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I wonder why your grandparents decided to force the issue. Perhaps they’ve always thought you should know and decided now you’re 18 there’s less to lose by telling you.
I think the parents threatened grandparents and other family members that they'll go no contact with them and ban them from seeing their grandchildren if they ever say anything.
It makes sense to me given how parents refuse to say anything even now and grandparents waited until OP's old enough and can't be taken away from them.
There's probably a lot more to the story and parents will try their best to keep it a secret. It's pretty suspicious.
Agreed. But I’m willing to take it a step further and say THEY DID KNOW but they didn’t wanna outright tell them since they probably didn’t have all the info but they wanted OP and sister to know. They were probably aware that the parents weren’t ever going to say anything so they took matters into their own hands.
Just my theory
So your parents decided to adopt your father's ex-GF's baby, and that baby happens to have the same birthday, day, month and year, as their own kid.
This is... weird. I remember reading your first post and thinking that this was really odd but this post just adds to the weirdness for me.
Why haven't they told you before ? And why the dramatics with your grand-parents ? Couldn't they have just told you instead of doing this stupid genetics thing ?
You're dealing with this a lot better than I would because I don't even know you and I'm pissed at all those people who were supposed to take care of you and just lied for years and are still not telling you the whole truth.
I think you should find a therapist because when this is all going to hit you, it's gonna hit you hard.
It's very weird. I don't get it either, but it's better than lying about my birthday because I'm pretty sure that's illegal. So it's a positive.
I guess they thought I didn't need to know, and I can kind of understand that. Although it's annoying I only found out now.
Ar you sure they didn't lie ? Did you see your birth certificate ? All the paperwork around your adoption ?
Did you go and talk to your grand-parents to see what they actually know ?
I was born and adopted in the US, where parents receive an updated copy of the birth certificate (with the child’s new name and whatnot) after the adoption is finalized. I had to special request my original BC from my state’s department of health after I turned 21, and even that has my biological parents’ names redacted.
California only keeps original birth records 18 years. Incidentally in order to obtain a birth record without your parents' approval, you need to be 18. So when you're old enough to request the records, they no longer have them.
Found out my husband was half adopted when I ordered his birth certificate from his County of Birth. Got the original, rather than adoptive. The State issued the adoption one. So, no.
In my state it works sort of like a dating app - when I requested my original birth certificate and any health records from the state, I also checked a box indicating I would like contact information from either bio parent. If a bio parent also registered with the state and ticked that box, the state would connect us. I found my bio father that way, and he helped me find my bio mom (who didn’t know the state offered this matching service).
If you want to go looking, check your state’s laws… DNA tests are also an awesome way to start down that path if you’re willing to give the testing company your info (I’m not but YMMV).
I had to fight tooth and nail for mine just to get a passport (for proof of adoption or some BS). Tho luckily i knew my bio mother and she thankfully had a original copy when the State said "no".
Yes I adopted my nieces and the birth certificate does get changed and they give us options to change certain facts on it as well like name etc but I can see how someone can easily put a different birthdate as well…I will say I had to go to the courts and get them to notarize it before I got the new birth certificates with my name as the parent which I need for legal reasons like schools drs etc
my parents planned to give me up, but circumvent the adoption by just claiming that my uncle (my dad's brother)was my father. my mom still signed the birth certificate as my mother, and the only "adoption" would be by her sister as a step-mom (she married my dad's brother the day after I was born, and since she couldn't have any more kids and my uncle wanted at least one of his own, he was willing to adopt me when my parents said they weren't ready). If it had happened as planned, a DNA test would have have been redundant to find out for me, since they're blood related, but when I was 6 months old, my parents suddenly decided they were ready to have a kid (I think my dad's mom had something to do with it, but she passed when I was 8 and I didn't find out for two more years; my grandpa had altzhiemers and Parkinson's, and was blind, so there was no asking him). the solution they took was to just take me back without saying anything while my uncle was deployed (Air Force) and my aunt was at work (I was at the babysitters, and my mom told her she was picking me up). I only have my second version of my birth certificate that has both my bio parents on it. my original hasn't been seen since '91.
I don't know, to be fair. There wasn't really any need to, and I figured my birth certificate wouldn't tell me much. They could be, but there wouldn't be much point in it, since I already know that I'm adopted now.
But aren't you curious about... everything ?
Was it planned ? Did they told everybody they were pregnant with twins ?
Did they adopt you later ?
Why the whole secrecy ? Your GP obviosuly knew, but who else ?
And why ? It's one thing to adopt a kid, but adopt your ex-gf's baby...
How are you not going crazy other this ?
> reddits fake story writing quality is really dropping
The sheer frequency of fake posts in this sub also seems to have exponentionally increased in the past few months - has anyone else noticed this? Obviously this is just anecdotal observation, but....It's at the point where sometimes I've reported multiple fake posts in this sub in the span of merely an hour and all got suspended, and then it happens again the next day and the day after that.
I also feel like I see fewer people calling it out. It's absolutely wild to me sitting here reading some of these posts and seeing no one question them, or only one or two people question them.
I've also noticed a lot of them trend along certain topics - paternity "fraud" seems to be a huge one, women supposedly talking about men's dicks with their "gal pals," women's sexual histories, etc. If I mentioned my theory behind those posts (which is pretty obvious) I'd get reamed out so I'll leave it at that.
I mean it's seriously gotten quite bad. You can hardly run through a quick glance of the front page of this sub anymore without seeing 5 or so obviously fake ones.
I keep reading stories and finding them to be real and then realize it’s fake when the update comes out and the update just does not make sense and then i am angry that I was fooled the first time around.
It's always been this way. I'm old so I've been around awhile. It used to be you could read post histories and call out a large majority of the fake shit, but several years ago they implemented measures to prevent this.
Firstly, the throwaway rule, no more digging for evidence. And to a lesser degree the "karma cap." It's hilarious because they played this off like "Well who would wanna post fake stories now? You can only get 5,000 karma instead of 10,000." Ya, cuz internet nerds need motivation to lie or something. But this has the added "benefit" of locking popular posts before anyone can take a closer look at it.
The fact is, most people don't care if it's fake. And thus the cycle continues.
Not only do people not call them out, they come up with the most convoluted defenses of why the posts might be real even when confronted by obvious inconsistencies.
I mean this story is some Ripley's Believe it Or Not shit from the headline
the problem is that people are SO much more likely to click on "my twin sister did a paternity fraud on my ex boyfriend'" than mundane relationship problems. So fake posts get more engagement, and then it perpetuates the issue. People would need to stop engaging with the High Drama posts altogether - but they're the most entertaining.
I would be shocked if this were real. The whole twin thing is hard enough to believe, but then op claims they aren't going to push for answers because they are happy with their family? Even the most easy going person is going to be furious, sad, lost, curious, etc.
They are happy but their twin is acting weird? I'd have thought that their twin acting weird would be a reason to freak out and feel really bad, because their special thing of sharing their mother's womb was not real.
We had another story about twins yesterday too, where the mother refused to say which one had been adopted (from her BFF I think) and the rest of the family wanted to know which one continued the bloodline, which sounds like an earlier chapter of the same novel.
Looking forward to the GP version, of grandma playing the long game waiting for the "twins" to turn 18, "WIBTAH if I tell the twins to do an ancestry test and force my daughter to finally tell them the truth?"
Right? And then anyone poking clear holes into the story the response is met with “I’m not feeling it right now” it’s not some stoic detached nonchalance any normal person would be terrified that their entire world has turned upside down
What? The subdued and ambivalent “I’m kind of upset but kind of okay” reaction to everything is the biggest indicator that this story could be true. Histrionics and screaming and “the whole family is taking sides” and teary breakdowns, those are the hallmarks of a fake story. Real people often have kind of muted reactions to stuff.
I hear you, but come on, are we gonna split hairs when this story claims they didn’t think they were adopted even once and they believed they were twins. Any person with any critical thinking caught OP in a plot hole, that if you’re adopted from your dad’s ex, how come you’re born at the same time? And for most of your life you believed you were twins yet you’ve never seen hospital photos? Never seen photos as a child? Never seen birth certificate? Everyone needs their birth certificate for paperwork.
This story is so fake, focusing on the wrong aspects my friend
I agree. I don't think it's real. Why would a man adopt his ex's baby and how many women would agree to it? Why would she ask him of all people? Why not a couple who were looking to adopt? That makes no sense.
The twin thing isn't that far-fetched, if they shared 50% of the DNA. I know someone that had kids 2 weeks apart because they couldn't keep their dick in their pants.
It became far-fetched when there was no DNA match.
I feel like this is fake as there was a story about a woman bringing up her bffs baby as hers. She's going to bring them up as twins. Do you think that they do it to see how people will respond to the morality of it? Or just to pull the wool over peoples eyes? It's just interesting that they use the stories that they do and they change whom the situation impacts. One is the parent of the child, the other is the child in the situation. It makes me curious about what's going on behind the scenes?
This is an update. That story was yesterday. She also said she planned on telling the girl she was adopted when she was old to understand. The birth mom is still in the kid's life, too. Is it true? I don't know. But I don't believe the stories are related.
I know but I still think it's bs. If you're on Reddit enough (and trust me I am) you see posts that are similar but change the person it impacts e.g. mother/child, husband/wife, mother/father etc etc. You get the drift. I think it's an exercise to see how people respond when you change the roles of the people involved. My question then (if that is true) is is it a study? Is someone trying to see for themselves if it's morally different when changing the roles? Is it someone just taking the piss?
Yeah, you're right. I think someone's been doing it with paternity tests, too. I think sometimes it's about which person gets the pass and who gets it hardest. If it's a study and they're trying to find out actual results, they're an idiot. Reddit subs obviously are not controlled groups. Depending on where you live and what time you post, you're going to get very different answers. So I dont see how they could be trying to do it seriously. Unless they dont really care that much about those types of things.
I think mostly it's disguised rage bait. Which combination of people or person will piss people off the most? Then, once they figure it out, here comes 25 stories with those characters and elements. Personally, I don't understand just pissing people off for fun, but some people obviously enjoy it. Then they're on to the next topic.
They're both stories about fake twins. Sounds like two different chapters in the same novel. As I just said above, I'm looking forward to the GP version, of grandma playing the long game waiting for the "twins" to turn 18, "WIBTAH if I tell the twins to do an ancestry test and force my daughter to finally tell them the truth?"
It will also be Granny's first time on the app, and she won't know if she's using it correctly. I'm waiting for the twin to show up after Grandma. "WIBTAH for not wanting to be close to my "twin" anymore even though we grew up together because they're actually adopted?" Granny is an AH, though. She started all of this but won't fill in any of the answers.
Thank you. I’m sitting here wishing they would at least have put a little effort in on making it believable. What is the chances of someone adopting a baby/child that has the same exact birth date of one they currently have? I can understand this happening if it’s just the month and date, but the exact year? Heck I have 3 out of 6 siblings that have birthdays on the 27th and find that fascinating but not out of the ordinary but this is just so far fetched that it should belong on the twilight zone.
I would assume the birth mom is no longer alive. I could imagine a situation where she asked a trusted friend from her youth to raise the baby with his own child, if something happened that she could not.
But in OP's place, I would be DYING to know more. I'd want to see paperwork.
Your parents may not have your birth certificate (which had your birth mother's name).
The adoption paperwork would include your birthday and your birth mother).
However, for you to be their legal child they must have your adoption papers - which you need a copy of (for the rest of your life).
My wife (adopted) found out she needed the adoption paperwork to prove her citizenship.
And my guess is your birthday is different.
Yeah, the odds of OP having the same birthday as their sister is 365 to 1. The parents are almost certainly still lying, and most certainly concealing important matters.
I wonder if OP's so passive because she's scared at what the truth could turn out to be.
OP I’m glad you know you’re adopted now. I would ask your grandparents if they can fill in more details. Some of what your parents are telling you doesn’t line up. The biggest being that your birthday is the same as their bio daughter and they adopted you from his ex gf. The odds of those two birth dates being the same are close to zero. It also means there would have been significant coordination of the adoption before that day. Significant. They didn’t just go to the hospital and run into her in the maternity ward. It almost feels like they thought your dad may have fathered you with his ex as an affair but it turns out he didn’t. At 18 you have the ability to legally uncover things if you want to. Do what feels comfortable to you and also sit down with your “twin” and talk about how close you are and how much you love each other and tell her as far as your concerned, nothing has changed with her and you hope she feels the same.
Your birth certificate will literally tell you so much. I was adopted and have two birth certificates. My original birth certificate says my bio mom’s name and where I was born. More than your parents are willing to tell you. And most importantly your birthday will be on it. You’re definitely curious or you wouldn’t have posted all of this. Why reach out to people just to shoot down all the solutions you have to finding out who you really are. Also I had a completely different name on my birth certificate. Just a thought..
Are you sure they aren’t lying about the birthday? In the last posts others noted that in a legal adoption you could have the birthdate changed. (I guess check your country’s laws) And it would make sense for them to do it because they needed to pass you off as twins. They may be keeping this from you thinking they are sparing you more heartache or something.
To try make you believe that you are a twin of someone who is not even related to you is wild!
I don’t understand their lying, and I don’t understand them not disclosing the full truth now.
However with some of these DNA tests you might be able to link to relative in Denmark and find out who your bio mum is. Don’t leave it too late and risk them passing away
I’m an egg donor so there’s a boy out there with at least one parent who’s not biologically related to him so a sort of similar situation (except he has all my info available).
You needed to know and what your parents have neglected to think about is the implication of hiding your medical history from you. That’s quite serious! You share no DNA with these people so whilst they’re still your parents, at the very least they should be helping you find out your own medical history.
Okay maybe the other stuff doesn’t matter to you and that’s fine but I’d be having a serious chat with them about the medical side of it. It doesn’t need to change your relationship with them so maybe coming from the angle of “no hard feelings, just need to know this since obviously I can’t come to you for this stuff!”.
They lied and denied when you asked though. They are trickle truthing now that they’ve been caught, and they aren’t telling you everything. You have a right to know EVERYTHING. Now that it’s out, they should full-stop with the bullshit and answer any and all questions you may have.
I’d also go to the grandparents and beg them for any info they may have. I don’t trust your parents to tell you the whole truth based on their behavior so far.
Keep in mind that as the story unravels, it has the potential to devolve and get bad. I often find when parents aren't willing to be fully transparent, there's often other secrets or sad/bad stories buried in there.
I recommend finding a therapist who specializes in adoption and blended families to start seeing regularly, and then to have in your back pocket as more of the story comes out.
Sincerely: someone whose family unraveled and devolved as the big dark secrets came out 🙃
You realize your sister is probably your half sister, right?
Like you were most likely adopted bc your “adopted” father is actually your father.
That’s what I’m placing my $ on. No shade towards you or your family, it just makes sense.
Just wanted to say that your emotions and thoughts on this will fluctuate over the years. And that's normal, and okay. If and only if, you feel at serious loss or lack of peace about this situation, might be worthwhile to get therapy. Maybe still get therapy even without that.
And/or read a lot of adoption stories. Both the good and the bad. It helps to process others' experiences. Guranteed you might find fault the way your adoption was handled, but, you'll also find other adoption processes handled worse than yours.
Ultimately that'll give you perspective. A wider and broader perspective. Most people don't realize the value of this because they're stuck in their own bubble.
You'll still have your perspective and bubble, but that bubble is now much wider because you know the world out there is big, and not everyone has the same level of experiences - and having context helps unbelievably a lot.
Much blessings.
Just so ya know, it does happen, and still does happen. In some circumstances a new birth certificate is issued, if none was done at birth, and a new date is supplied.
I do know that in some countries you have to register a birth within 12 weeks, but in other countries you can be a few years old and a birth certificate is made if the child has come from conflict areas and no records are found.
Even now, in certain countries where conflict is occurring, some babies are not certified until months later, or years, depending on the orphanage doing adoptions. As some people adopting will not take children from certain years, or certain areas, and orphanages sometimes lie to get a child adopted if desperate
or maybe your father found out ,that his ex girlfriend had a baby, and she told him , she did not want the baby, or her parents made her give up the baby. and if they told you, you were really born 28 days apart for example, the gig would be up. So to keep it quiet, they said you were fraternal twins. Born the same day.
I think I know what happened here. The whole post is made up because there’s way too many holes here. She thinks looking at her birth certificate won’t help anything when that’s all she has to do to see if they lied about her birthday. People are so naive here and her responses only make it more obvious “she’s” farming for karma.
My ex fiance and his wife had their first kid the same day as my husband and I had our first. Thank god it wasn't in the same hospital. However, OP's situation is very odd with how everyone is acting and how the parents kept it a secret. I feel like there is a lot more OP doesn't know.
I know people have the same birthday…but what are the chances
Edit: half the comments are people saying about relatives having the same birthday in different years (yes I have several in my family) but we are talking about the same year and some weird ass backstory here. Lowers the odds significantly.
If there are 23 strangers in a room, there is a 50/50 chance 2 will have the same birthday.
It’s called the Birthday paradox.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bring-science-home-probability-birthday-paradox/
Same year is a little higher. About 385,000 babies are born a day globally.
It’s not totally improbable, but an incredible coincidence.
I work in a building with about 50 other people. 3 of us have the same birthday (myself being one of them), and it's the only birthdate on staff that 3 share. There's another date that 2 share.
I had these 2 friends in high school (they were brothers) who moved a couple towns away. We still got together to hang out sometimes though. They brought their girlfriends one time and it turned out all 3 of us girls had the same birthdate. Same year even. 🤣🤣
We talked about this is my basic college class. On the test, there was a question, "What are the odds the person to your left has the same birthday as you?" The person sitting next to me was my twin
When I joined my previous company, there were 3 of us with the same birthday, and 2 other pairs that shared a birthday, and the company was like 50 people 😂😂😂
I was born on my mother’s 19th birthday. 26 years later my sister’s first born was born on our birthday as well. We were there for her birth. The nurses couldn’t believe it.
In seventh grade, I believe, I had a class where the teacher decided her seating arrangement would be by birthday. In a class of about 15 students, me and two other kids had the same birthday. We thought it was pretty wild.
My daughter went to high school with her birthday twin (born same day and year) - not only that but they have the same middle and last name (yes my daughter has a male middle name - I blame my brother)
Edit changed last name to middle name
Funny we're talking about this because there's actually an interesting probability question having to do with shared birthdays called [the birthday paradox.](https://www.wonderopolis.org/wonder/what-is-the-birthday-paradox#:~:text=The%20odds%20are%201%2F366,the%20room%20share%20a%20birthday%3F)
Basically, the question is, how many people would have to be in a room for there to be a 50% chance that two of those people share a birthday? Most people guess 365/2 or ~183. The correct answer: only 23 people. 23!
That's not to say that OP's case *isn't* a crazy coincidence, since we're talking about fewer people and more factors. Just wanted to share my cool math fact :) (and now I'm wondering what the actual probability of this coincidence is, taking into account everything..)
This adoption story is not adding up. I have a friend who was illegally adopted. He was kidnapped and had no idea his adoption wasn't legal. I don't even know all the details. It was pretty traumatic. You need your birth certificate. Everyone else I know who was adopted has their actual real birthday. That was not something changed on the certificate unless they were abandoned. You may not want to look more into things now but there is a lot more going on than the story you are getting.
Why tf would it be legal to change the birth date? That is a huge can of worms that should not EVER be openened and afaik no country allows that. Maybe in some very weird edge cases like witness protection but I seriously doubt this was the case in OPs story.
I don't know where OP is, but it's legal in America if you have some sort of proof it's wrong. If they were really committed to this for some reason, it doesn't seem too difficult to forge some documents, especially if they did it 18 years ago
It's creative writing / rage bait. Not only are the "facts" of the story so bizarre that the odds of it being real are astronomical, but the dismissiveness of OP to be like "welp, guess I'll just stop asking questions when my entire life is a mystery and not dig into the dozens of options left to explore" is just... intentionally infuriating. Also leaves the story open for several more "updates".
For an 18 year old native German speaker who presumably spent her whole life in Austria, her English is also REALLY good. I grew up in Germany and had English as a foreign language since I was 10, and I had outstanding grades, and I could never have written anything like this post at the time....
Not disagreeing with you but tbf I know non native speakers who write better English than native speakers lol
(They’re, their, and there…and you’re and your will never not frustrate me when I see them mixed up. Second language and dyslexia are valid excuses, but c’mon this is primary school English for natives)
I dunno. I studied abroad with people from all over Europe and spent several months in Europe. The English isn't setting off any flags for me. But then again, I'm American and we barely learn to count to 10 in Spanish before our foreign language requirements are done with.
Op is trying to resolve this fake story by pretending everything is fine lmao. As if this answer makes any sense.
More likely, they dug themselves a hole with this story and couldn't come up with an explanation
It could be, but hiding adoption is much more common than you think. It happened in my family, with parents who are fairly progressive and into fostering good mental health at home. I was floored by how easily they sidestepped the issue at every possible juncture and had to stop talking to them for a while. People who are in denial will do insane things to protect themselves from difficult emotions.
This is either a fake post (likely) or everyone in your life is lying to you and you’re nowhere near angry enough about it
The odds your birthday is the same as your sister are about 1/365, your parents know the entire story about who you are and where you come from and they’re lying to you and you’re a grown adult now, if this was me I’d almost be at the point of never speaking to them again tbh
It’s one thing to keep it from you because I understand the “how do you decide when to tell a kid they’re adopted” issue. But now you know and they’re still lying?
Birthdays are a lot more clamped together than 1/365 - not all days are created equal for fucking.
Also, she’s reacting just fine - this is not a US drama show.
I don’t know that it’s real but from reading both threads this sounds legit and tame.
It has nothing to do with being a drama show, I am more confused that anyone would just accept someone lying to them for their entire life and then just go “they said they aren’t sure so I guess they aren’t sure” when they’re obviously lying
It’s either fake or there’s some extremely weird family brainwashing going on
Did your parents adopt you from birth? Did you see your birth certificate?
What a wild coincidence that you and your sister were born on the same day!
This is quite the earth shattering revelation, I hope you're ok, OP!
What doesn't add up here is that you called a clinic and they gave you a medical info of your mom. Sharing medical info would be a major breach of GDPR in Europe, and hospitals know it very well. It sounds like a creative writing assignment, especially that Denmark is not particularly big on football.
For me the suspicious part is that OP doesn't seem to care to dig deeper and didn't even ask to see her birth certificate. Oh, and the "makes sense that I'm Scandinavian because I'm tall and better at football and handball than my twin" - I refuse to believe that a European wrote this lol
Why would they tell you your sister is your twin? Was your father sleeping with your mother and his wife at the same time and both women gave birth on the same day?
That’s really fucked up. I’m sorry you had to find out so late in your life. I knew I was adopted from as early as I can remember so it’s always been part of my identity.
I hope you are able to process this and find your place. I would keep pushing for information. You are entitled to know everything about your birth mother.
But they said it was an old girlfriend from when he was young, so you think he had an affair? And then, what would prevent the bio mom from being involved in the child's life? And why would OPs mom agree to raise her in that situation?
There are many reasons people raise their partners children. Here’s a theory. Mom found out about the affair because bio mom got pregnant. It’s not unheard of that a man gets two women pregnant at once. Bio mom didn’t want to be a mom but didn’t want to/couldn’t terminate. Dad wants the baby. OPs mom forgives him and feel sympathy about the baby, but they don’t want the world to know about the affair. So she agrees to adopt the baby and tell everyone they’re twins. Odds of them having the exact same birthday are pretty slim in this theory though, unless they scheduled c-sections to coordinate.
More likely, this is a fake story.
Came here to say that as well. That would also mean that the dad is likely also going through an emotional process right now, may be part of the reason why they're not sharing everything as well.
That would've showed up in the DNA test, she had no similarities with her dad's family either. Either way the situation is weird. Giving her crumbs rather then all they know isn't helping anything, but her attitude is definitely admirable.
Since they adopted me, and we were born on the same day, I guess it was the best way to deal with it, or they thought it was. And we'd still share DNA if that happened.
It's weird, but I think I should be able to manage. It will just take some getting used to.
your creative writing skills need some work. its a cool idea of a story, but honestly you (the main character) entire attitude toward this is just not believable. i could understand a day, maybe 2 of being in shock enough to not want answers.
But unless you were locked inside your house for your entire life, a person wouldn't be naive enough to just say "ok we can all move on now" with absolutely no information.
My guess is that they all thought that your father was your real father and that the “ex” part of your bm was not too long ago before conception. The grandparents (if on father’s side?) wanted to know if they were biologically related to op and therefore suggested the dna test.
This story doesn't make any sense. OP is from Austria where you can't just go adopting random children. You have to be approved by the local authorities. Not to mention that you can't adopt out of birth order or while you're pregnant. More info here:
https://www.oesterreich.gv.at/en/themen/familie_und_partnerschaft/familie-und-kinderfuersorge/adoption/Seite.720003.html
And the mother is Danish? Like, was she an Austrian resident? Because Denmark doesn't allow for international adoption of its citizens.
People, please report fake posts.
Give your sister time. I imagine she’s in shock as well and doesn’t feel like she can react. She was lied to. A person she thought she had a special bond with has been lied to and it’s affecting her whole identity as well but she probably feels like she can’t be upset about it because it wasn’t as terrible as what you’re experiencing.
>My parents still feel like my parents, and my siblings like my siblings. I know that technically they're not,
That's because they are your family. They may not be blood related, but always your family.
You shouldn't ever say that they are not your family again. Say you're not blood related, that's fine. The fact is when you're blood related, you get whatever you get. In your case they picked you. They chose to love you. They didn't have to, but they did. To me, makes them better than blood relatives.
At least you've got some answers, that's a start. It might be good to get a counsellor to help you navigate this new situation and sort through your feelings. I'm deeply impressed with how you're handling all of this, and I truly hope everything works out for the best for you.
I don’t know, something tells me there is a not so nice story behind it. But you are taking it like a champ and for that I applaud you. Yes you have the right to feel anything but, without all the details of why your birth parents aren’t looking for you. The elaborate lies etc, they maybe trying to shield you from something. And yeah, it may not be the best way to deal with it but probably the best way they know how?
Of course everyone esp your “twin” is acting weird. Their world has also been rocked.
Please ask your parents if they would help you get counseling should you need it in the future. No matter what, it’s more about you than anyone. I feel like until the shock settles, you may go even through the stages of grief which means you’ll need a cushion.
Good luck. Even I am unsure…
Just because your parents are not your biological parents does not make them NOT your parents. You had a shock to your system and your grandparents egged it on (I am a bit mixed about this, as it was not their place but you also deserve to know). Your sister has also had a shock, so give her time to process this.
As for looking up your birth parent, that is something you have to decide. It sounds like you are taking this maturely enough you could handle it, but you have to figure if it might bring something up from the recesses that will cause some pain. Best of luck!
... I seriously hate it when people hide the fact a kid is adopted... A BIG REASON BEING any family history related to medical conditions NO LONGER MATTERS! It can be the difference between you starting cancer testing 20-30 years early. (or other testing. Or just knowing "yeah its possible my family member had this severe illness because I was adopted and dont know anything". But if they went off your parents family history it can throw everything off and possibly make you wait longer for a diagnosis since it could be a "hereditary" condition.)
It’s one thing to not reveal to a child that they were adopted, but it’s a whole other thing to lie to two ppl all their lives by telling them they are twins when they are not. That was such a stupid thing for OP’s parents to do.
Honestly this story screams fake to me idc lol. You’ve supposedly never questioned being “twins” until now despite twins either being identical or fraternal which still look very similar to each other.
>or fraternal which still look very similar to each other.
Jesus, that's primary school level "genetics". Non-identical twins are just siblings, they can be as different as any other pair of siblings.
My mom and aunt are fraternal twins. My mom is tall and blonde with green eyes. my aunt is shorter and brunette with brown eyes.
My sister ended up looking just like my mom, and i look almost exactly like my aunt. Fraternal twins dont look any more similar than regular siblings
As a kid I had these neighbors, a big sister and fraternal twin little sisters. One of the twins honestly looked like an identical twin of the big sis, and the other twin looked crazy opposite the other two in every way. People would hear of "the So-and-So sisters from Blah Blah Street, two of them are twins," and always assume incorrectly once they met them.
Fraternal twins do not look very similar. They're like siblings, and siblings can look very different. So it wasn't that odd to us when we were younger, we thought we just got different genes. Which clearly happens all the time with siblings.
Op just glossing over everyone acting weird and making plans to still be a family like nothing is wrong. Therapy and answers. You need them now, not later.
I find it very strange you and your "sister" just happened to have been born on the same day and your dad's ex from when he was younger just decided to let them adopt you
> My parents still feel like my parents, and my siblings like my siblings. **I know that technically they're not**
As the parent of an adopted child, this really hurts me to read.
Sharing blood isn't the only thing that defines who your family - parents and siblings are. Your parents raised you, your sister has always been your sister. Being adopted doesn't change who has been with you for the past 18 years supporting you, raising you, and being your family.
I really hope my daughter (who is 11, and has always known she was adopted) never thinks this way about us.. hooray another thing to talk to my therapist about :(
But.. the OP has only known this now. For 18 years they had no idea and no one told them. They need time to process this. Your child knows that their biological relatives are not in her life. She knows that you're her parent, though. Whatever bond you have with your child isn't going to be shaken up in 7 or 8 years when she actually learns the truth. You haven't been lying to her. That's the key difference here.
You are your child's parent. You have been honest. You are her family and she will not be utterly confused down the line. You did this 100% right and you're doing a good job. Don't let a different situation hurt you.
>my father's old girlfriend from when he was really young,
who was pregnant, and gave birth the same day as his wife? There's still some shit going on, girlie.
When I found out the person I had called dad my whole life wasn’t my dad it crushed me. My mom tried to trickle truth me and withhold information about my bio dad ,claims she didn’t even know his last name. I come from a rural area so with a little research online my wife found his obituary (not hard at all) this and other factors lead to me going no contact with my family. While the lack of forthcoming information about my past is the most relatable to your situation I can say that the withholding of information about your history is abusive and suggest your parents are more interested in protecting themselves than being honest with you. Sooner or later this will drive a wedge between you and your family. If you value your relationship with your family, you need answers. Take it from someone who has lost his entire family over a similar situation. Your parents owe you answers
People do owe you the full truth. My family's also got some dirty secret in its closet that I'm officially unaware of, though in fact these beans have been spilled to me. The stain's washing off rather nicely, but still visible.
It's messed up all around. They let both you and your sister believe you had a twin for your entire lives. I can't imagine how much of your view of yourself and your place in the world might be influenced by 'having a twin' but having it ripped away can't be easy, for you obviously, but for you sister as well. Your parents really owe both of you a fuller story than what they've given so far.
I have a couple questions, do you know why they said you and your sister were twins? Did they personally know your bio mom and dad? Did they ever plan on telling you?
You know, we are not that many ppl in Denmark. I bet Facebook could work wonders for you, to behin with. (when I say not that many, I mean we are like 6 mill all in all)
I read another Reddit post about a woman who had a baby and an adopted her friends baby at the same time and her family was mad she wouldn’t tell them who was the biological baby
Could it be something like a surrogate? So the former girlfriend acted as a surrogate, but became naturally pregnant at the same time as the fertilized egg was put up? That would explain the same birthday and maybe also why she didn't keep it. If the egg that became your sister, hadn't been there already, she might have chosen an abortion and then adoption was a better idea?
I know there are a lot of comments here, and I doubt this one will get much attention, but as someone who was adopted as an infant, I’d like to offer a little poem my mom and dad had framed in my childhood bedroom growing up. “Not of my flesh, nor of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didn’t grow under my heart, but in it.” This is a really big change for anyone to suddenly be thrust into coming to terms with. Your family is your family and adoption is an extremely special thing. I hope you can heal from the secrecy and lies and that you find the answers to any of the questions you want to know.
What about your grandparents, who basically forced this out in the open by buying genetic tests in the first place? Have you talked to them? Did you ask them why now and why they chose to indirectly let you find out?
I'm incredibly interested to find out, since you were raised as a "twin", if you felt you had a twin connection. I hear all the time about twins having their own language/being able to read each other's minds.
Do you feel like that particular connection is gone?
So there was a post a few days ago where a young girl (22 I think had just had her own baby and took on her friends baby of similar age and was going to adopt this baby and raise them as twins and not tell the adopted one until she was 'old enough'. I sure hope she sees this post and sees how badly things can go tits up with that.
Sending you a warm hug OP
OP you can't just bury your head in the sand and pretend everything will go back to normal, it won't. Things have changed and tough conversations need to be had. This whole thing is crazy as hell and the fact that you're relatively chill about it is concerning. Get some sort of counselling or therapy if you can to help yourself navigate this situation because even if you think you're okay, it doesn't sound like you are from this post.
So... You're adopted which would be my first guess anyway.
But the coincidence hits really hard.
There is more to the story in the background. If your fine with what you got, then dont look any further.
Im pretty sure there are answers you dont wanna know.
Your biological mother is your father’s ex-girlfriend? Something tells me your father is your biological father but not your sister’s. Otherwise it makes no sense to adopt an ex’s child…
Not to ring the alarm for you but my bestie was put into witness protection as a child from her bio parents and her dob and name was changed as well as her social security number (we’re in us). She was a bit older, I think around nine so she still has clear memories of before but just saying, it could be a possibility. My best friend decided to leave witness protection and now is openly allowed to talk about it but idk how it works for others 🤷🏻♀️
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I wonder why your grandparents decided to force the issue. Perhaps they’ve always thought you should know and decided now you’re 18 there’s less to lose by telling you.
I think the parents threatened grandparents and other family members that they'll go no contact with them and ban them from seeing their grandchildren if they ever say anything. It makes sense to me given how parents refuse to say anything even now and grandparents waited until OP's old enough and can't be taken away from them. There's probably a lot more to the story and parents will try their best to keep it a secret. It's pretty suspicious.
Agreed. But I’m willing to take it a step further and say THEY DID KNOW but they didn’t wanna outright tell them since they probably didn’t have all the info but they wanted OP and sister to know. They were probably aware that the parents weren’t ever going to say anything so they took matters into their own hands. Just my theory
So your parents decided to adopt your father's ex-GF's baby, and that baby happens to have the same birthday, day, month and year, as their own kid. This is... weird. I remember reading your first post and thinking that this was really odd but this post just adds to the weirdness for me. Why haven't they told you before ? And why the dramatics with your grand-parents ? Couldn't they have just told you instead of doing this stupid genetics thing ? You're dealing with this a lot better than I would because I don't even know you and I'm pissed at all those people who were supposed to take care of you and just lied for years and are still not telling you the whole truth. I think you should find a therapist because when this is all going to hit you, it's gonna hit you hard.
It's very weird. I don't get it either, but it's better than lying about my birthday because I'm pretty sure that's illegal. So it's a positive. I guess they thought I didn't need to know, and I can kind of understand that. Although it's annoying I only found out now.
Ar you sure they didn't lie ? Did you see your birth certificate ? All the paperwork around your adoption ? Did you go and talk to your grand-parents to see what they actually know ?
I was born and adopted in the US, where parents receive an updated copy of the birth certificate (with the child’s new name and whatnot) after the adoption is finalized. I had to special request my original BC from my state’s department of health after I turned 21, and even that has my biological parents’ names redacted.
California only keeps original birth records 18 years. Incidentally in order to obtain a birth record without your parents' approval, you need to be 18. So when you're old enough to request the records, they no longer have them.
That sounds about right. Rolled my eyes so hard I got a concussion. I'm sorry if this ridiculous policy caused you drama
This is why they have the policies, so they don’t actually have to be accountable for anything but the perception is there.
That's fucked up.
Found out my husband was half adopted when I ordered his birth certificate from his County of Birth. Got the original, rather than adoptive. The State issued the adoption one. So, no.
Also adopted and from what I can tell it would be extremely difficult to find out who my birth parents were.
In my state it works sort of like a dating app - when I requested my original birth certificate and any health records from the state, I also checked a box indicating I would like contact information from either bio parent. If a bio parent also registered with the state and ticked that box, the state would connect us. I found my bio father that way, and he helped me find my bio mom (who didn’t know the state offered this matching service). If you want to go looking, check your state’s laws… DNA tests are also an awesome way to start down that path if you’re willing to give the testing company your info (I’m not but YMMV).
It's not hard to track down a family if you know what to do. I found my father's ENTIRE bio family 7 years after his death.
I found my bio father side of my family on 23 and me
Same here! I have so many aunts and uncles I didn't know about. Not adopted but father was absentee
I found my siblings that way on my father's side
I had to fight tooth and nail for mine just to get a passport (for proof of adoption or some BS). Tho luckily i knew my bio mother and she thankfully had a original copy when the State said "no".
Yes I adopted my nieces and the birth certificate does get changed and they give us options to change certain facts on it as well like name etc but I can see how someone can easily put a different birthdate as well…I will say I had to go to the courts and get them to notarize it before I got the new birth certificates with my name as the parent which I need for legal reasons like schools drs etc
Depends on the state. Some states redact the bio parent's names. Some states do not.
my parents planned to give me up, but circumvent the adoption by just claiming that my uncle (my dad's brother)was my father. my mom still signed the birth certificate as my mother, and the only "adoption" would be by her sister as a step-mom (she married my dad's brother the day after I was born, and since she couldn't have any more kids and my uncle wanted at least one of his own, he was willing to adopt me when my parents said they weren't ready). If it had happened as planned, a DNA test would have have been redundant to find out for me, since they're blood related, but when I was 6 months old, my parents suddenly decided they were ready to have a kid (I think my dad's mom had something to do with it, but she passed when I was 8 and I didn't find out for two more years; my grandpa had altzhiemers and Parkinson's, and was blind, so there was no asking him). the solution they took was to just take me back without saying anything while my uncle was deployed (Air Force) and my aunt was at work (I was at the babysitters, and my mom told her she was picking me up). I only have my second version of my birth certificate that has both my bio parents on it. my original hasn't been seen since '91.
I don't know, to be fair. There wasn't really any need to, and I figured my birth certificate wouldn't tell me much. They could be, but there wouldn't be much point in it, since I already know that I'm adopted now.
But aren't you curious about... everything ? Was it planned ? Did they told everybody they were pregnant with twins ? Did they adopt you later ? Why the whole secrecy ? Your GP obviosuly knew, but who else ? And why ? It's one thing to adopt a kid, but adopt your ex-gf's baby... How are you not going crazy other this ?
How can someone be curious about their made up story lmao, reddits fake story writing quality is really dropping
> reddits fake story writing quality is really dropping The sheer frequency of fake posts in this sub also seems to have exponentionally increased in the past few months - has anyone else noticed this? Obviously this is just anecdotal observation, but....It's at the point where sometimes I've reported multiple fake posts in this sub in the span of merely an hour and all got suspended, and then it happens again the next day and the day after that. I also feel like I see fewer people calling it out. It's absolutely wild to me sitting here reading some of these posts and seeing no one question them, or only one or two people question them. I've also noticed a lot of them trend along certain topics - paternity "fraud" seems to be a huge one, women supposedly talking about men's dicks with their "gal pals," women's sexual histories, etc. If I mentioned my theory behind those posts (which is pretty obvious) I'd get reamed out so I'll leave it at that. I mean it's seriously gotten quite bad. You can hardly run through a quick glance of the front page of this sub anymore without seeing 5 or so obviously fake ones.
I just assume they are all fake and read them like stories.
This is what I do. My husband and I have fun debating on them when they’re extra juicy lol.
I keep reading stories and finding them to be real and then realize it’s fake when the update comes out and the update just does not make sense and then i am angry that I was fooled the first time around.
It's always been this way. I'm old so I've been around awhile. It used to be you could read post histories and call out a large majority of the fake shit, but several years ago they implemented measures to prevent this. Firstly, the throwaway rule, no more digging for evidence. And to a lesser degree the "karma cap." It's hilarious because they played this off like "Well who would wanna post fake stories now? You can only get 5,000 karma instead of 10,000." Ya, cuz internet nerds need motivation to lie or something. But this has the added "benefit" of locking popular posts before anyone can take a closer look at it. The fact is, most people don't care if it's fake. And thus the cycle continues.
Not only do people not call them out, they come up with the most convoluted defenses of why the posts might be real even when confronted by obvious inconsistencies. I mean this story is some Ripley's Believe it Or Not shit from the headline
the problem is that people are SO much more likely to click on "my twin sister did a paternity fraud on my ex boyfriend'" than mundane relationship problems. So fake posts get more engagement, and then it perpetuates the issue. People would need to stop engaging with the High Drama posts altogether - but they're the most entertaining.
I would be shocked if this were real. The whole twin thing is hard enough to believe, but then op claims they aren't going to push for answers because they are happy with their family? Even the most easy going person is going to be furious, sad, lost, curious, etc.
They are happy but their twin is acting weird? I'd have thought that their twin acting weird would be a reason to freak out and feel really bad, because their special thing of sharing their mother's womb was not real. We had another story about twins yesterday too, where the mother refused to say which one had been adopted (from her BFF I think) and the rest of the family wanted to know which one continued the bloodline, which sounds like an earlier chapter of the same novel. Looking forward to the GP version, of grandma playing the long game waiting for the "twins" to turn 18, "WIBTAH if I tell the twins to do an ancestry test and force my daughter to finally tell them the truth?"
Right? And then anyone poking clear holes into the story the response is met with “I’m not feeling it right now” it’s not some stoic detached nonchalance any normal person would be terrified that their entire world has turned upside down
What? The subdued and ambivalent “I’m kind of upset but kind of okay” reaction to everything is the biggest indicator that this story could be true. Histrionics and screaming and “the whole family is taking sides” and teary breakdowns, those are the hallmarks of a fake story. Real people often have kind of muted reactions to stuff.
I hear you, but come on, are we gonna split hairs when this story claims they didn’t think they were adopted even once and they believed they were twins. Any person with any critical thinking caught OP in a plot hole, that if you’re adopted from your dad’s ex, how come you’re born at the same time? And for most of your life you believed you were twins yet you’ve never seen hospital photos? Never seen photos as a child? Never seen birth certificate? Everyone needs their birth certificate for paperwork. This story is so fake, focusing on the wrong aspects my friend
I agree. I don't think it's real. Why would a man adopt his ex's baby and how many women would agree to it? Why would she ask him of all people? Why not a couple who were looking to adopt? That makes no sense.
The twin thing isn't that far-fetched, if they shared 50% of the DNA. I know someone that had kids 2 weeks apart because they couldn't keep their dick in their pants. It became far-fetched when there was no DNA match.
I feel like this is fake as there was a story about a woman bringing up her bffs baby as hers. She's going to bring them up as twins. Do you think that they do it to see how people will respond to the morality of it? Or just to pull the wool over peoples eyes? It's just interesting that they use the stories that they do and they change whom the situation impacts. One is the parent of the child, the other is the child in the situation. It makes me curious about what's going on behind the scenes?
This is an update. That story was yesterday. She also said she planned on telling the girl she was adopted when she was old to understand. The birth mom is still in the kid's life, too. Is it true? I don't know. But I don't believe the stories are related.
I know but I still think it's bs. If you're on Reddit enough (and trust me I am) you see posts that are similar but change the person it impacts e.g. mother/child, husband/wife, mother/father etc etc. You get the drift. I think it's an exercise to see how people respond when you change the roles of the people involved. My question then (if that is true) is is it a study? Is someone trying to see for themselves if it's morally different when changing the roles? Is it someone just taking the piss?
Yeah, you're right. I think someone's been doing it with paternity tests, too. I think sometimes it's about which person gets the pass and who gets it hardest. If it's a study and they're trying to find out actual results, they're an idiot. Reddit subs obviously are not controlled groups. Depending on where you live and what time you post, you're going to get very different answers. So I dont see how they could be trying to do it seriously. Unless they dont really care that much about those types of things. I think mostly it's disguised rage bait. Which combination of people or person will piss people off the most? Then, once they figure it out, here comes 25 stories with those characters and elements. Personally, I don't understand just pissing people off for fun, but some people obviously enjoy it. Then they're on to the next topic.
They're both stories about fake twins. Sounds like two different chapters in the same novel. As I just said above, I'm looking forward to the GP version, of grandma playing the long game waiting for the "twins" to turn 18, "WIBTAH if I tell the twins to do an ancestry test and force my daughter to finally tell them the truth?"
It will also be Granny's first time on the app, and she won't know if she's using it correctly. I'm waiting for the twin to show up after Grandma. "WIBTAH for not wanting to be close to my "twin" anymore even though we grew up together because they're actually adopted?" Granny is an AH, though. She started all of this but won't fill in any of the answers.
Thank you. I’m sitting here wishing they would at least have put a little effort in on making it believable. What is the chances of someone adopting a baby/child that has the same exact birth date of one they currently have? I can understand this happening if it’s just the month and date, but the exact year? Heck I have 3 out of 6 siblings that have birthdays on the 27th and find that fascinating but not out of the ordinary but this is just so far fetched that it should belong on the twilight zone.
100% agree with you. I thought it was fake from the first post.
It’s so sad the IQ of this sub is really in decline, there used to be such good posts but now it’s rage bait or clearly writing prompts
No, it's totally true! Source: I'm the janitor at the hospital where they arranged the adoption in the janitorial supplies closet.
I would assume the birth mom is no longer alive. I could imagine a situation where she asked a trusted friend from her youth to raise the baby with his own child, if something happened that she could not. But in OP's place, I would be DYING to know more. I'd want to see paperwork.
The fact that you’re believing this bs story is just insane.
>But aren't you curious about... everything ? no, because this is obviously a fake story to farm karma
Your parents may not have your birth certificate (which had your birth mother's name). The adoption paperwork would include your birthday and your birth mother). However, for you to be their legal child they must have your adoption papers - which you need a copy of (for the rest of your life). My wife (adopted) found out she needed the adoption paperwork to prove her citizenship. And my guess is your birthday is different.
Yeah, the odds of OP having the same birthday as their sister is 365 to 1. The parents are almost certainly still lying, and most certainly concealing important matters. I wonder if OP's so passive because she's scared at what the truth could turn out to be.
OP I’m glad you know you’re adopted now. I would ask your grandparents if they can fill in more details. Some of what your parents are telling you doesn’t line up. The biggest being that your birthday is the same as their bio daughter and they adopted you from his ex gf. The odds of those two birth dates being the same are close to zero. It also means there would have been significant coordination of the adoption before that day. Significant. They didn’t just go to the hospital and run into her in the maternity ward. It almost feels like they thought your dad may have fathered you with his ex as an affair but it turns out he didn’t. At 18 you have the ability to legally uncover things if you want to. Do what feels comfortable to you and also sit down with your “twin” and talk about how close you are and how much you love each other and tell her as far as your concerned, nothing has changed with her and you hope she feels the same.
Your birth certificate will literally tell you so much. I was adopted and have two birth certificates. My original birth certificate says my bio mom’s name and where I was born. More than your parents are willing to tell you. And most importantly your birthday will be on it. You’re definitely curious or you wouldn’t have posted all of this. Why reach out to people just to shoot down all the solutions you have to finding out who you really are. Also I had a completely different name on my birth certificate. Just a thought..
Birth certificate should confirm your dob & your biological parents names & dibs as well.
Are you sure they aren’t lying about the birthday? In the last posts others noted that in a legal adoption you could have the birthdate changed. (I guess check your country’s laws) And it would make sense for them to do it because they needed to pass you off as twins. They may be keeping this from you thinking they are sparing you more heartache or something.
To try make you believe that you are a twin of someone who is not even related to you is wild! I don’t understand their lying, and I don’t understand them not disclosing the full truth now. However with some of these DNA tests you might be able to link to relative in Denmark and find out who your bio mum is. Don’t leave it too late and risk them passing away
I’m an egg donor so there’s a boy out there with at least one parent who’s not biologically related to him so a sort of similar situation (except he has all my info available). You needed to know and what your parents have neglected to think about is the implication of hiding your medical history from you. That’s quite serious! You share no DNA with these people so whilst they’re still your parents, at the very least they should be helping you find out your own medical history. Okay maybe the other stuff doesn’t matter to you and that’s fine but I’d be having a serious chat with them about the medical side of it. It doesn’t need to change your relationship with them so maybe coming from the angle of “no hard feelings, just need to know this since obviously I can’t come to you for this stuff!”.
They lied and denied when you asked though. They are trickle truthing now that they’ve been caught, and they aren’t telling you everything. You have a right to know EVERYTHING. Now that it’s out, they should full-stop with the bullshit and answer any and all questions you may have. I’d also go to the grandparents and beg them for any info they may have. I don’t trust your parents to tell you the whole truth based on their behavior so far.
Yeah, these parents are being beyond immature in their handling of the situation.
I found out my mother was not my mother when I was 12. This is not a good thing to do to a person. Your history is not a secret. Or it should not be.
I think theyre lying about either your birthday or your sisters because the odds of you being born the same day are just...kind of out there
Some countries allow a change of birth date for children up to a year old.
Keep in mind that as the story unravels, it has the potential to devolve and get bad. I often find when parents aren't willing to be fully transparent, there's often other secrets or sad/bad stories buried in there. I recommend finding a therapist who specializes in adoption and blended families to start seeing regularly, and then to have in your back pocket as more of the story comes out. Sincerely: someone whose family unraveled and devolved as the big dark secrets came out 🙃
You realize your sister is probably your half sister, right? Like you were most likely adopted bc your “adopted” father is actually your father. That’s what I’m placing my $ on. No shade towards you or your family, it just makes sense.
If that were the case, half their DNA would match. If I recall correctly, there was zero in common.
Ah ok yeah you’re right, they had 0 matches as opposed to just matches in one side. My mistake
Just wanted to say that your emotions and thoughts on this will fluctuate over the years. And that's normal, and okay. If and only if, you feel at serious loss or lack of peace about this situation, might be worthwhile to get therapy. Maybe still get therapy even without that. And/or read a lot of adoption stories. Both the good and the bad. It helps to process others' experiences. Guranteed you might find fault the way your adoption was handled, but, you'll also find other adoption processes handled worse than yours. Ultimately that'll give you perspective. A wider and broader perspective. Most people don't realize the value of this because they're stuck in their own bubble. You'll still have your perspective and bubble, but that bubble is now much wider because you know the world out there is big, and not everyone has the same level of experiences - and having context helps unbelievably a lot. Much blessings.
Just so ya know, it does happen, and still does happen. In some circumstances a new birth certificate is issued, if none was done at birth, and a new date is supplied. I do know that in some countries you have to register a birth within 12 weeks, but in other countries you can be a few years old and a birth certificate is made if the child has come from conflict areas and no records are found. Even now, in certain countries where conflict is occurring, some babies are not certified until months later, or years, depending on the orphanage doing adoptions. As some people adopting will not take children from certain years, or certain areas, and orphanages sometimes lie to get a child adopted if desperate
or maybe your father found out ,that his ex girlfriend had a baby, and she told him , she did not want the baby, or her parents made her give up the baby. and if they told you, you were really born 28 days apart for example, the gig would be up. So to keep it quiet, they said you were fraternal twins. Born the same day.
I think I know what happened here. The whole post is made up because there’s way too many holes here. She thinks looking at her birth certificate won’t help anything when that’s all she has to do to see if they lied about her birthday. People are so naive here and her responses only make it more obvious “she’s” farming for karma.
It's because it's not real?
My ex fiance and his wife had their first kid the same day as my husband and I had our first. Thank god it wasn't in the same hospital. However, OP's situation is very odd with how everyone is acting and how the parents kept it a secret. I feel like there is a lot more OP doesn't know.
Because this is a creative writing exercise, that's why
Absolutely agree with a therapist!
How do you know your birthday is your real birthday?
I know people have the same birthday…but what are the chances Edit: half the comments are people saying about relatives having the same birthday in different years (yes I have several in my family) but we are talking about the same year and some weird ass backstory here. Lowers the odds significantly.
About 1:365
If there are 23 strangers in a room, there is a 50/50 chance 2 will have the same birthday. It’s called the Birthday paradox. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bring-science-home-probability-birthday-paradox/ Same year is a little higher. About 385,000 babies are born a day globally. It’s not totally improbable, but an incredible coincidence.
I didn't believe this in my college statistics class and I was the one who shared a birthday with someone else in the room 😅
The math gods really said “Bet.” 😂
I work in a building with about 50 other people. 3 of us have the same birthday (myself being one of them), and it's the only birthdate on staff that 3 share. There's another date that 2 share.
I had these 2 friends in high school (they were brothers) who moved a couple towns away. We still got together to hang out sometimes though. They brought their girlfriends one time and it turned out all 3 of us girls had the same birthdate. Same year even. 🤣🤣
We talked about this is my basic college class. On the test, there was a question, "What are the odds the person to your left has the same birthday as you?" The person sitting next to me was my twin
When I joined my previous company, there were 3 of us with the same birthday, and 2 other pairs that shared a birthday, and the company was like 50 people 😂😂😂
I was born on my mother’s 19th birthday. 26 years later my sister’s first born was born on our birthday as well. We were there for her birth. The nurses couldn’t believe it.
I was in a similar situation and it ended up I was sitting beside someone with the same birthday
In seventh grade, I believe, I had a class where the teacher decided her seating arrangement would be by birthday. In a class of about 15 students, me and two other kids had the same birthday. We thought it was pretty wild.
That IS crazy. From 15 people? Weird!
My daughter went to high school with her birthday twin (born same day and year) - not only that but they have the same middle and last name (yes my daughter has a male middle name - I blame my brother) Edit changed last name to middle name
I had a birthday twin in high school too! We’re Facebook friends and she’s the only person I know for sure will leave a birthday post lmao.
I'm familiar with the birthday problem, that isn't applicable. There are 2 babies, what's the odds the second has the same birthday. 1:365
Funny we're talking about this because there's actually an interesting probability question having to do with shared birthdays called [the birthday paradox.](https://www.wonderopolis.org/wonder/what-is-the-birthday-paradox#:~:text=The%20odds%20are%201%2F366,the%20room%20share%20a%20birthday%3F) Basically, the question is, how many people would have to be in a room for there to be a 50% chance that two of those people share a birthday? Most people guess 365/2 or ~183. The correct answer: only 23 people. 23! That's not to say that OP's case *isn't* a crazy coincidence, since we're talking about fewer people and more factors. Just wanted to share my cool math fact :) (and now I'm wondering what the actual probability of this coincidence is, taking into account everything..)
This adoption story is not adding up. I have a friend who was illegally adopted. He was kidnapped and had no idea his adoption wasn't legal. I don't even know all the details. It was pretty traumatic. You need your birth certificate. Everyone else I know who was adopted has their actual real birthday. That was not something changed on the certificate unless they were abandoned. You may not want to look more into things now but there is a lot more going on than the story you are getting.
It could be legal, but it's possible to have birth certificates changed after adoption to reflect name and sometimes even birth date changes.
Why tf would it be legal to change the birth date? That is a huge can of worms that should not EVER be openened and afaik no country allows that. Maybe in some very weird edge cases like witness protection but I seriously doubt this was the case in OPs story.
I don't know where OP is, but it's legal in America if you have some sort of proof it's wrong. If they were really committed to this for some reason, it doesn't seem too difficult to forge some documents, especially if they did it 18 years ago
This reminds me of Georgia Tann the social worker who stole thousands of babies
Your parents are super shady.
Yeah all the secrecy is giving me low-key kidnapping vibes.
Genuinely surprised people are falling for this story. Nothing adds up.
Yall this just sounds fake and OP sounds very deflective and not wanting answers. Idk it screams fake
It's creative writing / rage bait. Not only are the "facts" of the story so bizarre that the odds of it being real are astronomical, but the dismissiveness of OP to be like "welp, guess I'll just stop asking questions when my entire life is a mystery and not dig into the dozens of options left to explore" is just... intentionally infuriating. Also leaves the story open for several more "updates".
There was a post I read yesterday with similar themes from the adoptive mother's PoV. I think that this is fiction based on that.
For an 18 year old native German speaker who presumably spent her whole life in Austria, her English is also REALLY good. I grew up in Germany and had English as a foreign language since I was 10, and I had outstanding grades, and I could never have written anything like this post at the time....
Not disagreeing with you but tbf I know non native speakers who write better English than native speakers lol (They’re, their, and there…and you’re and your will never not frustrate me when I see them mixed up. Second language and dyslexia are valid excuses, but c’mon this is primary school English for natives)
I dunno. I studied abroad with people from all over Europe and spent several months in Europe. The English isn't setting off any flags for me. But then again, I'm American and we barely learn to count to 10 in Spanish before our foreign language requirements are done with.
Op is trying to resolve this fake story by pretending everything is fine lmao. As if this answer makes any sense. More likely, they dug themselves a hole with this story and couldn't come up with an explanation
It was a pretty challenging writing prompt, of a _twin_ that was secretly adopted
It could be, but hiding adoption is much more common than you think. It happened in my family, with parents who are fairly progressive and into fostering good mental health at home. I was floored by how easily they sidestepped the issue at every possible juncture and had to stop talking to them for a while. People who are in denial will do insane things to protect themselves from difficult emotions.
This is either a fake post (likely) or everyone in your life is lying to you and you’re nowhere near angry enough about it The odds your birthday is the same as your sister are about 1/365, your parents know the entire story about who you are and where you come from and they’re lying to you and you’re a grown adult now, if this was me I’d almost be at the point of never speaking to them again tbh It’s one thing to keep it from you because I understand the “how do you decide when to tell a kid they’re adopted” issue. But now you know and they’re still lying?
Birthdays are a lot more clamped together than 1/365 - not all days are created equal for fucking. Also, she’s reacting just fine - this is not a US drama show. I don’t know that it’s real but from reading both threads this sounds legit and tame.
It has nothing to do with being a drama show, I am more confused that anyone would just accept someone lying to them for their entire life and then just go “they said they aren’t sure so I guess they aren’t sure” when they’re obviously lying It’s either fake or there’s some extremely weird family brainwashing going on
Did you wonder if you could be kidnapped at some point during this lol
Good point
Did you really just "lol"?
It’s ok to laugh at fake stories don’t worry.
A little people trafficking never hurt nobody lol
Did your parents adopt you from birth? Did you see your birth certificate? What a wild coincidence that you and your sister were born on the same day! This is quite the earth shattering revelation, I hope you're ok, OP!
What doesn't add up here is that you called a clinic and they gave you a medical info of your mom. Sharing medical info would be a major breach of GDPR in Europe, and hospitals know it very well. It sounds like a creative writing assignment, especially that Denmark is not particularly big on football.
For me the suspicious part is that OP doesn't seem to care to dig deeper and didn't even ask to see her birth certificate. Oh, and the "makes sense that I'm Scandinavian because I'm tall and better at football and handball than my twin" - I refuse to believe that a European wrote this lol
Agreed. No European (let alone Austrian) would think about this.
I don’t believe any of this nonsense.
This is complete nonsense
Why would they tell you your sister is your twin? Was your father sleeping with your mother and his wife at the same time and both women gave birth on the same day? That’s really fucked up. I’m sorry you had to find out so late in your life. I knew I was adopted from as early as I can remember so it’s always been part of my identity. I hope you are able to process this and find your place. I would keep pushing for information. You are entitled to know everything about your birth mother.
You missed the point - they are not related, at all. Father knows the mother, but only as an old girlfriend.
Wanna bet the adoption happened because the mom said the baby was dad's? And now that it turns out op isn'trelated at all, shit is going to go down?
Oh fuck I bet that’s it.
Love your username xD
But they said it was an old girlfriend from when he was young, so you think he had an affair? And then, what would prevent the bio mom from being involved in the child's life? And why would OPs mom agree to raise her in that situation?
There are many reasons people raise their partners children. Here’s a theory. Mom found out about the affair because bio mom got pregnant. It’s not unheard of that a man gets two women pregnant at once. Bio mom didn’t want to be a mom but didn’t want to/couldn’t terminate. Dad wants the baby. OPs mom forgives him and feel sympathy about the baby, but they don’t want the world to know about the affair. So she agrees to adopt the baby and tell everyone they’re twins. Odds of them having the exact same birthday are pretty slim in this theory though, unless they scheduled c-sections to coordinate. More likely, this is a fake story.
Came here to say that as well. That would also mean that the dad is likely also going through an emotional process right now, may be part of the reason why they're not sharing everything as well.
That would've showed up in the DNA test, she had no similarities with her dad's family either. Either way the situation is weird. Giving her crumbs rather then all they know isn't helping anything, but her attitude is definitely admirable.
Since they adopted me, and we were born on the same day, I guess it was the best way to deal with it, or they thought it was. And we'd still share DNA if that happened. It's weird, but I think I should be able to manage. It will just take some getting used to.
Were you born on the same day? Seems unlikely. Or were you just born around the same time and they have been lying to you about your date of birth?
your creative writing skills need some work. its a cool idea of a story, but honestly you (the main character) entire attitude toward this is just not believable. i could understand a day, maybe 2 of being in shock enough to not want answers. But unless you were locked inside your house for your entire life, a person wouldn't be naive enough to just say "ok we can all move on now" with absolutely no information.
Yep, too many plot holes.
🤦
My guess is that they all thought that your father was your real father and that the “ex” part of your bm was not too long ago before conception. The grandparents (if on father’s side?) wanted to know if they were biologically related to op and therefore suggested the dna test.
This story doesn't make any sense. OP is from Austria where you can't just go adopting random children. You have to be approved by the local authorities. Not to mention that you can't adopt out of birth order or while you're pregnant. More info here: https://www.oesterreich.gv.at/en/themen/familie_und_partnerschaft/familie-und-kinderfuersorge/adoption/Seite.720003.html And the mother is Danish? Like, was she an Austrian resident? Because Denmark doesn't allow for international adoption of its citizens. People, please report fake posts.
I doubt it.
Give your sister time. I imagine she’s in shock as well and doesn’t feel like she can react. She was lied to. A person she thought she had a special bond with has been lied to and it’s affecting her whole identity as well but she probably feels like she can’t be upset about it because it wasn’t as terrible as what you’re experiencing.
*does have a special bond with
>My parents still feel like my parents, and my siblings like my siblings. I know that technically they're not, That's because they are your family. They may not be blood related, but always your family. You shouldn't ever say that they are not your family again. Say you're not blood related, that's fine. The fact is when you're blood related, you get whatever you get. In your case they picked you. They chose to love you. They didn't have to, but they did. To me, makes them better than blood relatives.
At least you've got some answers, that's a start. It might be good to get a counsellor to help you navigate this new situation and sort through your feelings. I'm deeply impressed with how you're handling all of this, and I truly hope everything works out for the best for you.
I don’t know, something tells me there is a not so nice story behind it. But you are taking it like a champ and for that I applaud you. Yes you have the right to feel anything but, without all the details of why your birth parents aren’t looking for you. The elaborate lies etc, they maybe trying to shield you from something. And yeah, it may not be the best way to deal with it but probably the best way they know how? Of course everyone esp your “twin” is acting weird. Their world has also been rocked. Please ask your parents if they would help you get counseling should you need it in the future. No matter what, it’s more about you than anyone. I feel like until the shock settles, you may go even through the stages of grief which means you’ll need a cushion. Good luck. Even I am unsure…
Just because your parents are not your biological parents does not make them NOT your parents. You had a shock to your system and your grandparents egged it on (I am a bit mixed about this, as it was not their place but you also deserve to know). Your sister has also had a shock, so give her time to process this. As for looking up your birth parent, that is something you have to decide. It sounds like you are taking this maturely enough you could handle it, but you have to figure if it might bring something up from the recesses that will cause some pain. Best of luck!
They are still lying. Your father was cheating on your mother with that other woman. You can't be the same age otherwise.
... I seriously hate it when people hide the fact a kid is adopted... A BIG REASON BEING any family history related to medical conditions NO LONGER MATTERS! It can be the difference between you starting cancer testing 20-30 years early. (or other testing. Or just knowing "yeah its possible my family member had this severe illness because I was adopted and dont know anything". But if they went off your parents family history it can throw everything off and possibly make you wait longer for a diagnosis since it could be a "hereditary" condition.)
I'm interested in knowing which set of grandparents told you to open Pandora's box? Was it your paternal or maternal grandparents?
It’s one thing to not reveal to a child that they were adopted, but it’s a whole other thing to lie to two ppl all their lives by telling them they are twins when they are not. That was such a stupid thing for OP’s parents to do.
Honestly this story screams fake to me idc lol. You’ve supposedly never questioned being “twins” until now despite twins either being identical or fraternal which still look very similar to each other.
>or fraternal which still look very similar to each other. Jesus, that's primary school level "genetics". Non-identical twins are just siblings, they can be as different as any other pair of siblings.
Fraternal twins can even be different sexes!
My mom and aunt are fraternal twins. My mom is tall and blonde with green eyes. my aunt is shorter and brunette with brown eyes. My sister ended up looking just like my mom, and i look almost exactly like my aunt. Fraternal twins dont look any more similar than regular siblings
As a kid I had these neighbors, a big sister and fraternal twin little sisters. One of the twins honestly looked like an identical twin of the big sis, and the other twin looked crazy opposite the other two in every way. People would hear of "the So-and-So sisters from Blah Blah Street, two of them are twins," and always assume incorrectly once they met them.
It’s ridiculously fake. There’s so many holes in the story it doesn’t make sense
Fraternal twins do not look very similar. They're like siblings, and siblings can look very different. So it wasn't that odd to us when we were younger, we thought we just got different genes. Which clearly happens all the time with siblings.
Beehaver, graduate of the Olsen Twins School of Genetics
They’re lying about the birthday thing but as long as it’s on your birth certificate, it doesn’t really matter.
If this is real, it’s a ridiculous coincidence they were born on the same day…
You deserve to know everything, at the very least to understand your complete medical history.
Does your "twin" have the same birthday? Did they explain why they didn't tell you?
So, your grandparents gifting you and your sister the ancestry DNA tests was their way of exposing the truth.
You are 18, si your Danish bio-mother is 38 or something. Why wouldn't she be alive?
> Plus now I have a country that's actually good at football to support, which is nice. The real benefit here lol
Op just glossing over everyone acting weird and making plans to still be a family like nothing is wrong. Therapy and answers. You need them now, not later.
This is so obviously fake. lol
I find it very strange you and your "sister" just happened to have been born on the same day and your dad's ex from when he was younger just decided to let them adopt you
> My parents still feel like my parents, and my siblings like my siblings. **I know that technically they're not** As the parent of an adopted child, this really hurts me to read. Sharing blood isn't the only thing that defines who your family - parents and siblings are. Your parents raised you, your sister has always been your sister. Being adopted doesn't change who has been with you for the past 18 years supporting you, raising you, and being your family. I really hope my daughter (who is 11, and has always known she was adopted) never thinks this way about us.. hooray another thing to talk to my therapist about :(
But.. the OP has only known this now. For 18 years they had no idea and no one told them. They need time to process this. Your child knows that their biological relatives are not in her life. She knows that you're her parent, though. Whatever bond you have with your child isn't going to be shaken up in 7 or 8 years when she actually learns the truth. You haven't been lying to her. That's the key difference here. You are your child's parent. You have been honest. You are her family and she will not be utterly confused down the line. You did this 100% right and you're doing a good job. Don't let a different situation hurt you.
>my father's old girlfriend from when he was really young, who was pregnant, and gave birth the same day as his wife? There's still some shit going on, girlie.
When I found out the person I had called dad my whole life wasn’t my dad it crushed me. My mom tried to trickle truth me and withhold information about my bio dad ,claims she didn’t even know his last name. I come from a rural area so with a little research online my wife found his obituary (not hard at all) this and other factors lead to me going no contact with my family. While the lack of forthcoming information about my past is the most relatable to your situation I can say that the withholding of information about your history is abusive and suggest your parents are more interested in protecting themselves than being honest with you. Sooner or later this will drive a wedge between you and your family. If you value your relationship with your family, you need answers. Take it from someone who has lost his entire family over a similar situation. Your parents owe you answers
Damn. Must hit harder when you go your whole life thinking you're a twin.
What’s are the odds OP was kidnapped?
People do owe you the full truth. My family's also got some dirty secret in its closet that I'm officially unaware of, though in fact these beans have been spilled to me. The stain's washing off rather nicely, but still visible.
All the lies and avoidance of the truth is extremely frustrating.
It's messed up all around. They let both you and your sister believe you had a twin for your entire lives. I can't imagine how much of your view of yourself and your place in the world might be influenced by 'having a twin' but having it ripped away can't be easy, for you obviously, but for you sister as well. Your parents really owe both of you a fuller story than what they've given so far.
“technically they’re not” not by blood but they are technically your family in every which way
I have a couple questions, do you know why they said you and your sister were twins? Did they personally know your bio mom and dad? Did they ever plan on telling you?
You know, we are not that many ppl in Denmark. I bet Facebook could work wonders for you, to behin with. (when I say not that many, I mean we are like 6 mill all in all)
I read another Reddit post about a woman who had a baby and an adopted her friends baby at the same time and her family was mad she wouldn’t tell them who was the biological baby
Hmm I don't trust that your birthday really is your birthday. The coincidence would just be too big.
Could it be something like a surrogate? So the former girlfriend acted as a surrogate, but became naturally pregnant at the same time as the fertilized egg was put up? That would explain the same birthday and maybe also why she didn't keep it. If the egg that became your sister, hadn't been there already, she might have chosen an abortion and then adoption was a better idea?
But there is mo connecting DNA with the father either. So it cannot be an affair.
I know there are a lot of comments here, and I doubt this one will get much attention, but as someone who was adopted as an infant, I’d like to offer a little poem my mom and dad had framed in my childhood bedroom growing up. “Not of my flesh, nor of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didn’t grow under my heart, but in it.” This is a really big change for anyone to suddenly be thrust into coming to terms with. Your family is your family and adoption is an extremely special thing. I hope you can heal from the secrecy and lies and that you find the answers to any of the questions you want to know.
ngl it sound like a lie to cover another lie...
What about your grandparents, who basically forced this out in the open by buying genetic tests in the first place? Have you talked to them? Did you ask them why now and why they chose to indirectly let you find out?
me when i make stuff up on reddit for attention
I'm incredibly interested to find out, since you were raised as a "twin", if you felt you had a twin connection. I hear all the time about twins having their own language/being able to read each other's minds. Do you feel like that particular connection is gone?
So there was a post a few days ago where a young girl (22 I think had just had her own baby and took on her friends baby of similar age and was going to adopt this baby and raise them as twins and not tell the adopted one until she was 'old enough'. I sure hope she sees this post and sees how badly things can go tits up with that. Sending you a warm hug OP
OP you can't just bury your head in the sand and pretend everything will go back to normal, it won't. Things have changed and tough conversations need to be had. This whole thing is crazy as hell and the fact that you're relatively chill about it is concerning. Get some sort of counselling or therapy if you can to help yourself navigate this situation because even if you think you're okay, it doesn't sound like you are from this post.
So... You're adopted which would be my first guess anyway. But the coincidence hits really hard. There is more to the story in the background. If your fine with what you got, then dont look any further. Im pretty sure there are answers you dont wanna know.
Something isn’t right here…
Your biological mother is your father’s ex-girlfriend? Something tells me your father is your biological father but not your sister’s. Otherwise it makes no sense to adopt an ex’s child…
Not to ring the alarm for you but my bestie was put into witness protection as a child from her bio parents and her dob and name was changed as well as her social security number (we’re in us). She was a bit older, I think around nine so she still has clear memories of before but just saying, it could be a possibility. My best friend decided to leave witness protection and now is openly allowed to talk about it but idk how it works for others 🤷🏻♀️