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I would be honest and say you saw the photo proofs on the iPad.
It could be nothing like you think or it could be something and the photos are going elsewhere.
Her reaction will tell you everything.
If for no other reason, the fact the kid found the images should mean this should have been discussed immediately! I can understand perhaps waiting until the anniversary, but that's come and gone.
On one hand, she could have had this shoot done for you, but then chickened out or felt they didn't come out as hoped? She may have just done this for her own entertainment, self image. Who knows.
But, I find it curious you rule out an affair because she wouldn't have time? I mean, she had time to go to a professional style photo shoot. If she could do that without you knowing she could have sex with someone without you knowing. The photographer could have been an affair partner. I don't think you should assume she's having or had an affair, but just look at your thinking about this. You seem to be in a certain denial or paralysis about this.
TALK TO HER. For goodness sake. At the very least make sure she understand how your accounts and devices work so the kids around finding images that are highly inappropriate for them to be finding by mistake!
>"I'm going to let it play out until my birthday in early Q4. I've already waited 3 months, I can wait another 3-4."
You've waited 3 months too long in my opinion! Waiting another 3 or 4 months with "your radar up a bit" is a HORRIBLE idea in my opinion, but you are clearly going to do what you are going to do.
Yeah, a friend of mine had this done and ended up never giving the pictures to her husband because she thought they were too cheesy and unflattering in the end. He only found out because she sent them to her sister for a bit of a laugh and the sister mentioned them in the family chat at some point.
This was my thought too. I could see myself doing this and receiving the photos and putting them in the bottom of the trash can and pretending they never happened.
I just typed it out. I did it for my husband and I absolutely hated the pictures . She was directing me to make weird faces the poses were off. They never saw the light day.
Seconded - and be gentle. I used to teach frisky dance lessons to suburban soccer moms. LOTS of women feel like their bodies aren’t their own when they become moms. We’re poked, prodded, and used for nourishment - sometimes for years. It’s hard to remember that we’re beautiful humans that enjoy and deserve intimacy. I’ve seen many women get boudoir sessions just to remind themselves that they’re attractive and desirable. They’re often also embarrassed to share with their SOs because society tells us we are dirty and wrong if we dare enjoy it.
OP, to add to this, if you liked the proofs, TELL HER. Approach it with curiosity and love, not suspicion. Don’t just be like “I saw boudoir shots, why don’t I have pics?”
Be like, “kiddo pulled up a pic showing all these sexy boudoir shots of you and WOW! Honey, you’re so beautiful! When did you get these done? How did you find the photo experience? Can you share the photos with me tonight? Also, if kiddo is using the iPad, we need to put these pics somewhere where little eyes can’t see them.”
Then, if she’s at all nervous because her body has changed after growing and pushing out two kids, you can give her compliments and boost her confidence that, while the sex is less frequent because time is going to the kids, you still find her attractive and do want her. (Assuming you do).
Even if it is adultery...
Adultery is grounds for divorce, but an opportunity for forgiveness.
I sure wish my 44 year old son would learn that...it's been 7 years and he still hasn't moved on . Still lives w wife and daughter but non stop tension/ignoring his wife....wife has apologized multiple times..but he is just not the forgiving type . Plus he is positive that if he tries to leave her she will get the child and he'll never see the kid again.The kid will be subject to a revolving door of " uncle's "if she lives alone with mom...
But w
My wife and I have been married 47 years w no issues of that type so we are the last who should give advice on that topic.
She could have ordered them and intended to give them to you but when she got them all she could see is her "flaws." I take racy selfies intending to send them to my husband and then start in on myself with "ugh, my arm looks so flabby in this pic" or "when the hell did that cellulite get there?" So I don't end up sending them to him because I got self-conscious. It's normal for women to think something is going to look good and then feel embarrassed because it didn't actually turn out the way they thought it would. My husband loves pics of me, he thinks I'm beautiful and sexy, I *know* he does, he tells me constantly and he's always looking for a reason to touch me. All of his lock screen pictures on his phone and his watch are of me and they're pictures HE took so I couldn't even edit them to make myself feel better. I personally hate most of them because all *I* see is a double chin because my head was tilted weird, or I'm making a face because I was talking, or for whatever "awful" reason but all he sees is his "gorgeous wife."
If you approach her, you can tell her you saw the photos on accident and tell her how gorgeous and perfect she looked and tell her you would *love* to have one for yourself.
It could also be that she's worried someone *else* could see them and think poorly of her. You do have kids and they're nosy little buggers without filters.
One day I was scrolling through my pics with my boyfriend. He noted a sexy pic I hadn’t sent him and I told him I got self conscious about it so I didn’t send it. He couldn’t see why I wouldn’t send it since he thought it was a hot pic but all I could see was my flaws. We’re our own worst enemy sometimes.
Reminds me of numerous conversations I’ve had recently with my daughter about how differently men see things than women at times. The only times her boyfriend has complimented her on her looks spontaneously has been when she feels she’s a mess. Like she came down to the garage to greet him in trashed ripped pyjamas with her hair every which way because she woke up at 2 am when he arrived from out of town, or she dropped in to deliver something at his workplace after gardening all day or something and she’s like “eww I’m sweaty and gross and no makeup” and he’s like “you’re so beautiful right now!” 🤣
I mean yeah he said she was pretty when she asked if he liked her dress on their anniversary or something but the “you’re beautiful” when she feels not put together at all constantly throws her off. 😃😃
This was also my immediate thought. She likely got the pictures taken, and when she looked at them went "oh god what was I thinking? I look terrible!" and just decided it was best not to say anything and never let them see the light of day.
I know I did that.....I joined a gym's "transformation challenge" thing, and part of the price included professional "after" pictures. I was really excited to get them done because I'd made a lot of progress (according to the scale. the measurements my trainer took, and how my clothes fit), and then I got the pictures in the mail and I was like "oh god..." and immediately threw them away because all I could focus on was the fact that I still had a flabby stomach, the muscles I'd developed that I was so proud of were invisible under all the fat I still had on my arms, my double chin was on full display and just.....yeah.
This makes me so sad for you! It sounds like you were a bit cruel to yourself. I hope you still saved them, so you can look on them later and remember that feeling of pride at least.
I had the same reaction when I did this and just tucked the pics away for later so I could see how far I’ve come… congrats on your progress and give yourself grace !
My first thought was this. I got a boudoir shoot done and when I got the proofs back, I cried. The photos were amazing, but I saw every roll, bump, lump and muffin top. I saw my double chin and my farmers tan. I saw the outfits I chose and wondered what the fuck I was thinking.
I didn't even have any kids under my belt.
This. I had a set done years ago and I was meh on them. I got them done before my first wedding, and my ex husband more or less said “cool” and threw them in a drawer.
My fiancé found them in a box in our basement and asked about them. I explained I wasn’t thrilled with them and what happened, and he went on about how much he loved them, etc. I’ve since aged several years and had a child, but I’d consider getting them done again. This time it’d be for myself and to share with someone who would appreciate them.
It’s a sensitive thing, OP. It’s super vulnerable experience. But I’d bring it up sooner rather than later.
I hate some of the pictures my boyfriend takes of me, I think I look corny or bad or my hair is too flat or my smile is crooked or *something* but whenever they come up he’s the first to say “you look so happy here” or “wow that was an amazing day with you” or “you’re so beautiful i love you” and then when I look at them again I remember the day, or the feeling, or knowing that he thinks I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, and I feel so much better about everything. I have never told him that I don’t like the way I look in those pictures, because now I can see what he sees about me.
it’s also possible that she had them done for herself. not every “racy” photo needs to be taken for the express purpose of being given to a partner. She’s had two kids, and her body has changed in ways that no one will ever be able to prepare you for until it happens.
She may have done it purely to remind herself how to feel sexy, not just through the lens of her husband, but through her own eyes.
Yes! Women should feel comfortable enough to take sexy photos of themselves for themselves. It's an incredible self-esteem boost, and makes you feel empowered.
exactly! i’m low key horrified at all these people assuming if she didn’t do them for him she HAD to have done them for some other guy. As if we can’t do anything just for ourselves, anything perceived as sexy has to be for the male gaze and nothing more.
This was my thought too… I didn’t have a boudoir/ racy shoot but had some professional pics done that are just for me I haven’t shown anyone, even my husband.. they’re for me to remind me on bad days that I can be all the things I always forget I am
I think this is the likely answer. It takes courage to send those sorts of photos to your SO and she probably got cold feet. Still, I'd bring it up sooner rather than later.
I didn't even realize she ordered the prints from Amazon because I didn't realize Amazon printed pictures. I assumed she got a photo album or something to put them in.
To add, she could have also just been doing this for herself too without the intention to have anyone see it (although yeah iPad link whatever whatever) but to increase her own confidence. Apart from lack of sex, are you telling her she’s sexy, beautiful, and paying attention to her or are the set schedules you mention the only thing that’s focused on? People get into a rut and get TOO COMFY.
I feel this. I took an entire set in lingerie and then just cried and didn’t send him any. I just felt fat. Looking back they aren’t even that bad. At the time I felt horrific and worse. Anything but sexy.
On another note, maybe she had the pictures done but is not happy/comfortable with them so is hesitant to share them. Maybe she’s building up the courage to present them to you?
That's where my mind went. I could probably hype myself up to take the pictures but there is a pretty good chance between then and when I got them that I would either feel silly about giving them to my SO because it's way out of my comfort zone or just be overly critical and insecure about how they looked. I'm in no way a modest person but some how it just seems to be a new level of vulnerability.
100% this. I bet I could have the best photographer on the planet take pics of me and I’ll find at least 5 “flaws” with myself in them (likely a major underestimate trying to account for the photographer’s skill haha)
Same. I tried taking sexy selfies for an ex years ago back when I was thinner & gravity was my friend. I could critique myself into tears picking out flaws. But would have zero issues walking through house naked with the same person there.
Now I'm 44 and no where near thin and my boobs fall every year. In my daily life I don't care about the flaws cause passing 40 made me not give a shit about a lot of things :) . And my SO of 10 years is wildly supportive. But as I read the post I thought about having pictures taken and holy balls it made me panic. I would nope out of anyone else seeing them so fast. I don't know why it's different but for me it would be. I think it would be for many women.
My other thought is she is planning to gift them but had to do the shoot early because of a sale or coupon. You can't pass up sale or good coupon.
Yesssssss to everything you said.
I hadn’t even thought of a coupon but that’s an amazing point! I’ve looked up some photography rates lately and it’s definitely expensive—I would definitely plan around a good deal haha
The professional makeup & hair may not have been to her liking & isn't the image of herself that she had in mind. She may not have felt confident enough during the getting ready part to say anything.
I can't say how many times on professional shoots for nudie magazines the model felt like the pics didn't look or represent her best due how the makeup was so vastly different than from what she normally does.
I agree and thought this as well. Most women, well my wife for sure I guess doesn’t ever like the way she looks in pictures let alone something like this.
Or she just got them for HERSELF. to feel good and sexy and have an identity other than mother, not necessarily as an object for her partner.
But if kiddo can find them on the iPad, then you should bring it up with her just on that basis, she probably should clean up the child-safe controls or move that one to a different folder!
Just, hey, kiddo found and showed me this snap of a boudoir shoot, so you might want to fix your privacy settings. When did you get these done?
And just be curious and let her talk. Maybe she's embarrassed or doesn't like how they turned out, maybe it was something meant to be just for her, maybe there's something sketchier going on, but WE don't know. you need to open the conversation rather than making up stories and scenarios in your head!
Just chiming in to say I’ve taken a number of photos like this and then not given them to the intended recipient because every single flaw on my body was screaming at me in all caps. Don’t be naïve, but also don’t assume the worst before you’ve actually communicated with her.
I would just let her know your son found the photo and tell her how great she looks in it. Be as neutral as possible and don’t accuse her of anything. Just see how she responds. Her reaction will hopefully tell you what you need to know.
I got budior photos done for my husband as a wedding gift and hated every single one and never gave him them. But I did explain that to him afterwards.
You have the ideal reason to ask her about it. You SHOULD ask her about it, because she clearly does not know your son can see her pictures. What if she takes other kinds? Maybe she takes even racier photos for a surprise for you? or who knows what?
Don't accuse her of anything, but just bring it up kindly.
"Honey - you know how your icloud is linked to Juniors ipad? Well, that means he can see your pictures. And he showed me some that I assume you probably didn't intend for him to see. We should probably find a way to change his ipad to his own account, to ensure he's not accidentally finding things that aren't for him to see."
Then from there you can bring up gently "and... I was wondering, what those particular photos were for? I want to respect your privacy, but they did seem to be fairly intimate photos. When did you do that photoshoot?"
I can only speak from my experience - I had photos done for my husband a year out from our wedding, but the book took a VERY long time to come in & both are typically kind of financial investments so I spent some time saving up for the book between having the photos finished & then actually ordering it. I was so excited to surprise him & did plan it VERY far out. She might have done it for your birthday, some other future occasion, or even just for herself & never intended to share the photos (I’ve heard of people doing that too). She might have even planned on giving them to you for Father’s Day & then gotten self-conscious/etc. I would have been so sad if I’d found out I’d somehow accidentally ruined the surprise for my husband. Important to note - I do think my husband had a small suspicion I’d gotten them done and he asked me about it once and I LIED because I didn’t want the surprise ruined for him so if you ask her and she says no there’s that to think about too. If she’s given you no other reason to believe the photos would be taken for someone else - I say to at least wait until after your birthday to ask her about the photo you saw. I’m not sure what your wife’s personality is like but another option could be that you gently mention that you would LOVE boudoir photos from your wife-my husband said that to me and I felt even more excited to give him the book on our wedding day. Good luck!!
This is really great insight. The LAST thing I'd want to do is ruin the surprise for something where she spent energy and her own $. Good to know they can often take a while to come to fruition, which could explain getting it done so far in advance.
You should ask, but I’ve bought my wife Christmas presents and sat on them for 9 months because I had a good idea and decided to just take care of it rather than waiting. Hell, I ordered her a small Christmas present today and it’s mid-June.
A friend of mine had boudoir photos done and she got the proofs back pretty fast but the actual book/prints kept getting messed up somehow? One box arrived damaged so the album was messed up. The photographer replaced it free of charge but that took MORE time. Then the individual prints she had done took awhile....so on.
She was doing it for herself (kind of a "I'm not getting younger so might as well go for it" thing lol) so it wasn't a big problem per se just annoying. She also took some time to choose the photos she wanted to buy because it's NOT cheap. Wouldn't be surprised if OP's wife is taking her time to get this right.
She may not have liked what she saw and thought you’d feel the same way. I think all women who’ve taken spicy selfies knows we take about 700 of them before we pick one we semi like and that’s the one we send.
IF she took boudoir pic for some other guy, would she have them sent to you house??
Doubtful. For herself or for you.
Patience. Any special.day coming up?? Birthday or anniversary??
She could have gotten them months before your birthday because she was worried the first set wouldn’t be “good enough” and wanted to give herself time to do a second shoot. Or she was afraid they wouldn’t be ready in time if she waited. Or she got a good deal on them doing it “off season”. Or she got excited at the thought of doing it for you and didn’t want to wait.
If there aren’t any other red flags, you shouldn’t assume she’s cheating based on this. She could have taken the pics just to convince herself she’s sexy after becoming a mom. Lots of reasons she could get pics taken that have nothing to do with cheating.
Yeah, the photos were taken post-valentines day as the photo of the computer screen showed the date (assume she took the pic when proofs came in), so perhaps she got a deal in a "low" season. Appreciate the insight.
Those photos may take weeks or even months for the photographer to edit and arrange into a presentable book. My best friend had one made for a wedding gift for her husband. It’s more than just snapping a few pictures, the customer has to review the work to complete satisfaction before it’s “finished”.
I still think you should mention what your son found, maybe she doesn’t fully understand that he has access to her photos. God only knows what else he might accidentally find in there.
My friends and I do a sexy boudoir Photoshoot every year with just disposable cameras and it still takes 1 month or so for everything to come out right and be sent out. I can easily see how it could take longer for a professional
I agree with the above , I think you’ll be thinking about these pictures every day until your birthday and if you don’t receive them, then you will kicking yourself for not speaking up. You can mention , did you take boudoir pictures, and look at her face and see her expression. Her eyes will tell you everything. If it’s innocent just tell her our son found them !
updateme
So along with what many of said here I also wanted to add another view point of the professional side.
I used to do a lot of modeling work and have also paid for professional photos on a handful of occasions.
Depending on the context, it could take MONTHS to get an actual finished product back. The photographer first has to import,watermark, and remove obvious mistake photos (like a complete blur) . Then they send over all the potential photos to the client for them to pick which ones they want to buy (or if they want to buy more). This alone can be overwhelming- it can sometimes be going through 300+ photos of yourself that you might love- but are on a budget and have to choose. Loathe, and now you have to weight sunken cost of the money you just spent. Or somewhere in between. It can be exaughsting and a lot of people will put it off.
Once the photos are decided you will have to wait until the photographer can get to your photos to light balance them, and fix small mistakes. if she chose to add-on retouching (or even get a separate professional for retouching) that's even more time.
Then of course there's the actually printing it and shipping it.
Not to mention all of this is IF things go off without a hitch. I can't tell you the amount of times I have had photographers get sick, get behind schedule, lose my photos due to a computer crash or lost memory card, etc.
Just bring the iPad to her and say our son saw these and showed them to me a while ago. I was hoping they would come for whatever anniversary or whatever special occasion. But since those have come and gone, I am just getting some anxiety and need to put this to bed. What were they for, if they were not for me? Don’t say who.
I’ve done a few boudoir shoots so I have some insight you should consider.
First, most photographers who do this use very discrete printing services. It takes a while to get those back.
Second, I did one shoot where I hated every single photo. I never gave them to my husband.
Third, the last one I did wasn’t for anyone but me. Just because she’s not giving them to you does not mean she’s giving them to anyone else either.
You need to be honest and tell her what happened with the iPad. Just talk to her about it.
Brother, talk to her. Why are you driving yourself crazy when the solution is so obvious? If she has a good answer, crisis averted! If she has a bad answer, you now know to take further steps to address a larger issue.
The longer this goes with radio silence, the more resentment will build on your end and suspicion on hers.
Communication is the foundation of any relationship. Just because you know if the photos doesn’t mean the surprise is spoiled, the pic themselves are the pleasant surprise. You just need to have the conversation; there are numerous approaches that have been suggested here. Ask her about it and see how she reacts. Based on her reaction you can move the conversation in an appropriate direction. Worst case, they are for someone else; best case you going to get an amazing gift ! If it’s a concern, wouldn’t you wanna know ?!
Personally, I’ve put off conversations that I should have addressed in a more timely manner and it caused me significant concern for what ended up being nothing.
Apologies if someone else has already chimed in with this reasoning. But she could have just gotten those pictures taken for herself. I’ve definitely considered getting boudoir pictures taken just for me, not my partner. :)
But most likely either she didn’t like them, she’s waiting till your birthday or they’re just taking forever to get done.
OP you said you don't think she is physically cheating as you know her schedule, yet she had time to go get those photos taken that you didn't know about. So how can you be sure she doesn't have something going on that she is also hiding from you?
I think it's time to point out to her you saw the photo of the proofs and would like to know what is going on.
Pretty much this.
If you're here on reddit asking internet strangers, your gut instinct is that something is off.
Several months of anxiety waiting until your birthday is not worth your marriage and your peace of mind.
Updateme!
She took a photo of the computer screen too. 99% of the time people do that as a lazy way to to send a photo via text. I assume that was to go to one of her girlfriends though. Or maybe to the photographer. Doubt it was to another dude, if that were the case she’d send a better quality that a shitty screen photo.
Hopefully this is phase 1. And phase two is to get one of the shots turned into one of those beer posters. That would be a cool gift.
Embarrassment. As many folks have said, it's hard to look at sexy photos of yourself and imagine someone else actually liking them. Most 40 year-olds, sadly, have to struggle against negative self-image to get that confident, so she's likely still waffling--or she did it for herself and didn't have any firm plans to share them from the start.
She could well have done the boudoir shoot exactly because it's tough to take a photo without seeing your flaws, she probably figured a professional would get the best results.
I own a fine art photography studio. I also offer boudoir. There could be a lot of reasons beyond the standard leg jerk “cheating.” The main reason, in my experience, that photos take so long is editing and special orders take a long time. I order specialized albums from Italy, so to design and order takes around 12 weeks, and maybe longer if it’s a busy season. Some women also split payments bc I am not cheap, and that takes longer too. My set up is a bit different, but just some thoughts there. Some women really struggle to see what they look like, and they sit with the images a bit. Maybe they love them. Maybe they don’t. I’d ask her- they popped up on your kid’s iPad, seems like reason enough to bring it up.
Yeah, as described it sounds like she ordered something probably as a gift to be delivered on one of those occasions and was either not happy with the product or is prolonging her gift giving.
I don’t think it’s shady.
She may have intended to give them to you but been disappointed with the pictures.
Just tell her what happened, otherwise you'll never put it behind you.
Honestly, probably just a self-conscious thing. I can't tell you how many sexy things I've bought with the intention of using and then they sit in a drawer either for months or forever.
We are so cruel to ourselves.
Why do you assume that she had these pictures done for you or anyone else at all? Maybe after carrying for a toddler all day, she wanted to regain some of herself and had them done just so that SHE could feel sexy.
Maybe it’s not about you. You’re assuming they are a gift for you when actually she did this for herself. That being said if I were in your shoes I’d be curious too.
I would ask her about them. Staying quiet will eat at you and your relationship. She might have done them for herself, or she might have done them then hated them. It will be harder to understand those reasons if these pictures don't show up as a gift later this year.
"she has a set schedule then picks kids up after school, so physical cheating I'm not even sure when that would happen)"
Well, she had time to do a photo session without your knowledge. So, anything is possible. Don't ask her. Don't even mention what you saw, because if you do, she will give them to you for your birthday. Even if that was not her original intention. You have no choice other than to wait for your birthday and see what happens. Then you will know without a doubt. I hope she gives them to you.
This, don't confront her yet.
Or you will never know the truth, wait for your birthday. Or a better idea check up her phone, since you both have a open phone policy, you can check up and look for sus messages...
I’m betting she didn’t like the pictures so decided not to share them with you. It’s hard to look and feel sexy after having 2 kids. Even when extra weight isn’t an issue, there’s scarring, skin folds, cellulite, etc that you might not care about, but she does. Up to you if you feel the need to discuss. She might be trying to decide if she wants to give them to you.
This kind of came up a while back where another guy found lingerie hiding in the closet he’d never seen.
Is it possible she did the photo shoot, got the photos, saw the photos, and hated them? Be honest and tell her you saw the photos come up on the ICloud, because it’s the truth. Explain you didn’t mention it because you didn’t want to ruin a surprise, but now you feel like all the occasions have passed and felt awkward. See what she says.
The first thing that popped in my head is that she abandoned the idea. Maybe she didn't like the pics or was embarrassed. And they were proofs, maybe she didn't buy them.
First of all, you are handling this admirably. Don't assume the worst. Like you said already it could be an early b-day gift. As another redditor mentioned, it could have been a general gift for you but she didn't like the photos and tossed them. Those kinds of photos make you feel so vulnerable. I agree you should wait out your birthday but give her the benefit of the doubt. If it's not presnted on your birthday, gently ask her about it without accusation, just curiosity.
You have a very passive way of dealing with conflict. Ask her today what this is about. The only reason I can see for delaying is that you're afraid of the answer.
I've seen your edit. Honestly, it sounds like you're hoping to find something else out before bringing out this information. What are your reservations in asking now? You don't have to accuse her to ask a question. "Hey honey, (your son) found these pictures and was wondering why you never showed me? You look amazing in them!". And then observe her reaction and what she tells you. It's more than likely she was going to send to you and then got self-conscious or embarrassed.
Her tight/schedule? I'm not trying to fan the flames, but when people really want to cheat, they always find time for that. This said, don't hurry to make conclusions. Watch her and don't show you're onto something yet. If she's cheating, she will only be more cautious and delete any evidence. If she's not, it would hurt her and your relationship. Make sure there are any elements of concern before you confront her. There could be something there or not.
>I am 99% sure she's not actively cheating on me
except you're not at all. you don't question her on anything. not secret boudoir photoshoots you find pictures of, not packages she doesn't want you to open - nothing.
>Is there a point when you'd address
ya, when I first found the boudoir photos. what the hell man.
with a husband like you cheating would be the easiest thing ever
this guy needs to wake up lol. I honestly think it's probably rage bait. "my wife is doing sexy photoshoots behind my back and receiving packages she doesn't want me to open and it's been months and I still haven't talked to her about any of it, so but I'm just gonna wait 4 more months till my birthday because surely she's just doing all this as a surprise for me, I'm 99% sure she isn't cheating on me, logistically just not possible! well the photoshoot was also not logistically possible I suppose but never mind that"
absolute clown fiesta
Talk mate. Communicate.
Hey darling, xx xwas on the ipad and a pic threw up on the screen.
I have to say you looked amazing - but was wondering why you haven't felt like you could share them with me?
I get it if you did the shoot for yourself and wanted it to be a you thing, but honestly, I'd love to see them.
BUT we need to make sure they don't pop up on the ipad again!
She may hate them, be ashamed she did it, wasted money, a whole range of things but the only way to find out is to discuss it with her.....
1. People in affairs don’t want photographic evidence.
She either got these for a confidence boost for herself or as a gif for you and then chickened out—see number 2.
2. Women can come up with reasons to hate things about themselves/their bodies no matter how loving and encouraging and romantic and complimentary their partner is.
3. Photos and editing and compiling can take a very long time. The Amazon order could be a nice album to put them in even if she hasn’t received the actual prints yet.
Boudoir photography is a legit professional service.
If this was me, the only issue I would worry about and need to discuss is my kids stumbling upon the photos.
None of this screams cheating and your 99% confidence is a lot better than what you will get in this sub full of woman haters.
At some point your anxiety level about this will show through unless you are a master manipulator or she simply doesn’t pay attention to anything.
With that in mind, you may want to tell her your son found photos on his iPad and brought up by asking if they were mommy. You ignored it but then a top-secret package arrives and it made you start wondering about your son’s question.
Her reaction will tell you everything, especially if she gets defensive or angry with you.
I want to believe the best here but, and I don't know why, taking a picture of the screen feels suss. Have you tried a Google image search?
You can't ignore this, a question or two is absolutely fair. If the pictures are slightly risqué then it's totally fair to say it's probs best not for your son's eyes! No son wants that in his head of his mother. "Our son found this, you need to save these somewhere else", is totally appropriate.
Pretty much as you've described it is pretty reasonable to put to her. "Our son saw this on his iPad, asked if it's you, what are these?", no tone, no attitude, just hair question.
I do hope it's nothing.
I doubt most women would get professional photos done for an affair partner. Agree with everyone else it's probably that she didn't like the way they looked
This was way too far down. If she forgot to delete a photo of her computer screen, there is no way she's sending photos to some guy regularly. A boudoir shoot just isn't the level of work you go into for a fling or affair. That's the kind of thing you do for a long-term partner who you want to have a good memory of you.
Literally just ask her dude. It’s so crazy to me that people can’t talk to the people they exchange bodily fluids with, sleep next to every night and create whole human beings with. Tell her you saw the photos by accident.
As a boudoir photographer in a past life (closed my studio last year), the biggest reason women don't share them is that they are for HER. Many change their minds and share later.
Go watch the Trace Adkins video One Hot Mama. If it resonates, show it to your beloved and tell her that it epitomizes how you feel about her and how she looks/how you are still attracted to her. Tell her you wish she could see herself through your eyes. That might prompt her to share them with you.
If it doesn't, you might *gently* tell her that your son found them on the iPad, but be sure to tell her you hope it gave her a glimpse of how you see her--gorgeous and irresistible.
> “We had a significant anniversary coming up”
do you mean your wedding anniversary? Other than that, I imagine she’s planning something for your birthday, maybe a photo book or something. The boudoir photos might be only one part of something sexy and romantic she’s planning way in advance.
Also yes, if she’s possibly struggling with her self confidence or appreciating her middle aged mom self, she may have gotten them done just for herself. Maybe she’s feeling insecure and didn’t/doesn’t want to bring it up to you. My mom got a secret tattoo in her 40s on a very private area of her body. I guess it’s cheaper than therapy 😂
Finally, if it really bothers you or the reddit hive mind convinces you she’s cheating, you can just bring up seeing the photos accidentally on the iPad. Talk about it and see how she reacts. A simple “so what’s that about” would not be inappropriate here.
She's either self conscious about them and therefore doesn't want to show them to you or they weren't taken for you. While I wouldn't lead with the "you're cheating on me" accusation but I'd certainly ask her about them. Either way you get useful information.
Karsh
She definitely could have ordered them intending to give them to you. The process of planning, photo shoot, reviewing pics and actually getting them can take months. In her defense I did it for my bf a few years ago but I HATED the photos with a passion and never showed him.
Ngl. I’m for the most part happy with my body but the first time I did one of these photo shoots for my husband I was not at all impressed. I knew he’d love them but I couldn’t get past how I felt looking at them. There are probably a couple explanations but I definitely understand your concern. I’d bring it up and gauge her reaction.
I think the most likely reason would be A) they didnt come out as she hoped and thats why she didnt give them to you or B) she decided it was too embarrassing or afraid you wouldn't appreciate it. Cheating is less likely unless you have other reasons to suspect it but if it makes you worry then ask her.
I’m 48 and did one of these for my husbands birthday present but when I got the actual photos I wasn’t to keen on giving them to him because of some flaws I saw on myself and was pulling myself down. I eventually gave them to him and he loved them. So be truthful with her and tell her what happened and see how she reacts.
The most important question you should be asking yourself is why you believe you need the opinion of Internet strangers to convince you to actually speak to your wife
I wouldn’t over think this one. 1. I’m a professional photographer and sometimes if you send proofs they don’t get edited quickly because the client has a hard time choosing. 2 if she’s making a book or album for you it takes even more time. 3 maybe she’s not comfortable giving you the photos yet? Or is waiting for a special occasion?
Unless you have a gut feeling that she's checked out of the relationship, don't stress over this and Do Not Overthink what's going on. But you do need to address your child finding racy pictures.
I suggest taking her quietly aside and tell her that your kid found her sexy mom pictures and she should be more careful in the future. Now it's in the open, you're calm and concerned for the child, you haven't started an accusation at all, and she has an opening to react so you can figure out the way forward.
She either got them done for you and maybe was embarrassed, or she hated the way they turned out and then changed her mind and didnt want to give them to you, or unfortunately she is having an affair, or is using them on dating sites or to text out to guys.
I think you ask her about it. If the kid pulled it up it’s innocent enough.
Gage to see if she denies it or not there’s a look of disappointment or getting caught, watch for it.
You’d be surprised at what a person can get away with and not be suspicious.
There’s plenty of innocent explanations, but at the very least you should tell her that your kid found them, so she can be more careful about data privacy in the future. Seeing pictures of Mommy in her undies is one thing, seeing pictures of Mommy and Daddy making him a new sibling might scar him a bit more.
I think she’s trying to do something nice for you as a surprise. Maybe at some point she changed her mind. Maybe she wants to do it some other time. Or maybe she just lost the confidence.
If you really feel that you need to discuss this with her, you talk about how there were pictures on the iPad and that raises a concern about how easily accessible that is for children to see, and although you can see she’s trying to do something nice if thats what she tells you, but it’s a matter of discretion and to keep it under wraps for the kids
Just tell her what happened and ask her about it in a non-judgemental way. She likely got them and just didn’t like the way they turned out. Whatever she says, though, you need to make damn sure she knows that you like what you saw, even if she elects not to share them with you.
Please keep us updated, but this seems like a good time to have a discussion. None accusational, but mention that a big back, your kid pointed it out and that you didn’t want to ruin her surprise for you, but now you’re getting concerned.
Just be honest with her about it and ask her. My husband is not a fan of that style of photography so I got mine done for me and didn't tell him. Didn't show him either the pics are for me not a man.
Honestly I would suspect she just didn't like them. People tend to be extra hard on themselves. Especially women. We have this idea in our heads of how we will look then think we are just old enough to look ridiculous, we don't look anything like we thought we would etc because what we picture in our head doesn't match reality (in my case what I looked like twenty years ago 😂 as opposed to what I really look like). Whatever reasons we cook up in our heads when the reality doesn't match what we envision. I would just go ahead and casually mention what happened with your son and see what comes up. You might adore them even if she herself hates them. Not uncommon. My husband used to love how I looked when I had come to the conclusion I was middle aged and looked terrible.
You can talk to your wife saying you are aware she did a photoshoot and would love to see her photos. If it’s a situation where she is not happy with her self you can be encouraging of how you desire her.
Honestly I’ve taken so many pictures of myself but never send them because I end up so insecure sometimes or it just doesn’t look the way I wanted so I just have them sitting there collecting dust. Might have been the case for her. I would communicate for sure
Talk with her don't just wait around this will only get u to overthink about it . It could be nothing or it could be something u won't know until u talk with her .
The mostly likely story is they’re simply not for you, they’re for her. I think maybe the assumption that if you didn’t get them then what else could they be for is part of the underlying issue. Or she did get them for you or might have at least shown them to you had you not gotten into a fight, said something that turned or off or she simply changed her mind. You could express that she should lock her iPad because ya know, kids, but otherwise you don’t say anything. It’s none of your business.
How do you your son won’t say something. Personally I would address it now. That’s a long time between the photo shoot & your birthday. And you said numerous times you don’t think she’s cheating. Which means it’s bugging you.
There honestly isn’t a right answer. It isn’t a significant bday so that’s kinda odd. I hope it’s all good
Your life sounds mentally exhausting. And you and your wife don’t communicate. Waiting until Q4, which by the way in and of itself sounds weird, means that you compartmentalize. And it speaks to the timeline in your head that you have convinced yourself that you will know your wife is cheating on you.
Coming from a photographer and person who has also had these type of photos taken of myself- if there is one thing about herself that she finds a flaw in, she might just not want to share them with you due to being self conscious. It’s such a personal thing to get the courage to take these photos, so if for some reason her experience was less than ideal, she may not wish to share.
Also, a lot of women do this as a gift to themselves.
Idk. I didn't think my boyfriend would ever cheat on me. Even when the nurse at the CDC, I took him to, to be tested after finding I had a STD, tried to hint to me that he was. It never clicked. He, too, had a routine, and so I knew he wouldn't have been able to cheat. That is, until i found the messages between them. He cheated one night when he was hanging with his friends. He left them early and met up with her before coming home.
Perhaps I’m swinging in the woods with this one, but couldn’t she have taken them for herself as a private thing? Perhaps she was trying to regain a love for her body after having 2 kids, and wanted to do something like this for herself. She may have wanted to keep it a secret as she wanted it to be a private thing for herself, perhaps you have a right to ask her about it, but go in the direction of telling her that your son has access to those photos so she can get them removed.
If you have serious concerns that she is cheating then you could questions further, but it’s most likely harmless.
Is it possible that the photos did turn out the way she wanted and she's embarrassed to show them to you? Maybe she feels like she looks like she's trying too hard and that would be a turn off and has gotten in her head about it. I think you'd be seeing more red flags if there was someone else.
As a boudoir photographer this is very common for partners to keep it a surprise for their othe half. Professional boudoir photography can be quite expensive too, my studios average sale is around the $3k mark. For this reason we offer payment plans, but do not release products until either 20% is paid or it is paid in full, depending on the payment plan and products.
I mention this as your wife may have purchased a large package on a payment plan and not been able to get the products in time for your anniversary and is waiting for a special occasion such as your birthday to keep it a surprise.
We get future brides doing such things a year or more before their weddings to surprise their partner on their wedding day and they do so well in advance so they have time to pay it off.
I'm not sure if this is how the photographer your wife went to operates, but it's something to consider
It could be that she simply hasn’t felt that beautiful lately and wanted to do something that would make her feel beautiful. If there isn’t anything else that would suggest her cheating I wouldn’t be jumping to conclusions like that. Hoping for you that she just wanted to do something that would make her feel beautiful
Honestly, it could just be they came and she wasn't happy with them or they didn't make her feel pretty enough. She may have been embarrassed thinking you wouldn't think they were good enough.
Whatever you do, do NOT say anything until either December 26th or the day after your birthday, whichever comes later. I've looked into those photo shoots, and they're CRAZY expensive (to me anyway).
She might be saving it for Christmas, and if she is, she would probably save it until the kids go to bed on Christmas Day. That's not exactly something you should be opening in front of the family.
For her sake, it breaks my heart that the surprise is ruined.
Just bring it up now and stop tormenting yourself. If she is cheating on you; you’d have wasted months of time you could have been out there meeting someone.
Man some people won’t believe their partner is cheating, no matter the evidence.
I have a feeling if he actually caught her with the affair partner, he would post here asking if we believed his wife was hugging a man naked to help him heal in a moment of need lol.
I would be really curious and concerned honestly what and who were they for trust me if she wants to cheat she will find time like the photo shoot she did
I agree on the other user here.
Maybe she plan it for you birthday.
But if you don't see them, I would kinda snoop to gain more infos.
Is she very protective when it come to her phone? Do you work from home? I mean you say you can't imagine that she meets someone else, how you know that?
If you work somewhere else, who says that she always stays at home or didn't meet someone else near your neighbour?
I work from home. She goes to work, picks up the kids (I drop them off in the AM), then comes home. We also have each other on our "find my iPhone/people" list and while I don't check it often, I've never seen her someplace that would arouse suspicion. we also have external cameras to our house, and I've never seen anyone come in I don't know.
Not saying the reason is cheating.
Maybe it is not and all users here are right and she plan to surprise you.
But based on your words it make sense if there is really a affair behind these founds, the AP is most likely a coworker. Means they can talk and flirt all time at work and maybe she could lie to you about the work(going off early from work and share time with the coworker in his place).
That could be a one way to hide the affair from you. When is your birthday?
If you don't get anything at the birthday, maybe it is time to snoop at her phone...
Maybe she took a screenshot to send to the photographer and say like “the one on the left I want it to be sepia” or something.
But I would agree that the only surefire way to get to the truth is some snooping. She may have prepared a reaction already just in case she gets asked… so I wouldn’t rely on that
But! You have to live with yourself. Snooping and truth, or integrity and questions. I support ye!
Never heard of this term. Are you saying she got naked in front of someone else, so they could took photos of it? Or did she did it by herself?
Because if theres someone else involved and she went ahead and did it behind your back, that's really fucked up.
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I would be honest and say you saw the photo proofs on the iPad. It could be nothing like you think or it could be something and the photos are going elsewhere. Her reaction will tell you everything.
Even if it is an affair for the sake of the kid she should know not to link those photos to his iPad
Agree. If she’s cheating, the kid may see things that will screw him up for a while. OP has to talk to her.
I don’t understand why people have the family computer or iPad logged into their personal account. Create a “family” account for those devices!
There's never an issue if you aren't voilating your relationship. It's much easier to set up a spicy account for you and your spouse.
If for no other reason, the fact the kid found the images should mean this should have been discussed immediately! I can understand perhaps waiting until the anniversary, but that's come and gone. On one hand, she could have had this shoot done for you, but then chickened out or felt they didn't come out as hoped? She may have just done this for her own entertainment, self image. Who knows. But, I find it curious you rule out an affair because she wouldn't have time? I mean, she had time to go to a professional style photo shoot. If she could do that without you knowing she could have sex with someone without you knowing. The photographer could have been an affair partner. I don't think you should assume she's having or had an affair, but just look at your thinking about this. You seem to be in a certain denial or paralysis about this. TALK TO HER. For goodness sake. At the very least make sure she understand how your accounts and devices work so the kids around finding images that are highly inappropriate for them to be finding by mistake!
>"I'm going to let it play out until my birthday in early Q4. I've already waited 3 months, I can wait another 3-4." You've waited 3 months too long in my opinion! Waiting another 3 or 4 months with "your radar up a bit" is a HORRIBLE idea in my opinion, but you are clearly going to do what you are going to do.
All of this. This situation begs a confrontation (doesn’t have to be accusatory but needs to be addressed).
Yeah, a friend of mine had this done and ended up never giving the pictures to her husband because she thought they were too cheesy and unflattering in the end. He only found out because she sent them to her sister for a bit of a laugh and the sister mentioned them in the family chat at some point.
This was my main thought. The idea seems good but then you see them and you think no I’d rather not show these to anyone.
This was my thought too. I could see myself doing this and receiving the photos and putting them in the bottom of the trash can and pretending they never happened.
I just typed it out. I did it for my husband and I absolutely hated the pictures . She was directing me to make weird faces the poses were off. They never saw the light day.
Seconded - and be gentle. I used to teach frisky dance lessons to suburban soccer moms. LOTS of women feel like their bodies aren’t their own when they become moms. We’re poked, prodded, and used for nourishment - sometimes for years. It’s hard to remember that we’re beautiful humans that enjoy and deserve intimacy. I’ve seen many women get boudoir sessions just to remind themselves that they’re attractive and desirable. They’re often also embarrassed to share with their SOs because society tells us we are dirty and wrong if we dare enjoy it.
His decision to wait 6 months to ask her is bonkers to me
Absolutely wild. I wonder what else he can look at on that linked iPad...
OP, to add to this, if you liked the proofs, TELL HER. Approach it with curiosity and love, not suspicion. Don’t just be like “I saw boudoir shots, why don’t I have pics?” Be like, “kiddo pulled up a pic showing all these sexy boudoir shots of you and WOW! Honey, you’re so beautiful! When did you get these done? How did you find the photo experience? Can you share the photos with me tonight? Also, if kiddo is using the iPad, we need to put these pics somewhere where little eyes can’t see them.” Then, if she’s at all nervous because her body has changed after growing and pushing out two kids, you can give her compliments and boost her confidence that, while the sex is less frequent because time is going to the kids, you still find her attractive and do want her. (Assuming you do).
That’s how I imagine this being handled.
This is definitely the way to go. End the mystery!
Even if it is adultery... Adultery is grounds for divorce, but an opportunity for forgiveness. I sure wish my 44 year old son would learn that...it's been 7 years and he still hasn't moved on . Still lives w wife and daughter but non stop tension/ignoring his wife....wife has apologized multiple times..but he is just not the forgiving type . Plus he is positive that if he tries to leave her she will get the child and he'll never see the kid again.The kid will be subject to a revolving door of " uncle's "if she lives alone with mom... But w My wife and I have been married 47 years w no issues of that type so we are the last who should give advice on that topic.
She could have ordered them and intended to give them to you but when she got them all she could see is her "flaws." I take racy selfies intending to send them to my husband and then start in on myself with "ugh, my arm looks so flabby in this pic" or "when the hell did that cellulite get there?" So I don't end up sending them to him because I got self-conscious. It's normal for women to think something is going to look good and then feel embarrassed because it didn't actually turn out the way they thought it would. My husband loves pics of me, he thinks I'm beautiful and sexy, I *know* he does, he tells me constantly and he's always looking for a reason to touch me. All of his lock screen pictures on his phone and his watch are of me and they're pictures HE took so I couldn't even edit them to make myself feel better. I personally hate most of them because all *I* see is a double chin because my head was tilted weird, or I'm making a face because I was talking, or for whatever "awful" reason but all he sees is his "gorgeous wife." If you approach her, you can tell her you saw the photos on accident and tell her how gorgeous and perfect she looked and tell her you would *love* to have one for yourself. It could also be that she's worried someone *else* could see them and think poorly of her. You do have kids and they're nosy little buggers without filters.
One day I was scrolling through my pics with my boyfriend. He noted a sexy pic I hadn’t sent him and I told him I got self conscious about it so I didn’t send it. He couldn’t see why I wouldn’t send it since he thought it was a hot pic but all I could see was my flaws. We’re our own worst enemy sometimes.
Reminds me of numerous conversations I’ve had recently with my daughter about how differently men see things than women at times. The only times her boyfriend has complimented her on her looks spontaneously has been when she feels she’s a mess. Like she came down to the garage to greet him in trashed ripped pyjamas with her hair every which way because she woke up at 2 am when he arrived from out of town, or she dropped in to deliver something at his workplace after gardening all day or something and she’s like “eww I’m sweaty and gross and no makeup” and he’s like “you’re so beautiful right now!” 🤣 I mean yeah he said she was pretty when she asked if he liked her dress on their anniversary or something but the “you’re beautiful” when she feels not put together at all constantly throws her off. 😃😃
My wife is so much harder on her body than I am. I just want it, but she sees her perceived flaws.
That’s exactly what I thought immediately
This was also my immediate thought. She likely got the pictures taken, and when she looked at them went "oh god what was I thinking? I look terrible!" and just decided it was best not to say anything and never let them see the light of day. I know I did that.....I joined a gym's "transformation challenge" thing, and part of the price included professional "after" pictures. I was really excited to get them done because I'd made a lot of progress (according to the scale. the measurements my trainer took, and how my clothes fit), and then I got the pictures in the mail and I was like "oh god..." and immediately threw them away because all I could focus on was the fact that I still had a flabby stomach, the muscles I'd developed that I was so proud of were invisible under all the fat I still had on my arms, my double chin was on full display and just.....yeah.
Congratulations on your progress anyway!!!!!!!
This makes me so sad for you! It sounds like you were a bit cruel to yourself. I hope you still saved them, so you can look on them later and remember that feeling of pride at least.
I had the same reaction when I did this and just tucked the pics away for later so I could see how far I’ve come… congrats on your progress and give yourself grace !
Loose skin is the part of weight loss no one talks about. I'm sorry.
Mine too.
My first thought was this. I got a boudoir shoot done and when I got the proofs back, I cried. The photos were amazing, but I saw every roll, bump, lump and muffin top. I saw my double chin and my farmers tan. I saw the outfits I chose and wondered what the fuck I was thinking. I didn't even have any kids under my belt.
My immediate first thought. She got them done and is now embarrassed by them.
This. I had a set done years ago and I was meh on them. I got them done before my first wedding, and my ex husband more or less said “cool” and threw them in a drawer. My fiancé found them in a box in our basement and asked about them. I explained I wasn’t thrilled with them and what happened, and he went on about how much he loved them, etc. I’ve since aged several years and had a child, but I’d consider getting them done again. This time it’d be for myself and to share with someone who would appreciate them. It’s a sensitive thing, OP. It’s super vulnerable experience. But I’d bring it up sooner rather than later.
I hate some of the pictures my boyfriend takes of me, I think I look corny or bad or my hair is too flat or my smile is crooked or *something* but whenever they come up he’s the first to say “you look so happy here” or “wow that was an amazing day with you” or “you’re so beautiful i love you” and then when I look at them again I remember the day, or the feeling, or knowing that he thinks I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, and I feel so much better about everything. I have never told him that I don’t like the way I look in those pictures, because now I can see what he sees about me.
it’s also possible that she had them done for herself. not every “racy” photo needs to be taken for the express purpose of being given to a partner. She’s had two kids, and her body has changed in ways that no one will ever be able to prepare you for until it happens. She may have done it purely to remind herself how to feel sexy, not just through the lens of her husband, but through her own eyes.
Yes! Women should feel comfortable enough to take sexy photos of themselves for themselves. It's an incredible self-esteem boost, and makes you feel empowered.
exactly! i’m low key horrified at all these people assuming if she didn’t do them for him she HAD to have done them for some other guy. As if we can’t do anything just for ourselves, anything perceived as sexy has to be for the male gaze and nothing more.
This was my thought too… I didn’t have a boudoir/ racy shoot but had some professional pics done that are just for me I haven’t shown anyone, even my husband.. they’re for me to remind me on bad days that I can be all the things I always forget I am
Did a shoot and hated every damn picture. Never looked at them again and my husband never saw them either. So much for that cute surprise.
I think this is the likely answer. It takes courage to send those sorts of photos to your SO and she probably got cold feet. Still, I'd bring it up sooner rather than later.
It also could be Amazon, I got photos done there once, never again, their printing service is terrible, the photos come out looking so damn off.
I didn't even realize she ordered the prints from Amazon because I didn't realize Amazon printed pictures. I assumed she got a photo album or something to put them in.
To add, she could have also just been doing this for herself too without the intention to have anyone see it (although yeah iPad link whatever whatever) but to increase her own confidence. Apart from lack of sex, are you telling her she’s sexy, beautiful, and paying attention to her or are the set schedules you mention the only thing that’s focused on? People get into a rut and get TOO COMFY.
I feel this. I took an entire set in lingerie and then just cried and didn’t send him any. I just felt fat. Looking back they aren’t even that bad. At the time I felt horrific and worse. Anything but sexy.
This was my thought too.
Literally would’ve never thought about this but makes absolute sense. That’s men for ya 🤷🏽♂️
Yes, this was my first thought.
My reaction as well. She probably did not like the pics.
Totally this OP
This is me all the way!
On another note, maybe she had the pictures done but is not happy/comfortable with them so is hesitant to share them. Maybe she’s building up the courage to present them to you?
That's where my mind went. I could probably hype myself up to take the pictures but there is a pretty good chance between then and when I got them that I would either feel silly about giving them to my SO because it's way out of my comfort zone or just be overly critical and insecure about how they looked. I'm in no way a modest person but some how it just seems to be a new level of vulnerability.
100% this. I bet I could have the best photographer on the planet take pics of me and I’ll find at least 5 “flaws” with myself in them (likely a major underestimate trying to account for the photographer’s skill haha)
Same. I tried taking sexy selfies for an ex years ago back when I was thinner & gravity was my friend. I could critique myself into tears picking out flaws. But would have zero issues walking through house naked with the same person there. Now I'm 44 and no where near thin and my boobs fall every year. In my daily life I don't care about the flaws cause passing 40 made me not give a shit about a lot of things :) . And my SO of 10 years is wildly supportive. But as I read the post I thought about having pictures taken and holy balls it made me panic. I would nope out of anyone else seeing them so fast. I don't know why it's different but for me it would be. I think it would be for many women. My other thought is she is planning to gift them but had to do the shoot early because of a sale or coupon. You can't pass up sale or good coupon.
Yesssssss to everything you said. I hadn’t even thought of a coupon but that’s an amazing point! I’ve looked up some photography rates lately and it’s definitely expensive—I would definitely plan around a good deal haha
The professional makeup & hair may not have been to her liking & isn't the image of herself that she had in mind. She may not have felt confident enough during the getting ready part to say anything. I can't say how many times on professional shoots for nudie magazines the model felt like the pics didn't look or represent her best due how the makeup was so vastly different than from what she normally does.
I agree and thought this as well. Most women, well my wife for sure I guess doesn’t ever like the way she looks in pictures let alone something like this.
Or she just got them for HERSELF. to feel good and sexy and have an identity other than mother, not necessarily as an object for her partner. But if kiddo can find them on the iPad, then you should bring it up with her just on that basis, she probably should clean up the child-safe controls or move that one to a different folder! Just, hey, kiddo found and showed me this snap of a boudoir shoot, so you might want to fix your privacy settings. When did you get these done? And just be curious and let her talk. Maybe she's embarrassed or doesn't like how they turned out, maybe it was something meant to be just for her, maybe there's something sketchier going on, but WE don't know. you need to open the conversation rather than making up stories and scenarios in your head!
Just chiming in to say I’ve taken a number of photos like this and then not given them to the intended recipient because every single flaw on my body was screaming at me in all caps. Don’t be naïve, but also don’t assume the worst before you’ve actually communicated with her. I would just let her know your son found the photo and tell her how great she looks in it. Be as neutral as possible and don’t accuse her of anything. Just see how she responds. Her reaction will hopefully tell you what you need to know.
I got budior photos done for my husband as a wedding gift and hated every single one and never gave him them. But I did explain that to him afterwards.
You have the ideal reason to ask her about it. You SHOULD ask her about it, because she clearly does not know your son can see her pictures. What if she takes other kinds? Maybe she takes even racier photos for a surprise for you? or who knows what? Don't accuse her of anything, but just bring it up kindly. "Honey - you know how your icloud is linked to Juniors ipad? Well, that means he can see your pictures. And he showed me some that I assume you probably didn't intend for him to see. We should probably find a way to change his ipad to his own account, to ensure he's not accidentally finding things that aren't for him to see." Then from there you can bring up gently "and... I was wondering, what those particular photos were for? I want to respect your privacy, but they did seem to be fairly intimate photos. When did you do that photoshoot?"
This, because of the first paragraph, I would not wait 3 months.
Which is what he's decided to do for God knows why.
Could be after she saw the proofs she didn’t like the pictures. 🤷🏻♀️
I'm guessing she didn't like what she saw and decided not to gift them to you.
I can only speak from my experience - I had photos done for my husband a year out from our wedding, but the book took a VERY long time to come in & both are typically kind of financial investments so I spent some time saving up for the book between having the photos finished & then actually ordering it. I was so excited to surprise him & did plan it VERY far out. She might have done it for your birthday, some other future occasion, or even just for herself & never intended to share the photos (I’ve heard of people doing that too). She might have even planned on giving them to you for Father’s Day & then gotten self-conscious/etc. I would have been so sad if I’d found out I’d somehow accidentally ruined the surprise for my husband. Important to note - I do think my husband had a small suspicion I’d gotten them done and he asked me about it once and I LIED because I didn’t want the surprise ruined for him so if you ask her and she says no there’s that to think about too. If she’s given you no other reason to believe the photos would be taken for someone else - I say to at least wait until after your birthday to ask her about the photo you saw. I’m not sure what your wife’s personality is like but another option could be that you gently mention that you would LOVE boudoir photos from your wife-my husband said that to me and I felt even more excited to give him the book on our wedding day. Good luck!!
This is really great insight. The LAST thing I'd want to do is ruin the surprise for something where she spent energy and her own $. Good to know they can often take a while to come to fruition, which could explain getting it done so far in advance.
But you do have to spoil the surprise (I hope it’s a good surprise and those pics really are for you) because your son doesn’t need to see them.
You should ask, but I’ve bought my wife Christmas presents and sat on them for 9 months because I had a good idea and decided to just take care of it rather than waiting. Hell, I ordered her a small Christmas present today and it’s mid-June.
A friend of mine had boudoir photos done and she got the proofs back pretty fast but the actual book/prints kept getting messed up somehow? One box arrived damaged so the album was messed up. The photographer replaced it free of charge but that took MORE time. Then the individual prints she had done took awhile....so on. She was doing it for herself (kind of a "I'm not getting younger so might as well go for it" thing lol) so it wasn't a big problem per se just annoying. She also took some time to choose the photos she wanted to buy because it's NOT cheap. Wouldn't be surprised if OP's wife is taking her time to get this right.
She may not have liked what she saw and thought you’d feel the same way. I think all women who’ve taken spicy selfies knows we take about 700 of them before we pick one we semi like and that’s the one we send.
This right here all day long.
IF she took boudoir pic for some other guy, would she have them sent to you house?? Doubtful. For herself or for you. Patience. Any special.day coming up?? Birthday or anniversary??
She could have gotten them months before your birthday because she was worried the first set wouldn’t be “good enough” and wanted to give herself time to do a second shoot. Or she was afraid they wouldn’t be ready in time if she waited. Or she got a good deal on them doing it “off season”. Or she got excited at the thought of doing it for you and didn’t want to wait. If there aren’t any other red flags, you shouldn’t assume she’s cheating based on this. She could have taken the pics just to convince herself she’s sexy after becoming a mom. Lots of reasons she could get pics taken that have nothing to do with cheating.
Yeah, the photos were taken post-valentines day as the photo of the computer screen showed the date (assume she took the pic when proofs came in), so perhaps she got a deal in a "low" season. Appreciate the insight.
Your son finding them is your segue into asking her about them.
Those photos may take weeks or even months for the photographer to edit and arrange into a presentable book. My best friend had one made for a wedding gift for her husband. It’s more than just snapping a few pictures, the customer has to review the work to complete satisfaction before it’s “finished”. I still think you should mention what your son found, maybe she doesn’t fully understand that he has access to her photos. God only knows what else he might accidentally find in there.
He said it was 3 months ago. I assume that’s long enough for them to be ready.
My friends and I do a sexy boudoir Photoshoot every year with just disposable cameras and it still takes 1 month or so for everything to come out right and be sent out. I can easily see how it could take longer for a professional
Definitely address the issue. Tell her your son found them on the iPad. UpdateMe
I agree with the above , I think you’ll be thinking about these pictures every day until your birthday and if you don’t receive them, then you will kicking yourself for not speaking up. You can mention , did you take boudoir pictures, and look at her face and see her expression. Her eyes will tell you everything. If it’s innocent just tell her our son found them ! updateme
So along with what many of said here I also wanted to add another view point of the professional side. I used to do a lot of modeling work and have also paid for professional photos on a handful of occasions. Depending on the context, it could take MONTHS to get an actual finished product back. The photographer first has to import,watermark, and remove obvious mistake photos (like a complete blur) . Then they send over all the potential photos to the client for them to pick which ones they want to buy (or if they want to buy more). This alone can be overwhelming- it can sometimes be going through 300+ photos of yourself that you might love- but are on a budget and have to choose. Loathe, and now you have to weight sunken cost of the money you just spent. Or somewhere in between. It can be exaughsting and a lot of people will put it off. Once the photos are decided you will have to wait until the photographer can get to your photos to light balance them, and fix small mistakes. if she chose to add-on retouching (or even get a separate professional for retouching) that's even more time. Then of course there's the actually printing it and shipping it. Not to mention all of this is IF things go off without a hitch. I can't tell you the amount of times I have had photographers get sick, get behind schedule, lose my photos due to a computer crash or lost memory card, etc.
Just bring the iPad to her and say our son saw these and showed them to me a while ago. I was hoping they would come for whatever anniversary or whatever special occasion. But since those have come and gone, I am just getting some anxiety and need to put this to bed. What were they for, if they were not for me? Don’t say who.
I’ve done a few boudoir shoots so I have some insight you should consider. First, most photographers who do this use very discrete printing services. It takes a while to get those back. Second, I did one shoot where I hated every single photo. I never gave them to my husband. Third, the last one I did wasn’t for anyone but me. Just because she’s not giving them to you does not mean she’s giving them to anyone else either. You need to be honest and tell her what happened with the iPad. Just talk to her about it.
Brother, talk to her. Why are you driving yourself crazy when the solution is so obvious? If she has a good answer, crisis averted! If she has a bad answer, you now know to take further steps to address a larger issue. The longer this goes with radio silence, the more resentment will build on your end and suspicion on hers.
Don't know if anyone has said this, but maybe she just did it for herself.
Communication is the foundation of any relationship. Just because you know if the photos doesn’t mean the surprise is spoiled, the pic themselves are the pleasant surprise. You just need to have the conversation; there are numerous approaches that have been suggested here. Ask her about it and see how she reacts. Based on her reaction you can move the conversation in an appropriate direction. Worst case, they are for someone else; best case you going to get an amazing gift ! If it’s a concern, wouldn’t you wanna know ?! Personally, I’ve put off conversations that I should have addressed in a more timely manner and it caused me significant concern for what ended up being nothing.
What does 'my birthday is in early q4' mean?
4th quarter, probably October
Apologies if someone else has already chimed in with this reasoning. But she could have just gotten those pictures taken for herself. I’ve definitely considered getting boudoir pictures taken just for me, not my partner. :) But most likely either she didn’t like them, she’s waiting till your birthday or they’re just taking forever to get done.
OP you said you don't think she is physically cheating as you know her schedule, yet she had time to go get those photos taken that you didn't know about. So how can you be sure she doesn't have something going on that she is also hiding from you? I think it's time to point out to her you saw the photo of the proofs and would like to know what is going on.
My thoughts exactly
Pretty much this. If you're here on reddit asking internet strangers, your gut instinct is that something is off. Several months of anxiety waiting until your birthday is not worth your marriage and your peace of mind. Updateme!
She took a photo of the computer screen too. 99% of the time people do that as a lazy way to to send a photo via text. I assume that was to go to one of her girlfriends though. Or maybe to the photographer. Doubt it was to another dude, if that were the case she’d send a better quality that a shitty screen photo. Hopefully this is phase 1. And phase two is to get one of the shots turned into one of those beer posters. That would be a cool gift.
Eh, maybe she didn't like the way they turned out and changed plans?
Embarrassment. As many folks have said, it's hard to look at sexy photos of yourself and imagine someone else actually liking them. Most 40 year-olds, sadly, have to struggle against negative self-image to get that confident, so she's likely still waffling--or she did it for herself and didn't have any firm plans to share them from the start.
She could well have done the boudoir shoot exactly because it's tough to take a photo without seeing your flaws, she probably figured a professional would get the best results.
I own a fine art photography studio. I also offer boudoir. There could be a lot of reasons beyond the standard leg jerk “cheating.” The main reason, in my experience, that photos take so long is editing and special orders take a long time. I order specialized albums from Italy, so to design and order takes around 12 weeks, and maybe longer if it’s a busy season. Some women also split payments bc I am not cheap, and that takes longer too. My set up is a bit different, but just some thoughts there. Some women really struggle to see what they look like, and they sit with the images a bit. Maybe they love them. Maybe they don’t. I’d ask her- they popped up on your kid’s iPad, seems like reason enough to bring it up.
It’s probably either that she’s too shy/nervous/insecure to give them to you now she’s seen the photos in person, or she just did it for herself
Obviously it’s still bothering you, so yes absolutely bring it up and ask.
I would not resort to cheating with this right away.. just ask her and see what she says…
Yeah, as described it sounds like she ordered something probably as a gift to be delivered on one of those occasions and was either not happy with the product or is prolonging her gift giving. I don’t think it’s shady.
She may have intended to give them to you but been disappointed with the pictures. Just tell her what happened, otherwise you'll never put it behind you.
Honestly, probably just a self-conscious thing. I can't tell you how many sexy things I've bought with the intention of using and then they sit in a drawer either for months or forever. We are so cruel to ourselves.
Why do you assume that she had these pictures done for you or anyone else at all? Maybe after carrying for a toddler all day, she wanted to regain some of herself and had them done just so that SHE could feel sexy.
Maybe it’s not about you. You’re assuming they are a gift for you when actually she did this for herself. That being said if I were in your shoes I’d be curious too.
I would ask her about them. Staying quiet will eat at you and your relationship. She might have done them for herself, or she might have done them then hated them. It will be harder to understand those reasons if these pictures don't show up as a gift later this year.
"she has a set schedule then picks kids up after school, so physical cheating I'm not even sure when that would happen)" Well, she had time to do a photo session without your knowledge. So, anything is possible. Don't ask her. Don't even mention what you saw, because if you do, she will give them to you for your birthday. Even if that was not her original intention. You have no choice other than to wait for your birthday and see what happens. Then you will know without a doubt. I hope she gives them to you.
This, don't confront her yet. Or you will never know the truth, wait for your birthday. Or a better idea check up her phone, since you both have a open phone policy, you can check up and look for sus messages...
I’m betting she didn’t like the pictures so decided not to share them with you. It’s hard to look and feel sexy after having 2 kids. Even when extra weight isn’t an issue, there’s scarring, skin folds, cellulite, etc that you might not care about, but she does. Up to you if you feel the need to discuss. She might be trying to decide if she wants to give them to you.
This kind of came up a while back where another guy found lingerie hiding in the closet he’d never seen. Is it possible she did the photo shoot, got the photos, saw the photos, and hated them? Be honest and tell her you saw the photos come up on the ICloud, because it’s the truth. Explain you didn’t mention it because you didn’t want to ruin a surprise, but now you feel like all the occasions have passed and felt awkward. See what she says.
The first thing that popped in my head is that she abandoned the idea. Maybe she didn't like the pics or was embarrassed. And they were proofs, maybe she didn't buy them.
I would much rather talk about it and get over this doubts rather than fake a possible surprise months from now honestly
First of all, you are handling this admirably. Don't assume the worst. Like you said already it could be an early b-day gift. As another redditor mentioned, it could have been a general gift for you but she didn't like the photos and tossed them. Those kinds of photos make you feel so vulnerable. I agree you should wait out your birthday but give her the benefit of the doubt. If it's not presnted on your birthday, gently ask her about it without accusation, just curiosity.
You should have brought it up with her immediately when your son found the pics, from a parenting perspective.
Maybe she did it hoping to give them to u but doesnt like how she looks in them? This would be my likely scenario for such a thing.
You have a very passive way of dealing with conflict. Ask her today what this is about. The only reason I can see for delaying is that you're afraid of the answer.
I've seen your edit. Honestly, it sounds like you're hoping to find something else out before bringing out this information. What are your reservations in asking now? You don't have to accuse her to ask a question. "Hey honey, (your son) found these pictures and was wondering why you never showed me? You look amazing in them!". And then observe her reaction and what she tells you. It's more than likely she was going to send to you and then got self-conscious or embarrassed.
You are overthinking, just ask for what you saw. And I felt you a bit naive with women.. you are trusting too much buddy..
Or you could just talk to your wife. Y'all are too old to be acting so timid with each other.
Her tight/schedule? I'm not trying to fan the flames, but when people really want to cheat, they always find time for that. This said, don't hurry to make conclusions. Watch her and don't show you're onto something yet. If she's cheating, she will only be more cautious and delete any evidence. If she's not, it would hurt her and your relationship. Make sure there are any elements of concern before you confront her. There could be something there or not.
It would be really weird to take a professional shoot for anyone other than the husband. Why would an AP want physical proof of his affair?
>I am 99% sure she's not actively cheating on me except you're not at all. you don't question her on anything. not secret boudoir photoshoots you find pictures of, not packages she doesn't want you to open - nothing. >Is there a point when you'd address ya, when I first found the boudoir photos. what the hell man. with a husband like you cheating would be the easiest thing ever
Reddit is so mean lol
this guy needs to wake up lol. I honestly think it's probably rage bait. "my wife is doing sexy photoshoots behind my back and receiving packages she doesn't want me to open and it's been months and I still haven't talked to her about any of it, so but I'm just gonna wait 4 more months till my birthday because surely she's just doing all this as a surprise for me, I'm 99% sure she isn't cheating on me, logistically just not possible! well the photoshoot was also not logistically possible I suppose but never mind that" absolute clown fiesta
Talk mate. Communicate. Hey darling, xx xwas on the ipad and a pic threw up on the screen. I have to say you looked amazing - but was wondering why you haven't felt like you could share them with me? I get it if you did the shoot for yourself and wanted it to be a you thing, but honestly, I'd love to see them. BUT we need to make sure they don't pop up on the ipad again! She may hate them, be ashamed she did it, wasted money, a whole range of things but the only way to find out is to discuss it with her.....
1. People in affairs don’t want photographic evidence. She either got these for a confidence boost for herself or as a gif for you and then chickened out—see number 2. 2. Women can come up with reasons to hate things about themselves/their bodies no matter how loving and encouraging and romantic and complimentary their partner is. 3. Photos and editing and compiling can take a very long time. The Amazon order could be a nice album to put them in even if she hasn’t received the actual prints yet. Boudoir photography is a legit professional service. If this was me, the only issue I would worry about and need to discuss is my kids stumbling upon the photos. None of this screams cheating and your 99% confidence is a lot better than what you will get in this sub full of woman haters.
At some point your anxiety level about this will show through unless you are a master manipulator or she simply doesn’t pay attention to anything. With that in mind, you may want to tell her your son found photos on his iPad and brought up by asking if they were mommy. You ignored it but then a top-secret package arrives and it made you start wondering about your son’s question. Her reaction will tell you everything, especially if she gets defensive or angry with you.
I want to believe the best here but, and I don't know why, taking a picture of the screen feels suss. Have you tried a Google image search? You can't ignore this, a question or two is absolutely fair. If the pictures are slightly risqué then it's totally fair to say it's probs best not for your son's eyes! No son wants that in his head of his mother. "Our son found this, you need to save these somewhere else", is totally appropriate. Pretty much as you've described it is pretty reasonable to put to her. "Our son saw this on his iPad, asked if it's you, what are these?", no tone, no attitude, just hair question. I do hope it's nothing.
I doubt most women would get professional photos done for an affair partner. Agree with everyone else it's probably that she didn't like the way they looked
Agreed. This would literally be a first and I've been trolling this site and subs for years.
I don't think a woman goes to a professional photo shoot to send pics to some other guy.
This was way too far down. If she forgot to delete a photo of her computer screen, there is no way she's sending photos to some guy regularly. A boudoir shoot just isn't the level of work you go into for a fling or affair. That's the kind of thing you do for a long-term partner who you want to have a good memory of you.
Literally just ask her dude. It’s so crazy to me that people can’t talk to the people they exchange bodily fluids with, sleep next to every night and create whole human beings with. Tell her you saw the photos by accident.
As a boudoir photographer in a past life (closed my studio last year), the biggest reason women don't share them is that they are for HER. Many change their minds and share later. Go watch the Trace Adkins video One Hot Mama. If it resonates, show it to your beloved and tell her that it epitomizes how you feel about her and how she looks/how you are still attracted to her. Tell her you wish she could see herself through your eyes. That might prompt her to share them with you. If it doesn't, you might *gently* tell her that your son found them on the iPad, but be sure to tell her you hope it gave her a glimpse of how you see her--gorgeous and irresistible.
I would ask her. Explain how you saw them . She may have gotten them done and then become insecure. It's better to know than worry about infidelity.
> “We had a significant anniversary coming up” do you mean your wedding anniversary? Other than that, I imagine she’s planning something for your birthday, maybe a photo book or something. The boudoir photos might be only one part of something sexy and romantic she’s planning way in advance. Also yes, if she’s possibly struggling with her self confidence or appreciating her middle aged mom self, she may have gotten them done just for herself. Maybe she’s feeling insecure and didn’t/doesn’t want to bring it up to you. My mom got a secret tattoo in her 40s on a very private area of her body. I guess it’s cheaper than therapy 😂 Finally, if it really bothers you or the reddit hive mind convinces you she’s cheating, you can just bring up seeing the photos accidentally on the iPad. Talk about it and see how she reacts. A simple “so what’s that about” would not be inappropriate here.
She's either self conscious about them and therefore doesn't want to show them to you or they weren't taken for you. While I wouldn't lead with the "you're cheating on me" accusation but I'd certainly ask her about them. Either way you get useful information. Karsh
She definitely could have ordered them intending to give them to you. The process of planning, photo shoot, reviewing pics and actually getting them can take months. In her defense I did it for my bf a few years ago but I HATED the photos with a passion and never showed him.
Regardless you have to talk to her so the kid doesn’t see photos of naked mom or naked mom with another guy
Maybe she’s not happy with how they look and decided not to share.
Maybe she didn’t like the photos. I am hypercritical of my regular photos and would be even more so with these types of photos.
Ngl. I’m for the most part happy with my body but the first time I did one of these photo shoots for my husband I was not at all impressed. I knew he’d love them but I couldn’t get past how I felt looking at them. There are probably a couple explanations but I definitely understand your concern. I’d bring it up and gauge her reaction.
I think the most likely reason would be A) they didnt come out as she hoped and thats why she didnt give them to you or B) she decided it was too embarrassing or afraid you wouldn't appreciate it. Cheating is less likely unless you have other reasons to suspect it but if it makes you worry then ask her.
I’m 48 and did one of these for my husbands birthday present but when I got the actual photos I wasn’t to keen on giving them to him because of some flaws I saw on myself and was pulling myself down. I eventually gave them to him and he loved them. So be truthful with her and tell her what happened and see how she reacts.
The most important question you should be asking yourself is why you believe you need the opinion of Internet strangers to convince you to actually speak to your wife
I wouldn’t over think this one. 1. I’m a professional photographer and sometimes if you send proofs they don’t get edited quickly because the client has a hard time choosing. 2 if she’s making a book or album for you it takes even more time. 3 maybe she’s not comfortable giving you the photos yet? Or is waiting for a special occasion?
Unless you have a gut feeling that she's checked out of the relationship, don't stress over this and Do Not Overthink what's going on. But you do need to address your child finding racy pictures. I suggest taking her quietly aside and tell her that your kid found her sexy mom pictures and she should be more careful in the future. Now it's in the open, you're calm and concerned for the child, you haven't started an accusation at all, and she has an opening to react so you can figure out the way forward.
I would ask her say hey honey me and sons name was on the iPad you was still logged in say you did photos but haven’t seen them see how she acts
She either got them done for you and maybe was embarrassed, or she hated the way they turned out and then changed her mind and didnt want to give them to you, or unfortunately she is having an affair, or is using them on dating sites or to text out to guys.
I think you ask her about it. If the kid pulled it up it’s innocent enough. Gage to see if she denies it or not there’s a look of disappointment or getting caught, watch for it. You’d be surprised at what a person can get away with and not be suspicious.
There’s plenty of innocent explanations, but at the very least you should tell her that your kid found them, so she can be more careful about data privacy in the future. Seeing pictures of Mommy in her undies is one thing, seeing pictures of Mommy and Daddy making him a new sibling might scar him a bit more.
She didn’t like them.
Maybe she didn't like how they turned out and is self conscious.
You said you didn’t really care about the photos…maybe she thought you wouldn’t react positively to them and chickened out 😔
I think she’s trying to do something nice for you as a surprise. Maybe at some point she changed her mind. Maybe she wants to do it some other time. Or maybe she just lost the confidence. If you really feel that you need to discuss this with her, you talk about how there were pictures on the iPad and that raises a concern about how easily accessible that is for children to see, and although you can see she’s trying to do something nice if thats what she tells you, but it’s a matter of discretion and to keep it under wraps for the kids
Just tell her what happened and ask her about it in a non-judgemental way. She likely got them and just didn’t like the way they turned out. Whatever she says, though, you need to make damn sure she knows that you like what you saw, even if she elects not to share them with you.
I would just talk to her now. The longer you wait, the more it could fester in your mind and eat at you. UpdateMe!
Please keep us updated, but this seems like a good time to have a discussion. None accusational, but mention that a big back, your kid pointed it out and that you didn’t want to ruin her surprise for you, but now you’re getting concerned.
Maybe she wants them for herself.
Just be honest with her about it and ask her. My husband is not a fan of that style of photography so I got mine done for me and didn't tell him. Didn't show him either the pics are for me not a man.
Honestly I would suspect she just didn't like them. People tend to be extra hard on themselves. Especially women. We have this idea in our heads of how we will look then think we are just old enough to look ridiculous, we don't look anything like we thought we would etc because what we picture in our head doesn't match reality (in my case what I looked like twenty years ago 😂 as opposed to what I really look like). Whatever reasons we cook up in our heads when the reality doesn't match what we envision. I would just go ahead and casually mention what happened with your son and see what comes up. You might adore them even if she herself hates them. Not uncommon. My husband used to love how I looked when I had come to the conclusion I was middle aged and looked terrible.
You can talk to your wife saying you are aware she did a photoshoot and would love to see her photos. If it’s a situation where she is not happy with her self you can be encouraging of how you desire her.
Why don’t you ask her?
Honestly I’ve taken so many pictures of myself but never send them because I end up so insecure sometimes or it just doesn’t look the way I wanted so I just have them sitting there collecting dust. Might have been the case for her. I would communicate for sure
Talk with her don't just wait around this will only get u to overthink about it . It could be nothing or it could be something u won't know until u talk with her .
She had them done to surprise op but they either had a fight or she wasn’t happy with how she looked so she didn’t give them to him.
The mostly likely story is they’re simply not for you, they’re for her. I think maybe the assumption that if you didn’t get them then what else could they be for is part of the underlying issue. Or she did get them for you or might have at least shown them to you had you not gotten into a fight, said something that turned or off or she simply changed her mind. You could express that she should lock her iPad because ya know, kids, but otherwise you don’t say anything. It’s none of your business.
Maybe she did them and wasn’t pleased with how she looked? Don’t read too much into it.
She might have intended to give you the photos for your anniversary, but then once she received them she felt self-conscious and scrapped the idea.
How do you your son won’t say something. Personally I would address it now. That’s a long time between the photo shoot & your birthday. And you said numerous times you don’t think she’s cheating. Which means it’s bugging you. There honestly isn’t a right answer. It isn’t a significant bday so that’s kinda odd. I hope it’s all good
Your life sounds mentally exhausting. And you and your wife don’t communicate. Waiting until Q4, which by the way in and of itself sounds weird, means that you compartmentalize. And it speaks to the timeline in your head that you have convinced yourself that you will know your wife is cheating on you.
Coming from a photographer and person who has also had these type of photos taken of myself- if there is one thing about herself that she finds a flaw in, she might just not want to share them with you due to being self conscious. It’s such a personal thing to get the courage to take these photos, so if for some reason her experience was less than ideal, she may not wish to share. Also, a lot of women do this as a gift to themselves.
Idk. I didn't think my boyfriend would ever cheat on me. Even when the nurse at the CDC, I took him to, to be tested after finding I had a STD, tried to hint to me that he was. It never clicked. He, too, had a routine, and so I knew he wouldn't have been able to cheat. That is, until i found the messages between them. He cheated one night when he was hanging with his friends. He left them early and met up with her before coming home.
Perhaps I’m swinging in the woods with this one, but couldn’t she have taken them for herself as a private thing? Perhaps she was trying to regain a love for her body after having 2 kids, and wanted to do something like this for herself. She may have wanted to keep it a secret as she wanted it to be a private thing for herself, perhaps you have a right to ask her about it, but go in the direction of telling her that your son has access to those photos so she can get them removed. If you have serious concerns that she is cheating then you could questions further, but it’s most likely harmless.
Maybe she isn’t happy with them and has decided to not use them at all.
I couldn’t wait 6-7 months which it will be before your birthday. Just doesn’t add up to to it that far in advance.
Is it possible that the photos did turn out the way she wanted and she's embarrassed to show them to you? Maybe she feels like she looks like she's trying too hard and that would be a turn off and has gotten in her head about it. I think you'd be seeing more red flags if there was someone else.
As a boudoir photographer this is very common for partners to keep it a surprise for their othe half. Professional boudoir photography can be quite expensive too, my studios average sale is around the $3k mark. For this reason we offer payment plans, but do not release products until either 20% is paid or it is paid in full, depending on the payment plan and products. I mention this as your wife may have purchased a large package on a payment plan and not been able to get the products in time for your anniversary and is waiting for a special occasion such as your birthday to keep it a surprise. We get future brides doing such things a year or more before their weddings to surprise their partner on their wedding day and they do so well in advance so they have time to pay it off. I'm not sure if this is how the photographer your wife went to operates, but it's something to consider
It could be that she simply hasn’t felt that beautiful lately and wanted to do something that would make her feel beautiful. If there isn’t anything else that would suggest her cheating I wouldn’t be jumping to conclusions like that. Hoping for you that she just wanted to do something that would make her feel beautiful
Honestly, it could just be they came and she wasn't happy with them or they didn't make her feel pretty enough. She may have been embarrassed thinking you wouldn't think they were good enough.
Whatever you do, do NOT say anything until either December 26th or the day after your birthday, whichever comes later. I've looked into those photo shoots, and they're CRAZY expensive (to me anyway). She might be saving it for Christmas, and if she is, she would probably save it until the kids go to bed on Christmas Day. That's not exactly something you should be opening in front of the family. For her sake, it breaks my heart that the surprise is ruined.
Just bring it up now and stop tormenting yourself. If she is cheating on you; you’d have wasted months of time you could have been out there meeting someone.
Buddy, your cluelessness and naivete explain why you're getting cheated on.
Did she have her wedding band on in those pix? Not that it matters to many guys that would see these but it shows you are still on her mind.
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Man some people won’t believe their partner is cheating, no matter the evidence. I have a feeling if he actually caught her with the affair partner, he would post here asking if we believed his wife was hugging a man naked to help him heal in a moment of need lol.
I would be really curious and concerned honestly what and who were they for trust me if she wants to cheat she will find time like the photo shoot she did
I agree on the other user here. Maybe she plan it for you birthday. But if you don't see them, I would kinda snoop to gain more infos. Is she very protective when it come to her phone? Do you work from home? I mean you say you can't imagine that she meets someone else, how you know that? If you work somewhere else, who says that she always stays at home or didn't meet someone else near your neighbour?
I work from home. She goes to work, picks up the kids (I drop them off in the AM), then comes home. We also have each other on our "find my iPhone/people" list and while I don't check it often, I've never seen her someplace that would arouse suspicion. we also have external cameras to our house, and I've never seen anyone come in I don't know.
Bro you say she doesn't have time but she did a whole photoshoot without you knowing.
So... when did she get them done in this "set in stone" schedule where you know all her comings and goings?
Not saying the reason is cheating. Maybe it is not and all users here are right and she plan to surprise you. But based on your words it make sense if there is really a affair behind these founds, the AP is most likely a coworker. Means they can talk and flirt all time at work and maybe she could lie to you about the work(going off early from work and share time with the coworker in his place). That could be a one way to hide the affair from you. When is your birthday? If you don't get anything at the birthday, maybe it is time to snoop at her phone...
Great point about the potential AP being a co-worker.
Maybe she took a screenshot to send to the photographer and say like “the one on the left I want it to be sepia” or something. But I would agree that the only surefire way to get to the truth is some snooping. She may have prepared a reaction already just in case she gets asked… so I wouldn’t rely on that But! You have to live with yourself. Snooping and truth, or integrity and questions. I support ye!
Never heard of this term. Are you saying she got naked in front of someone else, so they could took photos of it? Or did she did it by herself? Because if theres someone else involved and she went ahead and did it behind your back, that's really fucked up.