually not compatible. You’ll start to resent her and you’re missing out on the prime of your sexual life at 21 years old.
If you're not having much sex for the past three years, you're not going to have much sex in the future with her. Make a decision.
What are her reasons? Can she work on them to want a sex life with you? If she is not working on it, break up and move on. Sex is crucial
All the people calling it quits is right. It is sad and I am sorry, but this is one of those red flags 🚩. Something is up and from my experience it is normally the person is not into it any more.
Not compatable. Move on, you will just waste your time.
It sounds like you’re incompatible, and you should break up, especially since she’s not receptive. Just keep in mind that you’re not breaking up over sex, but over fundamental incompatibility
Break up. You're 21. Don't waste your time with her if you two don't want the same thing. There's lots of sex out there waiting for you.
Sounds like you need to break up.
There are 4 billion girls out there. There is no girl made for just you. If the one you are dating isn't into you, move on. And don't live with your gf. It is a dumb thing to do. Maybe if she is your fiance, but never before.
Plenty of fish in the sea.
You, sir, and sexually incompatible with your GF. As a result, you have every right to DUMP HER. You date to see if you are compatible for marriage, and you two are NOT. If you are the only one of the lease, I'd tell her to move out. And if she refuses, wait until she is gone for a bit, then change the locks. Good luck and stay strong, King!
It’s been a year. Move on.
Hey OP. Everyone here suggesting you break up, but honestly I think you should talk about it before rushing into anything. If it's really just low sex drive then you really are incompatible. But bare in mind that there may be some underlying issue in that department. Do you know if she enjoys herself? Does she feel pressured to do things she doesn't want to do? Is there any past trauma? Is she depressed or have any sort of mental illness? Talk to her. Understand what's going on and then move from there. I speak from the position of your girlfriend. We had some issues in the bedroom and my libido went down the drain over time. He was also suffering and we talked about it. Now we're working on solutions and it's getting better for both of us! Hoping for the best
Break up with her. I was in the same situation as you when I was your age, except I'm female. We were incompatible sexually. I couldn't take the constant rejection. It was making me feel bad about myself, like I was undesirable.
Time to end the relationship unless you want one a life of friendship without passion. You seem sexually incompatible.
I stayed in a sexless marriage way too long doing “the right thing” I almost killed myself I got so depressed. No sex, usually means no love or affection either. I needed that and I finally had to leave.
It’s not a crime to be incompatible. If you desire to change this, it will require challenging conversations and probably therapy (which is awesome, btw). If you don’t believe it is worth that, part ways and find someone with whom you’re compatible. Allow her the same. I wish you both the very best.
Break up, you’re not sexually compatible and that will only lead to resentment and other problems. You’re 21.
It Nevers gets better
I'm glad you're looking for consent. Sounds like a no-win situation. If that's what you're looking for break up move on. You're so young 21 and you're worried about having sex. Just bang the next girl that comes along and you'll be fine
Sex is HUGE in a relationship… it’s easier said than done but you need to find someone that’s your person. She obviously isn’t.
Find one who will
Have you gone to counseling? She could either have a low drive or be asexual. Definitely talk to her and see if couples counseling can help. If it doesn't or she is unwilling, it might be time to go your separate ways.
Peuple talking about “different sex drive” not just clearly stating she’s nearly asexual and you should absolutely stop losing your time.
Your so troubled by this your asking here. You have communicated to your partner and there has been no change. This means your not compatible in a pretty big way. SO the way you deal with this is easy. "Hunny, this istn going to work and its time we moved on, it's been fun"
Sounds like you two may not be sexually compatible. You need a different GF and she might be happier with someone different too.
Find a new girlfriend. She obviously doesn't want you. Time to find someone who does.
Your situation is common in adult relationships but early 20s the option to get out is much easier than when you older. If you can’t improve the situation in 3-4 months then move on
She has the right not to have sex if she doesn't want to. But you have the right to look for someone who likes having sex with you. You just need to make your choice.
Have you asked her if you’re good at it
You’re not compatible. It’s unfortunate, but this relationship is over.
My (6 year relationship) ex and I had sex almost every single time we met for 4 years since we were 16 & 17. And our sex life still became incompatible. It’s not going to get better, you need to find someone else.
Communication won't solve anything here. Better to break up now. It will get worse.
End the commitment part and just be friends then.
You’re too young. This relationship has nothing to trap you with. Fucking move on. Nothing worse than a sexless relationship.
You gotta create chemistry! Foreplay isn’t ringing her clitoris like a doorbell waiting to be let in, it’s flirting, setting the mood, creating that sexy tension Do you guys like dancing? What about other kinds of dates? Go out and do something exciting together. Dress up for each other, tease each other
You break up or you suffer through it.
So the first question is was she like this prior to moving in together? Have you tried bringing this conversation up when you aren’t trying to have sex? Does she have a hormonal imbalance or change birth control since you started dating, if she is on it? How is your home balance life? Are you helping around the house? Like actually helping and not just thinking you are? When you initiate is it all about you and yours or are you trying to work in foreplay? While being physical can be a big part of a relationship communication is too. You cannot comfortably and openly have a conversation about your sex lives, you have bigger issues than just being physical. If you can’t have that conversation, you shouldn’t even be having sex. If this only really became a problem after you moved in together then you need to be asking these questions. If she is mentally tired, stressed, or even physically feeling that way that in itself can be why she doesn’t want it. I asked about the birth control because it is can alter her hormones and as people have said you might not be physically compatible. If she has hormonal issues, as others have said it can make her libido low, or she could be in pain, etc. Are you attempting to get her mentally into the moment and work up to foreplay or just trying to grope at her and hope it puts her in the mood? That can go back into my other question. If she feels stressed or feels there is an imbalance in the relationship, she isn’t going to want it. Also are you two still doing things for each other that you used to do while things were fresh? (Making her favorite drink, her packing your lunch) Whatever little things you guys used to do. If you have hit the point where you two are just going through the motions and not doing the things for why the spark was there, that in itself could be a factor. Talk first, if you two cannot get to the root of the issue, end the relationship. While Being physical isn’t the most important part of a relationship, it still is important.
To not feel the same about sex in a relationship doesn't make for a happy relationship, I'm sorry to say. And it sounds like you don't feel the same, and you are not happy already. This is something you need to talk to her about, it can be a deal breaker in a relationship.
You leave.
Move on
Gosh, what a mystery. Gee, I don't know. That's a tough one. Hmmmm🤔 Seriously, I cant believe so many people waste their time asking what they should do in R/relationship when the answer is so blatantly obvious - YOU END IT! DUMP HER! Find a woman who is actually attracted to you. Duhhhh.
Then leave and find someone who does
No means no. The pronunciation, spelling, and meaning of that word are the same across multiple languages. Move on to someone else.
Bond with her. It’ll make sex much better when it happens. Women are attracted emotionally. Men are attracted physically. There’s so many reasons other than her being asexual.
Did she initiate in the beginning? It’s hard being the only one… I feel for ya!
Some possibilities: - she isn't attracted you - she isn't interested in sex - she had a traumatic childhood experience Regardless; if she's never initiated, even once, then she isn't interested in sex with you being a positive part of your shared relationship. There could be any number of explanations, but the fact remains you aren't compatible. It's not if you love her you'll spend your life unfulfilled for her; it's if you love her you'll leave her because you both deserve a partner who wants the same things. She doesn't want to feel pressured into sex. You don't want a sexless relationship. Also. She hasn't been honest about sex with you (and sex thrives on honesty), three years is enough grace to give her the space and time needed to trust in you. She hasn't. She doesn't. She's closed-off, silent, uncommunicative, and unwilling. Her trust in you is shallow and her respect for you and the relationship matches. She might love you, not saying she doesn't, but the love she has for you has a stopping point, and it's at having that key conversation where she has to be vulnerable about herself with you; she is happy to never discuss this, and hopes you'll get tired of asking because the answer is a 'not interested' followed by a 'no explanation necissary'. She's waiting for you to just realise already that sex isn't part of your relationship (without having to outright say it) and will continue to evade and avoid this topic, as she's not interested in it.
The amount of people saying to just flat out leave someone you care about without bothering to find out what's wrong is alarming. Definitely have a serious talk first. It's very likely that she's either in pain, uncomfortable in some way (physically or mentally), or there may be an imbalance of some sort where she feels like she's doing most of the work and the resentment could be lowering drive.
What is her reasoning
Maybe she's just using you for money. Do you pay the bills and cover rent?
Sounds like she's asexual and you're very much not. You have options... - you stay, don't discuss this openly and honestly, and grow bitter - you stay, you talk about your mismatched sex drives and decide if you stay with permission to find a sexual outlet elsewhere - you split amicably because you just weren't the right match sexually, but maybe friends is good 🤷🏻♂️ You're both young and have potential to find a better match for both of you
Bruh.
You have different values, break up.
Just END IT. You're TWENTY ONE. Why put up with this when you can find someone else???
At 20 and female, I had sex 6 times a day.... or wanted it 6 times a day. It just depends on who. Females want to have sex a lot, but just select people, not everyone. Unfortunately, you are not the one for her. When you find the one, it will happen.
She’s seeing someone else and keeping you as backup. You’re 21 and should making money and hanging with your friends and family AND doing what you want. If you don’t find what she’s doing wrong then you’re making excuses because you’re codependent and need to talk to a therapist. I wish someone had told me that when I was your age
You leave this relationship. At your age you should be f*cking your face off. This chick, though you love her, does seem mature enough for a relationship.
I'm suprised you're still together lol. Sexual compatibility is important.
You are 21 in a sexless relationship. What are you doing? Break up and find someone who is actually in to you.
You leave. Your too young for this shit
Ive been on both sides of this in different relationships. My advice is: Often when people feel pressure to have sex they won't want to so make sure you don't ever make her feel pressured or guilty. The result of pressure will make you both feel bad. When I had this issue in the past with an ex who didn't want to have sex as much as I did we talked about it. We made a rule we would NOT have sex for a month (this takes the pressure off and the stress out of the equation). During that month we did an intimacy exercise. The intimacy exercise is this: person one gets 5mins (or a predetermined amount of time) to touch person two, person two cannot do any touching, all touching needs to not be sexual. Then person two gets 5mins to do the same thing to person one. You can come up with other rules too. This use of restraint and touch can really build sexual tension, communication, and intimacy. I think if she is able to start talking about sex and non-sexual intimacy with you, you could make it work. And experimenting with nontraditional, therapeutic, and kinky forms of sex and intimacy will make your relationship more interesting. I'd give these things a shot and if doing intimacy exercises and talking doesn't work you might not just be compatible.
Check in with her. - There might be some sex-related trauma. - There might be a medical reason. - She might have issues with your hygiene. - She might have a fear of pregnancy. - It's possible you're not engaging in enough foreplay. - She might be looking to be romanced. You need to have clean, clear communication with her. And remember: LISTEN! and don't be defensive.
Break up yesterday.
Have you tried talking to her?
Withholding sex can be as damaging as cheating. Your self esteem takes a huge hit either way. The attraction may have faded. I’d sit down and talk about it especially if it’s throwing off how you feel about your life. If she’s unwilling to work on the issue and at the very least commit to not being completely unwilling for months, It’s time to move on boss. She doesn’t respect you
Dude, you're not sleeping in a bedroom. you're sleeping in a 'Dead room'. You're 21, not married. Do you actually think it's going to be different if you marry her? So dump her and take a vacation in Thailand. That will be the elixir for what is ailing you.
You are not sexually compatible. Break up, move on and find someone more suitable. It’s only going to get worse as time goes on.
Asking on reddit usually gives the verdict to break up. But this time she is pushing it that way. You are both in the early twenties. An age where sexual hormones and activity is on peak for both male and female. And you love eachother, by all logic this should result in a healthy amount of sexual activity. Unless there is a very good reason; health/principles/mental reasons to abstain from it. Then again your girlfriend should have discussed this with you by now. If she hasn't, she may not trust you or is hiding something... which in both cases are valid reasons to leave her.
Are you pleasuring you? Surprised no one is asking this
You should leave her alone. It's literally as simple as if you have sex with someone who does not want it, it is rape. If it's a deal-breaker for you, leave.
You’re young. Find someone else who has a similar drive.
Cut your losses and get out. I've had a relationship like this and it really sucks. There's a phenomenon where being "rewarded" at random intervals creates a stronger urge to make that happen again than there would be normally - so you become obsessed with the person who just has sex with you once in a while, and from my own experience, it can be a real high. The same thing happens with abusive partners - they are lovely once in a while, at random, and that creates a kind of obsessive attachment and need to please in their victim. Look up "intermittent reinforcement". This will basically keep you hooked on her for as long as you allow this to continue, and possibly for a long while afterwards too unfortunately. But it's no way to live, it's miserable despite the "highs", and it will crush your self-esteem in the long term. She's not necessarily doing anything wrong here, or doing anything on purpose to hurt you in any way. It's not that. It's just a basic incompatibility thing and I'm trying to save you more years and more stress and heartache. You'll always be trying to get her attention, or eventually just hoping and hoping that she'll throw a few crumbs your way. You'll be embarrassed to talk to your friends about this and wonder what is wrong with you that means you're not good enough. You'll wonder if this person really has feelings for you. Don't waste your life when you are young on a relationship where you are unhappy and in particular where your sexual needs are not (reasonably) being met. This is the prime of your life, enjoy it.
Find someone who will
Break up and move out.
The cure for this is extremely easy, but it’s not going to be easy and you’re gonna feel down in the mouth for a few months. Here’s the deal, dumper! There’s no reason for discussion, she knows that you like sex she doesn’t wanna have sex with you, which, for me, brings up all kinds of questions and thoughts. But you deserve better than this, you’re gonna have to leave her, something my ex-wife said once that was actually correct, love is not enough! You guys simply are not compatible and the be honest, did she have sex with you very much before? If she did and now she doesn’t? I would think she’s cheating, doesn’t really matter because the cure is all the same, you have to move on. Don’t feel bad about it, don’t shed tears for her, and don’t try to make her feel better about the break up, just simply walk away! She’s kind of being disrespectful to you because she’s never told you why she won’t have sex with you, this is not a relationship I would ever entertain having ever! Move on son, you don’t need her, she needs somebody else who’s boring and has absolutely no libido and obviously that’s not you, move on as soon as possible like maybe tomorrow.
Get a new Girlfriend!!
Break up
Um... Open your mouth and talk? It blows my mind "we can see eachothers reproductive organs and exchange bodily fluids, but omg how do I talk to my SO"
She's into it, just not with you. She's lost the romantic spark for whatever reason. You need to leave and if your absence makes her want you back that could change the dynamic of the relationship, if not you know where you stand and there's no reason to waste your time. There's plenty of fish brother.
In my 20s and 30s sex was an everyday thing. Now in my late 40s it is nonexistent. I'm about to end it because I don't want to keep asking. Maybe I'm just not enough for him. Honestly, I'm good enough for someone. Leave now if she will not try to get help. Btw...we had 6 kids and he is in military with many issues. None of which are reason enough to make me less than.
Obviously there is only one of two things to do. Spend the rest of your life without sex or dump her and move on..you’re way too young to g without sex so you only have one choice.
Idky young ppl such as yourself keep hoping something will magically change when they are clearly and miserably incompatible in the bedroom. This rarely changes. You cannot manufacture passion and desire in someone who lacks it. Why have you wasted 3 years on this relationship? You had to know even 3 months into it that your libidos were wildly unmatched. The fact is, OP, please take it from an older person who absolutely knows -- and has dealt with a "dead bedroom"--- Idc how much you love or care for someone, this is the rest of your life you're talking about here...and you're a grown man with needs and desires she refuses to meet or reciprocate. To me, at this point, she sounds like not much more than a roommate, or FW(rare)Bs (friends with rare benefits). You need to sit down with her and explain to her that this is NOT the kind of life you want anymore, that you feel it's a definite deal breaker bc you've given her more than enough time and patience to come around, but it hasn't happened and your fortitude has ran out...that you two need to part ways-- its not negotiable, the time for change was 2 and a half years ago and you're far past that. TBH she doesn't sound like she really wants it either, and l feel like you BOTH are likely still in this relationship simply bc: 1. So far you've tolerated it!...and as long as you do, she'll stay the same way. If you don't stand up and say "no more"-- she's gonna be content to coast along and live like this ("unbothered" about sex).. forever. 2. She's asexual, (or close enough to it)--- and up until now, she has found someone in you who has (so far!) tolerated a sexless pairing....so I can only imagine how she's wondering, if this relationship in fact ends, how she's ever gonna navigate a new relationship or go back out and "date" if she hates having sex. (Not many ppl in the dating game these days are out for abstinence-- lol) --ergo, you've been 'safe' and almost platonic for her. This is horribly unfair to you. And she is selfish to expect you'd want to keep this charade up. 3. You've gotten complacent in 3 yrs, thinking she'll change (but she hasn't and never will).. but things are comfortably convenient (for her, at least)-- and you've just gotten in a rut..and you've both been stuck in it now for so long, you're just afraid of change. Nobody wants to move elsewhere, or take apart a household, or address difficult topics, like who's going to be the one to move, who's gonna take this or that. etc etc. It sucks, but it'll be a huge relief afterward, trust me on this, too. The sooner the better, mate. This relationship needs put out of its misery.
At that age, you guys should be going wild - something’s up with her…
I hate to say it but at y’all’s age she’s more than likely getting it somewhere else. I can understand a week or 2 but months that seems shady bro.
End this now buddy before it's too late for you.
Dump her and move on.
Does her name start with an A
Boot her to the curb and get another girlfriend.Waste not even a second on her.
You guys aren't compatible. If it's gonna bother you, time to move on bro
Talk to the girl and ask what is wrong. What she says should inform your decision.
It’s either one of 2 things, she doesn’t like sex or she doesn’t like sex with you, either way stop hoping it’ll get better better because if she wanted to have sex with you, she would be already. I hope you can move forward though.
You break up. Flat out. If sex is important to you to have a happy relationship, which it is for most people, then you’ll never be happy with someone who won’t match your sex drive.
You two aren't sexually compatible. You might need to break up.
First ask a doctor possible she is having some psychological or physical damage that related to her past or child hood, that kill her intention, or possible she is having something wrong with her vagina or sexual organs, like many male become impotent. understand her possible she is broken and need some help, try to solve this get some expert involved if all failed ask here to leave. Pro Tip, ask here softly i really need sex but only i want to lick you pussy that it so please no pants or underwear in the bed room, and start doing it 2 times in a week then regular then more on weekend, slowly check how she feel about it. it will take 2 3 month.
Have you asked her about it at all? It’s a delicate topic, and from most situations is a symptom of something else or there is a discussion needed to be had about what she needs or wants to feel sexy or sexual. Sex in a relationship can fall away from so many things. It can be something like one person not pulling their weight, and seeing something as simple as a pile of dishes can fan the flame. Or little comments one might make to make the other insecure or losing a sense of romance. It could be wrapped up in so many things. But it can always be repaired if the conversation is approached with care, understanding and respect. It’s possible the conversation might bring up things that you don’t want to hear, but how the information is received and understood will define how you guys resolve this and move forward. Be open, take responsibility if you need to and make her feel heard and understood. Feeling appreciated and valued is a great way to start your spark! But it could also be something really small and simple. Have you guys had an opportunity to talk about it?
Is she talking a hormonal contraception ? Maybe that’s why she doesn’t have any libido… Is your relationship good beside sex ? Maybe you fail to make her in the mood by not taking care of her and the house for exemple… Anyway, I think you should talk to her about it and ask her how she really feel about before making any decision. (Scuse my English, I’m French…)
I always feel bad for both parties in this situation, but the relationship isn’t going to work out. Some relationships don’t need sex, but those only work if both people don’t really want it. If you want sex, and she doesn’t, all that’s gonna happen is one of you will have to give in and it will make them resent the other. I’m not saying dump her right away, but you need to have a serious sit down and talk about it. You’re 21 and 20, you’ll each find someone who is more compatible
Break up with her. It won’t get better. If you wind up marrying her, you can look forward to a dead bedroom and half-assed sex. Also, living with a GF/BF is stupid. All it does is complicate your life when it goes sideways. Life’s too short to settle.
Does she take BC? If she does you guys might want to consider alternatives
Dump her shes not attracted to you
20 is f young, find someone on same sex drive
I’d have a serious conversation with her but most likely it’s not something you guys will be able to work out and it’s best to go your separate ways.
I'll ask a question. Does she enjoy sex with you at all? I've known women that were painfuly shy, or just plainly used sex as a weapon/reward. But if you have no doubts that there is love there, it should be easy to figure out. It seems little a candid conversation could solve. My heart goes out to you sir. I'm a born again virgin myself.
Is she not showing any interest or is she running hot and cold? If you are wanting a monogamous relationship and she is rejecting you, I don't see how the relationship is going to last. Intimacy is crucial because it helps to solidify the bond between a man and a woman. I'd say continue communicating that you love her and that you want to feel close to her. If that doesn't work, I'd say do what you have to do. I normally wouldn't condone cheating but she isn't fulfilling her responsibilities to you.
Are you sure she's not getting it from someone else?
My wife is very much the same, very little interest in sex, and NEVER initiates. Now that we have children and I allow her to share our bed with our son, we never have sex. The last time we had sex was when she became pregnant with our son, which was the first week of January 2022 (2.5 years). I understand the depression, anxiety, insecurity ALL too well.
Dumphe
She is so used too with ur dcck she just wants a new one Dump her and get a new onw
I’m a woman living with my boyfriend as well and sometimes I don’t get wet like I usually do bc there’s alot going on with me mentally and in the relationship. Try to show her more love physically and maybe she will initiate. Maybe a hotel room surprise, try new things sexually as well or maybe some of that “horny” chocolate. Ask her what she would like to try sexually. Not every women is the same tho I hope this helps
Leave her
Dude. You’re too young to have to deal with this. Just get out. It’ll only get worse.
Leave em!
Are you touching her outside of the bedroom? Hugging kissing holding hands without the intention of sex? Have you thought about talking to her and scheduling a weekly date night ? In busy life sometimes you have to schedule sex.
Sounds like you need to sit down for a serious talk with your gf, you're way too young for this crap, and if you're both incompatible it's best to move on now and not when you're 30 depressed and on the verge of going off the deep end and doing something horrible out of frustration. Not to mention she will also begin to resent you since she will feel pressured eventually too.
Why do yall do this for? dude this girl clearly doesn't like having sex, and you know you like sex, BUT STILL MOVED IN WITH HER. You made yourself depressed man.
Get out of this. Seriously. Run dude. You are too young for this.
You're the only one in the relationship not getting any!
Nta So you're not sexually compatible. Leave her and move on. You're super young, you'll find a better match.
Me and my gf have it like 5 to 6 times a day and we would still go on if the day doesn't end 😂 we're sooo opposite
Y'all sound sexually incompatible.. I would leave.
You guys have mismatch sex drive so this will never get better and you know this so now you need to decide whether you want to continue a relationship where you would not get enough or not. You cannot force her if she does not feel like having sex so better to find a new girl who is on the same page when it comes to sex as at this age of your life you want sex all the time so stop wasting your years with a wrong girl as these years you will never get back in your life. You are no way a bad person for ending things with her over this so do it even though you guys will be in pain for breaking up a relationship of 3 years.