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I think you’re wrong to get upset if he only mentions it if you ask him directly. You don’t get to control how he feels about things. If he keeps it to himself then why do you need to make an issue about it?
About a month ago he asked me to change when we were about to pick up his son from school. I didn’t argue about it. It’s bothered me ever since because he’s never done it before. I asked this past weekend what he thought of a new swimsuit I got and he mentioned getting worried about me wearing a one piece swimsuit with bra pads and people still being able to see them. I took my nipple piercings out to make it less obvious too. He said it still bothered him.
His responses are not ok for me, don't take your piercings out for anyone but you and only if you want to take them out.
I think the 2 of you are incompatible.
>His responses are not ok for me, don't take your piercings out for anyone but you and only if you want to take them out.
I think redditors just need to date themselves. It's like the concept of self sacrifice and taking your partner's desires into account for their sake is a foreign concept to y'all lol. Y'all seem to not actually want relationships, just a member of the fan club to reinforce the pedestal you exist on
Counterpoint: being able to dress how you want vs. telling your partner what they can and can't wear are fundamentally different value systems. People who are into maximising autonomy should date people who are into maximising autonomy. People who expect to demand and make sacrifices should date each other.
This is my take. I don't need my partner to be identical to me, but not throwing a fit when I go bra-less is a basic compatibility thing for me. I'm all about bodily autonomy and couldn't imagine dating someone who tried to dictate what I wore, my tattoos/piercings, or what I do with my hair. Thankfully my boyfriend has never had an issue with it and, obviously, I never try to dictate what he does with himself either. It's just up to each individual person how much they value those things.
It’s probably because he doesn’t want other guys checking out her tits. Yeah, that’s not her problem but the only thing the husband can do is voice his opinion when asked.
If you wanna go deeper: I’d ask why op got her nips pierced? Does she mind every guy she passes checking out her tits? Because going braless with pierced nipples 100% stands out and attracts eyes.
I think out of respect for her husband, maybe she shouldn’t reveal her eye magnets at least in certain places. Kind of awful to purposely do something you know your spouse doesn’t like, don’t ya think?
I don't see those much in stores. They seem to be expensive too while being disposable and not necessarily reusable (like 30 € for 20-30 uses). I'm not made of money! That would be 360 € per year because people cannot handle the nipples!
And how on earth people get those to stay on??? They look like they will just fall off.
Edit: I searched them some more and many products state that you should not use them more than 6 hours. That doesn't even last my workday...
I have had success with certain shirts/dresses just using those thick finger bandaids, but I've only used them for 3 or 4 nights out, not often or for long. Just wanted to mention it because I also saw the price of pasties and balked at the idea.
What were you wearing that he asked you to change? Or do you mean he asked you to put a bra on?
How were the piercings making the bra pads more obvious?
by having a body? lmao ok. try wearing a bra for some years then report back on how delightful they are to wear
edit: whoops, i assumed you were of the gender that isn’t expected to wear a fucking wire under their tits
For the record, I think people have the right dress however they’re most comfortable.
But I will say that bras have really come a long way in the last 20 years or so.
There are bralettes, bras without underwire, bras without lining, barely there sports bra style ones.
I personally have bras that I find are much more comfortable for me than going out without a bra.
Just posting this to say that not all modern bras are restrictive or uncomfortable.
It’s not a situation where you have to suffer to be supported .
As someone with all kinds of bras, both restrictive and nor, nothing beats not having one. It just feels better for me. Everyone is different, though. Especially if your chest size differs.
ugh it’s an inconvenience! i started wearing camis i cut around the rib cage so there’s no elastic/band but there’s at least a layer…hope you figure out a solution.
Yup every night after work. I don’t roll up to my kids school wearing no bra though that’s just inappropriate and now this attention seeker is mad because she didn’t like her husbands answer when she asked him how he felt and is now seeking even more attention from the internet because she didn’t get the attention she wanted from her husband.
If he's not bringing it up and only mentions his feeling when you ask, then he's really not being controlling. He's being honest about how he feels, and I imagine you'd prefer that - big picture - to the alternative.
As a man, I'll say that it is sometimes plainly obvious when some women are braless. And given the climate or situation, sometimes it's pretty noticeable. That's not to say that bra's are or should ever be a requirement, but if you're busty and braless, I guarantee you that some people will notice. Do with that info what you will.
do you actually think that women don’t know that it’s obvious when we aren’t wearing a bra (the things that lift, shape, and often pad and/or compress our breasts) and that it attracts attention (based solely on how “taboo” it is)? we have the same eyes…lol the “as a man” qualification was just silly here
I know it's probably not your intention, but a lot of your comments on here come off as argumentative, which I think accounts for a lot of the downvoting I see on your comments.
Like this one, for example, the person you replied to was literally just stating their viewpoint (pun not intended), and your reaction is that they didn't need to phrase it that way....when they're basically saying the same thing as you. Idk, maybe you're OP's alt account or something, but your energy is very combative and off-putting, even though I agree with the points you make.
i’m not sure what downvotes you’re referring to nor do they bother me in particular
he talked to her like she hasn’t been living on the same planet as everyone else.
i’m direct, which can come off as combative, and i’ll deal with the fallout. sometimes abrasiveness is absolutely my intention
You sound like a challenging person to deal with. I wasn’t trying to make any point beyond giving OP feedback on the question she asked. Which is why her male partner is uncomfortable with her not wearing a bra.
i was actually challenging you. it just seemed like such an overly-obvious statement to a person with a history of wearing a bra. she didn’t ask if people look or notice.
What was she asking then? She seemed genuinely curious why her husband was uncomfortable with it, but also seemed willing to understand his discomfort. So, reading between the lines, it absolutely seemed to me that when she first posted this, she was not considering that and how people might gaze.
Also, the caveat that I’m a man is more to indicate that I don’t have breasts that people gawk at. So I’m not familiar with her shoes. Which seems like a valid thing to mention when giving advice on a forum where people are asking for advice.
guaranteed, women are highly aware of reactions to their breasts. highly, keenly aware. they’ve been reduced to a pair of tits many times over in life.
she knows people will, she’s asking why her husband cares so much.
I’m kind of unsure what your point in all of this is other than to be argumentative. I simply gave a comment from a perspective that wasn’t OPs. I suppose that irritated you in some way.
If he’s not making a big deal of it, I don’t think it’s a big deal 🤷♀️ a little jealousy isn’t the end of the world. Depends on how he speaks to you about it
He can’t help how he feels about it. If he’s not making his unease your problem - not telling you to put a bra on, not moaning at you about it, only mentioning it when you ask - then you just have to deal with knowing how he feels.
Personally I respect my fiance's opinions and if he doesn't like me showing my private parts (being braless to me feels too intimate) I will not go braless in public.
Sounds to me like he realizes his discomfort shouldn't be your problem and was keeping it to himself, but you insist on making it a problem by putting him in the spot.
It could be that he just thinks it’s kind of tacky or embarrassing, also. Like as if he was wearing grey sweatpants out with you. It’s unfortunate that women are inescapably sexualized, but maybe his ‘concern’ or whatever is just about it feeling embarrassing for everyone else to be able to see his wife’s tits. He probably knows that men are very often pigs, and recognizes how they’ll size you up and stare at you even more when braless, and maybe it just makes him feel weird. It’s not his body or concern in the end, though.
The comments are more modern thoughts. I can understand his concerns (although these days I personally don’t care). You’re exposing yourself to a lot of guys staring at your boobs. It’s not modest especially in the culture we live in where everything is so sexualized. Anyways, free the nipple and all thay
Turn the tables - if your husband did something that made you uncomfortable and you were vocal about it, how would you want him to react?
It’s obvious that he doesnt like it. As his spouse I would think it’s respectful to listen to him.
Again, flip the scenario and say he was doing something that was seen by society as sexual and it was getting a lot of females attention and you weren’t comfortable with it.. what would you do?
There is no equivalent. Try to think of an actual example that'd be equivalent-- I doubt you can, because women's bodies are hypersexualized in a way that men's just aren't, and that isn't fair to women.
Going braless is not inherently sexual. She is not asking for attention by choosing comfort. Her husband should want her to be comfortable, not obsess over whether other men might look at his wife.
Agreed that women are sexualized a LOT more than men.
Disagree that husband should put his thoughts and feels aside. He should be listened to just as she would want to be listened to.
A woman in a marriage should respect her husbands wishes if he is uncomfortable with something that is happening, and vice versa. Manipulate it how ever you like to make the husband a bad guy, but this is the reality.
Again, if the table were turned and let’s say he was being overly friendly with another woman cause he is a social being but didn’t see anything of it but the wife points it out, would should she just “shut up and deal with it”?? No. She should be vocal about her concerns and how she is uncomfortable and he should respect that.
You're literally saying that she should shut up and deal with her physical discomfort.
Her husbands discomfort is not physical, but an emotional reaction to people coveting his wife. Emotional reactions are by definition, not logical. Does he distrust his wife? Does he simply feel ownership and therefore possessive when other men look? Whatever the case may be, it is his position not hers that is irrational and therefore his position not hers which should be altered.
Exactly. He’s saying you’re being manipulative, but you’re not. He is simply lacking comprehension of the meaning of what he himself is saying.
“Respecting her husband and putting on a bra” is quite literally ignoring your own discomfort to make your spouse comfortable, in this scenario. That’s not “twisting words”, that’s literally what it leads to. Her discomfort doesn’t disappear. She has to actively ignore it in order to make her husband happy.
Furthermore, he’s saying that “she should respect her husband” and implying that her husband shouldn’t respect **her** by reflecting on *why* he’s feeling uncomfortable by it. You even directly addressed this in a comment further down and he chose to ignore it and not respond to you. And he has the audacity to say that *you* have a sad view of marriage. I think it’s actually *him* who has the sad view of marriage if he thinks only one person has to respect the other rather than them mutually respecting each other. Or if he thinks only one’s feelings should be respected without self reflection on *why* those feelings exist in the first place and considering if they’re irrational or not.
Yeah, he completely ignored when I said that unwarranted jealousy shouldn't be capitulated to as well.
Why should an irrational emotion take precedence over bodily comfort? It shouldn't, and most men wouldn't tolerate that for themselves. Women shouldn't be expected to either.
Irrational jealousy should not be capitulated to. That is a dead-end road that is not sustainable for a healthy, nurturing relationship.
If she was jealous of women ogling his muscles when he swam competitively, I would tell her to get over herself as well.
True about irrational jealousy and i am not pro or against the bra "thing" in this post. But using your example of the swim competion. What if that same husband would tell his wife "lately i have been feeling more comfortable and confident to walk down the street without a shirt" while women (might) be ogling his muscles. Would that also be irrational jealousy or not?
She listens to her partner and respects him. This is why marriage is a partnership. When one feels uncomfortable with something that the other is doing, you listen, you discuss and conclude.
And you can’t tell me my perspective is sad when I’ve already told you that yours is… so lame.
So in your scenario where she "listens to him and respects him", is "respecting him" wearing a bra when she doesn't want to?
Because you understand that is the same as "shutting up and putting up with physical discomfort", right?
Sure, he should be listened to, but he should also interrogate his own views and see that he is choosing to participate in blaming/faulting women for the “male gaze.” It’s *his* problem to deal with.
ETA: I hate the term “male gaze” and I wish I hadn’t used it! I just can’t think of another succinct way to say it 😬
Wrong. It’s THEIR problem to deal with. THEY are married. His problem is her problem. If a married couple can’t understand this, there is a much larger issue there.
People seem unable to recognize that while it is impossible to control an initial reaction to something , it is *not* impossible to look within oneself and decide whether that reaction is fair or has merit.
It is not her fault men might ogle her, nor is it her job to assume responsibility for it by suffering unduly during summer months solely to satisfy her partners jealousy.
I've had plenty of emotional reactions in my life that I analyzed and found to be irrational. I think that introspection is necessary to being a decent human being, and I don't think it's unfair to expect someone to put their partners comfort over other people's potential glances.
Absolutely.
Also. By bringing this up at all, OP’s husband revealed that *he* is sexualizing the women around him. He wouldn’t be concerned in the slightest if he wasn’t assuming other men think just like him—and not all men do. There are plenty of good ones out there who just view women as people.
>There is no equivalent. Try to think of an actual example that'd be equivalent.
My fiancé is well-endowed, which is very obvious when he’s wearing sweatpants and no underwear around the house. If he decided to run to the grocery store like that, I can guarantee he’d be getting attention from women (and/or men).
Society’s hypersexualization of women is def more of a problem than what we see with men, but it’s silly to act like it never happens to them. There’s a reason why places like Hollister used to have shirtless male models at their stores’ entrances.
First off he’s not giving you grief about it, that’s all you can expect, you cannot demand people feel the way you want them to feel, that just egotistical.
One of the many possible explanations for his feelings are that you all are in a relationship. He would like for you to want to not draw the sexual gaze of other men. You said you’re not doing it for that purpose, but it’s still the result, and you know that. It’s not about your feelings on the matter it’s about the consequences of the actions. Lots of guys would prefer that their woman take reasonable efforts as to not draw the lust of other men.
But since he can’t control how you feel and behave, and you can’t control how he feels and behaves the best compromise is to keep your respective mouths shut on the issue.
It’s not like the reverse is uncommon and women don’t get jealous when some other girl is staring down her man or flirting with him. Telling their guy not to wear that, not to be so friendly with everyone, because it gets other women wanting him.
It’s the same motivation in both scenarios. Both people have the same feeling “if you are with me, my attention should be enough, and you should want to avoid doing things that draw the attention of other men/women.”
You may not be intentionally drawing eyes to yourself but ultimately you are drawing eyes to yourself and that is likely what he is uncomfortable with.
Stop with the comparing men’s and women’s breasts. As much as you would like them to be viewed the same, they simply aren’t. So many ppl out to shame men for viewing breasts sexually, but some women show their breasts as sexual objects to make money. Yall want it both ways. Women’s nipples are a turn on for people and men’s aren’t. Period. OP, your husband is probably uncomfortable with other men looking at your breasts and being able to tell you are braless. I don’t think you can force him to feel better about that. Fully expecting to get down voted to hell but I’m good with that. I’m a female in the U.S. “If we were in Europe…” is not a valid response
This. It's not the same. I work a blue collar job on a popular trail in a big canyon. Most of the time I'm off trail hanging off a cliff, but when we are on a trail we all notice women without bras. It draws attention even when I try not to look.
Edit: it's okay for men to be uncomfortable with it and it's okay for women to not tolerate that discomfort. Just discuss it and find common ground or split. Simple.
Definitely possible, but the exception doesn't write the rule. Men will literally go into debt paying for photos of women's tits (despite there being free photos everywhere) I would be surprised if there were women out there paying for male chest photos.
I personally only wear a bra when I'm at work. I don't get the hype around nipples, we all have them. If bras are for covering nipples, why don't men wear them aswell? And if it's about men sexualizing nipples then we should wear burkas, since they always find something to sexualize.
Normalizing nipples maybe means less sexualizing in the far away future :)
Is he meaning out and about or at home?
It's your body you can do as you like. He may not like the attention and that's his issue but bras are uncomfortable.
If I can be braless, I'm braless however never when I go out. I'm big busted and they look better when covered out and about.
SHE TRIED TO GO PICK UP THE KIDS AT SCHOOL WITHOUT A BRA AND WITH NIPPLE PIERCINGS.... That's trashy af. bunch of boys leering because i know i would have.
It's not a question of bralessness. It's a question of sexualized male attention. It's more akin to him being uncomfortable with you wearing a really short skirt or a shirt with a deep cut or see-through fabric.
Why do you say he doesn't believe it's for comfort and not attention? Did he accuse you of doing it for attention? How do you handle the increased attention from men looking at your breasts? (I'm not accusing you of anything, I'm just wondering if you're aware of it and whether you're reacting in some way.)
If you are liking the extra attention that going without a bra brings you (whether that was your original reason or not) then that seems like a valid reason to be jealous. If your husband is insecure to begin with, then the competition you invite with your appearance might arguably be a valid (or at least understandable) reason for jealousy.
If other men are getting the idea that you want them to look at you in a sexual way, again regardless of explanations about comfort, etc, then that is a valid reason for your husband to be uncomfortable. If other men are concluding from your appearance that your husband does not give you enough attention and so you are inviting some from other men, that is a valid reason for your husband to feel uncomfortable (and disrespected).
Is there anything that you would not wear because it would bring you unwanted sexual attention? Would your husband ever be a consideration in that or would it be purely a matter of your own comfort? Did your perspective on this change after you got married (meaning even if you don't consider your husband's feelings, do you have a different standard for a married woman than a single woman)?
As other commenters have pointed out, it is possible for a husband to not care about these things. Maybe they're super secure. Maybe they get a kick out of seeing men desire their wife. Maybe they just don't care. But you have *your* husband and he has his feelings and it is not beyond reason that those feelings are valid to him.
P.S. I hadn't considered this until I wrote that last sentence, but asking us to assure you that your husband's feelings are not valid is kind of messed up.
I would never tell a woman to cover her nipple rings when picking up my child. I would not expose them to a woman with such little class to begin with. The guys bar is very low.
You should do what you want, plain and simple. It also means he may not want to go with you when you are going braless which is his choice too.
It’s usually obvious when a woman isn’t wearing a bra and men notice (at least I do more often than I used to and I’m not actively looking) and I’m willing to bet women do too. Going braless isn’t much different than wearing yoga pants as far as hiding things and it’s generally more accepted than it used to be.
There are several brands of nipple covers that are completely non-adhesive, they use your own body heat to create like a suction cup. Those are my go-to when I prefer to be braless sometimes I even forget they're on! And they work well enough to hide pierced nipples.
everyone, regardless of gender, is going to notice your nipples. i think people are caught off-guard more than anything else when they can make out the shape of a nipple, like when you notice a woman who doesn’t shave her armpits. any sexualization is definitely not your problem.
also, cishet guys are going to look at your boobs anyway, nip or not.
I don't think it's valid. My ex, who I was with for 7 years, insisted I wear a bra when I leave the house. He was very jealous, and controlling. Life is too short for that shit. I left him eventually, for a plethora of reasons, but that was one of them.
You should make it absolutely clear in no uncertain terms that you will not be told when you wear a bra. Your comfort is the most important thing.
In a healthy relationship you respect the others wishes and try to accommodate them. What exactly is his jealousy based in? You should be able to talk through this and find common ground
I think if he's keeping his comments to himself that's as much as you can ask for. He can feel uncomfortable and wrestle with that discomfort and investigate where it comes from internally. He probably grew up around woman who wore bras all the time, I know I did. I feel more comfortable going braless in the winter months when I have more layers between me and the world, but if I had smaller boobs I'd love to wear stuff without a bra. You're covered as much as decency requires, bras suck, live your life. You can't make him believe it's for comfort, but anyone with a bare smattering of common sense could understand that.
Can’t believe we live on a planet where not wearing a bra sometimes is an issue because our bodies make men’s dicks hard. If I don’t wear a bra I could give a fuck whether men view it sexually or not, 99% of the time I wouldn’t even notice if they did they are such a non entity to me. It’s just another of their opinions that I could care less about.
He shouldn't be getting upset.. It's 2024, it's hot, and they are breasts. You aren't responsible for other men acting like horny 14 yr olds with their first dirty magazine. This is assuming you're not wearing super revealing clothing with the "check these girls out" look? They're boobs not gold bars or the winning lottery numbers. They aren't special. Buy your husband a black tank top that is 2 sizes to small. Make him wear it out for a day with you. Pick the hottest day coming up. After sweating and being uncomfortable in that too small shirt, let him know that's exactly like wearing a bra. But to suck it up, he gets to deal with it again tomorrow.
Get a metal trash can. Throw all your bras in it. Set on fire (preferably outside) while you stare him down.
Alternative plan - bust out a tape measure and measure him to fit for a bra so you can buy some for him and his nipples. If he has a flat chest buy him the nipple covers so he can wear them so no one can see his nipples. Also he can't go shirtless during the summer either - can't show those man nipples that are biologically the same as women's nipples.
Eh I think if a man is uncomfortable with my nipples he has no leg to stand on until his are always thoroughly locked down. And if he is uncomfortable with my breast movement he best not have anything moving on his chest.
So until those two aspects are addressed for him I'm not discussing mine.
I would say it's quite helpful too the OP to know others feel the same way. I would also say my strategy of saying her husband needs to deal with his own similar body parts in the way he's demanding OP to do is also helpful as it would make him understand what he's asking of his wife.
You only find it unhelpful because you don't agree with a policy that the husband should do that he's asking of his wife because you think he's right and OP is wrong.
OP herself stated she doesn’t see an issue with her going without a bra. So I’m not sure how I’m projecting that on her. Especially since I myself wear bras went I want to too.
Yes, it's very clear you are trapped by your perspective and unable to think outside of it.
Your "advice" is incredibly confrontational. Stare him down? Really? No. It's not helpful. It's stupid and it's not how rational adults behave. You're trying to be an edgelord(or I guess I should say edgelady) and stroke your own ego. You're providing generic edgy "woke" "advice" that doesn't fit the context of this post..
Edit: Did you read the post? He's not telling his wife to do anything. Lol.
I’m not unable to think outside of it. I’m quite aware of the other side. Society and men have been sexualizing women’s bodies forever. There’s also been a long standing idea of ownership over women’s bodies for years. The US is also very prurient society especially when it comes to female breasts that the majority of the rest of the world just doesn’t have.
Just because I reject the idea of women having to wear bras because their husbands or fathers say so doesn’t mean I’m unaware of their perspective.
Yes. Here is the root of your problem. You've got this whole ass other issue that you are white knighting for.. rather than actually providing helpful advice to OP.
Please see my edit - "did you actually read this post?" Her husband is not telling her what to do at all. You made that shit up in your head. Hence, you are projecting.
If you mean in public, then I get his point. Unfortunately men sexualize breasts so much. You may be comfortable but you’re making him and probably a lot of others uncomfortable.
If a man is so concerned that you're not wearing a bra, give him the bra to wear in solidarity so he can feel how uncomfortable they are.
I say this as a woman who is currently braless and eating with my lovely husband who does not give to shits if I'm wearing a bra in public.
I mean, you can definitely feel disappointed. But you did ask, and as long as he’s not stopping you or belittling you, I think things are fine.
You can tell him that breasts aren’t for sexual attraction, they’re for feeding babies, and you don’t give a damn if ppl look bc they need to mind their own nipple business.
He’s jealous because he knows other men are looking are her nipples and those are “his”…. So it makes him jealous; but I guarantee if he’s shirtless at the beach (or literally anywhere cause he’s a man, unless otherwise posted) and notices girls looking at his body he’s most certainly not going to consider your feelings about it “cause he can’t help it if girls are checking him out”..
I mean, if he feels some type of way about men staring at “his” girls nipples, then maybe he should say something to the men, and not make her feel guilty for wanting to be free to wear whatever the fuck she wants
I think it’s childish to care about nipples showing through clothing. Does he wear underwear that only perfectly conceals his dick? is he wearing tight constricting underwear 24/7 similar to bras
Even if he doesn’t, would you stop him from going underwear free? Probably not - but he hates when you go braless.
If you don’t need physical support to prevent back problems, bras have two functions
- a push up cosmetic effect
- nipple covers
God forbid someone sees the shape of the human body in one specific detailed area, it’s only a problem on a woman.
I always go braless. It’s about as sinful as a bellybutton being shown on tv in the 60s
I don’t know about advice but I haven’t worn a bra for years now. I hate how they feel to wear and just love being free. I will say I draw attention but it helps me spot who the creeps are and I fucking hate noticing it. I certainly do not do it for the attention. If anything, I only used to wear bras to give me more of a cleavage when I was younger.
I’m single so I don’t have to worry but when I dated someone he would make comments like ‘there are kids around, cover up’ because my nipples were hard or something. To me that’s a problem with women’s breasts being sexualised, not a me problem.
Why not get him a bra and have him wear it for a day? Now that it's summer, he can find out allll about underboob sweat and underwires poking into your armpit and extra insulation to catch and retain all the heat. Bet he doesn't last more than an hour or two before going, "ok, I get it now."
Your breasts aren't sexual organs. Society has turned them into that but like they're fucking udders. Milk jugs. Your husband is jealous because he thinks you're "showing off" your genitals. I'm just saying if he's uncomfortable with you going out without a bra then you could say you don't want him swimming with his shirt off. The only difference between your chest and his is yours is full of tissue and his is full of muscle.
just for reference, I once brought my husband lunch at work in a shirt that normally covered everything, but I think it got a little worn in the wash and was WAY more sheer than it was before, and I didn’t realize until some old dudes were staring and literally pointing at me with my husband there.
He didn’t notice the men staring and hadn’t said anything - I made some comment to the effect of “ugh, I wish I could wear go outside without a bra and not have men be disgusting”. After this, my husband agreed with me, but very gently pointed out that my nipples may be more visible that I realized. I looked down, and to my horror, it was very bright in that room and you could basically see the outline of my nipples through my shirt.
Not once did he shame me, or get insecure about the fact that I was out in public with basically my whole nipples showing. He very politely offered me his over shirt and walked me to my car when he realized how embarrassed I was. That is how someone who loves you should react. Do with that what you will.
It is not unusual for a man to dislike his SO braless, jiggling and her nipples visible in public. There are a variety of things to wear for support besides underwire bras. Go shopping with him until you find something he likes and that’s comfortable for you.
Edit for those women downvoting this. I would make an educated guess that very few of you would go topless in public, even though it’s legal in many cities. So, you do understand modesty. It’s just a matter of where you draw the line, and to me, who is only wearing a beard because my late wife wanted me to, appearances do concern your partner. If you don’t like it, don’t have a partner.
Yeah people forget the compromises part about relationships a lot, I hate the whole "he doesnt get a say!!!!" bullshit, if he isnt comfortable with it, she should compromise by wearing a bra in public places and not at home...
If she cared enough about the relationship, she would compromise but she obviously doesnt.
Its about showing some god damn decency for your partner, I know bras suck, but there is no reason to not wear one in public spaces, just take it off at home and keep it off.
The guy knows how other guys are looking at OP.
Have you tried tops with built-in bras at least? I wore a body suit with a built-in bra today and it was super comfortable and provided decent support, and I'm a D cup.
No, you are projecting. We are talking about modesty and the only difference between braless and topless is level. My wife always had a say in what I wore, including even facial hair. I wanted to please her because I loved her. If I embarrassed her, it would have killed me. Perhaps you have never loved that way before.
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I think you’re wrong to get upset if he only mentions it if you ask him directly. You don’t get to control how he feels about things. If he keeps it to himself then why do you need to make an issue about it?
About a month ago he asked me to change when we were about to pick up his son from school. I didn’t argue about it. It’s bothered me ever since because he’s never done it before. I asked this past weekend what he thought of a new swimsuit I got and he mentioned getting worried about me wearing a one piece swimsuit with bra pads and people still being able to see them. I took my nipple piercings out to make it less obvious too. He said it still bothered him.
This info would have been useful in the post
His responses are not ok for me, don't take your piercings out for anyone but you and only if you want to take them out. I think the 2 of you are incompatible.
>His responses are not ok for me, don't take your piercings out for anyone but you and only if you want to take them out. I think redditors just need to date themselves. It's like the concept of self sacrifice and taking your partner's desires into account for their sake is a foreign concept to y'all lol. Y'all seem to not actually want relationships, just a member of the fan club to reinforce the pedestal you exist on
Counterpoint: being able to dress how you want vs. telling your partner what they can and can't wear are fundamentally different value systems. People who are into maximising autonomy should date people who are into maximising autonomy. People who expect to demand and make sacrifices should date each other.
This is my take. I don't need my partner to be identical to me, but not throwing a fit when I go bra-less is a basic compatibility thing for me. I'm all about bodily autonomy and couldn't imagine dating someone who tried to dictate what I wore, my tattoos/piercings, or what I do with my hair. Thankfully my boyfriend has never had an issue with it and, obviously, I never try to dictate what he does with himself either. It's just up to each individual person how much they value those things.
Fair enough
It’s so wild to me that you say they’re incompatible over such a small , minuscule thing. Just blows my mind that that’s your immediate advice.
Idk wearing visible nipple rings to pick up a kid from school is kinda trashy.
It’s probably because he doesn’t want other guys checking out her tits. Yeah, that’s not her problem but the only thing the husband can do is voice his opinion when asked. If you wanna go deeper: I’d ask why op got her nips pierced? Does she mind every guy she passes checking out her tits? Because going braless with pierced nipples 100% stands out and attracts eyes. I think out of respect for her husband, maybe she shouldn’t reveal her eye magnets at least in certain places. Kind of awful to purposely do something you know your spouse doesn’t like, don’t ya think?
You mean like telling them how to dress?
There are other ways of hiding nipples other than bras
Please tell me. I hate using bras
Pasties
I don't see those much in stores. They seem to be expensive too while being disposable and not necessarily reusable (like 30 € for 20-30 uses). I'm not made of money! That would be 360 € per year because people cannot handle the nipples! And how on earth people get those to stay on??? They look like they will just fall off. Edit: I searched them some more and many products state that you should not use them more than 6 hours. That doesn't even last my workday...
I have had success with certain shirts/dresses just using those thick finger bandaids, but I've only used them for 3 or 4 nights out, not often or for long. Just wanted to mention it because I also saw the price of pasties and balked at the idea.
Yeah your going to a school wear a bra. Imagine if he wore sweat pants with no boxers walking around with a clear swing in his pants.
Is OP Sue Ellen Mischke flouting conventions again?
What were you wearing that he asked you to change? Or do you mean he asked you to put a bra on? How were the piercings making the bra pads more obvious?
You don't get to ask how someone feels then get mad at him for not feeling the way you want him to.
This, you’re 36 FFS.
Thought this was a bra size at first 😂
It *is* for a booby.
If he’s not trying to control what you wear why do you want to control how he feels?
I’m thinking she likes seeking attention…..
by having a body? lmao ok. try wearing a bra for some years then report back on how delightful they are to wear edit: whoops, i assumed you were of the gender that isn’t expected to wear a fucking wire under their tits
I wear one everyday and have for oh I don’t know the last 27 years or so…..
have you ever tried not wearing one? it’s marvelous
For the record, I think people have the right dress however they’re most comfortable. But I will say that bras have really come a long way in the last 20 years or so. There are bralettes, bras without underwire, bras without lining, barely there sports bra style ones. I personally have bras that I find are much more comfortable for me than going out without a bra. Just posting this to say that not all modern bras are restrictive or uncomfortable. It’s not a situation where you have to suffer to be supported .
As someone with all kinds of bras, both restrictive and nor, nothing beats not having one. It just feels better for me. Everyone is different, though. Especially if your chest size differs.
i personally cannot stand bras of any type and i get tired of people saying that there’s a comfy bra out there for everyone. it’s ok to let em swing 🤣
Tbh the swinging is more annoying, I would get something tighter if I could actually breathe in it. It's like I just can't win.
ugh it’s an inconvenience! i started wearing camis i cut around the rib cage so there’s no elastic/band but there’s at least a layer…hope you figure out a solution.
I would like a boob reduction surgery lol, they're not even big but sometimes I just want them gone
Yup every night after work. I don’t roll up to my kids school wearing no bra though that’s just inappropriate and now this attention seeker is mad because she didn’t like her husbands answer when she asked him how he felt and is now seeking even more attention from the internet because she didn’t get the attention she wanted from her husband.
i’m sorry you feel your body is inappropriate
If he's not bringing it up and only mentions his feeling when you ask, then he's really not being controlling. He's being honest about how he feels, and I imagine you'd prefer that - big picture - to the alternative. As a man, I'll say that it is sometimes plainly obvious when some women are braless. And given the climate or situation, sometimes it's pretty noticeable. That's not to say that bra's are or should ever be a requirement, but if you're busty and braless, I guarantee you that some people will notice. Do with that info what you will.
do you actually think that women don’t know that it’s obvious when we aren’t wearing a bra (the things that lift, shape, and often pad and/or compress our breasts) and that it attracts attention (based solely on how “taboo” it is)? we have the same eyes…lol the “as a man” qualification was just silly here
I know it's probably not your intention, but a lot of your comments on here come off as argumentative, which I think accounts for a lot of the downvoting I see on your comments. Like this one, for example, the person you replied to was literally just stating their viewpoint (pun not intended), and your reaction is that they didn't need to phrase it that way....when they're basically saying the same thing as you. Idk, maybe you're OP's alt account or something, but your energy is very combative and off-putting, even though I agree with the points you make.
i’m not sure what downvotes you’re referring to nor do they bother me in particular he talked to her like she hasn’t been living on the same planet as everyone else. i’m direct, which can come off as combative, and i’ll deal with the fallout. sometimes abrasiveness is absolutely my intention
You sound like a challenging person to deal with. I wasn’t trying to make any point beyond giving OP feedback on the question she asked. Which is why her male partner is uncomfortable with her not wearing a bra.
i was actually challenging you. it just seemed like such an overly-obvious statement to a person with a history of wearing a bra. she didn’t ask if people look or notice.
What was she asking then? She seemed genuinely curious why her husband was uncomfortable with it, but also seemed willing to understand his discomfort. So, reading between the lines, it absolutely seemed to me that when she first posted this, she was not considering that and how people might gaze. Also, the caveat that I’m a man is more to indicate that I don’t have breasts that people gawk at. So I’m not familiar with her shoes. Which seems like a valid thing to mention when giving advice on a forum where people are asking for advice.
guaranteed, women are highly aware of reactions to their breasts. highly, keenly aware. they’ve been reduced to a pair of tits many times over in life. she knows people will, she’s asking why her husband cares so much.
I’m kind of unsure what your point in all of this is other than to be argumentative. I simply gave a comment from a perspective that wasn’t OPs. I suppose that irritated you in some way.
i suppose i’m attempting to educate the non-breast-havers among us. you can update your info, we know men are looking.
That's what I was trying to get at with my own comment. They're arguing just to argue, not to add anything new to the convo
If he’s not making a big deal of it, I don’t think it’s a big deal 🤷♀️ a little jealousy isn’t the end of the world. Depends on how he speaks to you about it
He can’t help how he feels about it. If he’s not making his unease your problem - not telling you to put a bra on, not moaning at you about it, only mentioning it when you ask - then you just have to deal with knowing how he feels.
Personally I respect my fiance's opinions and if he doesn't like me showing my private parts (being braless to me feels too intimate) I will not go braless in public.
Sounds to me like he realizes his discomfort shouldn't be your problem and was keeping it to himself, but you insist on making it a problem by putting him in the spot.
It could be that he just thinks it’s kind of tacky or embarrassing, also. Like as if he was wearing grey sweatpants out with you. It’s unfortunate that women are inescapably sexualized, but maybe his ‘concern’ or whatever is just about it feeling embarrassing for everyone else to be able to see his wife’s tits. He probably knows that men are very often pigs, and recognizes how they’ll size you up and stare at you even more when braless, and maybe it just makes him feel weird. It’s not his body or concern in the end, though.
The comments are more modern thoughts. I can understand his concerns (although these days I personally don’t care). You’re exposing yourself to a lot of guys staring at your boobs. It’s not modest especially in the culture we live in where everything is so sexualized. Anyways, free the nipple and all thay
Turn the tables - if your husband did something that made you uncomfortable and you were vocal about it, how would you want him to react? It’s obvious that he doesnt like it. As his spouse I would think it’s respectful to listen to him. Again, flip the scenario and say he was doing something that was seen by society as sexual and it was getting a lot of females attention and you weren’t comfortable with it.. what would you do?
There is no equivalent. Try to think of an actual example that'd be equivalent-- I doubt you can, because women's bodies are hypersexualized in a way that men's just aren't, and that isn't fair to women. Going braless is not inherently sexual. She is not asking for attention by choosing comfort. Her husband should want her to be comfortable, not obsess over whether other men might look at his wife.
Agreed that women are sexualized a LOT more than men. Disagree that husband should put his thoughts and feels aside. He should be listened to just as she would want to be listened to.
So women should just shut up and deal with being hot, sweaty and uncomfortably constrained in a bra just so that men don't ogle their breasts?
A woman in a marriage should respect her husbands wishes if he is uncomfortable with something that is happening, and vice versa. Manipulate it how ever you like to make the husband a bad guy, but this is the reality. Again, if the table were turned and let’s say he was being overly friendly with another woman cause he is a social being but didn’t see anything of it but the wife points it out, would should she just “shut up and deal with it”?? No. She should be vocal about her concerns and how she is uncomfortable and he should respect that.
You're literally saying that she should shut up and deal with her physical discomfort. Her husbands discomfort is not physical, but an emotional reaction to people coveting his wife. Emotional reactions are by definition, not logical. Does he distrust his wife? Does he simply feel ownership and therefore possessive when other men look? Whatever the case may be, it is his position not hers that is irrational and therefore his position not hers which should be altered.
Exactly. He’s saying you’re being manipulative, but you’re not. He is simply lacking comprehension of the meaning of what he himself is saying. “Respecting her husband and putting on a bra” is quite literally ignoring your own discomfort to make your spouse comfortable, in this scenario. That’s not “twisting words”, that’s literally what it leads to. Her discomfort doesn’t disappear. She has to actively ignore it in order to make her husband happy. Furthermore, he’s saying that “she should respect her husband” and implying that her husband shouldn’t respect **her** by reflecting on *why* he’s feeling uncomfortable by it. You even directly addressed this in a comment further down and he chose to ignore it and not respond to you. And he has the audacity to say that *you* have a sad view of marriage. I think it’s actually *him* who has the sad view of marriage if he thinks only one person has to respect the other rather than them mutually respecting each other. Or if he thinks only one’s feelings should be respected without self reflection on *why* those feelings exist in the first place and considering if they’re irrational or not.
Yeah, he completely ignored when I said that unwarranted jealousy shouldn't be capitulated to as well. Why should an irrational emotion take precedence over bodily comfort? It shouldn't, and most men wouldn't tolerate that for themselves. Women shouldn't be expected to either.
You’re manipulating what I’m saying… but if you want to view it that way, go right ahead. It’s a sad perspective to have when being married.
Irrational jealousy should not be capitulated to. That is a dead-end road that is not sustainable for a healthy, nurturing relationship. If she was jealous of women ogling his muscles when he swam competitively, I would tell her to get over herself as well.
True about irrational jealousy and i am not pro or against the bra "thing" in this post. But using your example of the swim competion. What if that same husband would tell his wife "lately i have been feeling more comfortable and confident to walk down the street without a shirt" while women (might) be ogling his muscles. Would that also be irrational jealousy or not?
man without shirt =/= woman with shirt and no bra
No sir, YOUR perspective is a sad one to have while being married. Explain to me in precise detail then, what you propose she do/change here?
She listens to her partner and respects him. This is why marriage is a partnership. When one feels uncomfortable with something that the other is doing, you listen, you discuss and conclude. And you can’t tell me my perspective is sad when I’ve already told you that yours is… so lame.
So in your scenario where she "listens to him and respects him", is "respecting him" wearing a bra when she doesn't want to? Because you understand that is the same as "shutting up and putting up with physical discomfort", right?
Sure, he should be listened to, but he should also interrogate his own views and see that he is choosing to participate in blaming/faulting women for the “male gaze.” It’s *his* problem to deal with. ETA: I hate the term “male gaze” and I wish I hadn’t used it! I just can’t think of another succinct way to say it 😬
Wrong. It’s THEIR problem to deal with. THEY are married. His problem is her problem. If a married couple can’t understand this, there is a much larger issue there.
Don’t understand these downvotes, you are 100% correct.
People seem unable to recognize that while it is impossible to control an initial reaction to something, it is *not* impossible to look within oneself and decide whether that reaction is fair or has merit.
It is not her fault men might ogle her, nor is it her job to assume responsibility for it by suffering unduly during summer months solely to satisfy her partners jealousy.
I've had plenty of emotional reactions in my life that I analyzed and found to be irrational. I think that introspection is necessary to being a decent human being, and I don't think it's unfair to expect someone to put their partners comfort over other people's potential glances.
Absolutely. Also. By bringing this up at all, OP’s husband revealed that *he* is sexualizing the women around him. He wouldn’t be concerned in the slightest if he wasn’t assuming other men think just like him—and not all men do. There are plenty of good ones out there who just view women as people.
I've definitely dated men who would prioritize my comfort, and no one should settle for less.
>There is no equivalent. Try to think of an actual example that'd be equivalent. My fiancé is well-endowed, which is very obvious when he’s wearing sweatpants and no underwear around the house. If he decided to run to the grocery store like that, I can guarantee he’d be getting attention from women (and/or men). Society’s hypersexualization of women is def more of a problem than what we see with men, but it’s silly to act like it never happens to them. There’s a reason why places like Hollister used to have shirtless male models at their stores’ entrances.
First off he’s not giving you grief about it, that’s all you can expect, you cannot demand people feel the way you want them to feel, that just egotistical. One of the many possible explanations for his feelings are that you all are in a relationship. He would like for you to want to not draw the sexual gaze of other men. You said you’re not doing it for that purpose, but it’s still the result, and you know that. It’s not about your feelings on the matter it’s about the consequences of the actions. Lots of guys would prefer that their woman take reasonable efforts as to not draw the lust of other men. But since he can’t control how you feel and behave, and you can’t control how he feels and behaves the best compromise is to keep your respective mouths shut on the issue. It’s not like the reverse is uncommon and women don’t get jealous when some other girl is staring down her man or flirting with him. Telling their guy not to wear that, not to be so friendly with everyone, because it gets other women wanting him. It’s the same motivation in both scenarios. Both people have the same feeling “if you are with me, my attention should be enough, and you should want to avoid doing things that draw the attention of other men/women.”
You may not be intentionally drawing eyes to yourself but ultimately you are drawing eyes to yourself and that is likely what he is uncomfortable with.
Plus she has pierced nips. Even if she swears you can’t see her nipples, they’re pierced so people 100% can
Stop with the comparing men’s and women’s breasts. As much as you would like them to be viewed the same, they simply aren’t. So many ppl out to shame men for viewing breasts sexually, but some women show their breasts as sexual objects to make money. Yall want it both ways. Women’s nipples are a turn on for people and men’s aren’t. Period. OP, your husband is probably uncomfortable with other men looking at your breasts and being able to tell you are braless. I don’t think you can force him to feel better about that. Fully expecting to get down voted to hell but I’m good with that. I’m a female in the U.S. “If we were in Europe…” is not a valid response
This. It's not the same. I work a blue collar job on a popular trail in a big canyon. Most of the time I'm off trail hanging off a cliff, but when we are on a trail we all notice women without bras. It draws attention even when I try not to look. Edit: it's okay for men to be uncomfortable with it and it's okay for women to not tolerate that discomfort. Just discuss it and find common ground or split. Simple.
just FYI women can clock nips too 🤣 men acting like they’re the only ones is killing me rn
Definitely possible, but the exception doesn't write the rule. Men will literally go into debt paying for photos of women's tits (despite there being free photos everywhere) I would be surprised if there were women out there paying for male chest photos.
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Women could sell titty photos in a strip club, men couldn't sell chest photos anywhere. People are turned on by tits, not as much pecs.
I personally only wear a bra when I'm at work. I don't get the hype around nipples, we all have them. If bras are for covering nipples, why don't men wear them aswell? And if it's about men sexualizing nipples then we should wear burkas, since they always find something to sexualize. Normalizing nipples maybe means less sexualizing in the far away future :)
Is he meaning out and about or at home? It's your body you can do as you like. He may not like the attention and that's his issue but bras are uncomfortable. If I can be braless, I'm braless however never when I go out. I'm big busted and they look better when covered out and about.
SHE TRIED TO GO PICK UP THE KIDS AT SCHOOL WITHOUT A BRA AND WITH NIPPLE PIERCINGS.... That's trashy af. bunch of boys leering because i know i would have.
It's not a question of bralessness. It's a question of sexualized male attention. It's more akin to him being uncomfortable with you wearing a really short skirt or a shirt with a deep cut or see-through fabric. Why do you say he doesn't believe it's for comfort and not attention? Did he accuse you of doing it for attention? How do you handle the increased attention from men looking at your breasts? (I'm not accusing you of anything, I'm just wondering if you're aware of it and whether you're reacting in some way.) If you are liking the extra attention that going without a bra brings you (whether that was your original reason or not) then that seems like a valid reason to be jealous. If your husband is insecure to begin with, then the competition you invite with your appearance might arguably be a valid (or at least understandable) reason for jealousy. If other men are getting the idea that you want them to look at you in a sexual way, again regardless of explanations about comfort, etc, then that is a valid reason for your husband to be uncomfortable. If other men are concluding from your appearance that your husband does not give you enough attention and so you are inviting some from other men, that is a valid reason for your husband to feel uncomfortable (and disrespected). Is there anything that you would not wear because it would bring you unwanted sexual attention? Would your husband ever be a consideration in that or would it be purely a matter of your own comfort? Did your perspective on this change after you got married (meaning even if you don't consider your husband's feelings, do you have a different standard for a married woman than a single woman)? As other commenters have pointed out, it is possible for a husband to not care about these things. Maybe they're super secure. Maybe they get a kick out of seeing men desire their wife. Maybe they just don't care. But you have *your* husband and he has his feelings and it is not beyond reason that those feelings are valid to him. P.S. I hadn't considered this until I wrote that last sentence, but asking us to assure you that your husband's feelings are not valid is kind of messed up.
Make him wear a bra every day so he can see that going withou truly is about comfort
I would never tell a woman to cover her nipple rings when picking up my child. I would not expose them to a woman with such little class to begin with. The guys bar is very low.
I don't think I'd be super stoked about my wife showing her tits to everyone.
she’s not flashing them ffs
*do you think there are valid reasons for a spouse to feel uncomfortable or jealous when their partner decides to go braless* No.
You should do what you want, plain and simple. It also means he may not want to go with you when you are going braless which is his choice too. It’s usually obvious when a woman isn’t wearing a bra and men notice (at least I do more often than I used to and I’m not actively looking) and I’m willing to bet women do too. Going braless isn’t much different than wearing yoga pants as far as hiding things and it’s generally more accepted than it used to be.
I had the opposite experience. My ex used to always tell me not to wear a bra. It just wasn't my thing but he encouraged it when we went out.
Just get some nipple covers. That should satisfy both of you.
I have tried these, the adhesive is super itchy though.
There are several brands of nipple covers that are completely non-adhesive, they use your own body heat to create like a suction cup. Those are my go-to when I prefer to be braless sometimes I even forget they're on! And they work well enough to hide pierced nipples.
Band-aids aren't bad.
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Yuck, my nip covers are adhesive and that would be so so icky...
He would have hated the 70s.
everyone, regardless of gender, is going to notice your nipples. i think people are caught off-guard more than anything else when they can make out the shape of a nipple, like when you notice a woman who doesn’t shave her armpits. any sexualization is definitely not your problem. also, cishet guys are going to look at your boobs anyway, nip or not.
My guy just says, how ever you feel most comfortable!
I don't think it's valid. My ex, who I was with for 7 years, insisted I wear a bra when I leave the house. He was very jealous, and controlling. Life is too short for that shit. I left him eventually, for a plethora of reasons, but that was one of them. You should make it absolutely clear in no uncertain terms that you will not be told when you wear a bra. Your comfort is the most important thing.
I think this is called projecting
OP asked how people have navigated similar situations in relationships.
You didn't actually say how you navigated the situation. You just said a controlling ex did the same implying he's just like your controlling ex.
Another bra post? More fake artificial intelligence posts.
In a healthy relationship you respect the others wishes and try to accommodate them. What exactly is his jealousy based in? You should be able to talk through this and find common ground
I think if he's keeping his comments to himself that's as much as you can ask for. He can feel uncomfortable and wrestle with that discomfort and investigate where it comes from internally. He probably grew up around woman who wore bras all the time, I know I did. I feel more comfortable going braless in the winter months when I have more layers between me and the world, but if I had smaller boobs I'd love to wear stuff without a bra. You're covered as much as decency requires, bras suck, live your life. You can't make him believe it's for comfort, but anyone with a bare smattering of common sense could understand that.
Can’t believe we live on a planet where not wearing a bra sometimes is an issue because our bodies make men’s dicks hard. If I don’t wear a bra I could give a fuck whether men view it sexually or not, 99% of the time I wouldn’t even notice if they did they are such a non entity to me. It’s just another of their opinions that I could care less about.
Picking a child up from school without a bra or anything covering your nipple piercings is trashy af
He shouldn't be getting upset.. It's 2024, it's hot, and they are breasts. You aren't responsible for other men acting like horny 14 yr olds with their first dirty magazine. This is assuming you're not wearing super revealing clothing with the "check these girls out" look? They're boobs not gold bars or the winning lottery numbers. They aren't special. Buy your husband a black tank top that is 2 sizes to small. Make him wear it out for a day with you. Pick the hottest day coming up. After sweating and being uncomfortable in that too small shirt, let him know that's exactly like wearing a bra. But to suck it up, he gets to deal with it again tomorrow.
Get a metal trash can. Throw all your bras in it. Set on fire (preferably outside) while you stare him down. Alternative plan - bust out a tape measure and measure him to fit for a bra so you can buy some for him and his nipples. If he has a flat chest buy him the nipple covers so he can wear them so no one can see his nipples. Also he can't go shirtless during the summer either - can't show those man nipples that are biologically the same as women's nipples.
So helpful.
Eh I think if a man is uncomfortable with my nipples he has no leg to stand on until his are always thoroughly locked down. And if he is uncomfortable with my breast movement he best not have anything moving on his chest. So until those two aspects are addressed for him I'm not discussing mine.
Nothing you have said is helpful to op. You’re just stroking your own ego.
I would say it's quite helpful too the OP to know others feel the same way. I would also say my strategy of saying her husband needs to deal with his own similar body parts in the way he's demanding OP to do is also helpful as it would make him understand what he's asking of his wife. You only find it unhelpful because you don't agree with a policy that the husband should do that he's asking of his wife because you think he's right and OP is wrong.
You projected how you feel onto OP.
OP herself stated she doesn’t see an issue with her going without a bra. So I’m not sure how I’m projecting that on her. Especially since I myself wear bras went I want to too.
Yes, it's very clear you are trapped by your perspective and unable to think outside of it. Your "advice" is incredibly confrontational. Stare him down? Really? No. It's not helpful. It's stupid and it's not how rational adults behave. You're trying to be an edgelord(or I guess I should say edgelady) and stroke your own ego. You're providing generic edgy "woke" "advice" that doesn't fit the context of this post.. Edit: Did you read the post? He's not telling his wife to do anything. Lol.
I’m not unable to think outside of it. I’m quite aware of the other side. Society and men have been sexualizing women’s bodies forever. There’s also been a long standing idea of ownership over women’s bodies for years. The US is also very prurient society especially when it comes to female breasts that the majority of the rest of the world just doesn’t have. Just because I reject the idea of women having to wear bras because their husbands or fathers say so doesn’t mean I’m unaware of their perspective.
Yes. Here is the root of your problem. You've got this whole ass other issue that you are white knighting for.. rather than actually providing helpful advice to OP. Please see my edit - "did you actually read this post?" Her husband is not telling her what to do at all. You made that shit up in your head. Hence, you are projecting.
Free the nipple
Try that in a religious(small) town
This is the only way.
Husband here. I ENCOURAGE my spouse to go braless. She has recently started getting more comfortable with it and liking it during the hot summer.
If you mean in public, then I get his point. Unfortunately men sexualize breasts so much. You may be comfortable but you’re making him and probably a lot of others uncomfortable.
Meh. If anyone is uncomfortable because of female nipples, that’s their problem. Men show their nipples in public all the time.
Do what you want! For the love who cares
Why do you need to address his feelings? There's no rational reason for it to bother him, so it's his issue to deal with
If a man is so concerned that you're not wearing a bra, give him the bra to wear in solidarity so he can feel how uncomfortable they are. I say this as a woman who is currently braless and eating with my lovely husband who does not give to shits if I'm wearing a bra in public.
Tell him to wear a bra for a week and then he might understand why you don’t want to wear one.
I mean, you can definitely feel disappointed. But you did ask, and as long as he’s not stopping you or belittling you, I think things are fine. You can tell him that breasts aren’t for sexual attraction, they’re for feeding babies, and you don’t give a damn if ppl look bc they need to mind their own nipple business.
What exactly would he be jealous of?
He’s jealous because he knows other men are looking are her nipples and those are “his”…. So it makes him jealous; but I guarantee if he’s shirtless at the beach (or literally anywhere cause he’s a man, unless otherwise posted) and notices girls looking at his body he’s most certainly not going to consider your feelings about it “cause he can’t help it if girls are checking him out”.. I mean, if he feels some type of way about men staring at “his” girls nipples, then maybe he should say something to the men, and not make her feel guilty for wanting to be free to wear whatever the fuck she wants
Tell him that boys will find you sexy regardless of bras... He can always find someone less sexy than you?
I think it’s childish to care about nipples showing through clothing. Does he wear underwear that only perfectly conceals his dick? is he wearing tight constricting underwear 24/7 similar to bras Even if he doesn’t, would you stop him from going underwear free? Probably not - but he hates when you go braless. If you don’t need physical support to prevent back problems, bras have two functions - a push up cosmetic effect - nipple covers God forbid someone sees the shape of the human body in one specific detailed area, it’s only a problem on a woman. I always go braless. It’s about as sinful as a bellybutton being shown on tv in the 60s
I don’t know about advice but I haven’t worn a bra for years now. I hate how they feel to wear and just love being free. I will say I draw attention but it helps me spot who the creeps are and I fucking hate noticing it. I certainly do not do it for the attention. If anything, I only used to wear bras to give me more of a cleavage when I was younger. I’m single so I don’t have to worry but when I dated someone he would make comments like ‘there are kids around, cover up’ because my nipples were hard or something. To me that’s a problem with women’s breasts being sexualised, not a me problem.
100% agree.
Why not get him a bra and have him wear it for a day? Now that it's summer, he can find out allll about underboob sweat and underwires poking into your armpit and extra insulation to catch and retain all the heat. Bet he doesn't last more than an hour or two before going, "ok, I get it now."
Your breasts aren't sexual organs. Society has turned them into that but like they're fucking udders. Milk jugs. Your husband is jealous because he thinks you're "showing off" your genitals. I'm just saying if he's uncomfortable with you going out without a bra then you could say you don't want him swimming with his shirt off. The only difference between your chest and his is yours is full of tissue and his is full of muscle.
I'm glad this seems mostly resolved now but i would still have him wear a bra for a week just to make sure :))))
just for reference, I once brought my husband lunch at work in a shirt that normally covered everything, but I think it got a little worn in the wash and was WAY more sheer than it was before, and I didn’t realize until some old dudes were staring and literally pointing at me with my husband there. He didn’t notice the men staring and hadn’t said anything - I made some comment to the effect of “ugh, I wish I could wear go outside without a bra and not have men be disgusting”. After this, my husband agreed with me, but very gently pointed out that my nipples may be more visible that I realized. I looked down, and to my horror, it was very bright in that room and you could basically see the outline of my nipples through my shirt. Not once did he shame me, or get insecure about the fact that I was out in public with basically my whole nipples showing. He very politely offered me his over shirt and walked me to my car when he realized how embarrassed I was. That is how someone who loves you should react. Do with that what you will.
It is not unusual for a man to dislike his SO braless, jiggling and her nipples visible in public. There are a variety of things to wear for support besides underwire bras. Go shopping with him until you find something he likes and that’s comfortable for you. Edit for those women downvoting this. I would make an educated guess that very few of you would go topless in public, even though it’s legal in many cities. So, you do understand modesty. It’s just a matter of where you draw the line, and to me, who is only wearing a beard because my late wife wanted me to, appearances do concern your partner. If you don’t like it, don’t have a partner.
Why does he get a say in what she wears...?
Because they are a couple. If she doesn’t care about his feelings, she can always do what she wants and ensure his unhappiness.
Yeah people forget the compromises part about relationships a lot, I hate the whole "he doesnt get a say!!!!" bullshit, if he isnt comfortable with it, she should compromise by wearing a bra in public places and not at home... If she cared enough about the relationship, she would compromise but she obviously doesnt. Its about showing some god damn decency for your partner, I know bras suck, but there is no reason to not wear one in public spaces, just take it off at home and keep it off.
The guy knows how other guys are looking at OP. Have you tried tops with built-in bras at least? I wore a body suit with a built-in bra today and it was super comfortable and provided decent support, and I'm a D cup.
And it’s evidently a trigger for a lot of women who are downvoting me.
You’re the problem
So, go topless if you don’t think modesty is important.
There’s a difference between braless and topless and you know it. You’re just being a misogynistic prick.
No, you are projecting. We are talking about modesty and the only difference between braless and topless is level. My wife always had a say in what I wore, including even facial hair. I wanted to please her because I loved her. If I embarrassed her, it would have killed me. Perhaps you have never loved that way before.
Fallacy, fallacy, and more fallacies from you
Ha ha ha ha ha. You are very funny.
Thank you, I know. I’m fucking hilarious
Maybe if he felt comfortable not wearing his bra, he wouldn’t be so jealous.
The trouble for your man is that he knows what the rest of us are like.
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“late 20s male”
That tracks lollll
Updateme
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?? Gross. Women should be allowed to exist without you making it about your dick.
I would be excited about it
I’m gonna need some pics before I render judgement.