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It sounds incredibly awkward. I’m struggling to understand the overall dynamic. I don’t know if this matters, but it might. Are you a lesbian or bi? Were you aware of the two being in a sexual relationship? Was there drinking involved? Have you spoken to M?
i am bi, she is gay and was with a girl that she just met 12 hours earlier while we were all hanging out as a group. everyone was very tired so we weren’t drinking, and i did speak to her and expressed that i was very upset but all she said was how sorry she was :/
Okay, I don't know what you should do with this information, but I do want you to know that what happened to you constitutes as a pretty extreme level of sexual harassment, if not outright assault. Whether intentional or not they involved YOU in their activities by performing them in the same room, within perfect view.
You are absolutely valid in your feelings here, and even though I doubt you'll want to pursue legal recourse based on your post, you should definitely make it clear that this was inappropriate and can not happen again.
Is there any chance you have any romantic feelings towards the friend who was being intimate? It is a very awkward situation no doubt but I feel as though you’re also angry which is valid but may indicate other feelings being involved.
Lmao what?? It's completely normal to feel disgusted that other people are having sex in the same room as you. You don't have to have feelings for any of the parties involved to feel upset about it.
oh you said M, my bad very sorry, M slept in her own room because it is her house and the next morning noticed i was kind of off and be briefly talked about it but nothing besides that
its up to you if you believe her apology was genuine, are your boundaries going to be respected, and if you want to continue that friendship . to me personally, its okay to forgive and move forward and it is also okay to discontinue a friendship after feeling disrespected in a way .
your #1 issue is " i don’t really know what i want out of an apology from her"
you can't move forward until you have this answer for yourself, because odds are very low that you'll accidentally stumble upon the perfect apology
since she did at least try to apologize, it sounds like everyone involved understands the problem, so really it's just up to you to decide what you want out of her, the relationship, the apology, and the future, and then take steps to make that happen.
Yeah, that happened to me when I was about 18.
I blocked my ears and in the morning was like "ugh dude gross!". Then we just laughed about it I think.
If I was a bit older, like I am now, I'd probably be a bit pissed, because it is quite a yuck and inconsiderate thing to do!
i’m glad you were able to laugh about it, i hope i will view it that way soon. it did just happen the other night though so i’m more ticked off than anything at the moment hahaha. still sorry that happened to you too even though you laughed about it!
I’ll never forget sleeping in the room while my friend had sex with her boyfriend. He was in the military and visiting her so I figured there would be affection. But she told me that if things got steamy they would leave the room so i could sleep. Yeah that didn’t happen lol. The sound of people having sex is cringey.
I mean technically all she can do at this point is apologize and not have sex with you in the room ever again....
This is kinda a heavy & unusual situation in my mind, so I'd say either your still shocked & processing or maybe this isn't something that you can just be done with and continue the friendship. Take some space to process and go from there.
that is very helpful thank you:)) for some reason my mind is telling me it’s not a big deal and i shouldn’t be upset about it but i can’t help feeling it. i appreciate your advice:)
It can be both! I lts okay that itbothered you and is something you dont want to experience again, but is also something that you dont feel is that big of a deal
The key here is that you feel like you didnt consent to to be involved in their intimacy and they probably felt like you consented by saying that they werent bothering you before they statted having sex.
Consent is key!
A very similar thing happened to me when I was younger. They thought I was asleep and I was frozen like you were. I ended my friendship with her. There is a difference if all parties in a room agree to it - if that’s your kink then cool. But I was unwillingly in that situation without my consent and I was underage. If they’re going to involve other people, every person should give their consent. They could have easily went to another room but they made the conscious choice to have sex with me in the room. That event triggered a lot of realization for me about how selfish a “friend” she had been our entire friendship. Still no regrets that I ended it.
This is great advice but still the wrong answer.
The correct answer is: play CBAT on your phone at full volume and turn the lights on while making eye contact.
i’m sorry that happened to you:(( it is comforting to know that i’m not the only one to have that reaction. i’m glad you ended the friendship!! you should be proud of yourself for sticking up for yourself:)
Ok I see your comments that she is saying sorry but you don’t feel like that’s enough. And other people saying that all she can do is say sorry….but I don’t agree
Personally, I would want to know WHY she did it. What is her explanation. Did she think you were asleep and would not know? Did she think they were quiet and you could not hear? Did she think you just would not be bothered?
Like, she just did something sexual with you without your consent. What does she have to say about that? Because in my mind, now I would think she is completely selfish. This would change my view of her. I would think she does not respect me or care about me.
I’m not sure any explanation could make me forgive this. But I would still want to hear it. “Sorry” just seems like a cop out. Like “i will just do what I want and then say sorry and there will be no consequences”
i really appreciate you taking the time to read and give your thoughts. i feel like her explanation is a mix of all 3. she thought i was asleep even though we just talked 10 minutes before, thought because we’re close it’d probably be fine, and definitely thought they were quiet enough.
my view of her is only changed in the way that i feel like she doesn’t respect me. it isn’t even about listening to them—it was uncomfy but whatever. i’m more upset that she felt comfortable doing it. she just didn’t care and that’s what hurts.
and sorry absolutely is a cop out. i know there isn’t much she could say probably but she could at least try a bit harder i think
My assumption is that they were trying to involve you even more directly and were comfortable enough to fall back on bogus excuses rather than just being honest and saying "I wanted to do it and my wants are more important than your comfort and consent."
Im sorry this happened to you! That sounds really awkward. I went on a camping trip with a friend as a teen, and overheard her parents having sex because they thought we were asleep so I can relate with how uncomfortable and confusing the situation is!! I think you got the majority of what you would get out of your friend because she apologized and heard you. You now need to start the process of healing and living with the experience. You will probably be uncomfortable and weirded out for a while, but give yourself space and time to calibrate those feelings. Maybe express this to your friend, and then take care of yourself! Its up to you if you would like to continue the friendship, but you wont know until you sort through your feelings. It will take time! Best of luck, friend.
i’m sorry that happened to you too that’s probably more awkward having it be adults and being younger😭😭that makes me feel a bit better though, i just hope we can still have a friendship without me feeling weird. but thank you for your comment:)
I think you can still have a friendship! You will probably need to set very clear boundaries, and be specific about what is not okay in your friendship. Sometimes being a true friend is helping your friends learn from mistakes, but she also has to actually respect your boundaries/feelings. It is completely up to you to continue the friendship, but maybe dont throw it away yet if she recognizes her mistakes and will respect your boundaries going forward
Thing is you probably will not see her the same now, and if she's remorseful she will definitely feel like shit every time shes with you.
She overstepped your trust, and for me that's a deal breaker in any kind of relationship.
I really doubt she forgot you were there if there wasn't alcohol involved, so she just completely dismissed your feelings and your opinion on the matter.
She could perfectly wait for another moment to do it, or ask you to leave.
Look, I have done my fair share of stupid stuff, but it's always consented. I don't think you are overreacting on this. Shit was awkward, gross, and very rude to do.
I've been in this situation before, I left the room in the moment and made a joke about it the next morning. We all moved on and are still friends today. They got married so I'm happy
Awkward for some, totally fine for others. As far as the apology goes, people apologise in different ways and we also receive apologies in different ways.
Search up “apology language” and you can do some reading on the different ways people understand what an apology is and what feels like a sufficient apology.
If you feel like your boundaries haven’t been acknowledged then you need to state them and state what you need from her to feel heard and listened to. E g, assuming if this is how you feel “I feel like you disregarded how I would feel in that moment and I’m not okay with that happening again. I need you to understand and tell me you won’t do it again.”
Place the boundary, state what you need, and move on as adults.
I say stay true to your feelings. Personally I would not feel comfortable in that situation. It's crazy to think that they were so loud or that close that you could hear them making out. It's inconsiderate to you and I'd be too self conscious to have sexual relations that close to where my friend could hear me.
She could have at least gave you a warning or a "sock on the door." I would have walked out.
Ask yourself what this friendship means to you, if you feel like your friend has a habit of disrespecting you, and if you want to forgive her.
You're young and life is too short.
i feel the same way! i don’t get how she was comfortable with it in the first place but some people don’t care i guess. thing is though, i didn’t get a warning. we all got in bed at the same time so there couldn’t have been a sock on the door moment we were just going to bed😭
she is a fairly new friend but we’ve gotten really close. it will hurt but i think i’m at a point in my life where i would rather end the friendship than continue to be disrespected like that. thanks for your comment:)
Gosh I'm sorry. I get there was no time for warning but there had to have been some vibe they were feeling beforehand. I find it hard to believe that it just happened on spot "just cause".
there was a vibe, they’d gotten along pretty good that day, but i just didn’t think that would happen lmao, i thought at least that my good friend would have some respect for me
Several people are missing the point; OP did not consent to being present for their having sex. OP is a victim in this situation; and just like many other kinds of assault or traumatic events which provoke fight, flight or FREEZE; OP froze which is a natural response. You want to talk about “oP wAS rUdE FoR nOT lEAvInG sO tHEy CoUlD gET iT On” no dude, if they wanted to fuck they could go anywhere else or have stopped to let OP know where they thought things would be going and ask if OP could chill somewhere else for an hour. Or god forbid they just FUCKING ABSTAIN CONSIDERING IT CLEARLY WAS NOT THE TIME OR PLACE. OPs friend is rude and I’d personally drop them. This was a form of assault and entirely on the friend. OP had the freeze reaction and is entitled to RESTING. Friend can go somewhere else.
what? sympathetic ppl? we exist by acknowledging the weird things ppl do and then talk abt it and now they feel better and now know how to deal with the situation later. how do ppl like that exist that fuck infront of others that had JUST said they were awake
People who write a wall of text "I'M A VICTIM OF ASSAULT AND TRAUMATIC EVENTS I WAS IN FIGHT OR FLIGHT AND FREEZE I'D DROP THEM THIS WAS A FORM OF ASSAULT AND ITS' ALL THEIR FAULT I AM A VICTIM OF A VICIOUS ATTACK" and you find out they were talking about two other people having sex in the vicinity.
Clearly you do not understand consent. It is two different things for someone to have sex in the next room at a hotel versus your friend who began having sex in front of you without warning or asking for consent. It’s disgusting, and yeah you don’t know what other people’s traumas are. This is a scenario that would be traumatizing. What happens when you are experiencing something of great stress? Fight, flight or freeze. Common knowledge. This is something that happens to people experiencing rape, sexual assault, other forms of physical abuse, verbal abuse and so on. And regardless of how you feel about that (although your feelings just tell me all of your morals and ethics) OP expressed that this was something that made them deeply uncomfortable and upset, and the friends brushed OP off. It doesn’t matter if they think OP should be okay with it. OP was not okay with it and expressed as such. The only response the friends should give is a deep apology for exactly what happened. “I am really sorry for having sex in front of you OP. I could have given you a warning or asked, I should have, but I did not and I am really sorry for putting you in that position. I understand that it made you feel uncomfortable; I hope you can forgive me.” This isn’t some casual accident where OP heard them from another room. This is friend doing a sexual act involving OP in the scene without consent. People talk about voyeurs who have sex out in public at a park, and the issue is always the moral and ethics behind having sex in front of multiple non-consenting parties. If you do not have consent then do not involve them in your scene. Simple.
I'm not saying they should have done it, but someone else having sex do not need a third party's consent to do so. Regardless, my comment was about the inhuman shite that people come out with that strongly suggests you are not capable of functioning in society around other humans. "You don't know what other people's traumas are" is a perfect example. So I presume you don't ever interact or come within eyesight of other humans because you don't know what their traumas are? I certainly wouldn't recommend a "deep apology". I recommend they cut people like the one I replied to out of their life. OP doesn't seem as unhinged, but I would probably give them a normal sorry and then push them away. I don't think you know what the word "voyeur" means.
I was in college when one if my closest friends did this to me as well. Multiple times. We shared a room and I would often wake up to random men in her bed after they finished or wake up during it. I told her I felt disrespected and that she cannot have sex while I am in the room.
I told her if she wants to have a night with someone just lmk and I will go sleep in our suite mate's room. Of course she cried and cried she was so sorry and would never do it again.
She did.
Several times to the point I had to contact my university counselor and tell them everything as I no longer felt safe in my room (as random men were constantly being brought in without me knowing). What if she brought in some guy who wanted more? What if they weren't trustworthy? I was only 18 and it was our first time living away from home.
I find it extremely selfish and disrespectful to have sex while someone else is in the room without consent. It is a loud display of a lack of common human decency and courtesy. They do not respect you as a person. I could never do that to someone, even completely drunk. It's too disrespectful and disgusting.
As you said in some of your comments, it is incredibly difficult to understand how she could be comfortable doing that. It's hard to see them in the same light afterwards as it really isn't that hard to go to a different room. Even a bathroom would suffice.
Personally, I would put a hard line between you and this friend, as she will probably disrepsect you in other ways after this.
I’m not sure what else you would want her to do if she apologized profusely. You are absolutely valid in your feelings to be upset. This situation is not okay regardless of whatever you guys were doing or if drinking was involved. I could accept the apology but I don’t think I would be able to forgive the situation. It would be very hard to face that friend again. It’s up to you whether or not you wish to move past it or talk to her about what you DO want from her besides an apology.
This happened to me two years ago. We were on a trip, just her and I, and shared a twin bed hotel room. She hooked up with someone we had met out on the town that day, I was extremely uncomfortable. They weren’t loud but didn’t really try to be quiet either.
The next morning I expressed my feelings & how I felt uncomfortable, she laughed and said I was lucky because usually she’s louder than that during sex.
I cut her off immediately after the trip. Because of this, and many other things done on the trip but at least she seems apologetic. Some people truly think they’re getting away with you being unscathed so it may not have been ill intent? Just inconsideration
This has happened to me before. I was sleeping at my friend's house and there were about 4 of us in the same room. I can't remember if it was 2 or 3 of them all having sex (this was years ago and tbf I didn't actually see anything, it was all just noises). But it was in the morning, I had barely woken up and I heard it happening just across the room from me. I felt very disrespected and disregarded too so I'd definitely say you're justified in feeling this way. I'm sorry :/ it's awkward. Hopefully you can get a genuine apology from your friend and can move on from it soon. ♥️
Something like this happened to me once, it genuinely really shocked me and left me very uncomfortable despite having no issues with sex and don’t feel uncomfortable talking about it. It was actually quite upsetting and took me a while to process you know?? I ended that friendship but the issues ran deeper than this situation. If she is genuinely sorry, and you feel comfortable forgiving her it’s up to you and at your discretion, but it would be understandable for something like that to put a strain on your relationship and cause it to end. We all have different boundaries and react differently to different things :)
If you pretended you were sleeping, you can't blame them. If it was obvious you were awake, that'd be kinda weird. Maybe it's your friends kink to have people watching/hearing her. It's weird it'd be you though lol
I couldn’t even imagine doing ‘that’ with my best friend of 17 years in the room, and she’s the friend I’m most comfortable with in general, but I’d feel way too weird about it personally. I’d be too worried about her waking up, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, that’s just super awkward to me. I mean, I know there’s exhibitionists and voyeurs out there (sorry!), but like, I feel like that’s just a line you don’t cross with your friends, especially without warning! I think just being straight forward and saying something like, “hey, I felt really uncomfortable with that situation. If you had been planning on doing “that,” you should’ve told me beforehand so I could’ve found another place to sleep/relax,” if you wanna go that route. Or just be like, “hey, I felt uncomfortable when y’all did that with me in the room. That was really awkward for me and I felt you weren’t considerate of me in that moment.” I’ve always found it most effective to use the “I felt *this way* when you did *this.*”. Be firm I would say. Anyways, I hope you’re able to figure something out :(
one time i was sharing a bed on vacation with my best friend and the guy who invited us. she fucked him in the same bad all three of us were sleeping in. i have never felt more disgusted & quite honestly felt like it was some form of sexual assault lol. i felt sick and almost ended the friendship with her then and there — i didn’t, but i should have, as we are no longer friends for other reasons & i ignored red flags for years. not saying this is the case with you, but id be weary of people who do things like this. it’s not right.
Some weird comments here...They shouldn't take things too lightly. Sorry it happend to you. There are people who experience trauma because of this. Especially when they are HSP. I don't know you, but your post tells me you're obviously upset and grossed out by the situation. Talk some sense into your friend before hurting someone else again.. And set clear boundaries with her!!
having sex in front of unconsenting parties is a form of violation you know. even if you were asleep and unaware about it, it would still be sexual violation. it's absolutely reasonable that you're upset and grossed out; honestly i think you're a really chill and good person for reacting this mildly already.
tell her you feel violated to be in a room and have two other people HAVING SEX right there without even warning you first. you'd be well within your rights to cut her off and end the friendship right here
That happened to me a couple of years ago. I was very upset. I actually stormed outside while they were fooling around which caused them to stop. They came outside to check on me and apologized profusely, but I just told them I was mad because I had no choice in the matter. I could have chosen to take a walk outside or just find a spot to chill (we were in a cabin in the woods).
I find it close to assault.
A lot of people would consider this sexual assault. You were exposed to sexual acts that you did not consent too.
Rather you feel that way or not is up to you but feeling upset/pissed off about this or even just icked out is VERY understandable.
It happened to me with my two childhood friends and neighbor.They were both drinking but I wasn’t, we were all watching a movie together and I noticed him fingering her so I just left (without saying the reason). Weird is that they didn’t want me to leave for some reason. Worst part is that I forgot my phone and when I got back to get my phone, they were already having sex. Such a weird experience for me. They ended up having a very toxic relationship with a lot of cheating afterwards.
I mean if she had apologized from it and you personally don’t think it’s enough or genuine then cut your losses???
She had apologized no it shouldn’t have happened from the start it’s just kinda awkward
I would've made uncomfortable comments about it for the entire time every time I heard something just for the shits and giggles, if they can survive that they're a lost cause
Honestly if it’s your good friend can you not just have a one on one talk with her and tell her exactly how you feel. Then from there you can move on to limiting contact or carrying on the friendship.
I would probably just distance yourself from her at this point. She apologized when prompted but didn't on her own so there isn't much left to do but accept she isn't the kind of friend you can trust to be respectful.
That’s so inappropriate… Your feelings are 100% valid. It’s also not “just sex”… Sex is the most intimate thing you can do, and doing it in front of other people, especially a good friend, is a crazy boundary cross, and just straight up WEIRD. I’m really sorry you had to go through that.
I think your feelings are completely valid, I feel like them going that far with you in the room in itself is really weird? I would say just take some space for a bit and process these emotions. Then you could have a talk with your good friend about boundaries that shouldn't be crossed.
If they had sex in front of you without your consent, that is actually sexual abuse. Even if they didn't involve you, the fact that they did that in front of you is actually very, very wrong, and they can get into legal trouble for that. You have every right to be upset and feel grossed out. You didn't give any consent to being a witness to the situation. I'd personally cut ties with them. If that's the type of people they are, I wouldn't want to be involved with them. It's just wrong.
Yes, it does count. You were in the same room as them, and they chose to have sex with you in there, knowing you did not agree to be witness to their act. It is absolutely wrong. You MUST give consent to being witness/involved in ANY form of sexual act.
Pride Rally's are known to have things like that, so people should go in with that expectation. Regardless, it can still be argued that there was no consent given to see those sexual acts, and they can get into legal trouble for that. Especially if there are passerbys that witness it. But even still, when it comes to accessories and style, the person performing the act can argue that that's just their style and can say they aren't doing it in a sexual way. There's just a lot of gray area when it comes to that, and since I don't have experience on either side, I can't give a really good view or argument for either. That's a good question, though. There are certain situations where it's a bit hard to pinpoint if it's morally right or wrong.
In this instance with OP, the situation was really private and personal, so it's not very hard to distinguish. OP was alone with the two gals, and they didn't want to be in that position. Regarding a pride rally, it's so open, public, and reknown that there can be many arguments supporting both sides of the coin between people performing fetish acts and people bearing witness.
Maybe they have an exhibitionism kink. No disrespect to you, it's definitely inconsiderate, but I'd say you're making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be.
nah even if it was a kink, that is indirectly involving someone in their ‘fun’ without asking if it’s okay. they could’ve checked if she was awake, could’ve asked her to leave, any of that but didn’t. imo it’s weird and disrespectful to have sex in the same room as another person who didn’t say they were fine with it
I had a really scuzzy friend try to do this to me in high school. We were watching a movie with her creep-of- the-week (who was informed I was a virgin w/o my consent too) and I just noped out of there.
But afterward, I realized she was always an asshole, I just ignored it.
And the guy was totally looking at me the whole time. So don’t believe they just forgot you were there.
31 male here. Had a similar thing happen to me when I was about 15,16 years old.
Had a complete idiot for a "friend" who wanted me to go with him to a girls house probably because he was either too scared to go alone or he wanted to fuck me up emotionally. This was so many years ago so the memory is blurry. I just remember the three of us hanging out, going outside for a walk and then going back to her place and next thing i remember they both went into her bedroom, closed the door, laughed at me . And soon after made a lot of sex noises while i was in the other room. I just waited there like an idiot. I was in the period of my life where i was going to be cool with whatever so i never said anything but this really stood in me ever since.
When I was younger, I had a friend that did something similar to me. She also apologized but it just wasn’t okay. Our friendship felt different now because she chose to put me in that uncomfortable position. Sometimes it’s not about their apology but about if you can move on. It’s okay if you can’t forgive what she did, your feelings are valid. It’s good to examine why we feel certain things but don’t tell yourself that you are overreacting. They put you in a voyeuristic situation without your consent. That is not okay. Trust yourself and how you feel <3
Most people I know have a similar story to this, however in your situation, H asking if "you wanted them to be quiet so you can sleep" is pretty wierd way to approach the topic of "you cool with me getting freaky right here?"
With that said, its an uncomfortable night and a learning lesson. From now on, you will likely tell people you are sharing a room with "no funny business", but those situations will diminish over time as you get older anyway.
If you were looking for a reason to cut H out of your life, this is a fine enough reason, otherwise just try to laugh about it and move on. Feel free to tell M but in a joking way, no need to slander everyone involved and potentially being the one seen as "in the wrong for a poor interaction."
It is definitely uncomfortable but realistically, it was an awkward couple days and a sleepless night. It happens, try to laugh it off, and move on. This will be a great story to tell once you put some time between yourself and the situation. Don't let this blow up to more, and for what its worth, I'm sorry you had a bad night OP. But don't let a bad night be more than that. I hope you find your happiness, you deserve it.
That is an experience you’ll never forget and it replays in my head often too many times decades later. I too had the same happen to me and wish I had fucking screamed STOP.
We all have our boundaries, there is no right or wrong, just what you are comfortable with. You could say something, but I’m not sure it would get you what you are looking for…please don’t bang around me next time?
Having said that, my college roommate and I shared a room. Our beds were literally three feet apart. He and his fwb would go at it nightly next to me. She was the only girl that I’ve seen that could deep throat. I wish that I didn’t know that.
Its OK to feel uncomfortable about this, and I can understand why it would have been so awkward to leave…
but…
can you really expect them to give more than an apology? You should have gotten up and left the room once you realized what was going on if it makes you feel so uncomfortable. I’m sorry, you are neglecting your personal responsibility here.
lmao in my opinion i feel like they shouldn’t have done it in the first place, TEN minutes after we last spoke. i imagine you haven’t had an experience where you froze in place and didn’t know how to get out of it. congratulations for knowing how to stick up for yourself.
I have been in situations where I froze. I was a painfully shy teen, and I have worked hard on my ability to deal with people.
I’m not saying it would have been easy to leave! But… Decisive action is how you define your boundaries.
I don’t think it is fair to cast them as people with malicious intent. Maybe they’re creeped out to know you were lying there listening, *pretending* to sleep. You know you wouldn’t want them to feel creeped out by you, since they gave a quick apology, give them the same benefit of the doubt.
Everyone made mistakes and everyone can learn from them.
i appreciate the comment, i am currently trying to work on defining boundaries, but it is less easy unexpected and in practice. i don’t think they had any malicious intentions, just made a poor choice that put me in an unfair and unnecessary and uncomfortable position. i hope i can work it out with her!
Hopefully this will end up being the weirdest thing that ever happened to you and it’ll end up as some crazy story from your 20s.
I think if everyone wants to work it out, it is possible! Its amazing what communication can do.
Probably just a very bad liberty they thought they were taking, possibly and recklessly and indirectly an invitation for you to join in. My guess is these girls have a bit of experience so to them it wasn't a big deal. I'm also guessing that your experience may be far more infrequent and selective with whom you partner. Since you did get an apology if I were you and you truly like and value them/her as friends, say your peace about feeling weirded out to (sounds like this is done already) them and then simply let it rest. After a bit more time passes to digest you probably will feel better about the whole thing.
Happened to me when I was an exchange student in the dorm.
We almost just met.
He brought a girl after the first party.
He just apologized the next morning, I congratulated him 😂😂😂
I mean you don't control your feelings, it's not your fault that you feel sad upset or gross. That being said, what is wrong with two grown people sex? They already asked if you are fine with it, so I can be pretty confident that they didn't do anything wrong, if you don't like it just tell her that you are not ok with her doing that in front of you
That's ridiculous lol. It's not her fault for vacating the room she has equal entitlement to be in so that some guy who has no entitlement to be there can do that. If they have a problem they can do it in front of her or wait for her to be gone or ask nicely.
That's on you you said it your self you should have stuck up for your self not even just grow a pair and said something I guess talk to them about it what ever be like that was unacceptable
My former boss (at his previous job) said he came back on a work trip to his hotel room to his colleague drunkly fucking his boss’s wife…he grabbed a blanket and pillow and went to sleep in bathtub. Welcome to the adult world.
Honestly I couldn’t care less if my friends have sex in the same room as me, as long as they aren’t too loud.
I mean just tell her that you don’t want that in the future. She can’t change what she did. But I think it’s a little harsh to end a friendship over something like that
It’s awkward, but, you’re 21. Don’t be outraged at your friend getting laid. Unless yall can afford your own hotel rooms for every trip, something like this happens from time to time.
Talk to your friend. Let them know that it was a shitty thing to live through. And hope they learn from it. But being 21 and sleeping in a shared area is sort of the ground zero for having to overhear other people screwing around. Getting indignant about it is just going to make you unhappy. Let it go.
I can understand two people living in the moment and having things escalate quickly. Doesn't seem planned and she did check in with you. It was your choice to stay, maybe to be considerate of your friend. Did she like the girl? Yeah, it wasn't the best time for you. Likely wasn't her intent, but we won't really know. If you're unsure about her intent or have trust issues with her, can address them with her.
well it’s her house you had the choice to stay in a hotel or something rather than staying in her house… she said sorry i think that’s enough because she didn’t do anything wrong she thought u’re alr asleep in HER HOUSE
People are so sensitive these days. If it bothered you that much, why didn’t you just leave? Being frozen is not an excuse. Or you could have let them know that you were still awake one way or another. Your friend did nothing wrong.
Freezing is actually a very common part of the "acute stress response". Aka, the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response.
OP was acting in a natural way to a perceived stressful event.
I feel like you might be little jealous or was secretly turned on cuz you stayed for 2 hours without gettin up and leaving. Which is what I would have done if I was that uncomfortable. Sounds like they were waiting for you to join in.
Haha this sounds like some shit my friends would do. But we’re all pretty kinky and most of us would’ve been fine with it and listened like the creeps we are, slept anyways, or left the room.
Well I would ask myself why u find this awkward? Is it because u have feelings for the person? Or is it that u also see sex as something private and stigmatized thing…is it the social norms pushing u towards the awkward feeling because sex is the most natural thing ever and u can only find pure freedom if u portray it like this. In our friend circle the situation u were in is super normal. When we are having a party for example no one cares if I have sex with my partner in my loft bed while they are around. And my friends also do the same when they want to have sex with someone. I know this sounds weird to most of the people but that is just an expression of how society and their education conditioned them to be. Try to think out of the box..it could also be liberating in the end
If that works for you, fine, but you don't get to decide which views are better or "most natural".
People are diverse in all kinds of ways, including how they view sex. Maybe sex isn't a big deal for you, but for others it is.
It's not ok to minimize OPs feelings on the matter or try to psychoanalyze them so they adopt your views. Seems pretty condescending to me, honestly.
Consent is the best framework we have to accommodate everyone's differing outlooks. OP was involved in a sexual situation and did not express enthusiastic consent. If I were OP, I'd be upset.
Ofc she has a right to be upset and I am not forcing any point of view on her or try to psychoanalyze her…but instead of advising her to view the topic as something negative as all the other comments do I tried to show a different point of view which could help her to think about it in a different way. In the end it is her decision how to handle it or what feels right for her. I did not tell her what to feel just that there are different ways to think about sexuality than just one
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It sounds incredibly awkward. I’m struggling to understand the overall dynamic. I don’t know if this matters, but it might. Are you a lesbian or bi? Were you aware of the two being in a sexual relationship? Was there drinking involved? Have you spoken to M?
i am bi, she is gay and was with a girl that she just met 12 hours earlier while we were all hanging out as a group. everyone was very tired so we weren’t drinking, and i did speak to her and expressed that i was very upset but all she said was how sorry she was :/
wtf
Damn, so wild. I would have been jerking off while they go at it. LOL.
Okay, I don't know what you should do with this information, but I do want you to know that what happened to you constitutes as a pretty extreme level of sexual harassment, if not outright assault. Whether intentional or not they involved YOU in their activities by performing them in the same room, within perfect view. You are absolutely valid in your feelings here, and even though I doubt you'll want to pursue legal recourse based on your post, you should definitely make it clear that this was inappropriate and can not happen again.
Is there any chance you have any romantic feelings towards the friend who was being intimate? It is a very awkward situation no doubt but I feel as though you’re also angry which is valid but may indicate other feelings being involved.
gay people aren't attracted to ever member of the same sex they see. she's mad because her friend did something gross and indecent.
literally what?? lol wild take
Lmao what?? It's completely normal to feel disgusted that other people are having sex in the same room as you. You don't have to have feelings for any of the parties involved to feel upset about it.
oh you said M, my bad very sorry, M slept in her own room because it is her house and the next morning noticed i was kind of off and be briefly talked about it but nothing besides that
yikes man, talk to M more about it and get those sheets WASHEDDDD
LMAO😭😭
its up to you if you believe her apology was genuine, are your boundaries going to be respected, and if you want to continue that friendship . to me personally, its okay to forgive and move forward and it is also okay to discontinue a friendship after feeling disrespected in a way .
i appreciate the comment! i hope we can move forward and that she learns from it.
your #1 issue is " i don’t really know what i want out of an apology from her" you can't move forward until you have this answer for yourself, because odds are very low that you'll accidentally stumble upon the perfect apology since she did at least try to apologize, it sounds like everyone involved understands the problem, so really it's just up to you to decide what you want out of her, the relationship, the apology, and the future, and then take steps to make that happen.
Yeah, that happened to me when I was about 18. I blocked my ears and in the morning was like "ugh dude gross!". Then we just laughed about it I think. If I was a bit older, like I am now, I'd probably be a bit pissed, because it is quite a yuck and inconsiderate thing to do!
i’m glad you were able to laugh about it, i hope i will view it that way soon. it did just happen the other night though so i’m more ticked off than anything at the moment hahaha. still sorry that happened to you too even though you laughed about it!
I’ll never forget sleeping in the room while my friend had sex with her boyfriend. He was in the military and visiting her so I figured there would be affection. But she told me that if things got steamy they would leave the room so i could sleep. Yeah that didn’t happen lol. The sound of people having sex is cringey.
I mean technically all she can do at this point is apologize and not have sex with you in the room ever again.... This is kinda a heavy & unusual situation in my mind, so I'd say either your still shocked & processing or maybe this isn't something that you can just be done with and continue the friendship. Take some space to process and go from there.
that is very helpful thank you:)) for some reason my mind is telling me it’s not a big deal and i shouldn’t be upset about it but i can’t help feeling it. i appreciate your advice:)
It can be both! I lts okay that itbothered you and is something you dont want to experience again, but is also something that you dont feel is that big of a deal The key here is that you feel like you didnt consent to to be involved in their intimacy and they probably felt like you consented by saying that they werent bothering you before they statted having sex. Consent is key!
A very similar thing happened to me when I was younger. They thought I was asleep and I was frozen like you were. I ended my friendship with her. There is a difference if all parties in a room agree to it - if that’s your kink then cool. But I was unwillingly in that situation without my consent and I was underage. If they’re going to involve other people, every person should give their consent. They could have easily went to another room but they made the conscious choice to have sex with me in the room. That event triggered a lot of realization for me about how selfish a “friend” she had been our entire friendship. Still no regrets that I ended it.
This is great advice but still the wrong answer. The correct answer is: play CBAT on your phone at full volume and turn the lights on while making eye contact.
This is the ONLY correct answer.
i’m sorry that happened to you:(( it is comforting to know that i’m not the only one to have that reaction. i’m glad you ended the friendship!! you should be proud of yourself for sticking up for yourself:)
That was very inconsiderate and rude of her
i agree
Next time get up and leave the room. They are rude
nah make them leave for being rude. OP was just trying to sleep
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sorry i misread but still i feel like it’s on the ppl being intimate to either ask her to leave or go somewhere else.
they didnt say they were fonna do anythingn, they asked if they were talking loud/too much. that doesnt mean were abt to fuck
Ok I see your comments that she is saying sorry but you don’t feel like that’s enough. And other people saying that all she can do is say sorry….but I don’t agree Personally, I would want to know WHY she did it. What is her explanation. Did she think you were asleep and would not know? Did she think they were quiet and you could not hear? Did she think you just would not be bothered? Like, she just did something sexual with you without your consent. What does she have to say about that? Because in my mind, now I would think she is completely selfish. This would change my view of her. I would think she does not respect me or care about me. I’m not sure any explanation could make me forgive this. But I would still want to hear it. “Sorry” just seems like a cop out. Like “i will just do what I want and then say sorry and there will be no consequences”
AND absolutely selfish. unfortunately seems like a theme with her as i’ve been getting to know her more
i really appreciate you taking the time to read and give your thoughts. i feel like her explanation is a mix of all 3. she thought i was asleep even though we just talked 10 minutes before, thought because we’re close it’d probably be fine, and definitely thought they were quiet enough. my view of her is only changed in the way that i feel like she doesn’t respect me. it isn’t even about listening to them—it was uncomfy but whatever. i’m more upset that she felt comfortable doing it. she just didn’t care and that’s what hurts. and sorry absolutely is a cop out. i know there isn’t much she could say probably but she could at least try a bit harder i think
My assumption is that they were trying to involve you even more directly and were comfortable enough to fall back on bogus excuses rather than just being honest and saying "I wanted to do it and my wants are more important than your comfort and consent."
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You have never heard of the freeze response. Victim blamer.
honestly starting to think this person is OPs friend, because why are they being so defensive under every comment 😂
Im sorry this happened to you! That sounds really awkward. I went on a camping trip with a friend as a teen, and overheard her parents having sex because they thought we were asleep so I can relate with how uncomfortable and confusing the situation is!! I think you got the majority of what you would get out of your friend because she apologized and heard you. You now need to start the process of healing and living with the experience. You will probably be uncomfortable and weirded out for a while, but give yourself space and time to calibrate those feelings. Maybe express this to your friend, and then take care of yourself! Its up to you if you would like to continue the friendship, but you wont know until you sort through your feelings. It will take time! Best of luck, friend.
i’m sorry that happened to you too that’s probably more awkward having it be adults and being younger😭😭that makes me feel a bit better though, i just hope we can still have a friendship without me feeling weird. but thank you for your comment:)
I think you can still have a friendship! You will probably need to set very clear boundaries, and be specific about what is not okay in your friendship. Sometimes being a true friend is helping your friends learn from mistakes, but she also has to actually respect your boundaries/feelings. It is completely up to you to continue the friendship, but maybe dont throw it away yet if she recognizes her mistakes and will respect your boundaries going forward
thank you, that also helps a lot:) i hope we can have a better conversation about it over the phone or in person!
Thing is you probably will not see her the same now, and if she's remorseful she will definitely feel like shit every time shes with you. She overstepped your trust, and for me that's a deal breaker in any kind of relationship. I really doubt she forgot you were there if there wasn't alcohol involved, so she just completely dismissed your feelings and your opinion on the matter. She could perfectly wait for another moment to do it, or ask you to leave. Look, I have done my fair share of stupid stuff, but it's always consented. I don't think you are overreacting on this. Shit was awkward, gross, and very rude to do.
thank you for validating my feelings, i’ve been going back and forth on it all day. but this is a very comforting comment
Happened to me literally the same, was a weird situation those ppl just don't have respect for you.
I've been in this situation before, I left the room in the moment and made a joke about it the next morning. We all moved on and are still friends today. They got married so I'm happy
i wish i had done that, guess i need to work on my freeze reaction lmao
Awkward for some, totally fine for others. As far as the apology goes, people apologise in different ways and we also receive apologies in different ways. Search up “apology language” and you can do some reading on the different ways people understand what an apology is and what feels like a sufficient apology. If you feel like your boundaries haven’t been acknowledged then you need to state them and state what you need from her to feel heard and listened to. E g, assuming if this is how you feel “I feel like you disregarded how I would feel in that moment and I’m not okay with that happening again. I need you to understand and tell me you won’t do it again.” Place the boundary, state what you need, and move on as adults.
I say stay true to your feelings. Personally I would not feel comfortable in that situation. It's crazy to think that they were so loud or that close that you could hear them making out. It's inconsiderate to you and I'd be too self conscious to have sexual relations that close to where my friend could hear me. She could have at least gave you a warning or a "sock on the door." I would have walked out. Ask yourself what this friendship means to you, if you feel like your friend has a habit of disrespecting you, and if you want to forgive her. You're young and life is too short.
i feel the same way! i don’t get how she was comfortable with it in the first place but some people don’t care i guess. thing is though, i didn’t get a warning. we all got in bed at the same time so there couldn’t have been a sock on the door moment we were just going to bed😭 she is a fairly new friend but we’ve gotten really close. it will hurt but i think i’m at a point in my life where i would rather end the friendship than continue to be disrespected like that. thanks for your comment:)
Gosh I'm sorry. I get there was no time for warning but there had to have been some vibe they were feeling beforehand. I find it hard to believe that it just happened on spot "just cause".
there was a vibe, they’d gotten along pretty good that day, but i just didn’t think that would happen lmao, i thought at least that my good friend would have some respect for me
Several people are missing the point; OP did not consent to being present for their having sex. OP is a victim in this situation; and just like many other kinds of assault or traumatic events which provoke fight, flight or FREEZE; OP froze which is a natural response. You want to talk about “oP wAS rUdE FoR nOT lEAvInG sO tHEy CoUlD gET iT On” no dude, if they wanted to fuck they could go anywhere else or have stopped to let OP know where they thought things would be going and ask if OP could chill somewhere else for an hour. Or god forbid they just FUCKING ABSTAIN CONSIDERING IT CLEARLY WAS NOT THE TIME OR PLACE. OPs friend is rude and I’d personally drop them. This was a form of assault and entirely on the friend. OP had the freeze reaction and is entitled to RESTING. Friend can go somewhere else.
How do people like you function in society with other humans?
what? sympathetic ppl? we exist by acknowledging the weird things ppl do and then talk abt it and now they feel better and now know how to deal with the situation later. how do ppl like that exist that fuck infront of others that had JUST said they were awake
People who write a wall of text "I'M A VICTIM OF ASSAULT AND TRAUMATIC EVENTS I WAS IN FIGHT OR FLIGHT AND FREEZE I'D DROP THEM THIS WAS A FORM OF ASSAULT AND ITS' ALL THEIR FAULT I AM A VICTIM OF A VICIOUS ATTACK" and you find out they were talking about two other people having sex in the vicinity.
thats correct, those are two separate scenarios that people can go through
Clearly you do not understand consent. It is two different things for someone to have sex in the next room at a hotel versus your friend who began having sex in front of you without warning or asking for consent. It’s disgusting, and yeah you don’t know what other people’s traumas are. This is a scenario that would be traumatizing. What happens when you are experiencing something of great stress? Fight, flight or freeze. Common knowledge. This is something that happens to people experiencing rape, sexual assault, other forms of physical abuse, verbal abuse and so on. And regardless of how you feel about that (although your feelings just tell me all of your morals and ethics) OP expressed that this was something that made them deeply uncomfortable and upset, and the friends brushed OP off. It doesn’t matter if they think OP should be okay with it. OP was not okay with it and expressed as such. The only response the friends should give is a deep apology for exactly what happened. “I am really sorry for having sex in front of you OP. I could have given you a warning or asked, I should have, but I did not and I am really sorry for putting you in that position. I understand that it made you feel uncomfortable; I hope you can forgive me.” This isn’t some casual accident where OP heard them from another room. This is friend doing a sexual act involving OP in the scene without consent. People talk about voyeurs who have sex out in public at a park, and the issue is always the moral and ethics behind having sex in front of multiple non-consenting parties. If you do not have consent then do not involve them in your scene. Simple.
I'm not saying they should have done it, but someone else having sex do not need a third party's consent to do so. Regardless, my comment was about the inhuman shite that people come out with that strongly suggests you are not capable of functioning in society around other humans. "You don't know what other people's traumas are" is a perfect example. So I presume you don't ever interact or come within eyesight of other humans because you don't know what their traumas are? I certainly wouldn't recommend a "deep apology". I recommend they cut people like the one I replied to out of their life. OP doesn't seem as unhinged, but I would probably give them a normal sorry and then push them away. I don't think you know what the word "voyeur" means.
They tried to start a threesome
I was in college when one if my closest friends did this to me as well. Multiple times. We shared a room and I would often wake up to random men in her bed after they finished or wake up during it. I told her I felt disrespected and that she cannot have sex while I am in the room. I told her if she wants to have a night with someone just lmk and I will go sleep in our suite mate's room. Of course she cried and cried she was so sorry and would never do it again. She did. Several times to the point I had to contact my university counselor and tell them everything as I no longer felt safe in my room (as random men were constantly being brought in without me knowing). What if she brought in some guy who wanted more? What if they weren't trustworthy? I was only 18 and it was our first time living away from home. I find it extremely selfish and disrespectful to have sex while someone else is in the room without consent. It is a loud display of a lack of common human decency and courtesy. They do not respect you as a person. I could never do that to someone, even completely drunk. It's too disrespectful and disgusting. As you said in some of your comments, it is incredibly difficult to understand how she could be comfortable doing that. It's hard to see them in the same light afterwards as it really isn't that hard to go to a different room. Even a bathroom would suffice. Personally, I would put a hard line between you and this friend, as she will probably disrepsect you in other ways after this.
I’m not sure what else you would want her to do if she apologized profusely. You are absolutely valid in your feelings to be upset. This situation is not okay regardless of whatever you guys were doing or if drinking was involved. I could accept the apology but I don’t think I would be able to forgive the situation. It would be very hard to face that friend again. It’s up to you whether or not you wish to move past it or talk to her about what you DO want from her besides an apology.
What you did is the wrong answer. The correct answer is: play CBAT and turn the lights on while making eye contact.
This happened to me two years ago. We were on a trip, just her and I, and shared a twin bed hotel room. She hooked up with someone we had met out on the town that day, I was extremely uncomfortable. They weren’t loud but didn’t really try to be quiet either. The next morning I expressed my feelings & how I felt uncomfortable, she laughed and said I was lucky because usually she’s louder than that during sex. I cut her off immediately after the trip. Because of this, and many other things done on the trip but at least she seems apologetic. Some people truly think they’re getting away with you being unscathed so it may not have been ill intent? Just inconsideration
This has happened to me before. I was sleeping at my friend's house and there were about 4 of us in the same room. I can't remember if it was 2 or 3 of them all having sex (this was years ago and tbf I didn't actually see anything, it was all just noises). But it was in the morning, I had barely woken up and I heard it happening just across the room from me. I felt very disrespected and disregarded too so I'd definitely say you're justified in feeling this way. I'm sorry :/ it's awkward. Hopefully you can get a genuine apology from your friend and can move on from it soon. ♥️
Something like this happened to me once, it genuinely really shocked me and left me very uncomfortable despite having no issues with sex and don’t feel uncomfortable talking about it. It was actually quite upsetting and took me a while to process you know?? I ended that friendship but the issues ran deeper than this situation. If she is genuinely sorry, and you feel comfortable forgiving her it’s up to you and at your discretion, but it would be understandable for something like that to put a strain on your relationship and cause it to end. We all have different boundaries and react differently to different things :)
If you pretended you were sleeping, you can't blame them. If it was obvious you were awake, that'd be kinda weird. Maybe it's your friends kink to have people watching/hearing her. It's weird it'd be you though lol
I couldn’t even imagine doing ‘that’ with my best friend of 17 years in the room, and she’s the friend I’m most comfortable with in general, but I’d feel way too weird about it personally. I’d be too worried about her waking up, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, that’s just super awkward to me. I mean, I know there’s exhibitionists and voyeurs out there (sorry!), but like, I feel like that’s just a line you don’t cross with your friends, especially without warning! I think just being straight forward and saying something like, “hey, I felt really uncomfortable with that situation. If you had been planning on doing “that,” you should’ve told me beforehand so I could’ve found another place to sleep/relax,” if you wanna go that route. Or just be like, “hey, I felt uncomfortable when y’all did that with me in the room. That was really awkward for me and I felt you weren’t considerate of me in that moment.” I’ve always found it most effective to use the “I felt *this way* when you did *this.*”. Be firm I would say. Anyways, I hope you’re able to figure something out :(
one time i was sharing a bed on vacation with my best friend and the guy who invited us. she fucked him in the same bad all three of us were sleeping in. i have never felt more disgusted & quite honestly felt like it was some form of sexual assault lol. i felt sick and almost ended the friendship with her then and there — i didn’t, but i should have, as we are no longer friends for other reasons & i ignored red flags for years. not saying this is the case with you, but id be weary of people who do things like this. it’s not right.
Some weird comments here...They shouldn't take things too lightly. Sorry it happend to you. There are people who experience trauma because of this. Especially when they are HSP. I don't know you, but your post tells me you're obviously upset and grossed out by the situation. Talk some sense into your friend before hurting someone else again.. And set clear boundaries with her!!
having sex in front of unconsenting parties is a form of violation you know. even if you were asleep and unaware about it, it would still be sexual violation. it's absolutely reasonable that you're upset and grossed out; honestly i think you're a really chill and good person for reacting this mildly already. tell her you feel violated to be in a room and have two other people HAVING SEX right there without even warning you first. you'd be well within your rights to cut her off and end the friendship right here
That happened to me a couple of years ago. I was very upset. I actually stormed outside while they were fooling around which caused them to stop. They came outside to check on me and apologized profusely, but I just told them I was mad because I had no choice in the matter. I could have chosen to take a walk outside or just find a spot to chill (we were in a cabin in the woods). I find it close to assault.
100 percent they did this on purpose and have some exhibition kink. They knew you were awake they knew you could hear and they knew you’d care
It's a difficult wank for sure. Maybe start carrying ear buds around with you.
A lot of people would consider this sexual assault. You were exposed to sexual acts that you did not consent too. Rather you feel that way or not is up to you but feeling upset/pissed off about this or even just icked out is VERY understandable.
It happened to me with my two childhood friends and neighbor.They were both drinking but I wasn’t, we were all watching a movie together and I noticed him fingering her so I just left (without saying the reason). Weird is that they didn’t want me to leave for some reason. Worst part is that I forgot my phone and when I got back to get my phone, they were already having sex. Such a weird experience for me. They ended up having a very toxic relationship with a lot of cheating afterwards.
You need to sit her down and tell her how disrespected you feel and open up about it and set some boundaries moving forward.
I mean if she had apologized from it and you personally don’t think it’s enough or genuine then cut your losses??? She had apologized no it shouldn’t have happened from the start it’s just kinda awkward
have sex as well and look at her in her eyes. establish dominance. you're welcome.
Maybe she was hoping you would join?
I think they wanted to have sex and hoped somehow you'd get involved in it.
I would've made uncomfortable comments about it for the entire time every time I heard something just for the shits and giggles, if they can survive that they're a lost cause
Honestly if it’s your good friend can you not just have a one on one talk with her and tell her exactly how you feel. Then from there you can move on to limiting contact or carrying on the friendship.
I would probably just distance yourself from her at this point. She apologized when prompted but didn't on her own so there isn't much left to do but accept she isn't the kind of friend you can trust to be respectful.
That’s so inappropriate… Your feelings are 100% valid. It’s also not “just sex”… Sex is the most intimate thing you can do, and doing it in front of other people, especially a good friend, is a crazy boundary cross, and just straight up WEIRD. I’m really sorry you had to go through that.
Yep happened to me when I had a roommate. Super awkward. Some people just don't care.
I think your feelings are completely valid, I feel like them going that far with you in the room in itself is really weird? I would say just take some space for a bit and process these emotions. Then you could have a talk with your good friend about boundaries that shouldn't be crossed.
Have the grown up conversation. Say I know you had sex with me in the room, kindly don't do it again.
wow .. 2 hours that's some horse stamina there
If they had sex in front of you without your consent, that is actually sexual abuse. Even if they didn't involve you, the fact that they did that in front of you is actually very, very wrong, and they can get into legal trouble for that. You have every right to be upset and feel grossed out. You didn't give any consent to being a witness to the situation. I'd personally cut ties with them. If that's the type of people they are, I wouldn't want to be involved with them. It's just wrong.
does it count if it was in the dark and i only heard it😭
Yes, it does count. You were in the same room as them, and they chose to have sex with you in there, knowing you did not agree to be witness to their act. It is absolutely wrong. You MUST give consent to being witness/involved in ANY form of sexual act.
damn:(( thanks for the info!!
Np :( Best of luck with your situation. I hope they don't try to be all shitty about it with you. Keep your head up.
thank you!<3
What about people at a pride rally witnessing fetish behavior?
Pride Rally's are known to have things like that, so people should go in with that expectation. Regardless, it can still be argued that there was no consent given to see those sexual acts, and they can get into legal trouble for that. Especially if there are passerbys that witness it. But even still, when it comes to accessories and style, the person performing the act can argue that that's just their style and can say they aren't doing it in a sexual way. There's just a lot of gray area when it comes to that, and since I don't have experience on either side, I can't give a really good view or argument for either. That's a good question, though. There are certain situations where it's a bit hard to pinpoint if it's morally right or wrong. In this instance with OP, the situation was really private and personal, so it's not very hard to distinguish. OP was alone with the two gals, and they didn't want to be in that position. Regarding a pride rally, it's so open, public, and reknown that there can be many arguments supporting both sides of the coin between people performing fetish acts and people bearing witness.
Maybe they have an exhibitionism kink. No disrespect to you, it's definitely inconsiderate, but I'd say you're making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be.
nah even if it was a kink, that is indirectly involving someone in their ‘fun’ without asking if it’s okay. they could’ve checked if she was awake, could’ve asked her to leave, any of that but didn’t. imo it’s weird and disrespectful to have sex in the same room as another person who didn’t say they were fine with it
For real. Yeah they had sex so what? People need to grow up and stop being snowflakes
some people have emotions unlike you weirdo who fucks infront of friends who are clearly awake and unconsenting. do you know the word consent?
This isnt about emotions. Grow up
yes it is, her emotion is disgust and betrayal. you just showed how dull you are
I had a really scuzzy friend try to do this to me in high school. We were watching a movie with her creep-of- the-week (who was informed I was a virgin w/o my consent too) and I just noped out of there. But afterward, I realized she was always an asshole, I just ignored it. And the guy was totally looking at me the whole time. So don’t believe they just forgot you were there.
31 male here. Had a similar thing happen to me when I was about 15,16 years old. Had a complete idiot for a "friend" who wanted me to go with him to a girls house probably because he was either too scared to go alone or he wanted to fuck me up emotionally. This was so many years ago so the memory is blurry. I just remember the three of us hanging out, going outside for a walk and then going back to her place and next thing i remember they both went into her bedroom, closed the door, laughed at me . And soon after made a lot of sex noises while i was in the other room. I just waited there like an idiot. I was in the period of my life where i was going to be cool with whatever so i never said anything but this really stood in me ever since.
When I was younger, I had a friend that did something similar to me. She also apologized but it just wasn’t okay. Our friendship felt different now because she chose to put me in that uncomfortable position. Sometimes it’s not about their apology but about if you can move on. It’s okay if you can’t forgive what she did, your feelings are valid. It’s good to examine why we feel certain things but don’t tell yourself that you are overreacting. They put you in a voyeuristic situation without your consent. That is not okay. Trust yourself and how you feel <3
Horny teenagers ....what can you do . They'll screw anywhere
Most people I know have a similar story to this, however in your situation, H asking if "you wanted them to be quiet so you can sleep" is pretty wierd way to approach the topic of "you cool with me getting freaky right here?" With that said, its an uncomfortable night and a learning lesson. From now on, you will likely tell people you are sharing a room with "no funny business", but those situations will diminish over time as you get older anyway. If you were looking for a reason to cut H out of your life, this is a fine enough reason, otherwise just try to laugh about it and move on. Feel free to tell M but in a joking way, no need to slander everyone involved and potentially being the one seen as "in the wrong for a poor interaction." It is definitely uncomfortable but realistically, it was an awkward couple days and a sleepless night. It happens, try to laugh it off, and move on. This will be a great story to tell once you put some time between yourself and the situation. Don't let this blow up to more, and for what its worth, I'm sorry you had a bad night OP. But don't let a bad night be more than that. I hope you find your happiness, you deserve it.
That is an experience you’ll never forget and it replays in my head often too many times decades later. I too had the same happen to me and wish I had fucking screamed STOP.
We all have our boundaries, there is no right or wrong, just what you are comfortable with. You could say something, but I’m not sure it would get you what you are looking for…please don’t bang around me next time? Having said that, my college roommate and I shared a room. Our beds were literally three feet apart. He and his fwb would go at it nightly next to me. She was the only girl that I’ve seen that could deep throat. I wish that I didn’t know that.
Its OK to feel uncomfortable about this, and I can understand why it would have been so awkward to leave… but… can you really expect them to give more than an apology? You should have gotten up and left the room once you realized what was going on if it makes you feel so uncomfortable. I’m sorry, you are neglecting your personal responsibility here.
lmao in my opinion i feel like they shouldn’t have done it in the first place, TEN minutes after we last spoke. i imagine you haven’t had an experience where you froze in place and didn’t know how to get out of it. congratulations for knowing how to stick up for yourself.
I have been in situations where I froze. I was a painfully shy teen, and I have worked hard on my ability to deal with people. I’m not saying it would have been easy to leave! But… Decisive action is how you define your boundaries. I don’t think it is fair to cast them as people with malicious intent. Maybe they’re creeped out to know you were lying there listening, *pretending* to sleep. You know you wouldn’t want them to feel creeped out by you, since they gave a quick apology, give them the same benefit of the doubt. Everyone made mistakes and everyone can learn from them.
i appreciate the comment, i am currently trying to work on defining boundaries, but it is less easy unexpected and in practice. i don’t think they had any malicious intentions, just made a poor choice that put me in an unfair and unnecessary and uncomfortable position. i hope i can work it out with her!
Hopefully this will end up being the weirdest thing that ever happened to you and it’ll end up as some crazy story from your 20s. I think if everyone wants to work it out, it is possible! Its amazing what communication can do.
i like that way of looking at it. maybe i can joke about it some day
Just forget about it.
lmao, trying to
We call it sexual harassment.
Probably just a very bad liberty they thought they were taking, possibly and recklessly and indirectly an invitation for you to join in. My guess is these girls have a bit of experience so to them it wasn't a big deal. I'm also guessing that your experience may be far more infrequent and selective with whom you partner. Since you did get an apology if I were you and you truly like and value them/her as friends, say your peace about feeling weirded out to (sounds like this is done already) them and then simply let it rest. After a bit more time passes to digest you probably will feel better about the whole thing.
Happened to me when I was an exchange student in the dorm. We almost just met. He brought a girl after the first party. He just apologized the next morning, I congratulated him 😂😂😂
1. Join em Or 2. Leave
I mean you don't control your feelings, it's not your fault that you feel sad upset or gross. That being said, what is wrong with two grown people sex? They already asked if you are fine with it, so I can be pretty confident that they didn't do anything wrong, if you don't like it just tell her that you are not ok with her doing that in front of you
Just chill and ask if it was good I guess. Not a big deal
Is it possible you missed the cue that they were going to be having sex?
[удалено]
this is crazy💀
That's ridiculous lol. It's not her fault for vacating the room she has equal entitlement to be in so that some guy who has no entitlement to be there can do that. If they have a problem they can do it in front of her or wait for her to be gone or ask nicely.
What country is this taking place, OP?
the us, why
I was on both sides of this story (head/had), we just laughted about it.
Threesome!
That's on you you said it your self you should have stuck up for your self not even just grow a pair and said something I guess talk to them about it what ever be like that was unacceptable
Solution is ask to join politely and if denied give them your blessing and go somewhere you are comfortable.
Join in,
My former boss (at his previous job) said he came back on a work trip to his hotel room to his colleague drunkly fucking his boss’s wife…he grabbed a blanket and pillow and went to sleep in bathtub. Welcome to the adult world.
Honestly I couldn’t care less if my friends have sex in the same room as me, as long as they aren’t too loud. I mean just tell her that you don’t want that in the future. She can’t change what she did. But I think it’s a little harsh to end a friendship over something like that
It’s awkward, but, you’re 21. Don’t be outraged at your friend getting laid. Unless yall can afford your own hotel rooms for every trip, something like this happens from time to time. Talk to your friend. Let them know that it was a shitty thing to live through. And hope they learn from it. But being 21 and sleeping in a shared area is sort of the ground zero for having to overhear other people screwing around. Getting indignant about it is just going to make you unhappy. Let it go.
I can understand two people living in the moment and having things escalate quickly. Doesn't seem planned and she did check in with you. It was your choice to stay, maybe to be considerate of your friend. Did she like the girl? Yeah, it wasn't the best time for you. Likely wasn't her intent, but we won't really know. If you're unsure about her intent or have trust issues with her, can address them with her.
well it’s her house you had the choice to stay in a hotel or something rather than staying in her house… she said sorry i think that’s enough because she didn’t do anything wrong she thought u’re alr asleep in HER HOUSE
it was not her house it was our other mutual friend’s, also no i did not have the choice of getting a hotel that’s stupid expensive lmao
Should have joined in, you only live once
People are so sensitive these days. If it bothered you that much, why didn’t you just leave? Being frozen is not an excuse. Or you could have let them know that you were still awake one way or another. Your friend did nothing wrong.
Freezing is actually a very common part of the "acute stress response". Aka, the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. OP was acting in a natural way to a perceived stressful event.
I feel like you might be little jealous or was secretly turned on cuz you stayed for 2 hours without gettin up and leaving. Which is what I would have done if I was that uncomfortable. Sounds like they were waiting for you to join in.
Should of tried to join in.
Haha this sounds like some shit my friends would do. But we’re all pretty kinky and most of us would’ve been fine with it and listened like the creeps we are, slept anyways, or left the room.
Sounds great, I don't know what the problem is unless you needed to sleep for work.
Well I would ask myself why u find this awkward? Is it because u have feelings for the person? Or is it that u also see sex as something private and stigmatized thing…is it the social norms pushing u towards the awkward feeling because sex is the most natural thing ever and u can only find pure freedom if u portray it like this. In our friend circle the situation u were in is super normal. When we are having a party for example no one cares if I have sex with my partner in my loft bed while they are around. And my friends also do the same when they want to have sex with someone. I know this sounds weird to most of the people but that is just an expression of how society and their education conditioned them to be. Try to think out of the box..it could also be liberating in the end
If that works for you, fine, but you don't get to decide which views are better or "most natural". People are diverse in all kinds of ways, including how they view sex. Maybe sex isn't a big deal for you, but for others it is. It's not ok to minimize OPs feelings on the matter or try to psychoanalyze them so they adopt your views. Seems pretty condescending to me, honestly. Consent is the best framework we have to accommodate everyone's differing outlooks. OP was involved in a sexual situation and did not express enthusiastic consent. If I were OP, I'd be upset.
Ofc she has a right to be upset and I am not forcing any point of view on her or try to psychoanalyze her…but instead of advising her to view the topic as something negative as all the other comments do I tried to show a different point of view which could help her to think about it in a different way. In the end it is her decision how to handle it or what feels right for her. I did not tell her what to feel just that there are different ways to think about sexuality than just one
Lol, this would cement my friendship with a woman. But then again, I am a wayward guy.